Between Friends By Amanda Cowen Between Friends Copyright 2013 by Amanda Cowen HDIN:64-70-67-72-6f-75-70

DIN:105-109-108-121

***** Acknowledgements I would like to thank my mother, my family and friends for their support. Thank you to the crew for your life-long friendships and inspiring to me to write Between Friends. I cant even begin to thank enough for being in my life all these years. I owe a huge thank you to everyone who helped me out along the way and read the first drafts of Between Friends. (You know who you are. I love you all of you!). Trust me when I say that I couldnt have done this without you. Thank you to my earliest readers, Dina Morrone and Shayne Stolz for believing in me, in turn making me believe in myself. And most of all thank you to my husband, my best friend. ***** To Connley and Owen, with love Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind dont matter, and those who matter dont mind - Dr. Seuss Chapter 1 What are you looking at? Were the first five words Ben had ever said to me. I had spent the last few minutes watching him meticulously sort out the red M&M's from a candy dish on top of the kitchen table before he shoved a pile of them in his mouth, Do the red ones actually taste different, or are you just a weirdo? What do you think? he asked as a goofy grin spread across his face. Im thinking weirdo. I laughed, and tossed my long brown hair to the side. Ben tapped his fingers on the table and bit his lower lip, Im thinking youre wrong. I think not. I snapped back, and heard all our mutual friends snicker from behind me. He quickly stuck his hand back in the dish and pulled out a single brown and red M&M, Well then, I guess youll have to see for yourself. I rolled my eyes, and let Ben place one brown M&M into the palm of my hand. I popped it in my mouth and tasted its milk-chocolate flavour. When I was done, he proceeded to present me with

the red one. His smug smile encouraged me to crunch down on the deal breaker with hopes of disproving his theory. But as the red candy coated texture began to melt in my mouth, I hated to admit it, but he was right. Well? Ben asked with a playful glimmer in his eyes. I nodded in defeat. Ben triumphantly fist pumped the air and said, Well, you passed the test. I guess that means we are going to get along just fine. That same night, back in the ninth grade, Ben and I ended up secluding ourselves from everyone at the party. We talked about anything and everything in a dark corner of my best friend Jessicas basement. We quickly realized we had a lot in common. Our sense of humour was the same (deadpan and dry). He also had a father who cheated on his mother (as did I). He sometimes ate pickles for breakfast (also my favorite morning treat). We both preferred bare feet to socks; we both despised Halloween and dressing up in ridiculous costumes; and we both liked spicy food. There was never a weird lull in our conversation or an awkward pause. I wondered where he had been my whole life, and I thought I had found the perfect friend. It worried me to think that if Jessica were to ever break up with Michael, (Bens best friend) I could potentially lose Ben as a friend forever (high school loyalties - you know how it is). But luckily, their perfect love story lasted all the way through high school, right on through university, and into our young adulthood. It was no surprise when Jessica called me last year on Christmas morning screaming into the receiver that Michael had finally asked her to marry him. Everyone in our long-standing group of friends was so happy for them. After all these years, they were tying the knot, and even better they decided to do it in Costa Rica. So after a long and winded day at work, I am more than thrilled to be boarding a plane in the morning for this highly anticipated wedding. I unlock my front door and scurry into my bedroom. I have so many things to do before tomorrow, and I havent even started packing yet. I flop down on my bed, and pull out the maid-of-honor checklist Jessica made me crumpled up on my nightstand. Megans Maid-of Honour Checklist By Jessica Marie Ellis (best friend and bride to be!) 1. Four No wait, FIVE pairs of Spanx (Michelle might need to double up. She didnt lose the 10 pounds like she promised) Ohmigod, Jessica can be so cruel. Our friend Michelle is far from needing to lose a few pounds. She may be more pear-shaped than the rest of us, but at least she has curves. I would give anything to add some curvature to this rail thin body of mine. I toss the Spanx into my luggage and move on to the next: 2. Double sided tape is a MUST!!! Oh, and dont forget to pack a little extra padding for yourself. Flat chests are a no - no on my big day. Oh, the nerve of her. Just because I am not as well endowed as she is, doesnt mean she has to

remind me. I storm into my closet, rip out my strapless padded push-up bra and a roll of double sided tape to stuff into my luggage. 3. Breath mints. I prefer Altoids, but a Clorets will do. Stephanie always has raunchy breath. It is your duty to make sure she has a pack at all times. I am actually starting to wonder if Jessica is losing her mind. I am not running out right now to grab a million packs of Altoids to have on hand at any given moment. She can purchase them herself at the gift shop inside the airport tomorrow morning. If she wants to micro-manage our friend Stephanies breath mint consumption, than all the power to her. I will not. I scroll down the list and come across one ridiculous request after another: 4. Something Borrowed You are in charge of this. It better be good. Or else 5. Completed first draft of MOH speech. (Hopefully you have already completed the second draft, but I am giving you a little leeway here) 6. Aspirin (I may need this after the Bachelorette partyYou know how I get) 7. Turquoise Bridesmaid Dress (If this is forgotten you are a dead woman!!!!) Number seven makes me chuckle. To some, this obvious item may be a given, but Jessica knows me well enough to know I would forget my head if it werent attached to my body. I move my finger all the way down her impressive list to item number 105. I think my heart stops when I see the one thing I dont want to do: 105. Get Emily Waterford to answer all work related calls. I cringe at Jessicas request. She doesnt understand how being a realtor in the city of Chicago is not a life of freedom. After Jessica quit her glorified party-planning career in public relations, following Michaels recent graduation from Med School, she has forgotten what life is actually like for a single workingwoman. I turn beat red, when I see item number 105 is followed up with a subsection: 105.1. These calls cannot, under any circumstance be forwarded to Bens phone. I dont care that you work for the same company, and I dont care if he is wheeling and dealing his listings from Costa Rica. YOU WILL NOT!!! Understand? I need your focus to be on the wedding and me, not what property you have listed this week. Uggh! How did she know I was thinking of tricking her and doing that? I will have to text Emily and let her know I will need her assistance after all. I am sure Ben wont mind though, he has enough clients to keep his phone ringing off the hook all week while we are away. At least this way, Ben and I wont have to sneak around behind Jessicas back to transfer any work related messages. My phone vibrates on my nightstand. I jump with fright and snatch it up in my fingers. I secretly hope its the Wilsons ready to make an offer on that spacious four-bedroom ranch style house in suburbia But it isnt, its Ben.

Hey there pretty lady. He laughs into the phone, and I can tell he may have had a few too many drinks. During our university years, whenever Ben drank alcohol, he seemed to turn into a cowboy, even though he has never been to any wide-open spaces, or even seen a horse. What do you want? I laugh into the phone and continue to make checkmarks along Jessicas list. Where are you? He asks. At home packing, and going over the maid-of-honor checklist Jessica made me. I chuckle and hear Ben do the same. I pause and listen to the murmur of voices in the background and ask, Where are you? Are you hungry? he asks completely avoiding my question. I glance at the clock and see it is already quarter after seven. Maybe, I tease, Shouldnt you be at home? We leave early in the morning, remember? I had a date, but I think its safe to say I was stood up. Ive been waiting here for over an hour." He sighs into the phone. Are you serious? I laugh and think something like this would only happen to Ben. He always dates the same type; blonde, young, and dumb. Laugh it up chuckles. Ben moans, Anyway, I am a block away from your place at Third Rail Tavern. Do you want to meet me for a bite to eat or what? I glance down into my suitcase, a disorderly heap of last years summer outfits. I contemplate telling him no, worried Jessica would freak if she knew I went out without completing my checklist. But when my stomach begins to rumble, I decide I have no other choice. Besides, it's just a couple of harmless hours. If Ben is allowed to be out and about and he is Michaels best man, then I dont see what the big deal is. Alright, I will be there in twenty minutes I say and flip my suitcase shut. Awe Megan, youre the best I havent been out for so long; I have forgotten what a bar looks like on a Friday night. Leave it to Ben to pick the least romantic setting for a first date. Im sure who ever this mystery girl was, she must have taken one look at this place, turned around, walked out the door and thought, what a chump. I push through the crowd of people, and see Ben sitting alone at the bar. He is wearing a backwards baseball cap and a tight fitting solid black t-shirt that emphasises his muscular build. He smiles when he sees me, and ushers me into the chair beside him. Whoa I choke from inhaling his cologne, and fan my hand in front of my face, Are you sure she didnt leave after she got a good whiff of you? I thought the ladies liked a man who smelled good? Ben smiles and takes a sip of his rum and coke, then proceeds to wave over the bartender, Can you get her a vodka water please? The bartender smiles at him, and flicks her bleach blonde hair to the side, Sure thing

buttercup. She bends down in front of us and pulls out the vodka from the bar rail. Her huge melons pour out of her teeny tiny t-shirt and I catch Ben staring down at them. What? He laughs, caught red handed. You're disgusting, I whisper only half joking. Come on Megan, what do you expect? Im a guy. He leans back in his chair and reaches across the bar to pull over a vacated menu, What are you in the mood for? Pretty much anything. I shift uncomfortably on the wooden bar stool. Really? Anything? Ben raises his eyebrows. The bartender returns and slides me my drink, and uses this as her opportunity to wink at Ben. He basks in the attention, and gives me a smug grin. Okay, how about I get us some wings and nachos. Sure thing buttercup, I sarcastically snort and take a sip of my stiff drink. Ben rolls his big brown eyes at me and relays our order to the bartender. I feel my phone vibrate in my purse, so I pick it up and see Jessica has sent me a text. See you in 11 hours! Cant wait! I giggle and flash my text from Jessica at Ben, The countdown is on. I say in a singsong voice. Ben chuckles and swirls his drink, Can you believe they are actually getting married? They have been together since we were fourteen. Who even does that? He enjoys his last gulp of rum and proceeds to wave down the trampy bartender for another. Well, they are in love I tease, because I know Ben and I are not on the same page about this. He doesnt believe in love, while I differ that love does exist. It just requires a prenuptial agreement. Unfortunately for us, our outlook on love may be the exact reason why we are both still single on the brink of our twenty-fifth year. Oh please he moans, Their sex life must be so vanilla. Well at least they are getting some, even if it is vanilla. I laugh. When Ben doesnt reciprocate a chuckle, it quickly becomes silent between us. We glance away from each other and take a long sip from our drinks. I know we are both experiencing a dry season in that department. I am going on six months, while he is probably only on a measly thirty days, but still. The bartender returns with another round of drinks and our food. We eat in silence, inhaling our cheap bar garble. I watch Ben eat like a caveman and get wing sauce all over his face and fingertips. When I tell him he looks ridiculous, he chomps down into a drumstick and goofily smears his sauced fingers over my cheek. I gasp and I retaliate by shoving a pile of nachos in his face. We both burst out laughing and the song Youre my Best Friend by Queen just happens to fill the bar. I

cant help but think over the past couple of years Ben has truly taken the place of Jessica. Especially once Michael and she moved out of the city and into the suburbs. He wipes his face and slams back another drink, Alright. Hear me out. We all know you are lacking in the department of getting some. He immaturely makes a thrusting action with his hips before he leans on the bar top and whispers, How about we flip a coin for it. How is flipping a coin going to help me in the department of having sex? I ask biting into another nacho. Heads we do it, tails we dont. Ben says completely serious. I practically choke. Never once have we ever talked about us doing that! We have been nothing but friends since the day we met. Besides, it doesnt even make sense. Why would Ben want to sleep with me? I am a tiny brunette with small boobs and a brain, while he is more into sleeping with tall blonde models that dont speak the English language. From my perspective, it is not like I dont find him attractive. Matter of fact, he has totally changed over the years from a sweaty pimpled teenager into a tall, broad and gorgeous man. The way he rocks a five oclock shadow is breathtaking and his tanned skin is flawless. His dark eyes suck you into their mystery and even wrinkle around the edges when he smiles. His teeth are perfectly straight and pearly white, not to mention his spectacular physique. Come on. I laugh and playfully punch him in the shoulder. No Im serious. he says and waves over the big-breasted bartender for us to order another round. Suddenly, I am starting to feel the four or five vodkas I slammed back in the last hour rush to my brain. Ben has always been known to get me to drink way more than I should. But for some reason, even though I know this is a bad idea, I cant stop myself when I ask to amuse his bet, Can I flip the coin? Sure. Ben smiles and leans back in his chair. Are you sure you can handle this? I joke, suggestively rubbing my hands down my body. He strokes his chin and takes a sip of his drink, Oh, Megan Daniels you are too much. Oh, Benjamin Romano, I think you have yourself a coin toss. Chapter 2 Ouch! My temples are pounding! I roll onto my side and put both hands to my head. I apply pressure to prevent my brain from exploding due to my vodka hangover, and it doesnt help matters when persistent beeps blare from my alarm clock. With much effort, I whack the snooze button and groggily sit up on my bed. The neon lights flash five-thirty in the morning and cause me to let out a monstrous moan. Great. I have to be at the airport in less than two hours. I flip off my covers and gasp when I realize Im naked. I whip my head around, hazily remembering the events of last night. Please dont let him be here. Please, Please, Please.

I rip away my sheets and wrap myself in a cocoon of silk. I am stunned silent when I see Ben lying on my bed in nothing but his birthday suit. His muscular back stretches down from my pillow straight into the middle of my mattress. I stand over my bed, frozen and unable to move. My stomach churns as I watch him peacefully sleeping with his arm draped over the side of my bed. I exhale and force my eyes shut, trying to shake away my thoughts this was a big mistake. I rarely make such irrationally impulsive decisions, for the exact reason I would never want to be feeling what I am right now. Regret. More than anything I want to rewind the events of last night and erase them forever. But I know it is too late. My whole life I prided myself on not being that girl who had meaningless one night stands. Instead, I restricted my love making abilities to serious boyfriends only. Even amongst our group of friends, they pinned me as the mother hen and the girl with her head on her shoulders. I was proud to say at twenty-four years old, I had only slept with three men (all serious boyfriends) and nothing in between. Unlike my other two girlfriends, Stephanie and Michelle, who went through more men than underwear, I never once had a random drunken sexual encounter. But even though it was petty, I felt like I had accomplished something they hadnt. When my last boyfriend, Marco, dumped me, my friend Stephanie suggested that to get over him, I should let loose and experience the thrill of sleeping with a stranger. I laughed and told her even though I didnt believe in love, I did believe in self-respect and self-discipline. I graciously thanked her for her unwanted insight into my love life, and said that didnt really excite me. Stephanie rolled her eyes and said, Ohmigod Megan. When are you ever going to live a little? I snapped back that I did live a little, just not with weird random men sweating all over my body. But for some reason, as I stare at Ben, he may as well be a perfectly good stranger snuggled up against my pillow. I sheepishly glance at my reflection in the mirrored closet doors across my bed. We had no business being so irresponsible about our friendship, and even less business doing something so stupid the day before our best friends wedding. But I smugly decide even though I am disgusted with my behaviour, against all odds after a drunken night of meaningless sex, I am having a really good hair day coupled with natural rosy glow. I kick myself from the inside, and note even though the aftermath of this mistake has left me feeling slightly flush and looking better than usual, it will never happen again. When Ben rolls over, he stretches his chiselled arms across my pillows. I hold my breath and watch him flutter his eyes open. When he sees me, he turns about fifty shades of red and pulls my comforter up to his chin. Good morning, He nervously chuckles, Sleep well? I quickly look away and walk over to my bathroom door dragging my sheets behind me. I turn around, lean against the doorway and coldly say, I think you should go. Ben throws the comforter off from his body, this time with no shame. I force my eyes shut,

completely embarrassed and now fully aware of exactly why I am in so much pain down there. I can hear him slide on his pants and buckle his belt, so I peek through one eye grateful he is throwing on his tight black shirt over his smooth muscular chest. He catches a glimpse of the clock on my nightstand, and feels the need to state the obvious, Wow its early. I guess we have to be on a plane in a couple of hours dont we? Listen, I snap cutting right to the chase, annoyed by his casual banter. Ben looks up at me and flops down on my bed to put on his socks, This was a mistake and it will never happen again. Ben bites his lip and nods in agreement before he mumbles out, Fine by me. Please dont tell anyone about this. Lets just pretend it never happened. I plead. Youre the one with the big mouth, not me. Ben snaps. I dont think so. I shout tossing my impeccable locks to the side. Ah I think so. Ben mocks as he wrangles on his last sock, Didnt you once tell me you and Jessica share everything with each other? Didnt you say its like some golden rule of sisterhood or some garbage like that? I look down at the ground and feel myself begin to blush. I hate how he remembers every little thing I tell him! Because even though Jessica and I do happen to share everything, this event is an absolute exception to the rule. I finally look up, and lock eyes with Ben still patiently sitting on my bed. It feels like time stands still, until he looks away and rudely adds, Do me a favour when we are in Costa Rica, remind me not to pound back the rum. I wouldnt want to be flipping coins with just anybody. Very funny I snort, and pull up on the silk sheets wrapped around my body. He rolls his eyes at my stoic face and shakes his head. I watch him stand up and methodically walk to my doorway. He runs his fingers through his thick dark hair and glances back at me. His mouth slightly parts, and he looks like he wants to say something more, but he doesnt. Nothing has changed between us, right? I desperately shout. Of course not, Ben says as he places his hand on the brass knob. Dont worry Megan. If that is what you want, mums the word He runs his fingers across his lips, and pretends to zip them shut before he walks out of my bedroom. Less than ten minutes later, I have brewed a pot a coffee and hopped in the shower. I wish more than anything the steamy little details from our so-called mistake would stop sneaking up on me; like both of us laughing away as we stumbled up the stairwell and busted through the door of my condo, or Ben thrusting me up against the kitchen wall to meet his soft lips with mine, or Ben slamming me down on the couch and ripping off my shirt, and finally us breaking into my bedroom and sealing the deal.

I shudder and scrub myself down with my loofa. I can only hope the more water that washes over me, will rinse away those thoughts forever. But without any luck, by the time I am dried off and back in my bedroom I cant stop replaying the night in my mind. Just seeing my sheets mangled all over my bed makes me flush and ache inside. I so desperately want to shake away the part of me that actually liked what happened between us, especially because it feels so weird and wrong. I couldnt possibly have feelings like that for Ben. He is my best friend. I start to brush out my wet and tangled hair, when a memory flashes in my mind. It was New Years Eve and our last year of university. Stephanie and Michelle had somehow convinced Jessica to ditch Michael for the night, which meant it would strictly be us girls. Therefore, I was forced to wear stiletto heels, green eye shadow, and an uncomfortably short jean mini-skirt that was one size too small. I was totally out of my element. I wished we could have stayed in and given each other manicures and pedicures, while watching Dick Clarks Countdown with a big bowl of popcorn. Besides, it was abnormally cold outside, and I had just started casually seeing Marco, who at the time I was head over heels for. I also had no intentions of picking up tonight as Stephanie casually stated, while she smeared on a bright red layer lipstick. Once we made it to a club called The Cove, Michelle was the first one to drunkenly stumble out of the cab, and landed face first on the concrete. I immediately stepped into mother hen mode, and suggested we bring her back to our apartment. Stephanie, in her drunken stupor told me to shut-up and relax. She bent down and unknowingly flashed a row of sorority boys her butt cheeks, while helping me bring Michelle to her feet. Jessica was so preoccupied on her cell phone that she hadnt even heard a word I said. I tugged her arm and said Michelle had too much to drink, and insisted we bring her back to the apartment. Jessica flipped her phone shut and slapped Michelle playfully across the face, Just get her some water. Its New Years Eve Megan. Stop being such a prude. Once we were inside, the booming music vibrated against the walls and swallowed any sort of voice that tried to escape our lips. Immediately Stephanie and Michelle hit the dance floor and grinded amongst the sweaty mosh-pit of people busting a move. I absolutely refused to join them and had Jessica escort me up to the bar to get a drink. While I waited for our order, Jessica stood off to the side, still engulfed in her cell phone sending a streamline of text messages. Within minutes, Michael appeared with Ben and their other two friends Matthew and Eric. Right away I knew Jessica had been texting Michael the whole time, and meeting him there was her plan all along. While part of me was annoyed by her sneaky antics, the other part of me was actually quite pleased to see them, especially Ben. As the night progressed, Jessica and Michael eventually disappeared, leaving me to play babysitter to Stephanie and Michelle, while Matthew, Eric and Ben sat up at the bar drinking beer. I had to admit, the countdown wasnt the same without Dick Clark and a warm blanket, but as the DJ shouted out the remaining seconds to midnight, I was

thankful for everything in my life, including my friends. With an explosion of confetti all over the club, people were hugging and kissing all around us. Matthew and Michelle, who for years had been on again off again, were making out on the dance floor. Eric and Stephanie laughed, and gave each other a friendly hug. Then they switched off to share one with Ben and I. But, when no one was looking, Ben leaned over and whispered in my ear, You look great. For a second he lingered there, which made me a tad-bit uneasy as his breath tickled my ear. I pulled away, but he just smiled at me with a weird gleam in his eye. I smiled back and raised my glass to cheers him. Moments later, Eric suggested we leave the club and continue the party at his place. Stephanie and Michelle agreed, while I decided I wanted to go home to bed. Everyone moaned at my bail out, but as far as I was concerned when the clock struck midnight, New Years was over. We bounced outside into the cool night air and hailed down two cabs. I stepped into my cab alone, but as I was calling out my address to the cab driver, Ben grabbed the door and stuck his head in, Do you want me to come with you? Arent you going to Erics? I asked completely confused. Ben just stood there, silently hovering with his lips slightly parted. I waited for him to say something more, but he didnt. I shifted on the dirty squishy seat, feeling the cool winter breeze gush into the cab and nip at my bare legs. I pulled down on my uncomfortably short skirt and asked, Can you close the door now? Ben let out a sigh and slid into the cab. He leaned over and kissed me on the cheek then mumbled, Happy New Years Megan. Without another word, he popped out onto the sidewalk and slammed my cab door shut. I never thought much of what happened that night until right now. For some strange reason, as that trivial moment replays itself over and over in my mind, I find myself seeing it in a whole new light. Could he have been trying to see if there was more than friendship between us? I laugh out loud just thinking how ridiculous that sounds, even after we just stupidly slept together. Ben would never like me like that. He knows I am just a plain-Jane closet dork who likes all the Planet of the Apes movies (originals only) and doing crossword puzzles in the Sunday paper. I am forced to snap back to reality as my cell phone repeatedly vibrates on my nightstand. Hello? What are you doing? Jessicas voice booms into my ear. I just got out of the shower. Im ready. Almost at the door. I lie, and notice we have less than twenty minutes to get to the airport on time. Well I am at your door, Jessica shouts, Now open up.

I quickly fix my bed and inhale a whiff of Bens over sprayed cologne as I flip up my sheets. I race out of my bedroom, fling open my front door and let Jessica step inside the dark interior. Jessica is perfectly groomed with her long blonde hair loosely curled at her shoulders. She is wearing oversized sunglasses and a gigantic travel bag that dangles from her forearm. She pushes past me and examines my living room with a curious eye. Suddenly I think she knows everything and is about to call Ben and I out on our big secret. She even brushes her hand along my sofa (in the exact same spot where Ben tugged off the bottom of my pants). I gulp, toss my wet hair into a messy bun and follow her into my bedroom. Arent we going to be late? I nervously chuckle. Jessica flops down on my bed, places her head between her hands and lets out a roar of a sigh. I sit down beside her, worried she is going to tell me someone died. But instead, she looks at me with tears in the corner of her bright blue eyes, I tried on my dress last night, and I hate it. I think its too tight! Jessica has always been known to be a tad overdramatic. I almost burst out laughing at her trivial bridal dilemma. She is no more than a size zero, making it nearly impossible for her to look bad in anything she puts on. More importantly, I know for a fact her dress fits her like a glove. I am the one who spent countless hours with her and her doting mother shopping for wedding gowns. It was ninety-four dresses later on Saturday, May seventeenth at one fifteen in the afternoon, at the tenth bridal shop of the day, when Jessica was more than smitten with her gorgeous ten thousand dollar gown when she said, Say Yes to the Dress. Well? Jessica shouts, jumping me in to full maid-of-honour mode. You could call off the whole wedding, I joke and give her a playful nudge. Jessica narrows her eyes at me and crosses her arms over her well-endowed chest, This is a big deal Megan. Everything needs to be perfect. This isnt supposed to be happening right now! She lets out an exasperated sigh and throws herself back on my bed. Jessica, please. How could you not look amazing in anything you put on? I say and pat her leg for encouragement, Besides, Michael wouldnt care if you walked down the aisle in a paper bag. He would still marry you. Jessica sits up and taps her finger on her lips, "Youre right. I do look fabulous in just about everything. She gives me a tiny hug before her gaze darts across the room, Wheres the checklist? My panic button goes off. I havent seen the checklist since I left my house last night to meet Ben. I fumble my words; until Jessica catches on that I dont know where it is. She gets up and starts whizzing around my room in search of her infamous checklist. I too, begin searching, until I happily catch a glimpse of it crumpled up on my suitcase in the corner of my room. When I reach down to pull it up, I hear Jessicas voice perk up, Whose hat is this?

Oh no. I slowly raise my head up and face Jessica with a nervous smile. In a desperate attempt to distract her, I wave the checklist out in the open. But Jessica isnt easily fooled. She pops out her hips, holding Bens baseball cap by her skinny index finger. I walk over to her and snatch his hat, trading her off by shoving the checklist at her. Well? she laughs with a devilish grin, Whose hat is it? Its nobodys I shout and storm over to my suitcase. I zip it shut and stuff Bens hat into the drawer on my nightstand. Its Marcos isnt it? Jessica whines and forces her hands to his hips. You caught me. I lie and roll my luggage out of my bedroom. Jessica follows me, not letting me get away that easily. You know I am trying to set you up with my cousin Steven. How many times have I told you? Jessica scolds, He is all excited about getting to know you in Costa Rica. You cant be sleeping with Marco again if I introduce you. Oh great. I totally forgot about Jessicas grand plans to set me up with her recently divorced, thirty-year old cousin Steven the doctor. Im not sleeping with him. I reassure her. Then whats his hat doing here? In your bedroom? Jessica persists by pressing her hand against my front door and blocking our exit. He came to talk. Thats all. I lie as my heart races. I tilt my head to the side and hope I have satisfied her unnecessary inquisition. "I sure hope so. Jessica says giving me the stink eye. Can we please go? I sigh and push her out of the way. Jessica purses her lips together and places her moment of judgment. She removes her hand from my door and says, Alright, but you better not be lying to me. I yank the door open and silently curse Ben for leaving his hat here. Chapter 3 The airport couldnt come soon enough. Jessicas racecar driving is enough to make anyone fear for their life. She cranks up her music and transforms into turbo speed. She sings at the top of her lungs, flails her arms and dances while driving on the freeway. When she slams on the breaks for the hundredth time, she blames every other driver for an almost near collision. At one point, she even speeds up and gives one driver the finger as we pass by. I clench onto my seat the whole way there,

remembering why I always volunteer to drive. Once we safely arrive at the airport, I stumble out of Jessicas brand new BMW and want to kiss the pavement. Before I can even wipe the sweat trickling from my brow, Michelle and Stephanie slide into the parking spot beside us. Stephanie rolls down her window and flicks her long auburn hair to the side, Are you girls ready to par-tay? Jessica gives a cheer about finally getting hitched, and slams her car door shut. I am still hunched over trying to recover from motion sickness when the three of them link arms and walk towards the airport. I stop my wobbling legs and yank out not only mine, but Jessicas luggage from her trunk. I shout out to Jessica and ask her to come back and help me, but she somehow doesnt hear me. I grunt and flip my carryon onto a suitcase before I wheel everything inside the airport, all by myself. As the automated doors fly open, I see the girls chattering amongst themselves and already waiting in the check-in line. I let out an exasperated huff and continue to schlep our belongings, making a mental note I am the best-maid-of-honor a girl could ask for. Want some help? I hear Bens voice come from behind me. I whip around and almost drop everything. Ben is holding out two coffees looking squeaky clean and completely relaxed. When I dont say anything, he hands me a coffee and asks if I still like it with one-milk and one-sugar. I nod and thank him, feeling my stomach tighten. He knows thats exactly the way I take my coffee. Its our everyday routine to grab one together in the morning as we head to the office. But somehow his asking so only magnifies that there was that easy breezy before we slept together part of our life, and the now awkward present of the aftermath. We walk in a painful silence up to the line where Michael, Eric and Matthew have met up with the girls. From the corner of my eye, I see Jessica giving me an once-over as I push my hot coffee rigidly to my lips. While the group engages in some casual banter, I find myself glancing around the airport in an attempt to find anything to distract me from thinking about last nights romp. Just standing beside Ben, and inhaling his natural scent is driving me crazy. I have no idea what is going on with me. Why on earth am I acting like a love-struck teenager? This is Ben for heavens sake! My go-to-bud for a quick meal at the best food-truck when they roll into town, or the friend I go with to a Cubs game. My stomach flip-flops and I start to become consumed, noticing little things about him I never noticed before. Like how much his hands move when he talks (which could be blamed on his Italian heritage), or the way his sparkling white teeth shine when he smiles (which I know is from a home whitening kit, prescribed a year ago by his dentist), or the way he nervously scratches his chest when he makes quick one liner jokes (which he does a lot). How come youve got a strange glow to you this morning? Eric asks, interrupting my thoughts and nudges me with his elbow. I blankly stare at him and I stammer, I- I -I do?

For a moment I actually question if they all heard my insatiable thoughts about Ben. I blush and glance around my group of friends, feeling like a transparent mess. I purposely do not look at Ben, but from the corner of my eye I see a small grin form at the tip of his lips hidden by his cup of coffee. Before I can even defend myself against Erics accusations, Jessica chimes in a singsong voice, I bet I know why. I nervously bite my nails and insist its because I had a really good sleep. But Jessica cuts me off, I found Marcos hat in her room this morning. I hear Ben choke on his coffee and let out a small chuckle. Eric moans, Not that douche bag. Michael quickly adds, Really Megan? I dont want to have to double date with Mr. Know-ItAll ever again. In Marcos defense, he was a PhD student with hopes of becoming a Professor. Around the time he ended things with me, he landed a contract lecturer job at the University of Chicago teaching Physics. He may have been a tad overwhelming and extremely outspoken when it came to his opinions and what he believed, but he was a decent guy with a big heart. I always suspected our eventual breakup just came down to the fact he didnt find me intellectually compatible. Especially after I indicated my belief in psychics, which I know is ridiculous, but after watching TLCs Long Island Medium series, I am truly a believer. You slept with Marco last night? Ben innocently asks and tilts his head in my direction. No, I did not. I say and unzip my sweater to stop puddles from forming under my armpits. Well, she did say they just talked. Jessica says batting her eyes at me, But I think Erics right. You do have a guilty glow. I roll my eyes and watch Jessica share a giggle with Stephanie and Michelle. I snap at them to mind their own business and push in front of my group of friends. I can feel Bens eyes follow me as I storm away, which only makes me extra uncomfortable. Thankfully, the lady at the counter finally calls us up to check-in for our flight. Once I get to my seat, I pop a few gravel tablets for some much needed shut eye. Flying has always made me nervous. The main reason is because I can never seem to wrap my head around how something so incredibly large and heavy can literally float on air. It just seems physically impossible. More importantly, ever since 9/11, the fear of being trapped in a confined space millions of feet in the air with virtual strangers who could be potential terrorists makes me ill. I have shared these insane rationalizations with Ben on a few occasions and even more so over the past few weeks leading up to this trip. He laughs and tells me I am way too neurotic, which may be true, but at least I am prepared for the worst. Michelle abruptly stops in the aisle, looks down at her ticket and moans. She grumbles

something about being stuck beside Grandma Megan, just as I am pulling out my eye mask from my purse. Hey Megan, trade me spots. Stephanie shouts at me from across the aisle. No thanks. I decline when I notice Ben is sitting next to her. Had I slept alone last night, I would have gladly traded in a heartbeat. This time definitely not. I snuggle up against the window of the plane, listening to Stephanie and Michelle start a gossip filled discussion over the latest JLO scandal splashed on the front cover of an In-Style magazine one of them purchased at the gift shop. I hear Stephanies chipper voice promptly order morning mimosas from the flight attendant, making me happy I am about to slip off into la-la land. ** I abruptly wake up to a hand caressing my shoulder. When my eyes flutter open, I see Ben sitting beside me. I think I stop breathing as he says, Michelle traded spots with me once you fell asleep. I hope you dont mind. No thats fine. I say. Even though it totally isnt. Ben smiles at me, and leans back in his seat, I guess Ill have to throw out that hat now. What hat? I ask, playing dumb. Oh, come on Megan. Ben raises his voice, but then quickly brings it to a whispering tease, Well, since everyone thinks it belongs to your ex-lover-boy Marco. I wouldnt want to blow your cover. Only Jessica saw it. I snarl, but then add with humor, But just to be safe, I am going to torch it once I get back home. Bens eyes soften and he runs his fingertip along my jawline, Come on, it wasnt that bad was it? I blush feeling a knotted mess form in my stomach. I am too scared to answer and even more scared of the mishmash of unidentified feelings milling around in my brain. One look at Ben and I know things have changed. He looks at me differently. There is a mist in his eyes and a shadow of uncertainty plastered on his face. Where has my best friend gone? I dont know what to say, so I force my gaze out the window, to catch my first glimpse of the tropical paradise. I am saved from any further discussion, when the impact of the wheels hits the landing strip. I nearly jump out of my skin from the jolt of friction, and see Ben catch me in clenched fists. He flashes me a coy grin and gently squeezes my hands for comfort. For a second, I want to squeeze his hand back and give him a kiss on the cheek, but the thought frightens me and I pull my hand away. Ben clenches his jaw, straightens up in his seat, and looks away. I am so confused. What is going on between us? I can barely handle being in his presence. I need to get off this plane.

When the plane comes to a complete stop, Jessica jumps up from her seat and shouts out to every passenger, Were getting married! Michael quickly yanks her down and scolds her for making a scene. Michelle and Stephanie give a few claps and cheers, while Eric and Matthew share a high five. Jessica pushes Michael away, What is the big deal Michael? I am excited! Arent you? Michael proceeds to explain he is excited, but shouting out to the whole entire plane of people who dont care is tacky. Unfortunately, because they are sitting directly behind me, I hear Jessica let out a groan and say in a high pitch whine, Well maybe they do care. Then she pauses and leans over my seat to involve me in their argument, Right Megan? I hate when she involves me in their constant bickers, but I smile at Jessica and say, Of course everyone cares. Jessica proudly grins and makes my words the final closure she needed to win the battle. When it is our turn to funnel off the plane, she tosses her large tote over her shoulder, flicks her long blonde hair in Michaels face and leads the way off the plane to plant our feet on the luscious Costa Rican soil. The heat makes my skin itch and the baking sun warms my brow. I love travelling anywhere tropical, mostly because of the intoxicating smell of coconut and ocean all mixed together. It just ignites something deep inside me. I have been looking forward to this vacation for a long time. But if I am ever going to survive this trip, I need to stay as far away from Ben as possible. Chapter 4 Just pinch me. How could this paradise actually be my reality? The rolling hills and luscious greenery is the perfect backdrop to the gorgeous villas spread out across the resort. The shuttle winds down the cobblestone roads, and takes us on a scenic tour of the impressive grounds. I sit back and let my hair blow in the calm winds and listen to the sound of exotic birds chirping in the distance. My eyes widen to the sight of iguanas crawling through the grass and my ears perk up to monkeys howling in the trees. I am perfectly overwhelmed by the beauty of the vined and twisted trees and the scorching sun, because all these things make me feel like I am immersed my own private jungle. When the shuttle stops, the driver jumps out and hands us girls our luggage. He points to a massive villa overlooking a ravine, with stork-like birds bathing in its water. He swipes our key card and pushes open the double paned glass doors. Stephanie and Michelle funnel inside, oohing and aweing over our extravagant amenities. I stay back, thank our driver and hand him a few dollar bills. As the shuttle begins to pull away, I wave goodbye to Matthew, Eric and Ben, still packed on board, pounding back their welcome drinks. Ben gives me a subtle wink and flashes his pearly white grin as they take off down the road. I dont know why, but his actions send a prickling sensation up the back of my knees and make me feel a bit weak. Luckily, Stephanie squeals distracts me, and it reminds me to exhale.

Hey Megan get in here! This fridge is stocked! Stephanie shouts as I roll my luggage into our villa. Michelle and Stephanie have already broken into the bar fridge. They rummage through with their perfectly manicured nails and pull out a few cans of beer. They giggle together at their findings and ask me if I want one, but I politely decline and start to unzip my suitcase. Michelle thrusts one at me, and insists that I have to have one. I shake my head and push her away. She rolls her eyes and waves her free hand in the air, Oh Megan, lighten up. Michelle briskly walks across our room, and immediately yanks out her makeup case while Stephanie plugs in her straightening iron. They prop themselves in front of the full-length mirror, and debate on using bronzer or blush for tonights dinner plans. Stephanie reaches back into her luggage, pulls out a tight fitting coral dress, and holds it up to her chest, Well? What do you girls think? Is this the dress for tonight? Or should I wear something a little more risky? I shrug and say its nice, and continue to unpack. Michelle on the other hand, furrows her brow and taps her index finger over her lips. A few minutes pass before she suggests, I think you should go for something a little more island style. I turn around and roll my eyes when Stephanie nods in agreement, because we arent even on an island! We are in Central America! I force myself away from their vain happenings, and sort out our three bride-maids dresses thrown on the sofa. I toss them over my forearm and neatly hang them up in the closet to ensure they dont wrinkle. I am clipping the last hanger in place when I hear the phone ring. I shout out to Stephanie and Michelle to answer it, but they dont hear me over their continual chitchat. I slam the closet door shut, tumble across the marble floor, trip over the straightening iron cord, and finally bounce off the sofa. Somehow, I manage to clasp the phone in my hand, just in time to muster a hello. I rub my bruised ribs and hear Jessica on the line. Dont forget our dinner reservations are at seven oclock sharp. Jessica says and then switches to a hushed whisper, Listen Megan, I am counting on you. Please make sure Michelle and Stephanie, do not get too drunk before we meet everyone for dinner. I glance over into the bathroom and see Stephanie shotgun a beer, while Michelle laughs and cheers her on. I heave out a heavy sigh, Honestly Jessica, I cant promise anything. Megan! Jessica whines, Michaels parents are way too uptight for any kind of stupidity. As my maid of honor it is your duty to make sure this night isnt a total disaster. I bite down on my nails a tad bit worried about this sudden responsibility, because I know Stephanie and Michelle never listen to a word I say. Then just as we are about to get off the phone, Jessica adds, Oh, and dont forget to put on something sexy. Steven will be there. You dont want to disappoint.

