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1.

Money And Friends

"Since he lost his money, half his friends don''''t know him any more"
"And the other half ?"
"They don''''t know yet that has lost it"
1.Tin v bn
- T ngy hn mt tin, phn na bn b ca hn khng cn bit ti hn na.
- Cn na kia ?
- H cha bit l hn mt tin.

2. Father Wants To Go To Bed


Next-door Neighbor''''s Little Boy : "Father say could you lend him your cassette
player for tonight ?"
Heavy - Metal Enthusiast : "Have you a party on ?"
Little Boy : "Oh, no. Father only wants to go to bed ".
2.B chu mun i ng
Ch b hng xm cnh nh : - B chu hi ti nay ch c th cho b chu mn

ci cassette c khng ?
Ngi m nhc rock nng : - B nh chu c tic tng g h ?
Ch b: - khng, b chu ch mun i ng.

3. The River Isn''''t Deep


A stranger on horse back came to a river with which he was unfamiliar. The
traveller asked a youngster if it was deep.
"No", replied the boy, and the rider started to cross, but soon found that he and his
horse had to swim for their lives.
When the traveller reached the other side he turned and shouted : "I thought you
said it wasn''''t deep ?"
"It isn''''t", was the boy''''s reply : "it only takes grandfather''''s ducks up to their
middles !"
3.Dng sng khng su
Mt l khch i nga n mt dng sng xa l. ng ta hi mt thiu nin xem
dng sng y c su khng.
- Khng u, - ch b p, v ngi k m bt u vt sng. Nhng ngay sau
ng nhn ra c ngi ln nga u phi bi tri cht.

Khi ngi l khch ti b bn kia, ng quay li ht ln : - Tao c tng my ni


l sng khng su.
- ng th m, - ch b p, - nc sng ny ch ngp ngang bng l vt ca ng
chu thi.

4. My Daughter''''s Music Lessons


"My daughter''''s music lessons are a fortune to me ?"
"How is that ?"
"They enabled me to buy the neighbors'''' houses at half price".
4. Gi tr ca nhng bi hc nhc
- Nhng bi hc nhc ca con gi ti l c mt gia sn ca ti .
- Ti sao vy ?
- Chng gip ti mua c cc ngi nh ca hng xm ch bng na gi tin thi.

5. A Policeman And A Reporter


Country Policeman (at the scene of murder) : "You can''''t come in here"
Reporter : "But I''''ve been sent to do the murder"

Country Policeman : "Well, you''''re too late; the murder''''s been done".
5. Cnh st v phng vin
Cnh st vng qu (ti hin trng mt v n mng) : - Anh khng c vo y.
Phng vin : - Nhng ti c phi n y lm v n mng ny.
Cnh st vng qu : - A, anh mun mt ri ; v n mng lm xong.

6. A Cow Grazing
Artist : "That, sir, is a cow grazing"
Visitor : "Where is the grass ?"
Artist : "The cow has eaten it"
Visitor : "But where is the cow ?"
Artist : "You don''''t suppose she''''d be fool enough to stay there after she''''d eaten
all the grass, do you ?"
6. B n c
Ha s : - Bc tranh v mt con b ang n c y, tha ng.

Khch : - C thy c u ?
Ha s : - Con b n ht ri.
Khch : - Th cn con b u ?
Ha s : - Ch b ng tng con b li ngu n mc ng sau khi n ht
c sao ng ?

7. Let''''s Work Together


"Can you tell me how to get to the post office ?"
"That''''s just where I want to go. Let''''s work together. You go south, and I''''ll go
north, and we''''ll report progress every time we meet"
7. Ta hy phi hp vi nhau
- Nh anh ch cho ng n bu in ?
- Chnh ti cng mun ti . Ta hy phi hp vi nhau. Anh i hng nam, ti i
hng bc, v chng ta s tng thut li tin trin mi khi mnh gp nhau.

8. The French People Have Difficulty


"Did you have any difficulty with your French in Paris ?"

"No, but the French people did"


8. Ngi Php khng rnh ting Php
- Anh c gp kh khn g vi vn ting Php ca anh khi ti Paris khng?
- Khng c, nhng ngi Php th qu l c.
9. Great Mystery
Newsboy : "Great mystery! Fifty victims! Paper, mister ?"
Passerby : "Here boy, I''''ll take one" (After reading a moment) "Say, boy, there''''s
nothing of the kind in this paper. Where is it ?"
Newsboy : "That''''s the mystery, sir. You''''re the fifty first victim".
9. B mt khng khip
Ch b bn bo : - B mt khng khip y! Nm mi nn nhn! Mua bo khng,
tha ng?
Khch qua ng : - Li y, tao ly mt t. (c qua mt hi) - Ny, thng nhc
kia, trong bo c thy tin no nh vy u. N nm ch no ch?
Ch b bn bo : - chnh l iu b mt, tha ng. ng l nn nhn th nm
mi mt y.

