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Love Letters
Love Letters
Love Letters
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Love Letters

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This book is proof that love conquers all. In its pages is a record of a young couple in love and their dreams, aspirations and devotion - not just for each other, but also for God whom they both loved with a passion and wholeheartedly desired to serve.
In 1949, after meeting and falling in love, Effie and John’s romance was put to the test with John residing and studying at the then Melbourne Bible Institute, while Effie lived in Sydney, completing her studies at the Sydney Missionary and Bible College.
Reproduced in this book are the love letters that kept their romance alive. Sixty years ago, letters were the only way of communicating thoughts, feelings, dreams and experiences, and Effie and John became experts at this. So much so that their love letters have been kept and treasured for over half a century. Their love stayed true and this book is their tribute to each other and to the good and perfect will of God.

LanguageEnglish
PublisherReadOnTime BV
Release dateDec 9, 2012
ISBN9781921681202
Love Letters
Author

Effie Munday

Effie Munday lives quietly in her retirement village unit located in Brisbane, Queensland, Australia. She has always been a writer and now in her golden years, she is proudly the published author of Called to Freedom, My Irish Ancestors, Path Light at My Feet, with more books in the pipeline.

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    Love Letters - Effie Munday

    Love Letters

    Effie Munday

    Smashwords Edition

    Love Letters

    Copyright © 2012 Effie Munday

    (2nd Edition. ‘Two Hearts’ Quest – Mid-Century Letters’ was the title of the 1st Edition.)

    All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

    The information, views, opinions and visuals expressed in this publication are solely those of the author(s) and do not reflect those of the publisher. The publisher disclaims any liabilities or responsibilities whatsoever for any damages, libel or liabilities arising directly or indirectly from the contents of this publication.

    A copy of this publication can be found in the National Library of Australia.

    ISBN: 978-1-921681-20-2 (pbk.)

    Published by Book Pal

    www.bookpal.com.au

    Acknowledgments

    I acknowledge with affection and deep appreciation the sterling qualities of caring and personal support on the part of Jenny Wilson who for over four years has led me along with her unique style of encouragement and direction. Her guidance at the helm has brought to pass not only the publication of my two novels, ‘Called to Freedom’ and ‘My Irish Ancestors’, but this reprint of ‘Love Letters’ as well as ‘Path Light at My Feet’.

    As a writer I have need and much use of imagination; but at my age (88 at the time of publication), I could never have fancied this coming to pass! Moreover, Jenny has spurred me on to bring into being yet another book of non-fiction: ‘Recollections & Collections – The Journey of a Kingdom Writer’ and one of short stories: ‘A Most Unusual Era’. With her expectations of me, how can I not seek to rise to the challenge?

    Likewise, I state here my gratitude and indebtedness to Gladys Siu, who has been so generous in making herself available to me many cried for help with computer difficulties.

    Thank you Jenny,

    Thank you Gladys.

    Preface

    With this 2nd Edition now titled ‘Love Letters’ I happily share again John’s and my letters of the mid-20th century and testify to the spiritual refreshing my re-edit gave! Without a doubt truths learned and applied long ago, are as new now, as then.

    Lovers never imagine themselves publishing letters that pass between them and many couples don’t keep theirs, especially if constant moving has been their lifestyle, as ours was.

    These letters are not all that passed between us at SMBC (Sydney Missionary and Bible College) and MBI (Melbourne Bible Institute) in the ‘heady’ days of ‘49-50, nor are these that are shared an unexpurgated version. Numerous as the terms of endearment may seem to be, along with much exuberant use of detail, in deference to the sensibilities of our readers, many endearments and much detail was deleted. Yet most of the body of writing is here laid bare, and what it conveys is happily shared, to trace the beginning journey of our personal spiritual development, our love and service for God, and love for each other. To Him we give thanks and praise.

    Sometimes, the atmosphere of Bible College life may seem overly pious, even unreal, yet in retrospect this focus is acknowledged as the foundation of all our further training, formal and informal, for our life and ministry together.

    I was 16 when I first dreamed of going to Bible College. But at 15 a great interest and burden for China had been wakened in my heart when a CIM (China Inland Mission) missionary, Miss Crystal, stayed at ‘Woodchurch Farm’, Harrisville, (my beloved country home) for a week. Surprisingly, this prior interest was never mentioned in these letters probably because China was then closing to missionaries. Amazingly, in our 70's, God gave John and me the joy of sharing in the life of Chinese Australians here in Brisbane at the Toowong Baptist Church where for nearly three years John served as interim part-time pastor. I still smile to myself at God’s kindness in bringing this satisfaction to my life after so many years.

    A few diary excerpts prior to my SMBC days are shared to reveal my desires as a young woman, waiting for God to open up my life. These are followed by the numerous letters passing between Melbourne and Sydney in 1949/50 reflecting the romantic and spiritual journey we travelled.

