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    This Book is Full of Spiders: Seriously, Dude, Don't Touch It
    This Book is Full of Spiders: Seriously, Dude, Don't Touch It
    This Book is Full of Spiders: Seriously, Dude, Don't Touch It
    Audiobook14 hours

    This Book is Full of Spiders: Seriously, Dude, Don't Touch It

    Written by David Wong

    Narrated by Nick Podehl

    4/5

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    About this audiobook

    From David Wong, the writer of the cult sensation John Dies at the End comes another terrifying and hilarious tale of almost Armageddon at the hands of two hopeless heroes.

    Warning: You may have a huge, invisible spider living in your skull. THIS IS NOT A METAPHOR.

    You will dismiss this as ridiculous fear-mongering. Dismissing things as ridiculous fear-mongering is, in fact, the first symptom of parasitic spider infection -- the creature stimulates skepticism, in order to prevent you from seeking a cure. That's just as well, since the "cure" involves learning what a chainsaw tastes like. You can't feel the spider, because it controls your nerve endings. You won't even feel it when it breeds. And it will breed.

    Just stay calm, and remember that telling you about the spider situation is not the same as having caused it. I'm just the messenger. Even if I did sort of cause it. Either way, I won't hold it against you if you're upset. I know that's just the spider talking.

    "Like an episode of AMC's "The Walking Dead" written by Douglas Adams of "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy." …Imagine a mentally ill narrator describing the zombie apocalypse while drunk, and the end result is unlike any other book of the genre. Seriously, dude, touch it and read it." –Washington Post

    "Kevin Smith's Clerks meets H.P. Lovecraft in this exceptional thriller… David Wong (Jason Pargin) is a fantastic author with a supernatural talent for humor. If you want a poignant, laugh-out-loud funny, disturbing, ridiculous, self-aware, socially relevant horror novel than This Book is Full of Spiders: Seriously Dude, Don't Touch It is the one and only book for you." –SF Signal

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherBrilliance Audio
    Release dateOct 2, 2012
    ISBN9781469207636
    Author

    David Wong

    DAVID WONG is the pseudonym of Jason Pargin, New York Times bestselling author of the John Dies at the End series as well as the award-winning Zoey Ashe novels. He previously published under the pseudonym David Wong. His essays at Cracked.com and other outlets have been enjoyed by tens of millions of readers around the world.

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    Reviews for This Book is Full of Spiders

    4/5

    602 ratings37 reviews

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    Review must be at least 10 words

    • 5/5
      Absurd, self-referential, and totally awesome! If you're a fan of gore and goofy humor, this one's for you.
    • 4/5
      What a ride, what a trip! And I mean like, we get sucked along on the acid trip that the author was on when he came up with these ideas, but it was fun and exciting. I wouldn't say no to more by this author.
    • 5/5
      I loved it! It was a bit like the alien movies but with a comedy twist .
    • 5/5
      I listen to a whole bunch of audiobooks while working, and this was just such a blast of a journey. The perfect mix of low brow comedy, mindbinding cosmic horror and badass adventure duo.
    • 5/5
      Fantastic, great fun. Keep an eye out for Zulus, stay safe out There.
    • 5/5
      Amazing, as always from Mr. Wong.
      Mind bending and hilarious
    • 4/5
      Ich mag das Buch -auch wenn es stellenweise doch sehr, sehr abgedreht ist! Am Anfang tat ich mich etwas schwer, in die Geschichte einzutauchen - und auch der Teil mit der Anstalt ist etwas zäh - aber alles in allem ein aussergewöhnliches Leseerlebnis mit einem mal etwas anderen Thema. Nicht schlecht.
    • 2/5
      (2.25 Stars)

      Review: This book is full of spiders

      Disclaimer: I read a lot of negative reviews of this book before reading this book, so it might have colored my own review, at least slightly.

      The good: The story itself was inventive, and a unique take on the "zombie" narrative. The only female protagonist in the story is portrayed as intelligent (but in a weird "girls are always smarter than boys about these things" way). There are a lot of pop culture references, and the narrator gave each character a different voice. It was interesting, and not boring. There were just enough clues to keep you one step ahead of the main characters and it brought in some of the story from the previous book.

