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    Trail of the Spellmans: Document #5
    Trail of the Spellmans: Document #5
    Trail of the Spellmans: Document #5
    Ebook452 pages5 hours

    Trail of the Spellmans: Document #5

    By Lisa Lutz

    4/5

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    About this ebook

    The fifth in the critically acclaimed, New York Times bestselling, Edgar Award–nominated series about a fearless private investigator Izzy Spellman and her quirky, yet endearing, family of sleuths: “Lie back and enjoy this tale of intergenerational gumshoe mayhem” (Kirkus Reviews).

    For the first time in Spellman history, Isabel Spellman, PI, might be the most normal member of her family. Mom has taken on an outrageous assortment of extracurricular activities—with no apparent motive. Dad has a secret. Izzy’s brother and sister are at war—for no apparent reason. And her niece keeps saying “banana” even though she hates bananas. That’s not to say that Izzy isn’t without her own troubles. Her boyfriend, Henry Stone, keeps wanting “to talk,” a prospect Isabel evades by going out with her new drinking buddy, none other than Gertrude Stone, Henry’s mother. Things aren’t any simpler on the business side of Spellman Investigations. First, Rae is hired to follow a girl, but then fakes the surveillance reports. Then a math professor hires Izzy to watch his immaculate apartment while he unravels like a bad formula. And as the questions pile up, Izzy won’t stop hunting for the answers—even when they threaten to shatter both the business and the family.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherSimon & Schuster
    Release dateFeb 28, 2012
    ISBN9781451608144
    Author

    Lisa Lutz

    Lisa Lutz is the New York Times bestselling, Alex Award–winning author of the Spellman Files series, as well as the novels The Accomplice, Heads You Lose (with David Hayward), How to Start a Fire, The Passenger, and The Swallows. She has also written for film and TV, including HBO’s The Deuce. She lives in upstate New York.

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    Reviews for Trail of the Spellmans

    4/5

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    • 4/5
      If you're in the mood for a deftly written comic novel, you can't do much better than the Spellman series by Lisa Lutz. Her hilariously cockeyed view of modern family life is extremely entertaining, and if you're inclined to look hard enough you can even discern some wry wisdom buried in the rapid-fire, wisecracking exchanges between Izzy Spellman, the main protagonist, and her endearingly quirky friends and relations. (It's not required, though. You can just go ahead and laugh out loud for the hell of it.)
    • 5/5
      Henry and Izzy are together, sort of. Izzy keeps avoiding the inevitable discussion about their future, namely, the kids Henry wants that Izzy doesn't.The Spellmans all have different clients who want someone followed for unknown reasons. Hilarious, as always.
    • 4/5
      This book is #5 in the Isabel Spellman series. I had only read the first book before this, and I liked this one even more than the first one (The Spellman Files).The Spellman family are all experienced private investigators, by hobby or by trade, and instead of talking to one another like normal people, they spy on each other and show no regard for personal privacy. At first glance, they all seem to be a bit crazy.In this book, Izzy's mom has suddenly started all sorts of hobbies and Izzy doesn't know why. David and Rae, Izzy's brother and sister, are fighting - and again, no one knows why. And Izzy and her parents all seem to be investigating the same family, but her dad isn't allowing her to talk about it. Izzy, along with the reader, must try to piece all of this together by the end of the book. To further complicate matters, Granny Spellman is hanging around. Oh, and Izzy needs to figure out where her relationship with her boyfriend is headed, what she wants to do with the rest of her life, and how to keep from being fired.This is a delightful and fun book that kept me guessing all the way until the end. I will definitely read the remaining books (#2 through #4) in this series. Recommended if you like fun, mysterious novels with eccentric characters.(I received this book through Amazon's Vine Program.)
    • 4/5
      Book number five in Lisa Lutz's Spellmans series, featuring the quirky Izzy Spellman, her even quirkier family, and their quirky family PI business. In this one, the Spellmans take on several unusual surveillance cases, and we get pretty much everything I've come to expect from a Spellmans novel: a slight but entertaining-enough plot that takes a back seat to character and humor, various family members scheming and keeping secrets from each other, and Izzy dealing (or, rather, attempting not to deal) with some issues in her personal life. When I put it that way, it makes this series sound kind of same-y, and maybe it is, a bit, but what the heck. It's a formula that works. And it actually does have more character development than I might expect from this sort of thing, as various characters grow and change and find themselves in different life situations over time. That certainly continues to be true in this one, and while not all the changes are necessarily the ones I would root for, I appreciate it, anyway. It's a nice, realistic grounding for a lot of the silliness.Mostly, though, like all the rest of the series, this one is just a fun, quick read, and it made an ideal palate-cleanser for me between heavier and more serious books.
    • 5/5