    The italics in parenthesis indicate editorial comments or scripture quotations from the Revised Version the colleges used then. Abbreviations, such as S. S. (Sunday School) are explained at first occurrence.

    In her preface to, ‘Passion and Purity’ Elizabeth Elliott wrote ‘Experiences of a couple from a different generation can provide signposts. ’ This was our hope as John and I shared these youthful letters in the 1st Edition. He has lived with Jesus since December 4, 2001! Our words show the love and longings we felt for each other and always, especially after John’s proposal and my acceptance, the reality of there being three persons in our relationship with Christ the central One!

    Were there time and strength to tell it, the years since 1950 would make another story, tracing God’s faithfulness and unerring skill in guiding and providing, using and satisfying our lives; perhaps an easier task than the typing from faded handwritten pages, condensing and proof-reading which took most of my spare time over three years.

    In reading all our words again I was blessed! It provided opportunity for ‘mystic sweet communion’ with my John whose rest was won a decade ago earth time.

    (‘In the pipeline’ is a manuscript almost ready to print that contains many recollections and collections of the years we shared since these Bible College days. Watch my ‘blog’ site www.worthywordswitness for information re its publication.)

    Effie Munday, Unit 47/Wishart Village, Banning St. Wishart, Qld, Australia 4122

    Contents

    Acknowledgments

    Preface

    A LONELY HEART’S OUTPOURINGS

    TERM 1 1949 SMBC 

    END TERM 1 SMBC 

    END TERM 1 MBI 

    TERM 2 1949 SMBC 

    TERM 2 MBI BEGINS 

    END SMBC TERM 2

    MBT TERM 2 VACATION 

    SMBC TERM 3 BEGINS 

    MBI TERM 3 1949 

    SMBC TERM 3 ENDS 

    MBI TERM 3 ENDS 

    CHRISTMAS / NEW YEAR VACATION 1949–1950 

    MBI TERM 1- 1950 BEGINS 

    MBI TERM 1 1950 ENDS  

    SMBC TERM 11 1950 BEGINS 

    MBI TERM 11 1950 BEGINS 

    SMBC TERM 2 1950 ENDS 

    MBI TERM 2 – VACATION

    MBI TERM 3 1950 BEGINS 

    SMBC TERM 3 1950 BEGINS 

    EFFIE’S SMBC YEARS SUCCESSFULLY COMPLETED 

     A LONELY HEART’S OUTPOURINGS

    (Effie’s Diary Excerpts): January 1st, 1947

    Dear Diary: I have added another year to the date and closed another chapter in the book of my life. I’ve just read several entries for the year and a sweet peace stole over me.

    We were all at the picnic at Churchbank today. There were over a hundred there, Methodists, Presbyterians and Congregationalists - but I thought the spirit wasn’t very Christian. The atmosphere lacked friendliness and I was miserable and lonely.

    I have worked hard for our PFA (Presbyterian Fellowship Association) this year and prayed hard too. Today, after nearly all of them had been at the New Year’s Eve Ball last night they showed a definitely worldly spirit. I was disappointed and hurt and no witness myself! My heart is heavy when I think I didn’t speak one word for Jesus.

    A Church of England missionary who is going up to Mareeba near Cairns next week to teach and is staying with the Hume’s (at the Congregational Manse at Flinders) shook hands and said, ‘Goodbye’ and I wished him ‘God’s blessing’. In that at least I felt I was a Christian.

    I can only put my hand into the hand of God, to go safely and securely through this year. I cannot see a week ahead and that is very true just now because I want to go nursing and I don’t know if I should even be accepted!

    I haven’t done any writing for months and I do feel sorry about that but there just doesn’t seem to be time - or ideas. I hope that I will not really give it up.

    Friday night, February 4th, 1947

    Dear Diary: I’m very lonely and ‘blue-mouldy’ tonight, hence my refuge in you. I always seek out my old diary friend when I’m in need of a listening-ear to whom to ‘grouch’ my woes.

    At last, after several years wanting to be, I’m actually - a nurse - though only a very ‘junior’ one at present. I’ve done six weeks here at St. Andrew’s Private Hospital in Ipswich but will stay only another three or four weeks because I want to do my training as soon as possible.

    It’s as hard as Isabel (my sister) described it - a life of toil and sacrifice - but it’s good and satisfying and I only hope I will be strong enough, physically and mentally to cope with it.

    Tonight I rang Harrisville and inquired re meeting of PFA. It’s next Wednesday so I can’t go as I have to be back in Ipswich in the afternoon. (Musings re longings for romance concluding with) There’s something in me that will be forever young and foolish.

    14 Milford Street, Ipswich, May 25th, 1947

    Dear Diary: Yes, Effie, I guess there is something in you that will forever be young and foolish - but, please God, also something in you that will be, at times, wise and old! Something like ‘understanding’ i. e. loving and knowing your fellow-man, and woman.

