Gay Men Pursuing Parenthood through Surrogacy: Reconfiguring Kinship

Dr Dean Murphy is a social and cultural researcher who has worked across academia and public policy in the fields of sexuality, HIV and health. He is interested in the ways in which gay men understand and pursue kinship in the context of surrogacy arrangements and other forms of gay male parenthood; and is also concerned with exploring the new forms of social relations produced through science and technology.

Currently a Research Fellow at the National Drug Research Institute (Curtin University) exploring drug use and masculinity Dean Murphy also works at the Centre for Social Research in Health (UNSW) where he undertakes research on the development and understanding of new HIV prevention technologies, the use of sexual and social media, and the development of novel research methods.

A UNSW Press book

Published by

NewSouth Publishing

University of New South Wales Press Ltd

University of New South Wales

Sydney NSW 2052

AUSTRALIA

newsouthpublishing.com

© Dean A. Murphy 2015

First published 2015

This book is copyright. Apart from any fair dealing for the purpose of private study, research, criticism or review, as permitted under the Copyright Act, no part may be reproduced by any process without written permission. Inquiries should be addressed to the publisher.

National Library of Australia

Cataloguing-in-Publication entry

Creator: Murphy, Dean, author.

Title: Gay men pursuing parenthood through

surrogacy: reconfiguring kinship/Dean A. Murphy.

ISBN: 9781742234229 (paperback)

ISBN: 9781742242118 (epub)

ISBN: 9781742247434 (ePDF)

Notes: Includes bibliographical references and index.

Subjects: Gay men.

Gay parents.

Parenthood.

Surrogate mothers.

Kinship.

Dewey Number: 306.7662

Design Di Quick

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The Dean’s Awards were established in 2013 to celebrate and recognise research excellence in the Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences at UNSW Australia. The awards are presented in conjunction with the Sydney Writers’ Festival and the flagship awards (best monograph, best monograph early career researcher and best unpublished manuscript) are judged by an esteemed external panel. Other awards recognise social impact and research leadership. This is the first book in the Dean’s Research Awards series.

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Contents

Acknowledgements

List of abbreviations

1 • A child of one’s own

‘The swirl’

Research questions

Approach

Defining surrogacy and kinship

Chapter outline

2 • Literature, theory and method

A review of the literature

Theoretical considerations

The concept of enactment

Data and information collection

Conclusions

3 • Brave new world: representing gay men’s surrogacy practices in print media

Introduction

Print media

Conclusions

4 • The new normal: plugging into discourses of gay male parenthood

Introduction

Understanding the desire to become parents

Unplugging from parenthood

Replugging into parenthood

Choosing to be a ‘good citizen’

Choosing a different way to do family

Conclusions

5 • What’s mine is yours: negotiating kinship and biogenetic connection within surrogacy-formed families

Introduction

‘Bio-dads’

Non-bio-dads

Negotiated/creative affinity

Ethereal affinity and the importance of resemblance

The egg donor

The gestational surrogate

Conclusions

6 • ‘A clean transaction’: negotiating the market in surrogacy

Introduction

Crossing borders, crossing boundaries

Gift or commodity?

‘A clean transaction’

Ambivalence and the ‘oppressive’ gift

Valuing the egg donor

Valuing the surrogate

Conclusions

7 • Reconfiguring kinship

References

Appendix A: Glossary of terms

Appendix B: Interview schedule

Appendix C: List of relevant publications and presentations

Index

Acknowledgements

I am indebted to all the fathers and prospective fathers in Australia and California who gave up their time to be interviewed for this book, often with their newborn children competing for their attention. I thank them for their generosity in giving me an insight into their lives. Without their involvement, my research would not have been possible. I hope that in some way their contributions to this book will benefit other members of the gay community.

This book evolved out of my PhD research. I am indebted to my thesis advisers throughout the course of the study the book is based on. Marsha Rosengarten, Robert Reynolds and Suzanne Fraser all provided valuable support and guidance throughout my candidature. I give special thanks to Asha Persson and Christy Newman, who were crucial in bringing my thesis to completion. I am particularly grateful to them, both for the extra time and effort they gave in supporting me through the final months of writing my thesis and for their ongoing interest in and engagement with the research. Special thanks to Jeanne Ellard for many discussions about kinship, and for being such a valuable supporter and colleague throughout the entire period of the study.

