Everand Logo

Welcome to Everand!

  • Discover millions of ebooks, audiobooks, and so much more with a free trial

    Only $11.99/month after trial. Cancel anytime.

    Unavailable
    A Woman is No Man
    Unavailable
    A Woman is No Man
    Unavailable
    A Woman is No Man
    Audiobook10 hours

    A Woman is No Man

    Written by Etaf Rum

    Narrated by Ariana Delawari, Dahlia Salem and Susan Nesmai

    4/5

    ()

    Unavailable in your country

    Unavailable in your country

    About this audiobook

    PRE-ORDER ETAF RUM’S NEW NOVEL, EVIL EYE, NOW – COMING SEPTEMBER 2023.

    A New York Times bestseller • A Washington Post 10 Books to Read in March • One of Cosmopolitan’s Best Books by POC for 2019 • A Refinery 29 Best Book of the Month

    ‘A love letter to storytelling’ New York Times

    ‘A nuanced look at the power of shame to shatter lives and send shards of pain hurtling down the generations . . . brilliant’ Big Issue

    ‘Enthralling’ Image magazine

    * * * * *

    Three generations of Palestinian-American women living in Brooklyn are torn between individual desire and the strict mores of Arab culture in this heart-wrenching story of love, intrigue and courage.

    Palestine, 1990. Seventeen-year-old Isra prefers reading books to entertaining the suitors her father has chosen for her. Over the course of a week, the naïve and dreamy girl finds herself quickly betrothed and married, and is soon living in Brooklyn. There Isra struggles to adapt to the expectations of her oppressive mother-in-law Fareeda and strange new husband Adam, a pressure that intensifies as she begins to have children – four daughters instead of the sons Fareeda tells Isra she must bear.

    Brooklyn, 2008. Eighteen-year-old Deya, Isra’s oldest daughter, must meet with potential husbands at her grandmother Fareeda’s insistence, though her only desire is to go to college. But her grandmother is firm on the matter: the only way to secure a worthy future for Deya is through marriage to the right man.

    But fate has a will of its own, and soon Deya will find herself on an unexpected path that leads her to shocking truths about her family…

    Set in an America at once foreign to many and staggeringly close at hand, A Woman Is No Man is a story of culture and honour, secrets and betrayals, love and violence. It is an intimate glimpse into a controlling and closed cultural world, and a universal tale about family and the ways silence and shame can destroy those we have sworn to protect.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherHarperCollins Publishers
    Release dateMar 5, 2019
    ISBN9780008341084
    Unavailable
    A Woman is No Man
    Author

    Etaf Rum

    Etaf Rum was born and raised in Brooklyn, New York, by Palestinian immigrants. Her first novel, A Woman Is No Man, was a New York Times bestseller and a Today Show Read With Jenna book club pick.

    More audiobooks from Etaf Rum

    Related to A Woman is No Man

    Coming of Age Fiction For You

    View More
    View More

    Related podcast episodes

    Related articles

    • Article

      Cherie Jones

      Jan 7, 2021

      Cherie Jones
      3 min read

    • Article

      My Father’s House

      Apr 25, 2023

      My Father’s House
      6 min read

    • Article

      My Country Childhood

      Sep 4, 2019

      AUTHOR AND FORMER executive director of the Australian Writers Guild, Angela Wales, 71, moved from Bondi in Sydney to Walcha in the Northern Tablelands of NSW when she was five years old. Angela’s father, Bob, was to take over a struggling sheep prop

      7 min read

    • Article

      Elsi, The Strange Maid

      Aug 29, 2018

      Elsi, The Strange Maid
      17 min read

    • Article

      Hauntings

      Jul 5, 2023

      Hauntings
      11 min read

    • Article

      Cherry Season

      Sep 3, 2020

      1. My mother’s mother kept a set of painted wooden nesting dolls on top of her television. When I was small and went to her house, I would take the set apart and line up the five dolls on her living room floor, side by side, from biggest to smallest.