I hang up the phone and feel a churn of unease in my stomach. I am so confused by what to do about Steven, because this whole Ben thing is tearing me up inside. Adding another man into the mix is surely going to confuse the hell out of me. I should really just come clean and tell Jessica everything that happened between Ben and I last night. She would know what to do. No! Dont be ridiculous! Ben is your friend, not boyfriend. You have a real chance at a normal relationship with a guy like Steven. Dont mess it up! Fine. My subconscious is right. I will keep this burdening secret to myself. Who am I kidding? Ben is the last guy in the world who wants to settle down and have an actual relationship. He has been with so many women that even I have lost count. If I told Jessica, she would scold me for even thinking Ben and I could possibly cross over from the friendship zone. I know she would happily remind me he takes pride in picking up random women from the bar and sleeping with them on the same night. She would also remind me his longest relationship was less than a year old and he never once bought her a bouquet of flowers. My head becomes light just thinking about the pickle I have gotten myself in. I know I am not looking to get married or anything like that, but the closer I get to my twenty-fifth birthday, the more I want to have a meaningful and committed relationship. If Jessica were giving me advice right now, I have no doubt in my mind that she would insist I drop my irrational feelings for Ben, and focus my energy on someone like Steven, who can give me what I am looking for. Blah! I hate how the truth hurts. I need to lock myself in the bathroom and have a serious one on one with the mirror. The last time I did this was when I lost my virginity. My high school boyfriend Donny and I were in his room making out when he slipped his hand up my shirt. I clamped down on his arm and stopped him inches away from my nipple. I knew this was the cross over from first base, all the way to home plate. Something about that made me want to think things through before I took the final plunge. I quickly sat up and told Donny I needed to use the bathroom. I stood in front of the mirror, just like I am doing right now and asked myself a few key questions. Did I think I loved Donny? That answer was simple. Yes I did. Did Donny love me? That answer was a tad more complicated. Even though he had never muttered anything close to the word love, we had dated for over a year, so I decided he must. Finally I asked myself, if I were to look back on this decision ten years from now, would I have thought I made the right decision? Unfortunately, that was the question I would never know the answer to. I hummed and hawed over this debate in front of the mirror and perked up my tiny boobs and fixed my flat hair. Minutes later, I made my final decision to ultimately lose my virginity on a twin mattress, beside an open bag of Doritos, while an episode of the Simpsons blared on his old bedroom TV. But right now, I think my questions are a tad more complicated than they were over losing my

V-card. The first question I ask myself is: What are my honest feelings about Ben? But not even as I stare into the golden-framed mirror, to admire my freshly waxed eyebrows can I find the answer. Before last night I would have honestly said we were friends, the best of friends, and nothing more. But why cant I shake the fact that despite how weird and strange it was to be with Ben that way, I cant get him out of my mind. Jessica once told me that drunken words are sober thoughts. Could that be the same for drunken actions? Could they be sober wants? If thats the case, I am petrified because I know exactly what my drunk-self wanted that night Ben inside me. This realization makes me nervously laugh to myself like some crazy person. I press my hands onto the granite counter top and look for some sort of deep inner reflection to help me sort out my humble jumbled brain of emotions, but nothing happens. Instead I feel myself break out into a sweat and a full body tremble. I rub my hands over my face to ease the tension and ask myself a scarier question: Could Ben like me as more than a friend? That answer unfortunately is jaded by the truth. He couldnt possibly. Im sure the only reason he propositioned me with that coin toss, was only because he was a drunk and horny mess from being stood up by his mystery date. I was just Plan B. Uggh! I am so nave! He is such a pig, and now I am just another one of his piglets. What was I thinking? More importantly, what am I thinking right now? Why am I even questioning Bens intentions? He has slept with a million women and has never had a serious girlfriend in all the years Ive known him. Besides, Ben and I could never be a couple. Everything is too familiar. I know everything about him. Where is the intrigue in that? I already know he hates reality TV and that he insists boxer briefs are the greatest invention for the male anatomy, or that he prefers to wash dishes by hand instead of shoving them in the dishwasher for the environments sake. This is the same guy who lets out strange sounding bubble farts, sneaks in his own candy bars at movie theatres, and insists that spending countless hours on The Chive is considered an actual hobby. Am I going crazy? No, what I need to do is just let what happened between us go and get over it. Besides, I am sure he has. I let out a huge sigh, in fear that I might be getting too deep with myself. Instead I ask myself a final question: Am I still open to meeting Steven? There is no second guessing this answer, it is simple. Yes I am. I am open to meeting Steven for my own sanity. I deserve a real man who will like me even if my A cups do not measure up to his preferred fake D cups, or a man who will enjoy my good humored wit over his past mundane ditsy exes. So therefore, Ben is out and Steven is in. Not only because I know Jessica would think so, but because I need to find someone who unlike Ben will actually take me on a real first date and make the proper attempt to have a normal grown up relationship. Let me in, I have to pee! Stephanie whines and breaks me away from my thoughts as she rattles the bathroom knob. Just a minute My voice shakes and I wipe away the few tears forming in the corners of my eyes. I cant help but feel I am being a tad melodramatic, which is never endearing when millions of

other people all over the world have much greater issues than discovering that maybe they have deeper feelings than they once expected towards their best and longest male friend. I turn myself around and unlock the door, letting Stephanie hurdle herself through. She pinches her legs together and does a dance-like saunter over to the toilet. Youre not wearing that are you? She laughs as she points to my less than flattering plain white sundress. I glance down at my half-assed approach to what is clearly lacking sex appeal on all levels. I shrug with my last and final attempt at self-pity. Michelle, get in here! She shouts and squats on the toilet. Michelle appears in the doorway wearing a sexy high-low hem dress with a purple toned eye-catching print. It showcases her best assets, paired with a killer pair of this seasons sky-high black suede sandals by Jill Stuart. Her long blonde hair is swept to the side in a subtle bun, revealing her dangling jeweled earrings that make her ooze of sexuality. Ohmigod Michelle says, placing her hands rigidly against her hips, Megan, please tell me you packed a decent selection of dresses and booty shorts for this trip. We are just going out for dinner. I whine and fold my arms over my chest then lean against the sink. Stephanie gets up from the toilet, and I finally get a better look at her. She looks great too! Her auburn locks are loosely curled, and she is wearing a cute black and white striped jersey dress. It clutches her body in all the right places, but it is her bright red wedges that shine, adding the perfect finishing touch to her sleek look. This is a celebration Megan. Stephanie chimes in, Please let us do your makeup and dress you. She claps her hands together and drops down to her knees. I roll my eyes, but reluctantly agree only because Jessica specifically told me to kick it up a notch. A bunch of pawing and priming of my hair and makeup, followed by a million wardrobe changes and I am finally ready for my big reveal. Michelles iPods playlist titled Old Skool, is ironically blaring Avril Lavingnes Complicated as they shuffle me in front of the full-length mirror. Michelle leads the way, covering my eyes with her hand. I trip my way across the marble floor, since I am now wearing what feels like six-inch heels. Finally, I hear Michelle and Stephanie shout Ta-Da! Michelle removes her hand so I can finally see my new ensemble. I am shocked silent. I poke at my bronze infused cheeks making sure that it really is me I am staring at in the mirror. Stephanie and Michelle are both smiling from ear to ear, expectantly waiting for my loud squeal of joy over their superb makeover abilities. But instead, I take in everything they have done, which is above and beyond anything I would have done myself. Number one being the use of eyeliner to accentuate a smoky eye, combined with the application of a glossy pink lipstick. They loosely curled my hair and pinned my long brown locks to the side, which even I have to admit looks

fabulous. After trying on countless dresses, I am gob-smacked by what they decided to put me in. I listened to Stephanie and Michelle argue over two potential choices, but Michelle ended up winning and dressed me in a black and teal leopard-printed cocktail dress highlighted with flecks of white. She insisted it created the illusion I actually had some cleavage, which now I have to admit, she was right. Then Stephanie interjected, to top off my look, by adding glossy black accessories to match the elevated platform peep-toe pumps for my finishing touch. Well say something! Stephanie shouts stomping her foot on the ground. I look hot! I squeal and for one of the first times ever, I engage in a ridiculously girly moment of shrieking and hugging with Stephanie and Michelle. You look like a million bucks. Michelle confirms, giving me a full once-over before handing me a small black clutch. A shuttle ride across the vast resort, and we end up at one of the ten a-la-carte restaurants looking over the ocean. The purple night sky is full of sparkling stars, and the sound of waves crashing on the beach is utter relaxation. We walk up to the restaurant, and I can already see Jessica and Michael mingling amongst their family and friends on the gorgeous patio. Jessica spots us, and her mouth drops when she sees me. She bolts over in our direction and leaves her Aunt Florence hanging in mid sentence. What did you guys do to her? Jessica asks, Ohmigod Megan, you look amazing. Steven is going to flip! I blush, not accustom to attracting this type of attention and Michelle proudly says, We worked our expertise on our dear friend Megan. The three of them giggle, but Jessica whispers to me with a pleased smile on her face, You look so beautiful. I thank her and tell her she looks beautiful too, which she always does. I link my arm in hers as we join everyone at the party. Just as we are about to sit down for dinner, I finally see Ben stroll up to the restaurant with Eric and Matthew following close behind. They are late. Which I am assuming is due to their alcohol consumption that had them passed out up until fifteen minutes ago. I believe my suspicions are correct, because Matthew scratches his belly and gives a full-bodied yawn, Eric trips on his own two feet and rubs his blood shot eyes, while Ben keeps his head down and his hands in his pockets. But once they make it to the table, Ben finally looks up and sees me. He stops dead in his tracks and does a double take, bringing a huge smile to his perfectly whitened teeth. Eric cuts in front of Ben and sits beside me. Matthew hurriedly plops down beside Michelle, which forces Ben to choose the vacant seat across from me. His brown eyes glimmer, and another

hankering smile spreads across his face, Well dont you clean up nice. I roll my eyes at his less than flattering comment, Too bad I cant say the same. He chuckles and runs his fingers through his thick dark hair. He leans back in his chair and bites his lip almost detecting I am flat-out lying through my teeth. Inside, I cant help but admit he does look remarkably sexy. I love how his tight white V-neck t-shirt clings to his muscular chest and how his five oclock shadow is growing in perfectly on his tanned skin. I also cant deny that his hair looks amazing, slicked back Matthew McConaughey style. Just as I begin to blush from Bens intense gaze, I am distracted when I see Matthew lean over and kiss Michelle on the cheek. He whispers something in her ear and she giggles, and playfully bats him with a limp fist. What shocks me, and I am sure I can speak for the rest of our friends, who witnessed this flirtatious banter, is that they were both still in relationships with other people before we left for Costa Rica. But their behavior is not at all surprising, because over the years they have always been an on again off again. Their relationship has always been tumultuous and threatening to the group, because whenever they do split, it never ends well. Eric laughs out exactly what all of us are thinking, What the hell are you guys doing? What? Michelle innocently says blinking her eyes at all of us. Dont even think about it. Eric says waving his hands in the air like he is an umpire calling an out. Matthew rolls his eyes at Eric and insists it's nothing. Stephanie and I glare directly at Michelle waiting for her to confess to their yet again not-so-secret affair. Then Ben interjects with a laugh, Who cares. If thats what they want to do, then to each there own. I take a huge gulp after Bens so-called blessing of their clandestine love affair. His reaction sends chills up my spine. How could Ben possibility think it is okay to be with someone and sleep with another? I bite down on my lip, not wanting to question him on his immoral approach to their circumstance. I dont dare make eye contact with him, even though I can feel his eyes burning into me. Instead, I raise my glass of wine over to Matthew and Michelle with congratulatory humor and say, Well then, on that note, to sex with friends. Chapter 5 Uggh! My dress keeps on getting tighter and tighter from inhaling this never-ending meal. The amount of food I have forced down my throat is out of control. When a light sorbet is placed in front of me, I am relieved this gluttonous event is over. I poke around at the melting slush in my tiny clear dish when Mr. Stanley Ellis, Jessicas father stands up and clinks his glass to avert everyones attention to the far end of the restaurant. He clears his throat and announces he would like to say a few words. Jessica smiles adoringly at her father, and leans her head into Michaels shoulder. He kisses

the top of her soft blonde hair, and I stare fondly at them. I would just like to thank everyone for travelling all this way to celebrate the long awaited marriage of our beautiful daughter Jessica Marie Ellis to the strapping Dr. Michael Frances Mercier. Jessicas father looks proudly at his wife before he begins to tear up. He pauses for a few moments and wipes away the tears from his eyes. Seeing Jessicas parents share a moment of honor over her marriage makes me wonder what my crazy divorced parents would be like if I were to ever tie the knot. Unlike Jessicas parents, my parents hate each other and cant stand to be in each others presence. They would never be able to sit down together and actually share a pinnacle moment of joy in my life. Instead my mother would selfishly protest on not being anywhere near my father or his new family, and my father would insist on paying for everything, just to piss my mother off and rub his money in her face. Nothing would be about me. It would be all about their issues and their problems with each other. But Jessicas family is different, and anything but dysfunctional. No wonder Jessica could find love so easily with Michael; its all around her. Jessicas father gains his composure and continues, I am proud to say that in five days, everyone here will witness the most beautiful bride walking down the aisle. He sniffles and adds, I wish you both all the happiness in the world. Thank you everyone for coming. It means so much to our families. The mood is beautifully light hearted when everyone claps for Mr. Elliss speech. Jessica jumps out of her chair and gives her dad a kiss on the cheek. He blubbers into her shoulder and kisses her forehead. Michael stands up to shake his hand, but Mr. Ellis pulls him in for a tight hug. That was so sweet. Stephanie whimpers and wipes away the tears trickling down her cheeks with a cloth napkin. Michelle snorts back her emotions and I solemnly nod in agreement. Eric ruins the moment by slamming his fists on the table and shouts, Enough of this teary babble. Lets grab some booze and hit up the beach. Ben and Matthew laugh, and immaturely engage in a frat boy high five. But when the chatter picks back up, Ben leans across the table and whispers, Promise me you will come to the beach with us. I blush as balls of knots clenches my stomach. Just as I am about to respond, I see the playful glimmer in Bens eyes change to clouded confusion. I follow his gaze over my head, and crank my neck around to see Jessica and a handsome mystery man standing behind me. Megan, this is Steven. I have been dying for you two to meet. Jessica exclaims, practically ripping me up from my chair. My wobbly legs finally allow me to stand up, and I am completely awe struck. Steven is

nothing like I expected. He is tall, fair skinned and stunningly gorgeous. I am at a loss for words, because I can clearly remember growing up, Jessica referring to him as her nerdy cousin from Connecticut. But Steven is anything but nerdy. He is smartly dressed, wearing a black suit jacket over a plain white t-shirt, and dark wash jeans. I notice his eyes are exactly like Jessicas - big, bright and vibrant blue. He has an adorable bum chin and a strong jaw with a regal nose. His blonde hair is perfectly styled and he smells like a mixture of really expensive body wash and 100% man. He clasps my hand in a firm shake, It is so nice to finally meet you. Jessica has told me so much about you over the years. I have to say, you are even more beautiful in person than you are in pictures. I shoot Jessica an evil glare. Not because I am shocked she would go as far as send some random pictures of me via email to Steven, but I am furious that she didnt tell me she did it. Jessica apologetically shrugs and bats her eyes at me for forgiveness. I remain calm, and look at Steven. I thank him for his kind words, and change the subject by asking him how he likes living in Chicago (Jessica updated me on his transfer a while ago; how he moved from Connecticut once his divorce finalized). Steven tells me he loves being in the windy city, and that he is really looking forward to exploring what Chicago has to offer. Well you two should set something up Jessica jumps in and sticks her head in between our conversation, I know Steven just loves the Cubs. You two should go see a game! I scrunch up my nose and think of Ben behind me, hearing every little ounce of this conversation. I try to send telepathic waves to Jessica to make her stop. I force our eyes to meet, but it clearly doesnt work, because she gloats and continues to babble on about how when Steven does happen to take me to a game, he should remember how I love getting a corndog (something Ben and I both enjoy having every time we go to a game). Steven blushes, which I find endearing and says, I do have season tickets if you ever want to go. Sure I nervously laugh and flirtatiously place my hand on his rock solid bicep. Jessica giddily claps her hands together, Well, I think my work here is done. Ill leave you two to chat. The thunderous rumble of a chair startles me. I turn around to see Ben push up from the table and rise to his feet. He tosses his napkin down on his plate and clears his throat. Then Eric pipes up and asks him where he is going. Ben lets out a fake yawn and scratches the back of his head, I think Im going to call it a night. But were going down to the beach Eric moans, Just wait a few minutes. The bartender is bringing us a bottle of Tequila. Benny! Stephanie says with her annoying baby voice and pouts at him, Dont be like that.

Please come. For some reason, only with Ben, Stephanie will sometimes turn into a whiny clingy mess, especially when she is drinking. It doesnt usually annoy me, but tonight when she tugs on his arm and bats her eyes at him, I cant stand it. Come on man Matthew pitches in, Why are you turning all sour? Ben pulls his arm out of Stephanies death grip and shifts his eyes from me to Steven, Im sorry guys, Im still feeling jet legged. But I am sure Steven will gladly take my place. I turn bright red and clench onto the back of my seat. Ben kicks in his chair and storms away from the table. Eric throws his hands up in the air looks over at Matthew, What the hell is his problem? Matthew shakes his head and brushes off Bens dramatic exit by leaning over to Michelle and placing his hand a little too far up her skirt. I am ready to jump across the table and chase after Ben as he walks away, but I stand frozen in place and watch him by-pass the concrete path and shuffle through the grass. My heart is torn. I look back at Steven who is beaming at me with Jessica still at his side. I bite my lip and nervously fiddle with the bottom fringe of my dress. I selfishly wish I could rip off these ridiculous heels and be anywhere but here. Then Jessica pipes up, oblivious to my current situation, Well that would actually be a great idea. Steven should definitely come down to the beach with you guys. Before I can even object, Eric happily invites him along, and Steven graciously accepts. I consider shouting out that I feel sick, and insist I have to leave, just so I can chase after Ben and ask him what the hell that was all about. I have rarely ever seen Ben upset over much of anything. This is one of the many good things about him. He is always level headed and doesnt upset easily, which is why his snappy exit has me questioning what is going on. He couldnt possibly care about Jessica playing matchmaker with Steven. Why would he? Ben has never cared about who I liked or dated before. I tell myself I am just being paranoid. But when I glance back over my shoulder and watch Ben disappear into the darkness, I cant help but feel like a twisted bunch of nerves. Eric slams a bottle of Tequila on the table and shouts, Alright, lets go! I pull myself together, and give Jessica a farewell hug and straighten out my dress. With Steven close by, I follow my friends and leave Jessica with Michael to enjoy a nice evening with their families. On our way to the beach, I can hear Matthew and Michelle swapping spit as they linger behind us, while Eric walks ahead with Steven and talks to him about the recent Cubs game. Stephanie on the other hand, locks arms with me and chats about making tomorrow a sun-tanning day of leisure. The path that leads down to the beach is quiet and dark, but full of luscious greenery. The waves crash on the sand, filling the air with a refreshingly misty sprinkle. Eric jets ahead and

searches for a spot to plop down and pound back the Tequila. When he finds a well-lit area on the sandy ground, he waves us all over. Alright Steven, as initiation I think you should be the first one to take a swig of the bottle. Eric announces and pushes the bottle in Stevens direction. I roll my eyes and feel like I am in some bad sorority nightmare and become embarrassed by Erics pushy demeanor. Steven shrugs with a smile, Okay. I guess so. Hand it over. No Eric. Steven does not have to do that. I say and push the bottle back in Erics face. Its fine. Steven says and rubs my shoulder. Yeah Megan, relax. Eric chimes in and when Steven isnt looking sticks his tongue out at me. Real mature. I snap and roll my eyes. Youre not his old lady yet. Steven is a grown man who can make his own decisions. Eric laughs. You are being too aggressive I shout at Eric, but before I can even continue my rant, Steven has taken the open bottle and slammed back the first shot. Everyone breaks out into roaring cheers and Eric even slaps Steven on the back, I like this guy. He laughs and high fives Matthew. Immediately I decide Steven is already racking up the boyfriend material points. The first point being his actions tonight, prove that he is a good sport. He forcefully hands the bottle back to Eric and chokes a bit on his release, which tells me he doesnt drink often. I also decide he deserves another point, because his obvious lack of boozing only proves he is mature and stable, unlike our rowdy group. As the night progresses, there is never a dull moment during our late night beach fiasco. Eric and Matthew control most of the conversation and tell old stories from our high school days. They make sure they embarrass me and tell Steven about some stupid things I did back then. Like when I backed into the Principals Mercedes Benz with my mothers old station wagon, or the time Ben and I did a magic act for the Christmas Talent Show. They even unleash a few memories from our university years, like the time I drunkenly threw up all over Ben one night at the pub, or the time I organized a rally to protest against smoking on campus, and no one except Jessica, Michael (because he was dragged by Jessica) and Ben showed up. Of course, Steven enjoys all of them and flashes me his bright (definitely cosmetically enhanced) grin. Okay. No more of the lets embarrass Megan stories. I grumble and take a shot from the bottle.

What? The stories are funny! Matthew chuckles, Steven probably appreciates hearing about your dorky days. Oops, I mean glory days. All my friends giggle at my expense when I snap, Those days were hardly what I would consider glamorous. And dont think for a second I didnt hear you slide in that dork comment. Stephanie cuts me off, Hey Steven, one more thing you should probably know about Megan she used to wear pop bottle glasses! Oh yeah! Eric laughs and chokes on his shot of tequila, Shit, I forgot about that. Too funny. I roll my eyes and cant believe my friends are pulling this right now. Every time I bring a prospective boyfriend candidate around they do this. Eric insists it is their way of testing whether or not the guy is genuinely interested in me. He made a point of telling me I am too nice when it comes to men and put on blinders when red flags of asshole are popping up all over the place. Whether or not they are trying to protect me from future douche bags, right now, its annoying. Steven pats my leg, Well it doesnt matter, because I think the stories are charming Really? I say with a tiny smile. Maybe Erics man-test does hold some truth. Stevens reassurance couldnt have been more sincere. Michelle starts to whisper something in Matthews ear, and averts the attention back to their cheating ways. Matthew bites his lip and wrestles her to the ground, but Eric smacks his back, Hey you two! Keep it PG for tonight. Michelle sticks her tongue out at Eric and Matthew straightens up his shirt, before he snaps at Eric to mind his own business. While they argue amongst themselves, Steven leans over and whispers in my ear, I am having a really good time. Dont worry. I loved the stories. I think its cute that you wore pop bottle glasses. I had headgear. Believe me, it doesnt get much worse than that. I giggle and give him a smile. I love how sweet he is. What are your plans tomorrow? he asks. Nothing besides roasting in the sun with the girls. He tucks a loose strand of my hair behind my ear; Think you might be able to find some time for me? I blush thankful its dark out, I think I could manage to fit you into my schedule. Steven laughs, enjoying my flirtatious side, I would like that. Drink the last shot! Eric shouts and shoves the bottle back in Stevens face. Steven grabs

hold of the bottle and finishes it off making my friends roar with enthusiasm. Lets go skinny dipping! Stephanie shouts out of nowhere and pulls off her dress. She is clearly induced with one too many Tequila shots. Erics eyes widen in amazement, and before I can even stop them, he and Stephanie have completely disrobed and made it halfway into the water. Matthew begins to unbuckle his pants and Michelle rips off her dress. They grab onto each others hands and ask if we are coming. I politely decline and tell them to be careful. Steven says he will stay with me on shore, but thanks them for the invite. Michelle makes a comment about how I am always the cautious one, and thats why they keep me around. Matthew tugs her arm when they break into the waters to meet Stephanie and Eric. As Steven and I hear their splashes and laughter from the ocean, he invites me to lie down beside him and look up at the stars. He stretches his arm across the sand, and I snuggle up to his chest. While Steven begins to tell me about starting his new life in Chicago, I cant help but think how this is exactly what getting to know someone is supposed to feel like, a well-produced mixture of excitement, romance and subtle intrigue. But as I gaze up into the dark everlasting sky, lying with the perfect guy, all I can see in the back of my mind is Ben. Chapter 6 The next morning, I wake up from the sunlight beaming through the patio doors. I kick off my blankets feeling flush, and wipe away the sticky sweat dripping from my forehead. I pry my eyes open, but the pain of the bright sun locks them shut. I groan, wishing somehow I were still submerged in my dream: I was sitting on the beach with the sun warming my skin and the wind blowing through my hair. Steven appeared with a smile and pulled me gently into his arms. But when I leaned in to kiss him, he morphed into Ben. I pulled away from him, confused and scared. I tried to resist him, but he pinned my hands above my head and forced me into the cool damp sand. As soon as our naked bodies touched I crumbled in his arms and let his lips passionately press against mine. It was enough to both arose and frighten me before my mind involuntarily awoke me. I flip and flop from side to side to try and fall back asleep. I pull a pillow over my head, count sheep and even take deeps breaths. I am purposely trying to put myself back into the realm of my dream. There was something about it that was so real, so intense, and I wanted him. Just like I want to feel Ben inside me right now. This sudden realization not only excites, but petrifies me, and there is no way I am going to be able to sleep with these crazy feelings welling up inside of me. On the other hand, I cant help but think what a nice evening I had with Steven. He was poised, courteous and even offered me his suit jacket when it got a bit cooler in the early morning hours. While everyone else was skinny-dipping and splashing about in the Pacific, Steven and I were having a mature discussion about our jobs, our hobbies, and our families. I liked him and found him cultured, even though he grew up on a small farm in Connecticut. But despite our differences: he liked eating steak and potatoes, while I liked eating chicken and broccoli. He liked lifting weights at the gym, while I preferred taking a spin class. He didnt like the last two seasons of Arrested

Development, while I found those to be the best two seasons ever. I still thought we really hit it off. Of course I still had Ben in the back of my mind. How could I possibly forget him storming away from the table like a pouty child? But last night, after some thinking under the starry sky, I was able to put his behavior into perspective. It was clear he was tired. We travelled five hours by plane, ate a whack load of food and consumed an absurd amount of alcohol. I am actually surprised all of us didnt do the same as he did and head back to our villas as soon as we got the chance. Besides, it would be next to impossible to believe the way he acted had absolutely anything to do with us. Therefore, it didnt take long for me to decide that Ben and I desperately had to get our friendship back on track for a few reasons: 1. Losing him as a friend would be like losing an appendage. 2. I need to enjoy this vacation (because I rarely ever get the time to have one). 3. If Steven and I are to ever progress, I need to smooth out this sex disaster with Ben before it takes a turn for the worst. I toss my pillow from my head and sit up. I see Michelle passed out on the floor fast asleep. I stumble across the smooth marble tiles and gently nudge her to wake up. She chokes back the drool trickling down the side of her mouth, and wipes it away with the back of her hand. She sits up disoriented and squinty, and raises her hand up over her eyes, What am I doing on the floor? I dont know I groan and pull her up to her feet. She moans and pushes me away, then staggers over to the bed. She flops down beside Stephanie, whose head in pressed into a pillow and grumbles, Honestly Megan, you are the worst morning person ever. Then she tries to swat me away with her hand. I secretly laugh to myself and think back to when Michelle, Stephanie, Jessica and I lived together. It drove them crazy that I would bounce around the apartment everyday at six in the morning. I would whip up scrambled eggs, make coffee, read the daily newspaper, and even work out to the latest Jillian Michaels DVD. Michelle starts to kick me with the back of her legs, but I refuse to let them sleep through our whole entire vacation. I rip the pillow out from under Michelles head, and playfully swat at her. She tosses her arms up and screams at me to stop being so annoying. Our altercation startles Stephanie who opens her eyes, kicks off the blankets and whips a pillow at my face. I dodge it, and watch it smack against the wall. I laugh and insist the longer we laze around the room, the less likely we are to get a good lounging spot by the pool. Michelle rolls her eyes and gives me a dismissive wave, but Stephanie groans, trudges out of bed and says, I am only getting up if we head down to the buffet first. Im starving.

Twenty minutes later, the three of us are eating our breakfast. Michelle forces her elbows on the table and presses her fists on either side of her head. Her black oversized sunglasses hide her puffy bloodshot eyes, and her hair is tossed in a sloppy bun. She downs two coffees and occasionally pokes at her toast. Stephanie on the other hand is more energetic, and pounds back a bowl of cereal and a few strips of bacon. She chats with me about her grand plans to wear her bandeau bikini top (so she can get a kick ass tan without the lines), and then hopes to pass out on a lounge chair by the pool. I tell her that sounds like a pretty good plan and glance down at my own pasty white skin. I polish off my eggs, bacon and toast and lean back in my chair to take an indulgent sip of my delicious coffee. I startle when I see Steven and his family walk into the breakfast buffet. I smile at him and he gives me a polite wave then proceeds to pull out the chair for his mother. Wow, that is a true gentleman. Steven has yet again earned himself another point on his growing list of great boyfriend qualities. I watch him smile at his mother, and laugh with his father, which makes me do something I remember Michelle once telling me. She said that when you first start seeing a guy, if you can actually see yourself with him, then you should be able to envision your life together before it actually happens. So I decide to engage myself in this little exercise, and with minimal effort, I can suddenly see Steven and I holding hands and walking into the restaurant behind his parents. His mother would call me Dear and I would call her Ma. Steven would first pull out the chair for his mother, and then of course for me. He would gently kiss my cheek and tuck in my chair from behind me. He would whisper in my ear how beautiful I looked, and I would thank him. Then we would all turn our attention to his father, who would say how lucky Steven was to find a girl like me. His father would raise his coffee cup and we would all raise ours to meet his, and clink them together to toast the day. It seemed simple enough, Steven and I in an actual real relationship. Besides, Jessica knows me better than anyone. If she had any doubts Steven and I wouldnt hit it off, she would have never introduced us. I hold still in that thought, and wonder if Jessica knew Ben and I slept together (without Steven in the mix), what she would think about that. Would she tell me she always thought Ben and I would hook up one day? Or would she freak out and tell me sleeping with Ben was the stupidest thing I could have done? For a moment I actually consider spilling the beans to her as soon as I get the chance, because maybe if I did, it would make my feelings about Steven (whatever they are) a bit clearer, especially if Jessica thought the latter. Oh great. I hear Michelle groan, knocking me out of my fantasy. I look up to see Jessicas bubbly self, standing over our table with a bunch of brochures fanned out in her hands. Good News! Jessica shrieks, I just booked all of us a full day trip to the Volcano. There are zip lines, mud baths, hot springs, its a dream come true. She passes us each a brochure and vibrates with excitement. Michelle dramatically whacks her forehead on the table and tosses her arms in front of her head. Stephanies bottom lip protrudes and her brow furrows. She quietly pleads, and asks Jessica if we can go tomorrow instead, but Jessica immediately cuts her off, No its already booked. It is going to be like old times with all

eight of us. I remain quiet, nervously thinking about seeing Ben. When Jessica doesnt see my enthusiasm, she stomps her foot and shouts, Megan, say something! Arent you excited? Of course I smile, Who wouldnt want to zip line through the jungle hung over? **** An hour later, we are in the lobby waiting for our shuttle. Jessica is zipping around, talking to the hotel concierge, then whisking over to the tour guide, then back to us to update us on the itinerary for the day. She claps her hands together, and bounces up and down as she tells us that the bus ride to the best day of our lives is going to be about two hours. Michelle groans over the extensive travel time and flops down on a floral printed chaise, pulling her sunhat over her face. Jessica sits down beside me, huffs, and glances down at her watch. She crosses her legs and nervously bounces them, resting her elbows on her knees, Where are the guys? The bus will be here any minute. I am sure they are on their way. I assure her. Michael is late for everything. She groans. Well as long as he isnt late for the altar. I chuckle. But Jessica shoots me a cold stare and stands up to pace around the lobby. A few more minutes pass before, Michael, Eric, Matthew and Ben make their way into the lobby. Jessica dramatically winds up and proceeds to start bickering with Michael about his tardy entrance. I quickly look away, and pull a Travel Costa Rica magazine off of the table beside me. I flip through the pages and keep my eyes down, but Erics stagy entrance distracts me and causes me to look up. I watch him stumble through the lobby hunched over in a stretch for the nearest sofa. His hair is a mess, his clothes are wrinkled, and his face is a pale yellow. He moans when he makes contact with a sofa, and exasperatingly whips his arm across his eyes. My breathing quickens when I finally lock eyes with Ben. He looks fantastic. His dark hair is poking out from under his backwards cap and his crisp clean turquoise t-shirt clings to his muscles. His dark eyes are soft and sullen, and his face is cleanly shaven. I gulp and look away, but I can feel him staring at me. He sits down beside me and drapes his left arm along the back of the sofa. I pretend to busy myself by searching for something in the distance, but he places his thumb and index finger on my chin and turns my face towards his. Megan. Ben whispers with a hint of desperation in his voice. What? I say keeping my eyes on the ground and fiddle with the fringe of my shirt. A lingering moment passes between us, and Ben drops his hand from my chin and runs it through his dark hair. He hesitates, taking a deep breath, but as Ben tries to speak, Stephanie shouts, Whats going on over there? and suspiciously crosses her arms in front of her chest.

Nothing, I say and scoot back on the sofa. I lift my eyes to Stephanie, but I am worried she will be able to see everything all over my face. I was just telling Megan I was sorry I missed out on last night. Ben calmly says. Stephanie glances back and forth between us. She furrows her brow and un-crosses her arms, now completely oblivious. Well, you did miss out on a good time. Its always a good time when boobies come out. Matthew says and pokes Michelle in her coma-like state. Ben leans back on the sofa, turns away from me and clears his throat, Whose boobies? We all went skinny dipping. Stephanie laughs, It was hilarious. Eric gives a thumbs-up from the sofa, and Matthew laughs and nods in agreement. Ben gives me a sideways glance, and even though I do want to clarify I was not amongst the skinny dipping crew, I dont. For some reason, I have this silly immature instinct to let Ben wallow in the idea that I bared my birthday suit. Maybe part of me wants him to think that if everyone else has seen me naked, it somehow minimizes the fact we slept together. The bus is here! Jessica shouts and waves us over towards the tour guide. Ben pounces up from the sofa and leaves the rest of us behind to climb his way onto the bus. Jessica remains next to our tour guide as we all line up single file. I can hear her pestering him about making sure we are back on time for our dinner reservations when I slide past her and find my way into the wonderfully air-conditioned bus. I notice right away, Ben is sitting in the very back, gazing out the window. He shifts his eyes up to see me, but quickly turns them away. Old times would have dictated we definitely would have sat together. We would have played the, would you rather game, something we always did when we travelled on the subway or in a cab. Ben would always start by asking a question like, Would you rather live in a boat, or in a motor home? I would always laugh and wonder where he came up with all his questions. I even accused him of carrying around a journal and jotting down his dumb rathers, just so he could be better prepared than I was. Part of me really wants to go back to those moments, and play a simple game of would you rather, but the other part of me wants to rip off his clothes again. Everything about our demeanor to one another has so quickly changed over such a short period of time. I cant even look Ben in the eyes anymore! This is the same guy I used to have intense staring contests with so I could win the last handful of chips (corner crumbs are hands down the best part of the bag. Who wouldnt want to win that stare down?). So I cant help but feel a pang of sadness mixed with sheer fondness, when I think of the last Saturday before we slept together. It was around four oclock, and I had just finished showing a cute two-bedroom condo in Old Town. I had to run a few errands, and by errands I mean I stopped into Nicole Miller. I was browsing around, enjoying my moments of solitude and contemplating a purchase of a new little black dress

when my phone rang. Whats up? Bens chipper voice beamed through the phone. Just running some errands I lied, looked at the dresss price tag and immediately shoved it back on the rack. Where are you? In Old Town. I just finished showing that great two-bedroom condo about an hour ago. Yeah, that thing will sell itself in a day or two. Ben said, but quickly added, I am about twenty minutes away. What store are you in? Nicole Miller. I winced, embarrassed of my priorities. I still had yet to re-stock my toilet paper and toothpaste, but I was shopping for dresses I didnt need. Okay, I will be right there. Dont leave. Ben said and hung up the phone. I paced around the store and eventually bought a less expensive version of the first dress I had found. Twenty minutes later, Ben whisked through the doors just like he had said. I remember all the women who worked there checked him out when he waltzed in. It wasnt unusual for women to become immediately smitten by Ben. I attributed it to a combination of his rugged good looks, paired with his noble confidence, and his ability to rock a smart and sexy grey pin-stripped suit (like the one he was wearing that day). He scanned the perimeters of the store with his soft dark eyes. When he spotted me, and a smile spread across his face showing off his bright white grin. What did you buy? He asked and tried to snatch my bag to peek inside. None of your business I said and shoved my bag under my armpit. Ben rolled his eyes and followed me out of the store. When we made it out to the street, he immediately divulged into a plan. He suggested we go out for dinner then go back to his place to finish off our Seinfeld marathon for the ninth weekend in a row. I playfully moaned, but was secretly excited that the final season would come to an end. That way, we could pick a new series (my pick, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Bens pick, Dexter) to continue our weekend tradition. So do you want to go somewhere around here to eat? Or somewhere close to my place? Ben asked. Do we have to go out for dinner? Cant we just get take out? I have been out all day and I really want to get out of these awful work clothes. I said. Thats when a flickering gleam lit up in Bens eyes, and with much enthusiasm, he suggested we go back to his place and cook a delicious dinner instead. As a light rain sprinkled in the air, Ben and I ran to the Super Market and Wine Cellar on

North Clark Street. Ben took over, whizzing around the store, selecting different vegetables, wholewheat noodles, spices, and our favorite choice of meat (chicken). He would occasionally look at me and smile from ear to ear, delighted with his idea of becoming Chef Benjamin Romano for the night. While Ben checked out at the till, he asked me to go select a bottle of wine. I flashed him a few choices, but he ended up deciding on a forty-dollar Italian red wine called Bava Barolo. He insisted it was fantastic, and I laughed because he was always so serious about his wine. Unlike him, I would choose the cheapest bottle and go with that. We made our way back to Bens swanky condo, overlooking the magnificent Grant Park and he started pulling out the groceries from their brown paper bags, and sprawled everything out all over his granite countertops. I began to help him sort through them, until he pushed me away and insisted he was going to do the cooking. He ordered me to pour us each a glass of wine, and to plop myself down on one of the stools surrounding his massive island. I watched Ben work his magic in the kitchen and whisk around from the fridge to the stove, back to the island for a sip of his wine, then back to the stove. He insisted on playing twenty questions, another one of Bens little idiosyncrasies when it came to passing the time. Once he was done, he had made and assembled the most beautifully prepared pasta. He mixed chicken, zucchini, spinach, tomatoes and eggplant and topped it off with shaved Parmesan cheese. He also made a mixed green salad with homemade balsamic vinaigrette. I even saw him whisking it together in the bottom of a large salad bowl, moments before his big reveal. I clapped at his masterpiece and said I never knew he had it in him to cook. Ben proudly smiled and said he was full of surprises. Over dinner, he complained about how a new client of his demanded that Ben list their property way over its market value. Ben refused, which ruffled his clients feathers a bit. But I wasnt at all surprised by Bens blunt approach. It was his confidence and expertise that had led him to be the youngest top seller with Reitman Realty LLC for the past two consecutive years in a row. That was something I could only dream of, and as of last year I was thankful I even made a decent sale ranking. Then Ben told me about how his sister recently lost a ton of weight (like went from Wynonna Judd size down to an Ashley Judd zero). I was impressed over this recent weight loss, because as long as I had known his sister, she had struggled with her weight. Then I brought up my obsession with Bachelors final three candidates, to which Ben rolled his eyes and told me I needed to get a real love life. A bottle of wine later, and we had chatted about everything and anything. When I noticed it was getting late, I changed into a pair of Bens sweats and yelled out from the bathroom door for him to go and make us some popcorn before we started our Seinfeld marathon. But by the second episode on the third DVD of season nine, I couldnt stop yawning. I asked Ben if I could stay over, and he smiled and said, Of course while I cozied up on the opposite side of the sofa. Although I can vaguely remember him slipping a blanket over me before he wandered off into his bedroom, I know I

can clearly remember thinking how lucky I was to have him as my friend when I slipped into a slumber on his leather sofa. But right now, all I can think about is how great that night was, how great our friendship was, and how much fun we had together doing absolutely nothing. While I debate whether or not to sit with Ben, or take my own lone seat on the bus, I yearn for that Saturday. I wish more than anything I had a pause button to freeze that night in time before things suddenly became weird and complicated between us. I think of Jerry and Elaine from Seinfeld who were best friends that once slept together. Heck! They even continued to sleep together in later seasons and they got along. I purse my lips together and wonder why we cant be like Jerry and Elaine? So with Seinfeld as my influence, I make my final decision and plop myself beside Ben. I playfully nudge him and say, Would you rather have a rewind button, or a pause button? Ben locks his eyes with mine and says, Definitely rewind. Chapter 7 It was atrocious. For approximately two hours and fifteen minutes, Ben and I created enough sexual tension to drive me insane. The whole bus ride, every time I looked at him I wanted to kiss him, but of course I didnt. Every time Ben would ask me another would you rather question, I found myself losing focus from his voice, and daydreaming to watch his lips. I ached so badly, even biting my lower lip without even knowing it. But when Ben saw this, he playfully pulled on it and I turned crimson red, thinking he knew exactly what was running through my mind. For both of us, it became a serious game of flirtation; something I was not accustomed too. Ben would twirl my hair and make suggestive comments, and I would respond by foolishly laughing and slapping him on the shoulder like a lovesick schoolgirl. Then, when I asked Ben would he rather have sex with Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie, and his answer was neither; I made the mistake of looking at him. His eyes blazed in my direction and I knew exactly what he was thinking. I of course blushed and looked away. Ben rubbed his hands down his thighs and let out some nervous laughter. By this point, I couldnt handle any more of our cat and mouse game. I couldnt handle this forced and suggestive bus ride that made me feel like my best friend was slowly slipping through my fingers. I missed the Megan and Ben who would creep Facebook together and make fun of the people who put inspirational quotes as their status. I missed the Megan and Ben who would sit and eat a tub of Ben and Jerrys Heavenly Hash ice cream over a game of Battleship. I especially missed the Megan and Ben who would go for the occasional jog around Millennium Park on a Sunday, just to see all the tourists enjoy the great city of Chicago. So finally, when Ben says something awkward about missing out on the skinny-dipping. I have had it. Ben, what is this? I whisper in a stern hush. Ben looks around to make sure no one else is listening.

We said what happened wasnt going to affect our friendship. But right now, thismakes me feel like I dont even know you. There. I said it. Megan... Ben lets out a huge sigh. No Ben, when you stormed off last night after dinner Megan stop, Ben cuts me off, grabs my hand and squeezes it, I wasnt that drunk. What are you talking about? It doesnt matter if you were drunk or not, how you acted was Megan, Im not talking about last night. Ben whispers and pulls me closer. His warm breath tickles the nape of my neck and sends chills up my spine. I take a huge gulp, fully comprehending exactly what he is getting at, when he adds, I dont regret what happened between us, and if I could rewind time and do it again, I would. I feel myself being sucked into his gaze, losing control of every inhibition. But I snap out of it, and I remind myself he is my best friend and this thing between us could ruin everything. I nervously look away and remove my hand from his. While one part of me is mortified he admitted to not being that drunk, the other part of me is celebrating a small triumph. Its relieving to know I am not the only confused over this whole ordeal. There is a small part of me that is secretly pleased he has been suffering and fretting over everything too. But, before I can even respond, the bus comes to a complete halt. The tour guides voice booms over the intercom and announces our arrival. Ben and I hold an intense gaze for a few moments, before Jessica leans over our seat, Are you two ready to zip line or what? **** Good God. The hike up the volcano is exhausting. Beads of sweat pour down Matthews face as he wipes them away with the back of his shirt. We are all geared up and ready to go, helmets, ropes and all. Jessica is leading our group using her beginner Spanish to communicate with our tour guide who can clearly speak the English language. She keeps on looking back at the rest of us hungover-good-for-nothing friends of hers, but continues to beam smiles of pure excitement. I feel Ben graze up behind me, and it takes me a second to remember to breathe. He brushes his body against my backside and drapes his arm around my shoulders. Are you scared? he asks giving me a tiny grin. His voice sends chills all over my body, Im more scared of throwing up, than I am to soar hundreds of feet in the air and dangle by a rope over the jungle. I say and feel butterflies saunter around in my stomach. I am not sure if it is just nerves or Bens touch, but I release myself from his grip just to be sure. Ben laughs, and Eric hikes up beside us, Well you better hope you arent behind me, because I am sure I am going to spew.