      The Bad: The characters do not really grow, and remain fairly flat. The situational dynamics are not done believably, yes I know this is a completely made up story about monsters, but some of the things just seemed a bit "lazy".

      The Ugly: Having a racist character make racist comments doesn't make a book "edgy", it just looks like someone taking cheap shots and doing lazy writing... especially when the narrator does a "blaccent" for some characters. It just becomes really "cringe" and juvenile.

      This book will appeal to horror fans, and people easily amused. The humor is lowbrow and predictable.

      Will I read the next one in the series? Probably... but I'm a completist, and I'll wait for a sale or get it from the library or something. Don't get me wrong, the book was better than bad, but the bad weighs a lot heavier than the good does lifting it back up.
    • 5/5
      This was absolutely brilliant. Im going through it again. highly recommended.
    • 4/5
      Stupid, silly, weird and totally hilarious .
      Made me laugh straight out and giggle like a fool.
    • 5/5
      I. Hate. This. Book.Okay, not really, but the ending, which I won't spoil, was upsetting.So let me tell you, this book was well and truly full of spiders. Gross. It made me shudder just reading about them!!!! This sequel was all together creepier, and more serious than it's predecessor. John Dies At The End, while creepy, and it had it's sad parts, was a lot lighter and more humorous. Things in this book escalated quickly. Stuff got serious within the first chapter or two.It doesn't take away from the book at all. This was equally good, and it was evident that things clearly had to get worse this time around. John and Dave are thrown into save-the-world situations, again, only this time they get separated and have to work toward the same goals while apart. It definitely made for some anxious moments and the reader routing for them to make their way back together. There was still humor, and John and Dave's shenanigans will probably always be epic. I am very much looking forward to the next installment!
    • 5/5
      Twisting and turning in Alice in Wonderland proportions of horror!
    • 5/5
      I knew within the first 5 minutes that I was going to absolutely love this audiobook and I was right.

      1 person found this helpful

    • 5/5
      Terrifying, hilarious, and heart breaking. David Wong perfectly blends Lovecraftian horror, zombies, government conspiracies, spiders, and absurd comedy in the very best possible way. This book is sci-fi horror comedy at its absolute best. Just as good as the first book, and stands alone without it. If you're like me, as you listen, you will audibly exclaim "What the fuck" more than you would normally be comfortable with. If you're listening to this on a plane, passengers nearby will say "What the actual fuck?" as the sound of the spider zombie apocalypse oozes from your headphones. If you are listening in a car, pedestrians and passersby will look at each other and say "What the fucking fuck?" as you drive past because they just heard some demon shrieking and you laughing as you drove by. This book is truly what the fuck worthy.

      1 person found this helpful

    • 5/5
      Brilliant fucking book. I had a hard time putting it down.
    • 5/5
      This Book Is Full of Spiders: Seriously, Dude, Don't Touch It By David Wong Well, having read the previous book, "John Dies At The End" I had no hesitation in picking this one up. Trying to put this novel in a genre seems somehow to reduce it. It makes you laugh and it is very, very clever.

      The stories are beyond belief and if they weren't so incredibly well written they would jar on you. It's one of those books that make you look forward to going to bed just so you can read it and it makes you feel happy.

      I cannot say enough good things about it and it never ceases to amaze me where you come across writing that is so good it makes the world a better place. Sometimes I dread the idea of picking up a "good book" because some of them are just not that good outside their reputation. The Marriage Plot and some Ian McEwan books spring to mind.

      If you want a reading holiday then pick this one up. You don't need to read the first one to get into this but that is also a bloody good book.