      16 min read

    • Article

      Lost Children

      Aug 4, 2022

      Lost Children
      5 min read

    • Article

      The Wisdom of Women Shines in Najla Jraissaty Khoury’s ‘Pearls on a Branch: Oral Tales’

      Oct 22, 2018

      Long, long ago These things happened or maybe no. Let’s start with the image on the cover. Three women sit in a courtyard. One holds a long-handled pan over a coal brazier; the other two, one of whom has her back to us, hold small cups. They wear ide

      7 min read

    • Article

      A Plain Little House

      Apr 8, 2019

      The house is real, not imaginary. But it is also a place lodged deep in the imagination, a dream place whose actual coordinates have been forgotten. In the last years of her very long life, my mother’s memory, eroded by time and general anaesthetics,

      3 min read

    • Article

      Home Farm

      Aug 24, 2020

      Arriving on my grandparents’ farm for our annual three-week winter holiday was always an occasion. As was usual, my grandmother waited for us on the big red wraparound stoep. How long she had been hovering in the vicinity of the front door we never k

      2 min read

    • Article

      The Last Lady of California

      Apr 6, 2021

      The Last Lady of California
      16 min read

    • Article

      The Library of Gromma

      Jul 10, 2023

      Zac was sweating and panting as he reached the top of the hill. The crooked beams of the library loomed over him. He dropped the buckets of water, swore at the few drops that spilled, and escaped the piercing morning sun in the shade of the library.

      22 min read

    • Article

      What the Tornado Gave Us

      Jul 1, 2022

      In part 1, Rosica tells the story of how she and her family moved from Mexico to North Carolina to join her father, who works as a roofer and has been sending home money. Adjusting to a new school where they didn’t know the language was easier on her

      9 min read

    • Article

      Aligogoro

      Jun 22, 2020

      Aligogoro
      4 min read

    • Article

      Benjamin Nugent

      Jun 15, 2018

      Claire’s roommates threw her out on November third, for falling behind on rent and hogging the Xbox. During the next three weeks, she lived in other people’s houses. She missed the Xbox, but couch surfing was like a game. She had to not smell like co

      20 min read

    • Article

      The Library Of Gromma

      Feb 10, 2021

      Zac was sweating and panting as he reached the top of the hill. The crooked beams of the library loomed over him. He dropped the buckets of water, swore at the few drops that spilt, and escaped the piercing morning sun in the shade of the library. He

      22 min read

    • Article

      A Parsonage in New Hope

      Dec 4, 2023

      A Parsonage in New Hope
      12 min read

    • Article

      Our House In The Middle Of Our Street

      Oct 1, 2018

      WORDS PAMELA POWER As they drifted off, Lilah took a moment to be in the moment. The purple jacarandas were just bursting into bloom, the leaves intensely green after the first rains. It was all so beautiful. Hashtag blessed. – An excerpt from Delila

      3 min read

    • Article

      ‘In the Country of Women’: Featured Nonfiction from Susan Straight

      Nov 19, 2019

      In our latest edition of featured nonfiction, we present an excerpt from National Book Award finalist Susan Straight’s new novel, In the Country of Women, out now from Catapult. The post ‘In the Country of Women’: Featured Nonfiction from Susan Strai

      8 min read

    • Article

      Last Love

      Dec 8, 2023

      Last Love
      13 min read

    • Article

      Allegiance

      Nov 6, 2023

      Allegiance
      12 min read

    • Article

      Diamonds

      Jun 4, 2018

      Diamonds
      9 min read

    • Article

      Home Bound

      May 18, 2020

      Home Bound
      6 min read

    • Article

      Giving Up Paradise: Lies, high heels, and piety.

      Jun 13, 2013

      For millions of refugees, life is nothing if not uncertain. They come to a new world with two purposes: escaping one set of realities, and building a new set. This story is about a family who fled Somalia during the Civil War of the 1990s. They settl

      13 min read

    • Article

      Fieldwork

      Nov 25, 2021

      Fieldwork
      11 min read

    Related categories

    Reviews for A Woman is No Man

    4/5

    407 ratings39 reviews

    What did you think?

