Text from my

initial WP
submission:
(a phrase,
sentence,
paragraph,
idea, move,
punctuation,
piece of
evidence, etc.)

An observation or
question I
received from De
Piero or a
classmate:

The
change(s) I
made to what
I initially
wrote: (ie, the
change[s] I
made to
column 1)

How this
change
impacts my
paper:

Inthisarticlewe
willbeanalyzing
ProsandConslist
genreonminimum
wagefrom3
differentsources:
BalancedPolitics,
WhenIWork,and
Reddittoshow
thattherecanbe
different
approachestoone
textualgenre.

your reader is most

likely going to be
expecting a thesis
statement at the end
of your Intro (or
occasionally 2nd
paragraph) that
clearly detail what
point/argument/stan
ce theyre taking and
what evidence theyre
basing that on. Right
now, I dont know
where youre taking
me.

Althoughallthree
followthegeneral
conventionsofa
prosandconslist,
BalancedPolitics
useofrhetorical
strategiesestablish
ittobethemost
credibleand
informationalpros
andconslist.

My initial WP1
just stated that
the three
sources have
different
approaches to
one textual
genre.
It was a too
safe and weak
thesis
statement.
So I took a
stand, and made
a stronger
argumentative
thesis. My new
WP1 analyzes
what made the
Balance Politics
list the most
effective source.

Theaudienceof
thisarticlewould
bethepublic,but
mainlythepeople
thatusethissite,
employees.The
toneofthiswriting
isscholarlybut
morerelatable.

you seem like youre

just going through a
quick description of
each site. Thats not
really what this
assignment is: Im
asking you to develop
an argument/a
position/a stance,
then support that with
evidence

Simplybygiving
thelongerand
thorough
arguments,Reddit
andBalance
Politicsisableto
applythe
rhetoricalstrategy
logos.

Bystatingonly
whatwouldbe

Instead of just
stating
descriptions of
what each list
looked like, I :
1.) what move
the author
made
(example:
the author
stated

relevanttothe
reader,theauthor
isabletouse
pathosappeal
withemotion,to
convincethe
audience.

what was
relevant to
the
reader)
2.) why that
author
made that
move
(to appeal
with
emotion)
and
3.) how that
move
affected
their text.
(it helped
convinced
the
audience)

I did not tie in

a lot of course
readings/ I did
not put in an
aspect of the
learning
genre.

Im also asking you to

include an aspect
about
studying/learning
genre, and that hasnt
surfaced yet

Assaidin
FindingEvidence
(Ch17),the
evidenceneeded
mostinarguments
comefrombooks,
libraries,printed
works,and
databases.Noneof
theseare
implementand
citedinWhenI
WorkandReddit.
However,
BalancedPolitics
useshyperlinks
throughouttheir
listtocitetonews
articlestoshow
proofoftheir
statements.

I used what I
learned from
course readings
to back up my
claims.
By citing
published texts,
I was able to
strengthen my
essay by giving
it more
credibility.
Also I made note
to use readings
that supported
my thesis.
For example, I
did not bring up
the reading that
emphasized the
importance of
visual literacy

because
Balanced
Politics (the
source that I
said was most
effective) did
not incorporate
visual literacy.
Thisprosandcons
listusedpictures
andcolorsandis
nottoolongand
detailed.

Check for
parallelism!

TheBrainin
Love:Has
Neuroscience
StolentheSecret
ofLove?by
SultanTarlacisa
scholarlyarticle
aboutwhat
happenstothe
brain(andyour
body)physically
whenyouarein
love.

Can you make this

sounds less wordy?

Thereturning
comments[by
Redditauthors]
wouldsometimes

I feel like these

quotes are kind of
long and
unnecessary.

This pros and

cons list uses
picturesand
varyingbright
colorstomakeit
aesthetically
pleasing.The
actualwrittentext
isshortandnot
verydetailed.

I checked to
make sure the
verbs were all in
the right tense. I
also split it into
two sentences
so that it does
not sound too
run-on.

Thescholarly
articleTheBrain
inLove:Has
Neuroscience
StolentheSecret
ofLove?by
SultanTarlac
explainswhat
happenstothe
brainandyour
bodyphysically
whenoneisin
love.

Even though it
was not a big
change, I could
see how moving
___ is a
scholary article
about to The
scholarly article
__ is about
gives better flow
to the sentence.

RedditsProsand
Conslistisalsoto
persuade,making
itbiasedaswell

The point my
class mate made
( during the peer
review session)

It helped my
paper sound
more coherent.

As youve taught
us:
Why say it in
two words when
you can say it in
one?

leadtoveryheated Maybe just say

what the point of
debates.An
examplewouldbe these quotes is?
whenoneuser
says:That'snot
entirelytrue.A
businesscan'tjust
choosetoraisethe
pricesonthings.
They'lllose
customers.Most
liketheirprofits
willtakeahit
beforeanincrease
inpriceis
consideredto
whichotherusers
replytowiththeir
ownbeliefs.

Manyauthors[of
Reddit]leave
stronglyworded
comments,often
accompaniedby
personalanecdotes
toexpresstheir
thoughtson
raisingthe
minimumwage.
However,Balance
PoliticsProsand
Conslistisstrictly
toinform.Itdoes
nottrytopersuade
ormakean
argument
Becausethislistis
sounbiased,the
publicwouldbe
abletoacceptthis
asthewholetruth,
makingitthemost
effectiveand
informationa

was very
accurate. I was
trying to show
how Reddit
authors replies
held no
meaning.
However, I
realized it did
not support my
thesis. So I
made sure to
bring it back to
support my
these: that
Reddits list was
not credible
while Balanced
Politics list was.

Forexample,
Ending with quotes
is not a good idea.
insteadofsaying
themu3receptors
reactpositivelyto
anotherscientific
hormonewhich
causesustobe
braveIjustwrote
Lovemakesus
brave,Loveis
good.

Forexample,
insteadofsaying
themu3
receptorsreact
positivelyto
anotherscientific
hormonewhich
causesustobe
braveIjustwrote
Lovemakesus
brave,Loveis
good.The
scientificjargon
mayconfusethe
youngaudience,
soItranslatedit
intosimple
everydaywords.

I felt that I had

given enough
analysis before I
put in that
quote.
However, my
classmate did
not feel as if I
had clearly
interpreted it
enough.
And since
writing is about
making sure that
the reader
understands, I
added another
sentence stating

why I used that

quote.