I thank also the Centre for Social Research in Health (CSRH) at the University of New South Wales, where I was enrolled as a student and worked as a research associate. To the Australian Federation of AIDS Organisations, where I worked during this period, and in particular to Simon Donohoe: I thank you for the flexibility and support you extended to me throughout my candidature. Finally, many thanks to the Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences at UNSW, who supported the publication of this book.

List of abbreviations

1

A child of one’s own

‘THE SWIRL’

STEVEN: Have you thought about surrogacy? At least you’d be making a baby instead of waiting around for some pregnant mom to maybe pick you.

CAMERON: Well, we considered it but how do you decide which one will … ice the cupcake?

STEVEN: That’s the beauty of the swirl.

CAMERON AND MITCHELL (TOGETHER): The swirl?

STEVEN: You both donate, they mix it up, fertilise the egg, and you never know who the father is.

Higginbotham and O’Shannon, 2012

This excerpt from the US situation comedy Modern Family illustrates some of the conceptual issues raised by gay men’s pursuit of parenthood through surrogacy. The conversation takes place between two of the main characters, a gay couple, Cameron and Mitchell, and their friend, Steven. While Cameron and Mitchell are becoming increasingly frustrated with the delays they have experienced in trying to adopt a second child, Steven and his partner, Stefan, have recently become parents through surrogacy. Steven is explaining the benefits of having a child through surrogacy compared with adoption. This scene sets up two themes that I will return to throughout the book. The first is that of ‘making a baby’, which evokes a sense of autonomy and control for prospective parents that may not be achievable when forming a family in other ways, such as through adoption. The second relates to deciding which male partner will provide the sperm, thereby becoming the biogenetic parent. For Steven and Stefan, the solution was to mix their sperm (‘the swirl’) so their child’s paternity would remain unknown. In this way, they would be able to recognise themselves as both equally related to the child.

The strategy among gay men of obscuring ‘who the father is’, as described by Steven, is intended to ensure both partners are equally related to the child despite the fact that only one has a biogenetic connection. This renegotiation of the so-called ‘natural’ facts of reproduction is what Thompson (2005) refers to as the ‘flexible choreography’ that enacts kinship in the era of assisted reproductive technologies (ART). Later in the Modern Family episode, the potential limitations of this strategy are highlighted when Stefan, who appears to be Latino, arrives, and Cameron and Mitchell see the baby, Rocco, for the first time. The humour in the scene centres on the fact that Rocco is, according to Mitchell, ‘clearly Mexican’. Cameron and Mitchell presume that Stefan is the biogenetic father, although perhaps incorrectly because the egg donor’s ethnic background is never discussed. I highlight this scene because it deals with a particular concern that the men in this study address: that is, the desire to create resemblance within gay families and the inventive ways, beyond ‘the swirl’, in which this is pursued.

This book explores the experiences and practices of gay men pursuing parenthood through surrogacy. These men represent an important first generation to access ART for this purpose and also make up an increasing proportion of gay men becoming parents outside a heterosexual relationship. The book is timely in that an increasing number of gay men are choosing to become fathers, including through surrogacy. It is difficult to determine the contribution that surrogacy has made to gay male parenthood but it is clear that increasing numbers of gay men are pursuing parenthood in this way. For example, a survey conducted in Australia in 2008 and 2009 found that 18 per cent of gay men with children had become parents through surrogacy (Power et al., 2010; Power et al., 2012). In the early decades of the 21st century, stories and images of gay men becoming parents through surrogacy have also become increasingly available in popular culture, including in television programs such as Modern Family and another recent situation comedy, The New Normal (Di Loreto, Adler and Murphy, 2012). In the off-screen lives of gay male actors and entertainers there is also a growing list who have had children in this way, such as Elton John, Ricky Martin and Neil Patrick Harris.

RESEARCH QUESTIONS

The overall aim of this research was to investigate kinship among gay men who are pursuing parenthood through surrogacy. There are three main areas of inquiry pursued in this book and each contains specific research questions. The three areas of inquiry also form the structure of the book and are outlined below.