      Thank you David Wong!
    • 5/5
      I was really impressed with the quality of “Futuristic Violence and Fancy Suits“. I was underwhelmed by the quality of “John Dies at the End“. This book is closer to the former. It’s a solid story all the way through. In fact, take the content of “John Dies at the End” and put it in the tempered style of “Futuristic Violence and Fancy Suits” and this is the result. Of course, this doesn’t help if you haven’t read either.I’d categorize this as a horror-comedy. If you like movies like The Evil Dead and Killer Klowns from Outer Space, this is for you. Better even, because it touches into the philosophy behind movies like that… as one would drunk with your friends at two in the morning by the fridge… but still fun. David Wong is to horror as Douglas Adams is to space opera.In summary, it’s a zombie apocalypse novel, but that doesn’t do it justice. Nothing about it is run-of-the-mill. It’s fresh takes on everything. There’s a lot of tension, never knowing what’s going to happen next. It’s almost bizarro, except somehow the characterization keeps it grounded (i.e. everyone acts like you’d expect them to act). It even goes into the POVs of the titular John (and some others). It feels like an epic tome, like Swan Song but with more butt humor.
    • 3/5
      The plot in this second novel was a lot more intense in terms of action, never really letting up. I felt that this detracted from the story somewhat. I also didn't find this as humorous as the first book; although there were a few instances of laugh-out-loud sentences or scenarios, I found the first novel funnier and more engaging. Still, it was a good read and worth it.
    • 4/5
      I enjoyed Spiders even more than John dies at the End. Wacky, bizarre, and funny, also with some scary and truly disgusting moments... A fun audiobook.
    • 5/5
      I. Hate. This. Book.Okay, not really, but the ending, which I won't spoil, was upsetting.So let me tell you, this book was well and truly full of spiders. Gross. It made me shudder just reading about them!!!! This sequel was all together creepier, and more serious than it's predecessor. John Dies At The End, while creepy, and it had it's sad parts, was a lot lighter and more humorous. Things in this book escalated quickly. Stuff got serious within the first chapter or two.It doesn't take away from the book at all. This was equally good, and it was evident that things clearly had to get worse this time around. John and Dave are thrown into save-the-world situations, again, only this time they get separated and have to work toward the same goals while apart. It definitely made for some anxious moments and the reader routing for them to make their way back together. There was still humor, and John and Dave's shenanigans will probably always be epic. I am very much looking forward to the next installment!
    • 5/5
      This Book Is Full of Spiders: Seriously, Dude, Don't Touch ItWritten by: David WongNarrated by: Nick PodehlThis Book Is Full of Spiders: Seriously, Dude, Don't Touch It (John Dies at the End #2) by David Wong is soooo good! I got the audible because I watched the movie for book one and thought listening to the book would be close to 'watching' book two. If you haven't read book one, read it first or watch the movie first. I watched it on Netflix. It is important to know certain details in that book for book two. They must of changed the end of the story a bit but it doesn't matter for this book. The key things are in the movie. This book is so silly and fun. I laughed, giggled, and snorted my way through this. I didn't hurry my way through because I wanted it to last. These two books are a must read! So fun! A stress relief, a get away from reality, a total no-brainer. Give it a try! I will say, "You're Welcome" now. The narrator is spot on! He makes the book even funnier! Too perfect!
    • 4/5
      Great book and a fine sequel to John Dies at the end.
    • 4/5
      It didn't have the strange charm of the first book (especially the first half) but it had a more cohesive story and more consistent quality. Instead of several smaller, disjointed adventures, it was a more traditional story-line. This one is very close to a zombie story -- on the lighter end, like Zombieland, not gritty like 28 Days Later -- except it's invisible spider lobster things instead of a zombie virus or voodoo.John, David, and Amy (and a hilarious Awesome Detective Guy) fight the forces of several government agencies to survive a zombie-like outbreak of evil murderous face-infesting spiders from another dimension -- but mostly they just make stupid mistakes. Realistically stupid mistakes, though.
    • 4/5
      There are surely worse worlds in the multiverse than the one in which David Wong gets to write all of the books.

      The podunk white trash Lovecraftian worlds David Wong writes about, for instance. Worlds which might closely resemble our own but for the presence of Shadow Men and titular parasitic eyeball spiders that get up in people's brains and manipulate first their brains and then their biology and turn them into monsters of various imaginative sorts. Those.

