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    I'll Mature When I'm Dead
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    I'll Mature When I'm Dead
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    I'll Mature When I'm Dead
    Audiobook4 hours

    I'll Mature When I'm Dead

    Published by Penguin Random House Audio

    4/5

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    Currently unavailable

    Currently unavailable

    About this audiobook

    A brilliantly funny exploration of the treacherous state of adulthood by the Pulitzer Prize-winning humorist.

    Some people may wonder what this subject has to do with Dave Barry, since Dave's struggled hard against growing up his entire life-but the result is one of the funniest, warmest, most pitch-perfect books ever on that mystifying territory we call "adulthood".

    In hilarious, brand-new pieces, Dave tackles everything from fatherhood, new fatherhood ("Over the next five years, you will spend roughly 45 minutes, total, listening to songs you like, and roughly 127,000 hours to songs exploring topics such as how the horn on the bus goes* [*It goes: 'Beep! Beep! Beep!']"), self-image, the battle of the sexes, celebrityhood, technology, parenting styles, certain unmentionable medical procedures ("There is absolutely no reason to be afraid of a vasectomy, except that: THEY CUT A HOLE IN YOUR SCROTUM."), and much more. It is a book of pure delight from the man one newspaper claimed "could become the most important American humorist since Mark Twain" (South Florida Sun-Sentinel)...though, frankly, we think they were indulging in some adult beverages at the time.

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    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherPenguin Random House Audio
    Release dateMay 4, 2010
    ISBN9781101154908
    Unavailable
    I'll Mature When I'm Dead

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    Reviews for I'll Mature When I'm Dead

    4/5

    127 ratings21 reviews

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    • 4/5
      As with most of Dave Barry's books, some of his essays were funnier than others. Two of his essays really spoke truth to me. His essay on Dance Recitals hit close to home since I just sat through three dance recitals within the last two months. Definitely made me smile. I also appreciated his essay about getting a colonoscopy. My favorite essay, however, was his parody of the Twilight series. I was laughing so hard, I'm sure I was snorting. That essay alone earned 4 stars.
    • 4/5
      Dave Barry is a comfort read for me. He doesn't take himself too seriously and neither do I. His writing is a little vacation in my head. The only kind I can afford these days.
    • 4/5
      Dave Barry is as good as ever in this (almost) all new collection of essays. Highlights include "Dance Recital," "Tips for Visiting Miami," "My Hollywood Career: The Big Dumpster," and "A Festival of Grimness." The Twilight parody "Fants of Endearment" was so spot-on I could hardly bring myself to read it, which I suppose is an accomplishment, also, in a strange way.
    • 3/5
      Fun easy quick read. I enjoy Dave Barry's humor a lighthearted sarcasm teamed with pure ridiculousness.
    • 4/5
      A hilarious look at several phases of adulthood. Mr. Barry's book is laugh-out-loud funny. I kept pausing to sharee passages with my husband.
    • 4/5
      Longer essays, some better than others, a couple really funny or touching
    • 3/5
      I loved listening to Dave Barry's humor as I was doing the Wii game 'Walk it Out.' I lost track of time and took many more steps than I usually do. And I heard most of the jokes, because Dave Barry writes as he speaks, and reads as he writes, which is a good thing in this case.

      Some original insights, a lot of clever phrases, a really neat piece on the need of politicians and other people to feel like VIPs at the Republican Convention - good - and a lot of stale 'men are ruled by their dicks' & other jokes that rely on lame stereotypes - not so good -. Overall, I probably would *not* have liked this in a dead tree edition, as it was mostly too insubstantial & pointless for me.

