Dancing With Monsters

Sawyer

Baby! I’m going on tour!

What? I asked, caught off-guard as I looked up from where I was digging in the basket of clean laundry for a t-shirt that wasn’t wrinkled all to hell.

Shana had done the laundry five days earlier, but she’d only gotten halfway through it. We had it worked out that we’d rotate who did the laundry every other week, but somehow she never fully seemed to complete it. Yeah, she was busy, but it was still frustrating that I didn’t have one damn shirt that I could wear out to dinner.

But when Shana was looking at me with a smile that wide on her face, I really couldn’t get mad at her. It registered then what she’d said. Her bright blue eyes were shining, and her cheeks were stretched wide and flushed pink from her excitement.

I felt my own lips curve into a smile as I looked at her. What do you mean you’re going on tour?!

She bit her lip, but there was no way she could hold back. The news was practically spilling out of her.

So I was at work, and this guy came in to talk to me. The hostess said he requested my section. Then next thing I knew he was telling me he saw me at that showcase I did a few weeks ago, and he handed me a business card and told me that Dani Summerlyn wanted to meet me!

Who?

Shana rolled her eyes and shook her head, her long platinum blond hair swinging back and forth. Dani won USA Pop Stars last year. She’s from Nashville, so her sound is a little bit country with a heavy pop vibe. She’s like the next big thing, and she wants me to go on tour with her!

Are you serious?

Holy shit! This was why we’d left the University of Tennessee, dropped out and moved to Nashville, so Shana could make it as a singer. It had been four years – four long years in which I’d worked as a mechanic, and Shana had worked as a waitress at a café and spent the rest of her time auditioning for anything that involved a singing part, going to open mic nights, booking small gigs, basically doing anything she could to get noticed. I was about ready to throw in the towel and tell her we needed a new dream, because this one just didn’t seem to be panning out, but now this?! Holy crap, my head was spinning.

Shana nodded. I’m serious, baby, she said, her grin never fading. She’s doing a small tour with Remy Wallace, the guy, who came in second in the show, and they need an opening act since the one they had lined up fell through. I met with the two of them, their tour manager and a bunch of people from their label this afternoon, I auditioned, and they offered me the job! And if the tour goes well, they’re going to offer me a record deal! Can you believe it?

I seriously couldn’t. This was the biggest break she’d gotten to date, and it was huge.

I crossed the room and wrapped my arms around her, lifting her into the air as she screamed and giggled. Then I swung her around for good measure, because I couldn’t help myself.

Sawyer! Put me down! she shrieked.

No, I said defiantly around a laugh. No way! I’m so happy for you. For us. This is incredible! I love you so much!

She giggled. I love you too. Now put me down. Seriously.

As I lowered her to the ground, I looked into the blue eyes I’d seen eight years earlier across a room at a high school party. Shana was the new girl, having transferred to our school the summer before our junior year. I’d fallen in love with her at first sight. She was like a glowing ball of energy, and in the beginning, it felt like I couldn’t run fast enough to keep up with her. But then she’d stuck her hand out and pulled me forward, launching me into her world of glitter and shine and sparkle.

She told me how she wanted to be a singer. She wanted to sing the songs she’d written and perform them for thousands of people. She wanted to be famous. And I thought she had the most beautiful voice I’d ever heard. We’d go down to the lake for bonfires, and she’d sit on the tailgate of one of the many trucks backed up in a semicircle surrounding the fire. She’d play anything she knew, and I’d listen to her sing for hours on end. I was enamored with her.

We dated for two years in high school before deciding to go to the University of Tennessee together. Truth be told, my parents weren’t excited. They didn’t love Shana. Her family was ‘new money’ and ours was ‘old money’. Our mothers were in the Junior League together, and my mother thought their family was outlandish and tacky, but I didn’t care. I thought Shana was the most beautiful girl I’d ever laid eyes on. I loved her, and I told her I’d follow her anywhere. So I did – twice.

