A Hellmouth Christmas Carol" Co-written by LelaRose In memory of Glenn Quinn. May he rest in peace.

Notes: There were certain things we didn't want to bother with so we left them out of this fic. 1) There is no Dawn or Connor. 2) Riley did exist and now is gone fighting demons in the jungle or whatever; Borrowing the idea of Angelus talking in thought from Maquis's fabulous stories on http://love-is-immortal.tripod.com. Oh, and our apologies to Charles Dickens. <.> will represent the characters thoughts; represents Angelus's thoughts. *will be used to emphasize a word. Lyrics: Head Over Feet - Alanis Morissette; Various Christmas Carols Christmas Eve In LA... The sounds of Christmas Carols echoed throughout the hotel, as did the laughter of the group downstairs, the merrymaking jubilant and noisy. The sounds were accompanied by the aromatic smell of freshly brewed coffee and cookies just out of the oven adding to the warm and homey feel. Angel listened absently as he wrapped the small jewel box, his preternatural hearing picking up an occasional comment when he bothered to pay attention. The window was open, the cool night breeze drifting in and chilling the room. It was of little matter to him though, as external heat and cold seemed to have little influence on him these days. He always seemed to feel chilled, the cold from his body filling his heart and soul. Cordelia has insisted on the Christmas tree and the decorations and Angel had given in without protest. He knew that she, like the rest of the AI team, really had nowhere else to be on Christmas Eve and so they would celebrate it together, a family of sorts. For so many years prior to the last few Angel had simply let the holidays pass him by. And he had liked it that way. It was easier to stay out of the way, keeping humans at a distance, staying in the shadows. There were other reasons too, that Angel avoided the holidays - particularly Christmas. Once, so very long ago now, he and Darla had found pleasure in roaming the streets on Christmas Eve in search of their prey. They would watch the people happily crossing the streets, busy with their last minute errands and travels to meet with family and friends to celebrate the holiday. They would watch and wait patiently, their malice and demonic senses trained to pick and choose only the most cheerful, those with only the highest of spirits, those people who seemingly had everything to live for - and thus everything to lose. Nothing had ever been as fun as taking everything away from someone who had it all, and they had joyfully and cruelly done that. Angel felt the guilt descend over him with the thoughts of his past. The crimes he had committed as a demon were so horrific that his own mind could scarcely contemplate what he had done. Each time he was reminded of what he had been he renewed his resolve to make amends for his actions and each time he wondered if it would even be possible.

"Hey!" A cheerful voice interrupted his thoughts. Cordelia stuck her head in the room. He'd been so lost in thought that he hadn't heard her approach. Angel turned toward the door. "You gonna join us, Scrooge?" She laughed at her own joke, her eyes sparkling with merriment and the glasses of champagne she had consumed. "Coming." Angel inwardly sighed, picking up the few gifts from the table. It was the first year he had attempted to buy presents for the team and he was a little anxious about it. He was years out of practice buying gifts. The last gifts he had bought had been for Buffy. His thoughts veered quickly away from any further thoughts of the blonde Slayer. Purposefully, he had kept her out of his mind these past few years and purposefully, he would continue to do so. Anything else was simply not an option. "Gunn promised to sing 'O Little Town of Bethlehem' acapella. I don't think he can, but" Cordelia giggled, "I guess we'll see." Angel smiled slightly, not wanting to spoil the evening of fun for everyone. There was no need for him to burden anyone else with his own grim thoughts. "You're not up here brooding are you?" Cordelia admonished irritably, noting his sober expression. "Uh, no." Angel looked away from her, unable to look her directly in the eye and lie. "Angel!" Cordelia returned sternly, "For once we're going to celebrate Christmas my way and it's going to be fun and everyone is going to be happy. We're singing Christmas carols tonight and drinking eggnog and champagne, and then tomorrow morning we're all getting together under the Christmas tree in our pajamas and opening gifts. Just like when we were kids. After that, Fred and I are making a big dinner and we'll all eat until we're suffering from carb overload." Angel nodded in agreement, even though he'd partake little of the planned feast. Sometimes Cordelia seemed to forget that vampires had little taste for drinks other than blood, and no desire for solid food. He silently followed her from the room. "Merry Christmas!" Gunn shouted, lifting his glass in toast as Cordelia and Angel descended the stairs. Angel nodded and returned the greeting, setting his packages carefully down next to the others by the tree. The bright-multicolored lights were festive and cheerful and the groups good humor contagious. He felt his earlier dark mood lift slightly. Over the next few hours, Cordelia regaled them with stories from her youth about Christmases past, everyone laughing as she described her careful and methodical wish list presentation to her parents. She avoided, however, telling them about the tantrums that followed when her list wasn't delivered accurately and in its entirety. When they sang carols, Angel even attempted to join in on one or two that he recognized. His voice was deep and pleasant, if somewhat hesitant. Just past 11:00 o'clock, Cordelia herded everyone off to bed, insisting that tradition demanded that everyone be in bed by midnight. Besides, it would be an early morning for all with presents to be unwrapped under the tree. She followed Angel to his room, stopping just outside. "See, you had fun."

"Yes." Angel returned her smile, thinking again that he was doing the right thing now. Cordelia was good for him and he needed her; she gave him a much-needed connection to humanity. And lately things had begun to heat up between them. Cordelia looked into his eyes. She wanted him to kiss her, she wanted to kiss him, but she waited, hoping he would make the first move. Their relationship seemed to be heading in that direction; it was perhaps only a matter of moving the car along the track a bit. Resting one hand on his chest, she closed her eyes and pursed her lips slightly, leaning forward. There. There was no way he would miss *that* signal. Angel paused for a moment as he stared down into her upturned face, the full lips she had puckered expectantly. This was what he wanted, he reminded himself sternly. He wanted a relationship. He wanted love. And Cordelia understood the limitations his curse and nature set upon him. He leaned down and kissed her, automatically sliding his tongue in to duel with hers. Their lips met and clung, a moist intimate caress and after a moment he withdrew, disturbed that he had felt no heat, no passion for her burning within him; it was just motions, just automatic, absent-minded skill. For a moment, the emptiness seemed portentous, but he dismissed his worries with a series of excuses - he was tired; he was no longer used to the effects of the champagne; he had a lot on his mind; there were unsolved cases The demon inside him stirred and Angel felt it, adding to his unease. <Well, well what have we here?> He leaned away, planning on saying goodnight when Cordelia pressed firmly against him again. Pretending not to notice his reluctance, the ex-cheerleader smiled and pressed her lips against his again. She reached for the knob and opened the door to his room. With slow but steady steps, Cordelia managed to inch Angel backward into his suite of rooms, her lips still planted firmly on his. She wanted more, wanted things to go farther than they had before. And she was determined to make that happen. Without thought, Angel's hands wandered slowly up her waist. His moves were perfunctory, practiced. There was no real thought or emotion required, as Angel lapsed into programmed motions. His senses were tuned equally to Cordelia and to the demon now awakening within. Wanting more, wanting him to continue when he usually left off before, Cordelia reached for his hand and placed it on her breast. Unaware that his attention was divided, she smiled inwardly at her success so far. She moaned into his mouth as he ran his palm over her firm flesh before he cupped the mound in his hand. <Asshole!> Angel's eyes came open as his demon suddenly released a fleeting protest, as if objecting to his actions. This made no sense. Always before, Angelus would wait quietly, hopeful of any action that would possibly set him free. Cordelia's lips brushed Angel's jaw, moving toward his ear and drawing his attention back to her. The vampire, as if to spite the beast within, renewed his attention to the woman in his arms. His hand squeezed her breast. <It didn't feel right. Right? It was large and firm why is that not right? It's not Buffy > Angel shook away the thought, wary that

thoughts of the blonde slayer had entered his mind at just this moment. He inwardly shrugged, maybe it was just the implants. <Yeah, tell yourself that's what it is.> The demon laughed then, mocking him then with simple words - <Mate! Lover! Slayer!>. Feeling Angel's momentary disconcertion, Cordelia opted for a bold move. She reached behind her and unzipped her dress, drawing it down to expose her black lace bra. She smiled at him again, sliding the straps down her arms. "Please kiss me, Angel." Angel swallowed as the demon laughed. While he and Cordelia had certainly engaged in kisses and a few - a rare few - heated make-out sessions, they hadn't pushed the limits of the curse. Was Angelus's presence a warning? Forcing his attentions back to the woman in his arms, Angel returned Cordelia's kisses, his hands moving back to her breasts. He planted soft kisses down her chest moving ever closer to her now exposed breasts. They were large and firm, the skin stretched taut over the implants she had gotten after moving to LA. Her dusky tan nipples were hard peaks begging for his attention. At the first touch of his mouth on her nipple, Cordelia sighed and leaned back into the couch. She knew about the curse, the risk to his soul, but that applied to his perfect happiness, which she wasn't ready to give him. Though, there was no reason he couldn't provide *her* a little perfect happiness, now was there? After a few minutes, she reached for his hand and placed it on her inner thigh. Angel usually missed the subtle signals she dropped, so tonight she'd be perfectly blunt. She parted her legs and scooted toward his hand. Angel hesitated only a moment before he did what he had perfected with years of expertise; knowing that he could keep the demon in check, he brought Cordelia to the heights of pleasure with only his hand while his lips drifted across her breasts, alternating his attentions on each rigid peak, then along her neck to return to her lips. He felt her stiffen when his tongue traced her pulse. He wondered briefly if she thought he would bite When she drifted back to earth, Cordelia kissed him affectionately and told him how wonderful he was, how wonderful he made her feel. Angelus now laughed, taunting him. <Whore! She's no better than any of the bitches you've fucked before. What next? Will she thank you?> Angel shook his head, attempting to dispel the demon's words. "Thank you." She was efficiently putting her clothes in order at the time, making it difficult to capture and keep any sense of intimacy of the moment. Angel grimaced as the demon laughed again. Angelus had been right. As he watched her straighten her clothes, the vampire realized that he would have liked to have held her for awhile, the way that he often did <Buffy. Buffy again? I need to get her out of my mind. Cordelia. Cordelia is what I want. Cordelia is who I love now.> Once again the beast within laughed. <Love!> The word came out in a snarl. <She's a shallow, worthless whore. Not worthy to be my mate.> "'Night," Cordelia smiled brightly. Her world was falling perfectly into place. She had almost everything she every wanted. As she walked to the room she had selected for the

night, her spirits lifted a bit and she smiled. What a great start! <Good job, soul boy. Now she'll be back every time she wants to get off. Next time at least be a man and fuck her.> The demon scoffed and went silent. "Good night." Angel sighed, dismissing his thoughts. He reached out and squeezed Cordelia's hand affectionately just before she left the room without a backward glance. Christmas Eve In Sunnydale..... A cloud of dust settled to the ground. Buffy straightened from staking the fifth vampire of the night. She stuck the stake in the waistband of her jeans and dusted the vampires ashes off her. It had been another long night of Slaying. It seemed even the vampires were in the mood to celebrate the Holidays. Their merry making seemed to be siring more vamps. Buffy shrugged. <Oh, Well, Christmas Eve on the Hellmouth.> She turned to walk out the Cemetery. "Hello luv. Looking for me?" Buffy stopped and looked in the direction of the voice. It drifted down to her. She looked up to where Spike crouched on top of one of the expansive columns flanking the entrance and exit to the cemetery. As she watched, he sailed down like some large vulture and landed on his feet in front of her. Since her break up with Riley, Spike had been following her on patrol in pretense of backing her up. He found lame excuses to come to her house. Telling her he loved her. She'd tried to discourage his interest in her. She probably should have been more convincing. Maybe she had been leading him on. Maybe in her loneliness she had been giving him mixed signals. She didn't know. She did know that she wasn't in the mood to deal with a confrontation with him. But it didn't seem as if she had a choice. Buffy hooked her thumbs in the button loops of her jeans. "Spike can we *not* do this?" "Can we not do what luv?" He asked, innocently leaning into her personal space. Buffy refused to back up. Refused to let Spike know that his nearness bothered her. She wasn't stupid she knew the difference between making love and fucking. She just found it to be a very bitter moment to be sexually attracted to a soulless vampire. Because the chip was the only difference between Spike and the vamps she just dusted. "Can we not play your little game," she clarified, staring him in the eyes. "I'm not in the mood." "Then what are you in the mood for luv?" "I'm in the mood for you to stop calling me luv and get out of my face. I'm tired and I want to go to bed." "So do I," Spike said seductively, "with you." Buffy groaned in exasperation. She'd walked right into that one. She was really off her game. "Look Spike, I only wanted one vampire I've ever had in my bed or ever wanted there

and its not you." "Well, the feeling isn't mutual is it, Slayer? That is, since you're here and he's in LA." "Angel left me so I could have a normal life and because being together we risked the world. You do remember the curse? Angelus? Just a couple of years ago he was fucking your girl - in front of you for all I know. Maybe that's why you want me. To get a little bit even." Buffy saw a flash of anger in his eyes before he was able to conceal it. She felt a moment of satisfaction as inflicting a little of his pain back on him. A cruel smile curved Spike's thin lips, "Oh, haven't you heard Slayer? Angel doesn't seem to be too concerned about his soul." Buffy narrowed her eyes and took a threatening step toward Spike. "What the hell are you talking about Spike?" The cruel smiled spread across his face. "Soul boy seems to have found him another piece of cu-,"Spike paused realizing Buffy would probably take offense to being called a cunt, "another sweetheart." The hurt could be visible seen moving over her features. Spike soaked up her hurt knowing it brought her one step closer to him. "I-I don't be-believe you," Buffy's voice quivered. "Well it's true Slayer. Angel could come back if he wanted to," Spike paused to let it sink in, "From what I've heard he doesn't want to because he and Cordelia are knocking boots now." Spike didn't know if the Poof was fucking the bint or not. But for his purposes it was best that Buffy believed it. Buffy didn't know she'd gasped. She stood looking at Spike letting his revelations sink in, letting the sorrow wash over her. The shock rendering her motionless. Buffy didn't know she'd gasped. Angel and Cordelia. How could he do that to her? She stood looking at Spike letting his revelations sink in, letting the sorrow wash over her. The shock of his words rendered her motionless. Spike took the final step that separated them. They were now touching. Thigh the thigh, hip to hip, chest to breast. She could feel the evidence of his arousal pressed into her hip bone. Buffy was forced to tilt her head back to look in the ice blue of his eyes. She didn't have to tilt her head back far. He wasn't as tall as Angel or as muscular. His eyes lacked Angel's warmth, fire; their seductive power. She wondered for a second why she would even think about Angel. She shrugged it didn't matter. Spike could see he didn't have her attention. He knew who she was thinking about. And it wasn't Farm Boy. And it wasn't him. The observation made him angry; reckless. He couldn't understand why she didn't fall for him. Why she wouldn't accept and return his love. He'd never had trouble picking up a woman; well not since he was turned. Women flocked to him. They loved his accent. His bleach blonde looks, light blue eyes and muscular body. Okay so he wasn't as tall as Angel. He didn't have the whole tall, dark thing, but damn it he was just as dangerous if not more. "If you wanted to see me in pain Spike you got your wish. What you told me hurts. It hurts like hell, but it doesn't change anything. I can't love you Spike. I can't give you what you want. If it was just my body," she shrugged the hurt she was feeling clear in her

expression, "maybe. Everyone wants a few moments of forgetfulness. You've been around about hundred years or so you should know a little about physical pleasure. At least enough to give me those few moments of forgetfulness. If it was just fucking I could give you that, but you want more Spike. You want something I can't give." "What do you think I want?" He asked already knowing the answer. "You want my heart and soul. You want me to love you. That's something I can't give you or anyone. Not ever." Her declaration angered him. He had to prove her wrong. Without a second thought he pulled her to him in and assaulted her mouth. She gasped in surprise at his actions. He took that moment to shove his tongue in her mouth. Buffy was too stunned to do anything. She knew Spike was kissing her. His cool tongue swirled greedily in her mouth. The coolness was familiar but the taste was wrong. She wanted a cool, broad thick tongue that tasted earthy and carried just a hint of cinnamon and spices. A kiss that was loving, caring and filled with sensuality even as it devoured hers and left her weak and panting for more. Instead, her lips were assaulted by a thin chalky tongue that darted angrily in her mouth, tasting strongly of tobacco, smoke and liquor. A kiss that was nothing more than seedy lust and tasted like the downward spiral into desperation. She knew she was only doing this because she was hurt, vulnerable and angry. She knew she wanted to strike back at Angel. Give him a little of the hurt that he had given her. She knew that the last thing she really wanted was to be in Spike's arms. Despite all of that for a few seconds she found herself responding to the kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her body firmly against his arousal. She ground against feeling a heated rush as he moaned in pleasure into her mouth. Her tongue flicked against his before she vigorously sucked on it. Then the gravity of what she was doing penetrated her lust filled brain. No matter how much she wanted to get back at Angel she couldn't do this no matter how good it felt physically. Buffy pushed Spike away from her so forcefully that he stumbled backwards. He regained his balance and stood staring at her his pale blue gaze filled with hunger. Buffy swiped her hand across her lips trying to wipe off his kiss. "It can't be wiped away, Slayer." Spike told her his eyes flashing with anger. "You let me kiss you. I had my tongue rammed down your throat and you sucked on it and you enjoyed it," he boasted. "What I did, *Vamp*, was prove to myself that I might have loved and had the hots for one vamp but it certainly didn't carry over to you," she spit out knowing that for a minute she had responded to him. "I think the lady protests too much." Spike taunted a smirk curving his lips. Buffy walked toward the exit of the cemetery, avoiding Spike. The blond vampire turned, following her every movement with his eyes. "We kissed Slayer. You responded to me. That was your tongue tangling with mine. Admit you enjoyed it." Buffy knew she'd only let Spike kiss her because she was angry with Angel. Because she was hurt by Spike's revelations. That didn't explain. Why she had responded so fervently. Maybe she did want him. Maybe she was attracted to him.

