Maigret, Morse, Poirot: none of them will help you crack a case in real life | Andrew Martin

The Metropolitan police are offering graduates resident in London the chance to train as a detective without first having to go on the beat in uniform. The good news for the Met is that, with crime fiction being so popular, they will surely be inundated with applicants. The bad news is that, with crime fiction being so popular, some of those applicants might be thinking in somewhat unrealistic terms.

The call might seem to come from Southampton Row police station, where, or even , HQ of the leading gentleman detective. The fact that the Police Federation, which represents the rank-and-file officers, has criticised this fast-tracking will not surprise the crime fiction reader: naturally, the plods would object. Who would want to play Lestrade alongside a latterday Holmes, constantly subject to patronising remarks such as (from ), “If any little problem comes your way I shall be happy, if I can, to give you a hint or two as to its solution.”