Everand Logo

Welcome to Everand!

  • Discover millions of ebooks, audiobooks, and so much more with a free trial

    Only $11.99/month after trial. Cancel anytime.

    Unavailable
    Bite Me: A Love Story
    Unavailable
    Bite Me: A Love Story
    Unavailable
    Bite Me: A Love Story
    Ebook293 pages4 hours

    Bite Me: A Love Story

    By Christopher Moore

    4/5

    ()

    Currently unavailable

    Currently unavailable

    Listen to the audiobook instead

    About this ebook

    “Christopher Moore is a very sick man, in the very best sense of the word.”

    —Carl Hiaasen

     

    The undead rise again in Bite Me, the third book in New York Times bestselling author Christopher Moore’s wonderfully twisted vampire saga. Joining  his farcical gems Bloodsucking Fiends and You Suck, Moore’s latest in continuing story of young, urban, nosferatu style love, is no Twilight—but rather a tsunami of the irresistible outrageousness that has earned him the appellation, “Stephen King with a whoopee cushion and a double-espresso imagination” from the Atlanta Journal-Constitution and inspired Denver’s Rocky Mountain News to declare him, “the 21st century’s best satirist.”

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherHarperCollins
    Release dateMar 23, 2010
    ISBN9780061986161
    Author

    Christopher Moore

    Christopher Moore is the author of seventeen previous novels, including Shakespeare for Squirrels, Noir, Secondhand Souls, Sacré Bleu, Fool, and Lamb. He lives in San Francisco, California.

    Read more from Christopher Moore

    Related to Bite Me

    Related ebooks

    Related podcast episodes

    Related articles

    Reviews for Bite Me

    4/5

    739 ratings62 reviews

    What did you think?