PARENTHOOD DESIRE

The first research question relates to why and how gay men ‘choose’ to become parents at this point in time. Is it simply a question of more men having the opportunity to do so because of the development of new technologies, or evidence of an increasing globalisation of parenthood that has facilitated cross-border reproductive options, at least for those with access to the required resources? Parenthood desire is popularly thought about as an innate phenomenon – that is, either you have it or you do not, or at least you have it to a certain degree. However, the fact that this desire is already gendered through images such as the ‘biological clock’ (Berkowitz, 2011b) raises the question of the degree to which such desires are culturally produced. Have changes in external conditions or the way these men experience the world created new opportunities for them to think of themselves as parents, and to act on this desire? In addition, if parenthood desires and expectations can be animated or influenced externally, what does this say about the social construction of parenthood more broadly, for heterosexual men, for example? Conversely, parenthood can be de-animated too. That is, cultural traditions around parenthood and reproduction have become less prescriptive and more flexible generally, so that those formerly seen as excluded from reproduction (gay men) can chose that path, while those formerly seen as biologically destined to reproduce (women) can choose not to.

The men from Australia and the United States in this study represent the first age cohort for whom pursuing parenthood after ‘coming out’ as gay has been a realistic possibility. Their individual and collective accounts therefore provide an important lens through which to view these historical changes. This book seeks to investigate the extent to which these men’s narratives of ‘choosing’ parenthood have been animated or influenced by social scripts, and to what extent media, peers, and the promotional activities of surrogacy agencies have contributed to the production of these scripts. It also examines the ways in which the particular meanings articulated by these men regarding ‘choice’ have been informed or inspired by the kinship practices of other gay men and lesbians having children from the 1980s onwards.

In this book I examine surrogacy not simply as a new way of having children, but also in terms of what it represents or makes possible for those who pursue parenthood in this way. In other words, I am interested in the political implications of planned and deliberate parenthood projects such as surrogacy. As already implied by Steven’s argument in the Modern Family episode, surrogacy enhances the notion of control over parenthood that seems to elude some men pursuing parenthood in other ways. Surrogacy also enables these men, particularly couples, to form families that are more easily recognisable to others as coherent kinship units. This also raises the question of whether family formation by gay men is informed by a resistance to heteronormativity or a longing for social inclusion and acceptance, given that the families formed through surrogacy tend to correspond to the dual-parent family model. Are different and more politicised ways of establishing gay kinship, for example ‘families of choice’, being lost in this process? Moreover, is gay male parenthood through surrogacy leading to a greater alignment with heterosexual couples with children in contrast to childless gay men?

BIOGENETIC CONNECTION

The second area of inquiry relates to how ideas about biogenetic connections feature in the formation of the families of gay men. The research literature to date has not thoroughly explored these issues. This book considers how biogenetic connections are strategically emphasised and de-emphasised in the way these men enact and negotiate kinship. How important is biogenetic connection to their children for these men? What does this emphasis suggest about contemporary modes of enacting kinship? I am particularly interested in the way gay male couples negotiate biogenetic paternity. Given that only one male partner can be the biogenetic father, does the focus on biogenetic forms of kinship pose problems for these couples, and the non-biogenetic parent in particular? I explore the ways in which the symbols of Western kinship are reworked to enact filiation through means other than biogenetic connection. Does the necessity of this reworking expose the constructedness of the dominant Western kinship model, in which the social is believed to map directly onto the biogenetic facts of conception?

The discussion of biogenetic connection in this book will also explore the importance of ‘likeness’ and how the participants identify, negotiate and create resemblance within their families. Notably, I recruited participants from both Australia and the United States, including several couples (one-third of all couples) with partners from different ethnic backgrounds. In addition, a large proportion of men were born outside the country in which they resided. The composition of this sample makes it quite different from previous research studies on gay men and surrogacy, which have overwhelmingly included white men. Given this unique sample, I explore in detail the approaches that these men took in negotiating paternity and the meanings that they attached to resemblance.

