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    Denial: A Memoir of Terror
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    Denial: A Memoir of Terror
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    Denial: A Memoir of Terror
    Ebook345 pages6 hours

    Denial: A Memoir of Terror

    By Jessica Stern

    3.5/5

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    About this ebook

    “Denial is one of the most important books I have read in a decade....Brave, life-changing, and gripping as a thriller….A tour de force.”
    —Naomi Wolf

     

    One of the world’s foremost experts on terrorism and post-traumatic stress disorder, Jessica Stern has subtitled her book Denial, “A Memoir of Terror.” A brave and astonishingly frank examination of her own unsolved rape at the age of fifteen, Denial investigates how the rape and its aftermath came to shape Stern’s future and her work. The author of the New York Times Notable Book Terror in the Name of God, Jessica Stern brilliantly explores the nature of evil in an extraordinary volume that Louise Richardson, author of What Terrorists Want, calls, “Memorable, powerful and deeply courageous…a riveting read.”

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherHarperCollins
    Release dateJun 22, 2010
    ISBN9780062000118
    Author

    Jessica Stern

    Jessica Stern is a leading expert on terrorism and trauma. Stern is the coauthor with J. M. Berger of ISIS: The State of Terror and the author of Denial: A Memoir of Terror and Terror in the Name of God: Why Religious Militants Kill, selected by the New York Times as a notable book of the year. She has held fellowships awarded by the Guggenheim Foundation, the Erikson Institute, and the MacArthur Foundation. She was a Council on Foreign Relations International Affairs Fellow, a national fellow at Stanford University’s Hoover Institution, and a fellow of the World Economic Forum. Stern is a research professor at Boston University. Prior to teaching, she worked in government, serving on President Clinton’s National Security Council Staff and as an analyst at Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory.

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    Reviews for Denial

    3.5/5

    50 ratings11 reviews

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    • 3/5
      Incredible book. This is a disturbing look inside of an individual that has suffered the unthinkable and lived with it for a lifetime. The violent rape of her and her little sister has haunted Jessica her entire life and left her with questions that she is determined to find out - despite the terror and fear that tries to keep her away. The words contained in this book truly open your eyes to a world that many of us have never experienced or even think about. Pain. Shame. Hurt. Embarrassment. Fear. Terror.
      It was particularly interesting to me how she shows time and again how trauma is a chain reaction...how what happens to us as individuals will affect how we behave and treat others - with or without intention. You see this with her interview with her father and also with the stories told about the rapist. You see that the way we are treated - especially as children - mold our lives. Our experiences make us who we are and how we treat others has more effect than we might think.
      You find yourself looking into your own mind and questioning your own fears and hang-ups.
      A truly eye opening book that should be read by all.
    • 5/5
      She was raped as a young girl but grew up to be a writer and expert on terrorism. She interviewed terrorists in war zones and willingly put herself in dangerous situations. She began to realize that her emotionless reaction to danger and stress and calmness in such situations was unusual. She resisted the idea that she might have PTSD but decided to research her own rape, hoping to interview her rapist. She was able to work with one of the detectives and get records about her case, but it turned out that he was dead. But there had been at least 44 other victims. She made it a project to interview some of them, the rapist's family and people who'd known him, and her family members.Her father was a Holocaust survivor who had similar reactions to stress, and there had been a lot of secrets and stress in her family. Her mother died when she was very young, of cancer probably caused by radiation treatments her own doctor father gave her for overactive thyroid. But her mother was never spoken of in the family. She's honest and ruthless about examining her feelings: how one of her PTSD symptoms is the feeling of being hyper aware and in control during dangerous situations, which she likes. The complicated feelings about being a "victim" vs. a "survivor" and her dislike of people who seem to remain in victimhood. Her father dismissed her feelings as "candy-assed" and "navel-gazing" but I found them fascinating.
    • 3/5
      Jessica Stern seems to suffer from PTSD even though she was never in the military. Instead, the domestic front proved to be just as dangerous for her. Jessica's grandfather probably abused her--and he killed Jessica's mother by exposing her to high radiation levels from x-rays. He was a doctor, and it seems in the mid-50s it was erroneously believed that x-rays were harmless and he suspected an oversized thalmus, which he thought was dangerous, and instead the radiation led inevitably to fatal cancer. His error in judgement killed at 28. And then Jessica and her sister were raped when they were young teens. Her father was away on business at the time and didn't hurry home which made Jessica feel as if didn't care. He is a Holocaust survivor and does not believe in victim-hood. Each time he remarried however, Jessica had to bond with another mother and she became a difficult, angry, provacative teen who pushed people away with her behavior. The point of the book is that a police detective notices Jessica's rape case has never officially been solved and he takes it upon himself to do so. Jessica is both intrigued by what she learns and overwhelmed by it--she just suffers more trauma trying to understand. And she feels compelled to learn all she can about her rapist; to me this was pure masochism. The book is claustrophobic and eventually Jessica's complaints about her crippling symptoms and her problematic relationship with her father become her problem not yours. Where is her sister in all this? She experienced much of the same trauma and she is missing in action. For such an intelligent family, it seems shocking that a competent therapist does not make more of a contribution, or that medications might have made Jessica more functional and less symptom overt. She describes repetitiously the fugue states she suffers through because of her history and one hopes the book opened her up to sunshine and improved prospects. But given what she shares, it's doubtful.