    Tap to rate

    Review must be at least 10 words

    • 4/5
      This reminded me why I enjoy Christopher Moore so much. The story fit within his established world, and it was funny and light. He took the genre, played with its tropes, and still found fresh angles of story telling.
    • 4/5
      Best recap ever in a book :) How to explain - its fun exciting, gets valley/goth girl perfectly, and text messaging! Lovely Lovely book! And, the ending is perfect - its not very often when I read a book where the ending doesn't disappoint at least a little...I think this book is even better than Bloodsucking Fiends!My only complaint- the cover is aimed at the chick lit crowd, and so is the blurb by Charlene Harris. This isn't a chick lit book - and I hope that no no new readers will be turned off by the cover.
    • 3/5
      And so endeth Christopher Moore’s vampire romance...but not before a few bridges, and quite a few undead, are burned.I started listening to the audio of Bite Me: A Love Story just a couple of days after finishing its predecessor, You Suck (also a Love Story). Part of the rush was some eagerness to continue the story, but there was also a desire to replicate the experience - You Suck was a really FUN listen. Perhaps I should have waited a little longer. Or perhaps Bite Me just wasn’t quite as satisfying.Abby meant well when she imprisoned vampires Jody and Tommy in a bronze shell during their daytime death phase; she thought it might prevent an ugly breakup. Abby’s science-geek boyfriend Steve had devised a serum that could restore humanity to vampires, and the couple were in disagreement about whether to take it. However, in order to test the cure, Steve also had to devise a formula to induce vampirism...and our little Goth girl’s dying to get some of that. Meanwhile, vampires on four legs, made the old-fashioned way, are terrorizing San Francisco.There’s no shortage of plot contortions in Bite Me; those go with Moore’s territory. But there is a shortage of Tommy and Jody, both separately and together, and as they’re a couple of my favorite characters, I missed them. On the other hand, there’s a bit too much of Abby. I live with a sixteen-year-old perky Goth girl myself, so I like the idea of Abby’s character (although Kate’s more “Goth lite,” and a lot smarter than Abby), but I think I prefer her as a side dish rather than the main course. Susan Bennett once again got her voice just right, and was consistent in her other characterizations as well; appropriately, she has a “performed by” rather than a “read by” credit for her rendition of the novel. I just didn’t feel the material she had to perform was as strong as it was in You Suck. For me, Bite Me dragged in spots and went on a bit longer than it had to, and it wasn’t as consistently funny - although, being a Christopher Moore novel, it definitely had its moments. In the end, I was mostly content with the way Moore ended his Love Story trilogy, and I’m glad I “read” it on audio - but I’m ready to say goodbye to the Vampires of San Francisco.
    • 5/5
      Hilarious, but isn't Moore always funny? I'll definitely be reading this book again in the near future.
    • 5/5
      Third book of Moore's vampire trilogy. The city where Abby lives is in danger because of a horde of..... vampire cats. Yes, they are a real danger, so Abby, Jody and Tommy have to be tough (rarely succeeded) because everything is upside down.... as it's usual in a Christopher Moore book. Maybe the best of the trilogy....
    • 4/5
      The first in a (so far) 3 part story that just makes you laugh. I can't really say anything other this autor just makes me freaking laugh with EVERY book so far.
    • 3/5
      I am not a fan of vampire fiction but I thought a book by Christopher Moore would probably be funny at least. Bite Me delivers a few chuckles certainly. However, it is still about vampires and not my cup of tea.The story is set in San Francisco. It is told from the point of view of a number of people but the chief protagonist calls herself Abby Normal and her part of the story is told in the first person. The fact that she is a teenager in California with a goth persona is revealed by her sentence structure which is full of "like" "all" "whatever" "'Kayso" etc. I got tired very quickly of this. Abby is a minion to two vampires, Jody and Tommy, and she has a boyfriend, Foo, who is working on his master's degree in biochemistry. (Incidentally, Foo seems like a really smart guy but he was not thinking with his brain when he hooked up with Abby.) Jody was made a vampire by a really old vampire who sailed into the San Francisco harbour on his yacht. Jody then turned Tommy and they fell in love. The old vampire created more vampires, including a homeless guy's cat, before being rescued and removed by some of his coherts. The resulting plague of vampires is sweeping through San Francisco and two homicide cops, Rivera and Cavuto, are trying to contain it. Foo has developed a way to reverse the vampirism and also has invented some jackets with LED lights that will kill them. There is also a Japanese print maker who manages to kill some with a sword. However, it looks like the vampires, especially the vampire cats, might win out.One of the cutest bits involves the Chinese grandmother who passes on her recipe for vampire fighting tea. I also liked the Emperor of San Francisco and his two dogs (or his men as he calls them). And then there was the blonde Rastafarian yacht captain...It is Christopher Moore after all so there is lots to enjoy.
