WP1 Revision Matrix

Text from my
initial WP
submission:

An observation
or question I
received from
De Piero or a
classmate:

The change(s) I
made to what I
initially wrote: (ie,
the change[s] I
made to column 1)

How this change

impacts my
paper:

In the genre of social

networking postings
you will always find
emojis. An emoji is an
ideogram used in
messages and are a
visual representation of
what the person is
saying or how the
person is feeling. The
use of emojis are
effective in relaying
the meaning of a post.

I need a specific,
driving thesis
statement, Bernice.
What, exactly, are
you going to be
arguing here?

I deleted the first and last

sentence because it did
not help the argument that
I was trying to convey. I
recreated my thesis to one
that I felt clearly stated
my argument which is
that, People approach the
use of emojis differently
based on the type of social
media outlet they are
using. This a debatable
argument that I further
explain in my essay.

It gives a clear
argument for my
readers to follow and
gives my work a claim
to relate back to.

favorite news
broadcasting channel,
hockey club,
whatever.

This is a liiiiiittle bit

informal, Bernice.
There's a tricky
balancing act
between writing with
a fresh personable
perspective and being
too casual -- I think
this might be too
casual.

I changed this to etc.

This change helps to

keep a formal tone
consistent in my essay
because I am supposed
to be writing to an
academic audience.

Social networks
audiences are generally
affiliated with

..do you think itd

help your reader
(technically, me) to
lay out which
specific sources
youll be using to
make your case?

I added the sources that I

would be evaluating to the
introductory paragraph of
my essay so that as the
reader reads on about the
conventions and
audiences of social
networking they are aware
of the sources that I am
applying this information
to.

It helps the reader not

have to wonder about
the sources that I will
use to back up my
argument making my
paper become easier to
follow.

emojis are
commonly used for
showing a current

Ahhhhh! Attack of
the 2-pageparagraph!

I took out a lot of context

in regards to Twitter and
Facebook posts because I

It helped to create a
logical progression
of my argument and

Bernice, this is supertough for me -- as a

reader -- to get
through. Lead me/us
along, main idea by
main idea, so that we
can follow the logical
progression of your
argument.

felt like it was

unnecessary and dragged
out the paragraph. I also
broke the paragraph in
two with one being the
conventions of Twitter,
Facebook, and Instagram
posts, and the other being
how emojis help add
meaning and tone to these
posts.

structure my main
ideas in a way that
keeps my readers
attention.

A genre is a repeated
rhetorical situation
whose content is
determined by us, the
people (Dirk, 20).

I think that using

more of the course
readings could help
enhance your overall
purpose/argument

I added in more course

readings to help back my
argument.

It makes my argument
more convincing.

designed to appeal
to a younger
audience

Id also like you to

weave in a LOT
more textual support

I added in some statistical

textual support to back up
the claim.

This is supposed to
make my claims, in
supporting my
argument, more
convincing.

WP 2 Revision Matrix
Text from my
initial WP
submission:

An observation or
question I received
from De Piero or a
classmate:

The change(s) I
made to what I
initially wrote:
(ie, the change[s] I
made to column 1)

How this
change impacts
my paper:

However, just
because the argument
was presented with
moves and rhetoric
does not mean that
each move and
rhetorical device was
effective in aiding
the authors
argument and
convincing the
readers.

I'd like you to make this a bit

more specific -- what
conventions/moves/rhetorical
devices weren't successful?

I changed the whole

sentence entirely.
Instead I replaced it
with When compared
and contrasted, one can
understand how the
moves and rhetoric that
makes one piece
effective may not be the
case for the other. I felt
like this statement can
further be explained by
the content of my paper.

This sentence was a

part of my thesis so
the content of my
paper should relate to
it one way or another.

Each authors work

has a different focus
based on their point
of view on dance.

How do these different

disciplines approach this
topic from different
perspectives?

I created a paragraph to
analyze and compare
each authors point of
view regarding dance

It helps to give the

reader more
understanding as to
why the authors
approach dance in
their essay the way
they do and why they
used the rhetorical
features they used.

That move was not

effective because it
did not add anymore
context or valuable
information to her
argument.

When I see thiseven

before I start readingI
think, Ahhhhhhh! Attack of
the page-long paragraph!

That was the sentence

leading into my pagelong paragraph. What I
did was I chose the
place in the paragraph
where I begin to explain
Stahls moves and I
separate it into a new
paragraph.

It changed the
structure of my paper.

Every author from

each genre has a
purpose to their
article with an
intended audience in
mind.

OK, so this is an
organizational/structure:
what's the progression of your
argument?

I changed this sentence

to relate it back to my
thesis by incorporating
how genre plays a role
in audience.

It helps the paragraph

show more relation to
my thesis.

..the conventions of
this genre consist of:
personal opinion
throughout the
article..

Gimme some evidence for

her personal opinion.

I added in textual
evidence from her post
of her opinion.

This makes my
argument more
effective by showing
and comparing the
differences of her
genre from the other
scholarly article
authors.