1.

Money And Friends

"Since he lost his money, half his friends don''''t know him any more"
"And the other half ?"
"They don''''t know yet that has lost it"
1.Ti n v b n
- T ngy h n m t ti n, phn n a b n b c a h n kh!ng c"n bi t t i h n n a#
- $"n n a kia ?
- % ch a bi t l h n &' m t ti n#
2. Father Wants To Go To Bed
(e)t-door (eighbor''''s *ittle +oy , "-ather say co.ld yo. lend him yo.r cassette
player for tonight ?"
%ea/y - 0etal 1nth.siast , "%a/e yo. a party on ?"
*ittle +oy , "2h, no# -ather only wants to go to bed "#
2.B chu mu n i ng
$h3 b4 hng )5m c nh nh , - + ch6. h i t i nay ch3 c5 th cho b ch6. m n
c6i cassette & c kh!ng ?
(g i m7 nh c rock n ng , - + nh ch6. c5 ti c t8ng g9 h ?
$h3 b4, - kh!ng, b ch6. ch m. n &i ng #
. The !iver "sn####t $ee%
A stranger on horse back came to a ri/er with which he was .nfamiliar# The
tra/eller asked a yo.ngster if it was deep#
"(o", replied the boy, and the rider started to cross, b.t soon fo.nd that he and his
horse had to swim for their li/es#
:hen the tra/eller reached the other side he t.rned and sho.ted , "; tho.ght yo.
said it wasn''''t deep ?"
";t isn''''t", was the boy''''s reply , "it only takes grandfather''''s d.cks .p to their
middles <"
.$&ng s'ng (h'ng s)u
0 t l kh6ch &i ng a & n m t d"ng s!ng )a l # =ng ta h i m t thi . ni7n )em
d"ng s!ng y c5 s. kh!ng#
- >h!ng &., - ch3 b4 &6p, / ng i k m' b t & . / t s!ng# (h ng ngay sa. &5
!ng nh n ra c ng i l n ng a & . ph i b i tr i ch t#
>hi ng i l kh6ch &' t i b b7n kia, !ng ?.ay l i h4t l7n , - Tao c t ng my n5i
l s!ng kh!ng s.#
- @3ng th m, - ch3 b4 &6p, - n c s!ng ny ch ng p ngang b ng lA / t c a !ng
ch6. th!i#
*. My $aughter####s Music +essons
"0y da.ghter''''s m.sic lessons are a fort.ne to me ?"
"%ow is that ?"
"They enabled me to b.y the neighbors'''' ho.ses at half price"#
*. Gi tr c a nh ng bi h c nh c
- (h ng bi h c nh c c a con g6i t!i l c m t gia s n c a t!i &5#
- T i sao / y ?
- $h3ng gi3p t!i m.a & c c6c ng!i nh c a hng )5m ch b ng n a gi6 ti n th!i#
,. A -o.iceman And A !e%orter
$o.ntry Boliceman Cat the scene of m.rderD , "Eo. can''''t come in here"
Feporter , "+.t ;''''/e been sent to do the m.rder"
$o.ntry Boliceman , ":ell, yo.''''re too lateG the m.rder''''s been done"#
,. / nh st v %h0ng vi1n
$ nh s6t /8ng ?.7 Ct i hi n tr ng m t / 6n m ngD , - Anh kh!ng & c /o &y#
Bh5ng /i7n , - (h ng t!i & c ph6i & n &y lm / 6n m ng ny#
$ nh s6t /8ng ?.7 , - A, anh m. n m t r i G / 6n m ng &' lm )ong#
2. A /o3 Gra4ing
Artist , "That, sir, is a cow graHing"
Iisitor , ":here is the grass ?"
Artist , "The cow has eaten it"
Iisitor , "+.t where is the cow ?"
Artist , "Eo. don''''t s.ppose she''''d be fool eno.gh to stay there after she''''d eaten
all the grass, do yo. ?"
2. B& 5n c
% a sJ , - + c tranh &5 / m t con b" &ang Kn c & y, th a !ng#
>h6ch , - $5 th y c &. ?
% a sJ , - $on b" Kn h t r i#
>h6ch , - Th c"n con b" &. ?
% a sJ , - $h b !ng t ng con b" l i ng. & n m c & ng L &5 sa. khi &' Kn h t
c sao !ng ?
6. +et####s Wor( Together
"$an yo. tell me how to get to the post office ?"
"That''''s M.st where ; want to go# *et''''s work together# Eo. go so.th, and ;''''ll go
north, and we''''ll report progress e/ery time we meet"
6. Ta h7y %h i h % v i nhau
- (h anh ch cho & ng & n b . &i n ?
