HNG DN NNG CP BI VIT TASK 2

BAND 6.0 -> BAND 9.0 BY NGOC BACH

In the future, it seems it will be more difficult to live on the Earth. Some people think more money
should be spent on researching other planets to live, such as Mars. To what extent do you agree or
disagree with this statement?
ANSWER
It is true that there are several discussions about whether authorities in many countries should invest
more money on finding other new places for creatures to survive because of the rising difficulties of
living on the Earth. While I agree that the Earth is as not as [1] favourable as it was in the past, I also
believe that the too much expenditure on space research too much is a waste of time and money as
well.
On the one hand, there are two major reasons why I suppose consider [2] that it is becoming
impossible for ordinary people to settle down [3] on the Earth. The first reason is that natural resouses
resources are put in dangers being depleted [4] due to the uncontrolled consumption of people. To
generate electricity, for example, the growing amount of oil, gas and coal used to meet humans human
[5] demand on a daily basis, which have has [6] serious impacts on the [7] environment. The second
reason is that a great number of countries has have [8] witnessed environmental pollutions pollution
[9] which has [10] affected adversely to humankind. In many factories in Vietnam, there has have [11]
been thousands of [12] tons of industrial rubbish released illegally into rivers nearby.
On the other hand, I believe that governments should be not encouraged to spend more money on
seeking a new planet on which [13] to survive in the future. Firstly, the expenses of researching in the
space industry might account for a huge amount of money in the national budgets. It would be more
effective that if the authorities should use used [14] them this money [15] to invest on in many other
key fields such as education, health and especially transportation, which would [16] raise the living
standard of the citizens. Furthermore, the development of advanced technology would be a much
better solution to improve the survival of humankind on the Earth. Politicians should run more
campaigns to encourage people to use green energy sources instead of natural resouses resources.
In conclusion, despite the fact that there have been numerous problems living on the Earth, I also
believe that it is not necessary for governments to spend more expenses money [17] on seeking other
new planets for humans to survive in the future.

339 words
Written by Tung (Hc sinh lp IELTS Writing Ngoc Bach thng 04/2016)
Band ~6.0

Written by Ngoc Bach

Website: www.ngocbach.com

There are quite a lot of corrections to note:

1. Grammar: the structure is: as + adjective + as....... This explanation is excellent:
http://www.edufind.com/english-grammar/comparing-attributes/
2. Vocabulary: suppose suggests that we are guessing something, without having any
information. A much more accurate synonym for believe is consider. See:
https://www.italki.com/question/209900
3. Vocabulary: delete down. The idea of settle is colonise. This is the correct word.
Settle down has a different meaning:
http://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/definition/english/settle-down?q=settle+down
4. Vocabulary: the correct phrase is always in danger (danger is not used in the plural in
this phrase). However, the exact words to express this idea are: being depleted this
explains precisely what is happening to the worlds resources:
http://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/definition/english/deplete?q=deplete
5. Vocabulary: human is often used as an adjective to = of humans. This is very
important to remember. See:
http://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/definition/english/human_1?q=human
6. Grammar: the subject of the verb is in the singular form [the growing amount].
Therefore, the verb must also be in the 3rd person singular [has].
7. When used as a noun, this is almost always referred to as the environment. See number
2 in this dictionary reference:
http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/environment
8. Grammar: this is similar to correction 6. This time, the subject of the verb is in the
plural form [a great number of countries]. Therefore, the verb must be in the 3rd person
plural [have].
9. Vocabulary: pollution is an uncountable noun, so it can never be used in the plural.
10. Grammar: as a result of correction 9, the subject of the verb is now an uncountable noun,
so the verb must be in the 3rd person singular [has].
11. Grammar: the rule is there has been + singular or uncountable noun or there have
been + plural noun. See: http://www.myenglishteacher.eu/question/which-one-iscorrect-there-has-been-or-there-have-been/
12. Grammar: it is important to know how to refer to big numbers. See: www.ieltssimon.com In the Archives section of the home page, click on the blog for October 11,
2012.
13. Grammar: this is a structure of preposition + relative pronoun. To understand when it
is used, see:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/worldservice/learningenglish/grammar/learnit/learnitv286.shtml
14. Grammar: this is an imaginary situation it has not in fact happened yet. The 2nd
conditional form should be used when we write about such a situation. See:
https://www.englishclub.com/grammar/verbs-conditional_3.htm

Written by Ngoc Bach

Website: www.ngocbach.com

15. Grammar: this is a mistake which the IELTS examiners call referencing. It is part of
the mark for the section coherence and cohesion. Here, we do not know what them
refers to, so we must make this clear.
16. Grammar: this is related to correction 14. The reference is still to an imaginary
situation: IF the authorities invested money in things like education, then this WOULD
raise living standards.
17. Vocabulary: we can spend money, but we cannot spend expenses. See number 3 in the
definition of expenses:
http://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/definition/english/expense?q=expense