    Tap to rate

    Review must be at least 10 words

    • 5/5
      A beautifully written story about the struggles of womanhood and family ties in misogynistic culture. Very well narrated, I loved how each generation has some kind of hope.
    • 5/5
      One of those books that are haunting reflecting and closer to the reality that it hits and pulls all the right chords in places.
    • 4/5
      This novel proves to be a devastating inspection on guilt, shame, culture, and customs fighting their way into generation after generation, all the while each character defies assimilation into America. I hated to read it, hated hearing how adherence to culture omitted the opportunity for love, encouraged a numbness and depression and how silencing one woman’s voice silences them all, and yet I couldn’t stop listening. It’s important to know how one feels in abusive relationships that are hushed by a toxic need to save reputation.
    • 5/5
      I am not sure I have ever read a more tragic, heartbreaking story than this one. Devastating and masterfully executed, in my opinion.
    • 5/5
      This was so so good. I had no idea what it was like to be an Arabic women in conservative community.
    • 5/5
      Wow! This book left me hanging..... talk about misogynistic tendencies being vividly displayed, patriarchy at its best. I really felt the pain and heartbreak of the characters in this book. The one ending was a bit confusing but maybe that’s the suspense twist to it.
    • 4/5
      A novel delving into bring Arab in a modern world and the suppression of Arab women in America and the generation that continues to tell women they cannot go to college, their duty to marry and produce males and their inSuperiority to men.This novel tries to show these women the courage to stand up for themselves.My only negative reaction was how these points are hammered home so much perhaps at the expense of a good story.
    • 5/5
      Heartbreaking account based on the author's own experiences of a Palestinian woman forced into an arranged marriage. The marriage is loveless and the husband is abusive. Now, the daughter who is living with her grandparents is looking at the same fate - being married to someone arranged by her grandparents, vs. fulfilling her dreams of becoming educated. Until she meets a mysterious person, she doesn't know the full breadth of her family history. Once she does, she gains the courage to re-write her own story. So sad, and so unbelievable that this continues to happen to this day.
    • 4/5
      Multi-generational family tragedy that follows three women from one Arab family – Fareeda, Isra, and Deya. It starts with Isra, living in Palestine in 1990. She marries Fareeda’s son and moves with him to New York. Next, we jump to Isra’s seventeen-year-old daughter, Deya, living with her grandparents in Brooklyn in 2008. Her mother has died but she does not know the details of her mother’s death. She dreams of going to college, though Fareeda wants her to get married. Isra is an obedient quiet woman doing what is expected. Deya wants to control her own destiny.

      This book examines the expectations of women in a patriarchal culture. Rum is an Arab-American author who has drawn pieces of this story from her own experiences. It addresses the painful topic of spousal abuse. It is dark and sad, and not for the faint of heart. I found it difficult to read over and over about the mistreatment of women and their limited options, but it is ultimately aimed at raising awareness and offering hope through education, community support, and standing up to oppression.
    • 4/5
      Deya, a young Arab woman living in Brooklyn with her grandparents and sisters, is meeting suitors chosen for her by her grandmother. She is just 18 and not ready for marriage. Deya's story reminds her grandparents of two other women in the family...Isra, Deya's mother, and Sarah, her aunt. Both women, despite being raised in very different worlds, wanted the same thing...freedom.

      On her journey to discover who she is, Deya learns her mother's story of arranged marriage and the tragedy of how her parents really died. Upon learning this information, Deya embraces a factor she never considered in her life...choice.

      I do not know what took me so long to read this book. I was immediately drawn into the story and cared about what happened to Isra, Sarah, and Deya. I loved the back and forth from one character to another while their stories opened up and they began to deal with their separate issues. This was a well-written story that showed lives that those who are not Arab may not be aware of...the need of the older generation to follow cultural norms while the new generation fights for their freedom.
    • 5/5
      In 1990, teenage Isra leaves her home in Palestine to be married to Adam, who she has barely met. She moves to Brooklyn, where she is stifled by her overbearing mother in law, Fareeda, and proceeds to disappoint her by bearing daughters.

      In 2008, Isra's oldest daughter Deya is being pushed by her grandmother to follow in her mother's footsteps.

      This as intense, heartbreaking book. It flips through time, and between all three characters, to let the story unfold. All three women are suffocated by the weight of cultural expectation. (Rum makes clear that these expectations are not Islamic; at worst, she might be accused of an unflattering portrayal of Palestinian-American immigrants, but I don't think such an accusation would bear weight under examination.) The women, and the men they live with, are weighed down by history, dislodged by war and emigration. Without a secure sense of place in America, they cling to a set of cultural rules to separate themselves.

      What that amounts to is a stifling, violent, patriarchal life, in which reputation is everything, and the value of a woman is nothing. Women are a burden; sons will bring you security. Even a trip alone to the supermarket would be a breach of protocol. Much of the novel has Fareeda and Isra, or Fareeda and Deya, trapped in the house together. Reading novels is Isra and Deya's act of rebellion, time spent away from the endless work of cooking and serving the men. Adam's sister Sarah, and Isra's sister in law Nadine, push back at what is expected of them, but Isra, trapped between her memories of her mother's own mistreatment and her perceived failure as a wife, becomes beaten down.