Thats disgusting! Stephanie shouts from in front of us. Well its true! Eric shouts back to her, You can all thank Jessica and Michael for that when it happens. Jessica turns around and gives Eric the finger, as we all laugh our way up to the zip-lining platform. The instructor goes over safety protocol and gives us some demonstrations, but I barely pay attention. Ben keeps on looking over at me and it is making me really uncomfortable. But for some reason, I stare back unable to shake away my sudden fascination with his lips. His dark brown eyes gleam in my direction, and his smile is so infectious, I cant help but blush and smile back. When the instructor asks us who is going to go first, I pull my eyes out of my Ben tunnel vision and see Jessica immediately shoot up her hand, jump up and down and shout, Me, Me, Me! No one argues with her and the rest of us fight for who follows. Finally Michael volunteers to go next, once Jessica gives him a dirty look. Eric suggests the rest of us decide over a proper game of rock paper scissors. He insists this will surely settle the dilemma. But the instructor quickly becomes annoyed, and pulls Stephanie and Michelle in line, then yanks me, to have Matthew and Eric follow, leaving Ben for last. Matt can I trade with you? Ben asks adjusting his helmet. Sure man. Matthew says and walks in behind Eric. I watch Ben stroll up behind me and give me a wink. I turn around and blush hoping no one saw that. But when I hear Jessica screaming and the buzzing of the zip-line, I know everyone is too occupied with fear to notice such an odd gesture from Ben to me. Wait for me on the other side? He whispers in my ear as Michelle is hoisted onto the platform. I nod acknowledging his request and take a deep gulp before the instructor yells and points to me, You Muchacha. Youre next. **** When we get back to the resort, we trudge off the bus one by one. Jessica still remains her bubbly self, and suggests we have a quick rest before our dinner reservations tonight. Everyone agrees and we begin to chat about what an amazing day we had, thanks to both Jessica and Michael. Jessica beams and says they were honored to do something so nice for us since we have travelled so far and have done so much in preparation of the wedding. Eric gives Jessica a quick squeeze, thanks her, and says she is the best event planner ever. I see Jessicas eyes go a bit bleak before she makes a point of saying, Well, I was one of the best party planners in the Chicago, Illinois area. Michael lovingly pinches her cheek and says, Not anymore

Jessica immediately shoots him an icy stare, but composes herself and says out loud for all of us to hear, Thats right. Now I am just your unofficial medical office secretary that works out of our empty mansion. Oh no, here we go. I really hope I dont have to intervene in this fight. Michael opens his mouth to say something, but quickly slams it shut. After all the years they have been together, he knows better than to pursue a fight with Jessica, especially in public. She is relentless and doesnt care who is around. A few months ago, when we were shopping on Block 37 of State Street for wedding favors for their guests, I was subject to a public fiasco. Jessica forced Michael to come along, and insisted he had to do something in preparation of the wedding (because she claimed she had done everything). She also said his input was required, because she didnt want his mother criticizing another one of her decisions. We shopped around from store to store, searching for the perfect gift. But after three long hours with no prospects in sight, Michael made the mistake of rolling his eyes when Jessica debated at Barnes and Noble over a book of love poems versus a bedazzled picture frame. As soon as she caught a glimpse of his disinterest, she went off the rails. She called him inconsiderate and complained he had no interest in the wedding. She reminded him she waited just over ten years for him to put a ring on her finger, and stayed with him while he studied to become a Doctor, so his mother could brag to all her well-to-do friends about how wonderful her son was. All the while, people were walking by watching the dramatic spectacle unraveling in the gift section of the worlds largest bookstore. So it is almost a relief when Michael just apologizes and tells her shes right and he was the one who was out of line (which is hardly the case). Suddenly Jessicas pout disappears and her eyes widen with glee. I follow her gaze, and I am shocked to see Steven standing a few feet away in the lobby. He smiles at me, walks in my direction and hands me a bouquet of tropical flowers. I blush, and thank him to hear Jessica squealing from behind me. Stephanie and Michelle both chime in with, Awe as Jessica squeezes my arm and gives me a wink. I immediately feel my stomach clench when Ben curiously appears beside me. He puts his arm around my shoulders, and sarcastically says, Awe flowers...how original. I toss my hair off my face and sheepishly smile, Yes Ben, they are beautiful. Thank you Steven. I didnt know you were that serious? Ben mocks, looking from me to Steven. Goose bumps rise all over my arms, and I can feel the blood boiling under my skin. I become humiliated and enraged with Bens snarky and condescending comments. Steven remains poised and shakes it off with an awkward chuckle, Serious or not, I thought all women loved flowers.

I give Ben a dirty look and break free from his hold then smile at Steven, Well I am a woman, and I do love flowers Since when? Ben laughs narrowing his eyes at me. Actually, Steven shifts his weight and turns quite defensive This was my attempt to persuade your friend Megan to have dinner with me tonight. Ben crosses his arms in front of his chest. He looks at me with his mouth slightly open, waiting for my response. I stumble through a bunch of noises that sound like a whole lot of nothing. Steven starts to look quite uncomfortable, and Ben basks in his own arrogance. This angers me, and reminds me this is the one quality about Ben that drives me nuts. He can be very intimidating, and sometimes I wonder if part of his realtor success is due to the fact that no one can seem to ever say no to him when he turns on his ego. I would be happy to go to dinner with you. I finally blurt out, shooting eye daggers at Ben. So youre just going to ditch all of us and our reservations for tonight? Ben raises his eyebrows. Ben! Who cares? Jessica squeals, Megan, you know we wont be offended if you have a change of plans. Besides, you two can meet us after dinner for drinks. She blows me a kiss and walks away. Ben rolls his eyes and looks directly at Steven, Just so you know, she likes vodka waters. Its a sure way to seal the deal. My eyes widen in shock at Ben and his complete disrespect. I give him a cold hard stare, feeling absolutely done with him. How could he be so rude? Ben doesnt flinch from my telepathic waves of anger. Instead he twists his baseball cap backwards, and shoves his hands in his pockets. He wishes us a good night and storms through the lobby. My heart is wrenched in two different directions. How could I possibly say no to Steven after he has so nicely put forth the effort to greet me and bring me a beautiful bouquet of flowers? Ben has no right to act or treat Steven or me like that. I look at Steven so handsomely dressed in a crisply pressed short-sleeved button up Lacoste shirt and smile. Steven isnt the kind of guy who would lash out so immaturely like Ben just did. Steven is a refined taste, a real man. Can you give me about thirty minutes? I laugh and point to my yoga shorts and sweaty tank top. Steven smiles and says thats not a problem, and he will meet me at my villa by six thirty. **** My dinner with Steven is wonderfully pleasant. It is exactly like a first date should be. Just like he pulled out the chair for his mother, he does the same for me at the restaurant. This simple gesture earns him double boyfriend bonus points in my books. He even comments on my outfit; a cute

striped knit dress I fancied up with silver-tone jewelry and pair of black pumps. He says I look gorgeous and that I have great style. Honestly, he is too nice for words. Steven even suggests he do the ordering. He takes my menu when the waiter comes, and selects our drinks, appetizers, and main course. But what really impresses me is that he doesnt order me a vodka and water like Ben suggested (and I know Steven heard him say it). Instead, he orders us a bottle of white Riesling wine. I silently laugh to myself, because Ben hates Riesling wine and insists its way too sweet. So when I take my first gulp, I feel like I am somehow getting back at him for enjoying his most hated choice of wine. By the time our meals come, our conversation has never seen a dull moment. It is easy and fluid and I think we have a great vibe. He even opens up so much, to tell me the reason for his divorce; his wife came out and admitted she was a lesbian. I nearly choke on my garlic shrimp when he tells me, but he laughs and says that is the reaction he usually gets from people. I apologize and take a sip of wine, but Steven says its not a big deal. He insists they are still good friends and that there arent any hard feelings between them. I feel relieved knowing his circumstance, because it only confirms he is a great guy. I mean, for a guy to have no hard feelings towards his ex-wife turned lesbian is quite an accomplishment. Once our main courses hit the table, Steven comes out of nowhere and calmly asks, Whats your relationship with Ben? I let out a really awkward chuckle and play with the food on my plate, He is just my friend. Why? Steven looks at me, studying my expression, He seems quite possessive over you. Well, thats just how Ben is. I stupidly smile, (thinking that is 100% NOT how Ben ever is). Stevens eyes continue to carefully assess my demeanor, Why do you ask? Well is something going on between you two? The way he acted in the lobby was a strange way for just a friend to act. Thats all. Steven shrugs. Thats all? I want to shout. Like no big deal? Ohmigod. I can feel the sweat building up under my armpits. I am trying to speak and assure Steven that there is nothing going on. But for some reason, the words I want to say dont spit out of my mouth. I kick myself from the inside, Come on Megan! Just say nothing is going on or ever has! But I dont. Instead I politely wipe my mouth with my napkin, and place it back down on my knees. When our silence is unbearable, Steven finally changes the subject, So Megan, tell me about your mother again. **** After dinner, outside the restaurant on the patio, I thank Steven again for the flowers, and tell

him I had a really nice time. Steven leans against the wall and smiles at me with his bright blue eyes, I also had a good time. I really enjoyed your company. I take a deep steadying breath, Would like to come and meet Jessica and my other friends for a drink? I didnt want to intrude on your late night plans, so I told my brother and cousins I would meet up with them later. I hope you dont mind, I just didnt want to be too forward. Steven says taking one step closer, Maybe we will stop by later if they are feeling up to it. Sure I smile, but I can tell he is just being polite. Steven closes the space between us by placing his hand on the column behind me to stop from pressing against my body. I swallow hard and scoot back a bit along the railing. I give him a final thank you and start to walk away. Steven grabs my hand and turns me around to face him. He brings my hand up to his mouth and gently kisses it. I turn a tad flush, and thank him once again and say I hope to see him later (which in truth, I am not sure at all what I want.) I walk back to my villa, ready to take off these heels and put on some flats, completely confused and utterly shaken. I want so badly to make everything with Steven work, but something is eating away at me. Is it Ben? I groan out loud and toss my head back as I walk down the cobblestone road. I catch a glimpse of the door to my villa, and stop dead in my tracks. Ben is sitting on the floor resting his elbows on his knees. He startles when he hears me, and jerks his head in my direction. A soft worry is reflected in his eyes mixed with a sense of desperation. He quickly rises to his feet as I briskly walk up to my door and push past him. We need to talk. He says with small quiver in his voice. I shove in my key card, push open the door, and leave Ben outside in the hot and humid air. When I dont respond, he wedges himself in the doorframe as I flick on the lights. What do you want Ben? I sigh, and whip around to face him. Bens closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, Fuck Megan, I cant take it any more. Before I can even respond, he slams me up against the wall and presses his wonderfully soft lips up against mine. Our kissing is strong, passionate, and if I have ever thought for one second that anyone in my past was a good kisser, I am mistaken. I am completely lost in Ben. He grabs the back of my neck with one hand, and moves the other over the strap of my dress and slips it off my shoulder to expose my bra. I feel myself wanting to resist him, wanting to still hate him for how he acted today, but I cant bring myself to do it. Instead, I surrender to his touch and what I have been craving since the last time, and find myself giving into Ben. Chapter 8 Any prior debate I had with myself over this moment is completely gone. Ben and I have

officially broken rule #1 of the male and female friendship code, for the second time in just three short days. Bens strong warm body presses up against mine and his hands wander all over. His touch is so foreign yet familiar and I don't want it to stop. He kisses me with conviction, and I kiss him back feeling a little light headed. He pulls away and trails a streamline of tiny kisses down my neck. I moan and run my fingers through his thick dark hair, inhaling his sweet-smelling shampoo. With his free hand, he unclips my bra and exposes my breasts. A small part of me feels vulnerable and uncertain, but I dont stop him when he drops my dress to the floor. His breathing quickens and our eyes lock, brown on blue. I can see how badly he wants this, how badly he wants me. His face is serious and sexy when he yanks me off my feet and squeezes my thighs. I wrap my legs around his waist and slide my arms around his neck, feeling calm and secure as he carries me to the bed. I tingle all over when he releases me onto the pillows and I watch him quickly yank off his tight grey shirt. I admire his amazingly firm six-pack rippling on his tanned stomach as he leans over me and places his soft lips back on mine. I feel this crazy feeling welling up inside me when I move my hands over his smooth muscular back all the way down to his hips. Holy fuck Megan, he murmurs in my ear as he places his hands on either side of my head. He runs his fingers through my hair and I crumble beneath him, quivering with both excitement and fear. I am so ready for him that I start to find my fingers trailing slowly to unbutton his jeans. He stops me and grabs both of my hands and pins them above my head. Then slowly, he moves downwards kissing every inch of my body. We are both breathing fast and hard as I cling to him and feel a rush of euphoria burn right through me. He puts his mouth back on mine and sucks at my bottom lip, You have no idea how badly Ive wanted this since the last time. Ben mumbles and moves his hands down to the inside of my legs and pushes them apart. He slides my panties to the side and starts kissing right there. I am going crazy, just dying to seal the deal when he slips them off and leaves me completely naked. His ability to multitask is both impressive yet worrisome as he unbuttons his jeans and kisses me with his lips. I am practically begging him and aching so badly from the quickening welling all over my body, Ben, please. I moan. He smiles against my neck knowing exactly what I want, lowers his body over mine, and enters inside me. When he moves, I move with him, when he moans I feel the same pleasure, but when it is all said and done, we are both left completely satisfied. I pull the covers up to my chin, suddenly feeling extremely exposed. Even despite the fact that only seconds ago, he was inside me. Ben on the other hand is anything but shy. He turns to face me, props his elbow up on the pillows and rests his head on the palm of his hand, Megan, I cant stop thinking about you. Somewhere deep inside me, I want to tell him I cant stop thinking about him either. But my

guard immediately goes up and points out the obvious, This is so wrong. Ben takes a deep breath, closes his eyes and bites his bottom lip. The silence seems to last forever, but in reality it has only been a few seconds when he re-opens his eyes, What is so wrong about it? I laugh and toss my hair back, thinking he cant be serious. But when I look back at him, his face is stricken with grief, Where do I start? First of all, we are supposed to be friends, not bang buddies! Second of all, you know as well as I do that sex only complicates everything. Look at Matthew and Michelle. Do you want to end up like that? I know I sure dont. Ben contemplates my comparison and lets out a long sigh, It doesnt have to be like that.

Why? Because this is just some casual sex between friends? I snap, wrapping the covers around my body and sit up on the bed. Ben knows just as well as I do, that the only way not to end up like Matthew and Michelle right now, is to clearly define what this is. But I dont know if he can ever do that. Ben rolls his eyes and reaches over the bed to stop me from getting up, but I slip through his fingers, bend down and snatch up my bra. He lets out a sigh of defeat, gets up and puts on his underwear. I peak over at him and watch his lean muscular chest while he tugs on his light wash denim jeans and buttons them up. He catches me glaring at him and says, You know I dont see it that way. Then what is it Ben? Were you suddenly bored of banging bleach-blonde whores that you thought youd give your brunette best friend a go? I say watching him run both hands through his hair. None of those girls mean anything to me. You know that. Ben sighs. And I do? Thats all you do is have sex with girls. I was probably the only one left you hadnt screwed! I scream feeling tears well up in my eyes. I am completely distraught by letting myself turn into one of Bens random flings. I know this is ridiculous, and I know I am ruining everything, but I cant help it. I just dont understand where all this is coming from. Thats how you see me? After all the years weve known each other? Ben says with a hint of disbelief in his eyes. I now feel somewhat ashamed. I suppose I came off a little harsh, but that is exactly what hes like and maybe he needs to know that. He has always been the guy who counts the notches on his belt, and from his exceptionally experienced performance a few short minutes ago, I am guessing I must be at least number 154. Well? What am I supposed to think? I shout pulling on my panties. Megan Ben starts to patronize me, but I cut him off. You know what, forget it Ben. I say and slide on my bracelet. I pause hearing nothing but silence from his side of the bed then add, So what? You didnt answer me? Am I just your fuck buddy? Can I see other people? Oh, like Steven? Ben cockily says and tosses my dress across the bed. I roll my eyes at him and catch it. I shimmy it over my body and avoid his question. He pulls on his tight grey shirt and says, Because it didnt seem like you were missing him much about five minutes ago. I feel my face burn and I slowly count to ten. I just want to scream at him! See, this is why this is so stupid. He is only proving my point as to why we would never work. We are both too strong willed and too stubborn to admit our feelings ever. I turn my back to him and suck back the tears. Shit Megan, Im really sorry. I shouldnt have said that. Ben grovels from the other side of the bed.

I whip around and look into his pleading eyes. Their dark gaze draws me in and makes me weak at the knees. He crawls over the bed, sits on the edge then pulls me into his lap. He brushes my hair away from my face, holds it in a loose ponytail and lets out a huge sigh, Is that what you want? For me to be your fuck buddy? I shrug. Scared to admit what I really want. He pauses and drops his head into his chest, You are making this way more complicated than it is. Well whatever it is, I cant see it ending nicely. I grunt. Why cant you live in the moment? Why are you always questioning every little thing and expecting the worst? I want to slap him. I hate how he calls me out on all of my little issues, all the time. Well what are we going to tell everyone? I sigh, What am I supposed to tell Steven? Why do we have to tell them anything? he says kisses my cheek, then laughs, Besides, Steven who? I playfully nudge him, Well I cant be sleeping with both of you. Ben tilts his head to the side and purses his lips together, Come on Megan, we all know you are a serial monogamist. You would never - Exactly I whine, That is why I dont understand any of this. You are making me break all my rules. Thats what I like about you though, you are all self-contained. Ben smiles and kisses my neck. I feel myself wanting to attempt round two, but instead I push him away. Ben gives me an innocent stare, but he knows exactly what hes doing. How am I supposed to go in front of all our friends and act like everything is normal? I pout, and try to push him further on the issue. He rolls his eyes, This is between me and you. We are not going to tell them anything. Understand? This is our little secret. I scrunch my nose and take in what Ben is suggesting. I am not sure what to make of it, and it makes me a little skeptical on his intentions, Everyone is probably wondering where we are, and even worse, we are going to walk in late together. Youre the only one with a guilty conscious. Ben laughs, We are always together so why would they think that was weird?

He does have a point there, and I cringe knowing he is right. We are always together, and usually we opt to be that way. With this in mind, Ben suggests we devise a little plan. Because he had already told everyone he needed to leave the bar to get his phone (hence why he was waiting at my door). He saw me wandering back from my date, so I could change into my flats, (which is true). Then we had a couple of drinks at my villa, which we did (while we devised our plan), and finally strolled down to the bar together. It seemed simple enough Ben tells me when our friends ask, I have no business opening my mouth because I will surely screw it up and shout out the truth. I agree to zip my lips, even though I know this lie is going to eat me up inside. On the way down to the Theatre Bar, Ben doesnt stop flirting with me. He constantly makes quick little jokes, like he always does to get me going. He nudges me and says Im like an old maid when it comes to my underwear selection, which I rebut that granny panties are way comfier than a line of dental floss going up my butt. He also jokes about my neurotic behavior and insists the more orgasms he gives me, will definitely clear that up a bit. I laugh at him and tell him to grow up, but he loves every minute of teasing me, especially when I give him playful slap in the arm. Then before I can even see it coming, he shoves me into a corridor and starts making-out with me. Even though we have both been missing for over two hours now, I cant bring myself to resist him. Its also clear he cant resist me, when he shoves his tongue down my throat. I kiss him back, loving every minute of it. It is so thrilling, impulsive and badass; all the things I am not. Finally, I pull away panting, We are going to get caught. Ben gives me a wicked grin then kisses me again, You smell so good though. Once again, I find myself being sucked right back into his sexual vortex. But when I start to feel his hand slide up my skirt, my legs stiffen and I pull away, Ben stop. Do want to keep this a secret or not? I say completely out of breath. His hands move up to my hips, I want whatever you want. He kisses my cheek then adds, But right now what I really want is to fuck you - again. I place my hands on his forearms, Not here. Fine. Ben pouts, But I just love when I get you all worked up. I blush, Well youve always known how to press my buttons. Ben leans his arm on the wall behind me and smugly grins, Now I actually know how to push all of them. I roll my eyes at his attempt at self-praise (which I will never let him know, was the most intense orgasm I have ever had). He rubs his finger over my cheek, and gives me one final soft and

gentle kiss on my forehead. When we approach the Theatre Bar, Jessica is leaning on Michaels shoulder, captivated by the entertainment on the stage. Michelle and Stephanie are in an intense conversation (which I am sure has no more depth than who has the better martini), while at the far end of the table Eric and Matthew, play a game of cards. Honestly man? How could it have possibly taken over two hours to find your phone? Eric shouts over the noise. We were ready to send out a search party, if you didnt show up in the next fifteen minutes. Michael adds. Yay! Megan! Jessica squeals and runs in my direction. She flings her arms around me and dangles heavily from my neck. Then she points her finger in Bens face, Where were you Mister? How did you two end up together? Werent you on a date with Steven? Ben and I share an awkward glance before he pipes up and feeds our fabricated story to our friends. It is frightening how easily Ben begins to divulge in our lie. It actually worries me and makes me wonder how he can hide the truth with such poise. But I remind myself this is an unusual circumstance, and I am sure he never has or would ever lie to me. Well one of you could have called to let us know you were okay. Eric says when Ben finishes. Youre right, sorry man. Ben says with deadpan eyes. Any-who, Jessica says with a slur to her voice, Enough about Bens mysterious disappearance and you somehow finding him. What I want to know is how it went with Steven? Did he kiss you? No I say steadying Jessica on her feet. Bens ears perk up and he lingers beside me to eavesdrop on our conversation. Why not? Jessica shouts, But he likes you, so why wouldnt he kiss you? Its because hes a gentleman. I say loud enough for Ben to hear. He rolls his eyes and sits down beside Matthew. Well that is true. Jessica says, and pulls me into the empty chair between her and Michelle. I saved it for you. She adds, smiling proudly to herself. I sit down and see Ben speaking to the server. He points at me and I can tell he has ordered my drink. I smile at him and think; even though we have totally trampled all over our once pure and wholesome friendship that hint of us that was recently missing is back. I listen to Jessica ramble on and re-cap on how amazing today was with all of us, and how

great it was to be together like old times. I agree with her and say I couldnt have asked for a better day (in more ways than one), and tell her she really is the best friend a girl could ask for. We share a small hug, until I hear Jessica make a sound of astonishment and quickly pull away. I follow her gaze to see the server approaching our table with the drinks Ben ordered. I feel myself turn flush. I can hardly even look at him when the server places a tall and skinny lime margarita on the rocks in front of me. No one in the whole entire world, expect for Ben, knows that I have an emotional attachment to this drink. When I sold my first property two years ago, Ben and I went to a little Mexican restaurant a few blocks away from Wrigley Field. He was astounded, when I told him the margarita he ordered me, was the first time I had ever had one. After my first sip, I knew I was in love. I thought it was so delicious, and I swore that from now on I would only drink margaritas for all big moments in my life. Sure enough, I played by my own rules. I stood by my margarita promise and involved Ben in my personal tradition. Like when I passed my broker exam, we went out and drank margaritas. When I bought my condo, Ben came over with some store bought mix and we drank margaritas. Even when Marco broke up with me, for the hundredth but final time - I went over to Bens crying, and he made us margaritas. Ben raises his glass in my direction from the opposite end of the table, and I give him a coy smile. Jessica waves the server over, You better get the whole table a round of those! That drink just screams celebration! As Ben and I silently toast each other in the dim lighting of the bar, I know deep inside he knows as well as I do that what happened in my villa only a few short hours ago is nothing short of a margarita moment. Chapter 9 I take the last gulp of my third margarita, and sit back to listen to the musical entertainment on stage. Our night has been nothing but fun, chatting and laughing into the wee hours of the night. Michelle pokes fun at Matthew, and imitates him screaming like a girl when he soared down the zip line. Michael retells his horrific mud bath experience - how he ended up having to smear volcanic mud all over a larger middle-aged man, and Eric re-enacts his event in the hot spring when he accidentally brushed up against some random womans double D implants. As the night wears on, Eric breaks the guys away to discuss a recent Blackhawks trade. Stephanie props her elbows up on the table then says, So Jess, did you end up deciding on vanilla or chocolate cake for the reception? Jessica crosses her legs and straightens up a bit, Honestly Stephanie, deciding this shit is like a small nightmare. I cant make my mind up about anything, and Michael is completely useless. Why dont you have both? I pipe up. Its not that simple Megan. Jessica says and rolls her eyes, Its either one or the other, and the more I lean towards chocolate, the more guilt I have about excluding vanilla all together.

What about your hair? Did you decide on what style you want? Michelle chimes in. Jessica sighs, Thats another disaster. Ive been debating two styles. The first is long and curled, because we all know how stunning I look when I wear my hair like that. She pauses, and waits for us to nod in agreement, But Im worried because I think its too typical destination wedding. Agreed Stephanie says and shares another nod with Michelle, Every bride who has a destination wedding goes for the curly lock look. Its so overdone. That brings me to my second option. Jessica says with a hiccup, then smiles with a proud grin, I step out of my comfort zone and pull my hair back into a sleek side bun. Ooooh! You have to do that! Michelle shrieks, You would look stunning. Dont you have to have some class to pull off a look like that? Stephanie says and gives Jessica a playful nudge. Oh, Ive got class. Jessica giggles and fluffs her hair, What do you think Megan? What would you do? I shrug, I dont know. I think you will look great no matter what. I dont want to look great Megan. I want to look fucking fabulous. Jessica says with a snarl. Stephanie and Michelle share a concerned glance and take a sip of their drinks. What do you want me to say? I like your hair both ways. I want to you to say what I should do. Youre my maid-of-honor. Thats part of your job. Jessica pouts. I feel like the worst maid-of-honor ever. If I cant even help my best friend decide on how she should style her hair, how am I ever going to make up my mind on how I feel about Ben? A gleam of concern rises in Jessicas eyes, Hows the maid-of-honour speech coming? Stephanie and Michelle quickly turn away and abandon me with bridezilla. They have been caught in this topic before, and know to get out while they can. Jessica has been a little crazy lately with her obsession on this speech. Its going. I say wearily. Jessica frowns, How many times do I have to tell you how crucial a good maid-of-honour speech is? Dont worry. I promise it will be up to snuff. Jessica crosses her arms in front of her chest and reminds me I am not allowed to bring up

embarrassing stories from her past, and I definitely cannot highlight any volatile fights between her and Michael. I agree and try my hardest to engage in a committed conversation with her, but when Ben smiles over at me from the other end of the table, its all over. I gaze into his sexy brown eyes and find myself wandering off from Jessicas continual chatter. His strong jaw line and five oclock shadow makes my heart palpitate in my chest. When he licks his bottom lip, I have to stop myself from flying across the table and ripping off his shirt. It is in this moment that I try to convince myself I really can keep Ben and Is situation a secret. I can do this. Besides, everyone has a few secrets. I can think of three secrets none of my friends know about me; including Jessica and Ben: 1. I own Karaoke Revolution for my Nintendo Wii and yes, I sing to it when I am alone. It is hidden under my mattress like a teenage boy would hide his Penthouse magazine. 2. I love watching all Disney Pixar movies. Every time a new one is released, I rent it, pop it into my DVD player and rip open a bag of chips to munch on. 3. I hate my mothers banana bread. I pretend I like it, because I dont want to hurt her feelings. But when she isnt looking, I feed it to her Basset Hound. Ben leans back in his chair and stretches out his long legs and places his hands behind his head. He is so calm and relaxed - completely unfazed by the lies we fed our friends. Why was he so adamant on not telling anybody? Of course this answer is simple: Ben cant commit to anyone. It occurs to me this should probably hurt my feelings, but instead it makes me question why I am consciously letting myself get trapped in this weird, friends with benefits situation. What on earth am I thinking? I roll my shoulders back and forth to loosen my muscles. Ben may be a player, but I have faith he would never risk our friendship for sex. Would he? Then I think how surprised I am by my restraint on keeping this all from Jessica. I figure my control over this situation must be a mix of two things: One because of all the wedding hype, and two because I am in too deep with Steven. If I tell Jessica now, she will be furious. What I need to do, is let the Steven situation fizzle out naturally. If I dont, the repercussions from Jessica will be nothing short of a dramatic squabble followed by a serious best friend demotion. I make a promise to myself that no matter what happens, I will come clean and tell her of course not until the wedding is over. In my defense, I do not want to divert any of the attention from her to me at all this week. This is her wedding and her big day. Burdening her with my problems would only put me in complete breech of my maid-of-honor contract. I hear Jessicas voice, prompting me with a high pitched Okay? I have zoned out to the point of entirely missing what she was talking about. I nod in agreement and worry I have just signed my life away.

Yay! She exclaims and leans across the table. She stirs her straw amongst the ice cubes in her drink then adds, I am so happy you agree. I knew you would love to end your speech off by preforming our rendition of Baby Got Back that we choreographed in fifth grade. It would be such a great finishing touch. I choke on my drink, and let out a few coughs, Really? You think? Oh Megan! I knew you werent listening! She pulls her straw out from her drink, and flicks limey droplets in my face, Like I would make you do that! But honestly, this speech is important to me. You know that. I know I say wiping the sticky substance from my cheek, Im sorry. I promise it will be the best speech you have ever heard. Jessica smiles, It better be. and gives me a great big drunk hug. Within no time, the bar is closing and we are the only ones left. The servers tidy up around us, and I know from my previous stint as a server in university, that this is the staffs polite way of telling you to get the hell out. Lets go back to our villa Stephanie exclaims to entice the others. Of course Matthew and Eric agree, but level headed Michael kisses the top of Jessicas head, and decides for both of them to call it a night. Jessica forces a small protest, but with a final yawn, she gives in to Michaels better notions as they head off to their villa. Maybe we should all go to bed. I say with a yawn. Why are you always such a party pooper? Michelle says and slams back the rest of her drink. I am not party pooping, I am just being reasonable. Besides, its one-thirty in the morning. I reply. We are on vacation Megan! Eric shouts and nudges me as he grazes by my side. Lighten up. Ben laughs at Erics comment and teasingly gives me a pout. I roll my eyes at him and shout to everyone walking away from me, All of you are going to be sorry in the morning. They all ignore me, and chatter amongst themselves continuing their pursuit to our villa. Ben lingers at my side, and drapes an arm around my shoulders to follow behind everyone else. Once we are halfway to our villa, he gives my hair a playful ruffle and whispers, Play along with me. Before I can even ask him what he is talking about, he stops dead in his tracks and shouts to everyone up ahead, Megan left her purse at the restaurant. Well catch up with you in a bit. I turn bright red, thankful it is pitch black outside. I am thrilled and nervous in anticipation of

what he has in mind. Our friends mumble a mixture of whatever, and see you soon, as Ben and I watch them fade into the dark of the night. Are you crazy? I laugh and push away from him, What do you think youre doing? Ben yanks my arm and pulls me into his chest. He places his chin on my head and holds me in his arms, I wanted to be alone with you. His words form a tiny prickle behind my knees. He slides his hands down my back, and slips one hand to entwine in my fingers. He kisses the top of my head and tugs me in the opposite direction to lead us down to the pool area. The water is still and glistens from the lights reflected in the pool. Ben kicks off his sandals, rolls up his pants, and sticks his feet in the water. He waves me over to sit beside him and I do. I slip off my sandals and plunk my feet into the cool calm waters. The first thing Ben says is, Would you rather be able to talk with animals or be able to speak all foreign languages? I of course laugh at his ability to come up with ridiculous things right on the spot, Obviously I would rather be able to talk with animals. You know how much I love them. Yeah, but if you could speak all languages, you could eavesdrop on all the foreigners conversations He tries to argue. Yeah, but when does that ever happen? I say. Well you could travel the world and communicate wherever you went. Ben says matter-offactly. Well whenever I get around to doing that, Ill let you know. Can I come with you when you do? He innocently asks. I roll my eyes, Trust me, if I ever find myself booking a trip around the world, youll be the first person I tell. Ben smiles and picks up my hand up from the cement edge of the pool. He puts it up to his lips, gently kisses it and places it back onto my lap. He lifts his eyes to meet mine and slowly moves away. He leans back and peels off his shirt, then tosses it onto the deck of the pool. What are you doing? I shout in a hushed whisper. Ben places his index finger over my lips and silences me. He slides off his pants and dips into the water wearing nothing but his underwear. Are you coming in? He asks, amused by my look of horror.

Were not allowed to go in the pool past eleven. Its against the rules. I say. Ben tilts his head to the side, blinking his dark framed lashes in my direction. I cross my arms and legs, refusing to join him. I turn my head to the side, I am not coming in there. We are going to get caught. But Ben doesnt seem to understand the word no, and doesnt ever take rejection lightly. He glides over in my direction and places his arms on either side of my dangling legs, If you dont come in yourself, I am going to yank you in fully clothed. No youre not. I entice him, calling him on what I think is a bluff. I am giving you one last chance. Are you coming in? Yes or No? he asks and teasingly presses his chest against my knees with a smug grin. I pretend to debate his request, by coyly placing my index finger on the side of my chin and tilt my head in contemplation. Ben basks in my playful demeanor and starts to wrap his arms around my back. I quickly push his strong forearms away, Ben this isnt funny! Let go! I squirm from his grasp, but he laughs and grabs hold of my hips. I try to resist him, but he pulls me away from the ledge of the pool, and before I can even pull my feet out of the water, Ben takes total control of my body. I let out a shrill scream when he submerges me into the cool waters. I pop my head out, gasping for air, and see him standing in front of me roaring with laughter. I wipe away the wet strands of hair clamped against my face, and burst out laughing with him. My laughter hurts my cheeks as I dunk my hair back into the water and smooth it out. I look back up, and see a clear image of Ben in the dim lights surrounding the pool. He looks gorgeous with his dark hair ruffled and wet. The water drips down his smooth tanned chest and trickles into the water. He moves closer to me, and runs his thumb along my cheek. I stand still, watching his dark eyes study my face. Suddenly Ben grabs onto my hips and our laughter stops. He slowly yanks my dress over my body, but I dont resist. Instead I raise my hands in the air and let him leave me in my bra and panties. He tosses my dress to the deck of the pool and my knees almost give out. His hands cup my butt and he picks me up. I slip my arms around his shoulders and wrap my legs around his waist. Just as still as the waters have become, so have we. We dont move or say another word as he leans in and gently kisses me. His lips are so soft and tender, but this time, something about our kiss is different than it was before. It is a moment I want to freeze in time forever. Our kiss is slow and steady. It is a kiss you think you would only see in the movies, or a kiss you could only imagine you might have some day with someone you trust with all you heart. Or maybe even someone you love. Sparks rise between us, as Bens hands creep between my things. I let him run his fingers in my warm insides and I kiss him harder becoming lost in his touch. The cool water nipping against my

skin, mixed with the heat from Bens chest pressed against mine has me melting in his arms. I love the way he makes me feel. I am not worrying about whether this is right or wrong, or questioning if our friendship will be ruined. For once, the only thing I feel inside is beautiful. Chapter 10 Ben and I stay submerged in the water, kissing, touching, and dirty talking. The mixture of wet and dark makes every rub between us electric. Ben eyes flicker with intensity when he braces me against the concrete wall of the pool and commands Open your legs. I inch them apart, but he cant wait. He grabs the inside of my thighs and thrusts them open then whispers in my ear, I want you so bad. The immediate sensation from feeling him touch me with such force makes me moan out his name without even knowing it. I love it when you say my name like that. Ben growls in my ear. His breath makes me dissolve into his arms before he tugs the back of my hair and exposes my neck. He trails kisses along my collarbone, and I seriously cant take it anymore. I want Ben more than ever. I quietly beg him to enter me as his lips hover over mine, but he pulls away and places his thick index finger over my mouth. Did you hear that? Ben whispers and darts his eyes around the pool. Hear what? I ask. Bens ears perk up and his big brown eyes widen, Shit Megan. I heard something! Flashlights blaze in our direction and muffled Spanish voices echo in the distance. I catch a glimpse of a tall dark figure dressed in what looks like resort staff attire walking briskly in our direction. I told you wed get caught! I scold him. Without a moment to lose, Ben and I scamper out of the pool sopping wet and half naked. We grab our clothes and run completely exposed across the resort, laughing hysterically as we escape down to the beach. Holy shit, Ben says between air choking laughs, I cant believe Im covering my junk with your dress right now. I snort back a laugh and say, That was humiliating! Do you think anyone saw us? Ben shrugs, and his laughter settles. He closes the space between us and runs his finger slowly along my jaw line. I weaken at his gentle touch and he doesnt say another word. He wraps my tiny fingers in his and pulls us into a secluded area on the beach sheltered by green foliage. He tosses my

dress to the sand and pulls me into his chest, Come here. Im not done with you. Bens mouth lowers to mine and his lips send me into a tremble. He cradles my head and places me on the ground gently letting his hands wander all over my body under the moonlit sky. He runs his fingers through my hair, and softly kisses my forehead. His package presses me right there, before he slides inside and moans with pleasure. He moves slowly at first, easing himself in and out of me. I wrap by legs around his back, letting the cool night air prick at my skin, and for the first time in my life, I am actually having sex on a beach. Afterwards, we lie together and listen to the waves crashing on the sand. Our breathing begins to slow and he strokes my hair. I tickle down his back, making goose bumps rise all over his skin. What are you thinking? I say when curiosity gets the better of me. Ben never stays quiet for too long and his silence is starting to worry me. I guess Im thinking about how much you mean to me. Ben sighs, looks down at his fingers and draws random objects in the sand. He turns his head to the side and gazes into my blue eyes Im also thinking how stupid I am for falling for my best friend. I blink, thankful I am lying down. If I were standing right now, I would probably give way at the knees. Did he really just say that? Ben clears his throat, and lets out a nervous laugh. I wish I could say something, but I am stunned silent. Lie with me? Ben says and waves me over to curl against his bicep. I roll into his bare chest and gaze up into the stars before we drift off to sleep. **** I wake up to a thin line of the golden sun hindering on the horizon. I shake Ben from his slumber and straighten out my dress before we trudge our way back on the resort grounds. Do you think they were looking for us? Ben asks running his fingers through his hair. Probably I say, feeling my stomach churn. Ben yanks his phone out of his pocket, glances at it and exasperates a few swear words. He flashes me fifty missed calls from both Eric and Matthew, Should I call them back? Theyre probably sleeping. Its quarter to six in the morning. I say and let out a yawn. Maybe I should text them, he says biting his lower lip. Maybe, I shrug, and watch him send them a text. What are we going to tell them when they ask what happened? I say as he shoves his phone back in his pocket.

Dont worry, Ill think of something. It only takes a few more minutes of strolling down the cobblestone road for Ben to make up another fabricated story that goes something like this: When we went back to the restaurant to get the purse, the servers were still cleaning up. But as we were thanking them for keeping the purse safe, they offered us another drink. We couldnt say no, because they had been kind enough to offer us one. So we sat with them and chatted for the next hour or so. We even helped them tidy up (which was my input to the story). Then once we said our goodbyes and started heading back, we thought wed go and sit by the pool for a bit (which we did) and picked one of those huts with a bed to lounge on. Then, without even knowing it, we fell asleep. Will I see you later? Ben says before we separate to our respective villas. I nod and start to walk away, but he grabs onto my arm, Hold on a minute. What? I say frozen in place. He pulls me into his chest and kisses the top of my head, Thats no way to say good-bye. He looks down at me through his long brown lashes, plants a soft kiss on my lips and cups my butt, There. Thats better. He releases me from his grasp and a tiny smirk forms on his lips, Bye Megan. **** I wake up a few hours later to a light rapping on the door and Jessicas voice, Open up. Its me. I slowly climb out of bed, and scoot past Stephanie and Michelle snoring under the covers. I nervously chew at my lip, petrified of facing my friends over my mysterious disappearance with Ben. I try to remember every detail of the little white lie we created, but I am terrified of putting it to use. How am I ever going to face them? I let out a sigh and yank-open the door to see Jessica. She has on a floppy white sunhat letting her blonde curls flow beautifully past her shoulders. She is wearing a hot pink tunic cover up with a beautiful ornate cherry blossom print and a white string bikini that peeps through the sheer fabric. She looks sun kissed and well rested. Both things I wish I was right now. Good morning Jessicas chipper voice says as she pushes past me into our villa. She makes a face of disgust when she sees empty beer cans scattered all over the floor. Clothes are tossed in heaps on the furniture, open boxes of left over room service with half-eaten food are sprawled over the table, and make-up cases are open and out in a blatant disarray. A bunch of shoes trip her as she makes it past the desk. Megan, this room is disgusting. she gasps and looks at me in disbelief, You are such a neat freak. How did this happen? I tilt my head over to the Sweet Valley High Twins passed out beside each other on the bed.