      1 person found this helpful

    • 5/5
      This is so not what I thought that it was going to be and I am very happy for that. Stern is musing on denial and its effects with PTSD in rape, war and any other trauma by looking back at the trauma of her own rape and rapist. Dispassionately Passionate is the phrase that kept coming to mind while reading. She faced tough issues, but never allowed her self to get stuck down in the dirty details of them. She also tries to answer the question, why is there so much shame involved in rape and sexual abuse? If you are mugged in central park or fought in Iraq, it is openly talked about and accepted. When it comes to talking about rape, a hush falls over the room and people scurry away uncomfortably.

      So many memoirs written about rape end up traumatizing the writer and the reader all over again. By confronting this denial, Stern is opening the doors to healing and acceptance. Wonderful book!

      1 person found this helpful

    • 4/5
      This book gives truth to the fact that the things we suppress do not go away and investigating them brings only so much resolution. Jessica Stern is the bravest woman I have ever read because she dared to look at her frightening experience and bring it to light even years later. I'm very glad I read this book.

      1 person found this helpful

    • 4/5
      Stern's book is a biography of sorts. It details her history as a victim of various types of sexual trauma and her ability to deny or disassociate from that trauma and work as an interviewer of terrorists around the world. I wouldn't say it was a fun read but it was an interesting one. I can't think of another book to which I would compare it. It was very straightforward about horrendous acts of abuse and rape suffered by the author, but, even in its straightforwardness, there is further demonstration of her PTSD and disassociation from the events themselves. In some ways, in order to have any sense of clarity one would have to have the ability to distance themselves from horrible events; she has the ability in spades. She does make clear, though, that even the ability to deny events is not without consequence.
    • 4/5
      Although it is written in sparse readable prose and is highly intelligent and insightful, this is neither a pleasant nor a brutal read. Ms. Stern, an expert in terrorism, uncovers the source of her own terror - her childhood rape and its consequences. With the help of police, FBI contacts, and friends, Ms. Stern dares to delve into the life of her rapist - that unknown person who so affected her life. In doing so she is forced to consider how wide-ranging the after effects, how much of what she is good at and what she chooses to research is related to these effects, and ultimately to begin to confront her own anger and damage.The thing I liked most about this book was its rawness. Ms. Stern is at the very beginning of understanding and facing what happened and is unafraid to display the raw anger that churns inside of her. I respected her refusal to be a stereotypical victim - trembling and cowed, always broken never to be repaired. Instead she takes hold of the event and its inherent complications, learns as much as she can, and honestly displays her emotions - rage, sadness, fear, bewilderment, compassion, and more rage. So often women deny themselves the full range of emotions, squishing themselves into the accepted. Ms. Stern isn't interested in the acceptable.As Faulkner said, "The past is never dead. It's not even past." This is a terrible thing to face head on. All the happenings in our lives, even the most horrible, are still right there, just under the surface, waiting to re-emerge. Ms. Stern accomplishes this with grace and an eye toward facing it all down, no matter how frightening.There are places in this book that are strangely detached in that dissociative way so familiar to anyone who has experienced trauma. I can think of no better way to express the way PTSD moves through the brain and manifests itself to the external world.Even better is Ms. Stern's acknowledgment of this dissociative feeling and the way it made it possible for her to do the work she has done - interviewing thousands of terrorists in dangerous places all over the world to better understand what drives them. Her willingness to explore the ways she has coped and turned certain aspects of PTSD to her professional advantage is particularly insightful and brave. We should learn from bad things, but so often the positive learnings are never expressed.Altogether a remarkable book and worthwhile read.
    • 2/5