      The women form the complex, emotional heart of the story, and Rum is interested in how they respond to how they are trapped in their cultural bonds and how they choose to respond with the small amount of agency they have. The men are peripheral. Their control exists in part because women uphold it. While there are hints of their own dilemmas, Rum isn't nearly as interested in them. She has a wonderful sense of detail in their thoughts and experiences--the characters live in an almost claustrophobically contained world, where they rarely leave the confines of their block, but the minutiae, from rolling grape leaves to serving tea, are vivid and bright. The intersecting plotlines allow the story to unfold perfectly. There isn't genuine suspense--this isn't a thriller--and the big reveal is not a sihocker, but the path from A to B is what's of interest here.
    • 4/5
      In this new "woke" world, there's a lot of emphasis on understanding and validating the realities of other races, genders, and cultures. As illuminating as this undertaking may be, however, it's rarely comfortable, and "uncomfortable" is definitely how this book left me feeling towards the slice of Palestinian culture that A Women is No Man explores. One instinctively wants to respect (or at least understand) the mores of other cultures, no matter how different than ours; one instinctively guards against the impulse to believe that one's own cultural mores are somehow superior to others. But, Holy Cow, I'm having a hard time - not just as a woman, but as a human - accepting that there is anything dignified, justified, or moral about a system that doesn't just strip women of their rights/pride/joy/humanity, but appears to strip *everyone* of their rights/pride/joy/humanity by the time it is done ravaging families.As the reader will already understand from the blurb at the back of the book, this tale centers around the experiences of two families that have fairly recently emigrated from Palestine. However, this story rarely ventures beyond the kitchen doors of the houses where our protagonists dwell, as the narrative purpose of placing the tale in the U.S. seems mostly to allow the author to explore the brutal contrast between American and Palestinian concepts of family honor, gender roles, and personal freedom.The contrast is indeed brutal, for in Rum's Palestine, daughters serve no other purpose than to marry, service their husbands, and raise sons; sons serve no other purpose than to protect their family honor, even if this means sacrificing their dreams or engaging in acts of brutality; and the apparent duty mothers/mother-in-laws is to ensure that new generations perpetuate this soul-crushing tradition, no matter what sacrifices are required. The result of this system, Rum wishes us to see, is a system of ever-widening cycles of shame: mothers who cannot love their own children because they themselves feel unworthy of love; husbands who beat their wives because their culture considers them weak if they don’t; daughters whose only escape is through reading, even though the books they read exacerbate the shame they feel over their passive roles; sons who are so beholden “preserving family honor” that they destroy their own happiness pursuing lives they loath; mothers and mothers-in-law who dare not question the system they have sacrificed so much to preserve, lest humiliation and self-revulsion shatter them. I realize I have yet to talk about the book itself, which I suppose I would recommend to others, though not without a warning about the bleakness of the content beforehand. Rum’s writing style stays out of the way of the story she is telling. The tale itself is a small but meandering one, told by a variety of narrators, a construct which encourages readers to view story cycles from multiple perspectives. If one experiences feelings of frustration or impatience at the choices that some of the characters here make, the fault is not Rum’s for failing to provide ample and authentic context. One understands that immigrants fleeing to a new country might, in their desolation, cling to familiar customs and traditions– perhaps even to the point where those traditions become perverted and destructive rather than constructive. But I’m having a hard time understanding how the system described here was *ever* constructive. What purpose is served by a system that forces people to marry without love? That transforms women into creatures so brainless and quiet, they cannot possibly be satisfactory companions or helpmeets? That forces men to sacrifice their happiness in order to preserve a warped and indefensible definition of “family honor”? I’ve been working hard to police myself to accept the traditions of other cultures without judging them, but in this case I may have to make an exception.
    • 5/5
      Prepare to be disturbed by the harsh reality of a woman’s life in suppressive male-dominated cultures. Shocking, appalling, and at the same time, enlightening.