When we were finishing our sophomore year of college, Shana was stretched out naked on my bed, her fingers dancing on my chest as she hummed some song she’d written. She looked up at me, her eyes alight with excitement and said, I want to go to Nashville.

Yeah, like on a trip? I questioned, half-dazed in post-coital bliss.

She shook her head. No, I want to move there. I’ll have a better chance of making it big if I’m in a place where people can hear me sing.

We will, baby, I told her. In two years when we’re done with school. I’ll go to Vanderbilt for law school, and you can be the most famous, most beautiful singer in the world.

She giggled. It was a sound that I loved. Then she sighed. But I’ll be twenty-two then. That’s so old to be just starting out.

It’s not that old, I reassured her. And you’re beautiful. They’ll love you.

She smiled at me. You promise you’ll come with me?

I’ll go anywhere with you. I love you, Shana.

She bit her lip then, a sign that she wanted to ask me something, but I could tell she was afraid. Sawyer?

Yes.

What if I told you I wanted to go now?

To Nashville?

She nodded eagerly. Yeah, now. Would you go with me? she asked as she swirled her fingers seductively on my chest. I don’t want to go alone.

I realized fairly quickly what she was asking me. Going now would mean dropping out of school.

But what about college? I asked her.

She smiled. I only came to college to find a man to marry, and I’ve already found him.

My eyebrows rose as my heart started to pound. You want to marry me? I asked her.

She nodded. Yes, I do. Then she giggled. See, I’m already saying ‘I do’.

But what about me being a lawyer? I questioned. I need a few more years of school before I can do that, and I want to be able to support you.

Sawyer, you don’t want to be a lawyer. I want you to find something you’re passionate about doing, like me.

I smiled and pulled her closer. "I am passionate about you."

She rolled her eyes playfully at me. "You know what I mean. I want you to find a career you love. She leaned up and kissed me then. Besides, your arms around me are all the support I need."

That was pretty much all she needed to say. I was in. Marry me, I said, looking deep into her bright blue eyes.

She looked at me, smiled and said, Yes.

And that was it. We didn’t tell anyone we were flying to Vegas the next weekend, and we got married at a cheesy little wedding chapel that we both secretly loved. We told our parents the news when we got back, they were beyond pissed, and then we dropped the bomb that we were leaving for Nashville so Shana could pursue her dreams. That pretty much sealed the deal that my parents would forever loathe her, not that she ever really stood a chance with them before, but after we got married, neither of them spoke to me for close to six months. They were especially pissed that I was giving up my education.

In truth, I was relieved to have an out though. Shana was right. I didn’t want to be a lawyer. That was the dream my parents had for me. All they’d ever wanted was for me to meet a nice girl and get my law degree, so I could move back home to our middle-of-nowhere town in Tennessee and promptly join my father’s law firm. No, thank you.

But until Shana pushed me, I was right there on the pre-law track. In my head I never had the intention of finishing my degree in that field. Being a lawyer was like a death sentence to me. I literally couldn’t imagine anything more boring, but I didn’t have any other foreseeable options. Shana presented me with one.

We both figured she’d make it big in no time, and then I would have the freedom to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. Of course it didn’t happen that way.

It didn’t happen that way at all. In truth, we were pretty fucking naïve as to how easy achieving her dream would be. Just because Shana could belt out the national anthem at high school basketball games and sing the latest Carrie Underwood songs didn’t mean she had what it took to make it in the big leagues, and in Nashville, almost everyone had the same dream. The competition was fierce.

We realized after a few months, when the money started to run out because neither of our parents were going to bankroll what we were doing, that we hadn’t saved nearly enough to live off of on a permanent basis, and at that point no one was interested in giving Shana a record deal. Emotionally it was tough, but financially it was harder. For two kids who’d had pretty much everything handed to them their entire lives, things got real very quickly.