      For fans of the Spellman series this book will definitely not disappoint. The Spellman family is back and as dysfunctional as ever. There are a couple of new additions to the family that readers will enjoy.I loved this book. I felt like the additions to the Spellman family totally made me love the family even more than I already did. I don't want to give too much away since the book hasn't come out yet, but to me certain parts of this book just seemed bittersweet. Izzy wins a big victory in the end but also suffers a defeat in the book, a defeat of something dear. The ending of the book actually made me tear up a bit.I would recommend this book to fans of the series. I would recommend this series to everyone who hasn't yet discovered how amazing the Spellman family is.*I received an Advance Reader's Edition of this book from a giveaway by the publisher. In no way is the content of my review affected by that.*
    • 4/5
      46 of 75 for 2015. What can I say. I've been hooked on Lisa Lutz's Spellman series right from the beginning. How could I not be? Yes, it's set in San Francisco, my favorite city, even though I don't actually know of any Spellmans living there these days. But mostly, it's the title. This crazy, dysfunctional family, does not resemble my known relatives in any way, but I still feel obliged to read anything I can find about the Spellmans. Buying this volume from the remainders at Barnes and Nobel, I told the clerk that when he saw my card, he'd know why I had to buy the book. Not great literature, by any means, it is a fun read, the kind of light and frivolous story my mother turned me onto oh so many years ago. And this, number 5 in the Spellman series, has won great reviews. I don't think it's necessary to read volumes 1 through 4 first, but it couldn't hurt.
    • 2/5
      I was bored by this book and didn't finish it. I really enjoyed the previous Spellman books, but this one didn't have any bite.
    • 4/5
      I'm so sad that I just finished this book. I hope that Lisa Luz has more Spellman family antics up her sleeve because I can't get enough. This was laugh out loud funny like all of the others. I hope we don;t have to wait too long for Document #6!
    • 5/5
      Document #5 in the Spellman series was a very fun read. While not everything went in the way I expected (or hoped) it would, how can I say that anything has ever followed a linear line in these books? Between the usual, interesting plot lines (cases), we get the unusual too. There's a new employee at Spellman Investigations, a possible Ex-boyfriend #13, an open-ended visit by Grammy Spellman, and siblings at odds. For once, Izzy doesn't seem like the strangest one in this lot of characters and almost seems like she could take control of her future. Lutz has had me hooked since the first book and I will continue to follow any and all Spellman sagas.
    • 4/5
      Surveillance seems to be the order of the day: Rae is following college co-ed Vivien Blake, Dad is following Meg Cooper, and Adam Cooper hires Izzy to follow his sister and, at the same time, Izzy is, at the behest of his wife, also following Edward Slayter. But all is not well at Spellman Investigations. Mom is suddenly indulging in enough extracurricular activities to keep her out of the house almost all of the time; Dad is keeping secrets; David and Rae are engaged in a personal war.But Izzy is determined to find the answers . . . even if it destroys both her family and their business.With only one Spellman tale remaining, the fifth Spellman saga brings all the expected characters . . . and a few new ones . . . together once again. There are, as in the previous tales, lessons learned as the characters grow, and there are still some hilarious moments. A subplot involving Grammy Spellman provides chuckles and unexpected twists while Demetrius adds some much-needed sparkle to a story that is a bit darker than previous tales. Still, readers [especially those in search of delightful chuckling] will find much to appreciate the banana incident.Recommended.
    • 5/5
      P.I. Izzie Spellman somewhat has her life on track. She has been living with Henry for a couple years now but she is avoiding him because a) his mother is visiting and b) he wants to have THE talk. So Izzie busies herself with solving some mysteries around her family. One, her mother has suddenly filled up all her free time with yoga, crochet classes, Russian classes. Izzie is determined to find out why. Also, her brother David has thrown out their younger sister Rae from his house's basement apartment. But neither of them will say why.Izzie is also concerned about some cases her parents have accepted. But if she does the right thing, she risks getting fired from the family business.I have read all of the Spellman books and I am so happy I discovered this series and I hope Lutz keeps writing them. This latest offering maintains all the humor and craziness of the others. Even with Izzie showing more maturity, the series has not lost any of it's fun and uniqueness. I loved and highly recommend this book. But if you haven't read any of these books, you really do need to start at the beginning. I personally am planning a reread of them all.
    • 5/5
      Everything I expected from Lisa Lutz and more...I love her characters.
    • 4/5
      I can't say anything except this is an excellent book. Funny, endearing, interesting. As with all the previous 'documents' there are quite a few plot lines and Izzy Spellman does her usual excellent job at getting to the bottom of all of them. The evolution of character development throughout all the books has been interesting, humorous and at times painful to witness and bittersweet. I'd have given this book 5 stars, but was personally disappointed with the resolution of one of the story lines. A definite recommendation for anyone who enjoys some hilarity with their sincerity.
    • 4/5
      I love these books! Lutz writes with such wit and smarts that I find them a pleasure to read. The characters are richly drawn and grow in each book in the series.

