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    A Girl's Guide to Vampires
    A Girl's Guide to Vampires
    A Girl's Guide to Vampires
    Audiobook13 hours

    A Girl's Guide to Vampires

    Written by Katie MacAlister

    Narrated by Karen White

    3.5/5

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    About this audiobook

    Joy Randall's Top 5 Tips for Vampire Hunters:

    • Location, location, location. Vampires won't be caught dead (ha!) in places like discos, ten-minute lube shops, or Switzerland. Remember, if you wouldn't be there, neither would a bloodsucker.
    • Trust your eyes. You know the handsome, annoyingly arrogant, self-assured man in the shadows with long hair and a cleft in his chin? He's your vampire.
    • No matter how tempting it might be, do not "accidentally" acquire a paper cut on your finger and suggest your vampire kiss it to make it better.
    • Play it cool. Don't offer to accompany your prince of the night on the talk-show circuit, and whatever you do, don't offer him your heart!
    • Most of all, remember: being a vampire is nothing to laugh about.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherHarperAudio
    Release dateJan 29, 2013
    ISBN9780062259431
    Author

    Katie MacAlister

    Despite her love for novels, Katie MacAlister didn’t think of writing them until she was contracted to write a non-fiction book about software. MacAlister resolved to switch to fiction, where she could indulge in world building, tormenting characters, and falling madly in love with all her heroes. More than thirty books later, her novels have been translated into numerous languages, recorded as audiobooks, received several awards, and landed on the New York Times, USA Today, and Publishers Weekly bestseller lists. She also writes for the young adult audience as Katie Maxwell.

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    Reviews for A Girl's Guide to Vampires

    3.5/5

    357 ratings29 reviews

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    • 5/5
      What is a girl to do when nearly every man you meet wants you? I loved the humor in this book.
    • 3/5
      Sometimes I was enjoying this book and other times I was skimming it. The way the characters talked to each other could be a bit annoying and sometimes it was funny. Humor is a hard thing to right so I give her credit for getting it right most of the time. The romance didn't click for me since the characters never talked about themselves or had any kind of relationship outside of bed. Although they never stopped talking in bed which was also very distracting. If I hadn't already bought the rest of the series, I probably wouldn't go out of my way to read anymore. I hope the reviewers of the next ones are right and they're better.
    • 4/5
      Compelling story.

      Intriguing characters, and a suspenseful plot, balanced with humor and romance.
    • 3/5
      So I just want to start off by saying that I thought this Book was much better as a read and than it was as a listen. I first read this book about two years ago and I put a totally different attitudes and speech styles on all the characters. Everyone knows the tone you read things can change everything about the book. The way that she read them made them sound almost obnoxious and really annoying. I found myself getting very frustrated many times throughout the book with the tones and speech patterns she applied to the characters. I have actually read the next 2 books where they find Christians beloved and you get a great glimpse into the life of Raphael and Joy as well as Roxy. All in all it’s a great book. The continuations are great in carrying on the story. Just would’ve been better if someone else had read it in my opinion.
    • 2/5
      Spoiler Alert!A Girl's Guide to Vampires is the first book of Katie MacAlister's Dark Ones series. I was introduced to this series with book 9 (Much Ado About Vampires), which was a very good book; this one not so much.The argumentative banter between the two best friends, Joy and Roxy, were bordering on the edge of very annoying. To be honest, I wasn't really sure if I even liked Joy's (the heroine) love interest in the book, Raphael.Joy is the Beloved of Christian (vampire), but she refuses Christian to be with Raphael (human). My rant I suppose is this is a vampire series, yet the first book in the series the leading female refuses the vampire to be with a human. I believe this was a odd direction to take in the first book of the series. With that said, Joy promises Christian she will find another Beloved for him.I am so glad I read book 9 of this series first. If I had not, I'm not sure I would've even decided to give the rest of the series a try after reading book 1. I will continue with the series because I have faith that the series does get better.
    • 3/5
      a lighthearted, breezy romp, typical of KM - her heroines aren't typically angsty or serious, they're ditzy & silly. if that's your cup o' tea (in other words, you're going to laugh at your trashy romance novels anyway, might as well do it on purpose), you'll like this one.