We needed to find a way to earn money so we didn’t end up getting evicted. Shana begrudgingly got a job as a waitress, and I got a job at a garage near our apartment. At first all they let me do was assist, but over time I learned the tricks of the trade. Within a year, I was a certified mechanic. And although I didn’t love the job, it didn’t suck either. I got to work with my hands, and I met interesting people. I also learned a lot about cars, which was cool.

Of course I’d always looked at life as an adventure, and I’d always been able to see the bright side of things whereas Shana hated that she had no money to go shopping, she couldn’t pay two hundred dollars to get her hair done, and we couldn’t eat at nice restaurants. She was miserable by the end of our first year.

I tried everything to keep her happy, including using what little extra money we had to buy her presents, but even that backfired on me, so I stopped trying. After four years, things weren’t good for us. I’d tried to stay positive, but it was hard when nothing I did made Shana happy.

Sure, I saw glimpses of the way things used to be, but for the most part, she was just unhappy. And after a while it had started to rub off on me. The excitement I’d embrace life with when I’d first started working at the garage had worn off. And day after day of the same old shit and the infinite prospect that I was going to be a mechanic for the rest of my life didn’t help things. I wasn’t sure what to do. I lived in constant fear that Shana was going to leave me.

We fought constantly – mostly about money – but I loved her. I wanted the old Shana back. I wanted us to be as happy as we were the day we got married. I wanted her to look at me like I was the only man on the planet she could ever fathom loving, but I wasn’t sure she would ever do that again.

But there were times – mostly after a showcase where the crowd had loved her or when she’d get a part in a small off-Broadway play – that she would smile when she looked at me, tell me she loved me and we’d spend the night in bed like we used to. Those days had been fewer and father between as of late, but I still had hope.

So to hear that Shana was finally getting the break we’d been waiting for, that was like the sun breaking through the clouds after years of rain. It was exactly what we needed. I knew as soon as she told me that everything was going to be okay. We were going to be okay.

What does this mean? I asked her, instantly wondering how long she’d be gone.

I missed her already, because I couldn’t remember the last time she’d been this happy. I wasn’t ready to let her go if there was a chance I was getting the girl she used to be back.

She smiled and ran a hand through her hair. It’s a four month tour. Then hopefully I’ll get to work on my own album. This is exactly what I’ve always wanted, she said, shaking her head at me with wide, shining eyes.

I know, Shan. I’m so happy for you.

She smiled. Me too. Sawyer, Dani’s so cool and down to earth. I love her. She was so nice when I played for her. She smiled and told me I had a beautiful voice. And Remy’s got this cool rocker vibe to him. He didn’t say much, but he nodded his head while I was singing, and I knew he liked what he heard. She backed up and shook her head, looking around our room in the small one bedroom apartment we were renting in a shitty part of town. Then she looked back up at me. They’re going to pay me and everything.

She looked so awestruck, like she couldn’t believe someone would want to pay her for her voice. I knew all along she’d make it, though. I had faith in my girl.

Baby, I’m so happy for you, I said, taking a step closer to her. When do you leave?

She wrapped her arms around my naked waist and looked up at me. In a week.

My eyebrows rose. A week?

She nodded. Yeah, the first show’s in Pensacola on New Year’s Eve. I’m going to be crazy trying to figure out my set list and getting to know the band. It’s going to be insane.

That feels a little rushed, I told her, hoping this offer was legit.

She shrugged. The opening act they had backed out. They needed someone fast, and they picked me. I told them I’d be ready. There was no way I was going to turn this down.

She was right. This was the chance of a lifetime. I tried not to be disappointed, but I was. She’d be gone for four months.

Aww, try not to look so sad, Saw, she said, cupping my face with her hand.

Slowly, she pushed me back until my knees hit the bed. I fell back, pulling her with me, and she slid her way on top, so she was straddling my thighs. I looked up at her and smiled as she slid my glasses off of my face and set them on the nightstand.

You should get contacts, she said, her thumbs smoothing under my eyes.

I don’t like them, I told her, because I’d tried wearing them a few years earlier and couldn’t get used to them.