    Tonight I’ll skip a lot of the facts of my life during the past three months to bring into expression what I feel at the moment. But it should suffice just to say that I’m living in Ipswich and doing a commercial course at Ipswich Technical College instead of the prescribed nursing training.

    Mr. and Mrs. Bruce (Manager of ‘Queensland Times’) have opened their hearts and home and I cannot be grateful enough for what they are doing for me. Tonight they’ve gone to the church at North Ipswich where Mr. Bruce will preach while I with my old impediment viz, my nose - go to bed instead. I feel it strange somehow that the part of me that I like best, the kind and good part, should so strongly present itself when I am most weak and weary.

    It is always then that I know the sweetest moments of my rather lonely (still lonely!) life. I see now how God knew from the beginning what is best for me. He knew I wasn’t strong enough to be a nurse, but dear Father God that He is, allowed me two months experience to satisfy my old urge in that direction. And there I can take a lesson for my future. God does know the end from the beginning and He knows my love and desire for service towards Him so He as surely knows the best avenue of that service.

    Deep in my heart I want a home, a husband, and all the responsibilities such ties may bring, yet here I am preparing for a business career!

    God’s ways are not my ways, neither are His thoughts my thoughts’, and I can only trust where I cannot see. He may only give me one life here on Earth and if in that short life I can cram even a half of the experiences I want, I shall do well! I remember too, that God’s will for me is best and should He desire my service in doing what may seem little or nothing, it will still be my service to Him.

    If I can love, when love seems dying in me

    And strive to give myself entirely out for Him

    Not to be selfish with the strength God gives me

    But use it where it needs must help to win -

    Then God, do fill me with the love so vital

    As to create in me a joy no pain can dim

    And lead me on to greater joy in service,

    As leads me on to greater faith in Him. (Author unknown)

    [As I prepared the 1st Edition in 1999 I added memories of life at St. Andrew’s Private Hospital. My room in the nurses’ quarters was directly under the Labour Ward, but only one horrific confinement is indelibly impressed on my mind. A young Catholic mother was giving birth to her first child and the labour was very long and very hard and her cries seemed terribly anguished, as she called out ‘Holy virgin, pray for me help me’ etc. It was night, of course, and so I could not sleep and found it impossible not to imagine the scene. A doctor whose experience had been mainly with servicemen in the war finally delivered her child and the babe lived only six hours. I tried to express comfort and sympathy to the mother and in fact on a day off, went to visit her in her home. That little corpse dressed in a beautiful baby gown, was one of the few I had viewed and the most heartrending. Another memory is of my introduction to work in the Labour Ward, where I was brought in suddenly for the birth. When an episiotomy was performed and the blood gushed, I passed out! The teasing at morning tea in the nurses’ dining-room I thought was quite cruel. But then I had always been super-sensitive to teasing and still am so let’s not criticise the staff that day. And I was consoled by another nurse in being told I wasn’t the first to react in that way, and it was really mean to expect me to just stand there to watch without being given a task to perform])

    Mother and Dad wanted our family doctor’s assessment of my capability of facing the rigours of nursing life so when he advised against it. I saw the wisdom of his decision. In fact, his advice from the start was that I couldn’t do it, but agreed I should be allowed to try by getting a six months’ probationary period such as Isabel served at St. Andrew’s Private Hospital.

    [In retrospect, it must have felt a bit like my life at Harrisville School! After Marj and Isabel left I often was made to feel very inferior to them. At the hospital too, I heard glowing reports of my dear sister Isabel and ‘what a fine nurse she will make!’]

    After the above diary entry there’s a silence of eight months. The seven months with the Bruce family saw an intensive learning program of shorthand, typing and bookkeeping after which I left with excellent reference from the Commercial Department at Ipswich Technical College. I arrived in Roma to stay with my eldest sister Marjorie Miller and her husband Louis and children, for an audition at 4ZR as radio announcer. Mr. Bruce made a recording of my voice reading from Shakespeare, or the Bible, and his newspaper and this won me the interview. Afterwards I gave an impromptu commentary on the Studio, alone before the microphone, describing the room’s decor with great candour! I didn’t like it! But my effort won praise and I was told the job was mine! That is, until they realised I’d just had my 23rd birthday and the Board of Management was not to employ a senior! But it was a fun experience.

    Louis had suggested I study commercial subjects and urged me to apply at Dyball and Pack, Solicitors. I did and was successful and for most of 1948 worked as secretary to the Firm’s Senior Partner; an excellent beginning to my career as stenographer. I even kept the Trust Account for three months. Years later I held the awesome responsibility of balancing monthly accounts for the Parks and Recreation Department, Clay County, Missouri, U. S. A.

    Sunday, February 8th, 1948. (Roma)

    Dear Diary: Here I am again at a time when I want to talk deeply and have no one to talk with. I want to say how precious are God’s attributes He shows toward me! Once again He’s led me to a place of goodness and kindness. How good is our God and how faithful are all His promises!

