The Alphabet of Depression

So before I call it a night, I just want to explain what depression is. What its like
for me. On pretty much a daily basis. All the things I need to try and keep under
control and the struggles I have. I dont want people to feel sympathy for me, I
just want people to understand.
I have suffered with this for 10 years now. When I first understood I had
depression, I was self-harming. I dont do that anymore and I wouldnt dream of
doing it but I want to make aware to other people if you feel any of these things,
you may be suffering too. Dont be scared to speak to someone. I made the
mistake of not and I did try to end my life once. I was a coward.
Talking about it is necessary. If you bottle everything in like I have been doing
then you could be in a situation like me, or worse. My relationship failed because
of my depression and if thats not enough to convince me to talk then nothing is.
My relationship was everything to me. You may lose something thats everything
to you if you dont first; admit you have a problem and then secondly; try and
solve the problem.
Depression and mental illnesses arent something to be embarrassed about. A lot
of people have them, it is unavoidable. Dont be ashamed, dont feel like you will
be judged. Be strong.
A is for Anger, at any random time. Things normal people can brush off, you take
to heart
B is for Boredom, but to find the motivation to do anything you need a kick start
C is for Cowardly, when youre too scared to speak out
D is for Delusional, you have no idea what the thoughts in your head are about
E is for Ending everything, oh which you have thought many times you should do
F is for Frightened about the future and living with/without who
G is for being Grumpy, which you are most of the time
H is for Happiness, for which you would pay a dime
I is for Idiocy, when you look like a fool as no one understands your mind
J is for Jealousy; the times you dont feel it are sparse
K is for Kick, which you need up your arse
L is for Lonely, a feeling hard to ditch
M is for Mood Swings, at the flick of a switch
N is for No, which is your negative response to most questions
O is for Optimistic, is this even possible with depression
P is for Paranoia and thoughts running nonstop around your head
Q is for Quiet, when you dont want to speak and just stay in bed
R is for Random, which your thoughts generally are
S is for Scared, of pushing everything too far
T is for always being Tired, when you just want a buzz
U is for Understanding, of which no one does
V is for feeling Vexed and trying to keep everything at bay
W is for Waiting, for everything to be okay (cant think of XYZ) but
BELIEVE THAT EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY,
MAKE POSITIVE CHANGES TO MAKE THINGS OKAY,
AND THINGS WILL BE OKAY!