But you’re so hot without your glasses.

And that should have been a clue for me. Shana had been making subtle hints to me for years about everything from my clothes to my hair to my glasses. Add them all up, and you’d think she wasn’t really a fan of the way I looked. But after eight years, I was blind to it.

Another clue should have been the way she never looked at me when we had sex anymore. I’d gotten used to it, since she’d been doing it for over a year, but at first it had made me uncomfortable. I hadn’t questioned it, though, because I was just so grateful that we were having sex that I wasn’t about to say anything.

But she’d looked at me that night. She’d smiled as she rode me, her perfect body rocking back and forth against mine, her hand pressed against my chest. When she’d come apart, I’d thought to myself that I was the luckiest guy in the world.

Of course, my luck ran out a week later.

In hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have been surprised, but with Shana I’d always been hopelessly in love with her and hopeful that we’d be together forever. Now that she’d achieved her dream, she was happy again, and in turn, we’d be happy. I was thrilled for her.

But the day before she was supposed to leave to go on tour, Shana came home looking contrite. When my first thought was that she’d cheated on me – not exactly a healthy thought when we’re talking about someone you’re married to – that should have been enough for me to realize what was happening. The signs had been there for so long, but I hadn’t wanted to see them.

What’s wrong? I asked her, sitting up from where I’d been reading on the couch.

She sighed, so I patted the space next to me. She didn’t take it. She sat in the chair across from me.

Shana, what happened? Is it the tour?

I was suddenly afraid she’d gotten fired.

She nodded, and I expected her face to crumble, but she maintained her resolve. I was proud of her for being so strong until she opened her mouth.

I’ve been thinking.

Yeah? I said it so warily that even I could hear the panic in my voice.

I, uh, I think I need to do this alone.

Well, shit, that was a relief.

Yeah, totally. I get it. I can’t really go with you anyway. I can’t take that much time off of work.

She looked confused for a second, but then she just looked sad for me. I actually wondered why that was. I was an idiot.

"No, Saw, I think I need to do all of this alone," she said, gesturing around her body.

I was confused. I don’t understand.

She sighed. Baby, I’m so sorry. I am. But I’ve been thinking that I, uh, actually don’t think I want to be married anymore.

My eyebrows practically shot off of my head like a cartoon character. What?!

I couldn’t have masked my surprised if I’d tried, so in that moment I just let my emotion show. I was pissed and hurt and so freaking confused. There was no way I’d heard her right. No way in hell. She loved me, and I loved her. That was it. We were married.

Shana didn’t say anything.

Shana, what are you talking about? I prompted, because I needed to know. My heart was racing, and I was starting to freak out.

She started to cry then. Sawyer, we got married so young. I just don’t think it’s the right time for me to be tied down.

But I love you, I told her, as if that would fix everything.

I love you too, she said through her tears.

Then what’s the problem?!

Is there another guy? I asked her, praying she’d say no.

She’d been talking about the people she’d been meeting as she’d rehearsed for the tour, and I’d taken notice to how many of the guys she’d gushed over as she told me about them. Remy’s so cool. Braden is so sexy when he plays drums. Bo is so funny. I just love him. I tried to pretend it didn’t bother me, but it did.

She shook her head as the tears streamed down her cheeks. No, there’s not another guy.

Well, that was a relief – sort of.

Then why? What did I do?

You didn’t do anything, she sobbed.

Then what is it? Baby, we can work through this. Please. I don’t understand.

She shrugged. There was something she wasn’t telling me.

Shana, what the hell is going on?

I’m sorry, Sawyer, she said then. I’m so sorry, but I’m not in love with you anymore.

What? What do you mean? You just said you loved me.

She bit her lip. "I do, but I’m not in love with you anymore. I’m sorry."

