Power Tool : Freedom vs Compromise

Power Tool Assessment Name: Janette Goodall Date: 28 August 2012 Student ID: Email: janeil1@dcsi.net.au

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Power Tool : Freedom vs Compromise

Introduction You were born free, but somewhere along the way you lost your freedom. Was it fear? Fear of rejection? Fear of being let down? Fear of not being enough, or good enough, or pretty enough, or intelligent enough? What bound you? What have you compromised? What have you given up or lost? What do you compromise for the sake of peace or security? Do you compromise your dreams, your desires, your identity, your values, your freedom to be you? How often do we compromise our freedom? How do we know when we are compromising our freedom? We can compromise our freedom in various ways. One way of choosing compromise over freedom is being in an unhealthy relationship for example, and choosing to stay in that relationship for the false sense of security it gives. Another way would be give in to someone elses expectations of you, at the expense of denying yourself an opportunity to express yourself or to grow personally. Everyone has the right to be free, to be themselves, to follow their heart, to pursue their dreams, to fulll their life purpose. Yet so many of us are not free. We have let life circumstances dictate our choices for us. We have given up our dreams, and let our life purpose slip away. Basically, we compromise. What is compromise? Compromise is both good and bad. Its good if its good for both parties. Its bad if its only good for one of the parties, but the other has given up more than they bargained for. According to Wiki, compromise is a concept of nding agreement through communication, through a mutual acceptance of terms, often involving variations from an original goal or desire. In the negative connotation, compromise may be referred to as capitulation, referring to a surrender of objectives, principles, or materials, in the process of negotiating an agreement. Central to the idea of a mutual agreement is that each person must decide to surrender some things that they want in order to hopefully get the thing or things they most desire. Its when compromise involves a person surrendering that which is integral to them, such as a personal value for instance, that personal freedom is lost. Compromise exists in all aspects of life and can be a useful tool in relationships. In relationships like marriage compromise can enhance the relationship. For instance, a couple might compromise about the share of housework each will do, the husband takes out the rubbish, the wife does the vacuuming. Couples who cannot compromise tend to have signicant troubles. When each party in a marriage sees themselves as entitled to more than the other party, compromises may be very hard to reach. If one partner is adamant about not making any concessions, the other partner must decide to either concede everything and let the other be dominant, or to try to argue it out. If the rst option is chosen, personal freedom again is lost or surrendered.

Power Tool : Freedom vs Compromise

To be uncompromising is not always negative. A person with an uncompromising sense of ethics isnt easily persuaded to become less ethical. As a human being it is important to decide what areas of your life are most important, and what areas of your life, work, or relationships can handle some healthy compromise. As you can see compromise can be both positive or negative. When compromise is used it means each side loses something and gains something else in return so that every one is happy. It also means that you are willing to settle for a price, i.e. losing something, for instance your freedom. But is everyone happy? People compromise all the time, when you are willing to forfeit something in order to achieve an agreement. For example, you would like to see a movie on at the theatre, but you do not have money, so you rent one. Or a wife wants to go out for dinner because she doesnt want to cook and the husband wants to stay home and watch TV, so they order pizza. In the movie To Kill a Mocking Bird, Atticus asks his daughter Scout if she knows what compromise is. She says, Bending the law? He said, Its an agreement reached by mutual consent. But is it always by mutual consent? If you give up your freedom for the sake of anothers expectations on you, or through coercion, or guilt, or fear, is that really mutual consent? What is freedom? Dictionary.com gives this denition of freedom: 1. the state of being free or at liberty rather than in connement or under physical restraint 2. exemption from external control, interference, regulation, etc 3. the power to determine action without restraint 4. personal liberty, as opposed to bondage or slavery. Freedom is more than just wanting to do whatever we feel like. Freedom also involves responsibility. In a family for instance, even though we are free, we still must consider the other people in the family and how our actions impact on the other family members. Freedom is being free to express yourself in your unique way, whatever that looks like. Its freedom to think, believe, speak, and live as you choose - but only until your choices start to infringe on another persons freedom. Basically a free person has the legal right to do whatever they want insofar as they do not offensively harm or coerce another people against their will. Yet it happens. People do not always feel they have the right to express themselves or to do what they feel is right for them, because another prohibits or inhibits their freedom of choice. Freedom means freedom to express who you are through whatever you want to do without any forces stopping you. But so often we are living in an environment where we are affected by everything around us, which is also helping dictate what we do - or do not do by whatever forces are there, including other people.