    I’ve left Marj and Louis and am boarding with a Presbyterian lady and have as fellow-boarder, a High School teacher, Margaret Green, another Presbyterian. We’re in a clean comfortable little home and I feel we should be very happy here.

    I’ve prayed for love and the chance to love, but God has left me as I felt ‘alone’ yet my faith and my knowledge of Him know better and I have never been ‘alone’. He has given me friends, and I have all my dear ones at home - and only just today I was given a class of 12 S. S. boys. Praise God for such opportunity.

    Dear foolish heart, be still!

    Why fret and worry so?

    God has a thousand wondrous ways

    His love and grace to show.

    I wonder if I should be capable of loving some one with a love so selfless that I would seek no love in return? If my love could only do the object of its warmth, some deep and noble good, then I hope I could.

    August 11th, 1948

    Well, diary, you dear old thing! How good it is to go through your pages and realise the real me still lives, that God is still my God and I am still His child.

    At present I’m laid aside to rest and God would teach me as He taught Jeremiah, that sufferings and misunderstandings are not necessarily signs of His displeasure. It’s my heart that’s suspect this time and the doctor says that the rest and care I have now are important to my health and happiness in the future. It’s hard to remember that God is with me when I am so lonely and far from loved ones and so don’t see His loving hand through their kindnesses. This morning when I couldn’t sleep, I just had to cry. But I’m glad I’ve kept this diary because it’s a wonderful reminder of all God’s loving care.

    Now I must tell you of the sweet love that has come into my life and of my own fear and trepidation of returning it. It’s hard to introduce Jack to you, dear Diary, because he has taken your place really for months now. I’ve told all my troubles to him instead of you and we have grown into a companionship that is very sweet and comforting.

    He is younger than I and I’ve worried on that score but how little that seems to count today! What a truly minor feature of eternity, 3½ years of time! I must love him; though I want to be so entirely sure that we each love the other really and truly; I’m afraid to admit it even to myself.

    He’s in Brisbane now for the August holidays (he’s a school teacher) and I’m missing him dreadfully. I want him to come and hold my hand and say ‘You’re alright. ’

    Wednesday, November 17th, 1948

    More changes to record. How varied and intricate are the ways of life, mine anyway, since August when I had to resign my job at Pack’s on account of my health. After another month with Marj and Louis, six weeks back at ‘Woodchurch Farm’, then a further ten days with the Miller’s again, and John, as I call him now, (for that is his beautiful name) I find myself in Miles in the middle of November.

    I am here as companion help to a blind lady, Mrs. Win Harvey, but since coming last Wednesday I’ve had a terribly sore throat, sore eyes (conjunctivitis) and my heart and mind have been sore too! Though I told my dear John some of the trouble yesterday, it hasn’t entirely gone. So I’m trying my old recourse of telling it out here.

    During the last four or five weeks I’ve been thinking of Bible College again and all the way, except when I was earnestly seeking God’s will and first felt that he would have me launch out in faith to go, Satan and Sin (and Self, too I suppose), have mocked my very soul.

    John intimated first that he felt called into full-time service for the Master and then bravely I faced the situation of giving him up and forgetting him. It was very hard but I won through and rejoiced to know that God’s way for us was still perfect and that our love was His first by right, anyway.

    I was happy then though I still wanted John! But I wanted God’s will more! Then Bible College suggested itself to me again and after much prayer and study I decided I should at least try to go in spite of my health (Dr. Nye, the Heart Specialist in Brisbane also says I should live in the West); and in spite of my lack of funds.

    I wrote to Mr. Kerr, Principal of Sydney Missionary and Bible College (for an application form) but didn’t post the letter and while it remained in the house, it seemed the Evil One kept whispering that I needn’t go, that I’d never get through and so on and so on. On the day I left home again to spend a week in Roma, I left the letter propped up on the sideboard for Mum to post. I was relieved to know I’d won over temptation but felt ashamed and unhappy because I’d doubted God. My heart felt hard and I thought I could never be of service to Him with so little faith and so much doubt. Strange though, I still believed God to the extent that I knew He wanted me to go; i. e. be willing to go, if accepted.

    It was simply wonderful to get back to John again - to be near him and to love him and feel the warmth of his love. But Satan continued to mock me with my unworthiness not only of my Saviour but also of John.

    I still wasn’t feeling well either - I had a constant pain up the back of my neck - just a symptom of something, though I don’t usually get it, but I guess the mental strain I had gone through during the previous six weeks or so had got me down and my spiritual state of not rejoicing in God made me feel constantly defeated.

    [Pages are missing here, torn out long ago, because they belonged to a time of spiritual darkness, the treasures for which God had given me long since. Therefore they had no further place in my life, and were not for me to read or others ever to see. Now I cannot recall the exact details except that evil thoughts oppressed me terribly. ]

    So vile have I imagined myself to be that God has seemed very far off at times. Yet how He has helped me through His Word! John too, seems far away.

