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    Freedom from Guilt and Blame: Finding Self-Forgiveness
    Freedom from Guilt and Blame: Finding Self-Forgiveness
    Freedom from Guilt and Blame: Finding Self-Forgiveness
    Ebook78 pages1 hour

    Freedom from Guilt and Blame: Finding Self-Forgiveness

    By Darlene Lancer JD LMFT

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    About this ebook

    Guilt can be an unrelenting source of pain. It keeps us stuck in the past and prevents us from being present and loving ourselves and others. "Freedom from Guilt and Blame" is designed to free you from guilt’s grip. It provides a step-by-step process to overcome guilt and find self-compassion by means of three different methods: cognitive, self-compassion, and spiritual using practical techniques and exercises. You’ll be able to sort out guilt from other emotions and discover whether your guilt is healthy or unhealthy. You’ll also uncover the impact and connection between your values, perfectionism, and codependency and guilt, and learn what to do.

    Healthy guilt actually encourages us to get along with others, improve ourselves, and build self-esteem. However, unresolved guilt can cause anger and resentment, not only at ourselves, but also toward others. We might condemn ourselves–not once, but over and over, or guilt may simmer in our unconscious. Either way, this kind of guilt is insidious and self-destructive and can sabotage our goals and relationships. It lowers our self-esteem and makes us easy targets for blame and manipulation.

    Self-forgiveness following guilt is self-essential to self-worth. Yet, for many of us, self-acceptance remains elusive because of unhealthy guilt – sometimes for decades or a lifetime. Even if what we did was wrong, we can still find self-forgiveness.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherDarlene Lancer JD LMFT
    Release dateJul 21, 2015
    ISBN9781311807182
    Freedom from Guilt and Blame: Finding Self-Forgiveness
    Author

    Darlene Lancer JD LMFT

    Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT is a marriage and family therapist. She is a relationship expert and author of "Codependency for Dummies" and "Conquering Codependency and Shame: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You," as well as five ebooks. Ms. Lancer has counseled individuals and couples for 30 years and coaches internationally. She’s a sought after speaker at national conferences, in media, and to professional groups and institutions. Her articles have been published widely in professional and popular periodicals. More information about her seminars and coaching packages are available on her website, http://www.whatiscodependency.com, where you can subscribe to her blogs and get a free copy of “14 Tips for Letting Go.” Find her on http://www.youtube.com, Twitter @darlenelancer, and http://Facebook.com/codependencyrecoveryHer articles have been published widely in professional and popular periodicals. You can find her blogs at www.WhatisCodependency.com and www.Darlenelancer.com. More information about her seminars and coaching packages are available on her website, www.whatiscodependency.com.

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    • 5/5
      Very helpful with clear definitions and relationships between emotions and behaviours. Includes exercises, many questions for self-reflection and additional recommended resources.

      1 person found this helpful

    Book preview

    Freedom from Guilt and Blame - Darlene Lancer JD LMFT

    Freedom from Guilt and Blame

    Finding Self-Forgiveness

    By

    Darlene Lancer, LMFT

    Author of:

    Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You

    10 Steps to Self-Esteem: The Ultimate Guide to Stop Self-Criticism

    Codependency for Dummies

    Freedom from Guilt and Blame

    Finding Self-Forgiveness

    Darlene Lancer

    ©2015 Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT

    Smashwords Edition

    All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted by any means–electronic, mechanical, photographic (photocopying), recording, or otherwise–without prior permission in writing from the author.

    The information in this book is intended to be educational and not for diagnosis, prescription, or treatment of any mental health disorder. Without a personal, individual, professional consultation with you, the author is unable to give you professional psychological advice. Hence, you understand that the material contained herein is general in nature, and the author disclaims any personal liability, directly or indirectly for suggestions and information in this book.

    Printed in the United States of America

    Learn more at www.whatiscodependency.com

    Table of Contents

    Introduction

    What Guilt Is and Is Not

    What is Guilt?

    Guilt vs. Shame

    Guilt and Codependency

    Your Standards

    Perfectionism

    Your Moral Compass

    Overcoming Guilt

    Cognitive Techniques to Overcome Guilt

    Self-Compassion Techniques to Overcome Guilt

    Religious and Spiritual Techniques to Overcome Guilt

    About the Author

    Introduction

    Most of us experience guilt from time to time. As uncomfortable as it is, guilt is good. Yes! Guilt, when it’s healthy, actually encourages us to get along with others, improve ourselves, and build self-esteem. Self-forgiveness following guilt is self-essential to self-worth, which is key to the enjoyment of life and relationships. Yet, for many of us, self-acceptance remains elusive because of unhealthy guilt - sometimes for decades or a lifetime.

    Guilt can be an unrelenting source of pain. It keeps us stuck in the past and prevents us from moving forward. We might hold a belief that we should feel guilty and condemn ourselves–not once, but over and over. Or, guilt may simmer in our unconscious. Either way, this kind of guilt is insidious and self-destructive and can sabotage our goals and relationships. It lowers our self-esteem and makes us easy targets for blame and manipulation. Unresolved guilt can cause anger and resentment, not only at ourselves, but also toward others in order to justify our actions. For example, a passive-aggressive person feels too guilty to be direct and say no. Resentment builds up that is expressed through behavior. Anger, resentment, and guilt sap our energy, cause depression and illness, and stop us from having success, pleasure, and fulfilling relationships.

    We cannot truly love or be present to ourselves, to God, or to those we love when we feel guilty. Even if what we did was wrong, we can still find self-forgiveness. This book is designed to free you from guilt’s grip. It will help you sort out whether your guilt is healthy or unhealthy and to distinguish guilt from other emotions, such as shame and regret. This is important because the correct approach to healing differs. Codependents and perfectionists frequently suffer from guilt. The links between codependency and perfectionism and guilt are explained. You’re guided to identify the source of your values and standards underlying self-judgment. Three methods for relieving guilt are set forth in detail: cognitive, self-compassion, and spiritual; and specific self-healing techniques and exercises are provided.

    What Guilt Is and Is Not

    There are different types of guilt. Additionally, guilt is often confused with shame or regret. Understanding these differences is relevant to how we approach overcoming guilt.

    What is Guilt?

    Guilt is an emotion caused by a negative self-evaluation or by the judgment of others. It arises when we haven’t measured up to our values or norms pertaining to what is right or acceptable. The standards may be our own or those we’ve adopted from our religion, family, or our culture. Guilt is usually associated with moral values, such as honesty, fidelity, or generosity. Therefore, it’s sometimes referred to as a moral emotion.

    Guilt concerns things that we think, do, or say (hereafter sometimes referred to collectively as actions or behavior). We can also feel guilty for needs and feelings, like anger, lust, or greed; or lack of feelings, such as not reciprocating love or friendship, or for the lack of grief over the loss of someone close. Although irrational, we might feel guilty for the thoughts, feelings, and actions of someone else. It’s not unusual for us to feel guilty for leaving our faith or not meeting the expectations of our parents. Some examples of guilt might be:

    I feel guilty for cheating on an exam.

    I feel guilty for wishing my father would die.

    I feel guilty for drinking too much and kissing

    someone other than my girlfriend.

    I feel guilty for masturbating.

    I feel guilty for bad-mouthing my husband

    to my girlfriend.

    I feel guilty for hoping my friend fails.

    I feel guilty for being angry at God.

    I feel guilty for thinking about sex with my

    wife’s sister.

    I feel guilty for

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