      This is the 5th book in the Spellmans Series, and one of the best. There is so much going on, but it causes no confusion. By this time, the reader is familiar with the characters and their individual idiosyncrasies...the storyline flows nicely and rapidly and propels this family forward just like real life.

      I highly recommend the entire series, with this being one of the best. But read them in order, so you get the maximum effect.
    • 5/5
      The Good Stuff * Really enjoyed the scenes between Walter and Izzy. She treated him firmly but with humour and compassion - nicely done * Great character development in this one, Izzy and Rae are growing up and learning how to be better * Bloody hilarious -- the dialogue is guaranteed to make you laugh aloud * Some nice sweet honest and heartbreaking moments * The ending is fantastic, the series could end now and you would be satisfied (But you will still miss this quirky families adventures) * Fast paced and quirky * As usual could not put it down and was slightly sad at the end because this is the last of the Spellman books I have -- have read 5 in a month and they feel like family to me * Love the footnotes, always good for a chuckle * Avadavits section was a wonderful bonus * Introduction of new characters gave the series a nice boost -- not that it needed one, but this premise could get old without new blood * Fabulous that Demetrius has become a major character, he's got so much potential * Lutz never falls back on her laurels, always brings something new to each book * This would make a brilliant tv seriesThe Not So Good Stuff * Certain plot development made me sadFavorite Quotes/Passages"What I can tell you for certain is that her handbag cost more than my car. While I understand the desire to have the best (single-malt scotch is indeed better than most blends), I still have to wonder what deformity of character makes someone think that a bloated leather handbag that can be ripped off your shoulder by anyone with good leverage is an item to covet. Suffice it to say, I knew the client had money and I was happy to take some of it off her hands.""I know what you're thinking. Surely all three cases will become ensnared and converge at the end. But don't get ahead of yourself. That kind of shit only happens in detective novels. How about you quit guessing and let the story unfold as it may? Even I don't know how all the pieces will fall.""I believe in the folly of youth. I believe in rebellion and questioning authority and I even believe it's okay to commit a few misdemeanors now and again. "Try to steer clear of felonies is my motto." Who Should/Shouldn't Read * For those who like something just a little bit different * Obviously fans of Spellman series will enjoy * Not for fans of straight laced mysteries or P.I. style books, this is very unique4.75 Dewey'sI received this from Simon and Schuster in exchange for an honest review
    • 5/5
      I love this series. This is probably my favorite book of the five. A little more character development and depth, with Izzy showing some maturity and "serious side" in addition to her usual silliness. Can't wait till the next one in July.
    • 4/5
      MY THOUGHTSLOVED ITI adore the Spellmans and in this latest installment, they are back to their homespun wackiness where no one trusts anyone as far as they can throw them. The story skips back and forth between the family members, each having their own issues. Mrs. Spellman suddenly throws herself into a whirlwind of acitivities. David is now a stay at home dad whose daughter refers to everything as "banana". Rae is in college and still working part time for the family, but has lost her interest. She does develop feelings for a boy whom she treats with little regard. Isabel is on and off with Henry and finds she has more in common with his mother lately. Her father has taken on several questionable cases.It really sounds like none of these things should go together, but Lutz weaves them all with humor and sarcasm. This is the first book in the series I couldn't sit down and read straight through. I had read that the author wasn't feeling the series anymore and I think it shows a bit. I did laugh out loud quite a bit and felt this would be a good book to end the series on since most major issues are tied up neatly. I will miss the family, well, at least until I find out there is another book on the way!
    • 4/5
      Things are stranger than usual in the Spellman family. Isabel's mother, Olivia, has suddenly signed up for a lot of evening classes. Her father, Albert has some kind of secret. Her siblings (David, older and Rae, younger) are suddenly not speaking to each other. And David's toddler daughter calls everything a banana (except bananas). Isabel is the first to admit that she's not very good at relationships. Rather than just ask her family members what's going on, she investigates: tailing, eavesdropping and snooping. (Granted, this is not atypical for the Spellmans, who go on "disappearances" instead of vacations.) Instead of talking to her boyfriend Henry about their future, she starts going out drinking with Henry's mother.Still, Izzy is perturbed about her family's apparent unravelling, and resolves to do something about it. Is Izzy finally growing up?Lutz has included all the ingredients of her winning Spellman series recipe: copious footnotes and appendices, plus.this time, "copies" of school assignments created by her siblings. It's not as laugh-out-loud funny as the first book in the series, but you might still find yourself giggling to yourself. *Many thanks to the publisher for the Advance Reading Copy.
    • 3/5
      I had to return it to the library, so I won't do a usual kind of review of Trail of the Spellmans by Lisa Lutz, but I'll make a few comments about it. This is the latest in a humor/mystery series featuring Izzy (Isabel) Spellman and her aggressive, uninhibited family that runs a private detection agency. She's in her 30s now and her romantic life remains complicated. These aren't typical mysteries. The Spellmans surveil people (and often each other) and decipher their dirty (or not dirty) deeds. When Izzy mentions it would be nice to get a murder case, her mother says, "We can dream."The dialog is always sharp and funny, and Lutz is particularly good at having characters act in bizarre, unlikely fashion, only to have the reader later learn why - and the why is always reasonable and logical. For example, Izzy's mother suddenly takes up a variety of seemingly unrelated hobbies and classes, like ceramics, Russian, crocheting, for no apparent reason. Turns out there is an amusing and very good reason.In this one the Spellmans are surveiling a husband, sister and daughter, and keeping their clients and ethics straight is a challenge, not to mention the whys and wherefores of what their investigations disclose. Izzy sorts it all out in a questionably ethical, but unquestionably right, way. At the same time she's investigating what's going on in her own family and trying to determine whether she can ever have a long-term romance (she's up to ex-boyfriend #13. There are a lot of good laughs, and Lutz is adept with footnotes, including several improbably involving actor Morgan Freeman.
    • 3/5
      Let me start by saying I'm not a big fan of humorous mysteries. I'm not a Carl Hiaasen reader. I stopped Janet Evanovich after book four. However, I have great respect for authors who can write humorous mysteries because I think it's one of the hardest genres to be consistently good at.So, when I initially read the Spellman Files by Lisa Lutz I was surprised how 'laugh out loud' funny it was. I continued laughing through the antics of the Spellmans in books two through four. I whole-heartedly recommend reading them.Then something happened and Lutz co-wrote Heads You Lose with her ex-boyfriend, still friend David Hayward. It was like she took an anti-comedy pill. I struggled through 50 pages and had to put it down.With Trail of the Spellmans (Document #5) Lutz is climbing out of the abyss and starting to get her groove back. As with most of her Spellman books, it's a mish mosh. There is the usual intra-family subterfuge. In addition, they are hired by three related people to follow other members within this triumvirate, for reasons not readily apparent. And then there is Walter, who leaves his house afraid he left the toaster plugged in or the water running. Hey, in the private eye business, you take what you can get.Lutz has also introduced a likeable new employee, Demetrius, aka D, an ex-con who served 15 years in jail for a crime he didn't commit. And there is the always dependable Henry, with whom Isabel has moved in. Lutz's characteristic footnotes and appendices are present, although not in such quantities as in prior books. As always, Lutz lets you know that more Spellman mania could very well be down the pike.While not her greatest Spellman book, Trail of the Spellmans certainly is required reading for Spellman fans. It's a quick, enjoyable read, minus the laugh-out-loud component (I did chuckle a few times though). So, if you haven't read a Lisa Lutz book, start with the Spellman Files and work your way through this short series. If you have read one of the books, just keep going through them in order. You'll be laughing til tears come out of your eyes.P.S. I was pleased to see that Ms. Lutz, on her last page. supported independend bookstores and suggested strongly that we frequent them. For that alone, this book is worth reading!
    • 4/5