      John Dies at the End (JDATE to fans) was one of the silliest, weirdest, most messed-up and entertaining books I've ever read (the film adapted from it somewhat less so, but it was still a lot of fun), so my expectations going into this sequel were pretty high, perhaps unreasonably so. They were sort of met, but only sort of.

      This Book is Full of Spiders, having a first act like JDATE to follow, did, alas fall short of delivering the same quality of guffaws and jaw-dropping inventiveness JDATE had but I don't think that's what Wong was going for here. For This Book is Full of Spiders gets surprisingly somber at times. Which is all right as far as it goes; while chucklehead slacker heroes John and Dave are terribly amusing to follow, it would be a mistake not to let them learn from their experiences and develop as characters. Which they have done, sort of, at least inasmuch as Dave is a boyfriend now with duties, responsibilities, lots of hand holding and sighing and oh wait, that's Bernard Black. But anyway, you get the idea.

      John, thank goodness, is still John, which might surprise people who have the title of the first John and Dave book in mind, but there he is. He's not making cell phone calls that are unstuck in time this go-around, but he still has plenty of stupid ideas that somehow manage to keep the plot from turning into a straightforward bit of disaster porn (but that also mocks the fans of disaster porn, witness the bunch of college hipsters who load up and RV with a whole gun shop's worth of crap and drive it right into the teeth of the crapstorm and insist that videogames have prepared them for apocalyptic good times and they're the only heroes anybody needs, but I digress).

      For disaster there most certainly is, in the form of the aforementioned parasitic spiders from another dimension that crawl into people's heads and take them over, spiders that only John and Dave can see as a residual effect of last novel's unwitting experimentation with the multidimensional drug they call Soy Sauce. It starts off small, the spider problem. One is discovered in Dave's bed in the wee hours of one fateful morning, chewing on his leg. He reacts Davishly. He gets John involved. Everything goes wrong and spirals out of control. Because John and Dave.

      Along the way, we are treated to more than a bit of pop evolutionary psychology, not all of it coming from Dave's therapist-nemesis, Dr. Tennet; we could read this book as a white trash excursis on the consequences of primate neurology and the fact that our brains are wired to be able to handle a max of about 150 real social connections, but with gunfire and explosions and monsters. This is pulled off pretty well, actually.

      What isn't pulled off so well this time around is the narration. JDATE was all first-person, from the entertaining point of view of Dave, who is an undereducated but wickedly intelligent smart ass of a guy with a talent for undercutting the grandiosity of what is around him by boiling a lot down to fart jokes and the like. TBIFOS, however, intercuts his first person narrative with long stretches of third person omniscient whenever the action goes to John or to Dave's girlfriend, the wonderfully down-to-earth and sensible Amy. That all of these sections are often in anything but chronological order -- we frequently get chapter headings telling us that the next bit is, say, eight hours earlier and the like -- is not as annoying as the shift from first to omniscient third is, to me, but then I like my stories to be a bit wibbly wobbly timey wimey once in a while. What I don't like is when they feel lazy or sloppy, and the narration choices here feel a lot like both. Harumph.