Power Tool : Freedom vs Compromise

Freedom is having a voice, its living your life as you see t, making your own decisions to the best of your knowledge and ability, decisions that are right for you. When someone puts a demand on you to be different from who you really are, it puts your happiness under someone elses control, and thats not freedom. Freedom is being free to be able to pursue your dreams, to be you, magnicent and exceptional, and fullling your life purpose. Recognizing compromise Weve looked at compromise, and weve looked at freedom. But how do we recognize the compromise that keeps us from freedom? Are you living the life you truly want to live? Are you pursuing a career that you have been thinking and dreaming about for a long time? Do you feel frustrated, stuck, trapped? Compromise can make you feel that you are not in control of your life, that someone else is pulling the strings. There are two main things that can cause us to compromise our freedom. One is fear, the other is underlying beliefs. Fear - Fear is a paralyzing emotion, it stops us in our tracks, and prevents any forward movement. Fear keeps us bound. We fear the unknown, we fear being alone, rejected. We compromise our freedom for security, or what we believe is security. Underlying Beliefs - We compromise our freedom to be ourselves because we dont feel worthy of something better. We are born for greatness, yet our life circumstances have lied to us that we are not good enough. We stay in relationships that hurt us, and keep us from our purpose and destiny because we believe thats all there is for us. Remember, compromise is essentially giving something up for the sake of something else. Sometimes that something else is not worth compromising for. What are you giving up for the sake of freedom? Self Application Compromise is a basic negotiation process in which both parties give up something that they want in order to get something else they want more. In compromise situations neither side gets all of what they really want, but they each make concessions in order to reach an agreement that is acceptable to both. The basic idea is that each party gives up something that the other party values but that they themselves do not care about. But is that how it always is? No. Sometimes we give up what is truly important to us. Its important to identify for yourself what you are giving up, and whether it is really worth the sacrice. Some things cannot and should not ever be compromised because they cut to the core of a persons identity and sense of value and worth. However, in the case of losing our personal freedom, we do surrender parts of ourselves, our identity and our values and beliefs, for something inferior. A person needs to feel they have some control over their future, and over their life. Control and identity are both fundamental human needs. When they are compromised, they cause depression and feelings of oppression, feeling stuck. They feel life has no purpose, no direction. There is little joy. Its important then to step back, look at your life, and ask yourself, Am I where I really want to be in life? What am I allowing or tolerating that is holding me back from fullling my dreams? Where am I compromising my freedom to be me?

Power Tool : Freedom vs Compromise

Coaching Application Why is freedom so important? People have been writing about freedom for years: What is freedom? Freedom is the right to choose; the right to create for yourself the alternatives of choice. Without the possibility of choice and the exercise of choice a man is not a man but a member, an instrument, a thing. Archibald MacLeish We are free to make choices that create the life we want for ourselves. The purpose of freedom is to create it for others. Bernard Malamud When we are free we unconsciously allow others to be free too. Freedom means different things to different people. One teenage girl sees freedom as when she nally turns 18 and can live by her own rules instead of those set by her parents. For others freedom is something that exists in each persons mind. Its a freedom to think for oneself or even to think something different from what is considered the status quo. Its a freedom of self-expression and a freedom to be different. In an ideal free society you have the ability to truly be yourself and to express yourself without fear of ridicule or harm. In a coaching relationship, we can help the client identify areas in their lives where they may be compromising their freedom, by asking them to think about their lives and where compromise may be in play. For instance, helping them to see if they are... giving up their freedom for another, against their will giving up themselves and/or their dreams, to meet the needs or demands or expectations of some one else saying no to their freedom or their dreams because of fear or rejection losing their self-expression losing themselves losing their uniqueness giving up their right to freedom settling for less giving up the more of life giving in After compromise has been identied, we can look at those areas with the client, and help them accept freedom in place of compromise. We can encourage them with the truth that they can live... free from others expectations free to be themselves - who they were created to be with all the beauty and uniqueness that is theirs free to choose - for them - what is right for them free to live life their way freedom to express themselves without intimidation or fear free to speak their opinions and thoughts without fear free to make decisions for them

Power Tool : Freedom vs Compromise

free to reach their potential free to say no free to say yes free to dream free to pursue their dreams, their life purpose, their hearts desire Reection Think about what you think compromise is? Where do you see compromise in your own life? Think about what it is to be free. What are the areas in your life where you are able to be free to be you? How do you feel when you are free to be you? How do you feel when you know you have compromised your freedom to be you? Think about the last time you know you compromised your freedom to be you. Do you know what caused you to compromise and the belief behind it? What are some techniques you could develop to be mindful of when you might compromise your freedom to be you? What are some behaviors you could implement to maintain your freedom to be you?

References What Does Compromise Mean? Wiki Answers http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_does_ %27compromise%27_mean What is A Compromise? WiseGeek http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-a-compromise.htm Compromise Wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compromise Spangler, Brad. Compromise http://www.beyondintractability.org/bi-essay/compromise Riverdeep http://web.riverdeep.net/current/2002/09/090902_m_freedom.jhtml Scott Hughes http://onlinephilosophyclub.com/denition-of-freedom.php Dictionary.com http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/freedom Mike Treder, Institute of Ethics & Emerging Technologies http://ieet.org/index.php/IEET/ more/3411