    • 5/5
      Ezra, a Palestinian woman who marries Adam whose family moved to the United States when he was a boy, tries to do the things that are expected of her and protect her daughters. She lives with her husband's family and keeps the traditions of Palestine alive while dealing with Fareedsa, her mother-in-law, telling her she must give her husband sons. Under so much pressure she finally breaks and decides she must save her daughters from the same fate and she makes plans to do so.While I enjoyed this book, I was angry reading it. I was angry with Fareeda, Ezra's mother, and the culture that devalues woman and accepts the abuse by husbands and fathers. I felt anger towards Adam for not setting boundaries with his parents and spending time with his own family as well as the abuse he does to Ezra. I liked that Zara, Fareeda's only daughter, and Deaya, Ezra's oldest daughter, learn to stand up for themselves and travel different paths than their parents. I liked the strength they showed not to follow the traditions of their family and to go after what was important to them. The story is told from three points of view--Ezra, Deaya, and Fareeda. I saw events told in their eyes and could decide which version to accept. I am glad I read this though it made me angry and sad.
    • 3/5
      Told by 3 female voices, all of Palestinian origin, living in America, this is an unflinching representation of their life and culture. Fareeda & Isra were born in Palestine and travelled to the US, Fareeda with her husband to start a new life, Isra to marry Fareda's eldest son, Adam. They then had Deya, who is in her late teens in the story begins. Each woman tells her story in individual chapters, with the scene shifting from Fareeda's young married life, to Isra's marriage & Deya's teens. The story doesn't progress linearly, so you jump about between timeframes and don't hear about the early stages of Fareeda's marriage until quite late in the book. The thing that sticks out for me is how each woman wants better, for themselves, but they are trapped in a culture that doesn't allow them that freedom, and even start imposing those restrictions on the next generation. There is a sense of a vicious cycle at work here. That is what makes Sarah so interesting, she may describer herself as a coward, but she broke out of the circle. She doesn't come across as well as the other women, as her story is told second hand. Deya is tempted to follow the same path, but eventually finds her own path. It was inter4esting that Fareeda's sons also all break away from the family, in one way or another, but they are never faced with the same censure that the girls are. I found the acceptance of some pretty ropey male behaviour to be well nigh unforgivable, especially taking into account the outcome. It's an eyeopening account of a culture that oppresses women and elevates men in a way that I simply have no parallel to compare with. Isra seems to be suffering from post natal depression, and yet receives no help or support from the family, she is just further dammed by them for having borne girls - which is not something she has any control over - that's the man's sperm that indicates gender, this is Adam's failing, not hers. If I were to criticise, it is that I would want to know Sarah's story, as the first to break the cycle, she faces the harder task. It's not a book you can say is enjoyable, but neither is it one that you are able to put down. And I found the last chapter to be very strange, as it doesn't fit the facts of the story as we have discovered them so far, was that wishful thinking?
    • 5/5
      Wonderful