The conversation went on from there, but I didn’t remember most of it when it was all said and done. I probably pleaded and begged, completely shoving my manhood to the ground and stomping on it, because I didn’t care. This had come out of nowhere. A week ago – literally just a week ago we’d been celebrating her big break, and now this? I couldn’t comprehend it. All I remembered was the feeling of complete isolation and loneliness as Shana packed for four months and left me without a goodbye. She wasn’t leaving until the next afternoon, but she told me she was going to stay the night in a hotel. She’d give me some space.

I wanted to tell her that was the last thing I wanted, but the words wouldn’t come, so she left, and that was it. She might have given me a look of pity on her way out the door, but I couldn’t even see it. All I heard were her words echoing over and over again in my mind.

I can’t do this.

I need to do this alone.

I don’t want to be married.

I’m not in love with you.

I was a broken man, and Shana, the girl I’d loved for eight years had broken me. And then she was gone. I felt like I wanted to die. So I laid there in our bed for hours, staring up at the cracked ceiling, willing myself to wake up, because I knew it all had to be a dream. This wasn’t happening in real life. It wasn’t real.

But it was. It was so real, and it was my life.

Everything I’d sacrificed for the past four years was for nothing. Nothing. Shana had taken my support and shoved it down my throat. Well, fuck her! Fuck her!

I felt like I’d been ripped in half. I hated my life. I hated everything about it, especially now since the best thing to ever happen to me had walked out of it without a backward glance.

And the worst part was I had nowhere to go. Shana was off on her adventure, the dream I’d supported and pretty much bankrolled because I figured I’d be a part of it when she finally achieved it, and then it would be our dream, was now nothing but a mocking reminder of what a colossal mistake getting married and dropping out of school had been. I was twenty-four years old with no plan, no education and no money.

I was screwed. I was devastated. And I was alone.

Chapter Two

Sawyer

It took me five days to mentally get my shit together, to wrap my head around the fact that Shana was gone, and she wasn’t coming back. Five days was all it took for me to decide, after all those years of fighting with my parents and arguing that I wasn’t ruining my life and telling them they were wrong about Shana, to finally move home. I had no other choice, I told myself. No other choice.

So I tucked my tail between my legs and called my mom. I was too afraid to talk to my dad, to hear the disappointment in his voice, so I took the safe route. And it killed me that with grating satisfaction, my mother smugly told me she knew I’d eventually make the right decision. I wanted to tell her that I hadn’t made a decision at all. It had been made for me, and I hated it. But I bit my tongue and told her I’d see her soon.

Then I packed my shit, got in my crappy car and left Nashville, essentially leaving Shana and everything that reminded me of her behind. It might have been the worst drive of my life. Five hours alone in a car with nothing to do but replay every moment of our relationship in my mind. Where had I gone wrong? What did she want from me that I couldn’t give her? Why wasn’t I enough?

I felt like a giant pussy, but this girl had been my life for eight years. I’d never been with anyone else. She was all I knew, and she was gone? It still didn’t seem real.

When I got to the edge of town, and the sign welcoming me to Rock Valley, Tennessee came into view, it felt like someone had punched me in the gut. Memories of high school, of meeting Shana and driving around aimlessly with her, because we lived in a small town and there was nothing else to do, assaulted me. Places where I’d kissed her and where we’d snuck off to make out before we’d finally slept together after a year of doing everything but flashed by me as I drove through town. She was everywhere.

I pulled into the driveway of my parents’ palatial house on the outskirts of town and parked in front of the garage. My dad was going to have a fit when he saw my ten year-old Civic sitting there, because it needed a new paint job and the dent in the back where Shana had backed it into a light pole had never been fixed. The car ran great, because in four years I’d learned how to fix anything that might have gone wrong and kept the engine in pristine condition, but it didn’t look so hot. Worse than what my car would look like from the street was the fact that my dad was going to kill me when he found out I’d sold my Corvette. He’d given it to me to take to college, and I’d sold it for cash when Shana and I had first moved to Nashville. He had no idea.