    • 4/5
      Vampire cats? San Francisco? Inept cops? A Honda full of rats? What more could you want? Oh, yeah, there were also a few parrots a sword swinging artist, the Emperor of SF, and, like, a teenage wannabe vampire.This was my "Blind Date With a Book" from my local library and a fine date it was.
    • 4/5
      Christopher Moore, even at his most mundane, is more fun than 90% of the authors you will read. Bite Me is not mundane. Maybe not one of his top works (very often, when he returns to his vampire works, it feels like “oh, time to throw another one out”). But still that touch of insanity that Moore’s readers come to expect.This is the third book in his vampire “love story” series (the first to being Bloodsucking Fiends: A Love Story and You Suck: A Love Story), you don’t have to read the others to catch up to what is going on here. (But, seriously, why wouldn’t you. You can’t go wrong reading a Moore book, so go read them. But I digress.) There is a girl who wants to be a vampire. Some vampires who have been trapped in time. Good vampires. Bad vampires. Nobody sparkles (requisite comment for any review of a vampire book these days). Hordes of vampire cats. Lots of blood. And verbal skewering of the life we have come to accept as normal.As fun as any of his other works. And just as entertaining. And just a little warped – which, again, readers have come to expect.
    • 5/5
      love this book, very funny as usual! The third one in the series about Jodi, Tommy, and Abby Normal plus a wide variety of other interesting characters to provide entertainment.
    • 4/5
      Moore has wrapped up his trilogy in fine fashion. As before, the star here really is Abby Normal, whose voice cuts through everything else. Especially entertaining is her quest to become "Nosferatu" — much more entertaining than chasing herds of vampyre cats around the city. I also enjoyed the mysterious orange-socked samurai. Not quite as entertaining was anything that had to do with Cavuto, Rivera, or the Animals. But, I can sit through periods of slow stuff as long as I know there’s more of Abby’s narration around the corner.
    • 4/5
      The love story continues in the sequel to Blood Sucking Fiends and You Suck. This time the story is told from the POV of Abby Normal the teenage Goth chick with a slight attitude. As always the characters are engaging and the book is an overall fun read. This volume not only contains vampires but also vampire cats! Where else but from the mind of Christopher Moore could you get a feline (with 9 lives to begin with) becomes part of the undead world? It was a pleasure to continue the journey with the characters I have come to know so well, definitely a fun read.
    • 3/5
      I have, of course, gone on record as not being the world's biggest vampire fan. I prefer characters not potentially vanting to suck my blood. But, as I have also noted before, I do love Christopher Moore's warped (or should that be varped) sense of humor and so I dip into the world of the undead for him. Unfortunately, this third and final installment in his vampite trilogy didn't live up to the other two for me. Because it is Moore, it is still funny but it pales in comparison to Bloodsucking Fiends and doesn't quite reach the heights of the middling funny of You Suck, the previous two books.Picking up where You Suck left off, Abby Normal, Jody and Tommy's minion, has trapped our intrepid vampires in bronze statues (aptly modeled after Rodin's The Kiss). But while Jody and Tommy are out of commission, a new threat crops up, requiring Abby and her new boyfriend to take on a blue whore vampire, the Animals, and Chet the Bald Vampire Kitty who is turning all the cats in San Francisco and busily stalking human prey. Sounds crazy, doesn't it? That just makes it a typical Christopher Moore story. Somehow he manages to take completely disparate plot lines, even wacko plot lines, and weave them together so that they not only work but that they make the reader giggle.Abby Normal is a major focus in this third book of the trilogy and that was a bit of a problem for me since I didn't love Abby in the previous book and found nothing here to change my mind. She is an annoying and ridiculous character and in a book full of entertaining zanies, that is a distinct handicap. I winced each time I turned the page and was faced with her journal (narrated in her own unique voice, a strange combination of goth and bubble-gum) or her over the top adolescent shenanigans, especially when in the company of her boyfriend. However, given