      a spoof on the formulaic, broody, alpha-male finds his One True Luv (tm) vamp romance typical of c.feehan, a pair of ditzy & silly chicks heads off to eastern europe for work and vacation. they're obsessed with the aforementioned dark & angsty vamp romance novels, so when they meet up with a handful of dark & angsty alpha-males, they have to figure out which one really is a vampire. hilarity & shenanigans ensue, along with a mystery you saw coming from a mile away.

      i prefer my heroines a little more endowed in the brain department, and my heroes to have more going than just their endowments. but it is, after all, a farce on those same tropes of the genre, so it's fun. i laughed out loud at least a few times, and you can't ask for much more than that.
    • 4/5
      Although books with a first person PoV mostly end up as a dnf for me, that doesn't go for KM's books.

      Unfortunately, I didn't like Joy very much. She comes across as very immature and I can't understand what Raphael sees in her. However, I do like the storyline, Raphael and Christian. Enough even to make it a favorite.
    • 4/5
      Want an original vampire story? This one is it. I wasn't sure what I would think of this book but I found myself really loving it and trying to solve the mystery of it all. I honestly hadn't figured out what exactly what was going to happen until I was a bit farther into the book. Though I still never thought the main character would end up with who she did. I really just loved the entire story in this book. Though I don't think I'll read anymore in this series. It feels like it left a great spot to just leave it be.
    • 2/5
      The thing is, I don't like this series. I don't, I swear I don't. I think the premise is stupid, that each Dark One has a Beloved and only she can save him.

      But, damn it, Katie MacAlister, I like your characters. I like your humor. And I like the found family trope that you work like you're Nora Roberts.
    • 4/5
      This series is very clearly a parody of Christine Feehan's Dark series, and a darned good parody it is. In order to fully appreciate it, you really do have to read at least one of Feehan's Dark series books. The poor hapless males in Macalister's series just don't stand a chance! In this first novel, a vampire seeks his "Beloved"...but is she really? Note that Christian is an author of books about vampires, and that his initials begin with "C.F."....
    • 5/5
      This book is about a women and her friend traveling to a foreign country in search of the soul mates their witch friend predicted they would find. MacAlister's writing is smooth, witty, and freaking hilarious. I laughed out loud on so much of the dialogue and especially some of the monologue of the main character. The plot was strong, the romance was extra steamy, and the characters were wonderful. MacAlister has a strong command over vocabulary either, I loved the fact that she has written a romance that I didn't feel stupid reading. There is a reference to Christine Feehan's Carpathians in it as well which also made me laugh out loud. This book is definitely worth the read, as most likely the second one will be also. She will have you laughing and sighing through the book, I certainly was.
    • 2/5
      Spoiler Alert.

      How in the world can this book be called a Dark Ones novel and a paranormal romance? Aren't the Dark Ones vampires? Isn't vampires paranormal? The main romance is between two humans. And the title?! The title doesn't fit the book. There was no guide to vampires. And the main female didn't end up with a vampire. Most of the time I didn't even like the main two females: Joy and Roxy. I narrowed the killers down to 2 with very early into the book. Come to find out I was right on that. I figured out who Joy was going to end up with fairly quickly. The only thing I slightly doubted was if Raphael was a vampire. Raphael is the only character that I loved. Oh and I figured out really quickly that Raphael was a cop. The author did make me like Christian (the real vampire), but at the same time I didn't like how she made it difficult for Christian to accept that Joy was not his beloved. I didn't even like the epilogue. It sounded like the author threw it in to tie up loose ends. Oh and put the title of the book in the book too. It just didn't work for me. And normally I love epilogues.
    • 4/5
      Check out my other listens at Eargasms Audiobook Reviews

      Holy Hannah, that was a steamy fun read! It had plenty of laugh out loud light and funny moments mixed in with a fair amount of mystery.

      I really enjoyed the story for the most part but was a touch disappointed by some of the events. I was also not always in love with the lead guy Raphael. He had some definite jerk moments I had a hard time getting past.

      Loved, loved, loved Joy and Roxy! The dynamic between these two best friends is what really carries the story. Almost every interaction between the two will induce giggles if not out right guffaws! They were engaging and fun but not cartoony. They really were delightful!

      The whole side story mystery was a touch on the dull side. I could have used a little more action there but it served it's purpose of holding the book together and making it more than just a romance.