      This is a heartbreaking story but very necessary to be told. If you're thinking about reading it ... Do! You won't be disappointed. Thank you Etaf.
    • 3/5
      This debut novel by Etaf Rum tells the story of Palestinian immigrant women in the United States. From what I find on-line this story is quite autobiographical. Told in multiple voices by Islamic women and with different narrative voice (flashbacks), this is the story of Isra who came to the US after an arranged marriage to Adam. Isra's roots in Palestine includes violence and domestic abuse. She is hopeful that things will be better. She has several daughters in a row which results in her mother-in-laws disappointed and verbal abuse. The second story line is of Isra's daughter Deya. The women are prevented from leaving the home and mixing with American culture and the future is an arranged marriage. The story is engaging but there just isn't much there and things just repeat and repeat and there isn't much change for the characters or events. The ending is odd and did not feel at all right. The story makes negative statements about Israel without giving full details and while it isn't out right anti-semitic, it is anti Israel and fails to depict the reasons why people are in camps in Palestine. The author is first generation Palestinian American. Her parents came from a refugee camp in Palestine. She was raised traditional and entered into an arranged marriage. She did go to college after she had her children. She did not want to continue the life style of suppression for her own daughter. The title comes from her own life as she was told over and over that she could not do things because she was not a man. She also wanted to portray the strength of Arab women in running home and caring for children and wanted people to know their strength and resilience. The author is divorced. In her interview with NPR, she stated; "I don't have a sense of family, and I feel like because I stopped doing what I was supposed to do, I've let the people closest to me down, in order to achieve what I think I should be doing.".
    • 5/5
      Such a brave, powerful book written by a Palestine American young woman herself. Love is shown in many different ways... I thought I knew a lot about this subject and learned I knew next to nothing.
    • 4/5
      A Woman Is No Man, Etaf Rum, author; Ariana Delawari, Dahlia Salem, Susan Nezami, narratorsThis is a heartbreaking novel about Palestinian immigrants who have fled to America from Displaced Person Camps or Refugee Camps after they lost their homes to the Israelis when they occupied their land. The reason for the occupation and seizure of the land is never discussed. The opening statement, “I was born without a voice”, is meant to shock the reader, and it does. The story is narrated by Deya, and as she tells the story of the immigrant struggles through the plight of her mother and her family, she reveals her own difficulties and the trials of all those in her immigrant culture, all those who never feel they quite belong but long desperately to fit in and be accepted. Their hardscrabble lives that often go nowhere because of the inability of the culture to modernize, is evident. They are strangers in a strange land with a strange language and customs diametrically opposed to their own, especially those customs concerning women, for Muslim women are often treated like chattel, with the men in their lives expecting absolute obedience from them, even resorting to beating them into submission if they don’t comply. Murder is not out of the question either, for a recalcitrant female. Often the feminine culture in the home is governed by superstition and ignorance. The story begins in Palestine in 1990 and ends in Brooklyn in 2009.Arab women of Muslim backgrounds, are brought up to believe that they are nothing more than housekeepers, cooks, mothers and servants satisfying their husband’s every need. They have no need of education and certainly have no dreams or hopes of a life other than one of servitude. Should they question their position or rebel, the consequences would be severe, but modern men, those more Americanized, reject such extreme expectations of their women and allow them more freedoms. Some women are allowed to pursue education and careers. Those that adhere to the hardline ways of old, however, seem to do so because of archaic beliefs that disobeying the old rules brings dishonor and shame to the family as neighbors and friends shun them and humiliate them.When Isre was seventeen, although she did not want to marry, and truly wanted an education, her family arranged her marriage to a stranger. Her husband, Adam, took her out of Palestine to live with him in America and she was forced to abandon her family. It was expected and natural for a female to give up her own family when she married. She could not return. Adam and Isre resided in the basement of his parent’s home. It was dark and unlike the openness and brightness of her home in the place she called Palestine. The home was in Brooklyn where many other Palestinian immigrants had chosen to live. All Isre desired was to be loved and to be happy. She did her best to please her husband, frightened and lonely though she was, and soon became pregnant with their first child. Unfortunately, she turned out to be a female, followed by four more. Fareeda, Adam’s mother showed her displeasure. She was disgraced because her son could not produce a male heir to carry on the family name and to help support the parents and siblings later in life. With daughter’s in law, the work of the mother was eased, but with a son, the family was guaranteed some kind of financial security. She shamefully belittled Isre. She was often arrogant and cruel. She knew no better way to behave. She was a product of the old world.Deya. Isre’s eldest daughter, is telling this story. She like her mother, wanted more out of life, but unlike her mother, she was determined to pursue her dreams. She lived in a time of greater freedom for women, a time of greater educational opportunity and acceptance of women in the workplace, but still the old customs of her Islamic background held her back and made her fearful of defying her grandparents who were raising her according to strict Islamic laws. Her aunt Sarah, Fareeda’s only daughter, became Deya’s mentor. She had unsuccessfully attempted to influence Deya’s mother, Isre.The message of the book is manifold. It is about customs that cripple a population of immigrants with superstition, it is about civil rights for all and equal justice, it is about relationships and respect for one another, it is about the tragedy of a strict Islamic culture that supports honor killings and other barbaric behaviors, it is about the futility of putting reputation above all, rather than love and respect for each other, it is about helping each other, not abusing each other, it is about the hardscrabble lives of the immigrant and their effort to survive in a new country, it is about the difficulty of keeping their Islamic culture alive, while also forgiving the abuses of another culture that made them leave their home in the first place. It is about accepting some modern ways, about moving on to enjoy life and not continuing to nurture their resentment about the past. It is about dealing with and facing the future. The message illuminates the difficulty of maintaining their Islamic culture which is diametrically opposed to some of America’s ways, especially regarding women. It concentrates on the abuse they witness, the hardships they face, and the illiteracy that Muslim women deal with when it comes to what they can expect from life in America and in their religious life. Should they expect more freedom? Will they attain it?Although the book is not anti-Semitic per se, because it blames Israel for the plight of these suffering families, without an explanation for their expulsion from Palestine, its few harsh comments expressing anger and frustration about Israel’s behavior were so glaring and unfair, it made it impossible for me to give the book five stars. Singularly blaming only the Jewish Homeland for a conflict that has been ongoing for decades was unfair. There is plenty of blame to go around.