Jessica nods and whispers, It must feel like university all over again. I laugh, remembering how many times I snapped on both Stephanie and Michelle for their constant mess all over our apartment. Once I even tossed a bunch of their hair product into the hallway of our building. I had finally lost it when I couldnt wash my hands because our sink was full of their mounds of bottles, sprays, and hair dyes. When they came home that night and saw it outside our doorway they went ballistic. But right now, when Jessica kicks a pair of white wedged heels out of her way, its quite tempting to pull a little stunt like that again. Jessica walks over to the sofa, and plops herself down. She looks expectantly at me and gives me an innocent grin. I push my hands to my hips and ask, Alright, what do you want? Its nine in the morning. I want you to get dressed and come with me to the pool. Michael and the guys are hanging out today and I need my girls. Jessica whines, smacking around a big wad of gum in her mouth. For some reason I agree to join her, dig through my luggage and pull out the first bikini I can find. It is a royal blue halter style top, with push-up padding for my small breasts and matching lowrise bottoms to enhance my less than curvaceous hips. I bought it from Victorias Secret, especially for this trip and have yet to wear it, so it seems fitting to show it off today by the pool. I quickly get changed, and grab my sunglasses from my purse and slide on my flip-flops. Jessica claps and rushes to the door when she sees Im ready. But somehow, despite all the noise, Stephanie and Michelle remain completely dead to the world. We make a stop at the breakfast buffet and each scarf down a bagel with cream cheese and a plate of fruit. We chug a coffee, chat about a lot of nothing, and make our way to the pool. We find a quiet spot with four chairs already huddled together to save for Michelle and Stephanie. Where do you think Michael and I should take our honeymoon? Jessica asks as she places her towel over her lounger. What about Thailand? It would be really adventurous and different from the usual European experience. I say feeling like the worlds best travel advisor. Jessica cringes and says, I dont know, thats more of a five-year anniversary destination. I roll my eyes, How was I supposed to know that? These are just things people know Megan. She says and dismissively waves her hand in the air. Okay, how about somewhere more mainstream, like Paris? Jessica laughs, Predictable. Maybe it is, but who would ever turn down Paris? Even I would love to go there. I imagine myself eating little croissants and cute pastries strolling past the Eiffel Tower. But Jessicas high-

pitched voice snaps me out of my daydream, Not good enough, think of something else. I know! How about Disneyland? I joke. She pulls her glasses down to her nose and glares at me, Ha. Ha. Very funny. Next. You could always go to Canada. Jessica contemplates my suggestion by ticking her finger on her nose, Megan, why would I want to be cold on my honeymoon. Those people live in igloos. I roll my eyes at her. She is so oblivious. My mothers brother lives in Canada, and growing up we visited him a few times. Contrary to what some Americans believe, Canadians do not live in igloos. Well I havent heard you come up with a better suggestion. I say and rub more tanning oil on my skin. Jessica grunts, How about Switzerland Megan? Why couldnt you suggest that? Well then how about Switzerland? I throw back at her, and Jessica says no, it reminds her of tacky Ikea. Youre impossible, you know that? I shout. I am no longer offering her any more suggestions. Jessica grunts and we leave it at that. She pouts and slouches down in her lounger to bask in the sun. A few moments pass before she blurts out, I need to get something off my chest. I had a sex dream last night about Graham. I roll my eyes and remember she told me all about this Graham character before. He used to work with her when she was actually a gainfully employed member of society. According to Jessica he was the office stud. Well what happened? I ask curious about what my little tart of a friend has milling around in her brain at night. Jessica lets out a sigh and begins to tell me all the nitty-gritty and quite graphic details. I am both surprised and shocked at how fluid she is in remembering every single dirty little thing. Should I tell Michael? Ohmigod, Megan, I feel so guilty. I liked it. Like really liked it. Jessica says. Are you kidding? I laugh, Why would you say anything? Nothing good would come of it. Besides, it was just a dream. Although I do not condone lying to your partner, I do believe there are just some things better left unsaid. Good point. Jessica sighs with a bit of nervous laughter. She thanks me and stretches back to relax. The tension drains from her face, and it looks like she has lifted the weight of the world off her shoulders. I suddenly envy the release of her big burdening secret. I wish I could blurt out my

secret about Ben and get it off my chest. But of course I withhold under better judgment. Where the hell were you last night? Stephanie points at me with her hot pink press on nails as her and Michelle trot over to us. Oh great. Jessica shoots me a cold hard stare and shouts, Excuse me? What arent you telling me? Nothing I shout and watch them all wait for me to elaborate. I start to fumble a bit, but pull myself together then gain composure. I tell them about how Ben and I drank with the staff and helped them tidy up, then how we went to the pool and fell asleep in a hut. All three of them look at me with a hint of uncertainty in their eyes, but Jessica breaks the awkward tension and says, You and Ben are so weird together. Whats that supposed to mean? I ask. You know exactly what I mean. Jessica says tossing her long blonde curls behind her shoulder. Michelle and Stephanie both nod in agreement, and I feel my blood begin to boil. Not one of them has ever said anything to me before about how they think my friendship with Ben is weird. No I dont. I say with purpose. All three of them roll their eyes completely in sync and Michelle and Stephanie flop down on the vacant loungers beside us. I find myself getting a tad bit worked up. Maybe its because of the rising guilt, or maybe it the simple desperation of wanting to push further on this topic when I say, There is nothing weird going on between me and Ben. Nobody said there was. Stephanie says with shock. Yeah right Michelle smirks. Well there better not be. Jessica shouts with disgust, Not after I already introduced you to Steven. And there it is, Jessicas disproval. Jessica studies her perfectly manicured nails and peers up at me from her sun hat, I cant imagine you two together anyway. Hes such a man-whore and youre such a goody two shoes. It would be like comparing apples to oranges In more ways than one. Stephanie grumbles under her breath. Whats that supposed to mean? I snap, daggering my eyes at her. Come on Megan, its not that hard to see that youre not his type. Thats why you two can be such weirdly good friends. Stephanie laughs. When my stone-cold silence fills the air, no one says another word. Angry tears sting my eyes

and I pull down my sunglasses. I lay back and take in the radiating heat from the early afternoon sun, wanting to block everything and everyone out. While I lie there, my mind races. I think about Stephanies hurtful words and it reminds me how out of Bens league I actually am. It pains me to no end, because she is right. Bens last fling was with a Brazilian model. She had the most perfect ass to tit ratio I had ever seen. Then the arm candy he had before her - was a gorgeous strawberry blonde with the cutest nose and most perfectly plump lips. Not to mention the girl before her was a dimpled starlet with a body you could bounce a quarter off of. I start to feel nauseated just thinking about all the beautiful women Ben has slept with. A wave of self-consciousness washes over me as I glance down at my flat chest and less than curvaceous body. Then to make matters worse, I think of an event that unfolded two months ago between Ben and our newest realtor to join the company, Peggy Wilson. On her first day, she clicked into the office with her pointy high heels and overly tight black pantsuit. She shook out her poker straight blonde hair right in front of me and Ben, as his drool pooled onto my desk. She turned around, introduced herself and stupidly asked if we were brother and sister. We both shared a laugh at her expense and said no we werent, we were just really good friends. But that was all Peggy Wilson needed to know before she seduced him a few days later in the parking garage and had sex with him in back seat of her car. Uggh! My face is burning hot, and this time it isnt from the sun. I cant believe I am jealous. It is an emotion I would rather live without. I try to fall asleep so I can escape my thoughts, but it starts to feel next to impossible. I flip my head from side to side, turn from my back to my stomach, and then to my back again. The warmth from the sun is so soothing, I should have no problems slipping into a slumber, but my mind wont stop racing. When I feel the sun disappear, I open my eyes to see Steven towering over me with his tall and lean muscular body, wearing a pair of stripped swim shorts that hang on his hips. I sit up, startled by his presence. He sits down at the edge of my lounger, and I pull my knees up to my chin. Hows it going? Steven asks. I feel so horrible staring into his big blue eyes. He has no idea whats been going on with Ben. I hate how Steven is so handsome and nice. I really dont deserve him. I dont know what to say or do right now. Besides, it is not like I dont want to be swept away into his arms of steel. It is just wellBen. Im good. I say in my smallest voice. The girls sit up on either side of me to greet Steven. Jessica tells him he is so sweet by coming to find me. She even lies and says we were just talking about him. I give her a dirty look and clear my throat to let her know I am not impressed at all by her little interference. Steven blushes, I came to see if you wanted to go jet skiing. I politely smile, Awe thanks Steven. That is so nice of you, but we are having a girls day-

She would love to go with you. Jessica interrupts, Megan, dont be silly. We will be fine without you for a couple hours. Just promise us you will bring her back in one piece. I grit my teeth and force a smile at Jessica. Well, only if Megan wants to. Steven gracefully adds. Of course she does. Jessica says and slaps my back. Of course I do. I nervously laugh and watch Stevens face light up with a grin. He pulls me up from my lounger, and I say goodbye to the girls with a guilty conscious. Chapter 11 I stand staring at the waves wash tiny seashells onto the shore. Steven brushes up against my side with a dark haired middle-aged man who must be our tour guide. Sure enough, the man whistles at us to follow him over to two jet skis parked a few feet away on the beach. He preps us with safety tips, tight fitting life jackets and points out all the functions and controls. Steven politely ensures him he knows what to do and revs up the engine like an old pro. We launch into the waves and I start to have a minor panic attack. Id like to think my anxiety is from being trapped on a jet ski in the middle of the Pacific, but I know deep down it has everything to do with my guilt over Ben. I press up against Stevens body, and wrap my arms around his waist. I grip onto his life jacket feeling the waters rumble beneath us before we take off with gusto. I want to scream every time we hit a wave and my butt goes airborne, but I remain calm and only let out a few yelps of fear. Cruising around the coastline, I feel myself ease up a bit when Steven gives me an easy grin. We zip up to the Catalina Islands and see turtles swimming in the clear shallow waters, and dolphins jumping out of the ocean. Then our tour guide brings us over to a rockier area full of coral reef. We park the jet skis on the sandy beach surrounding the island and take a break to snorkel amongst millions of brightly colored schools of fish. After two hours under the blazing sun, Steven suggests we pull onto a private beach and take a break. With much hesitation, I insist we go back to the resort. I am worried if we were to wander away from our tour guide, I would be subject to a much more intimate setting with Steven. His face drops at my subtle rejection, but he obliges with my request and we have the tour guide lead the way to the resort. The whole ride back, I feel a pang of sadness over not being honest with him. I dont like having to be this way, especially because I think he is a really great guy. It isnt fair to him that I have no idea what was going on with Ben, and it especially isnt fair to me. I find myself becoming angry with Ben. I want answers. I definitely dont want to miss out on a great guy like Steven because of some going-nowhere-anytime-fast-sex with Ben.

We pull up to the beach, and Steven helps me off the jet ski. He unbuckles my life jacket and says, By the way, you did great. I flash a bashful smile, Thanks. I hope I didnt scream too much. Not at all he laughs, But I could tell you were nervous every time you dug your nails into my skin. I blush, Sorry. Steven smiles and tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear, Dont be. He pauses then adds, I like how you always get embarrassed. Its cute. I must be crimson, because my face is on fire. He gently cups my chin and tips it up to meet his gaze, Your eyes are beautiful, and so blue. Thanks I mutter and curl my toes deep into the sand. You know, Jessica was right about you. You are very humble. He says. Humble? I laugh, Oh, please. You really dont know how beautiful you are, inside and out. Steven says and slips his hand in mine. My heart is pounding out of my chest. Thats the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. I look up at Steven glistening in the sunlight and catch him leaning in for a kiss. I feel my temperature rise and it makes me almost limp. I want to kiss him, but for some reason I just cant do it! Then, like a drop of fate, there is shouting in the distance that distracts us. I crank my head to side just in time, to stop a potential moment of disaster from happening. A boat is docking a few feet off the shore. Michael is shouting to us, flailing his arms and calling our names. I feel my heart sink into my stomach when I see Ben hop over the side of the boat. How long have they been there? What did he see? The thought makes my insides turn. I pick up speed and trudge through the damp sand in the direction of the boat. Matthew and Eric slide off the backside and Michael follows as they all make their way up to the beach. I feel Steven behind me, waving to Michael and asking them where they are coming back from. We went on a fishing tour, and I caught four tunas. Michael proudly shouts. It was beginners luck. Matthew mutters, hauling a cooler full of beer behind him. I was able to out fish all these fools. Eric declares glancing around at the guys, I caught two roosters which are a way harder to catch, and three tunas. What did you catch? I say to Ben, but he completely ignores me. He tosses his t-shirt over his bare chest and looks down at me with his cold dark eyes then turns away. His silence tells me everything.

How far did you go? Steven asks as a lump forms in my throat. About fifteen miles off shore Eric yawns, Where were you guys? We went jet skiing Steven says. He wraps his arm around me and pulls me against his bare chest. I feel completely mortified and worrisome, so I casually pull away and feel obligated to announce, Yeah, Steven just approached me while I was sun tanning with the girls and insisted I join him. Well thats nice. Michael says, Its seems like you two had a great time. We sure did. Steven says and flashes me a great big smile. Ben huffs, twists his baseball cap backwards and starts to walk away. Are you guys going to walk back with us? Eric innocently asks. Steven jumps at the chance and says wed love too. He walks alongside Michael, joyfully chatting about the dolphins we saw and the snorkeling we did. He wont shut up about how much fun it was. Ben is already a few feet ahead, but he can definitely hear everything Steven is saying. I feel heavy and weighted with grief, and it doesnt help matters when we walk past the same spot where Ben and I had passionate sex last night on the beach. I say my goodbyes, and walk to my villa alone for a well-needed nap. I am not functioning well on such minimal hours of sleep. I tell myself once I wake up, I will deal with Ben. I will also deal with Steven, and I will confront my real feelings. Whatever they may be. **** Four hours later, I wake up groggy and moody, which I blame on my conflict over Ben. But I pull myself out of bed and notice the dark evening sky through the windows. There is a note in Stephanies handwriting slapped on the nightstand: Tried to wake you up, but you were dead to the world. Jessica is out with her family tonight so its just the three of us girls. We will be at the Sports bar drinking and waiting for our dinner reservation at 8:00 p.m. in the Japanese restaurant. Meet us if you are hungry. Steph & Michelle xoxo Hmmm, maybe thats exactly what I need, some time with the girls. I think I need to keep my distance from all men for a while. I fumble my way to the bathroom and hop in the shower. I hate how the showerhead is one of those oversized rainforest nozzles that never lets out enough pressure. The water is warm, and I take deep breaths. I try not focus on anything but having a good time tonight, and enjoying the nightlife on the resort. But thats the thing about trying not to think about something, it makes it a million times worse. So when yet another image of Ben ignoring me on the beach this

afternoon, pops into my mind, I want to scream. I scrub myself down with some of Stephanies expensive body exfoliating scrub. I hum the tune of Bombastic by Shaggy, because its the only song that pops into my head. When I am done, I hop out of the shower and throw on a fluffy white housecoat hanging behind the bathroom door. I brush my teeth, rub some vanilla smelling cream of Michelles all over my body, and smear a solid line of deodorant under my armpits. I jump out of my skin when there is a light rapping on the door, breaking me away from the mirror. I cautiously creep towards the doorway and ask who it is, but no one responds. I start to feel a little frightened when the rapping happens again, this time a bit louder. I slowly bend down, and peak through the curtain to see if I can catch a glimpse of this predator lingering on the patio. It is too dark to make a clear visual, and my heart is pounding out of my chest. I debate on grabbing something sharp to protect myself, because here I am, alone in a foreign country about to be viciously raped and beaten by some Costa Rican who escaped from the local jail. I take a deep breath and calmly ask once again whos there, when I get my answer. I yank open the door, and see Ben leaning against the doorway. He looks ridiculously hot. Like, Oh. My. God. His hair is ruffled and he has the slightest amount of stubble that makes his five oclock shadow breathtaking. His baby blue button up shirt clings to his muscles and makes me weak at the knees just thinking about all the ripples that are underneath it, Can I come in? I nod, letting him push past me and into the interior of the villa. I am nervous and tense, and I can tell he is too. He clears his throat and leans on the glass paned door leaving less than a few feet between us. He crosses his arms in front of his chest and lets his eyes travel from my feet to all the way up to my eyes. I pull my bathrobe tightly around my waist, clench it in my fingers and ask, What would you like? His smug grin makes me immediately decide to retract my guilt over what happened today and throw it back at him. We never defined what we were, and no definite answer equals un-definite status. I should be able to do whatever I want whenever I want. He is not my boyfriend. When he doesnt answer me, I become annoyed by his intimidating stance and point my hairbrush at his face, I dont have to answer to you. Do you like him? Ben asks raising his eyebrows slightly. Hes a nice guy. I shout, And he actually wants to have a committed relationship. And I dont? Ben says with deadpan eyes. You never have. I laugh and lean against the desk waiting for his response. Thats such a lie. He arrogantly chuckles, I dated Charlotte Anderson for over a year. You broke up with her three times in that year. I snap, Not to mention, when you werent

together, you slept with other girls. So that doesnt count. Ben studies my face and narrows his eyes at me, You think you are so high and mighty. Dont tell me I have relationship problems when youre the one who keeps on dating loser after loser after loser. First it was Donny the pot smoking techie, then it was Will, the prostitute loving sicko, then it was Marco the snobbish dork who may have had a mild case of Autism. Dont push your pointy little finger at me and place your judgment, because you dont have shit figured out. I gasp and want to slap him, That is so not true. I so have my shit figured out. Oh really? Ben sorts out a laugh that sends me into the red zone. You are a pig! I shout, At least I dated people and had boyfriends. You on the other hand cant handle more than a one-night stand. I feel sorry for any girl who has fallen victim to your sleazy charm, including myself. Now youre just being mean. Ben says and curls his lips in amusement. He pushes up from the door and takes a step closer in my direction. The closer he creeps, the more my legs begin to tremble, Youre mean! You slept with my friend Lydia from spin class like eight months ago and never called her back. I shout. What does that have to do with anything? Ben laughs, Are you jealous? Of course not I lie, which seems to come natural to me these days. Well I am. Ben admits and my knees buckle. His dark brown eyes lock with mine as he slowly runs his thumb along my cheek. Youre jealous? my tiny voice squeaks. Yeah, I am. I dont like you hanging out with Steven. He says with frustration and runs his fingers through his hair. My heart is pounding in my chest. Ben may have gone through a lot of women in his day, but I have never seen him so vulnerable and sincere. His eyes are desperate and uncertain as he looks at me for a response. I can barely move, let alone let words escape my mouth. He lets out a sigh, I know this is confusing and crazy. But right now, this is what I want. I want you. I am utterly speechless, but I finally take a deep breath Exactly. Its what you want - right now. How do I know you wont wake up tomorrow and want something else? I know what youre like when it comes to this kind of thing. Ive seen it happen over and over again for the past ten years, so why would I risk a sure thing with someone who might actually want the same things as me? What about what I want Ben? You cant be serious? He laughs.

Maybe I am. I say and spin around to walk into the bathroom. Stop playing games with me. Ben says and follows me in, I know all your little tricks, your little wants and desires, and I know for a fact that you would never want a house in suburbia playing wife to a doctor and making shortbread cookies for your weekend guests. Maybe I do want those things! I shout whipping around to face him and feel a single crocodile tear roll down my cheek. Bens face drops in turmoil. He scratches his head and begs me not to cry, but at this point I am too far-gone that I cant control it. I start sobbing and put my head in my hands. Ben pulls me into his chest and wraps his arms around me. I am so angry with myself. Why cant I just tell him how I really feel? Why cant I say I love him and want to be with him? Why am I so scared? Nothing is making any sense. I cant believe I admitted to wanting something, like being someones wife! What is happening to me? It frightens me how real those wants are, because I never thought I wanted any of that. But maybe I actually do want those things, because I want them with Ben. I let him hold me as my tears subside. I gently push him away, but he holds my shoulders in a tight grasp. I wipe away the stinging tears, and feel him staring down at me. I feel small and vulnerable, and I dont like it. Ben leans down and kisses my cheek, then kisses my forehead. He gently places his hands underneath my thighs, lifts me up, and sits me on the bathroom counter. With one hand he runs his thumb down the side of my face, and with the other he twirls my hair in his fingers. I take a deep breath, feeling my insides tingle as Ben places his lips on mine. Chapter 12 One mind-blowing kiss after another, and Ben tries to convince me to ditch Stephanie and Michelle for dinner. Dont you have plans? I ask breaking away from his plump bottom lip. He tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear and smiles, I was supposed to meet Matt and Eric for a drink, but Ill ditch them if that means spending more time with you. I blush and force my eyes to the floor. Ben pulls his phone out of his pocket and holds it out with a smile, Call Stephanie and Michelle and tell them you cant make it. Please. Although part of me thinks I should really separate myself from Ben and focus on what I want, versus what I believe his intentions to be. For some reason, I just cant bring myself to do it. The thought of being alone with him and having him exclusively in my arms is extremely tempting. His bottom lip is screaming for me to suck on it, and the more I sit here debating his request, the more I throb down there. I run my hands along his strong forearms and stop at his thick wrists, feeling his perfectly smooth skin. The more I ache, the more I desperately hope his feelings for me are real and I am not just his new found fuck-buddy.

His soft and pleading voice repeats, Please Megan. And thats all it takes for me to cave into his proposition against my better judgment. I slowly take the phone from his hand and dial Stephanies cell number. Hello Stephanies voice perks up. Its me, Megan. I say while staring into Bens gleaming eyes. Are you meeting us for dinner or what? She asks. No, I am too tired. Whatever Stephanie grunts, Thanks for the heads up Grandma. The phone clicks off and she hangs up without a goodbye. Ben gives me a playful kiss on the forehead and squeezes my thighs. He takes the phone from my hand and tells me he is going text Eric to say he wont be meeting them. I catch a glimpse of the text Eric sends back: Are you starting to grow a vagina? Followed up with: There is a lot of tight young ass in the bar tonight. Youre loss. Ben blushes and dismisses his messages, Now, where were we? I gulp and watch him toss his phone on the countertop. He smirks, caging me and places both his hands flat against the mirror on either side of my head. He leans in and kisses me with his tender lips, and thrusts his pelvis into mine. I knock over Stephanies collection of perfume with my butt and hear the glass tinker on the granite, but it doesnt stop him from shoving his tongue further down my throat. Part of me is telling myself to stop engaging with Ben this way, but when he hoists me off the countertop I wrap my legs around him and cave into his arms. Within minutes, Ben starts undressing me. He rips off my housecoat, exposing my naked body and unbuttons his shirt. He pushes me back against the bed, towers over me then cups my breasts. He slides his hands down my sides, and forces them onto the inside of my thighs and pushes them apart. I dont move when he slips his hands inside me, and streams kisses along my collarbone. He presses his body against me, thrusting and rubbing in ways I have never felt before. I let my hands trail along the ripples of his stomach and creep their way to snap open his jeans. I am about to explode from the quickening taking over my body when Ben pulls away, Not yet baby. He smiles with a wicked gleam, before his mouth is on mine swirling around with the most refreshingly minty taste. He jerks away, and quickly buries his head right there and I start to throb, hard. He slips a finger inside me, and a moan escapes my lips. I grab the sheets as my body begins to climax, my legs tremble and everything blurs as my legs stiffen and I scream out his name. He pulls away with wide eyes, Holy shit Megan you taste so good. He pants and pulls away, Now come here. Im gonna fuck whats

mine. His? I gulp. His hands find my hips, and he slowly enters me letting a growl escape his throat, Oh my God Megan, your body is so beautiful. His erection moves in and out of me filling my insides with pleasure. He hovers over me, and places his face inches from mine. We lock eyes, and he studies my face, like he is mesmerizing everything in this moment. I hold his gaze and stare into the intensity, even though it makes me tremble beneath him. Our movement is slow and strong, until he gives me a few more pumps and releases inside me, never leaving his eyes from mine. Fuck. He grumbles and collapses beside me. What the hell? Is he angry with me? Ben lets out a tense sigh, That was I dont even know what to say. Amazing? I say and hope I am right. More than amazing. Ben says looks back into my eyes. Then he runs his fingers through my hair and looks away. He gets up from the bed and gives me a shot of his perfect ass, bends down and picks up his clothes. What is doing? I quickly sit up on the bed and pull my knees up to my chin feeling extremely exposed. Want this? he asks holding out the housecoat. I nod and snatch it from his fingers and mutter out a tiny thanks. He slides his shirt over his ridiculous six-pack, and steps into his shorts and buttons them up. I wrap the housecoat tightly around my waist and scurry over to my luggage. I put on a pair of yoga shorts and tight white tank. He flops down on the cotton sheets and a smile curls at the edge of his lips, Come lie with me. He pats the spot beside him and I walk over to the bed. He rips me on top of him and gives me a quick kiss on the cheek. I roll over to the other side, and we huddle under the covers to face each other. I love it when you dont wear make-up and look au-natural. Ben says matter-of-factly, Your blue eyes against those long brown lashes, makes my heart melt. I blush and thank him, then remember he told me something similar about six months ago. After our Sunday jog around Millennium Park, we were hunched over and winded, leaning on a park bench. I turned down my iPod from blasting Spice Up Your Life and pulled the headphones out from my ears. I felt Ben staring at me, so I glanced up to hear him say, I love your natural glow. I thanked him, but then never thought anything of it. When he points this out tonight, I think a lot of it. I think how over the years there were a lot of little things Ben did/said to me that I should have paid more attention to. Like, at our high school

prom, when he ditched his ditsy date as soon as the first slow song came on and asked me to dance. Or last year at our office Christmas party, after our boss Clint Reitman told a funny joke, Ben whispered in my ear that he loved my laugh. Even a month ago, when I met him for a drink after his late showing on a condo in Little Italy, as soon as I walked into the bar, he made a point of telling me my legs looked great in my red BCBG dress. Get this Ben says, snapping me back to our conversation, I forgot to tell you, but before we left, I snagged that listing in Lincoln Park over Blake Donahue. Seriously? I laugh. Blake is Bens realty rival. They both hate each other, and Blake wont hesitate to tamper with Bens listings or his clients. Seriously, He smiles and props his head on the pillow. We both burst out laughing over how pissed Blake must have been when he heard the news of Ben sweeping in to grab that milliondollar listing. You always get the best listings, I pout. You get great listings too. Ben says giving me a kiss on the cheek. Not like you. I sigh, Everybody wants you. Its not fair. Whats your secret? My perfect jaw line, Ben jokes, and flashes me his side-profile. I smile and toss a pillow at him. Ben blocks the swat and whacks me back. We laugh, but he becomes serious again, You seriously are a great realtor. You are just way too hard on yourself. I roll my eyes, and thank him. With less than three years of my career under my belt that is far from true. Ben on the other hand was able to take his career by storm the second he got his real estate license. We are full of smiles and continue a gossipy conversation about the people in our office. Including a discussion on our bosses recent weight gain, and Millie the receptionists creepy looking boyfriend who sends her flowers every other day. But all conversation comes to a screeching halt, when the creaking hinges of the door startle us and Stephanie and Michelle tumble into the villa. I push away from Ben feeling caught red handed, but neither one of them flinches at the sight of us lying inches apart on the bed. Well, hello Stephanie says and tosses off her shoes. Michelle stumbles in behind her and flops down on the sofa, What did you two do all night? Nothing Ben calmly says and sits up on the bed, I was too tired from fishing all day, so I called Megan to see what she was up to. I didnt feel like going out either. Stephanie makes her way over to my bed, and flops down on the edge beside Ben, Well you guys missed out on a great night. She runs her fingers up his exposed arm and pinches his cheek.

Ben brushes her away, How much have you had to drink? Shes intoxicated. Michelle says and gets up from the sofa and looks right at me, By the way, your boyfriend was there. Eric had him and Stephanie doing shots all night long. Whose boyfriend? I ask playing-dumb, not at all impressed by this sudden labeling. Ah let me think. The guy youve been seeing, Steven, Jessicas cousin. Does that ring a bell? Michelle says with a slight bit of humor to her voice, and kicks off her sandals. He asked where you were tonight, but obviously we had to tell him you ditched out. Well just to be clear, hes not my boyfriend. I say and force my eyes to the floor. You would be more than lucky if he was. Hes awesome. Stephanie says with a hiccup, You should have seen him and Eric on stage with the dancers from the resort. They were completely wasted and it was hilarious. Sounds like fun. Ben rolls his eyes. I wish you guys were there. Stephanie coos and hangs off of Bens arm. She grazes her hand over his chest and bats her long auburn lashes in his face. Her behavior, although not surprising, instinctually has me wanting to rip her off of him. Of course I dont. Instead I clench my jaw and shift between the sheets. Well I think we had a pretty great night too. Ben smiles at me and removes Stephanies hand from his chest. She darts her glazed eyes at me and raises her eyebrows, Well how about that. Then she adds with a slur, It looks like we all had a great night then. Didnt we Michelle? Shut up! Michelle shouts and tosses her clutch; missing Stephanie by an inch. I caught Michelle and Matthew having sex in the washroom. Stephanie giggles. I told you not to say anything, Michelle snaps. Oh, who cares, you two arent fooling anybody. Stephanie says and flashes a coy smile at Ben. He shifts his weight and clears his throat. A few awkward seconds later, he gets up and says he is going back to his villa. Stephanie blows him a kiss as he exits through the doors. She looks back at us then says, Well ladies. Goodnight. **** The next morning I wake up, crawl out of bed and throw on a simple black string bikini. I rifle through my luggage and pull out a sparkling stunner of a cover-up. It is a sexy black sheer bodice with a dazzling gold embellishment plunging along the neckline. I wanted to wear this once I got a little sun kissed, so I am glad that my white Chicago skin is gone, and my tropical glow is radiating.

I walk down the cobblestone road, leaving the villa and the girls to their dreams. I find my way to the breakfast buffet alone and happy. I select a hearty meal of poached eggs, toast, and a fruit salad. I pick a small table in the corner over-looking the ocean, eat in peace and drink my coffee. When I cannot stand to swallow down another bite, a server comes by and asks me if I want a refill on my coffee. I do want more, but I decline because I have to meet Jessica in the lobby to help her go over some last minute wedding details with the wedding planner from the resort. As I make my way up the stairs and into the lobby, I see Jessica waiting patiently in an overstuffed chair and flipping through a magazine. When she sees me, her eyes light up before she pounces up from her seat, Oh Megan, I was wondering where you were! I am so glad you are with me for this. Arent we just finalizing the dinner menu? I ask. Well that, and some other things. This is a really big deal. Jessica moans tugging on my arm, Everything needs to be perfect. You know I cant handle anything going wrong or any unnecessary imperfections. Everything is going to be fine. I assure her, We already know from eating here that the food is fabulous. Jessica smiles, I did pick a good resort. The best, I smile back. Jessicas eyes dart away from me, and she waves over at a short and skinny bald man. He sees her arms flailing and gives her an over-the-top smile. His nose is long and skinny, and his cheekbones are really high and defined. Megan this is Jose, the wedding planner for the resort. Jose this is Megan, my maid-ofhonor She beams between the two of us. He extends his bony hand, and I notice his crooked teeth through his plastered grin. We shake, and I tell him how nice it is to meet him. He nods and looks back to Jessica, Okee, right this way ladies, and waves us down a hallway jetting out from the lobby and into his office. My whole morning and early afternoon is spent listening to Jose and Jessica talk about every single detail of the wedding. They nit-pick every item and act out the ceremony three times. We go over the flowers. We discuss decorations. We even praise Jessica on her great choice of selecting the color turquoise for the bridesmaids dresses. Then Jose gives us a run-down of what will be happening behind the scenes during the ceremony and reception. Things like where the photographer will be, what the DJ will be playing during dinner, and then what he will play later for the dance portion. Jose even goes as far as telling us how many waiters will be serving each table, and the exact time each dinner course is expected to arrive.

Finally we start our discussion on the food, and that becomes a small nightmare. First Jessica thinks she wants fish. Then she remembers her Uncle Gary has a fish allergy. Then she decides on beef tenderloin, but turns pouty and decides beef is too typical of a wedding. Then she waffles between a stuffed breast of chicken or Veal Roulade (I have no clue what that is), but then she decides neither will do. At this point, she looks to me for advice, but I am so confused and exhausted from listening to her and Jose talk, that my day just went from living the Vida loca to wanting to rip my hair out. I try my best to give some suggestions. I recommend pork tenderloin or maybe some other type of chicken. But flamboyant Jose and the flick of his wrist immediately shut me down. Jessica tells me to think outside the box, and I tell her I am trying. For the next thirty minutes, I let her and Jose carryon without me. I sit staring off into space until I hear them finally come up with a main dish. They of course think it will be out of this world, but I would argue that it is a little over the top. Jose repeats their finalized menu, and Jessica vibrates in her chair. Every guest will get a piece of fillet mignon and a piece of chicken Kiev, plus a side of lobster tail. Jose exclaims, Minus Uncle Gary of course on the lobster. Its perfect. Jessica squeals, What do you think Megan? I think it will be the best dinner anyone has ever had, not to mention the most expensive. I smile. I know! Jessica shouts, Everything is going to be done with such class. Just like how it should be. Jessica and Jose hug as she thanks him a million times over. When we finally leave Joses office, we cruise our way through the lobby before Jessica asks, You hungry? After all that food talk who wouldnt be? I say as we step directly into the scorching sun. Michael is having lunch with Ben to discuss the bachelor party for tomorrow night. I thought we could join them and go over what you have planned for the bachelorette. She smiles and bats her eyes at me. Fine by me I say, feeling all giddy inside at the thought of seeing Ben. When we walk into the restaurant, they are already waiting for us and have ordered our food. Bens face lights up when he sees me and I know mine lights up too, because I feel myself flush gazing into his dark brown eyes. Howd it go? Michael asks standing to greet Jessica. Wonderful! Jessica exclaims, Jose is the best, isnt he Megan?

He is pretty special. I mumble and sit down beside Ben. Right away, she starts to tell Michael everything we discussed with Jose, and makes me relieve the wedding planning horror. Amongst her chattering, Ben leans over and whispers in my ear, I missed you. I bite my lip and whisper that I missed him too. He leans back in his chair all calm and collected, while I break out in a sweat, just hearing him say those three little words. Okay, Ben. Tell me exactly what you have planned. Jessica says a takes a tiny bite from her bland salad. Its pretty straight forward. Ben shrugs and bites into his wrap. He chews, swallows then says, Its none of your business anyway; its Michaels bachelor party not yours. Jessica freezes with anger, It is so my business. Right, Michael? Michael quickly nods and looks at Ben, Just tell her already and stop being such a dick. Fine Ben mumbles and puts down his wrap. Golf in the morning, a late dinner, then drinks at the Sports bar afterwards. Is that okay? Is Michael allowed to attend his own bachelor party? Jessica bites her lip and lets out a cocky chuckle, Dont be a wise ass. Im not! Ben laughs and leans back to stretch out his long legs, I just dont see why you have to micromanage everything. You are going to drive yourself crazy if you dont relax. Have you ever planned a wedding Ben? Jessica says and drops her fork. He opens his mouth to answer, but she interjects, I didnt think so. Then she darts her eyes at me, Now you tell me what you have planned for the bachelorette. I trade a glance with Michael who looks petrified and clear my throat, I planned a full day at the Spa, followed by a nice formal dinner, and then drinks at the Theatre bar. I say and hope my plans are up to snuff for the bride-to-be. Jessica leans back in her chair and glances at Michael with raised eyebrows. Then she looks between Ben and I and points her tiny finger in our faces, Okay, now that I know our parties will not overlap, I still need you guys to make sure Michael and I do not see each other at all tomorrow. Its really bad luck if we do. Ben nods, Dont worry Jess, we dont want you around anyway. I wouldnt want you punching out any of the Costa Rican strippers I ordered for us. Jessica narrows her eyes at Ben I wouldnt put it past you to do something stupid like that. You better be joking. Ben raises his eyebrows and gives her a smug grin, Maybe I am, and maybe Im not. But now youll never know.

If looks could kill, Ben would be dead. Jessica gently leans her hundred and five pound self across the table and whispers, If I find out there was even one stripper within three feet of Michael, I will rip your beloved balls off. Jessica relax, hes joking. Michael says and stupidly smiles at Ben. Dont smile at him! Jessica says, and slaps Michael in the shoulder. Thats okay if they do. I say with a proud grin, Because I hired us some sexy male Costa Rican strippers of our own for tomorrow night. Ben narrows his eyes at me then leans back in his chair with amusement, Really? Really I lie, and hear Jessica snicker in my ear. Youre full of shit. Ben says with chuckle. Well, I guess youll never know. I say and give him a tiny wink. **** When lunch is over, Jessica and Michael take off to spend time with their families. Ben and I linger by the front of the restaurant and wave goodbye. As soon as they are out of our sight, he turns to me and says, Meet me in the lobby no later than three-thirty. Why? I ask and flirtatiously toss my hair to the side. Dont do that. Ben whispers, Every time you toss your hair like that I want to fuck you. Why do you have to be so vulgar? I whisper. He laughs and tugs on a few strands of my hair, Just be there. I tap my foot on the ground and we hold an intense gaze for a few moments, Where are you taking me? He flashes me a wicked grin and glances down at his phone, You have approximately fortyfive minutes to put on that tight jean skirt of yours and get your ass down to the lobby. Dont make me come and find you. He scolds, kisses the top of my head and walks off in the other direction. By the time three-thirty rolls around, I am the only one patiently waiting in the lobby before Ben pops out of nowhere from a hidden hallway. Where were you? I tease, Its three thirty five. Getting these, Ben says and dangles a set of keys in front of my face, Were taking a little drive. Off the resort? Without a tour guide? I ask as fear rises in my voice. Oh relax. Ben laughs, Dont you trust me?

I cross my arms in front of my chest and pop my hips to the side, I want to know where you think youre taking me? Its a surprise Ben says and starts to walk away. Are you coming or what? I roll my eyes and chase after him as a valet service pulls up with our car. An hour or so later Ben pulls into Marino Baulas National Park. He gets a giddy child-like aura about him, and turns off the car. He grabs his phone from the middle console and shoves it in his pocket. He looks over at me before he opens his door, Are you ready to be amazed? I inhale sharply, toiling with the uncertain, leaving my trust in Ben. He still has yet to tell me what we are doing here, even though I begged him a million times during the car ride to spill the beans. When I get out of the car and inhale the salty ocean air, it is like a dream. The park is gorgeous, lush greenery, bright tropical flowers, and a white sandy beach. We walk toward the ocean, watching the sunset fall into the horizon and waves crashing against the sand. Why did you bring me here? I ask. A smile spreads across Bens face when he grabs my hand and gently squeezes it, We are at the largest nesting colony of leatherback turtles in the Pacific ocean. I smile and feel an insane amount of emotions running through my veins. I look at Ben, feeling so grateful he brought me here. He knows how much I love everything about nature and animals. This is like a dream come true and definitely the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me. Arent you excited? he asks, waiting for my response. I nod and bring both my hands up to my mouth. I am worried that if I speak, tears will sting my eyes. He wraps his arms around my tiny shoulders and gives me a tight hug. I had one of the guys from the resort come out here earlier today and mark some nesting holes. Ben proudly says. He smiles down at me and pulls me along the back end of the beach letting the sand trickle between our toes. Within no time, Ben shouts out that he found one. Sure enough, when I look down, I see a hole in the sand full of golf ball-sized eggs. I startle and squeal when I see the little creatures squirm by my feet. The little hatchlings scamper and begin their mad scramble towards the sea. Ben bends down and watches them in awe. I can barely breathe when one of the tiny leatherback turtles crawls over my toes and takes its first precious steps of life. He smiles at me, and everything feels surreal. He pulls out his phone, stands up and pulls me backwards into his chest. He puts the phone out in front of us and tells me to smile. He takes a picture

with his arm under my chin and the golden sun falling into the horizon, emitting a soft pink glow. He checks the shot, kisses my cheek and lets me go. Chapter 13 Ben snaps about a million pictures and videos of the tiny turtles. Then he takes it upon himself to sneak in shots of me, even after I press my lips together in a fine line and tell him to leave me out of his photography. He knows exactly how much I hate getting my picture taken. I threaten to toss his beloved phone into the ocean if he doesnt stop, but he tackles me into the sand and flashes a few more unwanted headshots. I laugh, kicking and screaming beneath him until his fingers grow still, and my giggles stop. Ben leans over me, and our eyes finally lock. He kisses me in the damp sand, and slowly releases me from his grasp. But just when I am perfectly lost in his lips, he pulls away with a smile, tugs my ear and yanks me to my feet. We walk down the miles of white sand, under the star-filled sky and head back to the vehicle, but I dont want our evening to end. Ben casually slips his hand in mine and bashfully smiles at me. I smile back, feeling his thick strong fingers entwine with mine. It makes me a bit queasy, because all I can think about is how this is something real couples do. Not friends who are casually sleeping together. As juvenile or innocent as handholding may be, in my experience, you dont just do that with anybody. There is something underlying and intimate about it that remains hidden by the first base stigma attached to it. But when I feel Bens rapid pulse beat against my palm, I know he understands the magnitude of his gesture. We remain in a comfortable silence, and let the water crash into our toes and the sand sink beneath our feet. Ben smiles at me, and rambles on about how great that was, and how he was glad we did it together. I of course agree and thank him for bringing me. Once we are at the vehicle, Ben walks over to the passengers side and opens up my door for me. I stand completely frozen, watching him wait for me to slide in. I thank him with raised eyebrows and slowly sit down on the seat letting him close the door behind me. I cant help but note what a chivalrous gesture that was. I didnt know Ben had it in him to be such a gentleman. Does Ben do that for all the women he sleeps with? I quickly decide I would rather not know. Instead I let it go, and know that this moment is mine. He walks around the front end of the car and twirls the keys between his fingers. He opens his door and slides inside. He clears his throat and slowly starts to put the keys in the ignition, but abruptly stops. He looks at me, breathing heavily with his strong broad chest rising up and down. I feel butterflies saunter around in my stomach, just staring into his dark brown eyes. Megan, I know this is crazy. He sighs, and grips the steering wheel at exactly at ten and two, But, you make meI just I have always loved being around you. Thats why we have been such great friends all these years. You are the only person in the world that gets me, and it scares me. What is that supposed to mean? I ask, looking down in my lap and twiddling with my shirt.

It just means Ben pauses. He lets out a deep frustrated breath, I dont know what it means. God Megan this is I cant even I just Youre just way too good for me. I honestly dont deserve any of this. The dead silence filling the interior of the car forces me to look up, and I see he looks about as nervous as I feel. I dont know what to say. Me? Too good for him? Thats what he thinks? Is he out of his mind? Has he seen the body and face hes been blessed with? No Im not. I whisper. Yes you are! Ben shouts looking at me with pain clouding his dark eyes. He takes a deep breath leans over and kisses my cheek, You are, and dont you forget it. I hold his gaze letting silence fill the car. His vulnerability is so foreign to me. I feel like I dont even recognize him. He is always so confident and well spoken, nothing close to this. I think now would be a good time to confirm we were more than just friends sneaking around and having a good time, but I am scared and worried that if I push too far, I may ruin everything. Ben firmly places his keys into the ignition. He switches the car into reverse, and checks the rear-view mirror. He drapes his muscular arm across the back of my seat and glances over his shoulder before he starts to back up. I feel a tingling sensation spread all over my body, and I cant resist him anymore. I am totally turned on by his shy and uncertain behavior and it makes me want him more than ever. Stop the car. I shout. Ben slams on the breaks. What is it? he asks turning white. Park the car and turn it off. I command. Ben does exactly what I say, when something inside me snaps and climbs across the seat to straddle him. Both his hands find my hips as I passionately kiss him, smelling his intoxicatingly natural scent, mixed in with what I am guessing to be an SPF15. Ben moans and kisses me back running his hands up my back, and massaging his fingers through my hair. You scared me. Ben pants pulling me into him, and kisses down my neck. I groan, Im sorry. I just need you inside me right now. He lets out a chuckle and grabs onto my chin, forcing his lips back onto mine, You can have me any way you want, babe. Even though we are completely cramped, and my back is pressed up against the steering wheel, I dont care. Right now, I cant get enough of him. He reaches around behind me and unclips my bra then yanks its out from under my shirt. His sucks on my bottom lip and whispers Get in the

back. Now. and waits for me to scurry off his erection pressing through his shorts. Seconds later, we are like two high school kids making out in the back seat of a car that doesnt belong to either of us. His hands find the hem of my tank and he peels it off from my body. He tosses it to the front seat before his skillful hands caress my breasts. He pulls me on top of him and runs his tongue along each of my nipples and slips one into his mouth and whispers against my skin, I could spend hours here; teasing, sucking and tasting you. I moan and run my hands down his chest and feel his perfect pecks mesh into his rippling abs. I cant take it any more when I yank off his shirt from his body and press his hard warm skin against mine. Ben wraps me tightly in his arms and his lips are back on mine sucking at my mouth. He smiles at me with his eyes, and kicks off his shorts, Flip over, I want a full view of that ass. I gulp. Wow. He is so sexy. My body tingles when I turn myself around. I quickly become thankful it is dark outside, because I know it is about to get R rated real fast. Then Ben pushes my skirt up to my hips, and in one swift motion enters me. We take advantage of every square inch, and it is amazing what you can do in small and restricted spaces if you just use your imagination. I love every thrust, every moan and every dirty word that comes out of his mouth, until he abruptly stops and grunts, I got to turn you around, Im gonna explode if I keep on fucking you this way. He flips me on my back and locks his eyes lock with mine then whispers, Youre so beautiful. Everything about you is beautiful. And slips back inside me. His words make my heart feel like it is pounding out of my chest. About a million images flash through my mind of us over the years together. Like in high school, whenever his mother would let him drive their mini-van to school, I would always be the first person he would offer to pick up. Or in university, whenever we had an exam, he would never pass up the opportunity for us to study together. He would faithfully show up with two coffees, a bottle of Tylenol, and box of donuts in hand. Or how sometimes late at night he sends me good-night text messages that say things like, Sweet Dreams and Have Fun Counting Sheep. Then I think about how every boyfriend I have ever had, whether it was Marco, Will or Donny, all at one point when we dated envied my relationship with Ben. I defended myself and accused them of being insecure. I called them crazy and insisted they had nothing to worry about. I remember telling every single one of them the exact same thing: Ben was nothing more than a friend. But when Ben releases inside of me, he is anything but my friend. I cant help but think about how all my ex-boyfriends were right. They had every reason in the world to be jealous of Ben. Because at the end of the day, he was the one I called over all my worries; he was the one I shared all my secrets with; and he was the one I would drop everything for if I had too. They all saw something I couldnt. I was crazy about him. As innocent as our friendship was, it was clear there was an insane connection between us. It is only now that I realize all of my three ex-boyfriends were far from crazy with their accusations. I was the crazy one for not seeing what I had in front of me all along.