      Jessica Stern is a specialist on terrorism and author of several books. This book, however, is her personal story of her rape and it's aftermath.First off, sexual abuse is a horrific crime and I am in no way trying to judge the author for her response to what happened to her. Everyone reacts to trauma differently in the best way they can. That being said, I got the feeling at first that the author still had not actually sat down and really dealt with what had happened to her. She kept saying "I will feel about this later" but later never came. She is raw in her emotion, or lack of, that is is hard to put yourself in her position and try to feel what she is feeling. It is like she is saying the words but she does not connect with them. I was relieved to read that by the end of the book she is starting to open up and is finally beginning to understand what has happened to her and is making steps to heal.My biggest issue with this book has nothing to do with writing style or anything about her skills. It is her father, and the need to please him. Even though she took notes when talking to her father and only repeated what he himself had said, he makes her go back and change things because he does not like how he sounds. Yet even though she doesn't change the dialogue, she describes hiking trips as if they were wonderful, when in previous chapters she has expressed her hatred for them. She makes a point to let us know that yes she loves her father, and she makes it often as if she is the one who needs reassuring. The author also comes across has having a "I'm better than you" feeling when she describes being a victim. She refuses to see herself as a victim, even though she is in fact a victim and dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder. Many times she says how repulsed she is with people who see themselves as victims and have a hard time getting on with their lives when that is in fact what she herself is going through. Denial is definitely the appropriate title for this book. That being said, I still found this to be an interesting read. It was fascinating to watch the author go from complete denial about what happened to her to finally accepting that she may need help to deal and move on. I hope this books helps others recognize the signs of post traumatic stress disorder and get the help they need as well.
    • 4/5
      Jessica Stern has been studying the causes of violence for the past two decades. She often wondered why she could study such a horrid subject without being affected in some way. Perhaps it is due to that one event that forever changed her life, the night of October 1, 1973.Jessica was just fifteen years old, her sister just a year younger, when they were raped. When they reported it to the police they weren’t taken seriously. The police believed they knew their attacker and were too afraid or ashamed to admit to it."The story turned out to be much bigger than the rape of two girls. It seemed as if the entire community was in denial. The police had not properly investigated the crime. They gave up quickly…rape at gunpoint was unimaginable in Concord, Massachusetts in 1973. Denial, I would learn, is immensely seductive. It is irresistible for bystanders who want to get on with their lives. In the moment of terror, denial and dissociation are life-preserving for the victim…in this case, the denial of our community resulted in many additional child rapes-at least forty-four-and the suicide of at least one of the victims."All these years later, Jessica does what the police didn’t do at the time, she reads the police reports, investigates her own unsolved rape and uncovers years of buried trauma and denial. With the help of a local police Lieutenant, Jessica was able to discover the identity of her rapist, a man who raped at least forty-four girls in Massachusetts in a three year time-frame in the early 1970s. Unfortunately, this man, Brian Beat, killed himself years before Jessica began her investigationDenial: A Memoir of Terror is a very intimate look at one victim’s search for knowledge, for truth. Jessica doesn’t hold anything back, each detail of that horrendous crime is clearly laid out. It is for this reason I say it’s difficult to enjoy reading a book on this topic, but I definitely think I gained a lot by reading it. As a criminal justice/psych major, I too was interested in learning more about what causes crime and violence. I learned a lot about the criminal but never very much about the victim. It was interesting to read about how one event, granted one very big life-altering event, could forever change the life of one young girl. The way she behaved, the occupation she chose, all were in response to this attack. I was infuriated to learn just how many rapes could have been prevented had the police investigated more, had the town wiped away the cover of denial.I wouldn’t recommend this book to everyone due to its subject matter. However, I do think it is an important book to read. It’s not only a book about a rape, but one about self-discovery and awareness. If I had to mention one thing I didn’t like it would have to be the repetitiveness. Some scenes, thoughts, etc. were relayed over and over again. Perhaps this was in an attempt to drive that particular thought or action home, but instead I found myself skimming these parts, skipping ahead in the book. That said, this only occurred a few times, it certainly didn’t take away from the impact this book had on me. Highly recommended.