    • 5/5
      I think this is the saddest, most depressing book I've ever read. Isra is betrothed and married to a stranger, Adam, and leaves Palestine to live with him and his family. She bears him four daughters, which shames the family because only sons matter. Years later Isra's daughter Deya is being raised by her grandparents and expected to marry a man they choose. Chapters are told by Isra, her mother-in-law Fareed, and Deya. We come to learn of Isra's fate, as Deya struggles to stand up to her grandparents. She does not want to marry at all, at least not now. She wants to go to college. It is unheard of. She is a woman--expected to marry, keep house, and have children (preferably boys). Will she find the strength to make her own story? Could you? Could I?
    • 5/5
      4.5 stars even though it made me miserable to read about beatings, emotional abuse, and a backward culture struggling to remain Palestinian Arab while in America. The women are not to be anything but wives and mothers. The author says this is a semi autobiographical novel and growing bio she heard “a woman is no man” again and again. But we readers should note the resiliency and strength of the women.She is an excellent writer telling an excellent story. Won’t read it again.
    • 4/5
      No Woman is a Man by Etaf Rum is the story of the voicelessness and despair of several Arab women living in America. The book sheds light on the Arab culture. Women were expected to have boys because girls were looked at as a dilemma and burden, while boys were a way to secure the family lineage and keep an income. “A women’s worth is measured by house, home, marriage, motherhood.” Family reputation is everything. I was angered and saddened by this “controlling and closed cultural world” and the women who had to live this way. All the women were powerless and had no control over their lives or their fate. “Women were raised to believe they were worthless, shameful creatures who deserved to get beaten, who were made to depend on the men that beat them.”The book begins with Isra. The year is 1990. Isra is seventeen years old and is shipped off America to marry a Palestine man. She is hopeful that things will be better for her as a woman in a different country. She finds herself, “displaced from home, torn between two cultures and struggling to start anew.” She ends up being ashamed to be a woman and is even more ashamed of her pathetic weakness. Deya is one of Isra’s daughters and her story takes place in Brooklyn in 2008. Deya is a lot like her mother. “She had learned that there was a certain way she had to live, certain rules she had to follow, and that, as a woman, she would never have a legitimate claim over her own life.” Deya is at the age where it is her turn to be married. She “felt trapped by the confines of the world” and “spent her life trying to please her family, desperate for their validation and approval.” All she really wants is her freedom and the chance to find real love. “She had lived her entire life straddled between two cultures. She was neither Arab nor American. She belonged nowhere. She didn’t know who she was.” She doesn’t believe happiness is real. Fareeda, the matriarch of this family, is Isra’s mother-in-law and Deya’s grandmother. She is distraught about how her daughter Sarah is disobedient and shuns her Arab culture. Fareeda: “Hadn’t she taught them what it meant to be tough, resilient? Hadn’t she taught them what it meant to be Arab, to always put family first? She couldn’t be blamed for their weaknesses. For this country and its low morals.” Fareeda herself has come from poverty and survived an abusive father and husband. She has accepted that, “Sadness was an inescapable part of a woman’s life.”Sarah is the most outspoken of all the women. She refuses to be forced to marry someone she doesn’t love and she makes her feelings known to everyone, including her suitors. She becomes a friend and sister and a light in the dark for her sister-in-law Isra. What I loved most about this story is the role that books played in these women’s lives. Books were a comfort for loneliness. Books kept them company and made them feel alive. For Isra, books provided, “a surge of happiness.” They helped her “escape from the ordinary world.” They made her feel worthy and gave her hope. Deya said, “Books were her only reliable sense of comfort, her only hope.” “How many people were hoping to find their story inside, desperate to understand?” For all these women, it is safer for them to submit and be silent instead of standing up for themselves and fighting for what they want in the world. By the end of the book, there has been so much heartache that you can’t help but desperately want these women to find some sort of happiness. Will any of them be brave enough to fight for their happiness or will they continue to be tied down by the oppressive chains of their Arab culture?“To want what you can’t have in life is the greatest pain of all.” Loved this book and these amazing female characters.
    • 5/5
      This book quickly climbed into my favorites. Although somewhat of a disturbing peek into an Arabic marriage, seen from multiple view points. It is the story of an Arabic daughter who is desperately searching for answers about her parents, and how they died, while trying to live her own arab/American life. It is an amazing story and will grab you instantly.
    • 4/5
      Very sad story of an arab family who flees from Palestine to the U.S. the story focuses on the women of the family who are suppressed by years of duty and outdated expectations.
    • 3/5
      This book looks at the lives of three generations of Palestinian women, and questions whether their lives and opportunities have improved over time. In the present day Deya, born and raised in Brooklyn, wants to go to college, but is being forced by her grandparents into marriage. Her mother Isra was born in Palestine, but came to Brooklyn when she married. Isra died under mysterious circumstances when Deya was a young child, and Deya (and her younger sisters) have primarily been raised by Fareeda, her grandmother and Isra's mother-in-law.This was a decent look at the lives of Palestinian women, but it is way too repetitive, and needs some expert trimming by a good editor. We didn't need to hear for the umpteenth time from each of these characters that women in the Palestinian culture have no option other than marriage. And that, no matter what they must put up with and accept spousal abuse. I also got very annoyed at the blame being placed on women who had daughters rather than sons--this is the 21st century--don't they know the sex of the child is determined by the male?Nevertheless, this was a glimpse behind the curtain into a culture I don't know much about. I especially liked reading about the food.
    • 3/5
      The most difficult review of the year for me. I feel conflicted about this book. This is a multigenerational story of being a woman in a community tainted with misogynous tradition where other women are often the perpetrators of misery.