- $hNnh t!i cAng m. n t i &5# Ta h'y ph i h p / i nha.# Anh &i h ng nam, t!i &i
h ng b c, / ch3ng ta s t ng th. t l i ti n tri n m i khi m9nh g p nha.#
8. The French -eo%.e 9ave $i::icu.ty
"Oid yo. ha/e any diffic.lty with yo.r -rench in Baris ?"
"(o, b.t the -rench people did"
8. ;g i -h% (h'ng rnh ti ng -h%
- Anh c5 g p kh5 khKn g9 / i / n ti ng Bh6p c a anh khi t i Baris kh!ng?
- >h!ng c5, nh ng ng i Bh6p th9 ?. l c5#
<. Great Mystery
(ewsboy , "Preat mystery< -ifty /ictims< Baper, mister ?"
Basserby , "%ere boy, ;''''ll take one" CAfter reading a momentD "Say, boy, there''''s
nothing of the kind in this paper# :here is it ?"
(ewsboy , "That''''s the mystery, sir# Eo.''''re the fifty first /ictim"#
<. B= m t (h ng (hi %
$h3 b4 b6n b6o , - +N m t kh ng khi p &y< (Km m i n n nhn< 0.a b6o kh!ng,
th a !ng?
>h6ch ?.a & ng , - * i &y, tao l y m t t # C@ c ?.a m t h iD - (y, th ng nh5c
kia, trong b6o c5 th y tin no nh / y &.# (5 n m ch no ch ?
$h3 b4 b6n b6o , - @5 chNnh l &i . bN m t, th a !ng# =ng l n n nhn th nKm
m i m t & y#
1>. Why $o They 9ave French +esson?
":hat''''s the idea of the Preens ha/ing -rench lessons ?"
"They ha/e adopted a -rench baby, and want to .nderstand what she says when she
begins to talk"#
1>. 9 c ti ng -h% . g@ ?
- I9 c g9 m gia &9nh Preen l i h c ti ng Bh6p ch ?
- % / a nh n n.!i m t b4 s sinh ng i Bh6p n7n m. n hi . n5 s n5i g9 khi b t
& . t p n5i#
11. The 9en And The $og
Qones , "Sorry, old man, that my hen got loose and scratched .p yo.r garden"
Smith , "That's all right, my dog ate yo.r hen"
Qones , "-ine< ; M.st ran o/er yo.r dos and killed him"#
11. G v ch0
Qones , - Rin l i anh b n /9 con g nh t!i s3t ch. ng / b i n6t kh. / n c a anh#
Smith , - >h!ng sao &., con ch5 nh t!i &' ) i t6i con g c a anh r i#
Qones , - %ay ?.6< T!i / a m i c6n ch t con ch5 nh anh &y ny#
12. Aur Fau.ts
"2nce a friend of mine and ; agreed that it wo.ld be helpf.l for each of .s to tell the
other all o.r fa.lts"
"%ow did it work ?"
":e ha/en't spoken for fi/e years"#
12. T@nh b n th ng th n
- $5 l n m t ng i b n / t!i & ng S n7n n5i cho nha. bi t t t c l i l m c a
ng i kia G nh th s c5 Nch cho c hai#
- > t c c th no?
- S. t nKm nKm r i b n t!i kh!ng thm n5i ch.y n / i nha. n a#
1. Bhe#s My Wi:e
2ne of the g.est t.rned to a man by his side to criticiHe the singing of the woman
who was trying to entertain them#
":hat a terrible /oice< Oo yo. know who she is ?"
"Ees", was the answer# "She's my wife"
"2h, ; beg yo.r pardon# 2f co.rse, it isn't her /oice, really# ;t's the st.ff she has to
sing# ; wonder who wrote that awf.l song ?"
"; did", was the answer#
1. C t'i 0
0 t / kh6ch ?.ay sang m t ng i ng i b7n / ch7 bai gi ng ca c a m t ph n
&ang h6t gi3p /.i cho h #
- Pi ng ca g9 nghe m khi p< Anh c5 bi t b ta l ai kh!ng?
- +i t ch , - c. tr l i# - I t!i &5#
- Ti ch, )in l i anh# Th c ra th9 kh!ng ph i do gi ng ca c a ch y# $hNnh c6i th
h l n m ch ta b. c l"ng ph i ca h6t l7n m i l khi p# T!i kh!ng hi . & a no
l i &i /i t m t bi ca kinh kh ng nh / y?
- T!i /i t & y#
1*. The $i::erence Bet3een Ca.or And $iscretion
":hat's the difference between /alor and discretion ?"
":ell, to go to a swell resta.rant witho.t tipping the waiter wo.ld be /alor"
"; see# And discretion ?"
"That wo.ld be to dine at a different resta.rant the ne)t day"#
1*. /an tr ng v t nh
- $an tr ng / t nh kh6c nha. ra lm sao?
- U, &i Kn m t nh hng ) n m kh!ng b. c boa cho b i bn t c l can tr ng#
- Fa th # $"n t nh ?