      Still, I had a good time. If there's another sequel in the works, I'll have a look. If a film gets made of this, I'll watch it. Because John and Dave.
    • 3/5
      This was a fun enough listen and it grew on me the longer I listened. Or perhaps it got over its juvenile obsession with all things scatalogical (or did I?) and settled into just telling the story with the odd detour and penis joke.The humor is a little like a blunt hammer and there's very little subtlety in the book, but, then, I don't think that's what you're looking for from it. As a quick read (listen) that boils along, has some zombies, magical portals around town, haunted quarantine hospitals, this one is all of that.
    • 4/5
      Better storywise than the first one but way less insane.
    • 5/5
      The comedy/horror sequel to David Wong's previous comedy/horror novel John Dies at the End. The first book was a bizarre mess of a story, with a sometimes rather crude and juvenile sense of humor, but I found it ridiculously entertaining. And this one, I think, is better than the first one. More polished, more coherent... Well, OK, comparatively speaking, it's more coherent. I was going to say it also has fewer dick jokes, but it turns out it was mostly saving up to make one great big one at the end. But it's wonderfully funny. (The book as a whole, I mean, not the giant dick joke.) There were long stretches where I found myself laughing with pretty much every page. It's also a surprisingly good horror novel, with sections that are genuinely suspenseful and creepy, and some really imaginative monsters.It's definitely not a book for everybody, what with the gore and the smart-assed humor and the high levels of general insanity. And it does have some flaws: a bit of dragginess in the middle, an almost literal deus ex machina ending, one tiny but annoying plot hole that bugged me way more than it should have. In the end, though, I'm not sure I cared; it was engaging enough, and hilarious enough, to pretty much get away with it all. It was also exactly what I was in the mood for right now, and I enjoyed the heck out of it.
    • 4/5
      I enjoy the kind of book where the writer just throws everything out there, absurd, obscene, or flippant, and somehow makes it all hang together. He makes a point of the way the plot is a tangled mess, though he does a pretty good job at keeping the reader from getting derailed. I even think he's making a serious thematic point about how badly adapted human beings are to the global issues we face, though I don't think the way the three heroes defeated the Big Bad in the end necessarily means anything deep. For writers, it is a very good illustration of how much sheer nonsense your reader will swallow as long as the characters are engaging, with the first person viewpoint character being a screwed up shlemiel, his friend John the essence of cartoon violence, and his girlfriend Amy being the moral center of the book (unless that role belongs to Amy's dog Molly, I'm not sure). I read this without having read the first one in the series which I'll probably go pick up some time also.
    • 5/5
      "You know how sometimes when you’re drifting off to sleep you feel that jolt, like you were falling and you caught yourself at the last second? It’s nothing to be concerned about, it’s usually just the parasite adjusting its grip."David Wong, This Book is Full of Spiders (Seriously Dude, Don’t Touch It)If the above quote does not interest you, then skip this genius sequel to John Dies at the End.
    • 4/5
      Going to keep this one short and sweet.

      Bottom line: I liked it, and look forward to David Wong's next book.

      Did I like it as much as JOHN DIES AT THE END?

      No.

      Why?

      Because even though the story itself was strong, the quality of the writing seemed rushed and the narrative scattered. The personalities of the main characters shifted quite a bit from what I remember in the original book, and the supporting characters in SPIDERS were paper-thin, usually summed up with a description of a celebrity they looked like. "Then the guy who looked like Jermain Jackson said,", etc.

      The beginning was strong and funny, and offered hope that this book would be as thoroughly pleasing as the original. That hope evaporated as the narrative began hopping from character to character faster than lice through a playground. As though that wasn't confusing enough, the author decided to have the narrative jump forward and backward in time as well, catching the reader up on what every main character has been doing in the meantime. It wasn't terribly confusing, just not particularly pleasing to read in that manner.

      I had a great time reading most of this book.

      After the story switched narrators for an extended period of time about 100 or so pages in, I got so bored I almost (unthinkable) lost interest in the book completely. I soldiered on, and thankfully the plot got interesting again and kept me reading and engaged up to the end.

      Overall, I think I would have enjoyed a shorter, more succinctly-told tale with a higher wit-to-words ratio, focusing on the main character -than the rambling, undisciplined book it ended up being. Also, pop-culture name-dropping references doesn't equal funny, it equals pandering fan-service to the target audience. Fine in moderation, but it wears thin when done too often, like product placement in a movie.

      Also, as other reviewers have mentioned, I thought the book seemed to be using the second half to work it's way up to making a STATEMENT, some sort of BIG IMPORTANT social commentary at the end; I'm glad to see that the author decided to let that aspect fall away rather softly and gracefully at the end. Not the right book for preaching, and for that I thank you.

      That being said, it's still one of the best stories I've read all year, full of imagination and delightful.

      I highly recommend reading it, warts and all.