      Excellent addition to the Spellman case files, although it's weird that Izzy is the most grown-up. I love Sydney and D. They're great additions.
    • 4/5
      This book made me a little frustrated with Izzy. The more she avoids things she’s not comfortable dealing with, the more immature it seems. Though based on some of the family secrets revealed in this book, there’s no surprise that she’s more than a little damaged. The way she handled her relationship with Henry made me wonder how they managed to stay together for 2 years. Apparently, he’s a masochist.But regardless, I still enjoy this series. Is this the last? Who knows… I think it was supposed to end two books ago.
    • 3/5
      As the subtitle indicates, this book represents the fifth volume of the continuing saga of the Spellmans, a dysfunctional family of private investigators living in San Francisco. I have been a fan of the series and Lisa Lutz’s whacky sense of humor for years but, unfortunately, what was once charming and entertaining, has begun to grow stale. The inability of the Spellman family members, and especially its thirty-something main character Isabel, to communicate with each other is no longer as funny as it used to be now that we have seen the results of their self-destruction behavior. Once again Isabel is torpedoing her own relationships by her own inability to discuss anything openly with anybody. This is a character I have always liked but watching her destroy her life is painful, even if she is fictional. If Kathy Bates were Lisa Lutz’ number one fan, she’d likely kidnap her to make her write some common sense into her characters*. *Rent ‘Misery’. The review copy of this book was obtained from the publisher via the Amazon Vine Program.
    • 4/5
      This is the fifth book in the Spellman series but only the second Spellman book I read. (I read #1 and then jumped to this one.) I thought Lutz smoothed out her writing style in the interval (the first book felt a bit disjointed). If you’re not familiar with the series, the Spellmans are a San Francisco-based family who own a private investigation business run by the Spellman parents and employing Isabel (our narrator) and sometimes Rae (the youngest daughter—in college in this book). The focus is squarely on the dysFUNction of the family (they tend to use their PI techniques to get up in each other’s business) rather than on their cases (though I did think Lutz had a better grip on the cases than in the first book).In this book, Mama Spellman is suddenly taking up hobbies and attending classes outside of the home on a regular basis and Izzy wants to know why. (The answer, when it comes, was pretty funny.) On the boyfriend front, Izzy spends more time avoiding him than being with him (and has already given him his number in the list of ex-boyfriends). Rae is in college but in a mysterious war with brother David, who has undergone a complete personality transformation since becoming a full-time stay-at-home dad. Living with the Spellmans is an ex-convict (wrongfully imprisoned) who always seems like the voice of sanity compared to the Spellmans.This is a fun series that is more about the family interaction and the humor rather than the “mysteries” of their various clients. If you already read the series, this was a worthy entry. If you’re new to the series, I’d definitely recommend it (but maybe start with the first book and work your way forward). In a way, it is similar in focus and tone to Janet Evanovich’s Stephanie Plum series—except this one is smarter and more amusing!
    • 4/5
      I remember when I first started this series. As soon as I read the first novel, I was hooked. The Spellmans were just so hilariously dysfunctional and I loved them all. It was really fun reading about Izzy and I wanted to watch her grow into a mature adult. By the end of the fourth book, she had reached a good place and it seemed like she had settled into her new life. I had mixed feelings when I found out there would be a fifth novel since I thought the fourth book ended perfectly.This book definitely still has those laugh out loud moments that Lutz is famous for. Izzy is still as insane and endearing as ever, and so is her family. I really liked the addition of Demetrius to the Spellman clan and he seemed to be a great influence on everyone.This is a solid addition to the series, but it does seem a little lacking at times. There weren’t even any Henry and Rae scenes! The whole book seems to be missing the spark and charm that I loved in the first four novels. The Spellman clan seemed so fragmented and Adult Izzie is fine to read about, but a part of me does miss Irresponsible and Reckless Izzie.I’m completely invested in this series and I adore the Spellman family. I recommend this series to anyone looking for a laugh and wanting to meet a dysfunctional and loveable family of private investigators.
    • 4/5
      The fifth in the Spellman family series, finds private investigator Izzy Spellman and her quirky family of sleuths, engaged in a lot of weird activities—even for them. Mom has taken on an outrageous assortment of extracurricular activities. Dad has a secret. Her brother and sister are at war, but neither will reveal the source of the conflict. There is one source of sanity in the Spellman household: Demetrius Merriweather, employee of the month for eighteen months straight. On top of everything Grandma Spellman has come to live with the family. On top of all the family craziness, various members of Spellman Investigation are hired to follow a variety of people—that slowly begin to overlap. I love this series. Though the mysteries are not always complicated—the family is a joy. This one did take on a few more serious changes in the relationships of the family—which I found sad but understandable. 4 out of 5 stars.
    • 5/5
      The Spellmans are back in their typical dysfunctional way. D (Demetrius Merriweather), an ex-con introduced in Document #4, has joined the crew. We are also introduced to Sydney Spellman, David’s daughter, who seems to have her own neurotic association with bananas. Rae is sitting in trees. And Grammy Spellman is coming to live with the family, if only someone could get along with her. Investigations are starting to interfere with each other, they have to introduce a Chinese Wall. And then someone in the family will have to defeat it. There is a real shake-up brewing in the Spellman home. Investigations introduce a neurotic mathematician, someone broke into his home and made toast. Then there’s the family who want to investigate their daughter, and another man who just wants to be followed. A wife who wants to have her husband followed, and whose brother wants her followed. Naturally, Izzy has to cross everyone she meets, pushing her own luck with the company. She is still seeing ex-boyfriend #13, but for how long? This book answers a lot of questions:* Why doesn’t David seek revenge on his sister, Rae?* Has D been dating a single woman in secret? * Have D and Grammy Spellman founded a friendship, or a conspiracy?* Who broke into the mathematician’s house to make toast and do other forms of sabotage?* How can they get rid of Grammy?Just in case everything might become reasonable in the Spellmans home, they introduced nicknames. But there is little risk of functionality in this family.
    • 4/5
      The Spellmans – mom Olivia, dad Albert and two daughters – are going about their business (detecting) and all is well. Or is it? Izzy (daughter #1) thinks there’s something fishy going on with a female client who wants her wealthy husband followed. Rae (daughter #2) has mixed feelings about following a female college student about her own age – at the request of her parents. And a client with obsessive-compulsive disorder wants Izzy to check to make sure all is well at his apartment. And, as usual, the family relationships are strained, convoluted and messy. The only sane person at the Spellman agency is Demetrius or “D”, who is newly out of prison after having served 15 years for a crime he didn’t commit. When Grandma Spellman moves in and joins the family circus, Olivia goes bonkers trying avoidance first, then subtle warfare. But D and Grandma are bonding. What??? Then there’s Izzy’s love life, such as it is, complicated by the arrival of her beau Henry’s mom.Readers who like their mysteries “straight” aren’t the prime targets of these delicious Spellman stories. No, they’re for people who like light, frothy and fun stories that focus as much on relationships (odd as they are) and not on detecting. I mean, who else writes voluminous footnotes and appendices in a novel but Lisa Lutz? Although I thought the story got off to a slow start, it soon picked up steam and had me laughing out loud. Bring on more of them!
    • 3/5
      After the last entry in the series - The Spellmans Strike Again - I though it was good the series was coming to an end (that was the rumor at the time). Though Izzy and her family are funny, wacky, and completely dysfunctional, the series was becoming stale. None of the characters seemed to grow or learn from their many, many mistakes. Luckily, Lisa Lutz didn't disappoint with the newest entry.In Trail of the Spellmans, all members of the family are in fine form. They are as unpredictable, uncommunicative, and sneaky as always. But, there were also some twists: finally, Izzy, David, and Rae each practiced a little self-reflection and came to significant conclusions. It was great to see the Spellman kids grow up a bit. The resulting changes should keep the series fresh and interesting for at least a few more books.Overall, a satisfying addition to the Spellman family.