10. Why Do They Have French Lesson?


"What''''s the idea of the Greens having French lessons ?"
"They have adopted a French baby, and want to understand what she says when she
begins to talk".
10. Hc ting Php l g ?
- V c g m gia nh Green li hc ting Php ch?
- H va nhn nui mt b s sinh ngi Php nn mun hiu n s ni g khi bt
u tp ni.
11. The Hen And The Dog
Jones : "Sorry, old man, that my hen got loose and scratched up your garden"
Smith : "That's all right, my dog ate your hen"
Jones : "Fine! I just ran over your dos and killed him".

11. G v ch
Jones : - Xin li anh bn v con g nh ti st chung v bi nt khu vn ca anh.
Smith : - Khng sao u, con ch nh ti xi ti con g ca anh ri.

Jones : - Hay qu! Ti va mi cn cht con ch nh anh y ny.


12. Our Faults
"Once a friend of mine and I agreed that it would be helpful for each of us to tell the
other all our faults"
"How did it work ?"
"We haven't spoken for five years".

12. Tnh bn thng thn


- C ln mt ngi bn v ti ng nn ni cho nhau bit tt c li lm ca
ngi kia ; nh th s c ch cho c hai.
- Kt cc th no?
- Sut nm nm ri bn ti khng thm ni chuyn vi nhau na.
13. She's My Wife
One of the guest turned to a man by his side to criticize the singing of the woman
who was trying to entertain them.
"What a terrible voice! Do you know who she is ?"
"Yes", was the answer. "She's my wife"

"Oh, I beg your pardon. Of course, it isn't her voice, really. It's the stuff she has to
sing. I wonder who wrote that awful song ?"
"I did", was the answer.

13. V ti
Mt v khch quay sang mt ngi ngi bn v ch bai ging ca ca mt ph n
ang ht gip vui cho h.
- Ging ca g nghe m khip! Anh c bit b ta l ai khng?
- Bit ch, - cu tr li. - V ti .
- i ch, xin li anh. Thc ra th khng phi do ging ca ca ch y. Chnh ci th
h ln m ch ta buc lng phi ca ht ln mi l khip. Ti khng hiu a no
li i vit mt bi ca kinh khng nh vy?
- Ti vit y.
14. The Difference Between Valor And Discretion
"What's the difference between valor and discretion ?"
"Well, to go to a swell restaurant without tipping the waiter would be valor"
"I see. And discretion ?"

"That would be to dine at a different restaurant the next day".

14. Can trng v t nh


- Can trng v t nh khc nhau ra lm sao?
- , i n mt nh hng xn m khng buc boa cho bi bn tc l can trng.
- Ra th. Cn t nh?
- Tc l hm sau nn chn nh hng khc m n.
15. Flattering
Critic : "Ah! And what is this ? It is superb! What soul! What expression!"
Artist : "Yeah ? That's where I clear the paint off my brushes".

15. Nnh b
Nh ph bnh : - i! Ci g th kia? Mt bc tranh tuyt vi! Qu su sc! Qu tinh
t!
Ha s : - Ci g? l ch ti chi c cho sch sn y.
16. Cigar Fruit

Gardener : "This is a tobacco plant in full flower, madam"


Dear Old Lady : "How very interesting! And how long will it be before the cigars
are ripe ?"

16. Tri x g
Ngi lm vn : - y l cy thuc l ang n hoa , tha b.
Mnh ph kh knh : - Hay qu nh! Th bao lu na th x g mi chn?
17. Downstairs And Upstairs
Downstairs : "Didn't you hear me pounding on the ceiling ?"
Upstairs : "Oh, that's all right. We were making a lot of noise ourselves".

17. Chuyn c x
Nh tng di : - Ti nn ln trn nh th m anh khng nghe ?
Nh tng trn: - , khng sao u. Chnh bn ti cng ang lm inh i c ln y
ny.
18. Time

"Don't you agree that Time is the greatest healer ?"


"He may be, but he's certainly no beauty specialist".

18. Thi gian


- Anh c ng rng Thi Gian s cha lnh mi vt thng khng?
- C th y, nhng chc chn Thi Gian khng phi l chuyn gia thm m ri.
19. Borrowing Money
"Glad to see you, old man. Can you lend me five dollars ?"
"Sorry, but I haven't a cent with me today"
"And at home ?"
"They're all very well, thank you, very well".

19. Vay tin


- Gp anh tht qu ha qu, anh bn. Cho ti vay mi c khng?
- Rt tic l hm nay ti khng c mt xu trong ngi.
- Cn nh th sao?

- nh ai cng kho c, cm n anh, khe lm.


20. How Many Knaves Live In This Street ?
A wag asked his friend.
"How many knaves do you suppose live in this street besides yourself ?"
"Beside myself !" replied the other. "Do you mean to insult me ?"
"Well, then ?" said the first, "how many do you reckon including yourself ?"

