ENGL 120

SPRING 2015

S. Diaz
University of New Mexico

Part C: Traditional Revision of MWA #1

For my traditional revision, I choose to revise Major Writing Assignment 1, the
Rhetorical Analysis. Titled, No argumentative triangle is complete without ethos, pathos, and
logos, this assignment tasked me to write an essay on the rhetorical analysis genre. My
rhetorical situation was to create a rhetorical analysis and analyze my findings regarding the
rhetorical analysis for an ad relating to a career path for my major. The audience was fellow
students in my major or those whom are interested in my career path. For MWA 1, I chose to
writer about the Adobe Marketing Cloud as it was a commercial about marketing, a career that
psychology majors such as myself can choose. Originally, I received a 101/100 so there wasnt
any extreme revisions necessary. However, there were changes that occurred.
Because this was our first MWA, I had to edit and revise some aspects for my portfolio. A
100 in the beginning of the semester can be counted as a 90 at the end of the semester, as there
are higher standards at the end of the semester. These changes werent all that significant, as
there was a good base structure and good flow. The changes I made were mostly rewording
sentences and changing words around. I have edited based on what I have found, what some
peers have noticed, and what Ms. Diaz has pointed out. For example, I changed the original
sentence of [t]he creator of this ad begins by making the soundtrack a light, upbeat, and cheerful
one to [t]he creator of this ad begins by making the soundtrack light, upbeat, and cheerful.
This was not a dramatic change but it helps with the overall flow of the essay, which makes it
easier to read. Based on Ms. Diazs critique of [a] colon would go better here than a semicolon
I changed the sentence to include a colon. The sentence went form [o]nce the products have
been packaged and the boss does a double fist pump, we finally are informed about the cause of
the companys success; an infant is their only customer and is just repeatedly clicking the buy
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ENGL 120
SPRING 2015

S. Diaz
University of New Mexico

button on the parents tablet while they looked on amusedly, not having the slightest idea their
adorable child just drained their life saving to [o]nce the products have been packaged and the
boss does a double fist pump, we finally are informed about the cause of the companys success:
an infant is their only customer and is just repeatedly clicking the buy button on the parents
tablet while they looked on amusedly . . . It was a small change, but it helped add to the flow of
the entire essay by eliminating grammar mistakes, which are extremely distracting to a reader.
Another aspect of my MWA 1 that I changed occurred after Ms. Diazs comment of [e]thos is an
appeal to credibility. So, you would say that the ad appeals to ethos by being professional. The
original sentence was [the ad] also used ethos to increase their credibility even more - the
commercial appeared cleanly edited, professional, and the actual product advertised was visually
appealing and looked expensive and sleek. After revisions, the sentence became [i]t also
appealed to ethos by having the commercial appear cleanly edited, professional, and the actual
product advertised was visually appealing and looked expensive and sleek. This small alteration
helped make my essay easier to read and kept the overall flow good. Little things can add up
quickly in a negative way, so by fixing those little problems, I improved my whole essay.
This MWA helped me grow as a writer because it required me to have accurate
knowledge of ethos, pathos, and logos and how they are used in normal life outside of English
120. It helped improve my analysis skills as well as making me consider life outside college. We
needed a career path that involved a major, so I chose one that I could be eligible for and enjoy at
the same time.
Looking back on this essay, I am proud that my writing is still easy to read, even before
the corrections. Those small changes that I changed for the traditional revision of MWA 1 did
make a large difference, however. Small mistakes add up quickly and draw attention away from
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ENGL 120
SPRING 2015

S. Diaz
University of New Mexico

the good aspects and onto the little mistakes. After revising this, I feel confident that the little
edits I did helped the overall essay appear stronger.