      1 person found this helpful

    Book preview

    Trail of the Spellmans - Lisa Lutz

    Trail of the Spellmans: Document #5, by Lisa Lutz.

    Contents

    Surveillance Report: Vivien Blake

    Part I: Surveillance

    The Man in the Library

    The Woman in the Navy-Blue Raincoat

    The Girl With the Rap Sheet

    Filling in the Blanks

    The Demetrius Effect

    The Gopher, the Eagle, the Tortoise, and the Weasel

    Walter Perkins

    Domestic Disturbances

    Sibling Conflict #157

    The Avoidance Method

    The Weekly Summit

    Edward Slayter

    Trapped . . . Again

    King, Queen, Castle, Horse

    The Fourth Wall

    The Idle Ceo

    Sunday-Night Dinner #48

    Paperwork

    Bad Detective

    Intersection

    Part II: The Wall

    Brick By Brick

    Recreational Surveillance

    Shelter From the Storm

    The Morning After

    After The Flood

    Home

    Guess Who’S Coming to Dinner?

    Meg Cooper/Margaret Slayter

    Unknown Caller

    The Grammy Spellman Effect

    The Scarlet B

    The Bernie Project and Other Miscellaneous Activities

    Back On Planet Spellman . . .

    Blame it On Puccini

    Inside Job

    The Conversation

    Lost in Translation

    Berniegate

    Edward Slayter Vs. Charlie Black

    A Chink in the Armor

    Surveillance Report: Vivien Blake

    Part III: Ruins

    The Tree Incident

    More Evidence

    Smoke Fumes

    How to Negotiate Everything

    Old Habits

    Genetics 101

    Driving Mrs. Spellman

    The Blake Fake

    Taxi Driver

    The Portrait of Dora Maar

    The Last Supper

    Good-Bye, Walter

    $$ Justice 4 Merri-Weather $$ and a Few Others

    Good-Bye, Grammy

    The Sparrow Flees the Nest

    Hiding Out

    Propositions

    The Coup

    Fallout

    Twenty-One

    Appendix

    Affidavits Against Bernie

    Acknowledgments

    Reading Group Guide

    Introduction

    Topics & Questions for Discussion

    Enhance Your Book Club

    A Conversation With Lisa Lutz

    About Lisa Lutz

    Praise for Trail of the Spellmans

    "Private investigator Isabel ‘Izzy’ Spellman is not your typical gumshoe . . . irreverent . . . amusing . . . [Trail of the Spellmans is] a wise (and wise-cracking) choice for mystery readers seeking a break from the genre’s bloodier fare."

    —Booklist

    Engaging. . . . Lutz’s dry, biting humor is in full force.

    —Publishers Weekly

    Enormously humorous. . . . Lisa Lutz has a distinct flair for comedy. She does an outstanding job introducing fresh and unforgettable characters while painting laugh-out-loud scenes.

    —Advocate Weekly

    Twisted, fun. . . . You can’t help but grin.

    —St. Louis Dispatch

    "[Lutz’s] fifth entry in the series, Trail of the Spellmans, is the best yet as both the professional interests of the investigators and the personal relationships amongst the Spellmans collide in spectacular fashion."

    —Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine

    [Lutz] does an outstanding job introducing fresh and unforgettable characters while painting laugh-out-loud scenes. . . . Fresh, lively and consistently humorous.

    —Bookreporter.com

    "Lisa Lutz’s Spellman books are always hilarious, but Trail of the Spellmans reminded me how serious funny books can be. As precocious as the Spellman kids have always been, they’re only now really coming of age and the result is, yes, hilarious, but also tender and melancholy and full of hard-won wisdom. This one’s going to stay with readers for a long time."

    —Laura Lippman, award-winning author of more than 15 books, including the recent novel I’d Know You Anywhere and the Tess Monaghan series

    Praise for The Spellmans Strike Again

    Lie back and enjoy this tale of intergenerational gumshoe mayhem.

    —Kirkus Reviews

    [Lutz] delivers another engaging blend of wisecracks and crime-solving.

    —Booklist

    Fans of comic mystery who haven’t already discovered the Spellman family series are going to want to read this book and then rush out for the other three. . . . If you like Janet Evanovich, you are going to love the Spellmans.

    —The Globe and Mail

    Praise for Revenge of the Spellmans

    Izzy is off for another wild ride in Lisa Lutz’s third madcap private-investigator novel. . . . Izzy’s life . . . is so well documented—and she is such an endearing mess—that we want to find the evidence supporting her.

    —San Francisco Chronicle

    Amazingly, it all makes sense in the end, and Isabel and her quirky family are such good company that you won’t mind even when it doesn’t.

    —People (three stars out of four)

    San Francisco PI Isabel ‘Izzy’ Spellman endures court-ordered therapy sessions as well as blackmail in Lutz’s wacky crime novel, the third entry in a series that keeps getting better and better.

    —Publishers Weekly (starred review)

    Praise for Curse of the Spellmans

    This is one of the best comic novels I’ve ever read, and that includes Carl Hiaasen and Janet Evanovich. The Spellmans—a collection of misfits whose family business is a private detective agency—are hilarious, smart and irresistible.

    —The Globe and Mail

    "Fans of The Spellman Files will laugh just as loudly at the comic antics chronicled in this sparkling sequel."

    —Publishers Weekly (starred review)

    "The snappy, honest narration by Get Smart–obsessed Izzy keeps things popping, with its mix of trade talk and brutal honesty."

    —Kirkus Reviews

    Praise for The Spellman Files

    "Move over, Carl Hiaasen. . . . The Spellman Files starts out funny and does not let up. . . . Simply put, this tale of the Spellman family is irresistible, and you hate to see the romp end."

    —St. Louis Post-Dispatch

    [Isabel Spellman is] the love child of Dirty Harry and Harriet the Spy. . . . It’s not the mystery of how these cases ultimately resolve that will pull readers through, but the whip-smart sass of the story’s heroine, ace detective of her own heart.

    —People

    "Hilarious. My enjoyment of The Spellman Files was only slightly undercut by my irritation that I hadn’t written it myself. The funniest book I’ve read in years!"

    —Lauren Weisberger, author of The Devil Wears Prada and Chasing Harry Winston

    CLICK HERE TO SIGN UP

    Trail of the Spellmans: Document #5, by Lisa Lutz. Marysue Rucci Books.