Buffy turned and ran. She wasn't ready to deal with why or why nots of letting Spike kiss her and responding to the kiss. She was too raw trying to comprehend that the man she loved was with another when he could be with her. That her Angel was with her nemesis: Cordelia. Didn't he love her anymore? Had he moved on and left her still carrying an inextinguishable torch for him? The thoughts and pain flew through her mind as fast as her feet pounded the pavement. Spike leaned against the massive granite column and watched Buffy run from him. He lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply. His little revelation about Angel was going to bring her right where he wanted her. In his arms. He smiled to himself as he remembered the look of hurt and pain on her face when he revealed Angel and Cordelia's relationship. He pushed away from the column. <Oh, yeah, I can literally taste the Slayer pussy on my tongue. Soon, I'll have her beneath me. Soon.> He whistled as he walked towards his crypt. Buffy walked in her room and turned on the lamp. The soft glow bathed the room. It was Christmas Eve and other than the sick little scene in the cemetery she had no one to spend the evening with. No man to hug and kiss tonight. She imagined that Angel and Cordelia were spending Christmas Eve together. Probably fucking each other's brains out under the Christmas tree as the lights twinkled and winked over their naked passion flushed bodies. She didn't know it would hurt this badly. To think of Angel fucking another. What did she expect? Since their break up she'd had sex with two men. She'd even taunted Angel by telling him she loved Riley. That cruel taunt was now coming back to haunt her. She and Angel were finally able to be together and he'd moved on. He must have believed her cruel words. Believed that she loved another more than she'd ever loved him. She hadn't done anything to rectify his belief. Angel deserved to be happy. Even if it was with someone else. Even if that someone else was Queen Bitch Cordelia. <So why does the idea of him making love to her hurt so much? Why does my heart feel as if it is about to break?> A single tear rolled down Buffy's cheek unchecked. Her careless cruel words were probably the main reason Angel had not called to tell her about his soul. He probably thought she wouldn't care because she loved Riley. That was the farthest thing from the truth. She would have definitely wanted to know about his soul and as much as she cared about Riley she didn't love him. She'd broken up with Riley a week before school let out for Christmas break. Spike had been feeding Riley's insecurities. He'd told Riley over and over that Buffy didn't love him. That she could never love him because she'd been marked by Angel. She had tried to convince Riley that she and Angel were over but his insecurities just ran too deep. She finally grew tired of constantly reassuring him and stopped. The situation had come to a head when Riley accused her of still loving Angel. When she did not dispute his accusation he told her that their relationship was over. Truthfully she couldn't contradict him because deep in her heart she knew he was right. The break up with Riley hadn't been hard which should have told her a lot. Truthfully when Riley left her she felt *relieved*. It was just the end to a relationship that had stopped being mutually beneficial long ago. She popped in her Alanis Morissett CD and the singer's voice filled the air. *Head Over

Feet* began to play. Buffy stood still, closed her eyes and let the words flow through her. I had no choice but to hear you You stated your case time and again I thought about it She believed she had loved him from the moment she laid eyes on him. His dark, sexy, mysterious voice enthralled her from the moment his first words to her slipped past his lips. She wondered what he was doing now. If he still thought about her. If he still remembered the schoolgirl he left in Sunnydale. You treat me like a princess I'm not used to that You ask how my day was No one had treated her like a princess since he left. They all thought that she was the strong one. He had been the only one who had taken care of her. He had been the only one who treated her like she would break. He treated her like she was the most precious thing in his life. You've already won me over in spite of me Don't be alarmed if I fall had over feet Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are I couldn't help it It's all your fault And he had won her over slowly day by day. Hell, who wouldn't fall for him head over feet? He was strong, reliable and he treated her like a princess. Well, being *eye candy* hadn't hurt either. He was certainly beautiful to behold. And he now loved someone else. He was finally able to show his feelings in the physical sense and he was making love to another. It hurt. It hurt worst than she ever thought it would hurt. Buffy took a deep breath opened her eyes. The hurt and pain of Angel loving Cordelia bit into her flesh like a constant, persistent ache. It throbbed through her body. She flexed her shoulders and moved her neck from side to side trying to workout the kinks. She gingerly pulled off her jacket and dropped it on the floor. She sat on the edge of her bed and pulled off her ankle boots. She tossed them in the closet. She stood and slowly stripped off her sweater and bra, shimmed off her jeans and kicked them towards the hamper. She studied her reflection in the mirror. She was thin. She had circles under her eyes. She hadn't been sleeping well. She was looking haggard. No wonder Angel had never come back to her. Cordelia had always been the beautiful one. While Cordelia was perfecting make up, hair, nails and How to Get a Man 101, she had been learning how to dust a vampire, behead a demon, ambush techniques and Demonology 101. Not exactly a glamorous undertaking. She let out a sigh. The bruises were fading. She had some bruises on her chest, around her neck, across her shoulder and arms and one was rapidly forming on her cheek. She'd been a little careless the other night and ran across four vampires. She should have waited for them to separate but she decided to take them all on. Big Mistake. She had everything under control until another vamp showed up and took her from behind. It had been a little scary for a few minutes. She shrugged. It had worked out. She walked away a little bruised, a lot wiser and most importantly, alive. Buffy shook the thoughts off. Not bothering to cover herself she padded down the hall to the bathroom. She had the house to herself. Her mother was spending the Christmas holiday with her Mom and her sister Darlene. Buffy hadn't felt like trying to be *Merry* and had come up with the excuse that the Hellmouth was too unstable for her to leave. Her Mom hadn't liked it but she'd accepted the excuse. Thinking about Christmas reminded Buffy that she didn't have a Christmas tree. She doubted if she'd get one. Her

Mom had made it a tradition to buy a Christmas tree on Christmas Eve and decorate it. Since she wasn't here Buffy hadn't bothered to keep up the tradition. She and her Mother had exchanged gifts yesterday before she left. The few other gifts Buffy had were for Xander, Giles, Anya. She'd bought Willow a gift but she hadn't wrapped it because Willow didn't celebrate Christmas. Buffy ran her bathwater added some mineral soak Willow had given her. She tested the water with her fingers and when it felt right she sank into the soothing hot mineral infused liquid. It was Christmas Eve but to her it was like any other night. Tomorrow she'd go to Giles. She, Willow and Anya were cooking dinner. Not Christmas dinner because Willow didn't celebrate Christmas. Just a dinner with friends. Then maybe they'd open a few gifts and watch the Sunnydale Christmas Parade and Giles' copies of *It's a Wonderful Life* and some old English movie *A Christmas Carol.* Buffy smiled fondly. Giles was very excited about watching those two old movies. He told everyone they were Classics. Buffy took the sponge and soaped her body. She thought about the incident in the cemetery. She knew why she responded to Spike. The hurt, the pain that was clawing at her. She'd wanted to hurt Angel. To sleep with his nemesis. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea. Spike was chipped now. He was available. Who would know if she succumbed to his seduction? It was just a fuck. That was all it would be. She'd proved to herself with Parker and Riley that she couldn't have a relationship with a human male. And she'd proven with Angel she couldn't have a relationship with a souled vampire. So why not fuck a chipped vampire? At least she knew she could never love him and she knew she couldn't hurt him emotionally. He was a vampire; he didn't have emotions like love. He only felt lust and passion. And right now, as much as she hated to say it, he could offer her a few moments of forgetfulness. Appease her hurt pride, her wounded ego. Plus, as much as she hated to admit it she was a healthy hot-blooded female and she'd gotten use to getting laid 3-5 times a week even if Riley's stamina hadn't match hers. Buffy rinsed the suds off her. She'd think about it later. She stepped out the tub and dried off. She went to her room and slipped on a tank style tshirt and a pair of low rise sweat pants. She climbed in bed holding Mr. Gordo close. She again wondered how Angel was spending his Christmas Eve. She sighed sleepily and tried to convince herself that she really didn't care what Angel was doing tonightor who he was doing it with. Doyle's Ghost Meanwhile, in LA Angel looked out the window as he undressed, the streets uncannily still for the usual hustle and bustle of Los Angeles. It was one of the few nights of the year when things actually seemed quiet, in both the human and the demon world. The lone person walking along the sidewalk glanced up just as Angel looked down, giving the tall vampire a jolt of surprise. There was nothing unusual about the man, either in manner or dress, other than the fact that he looked very much like someone Angel used to know. But it couldn't be Doyle.

Angel blinked, doubting his eyes. When he opened them again, the street was empty, no one walking where the man had been. Angel looked left and right, his brow furrowing in concentration. He was too used to ghostly phenomena and creatures of the night to simply dismiss the vision out of hand, and yet, there was nothing to indicate that it had been anything more than his imagination. He shrugged, thinking it was perhaps the three glasses of champagne that Cordelia has pressed on him to drink - he was no longer used to alcohol so maybe it had an unusual effect. Pulling on a pair of black sweat pants, his favorite sleeping attire now that he no longer slept nude (Cordelia and Fred having barged in on him just one too many times), Angel crawled into his bed. It seemed he had only closed his eyes when he heard the sounds of a bell ringing. It was an old antique hotel bell that Wesley had given him as a joke when they had first moved into the hotel. Angel had left it on a shelf downstairs and had promptly forgotten about it. Curiously he sat up, as the ringing appeared to be coming closer. He reached for the sword that he kept under the bed. Each ring of the bell was preceded by a clanking sound, almost as if a chain were dragging along the floor. And footsteps. The footsteps were coming down the hall now toward his door. Angel tensed, lifting the sword and preparing to attack. In the next instant the door burst open and there was the man Angel had seen on the street earlier. Doyle. He was dressed as Angel had last seen him and was grinning widely. In one hand he held the antique hotel bell, in the other, a length of chain. Yet, his body was so transparent that Angel could see through him into the hall beyond. "Doyle?" Angel stood cautiously, expecting that at any moment things would not be as they appeared. It was, in his experience, wise to be suspicious. "Angel." It was, without a doubt, Doyle's voice. "Nice bell." He sat it down on the chest of drawers near the door, casually looking around the room. "Nice place. Roomy." "What are you doing here?" Angel held the sword high, still wary, having been the victim of too many pranksters in the past. "And what's with the chains?" "Now that's a bit rude." Doyle smiled, recalling their first conversation as he continued his slow walk around the room, taking in the surroundings. "Can't an old friend come by to visit?" "How do I know it's really you?" Angel continued his questions, searching for any clue or answer as to why Doyle's ghost would appear in his room tonight. "You don't trust your eyes?" Doyle, distracted by his study of the pictures and other objects on the night table, glanced over his shoulder at Angel again. "No." Besides being cautious, Angel found the sight of Doyle disturbing somehow. He was used to being haunted by the sprits of those he had hurt or killed as a demon, even the First Evil knew that and had used them against him. But Doyle - was his death to be used against him too? "Look in your heart, Angel. What do you believe?" Doyle replied, his expression now serious and waiting. After a long pause, Angel gave in to his instincts. "Okay, so you're Doyle. Why are you

here?" Angel shifted on his feet, lowering his sword somewhat but not relaxing his guard. "I've been sent here. To help you. To show you." "Show me what? Who sent you?" Angel studied Doyle, a questioning expression on his face. Doyle shrugged. "It's not my place to say. Nor can I tell you what I would. I can only show you. You have to decide for yourself." "And if I won't? Or can't?" Angel was wary. All too often these types of decisions came with a high penalty for making the wrong choice. He needed to understand the stakes, what was at risk. "No rest, no peace. Years of incessant torture. Guilt. Remorse. You already know what it's like. Nothing changes." Doyle's voice was light, but there was definite truth to his words. Angel paused, his thoughts in turmoil. Was this another test from the Powers that Be? The wind blew then, the soft howl loud in the dead silence of the night. "You have yet a chance and hope, Angel. If you but take it. " Angel sighed with resignation. He had to take the risk, whatever it was. "What do I have to do then?" Doyle thought for a moment, then grinned. "You read Dickens, right? A Christmas Carol?" "Yes." Angel nodded. Over his lifetime and many years in solitude, he'd read all the classics, most of them several times. "So think of this as your own Christmas Eve tale. You get me, and I get to show you your Christmas Past, Present and Future." Angel almost smiled. Almost, but not quite. "You're saying I'm Ebenezer Scrooge then?" Doyle laughed. "I am." "Walk with me." Doyle grinned again as he started toward the door, beckoning Angel to follow. "Oh, hey - did you like the chain? That was just for effect. You know, ghostly sounds and all that." Angel only shook his head, following the ghostly apparition of Doyle out the door. A nearby clock was just chiming one when Angel and Doyle passed through the lobby of the Hyperion. Cursing softly, knowing that he was running a bit late, Doyle shook the hourglass that he held in his pocket. *Kendra's Ghost * Back In Sunnydale..... She heard a bell ringing in the distance. She was a little confused. Other than her alarm clock she couldn't think of why a bell would be ringing. Plus she knew for certain she hadn't set her alarm. Then she heard a throaty accented voice calling her name. She listened intently she knew the voice calling her. She'd heard it before. She knew that

accent. She wondered if she was dreaming. "Wake up Buffy," she said softly. When Buffy stirred but did not wake she spoke louder and shook the bed. "Wake up Buffy we have much to do before dawn." Buffy struggled through the grogginess of sleep to consciousness. The voice was louder now. More persistent. She pushed herself up into a sitting position and leaned back against the headboard. She saw her standing at the foot of the bed. She was absolutely beautiful. She wasn't in the traditional gown ghost's usually wore and she wasn't transparent. She wore a silver toned halter-top that stopped above her navel and a pair of low rise flowing pants in the same color that hugged her hips. A silver waist chain clung to her midriff. "Kendra is that you?" She asked her voice drowsy. "Of course, Buf-fy," she answered in her beautifully accented voice. Buffy watched speechless as Kendra seemed to float around her room. Buffy guessed she should have been afraid. Kendra had been dead for years yet here she was floating around her room. Instead of being afraid, Buffy was just curious as to why she was here. "Cool chain," she said stupidly. For some reason Buffy found the waist chain interesting. Kendra glanced down glanced down at the metallic links that encircled her waist. "Thanks. I thought it looked good with the outfit. I remember a Sister Slayer once telling me I needed to learn how to dress better." Buffy smiled and took in Kendra clothes. "You have." "Thank you." Kendra stopped in front of Buffy's dresser and ran her fingertips over the cross hanging from the lamp and Mr. Pointy lying on the nightstand. "I see you've kept it." Kendra ran her fingertips along the sharp wooden object before turning back to face Buffy. "You know I use to sleep with it. I guess I treated it like you do your Mr. Gordo." "The last time I saw you alive I told you that you should get a teddy bear," she said smiling at her sister Slayer. Kendra's deep melodic laughter filled the air. "I remember." She sat on the end of Buffy's bed. "I thought angel's wore white? You are an *Angel* right?" Buffy asked suddenly afraid that something evil may have taken over Kendra's body or spirit. Kendra felt her fear. "Relax I'm an angel," Kendra shrugged, "White doesn't do anything for me." "Too bad you aren't a different Angel," she mumbled. "Why are you here?" Kendra leaned back on her elbows, "You remember a Christmas Carol." Buffy gave her a blank look, "Which one...Jingle Bell, Santa Claus Is Coming To Town, Deck the Halls...?" Kendra let out a weary sigh, "No, not a Christmas Carol as in song. But Dickens'

Christmas Carol as the story. You know the *Scrooge* Story." "Yeah. I think I remember seeing it. It's that old black and white movie right?" Buffy asked. "Yeah, that's the one. Well, I've been sent here. To help you. To show you." Buffy looked at her a little confused then her face scrunched up, "Ewww, wasn't A Christmas Carol about this ugly guy who was like a 1000 years old!" Kendra laughed. Only Buffy would be worried about that. "Don't worry about all that. The only thing that applies here is the story. Scrooge was visited by three Ghosts; Christmas Past, Present and Future on Christmas Eve." "Well, you don't get the three Ghosts just me. The Powers That Be have sent me to show you your Christmas Past, Present and Future. As for the Scrooge story, I'm going to take a few liberties. You aren't exactly a Classic sorta person and actually neither am I. I mean I read up on the story when the PTB's told me I was coming to guide you but the story was long and a little boring so skimmed through a lot of places. We'll just have to wing it in certain spots." Buffy digested what she said. "Cool. Who are the Powers That Be?" Buffy asked. "The Powers That Be are the ones we serve." "Oh," Buffy said still not sure who the PTB's were. "Why did they send you?" "Who else would they send but another Slayer. Besides you have a reputation in Slayer realm for being difficult. The Powers didn't think you'd pay attention to anyone else." "But why send anyone? Why do I need to see my past, present or future?" "I think you know." Kendra answered. "Get up we need to get going. We have a lot to see before dawn." Buffy reluctantly threw the covers back. She wasn't looking forward to this but she knew there was no way she was getting out of it. "Where are we going?" Buffy asked just as the mist swirled thickly around them. "To see your Christmas Past?" *Angel's Ghost of Christmas Past * In the blink of an eye, Angel found himself with Doyle in what appeared to be Sunnydale, just outside the library of the Sunnydale High School. "Welcome to the Ghost of Christmas Past." "Christmas past?" Angel inquired, slowly recognizing his surroundings. His stomach tightened with both excitement and dread. He had locked this place away from his thoughts, its memory precious, yet filled with anguish. "Specifically, your past." Doyle began walking, or rather floating further into the room. "Why are we here?" Angel without any effort of his own seemed to glide along with Doyle.

"Your redemption if you will." He saw her then. Buffy. She was standing in Giles's office near his desk talking to him earnestly. At the first sight of her, Angel was flooded with a thousand thoughts, hopes, joys and cares long forgotten. His throat tightened and his heart constricted in his chest. He hadn't thought that seeing her again would stir such emotion. "Buffy." Her name came out as the merest whisper. <Hmm hello lover> As if attracted by her presence, Angelus stirred within him. Doyle said nothing as he took in the look on Angel's face, the pain and yet the expectant hope. "You recognize the lass, then?" Doyle asked. "Yes." Angel murmured a catch in his voice. He hadn't seen her in what, two years now? Longer? <At least, you whining pathetic loser.> His demon taunted him. "You know where we are then? You remember?" "Yes, of course I know." Angel glanced at him irritably. It was inconceivable that he would ever forget her; surely Doyle knew that. "You haven't been back for awhile. I wasn't sure." Angel wanted to go to her. Unconsciously, he stepped forward. Doyle's voice stopped him. "They are nothing more than shadows of something that has been. She doesn't see or hear you.'' It was only then that he realized that he could hear Giles speaking. "You had a dream about Angel." " I was *in* Angel's dream." Buffy's expression was worried, serious. Giles removed his glasses, glancing at Buffy with a look of exasperation. "I'm not sure that's..." Buffy interrupted, her mission at the moment clear. At least to her. "Giles, there was stuff in this dream that I couldn't possibly know about. It was Angel's past, he was dreaming it, and somehow I got sucked in." Once more glancing at Buffy, Giles considered again Buffy's apparent connection with Angel. Before he could say anything, Buffy spoke again. "There's something wrong with him." Angel could feel her concern for him. It rolled over him, steeping him in comfort and love. Buffy had been the first person that cared for him, truly cared for him as a man. She had been the first to make him believe in himself, to make him want to be something more than what he had been. <Yeah, me.> Angelus snorted. He realized then that he missed her concern, her devotion. He knew then that he wanted her back. And at the moment, he wouldn't have cared about the risks, the dangers.

<Missed her sweet little body, her hot little mouth, her tight little pussy. Yeah, you bet you missed her. Fool!> The demon inside echoed his thoughts, albeit with his own carnal twist, greedily wanting her back. Giles glanced down at the book on the desk, his own thoughts in alignment with Buffy's. "I know. I've seen him. He wanted to know why he was back." Buffy felt a small measure of satisfaction, of progress at Giles's admission. "Is there a way for us to find that out?" Angel could almost feel her heart leap with hope. "Uh, possibly. I-I've been looking." Giles put his glasses back on again and looked back at the book on the desk. "Well, let me look, too." Giles looked back at Buffy, his expression coldly appraising. Without hesitation or fear, Buffy returned Giles's glance. With or without her Watchers help, she'd find a way to help Angel and Giles needed to know that. "I'm not seeing him anymore. I'm trying to put all this behind me, and I'm not gonna be able to as long as we're both doing guest spots in each other's dreams." Leaning back in his chair, Giles considered her words. As much as he didn't like it, he knew that she was determined. Angel could sense Giles's reservations, his reluctance to allow Buffy's participation. But she stood firm and unwavering. <The prancing fop!> Despite the demon's words, Angel smiled, his heart swelling with pride, with warm feelings of love and devotion for her, his determined little slayer. <His? Where had that come from? She was his no longer.> <She's mine. Never doubt it.> Angelus snorted. "So we'll help him?" "Yes." Giles sighed, resigned. Doyle turned to him then, breaking the silence that had fallen for the moment between Buffy and her Watcher. "She fought to help you, even knowing that her Watcher, her friends, her Mom - the lot of them would never approve or support her." There was no need to elaborate further. Angel knew the rest. He knew that her family and friends had engaged in emotional blackmail, forcing Buffy to choose between their acceptance and him. He swallowed the lump in his throat as he thought again about her unconditional love, her stalwart defense of him despite all of it. Within him, Angelus snarled. <Gonna cry, pussy?> Angel glanced at Doyle, his next words difficult. "Yes. She did." He felt a pang of regret that he hadn't been there for her more often. He should never have let her walk home alone on her 18th birthday, the day when she was weak and beaten so badly by Kralik. He should have been there when she was nearly burned at the stake by her own mother for being a witch, or when the Mayor and Mr. Trick attempted to stage "SlayerFest" trapping

her and Cordelia in the woods. Angel sighed. Doubtless there were other times he had failed her as well, maybe even more than he knew, more than she had ever told him. Yet, she had never let him down. She had even risked her life to give him back his own <She was delicious, wasn't she? Sweet, ripe tasted so good everywhere, didn't she?> "All right, then. Moving along." Doyle interrupted his thoughts as he moved, silently and swiftly, Angel carried along with him. In the blink of an eye, they were standing in downtown Sunnydale just near the Christmas tree lot. When Doyle pointed, Angel glanced in that direction. Buffy was walking toward them with a determined stride. When she kicked the gate in, Doyle whistled. "I have to say, she is a hottie. Even when she's mad." Angel shot him a dark and somewhat possessive look as the beast within growled. Doyle only grinned and shook his head unapologetically. After a few minutes, they followed her into the Christmas tree lot, watching closely as she hacked at the ground with an ax or pick. When she dropped into the hole she had dug, they followed, seeming to pass through the solid earth to the cave beneath. The First Evil appeared as Jenny Calendar and appraised Buffy. "Hmm. I'm impressed." Buffy hesitated only briefly before she spoke, her words firm and defiant. "You won't get Angel." There was no doubt in her mind or her voice. The First spoke again, "Hmm. You think you can fight me? I'm not a demon, little girl. I am something that you can't even conceive. The First Evil. Beyond sin, beyond death. I am the thing the darkness fears. You'll never see me, but I am everywhere. Every being, every thought, every drop of hate." Buffy interrupted, her patience worn thin. "All right, I get it. You're evil. Do we have to chat about it all day?" The First Evil was irritated that Buffy did not cower and beg. "Angel will be dead by sunrise. Your Christmas... will be his wake." "No." There was that tone again, resolute and unwavering. Angel felt a return of his earlier pride in Buffy then, along with another wave of recrimination. She had never failed him, but he had failed her. "You have no idea what you're dealing with." The First Evil ground out, the voice coming from the visage of Jenny Calendar almost a growl. Still undaunted, her voice now dripping with sarcasm, Buffy replied. " Lemme guess. Is it... evil?" The First Evil changed then, shifting from the apparition of Jenny to become a huge horned and clawed beast, charging and roaring at Buffy with its eyes glowing red. Just as quickly as it appeared it faded leaving Buffy to stare in surprise at the place where it had been. A last warning echoed through the underground cave, "DEAD BY SUNRISE!" Buffy turned then and ran, terrified now for Angel. Doyle and Angel followed her when she left, running toward the mansion at Crawford

