Professional Documents
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I trust his ability to use his authority intelligently, lovingly and with
the best interests of me and our relationship foremost in his mind.
Without that complete trust, this lifestyle would be impossible.
Another great theory on paper but how do we get there? The answer
turned out to be incredibly simple, especially for two intelligent
educated people.
Our “plan” was even more simplistic from there, perhaps too simple
for some people so here’s the disclaimer:
This plan worked for us. I don’t advocate or encourage another’s use
of it without careful, thoughtful and extensive discussion between the
couple who chooses to try it.
I wonder how many people just went screaming from the room after
reading that decidedly BDSM implication? There had to be a few
because, in all honesty, for a lot of us who truly engage in the
HOH/DD lifestyle, the very suggestion that there may be underlying
BDSM tones in that lifestyle is unsettling at best, offensive at worst. I
don’t advocate, mainly because I don’t even remotely have an
understanding of, the choice to practice BDSM. My perception
(emphasize ‘perception’) is that while the two choices (BDSM and
DD) possess some similarities they are motivated and personified by
entirely separate principles. I consider the BDSM relationship is
sexual in nature and, if it is carried over into other areas of the
relationship outside of sex, it is still “contrived role playing” as it is
rare to find a “Slave” who was actually “purchased” and unable to
leave the relationship.
Secondly and more importantly the word “Master” was defined for
our purposes as a “state of mind” for me. It was the word I chose to
associate with my husband as opposed to HOH during this time in
order to help me squelch the “anti-submission” baggage
programmed into me over the past four decades. For me, giving my
husband that title and abiding by it in the purest sense of the word,
allowed me the “freedom” to learn to submit without guilt or
distraction or a sense of “betrayal” to my “independent
womanhood”.
We both needed to see and know he could lead and that I could
follow. My husband loves, respects and admires me. He would never
do anything to harm me in any way. Because of that he never once
“abused” the power he had over me for the duration. He took to
extremes and there were times when I thought submission would be,
if not impossible, at least, unlikely. But because of the clear “rules” in
place (which I will touch on later in this essay) when we began “Basic
Training”, he never wavered and I ultimately learned to submit, to
his satisfaction, in all things without having the choice to submit. In
the end, I learned that my submission was not only a choice but a gift
when the “choice’ was restored.
The “footnote” to this essay is the details. It’s a list of examples of the
different types of “orders” my husband gave me for the sole and
single purpose of teaching me to submit to him. Admittedly, the
majority of the commands were issued for no other reason than to
give me the opportunity to practice physical submission but it was an
amazingly useful tool for me (and him as he became comfortable in
his authoritarian role). I learned to habitually submit to his “orders”.
Some of the disciplines he commanded were difficult and humbling
but his sheer contentment with me when I obeyed far overshadowed
any negativity the discipline could have produced. It wasn’t “easy”
by any stretch and I don’t necessarily recommend the use of all (or
any) of our methods. It’s simply the details, do with it what you will.
A. The most important thing for the HOH to do is not only to "exert
his authority" daily but several times "randomly" throughout the
day and night.
One specific point: from the start of the "training period" and
consistently throughout it, the HOH can and should issue some
orders directly and some of them "casually", (like casually during a
meal, or while watching television ). Even calling or emailing her
from work to have her "submit" to something.
FYI: The same tone and manner in which he addresses her (when
exerting his authority as HOH) should be carried over into daily life
once the training period is over. Recognizing that tone is the easiest
habit to learn first and makes the transition into "real life" much
smoother.
The HOH can also require she sets an alarm to get up at 4:00 or
5:00am to perform some discipline. (i.e. corner or kneeling time,
writing lines, doing a chore/task).
Following are some suggestions on orders the HOH can issue to teach
and/or help his wife practice her submission to him: (fyi: the
objective of some of these orders is to humble her):
1.) To start the "training period", the wife should be spanked first
thing in the morning or prior to the HOH leaving the house to go to
work every morning for the duration of the training period. This can
serve as a “Daily Maintenance Spanking” for the duration.
2.) Corner time and/or Kneeling time. (These are always very specific
as to the position she should be in, what she is wearing, how long etc.)
Using nipple clamps, restraining or positioning her hands/legs, using
rice to kneel on or applying a heating lotion can be added to make it
more physically uncomfortable and "a harder lesson" to submit to.
3.) Placing her into "discipline" position. I.e.: ordering her to lie
(exposed) over his knee or to bend over the bed, dresser, table, chair
etc. and remain in that position until he releases her.
She should NOT be told the length of time she is to remain in this
position but told to remain there until he releases her.
The HOH randomly and often orders his wife to remove some or all
of her clothes. This puts her in a "vulnerable state of mind". He can
do this either in the course of routine daily life (like while watching tv
or having a meal during which he orders his wife to expose herself to
him by unbuttoning or take off her shirt or to remove all of her
clothes and just remain that way while they go about whatever they
were doing until he tells her to re-dress) or as a specific command for
her to present herself before him naked, forcing her to stand before
him silently until he tells her to re-dress.
If they are alone in the house, he can order her stand or kneel in the
middle of the room while HE goes about whatever he was doing. Or,
if there are other people being in the house, he requires her to be
naked under a robe and then has the option of ordering her to hold
the robe open while she stands or kneels before him with her back to
the entrance of the room so that the robe can be immediately closed
should anyone approach.
The HOH can choose to lecture her (about his authority, her
required submission, negative behaviors etc) during this time or
choose to be silent or to ignore her. The point is her nakedness and
the vulnerability it produces in her.
5.) Spankings. (Much like maintenance but solely for the "reason" of
because he feels like it and these spankings are NOT in place of
“morning maintenance”).
6.) Instructing her to ask for a spanking and requiring her to choose
the implement. (Obviously an implement or "type" of spanking that
they both know she especially dislikes is the goal here).
7.) Requiring her to address him as "Sir" either at all times for the
duration of a discipline.
8.) Requiring her to thank him for any and all discipline whether it
was spanking or non-spanking discipline and regardless of whether it
was punishment or practice.
10.) Requiring her to ask for permission before she does absolutely
anything, i.e.:
b) when she can to go to bed, shower, eat, smoke, leave the room etc.
(Again, If this is going to be incorporated, the HOH needs to tell her
that at the start of the "training period" AND if she does anything
(during the duration of the training period) without first getting his
express permission to do it, she is punished as severely as if she broke
a major rule.)
11.) Ordering back rubs, food prepared and served, his bath run, his
clothes laid out etc.
The HOH must interject several of these things into each day.
Final Note: Once the training period is over the HOH can retain the
option of re-instituting additional training periods in the future. For
example, a week, a month or a year later the HOH can decide that his
wife needs a "refresher course" on submission and inform her that
they will again enter into another training period. The "refresher
courses" can be anywhere from a few days long to a few weeks long,
the length of time is completely at the HOH's discretion.
Written by Jacqueline
August, 2005