COMMENT (BY NGOCBACH)

The essay has been well planned and constructed. The Essay Plan drawn from an analysis of this
task indicates good planning. The only thing to improve is the final part of paragraph 3, where
the ideas of campaigns to educate people to use green energy sources is not linked well to the
idea of the development of advanced technology.
In all other respects, the ideas are all relevant. They are developed and real-life examples give
focus to the arguments. The opinion is clear throughout and each argument is clearly identified
for the examiner. With the exception mentioned in the paragraph above, the ideas are welllinked and the paragraph structure is clear and logical.
It would achieve at least a score of 7 for task response and coherence/cohesion in my view.
However, the number of grammar and vocabulary mistakes would seriously lower the score and
it would probably achieve only 6 overall. I have used some of the good topic vocabulary in the
amended essay below.

Essay Plan:
Introduction: introduce the topic, give own opinion.
Paragraph 2: why it is becoming more difficult to live on planet Earth. [1] overconsumption causes the depletion of natural resources. Example: energy demands and
fossil fuels. [2] growing problems of pollution. Example: Vietnam dumping of rubbish
into rivers by some industries.
Paragraph 3: spending money to find new planets to settle is a waste of resources. [1]
Money is needed to raise the living standards of people and provide good health and

Written by Ngoc Bach

Website: www.ngocbach.com

education services. [2] Money should also be used to develop advanced technology, such as
the funding of green energy projects.
Conclusion: looking for new planets to colonise is a waste of time and resources. Repeat
the opinion in the introduction disagree with the statement.

Dch i :
Dn bi vit:
M bi: Gii thiu ch , a ra kin ring.
on vn 2: ti sao sng trn tri t ngy mt kh khn hn? [1] tiu th qu nhiu gy cn
kit ti nguyn thin nhin. V d: nhu cu nng lng v nhin liu ha thch. [2] cc vn
nhim ngy cng gia tng. V d: Vit Nam vic x thi ra cc dng sng ca mt s doanh
nghip.
on vn 3: chi tin tm cc hnh tinh mi nh c l mt s lng ph ngun lc. [1] Cn tin
nng cao mc sng ca ngi dn v cung cp cc dch v y t, gio dc tt. [2] Tin cng
nn c s dng pht trin cc cng ngh tin tin, chng hn nh ti tr cho cc d n nng
lng xanh.
Kt lun: tm kim cc hnh tinh mi xm chim l mt s lng ph thi gian v ngun lc.
Lp li cc kin trong kh m bi - khng ng vi kin trn.

Written by Ngoc Bach

Website: www.ngocbach.com

Amended essay by Ngoc Bach [band 9]

It is true that, if present trends continue, it will become increasingly difficult to sustain human
life on Earth. While I agree that it is vital to tackle this problem, I believe that expenditure on
research for new planets to colonise should be given a low priority, and resources must be used
to find other, more practical solutions.
There are two major reasons why life on Earth is becoming more and more unsustainable. One
obvious problem is the uncontrolled consumption of natural resources, which are being depleted
as a result. For instance, the extraction of fossil fuels, such as coal, gas and oil, to satisfy
growing energy demands has serious environmental impacts, and these resources will eventually
run out. Another concern is the rising level of pollution worldwide, of the land, the oceans and
the air that we breathe. In Vietnam, for example, thousands of tons of industrial rubbish have
been released illegaly into rivers, killing aquatic life and contaminating drinking water.
However, I would argue that the search for a new planet on which humans could survive is a
waste of valuable resources. Firstly, a vast amount of funding would be required to finance such
space exploration, with no guarantee of success. This money is needed now to improve health
services globally and to provide better education for all. Secondly, financial resources should be
used to develop advanced technologies that would be more environmentally-friendly and
provide renewable energy. In the field of transport, to take a simple example, vehicles can now
be converted to run on hydrogen or even waste cooking oil as McDonalds have done with
their trucks.
In conclusion, I consider that the search for new planets on which to settle is a waste of time and
resources, and efforts should be concentrated on living more sustainably here on Earth.
303 words