- T c l h!m sa. n7n ch n nh hng kh6c m Kn#
1,. F.attering
$ritic , "Ah< And what is this ? ;t is s.perb< :hat so.l< :hat e)pression<"
Artist , "Eeah ? That's where ; clear the paint off my br.shes"#
1,. ; nh b
(h ph7 b9nh , - =i< $6i g9 th kia? 0 t b c tranh t.y t / i< V.6 s. s c< V.6 tinh
t <
% a sJ , - $6i g9? @5 l ch t!i ch8i c cho s ch s n & y#
12. /igar Fruit
Pardener , "This is a tobacco plant in f.ll flower, madam"
Oear 2ld *ady , "%ow /ery interesting< And how long will it be before the cigars
are ripe ?"
12. Tri D@ g
(g i lm / n , - @y l cy th. c l6 &ang n hoa &5, th a b#
0 nh ph kh kNnh , - %ay ?.6 nh < Th bao l. n a th9 )9 g m i chNn?
16. $o3nstairs And E%stairs
Oownstairs , "Oidn't yo. hear me po.nding on the ceiling ?"
Wpstairs , "2h, that's all right# :e were making a lot of noise o.rsel/es"#
16. /huy n c D
(h t ng d i , - T!i n n l7n tr n nh th m anh kh!ng nghe ?
(h t ng tr7n, - , kh!ng sao &.# $hNnh b n t!i cAng &ang lm inh i c l7n &y
ny#
18. Time
"Oon't yo. agree that Time is the greatest healer ?"
"%e may be, b.t he's certainly no bea.ty specialist"#
18. Th i gian
- Anh c5 & ng S r ng Th i Pian s ch a lnh m i / t th ng kh!ng?
- $5 th & y, nh ng ch c ch n Th i Pian kh!ng ph i l ch.y7n gia th m m r i#
1<. Borro3ing Money
"Plad to see yo., old man# $an yo. lend me fi/e dollars ?"
"Sorry, b.t ; ha/en't a cent with me today"
"And at home ?"
"They're all /ery well, thank yo., /ery well"#
1<. Cay ti n
- P p anh th t ?.S h5a ?.6, anh b n# $ho t!i /ay m i &! & c kh!ng?
- F t ti c l h!m nay t!i kh!ng c5 m t ). trong ng i#
- $"n nh th9 sao?
- nh ai cAng kho c , c6m n anh, kh e l m#
2>. 9o3 Many Fnaves +ive "n This Btreet ?
A wag asked his friend#
"%ow many kna/es do yo. s.ppose li/e in this street besides yo.rself ?"
"+eside myself <" replied the other# "Oo yo. mean to ins.lt me ?"
":ell, then ?" said the first, "how many do yo. reckon incl.ding yo.rself ?"
2>. Bao nhi1u ( b t . ng?
0 t k thNch &8a h i ng i b n ,
- Theo anh th9 ph ny c5 bao nhi7. k b t l ng, kh!ng k anh?
- >h!ng k t!i< - ng i kia k7. l7n# - + anh m. n s nh c t!i & y ?
- $h, / y th9 ph ny c5 bao nhi7. k b t l ng, k c anh?
21. +i:e G Bi4e Hn.argements
"Oo yo. make life-siHe enlargements of snapshot ?"
"That's o.r specialty"
"-ine , here's a pict.re ; took of the Byramid"
21. nh %h0ng . n
- &y anh c5 nh n ph5ng nh l n b ng kNch th c th t kh!ng?
- @5 l ch.y7n m!n c a ch3ng t!i#
- %ay ?.6< @y, ph5ng cho t!i t m nh t!i ch p >im T Th6p#
22. Terrib.e HD%erience
0iss P.shin , ";t m.st be wonderf.l to be a parach.te M.mper# ; s.ppose yo.'/e had
some terrible e)periences"
Barach.tist Cfed .p with herD , "Ees, miss, terrible# :hy, once ; came down where
there was a sign , ">eep 2ff The Prass""#
22. Finh nghi m (h ng (hi %
$! P.shin , - *m ng i nh y d8 ch c h n ph i t.y t / i l m# T!i nghJ l anh
t ng tr i ?.a nhi . kinh nghi m kh ng khi p#
(g i nh y d8 C&' ch6n ng y nh ng c. h i c a c! taD , - @3ng / y, kh ng khi p
l m# $h, c5 l n t!i &6p ). ng ngay n i c5 c m b ng ghi "$ m @i Tr7n $ "#
2. $on#t Be Bo /onceited
Smith , "; keep hearing the word ';diot' - ; hope yo. are not referring to me"
Qones , "Oon't be so conceited# As if there are no other idiots in the world<"
2. I ng t %h n a
Smith , - Ta c nghe my l p &i l p l i m'i m y t "th ng ng."# %y / ng l my
kh!ng 6m ch tao & y ch ?