Street. "Angel! Angel!" His heart constricted in his chest when she called his name, racing down the street and through the mansion. Angel felt tears in his eyes and he could see and feel her panic, her fear for him as she desperately sought to find him on a night when she should have been at home with her family and friends. <Or warming my sheets> In the next instant, their confrontation played out in front of him, Angel seeing himself through Buffy's eyes for the first time. "I bet half the kids down there are already awake. Lying in their beds... sneaking downstairs... waiting for day." Buffy pleaded with him, breathing heavily from her run through town. "Angel, please. I need for you to get inside. Th-there's only a few minutes left." " I know. I can smell the sunrise long before it comes." "I don't have time to explain this. You just have to trust me. That thing that was haunting you..." Her words came out in an anxious rush. He interrupted her, not wanting to hear anything that would change his mind about greeting the dawn. "It wasn't haunting me. It was showing me." "Showing you?" Confused, Buffy looked at him. "What I am." "Were." Watching her, Angel smiled ruefully at her words. She had always separated him from the demon, loved him in spite of what he had been or done. The demon snorted. <Still are. Don't kid yourself, soul boy. I'm not going anywhere.> "And ever shall be. I wanted to know why I was back. Now I do." "You *don't* know. Some great evil takes credit for bringing you back and you buy it? You just give up?" Buffy was incredulous, and angry. Angry that the seed of lies the First Evil had planted had taken root and begun to grow. " I can't do it again, Buffy. I can't become a killer." The words were angry, harsh. <Too late. You are a killer.> Angelus taunted. Angel winced, watching himself, unable to believe he had been so cold and unfeeling to her while wallowing in his own pain and self-pity. Determined not to let him quit on her, Buffy persisted. "Then fight it." "It's too hard." Time was increasingly short and Buffy was growing desperate, Angel could hear it in her voice. "Angel, please, you *have* to get inside." " It told me to kill you. You were in the dream. You know. It told me to lose my soul in

you and become a monster again." " I know what it told you. What does it matter?" Angel watched as the shadow of himself turned to face her, his voice now loud and yelling. "Because I wanted to! Because I want you so badly! I want to take comfort in you, and I know it'll cost me my soul, and a part of me doesn't care." They both considered his words, the ramifications of them, for a moment. "Look, I'm weak. I've never been anything else. It's not the demon in me that needs killing, Buffy. It's the man." "You're weak. Everybody is. Everybody fails. Maybe this evil did bring you back, but if it did, it's because it needs you. And that means that you can hurt it." Angel vividly recalled how her words reached into his heart, into his very soul. He'd wanted so much to believe her then, but he'd refused. Once again, Buffy pleaded with him. "Angel, you have the power to do real good, to make amends. But if you die now, then all that you ever were was a monster." Watching, Angel could feel her panic increasing as the sky began to lighten around them. "Angel, please, the sun is coming up!" Buffy begged, her voice frantic now. Unconsciously Angel attempted to retreat as he watched the scene unfolding, but he was blocked by Doyle standing behind him observing quietly. "Just go." His words were cold, unfeeling. " I won't!" " What, do you think this is simple? You think there's an easy answer? You can never understand what I've done! Now go!" Buffy ignored the fact that he was shutting her out again, relentless and determined to help him. She'd move him physically if necessary. "You are not staying here. I won't let you!" "I said LEAVE!" He jerked away from her and Buffy punched him, driven by her fear and desperation to get him inside. If necessary, she'd physically move him. Angel watched as his past self shoved her away roughly; sending her sprawling hard into the ground, face first. "Oh, my God..." He knelt over her and grabbed her by the shoulders, turning her around to face him. Angel's stomach turned over in shock and disgust that he had hit her. He hadn't remembered <Nice move. Who knew you had it in you, soul boy?> Her short cry when he grabbed her shoulders alarmed him. Had he hurt her? In the next instant he felt anger, anger at her and at himself. His actions only proved that he was everything that he claimed to be - unworthy, not worth saving.

" No! No!" He threw her attempts to help him in her face, holding her roughly by the arms and shaking her to emphasize his point. "Am I a thing worth saving, huh? Am I a righteous man? The world wants me gone!" Buffy began to cry then, and Angel felt his heart wrench as the scene played out in front of him. "What about me?" she whispered softly, her eyes filling with unshed tears. "I love you so much... And I tried to make you go away... I killed you and it didn't help." She swallowed, her voice thick with emotion. "And I hate it! I hate that it's *so* hard... and that you can hurt me *so* much. I know everything that you did, because you did it to me. Oh, God! I wish that I wished you dead. I don't. I can't." Angel felt his own tears now, her last whispered words nearly breaking his undead heart. <Please, sissy boy. Your crying and whining is making me sick.> "Buffy, please. Just this once... let me be strong." "Strong is fighting! It's hard, and it's painful, and it's every day. It's what we have to do. And we can do it together. But if you're too much of a coward for that, then burn. If I can't convince you that you belong in this world, then I don't know what can. But do *not* expect me to watch. And *don't* expect me to mourn for you, because..." Doyle touched his arm, "She was blind and unselfish in her love for you." Angel watched his shadow self walk down the hill with Buffy toward town, the snow now falling steadily. He sighed. "Yes, she was." "Slayers lead lonely lives." For long minutes Angel couldn't think. He could only feel. It was the sharp stabbing pain of emptiness, of want. There was a hole in his heart, in his soul, in his very being that only Buffy had been able to fill. After he had left her, he had tried hard to pretend that the aching void didn't exist. When pretending had proved unsuccessful, he tried to fill the void with other lesser thingslesser people. But he knew now that it hadn't worked. His love for her was still strong. <Big surprise there, moron? Does the words soul and mate mean anything to you?> Angelus laughed, delighting in his own sense of humor. "She deserves more. Sunlight. Picnics. Children.'' Angel replied softly, his mind slowly attempting to recall again all the reasons why he had left her. Doyle turned to look at him then, "What about love? I mean the real kind of love - not the stuff of fairy tales and poets, but the real stuff. The every day, good with the bad yet earth shattering, do anything in the world, sell your soul kind of love. The kind that can bring a demon back from the depths of hell." <And fucking. Don't forget, plenty of fucking..> Angel was uneasy with Doyle's question, particularly phrased in such a way. "Ah well, then again perhaps she doesn't deserve that." Doyle lifted his shoulders slightly, answering for Angel in the long silence.

"What?" Angel growled, turning on Doyle in anger. "Well, that's what you decided then, didn't you? You took it from her." The demon growled. <You did leave without so much as goodbye.> Angel stopped short, Doyle's words and the demon's echo surprising him. Not liking the direction his friend's words had taken and unable to face the fact that he had been responsible for most of the pain Buffy had felt in her young life, Angel growled. "Doyle, I'm done. I don't want to see anymore. I want to go home." "I told you these were shadows of the things that have been. They are what they are. You can't change them or blame me.'' Almost angrily, Angel replied. "Then why show me?!" Doyle shrugged. "Because you need to be reminded." Angel sighed heavily. "You know the story. I couldn't stay. I couldn't be around her and not be with her, it was too hard." <Say it! Say it! You couldn't stand being around her. You couldn't stand hearing her voice, smelling her skin, breathing her in day after day and wanting her so desperately you thought it would drive you mad. Hell, you thought it would drive us mad. Admit it. You wanted to fuck her. Taste her. Lick her. Oh, and don't forget, bite her> Meeting his gaze, Doyle lifted his brows. "For you or for her?" Angel was quiet for a long while and when he finally did answer, Doyle barely heard it. "For me." The words were difficult to say and even harder to acknowledge. He didn't want to admit that he had been so wrong, that he had lied to himself all these years about why he had left her. "I know it's difficult. But if you were able to do so, would you choose differently now? Would you still leave, knowing that she doesn't have much time left with this life?" Angel glanced sharply at Doyle, his senses heightened with alarm. Doyle continued. "Of course, being immortal you have the luxury of time. After a while, these few years in Sunnydale will be a dim memory, Buffy a dream you once had. The pain, if you remember it at all, will diminish with your recollection of it, so perhaps there's no reason to change at all." Angel's thoughts returned to Doyle's earlier words. "What are you saying? Will she die?" Sadly, Doyle nodded his head. "Yes." <No!> The demon roared, the word stark and loud. "Can it be prevented?" Angel stared back his gaze unwavering. He wanted to hear only one answer. Doyle only shrugged, unable to give Angel the answer that he wanted. "It depends." Anger and frustration filled him; what purpose had this served? To remind him of what he had lost? He suffered that every day. To remind him of the bad things he'd done? Hell, he'd done far worse as Angelus. Even to Buffy. To tell him that she would die? Unless, maybe it could be prevented? Could *he* prevent it, somehow?

"Take me back." His voice was nearly a growl. He didn't want to hear any more. He couldn't. What if he was wrong? Doyle resisted a smile, knowing Angel's mind was in turmoil. After another long pause, Doyle asked. "What?" "Nothing. Take me back." Angel refused to look at him. Would she die knowing how much he loved her? <What'd you expect?> "Sure about that?" Slowly they began to move back toward the downtown area of Sunnydale. Angel sighed heavily. He couldn't change what had already been done and he couldn't change the curse. Sure, he had his regrets, but what did it matter now? Meeting Doyle's persistent stare, Angel finally answered. "I wish I had told her goodbye. Told her that I still loved her. That I would always love her. I could have at least done that much." "I thought you loved Cordelia now." <Yeah. Remember her? Big, firm tits? Thighs clamped around your hand while she got off?> Angel opened his mouth to speak then closed it again. He wasn't sure how to answer that question. Cordelia was what he wanted, right? She was what he needed. Then why didn't it seem right to verbalize it to his friend? Or rather, the ghost of his friend? It was Doyle's turn to sigh. "You fear too much. Deep down you know that you are not what you were. The happiness that was promised when you and Buffy were one in heart is weighed down with misery now that you are apart. Together you were strong, apart you are divided and weak." Angel looked at him and started to speak. He needed to know more. "Oops. Time's up. We gotta run." Before Angel could get the words out, Doyle noted the time on his watch. Drawing the hourglass he began to shake it just as the Sunnydale Baptist Church bell began to chime two. *Buffy's Christmas Past * Back In Sunnydale..... Buffy looked down at the tank top and sweats she had on. She shrugged it would probably do. She managed to step into her sneakers just as her room filled with a cold gray mist and she felt weightless. <What the hell is going on?> she thought as she felt herself literally floating in the air. She could actually feel the air, time and space shifting and moving around her. When the mist settled she was standing beside Kendra in downtown Sunnydale. Kendra didn't have to tell her where, when or the time. She knew. She'd held this day in her memory, her dreams, her heart for years. She looked around at the snow-covered streets. Snow was falling heavily around them. She tried to reach out and touch the snow but it went right through her hand. She looked over at Kendra.

"It's a mystic thing. Haven't you noticed you don't feel the cold?" Buffy did notice that. She was in a tank t-silk shirt, her stomach was showing yet, she didn't feel the cool biting air or snow. To be exact she didn't physically feel anything. She turned to ask Kendra what was going on and out the corner of her eye she saw herself, as she was that Christmas. The Christmas that in her mind was a perfect day. She and Angel were walking down the middle of the street holding hands, the snow falling steadily around them, looking into each other eyes with pure love; love that had lost the illusion of innocence and newness, survived pain and heartache. On that day at that moment she thought that their love was so strong nothing could break it. Nothing could come between them. Buffy looked from herself to Angel. They looked so happy then. Angel looked down at her his eyes misty, "I love you Buffy. Regardless to what happens in our lives." "I love you Angel. Always." They hugged. They were so much in love back then. So content to just be together. She remembered how happy she'd been that day. How grateful she was. The snow had been a miracle, just as the love of a Slayer and a Vampire was a miracle. She'd felt blessed just o be with Angel. She hadn't realized that she was crying until Kendra spoke. "Yes, Buffy look at the past. Your life with the person you loved. The person who loved you in return with his most precious possession. His soul." "Why are you showing me this?" Buffy sobbed. "He's moved on. We've both moved on. Why are you making me relive something I can never have again? Is this a punishment?" She asked bewildered and hurt. "All of your questions will be answered in due time," Kendra said cryptically. As much as she hated to see her sister Slayer hurting she knew Buffy had to endure the gauntlet of pain before she could be rewarded. Kendra intended to see Buffy rewarded. She'd watched her give too much too many times not to finally have a little happiness. Kendra's resolve was solid. Buffy turned from Kendra to watch as she and Angel walked down the street. Without even thinking as they neared her she fell in step with them and Kendra followed closely. Angel and Buffy walked to the mansion in silence moving slowly. Angel's arm was around her waist holding her closely as her arm circled his back. The fingers on their other hands were entwined and Angel kept lifting them to his lips to press cool kisses on her knuckles. They didn't speak. There was no need for them to say anything. They both knew that they had been given a miracle that day. Another chance to make things right. Buffy remembered how it felt that day. How blessed she felt. She thought Angel being saved from his suicide attempt was a sign that they were meant to be together forever. Buffy snorted a laugh. Buffy snorted a laugh: the naivety of youth. Kendra looked over at her. "He loved you more that day than he could ever tell you. He loved you so much it hurt," she told Buffy softly.

Buffy shrugged nonchalantly although her heart was breaking from the memory. "Doesn't matter how he felt that day in the end he left me. And from what Spike tells me he has a new love. He's in love with Cordelia. They are probably lying in bed together holding each other tightly as I speak." Kendra heard the pain, the loneliness and the bitterness in Buffy's voice. She knew Buffy was hurt but she could feel the love Buffy still had for Angel. The tears Buffy was shedding weren't tears of hate but of regret and sorrow. Kendra knew exactly what Buffy regretted and the source of the pain and sorrow. If Doyle was doing his job right before the night was up she'd make sure that regret, hurt pain and sorrow were no longer a part of Buffy's life. Buffy watched heartbroken as Angel built a fire in the fireplace. They shed their coats and cuddled on the sofa. Angel laid his head in Buffy's lap and she stroked his hairs murmuring soothing words to him as the fire crackled and the aroma from the scented candles filled the air. It was like she was back there again. Buffy walked in front of the sofa and looked down at herself and then at Angel. Not only was she a Slayer that day and a friend. But she was a lover. A lover protecting the most precious gift she ever been given in her life. Angel. Buffy reached out and tried to touch her past Angel but her fingers just slipped thought him. She pulled her hand back and clutched it to her heart. She had loved him so much. No, she *still* loved him so much. And a he'd left her. Left her heartbroken and listless. Buffy turned to look at Kendra the tears still streaming down her face. "I want to go home. I can't stand this pain another minute." Kendra nodded. She knew her sister Slayer could stand no more. In a wave of her hand mist circle all about them. Buffy could only see the cloudy mist swirling around her when it cleared she was back in her bedroom. "Rest, Buffy. I'll be back shortly." Buffy didn't need to be told twice. She curled up on her side in bed and let her tears fall. *Angel's Ghost of Christmas Present * Angel blinked. Within minutes they were at the mansion on Crawford Street. Angel recognized it immediately. It had been his home the last two years before he had left Sunnydale. Angel glanced around in amazement. There had been a surprising transformation. A richly decorated Christmas tree stood in one corner, the white lights twinkling brightly. Gifts in cheerfully colored packages were neatly stacked around the bottom. A large wreath hung on the wall near the deep green velvet curtains that shielded the patio doors. Pine boughs intertwined with ivory and gold ribbon were draped across the mantle along with brightly gleaming ornaments and two red velvet stockings. Candles burned on the mantle and the coffee table, as well as along the sideboard. A fire blazed in the fireplace, warming the hearth and giving the room a lively brightness that Angel never remembered seeing here before. <This is so not my lair>

Mistletoe hung from the ceiling in several places by red ribbon and several freshly cut sprigs lay on the table near the couch. The delicate sounds of instrumental Christmas music played softly in the background. "Recognize the place?" Doyle swept his hand out looking around as he moved across the room to the fire. Angel followed cautiously with slow steps, still feeling uncertain and stung by what he had just seen and been told. "This is your Christmas Present." Doyle chuckled. "Present, as in current, not as in gift. And who knew you'd listen to Kenny G?" Doyle picked up the CD case off the side table, checking out the case. Angel cast a curious glance at his ghostly friend before his eyes moved around the room again. This time he noticed the feminine jacket draped across the back of the couch next to one very similar to his own. A pair of dainty high-heeled sandals was casually strewn on the floor next to a purse and a couple of shopping bags. The sounds of soft familiar laughter coming from the bedroom could occasionally be heard over the music. Buffy? Was she here? "Ok then, Doyle." Angel cleared his throat, "so why are we here?" Doyle rubbed his chin, considering for a moment. "Oh, my mistake. This is what should have been." In the blink of an eye, the trappings in the mansion fell away one by one, the music stopped, the fire died, the wreaths, the tree the presents, they all disappeared. A recognizable pair of diamond earrings caught his attention just as they began to fade away and Angel stared where they had been until not even the faintest trace of them remained. Eventually the entire room dropped away and Angel found himself standing with Doyle just outside a crypt in one of Sunnydale's many cemeteries. The sounds of a television could be heard faintly from inside. All around them, the ground was shrouded in mist, the sky dark in the foggy night, lending an air of foreboding to their journey. Angel glanced at Doyle and waited. The lingering discordant chord of sorrow hung over him, emphasizing his loss with great clarity. "You came." He had hoped after their earlier run-in in the cemetery that she would come to him. The cheerful accented voice coming from inside the crypt was familiar. Too familiar. His Grandchilde. Spike. Angelus growled. <Insolent child. What's he still doing on the Hellmouth?> "Yes." Angel heard Buffy's voice in reply, even though he was unable to see them. Doyle made a small gesture and they moved forward, through the walls and into the dank crypt. "Because you want me, isn't that right, pet?" Spike was smug as he stood in front of Buffy his hand now on her shoulder, his palm resting on her collarbone.