    However, I just want to say here, that in this foolishness of fear, I hurt only myself - and that I know God can restore me to the joy of His salvation, that He can keep me from all evil; He can preserve my soul. Praise His wonderful Name!

    (My first letter to John)

    Miles, 28th November, 1948 

    My Dearest John,

    Once more it’s the Lord’s Day and this time I’m actually out for the day. It reminds me of the Sundays I used to have in Roma and that makes me miss you more. After Church (Presbyterian) this morning, I came around to Mrs. Brown’s, a kind lady from the church, for dinner and now I’m supposed to be having a rest on their verandah bed!

    I wonder if you are as well occupied as I? It’s just 1:50pm and I’m settling to write to Gwen (Hospital) as well as you today. Dawson and Win went to Meandarra with more drinks this morning so it made a good opportunity for me to go out and Mrs. Brown is great to talk to. Mr. Bruce’s Reference Letter came yesterday so this morning early, after my Quiet Time, I filled out the Application Form. Tomorrow it leaves for Sydney! I think I’ll go home early and type my letter to Mr. Kerr. (Rev. J. T. H. Kerr, Principal)

    So next time you see me you’ll be looking at me closely to see if I’m like the Princess?

    [i. e. Elizabeth. A teenage girl next door was fascinated by my supposed likeness to the Heir to the throne!] You’ve certainly looked at me enough to notice, dear, but I’ll let you look at me as much as you like when we meet again. Merlene isn’t the first to think I resemble her. I was first told I looked like her when I was 14.

    I thought I’d lost my Coupons (we still used coupons at the end of 1948, more than three years after World War II) and wrote to Marj to see if I’d left them there, and asked at home, with no result. Yesterday, the school teacher here told me I could get a form to apply for a Replacement Book. The forms were coming on the ‘2-up’; do you know it? But the train was hours late and I didn’t get it last night. This morning, wonder of wonders, I found the missing Coupons in my Bank Book! I had £2 deposited there which I withdrew to enclose with my Application.

    You lucky things, going to the baths for a swim! Miles isn’t all that you could desire, you know. But I am getting used to it - the quietness and loneliness, etc. I hope I like working for Mr. Hill (the solicitor) and that Win won’t be neglected thereby. I rather like the idea of getting on the old typewriter again and doing some more shorthand.

    Mr. Brown just arrived home. He looks very much like the old Australian bushman - whiskers, moustache, etc. - and spurs. After you’ve looked at him for awhile, you like him.

    Well, Sweetheart, this really looks like all for this time. Cheerio now and my love to you,

    Yours in Him, Effie.

    C/- Box 39, Miles 11/12/48

    My Darling John,

    Thank you for your lovely letter which I received when I went round for the Office mail yesterday afternoon. I’ve done six afternoons’ work for Mr. Hill and earned £3. Now I’m told they won’t need me till after Christmas. Mrs. Hill said it probably won’t be then because they’re going away for Christmas and she wants to stay away till the middle of January. So I’m out of work again - remunerative work that is. However, I’ll try at the Accountant’s office and see if he can give me any. If not, well, it’s just another door that’s closed.

    I’m thinking now that I shouldn’t spend money going to Brigalow, coming back to Miles then going home for Christmas. I owe £4/15/- for the blankets and sheets I bought for College, and I’ve yet pillowslips and serviettes to buy - so the fact is, I want to go to Brigalow with you but I need to stay home and save the money.

    Darling, I’ve got a worry and a trouble I want to share with you tonight. I seem to be that kind of person - sharing my troubles and not very good at helping to bear other people’s. Have you got any that I can help you with? You’re fine and good and true. You’ve got a sound body and a bright mind and you’ve got a comfortable little Bank Account. If you’ve any anxiety I don’t know what it is.

    I’ve been through a battle of the mind and soul these last four weeks here and I haven’t told anyone. God is faithful and I do believe He has helped me to win the victory time and again. Without Him I fear my soul may even have been lost. How true is Ephesians 6:12 ‘for we wrestle against spiritual wickedness in high paces’ - marginal reference is ‘heavenly places’. Satan would bid for one’s very soul and taunt you with the memory of the sins he suggested. I’ve been reading Psalm 119 in the Scripture Union Notes and have kept my Bible open on the duchess all day for a look, when I get a minute, at different texts. I almost felt that David used ‘will’ in the same sense as I when he said ‘I cried with my whole heart; ‘Hear me, O Lord: I will keep thy statutes. I cried unto Thee; save me, and I shall keep thy testimonies. ’ ‘Will’ is used in a sense of determination to will - and ‘shall’ in a sense that he is then able to perform.

    I’m not really very worried now but as it were, I’ve been left with ‘battle wounds’ and I can’t wipe out the memory of their scars. So I think I’ll tell you about it all when I see you (it will be hard) and you may judge me. I would have told you, Sweetheart, but I didn’t want to worry you. I remember how I’ve hurt you or worried you before and I hate to do it. I love you and I don’t want to hurt you but this afternoon I suddenly realised that I should tell you whether you were big enough to understand or not. It’s wrong to keep it in my heart and not to confess to you my secrets! I also thought this afternoon I should make up my mind never to marry you or anyone else. But perhaps I will defer that decision.

