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I'm Down: A Memoir
I'm Down: A Memoir
I'm Down: A Memoir
Audiobook8 hours

I'm Down: A Memoir

Written by Mishna Wolff

Narrated by Mishna Wolff

Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars

3.5/5

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About this audiobook

Mishna Wolff grew up in a poor black neighborhood with her single father, a white man who truly believed he was black. "He strutted around with a short perm, a Cosby-esque sweater, gold chains and a Kangol-telling jokes like Redd Fox, and giving advice like Jesse Jackson. You couldn't tell my father he was white. Believe me, I tried," writes Wolff. And so from early childhood on, her father began his crusade to make his white daughter down.

Unfortunately, Mishna didn't quite fit in with the neighborhood kids: she couldn't dance, she couldn't sing, she couldn't double dutch, and she was the worst player on her all-black basketball team. She was shy, uncool, and painfully white. And yet when she was suddenly sent to a rich white school, she found she was too "black" to fit in with her white classmates.

I'm Down is a hip, hysterical, and at the same time beautiful memoir that will have you howling with laughter, recommending it to friends and questioning what it means to be black and white in America.
LanguageEnglish
Release dateJul 16, 2009
ISBN9781400182787
Author

Mishna Wolff

Mishna Wolff was one of the 2009 Sundance Screenwriting Lab fellows. She is the author of the memoir I'm Down. She is a humorist and former model who grew up in Seattle. She lives and writes in New York City.

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Reviews for I'm Down

Rating: 3.7404371912568304 out of 5 stars
3.5/5

183 ratings34 reviews

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  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    Memior of a daughter whose father thought he was black. Funny at times and a quick read.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Delightful. The author relayed how she thought as a child about each stage of her unique upbringing. Humorously addressing weighty racial issues.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Narrated by the author. Funny and heartbreaking and frustrating and back to funny again. You really feel for teenaged Mishna being stuck between two worlds, black/white, rich/poor, privileged/lacking, striving/status quo, and never quite fitting comfortably in either. Her dad is a trip, as we used to say back in the day.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    This was a nice story. I stayed interested in the ups and down the author faced as she understood family ties.
  • Rating: 1 out of 5 stars
    1/5
    The author's memoir starts with a sensational premise - white girl grows up in black neighborhood and tries to fit in. What was so very disappointing about this book was the author's two-dimensional portrayal of African Americans. Her white father, doesn't hold down a job, doesn't feed his children, and sells weed - but it's the black people who are portrayed as mean and shftless - the children ready to throw down and fight, or play the dozens at a moment's notice.



    The white folks who will be her saviors, have money, and drive to make the magic leap into upper-middle class lifestyles. Yet, the author fails to acknowledge that the people who have let her down the most are white, her mother who never stood up for her, and her father, who never stood up for his family.