Angel's eyes widened in surprise and he looked at Doyle. Doyle shrugged. Buffy appeared the same to him and yet different. Her hair was longer and she was perhaps even slimmer, if possible, than the last time he had seen her and yet those weren't the things about her that had changed. She had changed, inside. There was a coldness in her eyes, around her heart that Angel could see clearly. Her shining golden light, the radiant glow that had so enchanted him from the first moment he had seen her had dimmed. Faint traces of that rich light were still there, but she no longer burned as brightly as she once had. As she had when he had known her. "Yes." Buffy swallowed hard. She wanted to feel something, anything. Rather than sit and home and wallow in self-pity and her aloneness, she had come to Spike on impulse. She was no longer able to resist the lure of the blond vampire. Although the physical differences of Spike and Angel could not be more striking, his touch, the feel of his cool skin, his skillful hands roaming over her body had brought back a reminder of Angel with sudden stabbing clarity. When she closed her eyes for those moments with Spike, she could pretend again. She could almost feel him again. Spike grinned, his hand moving to cup Buffy's breast through her clothing. Angel growled, wanting to step forward and stop him. <Intruder! Interloper! Trespasser! Ungrateful whelp!> The demon raged at the sight passing through Angel's eyes. "They don't see or hear you, man." Doyle reminded him. "But you're glowering on my shoulder. Step back." Angel turned away in frustration, unable to believe what was happening. He closed his eyes willing the vision of what he had seen away. <Go ahead, Spikey. Touch her. Enjoy it now, while you can because I will remove that hand from your bodyYou enjoy it too soul boy. This is your fault.> Buffy closed her eyes, feeling the cool touch of Spikes hand through her sweater. She sighed and lifted her hands to Spike's shoulders. Sliding then around his neck, she drew his head down then for a kiss. The soft sounds of their kiss followed by a sigh from Buffy reached Angel's ears. Angel looked back as Spike unbuttoned Buffy's jacket then pushed her shirt and bra up to bare her breasts. With a quick hop, she locked her legs around Spikes narrow waist as he slammed her back into the wall, his lips pressed firmly against hers in a kiss. Still growling, Angelus snarled. <The eyes too, Spike. A hot poker will take care of those.> "Doyle, if I can't stop it, then I can't watch this You shouldn't" Angel hissed, his voice a whisper as if he thought they could be heard. Resentment burned hot as Angel took in Spike now fondling his mate. Long buried feelings of possessiveness surfaced. <She's marked, you ass! Can't you see it!> "If the shadows you are seeing remain unaltered, Buffy will turn to Spike." Doyle murmured in reply, his eyes locked on the couple with avid interest. <No!>

"Doyle." Angel growled, drawing his ghostly friend's attention. He didn't want Spike - or Doyle - to see her naked breasts, that secret warm spot between her legs that Spike was pawing. Jealousy gnawed at him along with anger. Anger that she would allow Spike the privilege of touching her, of kissing her. <After Spike's taken care of, she'll need to be taught a lesson. Who she really belongs too.> "What? Oh." Doyle's ghostly apparition managed to look only slight repentant at his voyeurism. He shrugged, "Sorry." "Why? Why will she turn to *Spike* of all the other - choices - she could make? I didn't leave her so she could take up with *him*" Angel spat, his words harsh and angry as the sounds of Buffy and Spike now obviously fucking against the wall grew louder. Angel was sure he would never forget this moment. Buffy was *his*. She was marked. How dare his Spike violate that rule? He'd make the younger vampire contrite and apologetic before the day was over. If he could, that is <Oh, but I can. Watch and learn, soul boy.> "Angel, all I can tell you is that if these shadows remain unaltered, you will find her here. But isn't it better that she at least has someone by her side that will love her? Better than if she were to die alone?" Doyle returned, undaunted by Angel's words or his anger. Angel dropped his head, his own words thrown in his face that he couldn't let her die alone - and then left her to do just that. He was overcome with penitence and grief. Sadly, Angel nodded. He still refused to glance up and give sight to what he could so clearly hear going on in the small crypt. "It's not right. She doesn't love him." The soft moans echoed throughout the room as Spike brought Buffy to the height of pleasure followed by his own grunts as he too reached his peak. "A-a-angell" Buffy bit her lip, her eyes closed as her orgasm washed over him. The word came out in a soft sighing breath. Angel raised his eyes on hearing his own name, finally looking at Spike and Buffy. The demon perked up. <Ah. That's more like it, lover. You know who you belong to. Tell that little prick now.> "Oh, you did not just say that. Tell me you did not just say what I think you said." Spike dropped her legs and stepped back angrily, zipping up his pants. Buffy opened her eyes "What?" "When I'm fuckin' you, you'd better well know that I'm the one fuckin' you." Spike turned away and kicked angrily at the bed. He was mad, but if the truth were known, he was more hurt than mad. "We've been through this before, Buff. The bleedin' poof is gone." <You hear that you worthless carcass of nauseating repentance? This is your doing.> "I-I know." Buffy's voice was a whisper. She righted her clothes, brushing her skirt down. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-" Spike swallowed his pride and turned back to her. He knew that she didn't love him - at least not yet - and that she was using him, but he didn't care. He wanted her regardless. "I

know, pet. Just don't do it again." "I won't." Buffy replied in a small voice. Now that she had gone down this path, she felt a desperation to not turn away the one thing that she had in her life now - Spike. She chastised herself for being so weak, for giving in. But what else did she have? Angel felt his anger surge again at her, at Spike. He raged. This isn't why he left her. How could she do this? She was his girl. Always his girl. He choked back a broken sob. <Finally, you whining pussy! Get off your fat ass and get her back!> "No, she doesn't. I'd say it's pretty obvious who she still loves. Or who she'd prefer." Doyle looked at the couple then back at Angel. "But he loves her. At least he thinks he does. And I have to say, it's pretty big of him to just let that slide. I wouldn't easily forget my girl calling out another guy's name while we were-" <Wouldn't know. It's never happened to me.> Angelus snorted, sure of his own appeal. Women might call his name with other men, but he'd never suffer the same. At Angel's frustrated and angry look, Doyle stopped. "Well, you know what I mean. It hasn't changed, you know. Together you were strong, apart you are divided and weak." Angel nodded, glancing once more at Buffy before Doyle touched his arm and they began to move. Gradually they appeared to pick up speed, moving rapidly through the streets, through the cool night air until they reached the busy streets of LA. The dank shadows and of the crypt dropped away as the bright lights of the lobby of the Hyperion appeared just as Angel had remembered it earlier that evening. Where cobwebs had been, there was now lush greenery and dazzling decorations. The obvious pain and dissonance of the pair in the crypt was a stark contrast to the cheerful expressions and bright smiles of the occupants of the hotel. Angel felt a pang of remorse. He had left Buffy so that she would find a better life, yet on the face of it, he was the one that had achieved that aim while she struggled. Cordelia looked stunning in her black dress, it clung perfectly to her curves in all the right places. Her makeup was flawless, the plum lips drawing his attention as if they were ready to be kissed. "He's probably up there brooding again. You know how he gets on the holidays." Cordelia cast a glance up the stairs, having seen Angel make his way up there earlier. "Cut the man some slack, Cor. It's not like he's had the easiest life." Gunn poured champagne into glasses for he, Fred, Cordelia and Wes. "I know, but he needs to move on. Do more human stuff, you know?" Cordelia had limited tolerance or patience for understanding why Angel was the way he was. She was much more interested in the here-and-now and it showed. Fred met Gunn's eyes with a telling look, both feeling that sometimes Cordelia's ideas were less than compassionate and realistic. But, she appeared to be in Angel's favor and if Gunn's suspicions were correct, things were about to move up a notch on the relationship scale between the vampire and his seer. Angel had purchased a rather expensive looking diamond ring that he had shown Gunn earlier, intending to begin his courtship of Cordelia now in earnest. Angel hadn't said the word engagement - although that's what the ring clearly implied. Personally, Gunn thought Angel was rushing things a bit. Almost

as if he were afraid of thinking it over too closely. When Cordelia left and brought the shadow of himself back down the stairs, Angel looked on curiously. He had been unaware of the way his eyes followed Cordelia like a puppy, watching her every move. He looked both resigned and interested at the same time. Had anyone asked him, Angel would have said he looked like a man that was trying too hard. Too hard to be something or feel something that perhaps he did not. <It's called pussy-whipped, moron. Ironic isn't it, since you aren't getting any?> The demon taunted him once more. The evening continued just as Angel had remembered it, but condensed in the short amount of time that Doyle had allotted. "Well?" Doyle asked the question, even as Angel thoughtfully watched Cordelia saunter down the hall away from where his shadow had just been. "Well what?" Angel glanced back at Doyle who was also watching Cordelia with avid interest, wondering about the next step they would take in their journey tonight. Shaking the hourglass he now held in his hand, Doyle finally pulled his eyes away from the sight of the beautiful brunette, now dyed blonde. He missed her rich chestnut tresses. Doyle couldn't tell Angel how much he thought about her. Nor could he tell the vampire how much it hurt to see her with him. It was, he imagined, much of what Angel felt when he saw his girl with Spike. The difference being, of course, that Angel wasn't fucking his girl. At least, not yet. Doyle never suspected that his girl would be interested in the vampire, not to mention so careless, risking Angel's soul. He'd known that she was snobby and vain - he had thought it cute, endearing. Of course, he always suspected that a warm, loving woman lie beneath the surface. How could he have been so wrong? Doyle sighed, returning his thoughts to the task at hand. "It's interesting, isn't it? How we manage to muddy up our lives until they make no sense. How we stray from what we really want into what we think we should have or should be or should do." Angel only stared at Doyle curiously, his meaning not yet clear. He cocked his head, thinking over what he had seen in the last hour. "Ignorance. Want. It's a bit of a bad combination, really. Sort of the all roads lead to doom, thing." Doyle glanced at the hourglass as somewhere a clock began to chime three. "Do you know how many times simply becoming aware of a problem or restriction can be the very thing that can eliminate it? It's a funny thing, really. Or how, you can receive a gift - and not really understand what you've got. Or realize you've even got it. Sometimes, it just takes a bit of *soul searching*." Doyle's look at him was pointed, meaningful. For a breath-held moment Angel wondered if he could really believe Doyle's words. Did he have his soul? Permanently? <NO! Not possible> The demon stirred, clamoring within. The world swirled around them then, the chiming of the clock growing louder as they once more began to move.

*Buffy's Ghost of Chistmas Present * Kendra watched her sister Slayer sleeping fitfully. The pain of the past had been hard for her to handle. She'd let Buffy rest as long as she could. As it was they would be rushing the rest of the night to keep up with the schedule that the PTB's had set. As much as she wanted to let Buffy rest she knew that if Buffy made the right choice at the end of this night she'd get what she'd always wanted. She lighty shook Buffy, "It's time to go." Buffy knew the voice and she vaguely knew what to expect. She rolled over to see Kendra standing at the side of her bed. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and sat up. "How long have I been sleeping?" "Not long but it's time. We have much to see." Buffy didn't waste any time she stood up and put her hand in Kendra's. "Where are we going now?" "To take a look at your Christmas present." "More punishment?" Buffy asked sarcastically. "I'm not here to punish you Buffy. I'm only here to show you." "The only thing you've shown me so far has caused me pain." "Some times pain leads to pleasure." Kendra said. Mist floated around within minutes they were at the mansion on Crawford Street. Buffy recognized it immediately. It had been Angel's home the last two years he'd been in Sunnydale. A richly decorated Christmas tree stood in one corner, the white lights twinkling brightly. Gifts in cheerfully colored packages were neatly stacked around the bottom. A large wreath hung on the wall near the deep green velvet curtains that shielded the patio doors. Pine boughs intertwined with ivory and gold ribbon were draped across the mantle along with brightly gleaming and two red velvet stockings. Candles burned on the mantle and the coffee table, as well as along the sideboard. A fire blazed in the fireplace, warming the hearth and giving the room a lively brightness that Angel never remembered seeing here before. Mistletoe hung from the ceiling in several places by red ribbon and several freshly cut sprigs lay on the table near the couch. The delicate sounds of instrumental Christmas music played softly in the background. "Recognize the place?" Kendra asked in false innocence. Buffy walked around touching the sofa, the Christmas tree the mounds of richly wrapped presents under the tree. "This is your Christmas Present." Kendra told her walking behind her. "Present, as in current, not as in gift. Buffy picked up the CD case off the side table, checking out the case. Kenny G. She smiled at Angel's taste in music.

Buffy noticed that her jacket was draped across the back of the couch next to one very similar to Angel's much larger one. A pair of dainty high-heeled sandals was casually strewn on the floor next to a purse and a couple of shopping bags. Buffy listened to the sounds of soft familiar laughter coming from the bedroom mixed with Angel's much deeper laughs. Buffy was transfixed. She didn't know how it happened but if this was her Christmas Present then she was doing something right. Buffy turned smiling. "This is my Christmas Present. How?" she asked confused but clearly happy. Kendra's bucked dramatically and she looked sheepishly at Buffy, "Oh, my mistake. This is what should have been. This is what actually is..." Before Buffy was able to reply the room filled with mist and the weightless feeling took over again. She felt the swirling, shifting of time. When the mist cleared she was standing in Giles condo. It was different than it was when she'd left yesterday. There seemed to be more decorations. Buffy smiled. Giles and Xander where wearing Santa hats. They looked so adorable. Anya was dressed in a red velvet suit. Tara wore jeans and a white sweatshirt with a Christmas tree and the words Merry Christmas imprinted on it. Willow sitting next to Tara was wearing a gauzy kelly green dress. Buffy could only imagine since Tara loved Christmas Willow was doing her best to be festive for her lover. Buffy was looking around for herself. She spotted herself placing gifts under a large fir pine Christmas tree. Buffy was taken aback. Giles had gotten in the Christmas mood and purchased a real tree. Buffy took a closer look at her present self. She didn't seem to be too happy. Everyone around her was laughing, smiling sharing little kisses and she seemed to be sadly hanging near the tree looking around uncomfortably. She thought she understood why present Buffy was so sad. Spike's revelations were probably weighting heavily on her. Anya was holding Xander's hand, "I love your human ritual sacrifices with pies. First your Giving thanks and then this X-Mas Day." "Anya, Buffy and I have told you it's not a ritual sacrifice," Willow explained patiently. "It's called a Holiday. You really need to remember these things. Right, Buffy." Willow turned to her friend who was kneeling by the tree to back her up. Buffy realized Willow was talking to her and answered, "Oh, yeah," she said absently, "Holiday." She turned back to fiddle with an ornament on the tree. Buffy looked around at everyone at the Christmas Dinner. Xander and Willow were so happy. They were both sitting close to their lovers. Willow kept looking up at Tara and smiling at her. Buffy heard a delighted squeal and giggle and turned to see Giles kissing Olivia under the mistletoe hanging by the kitchen alcove. "I'm so glad I was able to come Rupert," she said. "You have certainly made this a very happy holiday." Giles kissed her again his hands lying possessively on her waist. "You are the best Christmas present in the world." Olivia eyes twinkled, "Rupert you do have a way with words." "G-Man no X-rated shows. Our eyes are too sensitive," Xander joked.

Everyone in the room laughed the mood was so jovial. Except for her. She hadn't moved from the tree. She had a sad little smile on her face. Buffy wondered what time Olivia arrived. Yesterday afternoon Giles hadn't mentioned anything about Olivia. To be exact he'd told Buffy he intended to read and call it a early night. Now she understood why there was a big tree and extra Christmas decorations. Olivia must have arrived in enough time for her and Giles to go shopping for Christmas decorations and a larger tree. So now she knew why she seemed a little sad. Everyone even Giles, had someone with them this Christmas. She was the only one alone today. The only one without a lover. She watched as herself laugh at something Xander had said and tried to fit in, tried to pretend being the only one without a date for Christmas didn't both her, tried to ignore the loneliness that was in her heart. Tried to forget that Angel and Cordelia were sharing Christmas as a couple. She tried and was failing miserably. Giles and Olivia had not only shopped for new decorations but had gone grocery shopping as well. Buffy and the Scoobies had only planned on having a baked chicken maybe cook some frozen peas, whip up some instant mashed potatoes and get a pumpkin pie from the bakery. They hadn't planned anything fancy or elaborate. Giles had even told them he was going to get paper table cloth, plates, napkins and plastic spooks and forks to avoid a big clean up after dinner. That had obviously changed. The table had been set with a white linen tablecloth, plates, red linen napkins, glasses and silverware. A red poinsettia served as a centerpiece. Creamed potatoes with gravy, green bean almond, corn, spiced apples, cranberry orange sauce, rolls, chocolate cake, peach cobbler, some dish that looked like a creamy pudding, and a bottle of wine graced the table. Olivia finally separating herself from Giles went into the kitchen and came out carrying a large platter. Buffy and Kendra floated over to see what she'd placed on the table. It was a honeybaked ham adorned with pineapples and chives. They watched as the group sat down to eat. Giles stood with a glass of wine to make a toast. "I can't think of any one I'd rather spend the Holidays with that all of you." He raised his glass. "I don't think I say this enough but each and everyone of you is important to me." "Here, Here." Everyone agreed, echoing the toast and clinking their glasses with the person closest to them. Buffy notice that although she too performed the actions of the others her heart just wasn't in it. Everything seems so beautiful. All her friends were there. The man she thought of as a father was present. He was happier than she'd seen him in months. Gifts were piled under the tree. Christmas music floated around them. They were all smiling and laughing. Yet, Buffy knew that although she was happy for her friends inside her heart was broken into little pieces. She was putting on a smiling face for her friends because it was what was expected of her. Buffy floated around the room taking in the Christmas decorations. The wreath on the door, the mistletoe hung over the door, a garland swag wrapped around the staircase. The

decorated tree, the gifts under the tree and the table set to abundance. Everyone was sitting down eating. Forks clanging against the china. Voices mixing with the soft sounds of the Christmas music. Everyone was laughing and having a good time. It should have been as close to a perfect. Okay her Mom wasn't there. Her Dad had preferred a cruise to spending time with his only child but she didn't think that was the big problem. Buffy could feel her happiness for those around her. She could even feel the happiness she felt for being able to spend this day with Giles and her friends, but there was still so much sadness surrounding her. She could feel her emptiness, her loneliness. Mist began to fill the air again. Buffy knew what to expect. When the mist cleared she would be in another place. The mist cleared to reveal her walking through the cemetery. Buffy could feel the loneliness and pain engulfing her as she approached the door. She and Kendra glided along behind herself as she walked to a crypt door. Buffy knew whose door she stood in front of. She watched as she knocked on the door. She had to knock twice before it was answered. Spike opened the door. His shirt was off. His chest was thin and muscled. He had a cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth. He leaned against the door jam lasciviously looking her up and down. He threw the cigarette to the ground and crushed in beneath his boots. "C'mon on in Slayer I've been waiting on you." He stood aside as she walked through the door. It closed with a thud. Buffy jumped. She stood outside Spike's crypt knowing what she was going on unable to face how far her desperation had sent her. She turned to Kendra. "This isn't good is it?" "It's what you thought you wanted earlier tonight isn't?" "What's with the cryptic, Kendra? Why can't you just answer one question?" "I'm not here to answer your questions Buffy?" "Then why the hell are you here?" Buffy asked finally losing her patience with cryptic Kendra. Her eyes went back to the door of the crypt. "I'm here to show you your life. To show you where your choices will lead you." "This is what your Christmas day will be like Buffy. You'll have dinner with your friends, Giles and his girlfriend. You'll go to Spike. Is this the happiness you seek?" Buffy lashed out. "So what? I fucked Spike. Big deal. I deserve it. Angel has someone in his life. He's fucking my nemesis why shouldn't I fuck his? From day one I've always sacrificed for Angel, defied my watcher and friends for him. I was willing to fight and even harm you to save him. I fought Faith and tried to kill her to save him. I turned my back on the Watcher's Council. Fed him my own jugular to save his life. And you know what? He turned on his heels and walked away from me. He didn't even say good-bye. He just walked away. He's never had to give up anything for me. He's never had to sacrifice to be with me. His words of love were empty and meaningless. Instead of trying to work out our problems he just walked away from them. Yeah, I should really feel bad about fucking Spike!" Her words were heated and impassioned. She felt self-righteous in her actions. "O-O-kay Buffy. So, he never did anything for you? Did you not tell me he killed his sire

