Children and Divorce: Helping Kids Cope with Separation

and Divorce
Gip tr ng u vi ly thn v ly d

For children, divorce can be stressful, sad, and confusing. At any age, kids may feel uncertain or
angry at the prospect of mom and dad splitting up. As a parent, you can make the process and its
effects less painful for your children. Helping your kids cope with divorce means providing
stability in your home and attending to your children's needs with a reassuring, positive attitude.
It won't be a seamless process, but these tips can help your children cope with divorce of parents.
i vi tr em, ly hn c th gy cng thng, bun b, v kh hiu. mi la tui, tr em c th
cm thy khng chc chn hoc tc gin trc vin cnh chia tay ca m v cha. L cha m, bn
c th lm cho qu trnh v nh hng ca s chia ly t gy au n cho cc con ca bn. Gip
tr em i ph vi vn ly hn c ngha l mang li s n nh trong gia nh ca bn v p
ng cc nhu cu ca chng vi mt thi yn tm, tch cc. N s khng th l mt qu trnh
lin mch, nhng nhng li khuyn di y c th gip tr em i ph vi vic cha m ly hn.
1. Supporting your child through a divorce
As a parent, its normal to feel uncertain about how to give your children the right support
through your divorce or separation. It may be uncharted territory, but you can successfully
navigate this unsettling timeand help your kids emerge from it feeling loved, confident, and
strong.
L mt ph huynh, l bnh thng khi bn cm thy khng chc chn v cch mang li cho
cc con s h tr hp l thng qua ly d hoc ly thn. N c th l vic bn cha tng lm,
nhng bn c th iu hng thnh cng khong thi gian bt n ny - v gip cc con ca bn
vt ln v cm gic c yu thng, t tin v mnh m.
There are many ways you can help your kids adjust to separation or divorce. Your patience,
reassurance, and listening ear can minimize tension as children learn to cope with new
circumstances. By providing routines kids can rely on, you remind children they can count on

you for stability, structure, and care. And if you can maintain a working relationship with your
ex, you can help kids avoid the stress that comes with watching parents in conflict. Such a
transitional time cant be without some measure of hardship, but you can powerfully reduce your
childrens pain by making their well-being your top priority.
C nhiu cch bn c th gip con bn i ph vi vic bn ly hn hoc ly thn. S kin nhn,
trn tnh v i tai bit lng nghe ca bn c th gim thiu s cng thng nh tr em c th
hc cch i ph vi tnh hnh mi. Bng cch to lp thi quen cho tr c th lm theo, bn
nhc nh con ci ca bn rng chng c th tin cy vo bn v s n nh, s t chc v s chm
sc. V nu bn c th duy tr mt mi quan h lm vic vi chng hoc v c, bn c th gip
tr em trnh nhng cng thng i km vi vic chng chng kin cha m trong cuc xung t.
Trong mt thi gian sau , tt nhin khng th trnh c nhng kh khn, nhng bn c th
lm gim mnh nhng ni au cho tr bng cch t hnh phc ca chng l u tin hng u
ca bn.
A childs list of wants (Nhng mong mun ca tr em)

Stay involved in children's life: write letters, make phone calls, and ask them lots of
problems.
Lun ha trong cuc sng ca tr em: vit th, gi in thoi, v hi han nhiu vn

Stop fighting and work hard to get along with each other. Try to agree on matters related
to children.
Ngng tranh ci v lm vic chm ch ha thun vi nhau. C gng ng vi nhau nhng
vn lin quan n cc con

If children stay with one of their parents, please communicate directly with other parent
so that they can talk to their dad or mom and dont have to send messages back and forth.
Nu con li vi cha hoc m, xin vui lng lin lc trc tip vi ph huynh khc cc con c
th ni chuyn vi b hoc m v khng phi gi tin nhn qua li.

If children stay with one of their parents, when talking about other parent, please say only
nice things, or dont say anything at all.
Nu con li vi cha hoc m, khi ni chuyn v ngi cn li, xin hy ch ni nhng iu tt
p hoc khng ni g c.

Please remember that I want both of you to be a part of my life.

Cha m hy nh rng cc con mun c cha v m l mt phn ca cuc sng con.
When it comes to telling your kids about your divorce, many parents freeze up. Make the
conversation a little easier on both yourself and your children by preparing significantly before
you sit down to talk. If you can anticipate tough questions, deal with your own anxieties ahead of
time, and plan carefully what youll be telling them, you will be better equipped to help your
children handle the news.
Khi ni vi con bn v vic ly hn, nhiu ph huynh tr nn bng gi. Hy lm cho cc cuc tr
chuyn d dng hn mt cht v c bn thn v con ci ca bn bng cch chun b k cng trc
khi bn ngi ni chuyn. Nu bn c th d on cu hi kh khn, i ph vi s lo lng ca
mnh trc, v ln k hoch mt cch cn thn nhng g bn s c ni vi cc con, bn s
c trang b tt hn gip cc con ng ph c vi s thay i ny.