    To my two favorite Morgans,

    Morgan Dox and Morgan Freeman

    SURVEILLANCE REPORT: VIVIEN BLAKE

    I do my job. I watch. I take notes. I snap pictures and record video. I document subjects’ activities through a filter of twenty years of disassociation. I don’t judge. I don’t manipulate the evidence. I simply report my findings to the client. The client can use the information however they see fit. At least that’s the line I feed them. But the truth is always a murkier business.

    November 2

    2330 hrs

    Female subject, 5’5", 125 lbs, dark brown hair, wearing blue jeans and a gray hooded sweatshirt over a dark green military jacket, exits a San Francisco apartment building at Twenty-sixth and Noe. She walks east down the street, scanning the parked cars. She presses a remote key and looks for a flash of headlights. A BMW winks in the distance. Female subject spins in a circle, checking her perimeter; approaches car; gets inside; and starts the engine. She drives east down to South Van Ness Avenue and makes a left turn, stopping on the corner of Seventeenth and South Van Ness at the establishment of Oscar’s Auto. Subject drives vehicle into covered garage. Unable to establish a visual on subject for fifteen minutes.

    2345 hrs

    Subject and an unknown male (midforties, heavyset, wearing blue mechanic’s jumpsuit with the Oscar’s Auto logo embroidered on the breast pocket) exit the office of establishment. They approach a tow truck with the same logo painted on the side. Subject slips an unidentifiable object into her pocket and jumps into a truck with unknown male. Investigator follows subject vehicle to a liquor store. Unknown male enters the store and leaves three minutes later with a large brown bag (about the size of a six-pack of beer).¹

    The tow truck returns subject to the residence on Twenty-sixth Street where she was previously seen exiting. Subject rings the buzzer. (Could not establish unit number.) Female subject then enters the building and all visual contact is lost.

     * * *

    The preceding events would appear innocent enough to the naked eye, but let me enlighten you as to what the naked eye missed just a few hours earlier that evening: Female Subject met the owner of the BMW in a bar; Female Subject was not of legal drinking age; Female Subject was not the owner of the vehicle taken to Oscar’s repair shop. Finally—and how could you know this?—Oscar’s Auto is a well-known chop shop, doing an arthritic limbo under the radar of the law. Subject, based on my three weeks of surveillance, was a regular menace to society, masquerading as a high-achieving coed.

     * * *

    My phone rang just as I was about to end the surveillance and head home. The caller ID said The Tortoise. Someone had been tampering with my phone.

    Hello, I said.

    Where is everyone?

    I don’t know, Dad. For the record, I wasn’t withholding information. I really didn’t know.

    I’m tired of always being alone in the house.

    You’re not alone.

    Other than You Know Who.

    Why doesn’t You Know Who have a nickname yet? I asked.

    I think we’re going with ‘You Know Who’ as a nickname.

    Kind of messes with our animal theme, don’t you think?

    Sometimes you got to break protocol.

    True, I said. I couldn’t have agreed more.

    I’m lonely.

    Sorry to hear that, Mr. Tortoise.

    And I hate my nickname. I should be able to come up with my own.

    Did you call for a chat?

    Dinner did not go over very well.

    The roast? I asked.

    Inedible.

    And that’s something coming from you. Did Mom blame me?

    No, she took full responsibility.

    Where is she?

    Origami or pie making, I don’t remember.

    Those are two very different things, Dad.

    Any action tonight?

    Silence.

    Are you there? Dad said. I could hear him tapping his finger on the phone, like it was an old transistor radio.

    I thought we were no longer sharing information.

    Only on cases we’re working separately. So, any action? Dad repeated.

    Not unless you consider studying or watching TV—or both—action.

    Good. Can you drop by the house on your way back? I need the surveillance camera for tomorrow.

    What’s tomorrow?

    You know better than to ask questions like that.

     * * *

    I waited outside the Noe Valley apartment for another five minutes, gathering my thoughts. Female subject peered out of the window, checking the empty street, and then defenestrated herself, hanging from the window frame and dropping four feet to the ground. She then sauntered down the street in the direction of her apartment, just over a mile away.

    After my conversation with the Tortoise, I made a quick U-turn and watched female subject through my rearview mirror. I had to ask myself whether I was doing my job or if I was an accessory after the fact.

     * * *

    At home, I found my father staring at a stack of paperwork that had to be filed. Filing always made him sad, borderline depressed, and since he thought he’d seen the end of those days, to have them return only stoked his sadness. He pressed the intercom button when he saw me.

    The Gopher has landed, he said.

    I really wish you’d stop that, I said.

    I can’t, he helplessly replied.

    Where’s Mom? I asked.

    "The Eagle² is on the tarmac."

    It’s just pathetic, I muttered as I left the room.

    The Eagle was indeed on the tarmac (or the couch, as it is commonly known), watching the evening news.

    On the drive to Spellman headquarters I debated, as I have over the last three months, how much information I should divulge. I’m a spectacular liar (magician of the truth is the new phrase I’m working with). I’ve studied deception enough to know the universal tells, and I can embody honesty to virtually anyone, except a member of my family. With them I have to turn my behavior inside-out, assume a liarlike demeanor at all times—toss in sarcasm with the truth. A salad of honesty and deception is the only way I can get away with an untruth. My point is that I was planning on lying to my parents about the evening’s events and there is a particular way to go about it.

    Did the Sparrow flee the nest at all this evening? my mother asked, staring at the evening news.

    The Sparrow did indeed flee the nest, and another nest, and then she stole a car. With the right delivery, I could both manage a lie and have it read like the truth.

    Not unless you count a study break of grand theft auto, I sarcastically replied.

    Write it up, said Mom. I think it might be time to tell the Blakes that this surveillance is merely a drain on their bank account.³

    Maybe we wait just a little bit longer, I replied.

    Why? my mother asked suspiciously. That doesn’t sound like you.

    It’s finals week. She could be distracted.

    I fetched a beer from the fridge and sat down on the couch next to my mom.

    Don’t forget to write the report, Mom said. It’s always better to do it when it’s fresh in your mind.

     ‘Subject remained in her apartment for five hours studying.’  I spoke as if into a tape recorder. It shouldn’t take very long to type that up.

    Silence finally set in.

    Television is the perfect anecdote for unwanted conversation. I don’t know how humans ever survived without it.

    After a few bars of the grating evening-news theme song, an earnest middle-aged man related a story about a brutal triple-murder-followed-by-suicide in Vallejo. He looked appropriately grave for two full seconds and then turned to his female counterpart.