for you? That's not even heard of in vampire society. Demons rarely kill their sires. To kill a sire for a human, a slayer at that. Huh, that's unheard of. Did he ever ask you why you stuck a sword through his heart and sent him to Hell to suffer with a soul?" Kendra answered the question for her. "No, he loved you. He knew if you sent him to hell it was for a good reason." "Okay," Buffy admitted peevishly. "So, he killed Darla for me. At one time he loved me. All of that is over. As far as I'm concerned none of it really caused him that much pain. Buffy shrugged, "It was nothing really special." "I shouldn't do this. I wasn't supposed to show you this. You've had your three visions but you leave me no choice. I have to show you this one thing. Come, hopefully I can do this in the few minutes we have left." Buffy was use to the mist now. <Can you say over dramatized?> she thought as the mist swirled around her. Buffy watched as Angel wound up an old clock and set it on the desk in his office. The time on the clock was 8:53. Although she'd only been in it once Buffy knew it was Angel's office. The first time she'd been in it had been such a short time. She told Angel off, the agreed to stay away from each other and she walked out. Now she was watching what had occurred before she arrived in his office. Everything seemed to happen in a blur. It was like watching a movie on TV only fast forward. Buffy looked at Kendra, "What the Hell is going on here!? This is not how this happened." "Keep looking Buffy it will all be revealed." Buffy turned back to look at the fight. She and Angel were fighting the Mohra demon. Angel slid across the floor, picking up the demon's sword and stabbed it in the gut while it is still wrestled with Buffy. Its blood ran down the sword onto Angel's hand. The demon jumped back and shoved Buffy. She landed on top of Angel. The demon pulled the sword out and jumped out of the window. Angel and Buffy stared at each other as they slowly untangle themselves and got up. Just from watching the scene Buffy could feel the erotic and sexual tension between them. She didn't remember this but Kendra promised her everything would be revealed in time. Everything was like a blur. She and Angel tracked the Mohra demon through the sewer tunnels. The split up she went up in the day and he stayed in the tunnels. Angel walked through the tunnels and was attacked by the Mohra demon again. The demons blood mixed with Angel's and the vampire collapsed and gave a strangled cry as he gasped for air. The sound of his heart beat filled his ear. Angel stared at his hand in disbelief as he gasped, "I'm alive." "Kendra if this is a joke so help me." "I was sent by the PTB's they don't have a sense of humor." Buffy squinted her eyes in warning at Kendra. "If Angel became human what happened

to change him back?" "Stop being so impatient Buffy. Just keep watching you'll see it all." Angel going back to the office, looked up the demons, met with the Oracles and then it slowed Buffy watched herself standing on the boardwalk. She felt Angel and turned around to see him stepping through a shadowed arch in a hedge walking determinedly towards her. When he finally reached her, he grabbed her in his arms and kissed her without hesitation. Buffy could feel the heat of the kiss from where she stood. She watched as she ran her hands up and down his back. Accustoming herself to the warmth of his flesh. The kiss seemed to go on and on. They broke the kiss only to nibble at each other's lips before kissing again. They were now sitting opposite each other at his kitchen table. Angel was pouring some tea and they were talking about his being human. They had decided to wait to make sure everything would take. That there was no "grrr." She got up to leave but stopped to talked to Angel again. Now they were standing at the kitchen sink talking. He was trying to convince her that they would stay in touch. That they would make their love work. She placed her hand on top of his. He looked down at her hand on his then back at her face. He pulled her to him, wrapped his arms around her and kissed her softly. So soft yet so intense it stole her breath. Their eyes met. And a current of pure love and desire went through them. They met again in a kiss that was so hot, passionate and intense Buffy jumped up and wrapped her legs around his waist. Walking backwards with her, he came up against the refrigerator where he halted momentarily leaning against it heavily. Their lips and tongues reacquainted themselves. Their lips blended together. Their tongues mingled and mated. His kisses were hot molten lava instead of erotic and cool as ice. She didn't care. His kisses were making moisture flow from her core and heating her entire body. Never breaking the kiss Angel carried her over to the kitchen table, swept the stuff on it on to the floor and laid her down on it. Buffy felt and smelt the passion as it swirled around and in them hot demanding and raging out of control. They indulged in every act Buffy had ever imagined they would do if they could. The table eventually broke beneath them and they continue to make love on the floor before Angel lifted her and took her into the bedroom. Buffy's face was flushed she watching the scene unfold in front of her. Her breathing sounding loud and erratic to her own ears. "Wow!" Buffy muttered. "Come there is more," Kendra pulled Buffy through the past. They fast forward through the past. Occasionally Kendra would have to pulled Buffy through as she stopped to gape open mouthed. "This is what you must see," Kendra told her. Buffy watched as Angel faced a man and woman with Gold faces wearing Greek style gowns. <They really needed a fashion check.> Buffy thought. "Who are these people?" she asked Kendra.

"Oracles. They too serve the Powers That Be. Now listen," she chided. The man addressed Angel. "You again." "What have you brought me?" The woman asked extending her hand. "Famille Rose vase." Angel threw the vase to her. "Ching dynasty. Circa 1811." "Lovely," the woman said admiring the vase. "Why are you here, lower being?" The male Oracle asked impatiently. "The Mohra demon said the end of days had begun. That others were coming, soldiers of darkness. I need to know if he was telling the truth." "As far as such things can be told," the male Oracle answered. "What happens to the Slayer when these soldiers come?" The female Oracle answered, "What happens to all mortal beings. Albeit sooner in her case." Buffy saw the utter pain, despair and terror that crossed Angel's face. She floated forward to touch him and as before her hands seemed to go through him. "She'll die? - Then I'm here to beg for her life." He said in anguish. The Oracles turned and walked away. "It is not our place to grant life or death." "And I ask you to take mine back," Angel pleaded. "No, No," Buffy sobbed standing beside him. "Don't do this Angel." But he didn't hear. This had happened long ago. The oracles stop walking and turned back to him. "Look I can't protect her or anyone this way, not as a man." Buffy wanted to sob. He was trying to protect her again. How could she have forgotten how quickly he always stepped in an attempt to shelter her, to defend her? The woman Oracle spoke to him, "You're asking to be what you were, a demon with a soul, because of the Slayer?" The male Oracle seemed bored. Buffy wanted to pummel him in the ground. Angel was giving away every thing he'd hoped for and this Oracle didn't seem to care. The male Oracle turned to leave, "Oh, this is a matter of love. It does not concern us." "Yes, it does." Angel insisted. "The Mohra demon came to take a warrior from your cause - and it succeeded. I'm no good to you like this. I know you have it in your power to make this right. Please." The male Oracle let out a bored sigh, "What is done can not be undone." The female Oracle considered Angel's proposition, "What is not yet done can be avoided." "Temporal folds are not to indulge at - the whims of lower beings," the male Oracle warned. "You are wrong. This one is willing to sacrifice every drop of human happiness and love

he has ever known for another. He is not a lower being," The female Oracle came to Angel's defense. The male Oracle conceded, "There is one way. But it is not to be undertaken lightly." "We swallow this day, as though it had never happened. Twenty-four hours from the moment the demon first attacked you, we take it back," the female Oracle explained. Angel licked his lips, "Then none of this happened and Buffy and I What - what'll stop us from doing the exact same thing again?" "You. You alone will carry the memory of this day. - Can you carry that burden?" she asked. "For Buffy I can do anything." Buffy thought her heart had broken watching the Christmas she spent with Angel. That pain didn't compare to the pain and anguish she felt now. She squeezed Kendra's hand tightly as the mist swirled and she was transported to another place.

"A Hellmouth Christmas Carol" Co-written by LelaRose In memory of Glenn Quinn. May he rest in peace. Notes: There were certain things we didn't want to bother with so we left them out of this fic. 1) There is no Dawn or Connor. 2) Riley did exist and now is gone fighting demons in the jungle or whatever; Borrowing the idea of Angelus talking in thought from Maquis's fabulous stories on http://love-is-immortal.tripod.com. Oh, and our apologies to Charles Dickens. <.> will represent the characters thoughts; represents Angelus's thoughts. *will be used to emphasize a word. Lyrics: Head Over Feet - Alanis Morissette; Various Christmas Carols *Angel's Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come * When the clock struck three, an ominous presentiment filled the air. Even Doyle, who had been cheerful and joking for much of the night, was now tensely somber. The very air seemed to be filled with dread. Angel waited patiently, but Doyle neither moved nor spoke for what seemed like an eternity. Finally Angel spoke, breaking the silence. "Let me guess, Christmas Yet to Come?" Doyle swallowed hard and nodded, his nervousness obvious. His ghostly friend's hesitation gave Angel pause. He suddenly didn't want to follow, he didn't want to know what was going to happen. Doyle noticed Angel's reluctance and took a deep breath. "I will show you shadows of the

things that have not yet come to pass, but will happen some time in the future. Are you ready?" Angel's trepidation increased at Doyle's obvious reluctance. He steeled himself for what was to come. He had come this far though; he'd see the rest of it through. He knew somehow, the he had more to fear with the future than anything he had seen in the past. He also knew though, that possibilities existed for change. "Let's go." The tall vampire nodded, wanting to get it over with. They moved quickly and quietly until they were once more back in Sunnydale, winding their way through the dark and empty streets, through the back alleys and side doors until they came to a stop just inside Willie's pub. The air was jovial and filled with laughter. They stopped by a group of demons crowded around a small table. Angel recognized the D'ebrak demon, but none of the others. They waited, listening to the demon's conversation. "No," the great fat, yellowish-green demon with the monstrous chin shook his head. "I don't know much about it, either way. I only know she's dead." "When? What happened? When'd she die?" The snake-like demon hissed, his voice highpitched with curious excitement. "Last night, I believe." "What happened?" asked the D'ebrak, slime oozing off him and dripped to the floor. "I thought she'd never die." "Hell-god. That's what I heard," the first fat demon replied, yawning. "What about Angelus? Any word?" The red-faced crab-like demon joined the conversation, his pendulous excrescence on the end of his nose shaking like the waddle of a rooster. "Nah." The D'ebrak answered, grinning. "He hasn't been interested in the Slayer for years. Moved on to a new cunt. That's all I know." The demons around the table laughed heartily, offering speculation as to what the new girl would have that the former Sunnydale Slayer did not. "I'd love to be at the funeral." The red-faced crab demon changed the topic. "I could spit on the Slayer's grave." "Or dance on it!" the fat yellowish green demon grinned manically. "Or piss on it!" The D'ebrak raised his glass, as they all laughed again. Their conversation then shifted on to other topics as Angel looked to Doyle for an explanation. He knew of course, that this would happen. He wasn't sure why he was meant to hear this particular conversation. Doyle said nothing, instead moving them along in a glide. Then he pointed to the two girls who were walking quietly along the street. Angel knew them. Willow and Tara. "So, how're you doing?" Tara quietly asked Willow. "I'm okay. I just can't believe it." The red-haired girls' eyes clouded with tears again.

Tara put her arm around Willow, hugging her close. "W-well, she did save the world." "Again." Willow sighed, wiping at her eyes. "It didn't have to be like this though. The prophecy said that a warrior of shadow and one of light joined together would prevent it." Tara considered her words. "But Buffy managed to do it on her own. Besides, she said she didn't know any 'warrior of shadow'." "Yes, she did. She didn't want to ask him for help. Not *now* anyway." Willow's voice was bitter as she choked back the tears again. Her friends' stubborn determination was something that they all loved about Buffy, but it might just have been the thing that had gotten her killed. Not that anyone expected that Angel would have made a difference had Buffy sought him out. "Oh." Tara had nothing else to say and the girls continued their slow journey along the street. Angel considered their words with no small amount of guilt, searching for meaning. Was he the 'warrior' that Buffy was supposed to seek out for help? Had things between then grown so distant that she was unwilling or unable to do so? The contempt in Willow's voice was so strong that Angel felt it. That alone disturbed him. Willow, of all of Buffy's friends, had always been the most supportive of him. What *had* changed? <Together you were strong, apart you are divided and weak.> The words echoed through his mind again. He was finally beginning to understand the powerful messages that he had been seeing. Thoughts had been revolving through his mind and he knew that he needed to make some changes in his life. With thought and hope, these new resolutions would correct what had gone wrong before it was too late. Doyle still stood besides him in the shadows, quiet and dark. When Angel met his eyes, Doyle lifted a brow in question. "Okay, Doyle. I get it. Do you have anything else to show me?" "Just one more thing." They left, gliding into what appeared to be LA. Angel recognized the Hyperion as they approached. As they crossed through his suite of rooms, Angel noted that the surroundings seemed quiet different. Every wall had a bookcase or curio cabinet against it filled with ornaments and knick-knacks. There were dolls of all shapes and sizes, Faberge eggs, beanie-babies (were those even still a fad?) and even, Angel noted with a shiver of distaste, porcelain doll heads. Pink and rose colors dominated the room, along with a massive floral print couch. <Oh, Christ. What the fucking hell have you done?> The demon, who had been quiet for so long, now stirred. Angel was still avidly looking around the room, shocked at the changes in his former dark and masculine abode, when the door opened and Fred entered, carrying several heavily laden shopping bags. Just behind her, a woman with short blond hair that resembled Cordelia followed. She too was carrying a multitude of packages. Gunn, also carrying more packages, followed the two women though the door. When they reached the sofa, they women dropped their packages and burst into laughter.

Gunn shook his head and took another deep breath, only one of many that had been required to maintain his patience and sanity on the shopping trip this afternoon. He tolerated it for Fred, knowing how close she had grown to Cordelia, one of her only friends. It was that relationship and his loyalty to Angel that kept him at Angel Investigations, when otherwise he'd have preferred to move on. Keeping the forces of evil in check had become more about money and prestige, and less on fighting the good fight because it was the right thing to do. He'd even considered moving to Sunnydale and joining up with Angel's slayer. Of course, he'd never dared to even mention that to Fred for fear that she'd tell Cordelia and then he'd be subject to the terrible temper tantrums that appeared whenever anything Sunnydale or Slayer was mentioned. "Did you see the look on that salesman's face when I said I would take them - and in all three colors?" Cordelia squealed, her delight in the purchase of the expensive Manolo Blahnik shoes obvious, regardless of the cost. She knew Angel would be upset when he found out that she had just spent over $1200 on shoes just for her, but she didn't really care. She'd simply hide the bill when it came and then write the check out for "weapons" or "groceries" as she always did. She thought it hysterically funny that he never seemed to question their outrageous expenditures in these two categories. "I can't believe you actually did it." Fred grinned, her eyes bright from the champagne lunch that Cordelia had insisted on at Chauteau Marmont. "Girl, you know he's not going to be pleased." Gunn admonished Cordelia. "Hey, I warned him that I was shopping today. Besides, I deserve it." Cordelia ran her hand over her hair, soothing the imaginary out-of-place strand. . "He dripped blood on my last pair of Manolos when he came in with that cut from the demon fight. I couldn't exactly wear them after that." Leaning down, Cordelia drew out an opened box of Godiva chocolates. Opening the box, she greedily selected two of the rich chocolates and stuffed them in her mouth before offering them to Fred and Gunn. Angel took a closer look. He was shocked. It was, in fact, Cordelia - only, much, much, larger and with a body that was rapidly turning to fat. He wouldn't have recognized her. The svelte seer he remembered had disappeared completely, buried beneath the corpulent mounds of flesh that stretched her white leggings to near-transparent thinness across her heavy thighs and behind, and her breasts - the lush breasts he had suckled upon only hours ago - were swollen to the size of two basketballs, both threatening to topple out of her obscenely tight red top. The seems of her clothes bulged threateningly, but the stretchy fabrics valiantly held up beneath her expanding flesh. He felt nearly ill at this evidence of her laziness and greed. Angelus laughed. <Nice! Another chocolate, sweetie?> "Where is Mr. Broody anyway?" Cordelia picked another chocolate out of the box after the other two declined. "And don't forget, not a word about the death of slay gal, Buffy. I don't want to ruin Christmas" Her eyes darted to Fred and Gunn as if they might question how she had known about the death of the slayer. She'd mentioned it to them casually this morning after calling friends in Sunnydale to confirm her vision, the vision that she had chosen not to share with anyone, particularly Angel.

"And Fred - remember! You were going to tell him about that emerald and diamond necklace at Winstons. I sooo want that for Christmas." "Cordy, you checked the price tag on that. It's over 10g's." Gunn shook his head as he headed out the door, his job as package delivery carrier done for the day. "Since when are we pulling in that kind of cash?" "So, he picks up a few more clients. No big." Cordelia sniffed, watching as Gunn closed the door behind him. "Now let's see" Cordelia rifled through her bags, pulling out her new M.A.C. lipsticks. She couldn't decide on which color she liked best so she bought all 5. "Now, I have to hide my purchases and wrap these gifts before the large, dark and solemn one gets wind of what I spent. God forbid I have to give him another blowjob as a distraction." "Cordelia!" Fred gasped, then laughed. "Well, last time he wanted to talk about the bills, I just changed the subject to, uh, that." Cordelia wrinkled her nose in distaste. "He's just so cold to touch at times. It's a little ew. I don't mind if he wants to give me a little oral gratification but I so do not like to return the favor." "You don't mean that." Fred challenged, her voice a giggle. "Well, I do kinda. I mean, that belly is no real turn on. Who knew blood would be so fattening?" Cordelia snorted, ignoring the fact that her own waistline had increased drastically in the last few years. Her once svelte size 4 figure was now easily a size 14. She thought of it as pleasingly plump, but still cut the tags out of her clothing. "And that ass! Have you seen him from behind? Honestly, Fred, we may have to start buying loveseats for all our chairs!" They erupted in a peal of laughter. "You think there's such a think as lean pig's blood? Or maybe there's a zone diet plan for vampires?" Cordelia laughed loudly again, amused at her own wit. Angel listened to their dialogue with something akin to revulsion. As they sat amidst the largess from their shopping spree, he viewed Cordelia with new eyes. Just then he saw the shadow of his future self enter the room and he recoiled in terror. It was all true. Did he- was that- did he really almost have double chins? Angel stared at his future self wondering what happened. Not only was he - well, to be perfectly blunt - fat but he seemed so worn down, tired and defeated. <Holy fuck! You simpering, lazy, mindless idiot!!> This time the demon's roar was so loud, so angry that Angel almost suspected that Doyle could hear his thoughts. Amazingly enough, he had returned to the leather pants he had favored as his demonic counterpart, but where could he possibly have found a size to encompass his own large ass. His once muscled chest had given way to indolent flab and he - Angel flinched and even the demon within bellowed in outrage and disgust - he had man breasts; certainly they were not of a size to rival Cordelia's large double Ds buthe had man breasts! <Out. I want out of this body.> He had always been aware of the fact that he was an attractive man; females over the centuries had willingly thrown themselves to the non-tender mercies of both the man and the beast, but he had always believed that as a vampire, he had been suspended forever at

the height of his masculine prime. He had always believed that other than muscle mass, he would be unchanged and untouched by the ravages that time and modern living could wage: he had been wrong. Now he understood why Buffy hadn't called on him in her time of need. He doubted that his future self would have been able to serve as a capable partner at her side, let alone survive a life or death battle. He was no longer the Warrior that he had been. Now it appeared that he fought for the money to keep Cordelia supplied with her extravagant purchases, not because he was needed nor to make amends. He sighed with disgust. <Capable partner? Hell, I'd be surprised if this fat ass could run half a block much less handle any sort of weapon.> Angel glanced towards Doyle, uneasy. Doyle returned Angel's look. He too was disturbed by the image of his once beautiful Cordelia's true character. Had he been so blinded by her beauty that he hadn't seen the woman inside? "Hi Honey. How was the demon business today?" Cordelia didn't move, waving absently in Angel's direction. Her voice was flat and artificially caring. "Good." Angel kissed Cordelia's cheek, aiming for her lips but she anticipated and turned her head just in time. When he looked away she absently wiped at her cheek. "You're not dripping any demon slime or blood on my new carpets are you?" Not that she minded redecorating, but she had just put this particular shade of rose in last month and thought it perfectly complimentary to her skin tone. She didn't want to bother changing it for at least another couple of months. "No." Angel replied. His own voice was so sufficiently reticent that Angel thought he imagined it. When had he begun to be cowed by Cordelia? <Stake me. Stake me now.> Even the beast within recoiled in horror. "That's a change." Cordelia snorted, shooting Fred with an exasperated look. Angel said nothing, only went about his business in putting away his weapons. Even his future self regarded the case of doll-heads with suspicion and avoided it. "Well, I hope you paid my cell phone bill. I need it. Where's the mail? Did my issue of W come? Oh, and did you pick up my dry cleaning while you were out?" "Uh, no, I-" "No!? I asked you for a simple favor and you can't even do that? And I did all the Christmas shopping for us - again - by myself - again - and you can't even do a simple favor for me and pick up the dry cleaning. Angelllll." Cordelia's voice increased to a nagging whine. "It's just three blocks away. You could even walk there. Tell me, just how on earth could you possibly forget it? Please, assure me that you are not that stupid. Or that inconsiderate of me." "Well, there was a demon and-" "There's always a demon. Or vampire. Or some other excuse. I *needed* that dress to wear tomorrow on Christmas day to church. You know, *church*? And don't give me that excuse about the crosses and holy water again. We've been over this before and you know