2. What to tell your kids

What to say and how to say it

Tell the truth. Your kids are entitled to know why you are getting a divorce, but longwinded reasons may only confuse them. Pick something simple and honest, like We cant get
along anymore. You may need to remind your children that while sometimes parents and kids
don't always get along, parents and kids don't stop loving each other.
Ni s tht. Cc con ca bn c quyn c bit l do ti sao bn s ly hn, nhng l do di
dng c th ch lm chng ri ren. Chn mt ci g n gin v trung thc, nh "Chng ta
khng th c cng nhau na." Bn c th cn phi nhc nh con bn rng mc d i khi
cha m v cc con khng phi lun lun cng nhau, nhng cha m v cc con s khng ngng
yu thng nhau.

Say I love you. However simple it may be is a powerful message, letting your children
know that your love for them hasnt changed. Tell them youll still be caring for them in every
way.
Ni "B/m yu con". Tuy n gin, n c th l mt thng ip mnh m, gip con ca bn bit
rng tnh yu ca bn i vi chng vn khng thay i. Ni vi chng bn vn s chm sc cho
chng bng mi cch.

Address changes. Preempt your kids questions about changes in their lives by
acknowledging that some things will be different now, and other things wont. Let them know
that together you can deal with those changes.
Ch ra s thay i. trnh nhng cu hi ca tr v nhng thay i trong cuc sng ca h
bng cch tha nhn rng mt s th s khc by gi, v nhng th khc th khng. Hy cho h
bit rng bn v cc con s c th cng i ph vi nhng thay i .
Avoid blaming
Its vital to be honest with your kids, but without being critical of your spouse. This can be
especially difficult when there have been hurtful events, such as infidelity, but you should avoid
playing the blame game.
Trnh li
iu quan trng l phi trung thc vi tr em, nhng khng ch trch ngi v hoc chng ca
bn. iu ny c th c bit kh khn khi c s kin gy tn thng, chng hn nh ngoi
tnh, nhng bn nn trnh chi tr chi li.
3. Listen and reassure
Support your children by helping them express emotions, and commit to truly listening to these
feelings without getting defensive. Your next job is reassuranceassuaging fears, straightening
misunderstandings, and showing your unconditional love. The bottom line: kids need to know
that your divorce isnt their fault.
Lng nghe v trn an
H tr cc con ca bn bng cch gip h th hin cm xc, v cam kt thc s lng nghe nhng
cm xc m khng phn bc li. Cng vic tip theo ca bn l s trn an xoa du nhng ni s
hi trn an, iu chnh nhng hiu lm, v th hin tnh yu v iu kin ca bn. im mu
cht: tr em cn phi bit rng vic ly hn ca bn khng phi l li ca h.

Help kids express feelings

For kids, divorce can feel like loss: the loss of a parent, the loss of the life they know. You can
help your children grieve and adjust to new circumstances by supporting their feelings.
Gip tr th hin cm xc
i vi tr em, ly hn c th gy cm gic nh s mt mt: s mt mt mt ngi cha hoc m,
s mt mt cuc sng m chng tng bit. Bn c th gip con bn au bun v iu chnh vi
hon cnh mi bng cch h tr cm xc ca mnh.
Clearing up misunderstandings
Many kids believe that they had something to do with the divorce, recalling times they argued
with their parents, received poor grades, or got in trouble. You can help your kids let go of this
misconception.
Nhiu a tr tin rng chng lm g nn mi khin b m ly d, VD nh nhng ln chng
tranh lun vi b m, nhn im km hoc gp rc ri. Bn c th gip con mnh t b nhng
suy ngh sai lm y.
Give reassurance and love
Children have a remarkable ability to heal when given the support and love they need. Your
words, actions, and ability to remain consistent are all important tools to reassure your children
of your unchanging love.
Tr em c kh nng ng kinh ngc trong vic hn gn khi chng c yu thng v h tr. Li
ni, hnh ng v nng lc ca bn nhm duy tr s kin nh l tt c nhng cng c quan trng
nhm m bo cho con ca bn hiu rng tnh yu m bn dnh cho chng l khng thay i.