Ben lets out a deep breath and comes in for an after-sex snuggle. He somehow manages to fit horizontally across the back seat (even though he is six feet tall) and wraps his arm around my body. When I start to slip through his grasp and down to the floor, he flips me on top of his chest to face him. My hair cascades around my face, and he gently tucks it behind my ears and kisses the top of my forehead. I trace my fingers along his chest and draw random objects like zigzags and swirls in our comfortable silence. Ben takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. He tells me to draw something so he can guess what it is. I nervously trace a tiny heart on his chest, hoping he doesnt read too much into it. But because I am so awestruck with him right now, I cant think of anything better. When I am done, I look at Ben just in time to see him open his eyes and smile, Thats way too small for how my heart feels about you. **** By the time we get back to the resort, its a little after nine thirty. The lobby is strangely vacant, except for the presence of the resort staff. Ben wraps his arm around my shoulders as we walk across the marble floors. Do you have plans with the girls? he asks with curiosity. No. I didnt get a chance to talk with them before we left. I say. He looks down at me through his dark framed lashes and whispers, Come to my villa. Matthew and Eric are probably out for the night. I laugh, I need to shower first. Let me think about it. Have one at my villa. Ill join you. Ben smiles and plants a kiss on the top of my head. Megan? Ben? Michelles voice perks up from behind us. We push away from each other and whip around to see Michelle and Stephanie a few feet behind us crossing through the lobby. Where were you guys? Michelle asks, assessing our guilty demeanor. How long have they been watching us? Oh God. Did they see Ben kiss my forehead? Michelles narrowed eyes and sideways glance tells me she has seen everything. Stephanie on the other hand is completely oblivious. Michelle furrows her brow and crosses her arms in front of her chest waiting for one of us to say something. Ben confidently says with a tight-lipped smile, We took a drive and saw baby turtles hatch and crawl into the ocean. Fun! Stephanie shrieks, but then pouts, Why didnt you invite us to come? Maybe they wanted to be alone. Michelle says with a suggestive tone. No, it was last minute. Ben cuts in and shuts Michelle down. He quickly changes the subject and asks, What are you guys up to? We were just discussing meeting up with everyone.

LIES! We are heading back to our villa to grab a deck of cards. Matthew and Eric are down at the Sports bar waiting for us. You guys coming? Stephanie asks batting her eyes at Ben. Megan, are you going? Ben asks, forcing me to make the final decision. Michelles curious eyes glance back and forth between us, and it makes me insanely nervous, Yeah, for sure. Its not like we had anything better planned. I lie, because we so did! Alright. That settles that. So Ill see you ladies in a bit? Ben claps his hands together and slowly moves backwards into the direction of his villa. See you in a bit! Stephanie shouts and gives him a coy wave. I hate how Stephanie always tries to flirt with Ben. Its pathetic. Once Ben is out of earshot, Michelle snaps, What the hell was that? What? I say tilting my head to the side. Well you guys looked pretty cozy. Did I see Ben kiss your forehead? Michelle asks tapping her foot on the floor. Stephanie gives me a quizzical stare, but remains silent. I feel myself turn a little red, but manage to pull myself together with a nervous chuckle, We were just sharing a friendly hug. Whats wrong with that?

Shes his beer drinking buddy, not his fuck buddy. Stephanie laughs. Uggh! I have had enough of Stephanie this week and her rude comments. I dont know, I could have sworn I saw Ben kiss your forehead. Michelle says. Well you must have been seeing things. Stephanie snorts. Whys that? I ask narrowing my eyes at her. Stephanie purses her lips and lets her eyebrows inch a bit higher. Like Ben would ever like you like that. She dismissively says. I keep my cool and take a deep breath to prevent myself from going into the red zone. I roll my eyes and shove past Stephanie to lead the way back to our villa. **** Michelle digs through her luggage and looks for her deck of cards while I have a quick shower, put on a cute floral print dress and a pair of flats. When I poke out of the bathroom, Stephanie is sitting on the sofa painting her fingernails and chomping on a piece of gum, Hurry up and find them already! she snaps at Michelle. Why dont you get off your ass and help me look? Michelle says now rifling through her purse. I walk a straight line between the two of them and catch a glimpse of a deck of cards under the end table on the opposite side of the sofa. I bend down and yank them up and toss them in Stephanies lap, They were right beside you. Good job Megan. Michelle says and gets up from her knees. Stephanie gives me a dirty look and tosses them to Michelle, I believe she was looking for these. She pushes past me and bumps my shoulder on her way out the door. I quickly remind myself I only have the remainder of this trip to deal with Stephanie and her attitude. Because once we get back to Chicago, I will be taking a serious friendship break from her for a while. When we get to the bar, I see Ben leaning back on his chair and sipping a drink. He changed into a pair of charcoal shorts and a tight white V-neck t-shit. He looks great beside Matthew and Eric who already appear to be half-in-the-bag. Hey ladies Matthew shouts, and waves Michelle over to his knee. She tosses the deck of cards on the table and slides on his lap. Then she wraps her arms around his neck and gives him a kiss.

You know you two are putting us in an awkward situation. Eric says, What is going to happen once we get back to Chicago and we forced to be around your boyfriend he points to Michelle, And your girlfriend? he points to Matthew. Oh relax Matthew says. Well? Eric says shifting his eyes between the two of them. Well, youll keep your mouth shut for starters. Matthew snaps. It doesnt matter to me. Michelle says with conviction, Im breaking up with him once I get back home anyway. You are? Matthew says raising his eyebrows at her. Yeah I am. Michelle says and slides off his lap into a vacated chair. Oh God, Stephanie moans, Here we go. Matthew throws his hands up in the air and shouts, Come on Michelle, make up your mind already! Well what are you going to do? Keep on dating Felicity or whatever her name is after all of this? Michelle asks leaning back in her chair. Matthew lets out an earthshattering moan and drops his head in his hands. Despite the drama coming from their end of the table, Ben smiles at me while taking a sip from his drink. I wearily smile back, feeling a bit bleak that the tropical heat is clouding our recent romance. I cant help but wonder if Ben and I could end up like them. Their reality is my worst nightmare, and it is the exact reason all this tends to scare me in the first place. I cant fathom losing Ben, ever. It wasnt long ago when Ben and I engaged in a lengthy discussion over the dramatic relationship saga of Matthew and Michelle. After Ben found himself dragged into one of their more explosive fights, he rushed over to my place, flopped down on my sofa, and asked me to grab him a beer. Then he patted the seat beside him so he could reveal what he had witnessed. According to Ben, Matthew let it slip that he was seeing another woman (coincidently his present girlfriend Felicity). Michelles vein popped out of her forehead and her immediate reaction was to reach into the freezer and whip a frozen bag of peas at him. She screamed and shoved him up against the wall, but before she stormed out of his apartment she slapped him across the face and claimed they were officially over. Once she left, Matthew broke down and confessed to Ben that he loved Michelle, but he couldnt see a future with her because of how volatile they were together. Ben and I became so wound up in their web of drama; we couldnt contain ourselves from

judging their problems. We gossiped about how everything changed for them once they added sex into the mix. We poked fun at how stupid they were for thinking it could actually work. But suddenly, I am not feeling the same way I did back then, when I was so quick to judge their circumstance. How would Ben and I ever muddle through a break-up? Would I experience such great demons of hurt that I would find myself whipping a frozen bag of peas at him too? Hopefully, I never have to find out. Chapter 14 The next morning, I crawl out of bed with a smile plastered on my face. I prance into the bathroom, take a quick shower, rub some anti-wrinkle cream on my skin, and hastily apply mascara. I begin to brush my teeth, and flick on the iPod doc to select my Taylor Swift playlist. I sway back and forth to Fearless, alone in front of the mirror with toothpaste foaming at the sides of my mouth. When the song ends, I simultaneously spit and rinse admiring myself in the mirror. Not in a vein way, like I am obsessing over how beautiful I am, because its no secret that I am no super model, but in the way that I cant believe my luck. How is it possible I can actually have the best of both worlds? How can I possibly have great sex with my best friend and still have him as my best friend? I know at first, I was completely skeptical, but I cant help but ask myself why hadnt we flipped a coin on sex before? My good mood puts me into a full on OCD cleaning mode. As You Belong with Me blares off the iPod, I start to organize our makeup, wipe down countertops, and pile used towels under the sink for the cleaning staff. I even organize our shampoos, conditioners, and body washes by lining them up in three little sections of what belongs to whom, as the lyrics dance around in my head: She wears high heels, I wear sneakers Shes cheer captain and Im on the bleachers Dreaming bout the day when you wake up and find That what youve been looking for has been hear the whole time If you could see that Im the one who understands you Been here all along so why cant you see? You belong with me I smile to myself and think how those lyrics, in a strange kind-of way reminds me how I feel about Ben - until the bathroom door flings open and I nearly jump out of my skin. Michelle storms in and shuts off the iPod looking quite haggard. Her hair stands up on end, knotted and scrunched. She has big bags under her eyes and is horribly pale. Megan, it is six in the morning! she shouts, What on earth are you doing? She looks

around the sparkling clean bathroom, and drops her head in her hands. What? I laugh, Am I bothering your beauty sleep? You are obnoxious she snorts and starts to walk out of the bathroom, I actually thank God every day that you moved out of the apartment so I dont have to live with you and your morning glory. Wait! I shout and watch Michelle whip around, I am going down to Jessicas room to wake her up. Make sure you are both up and ready to meet us at the Spa for nine. Michelle nods and disappears back under the covers. I on the other hand, apply a sheer layer of gloss to my lips and skip my way to Jessica and Michaels villa. To my surprise when I get there, the door is slightly open and I can hear voices arguing. I slowly push myself inside and the hinges loudly creak. Jessica is throwing pillows and blankets all over the room, yelling at Michael to help her look for something. Michael is running his fingers through his hair and saying he told her to be more careful. I debate on closing the door, sneaking out and leaving this little argument, but as I take one step back, Jessica spins around in my direction. Oh Megan! Thank God youre here! she exasperates, I lost my engagement ring! Michael kicks over a garbage can and mumbles how this is so typical of Jessica. Which I have to agree it is, and probably why I am not at all shocked by this rings mysterious disappearance. Michael I have actually shared a private conversation about Jessicas constant drama. We both think she does things on purpose to create immediate attention and tragedy in her life. Sometimes I wonder if she shouldve pursued a career as an actress in Hollywood. She yanks me into their villa, This is a travesty! I have no idea how I lost it! I know I had it on last night. I really dont understand how I could have possibly misplaced it. I watch Michael on the opposite side of the room, and his face is completely red as he rifles though his luggage, Shut-up Jessica. Keep on looking and stop talking. If you actually lost this ring, my mother is going to flip out! She lets out a growl, You know what Michael! This isnt my fault. Stop being such a jerk! Michael turns his back to her and she flips him off when he isnt looking. Somehow I become dragged into this quest, searching on my hands and knees under their bed. To say this ring is spectacular is an understatement. Its been in Michaels hoity-toity family for five generations. Its a stunning two-carat, radiant cut light orangey pink diamond with two honking flawless diamonds on either side. She has been able to wear it safely every day for the past year, but how she ends up losing it the day before her wedding is beyond me. Just as I am wedging my arm underneath the dresser, Jessica shrieks, I found it!

Michael bites his tongue, rolls his eyes and storms past the both of us. He escapes into the bathroom and slams the door shut. Whats his problem? Jessica says and slips the ring back onto her finger, Thank goodness I thought to check behind the nightstand. It must have slipped. Must have. I mumble and yank my arm free. Jessica beams down at her ring finger and becomes lost in its glimmer. The clock behind her catches my eye and flashes that its already eightthirty, We better head down to the Spa. We dont want to be late. She starts squealing and jumping up and down, Im so excited! I cant believe tomorrow is almost here. Surprisingly, Stephanie and Michelle are already waiting for us by the front doors of the Spa. Jessica immediately shares her ring disappearance story and exasperates how she thought she had lost it forever. Stephanie and Michelle absorb every little detail of Jessicas tale, and tell her how lucky she was to find it, while I cant help but think she knew where it was all along. When I push open the doors of the Spa, a lady no more than five feet tall with frizzy black hair greets us with a warm grin. Welcome to the Spa, who is the bride? Thats me! Jessica exclaims shooting her left hand in the air and showing off her sparkling diamond. Wonderful. The little lady exclaims, My name is Nadia, and I will be taking care of you this morning. She spins around and pulls a shiny metal tray off of the counter with four champagne flutes. They are filled with a bubbly pink liquid and a few raspberries are splashed inside each one. Jessica politely takes the first one, and hands one out to the rest of us. The Spa is fantastic, and nothing short of a small paradise. Nadia leads us through glass paned double doors out to the hydrotherapy Jacuzzi pool. The deck looks like marble, and there is a gigantic mural on one of the outdoor walls made of colored glass to resemble the sea. There are four perfectly aligned brown cushioned lounge chairs with three dividing umbrellas of perfect symmetry. Plush white towels and a view into the greenest foliage I have ever seen surround the perimeters. It is absolutely breathtaking. Do we get to go in the pool? Jessica asks. We are getting almost every treatment you can at this Spa. Stephanie says with a smile. You guys are the best friends ever! Jessica says and claps her hands together. Nadia opens another door and leads us inside to another section of the Spa, and it is just as beautiful as the outside. Rich warm colors, lavish and plush furniture, not to mention clean and tidy. Nadia invites us to remove our sandals then head over to the wall of nail polish to select our color of choice. Right away, Jessica makes a stink that we all have to have the same color nails, and of course,

it must be a color of her approval. So as a joke, Michelle picks a metallic royal blue. Jessica rips it out of her hands, Do you guys think this is a joke? Because it so isnt. This is a big deal. We chuckle and watch Jessica meticulously debate over two light pink shades that look exactly the same. Finally she makes a decision, handing each of us a bottle called Princesses Rule. Nadia directs us into a new room with four manicure/pedicure chairs formed in a circle. Four young girls who work at the Spa appear behind her from a long brown curtain. I hand my nail polish to tall dark girl named Adriana, at least thats what her nametag says. She smiles and asks me if I want my hands or feet done first. I opt for the manicure, saving the pedicure for last, because its definitely the better of the two. Once we are getting pampered, we start chatting about the wedding tomorrow. Jessica says she cant believe how long she has been with Michael, and that she is so happy they are finally getting married. How did you guys even meet? Stephanie asks, It was so long ago I cant remember. We went to high school together. Michelle snorts, Thats how. Yeah I know that. Stephanie snaps, But how did it happen? Oh, I have Megan to thank for that. Jessica chuckles. Me? I say with surprise. I didnt know I had anything to do with this match made in heaven. Yes you. Jessica says, You were such a keener back then and took all the advanced science courses because you wanted to be a marine biologist. I laugh, Yeah, so. What does that have to do with Michael? Well, do you remember how I would meet you every day when your biology class was done? Yeah, we would walk together to our horrible English class with Mr. Henderson the creep. We all share a laugh, because Mr. Henderson was so slimy and made really inappropriate comments to all the girls. Stephanie even adds that she heard he slept with a student a few years after we graduated. Anyway, Jessica interjects, Michael was in that biology class. Remember? I think back to those early days of grade nine, and try to envision the dirty old lab based classroom. Somewhere in my memories, I vaguely remember Michael sitting at the back, Yeah, I remember. Well, one day you went home sick and didnt tell me. So I showed up to your class and

waited for you, but you werent there. Jessica smiles. Wow, how do you remember all of this? I interrupt, but Jessica shushes me. Michael was the last one out of the doors and he said, Are you looking for your friend? I said yes, and he said you werent in class today. She points to me and continues, Then he paused and asked me what my name was, and I told him Jessica Ellis. I pretended like I hadnt noticed him before, but how could I not have noticed him? We all nod in agreement. Michael was and still is quite the stunner. Wavy honey brown hair and piercing blue eyes like his dont go unnoticed. So, he asked me if he could walk me to class. I didnt even tell him where I was headed, but he already knew, which meant he had followed us before. Jessica gets all giddy and says, Then later that day, I saw him in the cafeteria, and he asked me if I wanted to go on a date with him on the weekend. I of course said yes, and ta-da its been love ever since. So basically, if Megan hadnt been puking her brains out at home on the toilet, you and Michael wouldnt have met? Michelle chuckles. I am sure we would have met eventually. Jessica smiles. Well, youre welcome. I laugh. Why cant I meet someone great? Stephanie pouts. Youve dated a lot of great guys. Jessica says What about your last boyfriend? Davis right? What was his last name? His name was Andrew and his last name was Davis. Stephanie moans, He was a jerk with a crummy bartending job, living in a shitty apartment. I guess so. Jessica agrees. It isnt fair. Michelle has a boyfriend and Matthew on the side. You have Michael, and now Megan has Steven. But I have no one. Stephanie cries. Okay, I do not have Matthew on the side. Michelle says with disgust. Stephanie rolls her eyes and mumbles Yeah, okay. What about Eric? Jessica suggests before Michelle can continue to protest. Ewe no! Stephanie shouts flailing her arms. Whats wrong with Eric? Jessica says, Hes cute. Yeah, but have you seen him drunk? Come on Jessica. He has the worst Peter Pan syndrome ever. He should really see a therapist. Stephanie says.

We all nod in agreement and Michelle pipes up, What about that guy who works with you at the bank? Phil something? Ohmigod, I already slept with him one night after work. He was a sloppy lay. Gross, no. Stephanie says, and we all laugh. Jessica gasps and covers her mouth with her hand. Her eyes light up when she says the last three words I ever want to hear, What about Ben? I am silently praying Stephanie will shout her usual no, ewe, or yuck. But instead she contemplates the idea in her head and places her index finger over her lips. Those few seconds feel like hours before she gushes with a wicked smirk, I have a confession. I feel a lump form in my throat and my stomach clenches. No. I do not want to hear anything she is about to say. I have slept with Ben. Whack! There it is. A blow so hard it renders me speechless. What? Jessica squeals, No way? Recently? My heart thumps painfully in my chest as Stephanie continues, Yeah, like less than a month ago. When was this? Michelle shouts forcing her hands to her hips. The same night Megan had us over at her place to go over wedding stuff. That night, and a few other times after that. Stephanie says smiling proudly to herself. Megan did you know about this? Jessica asks in a high-pitched voice. No. I say feeling angry tears stinging my eyes. I take a deep breath and blink them away. I think of that party, that night, and I want to scream. I remember them flirting on my couch and Ben loving every minute of it. I remember them leaving together and Stephanie dangling off his arm as they drunkenly stumbled out of my condo and into a cab. Little did I know, they werent going separate ways. Oh, Megan wouldnt have known Stephanie casually says and admires her nails. Ben asked me not to tell anybody, and pulled his typical shit by sleeping with some other chick the next weekend. You know what hes like. I cant believe you never told me that! Michelle exclaims with her jaw practically on the floor. I am trying hard to force air into my lungs and not freak out right now. I want to hate Stephanie, slap her across the face, and rip her hair out. But it is not her I hate. Its Ben.

I look up at the girls, feeling like such an idiot. I should have known. He is a player, and always will be. I take a deep breath, and wish I didnt care that Ben and Stephanie had a secret romp together. I try my hardest to not imagine them kissing, touching and humping. But images of them together pollute my brain, making me feel slightly ill. I hate that I cant even wail over my heartbreak and humiliation after finding out Im his sloppy seconds. I am never speaking to Ben EVER again. Now our friendship is over and so is our secret affair. I wince when I hear Michelle ask Stephanie what he was like in the sack. I try to block them out, so I hum the tune of Dont Worry Be Happy in my head, but that doesnt work. Instead I find myself being sucked right back into their conversation. I listen to her graphically describe his impressive length, and she even mentions the birthmark on his shaft. Then she starts talking about how great he was, how intense their sex was, and by this point I think my chest is going to collapse. I want to burst into tears, but I wont. So why dont you try and see if somethings still there? Ben needs to be tamed, like badly. Maybe you are the just the girl to do it. Jessica says with a wink. Breathe Megan. You can do it. Just breathe. Well the other night when he was in our villa, hanging out with Megan, he looked mighty fine. Michelle says biting her lip. Oh God, hes so hot. Stephanie says with a chuckle, There is no doubt about that. What better timing, than in a tropical paradise at a wedding reception to see if something is still there. Jessica squeals. Okay, its official. I think my heart just exploded in my chest. Would you care Megan? Michelle says looking at me with all the seriousness in the world. But before I can respond, Jessica interjects, Shes with Steven, why would she care? Well, you know Stephanie smirks and waves her freshly manicured hand in the air. No, I dont know. I say, now completely flippant. But Megans with Steven, and her and Ben are just friends. Jessica persists, once again adding her two cents. I am not with Steven, so drop it. I shout looking over at Jessica. Jessicas makes a sound of shock and crosses her arms in front of her chest. I dont care if shes pissed at me. She needs to know when she has crossed the line, and she needs to stop speaking for me all the time. I have had it. Then I dart my piercing blue eyes at Stephanie, I dont care what you do. Ben doesnt belong to me. He never has and he never will.

Chapter 15 I have to keep on telling myself that seriously, Im fine. I even take deep breaths, and convince myself I dont care in the slightest that Ben and Stephanie, once (maybe twice or worse thrice) slept together. I make myself believe I dont care that Stephanies eyes lit up when she rehashed their secret sexescapade, or that she looked flushed and giddy when she provided us with the graphic details about his package. I try not to care that Ben hid all of this from me, and I try even harder not to pass out from the pain in my heart, but I should have known. It was so obvious Stephanie constantly looks to Ben for attention, and annoyingly so. Batting her eyes, using a baby voice, and jumping at any chance to touch him with her perfectly manicured nails. Not to mention her sexually aggressive behavior, coupled with her natural beauty (cat like eyes and supermodel body), makes her 100% Ben material. I could just see her swaying her perfect hips from side to side and seducing him with no problems at all. I gag at the thought of them being intimate together and it makes me sick with jealously. I am utterly heartbroken. I am his second dirty little secret of the month. What a scumbag! This is why I tried to stop this from going any further that morning in my condo. This is why I flat out said it was a mistake. But unlike Ben, I actually valued our friendship. I guess I was the only one smart enough to know that sex only complicates everything. By mid afternoon, we say our goodbyes to the Spa and a good chunk of my bank account. We walk back to our villa, while I schlep behind and kick random pebbles. Jessica takes off down a separate cobblestone road, and tells us she will be by our villa in twenty minutes. I wave her goodbye, and listen to Stephanie and Michelle chitchat about what they are going to wear tonight. I feel so crummy that all I want to do is toss on a pair of pajamas and go to bed. But unfortunately, I have a bachelorette party to attend. Twenty minutes later, I rifle through my luggage, feeling hopelessly lost in what to wear. Everything looks grey and frumpy, crumbled and disorganized. I glance over at Stephanie and Michelle holding dresses up against one another and debating on which one looks better for tonight. Jessica appears out of nowhere, pushing herself through the doorway. She walks in beautifully dressed, wearing the most stunning long sleeved purple hued skin-tight dress. It sparkles all over, making her vibrant and fantastically gorgeous. Stephanie and Michelle gawk at her, and tell her she looks amazing. She gives us a twirl and swings her arms, shaking the bags hanging from her forearms. Michelle squeals at the sight of pink bows and pretty wrapping paper when Jessica plops down on the sofa. She calls us over; and just how my dad would imitate Santa Claus every Christmas morning, she does the same. She reaches in the bag and playfully asks, Who do you think this one is for? Then shakes it by her ear and shouts, Stephanie! Stephanie graciously accepts her gift from Jessica, and stretches her shoulders back with a tiny grin. Jessica continues to pull a separate present out for Michelle, and then finally one for me. I thank her, but she grabs onto my arm and looks at me with glossy eyes.

I hope you like it she whispers, Nothing I can give you will ever be enough to thank you for putting up with me. I know have been quite the bridezilla over the past year. I tell her not to worry about it, and assure her she has not been as crazy as she thinks (which is only half true). I snuggle up beside her, and unwrap my present. I hear Stephanie and Michelle squealing behind me, thanking Jessica for their new fabulous golden peep-toed Louboutin heels. Jessica tilts up her chin, and says These are the shoes you have to wear tomorrow for the wedding. Arent they gorgeous? Their fantastic! Michelle shouts slipping one onto her bare foot and admiring herself in the mirror. I choke when I un-wrap my sparkling pair and catch a glimpse of how high the heel is. Jessica must see the look of concern splashed across my face, because she says, If you wear them tonight you will have enough practice by tomorrow. I let out a strained laugh, Thanks Jess, theyre so beautiful. Which is an understatement. They are absolutely stunning. But I wouldnt have expected any less from Jessica. Look back in the bag. she nudges me with a huge smile on her face. I peer down, and see a tiny little blue Tiffany box, Jessica, this is too much. Stephanie and Michelle are huddled around us, and I can feel Michelles warm breath blowing against my ear, which is really irritating. Jessicas face becomes quite nervous and she fiddles with her engagement ring as I flip open the box. I gasp at the sparkling silver chain with the cutest little charm staring back at me. Its light pink, and has a carved diamond ring on the front of it. Jessica insists I flip it over, and when I do; there is a tiny etching in the back, Friends Forever J I am not sure if it is finding out about Stephanie and Ben, or if because this pendant reminds me of our youth and the time Jessica and I went to the mall, picked out matching friendship necklaces, then wore them until the early part of the eighth grade. But whatever it is, tears pour down my cheeks. They stream even more so, when she pulls out the same one from around her neck. I wrap my arms around her, and bury my head in her shoulder. Jessica continues to jabber on that she picked the charm with a diamond ring, because it would always remind us of our twelve year old wedding promise to be one anothers maid-of-honors. I feel knots form in my stomach and more tears sting at the corners of my eyes, because she may never get to be my maid of honor, especially now that I want to swear off all men forever. Stephanie breaks up our moment and cracks open a beer, Enough of this blubbering! Are we ready to get this party started or what? Jessica assesses my attire; navy shorts and a white tank top, I hope you dont think youre wearing that to my bachelorette party.

I glance down at my plain Jane self and give a pitiful shrug. Right away, the girls jump into selecting an outfit for me that will match our new shoes, because Jessica wasnt kidding when she said I should practice wearing them before tomorrow. Michelle riffles through the closet and pulls out my deep V-neck lace Guess dress, and insists it will be a perfect match. I agree, because even if I did object, I would be overruled. I slip into the two-toned high-shine layer dress, letting Jessica pull up the metal zipper in the back. The restaurant is so elegant, with high ceilings and dim lighting overlooking the pool glimmering in the moonlight. We are a tad bit late, because at the last minute, Jessica insisted she loosely curl my hair. Jessicas mother, Anne Ellis, greets us and runs in our direction. She wraps her arms around Jessica, and whispers in her ear how stunning she looks. Michaels mother forces herself up from the table and gives Jessica a stiff hug and a firm pat on the back. While all the other ladies sitting at the table, cheer over the bride-to-bes grand arrival. Throughout dinner, Mrs. Ellis takes over most of the conversation and tells childhood stories about Jessica, including reiterating the day she was born. She even divulges into a few stories about our high school years, like the one time she caught us attending a college party when we were only sixteen. Mrs. Ellis just happened to be driving down fraternity row when Stephanie was doing a keg stand on the front lawn of the Alpha Delta Phi frat house. Or when she caught us trying to highjack Mr. Elliss Jaguar, so we could hit up a party on the west end of Chicago. Her mother laughs now, but I dont remember her laughing at all when it happened. Matter of fact, I distinctly remember her calling my mother and ratting me out, (even though I was the only one who tried to stop Jessica from illegally pulling out of her driveway). Once dinner is over, with a lot of motivation on my end, and the shuffling of a flimsy Jessica, we are out of the restaurant. The shuttle pulls up to the front doors, and Michaels mother announces she isnt coming with us. Jessicas mother (who is also a little tipsy) asks her why not, to have Michaels mother turn up her nose and insist it isnt her scene. Thats okay Jessica says brushing her hand over Michaels mothers face, You need your beauty sleep anyway. Michaels mother rolls her eyes and hops a separate shuttle to take back to own her villa. Jessicas whiney voice and blunt drunken behavior is less than attractive when she stumbles onto our shuttle and waves her finger in the drivers face and tells him hes cute. The music is blaring and everyone is dancing inside the bar. Jessica is out of control, and finds herself on top of the bar with an alcoholic beverage in either hand dancing like a bad version of Coyote Ugly. The men surrounding her are cheering her on, and she loves every minute of it. At one point she even lets a random dude take a shot off of her body, and I find myself having to intervene, before she crosses the line of having a good time to cheating on her fianc. Michelle prances over to us with a plate of shots just as I am trying to convince Jessica to calm down and drink some water. I politely decline for the both of us; because I am still feeling

depressed over Ben, while the last thing Jessica needs is another shot of booze. But Michelle doesnt take no for an answer and shoves two of them in my face, Come on Megan. Drink up and get that permanent frown off your face already. I take the two shots so I can try to forget about Ben and Stephanies secret romp, and of course Jessicas inappropriate behavior. A few more shots later, and I have let loose and danced the night away. I even bump and grind with just about any guy that crosses my path, and I engage in some flirtatious salsa moves with a couple of cute Costa Ricans. But when midnight hits; so does Jessicas vomit. Mrs. Ellis freaks out and calls the party quits, Ohmigod! Someone put something in Jessicas drink! I roll my eyes, because Jessicas mother is just as dramatic as she is. I offer to bring Jessica back to her villa, but Mrs. Ellis says not to worry, she will stay in the Elliss villa tonight. Once all the other ladies fizzle out, Stephanie, Michelle and I are left completely buzzed and still raring to go. Should we call it a night? I ask, feeling the tequila shots rush to my brain now that our dancing has stopped. No way Stephanie shouts, I am going to find Ben and make my move. Tonights the night ladies. Even when I am drunk, it still hurts like a bitch to hear Stephanie talk about him. It hurts even more so when an image of them having hot and steamy sex flashes through my mind. Therefore, I do what any levelheaded girl would do in my situation. I slam another two shots of tequila and tell Stephanie to lead the way. It doesnt take long to find them, since I was already privy to the information on their whereabouts. I spot the bachelor party crew, cheering on Michael while he shot guns a beer, before Matthew points over at our three-some headed their way. Michael spurts out his beer when he locks eyes with me and he turns stark white. He runs over to us, grabs onto my shoulders and in a panic shouts, Please tell me Jess is okay. Shes fine I nod and let out a tiny hiccup, She puked, but her mom brought her back to their villa. Michael sighs with relief, and Eric pops up beside him, This is a bachelor party, no girls allowed. What are you five? I laugh, and drape my arm over Michaels shoulders as the room spins around me. Michael pipes up, So what. Its my bachelor party, and I want them to stay Eric rolls his eyes as Michael walks me over to the table. My heart stops when I see Stephanie has already thrown herself on Bens lap and is

whispering sweet nothings in his ear. I catch him laughing and whispering something back, and it makes my blood boil. He shifts on his chair when he sees me. When I look away, he shouts out my name over the music, but I do my best to ignore him, and keep my eyes straight ahead. Megan, over here. Stevens voice says from the opposite end of the table. He stands up to greet me, and stumbles over in my direction. He drapes his arm around my shoulders and gives me a tiny kiss on the cheek, What a nice surprise. I catch Ben out of the corner of my eyes with a scowl on his face. Stephanie places her index finer on his chin and turns his head back to her, but his eyes are still directed at me. I flip my long brown curls behind my shoulders and let Steven escort me into the empty chair beside him. Did you meet Dave and Charlie yet? Steven says sliding me a shot of some clear licorice smelling liquid, which Im guessing is Sambuca. No, I havent. I say and shake both their hands. Daves my brother, and Charlie is Aunt Florences son. Steven says with a smile. Its nice to finally meet you. Jessica has kept you locked up for too long. Charlie laughs, I dont know why she didnt introduce us before. If she had, you might have been on my arm tonight and not with this goof ball over here. He nudges Steven and they share a chuckle. Ready to take that? Dave asks narrowing his eyes at my shot glass. I guess so. I say and pick it up in my fingers. Hey! Dave shouts and turns to everyone at the table, Lets all do a shot. Everyone grab one off the tray. He raises his glass and looks at Michael, To Jessica and Michael. I bring my shot glass to my lips, and feel Bens big brown eyes glaring at me. He is still chatting with Stephanie, but at least she has moved off his lap and onto the chair beside him. I catch her flirtatiously graze her fingers along his exposed arm, and it feels like someone has punched me in the gut. Ben looks over at me again, with what I detect is a little pang of uncertainty in his eyes, but I immediately look away. I like your dress. Steven says, as he inches closer to me and grazes his hand up my bare thigh. I like your shirt. I say and mean it. He is wearing a very sexy denim shirt, over top of a crisp white tee. He blushes a bit and looks down in his chest, I dont know what youre doing to me, but I like it. Jessica knew what she was doing when she introduced us. Youre everything Im looking for, beautiful, smart, and very modest. I like that. I am trying so hard to feel something, anything after Steven says this to me, but all I feel is

empty. I take a deep breath and make the mistake of looking over his shoulder. Ben cups the back of Stephanies neck and a bunch of her auburn curls wrap themselves in his fingers. He whispers something in her ear and I immediately feel nauseated. Excuse me. I say and push up from the table, I need to use the bathroom. Are you okay? Steven asks glancing up at me with his bright baby blues. I nod, storm past the table and push my way into the bathroom. I slide into the nearest stall and flop down on the porcelain throne. I place my head between my hands and let a few tears trickle down my cheeks. Thank God no one is in here. Open up. Bens demanding tone says from the other side of the stall. What the hell are you doing in here? I shriek and fling open the door to stare at a very angry Ben. He pushes himself in the tiny space and locks the door behind him, Dont let that asshole shove his hand up your dress again. I dont like it. You got it? Open the door. Now. I say and shove both my palms against his tight chest. Did you hear me? He grabs onto my wrists. Go fuck yourself Ben. I say and break away from his hold and unlock the door. He takes a step back and glares at me as I push past him. When I get to the table, my heart is beating out of my chest. Ben strolls back a few seconds later and slides into his chair with a frown on his face. Are you okay? Steven says and runs his fingers through my hair. Im fine I lie and plaster on a fake grin. Michelle sticks her head between us and says, Megan will you come and dance with me? Stephanie doesnt want to, apparently she is on a mission. She nods and rolls her eyes over at Stephanie taking a shot with Ben. I will not let him and his dirty secrets ruin my night. I tell Michelle Ill join her and let her drag me up to the dance floor. I pretend to be happy and twirl under her extended arm and sway to the music. Some random guys come over to join our dance party, but when they start to get a little too touchy feely, I tell Michelle I am going to get another drink. She tells me to get one for her as she grinds up on some guy. I patiently wait for our drinks and rap my fingers on top of the bar, until someone taps my shoulder and I turn around. Lets go. Enough of this shit. Youre coming with me to my villa right now. Ben orders and reaches for my hand.

Im not going anywhere with you. I say and look away. The bartender slides over the cocktails, but Ben quickly clamps his hands over both of them and pulls them tightly against his chest, Why not? Give me the drinks. I say forcing my hands to my hips. I hate Ben and his superior behavior as he glares at me with dark brown eyes. He slowly slides the drinks in my direction, I snatch them and whip around, but his hand fastens around my elbow. Let go! I shout already feeling the tears well up in my eyes. What the hell did I do? he asks completely dumbfounded. I look at Ben and the disbelief on his face, but I dont say another word. Come on Megan. Say something. Tell me what I did. Ben asks closing the space between us. He is so close I can smell the rum on his breath. I push him away and walk back to the dance floor. Not here, not now. Ben doesnt approach me the rest of the night. Instead he lets Stephanie hang all over him while he slams back the rum and cokes. Michelle and I continue to have some more good-natured fun, until our feet hurt and we decide weve had enough. We trudge back to the table, and I make the mistake of watching Stephanie lean over and kiss Bens cheek. Ive reached my breaking point. Well, I think its time to call it a night. I say and stumble away from the table, Im not feeling so well. You shouldnt walk alone. Steven says, Let me walk you back. No, no, no. Im more than okay. Thanks Steven. I say and slowly creep backwards. No, I think I should walk you back. He insists and stands up from the table. Steven, please. Sit down. Im fine. I say. Steven opens his mouth to argue, but slams it shut. Are you sure? Michael asks and gives me an once-over. Positive. I say, and see Ben dart his eyes at me. Call one of us as soon as you make it back to your villa. Promise? Eric says. I nod and start to walk away, feeling Bens eyes follow me out the door. Once I am outside and safe from his view, I let the tears stream down my cheeks. Nothing is worse than being drunk and feeling sorry for your-self. It is a recipe for disaster. I am half way to our villa, when I flop down on some random steps outside of a gift shop. I let the tears flow, because I promised myself as soon as I made it to my bed, I would not cry one more tear over

Ben. I drop my head in my hands, wishing I could just erase everything that happened between us. All I want is my best friend back, but I know he is gone forever. Are you okay? I suck up my tears and wipe them away with the back of my hands. I look up through my long wet lashes to see Ben standing in front of me. Go away! I shout, Someone might think were actually together! What the hell is going on? He takes one step closer and adds, Holy shit youre really drunk. I know that! I shout and ungracefully stumble to my feet. What the hell was that shit you pulled back there with Steven? Are you mad at me or something? Ben asks moving an inch closer. What was your first clue? I shout, and turn on my heel to storm in the direction of my villa. I hear Ben jogging up behind me calling out my name, but I dont care and it feels good to feel that way. He grabs onto my arm, and begs me to stop and tell him what I am so mad about. But I dont want to say it out loud, because it will hurt too much. Besides, it really doesnt matter what he says. I am done with him. Megan, please. Ben begs with a subtle nervousness to his voice. I cross my arms over my chest and tap my foot on the ground, When were you going to tell me you fucked Stephanie? Bens face drops, he starts breathing heavy and he doesnt move a muscle. His nostrils flare a bit, and he clenches his jaw. He starts to mumble something about how it was a long time ago and it only happened once. Youre lying! I scream, Stephanie told me it happened more than once. Matter of fact it happened a few times. Megan stop. It was a long time ago Ben tries to defend himself, but I dont want to hear him speak another word. Actually Ben. It wasnt a long time ago. It was less than a month ago to be correct. What is wrong with you? Is this a game to you? To fuck your friends? How could you hide that from me? I shout and my face turns red. For a moment Ben doesnt respond. He is completely silent. Then he takes a deep breath, Are you done? No Im not. I shout feeling my chest tighten, Oh, dont let me forget to mention how you

asked Stephanie not to say anything about you repeatedly shoving your dick in her. Just like you didnt want anyone to know about us! How many more dirty little secrets do you have? Are you banging Michelle too? Jessica? Who else? Megan, it was not at all like that. Ben tries to reason with me. He runs his fingers through his dark hair, and adds, I never wanted to hurt you. If I would have known that this would have happened between us, I would have never slept with Stephanie. Oh, you never wanted to hurt me? I let out a hard bitter laugh You never thought about how much you were hurting me every time you slept with another one of your bimbos or whores. You never thought anything about me then. Megan, enough. Well talk in the morning when you arent drunk, Ben says with a hint of frustration to his voice. He reaches out to grab my arm and lead me back to my villa, but I pull away. Its over Ben. I dont want a friendship and I dont want a relationship. I just want a clean break. Ben doesnt break his eye contact with me when I push him away. I drop my gaze and kick off those damn Louboutins. I let out a huff and storm back to my villa alone and liberated. Chapter 16 When I wake up the next morning, I lie in bed staring at the ceiling. I listen to the quiet murmur of people milling around the resort, and Michelles soft snores in the bed beside me. I pull the covers up to my mouth, bite down and let out a muffled cry. Why did I let Ben see me like such a wreck? I should have never let my guard down. I should have never let him see me cry. Stupid, stupid, stupid! I catch a glimpse of my turquoise bridesmaid dress hanging in the closet and feel completely empty. I want to be happy and excited for the wedding today; there is no reason why I shouldnt be. Despite Bens ultimate betrayal, the sun is still shining, Jessica is about to marry the love of her life, and I am on vacation (something I havent taken since I started my real estate career). I want to shake myself. Stop it! What are you moping about? You knew what Ben was like! I should have known he would end up breaking my heart. It was inevitable that he would eventually disappoint me. He is not ready to settle down and probably never will be. Now I am doing the one thing I never wanted to do. I am choosing to lose him as a friend forever. A tiny unwanted whimper escapes my lips, but I suck back my emotions and pull myself together. Today is not about me and Ben - it is about Jessica and Michael. **** The morning flies by like a blur, and I spend the rest of my afternoon trapped inside the Spa tending to Jessicas every little need in preparation for her big day. I still feel like garbage, and have been less than approachable with hunched shoulders and a permanent frown. Jessica either doesnt

notice my miserere, or she is just ignoring it. Either way, by the time we get our hair done, eat a generous plate of tropical fruit, and drink a dozen morning mimosas; Jessica is still all smiles. I on the other hand cant manage to stand up straight or even look Stephanie in the eye. Every time she opens her mouth I cringe with anger. Just having her in my presence, makes me sick, because it is a continual reminder that Ben is a man-whore who can keep his prick in his pants. While Jessicas stylist adds the finishing touches to her sleek bun, Mrs. Ellis presents Jessica with a gorgeous diamond necklace for her something new and an old antique ring that belonged to her deceased Grandmother for something old. I help Jessica tie the ring to her bouquet so it dangles perfectly from her flowers when she walks down the aisle. Just like a good maid-of-honour should. Then its my turn for something borrowed. Jessica looks expectantly at me, vibrating with excitement. I reach into my clutch, and limply hand her my Sephora exclusive Disney Cinderella compact mirror. Jessica squeals and yanks it out of my fingers, I knew that was what you were going to let me borrow. I try to force a smile and share in her glee, but my body takes over and shrugs with wide eyes staring off into space. We once spent many play dates as kids imagining and re-enacting the whole Cinderella movie. Jessica would always insist she played Cinderella, because she had the long blonde hair, while I was left playing one of the miserable stepsisters. When Sephora came out with that classy little compact, I rushed there to buy one. When Jessica saw my purchase, she insisted she had to have one too. But because it was a limited edition, by the time she got there they were all sold out. It killed her I had one and she didnt, so it only made perfect sense it became her something borrowed for today. Tears form in Jessicas eyes as she wraps her arms around my neck and whispers for me to place it in her clutch. Stephanie pipes up, What do you have for something blue? Jessica smiles with a devilish grin, My bra and panties of course. I have a sexy baby blue ensemble hidden under these layers of silk. Mrs. Ellis gasps, and puts her hand over her mouth. Jessica laughs and gives her mom a playful shove, Dont worry mother, I swear I am still a virgin. Oh, Jessica Mrs. Ellis laughs and everyone except me shares a giggle. In order to finalize Jessicas look, we head up to the Elliss villa. The ceremony is less than an hour, when Mrs. Ellis and myself help Jessica into her lavish strapless organza high-low gown. It is breathtaking. Adorned with beaded detail and a dropped waist that clinches her body to perfection. She was crazy to think it was too tight back in Chicago. It is so stunning; I am shocked silent just basking in her beauty. She looks absolutely perfect.