how important it is to me to have a little spirituality in life at least once a year. I'll bet you deliberately didn't pick up my dress so you wouldn't have to go. It would be just like you to do that to me. Now what am I going to do, huh? What am I going to wear? What about me?" Her voice had risen to near high-pitched squeal. Angel put his hand to his eyes, squeezing the bridge of his nose to shut out the sounds of her voice. When had she gotten so selfish? Or had she always been that way and he hadn't seen it? <Always been there, moron. You missed signals the size of your future fat ass.> "Tell me something, Doyle, are these things that *will* be or are they things that *might* be?" Angel felt a pounding in his head as Cordelia's voice droned on and on and yet, his future self stood there and listened to her with that lifeless look in his eyes. "Life is a series of paths. You follow one path, then it leads where it may." Angel turned away from Doyle then, considering his words. Finally he turned back. "Is it past hope, then? Why show me this if there is no way to change it?" "If you change paths, get off, turn around, whatever, then things change." Angel waited. "The Powers that Be are giving you three days back. Three days in which you must decide what you are going to do. Remember, Angel my friend, there is no amount of regret that can make amends for lost opportunities." In the next instant Doyle was gone and Angel was back in his room, on his bed just as it had been when he had gone to sleep. *Buffy's Christmas Yet To Come* The mist swirled, thick and heavy; Buffy was used to it now. She knew where they were; they were inside Spike's crypt. She glanced around the stone chamber; if possible, it was even more decrepit than before. And Spike Spike. Buffy couldn't remember ever seeing the bleach-haired vampire looking anything but sexy. He had had the whole leather-clad bad boy look that had drawn women to him like bees to honey for over a century. Not anymore. Even Kendra was taken aback by the blond vampire's transformation. He still wore his trademark black jeans and tight red t-shirt. There was just one problem though: the jeans wouldn't fasten over his expanding gut and the t-shirt had gone beyond tight to too small, and couldn't cover the milky pale roundness of his beer belly. His once carefully tended hair looked as if it hadn't been dyed in months and it may well have been that long since it had been touched by either scissors or comb. Spike stood in front of the refrigerator he pushed past the protein shakes and bottled water to pull out a beer. He slammed the fridge shut, popped the top and guzzled the 40 ounce beverage in nearly one swallow. Releasing a loud belch of satisfaction, he walked toward his recliner, pausing only to

scratch the blubbery roundness of his ass and then his crotch, as an after-thought. The once Big Bad had just become Big. Buffy could feel the apathy radiating from the once proud and vibrant predator. He had given up on his life - or rather his unlife. His once sleek and muscular body was nothing more than fat and sagging skin. His pale blue eyes had lost their luster and were now dull. And worst of all, the cocky and confident swagger had disappeared from his step and was now a slow wobble. He was a broken demon, not even a shadow of his former self. He had long since stopped caring, even about the things that all demons cared about: torture, pain, lust, passion; the hunt, the kill. Nothing moved him anymore. She watched as Spike plopped his overweight self down into his tattered recliner and then searched avidly for the remote for the TV, spotting it out of reach. He called for his mate. "Luv, can you come here? I need you." Buffy glanced at her ghostly guide quizzically, wondering who he was calling to; Kendra jerked her chin toward the sleek, muscled blond woman that entered from the other room. The blond Slayer blinked in disbelief and stared at her future self in bemused shock. All the softness in her, in body and in emotion was gone. Her future self was a warrior, a stone-cold killer who did what had to be done without hesitation and without regret. Her eyes were flat and cold, as expressionless as a shark'sand about as merciful. The soft curves of her breasts and hips had been swallowed into sleek sinew, hardened planes and defined musculature. Clad in black leather pants and a black tank top, the fabrics clung to her lean body, showing off the long hard muscles of her thighs, and revealing the taut lines of her shoulders, biceps and triceps. Even her once generous bust line had given way to the hardened splendor of her amazon's body. She was old. Oh her skin was still clear, healthy and unlined, but it lacked softness. Her hair - the last feminine trait left to her - was still gold and untouched by grey, but the eyes, the windows to the soul, the those beautiful hazel green eyes that use to be lit with brilliance and fire were now cold, old and tired. "What do you want Spike?" she asked indifferently, binding the length of her blond ponytail into an unfussy leather thong. "Give me that remote. It's about time for Passions." The warrior released a sigh of exasperation. "You called me in here to get you a remote that is less than three feet from you, so you can watch that dumb soap opera?" It's not a dumb soap opera," Spike whined in defense of his choice of tv programming. "You know it's melodramatic crap. No self-respecting creature of the night would be caught dead watching that. But then again, you're not a self-respecting vampire anymore, are you?" she commented pityingly. "Look at yourself. The chip made you an object of pity to the demon community, but you made yourself into a laughingstock. I'd say it was unhealthy, but you're already dead. Just because you don't have a reflection doesn't mean you can't see how overweight you are. Your ass is the same size as your imitation E.T. potbelly. You even have the beginnings of man-breasts. Spike, don't you even care about

yourself anymore?" He flinched, stung by her words. "Well at least I have an ass and some breasts. You're nothing but hard angles and harder muscles. Nothing a man would want to snuggle up to in the night. All the soft curves I loved before, are gone, Slayer. And so is the fire that made you special. You're nothing but a frigid machine. When we're making love, I'm more tempted to feel myself than you!" "I wish you would," she growled in annoyance. "It's no picnic having your blubbery belly rubbing against me as you strain to get off - and that's when you work up enough energy to do anything other than watch the damn TV." He struggled out of the chair and advanced on her angrily. "My blubbery belly!" he roared in outrage. "You liked it well enough when you found out your precious Angel was sportin' the same girth!" The fire that had begun to burn in her eyes went cold at the mention of his name. "Maybe because on him it's still appealing to me." She eyed him in disgust, "You're an empty shell, Spike." "I'm an empty shell? That's a laugh. I ain't the one who's turned into a bleedin' machine. And tell me why I should care about anything. For the last few years the only thing you've given a damn about was training. And," he added, "why should I want to fuck a woman who continues to call out the name of a demon she only fucked once. A demon who found you so lacking he dumped you, moved to another city and took up with another woman. And you still carry a torch for him." He laughed contemptuously. "And you call me pitiful," he sneered. "It's been years Slayer, let it go. He doesn't want you. And truthfully, neither do I." The pain flared as it always did at the mention of him. The pain and the sense of betrayal. She forced herself to remain cold. "I would've thought after Drusilla panting after him for a hundred years you would've been used to being second choice. I don't need you, Spike. I never have. You were a way to hurt him back, but it was never you I wanted. Only him. You were a substitute - and a poor one at that. Did you know? Of course you did," she taunted ruthlessly. "I kept calling his name. Do you know why I chose you, Spike? He hates you, your skin is cool and you're of his bloodline. Those were the only reasons I was with you. You didn't think it was for love, did you?" The cold taunt hit it's mark. "Get the Hell out Slayer and never come back." He turned and stalked contemptuously away from her. She smiled mirthlessly. "That was the plan for the night anyways, Spike. Never coming back." Her hand flashed in a quick movement. Spike staggered and turned around, clutching his chest in shocked bewilderment. "Buffy?" he whispered and collapsed in a rain of ash. "I didn't want to fight before I ended it, Spike," she commented to the pile of ash. "But loose ends are loose ends. I don't want to leave any behind for the next girl. And I'll be more than glad to leave this moldy crypt behind." Buffy watched her future self walk uncaringly through her lover's ashes and turned to Kendra, sickened by the scene she'd just witnessed. "Please don't let this be my life," she

whispered. "There is more," Kendra told her. The mist began to swirl around them. Buffy let out a sigh of resignation. "Oh Goody," she mumbled sarcastically. When the mist cleared she was standing in the lobby of a Hotel. She vaguely remembered Giles informing her that Angel's apartment blew up and he'd bought a hotel. She looked around at the occupants of the lobby. Wesley and a large woman were sitting on a round sofa. There was something vaguely familiar about the woman. As Buffy continued to stare she recognized the woman. It was Cordelia. She let out an unladylike whoop. Cordelia was the svelte beauty queen any more. She'd gained a lot of weight. And those breast even accounting for the weight gain were enormous. She had to have gotten implants. Of course her taste in clothes was still impeccable even if she was stretching the fabric to its limits. A skinny brunette and a handsome tall black man were standing near by. The mood seemed to be very somber. She looked closely at Cordelia and her mascara and eyeliner seemed to be smeared. She had been crying real tears. Buffy walked closer to the group Kendra on her heels. "Gunn where did you find these?" Cordelia addressed the Black man. Buffy leaned in to see what Cordelia had in her hands. She was holding Angel's Claddagh ring and a in a velvet box was another smaller Claddagh ring. "They were just sitting there in the court yard on bench surrounded by dust. I gathered up all the dust and placed it in the small vase over there," he motioned his head towards a hand pained vase sitting on the counter. "What I want to know is who in the hell told him about Buffy had died," Cordelia snapped. Buffy gasped she'd died. She looked at Kendra. Kendra nodded *yes*. Dead for some reason after seeing her Christmas present and future the thought of death didn't bother her Angel's death on the other hand was causing her chest to tightened. She felt like someone had wrapped a fist around her heart and was squeezing. "Did you tell him Fred?" Cordelia accused angrily. "N-No. I-I promised you wouldn't tell him and I didn't." The skinny brunette defended herself against Cordelia's attack. "Well did you Gunn? Wesley?" Wesley answered, "Cordelia it doesn't matter how he learned. He learned," Wesley paused, "He was a little quite after he came back from picking up your dry cleaning. Someone may have told him. There are any number of demons who could have told him." "Well it doesn't matter now," Cordelia screeched. "Without him we are going to have to work twice as hard to turn the profit that we now make. I can't believe this. Just when I thought my future was set Angel pulls a stunt like this. Hell he hasn't seen her in years and he commits suicide just because the little bitch dies."

Buffy didn't know she was crying. The tears were falling rapidly. Her hand was over her heart and the other over her mouth. Her beautiful Angel was dead. She couldn't believe it. Dead. She never thought it would happen. She always thought that he'd out live her. She hadn't seen him in years but his death cut through her. "Kendra there has to be a way to change this. A way to unmuck the mess Angel and I have made out of our lives." She beseeched desperately squeezing Angel's hand. "Life is a series of paths. You have the power to change your path." Kendra decided it was now time to tell Buffy why she had come. She turned to Buffy and chose her words carefully as Cordelia bemoaned her fate in the background. "Because you have shown yourself as superior warrior the Powers That Be are giving you a change to your path. To reclaim the life you should have. The life you should lead. You will go to sleep and when you awake it will be December 22. Three days before Christmas. Three days to change your path, your life." The mist began to swirl. Buffy held Kendra's words close to her. Three days to change her path. Change her life. "Thank you Kendra." She whispered as the mist enveloped them. "You are welcome Sister Slayer," Kendra said her voice drifting through the mist. In the next instant Kendra was gone and Buffy was back in her room Mr. Gordo sleeping peacefully. *Amends * <Wake up. Wake up lard ass. Get up. Get the fuck out of bed and change our future. NOW!> Angel blinked. He was in his own bed, in his own room at the Hyperion. He took a quick look around the room again, as if needing to confirm his surroundings. Glancing at the window he made sure that it was dusk, safe for him to venture out. He had a lot to do in a short amount of time if he truly wished to make amends, to change the future yet to come. Showering quickly, Angel dressed in his usual attire. Black slacks, charcoal sweater. He ran his hands quickly through his hair, attempting to force the unruly locks into some sort of order with a dab of hair gel. He was anxious and more than a little nervous, yet he felt a strange sense of calm and bubbling happiness. It was as if a weight had been lifted. <Hurry up.> Quickly he packed a bag, shoving in clothes and other necessities for several days. Opening the bottom drawer of the chest in his room, Angel extracted the small jewel box that had been carefully tucked away in the back corner all these years. He'd found the ring on the floor in the mansion not long after he returned from hell, near to where the ash from his body had marked the floor. He'd known it had been Buffy's the minute he had held it in his hand. Tucking it carefully in his pocket, he grabbed his coat. It was time to reclaim what he had lost. He took the stairs two at a time, rapidly making his way toward the door as he shrugged

into his coat. At the bottom of the stairs he gave in to the urge, and he laughed. The sound drew Cordelia and Fred out of the nearby room to stare at him curiously. "Angel?" Cordelia frowned, wondering what had happened to the vampire while he slept. He was behaving strangely this evening. "Christmas Carols. Do you hear them?" Angel cocked his head, his preternatural hearing picking up the sounds of 'Silver Bells' playing in a car passing on the street. "What's today?" Cordelia looked at Fred, still frowning, then turned her attention back to Angel. "December 22. Same day as when you went upstairs earlier. Are you okay? Because you're acting awfully strange. Did you fall and bump your head or something?" "No. And I haven't missed Christmas! The Powers they really did set things back a few days." The last words, Angel muttered to himself. He looked then at Cordelia, really looked at her. Her brown eyes lacked warmth; her smile was beautiful yet touched with insincerity and avarice. How could he have missed it before? The superficiality was easily detectable, especially for someone with as much experience observing and scrutinizing people as he had. <If her cunt was as cold as her heart, even a vampire would get frostbite. Stop fucking around and get going.> "I need the number for that cleaning crew that we did that demon removal for. The one that said they owed us a favor." Angel searched his pockets, checking for his keys. "I'm sorry, but I won't be here for Christmas. I'm leaving for Sunnydale after I make a stop." Angel turned then, whistling a happy but off key version of "Jingle Bells." Cordelia gave Fred another worried look then came around the desk. She touched Angel on the arm catching him before he reached the door. "You. Are. Not. Okay." Her frown had deepened to a scowl at the mention of Sunnydale; her cropped dyed blond head shaking slowly back and forth as if to reinforce her words. "What happened?" "No, I'm not okay. I'm better than okay, actually." Angel smiled then, an honest to goodness real smile. Which made Cordelia even more nervous. "Wes! Gunn! Can you come here please?" She kept her hand on his arm as if to restrain him. <Oh, look. Sugar dumpling is worried that I'm back> Angel waited patiently, his expression, well, it could only be described as angelic. He'd soothe their worries and fears - at least, what little he could soothe in oh, say 10 minutes, then he was out the door. He didn't have time to placate them beyond that. "Yes?" Wesley appeared, but Gunn was nowhere to be found. Fred volunteered to look for him and in the next second she nervously raced off. "Angel says he's going to Sunnydale." Cordelia kept her eyes on Angel, but talked to Wesley like she was talking to a small child. She still gripped the vampire's arm tightly, as if she could keep him there with that simple touch. "Really?" Wes looked from Cordelia to Angel then back again. "And why is that? Is there

trouble there? Perhaps we should all-" "No." Angel interrupted, stopping Wesley before the rest of the words could be spoken. "No trouble. I'm going alone. I need to see if I can't correct some mistakes that I made." He met each of their eyes, his own telling them that he did not wish any company. "And then?" Cordelia pressed, a nervous dread washing over her. "And then? Well, if I'm really lucky and things work out as I hope, then I'm going to get laid and I'm going to get married. Maybe not in that order." Angel grinned, turning back toward the door. He was anxious to be on his way. <Laid. Hell, yes. About time too. But married? Soul boy, we gotta talk.> "You're going back to that bitch, aren't you?" Cordelia shouted after him. <Hit her...Hit her now.> Fred and Gunn looked from Cordelia to Angel curiously, having entered in time to hear the last bit of the conversation. "Yes." Without turning Angel waved and disappeared through the door, whistling once again. "Damn it!" Cordelia muttered. "Who's he going back to? That girl Bunny?" Fred asked timidly. "Buffy." Cordelia forced herself to spit out the slayer's - and her rival's - name. "Whoa! Back up a minute. I didn't think Angel could- you know, with his ex?" Gunn had heard the stories. Wes smiled, despite the tension radiating from Cordelia. He'd known since that very day when Angel's life had been threatened by Faith's poison arrow just how much the young slayer loved him. Personally he thought them well suited. Buffy was Angel's light, and he was her shadow. "Well, apparently he can now, or perhaps he just doesn't care. My money is on the former. Now then, Fred, perhaps you can help me, I was just researching this T'lara dimension" Wes turned then and left the room, Fred and Gunn following. Cordelia seethed in the lobby, angry that she had apparently lost Angel to Buffy again. As if she had ever had him In Sunnydale Buffy felt an alien coolness encircling her trim hips and lifted up her tank top to see the silver waist chain her sister in spirit had bequeathed her. A slow smile stretched across her face; it hadn't been a dream. It was real. It was all real. She looked at the clock radio on her dresser: the LCD reading was December 22. The Powers had kept their promise and had given her three days. Three days to un-muck her life. Three days to make a reality out of that scene in the mansion that Kendra had shown her only a glimpse of. Buffy ran to her closet and started pulling out clothes. She had so many things she needed

to do. But the first thing was to make a trip to LA and get her man. In LA The post office was bustling when Angel stopped the car just outside. That made sense of course, all the last minute shoppers now shipping their gifts in hopes that the would arrive in time for Christmas. Angel checked his pockets again. In one pocket he had Buffy's claddagh ring, in the other, the ring he had purchased for Cordelia. He hoped that the Oracles would accept Cordelia's ring in payment for what he had to ask. He made his way to the portal and waited. After a few minutes, he was granted entry. "Warrior. Why are you here?" The female Oracle stepped forward. They had known of course that he would be coming. "I need to know. Is my soul bound?" "What have you brought?" The male Oracle joined them, his gaze unwavering as he looked at Angel. "I have this." Angel held out his hand with the diamond ring. The female Oracle suppressed her excitement as she held out her hand. The ring drifted to her through the air. She put it on as her brother soothsayer watched. Angel waited patiently for them to examine the object. "Yes, your soul is bound." Finally the male Oracle replied. <Ahh, fuck.> "When?" Angel felt the unwinding of the coiled tension in his body, even as his feelings of nervousness and excitement increased. "The Romany curse was broken once you understood the key. When your soul was returned to you, it was bound." "But, but" The tall vampire stammered. How could this be? How could he have not known? "Make no mistake. Your demon still exists, it is still part of you." The male Oracle warned. <No shit. See me waving?> "And it can escape with magic or supernatural influence. You must not be complacent." The female mystic, more empathetic to their warrior of shadow, added. <Wellhope springs eternal.> "Now leave us. You know what you need to." <Yeah. Go home to the wife. Fuck like minks. Beat the living shit out of the boy. Kill stuff together - relax soul boy, I meant killing other nasty demons. Things being what they are - and what they could be, I'll take what I can get.> And with the Oracles last words, Angel went sailing back through the portal through which he had entered. As he dusted off his clothing from the tumble to the floor, Angel smiled. And once more checked his pocket to make sure that he hadn't lost Buffy's ring

during the fall. It was still there. As long as he held it, he felt he had hope. The drive to Sunnydale, despite the short distance, seemed longer than ever. Angel checked his watch several times and toyed with his cell phone every few miles, debating his next steps. Should he call her and let her know he was coming and wanted to see her? Should he wait until he had things in order - the way he wanted them? Finally the indecision gave way to eagerness and Angel dialed Buffy's number just a few miles outside of town. "Hello?" When she answered on the third ring it caught Angel by surprise. Since she usually was out patrolling by this time of night, he had been expecting the machine and had been mentally preparing a message. Now he wasn't sure what to say. "Hello?" Buffy queried again as she felt a curious sensation streak through her, a familiar pang. "Buffy?" Finally finding his voice, Angel spoke. "Angel?" The surprise in her voice was obvious. She'd just been packing to go to LA to see him, her visions, complementary of Kendra, filling her with a determined purpose to make things right with her vampire ex. Of course, if things went as planned, he would be an ex no longer. He savored her voice, the sound of his name on her lips. It had been too long since he'd heard her say it in that breathy little way that she had. "How are you?" "I'm good. You?" Buffy felt a shiver of excitement mixed with surprise. Was it purely coincidence that he was calling just as she was packing to go see him? Or was this fate? "Good." Angel stopped the car outside her house on Revello drive. He looked at her window, the light was on. He thought he could see her shadow as she moved around the room. He cut the ignition. "Buffy-" "Angel-" They both spoke at once, both trying to come to grips with recently renewed hope, scarcely daring to believe that they were allowed, no - more than allowed, that they were destined to be together. Finally. After all this time. Visions of Christmases past, present and yet to come danced through both of their minds building this hope that love still existed between them. "You first." Buffy relented. She felt a return of her earlier tingling sensation, her Angel sense, only it stronger now. "No, you." The cleaning crew should have the mansion cleaned by noon tomorrow and decorated to his specifications. At the price he had agreed to pay them, they promised both speed and perfection. Now that she could tell him all the things she wanted, Buffy felt a touch of fear. What if he rejected her? What if he no longer felt the same way about her? Could she stand it?