    At every turn from the cover photo to the inside flaps, we're told this is supposed to be funny - but I'm still looking for the humor.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    An amusing, absorbing, fresh memoir unlike any other I have read. Funny, sometimes heartbreaking, the author shares her life through age 14, leaving me hungry to know what high school and young adulthood were like for her. As the sole white kid (other than her sister) at school, track team, day care, church...her childhood in Seattle was not like the black kids and not like the white kids. Then she is sent to a private school, where everyone has enough to eat and no one understands what it is like to be poor. But she comes to realize that many of those upperclass kids have their own kind of poverty and deprivation in their families.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    When a white child grows up in a white family with a father who thinks he’s black, acts like he’s black and expects his wife and 2 very young daughters to be just as black as the neighborhood they are growing up in, it can be a bit unnerving. Sure, he fits in, having grown up there and already making his mark, but in the few years away, when the children are born, there is a separation that Mishna, at just 6, can’t quite bring together.When her parents divorce shortly after, she and her younger sister stay with their father while their mother deals with life as it is. Forced to attend a summer “day camp” while their dad works, Mishna finally finds the voice to “cap” back at the other kids who ridiculed her as soon as she walked through the door. With new found chutzpah, she attains the friendships she desired as well as the confidence to gain a few more.Finally making her way in school, she is again upheaved when she is sent to a different school for smarter kids. Rich kids. Still trying to please her father, who seems to prefer her dumb & cute, she is tasked with tending to her younger sister, her homework, the extra curriculum he signs her up for, and to adore his new girlfriends, as long as they are.Wanting a better future, she decides, at 12 years of age, that scholarships are her ticket to the best college, but how? Knowing her father got in via football, she sets her goal for bulking up to play. In the meantime, she joins a swim team and soon excels at the breaststroke. So much so, she is asked to join a real team, but she wants the glory of football, because, after all, “It’s not like you sit down and watch Monday night swimming.”Home life escalates into animosity over Mishna’s desire to better herself and the needs involved with such. Her father has remarried, his new wife supports them all with the addiction of her own two children and feels Mishna should be contributing more, monetarily and domestically. Arguments erupt, Mishna continues to subjugate herself, hoping to appease, and continues to fail. Realizing she can never be all, she leaves to live with her mother, finding a new peace and outlook on life. Wisdom enters with the realization that even rich kids have messed up lives and she needs to own her own, center herself, to attain any goals she holds.If you loved The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls, you will equality enjoy this. Filled with much the same parents, sibling adoration, smack-yourself-in-the-head situations and financial deprivation, it is inspiring to see her win in the end.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Mishna was a white girl raised in a poor black neighbourhood in Seattle. Her father wanted to think he was black, so that’s the neighbourhood he chose to raise his two daughters. Mishna, in particular, had a hard time fitting in when she was young. Once she finally started making friends in the neighbourhood, though she still lived there, she had tested high on some academic tests, so she had to switch to a school in a rich neighbourhood with smart rich kids, and once again, she didn’t know how to fit in there. I really liked this book. She wrote it, mostly with a humourous slant, but it was sad to see that her father did not treat her well. His girlfriends varied on how they treated Mishna. She did learn later on that even some of the rich kids, despite their money, had problems, as well. She was born not long after me, so I certainly identified with much of the 80s culture, in general, which is always fun. It was a quick read.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    I actually enjoyed reading this book from beginning to end. The author, Mishna Wolff, bravely writes with humor about such sensitive topics as race, class, and parenting.The main focus of the book is the story of her father identifying with black culture so much that he decided to act like a "black man" and, among other things, to raise Mishna and her younger sister in a predominately black, low-income neighborhood. Mr. Wolff listens to black music, decorates his home blackishly, socializes with black men in his neighborhood, and dates black women. He even speaks in a blackish dialect. There were several moments while reading when I literally laughed out loud. For example, desperate as a child to fit in with her black, low-income peers, Mishna teaches herself how to play the dozens. Eager to try her newfound skill on her unsuspecting mother, who'd recently gotten interested in Buddhism, Mishna cracks on her mother, "You're so dumb, you thought Buddhism was about booty."And there are many other laugh-out-loud moments. Even though the humor waned considerably during the last fourth of the book, it was still a compelling read as Mishna tries to recall, from a child's perspective, what it was like living with a father whom she dearly loved, but whose love for her wasn't always shown in ways easily comprehensible to a child.