    • 5/5
      From My Blog...Denial: A Memoir of Terror by Jessica Stern is a deeply personal, raw, and profound look at the effects trauma has on an individual, the lengths one's brain will go to, to protect itself, and the damages stemming from denial. As my reader's know, I am a fan of memoirs, it is one of my most favourite genres and I have read my fair share of memoirs and this is the first memoir that is so honestly fresh, raw and written in a flawed manner that one gets the impression the reader is personally hearing Jessica talk about her life.In 1973 two sisters, 15-year-old Jessica and 14-year-old Sara were raped at gunpoint by an unknown assailant, the search for the rapist was dropped after 4 months. Each sister responded differently and Jessica believed it helped to make her focused and strong, skills that make her excel at her job investigating terrorists. Jessica learns many of her behaviours are most likely results of post-traumatic stress disorder, at the very least trauma. In 1996, Jessica was contacted by Lt. Macone to notify her he was reopening the case and could use her help if she was able. Stern writes about the process and her desire to interrogate her rapist, she wants to understand her rapist. In the process she learns the strong father she idolised was a terrorised child in Nazi Germany who has lived with his fears his whole life, even after escaping Germany.The further she investigates the more she remembers and the more she learns about the processes of disassociation as well as how to begin to feel again. Denial is a work of love, healing, and tremendous strength and courage. Stern brings to the public what it is like first hand to be a victim and how one's life can be forever changed. The writing is at times cold and detached as one may expect and it is through Stern's honest account that her raw writing style makes Denial the most astonishingly profound memoir I have read to date. Without reservation I recommend Denial by Jessica Stern to any adult reader
    • 5/5
      In 1973 15 year old Jessica Stern and her 14 year old sister encounter a man in their step-mother's house. he is armed with a gun. He rapes them both threatening to kill them if they don't comply or if they say anthing. Fast forward several years and we find Jessica is now a successful expert on terrorists and terrorism. She finds that the things that should terrify her don't and simple things do. She makes a decision to find out why. It is during this exploration she goes back to the files on her rape. The case is re-opened and she faces many people she has trusted in her life to help her find the answers. She discovers things about her father that may explain why he did not return immediately from a trip to Europe after finding out about his daughters. He completed his business and then returned. For me this was a tough book to read. In her chapter called Denial she talks about being victimized over and over by those who are skeptical about events. I don't believe people willingly do this but it causes further damage none the less. The victim is then force to react in a way where they shut down emotions, pretend events never happened or they themselves re-victimize themselves by the choices they make. I think anyone who has ever suffered any type of trauma, whether it is the loss of a family member, a form of abuse or whatever should read this book. I thought of my cousins daughter who was involved in a terrible accident with her family. Her baby was killed, the oldest suffered permanent brain damage. Her husband wanted her to just wanted her to get over the accident and move on. They weren't his children. His ex-wife didn't understand "what the big-deal was the kid was dead just move on", yet told her what she would have done if her kids had been in the car and been injured. Her ex-husband stole money the community was raising for the oldest kids hospital bills. One person after another took the opportunity to kick her when she was down and then when she finally fell apart and became suicidal they said they couldn't understand what happened. We all find ways to deal with our trauma. Some of us try to handle it ourselves or seek counseling. Others take it out on themselves or those around. Maybe if this book had been around they would have handled things differently.