I hadn’t been home in four years, and my parents hadn’t cared to visit me in Nashville. The fact that I was sitting in front of a house that I knew so well but that now felt foreign to me should have told me that this was a bad idea, but I didn’t think I had any other options.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly before opening the door and heading up the front walk. The house was quiet when I entered, and for a second I wasn’t sure if my parents were home. Then my mother came around the corner with a huge smile on her face, her arms out wide before she pulled me into a hug.

Oh, baby, it’s so good to see you, she said, the familiar perfume she’d worn her whole life engulfing me. Welcome home.

Hi Mom.

I found it odd that she looked older, although I was sure she could say the same about me. It’s just that when you’re a kid, your parents almost seem ageless. They’re always somewhere around middle-aged, and you don’t really expect them to change, but after four years, the lines around my mother’s eyes had gotten a little more pronounced. It was subtle, but I could see the difference.

She pulled back and appraised me, no doubt seeing the dark circles under my eyes since I hadn’t been sleeping much in the past week.

She frowned before she said, You look thin, Sawyer. Have you been eating?

I shrugged. Food hadn’t sounded good, so I’d eaten very little of it in the past week.

She shook her head in dismay. I’m not sure I’ll ever forgive that girl for what she did to you, but you’re home now, and you can forget all about her. She’s in your past.

Yeah, but she’s really not since we’re still married.

I knew my mother had the best intentions, but I wasn’t a fan of what she was saying. I didn’t want Shana in my past. I wanted her in my present and my future. I wanted her to still want to be my wife.

Thanks Mom, I said, because I didn’t want to argue with her, but more than that, I didn’t want to talk about Shana. Every time I did, it made my chest hurt.

My mother smiled. Your dad’s at work, and I have a meeting for a charity event the Junior League is hosting in three weeks, but we’ll both be home for dinner. Rosanna is making that pasta dish you used to love. It’ll be just like when you were younger.

Great. That was exactly what I wanted to relive. My youth – back when I was happy and Shana was in love with me. That wouldn’t be painful at all.

Sounds great, Mom, I said in as cheerful of a tone as I could muster.

Sweetie, you look tired. Why don’t you go take a nap?

Yeah, I think that’s a good idea, I said, even though I knew I’d never be able to sleep.

My mind had been on overdrive for the past week trying to figure out exactly what I’d done to lose Shana. I hadn’t come up with anything concrete, and that made wrapping my head around what she’d said a lot harder. I couldn’t make sense of it.

My mother smiled. Wonderful. Well, I’ll see you tonight.

* * *

So what exactly are you going to do with your life, son? my father asked, as he served himself a generous portion of spaghetti carbonara.

He’d waited exactly ten minutes after we’d sat down at the table to ask the question I knew he’d been dying to ask since the second he’d seen me. Of course he’d been distracted by my car sitting in the driveway, wondering who had parked there. That had been a fun conversation that had included lots of yelling and cursing. It had also delayed dinner and made the whole process of familial dining even more strained.

Norm, my mother cautioned, making my father glare at her. She waved him off with her hand and continued. Let the boy settle in. He’s just gotten home.

No! my father boomed, always the loudest man in any room. Sawyer finally rid himself of that gold-digging tramp he stupidly married, and now he has a chance to do something with his life. I want to know what’s next for him.

He looked at me expectantly, and I knew what he wanted hear. He wanted to be assured that despite my brief detour I was going to get back on track to getting my law degree so I could follow in his footsteps and take over the firm. It was what he’d done when his father retired, and I was letting down several generations of Everett men by going rogue.

To buy time, I took a long pull of my sweet tea before making eye contact with my father. I’m not sure, Dad, I finally said.

He looked disgusted with me, which I’d been expecting. Typical, he muttered. You never did have a grip on what you needed to do to make it in this world, Sawyer. You had a free ride to Tennessee. You could have graduated a Vol and gone on to the law school of your choice, but you let that girl suck you in and talk you into getting married. I’m not sure you could have made a worse decision.

He shook his head, so I took my opportunity to shut him down.