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    One of the best audio books I've listened to in a LONG time. Read by the author. She tells a great coming of age story, by turns hilarious and deeply touching. Not like anything else i've encountered.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    I loved 95%of this book. Mishna Wolff has a great comedic sense, and her stories of being a very "white" child growing up in a black-focused family are hilarious... but they are very sad too. She sometimes flounders in self pity, and it's easy to see that as an adult, but as a kid I'm sure it'd be super hard to deal with, so it's really not fair to judge her feelings as adult. The story is easy to read and the audiobook narrator is great. I was absolutely loving this book, ready to give it 5 stars, but then the book started to drag and the fights and harsh feelings took over the unique and funny kid's perspective, and I was ready to put it down after the umpteenth time she screamed about her parents. I hope she's been able to find peace.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    a quick funny memoir that is enjoyable to read. Good reflection on parenting one received. Interesting that the irresponsible, immature, "down" father turned out two motivated and successful daughters that are both involved in the entertainment industry. Teen readers will enjoy this book for the span of experiences Wolff has over the course of the book.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Very entertaining book. Enjoyed it immensely. Plus I think it will be a fun book to discuss at book club.
  • Rating: 1 out of 5 stars
    1/5
    This book was straight up disturbing. I make jokes about things that are sad or embarrassing as part of my processing. I am a fan of rather dark humor. Still, there are some things I can't laugh at, and I am glad of it. On that list are child abuse, child endangerment, child neglect, abandonment, domestic violence, people who are so lazy they leech off the system rather than getting off their asses and going to work, etc. I am a Marc Maron fan, so I expected a delightfully screwed up archness here from his ex-wife, but all I got was sadness and rationalization from a woman twice as damaged and half as clever as she thinks. Additionally, this book is not about what it purports to be about. It is about class-divisions (which is good fodder for a better book) rather than the complications of living "Black" (whatever that means.) Based on the cover blurbs publications as and unsophisticated as Entertainment Weekly and as dull as Time Magazine thought this was hilarious so perhaps it is just me, but I really don't think so.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    I really enjoyed the majority of this memoir -- Mishna Wolff takes her childhood, a time where she never fit in to either the black world she was raised in or the white world she aspired to be in, and makes her identity crisis hysterical, disturbing, and thought-provoking. I was a little disappointed in how she ended the book -- but I was also curious as to what happened to her afterwards.
  • Rating: 1 out of 5 stars
    1/5
    I'm uncertain about the point of this book. There is such bitterness that spews forth throughout the narrative, but most of it revolves around the awkwardness of the author as an adolescent, and her strained relationship with her family. The story as advertised seems to be lost in the cloud of recriminations. I ended up skimming through the last half of the book to see if it went anywhere but it really didn't; it just ended and by then I didn't really care.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Mishna grew up in the black neighborhood and just didn't quite fit it. She tested well and ended up in a private school that was mainly white, and really didn't fit in there either. This is her story of trying to find her place in her neighborhood, family, and life. I thought that it was pretty good. Interesting interpersonal dynamics abound.I will say that on a personal note, I HATED that her father let his second wife insult his children and take her anger out on them. If he stood for nothing else, I would have at least respected him for that. As it is, I hope Mishna made her peace with him, but I don't know if I would have...
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    My 14year old daughter gave me this book to read and told me I'd like it. She was right, I loved it. It made me laugh, and at times want to cry. As someone who has been the only white in an all black neighborhood so many of Mishna Wolff's experiences rang true and brought back memories.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Yes, the cover is oddly compelling, but I recommend this to anyone raised in an affluent all white neighborhood. It's possible that this coming of age memoir affected me on many levels because I grew up in similar circumstances and currently work in a poverty stricken area. Mishna Wolff, "Little Wolff" to her father's cohorts, could possibly be writing from a view that is obscured by time, embellished for effect, and biased to protect her teenage overly dramatic self. The writing is dynamic and the language flows from Wolff as narrator to Wolff as third grader in a hilarious blend. I could smell the stinky gym, hear the loud domino games, and feel the cement pebbles of her wall. Who am I kidding? I especially recommend it to anyone, especially if you grew up in a predominately African American neighborhood or school. It's a quick read ans you will find an author with whom you can relate and might follow her for more books.