Professional Documents
Culture Documents
1 Could you not pick your feet? Honey, they're, like, right next to my head.
what? this is not the grossest thing That's happening at this beach right now.
Those two are obviously having sex.
Oh! and that boy's parents don't think he needs to wear A bathing suit even though he seems to be about
14.
i hate europeans.
I can't believe i'm gonna be 41 on saturday.
i , that's in your 40s.
Hey, let's play a game.
i'm gonna say a number, And you stop me when you think it's an age that i can pass for.
Ready? yeah.
All right.
stupid game.
i don't want to play.
Cheer up.
for your birthday i'm taking you To that new french restaurant.
Oh, yeah.
and then after you put ol' big hat to bed, You and i are going dancing at oasis.
Honey, just don't wear any red.
They have a tiny gang violence problem.
i can't believe you're forcing me To make separate plans with each of you.
going swimming.
Frank, shanna, hi! long time no see.
Yeah.
Such a long time.
Anyway, see you around.
When bobby and i were married, We were kind of friends with the millers.
They were so weird.
do you think it was because of the divorce? It could be.
or it could be that when your swimsuit is wet, It's so see-through, i can count the individual goose bumps
On your nerps.
(gasps) Why do they even sell white bathing suits? Are you sure they noticed? (both speaking indistinctly)
Pretty sure.
I wouldn't wait for her results to come in.
Mnh-mnh.
i'd get on antibiotics now.
I'll have you know that summer is a student.
Today is her third day of massage school.
(chuckles) wish i could take that back.
But you can't.
Mommy, if that lady slept over at mr.
ellis' house, Does that mean they're in love? Oh, well, he loves parts of her, sweetie.
ha ha.
(indistinct conversations) Oh, good.
shanna, hi.
Psst.
Okay, so here's the plan.
Do not come over to my house.
If the house is on fire, you may knock once.
If i don't answer, assume i set the fire, And i want to burn to death.
you're a neat kid.
(door closes) oh, when bobby and i went camping for one week, All we brought was big spray, matches and
a coffee cake.
You guys are going away for one night, right? What's your point, v-neck? I took all our pillows.
great.
All right, ready, ladies? yep.
Road trip.
whoo! Enjoy your stay at playa del roca.
Thank you, trent from tallahassee.
You know, we're here celebrating my 34th birthday.
Do you find that to be a believable statement? Could have been a $20, trent.
Someone's going to believe i'm 34 if it kills me.
I thought we agreed on 36.
mm.
at home i'd be happy with a 36, Maybe even a solid 38.
But that's regular jules.
Here, i'm resort jules.
And resort jules is fun, and she's crazy, And she refers to herself in the third person Like a professional
athlete.
Yeah.
ooh! i call the bedto herself by the window! third person How are you already naked? What? i was
changing, and i got sidetracked by bed choice.
Well, of course it's your bed Now that you have your tramp stink all over it.
Jules, did you hear her? bitch, i am a lady.
You know what i want for my birthday? For us all to get along.
This weekend we're gonna be like thelma and louise and louise.
You know, they die at the end of that movie.
you watch.
you're gonna end up being friends.
Playa del roca is a magical place.
Ew! there's a dead lizard in the toilet! (flushes) (singsong voice) bye, ellie! (normal voice) i named him.
I hate her.
Oh, man, isn't this fun? I'm eating bacon in a bikini.
Hey, take a picture of me eating bacon in a bikini.
Arch your back and stick out your chest.
and say (singsong voice) "classy!" Regular jules would never do this, but resort jules says Say hello to tanya
and her slightly smaller twin tina.
(chuckles) (camera shutter clicks) (door clos) did you just give him the "hit that" nod? I did.
jules said no girls in the house.
She won't find out.
jules always finds out.
You know, i babysat travis once when he was 12, And i may or may not have let him watch "9 1/2 weeks.
do you have any self-respect? Are you talking to him or me? I'm gonna go.
Good night, frank.
Don't talk to him.
you're pathetic.
Wow.
i don't know what you're getting so angry about, shanna.
Maybe you're feeling a little trapped in your own life.
Maybe it's frank's weird new mustache.
i don't know.
But you gotta stop picking on me, okay? You're being too mean.
So you don't think you've done anything wrong? Nope.
I wonder if everyone back home will agree.
Nobody likes gossip, shanna.
Yeah, they do.
You're right.
they really do.
I have to pee.
hold it.
(door closes) there's our birthday girl! You're wet.
sit on her bed! (sighs) What's wrong now? Shanna was so mean to me.
Mean? to you? Shah-na? It's shanna.
Nobody cares.
You're messing with our friend, And we feel like we need to respond.
Here's the deal.
if you ever say anything about jules To anyone ever again, Mongo here is gonna beat the living crap outta
ya.
Seriously, i fight all the time.
She will hold your arms, and i will beat you Until your spanx are the only thing Holding your torso together.
Have the best evening.
really enjoy it.
Good times with you, shah-na.
(sighs deeply) What? Your mustache is stupid.
I want a divorce.
no.
I mean, the thing is, Sometimes when kylie wears her jazz dance outfit, She looks really pretty to me, but
then it's oh, god.
I don't know.
what the hell? am i some kind of freak? No, you're not a freak, okay? sexuality is confusing.
(sighs) If it makes you feel better, One time at my cousin ben's lake house, We were talking about kissing
girls.
We were, i don't know, 8 maybe 12.
Anyway, he had--he had long hair, kind of like a girl.
We, um, practiced kissing on each other One time.
With your cousin ben? Yeah.
That is interesting information.
Hey! Hey! you ready to go to the movie? Yeah, let's roll.
I warned you not to mess with me.
(door opens and closes) If it makes you feel any better, He got me to march in two pride parades with him.
Oh, boy.
Thanks for buying us all matching fat pants From the gift shop.
Whoo! (all) fatties! It was the best 800 bucks i ever spent.
(laughs) you crack me up.
Wait.
you just said something nice to her.
Well, when you were gone, we talked, And, well, we bonded a little.
really? Did you know that when we were kids, we both had horses? I did.
how did i not use that before? I mean, all horse people love each other.
Sometimes it just takes a crappy night for two people To realize how close they already are.
(gasps) aw, buddy.
This is fake! Ohh! i told you she wouldn't buy it.
(sighs) Jules, i tried, but come on.
she named her horse limp bizkit! Because he rocked! He rocked.
so this is the way it's always going to be With my two best friends? bingo.
Right.
that's right.
oh, wow.
Oh, it doesn't matter.
we'll always have your back.
We will kick ass and take names.
thank you.
(knock on door) You requested turndown service? yeah, just hand over the chocolates.
Hey, did you know today is my 34th birthday? happy birthday.
Oh! (door closes) whoo-hoo! this was the best birthday (cheering) ever! (chanting) 34! 34! 34!