First of all, Dad, Shana didn’t suck me in. I fell in love with her completely of my own volition. I married her because I wanted to, not because she told me to. And I didn’t have a ‘free ride’ to Tennessee. We both know nothing you’ve ever given me has been free. There are always strings. My father’s face got so red, I was afraid he might pop, but I wasn’t done talking. You wanted me to be a lawyer, and I–

Damn right, I did, he interrupted.

Dad, I didn’t want to be a lawyer, I said, keeping my voice as steady as possible. I still don’t. I’m sorry, but it’s true.

"Right, you wanted to be a teacher, he said mockingly. I told you I wouldn’t pay for you to go to college so you could get some pansy-ass degree. Teaching is women’s work, and you know it."

I had to fight really hard not to roll my eyes. My parents and their backwards beliefs, shit, it was like living fifty years ago. What decade did they think we were in?

No, it’s not, I muttered, hoping my dad wouldn’t hear me. I didn’t want to make things worse than they already were.

He heard me though. He banged the palm of his hand on the table, making my mother jump. Dammit, Sawyer! It is, and you know it. I had a job held for you, son. All you had to do was get your law degree, and you would have been set up for life. And you didn’t take what I was offering. You shoved it back in my face when you married that girl and followed her to Nashville so she could whore herself out.

My eyebrows shot up. Whore herself out? Dad, what did you think she was doing?

Son, I wasn’t born yesterday. I know how people ‘break in’ to show business. How many other girls was she up against for this ‘chance of a lifetime’ she supposedly got?

Shana’s talented, I defended, not sure why I was doing that. I guess the guy inside me who loved her still felt loyalty to her despite how she’d treated me.

So are lots of other girls, he said. I’d venture to guess that not as many of them are willing to get on their knees to get what they want, and if you don’t believe me, you’re more naïve than I ever thought.

Shana didn’t blow her way onto tour with Dani Summerlyn and Remy Wallace, I said, but as I thought about it, I couldn’t say with one hundred percent certainty that it wasn’t true. I didn’t want to believe it, but my dad had a point. And Shana would have done anything to make it.

You keep telling yourself that if it helps you sleep at night, my dad muttered.

Sawyer, my mother said then, speaking up for the first time in several minutes, we know this isn’t an easy time for you, but all your father is trying to say is that you have a second chance to do things right in life.

I fought the urge to tell her that my father was saying so much more than that, but I held back. I knew he was right about one thing. Somewhere along the way I had screwed up. I knew I shouldn’t have married Shana when I did and dropped out of school. I should have let her go on to Nashville and told her I’d join her when I finished my degree – my degree in education. I should have stood up to my father and told him I’d pay my own way at UT if it meant I could work in a field I was passionate about. But now wasn’t the time to say that.

I know, I said instead, because I was just too tired to argue with them, and saying the things I wanted to say would open up too many cans of worms.

So what are you going to do with this second chance? my mother asked me softly.

I’m going to get a job, I told her, because that’s what I’d been doing for the past four years. Leland’s is hiring. I saw a sign in the window on my way through town.

Her face fell. Leland’s? The auto body shop?

Yeah, mom. It’s kind of what I do now. I’m a mechanic.

My father just looked away in disgust and shook his head, muttering something about a waste of talent.

No, you’re not, my mother said, shaking her head in disbelief.

We hadn’t had a lot of conversations at all in the last four years, so I’d never really told them how I was earning money in Nashville, and they hadn’t asked. In our family, for the most part, we had a don’t ask/don’t tell philosophy if you didn’t want to be disappointed in what you might hear, and this was definitely one of those situations.

I sighed. Yes I am, Mom. I’ve been doing it for four years.

I don’t want you doing that anymore, Sawyer, she said quickly. All of my friends get their cars worked on at Leland’s. My son won’t be changing the oil for people I’m associated with.

Fine, then I’ll see if a garage in another town is hiring.

Sawyer, my mother moaned. "I’m in the Junior League for