For single men and gay male couples, some of the biogenetic material required to produce the child must come from elsewhere. Most men choose egg donors through services that have been established for this purpose. Some of these services are subsidiaries of surrogacy agencies or fertility clinics, and some are stand-alone entities. I wanted to know what factors are important to the men in choosing an egg donor. Also, given the rather open-ended choice provided by these services, whether the men placed any constraints on their own choices. This book also explores the criteria that gay men use to select gestational surrogates, the influence of surrogacy agencies in these decisions, and – in the context of separate genetic and gestational mothers – how these men conceptualise the relationship between surrogates, egg donors and their children.

Finally, what other strategies are employed to maintain a sense of equal connection between parents and their children? This book explores the choices made by participants about biogenetic paternity. In particular, I investigate strategies that obscure, or make ambiguous, biogenetic connections, such as those that I call ‘turn taking’, ‘intentional unknowing’ and ‘strategic silence’. I argue that an important part of the notion of biogenetic connection (and equal contribution by both partners) is that of the child ‘passing’ socially as jointly theirs, as well as both partners being recognised as ‘legitimate’ parents.

COMMERCIALISATION

The third and final area of inquiry relates to how gay men negotiate the commercial aspects of surrogacy. All the men in this book had become parents through contracting the services of egg donors and/ or surrogates, so an important question is the extent to which the exchange of money affects the social relationships that are possible. The ways that both commercialisation and altruism are invoked in surrogacy arrangements suggest this is a fruitful area for exploring the location of boundaries between the domains of kinship and the market. How do men negotiate crossing from the private domain of kinship to the public domain of the market, and how are gay men’s surrogacy practices framed through media and surrogacy agencies? This analysis also examines two major – and sometimes overlapping – concerns related to commercial forms of surrogacy: ‘baby buying’ and the spectre of the ‘designer baby’.

It is important to explore how these men understand the motivations of egg donors and surrogates and how they work these accounts into a coherent family narrative. To what extent do gay men accept and value the commercial aspects of surrogacy, and for what reasons? In addition, how do these men’s accounts draw on gendered notions of ‘giving’, of ‘emotion’ and of attachment? Gestational surrogacy offers a range of possible relationships between parents, egg donors and surrogates. I investigate the dynamics of these relationships and the way the language of gift giving and the market is drawn upon to enact or disallow kinship. I also explore the ‘informational’ and ‘relational’ aspects of these relationships, and what forms of sociality the circulation of reproductive materials and labour produces.

The metaphor that I use to bring together the various themes explored in this research is that of ‘a child of one’s own’. By referring to a child as ‘one’s own’, however, I am not using this only in a biogenetic sense – although this is certainly part of the picture – but as a more conceptual term in which recognising, or enacting, ‘one’s own’ involves kinship work. This metaphor also of course makes reference to Virginia Woolf’s (1989 [1929]) argument about the need for women to have access to a ‘room of one’s own’ if they are to achieve their creative potential. In relation to parenthood desire this metaphor suggests making the choice to have a child after coming out as gay, and pursuing parenthood as a gay man or gay couple without entering into a co-parenting arrangement or another form of shared parenthood. Regarding biogenetic connection, the metaphor of ‘a child of one’s own’ relates to establishing kinship even in the absence of, or uncertainty around, these links. In the case of gay male couples, ‘a child of one’s own’ also means achieving symbolic recognition of both partners as equal parents. Finally, given that gay men require additional actors to achieve parenthood through surrogacy, this metaphor refers to how these men negotiate other potential kinship connections, and how they create coherent family narratives in the context of commercial surrogacy arrangements.

APPROACH

The book uses personal and discursive accounts of gay men’s lives as a lens through which to explore contemporary enactments of kinship. It focuses in particular on gay men in two locations – Australia and the United States – who have become parents through surrogacy arrangements. I do not set out to make comparisons between these two locations, and I take as a starting point the notion that gay men in both these places form part of a global network of citizens from relatively privileged high-income countries. This approach extends the scope of inquiry by incorporating a broader range of stories and contexts than would have been possible through focusing on only one setting. Notably, all the Australian participants pursued surrogacy arrangements offshore, while among US participants all surrogacy arrangements were domestic. This trend underscores the continued significance of the United States, and particularly southern California, as a site for the promotion and facilitation of parenthood for gay men.

