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    Crossing 13: Memoir of a Father's Suicide
    Crossing 13: Memoir of a Father's Suicide
    Crossing 13: Memoir of a Father's Suicide
    Ebook92 pages1 hour

    Crossing 13: Memoir of a Father's Suicide

    By Carrie Stark Hugus

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    About this ebook

    "Crossing 13" is a coming-of-age story about a thirteen-year-old girl whose life is instantly altered after the suicide death of her father. The book offers insight and help to youth about the loss of a loved one to suicide and how to recognize the signs. Included in the book are resources on suicide prevention, facts about suicide and where to go for help.

    Awards:
    2010 International Best Book Youth Issues
    2009 National Best Book Youth Issues
    2009 EVVY Merit Award Best Memoir

    Bestselling non-fiction book, Denver Post 2008

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherCarrie Stark Hugus
    Release dateJun 4, 2011
    ISBN9780981593814
    Crossing 13: Memoir of a Father's Suicide
    Author

    Carrie Stark Hugus

    A former marketing and communications executive, Carrie Stark Hugus is married and the mother of two children. She is a Colorado native who lives with her family and two dogs in Highlands Ranch, Colorado. Carrie is a professional speaker who is passionate about suicide prevention.

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      Book preview

      Crossing 13 - Carrie Stark Hugus

      Crossing 13: Memoir of a Father's Suicide

      by

      Carrie Stark Hugus

      Copyright 2011 Carrie Stark Hugus

      Smashwords Edition

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      The names of some of the people described in this book have been changed to protect their privacy. The ideas, suggestions, and opinions presented in this book are not intended to replace the direct services of a trained healthcare professional. All matters regarding your health require medical supervision. Neither the author nor the publisher can be held responsible for any adverse effects resulting directly or indirectly form information contained in this book. Although the author and publisher have made every effort to ensure the accuracy and completeness of information contained in this book, we assume no responsibility for errors, inaccuracies, omissions, or any inconsistency herein. Any slights of people, places or organizations are unintentional.

      Grateful acknowledgment is made for permission to print Reinforcement in the Aftermath of Suicide by LaRita Archibald.

      This book is available in print at most online retailers.

      Affirm Publication

      http://www.affirmpublications.com

      ****

      Introduction

      Approximately 60,000 children, 14 and under, suffer from the death of a parent to suicide each year in the United States. Based on this estimate, there are over 1.5 million children who became survivors of suicide in the last 26 years. Of this group, eighty percent grieve for their father. I am among their company . . . a teen survivor.

      One of the largest numbers of suicide deaths is among men, between 35 and 54 years of age. My father is part of this group . . . he was 38 years old when he died.

      This book is a personal account of my life, written from my memories of myself as a thirteen-year-old whose life changed suddenly and dramatically during and after the death of my father.

      Although this is an accurate description of events from my perspective, some names have been changed to respect the privacy of those described through the eyes of that thirteen-year-old girl.

      It is my intention through this personal story to break down societal stigmas related to suicide and its survivors. My hope is to create sensitivity awareness, especially for child survivors, to bring about change through open dialog.

      ****

      Table of Contents

      Foreword

      Part 1 – My Story

      Chapter 1 – Reflecting

      Chapter 2 – Signs?

      Chapter 3 – Celebrating 13

      Chapter 4 – Knowing

      Chapter 5 – Finding Him

      Chapter 6 – The Aftermath

      Chapter 7 – The Funeral

      Chapter 8 – In Search of Normal

      Chapter 9 – Coping

      Chapter 10 – In Debt

      Chapter 11 – A New Normal

      Epilogue

      Part 2 – Grief Support Tips

      Part 3 – Understanding Suicide

      Part 4 – Suicide Facts and Statistics

      Part 5 – Other Resources

      Acknowledgements

      About the Author

      ****

      Reinforcement in the Aftermath of Suicide

      LaRita Archibald, Founder of HEARTBEAT

      RESPONSIBILITY: Putting it into perspective.

      I have a responsibility TO those I love . . .

      to be loving, patient, considerate and kind,

      to be loyal, respectful and honest,

      to be appreciative, encouraging and comforting,

      to share myself and care for myself;

      . . . to be the best possible ME . . .

      BUT

      I am not responsible FOR them . . .

      not for their achievements, successes or triumphs,

      not for their joy, gratification or fulfillment,

      not for their defeats, failures or disappointments,

      not for their thoughts, choices or mistakes,

      . . . And, most of all, not for their suicide. . .

      For HAD I been responsible,

      this death would not have occurred.

      (HEARTBEAT is peer support offering empathy, encouragement and direction following the suicide of a loved one. For more information visit http://www.heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.org

      ****

      Part 1 – My Story

      Reflecting

      When we lose a loved one to disease or an accident, it is easier to retain happy memories of them. We know that, if they could choose, they would still be here with us. But it’s not as easy for the suicide survivor. Because our loved one seems to have made a choice that is abhorrent to us, we feel disconnected and divorced from their memory. We are in a state of conflict with them, and we are left to resolve that conflict alone.

      ~ Jeffrey Jackson, American Association of Suicidology Handbook for Suicide Survivors.

      October 13, 1979: 9:00 p.m.

      Good night, Mom says with a kiss, weepy eyes, and an attempt at a reassuring smile. As she shuts the door to my room, a feeling of guilt-ridden nausea flutters about in my stomach. I lie alone in the dark, struggling to absorb the lingering images of the day. Shock has overtaken sorrow, keeping the tears corked tightly inside. I’m still the same person, I reassure myself. Up until several hours ago, I had lived a fairly sheltered life and I thought my family was just like any other family.

      We are—or were—a family of five including a mother, three daughters and a father. These things only happen in crazy families, not normal families like ours. What will people think of us now? How could I be so blindsided? Am I dreaming or did the events of today really happen?

      I hear the coyotes howling outside as I lie in the darkness of my bedroom. This familiar sound takes me back to what I thought was my reality, my life as I knew it before today. I struggle for answers and clues leading up to this morning’s tragedy, trying to find meaning in my father’s acts.

      I will just take it one step at a time, I reassure myself. Then, as if it is I who is walking though the doorway of death, instead of my father, my life begins to flash

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