    She nodded, furrowed her brow, and said, A tragedy . . . And now, I believe we have some breaking news about the tree sitters in Berkeley.

    The camera shifted to the image of a khaki-and-windbreaker-clad newscaster in front of the oak grove on the UC Berkeley campus. Over the hum of protesters and bullhorns, the newscaster shouted into the microphone.

    For a week now, tree sitters working in shifts have lived on the three-hundred-year-old oak tree in protest of a campus development project that would require the trees’ removal. Negotiations began last week but have stalled . . . University officials are once again at odds with the environmental activists who have proven to be worthy adversaries in the past . . . 

    Just then my father entered the room and planted himself next to me on the couch. You have to admire their dedication, he said.

    I want to know when they use the restroom, my mother said.

    That’s what the bucket is for, I said.

    The newscaster continued his report.

    . . . The tree sitters have managed to maintain a constant vigil by working in shifts. In the middle of the night there was a changing of the guards, when the police were called away by a disturbance in the sculpture garden . . . 

    The camera panned over to one of the grand old oaks and closed in on the tree sitter du jour. The reporter continued. Currently the police are trying to find a safe and peaceful way to end the standoff. We will keep you posted on the latest developments.

    The news cut to an Ivory Soap commercial. My mother picked up her cell phone, pressed number three on her speed dial, and waited until the voice mail kicked in.

    Rae. This is your mother calling. Get the hell out of that tree right now!

    1. I have an eye for this sort of thing.

    2. I’ll explain all this animal crap shortly.

    3. Shockingly, my mother shows occasional bursts of fiscal integrity.

    Part I

    SURVEILLANCE

    (September)

    THE MAN IN THE LIBRARY

    For reasons that will forever remain a mystery, my sister scheduled the client meeting at the main branch of the San Francisco Public Library—specifically, the government section, which is low traffic, offering privacy for a new client intake. The file was left on my desk with all the relevant details, including the time and place of the meeting and a brief description of the client: male, five feet eleven, brown hair, brown eyes, fortyish, average in every way (apparently his own description). The only other detail in the newly minted file was the client’s contact information and his name: Adam Cooper.

    I arrived early, sat down at one of the glass-encased study desks, and read the same page of a chess theory book that I had been reading over and over again. When I heard footsteps approach, I immediately stuffed the book in my bag. The last thing I needed was to get ensnared in a long-winded discussion on chess strategy when I don’t know any.

    Adam Cooper was indeed average in every way—the kind of guy who could confound a police lineup by virtually blending into the wall. That’s not to say that Mr. Cooper’s face was entirely void of character, but the character surfaced at unsuspected times. The only other thing worth mentioning was that he wore a navy-blue sweater vest. Any time someone under the age of sixty wears a sweater vest it’s worthy of comment.

    Are you the Gopher? he asked me with an ironic grin.

    Excuse me?

    The woman who confirmed the appointment said that I should ask you that question to be sure I was meeting the right individual.

    You are meeting the right person, I said.

    I’d never been asked that specific question before—Are you the Gopher?—but I had a feeling where it originated from. And I can assure you that the originator was going to suffer the consequences.

    Why do they call you the Gopher? he asked, smiling. And here, a spark of character surfaced, teeth short and crooked in a way that made him seem friendlier. Maybe it was the sweater vest he wore, or the goofy boat shoes, or the way his bangs hung a little too low on his face. If pressed at the time, the one word I would have used to describe Adam was harmless.

    Call me Isabel, I replied.

    Is that your real name?

    No. It’s ‘the Gopher.’ But I use ‘Isabel’ professionally, I said.

    That makes sense, Adam replied, taking a seat.

    So, Mr. Cooper.

    Call me Adam.

    Adam, how can I help you?

    I want you to follow my sister.

    THE WOMAN IN THE NAVY-BLUE RAINCOAT

    A scrap of paper rested on the floor next to the trash bin. Sloppy script sliced between the ragged edges. I was about to toss it in the trash when I caught a glimpse of a flurry of borderline-illegible words, followed by a phone number.

    Margrt S. (sounds like alligator)

    Husband

    Not suspicious

    Maybe nothing

    September 33rd—high noon

    415-***-****

    I found my mother and Demetrius¹ in the kitchen reviewing a list of baking classes at the CIA (Culinary Institute of America; there certainly is an unusual cross-section of organizations that also use that acronym—see appendix).

    I’m thinking about taking a pastry-making class. What do you think? Mom said.

    I’d rather you didn’t, I replied.

    Show your mama some respect, D said.

    "Respectfully, I wish you wouldn’t. Now I am changing the subject.²

    I found this scrap of paper on the floor, I said, tossing it on the table. I want to make sure it’s okay to chuck it.

    Mom pushed her reading glasses down to the bridge of her nose and studied the note. Rae phoned the client to verify. I think she left the file on your desk.

    What is it? I asked.

    I took a call after my root canal. Clearly I was on more drugs than I thought. It’s under the name Slayter.

    That’s a weak rhyme with ‘alligator,’  I said. And I can’t remember the last time September had thirty-three days.

    Since most of the call was a blur, I can’t comment, Mom replied.

    Maybe you shouldn’t answer calls when you’re on narcotics, I suggested.

    Sounds like an excellent company policy, Mom replied.

    You know what else might be an excellent company policy? Getting some work done, I said. I had noticed in recent weeks my mother growing increasingly slack on the job.

    I’ll get to it later, Mom said. Now, if you could excuse me, I have to decide between taking a master class on pies and one on cupcakes.

    Do they offer Toast-Making 101? I asked, heading back into the office.

     * * *

    There was indeed a Slayter file on my desk, generated by our seasonal employee, and my sister, Rae. While her notes were more organized, they were almost as baffling as my mother’s.

    Client: Mrs. Margaret Slayter

    Contact Info: [redacted]

    Meeting Time: September 3, noon.

    Location: Botanical Gardens, GG Park

    Description: White female, midforties, navy-blue suit

    Slayter: The rhododendrons are nice this time of year.

    Reply: So are the azaleas.

    Notes: Client will sketch out details in person. Most likely a domestic case.

    I promptly picked up the phone and dialed.

    What?

     ‘The rhododendrons are nice this time of year’?

    That’s what she says, Rae replied. You say the other thing.

    I read off the sheet:  ‘So are the azaleas’?