    When you offered to share my trouble and I said it was alright, it was quite true, because it seemed so then. I can see that when two people love each other they must be ready to share everything - of joy or sorrow, of grief or pain - else there will be misunderstanding and disappointment.

    (My Diary) December 14th, 1948

    A promise I received for today from Job 5:24: ‘And thou shalt know that thy tabernacle shall be in peace; and thou shalt visit thy habitation, and shalt not sin’. And Verse 19 too seems very appropriate: ‘He shall deliver thee in six troubles; yea, in seven there shall no evil touch thee’. And other verses I have claimed: Rev. 3:5, 8 and 10. And Job 2:10b: ‘What! Shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil?’ ‘In all this did not Job sin with his lips’ and ‘I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me. ’

    (My Diary) December 22nd, 1948

    Extract from ‘In Green Pastures’ by F. B. Meyer, ‘Life means growth into the image of Christ Himself, into strength, into well-rounded character, into disciplined manhood and womanhood, into the blessed peace of God. But the peace into which He guides us is victory over all the trials, a quietness and confidence which no external circumstances can break. ’

    TERM 1 1949 SMBC 

    ‘Carlyon House’, 29 Badminton Road, Croydon. NSW. 16th March, 1949

    Dear Diary: After six weeks in College I want to take a few minutes to write something of what God has been teaching me since I came. I proved His power at home before I left and the very last day He graciously allowed my heart to feel the darkness of Sin and Satan and Self so that I might glory all the more in His light and the doing of His blessed will in coming here. I will not quickly forget the joy and peace that lay in my heart all the way down in the train. For five weeks I enjoyed that serene peace of heart and an (almost) continual moment by moment ‘walking by faith’. I have asked God to give me the privilege of serving Him on the Mission Field. I yearned for that privilege and I prayed that He would purify me - even by the process of fire that I had known before. Yet last week when it came I lost my faith and trust (only temporarily however!) and forgot I’d asked God for that very test. How ashamed and sorry and utterly helpless we are to be or to do anything of ourselves.

    Blessed truth: ‘with man this is impossible; but with God all things are possible’.

    How wayward my heart must be when God would have to teach me that I may TRUST HIM! But I have come to the end of myself (for this time!) and a dead end, I pray. Now my only desire is that I may know Him and may become conformed to His image. That is my heart’s deepest wish. Of myself I cannot take one tiny step along that road. To Him I must look for His Spirit to do it for me.

    (My last Diary entry for many years follows. After this, love letters to John and his to me more than filled my diary’s place. )

    Dear Diary: March 30th, 1949

    I prayed I might know Him yet during this last week I’ve felt far from knowing Him! In fact, I feel so utterly sinful and worthless, something like Peter must have felt when he prayed, ‘Depart from me, O Lord, for I am a sinful man’.

    Some wicked part of me has doubted and resisted till I feel worthy of eternal death. Yet to know Christ I must believe with my whole being that He is; that He lived and died, was a Man and yet the Eternal son of God. Oh! I do want to believe in Him utterly and trust Him fully with all my will and all I am, vile and sinful though I be. I want to know a union with Him. He was numbered with the transgressors that He might take our place in the lists of the condemned - but by His ransom we are redeemed and may be numbered amongst the Redeemed of the Lord.

    (The only letter from me during our first term in Bible College found in the old bundle):

    (As from Pendle Hill, N. S. W. ) Easter 1949

    My Darling John,

    It was a great joy and relief to get your letter Thursday afternoon after our Church History Exam paper. I confess I thought you’d forgotten me, or something equally awful. I looked for your letter Tuesday afternoon, and by Thursday was quite resigned to going without for Easter. But it took a lot of prayer to feel that way!

    Now you know how glad I was to see your writing. A short sweet letter like this is certainly better than none. Thank you, Darling! I also had one from Marj Miller on Thursday morning, full of news of Roma and the Millers, and a lovely snap of the kiddies. Will enclose it for you to see but please send it straight back. I’m going to put it in the frame with the one of you at Margate.

    It’s lovely out here at Pendle Hill. There’s quite a lot of bush around and little bits of cultivation etc. and plenty of birds. We did quite a lot of waiting and walking Thursday night to get out here - including 40 minutes wait at Parramatta. We travelled from Parramatta to Pendle Hill with Mr. (Wally) McDonald from College, thereby breaking a rule. So far I have met only two of the men students. Mr. McDonald is such a quiet, sincere person that I had found out his name weeks ago. He was a lay preacher in the Methodist Church and has done a lot of preaching since he came to College. It must make it hard for study. He has two services today. The men at College don’t get as much time for study as the girls. They seem to do a lot more gardening. They have big grounds to care for and grow a lot of vegetables.