      Btw, I have never seen an episode of '24' and have no interest in that genre, have never read 'Twilight' and have no interest in vampires or dark romance, and have never owned nor wished to own a dog. But I still enjoyed all those parodies. Barry does have talent in that he made me laugh even at these.
    • 4/5
      Dave Barry is as good as ever in this (almost) all new collection of essays. Highlights include "Dance Recital," "Tips for Visiting Miami," "My Hollywood Career: The Big Dumpster," and "A Festival of Grimness." The Twilight parody "Fants of Endearment" was so spot-on I could hardly bring myself to read it, which I suppose is an accomplishment, also, in a strange way.
    • 5/5
      Hysterical, especially the Stephenie Meyer send-up.
    • 5/5
      Normally, I would not rate this type of book that high but this was flat our hilarious. I have been aware of Dave Barry for years but have never gotten around to reading anything by him. This just great and had me laughing as much as when I read David Sedaris or Sloane Crosley. As an avid serious reader, it is great to have the diversion of a great laugh out loud book. I truly look forward to reading more of his stuff.
    • 3/5
      One of the back cover blurbs on my ARC of I'll Mature When I'm Dead by Dave Barry states that Dave Barry is "The funniest man in America." Now, I am not quite sure I agree with that, although Barry is quite hilarious. I'm not quite sure how to describe I'll Mature When I'm Dead, as there is no overarching plot and I don't think each piece is considered a short story. I guess one could call this book episodic. There were pieces which had me running to show everyone around me, and pieces which I think have already been overdone by comedians.The subjects of Barry's essays run the gamut from raising a dog to the marriage of one's child to a parody of Twilight. Some of the subjects I had an easy time relating to -- such as the dog essay and the Twilight parody, but the others, not so much as I'm unmarried and lack for children. I don't think you need to connect with each and every story to enjoy this book.I found I'll Mature When I'm Dead to be an incredibly fast read and a good transition for me for going back into adult books. I say this because 90% of my reading has been YA lately, so adult books are quite a change of pace. I'll Mature When I'm Dead is great if you are used to fast paced books. I would say this book read as fast for me as Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris. Now, what hindered me from loving this book was the section where "a man answers a woman's questions." Basically, it was cliche after cliche after cliche. Perhaps I am a humorless feminist, but I don't really find repeating tired old stereotypes all that funny. Ha ha, women have emotions and talk a lot ha ha men hate listening tee-hee men only listen to you talk so they can figure out how to get in your pants oh ho ho. Now, the intro to the book said to take what was written with a grain of salt, but this really rubbed me the wrong way. I would say the rest of the book was full of laugh out loud moments except for this section. However, the good parts of this book completely outweighed that one section. I am not in the Twilight fan club, so I totally found his riff on Twilight to be spot-on and hilarious. The character names are changed, and it takes place through Bella's POV, only I don't think we get the main character's new name. Anyways, he states how all these males are attracted to her for absolutely no reason, how she has to make every situation about herself, the Jonas Brothers and Zac Efron make a cameo. It is great. If you have no inclination to read this book, at least read that one chapter.
    • 5/5
      This has been my favorite Dave Barry book of essays...ever. I've read them all. He's one of the few authors I collect, so that I can grab a book and read a brief column when I'm feeling low. In fact, I splurged and bought this hardcover brand new...something else I rarely do.Even though I love Dave Barry, and he's WICKED funny (as my Maine friends say) - there have been times that he's been too corny/cheesy for me. Too many booger jokes perhaps...or he seemed to be trying too hard. But he's a pulitzer prize winning writer, and I have read enough of his serious works to know that this man CAN write.This book is a perfect balance of what Barry does best. He's retired from newspaper column writing, so he had freedom to make these essays just what he wanted, without constraints. He's older, wiser, and in a contemplative mood. He's funny and goofy...and immature at times. But then he balances the goofiness with an essay about his brother's cancer and the need to get a colonoscopy. Or he gets emotional about his son's wedding.I think my favorite chapter is the one titled: A Letter to a First-Time Father-to-Be.If you like Dave Barry, get this book ASAP...
    • 4/5
      Dave, Dave, Dave. I just loves me some Dave. Funny, witty, poignant -- there's something for everyone in this collection of essays.
    • 4/5
      Well, Dave screwed up this time. Truth is, this is a very mature book. It probably has less laughs per page than most of his books. Some of the essays are actually serious in intent, even touching (in a guy kind of way, of course). I think I've read all his books. This one is the best!
    • 4/5
      Dave Barry emerges from retirement with a new collection about such varied topics as fatherhood, colonoscopies, and the death of the newspaper, with parodies of 24 and Twilight thrown in for good measure. I love Dave Barry. I think he's one of the funniest people in the world. I've actually had to institute a personal policy of not reading his books in public because of the very real danger that I won't be able to keep from laughing and people will look at me funny. I have to say, though, that while this book generated a number of moderately loud chuckles, it didn't have the kind of laugh-till-you-can't-breathe effect on me that a lot of his other books have had. That may be due in part to the fact that I read much of it in a state of such extreme sleep deprivation that it's amazing I had any reading comprehension abilities at all. But I'm also inclined to blame the fact that the first few pieces were very much of the "Ha! Women talk about feelings a lot and buy scented candles, and men watch sports and refuse to ask for directions!" variety of humor. Dave Barry, being Dave Barry, is capable of making that amusing, but the older I get, the less funny and more annoying I find that sort of thing to be, as I continue to never actually encounter any women who are obsessed with shoes or men who speak only in grunts. But never mind. It's great to have Barry back, anyway!
    • 4/5
      Loved it! Dave Barry is one of the best humorists alive today.
    • 4/5
      Good essays. LOL Twilight parody!
    • 4/5
      Another enjoyable book from Barry. It's not the funniest he's written but it certainly has its moments! His parody of the Twilight series is the best selection, in my opinion. Lots of fun!
    • 5/5
      In "I'll Mature When I'm Dead," Dave Barry uses his trademark sense of humor to enlighten the loyal readers on everything from vasectomies, to colonoscopies, to giving birth.I thoroughly enjoyed this book, and would encourage anyone who enjoys Barry's humor to pick up a copy.
    • 5/5
      I love Dave Barry. He has been making me laugh for decades, and anybody capable of that is worth whatever support I can give. I own all his books, in hardback! This latest installment is worth every penny. I love how he approaches every twist and turn of life with grace and humor. Yes, grace. He writes of his decision to retire from the Miami Herald, acknowledging the inevitable demise of newspaper journalism. And yet it is clear he is thankful for his time there, for his friends and co-workers.Thanks, Dave. Your writing makes my world happier.
    • 5/5
      I've never actually read much of Dave Barry's stuff because, for some inexplicable reason, none of my local newspapers ever carried his column. Even so, I knew he was a very funny man. Heck, I even liked that short lived TV series that was loosely based on his life.None of that actually has anything to do with this book. Ir is a really good book. It's very funny. It's several rambling essays and reminiscences and some fiction on subjects ranging from parenthood to the current celebrity surplus to the Twilight craze. I especially enjoyed his little Twilight parody. Definitely a good book (This book that is, not Twilight, which isn't my sort of thing.