that it was Moore and that I wanted to know what happened to the rest of the crazy characters and whether or not they would be successful in their quest to save San Francisco from the hordes of the undead, I soldiered on with the book. I even chuckled a time or two.I'm sure that my high expectations for Moore's work made this perfectly adequate book feel more disappointing than it otherwise would have been. This is probably really only of interest to established Moore fans or those who have already started the trilogy and want to follow it through to the end. Don't make this book your first ride at Christopher Moore's carnival. It's not a bad book, it's just not one of his best. And his best, let me tell you, they are worth the price of admission.
    • 5/5
      A proper review to follow, but for now - I loved the book. I felt that it was a fitting end to the series, and I'm looking forward to hearing what the author guy himself has to say about it.
    • 3/5
      When we last left the young Goth girl, want-to-be vampire, Abby Normal, in Christopher Moore's "Blood Sucking Fiends" series, she has bronzed the vampire she serves, the recently turned Jody and her sired lover, Tommy while they slept and the Animals, Safeway's night shelf stocking crew's vampirism has been cured. As this novel opens Jody has escaped her bronze prison by turning into mist leaving Tommy who has yet learned this trick. A large, hairless and vampire cat named Chet is draining the homeless population of San Francisco of blood while also leaving a mischief of vampire rats in his wake. If matters can't become worse, a trio of ancient vampires, like the one who turned Jody, are attempting to eradicate any evidence of their existence by killing all who have been turned by their now deceased member. If my summary finds yourself scratching your head in confusion or chuckling to yourself, welcome to Christopher Moore's wacky world.
    • 2/5
      As the third book in this series, Bite Me, simply does not live up to the standards set by its predecessors. A considerable chunk of the character's time is spent trying to find one another, Jody trying to find Tommy, Tommy trying to find Jody, Abby trying to find either or both of them. This does little to enhance the plot and seems to be used more as a device to show the passage of time. When they finally did find one another, the characters were flat and boring. I missed the banter that left me laughing out loud in the previous novels. I was disappointed by the lack of interaction between the main characters as well as the lack of time spent with minor, but interesting, characters like the Animals and the Emperor. These characters had been points of hilarity and insanity earlier in the series, but, in this book, seem tired and bored. Overall I was disappointed to see the series end this way. If you are a fan of Christopher Moore, then by all means, venture into this book in order to see how the characters fare. But, if you are choosing just one of his books to try, may I recommend Lamb or A Dirty Job instead. Either of these novels will show Moore in a much better light.
    • 4/5
      Liked this better than the second in the series, and maybe even better than the first.
    • 2/5
      In this third installation to his vampire series (following Bloodsucking Fiends and You Suck) Moore wraps up the story of Jody and Tommy, the young couple who have become San Francisco’s newest vampires. In this novel, however, they are not alone, because the city’s population of undead is increasing rapidly. Chet, the fat, shaved cat, returns to roam the streets as the first vampire kitty. He’s got the bloodlust of Jody and Tommy, but none of the conscience to prevent him from infecting anything in his path. Soon the city is overrun with bloodsucking felines and it’s up to Jody, Tommy, teenage goth girl Abby Normal, her scientist boyfriend, Steve, and of course The Emperor of San Francisco to stop them. Fans of Moore will find Bite Me as hilarious and touching as all his other novels and will be delighted to revisit some of their favorite characters, but may be disappointed at the quality of the plot. While the author’s quirkiness and unique storylines are what attract many of his readers, this novel goes a bit too far and almost crosses the line into ridiculous. This book would be best for diehard fans of Christopher Moore, rather than first time readers, who may find it quite bizarre.
    • 4/5
      This one was pretty hilarious. I found Abby to be a little annoying in the second book but in this one I adored her. It was a great mix of funny, snarky, sarcastic and vampirey.
    • 5/5
      This was cool. I do wish that there was more to the end though, It would have been nice to see what exactly happened to Jody. I hope that there are further stories for this series, as I enjoyed every word written by the author. The books were just the right size and were packed with action and tons of comedy. Truly enjoyed them all.
    • 4/5
      Vampire kitties. Narrated by Abby Normal.