Qones , - Th!i &i, & ng c5 l7n m t t ph # *m nh tr7n & i ny kh!ng c"n th ng
ng. no kh6c#
2*. Anything Wi.. $o
0.sician Cafter m.ch pressingD , ":ell, all right, since yo. insist# :hat shall ;
play ?"
%ost , "Anything yo. like, ;t is only to annoy the neighbors"#
2*. /i g@ cJng c
(h c sJ Csa. nhi . l n b ni 4pD , - Th!i & c r i, n . nh !ng m. n th # T!i s
ch i bi g9 by gi &y ?
Pia ch , - + t c bi no anh thNch# $h & ch c t c hng )5m th!i m#
2,. ;aming Anima.s
Adam and 1/a were naming the animals of the earth when along came a rhinoceros#
Adam , ":hat shall we call this one ?"
1/a , "*et's call it a rhinoceros"
Adam , ":hy ?"
1/a , ":ell, beca.se it looks more like a rhinoceros than anything we're named
yet"#
2,. I t t1n mu'ng thK
Adam / 1/a &ang & t t7n cho c6c loi th3 tr7n tr6i & t th9 m t con t7 gi6c &i t i#
Adam , - Ta s g i con ny l g9?
1/a , - %'y g i n5 l t7 gi6c#
Adam , - Sao / y?
1/a , - + i /9 n5 tr!ng gi ng m t con t7 gi6c h n b t kL con g9 ch3ng ta &' & t t7n
n'y gi #
22. Btatues
$o.ntry $o.sin Cafter prolonged inspection of b.ilding operationsD , "; don't see the
sense of p.tting stat.es on top of yo.r b.ildings"
-riend , "Stat.es ? Those aren't stat.es# They're bricklayers"#
22. ;h ng %ho t ng
(h ?.7 l7n t nh Csa. m t h i ng m nghNa /i c )y d ngD , - T!i kh!ng hi . sao
l i & t m y pho t ng l7n n5c to nh c a anh lm c6i g9 ?
(g i b n , - T ng no? 0 y c6i &5 &. ph i l t ng# @5 l nh ng ng i th
n #
26. Man G Hating +ion
2ld *ady Cat the HooD , ";s that a man-eating lion ?"
-ed - .p >eeper , "Ees, lady, b.t we're short of men this week, so all he gets is
beef"#
26. B t 5n th t ng i
+ gi C s th3D , - @5 l s t Kn th t ng i ph i kh!ng?
(g i gi th3 Cch6n ng y b c D , - @3ng &5, b, nh ng t. n ny ch3ng t!i h t
s ch ng i r i n7n n5 ch & c Kn th t b" th!i#
28. "denti:ied
"This check is do.btless all right," said the paying teller politely, "b.t ha/e yo.
anything abo.t yo. by which yo. co.ld be identified ?
The pretty yo.ng thing faltered, "; ha/e a mole high .p abo/e my left knee"#
28. Lc minh
- T m chi phi . ny hon ton h p l , - ng i th ?. ngn hng l ch s n5i, -
nh ng c! c5 c6i g9 & )6c minh / c! kh!ng?
- $! nng )inh & p p 3ng , - 1m c5 m t n t r. i cao tNt b7n tr7n & . g i tr6i#
2<. "t Wasn#t Me
"%ello, -rank, ; tho.ght yo. were dead ?"
"2h", said -rank, "they did get a story aro.nd that ; was dead, b.t it was another
man, ; knew it wasn't me as soon as ; heard of it"
2<. Fh'ng %h i t'i )u
- X, -rank, tao c t ng &. my ch t r i?
- Y, - -rank n5i, - &3ng l h c5 & n & i r ng tao ch t, nh ng &5 l ng i kh6c kia#
(ghe tin & n y l tao bi t ngay li n &5 kh!ng ph i l tao m#
>. A Great $iscovery ?
"B.rely by accident, ; ha/e made one of the greatest disco/eries," said the scientist#
"0ay ; ask what it was ?"
"; fo.nd," - said the scientist, "that by keeping a bottle of ink handy yo. can .se a
fo.ntain pen M.st like any other pen, witho.t all the tro.ble to filling it"#
>. Fhm %h vM i
- %on h o do ng . nhi7n, t!i &' th c hi n & c m t trong nh ng kh6m ph6 /J & i
nh t, - nh khoa h c n5i#
- Rin ph4p & c h i &5 l g9 ?
- T!i &' kh6m ph6 ra l, - nh khoa h c &6p, - b ng c6ch & m t l m c g n b7n, ta
c5 th s d ng m t cy b3t m6y h t nh b t kL cy b3t m c no kh6c m kh!ng
ph i m t c!ng b m m c#
Newsun s u t m
(to be continued...cn tip...)