"Angel, where are you?" The question was a delaying tactic. She searched her mind for how to begin; his call had caught her off guard. She walked to the window and glanced outside, looking up and down the street. He could see her now, looking out. Angel opened the car door and stepped out almost cautiously. What if he couldn't convince her now that he loved her? What if he couldn't convince her to trust him? "Here. Sunnydale." Buffy nearly gasped in surprise when she spotted him, now standing across the street in front of her house; he was a dark figure in the dim glow of the streetlights, yet she would have recognized him anywhere. Without a word, she hung up the phone and made her way down the stairs and out into the street. When she reached him, she stopped. They stared at each other in silence, both uncertain about what to say. "I missed you." Finally, Angel spoke, his deep voice breaking the quiet of the evening. His words took her by surprise. Her heart lurched in her chest and Buffy felt a tremor of excitement, a beat of anticipation. Why was he here? She needed to know. She cleared her throat. "What are you doing here?" She winced; that hadn't come out as she had planned. "Oh, I mean- it's uh, good to see you." Angel smiled slightly, understanding her uncertainty. He felt it himself. They had hesitated for so long"An old friend told me something last night. Something I should have realized" "An old friend?" Buffy felt a shiver at the strange coincidence. Had Kendra been to see Angel too? "I've made some mistakes Buffy, a lot of mistakes. But I want to try to fix those." Buffy pulse rate increased, beating a wild tattoo. "What mistakes?" Were they for once in accord? "Yes, mistakes. Leaving you for one." Angel shifted slightly, moving closer to her. "I've really missed you." He brushed a stray hair back from her face as he restrained himself from gathering her in his arms. "Me too. Missed you that is. A lot." Buffy looked at her feet, then returned her eyes to his face. "And I had a visit from a friend as well. Last night." Frowning, she reconsidered her words. "I mean three days from now. If that makes any sense." Angel studied Buffy's small face in the moonlight, his preternatural eyesight making it easy to see her clearly. She was so beautiful, more so than he remembered if that was possible. But it wasn't her just physical beauty that moved him. It was everything about her, her humor, her confidence, her strength, her vulnerability despite all of it and most especially her heart. <Yeah, right.> The demon snorted, stirring. <Tell yourself it's her *heart* when you're running your hands over that ripe flesh just above it. What are you waiting for anyway? Shouldn't you be between her thighs by now, soul boy?> With a wry smile Angel continued speaking, "I've been making decisions with my head

that I should have made with my heart." The words triggered something in Buffy's memory; that day so long along with Angel had broken up with her before the prom. How he had said then that he had been trying to think with his head instead of his heart Her eyes shot up to his face. "Really? How long have you been doing that?" Angel lifted his hand, wanting to touch her but hesitated. The last time they really and honestly spoke to each other had been in the sewer - and in the day that wasn't. After their breakup, she had closed him out of her heart and mind, no longer sharing her thoughts with him; she had been afraid of what other pain he might cause her. What if she would not let him return from his self imposed exile? After a moment, he finally answered her throwing all reservations aside. "Since the moment I told you I didn't want your life to be with me. I lied. I want to be with you so badly I ache with it. I want every moment of your life to be with me. I want every moment of my life to be with you. I want to be with you. I want you." Buffy closed her eyes, savoring the moment. The words she had wanted to hear from him for so long. Small fat tears trickled from her eyes. Taking a deep breath, she smiled a tremulous smile. "Can I have a drawer?" Angel smiled, remembering her request two years ago, shortly before they had broken up. "You can have anything you want." Brushing away the tears from her cheeks, he stepped closer. Some magical force had brought them back together, and surrounded them even now. Their eyes locked, hazel drowning in rich chocolate brown as they searched each other's soul for a sign that this was what they both wanted, that their hopes were not in vain. Buffy swayed toward him slightly as he leaned down, his hand cupping her face as she tilted her head back. Their lips met in a soft and tender kiss. It was a promise from her to him and from him to her When their kiss finally ended Buffy opened her eyes to look at him. Her hand was resting on his wrist while his hands still cradled her face. When she spoke, her words sounded like a soft sigh, "So where do we go from here?" "I hear that this place - the Bronze - serves coffee. I thought maybe you and I could get some. Sometime. If you want." Angel smiled as he recalled the words that he had said to her all those years ago. Those words had led to their first 'official' date. It was a way to begin again. Buffy smiled, her eyes sparkling brightly in the moonlight. "How's tonight? Does tonight work for you?" "Tonight's perfect. I'll pick you up in an hour or so?" Angel worked to control his enthusiasm. He wanted to be careful and not screw this up. "I just got back into town and I've got a couple of things to take care. Won't take long." "An hour then." Buffy tried hard to keep from grinning. This was exactly what she had wanted. There was so much she wanted to say to him, so much she wanted to know. Determined to keep him this time, the blonde slayer was not above using her physical attributes to her advantage. Her mind was fast sorting through her clothing for the perfect outfit to knock one tall, dark and gorgeous vampire off his feet.

Angel nodded in response. Bending slightly, he kissed Buffy lightly on the lips once more before he turned and got into his car. "Oh boy." Buffy let out a breathy little sigh as he drove away. In the next minute she was bolting up the stairs to get ready. <So that was romance? It wasn't badAre we getting laid tonight?> Quiet for so long, the demon stirred again. And as usual, Angel ignored him. When he left Buffy's house, Angel sped through town, his first stop the mansion on Crawford Street. Even now, despite the relatively late hour, the place was bustling with workers. Several of them were slightly unusual, being that they were demons, but the work was of top quality. Angel inspected their progress and then spoke with the man in charge, taking the time to give specific orders for food and personal supplies Buffy would need. He made a shopping list that included her vanilla shampoo, soap, bubble bath and perfume and then added silk sheets, comforters, towels and bath accessories. The two men agreed on the items remaining, then Angel paid for the completed work. Afterwards, he grabbed his bag from the trunk of the car and made his way through the workers to his old bedroom. Angel carried his bags in his room then he unpacked, showered and changed. Grabbing his duster as he walked out the Mansion, he stopped only briefly to survey their progress. He told the demons he wanted this place clean and everyone gone by the time he got back; they nodded their understanding. Satisfied Angel left to pick up his date. <Now. If you can refrain from saying anything stupidly noble - or just plain stupid, like we don't deserve her, maybe we can score tonight. Of course, you do remember who's waiting in LA if you fuck this up... Dyed blonde? Big tits? And coffee? Why are we wasting time on coffee? Can't we just have the coffee in bed? We don't want to have coffee, it makes us jittery, remember? We just want her. She wants us. We want her...Can't believe you walked awayidiot.> As usual, Angel tried to ignore the demon as he drove towards Buffy's house. No matter how right the demon was. Buffy stood in her lace bra and thong and studied everything in her closet. Her underwear was the only thing she could decide on after her shower. She really wasn't sure what the proper attire was to seduce an ex. Plus she didn't really know what he wanted. They hadn't done a lot of talking. At any rate she had to find something to wear. She wanted to be alluringand she wanted to turn Angel into a gibbering fool the instant he saw her. She looked over everything in her closet, finally deciding on a two-piece peach colored jersey knit set; the long sleeve boat neck top barely reached the waistband of the fitted skirt that fell to her ankles. The set showed off a generous expanse of midriff while Kendra's gift played peek-a-boo between the top and the waistband of the skirt. She stepped into a pair of ridiculously high 3 1/2 inch heels and posed in the full-length

mirror. Buffy loved the outfit because it was both demure and provocative: the top emphasized her slim neck, full rounded breasts and narrow waistline. The fitted skirt skimmed her hips and caressed the curves of her hips and behind. Xander had once told her she could stop traffic in this outfit; well she wasn't interested in stopping traffic, she was only interested in setting a cold vampire, her cold vampire, on fire. She wondered briefly how she compared to Cordelia and then dismissed the thought; Angel was here to be with her. She wasn't sure what he wanted, but she did know if he wanted to be with Cordelia he'd still be in LA, not here in Sunnydale taking her out for coffee. Buffy refused to let Cordelia ruin her night. Buffy let her long hair hang loose around her shoulders and fussed nervously with her makeup. She emphasized her eyes with liner and added some peach lip-gloss to her lips. She needed no blusher as Angel's presence in her life had brought back plenty of color to her cheeks. The doorbell rung just as she was fluffing her hair for what she certain was the hundredth time. She checked her reflection in the mirror, took a deep breath and went to answer the door. Buffy opened the door and they stared at each other, shocked momentarily speechless by simultaneous surges of hunger. Angel was dressed in a black, cashmere pullover and a pair of faded denims, looking more casual than Buffy ever remembered seeing him. Her gaze flicked over him appreciatively, taking in his lean physique; he'd put on more muscle since leaving Sunnydale and it showed - especially in the depth of his chest and shoulders. For a brief moment, she grappled with the nearly overwhelming urge to pounce on him. She was the Slayer; she had little doubt that she could take him to the floor without a problem. And once on the floor, she could rip his shirt off and explore his every muscle with her lips. No, she told herself firmly. Talking. Getting to know each other again. She was no longer a hormonally driven teenager who couldn't control herself around her gorgeous boyfriend. <Umm, yeah. I don't see any panty lines. Do you see any panty lines? I don't see any panty lines. Ohhhshe smells good. Forget the coffee. Grab her. Grab her! Floor. Couch. Errgh Don't make me wait any longer> Angel resolutely ignored his demon's continued clamors for immediate physical gratification. He licked his lips and belatedly realized that Buffy was staring at them. He cursed himself and his lust crazed demon silently. He was the oldest here. The more experienced. He needed to get himself under control and act like it. "These are for you," he said handing Buffy an exquisitely cut crystal vase filled with twelve roses and baby's breath. Buffy took the vase and stuck her nose in the roses inhaling their delicate fragrance. "They're beautiful, Angel. Thank You." She stood up on her toes and kissed him on his lips: a soft, chaste kiss. He decided to let

it stand for now. <Just a littlea feel grab her! She wants to be touched. Now. What are you waiting for?!> The demon raged, frustrated at Angel's continual ignoring of him. "They can never compare to your beauty." "Flattery will get you admitted," she teased. She stepped back to let him in and he walked through the door, his invitation still intact. "That was not flattery, that was the truth." Buffy blushed but accepted the compliment. "Thank you. Let me put these down and we can go." She placed them on the living room table, knowing that she'd take them to horde in her room when she got back home. "Where's your Mother?" Angel asked, noticing the lack of a Christmas tree and lights. Buffy picked up her purse off the sofa. "She's spending Christmas with Gram and Aunt Darlene. I wasn't in much of a festive mood and decided to stay home." "Have you changed your mind?" Angel asked as he helped her on with her coat. "About what?" "Your festive mood?" She stared at him for several seconds before replying, her eyes searching for something; he hoped she found it. "My mood is improving." It was enough for now. They headed out the door and Angel watched the sway of Buffy's slim hips. <Damn it! I don't want to have coffee. I want to go back in and have sex on the floor and on the couchagainst the wall on the stair landingand in her roomat that window.> Angel paused; for a few seconds he gave it serious consideration. With school on break for the winter holidays, a table at the back of the Bronze was a rare and desperately coveted prize. Being a simple and small-town night spot, the Bronze did not cater to reservations so prized seating was a first come, first claim commodity, unless one happened to be capable of the tried and true method of acquisition known as intimidation, a skill Angel excelled at, so in short order a table was theirs. It was tucked in a shadowed alcove and was as quiet and secluded as the crowded club was likely to get. Buffy glanced around, half expecting to find the gang grouped around a table near the dance floor, but there was no sign of Willow, Xander or their respective love interests, a happenstance she was grateful for. She didn't want to have to explain Angel or his presenceat least not until they had talked things over and she understood where they stood herself. Not that they had done much talking since they had arrived at the Bronze;

they had ordered the drinks that sat untouched between them and then had sat in silence. Angel couldn't take his eyes off Buffy. He hadn't realized just how starved he had been for the sight of her. Her presence was a bliss he had nearly forgotten. He couldn't help cherishing every little smile she gave or any touch she gave him. Their hands had brushed innocently as they had seated themselves and his pants had been uncomfortably tight ever since. <Look, I know you want to romance her. Can't we just recite poetry or something while we fuck her?> Angel choked on a sip of his tepid tea and waved Buffy's concern aside as he cleared his throat. <Can't you think of anything else?> Angel asked his demon irritably. <Wellno,> Angelus responded. <What's this? You suddenly remember that I'm here, soul boy? You've been ignoring me for so long, pretending I wasn't here that I was beginning to wonder whether or not you could even hear me.> <I hear you. I give you the attention you deserve. None. And you've been getting awfully chatty since we hit town.> Angel replied, watching his concerned love watch him. <What can I say?> the demon drawled. <I was as unhappy in LA as you were and saw no point in being 'chatty' as you call it. And herewith her. I'm happy. You're happy. I've got things to say and things to want. And for hell's sake, would you take the girl out on to the dance floor and at least cop a feel?> Angel saw Buffy's head bobbing to the song that had just started playing. He reached his hand across the table to gently squeeze hers. "Would you like to dance?" "I thought you'd never ask," she said playfully. Angel led her to the crowded dance floor and pulled her in his arms. She wrapped her arms around his waist and laid cheek against his chest. It felt so good to be back in his strong armsso good to feel his coolness against her. If you're lost you can look - and you will find me Time after time If you fall I will catch you - I'll be waiting Time after time After my picture fades and darkness has Turned to gray Watching through windows - you're wondering If I'm O.K. Secrets stolen from deep inside The drum beats out of time You said go slow I fall behind The second hand unwinds Time after time

Time after time Time after time Time after time Angel reached around to capture one of her hands. He twined his fingers with hers and brought them to his lips to kiss; that one gesture told her more than any words he could say would ever tell her. She laid her head back on his shoulder and snuggled closer in his arms. He laid his face on the top of her head and inhaled her intoxicating aroma. <You're killing me. You're honestly killing me. Stop being so sentimental and cop a damn feel. Her ass. Her breast. Fuck, give me a scrap here. In fact, enough of this lovey-dovey wuss shit. I want to fuck her. You want to fuck her. She wants to be fucked. When do we get to fuck her?> Angelus asked impatiently. <When the time comes I'll be making love to her,> Angel answered, easily slipping into the long forgotten habit of responding. <Call it what you want as long as it's skin to skinand as long as she's screaming and clawing up our back. I really liked it when she did that.>, the demon reminisced fondly. This time Angel ignored him, his own limited memories of Buffy too precious to share. One song seemed to turn into two, and then three into four and on and on; slow or fast, Buffy and Angel never seemed to move any faster. They clung to each other as the music floated over them and the people moved around them. As much as Angel was enjoying having his love in his arms he knew they needed to talk. He leaned down and kissed her ear before whispering, "Buffy this is great and I'm really enjoying myself but I think we need to talk. Maybe we need to find a quieter place." Buffy lifted her head off Angel's chest to look around the club; he was right. Instead of the crowd thinning it looked like more people had come in. As much as she hated to leave his arms, they needed to talk. "'Kay," she conceded and followed him off the dance floor. Angel glanced around the dimly lit diner: several tables occupied by whispering couples whose conversations were muted by a soft music playing in the background on a jukebox. Buffy had told him that the diner was relatively new. Located in the warehouse district of Sunnydale, it catered mostly to truck drivers passing through and men and women meeting for illicit purposes. And it was only a few blocks away from Willies. He and Buffy had taken a table towards the back so they could see the entrance and exits - a predator paranoia Cordelia had never understood and had often disparaged. They sat across from each other in the red vinyl booth with a red and silver Formica table separating them. Again they had ordered and again their orders sat between them, unwanted obstacles to their conversation. Angel hadn't touched his tepid tea and Buffy was only stirring her soda while her apple pie congealed unappetizingly. Now that they were in a quieter atmosphere neither seemed inclined to talk; other than placing their order and Buffy catching Angel up on the latest developments in the lives of Willow, Tara, Xander and

Anya, they hadn't said much. Buffy broke the silence. "Do you want to start or do you want me to start." Angel reached across the table and took her small hands in his. "I think I need to start." He leaned closer across the booth. "Buffy I could go into a long list of everything I've done wrong since the moment I asked you if you loved me before I told you about Dru. The thing is I've made every conceivable mistake in the virtual *Book of Love*. Every mistake but stop loving you. That I've never done. No matter what has happened in the past Buffy I've always loved you and I always will." He paused, searching for the right words. "Last night, yesterday..." For a moment Angel seemed confused. "Let's just say an old and dear friend showed me where my choices would take me - my wrong choices that is. It wasn't pretty. The point is, Buffy without you in my life I don't have a life. I have an unlife. You are the only one that has ever made me feel alive. Unbreathing, no heartbeat or body temperature but when I'm with you I feel alive. No one has ever made me feel that way again. Buffy I'd die over a thousand times to be with you, to keep you safe, to prove my love to you. I left you for many reasons Buffy," he decided to leave the part about her mother out of his explanation, "Mainly because I was afraid." "Afraid of what?" "Of loving you too much. Of having you waste your life on a thing who couldn't give you anything. Children, sunshine, Buffy I couldn't even kiss you properly for fear the demon in me would be unleashed again. And I'd do anything to keep him from hurting you again." <Look I didn't hurt her. Okay I was a little pissed at the end. But I wasn't going to kill her. I was going to turn her. And let me tell you, we'd be deep into our happily ever after by now if Willow hadn't made with the curse. Can you imagine her brow ridges? Damn she'd be gorgeousmore gorgeous.> Angel closed down his demon. He pushed him as far as he could into the background. "I was weak Buffy. Every moment with you I wanted you. I knew eventually I'd lose all self-control. I was so afraid that one day you'd wake up and ask yourself why you'd wasted your life on a man who couldn't give you anything." "You're so wrong Angel. You gave me everything. My life was ruined the night you turned on your heel and walked away from me. That's when my life was ruined. You warned me a long time ago that when I kissed you I wouldn't wake up from a fairy tale and live happily ever after. I knew that back then and accepted it. I've always known it to be true. Back then I told you that when you kiss me I want to die." The answer had so shocked him at the time that he hadn't known how to respond; she had sprinted away from him before he could ask her what she meant and he had never gotten up the nerve to ask afterwards. <Well, ask her now, you Wuss.> "Buffy what did you mean when you said that. I've never quite understood." Buffy thought about the innocent 16 year old girl who had only seen Angel in her future. Who had only wanted Angel in her future. "Just what I said. When I'm in your arms Angel, it's like if I die right then, it will be okay

because I've already tasted heaven on earth." She didn't get a chance to finish; Angel's torso was across the table and he was leaning into her as she met him half way their lips met in a tender kiss. He gently nipped her bottom lip before sucking it between his teeth. He ran his cool tongue across her lips before he slipped his tongue between her lips urgently to taste the sweetness of her mouth. Buffy met his urgency with her own, her little pink tongue caressing his and tasting the spicy flavor of him. Angel cupped her head in his palms, drawing her closer to him. Her warmth permeated every pore of his body. He had forgotten how delicious she tasted; her flavor was earthy and sweet. Her arousal perfumed the air and Angel inhaled it as he began sucking on his lover's little hot tongue. She crooned softly into his mouth, a soft vocal tribute to the pleasure he so generously lavished upon her and clung to his shoulders, her small fingers digging into his shirt desperately. She wanted to get closer to him, needed to be closer to him. Did he know the power of his kisses? Did he know just how good he tasted? How good he felt? How could he not? The kiss was igniting him and he knew his hunger for her was slipping its leash. Not the demon, just his own passion and desperate desire for her. It had been too long since he'd held his love in his armssince he smelled the erotic aroma of her arousal; he wanted to lift up her dress and impale her in one hard thrust. <Not that I'm not enjoying this Romeo, but you are about to put your elbow in her apple pie. It might ruin the *romance* of the moment.> Angel's brain slowly clicked in to the warning that his frustrated demon had relayed and remembered that they were at a diner; this was just not the place to make out with his lady. Reluctantly he gentled the hot kiss, cooling his raging passion and retracting his tongue from her mouth, which was difficult: one because he could never get enough of the taste of her and two because his lover had a vacuum hold on his tongue. He growled softly and continued to gentle the kiss, extracting his tongue from her mouth. She whimpered and he nibbled at her bottom lip in consolation before licking the swollen, pouty curve. Angel fisted his fingers in her hair and gently, but firmly pulled away; she moaned softly in desolation. He trailed a cool open-mouthed kiss to her ear and whispered, "Later. We need to get some things worked out first." "Why?" she pouted. "So we will never ever doubt each other's love again. So we will never leave each other again." Buffy thought about all that Kendra had shown her. He had sacrificed his humanity to save her life. He had unselfishly given it back for the chance to protect her. The demon had said "Together you are strong." She intended to be with Angel forever. Only death would take her from his side. She decided to tell him so, "Death is the only way I'll let you leave me again," she vowed. "Even then I'll follow you to the beyond. I want eternity