    Bingo.

    I don’t get it.

    Rhododendrons and azaleas are the same flower.

    I don’t care if they’re man-eating plants.

    Those are a myth.

    Does the case relate to horticulture?

    You know that word? Rae replied with mock enthusiasm.

    I opened the middle drawer of Rae’s desk, extracted a two-pound bag of M&M’s, and poured the contents of said bag out the window.³

    Why are we taking client meetings with lunatics?

    I spoke to her for fifteen minutes. She’s completely sane.

    Then why are we having a summit in the botanical garden and talking about flowers?

    I thought you could use the fresh air and the code phrase is so you know you’re meeting the correct individual.

    How about names and a handshake? I suggested. Why the cloak and dagger?

    Dad’s running an experiment.

    What kind of experiment?

    He thinks if we add a layer of cinematic intrigue to our client meetings—code phrases, exotic locales—we could charge more.

    Are you serious?

    Yes. And he might be onto something; it already worked on the Bloomsfield case.

    This is ridiculous, I said.

    Maybe, Rae replied. But if it works, who cares? Plus, Dad said I can come up with the code phrases, so I’m totally in.

    I’m totally out, I replied.

    Take it up with Dad, Rae said.

    You can count on it.

    Oh, and I almost forgot. Wear a trench coat and sunglasses to the meeting. Clients go crazy for that crap, Rae said, and then disconnected the call.

    I wish I could tell you that I promptly phoned the client and rescheduled the meeting under more professional circumstances, but after consulting with my father, he insisted that we continue with the experiment. Only so much can be expected from a case that was born under a cloud of anesthesia.

     * * *

    The rhododendrons are nice this time of year, said the woman in the navy-blue suit.

    So are the azaleas, I replied.

    The woman in the navy-blue suit swept a nearby bench with a newspaper and took a seat. She was in her midforties, but the preserved kind, like she spent her spare time with her head in a freezer. It wasn’t just her face that she’d spent a small fortune on, to lock in a single expression; her clothes were all designer from top to bottom. I learned to distinguish the difference between designer and knockoffs from a case a while back—otherwise, I couldn’t give a shit. What I can tell you for certain is that her handbag cost more than my car. While I understand the desire to have the best (single-malt scotch is indeed better than most blends), I still have to wonder what deformity of character makes someone think that a bloated leather handbag that can be ripped off your shoulder by anyone with good leverage is an item to covet. Suffice it to say, I knew the client had money and I was happy to take some of it off her hands. I sat down next to her in my snug trench coat and undid a button for comfort.

    Since her face bore no scrutable expression, I stared straight ahead. If the point was for us to blend into the scenery of the botanical gardens, we failed. Other than being Caucasian, we shared no resemblance and looked positively silly next to each other, I’m sure. I even noted that my slouch was in direct contrast to her rigid upright posture, no doubt the result of a personal trainer.

    The client’s name was Mrs. Margaret Slayter. That’s exactly how she’d referred to herself when my sister took the call.

    Thank you for meeting me, she said, fidgeting nervously with the buckle on her purse.

    How can I help you? I asked.

    I want you to follow my husband.

    1. You could either go straight to the appendix or show some patience and know that I’ll get to him shortly.

    2. I’ve discovered that formally announcing a subject change holds far more sway than just simply changing the subject. Try it yourself sometime.

    3. When my sister was little, I told her if she buried the M&M’s she could grow an M&M tree and have a lifetime supply. She watered them with Kool-Aid for two weeks until my mother disabused her of that notion.

    THE GIRL WITH THE RAP SHEET

    Generally when charged with a surveillance assignment, I have some historical ammunition for the job. But with the Cooper and Slayter jobs, I was provided very little information. Adam Cooper simply said that he wanted his sister followed because he was concerned about her well-being. When I asked him to be more specific, he said that he didn’t want to create an investigative bias. (An interesting concept, but a first in my career.) As for Mrs. Margaret Slayter, I asked her if she thought her husband was having an affair and she replied, I simply want to know how he spends his time. It’s not important for you to know why.

    The thing is, usually we do know why.

    A week after we took on the Cooper and Slayter cases, I found the Vivien Blake file. Her name was scrawled on the tab of a file folder sitting open on my mother’s desk. A high school photo with the requisite cloudy blue backdrop mingled with an unusual assortment of other documentation. The girl in the picture was wearing cap and gown and smiling the way you smile when it has just been demanded of you. Other than the reluctant toothy grin, the young brunette had the appeal of a young woman with a bright future ahead of her. Adolescents are not our typical investigative fare. Since we usually discuss active cases in our office, it was unusual that I hadn’t even heard the name on a file that was already two inches thick.

    Tell me about the Blake case, I said when my father eventually entered the office.

    We took the meeting last week, my dad replied defensively.

    Okay.

    You were busy.

    Okay.

    I think you were at Walter’s.¹

    I’m sure I was. Tell me about Ms. Blake.

    Her parents hired us.

    To find her? I asked.

    No. She’s not missing.

    Then why did her parents hire us?

    The Blakes want us to follow their daughter.

    My father settled into his chair and made an effort to appear extraordinarily busy. Before I continued interrogating him, I decided to familiarize myself with the Blake file. It began with an e-mail she wrote after her first month as a freshman at Berkeley.

    To: Ma and Pa Blake

    From: Vivien Blake (vblake99@gmail.com)

    Re: greetings

    Mom and Dad,

    I hope this e-mail finds you well. Despite your concerns before I left home, I have not become a drug addict, a cult member, or a hippie. Sadly San Francisco isn’t what it used to be. I’ll own up to eating too much pizza and soda, but you must allow me a few vices. I can honestly report that I’m attending all of my classes except the eight a.m. world history seminar. I tried to get into the noon one, but it was overenrolled. I just buy the notes later. You can do that, you know. I think it’s also worth pointing out that I got an A on the first world history exam.

    As for church, I haven’t made it there yet, but it’s on my to-do list. I would go if it started at noon. I don’t know why they haven’t implemented late-riser services yet. It’s a niche most religions have failed to tap into.

    I do have a favor to ask, aside from more pizza money, if you think of it: If you’re concerned about me, call me. Not my roommates. Sonia found that last phone call a bit . . . how do I put it? Awkward. Most parents don’t do that sort of thing. Just so you know.

    Not much else to report: I’m alive, my clothes are relatively clean, I’m getting enough sleep, and all

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