WP2 Revision Matrix

Text from my initial

WP submission

An observation or
question I
received

The change(s) I made

to what I initially
wrote

How this change

impacts my paper

The number of ways

one can discuss a
certain topic is
endless, especially
with the assistance of
technology and the
Internet.

Flora, your title and

"hook" are a little
bland... can you
find a way to get
me more revved up
about reading this
super-smart piece?

Leonardo DiCaprio
Might Be A Human
Puppy may be one of
the weirdest articles one
can come across
proving that articles do
not have to be formal
all the time. Buzzfeed is
one source that is
known for its
miscellaneous and
random topics.

Making the hook

more interesting
automatically
increases the readers
level of interest in the
essay.

While the academic

sources successfully
reach their goals of
being informative
and the nonacademic source
achieves its goal of
creating a humorous
response in the
audience, it is
ultimately the nonacademic source that
proves to be the most
outstanding due to its
conventions and
moves.

Awesome! Solid
thesis. To make it
top-notch, consider
specifying which
conventions and
moves you'll be
using to back up
this claim.

While the academic

sources successfully
reach their goals of
being informative and
the non-academic
source achieves its goal
of creating a humorous
response in the
audience, it is
ultimately the nonacademic source that
proves to be the most
outstanding due to its
unique conventions and
moves, such as informal
language and the use of
bullets.

The specificity in the

thesis sets a better
foundation for the
entire essay because
it makes it more clear
for the readers to
know what to expect.

The rhetorical
features that are
present across the
sources demonstrate
the techniques that
authors often use to
be persuasive

Can you get more

specific? So I know
what'll be coming
up in this
paragraph?

The rhetorical features

that are present across
the sources demonstrate
the techniques that
authors often use to be
persuasive, such as
providing brief insight
about what the content
features in the
beginning.

Having a more
specific topic
sentence increases
the quality of the
structure and makes
it clearer for readers
to understand what is
going on in the essay.

The Buzzfeed post

numbers its content.
Bullets and
numbered lists can be
considered to be
headings, as it does
contribute to the
organization of the
article.

OK, description is
good, but what
about evaluation?
Can you tie this
back to your
argument -- back to
the "so whaT?"

The numbered bullet

points on Buzzfeed
posts can be considered
to be headings, as it
does contribute to the
organization of the
article; this use of bullet
points is a convention
that would not be
traditional in a formal,
academic piece.

Tying my sentence
back in with the
thesis ensures that the
essay stays on track
and isnt deviating
from the focus.

The most obvious

differences that exist
stem from the
contrasting
conventions between
academic versus nonacademic genres

Not specific
enough. I'm
wondering: what's
coming up in this
para?

The tone is one

prominent factor that
creates the divide
between the scholarly
articles and the
Buzzfeed post, making
the non-academic piece
outstanding.

I took out the

sentence and just
added a bit more to
the next sentence to
make the topic
sentence a lot more
clear and indicative
about what the
paragraph is about.

The scholarly articles

also have built-in
credibility.

OK, but why/how?

The scholarly articles

also have built-in
credibility because of
the reputation it hasit
is not a surprise that the
authors are very welleducated.

Backing up my claim
with further
explanation clarifies
any confusion or
questions the reader
may have.

The concrete
evidence is not as
important when
wanting to examine
the larger conceptual
picture.

Agreed, but what

*is* the larger
conceptual picture?

The concrete evidence

is not as important
when wanting to
examine the larger
conceptual picture,
which would be to
inform the readers of
the effects of the
cannabinoids on
veterans with PTSD

I tied the sentence

back with the actual
content of the
scholarly article to
explicitly explain the
larger conceptual
picture.

to create laughter
amongst the
audience. The
informal keywords
such as idiot or
wtf (Lee) set the

So how/why,
exactly, does this
stuff make for a
more 'outstanding"
(you said that in
your thesis) piece?

and these phrases are

less common in
academic pieces. The
informal nature makes
the Buzzfeed post more
unique and different

This change makes

my paper clearer
because it
emphasizes the
significance of the
idea.

casual tone

Is it just because
more readers will
access it? Or is
there anything else
deeper on the line?

because of
predetermined societal
expectations that
discourage the use of
negative language.