Public Dealing

Lets Know Why people are difficult Types of difficult behavior Coping skills and techniques to help you communicate Why Are People Difficult? People feel

Rushed not enough time Insecure Angry And have some need or interest Stressed!!!

A Difficult Person Can Be ... Hostile-Aggressive Know-It-All Yes-Person Whiner Never-Say-A-Word Indecisive Staller No-Person

Hostile Aggressive The Tank Bullies (threatens) their way toward the results they want. Belittles (degrades) you in front of anyone. Tries to convince you that you are doing a poor job when you are doing fine.

The Know-It-All Controls people and events

by dominating conversation with lengthy, authoritative arguments. Tries to find flaws in everything.

The Yes-Person Answers Yes to every request without thinking about what is being promised. Has deep-seated anxiety and a lot of resentment. Seeks approval and avoids disapproval. And even if all the promises can be kept, the Yes-Person no longer has a life! The No-Person Able to defeat big ideas with a single syllable Deadly to morale The Whiner (Grumbler) Avoids taking responsibility. Wants sympathy. Has negative view of the world. Its important for these people to get their opinions across. If you ignore them, they increase their protests.

The Never-Say-A-Word The Clam Timid, uncomfortable, and uncertain. Wants to avoid conflict or hurting anyone. Often feels angry because the wrong decision was made. Some cant relate authentically or speak honestly.

The Indecisive Staler Could be an overwhelmed Yes-Person. Could be a procrastinator

(delaying person). Has reservations about the project. Doesnt organize or prioritize work.

BASIC PUBLIC DEALING TECHNIQUES

Do not over-react Hold realistic expectations Do not try to change a difficult person Do not enter into avoidable confrontation

IF YOU HAVE TO CONFRONT!

Do it privately , not publicly Do it as soon as possible Speak to one issue at a time Once you've make a point don't keep Do not interrupt, listen carefully Deal only with behaviors Present criticisms as suggestions or Don't apologize for the confrontation Don't forget the compliments

repeating

questions if possible

Dealing with The Tank If possible, get them to sit down. Dont back down. Let them vent. Dont take it personally. Step away from the emotion. Identify their issuethe facts of the matter. Explain benefits of your point of view. Express your side in factual terms. Allow aggressor to save face. Dealing with the Know-It-All Know your facts. Be prepared. Listen carefully and paraphrase the main points. Use questions to raise issues.

If necessary, subordinate yourself to avoid static and commit yourself to building a more equal relationship in the future. Dealing with the Yes-Person Work to get to the underlying issues. Tell how much you value them as people. Give them permission to say No. Ask them to tell about any aspect of your product that is not as good as the best. Listen to their humor -- hidden messages? Dealing with the No-Person Work to get to the underlying issues. Find out the reason for disagreement Show the other side Show the benefits Dealing with the Whiner Dont respond if they are blaming you. Dont sympathize if they are at fault. Make a list of all complaints from constant complainers before you discuss problem. Make sure the facts are correct. Make the Whiner propose solutions to fix the problem. Dealing with The Clam Try to draw them out about topics that are non-threatening. Ask open-ended questions. Wait for a response -- calmly. (Dont fill the silence with your chatter.) If you get no response, comment on whats happening. End your comment with an open-ended question. Dealing with the Staler Help document their goals and deadlines Listen for indirect words, hesitations. Ask them how you can help them achieve their goals. Follow up on intermediate deadlines. Hold them to the deadlines. Make it easy for them to tell you what is preventing their action. And What About You... Its All About ATTITUDE! You are not going to change THEM. You will have to work with THEM. You are the one who can make the change. Make it happen! Be Positive Principles of Human Behavior All people are motivated . You cannot motivate others ; you can provide the environment, skills, etc. People do things for their reasons, not ours. We are all different ... Relationships should complement and complete each other.

Communication Is The Key... Be clear about what is to be done. Be clear about who is to do it. Two parts to the message Speaker has an image Listener has an image Are they the same? Offline Coping Techniques Dont take their behavior or words personally. Write down details of what annoys you. Think about why it annoys you. Which of your buttons does this person push? Why do you respond to them in the way you do? How would you like to respond? List the advantages of different responses. Monitor yourself. Give yourself positive feedback when you succeed in not getting caught up in the emotions of difficult people. Be a happier person by handling all those you encounter with charm and grace.