Jessicas face changes from happy to ecstatic when she admires herself for the first time all dolled up and looking like a real bride draped in white. Her mother kisses both her cheeks and gushes she is the most beautiful thing she has ever seen. Jessica thanks her mom and looks to me. I give her a tiny hug and a smile. I whisper in her ear that Michael is the luckiest guy in the world. And by marrying Jessica he really is. When Mrs. Ellis leaves the room, Jessica says, What is going on? What are you talking about? I ask completely taken aback. You look miserable and it is my wedding day. So chipper up. She orders. Im fine I lie and start to fix the fluff on her dress. I want to tell her so badly about Ben, but this is not the place, or the time, and now that its over, I never want to think about it ever again. Ive known you your whole life. You cant fool me. She scolds. Nothings wrong. Look. I plaster a forced grin on my face. Well whatever it is, get over it. The ceremony is in fifteen minutes. Jessica huffs. I know its unfair of me to be pouting on such a beautiful day, and at my best friends wedding to boot. But I cant help but feel the way I do. I am trying my hardest to let everything go and push forward, but it is really really hard. Although, I would actually argue the whole thing is totally Jessicas fault to begin with. If she hadnt of suggested Ben as a suitable candidate to Stephanie in the first place, Stephanie would have never revealed their top-secret love affair. Therefore, everything would have been carrying on like normal. Ben and I would still be having great sex (even if it were nothing more to him than a secret friends with benefits situation), but at least I would be happy and oblivious to his lies right now! Mrs. Elliss high-pitched voice startles me when she shouts for everyone to start heading down to the ceremony. She tells me to lead the way, so I yank open the door and let everyone funnel out of the villa. Jessica is the last one out and tells me to grab onto the train of her dress. So I do as we make our way down to the beach. The sun is beaming and warming my skin. A section of the resort is closed off and I can see rows and rows of white chairs lined up under the gigantic gazebo overlooking the ocean. Michael is happily standing beside the marriage officiate, and for the first time today, seeing the look of joy on his face brings my first wave of happiness. It soon changes back to misery when I see Ben poised off of Michaels shoulder looking ridiculously sexy. I tell myself to look away. Just do it Megan, look away! But its too late. He catches my stare and a small smile creases at the corners of his lips. I feel my knees buckle and my feet throb in these golden heels. I remind myself I will not let Ben play me for a fool, just like he does with every other woman in the state of Illinois.

When the violins kick in, I watch Michaels parents walk down the aisle, then Jessicas mother accompanied by her brother. Stephanie leads the bridal procession and winks at Ben, and he actually winks back! Just like the pig he is. Then Michelle follows, looking lovely with her fancy updo. I take one quick look back at Jessica and her father, before I emerge into full view of the guests. I whisper she looks beautiful and she smiles back, motioning her hand for me to move forward. So with the deepest breath imaginable, I walk down the aisle in full view of Ben. To keep myself distracted, I acknowledge anything but the line of ushers at the end of the gazebo. Instead I smile, passing through the guests and looking from side to side. I first see Steven who beams at me. I kick myself when I think how stupid I was for choosing Ben over him. But not anymore, Ben and I have seen our last romp and there isnt anything he could say or do to convince me otherwise. I smile at Jessicas Aunt Florence and even at Michaels prude mother. She looks completely miserable and on the verge of a meltdown. I sigh with relief thinking at least I am not the most depressed person at this ceremony. When I get to the front of the makeshift altar, I dont dare look up at Ben, even though I felt him staring at me the whole time I was walking down the aisle. I know what he wants. I know he is trying to draw me in. Ben is just waiting for me to give him that reassuring smile of forgiveness. But I will not. I will not be that Megan who lets guys walk all over her, and I surely will not be that Megan who constantly gets her heart broken and puts up with it. Her ship has sailed and it is never coming back. The new Megan is standing up for herself, because she truly believes she deserves real love and respect. I will not back down or crack under pressure from his perfect white grin. I have way too much self-respect and pride to be another one of his endless string of women who walk through his revolving door, right into his bedroom. I hold my head high and carry on, placing myself in front of Michelle and Stephanie, showing him how strong I can be. My palms are clammy and I begin to sweat all over, especially when the only thing standing between us is Michael and the marriage officiate. His eyes are still glued on me, but I remind myself not to be sucked in. He whisperingly shouts out my name, and Michael turns and shushes him, which instinctually forces me to look up. I unwillingly lock eyes with him and watch, as he slowly mouths, Im sorry. I keep a straight face and look away to see Jessica beaming down the aisle. Her flawless smile and look of pride on her dads face, combined with Michael sucking back some tears suddenly makes me weepy. I glance over at Ben, seeing his soft brown eyes prickled with a mixture of hurt and doubt. I wish I could just give him the reassurance he needs to know things will be fine between us. But how could they be? How could I be with someone who has been with more women than Hugh Heffner? How could I be with someone who doesnt believe in love and commitment? And now, after all of this, how could we possibly go back to being friends like we once were? Jessica and her father distract the both of us, when they approach the altar. Her father has a

huge crocodile tear rolling down his cheek when he gently places Jessicas hand in Michaels. He gives his only daughter a kiss on the cheek, before he hands her off on the most highly anticipated day of her life. Chapter 17 After a short and sweet ceremony under the blistering sun, Jessica and Michael are finally introduced as Mr. & Mrs. Michael Mercier. They kiss and he whispers something into her ear. She tosses her head back in a full-bodied laugh, and beams back at him with hearts in her eyes. Everyone cheers and claps when they hoist their clasped hands above their heads, and give each other another loving kiss. Cameras start flashing as Jessica and Michael start the procession down the aisle. Ben catches me off guard and swoops in under my arm to follow behind the bride and groom. You look beautiful. Ben whispers in my ear. Thank you. I reply as mundane as possible. I plaster a fake smile on my face, grinning at the guests as we walk down the aisle. You can do this. I think to myself, both fearing and hoping I wont cave from his attempted charm. Once we are free and clear from the gazebo, Jose comes flying by and snapping his fingers to get the bridal partys attention. He places himself on a concrete stair and shouts, Alright everyone, the guests are being shuffled into the hall for cocktails and tapas while you are off taking some lovely pictures on the beach. He flamboyantly whips his head in the direction of the photographer and shouts, You only have two hours, so use your time wisely and do not be late. Within a blink of an eye, Jose is gone and herding the remaining guests with bubbling glasses of champagne and tiny cocktail shrimps. The photographer takes over and introduces himself as Victor. He has a curly head of hair and a floral printed t-shirt with bulging eyes and a skinny frame. Jessica hoists her dress up, and leads the way down to the beach. She complains to Victor that she doesnt want every picture with the ocean in the background. Victor proudly informs her he is known for bringing an artistic flare to a traditional bridal shoot. She giddily claps her hands together and engages Victor in a discussion of a lifetime over the first choice of picture location. In the meantime, Ben hasnt let me out of his grasp. When our friends are out of earshot, I harshly whisper for him to let me go. I was going to tell you. I swear Megan. Im really sorry you had to find out that way. Ben grovels. It doesnt matter. Whats done is done. I whisper back with frustration. Ben finally releases his iron grip, and I yank myself free. So you meant what you said last night? He asks frozen in horror staring at me with wide eyes. Oh, you mean how I said its over? I proudly say and kick off those dreaded heels.

Megan - he pleads. No Ben, dont even do this. I grunt and turn to walk away from him, but he grabs onto my arm and whips me around to face him. Our eyes lock, and his mouth slightly parts like he is trying to say something, but nothing comes out. Thankfully, Jessica begins shouting our names and waving us over to the long stretch of beach. Ben sighs, releases his grip, and shoves his hands in his pockets. I toss my hair over my shoulders and make a point of walking ahead of him. We take photo after photo after photo. I pose standing up, I pose sitting on a rock and I even squish in and rub up against Jessicas behind to make the perfect shot. I have never been photographed so much in all my life. When we are finally wrapping up, Victor announces he has created magic with his camera and Jessica and Michael wont be disappointed. This thrills Jessica and she squeezes my arm, Im so happy the pictures are over! I cant wait for the fun to begin! **** The reception hall is stunning. White sheer fabric draped from the ceiling with a crystal chandelier hanging in the middle of the dance floor. Bright pink flowers decorate every table in a multitude of beauty, with a trio of candles circling every vase. The head table is romantically lit with a sparkling backdrop and fantastic floral arrangements. I stand off to the side and press my nose up against the glass doors leading into the reception hall to watch the guests settle into their assigned seats. Ben brushes up against my behind and tugs on the back of my dress. I try to swat him away just as Jose busts through a side door and starts dictating what is going to happen during the grand entrance, although Ben doesnt budge. He presses against me and gently whispers in my ear, Cant you see Im crazy about you? I whip around, Youre crazy about a lot of girls. I say letting the pain cut through my voice. Ben flinches from my words, No Megan, just you. I take a big gulp, and feel the tiny hairs stand up on my neck. Nothing is making any sense, but I know now is not the time to try and figure it out. Jose bumps into both of us, wearing the worlds tiniest headset and breaks our gaze. He ushers us over to the side, and approaches Jessica and Michael, Are you two ready for your big introduction? Of course Jessica laughs and kisses Michael on the cheek. Wheres the maid-of-honor and best man? Jose shouts on his tippy toes and looks back to find us in the crowd. Were right here. Ben says. He raises his hand and points down at me with the other. Well get up here you two. You need to lead the bridal party procession. Jose shouts.

Ben wraps his fingers around mine and pulls us to Jose. Jose begins directing the others to partner up and follow behind us when Ben leans in and says, Megan, please say something. I have nothing to say. I respond by keeping my eyes forward and focused on the beautifully decorated hall. I want to be able to fall into his arms and tell him I can get over this lie, the girls, and his commitment issues. But I cant do that right now. I want more from him, but I know he cant give that to me. Its not fair to either of us. Ben clears his throat and fixes his tie. He puts his head down in his chest and takes a deep breath. Within seconds the lights are on us and our names are announced. We pass by Steven who winks at me, clapping with all the guests and I smile back at him. By the time Jessica and Michael are introduced, everyone is ecstatic, standing up and cheering. Michael twirls Jessica on the dance floor, dips her and places a huge kiss on her lips. She comes up lit with admiration, laughing and whispering into his ear as they find their way to the head table. Jessica sits down beside me and I gently fix her dress. Then right away, just like Jose anticipated, the first course of our meal is promptly served. When dinner is done, the speeches are ready to start. Of course Im the first one up to the podium. I nervously fumble my wrinkled speech and straighten it out on the table. Jessica watches me like a hawk and I can almost hear her thoughts...It better be good. I clumsily make my way to the podium. I look out into the crowd of guests and then back to the head table filled with all my longest and dearest friends. Ben leans forward, placing his chin between his thumb and index finger and watches me adjust the microphone making my hand a little shaky. I take deep breath when my mind betrays me and provides me with an image of Ben and I as the bride and groom. I shake it away, clear my throat and force my eyes to Jessica and Michael, ready to start my speech. My vision blurs again when I catch Ben leaning into my view and a lump forms in my throat. Is it possible I have always loved him? No. There is no way. Weddings make single people who are weeks away from their twenty-fifth birthday think crazy things. When the room falls silent, I start my speech. I cover all the basics and stick to the guidelines Jessica provided me with. I talk about how wonderful Jessica is, and how great of a friend she has been to me for all these years. I bring up the story of Jessica trying on her mothers old wedding dress when we were twelve years old in her basement closet and our maid-of-honor promise to one another. Jessicas mother laughs and shouts out from the crowd she knew someone had been tampering with her dress that day. I say how lucky Michael was to find Jessica, and how their love has grown over the years making them a wonderful and admirable couple. I finish with a quote about marriage I found through a Google search, on things to include in a maid-of-honor speech and its done. Jessica gets up and hugs me with tears in her eyes. She says it was perfect and I did a great job. I let out a huge sigh. I am relieved it is finally over. I sit down just in time to hear Jose call up

Ben to give his best man speech. Ben walks up with no paper, no cue cards, nothing. I always envied poise and charisma, but now it just annoys me. Bens speech is less formal, and way funnier than mine. He has everyone in stitches, telling stories about Michael from their younger years as kids then transitioning into high school and right on through to university. But despite all the laughter, Ben becomes serious and says how lucky Michael was to find the love of his life. He pauses and looks directly at me. He makes my breathing hitch when he smiles to himself and looks down at the podium, You know, there are only so many people in this world that can honestly say they were lucky enough to have married their best friend. Everyone awes at his reflective words, but he doesnt even pay attention to the crowd; instead his eyes dont leave mine. Jessica glances suspiciously between Bens gaze and my face. I turn red and look down into my lap. Ben clears his throat and I peer up from the corner of my eye to see him return his glare out to the guests and comically add, That is why I am so happy Jessica said yes when Michael asked her to marry him, so I wouldnt have to. Everyone cracks up and Ben finishes by saying how happy he is for the both of them and wishes them all the love in the world. He raises his glass for a toast to the happy couple and everyone clinks their glasses around the room. Michael gets up and gives him a firm handshake and tight hug. Ben looks over his shoulder and locks his eyes with mine. I feel hot and bothered, confused and uncertain, so I push myself up from the table and head straight to the bar. OK. There is no need to panic. Ben may be unhappy with my ending of things, but he knows as well as I do it ended it for the better. We could never possibly be together forever and he knows it. He was the one who said three years ago over a game of Gin Rummy that marriage was for fools and it is a proven fact humans arent meant to be monogamous. To which I laughed and told him he would grow into an old and senile man one day if he actually believed that, and threw down a strong run of sevens. I order vodka water and slam it back to immediately order another. This situation is simple, I have been deceived and I will not stand for it. Even if it was by Ben, and even if our sex was fantastic, I will not be suctioned in by his sneaky manipulation. I watch the bartender mixing my drink, taking his grand ole time to fill my glass with ice, measure an even ounce and fill it up with water. He looks over at me and asks me if this time I want a splash of lime. I sigh out a Whatever and lean up against the bar to watch all the guests chatter amongst themselves as a light musical medley plays softly in the background. The bartender distracts me and finally hands me my second drink. I debate on slamming it, but my better judgment tells me to keep it together for Jessica and her perfect evening. I lean against the polished wood and take my first sip of my wonderfully refreshing drink, all the while telling myself to stop fussing and start enjoying my night. I take a deep breath and shift my weight, but I am sweating like crazy and it wont stop. In fact it is getting much worse. My face feels like it is on fire, and my armpits need a firm dabbing with that bar cloth tossed over the bartenders shoulder.

Ill have whatever shes having. I look to my side and see Steven leaning against the bar beside me. I feel myself loosen up a bit, thankful for the handsome distraction in front of me. Enjoying the wedding? I say taking a sip from my drink. I am now. Steven says resting his chin in his hand. The bartender slides him a drink and Steven raises his glass, To new beginnings. I smile, thinking what a great thing to hear right now. Steven couldnt be more right. So I clink my glass with his and we each take a sip just smiling at one another. We make some awkward small talk and he asks me how my dinner was. I tell him I enjoyed the lobster and ask him if he enjoyed the ceremony. He smiles and says the best part was when I walked down the aisle. I blush, and change the subject to asking him if he went on any other excursions over the past couple of days. He tells me he went to Tamarindo beach to surf with Charlie and Dave, and that he took a catamaran tour with his parents. But he quickly turns things back around to complimenting me in my golden heels and how great I look in my bridesmaid dress. I thank him, coyly keeping my eyes to the floor. The DJ distracts us, and calls Jessica and Michael up for their first dance as a married couple. They hold hands walking up to the dance floor, both beaming and filling the room with happiness and love. Steven leans in and says, Do you ever want to get married one day? I nearly choke on my drink, and give a nervous laugh. It will probably never happen. Steven doesnt say a thing at first, instead he watches me uncomfortably fumble my drink in my hands, Never say never. I guess. I mumble and watch Michael and Jessica perform their rehearsed fox trot. Jessica insisted they take dance lessons for the past year, so it is no surprise they look flawless on the dance floor. Steven and I make some more casual banter throughout the rest of their dance, and say even less to each other when Jessica dances with her father. Soon enough, the DJ invites everyone up to dance and the hall fills up with a slow country song. Steven puts his hand out and asks me to join him. I agree, thinking I have nothing to lose. I walk hand in hand with him and see Ben glaring at us and completely distracted from his conversation with Eric and Matthew. I pretend I dont see him, and continue on with a guilty free conscious. Besides, what does he care? There was no title between us, and I am free to do what I want, with whomever I want - Clearly that is his mantra. Steven pulls me into him and I inhale the most delicious scent of his cologne. I cant help but notice he even dances classy. He leads, placing one hand in mine and resting one hand on my lower back. He sways us back and forth, chatting about how his mother taught him how to dance as a child. I think how wonderful Stevens family must be. I envision them all wearing holiday themed sweaters at Christmas time, and playing board games on a Friday night around a roaring fire, drinking hot cocoa and eating a delicious lemon cake. Ben appears right behind Steven, holding onto Stephanies lower back and knocking me out of my fantasy. She tosses around her long auburn curls and holds two shot glasses in either hand. They

awkwardly sway to the music and I hear her offer Ben a shot, but he declines. I try to look away and keep my face as unaffected as possible, but I cant stop watching them. I keep on convincing myself this is what I wanted. I am choosing not be with Ben because clearly he is bad boyfriend material, and there is no possible way we would ever work out. I need a man like Steven, reliable, sure of himself, and monogamous. Want a shot of Jgermeister? Stephanie shouts out, waving the shot right in front of me. I blink, completely taken off guard, No thanks. Awe come on Megan, just do it. Stephanie whines over the music and shoves it in my face. I look to Steven for disproval, but instead he insists I take it. I do, even though I am already feeling blurry around the edges from my vodka and water consumption. Stephanie laughs and wraps her arms around Ben. He twirls her around and brushes his warm hard body against my back. He looks back at me with a scowl and I bite my tongue. I will never let him see how he affects me ever again. Steven shifts in my arms and says, Is something wrong? Nope, everythings perfect. I mumble and keep my eyes to the floor. Chapter 18 I would rather find myself running buck naked through the streets of Costa Rica with a monkey on my back, than surrendering to my feelings of envy over Ben and Stephanie. Here I am trying to be as mature and poised as possible, innocently sharing a slow dance with Steven. Yet Ben has chosen to let Stephanie suggestively dry hump him on the dance floor right in front of me. Who does Ben think he is? Ben keeps perfect eye contact with me and sways Stephanie from side to side. He laughs at everything she whispers in his ear, which I know isnt funny. Stephanie rarely makes for riveting conversation, let alone witty banter. I remain locked in Stevens arms thinking Ben knows exactly what hes doing. He is trying to make me jealous, but I will not let him get the better of me. I refuse to engage in his childish mind-games. I will not succumb to him. How on earth, did it boil down to this? We were friends, the best of friends. How did I suddenly become subject to irrational feelings of lust, jealously, and heartache over Ben? I am blinded by numb disbelief when I think of him in his old wrinkled Nirvana t-shirt at the ripe age of sixteen, followed by an image of us young and dumbly cruising around in his mothers mini-van rocking out to Blink 182 and eating cheeseburgers from McDonalds. I wish so badly we were back in those moments, in that innocent place and time when everything was easy and not complicated. When Ben was nothing more to me than a cute jokester with adolescent acne. Bens familiar voice interrupts me from my thoughts, Can I cut in? I look up and see his thick long fingers roughly grip into Stevens shoulder as he towers behind him. Steven looks a bit taken back by his request, and jerks free from his grasp. I stare directly

into Bens eyes, feeling outrage well up inside me. Does he not understand I am furious with him? Does he not understand his sleeping with Stephanie is a deal breaker? Can he not understand if he ever wants things to be the same between us, he needs to give me some space right now! Steven shifts in my arms without even turning around to acknowledge Ben and tensely says, You can have the next dance. For a moment, Steven and his smug demeanor amaze me. I like how he doesnt give in to Ben, but I dont dare look up. An instant later, I hear the music stop and Ben arrogantly chuckle, Well it looks like your dance is done. Steven tenses in my arms, Well I think Megan was going to accompany me to get another drink. Right Megan? I feel myself stop breathing and a tingling sensation trickle up my spine. I feel the fight for testosterone building between the two of them, and the look of disbelief on Bens face only solidifies Steven has crossed his personal line of manhood. Stevens bold and unyielding response must be a first in the life and times of Ben, who isnt used to anyone challenging him or rejecting him - Ever. Ben clenches his jaw and clears his throat. For once he is speechless. I cant help but feel like it serves him right, especially if he thought waving Stephanie in front of my face was a good idea. Well ha two can play at this game. I will show him a thing or two about rubbing something in someones face. I could use another drink. I smile. I dont dare look back, but I internally grin as I escort Steven up to the bar. I know I am acting juvenile and ridiculous, but he has crossed the line. Ben needs to respect my wishes about us being over. Besides, I am not the one who slept with one of our mutual friends and kept it a secret like he did. I justify my actions, and think I am not being mean or vindictive. I am just not allowing myself to get sucked in by Ben. Two vodka waters Steven orders as soon as we hit the edge of the bar. He takes a deep breath and says, So do you think we could carry this little thing we got between us back in Chicago? Sure. I say, even though I am not sure what I want. Good. Steven says with a glimmer in his eyes. He passes me my drink and we clink our glasses taking a long uncomfortable sip together. Steven wraps his arm around my lower back and grazes my behind in the process. He hugs me close to his side and says I smell amazing. I knew spraying a little Chanel No. 5 was a good idea after all. I

thank him, even though I feel a slight bit uneasy and a little light-headed. Our eyes lock and my heart pounds out of my chest. Stevens lips slightly part, and he has never looked so serious. As a little Foreigner plays in the background, dragging couples up off their chairs and onto the dance floor, I feel myself start to tremble. I take a large gulp from my drink and nervously laugh as Steven gently tucks a stray strand of hair behind my ear. I bite my lip and quickly look away. Is he actually going to try and kiss me? Here? I scan my surroundings, and notice we are the only two people tucked away in the dark corner of the bar area. This is when my worry sets in. Not because I am not interested in seeing what Stevens gorgeously plush lips taste like, but because frankly I am not ready for this type of PDA. Oh God, he is leaning in, he is going to try and kiss me! I tilt my head down and pretend to be mesmerized in the ice cubes clinking around in my drink, but Steven persists. I feel his fingers gently tilt my chin up to meet his gaze and I want to yank myself away, but I cant. I close my eyes in anticipation of Stevens lips locking with mine, and WHACK!!! Steven is ripped away with a whoosh of air, coupled with simultaneous screams and shouts. I jerk my eyes open and see him scrunched up on the floor in the fetal position. He is shouting out in pain, and everything is moving in slow motion. I look up confused and watch Jessica screaming at the top of her lungs at something/someone behind me. I whip around and see Ben shaking out his clenched fist with Michael holding him back against the bar. I turn back to Jessica surrounded by her family while Stevens brother Dave helps him to his feet. Steven has a huge red shiner around his left eye, and then it dawns on me. I am mortified. Ben just sucker punched Steven. What the hell was that Ben? Jessica shrieks for the fifth time as I watch a vein pop out of her forehead, Megan! What is going on? Jessica and Michaels family are staring at Ben and I with looks of horror. Jessicas mother is completely disgusted and shakes her head. I feel ill when Stephanie and Michelle forcefully place their hands on their hips and wait for my response. I look back at Ben red with rage and he locks his pain stricken eyes with mine. I feel myself begin to shake. Everyones eyes are on us, but neither of us has a response. Dont even tell me you two are sleeping together! Jessica shouts, stating the obvious. I knew it! Michelle shrieks. Ewe! Stephanie adds covering her big mouth with her hand.

Well are you? Jessica shouts. Our shameful silence only solidifies everyones suspicions. I cant believe you two. Jessica says with tears welling up in her eyes. Jessica I am so sorry I cry. Dont even! she shouts cutting me off. She begins to tremble as the tears roll down her cheeks, You hide this from me? You let me set you up with my cousin? Then Ben punches him in the face? At my wedding! Both of you get the hell out of here! You ruined everything! GET OUT! Michael releases Ben who doesnt dare look back at me, or anyone else for that matter. He storms out of the hall while I stand there frozen, wishing I could rewind everything. The look on Jessicas face is enough to bring me to tears. They well up in the corner of my eyes and I choke back the humiliation. I think how Jessica has waited for this day her whole life. She wished and prayed for it to be as flawless as her ivory skin, but now it is anything but and everything is ruined. Jessica, please. I am so sorry. I grovel, but Eric grabs me by the shoulders and pulls me out of the hall with tears rolling down my cheeks. I slump down on the cement walkway outside, and yank myself free from Erics grasp. He peers down at me with an awful look of disappointment splashed across his face. It reminds me of a look my mother once gave me when she unexpectedly came home for lunch one afternoon in the ninth grade and caught Jessica and I skipping class to catch up on a few missed episodes of the OC (compliments of Michelle who taped every single episode due to a slightly crazy Seth obsession). Jessica is never going to forgive either of you for this. Eric says shaking his head. Whatthe hell was Ben thinking? I choke between sobs, When yougo back intell StevenI am so sorry. Eric flops down beside me and wraps his arm around me, Eventually everything is going to be okay, but right now - No its not. I wail, Everything is ruined! Jessica will never talk to me again! Eric hugs me a bit tighter, How long has this been going on? The night before we left I whimper, finally feeling my tears begin to settle. That sly son-of-a-bitch. Eric laughs.

Whats so funny? I ask Well, you guys have been dancing around crossing the friend line since the tenth grade. Its about time. He snorts. Thats not true. I shout crossing my arms in front of my chest. Now feeling betrayed by Eric too. Come on Megan, I see the way you two look at each other. We all do. You guys even act like a couple. Eric says releasing me from his hug. Thats because we were best friends. Not because we liked each other. I wail, Besides, I never wanted any of this! I was happy how we were. Hes the one that started it! I wait for Eric to say something more, but he only stares back at me with skepticism, as if he doesnt believe for a second I was opposed to Bens charming good looks. I guess I expected him to be more understanding and sympathetic to my circumstance. I know I am to blame, but I do not want to admit it. That is why I didnt turn down his coin toss that night. Drunk or not, I secretly hoped it landed on heads. I wanted Ben more than I let myself believe. I feel anger welling up inside of me, Well he slept with Stephanie too! Whoawhat does that have to do with anything? Eric calmly asks. They kept it a secret from all of us. I defensively shout trying to pull Eric on my side. Thats no secret. I knew they slept together. Eric laughs, Stephanie practically raped him that night after the party you held at your place. Great. I sigh. Bens been with a lot of girls, you know that. Eric says, and if this is his attempt to try and make me feel better, it isnt working. Yeah exactly, hes a player, and Ive been played. I snort throwing my head into my hands. Stop the dramatics Megan. Eric laughs and continues, Have you ever seen Ben ever get that upset over a girl, ever? I pause and think hard, but I cant come up with anything, He just cant handle hearing the word no, and I am just the first girl to ever to say it. Eric rolls his eyes and rises to his feet, Believe what you will. Come on. Ill walk you back to your room.

No, its okay. I think I want to walk alone. I say wiping away a few residual tears and pull off my ridiculous heels. Are you sure? Eric asks raising his brow. Positive. I say, when he gives me meager hug of pity. As soon as I hit the sheets, I break down. The tears burn my cheeks, and my silent heaves of agony are never ending. I cant get the look on Jessicas face out of my mind. It was compiled of three of all the worst emotions: disgust, betrayal and anger. All of this eats me alive. How am I ever going to make this up to her? How is she ever going to forgive me? I have gone from the best maid-of-honor to every brides nightmare. I can already see Jessica retelling this story to her new clique of suburbia housewives: So not only did she lie to me about sleeping with Ben, she humiliated me by letting me set her up with my more than perfect cousin. And if that wasnt bad enough, Ben ruined my whole wedding by punching my sweet cousin in the face and revealed their dirty little secret and embarrassed me in front of my whole family. They ruined my big day! Can you believe the nerve of her? After all these years? I slam my head into the pillow and scream. Damn my shit luck. This is why I dont do relationships! This is why I play by the goddamn rules and this is why I am blatantly neurotic. What in the world was I thinking tonight? Honestly, when I look back at how I acted, I was just a selfish fool. Not only did Jessica and Michael deserve better from me. But Steven deserved the truth. If I thought I hated Ben before when I found out he slept with Stephanie, nothing compares to how much I hate him now for humiliating me and ruining the wedding. I curl up into a ball under the covers, still in my bridesmaid dress with trails of mascara streaking down my cheeks. I think of my mother, alone and miserable all these years. Is that what my life has come down to? Should I just go out and buy a bunch of cats and take up knitting as a hobby, because I feel like I am one step away from completely losing my mind. Whoever said friends with benefits would work was so wrong. This is way more painful than any other breakup I have ever experienced, and we werent even dating! I close my eyes and take a deep breath, feeling the most alone I have ever felt in my whole entire life. Chapter 19 If I were you, I wouldnt even think of coming to the day after party. Michelle advises me the following morning in a quiet hush. Wont that make things worse? I sigh and pull on my shorts. She glances into the bathroom and makes sure Stephanie is still wrapped up in applying her

morning face, while brutalizing a Madonna classic with her tone-deaf voice. Michelle fiddles with a strand of her hair and bites her bottom lip, You know I want to help you Megan, but Jessica and Michael are really pissed. You dont want to ruin their day after party too. Unlike Stephanie, Michelle has secretly been sympathetic to my circumstance from last night. As soon as Stephanie hit the shower, she broke down and told me everything Jessica had said once I left the reception. She even revealed, that Jessica has forbidden them from speaking with me. Of course Stephanie is on board with Jessicas wishes, which is no surprise to me since every time Jessica and I have ever had a remote difference of opinion, she would immediately become Team Jessica no matter what. Then Michelle makes a point of telling me she knows that Bens behavior last night was not at all my fault, and she tried to tell Jessica that. Of course Jessica refused to agree, and said she couldnt believe I hid sleeping with Ben from her. When I try to explain to Michelle my side of the story, she silences me by waving her hand in my face. She finally reveals that Jessica said it wasnt my lying about Ben that she cant forgive. It is how I intentionally led on Steven and embarrassed both of them in front of their whole entire family. I become welled up with remorse and ask Michelle if she thinks I am an awful person. She confesses she understood why I hid what was going on, and insists I am far from awful. She even admits she thinks Jessica has taken everything a little too far. But right away she makes me promise I wont tell anyone that we spoke. Michelle is worried that if Stephanie got wind of her Team Megan stance, she would rat her out to Jessica and only add unnecessary fuel to the fire. What should I do then? Find Jessica later and talk to her in private? We leave tomorrow on the same flight. She cant avoid me forever. I say and flop down on the sofa in misery. Do you love him? Michelle asks ignoring my questions all together. She leans against the desk with a curious glimmer in her eyes, and tosses her hair up into a bun. Forget about Ben I whisper and roll my eyes, What should I do about Jessica? Forget about Jessica. She teases, Its a simple question. Do you love him or not? I am not sure why I am scared to admit it out loud, but I think its because once I actually verbalize my feelings they will either sound absolutely ridiculous, or frighteningly real. I am petrified to tap into those deep dormant emotions, because I know exactly how I feel about Ben, despite how badly I am trying to fight it. Because even though I told him I wanted him out of my life for good, the truth is that I am terrified of my life without him. No matter how much I try to deny my feelings, I love Ben, I always have and I always will. Yes I mumble, unable to look up at Michelle. Sorry I cant hear you. I hear a smirk shine through her voice. Yes okay, I love him. I hiss.

What the hell are you doing then? Why are you sitting around here worrying about Jessica and Michael? They will forgive you. Maybe not today, but soon enough, and right now, you and Ben need to fix your shit. But Michelle, its not that easy I whine slouching further into the sofa like a three year old child being scolded by their mother. So you are just going to let him go? So he can go out and have more meaningless sex with girls like Stephanie? Michelle asks tapping her foot on the floor. Maybe that is all he wants! Maybe that is all I was to him too! Ben would never do that to you, he worships you. Michelle chuckles. Oh please. I say rolling my eyes, Yeah, he worships me as a friend who drinks beers with him over a Blackhawks game on a Thursday night. Go and find him right now. You need to give him an ultimatum. You are either together for real, or youre nothing at all. Michelle commands and walks over to me. She yanks me up off the sofa and shoves me towards the door. Michelle no my voice quivers. Do you want to lose him forever? She asks. I dont know what I want! I cry brushing my loose strands of hair to the side. Megan, stop it! Michelle shouts gripping me by the shoulders, Stand up for yourself goddammit. Tell Ben how you really feel and dont let this get any worse than it already is. Take it from me. You do not want to be like Matthew and I. Jealous fights, break-ups, make-ups, cheating on our partners, never saying how we really feel, its a nightmare. But unlike us, I think you and Ben actually have a chance. You guys have something real. You always have and always will. Do not let him go. You will be sorry. I am shocked and elated by Michelles words of wisdom. She is right. If I love Ben, I cannot lose him. I deserve to know what this was to him. I need to find out the truth about what happened between him and Stephanie, and I need to find out if he loves me the way I love him. Maybe it needed to come down to this, and maybe everything needed to blow up in my face for me to realize that I wholeheartedly love him. All I can hope is that after everything, he loves me too. When Stephanies rendition of Vogue comes to a screeching halt, Michelle thrusts me through the doorway. She gives me a final salute and slams the door on my face leaving me all alone in the hot and humid air. So I run. I run as fast as I can to Bens villa with sweat trickling from my brow and welling up under my armpits. My hair flying through the wind and tangling up as it flings from side to side. Once I get to his door, I am out of breath and my heart is pounding out of my chest, beating in my ears. I wait for my hand to knock on the door, but suddenly I am not that brave Megan

from a few seconds ago. I am the weak and feeble Megan that wants to slowly tip toe away and forget this ever happened. But I tell myself I cannot be that girl anymore. I need to do this for my own sanity and a real chance at happiness. I raise my shaky hand and make a tiny fist that gently raps three little knocks. I hold my breath forgetting to breathe air into my lungs. I hear the door unlock, only to reveal Matthew half naked with a towel around his waist and sopping wet hair. Wheres Ben? I ask as my fingers tremble. Matthew rubs the side of his face and looks at me with pitiful eyes, Oh Megan, I dont know how to tell you this... What? I shout feeling a lump form in my throat. Ben left this morning. He what? I say feeling my jaw drop to the floor. Yeah, he took off back to Chicago. Matthew sighs running his fingers tensely through his hair. Did he say anything? I finally muster as Eric appears behind Matthew. He didnt say much. He just packed his things and told us he changed his flight for this morning. He left about an hour ago. Mathew shrugs and bites his lower lip. Eric gives me a silent look of sympathy that only makes me feel a million times worse. Tears start to well up in my eyes and my lips begin to quiver. Why would he leave? I stammer. Eric begins answering me, but nothing is making sense. Everything is blurred and muffled as I look up at both of them in a daze. I can feel my heart racing and my breathing quicken. I try to speak, but I cant, because Im pretty sure my heart has just exploded in my chest. I try to move my feet, but they are like giant cinderblocks screwed to the floor. Eric is waving his hand in front of my spaced out face, and when I look into his green eyes framed by his long blonde lashes I cave into his chest and let out heaving sobs of misery. I have never in all my life, EVER cried like this over a guy. Sure, I let out a few cries over Marco, and sure there were a few tears that trickled for Donny. But have I ever wept to the point of silent-cries-that-choke-up-your-throat-and-even-make-the-most-beautiful-people-turn-ugly? No. Not on your life, and I cant believe that every one of these shameful sobs are over Bens decision to leave. I pull away from Eric, sucking back the tears from continuing to fall down my cheeks. I am overcome with emotion I dont fully understand. I am angry with Ben for leaving, but I am mostly mad at myself for letting it get to this point. I thought I had it all figured out. I thought by being closed off and guarded I was protecting myself, but really all I did was push Ben to his breaking point.