20. Bao nhiu k bt lng?


Mt k thch a hi ngi bn :
- Theo anh th ph ny c bao nhiu k bt lng, khng k anh?
- Khng k ti! - ngi kia ku ln. - B anh mun s nhc ti y ?
- Ch, vy th ph ny c bao nhiu k bt lng, k c anh?
21. Life - Size Enlargements
"Do you make life-size enlargements of snapshot ?"
"That's our specialty"

"Fine : here's a picture I took of the Pyramid"

21. nh phng ln
- y anh c nhn phng nh ln bng kch thc tht khng?
- l chuyn mn ca chng ti.
- Hay qu! y, phng cho ti tm nh ti chp Kim T Thp.
22. Terrible Experience
Miss Gushin : "It must be wonderful to be a parachute jumper. I suppose you've had
some terrible experiences"
Parachutist (fed up with her) : "Yes, miss, terrible. Why, once I came down where
there was a sign : "Keep Off The Grass"".

22. Kinh nghim khng khip


C Gushin : - Lm ngi nhy d chc hn phi tuyt vi lm. Ti ngh l anh
tng tri qua nhiu kinh nghim khng khip.
Ngi nhy d ( chn ngy nhng cu hi ca c ta) : - ng vy, khng khip
lm. Ch, c ln ti p xung ngay ni c cm bng ghi "Cm i Trn C".

23. Don't Be So Conceited


Smith : "I keep hearing the word 'Idiot' - I hope you are not referring to me"
Jones : "Don't be so conceited. As if there are no other idiots in the world!"

23. ng t ph na
Smith : - Ta c nghe my lp i lp li mi my t "thng ngu". Hy vng l my
khng m ch tao y ch?
Jones : - Thi i, ng c ln mt t ph. Lm nh trn i ny khng cn thng
ngu no khc.
24. Anything Will Do
Musician (after much pressing) : "Well, all right, since you insist. What shall I
play ?"
Host : "Anything you like, It is only to annoy the neighbors".

24. Ci g cng c
Nhc s (sau nhiu ln b ni p) : - Thi c ri, nu nh ng mun th. Ti s
chi bi g by gi y ?
Gia ch : - Bt c bi no anh thch. Ch chc tc hng xm thi m.

25. Naming Animals


Adam and Eva were naming the animals of the earth when along came a rhinoceros.
Adam : "What shall we call this one ?"
Eva : "Let's call it a rhinoceros"
Adam : "Why ?"
Eva : "Well, because it looks more like a rhinoceros than anything we're named
yet".

25. t tn mung th
Adam v Eva ang t tn cho cc loi th trn tri t th mt con t gic i ti.
Adam : - Ta s gi con ny l g?
Eva : - Hy gi n l t gic.
Adam : - Sao vy?
Eva : - Bi v n trng ging mt con t gic hn bt k con g chng ta t tn
ny gi.
26. Statues

Country Cousin (after prolonged inspection of building operations) : "I don't see the
sense of putting statues on top of your buildings"
Friend : "Statues ? Those aren't statues. They're bricklayers".

26. Nhng pho tng


Nh qu ln tnh (sau mt hi ngm ngha vic xy dng) : - Ti khng hiu sao
li t my pho tng ln nc to nh ca anh lm ci g ?
Ngi bn : - Tng no? My ci u phi l tng. l nhng ngi th
n.
27. Man - Eating Lion
Old Lady (at the zoo) : "Is that a man-eating lion ?"
Fed - up Keeper : "Yes, lady, but we're short of men this week, so all he gets is
beef".

27. S t n tht ngi


B gi ( s th) : - l s t n tht ngi phi khng?
Ngi gi th (chn ngy b c) : - ng , b, nhng tun ny chng ti ht
sch ngi ri nn n ch c n tht b thi.

28. Identified
"This check is doubtless all right," said the paying teller politely, "but have you
anything about you by which you could be identified ?
The pretty young thing faltered, "I have a mole high up above my left knee".

28. Xc minh
- Tm chi phiu ny hon ton hp l, - ngi th qu ngn hng lch s ni, nhng c c ci g xc minh v c khng?
- C nng xinh p p ng : - Em c mt nt rui cao tt bn trn u gi tri.
29. It Wasn't Me
"Hello, Frank, I thought you were dead ?"
"Oh", said Frank, "they did get a story around that I was dead, but it was another
man, I knew it wasn't me as soon as I heard of it"

29. Khng phi ti u


- , Frank, tao c tng u my cht ri?
- , - Frank ni, - ng l h c n i rng tao cht, nhng l ngi khc kia.

Nghe tin n y l tao bit ngay lin khng phi l tao m.


30. A Great Discovery ?
"Purely by accident, I have made one of the greatest discoveries," said the scientist.
"May I ask what it was ?"
"I found," - said the scientist, "that by keeping a bottle of ink handy you can use a
fountain pen just like any other pen, without all the trouble to filling it".

30. Khm ph v i
- Hon ho do ngu nhin, ti thc hin c mt trong nhng khm ph v i
nht, - nh khoa hc ni.
- Xin php c hi l g ?
- Ti khm ph ra l, - nh khoa hc p, - bng cch mt l mc gn bn, ta
c th s dng mt cy bt my ht nh bt k cy bt mc no khc m khng
phi mt cng bm mc.

Newsun su tm
(tobecontinued...cntip...)

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