Written by Ngoc Bach

Website: www.ngocbach.com

Dch i :
S tht l, nu nhng xu hng hin nay vn tip din, vic duy tr s sng ca con ngi trn
tri t s tr nn ngy cng kh khn. Trong khi ti ng rng n quan trng gii quyt vn
ny, ti tin rng chi ph cho nghin cu cc hnh tinh mi nh c nn c u tin thp,
v cc ngun lc phi c s dng tm cc gii php khc thit thc hn
C hai l do chnh gii thch ti sao s sng trn Tri t ngy cng tr nn khng bn vng.
Mt vn hin nhin chnh l s tiu th khng kim sot cc ngun ti nguyn thin nhin, m
hu qu l n ang ngy mt khan him. V d, vic khai thc cc nhin liu ha thch nh than,
kh t v du, p ng nhu cu nng lng ngy cng tng tc ng mi trng mt cch
nghim trng, v cc ngun lc ny cui cng s cn kit . Mt mi quan tm khc chnh l mc
gia tng ca tnh trng nhim trn ton th gii, ca t, i dng v khng kh m chng ta
ht th. V d, Vit Nam, hng ngn tn rc thi cng nghip c thi tri php ra sng,
git cht i sng thy sinh v nhim ngun nc ung.
Tuy nhin, ti cho rng vic tm kim mt hnh tinh mi m con ngi c th sng st l mt s
lng ph nhng ti nguyn gi tr. Th nht, mt s lng ln cc ngun ti tr s c yu cu
ti tr cho cuc thm d khng gian, m khng c s bo m thnh cng no. Lng tin
ny ang cn thit ci thin dch v y t trn ton cu v cung cp gio dc tt hn cho tt c.
Th hai, ngun lc ti chnh nn c s dng pht trin cc cng ngh tin tin m thn
thin vi mi trng v cung cp nng lng ti to. Ly mt v d n gin, trong lnh vc vn
ti, xe by gi c th c chuyn i sang chy bng hydro hoc thm ch l du n - nh
McDonald lm vi xe ti ca h.
Tm li, ti cho rng vic tm kim cc hnh tinh mi nh c l mt s lng ph thi gian v
ngun lc,; v cc n lc nn c tp trung vo vic sng mt cch bn vng hn trn tri t.

Bn sa li c gi n cu gim kho IELTS Lee (ielts-liz.com gii thiu. Mt trong

nhng website uy tn c Hi ng anh v IDP tin tng) v c chm 9.0.
http://ieltsliz.com/ielts-essay-correction/

DOWNLOAD BI CHM IM TI Y:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B_SZnHS0AHuxOXdQMXE1VXcyTWs/view

Written by Ngoc Bach

Website: www.ngocbach.com

VOCABULARY
Sustain [verb] [gi vng, chng ] support something/somebody in order to be able to continue
to live.
Example: In the past, sailors took large supplies of fresh water and food on their ships to sustain
them on their long voyages.
colonise: [verb] [chim lm thuc a] take control of an area in order to live there.
Example: European countries tried to colonise all the countries of South-East Asia.
low priority: [noun] [u tin thp] something that you think is less important than other things
and should be dealt with last.
Example: Government spending on the arts is a low priority during times of economic crisis.
unsustainable: [adjective] [khng th chng c] that cannot be continued at the same rate
or level.
Example: Experts predict that economic growth in China is unsustainable.
deplete: [verb] [thiu ht] reduce by a large amount, so that there is not much left.
Example: After 6 months without rain, the amount of water available to supply the city was
seriously depleted.
extraction: [noun] [s chn lc/ s chit] the act or process of removing something.
Example: The extraction of salt from the sea has been practised for many centuries.
run out: [phrasal verb] [cn kit] if something runs out, it is used up or finished.
Example: The supermarket had run out of bread, so I had to go to a different shop.
aquatic life: [noun] [i sng thy sinh] the creatures and plants that live in rivers and lakes.
Example: The chemicals which the factory put into the river killed all the aquatic life.
contaminate: [verb] [lm bn, lm nhim] make a place dirty by adding something that is
dangerous.
Example: The pollution resulting from all the traffic in the city is contaminating the air that
people breathe.
guarantee: [noun] [s m bo] something which makes something else certain to happen.
Example: There is no guarantee that money will bring happiness.
environmentally-friendly: [adjective] [c tnh thn thin vi mi trng] not damaging the
environment.
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Example: Recycling is one way in which people can act in an environmentally-friendly way.
renewable energy: [noun] [nng lng ti to] replaced naturally, so that there is no danger that
it will finish.
Example: Wind and solar power are examples of renewable energy sources.
convert: [verb] [i, bin i] changed from one form or system to another.
Example: The church in our street has been converted into a restaurant.
waste: [adjective] [b hoang] no longer needed for a particular process and therefore thrown
away.
Example: People are encouraged to recycle their waste newspapers and plastic.
settle: [verb] [nh c] make a place your permanent home.
Example: After his father died, he decided to settle in Paris.

Written by Ngoc Bach

Website: www.ngocbach.com