      I loved this book. It may be because I read #1 and #2 in the wrong order, but I like this one the best of the three books. This little set of vampire books beats the hell out of most pop-culture vampire stuff and is a hell of a lot of fun. Moore doesn't disappoint with lots of laugh out loud moments and utter absurdity.

      I listened to these books, and I am so pleased that all three have the same awesome narrator. She really brings life to the characters and I think a lot of the funnier moments were made better by her characterization of the people in the book (particularly Marvin and Abby Normal).

      And just as a total aside (and thanks to my career field), I've spent entirely too much time thinking about the husbandry of vampire (research) rats. Thanks, Christopher Moore, - I needed that.
    • 4/5
      It is impossible for me to turn aside a book about an enormous vampire cat stalking San Francisco, turning other kitties into vampires, turning rats and mice into vampires, and all of them chowing down on the homeless population. Add into the mix Abby Normal, Foo Dog, Jared, and the Animals - hapless teenagers serving as the wayward minions of two vampire lovers - and one sad samurai in orange knickerbockers and I'm all set. The homeless guy and former owner of said cat with the sign that reads: I'M HOMELESS. MY CAT IS HUGE. - that's bonus.I will admit that after the first few pages of this book I stopped and flipped through to make sure that I wasn't going to have read teen speak throughout the entire book - amusing though it was for a few pages I didn't think I could take it for hundreds. Fortunately that is interspersed with other kinds of language, much of it so funny that I ended up reading portions aloud to my husband and we both laughed until we cried, rolling around on the bed giggling with our cat looking at us like we were out of our minds.I haven't read the other two books, but I will (and this was great fun even without them). Funny, well-written, and so spot on about the Bay Area that I recognized various characters immediately from my daily BART rides. I couldn't help but think of the Tales of the City series by Armistead Maupin, not because the subject matter is similar, but because both sets of books capture something essential about the Bay Area of their individual times. Read this book!
    • 5/5
      Bite Me was a hilarious and quick read. Moore fleshes out the vampire mythology further, but that is really second to the interaction of his off-the-wall characters. Chet makes an excellent antagonist, and I really enjoy how outside characters that try and force themselves into the story (the three vampire disciples) find themselves completely unprepared for the insanity of these people.I actually found myself enjoying the old characters (Jody, Tommy, the Mayor, the cops) quite a bit less than the new stars of the story - Foo Dog, the corpse sniffing dog, Chet, the Chinese grandmother. They're all great fun to read, and they fit perfectly into Moore's world. I also enjoyed the quick cameo by the daughter from "A Dirty Job" - I hope we get another story out of her next.The book ends on a satisfying note and quite neatly wraps up the vampire infection so that the next time we find ourselves in San Francisco it will be nosferatu-free. However, lament that this might be the end of the road for many of our characters (relegating them to quick cameos in future SF books).
    • 4/5
      2 words that describe the book: Vampire comedy3 settings where it took place or characters you met:* Setting: Modern Day San Francisco* Abby Normal, my favorite Goth pixie with a gutter mouth, an attitude and a keen desire to become Nosferatu--a wish that is finally granted with unexpected consequences (like a rat tail). Her hilarious diary entries give this book its sass and hilarity. Her foul-mouthed Valley Girl text language and outsized ego totally made this book for me.* Lord Flood and the Countess (aka Tommy and Jody), who were the primary subjects of the first two books, Bloodsucking Fiends and You Suck. Although their roles are somewhat reduced as Abby takes center stage, it was fun to see my favorite vampires again ... along with other familiar characters like the Animals (now experienced vampire fighters after being vampires themselves), Detectives Riviera and Cavuto, and The Emperor and his "men." I loved how Moore brings back Chet, the giant shaved cat who was accidentally turned into a vampire in You Suck, who becomes the creator of an army of vampire cats that terrorize San Francisco.4 Things you liked and/or disliked about it:* I liked how Moore has fun with vampires. From introducing a new set of "old"vampires who have come to clean up Elijah Ben Sapir's mess (one of them is named Bella; I refuse to believe this was accidental on Moore's part) to a foul-mouthed, ass-kicking Chinese grandmother who arms the Animals with Super Soakers filled with a vampire cat killing herb concoction to a sword-fighting old man who nurses a burnt Jody back to life, Moore just romps around having fun like a kid in toy store.* I liked how Moore wrote from the point of view of the Emperor's dogs (Lazarus and Bummer) and Martin (the cadaver dog who helps Riviera and Cavuto but is a bit confused by the smell of the "undead"). These views into the dog mindset were hilarious, especially when Martin grows increasingly peeved by the lack of biscuits being given to him.* I liked how fast-paced this book was ... it just flew by, which brings me to the one thing I disliked about the book.* I disliked that this is the last book in Moore's vampire trilogy. (But maybe he had so much fun writing this that he'll revisit these characters just one last time. One can hope.)5 Stars or less for your rating?I'm giving the book 4 stars. I'm a huge fan of Christopher Moore, and this series of books was terrific fun. If you like your vampire books filled with attitude, irreverence and laugh-out-loud moments, this is the series for you.
    • 4/5
      As usual, Christopher Moore is equal parts funny and dramatic. The scene in which Jody breaks Tommy from the statue is pretty edge-of-your-seat, and the subsequent scenes that follow Tommy and Jody while they are apart brought a few sniffles. Just like book 3, I couldn't warm up to Abby, even though the scenes in which she became a vampire (and after) were pretty hilarious. I'm lukewarm about the ending. It was sad, but at the same time I thought that Jody and Tommy following their separate paths was a fitting finish, even if it was hinted that Tommy and Abby ended up together (blech.)