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    Not very funny nor terribly interesting.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Funny memoir of a very white girl growing up with a father who believed he was a black man. Mishna never quite fits in anywhere - not with the black kids in her neighborhood, nor with the white kids in her new school. Her father is persistently unemployed and changes girlfriends frequently. Mishna loves her younger sister and even her father but she constantly struggles to find her own place in the family and in the world, a search that is both heart-breaking and hilarious.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Funny, entertaining, and poignant, Mishna Wolff's memoir was my favorite read this summer. Wolff takes us through her childhood and teenage years growing up as the gifted daughter of a father who prizes "being down" over things like violin practice and good grades. This book describes what it's like to feel young and alienated, and how to eventually make your own way and make peace with the family you have.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    The book was heartwrenching as much as it was funny.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Spotted the cover (how could it be missed!?!) and right to the shopping cart this one went! Got home, opened the book, and `straight up' took to the humor. What other way does one parlay "she was shy, uncool, and painfully white" up against "too black to fit in with her white classmates"? The best way to invest in this very painful observation is to stroke it with humor, which Mishna does well. A little piece along however, I did sour on the uneven (at times) tone in the little ones' voices. Sounded too much like adult POV's being stressed. Ultimately I choose not to harp on it because once I moved closer to the end, Mishna's story really blossomed into a memoir to treasure. No words other than Mishna's can upright a distressing childhood that humored me, annoyed me, saddened me, made me angry to the point of restructuring this comment... and then warmed my heart to the bittersweet end. Mishna touched on a key point; short-sightedness! ...in which depending on the visionary, it means something different to every one of us. I'm Down is a hard run up against a brave, beautifully won race. I loved, loved this memoir!
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Quick enjoyable read about a white girl finding her place and sense of self in two very different sides of Seattle in the 1980's. Mishna Wolff is the product of her father's brief foray into East Coast hippiedom before he returned (with his wife & young daughters) to his roots back in Seattle--a predominantly black, working-class neighborhood. The dad & younger sister fit in perfectly, whereas Mishna and her mom are like aliens (by the way the whole family is lily white). Mishna is just starting to fit in a little better when her mom gets her into a fancy private school mostly full of rich kids, and now it is time to start all over again. Will she ever find her place? Full of twists, turns, humor and misery, this book will appeal to anyone who has ever struggled with their identity and their place in the complex family situations that are so normal today.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Details family and racial struggles of a white girl whose father believes he is black; set in '70s-'80s Washington. Hilarious.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    This book is soooo funny!
  • Rating: 2 out of 5 stars
    2/5
    While very readable, this memoir strikes a false note for me. I keep thinking that I'd like to read the book she'll write ten years from now.Her father was a narcissistic, self-centered, delusional, thoroughly ridiculous man. I suspect he really did love both of his daughters, to the best of his ability, and despite how he used them as sock puppets in his lifelong fantasy. But the neglect and the concomitant abuse, and the dry, humorous way Wolff recounts it seem irreconcilable to me.One of the last events in her memoir, about swimming in the lake, she tells as if it were a bittersweet memory that ultimately shows their genuine love for each other. I can't buy it. Maybe something really does prove to Wolff that her father did his best, but I don't see it here.I still recommend the book because it's well-written, and the cross-cultural dynamic is compelling. Ultimately, though, I find it unsatisfying.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    Book OverviewMishna Wolff was born to white hippie parents in Vermont. However, when her family moves back to Seattle, her father drops the pretense of being "a white man" and becomes the "black man" he fancies himself to be. Having grown up in a predominantly black neighborhood during his childhood, Mishna's father immerses himself in the speech patterns, clothing and culture of his black friends. He expects his daughters to do the same. For Mishna's younger sister Anora, this wasn't a problem. However, Mishna has a hard time finding her place in the neighborhood hierarchy of kids. And when her parents divorce and her mom moves out, she finds herself struggling to fit in. Left largely to her own devices, Mishna must find her own way to survive.When her dad enrolls the girls in summer camp, Mishna is out of her element and regularly terrorized by the other children. But her quick wit and smarts help her find a survival strategy that works for her: capping. Capping is the fine art of "yo mama" jokes where participants engage in trading escalating insults. Mishna excels at capping, and it is her lifeline in the hard-knock world of kid society. I was becoming a machine—or at least I thought I was. All I know is I had purpose: 1. Me ruling. 