Drawing on Annemarie Mol’s (2002) theory of enactment, this book investigates how local and context-specific ‘kinships’ and ‘surrogacies’ are produced through practices. While the empirical data for this book come primarily from in-depth interviews with gay men, I also draw on an additional data source: print media. By treating kinship, and surrogacy, as ontologically multiple (Mol, 2002), it is possible to make sense of the various ways in which kinship is enacted in these different sites. Although kinship constitutes the domain in which new reproductive technologies such as surrogacy are understood, it is unlikely that kinship acts on reproductive technologies without the reverse also being true. It is not always clear whether, and to what extent, these technologies change individuals and the cultures in which they are introduced – and, importantly for this book, what new relationships and connections are created. I therefore explore the ways in which reproductive technologies – especially surrogacy, particularly when pursued by gay men – influence kinship. That is, to what extent do reproductive technologies create a new and different context in which kinship is enacted?

DEFINING SURROGACY AND KINSHIP

The term surrogacy describes a form of assisted reproduction in which a woman carries a child for another person or couple, and then surrenders the child, allowing the individual or couple to take on full parental rights and responsibilities. Surrogacy is divided into two types: ‘traditional genetic surrogacy’ and ‘gestational surrogacy’ (Bergman et al., 2010; Berkowitz, 2013). Traditional genetic surrogacy refers to the scenario where a woman (‘the surrogate’) carries and gives birth to a child that was created with her own egg. ‘Gestational surrogacy’ is the term used to refer to a specific arrangement in which a different woman from the gestating mother provides the biogenetic material (‘the egg’) from which the child is conceived. Gestational surrogacy is relatively recent, with the first procedure reported in the scientific literature in 1985 (Utian et al., 1985).

Kinship can be described in general terms as the cultural conception of, and customs related to, membership of households, sexual rights, the definition of procreation, and the legitimisation of children (Goodenough, 1965: 262). This book explores how kinship is enacted among gay men pursuing parenthood through surrogacy, generating insights into kinship, sexuality and gender that have broader implications for understanding social meanings and experiences relating to parenthood and connectedness.

CHAPTER OUTLINE

Following this introduction is a background chapter which outlines the existing empirical literature on the issues of surrogacy and same-sex parenthood, as well as relevant research on the uptake of ART, specifically around donor choices. In this chapter I also introduce the theoretical positions and debates that have informed this book, as well as outlining the methods I use in answering the research questions. Then, drawing on discourse theoretical analysis (Laclau and Mouffe, 1985), the following chapter (Chapter 3) examines representations of gay men’s parenting projects in print media articles published in Australia and the United States. These framings provide insights into the discursive space that these men negotiated when pursuing parenthood.

The subsequent three chapters explore the three substantive themes around which the book is structured. Chapter 4 explores the concept of parenthood desire, to make sense of why gay male parenthood has become an ever-increasing phenomenon. It analyses the accounts of the many men who had held prior expectations of parenthood, but who had abandoned these expectations after assuming a gay identity. Subsequently these men’s expectations were animated through the influence of partners, media, peers and the promotional activities of surrogacy agencies. Chapter 5 investigates how the narratives of gay men negotiated the symbols of Western kinship – such as bilateral genetic inheritance – to create new and meaningful family arrangements. In particular, this chapter identifies and explores the inventive strategies that these men developed. Finally, Chapter 6 examines whether commercial transactions close off the possibility of any social or emotional obligations between these same-sex parented families and the egg donors and surrogates. In particular, it explores the ways in which these gay men made sense of the commercial aspects of surrogacy and how this potentially enabled and interfered with their kinship narratives.

Chapter 7 reflects on the aims and research questions of the study, as well as pointing to the gaps in the existing literature on surrogacy and same-sex parenthood. I offer a series of conclusions, drawing on the findings from the data collected, and linking these findings to the theories that informed the analysis. Lastly, I provide some final thoughts on the significance of the research, as well as suggestions for future research to be conducted in this area.

2

Literature, theory and method

A REVIEW OF THE LITERATURE

This chapter first undertakes a review of the relevant literature, which locates the book in relation to previous empirical research