      One more thing -- every scene in which Jared was with the two cops was pure gold.
    • 5/5
      Loved this. Abby Normal the minion of the vampire mistress is back at it. This one has Abby actually turning into a vampire herself but with a tail. Yes a tail. There are also vampire cats in this one. Funny in parts and a very fun read. Is written through the voice of various characters in the book, Abby, The Animals, as well as Foo and Jody.
    • 3/5
      SPOILER (without details) Loved the whole book RIGHT TILL THE END...then it went downhill. I'm all for twists but the end of this book just made me feel like I had spent all my time getting invested in this series for it to all be thrown out and to start back at page one. It was still very entertaining though.
    • 4/5
      I really liked this book. I was even more thrilled that it held my attention through over 2 months of not having my kindle to finish reading it.The story was great and Moore's characters were entertaining as always. If you are up for a good laugh you should read this.
    • 4/5
      For Halloween this year, I went as a bad standup-comedian vampire. I wrote some jokes that followed typical standup subject matter but entirely without punch lines. My style was Steven Wright minus the payoff. I dressed as a vampire, wore realistic fangs, too, and performed the routine at two parties with a plant in the audience each time directed to shout, after four jokes, “You suck!!!”

      I killed.

      Hahahah. Well, I kill me, anyway.

      So a while back a friend loaned me the novel, You Suck because he said it was hilarious. When I realized it was part two of a trilogy, the OCD completist in me couldn’t read it without buying part one Bloodsucking Fiends and part three Bite Me. This review will cover all three installments.

      All three books have a delightfully whimsical, campy quality. Occasionally, there are moments of pseudo-profound introspection, but these are some of the least satisfying elements in the books. The Vampire Trilogy, as Moore calls it, at its finest puts a few hilarious characters in embarrassing situations. And he’s got some brilliant lines sprinkled throughout to season the meal.

      Bloodsucking Fiends is by far the least funny and least satisfying of the three. I would describe it as fun without being all that funny. There were several plot twists, especially toward the end, that were quite unconvincing. I also found one of the two main characters, the 19-year old writer wannabe, to be rather annoying and far too naïve-country-boy-comes-to-big-city while the other main character was a bit too bland. Nonetheless, Moore sustained my interest through a barreling plot and amusing characters. I was definitely a bit disappointed and almost didn’t continue, but the OCD side took control, and I’m glad it did.

      You Suck upped the hilarity quotient exceedingly through the introduction of two characters of comedic brilliance, the sick-and-twisted, uber-snarky goth girl Abby Normal (I wonder if Moore stole that name from Young Frankenstein. Or more accurately, did the character steal it because her “real” name is Allison Green while Abigail von Normal is her goth name) and her gay goth bff Jared. Apparently, Abby has a small role in one of Moore’s other novels, but she becomes much more significant in You Suck, and Bite Me is really more of her novel than the two hero vampires, Tommy and Jody. Good call, I say. because she is way damn funnier and smarter than either of them. She really steals the show with her wit and attitude. I could read Abby Normal all day.

      I wouldn’t be surprised to see these novels as movies some day. The late-shift supermarket stockers/vampire-hunting stoners featured practically beg for a screenplay to be written for them. And surely some starlet needs to be Abby Normal in order to break from her goody-two-shoes casting. And plus … vampires. Nobody’s done a good vampire comedy since Love at First … okay, since ever. This could work.

      Occasionally, the plot seems to get away from Moore and it requires more exposition than it should, but when he focuses on character, the story kills. Overall, worth reading … good comedy is bloody hard to do.
    • 4/5
      It rocked my stripey socks! Read it, the stripey socks reference will become clear. :)