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    Divorce can be Such Sweet Sorrow: An Anecdotal Survival Kit
    Divorce can be Such Sweet Sorrow: An Anecdotal Survival Kit
    Divorce can be Such Sweet Sorrow: An Anecdotal Survival Kit
    Ebook111 pages1 hour

    Divorce can be Such Sweet Sorrow: An Anecdotal Survival Kit

    By Pete Geissler

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    About this ebook

    Snapshot, reviewers, comments: here would be far less angst in the world if very lawyer and every spouse seeking a divorce would read this book and practice its principles...Humor, insight, and downright usefulness in one short book...no lawyer babble; just sensible advice.
    Excerpt: Rick’s Rule for fence-sitters: “The marriage is over when he phones that he’ll be late for supper and she has already left a note that it’s in the refrigerator.” Rick is the attorney who guided me through my amicable and equitable divorce, preserving my sanity and well-being as well as that of my ex. I paid thousands to learn his rules; you, lucky you, get them for the small cost of this book. I hope that you’ll use them wisely. 

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherThe Expressive Press
    Release dateApr 21, 2016
    ISBN9781511841634
    Divorce can be Such Sweet Sorrow: An Anecdotal Survival Kit
    Author

    Pete Geissler

    Pete Geissler is an outspoken advocate of good communications and behavior. His eight books, and hundreds of articles, speeches, and classes examine why and how to be articulate, to write well, and to treat people respectfully and ethically. His accomplishments include authorship of a publisher's best seller and a finalist in best books 2014, and writing more than three million words that have been published or spoken in formal settings. Pete is founder and CEO of The Expressive Press, a publisher of books in several genre. He also teaches and coaches engineers, scientists, and business persons how to write and to use writing to boost their productivity, value, and careers. He serves on the Board of Directors, Opera Theater Pittsburgh, and chairs its planned giving committee.

    Read more from Pete Geissler

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      Book preview

      Divorce can be Such Sweet Sorrow - Pete Geissler

      HUMOR AMONGST THE ANGST: A Potpourri of Witticisms and Bon Mots

      PROLOGUE, DISCLAIMER, WARNING

      ––––––––

      Do NOT Substitute this Book for Sound Legal Advice

      ––––––––

      I am not a lawyer; I am survivor of a divorce that to a great extent was resolved amicably because my lawyer/partner and I adhered to the principles and rules I put forth in this book.

      ––––––––

      I derived the principles and rules from my experience, conversations with my lawyer/partner, observations of several friends as they meandered and muddled through their divorce proceedings, and from written cases that were similar to mine, all of which I found to be instructive, some of which I found to be bizarre as well.

      ––––––––

      I assure you that the anecdotes are true up to a point: the frame-works—-the major events as they unfolded—-are reality, the conversations aren’t. Instead, they are the plausible products of my hyper-active imagination. In essence, I have written what writers call creative non-fiction.

      ––––––––

      All of that doesn’t detract one bit from the validity of the principles and rules I so fearlessly put forth, and I hope that you and your spouse heed them—with the consent of your lawyers, of course.

      ––––––––

      Pete Geissler

      I: THE SIGNS: IGNORE THEM AND SUFFER

      Forget the Clash; Save the Cash; Forget the Drama, Lower the Trauma

      ––––––––

      So you've decided to get a divorce, or you’re just thinking about it. Or maybe your spouse decided for you! Mine did, which I feel took all the daring and courage that a dedicated and devoted home-maker could amass during difficult times for both of us.

      ––––––––

      Either way, if you're like more than half of us in this litigious country that we facetiously call the land of the free (free divorce is perhaps the ultimate oxymoron), the signs have been warning you for years, just like the sudden appearance of Santa Claus on street corners warns you that Christmas is on its way. Or a twinge in a tooth warns you that a trip to Dr. Root Canal is on the horizon.

      ***

      Rick’s Rule for fence-sitters: The marriage is over when he phones that he’ll be late for supper and she has already left a note that it’s in the refrigerator. Rick is the attorney who guided me through my amicable and equitable divorce, preserving my sanity and well-being as well as that of my ex. I paid thousands to learn his rules; you, lucky you, get them for the small cost of this book. I hope that you’ll use them wisely.

      ***

      It was ten years before my divorce and I was hitting a few balls for my golf pro on the teaching tee, hoping to lower my handicap by a stroke or two. Steve, the pro, watched a few of my feeble attempts, then covered his eyes with his forearms as if he couldn't bear to see me embarrass myself any more, and said—I'll never forget it—and these were his exact words...

      ––––––––

      For Christ's sake, Pete, you'll never be a golfer until you get happy. You're way too tight to swing. Please, for my sake if not yours, find happiness at home, then come back and see me!

      ––––––––

      Then, a month or so later, I was in a favorite watering hole that served as my numbing nook before I careened home unhappily to an equally unhappy wife, endangering the lives and limbs of countless people on the way, including the one that I cared less and less about: mine. I was gazing into my second giant-sized martini when a total stranger walked up behind me, caught my attention, and said...

      ––––––––

      I've noticed you here before. I've never seen anybody so unhappy. You can't drink your way to a better life. He disappeared into the madding crowd, and I never had a chance to thank him for his wisdom.

      ––––––––

      Then I was enjoying a cocktail with clients in a fancy lounge and moaned that I was turning 50 and about to get a divorce and feared the dreary lifestyle changes I foolishly and unrealistically envisioned. A fellow drinker said, You lucky bastard! Most of us would die for a chance to change our lives. Grab it.

      ––––––––

      That's three, I thought. Maybe these people know more about me that I know about myself. How unhappy am I? I soon found out, just as everybody (almost everybody?) who goes through a divorce finds out.

      ––––––––

      The reason for divorce is unbearable unhappiness; it's that simple. Anybody who is bearably unhappy—which is not to say happy, by any means—wouldn't inflict on himself or herself the added pains of divorce.

      ––––––––

      I’m reminded at this point in my narrative of a few bare and gener-alized statistics: More than half of all marriages in the USA end in divorce. Almost all of the remaining couples—80 to 90 percent of them—who stay married are unhappy, but bearably so if staying in an unhappy relationship—usually because the spouses feel that they would be less miserable together than they imagine they'd be

      apart—is any indication of bearably. The remaining five to ten percent of all marriages are truly happy, and the spouses should be congratulated for the tremendous effort, compromise, forgiveness, and understanding required to reach that unusual and desirable state. (Yes, staying married is desirable on at least two fronts: Married people live longer and are wealthier. In fact, one route to health and wealth is to stay married.)

      ––––––––

      The divorce procedure itself, usually stretching over two or three years or longer (I know couples who have been battling over final settlements for six, eight, ten years, a self-destructive path if there ever was one; you’ll read about a few later), brings out the reasons for unhappiness that most of us have tucked into the convoluted and twisted depths of our brains: financial irresponsibility and impropriety, sexual slothness and infidelity, petty and not-so-petty hurts and habits

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