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Reviewers: Darrius Pitts

Writer: Kris Berg

Peer Review: Photographic Memory Narrative


Directions: Please respond to the following questions in as much detail as possible.
Writers: list two or three questions or concerns you have about your draft that youd
like to discuss with your group. (Reviewers: Be sure to address these questions
here)

Conflict
1. Does the narrative have conflict or tension? Remember, we want to share the
complex, messy realities of our experience, not the Instagram version. Explain.
Yes, for a second in this story you dont know if he will be able to capture the fish.
It grabs your attention and fully pulls you in.
Persuasiveness
2. Are you persuaded to sympathize with the narrator (the writer)? Have they
crafted themselves into complex characters, or do they feel flat and vague?
Provide examples from the text and explain.
Kris, fully explained himself and this takes place toward the end of the story, he
says, my life revolves around the outdoors. Whether its fishing hunting camping
canoeing or hiking I am 100 percent into it.
3. Are there any ideas or phrases that strike you as well-worn or clich? Is the essay
turning the familiar on its head or should these phrases be reworked so they are
striking and novel?
To be completely honest with you, this first draft is very well put together. Other
than the sound effects given, nothing needs to be changed.
4. In our practice Peer Review, we discussed how the author was summarizing her
experience, rather than slowing down and crafting a narrative. We concluded that
what she had written wasnt the story she needed to tell. Do the storys
constraintsits framing, what includes and leaves outfeel comfortable? Would
a narrower version of the story be more effective? Explain.
No, this story need every sentence given to provide a complete
outcome of the events proposed.
Concrete Details
5. Point out places where the writer effectively uses concrete, sensory details to
illuminate their characters or setting. Why are these so powerful?
it was a cold morning my favorite place in the world, Canada
Strength of Introduction and Conclusion
6. Does the introduction/hook create genuine interest? Does it fall into the trap of
being vague context, and the story really begins in the second paragraph or
later? Why?

The beginning to this story certainly doesnt come across as being subpar or
anything of that manner. It kept me scanning each line for more and more
information.

7. Does the essay illustrate the writers revelation or evolution? How?


Yes, my father showed me to enjoy the smaller things in life and appreciate
what this planet has to offer

Most Successful Passage


8. Choose a passage (1-4 sentences) and explain why it is successful.
The second paragraph , this is the introduction to the plot and introduces the
conflict and also keeps the reader interested and alerted
Style
9. Long sentences are fine if they move well, but point out any parts that seem
choppy or pretentious (needlessly esoteric or verbose).
To be completely honest I dont see any
Editing
10. Dont do a complete editing job, but do point out the most distracting slips in
usage and mechanics.
Only part that I wouldnt consider distracting, but I would word as confusing is
the part where you almost fell out of the boat. Can be easily adjusted.
Other
11. Note any other questions or feedback you have for the writer here. This is
important: since every paper is unique, they will each have their own successes
and concerns that may not be addressed above.
Very well put together first draft. I enjoyed reading this. Great Job Kris.
Next Steps
12. Work with the writer to devise a plan for revision. Summarize the writers next steps
here.
Minor Minor improvements need to be made. The ones that Ive pointed out have
been discussed.

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