In every relationship I have ever been in, whether it was Marco, Will, or Donny, not one of them ever stood a chance. I was my own worst enemy and never let anyone of them get too close. In the end, they all ended things with me because I just could not open up. Just like Ben. They had enough of dealing with my insecurities. For some reason, I could never accept that someone, especially someone like Ben would ever love me. But by him choosing to leave without saying goodbye - enough said. I have done it again. I have pushed him away and I have lost him forever. Are you going to be okay? Eric asks, bringing me back to reality. Im fine. I say, and wipe away the last remaining tears from my cheeks. I watch them share a concerned glance, when Eric sighs, Well see you later then? I nod and walk away with hunched shoulders and burning red eyes. There is nothing I can do, and this time, I know none of this is a game to Ben. It is really over. Chapter 20 The next day, I sit alone and secluded at the lobby bar patiently waiting for the shuttle to arrive. I twiddle my thumbs and watch a soccer game blaring from the flat-screen behind the bartender as I casually sip my pinna colada. Of course I still feel like a basket case after I spent yesterday locked in our villa, hidden under the covers and ordering room service. I watched Spanish re-runs of Friends and emotionally ate a greasy burger and fries while everyone else enjoyed their last day in paradise. So today, I thought I owed it to myself to bask in the heat from the Costa Rican sun. Instead of crying alone in the bathroom and writing letters of apology to Jessica and Michael. Want another? the bartender asks as he wipes down the countertop. Might as well. I sigh and slurp the remaining slush, before I slide my empty glass over to him. Why so down Sinorita? the bartender nods with narrowed eyes, Youre too beautiful for a frown. Thanks I mutter as he slides me a new drink. I really dont want to sound unpleasant, but I know I do. I made it a double. I hope thats okay. He says and gives me a wink. Thats great actually. I say with a half smile. The bartender jerks his head to the side when a bunch of footsteps echo behind us and trek up the stairs and into the lobby. I turn around and follow his gaze, silently watching from a distance as Jessica, Michael and their hundred or so guests check out at the front desk. They are forced to make their way past me, but ignore me as if I am invisible. I decide I can handle Jessica and Michaels blatant disregard. But even her pleasant Aunt Florence has provided me with the coldest of shoulders. Then when Michaels prude and snobbish mother quickly slides into the bar stool a few seats away

from mine. I look over and give her a polite smile. I am grasping for any type of human acknowledgement, hoping she will return a grin, but no such luck. I become tense and infuriated, turning my back to her and grumble that this is useless. No one would ever disobey Jessica by speaking to me. Who am I kidding? I loathe in some self-pity and start to feel like the once awkward and dorky Megan who was isolated during her elementary school days, until Jessica chose to befriend me. I swear the only reason she even gave me the time of day was because she figured if we were friends, I would let her copy all my answers on our tests, which somehow I was suckered into doing on more than one occasion. Now here we both are, all these years acting like complete strangers over something that could have easily been avoided had I been honest with everyone, including myself, right from the beginning. I should have told Jessica what happened between Ben and me. She would have known what to do. She would have never let me become another one of Bens fleet of booty calls. I wish I could just cry into her shoulder and have her tell me everything is going to be okay, but unfortunately, none of that is the case. The truth is I am not even brave enough to approach her. Out of the corner of my eye, I watch Jessica kissing her family goodbye and Michael hugging his father farewell as they all board an idling shuttle headed to the airport. I am relieved though, when I see Matthew, Eric, Stephanie, and Michelle all stagger into the lobby together, chatting and laughing. Yesterday must have been quite a smash, because everyone except for me is in a great mood. Even Steven, all black and blue, lets out a hearty laugh from a joke his cousin Charlie makes. For heavens sake, he was sucker punched and humiliated and is still happier than I am right now. I tell myself to try and look happy. I stupidly smile at the bartender, but he takes that as an opportunity to ask me if I need anything else. I shake my head and look down at my drink to twirl my straw in its slushy juices. I dig through my purse and pretend to look for something to occupy my time, until I feel someone hovering over my shoulder. I lift my eyes up and see Steven leaning against the bar. I wince at his eye, which looks even worse up close all red, boiled and swollen. I take a large gulp and feel like a fool, wishing I could just run away. Hi Megan he says and sits on the stool beside me. Great, I am trapped. Im so sorry. I blurt out cutting right to the chase, but nervously force my eyes down, I never thought- No you didnt think. Steven says cutting me off with a chuckle, Look, I really liked you, I just wish you would have been honest with me. Youre right, you deserved the truth I sigh and fiddle with the fringe of my shorts, Im really sorry I wasnt. Well if you were, I could have avoided a black eye. Steven sternly says. A really awkward silence fills the space between us and it makes me shudder. He gets up

from the stool and walks back to his family herded on the opposite side of the lobby. When he if halfway there, he stops, turns around and says, Whatever happens, I hope it works out for you. I feel guilty that I used Steven to get at Ben, but I honestly did like him, and had things been different, we could have actually had something. It was more than selfish of me to treat him how I did, and so unlike me that it is embarrassing. I watch Steven walk away with his hands forced rigidly in his pockets, and I know he will make one girl very lucky some day. Unfortunately, it just isnt me. Steven meshes back into the crowd of his cousins, and I see Jessica join their circle. She shoots me a dirty look when she catches me staring at them and wraps her arm around Stevens neck and pulls him in for a sympathetic hug. I quickly look away, to see Eric waving me down. I smile over at him, standing with Matthew and Michelle; coincidently the only three people I have left routing for me in our quickly dissolving group. He points to the shuttle pulled up to the front of the resort and mouths, Our shuttle I mouth a thank you back and quickly gather my things. As everyone piles onto the bus, Jessica sees me behind her in the line. We both freeze and she immediately gives me a look of disgust. She turns her back to me and flicks her long blonde curls in my face. I want to scream out that I am sorry, and call her out on acting like the mean girl she once was in high school. But unfortunately Jessica is all about the dramatics and has always been that way. Over the years, I had only ever been a quiet observer to the tortures Jessica placed on others who crossed her path. I was fortunate enough to have dodged her theatrics that accompanied any type of female betrayal. I was thankful that Jessica adored and valued our life-long sister-hood of a friendship, because growing up I was far from ever becoming as popular as she was. I would even argue had I not had Jessica in my life, I would have been subject to all the stereotypical social suicides during those crucial adolescent years. My combination of flat and limp hair, frumpy dumpy band t-shirts, an active member of the drama club, while rocking the physique of a twelve year old boy with a case of mild acne was less than cool. I put myself back into the eleventh grade, with one memory that stands out in my mind. It all started when Jessica heard through the grapevine that Claire Anderchuck (a fellow cheerleader on the squad), told people Michael had cheated on Jessica with Lindy Barber (Claires closest friend) at a party the weekend before. Before Jessica went all buck-wild on Claire and Lindy, she decided to set the record straight. She barreled through the cafeteria doors and point-blank asked Michael (well actually, more like screamed at him) and wanted to know if the rumors were true. Michael burst out laughing at her insane accusations, while Ben and I played a game of cards in the cafeteria during our second period spare. Of course Michael continued to tell her she was crazy, and insisted he would never cheat on her. Ben felt obliged to back him up, and even unnecessarily threw in that Lindy was ugly (which was rude and hardly true, even though she did have buck teeth and a face full of freckles). But Claires stupid and destructive rumor did not sit well with Jessica for the remainder of the afternoon. She stormed all over the school hallways and insisted that both Claire and Lindy were

about to be ruined to the whole entire student body. After school, Jessica dragged me to their cheerleading practice to witness the ultimate showdown. I was hesitant, but curious enough not to object and observe this much anticipated catfight. I had always known Jessica to be a bit over-the-top and abrasive, but I also knew that this type of behavior had led her to be the IT girl you didnt want to mess with. But unfortunately for Claire, she did not share the same friendship privileges that I was accustom to. Jessica stormed into the gym with me trailing behind, and didnt waste one second before she told off Claire in front of the whole squad. I remember all the other cheerleaders were petrified as Jessica went off, but not one of them defended Claire. When Claire tried to deny everything, it only sent Jessica further into the red zone and called her a few more swear words that scarred me for life. But Claire held her ground and begged Jessica for forgiveness. Jessica refused to accept Claires apology, and I clearly remember standing awkwardly in the corner, feeling nothing but bad for Claire as I watched her run into the girls locker room to bawl her eyes out. It was so horrible, that eventually Claire changed schools, leaving me to feel guilty that I had been a catalyst in her ultimate demise. Throughout the years, every time Jessica took down another, instead of telling her that her behavior was cruel and uncalled for, I just remained a coward, thankful I had never been subject to any one of her dramatic spews. But here I am, a full-grown woman, petrified of being the new Claire Anderchuck. I shamefully bow my head as I brush past Jessica and dont dare call her out on her mean girl tactics. Instead, I choose to avoid her like the plague. I slide into the first seat at the front of the bus and seclude myself right behind the driver. I shove my headphones into my ears, and crank-up my iPod to blast a streamline of country songs. How are you holding up? You look a little better than yesterday I hear Eric say, as he slides into the empty seat beside me. He tosses his bag on the ground and holds it between his feet. I pull the headphones out of my ears, and feel the driver pull us into motion, What are you doing? Jessica is going to flip that youre sitting with me. Oh who cares Eric laughs and rolls his eyes, Megan, please. I dont care if Jessica is mad at me. This is ridiculous. Not to her. I say in a hushed whisper, You should move. You should relax. Eric says leaning back in his seat, Besides, I want to have a chat with you. About what? I ask, knowing exactly what he is referring to. You know what. Eric says and shifts in his seat to face me, Ben was devastated when he left yesterday. I had never seen him so tortured. Dont think he took off because he doesnt care about

you. I roll my eyes and put my headphones back in my ears, but he yanks them out, Seriously Megan, you can be really quick to shut people out. Whats that supposed to mean? I ask narrowing my eyes at him. Look at how you are acting right now. he laughs. I let out an exasperated sigh because I know he is right. Well what am I supposed to do? He is the one who took off. I cross my arms in front of my chest with a pout. You are the one that ended things with him. Why would he want to stay? Eric innocently asks. Excuse me? I am far from the heartbreaker here. We should have never crossed that friendship line. Biggest. Mistake. Ever. I say and let out a much-needed sigh. You cant expect me to believe that. He laughs, I had never seen either of you act so love struck as you did on this trip. Besides, I suspected the whole time that something was going on. Oh please I say rolling my eyes, You knew shit. Eric imitates Ben with a chuckle in his voice: Oh Megan needs to go back and find her purseoh I am too tired to come out with you guysoh Megan let me order your drink.... oh I cant come for dinner, I promised Megan I would take her turtle watching. We always do stuff together without you guys. Thats nothing new. I say un-amused. Does Ben always shave his balls before he hangs out with you? Eric says trying not to laugh. Thats disgusting! I shout and punch Eric in the arm, although I do want to share in his laughter, especially when I think how Ben never once had an ounce of hair down there.

Yeah it was Eric laughs, Especially when it was all over the bottom of our shower. I roll my eyes, We were fine being just friends you know. Friends who secretly wanted to bang each other. Eric chuckles. I dont think so. I snap back. He just couldnt handle that I was the only woman left in the greater Chicago, Illinois area he hadnt slept with. Oh come on. You cant expect me to believe that. You are not just some girl to him Megan. Really? Did he tell you that? I cynically snort. What more do you want from him? I want him to stop being such a man-whore and grow the fuck up, I shout in a hushed whisper. Phew. That felt great to let out. Dont you dare even start with that - you knew his past way before you decided to hop in the sack with him Eric scolds tapping his foot on the floor. Whatever I wave my hand dismissively Its over anyway. I sigh and slouch in my seat. Well I beg to differ. Eric says crossing his arms in front of his chest. Yeah, well you would. I groan annoyed by this ridiculous brotherhood crap Eric is laying on me right now. Well what are you going to do about work? You two practically share the same desk. He reminds me. I wince on the inside but coolly shrug on the outside. I had never thought of that little implication before Well I dont know what to tell you. I say. You are being difficult, you know that right? He says and I turn red. This conversation is over. I snap and shove my headphones back into my ears. Eric rolls his eyes and leans back in his seat. I look away from him and stare helplessly out the window. He does raise a good point. What will happen once I get back to Chicago and am forced to see Ben at work? Uggh! I want to be at home in my condo lounging in my flannel pajamas and eating a box of Dads Oatmeal cookies properly sulking in my own heartbreak and misery. Because even though I know I should snap out of this funk; right now, I just dont want to. Chapter 21 When I wake up the next morning, I am thrilled to be in my own bed. My first instinct is to throw off my sheets, put on a sharp blazer, hop on the subway and head off to work. But then my

second instinct rolls around about fifteen seconds later, whacks me over the head and reminds me there is a consequence of actually going into the office: Ill be forced to see Ben. I recognize I am being a tad over dramatic and truth be told, I cant avoid him forever. But I cant fathom my reality right now. I would rather hide out in my condo and pretend the outside world doesnt exist, and that Jessica didnt hate me, and that Ben didnt dis me entirely by boarding an early flight. Instead I call in sick and make up some lame excuse about having travelers diarrhea. Then I fumble my way into the bathroom, brush out my bed head and wash away my mascara ridden raccoon eyes. It doesnt take long after that for me to treat myself to a pity parade. I find my way into my kitchen, chow down on a whole box of Oreo cookies and pound back a pint of freezer burnt cookie dough ice cream. My stomach moans and groans, then bloats up like a balloon. I walk helplessly into my bedroom, close my blinds and bury my head into my pillows to create a world of darkness and sob. But even after some good dry heaves, a full box of Kleenex, and a Big Bang Theory marathon on Comedy Central, I still feel like I am being somewhat of a loser. I feel guilty for taking a fake sick day, especially after I just took a week off. But more importantly I feel pathetic about moping around like a heartbroken hormonal adolescent. I decide to check in with fellow realtor/friend, Emily Waterford, who covered for me all week while I was away. Her chipper voice beams through the line, and cheerfully informs me we closed three properties and I picked up six new listings. But before I can even ask her any follow up questions, Emily blurts out that one of my new properties is a multimillion-dollar listing in the Gold Coast district. I nearly drop my phone on the hardwood floor and grab onto my nightstand to stop myself from keeling over. Really? I squeal. Yes really! Emily shouts. Shes so loud, I have to pull the phone away from my ear, The lady who owns the property said she heard you were the best and only wanted you on her listing. I jump and down and bite my tongue just so I dont let out one too many ridiculous shouts of joy. I dance around my bedroom and celebrate in my cozy pyjamas. This news brings on my first real wave of happiness in the past few days. Ive come so far in my career to land a property like that! I wish I could just hang up with Emily and call Ben to gush about this great accomplishment, but obviously that isnt going to happen. I am sure he already heard about it anyway. News like that around our office doesnt stay quiet for long. Well enough about work. How was the wedding? Emily asks with her bubbly British accent. Emily moved from England to follow her high-school sweetheart, when he landed some highpaying marketing job in Chicago. But last year, he left her for another woman and she was devastated. She even contemplated heading back to England to be with her family, but ultimately decided to stay here while the real estate market was booming.

It was great. I lie through my teeth and take a sip of my coffee. I bet. she squeals, then continues with a chuckle, Im glad youre back. But even more so relieved to have Ben and his sexy self floating around the office again. Oh yeah I mutter hoping Emily will catch on to my disinterest in her Ben obsession. She continues to ramble, When he strolled in this morning, he lit up the room looking so ravishing with his tan. Thank God I had to meet a client though. I was hardly able to stay focused with him prancing all around my desk. Ugggghhhh! I just want to hang up right now. Emily has always been drawn to Ben, but it became progressively worse once she became single. She always makes ridiculous comments to me, like how hot Ben looks in blue or how tight his butt looks in a pair of slacks. She inappropriately flirts with him at work, making it border line sexual harassment. I would normally laugh at her and act disgusted when she decided to share her Ben fantasies with me, but now it just makes me want to scream. Did you happen to get any sun on that pasty skin of yours? she asks filling our silence. Yeah, I guess. I think Im what they call sun-kissed. I say and snuggle deep into my pillows. The thought of Ben cruising into the office looking as sexy as ever is making me nauseated. Well I would gladly sun-kiss all over that tanned body of Bens if hed let me. Emily chuckles, waiting for my usual reaction of laughter, but the line falls silent. She clears her throat and asks, Did you meet Jessicas cousin? What was his name? Stanley or something? Steven. I mumble, But it didnt work out. I scratch my head and contemplate disclosing everything to Emily. Who better than a swanky open-minded Brit to confide in? Besides, she is what I would consider neutral. She is friends with both Ben and I, and knows us outside of our tight-knit group of friends. She shares all her relationship problems with me (whether I want to hear about them or not), plus she is a good listener. But even though we are good friends, I dont know if I can trust her not to say something to the other people we work with. She is known to have quite the yap on her. I hardly want intimate details of my personal life spreading like wildfire amongst my colleagues. Therefore, Ill keep my mouth shut. Thats too bad. Was Jessica upset it didnt work out? How was she anyway? Was she still a complete bridezilla once she got to Costa Rica? Emily asks with a slight humour to her voice. I guess she was a little better once we got there. I say. Whats wrong with you? Emily asks, clearly detecting something is up, You just landed the listing of a lifetime and spent a whole week basking in the sun. Did something happen youre not telling me about? No, Im just jet-legged. I lie.

Alright Emily says letting her voice trail off. Ill see you tomorrow? I guess so. Ill be in the office around nine. I left your new client files on your desk. See you then. Thanks Emily And she has already disconnected from our conversation. I toss my phone to the floor and pull my comforters up to my neck. I roll over to hear the empty box of cookies I ate last night crinkle beneath me. I yank it out from behind my back, whip it to the floor and hear it crash into my nightstand. I push my head firmly into my pillow, and get a faint scent of Bens cologne still lingering on my unchanged sheets. I moan and flip onto my back and stare blankly at the ceiling. Ugh. I cannot face the thought of going to work. The only thing that makes it tolerable right now is knowing I got that big Gold Coast listing, but even that is hardly enough to excite me knowing I will see Ben every which way I turn. Not only are things all buggered up with Jessica but how am I am ever going to be able to face him again? When my cell begins to ring, I choose to ignore it. I let it go to voicemail, but hear it immediately start ringing again. I roll my eyes, lean over my bed and press it up to my ear, Megan Daniels speaking. You dont even call your own mother to tell her you are safe and sound? My mother shouts into the phone, If it werent for Stephanie updating her Facebook status every fifteen minutes, I would have never even known if you were dead or alive. And what is this recent status about? Dream Wedding Ruined? Oh God. My mother and her Facebook.I honestly wish I never set up an account for her. She is obsessed. She posts things on my wall all the time that she should really just call me about. For example, the last thing she posted on my wall was: Just finished the laundry and found a pair of your socks you left here in the load. Pick them up when you have time. xoxo Mom Yes, she even signs her name at the end of all her posts, like a formal letter. I was going to call you. I sigh, but quickly ask, Did Stephanie really post something about the wedding being ruined on Facebook? What is going on? Did something happen? my mother asks, Oh, and I saw that nice picture Ben posted of you two at a beach. That is a really cute picture. It looked like you two had a great time together. Ohmigod. I say feeling the tears begin to well up in my eyes. If I am going to tell anyone anything, it is going to be my mother. Are you at work? she asks with panic in her voice, clearly detecting I am on the verge of

tears. No I sob, bringing on the waterworks. Are you at home? Yes. I am coming over right now. No mom, Im fine This isnt debatable. I will be there in an hour. Exactly an hour and five minutes later, my mom is in my condo making us a fresh pot of coffee. I sit on the stool surrounding the island in the kitchen, when I start to spill the beans to my mother. I start off by telling her how I met Ben for dinner the night before we left for the wedding. I even confess I had too much to drink and that we came back to my condo afterwards. My mothers eyes widen and she clenches the countertop. I watch her knuckles turn white in anticipation of what I am about to tell her. I think she might pass out, so I ask her if she is okay. She nods and a smile forms on her lips, You know how much I love Ben. I roll my eyes and almost decide to stop my story. My mother loves Ben like her own son, so hearing how this ends is surely going to devastate her. Last year, at the last minute, when Marco told me he couldnt come to my cousin Tiffanys wedding; my mother suggested I bring Ben as my date. So when he showed up on my arm, she was overjoyed and squeezed his cheeks like she always did whenever she saw him. All through dinner, she constantly told him how handsome he looked and of course he basked in the attention. Then while Ben fetched the ladies at our table another round of drinks, I scolded my mother and told her to stop enhancing his already oversized ego. My mother became angry with me and insisted he was a catch. She said she couldnt understand why we werent already together. I told her to drop it and made it perfectly clear that it would never happen. She rolled her eyes and said I was missing out on something that could be great. I told her I wasnt interested in him like that, and that was the last we ever spoke of Ben and I as more than friends. I know you love Ben. That is why this is hard for me to tell you. I confess. Did something happen to him? Is he okay? My mother shouts. No mom, hes fine. Just let me finish alright? I say and shift on the stool This isnt easy for me to talk to you about this. Okay Megan, Im sorry. She says and pours us each a cup of coffee. She slides my mug across the gleaming granite and props up her elbows. Okay I say and clear my throat, realizing maybe talking to my mother about my sex life

really isnt a good idea, but I continue, Ben and I were secretly seeing each other. My mother gasps and squeals all at the same time. Her eyes light up and she clamps her hand over her mouth. Mom, we were seeing each other. It doesnt end well. I confess, only to see her smile fade. Well what happened? she shouts, How could you ruin such a thing? I roll my eyes at her blatant accusation that I was the one to screw everything up, Its a long story. Well I suggest you start telling it. My mother scolds placing her hands on her hips. After that first night in my condo, the next morning I woke up and told him it was a mistake, because I was worried about ruining our friendship. My mother pulls up a stool and sits down, which I am guessing is to keep from fainting. So when we finally got to Costa Rica, Jessica was all gung-ho to set me up with her cousin Steven, which she did, and he was so nice mom, you would have loved him. Im sure. She unconvincingly says. Then things started happening between me and Ben again. Oh God Megan- She groans. No mom! I shout crossing my hands in front of my chest, Its not my fault everything was ruined. I found out he had been with Stephanie too. He what? Not Ben. My mother says waving her arms in the air in utter disbelief. It wasnt while we were together, but you could see why that would upset me. I say looking at my mother for back up. Well when did that happen? She says taking a sip of her coffee. Like a month ago. I watch my mother absorb this information and scratch her head, But you werent with him. So why is that an issue? Because he never told me about it! I shout, feeling myself turn red, It was all a big secret. If he respected our friendship and what we had then he would have told me. I absolutely refuse to be treated like one of his fuck buddies. My mother gasps completely appalled. I have never ever in all my life sworn in front of her. I say Im sorry, and tell her I was absolutely out of line. She relaxes a bit and tells me its okay, and she understands that I am upset. I finally tell her how I ended things with him and how he begged me

not to. I tell her how I used Steven to make Ben jealous on the dance floor, and it worked, because he sucker punched Steven in front of everyone and ruined the whole wedding (hence Stephanies Facebook status). I rehash Jessicas outburst and how she told us to get out, and how she refuses to talk to me and hates that I lied to her and led on her cousin. Not to mention how we embarrassed both of them in front of all their closet family and friends. Then I tell her how I ran back to his room to talk to him the next morning, but it was too late, he had taken off on an early flight without even saying good-bye. My mother is silent and I chew vigorously on my fingernails as I wait for the moment of truth. What makes you think Ben was just using you? she quietly asks. Oh I dont know, let me see, he can never take anything seriously, he sleeps with loads of women, he didnt want anyone knowing about us. The list goes on mother. I say letting out a huge sigh. I dont think Ben would do that to you. She says taking another sip of her coffee. Well it doesnt matter now. Its over, our friendship, everything. There is a long silence between us. I can even hear the theme song from another episode of the Big Bang Theory playing faintly from the flat screen in my bedroom. I really screwed up as a mother havent I? she nervously chuckles looking down at her hands. What is that supposed to mean? I ask. What are you scared of Megan? my mother persists tapping her fingers on the countertop. Im not scared of anything, thats ridiculous. I say keeping my eyes down. I think youre scared of your feelings for Ben. I dont think so. I laugh, knowing full well my mother is a hundred percent correct. I am so scared that it is crippling my ability to face him. She gets up from her stool and walks over to and gives me a hug. I hug her back and confess that I really screwed up. She doesnt say anything back. Instead she strokes my mangled hair, as the thought of losing Ben and his friendship forever once again hits me like a ton of bricks. Chapter 22 When I wake up the next morning, I feel like a new and rejuvenated version of myself. I spring out of bed as soon as my alarm goes off, not once hitting the snooze button to indulge in an few extra minutes of shut eye. I hop in the shower, wash my greasy hair and sing, I Will Survive at the top of my lungs. I try to perform some sweet dance moves as I lather up my scalp, but I slip a bit and have to steady myself on the shower curtain. When I am all done, I put on my sexiest and most recent

Nordstrom purchase; a tight fitting navy blue blazer, with a matching A-line skirt and a killer pair of nude pumps. I loosely curl my hair and generously apply a glowing layer of makeup to highlight my already sun-kissed skin. I am unstoppable, and my plan to avoid Ben will work. I hope. I know if my timing is right, my plan is fool proof. Ben and I grab a coffee every morning at the Overflow Coffee Bar around 8:30a.m. before we show up at the office together. So, if I make my own coffee and head into work around 8:00a.m. Ben wont be there. If he follows our routine (which Im sure he will), he will arrive shortly after nine. This will give me about an hour or so to quickly review my files then flee from the office to start my client follow up for the day before he gets there. But, if he does happen to show up before nine, I still look fabulous enough to storm out with some sass. **** I arrive at work five minutes before eight, and am greeted by Millie, the receptionist, a plump redhead with a bad case of freckles. As I approach her desk, she slides off her jacket and powers on her computer. Hey Megan! Congratulations on the Gold Coast listing! Jake told me Oprah is the client selling the property. How cool is that going to be to meet Oprah? Millie says all smiles. I nod and try to hide my laughter, because Mille is subject to a lot of office pranks by Jake (another realtor in our office) due to her gullible persona. What are you doing here so early? Millie asks as she tosses a piece of gum in her mouth. I have lots of work to catch up on. I say with a smile. Welcome back! Millie shouts as I make my way through the double doors, leading into the rows and rows of cubicles. The office is quiet and empty, except for a few people scattered here and there. It is crazy how in less than an hour from now, this place will be packed with phones ringing and paper flying all over the place. I have to say, I really missed work. Like a lot. Even with Ben only a few cubicles away, this place is like home to me. I flop down into my chair and toss my cell on my desk. Like Emily promised, there is a whack load of files piled high beside the computer with a yellow sticky note on top. I glance down at it, and notice right away it isnt Emilys handwriting, its Bens. WE NEED TO TALK. PLEASE CALL ME. I rip the note off of the files, crumple it up and toss it into the garbage. I cant believe he expects me to call him! No way. Hes crazy. I am not chasing after him like all the Mindys, Stephanies and Jezebels hes used too. If he even thinks for a second that I would do such a thing, then he obviously doesnt know me at all. Besides, I am not the one who took off on an early flight to

leave him alone, humiliated and castrated by the whole entire wedding. Well look whos here! Clint Reitman, the owner of Reitman Realty LLC the company I work for and my boss says as he strolls up to my desk. Good morning Clint I mumble, noticing he actually has a clean-shaven face today. He usually sports quite the beard. Well hows my favorite realtor feeling today? Did you already contact Mrs. Dorothy van den Berg? He says looking over his glasses and leans on my desk. Im better thank you. Who is Mrs. Dorothy van den Berg? The owner of 1502 North Dearborn Parkway Clint sternly says and crosses his arms over his potbelly. Oh crap! The Gold Coast listing! Surely Clint is expecting I am on my A game after abandoning my career for a week and taking a sick day. The fact that I dont even know the address or name of my client will be enough to send him into a fury. Oh right, sorry. I am about to call her right now. I smile and pick up my cell, waving it in his face. Well you better. Mrs. Van den Berg is a very important client. She buys and sells properties all over Chicago, and for some reason she wants you, so do not disappoint. Clint says as he slams his fist down on my desk and storms off to his office. I scan through my files, searching desperately for Mrs. van den Bergs phone number until I find it. Bingo! I punch in her number on my cell and wait for her to pick up. When Mrs. van den Bergs raspy voice answers the other end of the line, I am relieved. She tells me she is delighted to hear from me, and compliments me by saying she has heard great things about both my work and me. She also adds that she knows I will be able sell her property in no time. I thank her for accepting me as her realtor, and ask if I could stop by sometime today to sign the contract and take a look at her property. She tells me anytime this morning will do, and says she looks forward to meeting with me. I smile hang up the phone and wonder if this property could possibly up the ante in defining my career. Maybe I will even be featured on HGTVs Million Dollar Listing, who knows what could happen from here. My smile quickly fades when I see Ben saunter in the office. He is wearing a perfectly pressed dark grey suit with a crisp white shirt and a Burberry tie. He looks good, too good, and I feel my heart sink. What is he doing here so early? I slouch down in my chair hoping he wont be able to see me behind the walls of the cubicle. He scans his eyes around the office before they land right on my desk. My heart stops. He doesnt see me at first, but when his eyes change from worry to relief, I know I am spotted.

Without even thinking, I start to gather my things. I toss my cell into my purse and shove my files under my arm. I am about to bolt out of the office, but Ben is calling out my name. I am mortified to see a few co-workers look up at our commotion, making me turn fifty shades of red. I casually turn back around in order to avoid complete office drama, which would only roll into juicy office gossip around the water cooler later this afternoon. What? I sigh tapping my foot on the floor. Did you get my note? Ben asks biting his sexy and luscious lower lip. Yeah I got it. I say with more conviction than I thought possible to ever come out of my mouth. You didnt come into the office yesterday. Are you okay? He asks with concern. He takes one step closer to me and adds, You look great by the way. I roll my eyes, Im fine thanks. Is there something you want or can I get back to work? Id like to talk to you. Well I dont know if I want to talk to you. I snap in a hushed whisper. Ben scratches his head and lets out a sigh. He nervously glances around the office and leans in leaving a few inches between us, Come on Megan Just say what you have to say and be done with it. I snort and adjust the files slipping under my arm. Cant we just hit up the Overflow Coffee Bar like old times and talk there? Ben says with a gorgeous smile. I cringe at his reference to old times and it practically knocks the wind out me. How stupid could I have been? I should have known he would slip me right back into the friend zone. How could I forget? I am just his loyal dorky little buddy, Megan Daniels. No sorry. I dont have time. I have a lot of work to do. I say holding back the tears. Well when will you have time? I really want to talk to you. Ben leans back and shoves his hands in his pockets. I dont know. I am really busy. I say, and turn to leave. With Mrs. van den Bergs listing? Ben shouts stopping me in my tracks. Of course he knows. I am sure everyone does. Look Ben, I really dont have time. Maybe you should have talked to me before you booked it from Costa Rica without telling me. I watch Ben nod in defeat and let out a huge sigh.

Right He looks up at the ceiling then drops his gaze back to me, Look, I will be at the Green Mill Pub tonight to meet a client around seven. Please come by around eight, hell be gone by then. I dont know what to say, so I dont say yes and I dont say no. I just nod and turn on my heel leaving him in limbo land. I need to get out of here! The last thing I want to do is have him think I am okay with us just being friends again. I storm away from Ben not looking back once and head directly to Clints office. I give Clints office door a gentle knock before I step inside. I immediately ramble I am leaving to meet clients for the day. He asks if I spoke with Mrs. van den Berg, not once looking up from the documents on his desk. I tell him I did, and inform him I am seeing her later this morning. Clint responds by saying, Great and then gives me a dismissive wave. Millies voice beams through his speakerphone, and she tells him Mr. Greenberg is ready to video in. I use that as my opportunity to slide out of his office and close the door behind me. I catch a final glimpse of Ben pacing around his cubicle and looking has hot as ever while talking on his cell phone. I feel my stomach tighten just thinking of how everything between us has changed in a blink of an eye. It is crazy to think that over a week ago, Ben and I were happily enjoying our last night in Chicago at Third Rail Tavern marveling over how we were the perfect wing sharing buddies (he likes the drumsticks best, while I like the flat pats). Then before I knew it, I slammed one too many vodka waters and agreed to sleep with him over a flip of a coin and it ruined everything. Ben hangs up on his call and catches me staring at him. I blush and quickly look away, pushing through the doors leading out of the office. I wish so badly that my feelings for him would just disappear, but I know that is next to impossible. Chapter 23 I spend the rest of my day distracted, wondering whether or not I will actually take Ben up on his offer and meet him at the Green Mill Pub tonight. I am so consumed in my inner debate I can hardly remember my conversation with Mrs. van den Berg, as we tour her immaculately impressive home. I vaguely recall her signing the contract, and I only know it happened, because I have the hard copy in my bag to prove it. As I leave her place, I try my hardest to concentrate. I flip into high-energy realtor mode and follow up on my new clients. I stomp along the sidewalk and push through crowds of business professionals to find a caf a few blocks west of the Gold Coast district where I can look over my files in peace, make necessary phone calls, and try my hardest to keep my mind on task. I make decent progress, but within an hour or so, I become distracted, yet again. I find myself thinking less about the Chicago real estate market, and more about Ben and his late night proposition. Why did he insist on meeting with me? By his choice of venue, he couldnt have made his intentions any clearer. If he actually was sorry and wanted to continue seeing me as more than friends,

he surely would have picked somewhere less full of stout beer and pool tables, and somewhere more full of happy mature couples, sharing expensive bottles of wine. Going to meet him would be the worst thing I could do right now. It would be the ultimate slap in the face and would put me right back in the friend zone. But Ben must know we can never be how we once were. How could we ever go back to iceskating around McCormick Tribune Ice Rink like we used in the winter, or go to Sidekicks for a burger and watch horribly tone deaf people sing karaoke, or rent any given Will Farrell movie to watch on my sofa with a freshly popped bag of Jiffy Pop and a warm fuzzy blanket, and have it ever be the same? How could I forget what it was like to kiss him and touch him and. Oh this is horrible! Tears prick the corners of my eyes and I suck them back to stare out the window. I watch people briskly walk by on this cold Monday afternoon. My eye catches a cute red head plant a kiss on what must be her tall dark boyfriend as he hops into a cab and waves her goodbye. She beams back at him and blows him another kiss. It makes my stomach turn. Suddenly I think how awful it would be if that were Ben, and I were watching him wave goodbye to his new girlfriend. I mean, it is inevitable, eventually he will move on. If we remained friends, how could I possibly be okay with seeing him with someone else? I know with his track record, it will take a week tops before he has another bright eyed floozy on his arm prancing all over the city. Uggghhh! I cant even stand the thought of it. How could I have been so foolish to subject myself to such heartbreak? I knew this was a bad idea from the start. Can I get you anything else? the waitress with a lisp says, while wiping her hands on her white bistro apron. No, Im fine, thank you. I reply looking down at my half eaten muffin and empty sugar rimmed mug from my pumpkin spiced latte. She picks up the mug and gives me a pitiful smile. Do I look that strung out? I glance down at my cell phone to see it is already two in the afternoon. What on earth have I been doing here for the past couple of hours? I have barely accomplished a thing, yet I have spent the greater part of my day here. I really need to stop this procrastination. It is so unlike me. My phone rings and it startles me. I answer it right away, only to hear Emilys voice on the other line. Where are you? At some caf I say gathering up my papers and taking a final bite of my muffin. I really need to get myself together. I waited for you all morning at the office. I called you a couple of times, but it went straight to voicemail-

I was probably at Mrs. van den Bergs when you called. You know I forward all my calls to voicemail when I am with clients. I remind her and push my way through the cafs heavy wooden doors. I still cant believe you scored that listing! Emily squeals with excitement, Clint is overjoyed about it. This is a really big deal for the company and of course your career. You are so lucky. I know. I cant believe she actually requested me. I say pulling my jacket tighter around my waist as the cool winter breeze pierces my skin. I had a showing of that condo by Wrigley Field, but its over now. Can you meet me at the office in twenty minutes? We really need to go over that paper work and sign off on a few things. Ill be there. I say, and shove my phone into my purse. As I hop on the subway, I promise myself that I will flip the Ben switch off in my brain and actually focus on work. I need this van den Berg listing so bad that I cannot screw it up. The commission on this sale will finally allow me to purchase an investment property of my own. Something I have been dreaming of doing for a long time. But because I have been so client focused and I am way too tight with my money (something I inherited from my mother), I have never had the balls to do it. In light of everything that has happened this past week, I am more than ready to make a few personal changes and focus on my future. Succeeding in my career and committing to purchasing a property seems ambitious enough. There is no better time than now. I need to figure out my priorities and stick to the Megan Daniels Plan of Action for her 25th Year that I have wanted to put into motion for a while now. You better get cracking. I think to myself as I pull out a pen and my notepad and start writing down my top ten things I wanted to do before I turned twenty-five. I squish down into an empty seat on the subway, sandwiched between a mother with two crying children and a plump man picking his nose, and begin to write: 1. TAKE A CLASS (a.k.a. Pilates/ New Language/ Cooking). It doesnt matter what at this point. All I want is to have a goal to achieve and a new reason besides the office to get up in the morning. 2. GET IN CRAZY NASTY SHAPE. Okay, maybe not NASTY shape. I dont want to look like a male body builder. But I do want to look toned enough to rock a killer six pack. I have been working hard on this for the past three years, but I am starting to think my body just rejects any type of muscle formation. 3. VISIT ALL 50 STATES. Like I will ever be able to take time off work for this (maybe in a couple of years from now) NEXT!

4. GO SKY DIVING. Something I am so scared of = something I have to do! 5. GET A TATTOO. I have no idea what I would get, but it would sure shock the hell out of my friends to know Grandma Megan was rocking a tramp stamp. 6. GO TO THE ELLEN SHOW. This is a must. She is my idol. No explanation needed. 7. VOLUNTEER MORE. There must be at least one old folks home around the greater Chicago area looking for new volunteers. Heck, I would probably like playing Backgammon on a Sunday afternoon while drinking tea. 8. GO TO NYC FOR NEW YEARS EVE. Who wouldnt want to do this? This is my favorite holiday of the year! I am dying to meet Regis Philbin. I wonder if he would be there 9. LEARN MY FAMILY GENEALOGY. I have no idea where my family came from. Are we European? Are we South American? Are we from the Soviet Union? No one tells me anything. What the hell am I? I must find this out. 10. SEE MY FAVORITE BAND. Do the Backstreet Boys even perform anymore? I put down my pen and glance at my impressive list. See, who needs Ben or Jessica when they have a remarkable to-do list like this? Why didnt I put this plan into action before? I feel way better about my life and current state of affairs now that I have some perspective on what I want. I technically have less than two weeks to do it all before the big 2-5. But who says I cant make this list of things I plan to do in my twenty-fifth year **** Once I get home from spending my whole afternoon with Emily, I continue to work diligently on closing deals and filing legal paperwork. Then I start to work on my Megan Daniels Plan of Action for her 25th Year, by attempting to get into crazy nasty shape. I throw in my P90X DVD Yoga Workout and drink a protein shake. I even make myself a spinach salad with apples, grilled chicken and walnuts for dinner in an attempt at healthy living. After I tidy up a bit, I work meticulously on my laptop, making work related phone calls, and setting up house showings for my new clients. I feel productive for the first time today, and I havent once thought about Ben or Jessica. But when eight oclock hits, everything changes. As much as I tried to avoid it, I knew Ben was patiently waiting for me at the Green Mill Pub. Then at quarter after eight, my phone vibrates on the coffee table. I nervously pick it up to see Ben has sent me a text: You coming? I feel a boulder form in my throat and my stomach twist in knots. Why does Ben have such a hold on me? Oh God. What should I write back? I cant avoid him forever. A few moments pass before the television distracts me. It flickers that the Bachelor will be

coming up next (mine and Jessicas favorite show). My heart sinks as I realize how much I truly miss Jessica. I wish I could call her and ask her what I should do as I run my fingers over my cell and debate my response to Ben. Should I just go and meet him, or should I avoid him until I am ready? She would know the answer, especially when it came to Ben. It pangs me with such sadness to think she is probably all cozied up, watching the Bachelor without me on her comfy leather sofa on her 62 flat screen in her family room. We always watched every episode together, and if we couldnt be together, we would Skype during the commercial breaks so we could intensely discuss the drama that insured. My phone vibrates again, distracting me with another text from Ben: Please Megan. We really need to talk. I stare at my phone analyzing his text over and over again in my mind. I quickly text him back: About what? I sit on my couch, nervously bouncing my foot on the floor and chewing my fingernails. Those seconds last forever before I hear my phone vibrate. I glance down at his dreaded response: I would really prefer to speak to you in person. Arghh! Ben can be so difficult! Doesnt he just want to spare me the humiliation of his inevitable rejection by taking the easy way out through technology? So I text him back: Well, Im not coming. There. Take that Ben. I place my phone face down on the coffee table and know I made the right decision not to see him tonight. I get up from the couch and walk into my bedroom to throw on a good pair of sweats with an oversized t-shirt. With hunched shoulders, I schlep back into living room and flop down on the sofa. I need all the comfort I can get right now as I sit alone and miserable, thinking how quickly I have begun to morph into my mother. Maybe I should get a pet. I think I might add that on my list. Then Ben sends me a final text: I understand. Thats right. I think to myself, Ben better understand that I am not okay with going back to being just friends after that. I turn off my cell phone and lean back on the sofa to snuggle up with my cozy warm blanket. Despite the pain I feel right now from knowing this confrontation with Ben is inevitable, I know I made the right choice. The last thing I want to hear is the dreaded friend word right now. I continue to watch the opening of the Bachelor when a clip from last weeks episode reveals some upcoming secret-filled cliffhanger from one of the female contestants. This juicy new

development makes me wish so badly that Jessica and I were speaking. I cant stop thinking how much it pains me not have her in my life. Because as trivial as intensely discussing the Bachelor may sound, those ridiculous debates over who the Bachelor should end up with, or who the biggest jerk is, or who is on the show for all the wrong reasons, were one of the many things that bonded us. Of course there are millions of other things of much greater importance than this outlandish show that defined our friendship. But right now, it is something as simple as this that is breaking my heart knowing she is angry with me. I have never needed her friendship as badly as I do right now. I have no idea what to do with my feelings for Ben, and more importantly, I dont know how to control them. Only Jessica would be able to ease my pain and be a strong listening ear when I needed one. I have to make things right between us. I look down at my computer screen and open my email. I have at least a hundred and fifty unread messages, but I choose to ignore all of them. Instead, I select the option to compose a new message. My fingers tremble as I begin to type: Jessica, Please do not delete this without reading it first. I never meant to hurt you. I know you are more than angry, and trust me you have every right to be. Just know that your friendship means the world to me. You are the sister/sibling I never had. I just cant imagine my life without you. I am so sorry. Megan. Before I can change my mind and discard the email, I hit the send button and exit out of my inbox. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, as I drift off for some much needed shut eye. I only hope that Jessica misses me as much as I miss her, and that she can find it in her heart to forgive me. Chapter 24 The following week flies by like a blur. I have so many showings for my new properties and I even sold one within twenty-four hours of it being listed on the market (which is always a bonus in the real estate trade). Ive been dealing with a million phone calls, loads of paper work and overly demanding clients. Ive been so tied up, sometimes even after dark, closing deals and negotiating offers that there have been times when I actually forgot to go to the bathroom. It wouldnt be until my bladder felt like it is about to explode, when I would finally bolt my way to the nearest toilet for a tinkle. Thankfully, the intensity from my workload has been a great distraction from Ben and has forced me to stay preoccupied from dwelling on my love-hindered reality. Ever since I left Ben high and dry that night, at the Green Mill Pub, he has not once tried to contact me; but I havent tried to contact him either. There has not been one phone call or text or email between the two of us. Which is crazy, because in all the years Ive known him, I dont think either of us, has ever gone this long without talking to one another. I try to remind myself not to be too bothered by his blatant disregard, because I know deep down, I was the one who purposely blew him off.