    I do agree with what you say about friendship, and the minister in the little Baptist Church this morning gave me yet another thought. He is a student from the Baptist College and very earnest too. He reminded us that John must have cared for Peter during those three dark days after his denial and the death of his Lord, for them to be together in the one house on that first Easter morning. What would have become of unhappy Peter but for the friendship of John! I think there’s a challenge to Christian friendships in that thought.

    You must have been badly in need of a rest, Darling, to go without breakfast. Did you have some Life Savers? (The lolly with the hole) Don’t go doing that too often, will you.

    Mrs. Lawlor, our Women’s Superintendent, said a lot that night, that wouldn’t normally enter one’s head but I do think, just the same, it must be sound advice. She warned us against ‘inordinate affection’, specifically kissing, etc. Some of the girls are inclined to act a little foolishly at times without realizing how they might be harming their friendships and fellowship. I still think, nevertheless, we should be allowed to have a special friend. One of the girls from downstairs, Evelyn Lewis, and I have become quite friendly. She has invited me to her home and after exams, is going to take me to a Bio-chemist for treatment for my nose problem. We are a bit scared to get together much now, since Mrs. Lawlor’s warning.

    (Many years were to pass before the full impact of her warning reached my understanding. It’s a pity Women’s Superintendents in colleges and universities don’t give such warning now to save girls from immoral relationships with other girls. )

    After Church - 9:00pm. Lelean and I are just back from the evening church service. We had a lovely time with communion afterwards. The weather’s been beautiful today and we did quite a bit of walking. Her uncle has a dairy and at 4. 30 we went round to see the cows. Lelean is unofficially engaged to Mervyn Pattemore, a missionary at Newcastle Waters in the Northern Territory. She met Pat Kilvert at Hyman Appelman’s Campaign in Brisbane the night he preached on ‘Love, Courtship and Marriage’. Pat knows Mervyn. So, generally speaking, we’re all friends, aren’t we?

    Thank you, Darling, for your prayers last week. I felt the strength of them in a real way. At the beginning of the week I had a lot of palpitation and Monday night couldn’t study but went to bed. I wondered how I could face exams and wasn’t sleeping well. But by the end of the week I felt wonderfully better and proved the Lord in a real way before and during exams. Praise His wonderful Name, He does answer prayer.

    I’ve been yearning for a real experience of Romans 6! I read ‘Absolute Surrender’ by Andrew Murray not long after I came down and have read another little booklet ‘Dying to Live’ which is perhaps even more enlightening. During the last few weeks I’ve known wondrous joy of abiding in Him and long that I might know Him and be identified with Him in His Crucifixion and Resurrection.

    That doesn’t leave me free from temptation however and in these last few days Satan has tempted me along the old lines, through my imagination and the memory of experiences last year at Miles. But today I’ve trusted Jesus right through and He has enabled me, though my resistance seemed weak and small, to withstand and having done all, to keep on standing.

    To quote from ‘Dying to Live’: ‘Let us be prepared that the adversary will dispute every inch of ground. The devil is not dead, for when we hide in Christ upon the Cross, he seems more alive than ever, but let the Living Christ Who dwells within guard us from all his subtleties, then it will be victory all the way, for he is a defeated foe’.

    When I came to realize that it looked as if God were leading me home for May vacation, I was fearful of coming under spiritual attack as in January. (I’d been comforted when I arrived in College to find I was not the only student to go through such spiritual opposition. )

    Yes, I know that He is able to guard me and keep me and that I must follow step by step as He leads and prepares the way. I find I need, and must have more prayer these days. Surely it’s the Lord’s way of teaching me how to ‘abide in Him’.

    I’ll be thinking of your exams, Dear, and praying much for you. I remember you three times every day (practically always) at the Throne of Grace. Do continue to pray for God’s blessing on me during this Exam Week. There is so much I don’t know well, especially in Doctrine, and Romans.

    I’m looking forward expectantly to this long letter of yours. I can hardly wait!

    Goodnight now, Sweetheart and may our precious risen Lord keep you in His care continually!

    Yours in His love, Effie.

    Isa 57:15. ‘For thus saith the high and lofty One that inhabiteth eternity, whose name is Holy; I dwell in the high and holy place, with him also that is of a contrite and humble spirit, to revive the spirit of the humble and to revive the heart of the contrite ones’.

    END TERM 1 SMBC 

    ‘Woodchurch Farm’, Harrisville, Qld. 8th May, 1949. (Sunday)

    My Dearest Boy,

    My first term at SMBC is complete and it’s good to write this beloved address at the top of my letter once more! I guess you’ve been wondering how I got on last week. So much requires telling to one who should know yet I don’t know where to begin!

    I felt so miserable I couldn’t write you a decent letter so your previous one wasn’t answered. I hope you didn’t worry too much. I half expected to hear from you again on Thursday before we left College. It was a delightful letter I received from you prior to the last one, especially as you said something I love to hear and in a different way, and Darling, my heart loves to hear it. Are you surprised?