      Steamy!!!! Oh heck yes!! Once the two leads get together they kind of go at it like bunnies whenever they get a free moment!! Hot and heavy about covers it!!

      I listened to the audiobook on this one and the narrator did a great job. I liked the voices and felt she did a fantastic job of giving distinct changes to each character's voice. I never had a moment when I doubted who was speaking. She also did a great job of conveying the emotions, enhancing the storytelling.

      This is the first book in the series and while it doesn't have me hooked I am intrigued enough to try the next one.
    • 4/5
      Listened for Fun (Audible)Tracking Books Read Review (Short)Overall Rating: 3.75Story Rating: 3.50Character Rating: 4.00Audio Rating: 4.00 (Not Part of the Overall Rating)First Thought when Finished: A Girl's Guide to Vampires was a fun read and my favorite part was the friendship between Roxy and Joy!Overall Thoughts: Fun! Fun! Fun! This is one of those reads that I had zero expectations going in and ended up really surprised how much I enjoyed the characters. I loved the friendship between Roxy and Joy and the chemistry between Raphael and Joy was hawt! I thought the story took awhile to get going but the second half really took off. I will check out more from this series. The epilogue was hilarious and perfect for Roxy's voice.Audio Thoughts: Narrated By Karen White / Length: 13 hrs and 19 mins I like Karen White's narration. She is excellent at bringing to life fun, spunky leading ladies. She did a great job with Joy and Roxy!Final Thoughts: Will have to work book 2 into my book budget!
    • 4/5
      This is not your daughter's vampire book. No sparkling going on here!

      Joy and her vampire-obsessed best friend Roxy head to the Czech Republic for a holiday because Roxy's favorite author of a vampire book series is hosting a Goth Fair at his mansion and Roxy wants to meet a real live vampire.


      This is a wacky, humorous, romance wrapped up in a murder mystery which just happens to include vampires. I understand this is the first in a series and it sure did leave me wanting to read on. Great humorous chic lit.
    • 2/5
      This book reminded me a lot of backpacking through Europe. Random encounters, focusing on the other people you meet and kind of ignoring the sights, feeling thrilled by things that would bore you at home, looking for adventure in all the wrong places, not having enough changes of clothes.

      However, the book ended up being kinda cheesy.

      It opens with this Goddess summoning ceremony where a witch is helping Joy and Roxanne find true love. Roxanne is obsessed with a series of vampire novels and she is constantly making an ass of herself about them - first going to Hungary to hunt down the so-called "Dark Ones" and mooning over their tormented, romantic natures, and trying to explain the books and how true they are to everyone she meets...

      She is also the reason why they end up spending the better part of their vacation in Hungary at a Goth Fair. This involves fighting off the attentions of a hammy faux-vampire and a whitefaced shrew, night after night.

      At the beginning, during the summoning, Joy is warned that she'll have to pick between two men - one will lead her to happiness, the other to damnation. As long as I was curious about who that would be, I was glued to the book. When I figured it out, the book lost most of its thrills - at that point, it's just a matter of cleaning house, all the cards are on the table and there's still a third of the book left to go. I kind of had to trudge through the last bit.

      This is not a very dark book. The vampires don't seem to do much other than search for their "Beloved" and there is a prescribed order in which the relationship between a vampire and his Beloved must progress. The thing is, what is the difference between a vampire who is totally absorbed in the search for his Beloved and a moony, generic romantic hero who is desperately longing for true love? Not much. Which may be fine - but if you are in the mood for vampire fiction, this may be a little unsatisfying.

      I wavered on Joy too. Sometimes I liked that she was spunky and sarcastic. Other times I wondered if she knew how to have sex without talking about cheerleaders in her pants, and thought that she took her Informal American Charm a little too far, and slid into Ugly American territory - brash, a little thoughtless, pushy.

