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    I Love Beer and America, and I Hate Environmentalism and Bed Bath & Beyond
    I Love Beer and America, and I Hate Environmentalism and Bed Bath & Beyond
    I Love Beer and America, and I Hate Environmentalism and Bed Bath & Beyond
    Ebook44 pages34 minutes

    I Love Beer and America, and I Hate Environmentalism and Bed Bath & Beyond

    By Chester Feynman

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    About this ebook

    This is one of those books where if you don't agree with everything in it, then seriously, you gotta be kidding me, you're a brainwashed lunatic who shops at Whole Foods Market all day, and you're always using your iPhone, and you clearly don't know your head from your ass.  

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherRodney Ohebsion
    Release dateFeb 15, 2017
    ISBN9781386360193
    I Love Beer and America, and I Hate Environmentalism and Bed Bath & Beyond

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      Book preview

      I Love Beer and America, and I Hate Environmentalism and Bed Bath & Beyond - Chester Feynman

      Introduction

      Let me start by telling you what this book isn’t about. This book isn’t about why you should avoid gluten. We already have enough anti-gluten books. Because anti-gluten is a trend. And any time there’s a trend, a bunch of people go ahead and write a bunch of dumbfuck books that promote the trend. Barnes & Noble should have a section just for that. A book category labeled Dumbfuck Trends. You open one of those books, and it basically tells you something like, Blah blah blah blah, follow this new dumbfuck trend, blah blah blah, the end.

      This book you’re reading right now isn’t in that category. You know what category they should put this in? United States Constitution. That’s what this book is. It’s my commentary on the Constitution. Everything in this book is based on the Constitution. The Constitution is not a trend. It’s not like those food trends, where first the trend is low fat, and then later the new trend is high fat, then it’s low gluten, then it’s high gluten, and then one day they’re telling you to scratch your ass with a toothpick and dump a bucket of ice on your pilates instructor. That’s what trends are. The Constitution is not a trend. That’s why I believe in it. I don’t believe in trends. I believe in stuff that actually makes some sense. I believe in the Constitution. And I believe in drinking beer. Beer-drinking isn’t a trend. The Founding Fathers did it, cavemen did it, Confucius did it, and I do it.

      You know what’s trendy these days? Food allergies. Nowadays, everyone's allergic to gluten, peanuts, and dairy. Gluten, peanuts, and dairy? Are you kidding me?! 30 years ago, we didn’t have any of those allergies. In 1987, we had four food groups: gluten, peanuts, dairy, and alcohol. If you had an allergy, here’s what you did. You eliminated the allergy. You told your doctor, I'm allergic to peanuts, and he said, I have a remedy for that. Eat more peanuts!

      That was health care in the 80s. I don’t even think we had pills or anything like that. There were no pharmaceuticals when Ronald Reagan was president. Pharmaceuticals wasn’t even a word. Open up an 80s dictionary and look up pharmaceuticals, and it’ll tell you, That’s not a fucking word! If you want to look a word that starts with a P, go look up peanut.

      But like I was saying, health care was great in the 80s. You fought peanut allergies with peanuts. And you fought a cold with a cold. In other words, if you had a cold, your doctor would bring in someone else with a cold, and he’d have that guy sneeze on you repeatedly. And then the two of you would go outside and shovel snow for three hours.

      Also, no one was allergic to gluten. We ate gluten nonstop.

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