2. You sucking. I had aspirations. I had goals. I had a lot of friends, and a lot of bruises.But just as Mishna begins to fit in at the neighborhood, her mom steps in and gets her transferred to a school for gifted children. Feeling she has found her place in the world at last, Mishna is excited—even thought attending the school means a long commute on city buses. Alas, although Mishna finds herself with children who have the same skin tone, she is still an outsider. Now she doesn't fit in because her family is poor. Her survival method of capping doesn't quite work at her new school, and she is forced to find another way to fit in. Eventually, she finds a small group of friends who bond over drawing and fantasy stories (think elves and wizards). But she finds an escape for her increasingly difficult home life at her friends' homes. Sleepovers were like mini-vacations for me. I got to step out of my family responsibilities and into my friends' homes where I was catered to like a crippled person. Dad wasn't in the habit of asking if he could make me something to eat, or if I wanted him to rent me something while he was at the video store. In fact, the last time I'd had Zwena over, he got her to clean the kitchen after I made dinner.Besides documenting her struggles to fit in to "kid society" in the neighborhood and at school, the book also chronicles her difficult and confusing relationship with her father, who she alternately loves and loathes. Mishna is torn between loyalty to her father and her wish to escape the lifestyle he inflicts on the family. He dates a series of successful and attractive black women, and each one seems like a potential lifeline to Mishna—an escape from the dirty, uncertain household her farther provides. Here is Mishna describing the visit to her father's new girlfriend's apartment: And the whole place was covered in light cream carpet—which I tiptoed onto like it was hot lava. I knew that cream was for careful people, and no matter how Dad was acting, that wasn't us. We were the kind of people who needed dirt-colored things.Eventually, her father remarries, and Mishna gains some new siblings. But, increasingly, her aspirations and dreams drive her to move in with her biological mother. In the end, Mishna is faced with a choice: staying with her sister and father in the life she is familiar with but never really fit or moving in with her mother and pursuing her dreams for the future.My ThoughtsI'm a bit conflicted how I felt about this book. On one hand, parts of the book were very funny and Mishna's story is unique. I've not read a memoir with this point of view before. (Let's face it, memoirs with crazy, alcoholic mothers are a dime a dozen.) However, the book doesn't quite dig deep enough to find the pathos underneath the comedy. Although the book is written in a comic and almost breezy tone, much of Mishna's story is characterized by neglect and perhaps even abuse. She and her sister must often scrounge for food and can never count on having enough money for groceries. They are responsible for housecleaning and meal preparation. They are forced into uncomfortable situations time and time again. And although Mishna shares this information in the book, I don't think she truly faces head-on how difficult her father made her life.I think part of the problem is that she hasn't come to terms with her father. In fact, I felt the end of the book left things very unresolved between the two of them. I needed to know more about how things ended up between them. Although her father was a constant presence in her life, his wants and needs always seem to come first and many of his choices are just downright inappropriate and selfish.Perhaps Mishna Wolff wrote this book without having had enough time to be able to see her father through more mature eyes. She seems to skirt the pain, suffering and sadness that seem to constantly bubble below the surface of her entire childhood. Although I'm glad she was able to find comedy in her upbringing, I feel she owes it to the reader and herself to find the truth of her family life. Some of the best memoirists (I'm thinking of Mary Karr and Jeannette Walls) are able to recognize and write eloquently about both the comedy and the tragedy of their lives—thereby creating a piece of writing that fully describes and embraces the human condition. This memoir falls a bit short.My Final RecommendationPerhaps if Mishna Wolff had waited a few more years to write this book, she would have been able to create something with a little more meaning and pathos. As it is, this is an amusing memoir, but it lacks the insight and maturity to make it something more. If you are big fan of memoirs, this book isn't a bad read; it just lacks the insight that elevate the best memoirs to works of art or true statements on what it means to be human.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    This is one of those books that doesn't really go beyond its premise, which is okay. The author was raised in a poor, black neighborhood by a single white father who was convinced he was black and raised his children accordingly. It is funny, and the anecdotes are well-crafted and bring all the cringiness of being an awkward kid in the 80s into vivid focus. It's a very personal story, it never gets into any larger issues about race and class. The parenting is abysmal, overall the author downplays it as eccentric, so once again I'm in that maddening memoir-reading place where I can't stop wondering if she knows it was abuse but is taking a positive view because what else can you do after the fact, or if she truly sees it as merely quirky.