But there was a moment last Wednesday, when he strolled into the office around two in the afternoon that I finally thought about approaching him. I watched him greet everyone with his gorgeous white smile as he cascaded down the rows of cubicles and I hated him for looking so good. He wore a charcoal grey suit with a crisp white shirt and paisley print baby blue tie with flecks of grey. He passed by my desk, and I locked eyes with him, just to see if maybe he would give me some sort of sign that things could potentially ease up between us. He uncomfortably shifted his eyes and forced them down to the papers fumbled in his hands. I watched him glance down at his cell phone and slide into his chair before I looked away. I felt stupid for momentarily letting my guard down and letting Ben catch my stare. I went back to work and buried my head into the paper work piled up on my desk. Today, the Ben drama only continues when Emily points out she noticed Ben and I werent showing up together at the office in the morning. I give her a quizzical stare, So, whats the big deal? Emily raises her eyebrows, Well I happened to overhear a few of our co-workers talking about how they noticed Ben was acting strange whenever you were around. Define strange. I say, not at all impressed by this sudden inquisition. Well if you must know, someone said that earlier this week they saw a note from Ben asking you to call him. And then apparently he came into the office and you tried to run away from him? Emily smiles at me, and I am not sure what to make of it. Is she curious? Or is she on to me? You know, people around our office really need to mind their own business. Reitman Realty is worse for gossip than a high school full of teenage girls. I snap, and scan my papers through the photocopier; Just because Ben and I dont grab a coffee together in the morning, and he asks me to call him on a post-it note doesnt mean anything weird is going on between us. Emily stands there, skeptically nodding and listening to me ramble on, If you say so. I let out an awkward chuckle, Actually, you will be happy to know ever since Ben and I have discontinued our usual routine, I have made great use of the Keurig Clint bought everyone last year for Christmas. Unfortunately, Emily doesnt share a laugh like I had anticipated. I thought for sure she would see the humor of my saying so, because when Clint dressed as Santa Claus last year and handed out a Keurig to everyone, Emily, Ben and I quietly joked around the dessert table that buying a bunch of realtors one cup coffee machines, was like giving drug addicts their drug of choice for Christmas. Because one thing was sure around Reitman Realty LLC, no one needed any more coffee to feed his/her already prominent addiction. I nervously giggle and tap my papers with a pen. Emily narrows her eyes, You know. I have to admit. I didnt notice the weird behavior at

first. It wasnt until Ben strolled into the office without you this morning and asked me if I had seen you lately that I couldnt help but question if something was up. I gulp and look away. For some reason I am feeling guilty about hiding everything from Emily. I am just trying to stay focused thats all. Ben and I are just on different schedules right now. I lie, but quickly add to change the subject, So, do you have any good plans this weekend? Emily furrows her brow and leans down on the photocopier, Well tonight I am going down to Weed Street to meet my girlfriends for drinks at Sangria. Would you like to come? Before I can answer, she straightens up with a smirk, Or do you already have plans with Ben? Dont you two have some sort of television series marathons on Friday nights? No not tonight. I blush, and think that is exactly what I would be doing if I hadnt agreed to that goddamn coin toss. But I refuse to dwell on Ben, and I definitely dont want Emily to notice my discomfort. I can really appreciate her invite though. I need to get out for my own sanity. I havent heard from any of my remaining friends this week, even after I sent Jessica that pitiful email. I am still under the assumption that everyone, (excluding Jessica) isnt intentionally trying to avoid me. Instead I secretly hope they are all busy (as I happen to be), now that we are back to our normal lives. I decide to take Emily up on her offer because I do not want to spend another night relentlessly staring at my phone and hoping desperately for someone to call, while lounging in my pajamas and playing Sudoku. You know what, Id love to come. It sounds like fun. I say, and hope I am right. **** I arrive at Sangria determined to enjoy myself and not let my personal woes interfere with my evening. When I walk into the bar, the lights are low and the air is hot. It is packed with people scattered in every which way, as I try to push my way through the crowd and find Emily. I wanted to feel good tonight, so I could forget all about Jessicas rage and Bens rejection. I also know from hanging out with Emily and her friends before, they dont hesitate to dress to impress with their perky fake boobs and flawless smiles. So, in order to keep up with the ladies, I put on a cute black jersey dress with lacey sleeves. I added a contrasting blue belt to cinch my waistline to let it open up to a flirty flared skirt. I even put on a pair of stilettos and spiced up my normal makeup routine by adding some eye shadow and curling my eyelashes. I push past the swarmed bar area, filled with all different types of men in business suits and women in sophisticated dresses, making me feel like I more than appropriately dressed. This place isnt half as disgusting as a bar Ben would pick for a Friday night. For some reason, the bars he likes are full of tattooed guys with bad body odor and young girls with tongue rings and daddy issues. This place actually has an excellent vibe and people I can relate to, a smartly dressed, professional crowd. Emily appears in the distance and waves me over to a swanky booth in the corner, where she

and her friends already ordered a round of martinis and some tapas. Megan you look fabulous! Emily shouts, placing a kiss on either side of my cheek, You remember Darla and Fiona dont you? I do. I remember both of them very well. Darla is a six-foot tall Amazonian woman with long jet-black hair and piercing blue eyes. She once spent her later teens and early twenties modeling all over Europe, living off the trust fund from her wealthy Moroccan father she barely knew. On the other hand, Fiona is a lawyer with curly auburn hair and a body to die for. She is a perfectly pair shaped woman with curves in all the right places. She is a yoga instructor on the side and is extremely bubbly and a pleasure to be around. Emily refers all her clients to Fiona for all their legal real estate needs. Coincidently, that is how they became such good friends. But somehow between Darla taking a yoga class Fiona taught, and Emily taking on a more active role in the single lifestyle had the three of them quickly becoming friends and hitting it off in the windy city. Hey Megan, long time no see. Fiona says taking her toothpick full of olives out of her martini glass and bites down on one. She slides over in the booth, to let me sit beside her, Love the dress. Very chic Thanks I reply then look over at Darla and say hello. Darla doesnt respond, and hasnt even once looked up from rudely texting on her cell phone to acknowledge me. Finally she places her phone on the table and grabs a bacon wrapped scallop to plop in her mouth. Was that him? Emily asks Darla with bright eyes. It was. Darla says in a singsong voice. Darla just met someone. Emily adds in an attempt to involve me in their conversation. Oh thats nice. I smile, Who is he? Oh thats the best part. Emily grins and the three of them share a laugh. What? Is he famous or something? I innocently say. No Darla laughs and takes a sip from her martini. She leans back in the booth with a bashful grin and tucks her hair behind her ears, Hes my gynecologist. No way I shout, slapping my knees. How weird would that be? How long have you been dating? A couple weeks now. Darla proudly says. Thats great, I say. Yeah, his name is Drake, and hes really handsome. He is such a sweetheart. Darla pauses,

and then adds with apprehension and a furrowed brow, But hes in his forties He doesnt look it though, Fiona pipes in. True Emily agrees, But we all know how you like to rob the cradle. Fiona and Emily share a laugh, only to have Darla pipe in, Okay girls. That was one time and he actually wasnt even that young. He was twenty-one, and in my defense, he told me he was twentythree. Sure, sure Emily laughs and nudges Darla in the arm. Anyway Darla dismissively says and looks over at me, Hes going to be coming by later with some of his friends, so I hope you dont mind a little male commodore tonight. Not at all I say, and cant help but think this is the perfect opportunity to help me get over Ben. All I have to say is that his friends better be hot. Emily chimes in and takes a sip of her martini. The server approaches our booth and interrupts our conversation to ask me if I would like something to drink. I opt for a martini, just like the girls and order us a round of shots. The four of us laugh and chat, snacking on tapas and sipping on martinis while we wait for Darlas new man and his mystery friends to arrive. In the meantime, Emily is the life of the party and tells us story after story about all the bad dates she has recently been on and keeps us in stitches. Emily swears she is going to quit online dating and actually try to find a man without a creepy profile picture. Fiona interrupts and insists Emily isnt seriously looking for a man on purpose, because she is still in love with her horrid ex-boyfriend. Emily tells Fiona to shut it and claims that isnt true. She just hasnt found anyone who isnt fat, broke or weird just yet. Oh, theyre here Darla says, and waves over to a foursome of men headed our way. Thank God. Fiona moans, and jokingly adds, This party is in need of some penis. As the group of men approaches us, I can tell Drake is leading the way. His eyes are locked on Darla as he pushes through the crowd in his charcoal grey business suit and blue pinstriped shirt. She is right, he is handsome, and hardly looks like he is in his forties. He is in great shape, and has curly dark hair and big hazel eyes. As soon as he greets her, they share a quick kiss before she begins to introduce us. Drake is polite and shakes all of our hands. Then he moves out of the way to reveal his three other friends standing behind him, and that is when I hear a familiar voice say, Megan? I look up and focus my eyes to see Steven standing in front of me. Steven? I say, noticing his black eye has finally disappeared. You two know each other? Drake says with a smile.

Megan is friends with my cousin Jessica. Steven says and clears his throat. Oh so this is the mysterious Steven from Costa Rica. Emily loudly says and beams at me. Oh no Emily, please dont say anything. Oh, so Megan told you all about me then? Steven coldly says. She told me a little. Emily smiles, But she definitely forgot to mention how hot you were. Emily! I snap feeling myself begin to sweat. So then this is the infamous black-eye Megan? Drake laughs along with the other two guys who have still yet to be introduced. I just sit there, completely speechless. I mean, what do you say when someone refers to you as black-eye Megan? I look over at the girls, who are all intently staring at me, and I turn completely red. What is he talking about? Emily finally asks. Oh nothing I mumble until Drake cuts me off. Her boyfriend sucker punched Steven at that wedding and left him with a black eye. Drake arrogantly laughs, making me immediately decide Drake is a jerk. Okay thats enough! I sputter, as my face burns. Whose boyfriend? Emily asks glancing between Steven, and me Megan doesnt even have a boyfriend. Look, its not a big deal. Steven says coming to my rescue, Its water under the bridge. No, no, no Emily says waving her hands in the air, Megan, who is he talking about? Who is your boyfriend? Emily, I dont have a boyfriend. Believe me, its a long story. I snap, taking a sip of my drink. Emily looks suspiciously at me, and I feel the tensions quickly rising. I should have never come out tonight! Emily grabs her drink and demands I meet her at the bar pronto. I slide out of the booth and let the guys slide in. I brush against Stevens shoulder on my way out. He looks up at me, but doesnt smile. I look away and follow Emily. What the hell was that about? Emily asks, strategically leaning against the bar to let her boobs hang out as she waves down the bartender for another drink. It was Ben, I blurt out. Emilys mouth practically drops to the floor. She shoves me and shouts Shut up! making me stumble backwards and slam into a man sitting behind me on a barstool.

Im serious. I say, and see Emilys eyes light up, We werent dating, but we were you know I knew something was going on! Why did you lie to me this afternoon? Emily shouts. Honestly Emily, its really complicated, but whatever it was its over now. I sigh, feeling myself become emotional all over again. You better tell me everything! Not tonight of course, this isnt the proper forum to rehash all the juicy details. This calls for a night of sweats and a good bottle of wine. Deal I say. She squeezes my hand and then unnecessarily adds, So how was he? As big as I normally like to fantasize? Emily! I shout and roll my eyes, only to feel my phone vibrating in my clutch. What? Emily says, You cant leave me hanging. Those are important details girlfriends must share. I look at my cell phone, and see it is Michelle calling, One second Emily, I have to take this. Is it Ben? Emily giggles. No I roll my eyes, Ill be right back. I push my way outside into the cool night air, so I can answer my phone without any background noise to muffle out Michelles voice. Megan, its me. She breathes into the phone, Where are you right now? Im out with Emily. Why? I say feeling a tad panicked. You need to get down to The Berghoff right now. Michelle says in a hushed whisper. I cant. Im out right now. Besides, isnt that restaurant close to my condo? I ask with curiosity, It would take me at least thirty minutes to get there in good traffic. No seriously Megan. You need to ditch Emily and get down here right now, if you dont want to lose Ben forever. My heart pounds like crazy in my chest. I am scared to know what Michelle is hinting at. I stand still on the pavement, completely frozen from fear. I do not want to hear any more words about to come out of her mouth. Megan? Are you still there? she asks. Whats going on? I ask with a tremble in my voice. Look, I dont know Megan, but I met some girls from work here for dinner, and as we were

leaving, I saw Ben in the restaurant having dinner with another woman. What? I shout into the phone completely gob-smacked. I start to feel the tears well up in my eyes, but I knew it was only a matter of time. Megan, you need to get down here right now and No I shout into the phone, Michelle, please! How pathetic do you think I am? I dont think youre pathetic at all She says, I just cant handle this happening between you two. Forget it Michelle. I wave my hand in the air, It is Ben. I didnt expect any less. Do you want me to go in there and say something? Michelle asks. No I breathe helplessly into the phone. Look, Im sorry I called, but you deserved to know. Thanks Michelle. I mumble and before we say our goodbyes, she says she will call me tomorrow. I vaguely remember her making me promise we are getting together for my birthday next weekend, or her telling me she found a pair of my sandals in her luggage, and that shell bring them by my condo sometime next week. I finally hang up and throw my head back. I look high into the starry night sky and let out a huge sigh. This was supposed to be a good night! First Steven! Now this? Suddenly this night couldnt possibly get any worse. Are you coming back in or what? Emily says, poking her head out the doors of Sangria, I ordered another martini for you. Hurry up. Thanks Emily, but I think I am just going to go home. I sigh and wave down a cab to call it a night. Chapter 25 The morning of my birthday, I wake up in a state of panic. How did this happen? How did I suddenly reach the quarter century club? I cant believe how another week has flown by and all I have done is work, work, work, work, work spreading myself thin from open house to open house and client to client, to distract me from my pathetic life. I brew myself a fresh pot of coffee and sit at my kitchen table letting the soft morning light beam through my patio doors. I fumble through my piles of client contracts, thinking about Jessica and how I have never celebrated my birthday without her. I stare at my phone and hope the longer I glare at it, the more likely it will ring with her on the other end of the line. When my phone does ring, I snatch it up in my fingers optimistic this blocked call may be Jessica. But it isnt, its Blake Donahue, Bens rival realtor. He is calling to let me know his clients have accepted Mrs. van den Bergs counter offer. I thank Blake for the call, and smile from ear to ear. This is the best birthday present

ever! I successfully closed the deal on Mrs. van den Bergs million-dollar listing! I did it! I call Mrs. van den Berg to give her the good news, but she doesnt answer. I leave her a message and make myself some breakfast. I am cramming my mouth full of eggs when I get another call, but this time from Clint. He tells me he has heard the good news, and invites me to his office for some champagne to celebrate. I tell him I will stop by (even though it is a Saturday and my birthday), to which he replies he looks forward to it. By the time I shower, blow dry my hair, and answer a string of birthday calls; I have talked with my mother, then father, then grandmother, and finally my crazy cousin Tiffany, all wanting to wish me a happy birthday. When I pull my phone away from my ear, it is half past noon. I scurry around my front hall closet, searching for my black boyfriend blazer, to professionalize my dark wash skinny jeans and plain white tank top. I am ten minutes late for my meeting with Clint, and can already see him foaming at the mouth from my tardiness. Just as I am barreling out the door, my phone vibrate with a text message from Michelle: Happy Birthday Girlie! So I promptly text her back: Thanks! Michelle responds right away: Remember were going out for a drink tonight you old bag. It isnt everyday you hit the big 2-5! I cringe at her old bag reference, then text back: Sounds good. Call me later. I roll my eyes thinking the last thing I need tonight, is to go out and potentially see either Ben or Jessica. Not that I think either of them would actually attend, knowing I was going to go out for a couple of drinks on my birthday, but I dont put it past Michelle at all to pull a fast one. Suddenly I get another text, but this time from Eric: Happy Birthday Megs! See you tonight? Thats weird. I havent heard from anyone besides Michelle for the past two weeks, and now I am getting simultaneous text messages from everybody? I know its my birthday and the perfect excuse to contact someone, but really? So I text Eric back: Thanks Eric. Yeah lets hook up later. Then my phone starts ringing, and I see its Clint. Oh shit!

Hello? I say, sounding as calm as possible. Megan? Where the hell are you? Weve been waiting for you for the past twenty minutes! Clint shouts into the phone. I can only imagine how red his face is right now, since it always turns a million different shades of crimson when he is on the verge of losing it. Im on my way Clint. Sorry, I was held up. Its my birthday and I dont want to hear a sob story Megan! Clint yells into the phone, and then whispers, Mrs. van den Berg is here. Now hurry up. and clicks off from our conversation. When I push through Clints office door, the first thing I see is my boss in a three piece suit, and Mrs. van den Berg sitting on the sofa in his office. They both stand up to greet me. I quickly wipe away the stray stands of hair still plastered on my face from the whirling winds outside. Mrs. van den Bergs silver hair is pulled back neatly in a bun, and her blue eye shadow is very prominent on her eyelids. She is wearing a tweed pantsuit with piles of gold jewelry draping from her neck, wrists and fingers. She pulls me in for a tight hug, giving me a clear view of Clint standing behind her with a furrowed brow and face of contorted disappointment. Im so sorry I am late. I gently pull away from Mrs. van den Berg, Today is my birthday. I was stuck on the phone with a bunch of different family members. You know how it is when it comes to family. I chuckle, watching Mrs. van den Berg smile in agreement. Well were so glad you could make it dear. She says and motions me to sit down beside her. Clint clears his throat and slides down onto a armchair, Well Megan, I suppose this is a formal congratulations for the impeccable job you did on Mrs. van den Bergs listing - We already opened the champagne dear Mrs. van den Berg interrupts, passing me a bubbling glass of pink champagne. Thanks I reply and take a sip, then add, I tried calling you earlier. I know dear, I got the message. I called Clint right away. I wanted to see you in person. Mrs. van den Berg says with a smile. I am so confused. This is not how I normally deal with clients. But then again, this isnt just an everyday listing or an everyday client. Well for me anyway. Ben on the other hand, has million-dollar listings all the time, but I dont recall him having lavish follow up meetings with champagne You know, I normally wouldnt ask someone to pop in the office on a Saturday just for some celebratory champagne. Clint apprehensively looks from me to Mrs. van den Berg. I choke a bit on my drink and wonder where this is going, But, because of the great work you did, Mrs. van den Berg asked I set up a meeting with you as soon as possible to discuss your future representation on a few other properties she has and is ready to sell.

I just sit there frozen, utterly speechless. Well dear? What do you say? I just adored how hard working you were, and you were able to negotiate above and beyond what I expected for my property. How about we try to sell a few more? I just dont have the energy like I used to, to manage all this real estate. Mrs. van den Berg gives me a wink. I would love to I squeal and thank her a million times over. I am happy to see Clints grumpy and wrinkled face change to sheer joy. Megan Mrs. van den Berg says and gently places her hand on mine When Ben Romano turned down representing my listing, I thought he was crazy. He insisted you were the woman for the job and spoke so highly of you. I am so glad I listened to him dear, you are great at what you do. I hesitate, and then say with outright confusion, Ben turned down your listing and referred me to you? Yes dear Mrs. van den Berg smiles completely oblivious as to why my fingers are trembling beneath hers. Did you know about this Clint? I ask, feeling a surplus of unidentified emotions welling up inside of me. I blink away the tears forming in the corners of my eyes. No I didnt Clint says looking more puzzled than I feel. I am stunned. I cannot believe Ben would pass up on a property like that, and he did it for me. I must have heard Mrs. van den Berg all wrong. I feel like I am in the Twilight Zone. This cant possibly be what is happening right now. Am I getting Punked? I quickly scan Clints office, waiting for Ashton Kutcher to pop out of Clints closet, where I know he keeps his jacket, booze and secret stash of condoms. But nothing happens. Then distracting us all, my cell phone starts ringing. I pull it out of my jacket, even more shocked to see Jessicas number flash on my screen. I must be dreaming. First Ben passing off a multi-million dollar listing on to me, now this Im sorry I say with a tremble in my voice, I have to take this. No problem dear Mrs. van den Berg says, I have to be going anyway. I have left my signed contracts of representation with Clint on the three other properties. Well get in touch tomorrow. Thank you Mrs. van den Berg I say and slide out of Clints office and bolt it to my cubicle. When I answer my cell phone, I cautiously place it up to my ear only to mutter a quiet hello. I hear Jessica respond with a guarded greeting. I am shocked to discover my mouth has turned against me and I am at a loss of words. Megan, are you there? Jessica says with concern.

Are you going to yell at me? I ask, feeling my body vibrate with angst. No Jessica says with a laugh, I got your email. Oh I say still feeling unsure of how to deal with Jessica. It isnt like her to forgive, and hand in hand with forgiveness, someone somewhere is giving an apology (which is also highly unlikely from Jessica). Look Megan, I know you never meant to hurt mebut you did. I have never ever lied to you about anything. She sighs into the phone, and I can tell she is still genuinely disappointed. I didnt lie to you on purpose, I say in defense, I am really sorry, but I was horrified that morning when I woke up with Ben in my bed. I had no idea what was going on and- I know Megan. Jessica says and cuts me off, Dont think this phone call means I am not still mad at you, your little secret ruined my wedding you know. I know I sigh, feeling like the worlds worst friend. But I refuse to miss out on my best friends twenty-fifth birthday. What kind of friend would I be if I wasnt there for her when she became one year closer to a senior citizen? Are you forgiving me? I say with a strained laugh. Dont be cute! Jessica shouts with a chuckle, Now, we are going out tonight, no ifs ands or buts. I already talked to everyone and we have reservations for nine at JBar. Oh I say with a hint of uncertainty to my voice. Jessica must read my mind, because she says, Dont worry, Ben wont be there. Once I get home, I finally get a call from Emily, and a text from Matthew and Stephanie. They all wish me a happy birthday, and say they are excited to see me tonight. Emily asks me what I am going to wear, which I respond Im not sure yet. I hang up with her and rifle through my closet in search of a proper twenty-fifth birthday outfit, but nothing sparks my interest. My closet looks like a dull businesswoman fantasy. Its full of pantsuits, A-line skirts and blouses. Nothing I own seems to have any sex appeal or allure. Both things I decide I need, as a freshly aged and apparently single woman. I rip out about fifteen playfully and flirty dresses and blast a streamline of Rihannas greatest hits. I drink red wine and give myself my own personal fashion show. Unfortunately, I decide nothing is exciting enough, or fits me quite right. I glance at the clock, and notice it is only six oclock. I still have plenty of time to whip down to Macys and find something appropriate to wear for tonight. I deserve it. I pound back the last droplets of my wine, and dance over to my door and pull on my blazer. I click off my iPod, ending the dance party for one, and hear complete silence. As I slide on my shoes,

a knock on my door startles me to the point of a high-pitched shriek. Who on earth could that be? The only two people have the access code to get into my building without me buzzing them up are my mother and Jessica. I pull open the door, and my chest practically seizes when I see him. Chapter 26 Nothing I could have done, would have prepared me for this moment. Ben is standing three feet in front of me, looking as hot as ever with a clean-shaven face, hair gelled back and his mouth slightly parted. The outfit he is wearing makes my heart flutter around in my chest. He looks fantastic leaning against my doorway all spiffed up. The way his teal knit sweater clings to his muscular chest, contrasted by his brown bomber leather jacket, coupled with his dark wash jeans sitting perfectly on his hips, is enough to make me ache inside. But I remain as poised as possible and plaster on my best poker face to greet him with a cold, How did you get in here? Ben clears his throat and blushes a bit, I called your mother and she gave me the code to get into your building. Damn my mother and her crazy Ben obsession. How dare she! Oh really I say unimpressed and lean against the doorway to block his view into my condo, Well you should have called first, because I was just on my way out. Oh Ben sighs and runs his fingers through his dark hair. He pauses for a second, letting a moment of silence linger between us. He narrows his eyes at me and tilts his chin upward, But even if I would have called you, you would have just ignored it. Isnt that what youve been doing lately purposely avoiding me? I blush a bit and look away, Ive avoided you for good reason, I say and cross my arms in front of my chest. Ben leans over and places his hand on the brass knob putting his face inches in front of mine, Are you going to let me in or not? I gulp and step aside to let him walk through my doorway. He slides off his jacket and places it on the bench in the entry. He casually walks into the living room and flops down on my sofa in his usual spot, (the far left corner, which just happens to be the comfiest worn in cushion). He looks up at me with pursed lips and drapes his arm along the back of the sofa then pats the spot beside him. I roll my eyes and shake my head, stubbornly frozen in my foyer. Just say what you have to say Ben. I snap, and then add, Because I really have to get going. I cant stand his casual demeanor. Its like he has forgotten everything that happened in Costa Rica, and its like he just thinks all is well between us; when it clearly isnt (at least from my

perspective). More importantly, I just wish he would put me out of my misery and whip out the friend card, so I can tell him the idea of us being friends is no longer an option. Fine Ben sighs, and nervously says, Well first of all, Happy Birthday. Thanks I mutter tapping my foot impatiently on the floor. Im really sorry for what happened at the wedding. That was totally out of line. He gets up from the sofa, and starts to walk over to me. Thanks Ben, thats just what I needed. A really nice apology, I sarcastically say, I still dont know what youre doing here. After everything that happened, you cant actually think things will ever be the same between us. Besides, shouldnt you be at The Berghoff on another date tonight? What are you talking about? Ben stops dead in his tracks, Wait? How did you know I was at The Berghoff? Michelle saw you! I shout and suddenly start to feel the tears well up in the corners of my eyes. Pull it together Megan! Do not let him see you cry! Not now! You were doing so well! I was out with my sister. He calmly lets out a sigh and pushes back his broad shoulders. Youre lying to me! Just like you did about Stephanie! I scream at him, and place my head in my hands. I wish I could just control myself. This spastic loose cannon approach to putting him in his place is not what I had planned at all when I imagined us coming face to face for the first time since things ended. Megan, calm down! Ben shouts back with hurt behind his eyes, Im not lying to you. My sister lost like fifty pounds, remember? Michelle probably didnt recognize her. But if she would have come over to our table, she would have known that. I took her out for dinner because I needed someone to talk to - about you. He finishes and points his finger at me. Even if its thats the case, I say putting my hands rigidly to my hips, now completely unsure of what to believe and feeling slightly stupid, It doesnt matter anyway. Its over and nothing will ever be the same between us. I just cant be friends again. Megan Ben pleads. I just cant do it. I mumble and cut him off. I make the mistake of looking up at him, only to feel a giant crocodile tear trickle down my cheek. Please dont cry- Ben softly says placing himself only a few inches in front of me. He gently wipes away my tear with the back of his thumb and pulls my head into his chest then whispers, Believe me, I dont want to be friends anymore either.

I pull away and look up at him, both confused and anxious as to what he means. I feel a prickling sensation behind my knees as I stare directly into his dark brown eyes. Megan, I know in the past I said I didnt believe in love and marriage and all that crap. Ben sighs and continues, But thats because I had never been with someone I wanted all those things with. But when Im with you, I want all those things. He runs one hand through his hair and nervously bites his lip, I love you. My heart is racing and I can barely breathe, let alone respond to Bens words. I try to muster something out, but no such luck. I am a surplus of emotions; thrilled, ecstatic, confused, you name it. I even wonder if this is all a dream and I secretly pinch myself when he isnt looking, Do you remember that New Years Eve at The Cove? I nod thinking to myself how could I forget? Do you remember me asking you at the end of the night if you wanted me to come back to your apartment? Yeah I say feeling myself blush. Thats the night I knew I loved you. Oh please I grumble, looking down to the floor. Megan, stop. Ben pleads, Please hear me out. I roll my eyes, but he continues, That night, you were so beautiful. I had never seen you look so amazing. I remember you wore a tight jean skirt with a black shirt. It was low in the front and haltered around your neck so you had a bare back. You were even wearing high heels, which was so unlike you. I am stunned that he actually remembered what I was wearing. Ben never pays attention to stuff like that. I suddenly feel all the tightness and tension drain from my body. I have always had feelings for you, but I thought they were because we were such good friends. But that night, when I saw other guys checking you out at the bar, I didnt like it. I tried to see if maybe you were feeling the same way as I was, by making little gestures towards you all night, but you didnt bite. Instead you shut me down twice, once in the bar and once out at the cab. Why didnt you just say something? I ask. Megan did you not hear me? You shut me down all night and then shortly after that you started dating that douche bag Marco. You have never ever not had a boyfriend! When was I supposed to swoop in and tell you how I felt? Not to mention how you can be so intimidating and closed off at times that it makes you impossible to read. When I hooked up with Stephanie or any other girl for that matter, you were too busy off dating someone else to ever give a shit how I felt. What was I supposed to do? Stay celibate in hopes that one day you might love me as much as I loved you? Besides, that night with Stephanie, I was beyond drunk and I thought you wanted nothing to do with me. But trust

me, if I had thought even for a second I had any type of chance with you, it would never have happened. Ben places his hand on my lower back, and I want to brush him away, but I dont. Instead I feel the warmth from his hand radiating onto my skin and feel myself weaken to his touch as my breathing quickens. He gently tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear, That night, at Third Rail Tavern, I never had a date that stood me up. I invited you there on purpose, because I promised myself before we left that it would be the last time I would ever try and see if there was something more than friends between us. When I propositioned you with that coin toss, and you said yes, I couldnt believe it. I knew once we did that, there was a chance it could ruin everything. But after it happened, it only confirmed I wanted to be with you so bad that I couldnt keep on hiding how much I loved you, because being your friend just wasnt good enough for me anymore. You really love me? I say and feel my heart pounding out of my chest. Megan, I love you so fucking much that I cant even imagine my life without you. Bens expression lets me know that he truly loves me. It was written all over his face and the desperation in his voice only confirms that this is definitely not a lie. All I can think about is how much I love him too, Since the day we met, youve always had my heart and Ive always known you were the greatest thing to ever walk into my life. Any woman I have ever been with before you, was just a distraction until I could have the one woman Ive always wanted. I swear to God Megan, that I have never wanted anything more in my life than to be with you. And I have never been more terrified in all my life as I am right now. I open my mouth slightly, because I cant wait to shout out that I love him, but he interrupts. Wait. Before you say anything else, I have something I want to give you - for your birthday. He pulls a small neatly wrapped box with a pink bow from the pocket of his jeans. He hands me the gift, and without a word, I slowly unwrap it to find a tiny brown box, beneath all the cream colored wrapping paper and shiny pink ribbons. I look up at him, petrified of what might be in there, but he gives me a reassuring nod. I pry the box open to see a shiny 1952 George Washington quarter on a bed of tissue paper. I know exactly what significance this quarter holds, and I feel the tears well up in my eyes. I saved it. Ben nervously says, I want you to have it. I look at him, and feel the same way I did that night he took me turtle watching in Costa Rica. I love him, more than anything in the whole entire world, and I so badly want to kiss him. Megan, please say something. Tell me right now whether or not you feel the same way. Ben begs taking one step closer and pushes his pelvis into my body. I can feel the warmth of his breath on my shoulders when he presses his nose against my forehead. He places his hand on my cheek and his

touch is electric. It sends a tingling sensation up my spine and raises the hairs on my neck. I do. I say and lock my eyes with his. Ben lets out a huge sigh of relief. He moves his hand down from my cheek, and cups the back of my neck and places his other free hand firmly on my bottom. I tilt my head up to meet his lips and I swear I see fireworks go off in my condo when our mouths finally touch. I cant believe this is happening; never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine us in this moment. I never ever thought for a second Ben would ever love me in any other way than a friend, or that I would ever be so lucky. I grip him harder in my arms, and kiss him back, running my fingers through his thick dark hair. We stumble onto the sofa and my heartbeat quickens; my lips part as Ben passionately kisses me and thrusts his hips up against mine. He smells ridiculously good, but it is definitely not cologne. Im thinking more body wash, or expensive shampoo. Whatever it is, its intoxicating and I am lost in him and this moment. My heart has accepted that he is my forever, and more importantly, that is exactly what my heart wants. When he yanks off my blazer, I also accept I am not going to Macys anytime soon, and the only birthday outfit I will be wearing tonight, is coincidently the one I was born with. Ben flips me on top of him, and pulls me upright into a sitting position. He peels my shirt off from my body and flexes his hips, then slowly kisses down my neck and all along my shoulders. He smiles against my collarbone, and looks up at me and says, This is it Megan. You are all I want. I love you. I smile inside and seductively whisper, I love you too. Ben lips suction against mine and his hand covers my breast, while the other cups my bottom. I love his hands all over me. I love how he makes me feel and I love how hard he feels against my groin. He growls and runs his nose along my neck and whispers against my skin, You smell incredible. I grab handfulls of his shirt and yank it over his head. His six pack is stunning as I run my hands along its ripples, Its been way too long. Ben whispers, then with a naughty smirk says, Youre gonna get it. His hands cup my face as he kisses me, strong, passionate and fierce. I run my fingers through his hair and feel the ache welling up inside me. Ben lifts me off of him, never letting his lips stray from my mouth and leans me back onto the sofa. He runs his hands down the sides of my body until he finds my knees and forces them apart. Oh my God the way he touches me sends chills up my spine. His hardness pressing between my legs, makes me crave nothing more than for him to be inside me. Ben jerks off my pants and tosses them over the sofa. He slides my panties to the side and his hand wanders right there. Ben kicks off his jeans moving inside me with his fingers. He pulls away leaving my lips and making me throb between my legs. Our breathing is quick and heavy as Ben hovers over me and locks his soft brown eyes with mine. I lift my hips to meet his thrust and wrap my legs around his waist. Thrust after thrust and kiss after kiss everthing still feels surreal. I claw at his

back when I climax and moments later he releases. He lets out a deep breath, still inside me and gently strokes my hair then kisses my forehead, Youre my forever. I let out a sigh of happiness when Ben pulls out and slides against my side. I cuddle into him and feel his smooth bare chest on my warm skin. We lie together in a comfortable silence letting out breathing slow. After a few short minutes, Ben sits up on the sofa and smiles I want to take you out on a real date. How about tonight, for a birthday dinner? Right now? I ask still in an utter daze from our fantastic make-up sex. I glance at the clock on my wall, Its already quarter to eight and I have to be somewhere at nine. Ben strokes my bare legs with his fingers, Where are you going? Jessica made reservations at JBar. Do you want to come? I ask. You bet Im coming. I am not letting my sexy girlfriend out on the town without me. Ben laughs, leans down and kisses my forehead. I love that he just called me his girlfriend and I smile from ear to ear. Ben places his index finger on his chin, and taps it there for a few moments, You know, if we leave right now and go for dinner, I am positive we will have more than enough time to meet up with everyone else at nine. Its almost eight oclock. Thats not enough time. I whine wiggling myself up on the sofa. It is more than enough time. Ben insists and pulls me on top of him to straddle his naked body, then gently kisses me on the lips, Now get up. No I laugh and wrap my arms around his neck, Lets just stay here. You can take me out on a real date anytime. I dont want to be late. An hour is really not enough time. I still need to get ready. Ben crosses his arms in front of his smooth muscular chest, Is that so? Yes it is. I say and kiss his cheek. Ben mischievously rips my arms out from around his neck, and starts playfully wrestling me. He tickles up and down my sides and forces me into the sofa. Stop it! I shout, laughing hysterically and try to wiggle myself free. Not until you agree to have dinner with me. He says. Fine! I will! I laugh, but when I gain back my breath I scold him, But we cannot be a minute late, so pick a restaurant somewhere close to JBar. Done Ben says, and rolls off of me to free me from his weight, Now hurry up. Lets go. He leans over the sofa, picks up my jeans from the floor and tosses them at me with a huge grin.

Chapter 27 You picked Grape Street Piano Bar? I pout, as we step out of the cab. Whats wrong with this place? Ben nervously says, slipping his hand into mine as we walk up to the entrance, I thought you loved this place. I pause and think about some of the crazier nights we had together here. Ben was right, I did love this place and I knew it held some great memories. There was one particular time during out last week of university, when Ben orchestrated a night out with our group of friends. He originally planned for us to hit up some posh new club, but because there was some strict dress code policy we were turned away. Unlike everyone else funneling in through the doors, we were dressed like typical students, in frumpy dumpy Ugg boots and destroyed denim. Therefore, the bouncer had no problem denying our entry. With our night becoming bleaker by the second, Ben suggested we go to Grape Street, a piano bar we visited a bunch of times a block or so away. Everyone moaned and groaned and complained that only old people went there; which ironically enough, old to us at the time was defined as a bunch of mid to late twenty year olds. But with much determination, Ben convinced us it would be a good idea. I have to say, that night is one of my fonder memories from my past. We had that place rocking with those so-called geezers and made the pianist play every Elton John song under the sun. Ben requested Bennie and the Jets more than three times, and claimed to everyone in the bar that Sir Elton wrote it for him and his late band members formally known as The Jets. Obviously no one believed him, but everyone loved Bens drunken enthusiasm, and soon enough the whole bar was cheering him on when belted out his beloved song on stage with the pianist and a bottle of beer in hand. Shivers run up my spine as the cool winter winds nip at my bare hands, snapping me back to reality, Actually, Im happy you picked this place. Youre right. We do have some good memories here. Remember Bennie and the Jets? I laugh giving Ben a playful nudge. How could I forget? Ben says wrapping his arms around me outside the entryway. Suddenly Im not cold anymore. He stares down at me and I smile at him, wistfully reflecting on how we were once just friends - a chapter of our lives I now can keep close to my heart forever. Arent we going in? I ask as Ben plants a soft kiss on my forehead. Ben doesnt respond to my question, instead he kisses my cheek. Then he tilts my chin up with him thumb and index finger, enthralled in the moment and kisses me on my lips. We kiss for a long time, touching everywhere. I know people are probably walking by, disgusted by our PDA, but I dont care, because I am proud to admit I am one of those couples. Right now, we are the couple I would look at with envy as they mauled each other in front of me. I imagine us years from now with grey hair and a body full of wrinkles on our front porch drinking homemade lemonade, watching our

grandchildren play in the yard and looking back on this moment, thinking how lucky we were to have taken a risk on our friendship (even though it wasnt easy) and fell in love. Ben suddenly pulls away, and places his hands on either side of my head caging me against the wall. He looks into my eyes and anxiously says, Before we go in there, I want you to know how much I love you. You are the most stunningly beautiful woman I have ever known. I love everything about you, whether it is your weird obsession with playing the game Scrabble, or the way your butt looks in a tight pair of jeans, or how you are so focused on your career, or how you are always a listening ear just when I need one. I want you to know that when you told me tonight that you felt the same way as I did, you made me the happiest man in the world. I blush looking down at my stiletto heels Ben insisted I wear tonight over my ballet flats; even though he knows I hate wearing heels. But I love that he challenges me on all my idiosyncrasies. I love that he takes me out of my comfort zone and makes me confront my neurotic behavior and pushes me to live life to the fullest and live in the moment. Then Ben gives me a final smile before he pulls the door open and says, Ladies first. SURPRISE!!!! Is the only thing I hear as I walk through the doorway, deafening my ears. The shouts shock me silent. I look around the bar to see everyone I love and care about surrounding me. I am speechless, recognizing all the hundred or so people staring at me. Some are my colleagues, some are my family, and some are my friends. At first, it is hard for me to comprehend what is going on, until Michelle and Stephanie toss a pink boa around my neck, and Jessica places some flashy crown on my head that lights up with the number 25 on top. Matthew pats Ben on the back, and Eric shakes his hand. Michael gives me a gentle hug and wishes me a happy birthday. I stand their completely gob-smacked wondering how this is even happening right now. I am even more confused when I see my mother and father both standing together inches apart from each other and wearing matching party hats and beaming at me from ear to ear. What is going on? I shout with a laugh as my mother embraces me in a hug. Jessica perks up behind my mother, and says looking up at Ben, Ask him. I look quizzically at Ben, not believing for a second he could have possibly done something like this for me. It is no easy feat to throw a surprise party. I know myself from hosting Jessicas surprise sweet sixteenth birthday bash, that there is a lot of preparation and work involved in pulling something like this off. Did you plan all this? I ask looking up at Ben. He sheepishly nods, shrugs his shoulders and says, Busted. I pull away from my mother who is beaming at Ben lit up with admiration. I lunge at him forcing myself onto my tippy toes and kiss him right on the lips - in front of everyone. Cheers go off

all around us, and before I pull away, I feel Emily patting me on the back to hand me a drink with a congratulatory grin. Ben gives me a wink and shouts up to the pianist to play Bennie and the Jets while he takes a beer from Matthew. I burst out laughing and feel myself fill with warmth inside. The fear of getting older has completely vanished and oddly enough, I am even more so thankful that I made it to this day, just so I could be here right now in this moment with everyone I love and cherish in my life. Jessica, Stephanie and Michelle surround me, holding a bunch of shots. Michelle drapes her arm around my shoulders, Thank God you showed up. Did you guys all know about this when you called me today? I ask watching trays and trays of food getting set up on a table a few feet away. Bens been planning this for a whole week Jessica snorts, He rented the whole damn restaurant for you. I blush, I was on my way to Macys when he showed up at my door, hes lucky I even let him in. He took a chance because he loves you. Michelle says and gives me a wink. We even placed bets on it. Stephanie adds, But since you showed up with him all in love, you cost all of us ten bucks! Well except for Jessica Michelle adds. Yeah, Jessica is the only one who bet against all of us. So thanks to you, she is sixty dollars richer tonight. Stephanie says with a laugh. Guilty as charged. Jessica says smiling at me and adds, Nobody knows my girl Megan like I do. I smile at her, thinking how right she is. Nobody knows me better than she does. I wrap my arms around her and embrace her in a tight hug. Okay enough, Im getting teary Jessica says and pushes me away, waving her free hand in front of her face to fan away the tears. She gains composure and says, Now raise your shot glasses ladies. Without hesitation, Stephanie, Michelle and I comply with Jessicas orders only to hear her say, Happy birthday to my best friend! Welcome to the quarter century club! I love you! I playfully roll my eyes at Jessica slam back my shot with the girls. When I look up, I see Ben across the bar. I smile at him and marvel at how so much has changed in such a short time. I was a neurotic mess, scared of love and commitment and too stupid to see that I had something real in front of me all along. Because when Im with Ben, I feel safe and loved; I am free to be my true self - I

always have been. At the end of the night, when everyone is stumbling out of the bar, still singing a streamline of Billy Joels greatest hits. I wave goodbye to all those I love with Ben by my side. When a cab pulls up, just like it did years ago on that chilly New Years Eve in front of The Cove, I slide in and place my bottom on the dirty fabric seats. Ben wedges himself between the open door and says with a playful glimmer in his eyes Do you want me to come with you? This time I dont question a thing. Instead I do exactly what I should have done back then. I nod with a smile and invite him to snuggle up beside me, because I have every intention of us heading back to my condo together, and being with Ben forever. About the Author Amanda Cowen can be found picking up toys, wiping dirty faces and kissing boo boos when she isnt trapped on her computer writing stories and delighting her imagination. She has been writing since the ripe age of twelve about ponies and princesses in brightly colored duo-tangs with metallic pens. Thankfully, she now has a Mac with a keyboard where she can write about love, sex and relationships. She is an Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia fanatic, a hater of rollercoasters and a country music junkie. She is married with two children and lives in Thunder Bay, ON where the summers are short and the winters are long. Her next Contemporary New Adult Fiction novel BREATHLESS will be available in Spring 2014. If you want to find her, LIKE her on Facebook, befriend her on Goodreads, or follow her blog.