    On Monday afternoon, (I’d written your note in the morning) I felt feverish and ill, but I was on my own and tried not to worry and kept my mind on reading ‘A Life of St. Paul’. The next day, though I felt a little better, they talked of getting the Doctor, but I got up for a few hours instead and sat out in the sun. The cold had gone to my chest and my back seemed full of aches and pains. On Wednesday I got up again after breakfast and stayed up till after tea, doing a couple of light duties during the day and packing my port to come home. I didn’t see the Dr. till Thursday and he gave me an anti-cold injection (to try to keep these colds away for the winter). I’ve had two heavy colds during the term, but then so have all the 1st Year Queensland girls. Jessie (from Gayndah) had a few days in bed too, after exams. I’m telling you this, Sweetheart, though it’s boring to write, because the circumstances of my colds etc. led to an event which gave me a nasty shock and incidentally a good deal of blessing, the night I left. And besides, you should know!

    In the early stage, when colds are so miserable and embarrassing, at the table I asked Mrs. Lawlor if I could go to bed, having finished my duties for the day. However, she expressed the opinion I thought only of myself etc and as I hadn’t a temperature (she didn’t take it to see) requested me to stay up. I got under the bed covers and stayed there for the afternoon but at tea-time she sent word for me to stay there ‘as I might spread germs!’ It rained the next day and I went to Lectures in the wet and got horribly cold but kept going. When I saw Dr. Grant Friday morning, he said to ‘take a couple of aspros and keep warm’. But I can’t take aspros while I’m running about!

    By Saturday morning I felt much better but had ‘had’ Carlyon House and went to Manly with Evelyn for the week-end, and in the afternoon, like a little fool washed my hair. (Without the benefit of a hair dryer such as we have today!) We went for a drive later in the evening and narrowly avoided a horrible accident, missing a collision by a couple of feet (in Mr. Lewis’ estimation) thanks to the Lord’s intervening hand. Next morning my cold was on my chest properly so I stayed home from S. S. , Mrs. Lewis mothering me most kindly all day. She wanted to keep me on Monday as I wasn’t well enough to go to our SMBC Picnic but when I rang College, Mrs. Lawlor bade me get back to College ‘while the sun’s still up’. I didn’t want to! It’s awful being sick at ‘Carlyon House’, I feel so guilty and condemned all the time, thinking Mrs. L doesn’t believe me. Margaret Lewis travelled back with me and that disgusted Mrs. Lawlor, I’m afraid, leaving me more cowered and unhappy! I was glad to be left alone the rest of the day though not alone as I enjoyed the presence of the Lord. I read a sweet light story of Amy Carmichael’s, ‘Ploughed Under’ and then quite a lot of the ‘Life of St. Paul’. It was great to do some reading again. I’ve been reading ‘Mary Slessor’ too.

    Wednesday night was one of my sleepless nights and next morning when I met Mr. Kerr, he looked surprised (perhaps I looked pale) asking if I was going home so soon. I had to tell him I was on my way to see the doctor but thought later, I could have explained, as he would have shown sympathy and understanding. We enjoyed a beautiful Communion service between 10:30 and 11:30, followed by the rush of preparing to leave.

    After the sleepless night, I moved mechanically all day, resting whenever I could. We left immediately after tea but as we were going, Mrs. L drew me aside into the Sitting-Room to inform me in her detached manner, ‘Mr. Kerr is very concerned about your health, Effie!’ My first reaction was surprise! I thought I’d done remarkably well! Then she added ‘If you don’t feel very much better after a month we will have to consider asking you to leave. ’ There was something more about ‘the need to make room for healthier people who would be more acceptable for the mission field’.

    It was hard not to burst into tears, but I didn’t and meekly said, ‘Yes, Mrs. Lawlor’, beating as hasty and insignificant a retreat as possible. There were five girls in the taxi, all laughing and chattering gaily except me. I prayed for calmness and strength and He bore me through. The trip home was wonderful. The Lord undertook in everything and I arrived feeling better than when I left! I think my trouble is I’d let myself get worried and nervy about Mrs. L’s attitude to me and that only made things worse.

    The Lord has given me some wonderful promises this past fortnight - and all the way home the uppermost thought in my mind was one of determination to go on with Him. ‘Faithful is He that calleth you Who also will do it,’ was the promise I claimed. How could I go back after such a promise? I feel as though there’d be nothing in life for me now apart from full-time service for Him. Frances (Peggy’s friend who came home with her for the vac. ) is weaker than I. She had a hard job getting through last year and they were ‘very concerned about her health’ on occasions but they never gave her such an ultimatum, which personally, I think is unfair. It means I’ll probably think too much about myself for the next month! However, I trust He enables me to leave it all with Him. And if Croydon ‘throws me out’ I’ll try

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