      The Good

      1. This is the kind of story that needs to be told. It must have been really hard for the author to publish this. She said she was afraid that with this book she would reinforce the stereotype about her community. However, a stereotype can be true, and if it is damaging for so many (as this one is), it needs to be called out by the members of that community. In that light, this book is important.

      2. The environment these women are confined to is very claustrophobic. Fareeda lives in Brooklyn, but she never goes out alone, even to a shop. Isra only went out on a few occasions and spends her day in her basement apartment and kitchen. Deya goes to school, but she is not allowed to even go and get groceries. The portrayal of this confined space of action is done very nicely in both actual and symbolic ways in the novel.

      The Bad

      1. The story drags on and on and on. I didn't have a problem with repetitiveness, as long as it's in the service of the narrative - there is a point in that how those suitor's visits were exactly the same for multiple generations of women. However, good editing is so important, and I found myself skipping paragraphs towards the end.

      2. Sarah - what a wasted character, who didn't really deliver. Everyt scene with her in Deya's story just dragged on and felt unfinished.

      3. Writing style - this reads as pure YA fiction. If we consider this contemporary, it is in the vein of Elif Shafak and similar authors who write in a simplistic way full of cliches in her characters and the plot. I really don't like that kind of writing, unless it is clearly under the YA label, where I can tolerate it.

      This book opens with a promise: You have never heard a story like this. This cannot be further from the truth (unless you've been living under a rock). Overall, an interesting read, but nothing we haven't seen before, and most certainly not worthy of the best books of the year lists.
    • 4/5
      Awareness is not the same as having the courage to act. This is the central theme in this debut novel about three generations of Palestinians living in America. The role of women as defined by cultural norms is at the heart of this novel. The author writes very clearly about the complexities of family, tradition, cultural pressure, and the desire to have choice. It is a compelling story with what I found to be a confusing ending. Hmmmm.
    • 5/5
      I’ve been seeing all the hype, and it deserves it all. It’s a tough read about 3 Palestinian-American women stuck in a vicious cycle of strict and abusive cultural norms . It’s hard to see the older generation of women being as much of the perpetrators through evoking shame and fear of family reputation. They tell their sons to beat their wives into obedience and tell their daughters they are a drag on their families.In a way it reminded me of the memoir Education due to the way the families walled themselves away and lived in paranoia/fear of the standard American culture. Same as Education there is hope for the girls who have the courage to break the cycle.
    • 4/5
      Taught me a lot, but contains so much sadness.
    • 5/5
      This was a very good book about a Palestinian-American family and the lives the women in it lead.

      I myself use reading to cope so I identified with Isra and Sarah's ability to find solace in reading.

      This book deals with domestic violence and the fight for women to raise their voices for what they want.