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    Children’s Stories from the Viewpoint of a Slug
    Children’s Stories from the Viewpoint of a Slug
    Children’s Stories from the Viewpoint of a Slug
    Ebook116 pages1 hour

    Children’s Stories from the Viewpoint of a Slug

    By Gerrard Wllson

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    About this ebook

    This book contains a mixture of stories, rhymes, jokes, poems and songs about Slugs, the lowly, slimy creatures that we all find so distasteful. Perhaps, though, after you have finished reading this book, you will see them in an entirely different light.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherGerrard Wllson
    Release dateDec 30, 2014
    ISBN9781311051981
    Children’s Stories from the Viewpoint of a Slug
    Author

    Gerrard Wllson

    FREE EBOOKS FOR EVERYONE.****************************************I am a poor writer; this is quite true, writing stories for each one of you. Tales to intrigue, entertain and mystify. That's me, The Crazymad Writer, and I'll do it until I die.If you were to ask me, why do I bother at all, competing against J K Rowling, Darren Shan and Roald Dahl, I would tell you that I LOVE it, writing my stories each day, and if I ever get famous I would appreciate the pay!Furthermore, my eBooks are FREE FREE FREE.Tales of the Extraordinary,The Witches,Alice in Wonderland Christmas,HARRY, oh she is a Rotter!Mad Mr Viscous,Slug Talk,The Tales of Beetle About,Tales of Childhood, volumes 1 and 2,Horrible Horace,Stories for Boys,The Three Faerie Sisters,Christmas: A Carol Betwixt,The Fog,Aliens Landed in Ballykilduff,Stewed Rhymes,A Beer in a Burger Bar,Wot, Nott, Kakuri and the HU BA HOU (A magical, fantasy adventure series)Furthermore, unlike Dahl, Rowling, Shan, Landy and many more authors, my eBooks are completely and utterly FREE.Se ya.And a whole lot MORE.Visit www.thecrazymadwriter.comAnd, remember, my eBooks are FREE, FREE, FREE.******************************************I'm not mad; mad, mad, mad,I'm not mad, not me!I'm not mad, mad, mad, mad,I'm not mad, hee hee.I'M NOT MAD!We'll...not so much that anyone would notice, would they?*****************************************I am Laughing Larry, Laughing Larry today,I am laughing Larry, Laughing Larry hey hey,You might think I’m not serious and I might even agree,But I’m still Laughing Larry, Laughing Larry hee hee.

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      Book preview

      Children’s Stories from the Viewpoint of a Slug - Gerrard Wllson

      Children’s Stories from the Viewpoint of a Slug

      Gerrard Wilson

      Copyright 2014 by Gerrard Wilson

      Smashwords Edition

      Children’s Stories from the Viewpoint of a Slug

      Smashwords License Statement

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each reader. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      Oh, To Have Legs...

      A Funny Thing Happened

      That’s Joe

      A Funny Old World

      A Snail

      Slug Jokes

      I am so Forlorn

      Myles Gets His Comeuppance

      I am a Poor Slug...

      Mrs Slark’s Dahlias

      That’s Love, Isn’t It?

      More Slug Jokes

      Sunday Morning Coming Down

      Some More Slug Jokes

      Myles

      Horrible Horace Spots a Slug

      Yet MORE Slug Jokes

      Love is Fleeting, Forsooth

      True Blue

      The Slug Song

      Old Fat Slugs

      Oh, To Have Legs...

      Oh to have legs like insects and things,

      To walk on all fours is something I dream,

      Or even just two, like HU-MAN THEINGS.

      Would make me so happy, would realise my dreams

      I dream of the day, I grow legs and see,

      What it feels like to walk, not slime so lowly,

      You see, I am a poor slug with no legs at all,

      A garbled old thing, just slime and slow drawl.

      Now don’t get me wrong it’s not all bad, I confess,

      There are some perks living in a damp mess,

      But I cannot help wonder about legs, I admit,

      Oh lord give me legs, be it two, four or six.

      A Funny Thing Happened

      I saw this sleek snail in the green grass one day,

      A flyboy, he was, I do have to say,

      For he whisked himself past as fast could be,

      In a shell of many colours, a flyboy was he.

      *

      I had hardly perceived that he had even arrived,

      Before he disappeared into the sunset – I tell you no lie!

      That snail of many colours, as bold as could be,

      Was a flyboy for sure, so flashy was he!

      *

      He made me so sad, as sad as could be,

      For I am a slug, not flashy, that’s me,

      No shell to impress with colours and bling,

      Just a poor, boring slug and it’s a terrible thing.

      *

      But I do have this plan, a means to an end,

      That could make so cool, like snails and their friends,

      All that I need are paint and a brush,

      A golf ball and glue – not really so much!

      *

      With these said items, I will make myself grand,

      Painting the ball, gluing it on my back is my plan,

      Then I’ll parade myself round as proud as can be,

      Like a snail of many colours and just as flashy, hee hee.

      That’s Joe

      There once was a slug called Joe

      Who wished he were fast, not slow

      Until one day, while alone

      He saw a snail struggling, carrying its home

      Now he slimes about happy, that’s Joe.

      A Funny Old World

      One two buckle my shoe

      Three four knock at the door

      Five six pickup sticks

      Seven eight open the gate

      Nine ten start all over again

      Nah that would be silly,

      I would much rather go looking for slugs to kill.

      (It’s funny old world, isn’t it?)

      A Snail

      One day, while I was contentedly slipping and sliming my way down the garden path, I came face to face with a snail! ‘A snail?’ I can hear you asking, ‘What’s so strange about that?’ Read on, my friend; read on and find out...

      It was no ordinary snail, not by a long chalk. The snail in front of me, barring my way along the garden path, was big, enormous, a veritable GIANT among slugs!

      ‘Yeh, yeh,’ I can now hear you saying, ‘Who does he think he is, snails could never be considered large by any stretch of the imagination.’ Normally I would have to agree with you, that snails, like slugs, are small, quite nondescript creatures, but this one really and truly was a GIANT! This snail, standing there, proud and erect, in his huge shell with yellow and brown markings, stripes, running along it, made me look like a dwarf, a midget in comparison.

      Smiling, low and syrupy, he began speaking, he said, Hello there, my slimy friend, and what a grand day it is for anyone fortunate enough to still have his wife.

      Thrown off my guard by such a peculiar introductory piece of gesticulated vocabulary, I struggled to find words sufficient for a reply.

      Suffering from no such affliction, the huge snail began speaking again, he said, Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Myles; Smiles Myles is how my dear wife used to address me...that is, until yesterday... With that, he began sobbing, slow, laborious, gelatinous and slimy blubbering.

      Peeved, feeling for the hurt, the pain that this mountain of a snail was so obviously enduring, I said, What do you mean...until yesterday?

      A smile; for a split second I thought I saw a smile on his slippery face, then sobbing even louder, he continued with his story, My poor wife in gone, he howled, taken by the  HU-MAN THEINGS, to be sold in their market, boiled in the pot and then eaten.

      Why, that’s terrible! I said, on hearing of this aberration from their accepted way of behaviour.How did it happen? I asked, genuinely feeling an affinity for the snail giant before me.

      Holding back his sobs, he said, They were there...in the park, early yesterday morning...

      How did it happen? I asked, totally drawn into his sorry story.

      I had forgotten that it was Friday, market day, he blubbered, but why should I have remembered, he continued, for they had never hunted us, before!

      Hunted?

      Yes, hunted, he said loudly, enforcing his point. Like, like ...animals!

      But we are animals, albeit small ones, no insult indented, Myles, to your own great size, I replied.

      None taken, he answered blankly

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