      This is my second Kate Macalister book - the first was You Slay Me, the first Aisling Grey novel, and it was wonderful. Which is to say - a whole lot better.
    • 3/5
      Story was by turns confusing and shallow/cliche, but on the whole, this book was less annoying than other Katie MacAlister books I've read. Her heroines always seem to be "set to 11" and say embarrassing things, which is supposed to be endearing, I guess, but isn't to me. -cg
    • 3/5
      Joy Randall isn't sure why she went with her friend Roxy's holiday plans to the Czech Republic. Her friend is sure she's going to get over her addiction to the Vampire romance novels by seeing the reality of that world. However Joy ends up finding more than she bargained for and who she chooses is another question. Nothing is ever straighforward.It's not a bad read but really nothing truly memorable.
    • 5/5
      Ah! this was such fun to read! MacAlister is superb witty writer who makes her alpha males drop dead gorgeous possesive powerful and just well--- yum! I loved the three main characters and can't blame who she ended up picking. ;)
    • 3/5
      I read this book, also because I wanted to read another library ebook on my Nook. I actually liked this book better than MaCalister's dragon book. The vampires were amusing and though the plot was thin in some places, the basic story was interesting enough that I read through it pretty quickly. My same issues from her previous books were there, but it was a bit easier to ignore them and it helped that the other characters (bad and good) were mostly amusing. I probably will read more of her books, if only in ebook form.
    • 1/5
      I am sorry, but this book was not good. The plot was weak. The mystery was not hard to solve. The female kept talking about being a strong woman, yet the author did everything she could to make her a simpering, drooling man crazy character. Skip and save your time for something worth while.
    • 1/5
      Could not capture my interest. Starts out with Joy and her friends performing some ritual to find their soul mates. Comes off as hokey and rediculous, and not really in a funny way. I couldn't take the dialogue--too much forced comedy.
    • 5/5
      One of the first Paranormal Romance books I read... LOVED IT!! Kept me laughing! Very Smart & Sexy!
    • 5/5
      A refreshing blend of an ordinary realistic female who mixes up with a too-good-to-be-true mystery guy, a famous author, a closet-vampire, and a masquerading sexy vampire wannabe. This book has charm, sex appeal, plenty of humor that'll keep you rolling over and bursting out in chuckles when you don't expect it (don't read in a public place! ;D ) and biting your fingernails from the climactic finish. It'll keep you guessing from start to finish, whether its wonder in who is real, who is fake, and who is this mysterious man who seduces dreams?There's an undertone of magic that plays between the lines, keeping you hoping that vampires exist, and some parts that just make you wonder if maybe someone is just completely insane.... 5/5!
    • 2/5
      Hmm I was undecided about this book. On one hand I loved the two lead male characters BUT hated the female ones. Roxy is the most rude, annoying and I suppose loud person, and if I had been travelling with her, I would have gone home. I just ouldn't stand her at all. Our heronine was a little better but still seemed too stupid for her own good. I nearly gave up on the book early on as I found I was cringing at the antics of these two women.
      If you meet any women like this run the other way.
      This book has ended my reading slump and for this I am grateful :)
    • 2/5
      Not quite what I expected when I started. The narrative dragged a little through the middle of the book. The erotic scenes were very . . uhmm.. erotic. I did not like the fictional vampire novel writer aspect; it made this book seem too much like a parody. But in the end the Dark One's real angst and loneliness rose almost to the level of real tragedy.
    • 3/5
      This book was kind of funny. Granted the main character pissed me off at times because I thought she was too stupid, and the way her and her best friend kept bickering... sheesh, but overall the story had enough going for it to hold my interest. Though it would be considered a paranormal romance, there was enough else going on to keep it from getting too boring, probably because you're kept wondering throughout most of the book which characters, if any, really are vampires or not. But then once you know for sure, the rest of the action picks up pace and a slight amount of danger is introduced. I think LizzyBeth mentioned to me that the sequel to this, Sex and the Single Vampire, was better than this one so I'm starting on that now.I've got a couple people who want to read this next so I'll hold it in Reserve until I decide exactly what I'm going to do with it. Who knows, it might be a good candidate for a bookray too.UPDATE 07-Mar-2005: I liked the sequel Sex and the Single Vampire better than this one. (Click the link for that book to read my review on it.)
    • 3/5
      This was a so so novel for me. The idea of a vampire having to find their "beloved" is original but Joy as a character isn't very likable and neither is her friend Roxy. Joy is very one dimentional and seems to always have the perfect line and she nor Roxy doesn't seem wary of the so called vampires.I have enjoyed Macalister's other work better. This one was kind of weak.
    • 4/5
      First book in series of related tales. Cute story about Joy Randall and her friend Roxy who go to the Czech republic in search of the not so mythical Dark Ones. Joy meets and falls for the mysterious Raphael and is also pursued by Christian.