Angel." Angel locked eyes with her. He loved her. He had been looking for the right words to assure her he'd never leave her, to express his love for her. He, a man who had spent a life time reading books, a man over two centuries old and his love not yet 20 years old had put it into three sentences. He couldn't help but smile at the irony of it all. "That's about what I've been trying to say, baby." "Well, why didn't you?" He laughed ruefully, "Guess I was trying too hard." "Angel can we get out of here?'" she asked. Angel smiled slightly in response. "Yes." His heated gaze locked with hers, their hunger for each other nearly scorching the air between them. He threw a twenty on the table, nearly three times the amount of their tab and they both scooted out of the booth. They barely made it to the car before he spun her around to take her lips in a kiss so hot Buffy felt steam was rising from them. Backing her against the vehicle, Angel lifted her on to the hood of the car and stepped between her thighs. He clutched her to him, arching her until her breasts pressed against the wall of his chest. Her breath caught at the anticipation of having him there, poised at the entrance of her body and Buffy moaned, tangling her fingers in his dark hair and pulling him closer to her. She opened her mouth wider to allow him better access and Angel's tongue licked every corner of her lips before voraciously sucking her tongue. She tasted just as he remembered and more: sweet, earthy, natural. He couldn't get enough of her. He wanted to devour her. All of her. She was breathless; it had been so long since she'd had free access to the pleasures of Angel's cool mouth. He tasted exactly as she remembered: spicy and mysterious. She drank him in. His deep growls of pleasure caused heat to travel through her body and pool at her most intimate point. The moisture seeped from her core dampening her thong and she scooted closer to him, knowing that he could assuage the ache that was beginning to build between her thighs. Angel felt the heat of her body increasing and he could smell the moisture of her core tantalizing him with her body's eager invitation. Unthinking, he laid his hand on her thigh and slowly began to ease her skirt upward to give him access to the treasure of her feminine core. He cursed the demure yet provocative skirt he had admired before, gathering the material in his fist until he could lay his hand upon the hot flesh of her thigh. Buffy broke the kiss to draw in a ragged and desperate breath, her heartbeat thundering in her ears. She trailed several soft kisses over his jaw and paused over the silent artery of his throat before she latched on to the cool skin of his neck and bit down firmly, sucking hard. Angel's hoarse groan of pleasure was almost her undoing and she released his neck

and trailed kisses back to the paradise of his mouth. Her tongue tangled with his and she drank deeply of her lover. Angel groaned; he was so hard it was painful. He felt as if all his blood had rushed from every part of his body to that one muscle between his legs. Every long thick inch of it. He was light headed with desire and he could smell her arousal; it tickled his nose and was the sweetest perfume he smelled in over two years. He leaned into her pushing her back against the hood of the car and almost climbing on top of her, deepening his impassioned worship of her mouth. Angel's eyes blazed saffron gold with passion. He looked down at Buffy's splayed thighs, her skirt pooled nearly at her waist, her golden legs and everything in between open to his gaze. His mouth suddenly went dry and he licked his lips; she looked good enough to eat and as the thought entered his mind, he dropped to his knees in front of her. He inhaled deeply as he slid her skirt up her hips, pulling her closer to him as his shoulders pushed her thighs further apart. "Angel?" Buffy asked missing the cool touch of his body against his. She rose up on her elbows to look at her lover; the sight of him between her thighs caused her breath to hitch. "I thought you wanted to wait." "I'll wait, but you don't have to." Angel gave her a wicked smile and opened his mouth as he pulled her to meet his lips. He didn't remove her panties but sucked her through them; the friction between the smooth silk and his rough cool tongue had Buffy moaning and grinding her core eagerly into Angel's mouth. "Angel," she breathed. His name was a pleaa requesta prayer. He loved the smell of her desirethe taste of her essence. In one move he ripped her thong from her with his teeth and plunged his tongue into her steaming depths. Buffy had enough presence of mind to muffle her scream of pleasure by throwing her arms across her mouth as she arched against her demanding lover. Angel was relentless, his tongue plunging in her depths over and over again as his fingers gently plucked her clit. He could hear Buffy's harsh breaths as she neared her climax. He had forgotten how her body heated as she neared orgasm. He could smell it coming. He could smell her cum as it prepared to leave her body. <God damn it you idiot. You would pick a public place to give in. Get your face out of her cunt now, we've got company. A cop. A cop!> The crunch of shoes crossing the asphalt reached him and Angel groaned in frustration. Not now. Not now! She was so close. But the shoes were drawing closer and he could see the beam of the officer's flashlight wavering as he walked toward them. Reluctantly, he pulled away from her, flicking her skirt back down to protect her from prying eyes. Buffy wailed at the loss of the pinnacle of pleasure that had been so close and scrabbled desperately at Angel's arms. He rose from his place of worship and gathered her unsatisfied body in his arms tenderly.

"I'm sorry baby," he whispered. "Angel," she whimpered, arching tightly against him. "All right you two," the Sunnydale cop shined his light mercilessly upon the two lovers. "Take it home before I run you two in for lewd acts or something." Buffy flushed with embarrassment and unfulfilled desire. She pressed her face into Angel's shoulder, the ache in her body sharp and nearly painful. She couldn't believe it. For years the Sunnydale police had made themselves scarce around this district, never there to save a single soul from a vamp attack and always hours late to pick up a body. And now, NOW, one showed up NOW to hassle them for acts of public lewdness. It was so unfair. <See,> Angelus snarled. <If you were going to give in, you should have done so at the damn house, like I told you to. Now she's unsatisfied. And I'm unsatisfied.> <I'm unsatisfied too,> Angel thought resentfully. <Who cares about you. You're the idiot who had to romance her and then ended up with your face between her legs in a damn parking lot. Real class there, Romeo. Should've left it to me.> "Move it along," the cop repeated firmly. "We're going," Angel muttered hoarsely. He eased Buffy from the hood of his car and escorted her around to the passenger door, allowing her to continue to hide in his chest. He held the door open for her and she disappeared quickly into the dark safety of his car. The cop watched with clear disapproval as Angel walked back around to the other side of the car and slid into the driver's seat. "I'm so sorry baby," he whispered. "Not your fault. Bad timing." She grinned ruefully. "Maybe we should keep our PDAs to the cemeteries where we can at least kill the people who interrupt us." Angel laughed softly and pulled her in for a brief kiss. "You're probably right." She stared at him tenderly, her body aching with unfulfilled passion and her eyes alight with love. "We should get out of here before that cop decides a little warning isn't enough." Just after Angel started the car, his telephone rang. He fumbled around in his coat pocket and flipped open the telephone. "Angel," he said tersely. "Angel, the demons you were asking about?" "Yeah," Angel said. Willie let out a wry laugh. "They just walked in the bar and sat down." He said in disbelief. "It's like they knew you were looking for them." "Don't let them leave. I'll be there in 20." He flipped the telephone closed without saying goodbye and turned to look at Buffy. "Is everything all right?" Buffy asked worried.

"Just some unfinished business. Nothing for you to worry about." <Good! Since you're obviously too stupid to fuck at least we can kick some ass and release some of this pent up energy.> Angelus snarled. "Come on. I'll take you home." "Back to waiting?" "Back to wanting things to be perfect for you." "Things are always perfect when I'm with you." "Willie." Angel strode casually into the bar, glancing around the room and checking out the other occupants. "Angel?" Willie nervously responded to the coldness and the hard glint in his eyes. "That is you right, Angel. Not Angelus?" "I'm Angel," he assured him. Willie stared at him for a few minutes before accepting his response. He motioned to the table to the left of him. "Can you try not to totally destroy the bar?" he pleaded. Angel spared him a glance as he headed towards the demons, then tossed several bills on the bar, enough to cover any damage about to occur. "No promises." He stopped in front of the table. "Well, Well, look here?" The D'ebrak demon smirked. "If it isn't Angelus, the Slayer's pussy whipped boyfriend." The D'ebrak demon smirked. Sniffing, he chortled. "I can smell her all over you." Angel gave a chilling smirk that was all Angelus. "Jealous?" It was a deliberately provoking taunt. The D'ebrak demon stood up looking at his companions as if to assure himself that they would help him. The patrons in the club, realizing there was going to be a fight, started placing bets with Willie on the outcome. In the background one of the demons murmured loud enough for Angel and the demons to hear, "Angel or Angelus he's still one mean son of a bitch." Angel sized up the 4 demons. <We'll take out the big scaly one first and then rip off the head of the Lokiue demon. After that we'll just pick them off one by one. After all, we've got some pent up energy to burn> "This isn't a fight you can win, vampire. The odds are pretty steep. Sorta hard for me to lose this one," the D'ebrak demon bragged, already relishing in the prestige that would go to the demon that defeated Angelus. Even if at the time he was the pussy whipped Angel. "Odds look ok to me." Angel replied, the threat in his voice unmistakable. He watched the demons as they all pushed away from the table and stood. Whether they wished it or not, two of them were already showing signs of fear. <Finally a little action. > Angelus rejoiced. <Blood and Carnage. Now this is what I call

a good time.> The D'ebrak demon attacked throwing himself at Angel with a roar. His first mistake. Angel ducked the demons punch, bragging his ham-like arm and swung him around in an arch knocking the other demons back. He then seized the D'ebrak in his arms and with a violent twist and jerk, the resounding crack was heard throughout the bar as Angel broke the demons neck and dropped him to the floor. Before the D'ebrak demon even hit the ground, Angel had moved on to the next demon. He grabbed the next demon, the Lokiue, with a move so fast that the gaping onlookers in the bar almost didn't see it. Angel pulled the Lokiue demon's head off his body. His neck cavity spewed foul yellow substances as his body still stood twitching. Angel threw the head still clutched in his hand over his shoulder into the crowd. The demon's body fell to the ground, still twitching in death as his head was now being batted around the bar. <Yeah, now this is what I call working off a little frustration. The next best thing to fucking.> Angel gave a vicious smile at the remaining demons, and curled his fingers at them in invitation. "Bring it on." They rushed him in an attempt to over power him with their numbers. It didn't succeed. Despite the odds of four against one, the fight was over quickly. Angel dropped kicked the the demon closest to him knocking him to the ground. The blow was so powerful Angel's foot went through the demons skin,muscles, crunching bones as it entered it's chest and as it exited through the other side. It was a quick, painful violent death. The Lokiu death gasp was still floating on the air as Angel turned to the other demons. The two remaining demons had been better fighters than the first two, managing to land a few well-placed blows, but Angel - with Angelus egging him on - managed to wreak some serious havoc on the foursome. Wiping the blood off his face with a napkin from the bar, Angel left the bodies for Willie to dispose of. <Now that. That was fun. Any chance we can get laid now?> Angel sighed. His demon seemed to have a one-track mind. Buffy dropped the splintered stake on the ground with a shrug. It had served its purpose; she had taken out the two vamps in the cemetery and one in the park. Still too keyed up to think of sleep, she decided to return home and pick up a few more weapons then take a sweep down by the beach. If she was lucky, she'd find a demon nest or two which along with some action to help burn off more of this sexual frustration. As she walked toward the entrance to the cemetery, she reflected on her earlier embraces with Angel. Her cheeks grew warm as she thought about him, his lips, his hands on her. It was his fault that she was too hot and bothered to sleep She grinned, unashamed of any of it and wanting more. Soon. Even now. She had only just felt that familiar tingling sensation when a large body appeared in front of her, having stepped out of the shadows of the nearby crypt. "Buffy?" Angel's surprise was obvious. He hadn't expected to see her again tonight, but

then he should have guessed that she might have gone on patrol. He had heard noises coming from the back of the cemetery and had been on his way to investigate when she nearly walked into him. "Angel?" Buffy smiled, surprised but pleased to see him again so soon. In the next instant she frowned, taking in the cut over his eye and the slightly swollen cheek. She stepped forward and lifted her hand. "Your eye- that cut" It was the first touch of her hand on his face that was his undoing. He was no longer able to restrain himself, especially after the earlier fiasco. Reaching out, he grabbed her, fairly dragging her to him as his lips descended on hers. Angelus stirred within, snorting in approval. <Finally! I was beginning to think you didn't know how to get under her skirt. Don't fuck it up this time.> She wanted him. But then she always wanted him. Her hunger was too strong, too sharp in renewed acceptance for her to ignore or mistake it any longer. The arms now locked around her were a welcome cage; the hard body pressed to hers a longed-for delight. Angel plundered her mouth, ruthless and reckless, his earlier gentle demeanor forgotten in the heat of passion. Buffy responded eagerly, luring him to take more from her as she gave in to the raw need that was threatening to consume her. He exalted in the desire he could sense that he evoked in her, a desire that equaled his own. His kiss deepened, his tongue probing her mouth. She felt the swelling surge of passion, his and hers, and she reveled in it. The heady wave grew into a vortex of heat, swirling about them, flames licking at them, consuming them. Buffy twined her arms around his neck, pressing her breasts hard against his chest and struggling to get closer. When he finally lifted his head, she was breathless. With effort, she opened her eyes to see his face. She could see the hard edge of desire clearly on his sharp features, his eyes glinting gold under his lids as they were fixed on hers. In the next instant she was lifted and walked backwards. Her back met the wall of the crypt behind her. "Didn't you want to wait?" she teased, her fingers stroking the hair at his nape, her breath now coming in short pants. "No." He growled, flashing her a searing glance. The fight with the demons earlier had done little to assuage his hunger, his burning need for consummation. He took her mouth again in a devouring kiss, his hands resting on the wall on either side of her head, his body pressed firmly against her. She could feel his arousal against her stomach and she arched into it, rocking slightly from side to side. "Did you?" It was a desperate last attempt at control. <No fucking waydo not ask. Just fuck her, moron.> Without a word she tugged his head down, closing her eyes, answering his question with her actions. When she reached out for him, Angel felt an emotion stronger than lust pass through his senses. He kissed her again and again, starved for the taste of her. Buffy responded eagerly, meeting him kiss for kiss.

Bending slightly, his hands swept her skirt up over her hips, stopping at her waist. "I can't wait." He glanced at her in apology as his words came out a rough murmur. At that moment, Buffy was glad that she hadn't taken the time to change into jeans after their date, eager to give him access to that part of her that was aching for him. As his hands swept up her thighs, Buffy took a deep breath. She was aching and hot, wanting him with an urgency that matched his own. Reaching out, she unbuckled his belt and fumbled with the button and zipper on his pants. She pushed them down slightly, along with his boxers, and reached for his pulsing erection. He grunted when she grasped it in his hand, her fingers closing over him to sweep down in an eager caress. Angel brushed his fingers over her wet naked cleft. She was hot and wet and he could wait no longer. Lifting her, he lowered her onto his cock as she guided him to her heated entrance. <Hell, yeah fuck, that feels good.> Buffy groaned as she sank down, his hard length filling her. She was impaled on him, filled with him and nothing had felt so good. She wrapped her legs around his waist and dug her hands into the back of his neck as he braced her against the wall and began to move. The driving urgency of the moment had overridden any of their earlier reservations about waiting, about getting to know each other again, about the curse. They were consumed only by blind need for each other. Angel plunged into her with hard strokes, shaking her with every thrust. His fast, relentless rhythm pushed them ever toward that pinnacle, that spiraling ecstasy that was building with increasing urgency. Buffy clung to him, her nails digging into his shoulders as she attempted to meet each thrust. Suddenly she was careening over the edge, the world shattering around her. She cried out, clawing at Angel's shoulders and arms. He joined her then, releasing a hoarse groan near her ear as he poured his own climax into her. For long moments they stood there, Angel leaning heavily on her against the wall of the crypt, Buffy still intimately wrapped around him. Finally Angel leaned back, lowering her legs gently to the ground. "Are you all right? Did I hurt you?" He was genuinely concerned, having lost all attempts at control. <I didn't think she could get better than that first timeCan we do it again?> "Yes and no." Buffy wrinkled her nose, smiling at him. She loved it that he was so protective of her, that he treated her as if she were fragile when so many others didn't. She fixed her clothing, smoothing her skirt down. "I'm sorry. I know we were going to wait I-" Angel zipped his pants, feeling a bit like an adolescent. "We waited. Okay, maybe only about an hour and 15 minutes." Buffy stepped up to him and raised herself up on tiptoe, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him softly. "But we waited more than 2 years. Isn't that long enough?"

"Too long." Angel smiled at her in return, hugging her. "I love you." "I love you. With all my heart, my body, my soul. I'm yours." Buffy kissed him again, feeling content and sated for the moment. The earlier nervous energy had dissipated. "Let's go home." Buffy had slept deeply and soundlessly after Angel had walked her home. They had shared a few kisses at her door, and although she had wanted him to stay with her, he reluctantly declined. He still had a few things to take care of at the mansion before Christmas, and he didn't want to spend the day trapped at her house.

"A Hellmouth Christmas Carol" Co-written by LelaRose In memory of Glenn Quinn. May he rest in peace. Notes: There were certain things we didn't want to bother with so we left them out of this fic. 1) There is no Dawn or Connor. 2) Riley did exist and now is gone fighting demons in the jungle or whatever; Borrowing the idea of Angelus talking in thought from Maquis's fabulous stories on http://love-is-immortal.tripod.com. Oh, and our apologies to Charles Dickens. <.> will represent the characters thoughts; represents Angelus's thoughts. *will be used to emphasize a word. Lyrics: Head Over Feet - Alanis Morissette; Various Christmas Carols *December 23 * It was late afternoon when Buffy strolled up the sidewalk to the mansion. After their sexual adventures in the cemetery Angel had taken her home. She smiled just thinking about last night - early this morning. It had been Angel's decision that she go home and come to the mansion later. He told her he had a surprise for her. As she looked at the mansions there were obvious signs of recent activity - the shrubs had been trimmed, the weeds had been cleared. Even the door appeared to be almost new. When she had talked to Angel on the phone earlier in the day, he had casually mentioned that he'd be staying at the mansion again. After several minutes of teasing conversation, he'd extracted a promise from her to come over around six in the evening and not a minute sooner. Buffy smiled as she opened the door, wondering just what he had planned. He had mentioned that he had somewhere to take her. Buffy gasped in surprised when she entered the main room. A large wreath hung on the wall near the deep green velvet curtains that shielded the patio doors. Pine boughs intertwined with ivory and gold ribbon were draped across the mantle along with brightly gleaming ornaments and two red velvet stockings. It was almost identical to the vision that Kendra had shown her. The only thing missing was A pair of strong arms circled her waist, pulling her back against a broad chest,

interrupting her thoughts. Angel smiled and inhaled deeply as he buried his face in her hair, breathing in the vanilla scent. "You're early." Angel admonished as his lips found her neck, brushing her hair aside with his nose and nibbling at the soft skin. "Oh. Sorry. No watch." Buffy held up her naked wrist as she arched her head to the side, giving him easy access to the sensitive skin. She closed her eyes, scooting back to snuggle more closely into his body. "Hmmm." Murmuring an unintelligible response, Angel laved at her pulse point before biting it gently. After a long moment, he reluctantly released her. Now was not the time. <What the fuck? There is *no* better time> Angelus sputtered in surprise. <Off with the pants already c'mon..> "We need a tree. I want to take you to get one." Angel stepped away from her, gesturing toward the vacant spot in the corner. "Then you can decorate it while I watch, then I'll make love to you beneath it." "Oh, really?" Buffy replied playfully even as felt her pulse jump at his words. "You're not going to decorate?" "No." Angel turned, tugging her hand and grabbing his coat. "But I'll make it worth your while, I promise." <This is more of that romance thing isn't it?There's a whole lot of waiting in romance. I don't like it.> Angel closed Buffy's door then walked around the car to get in the driver's side. As soon as he climbed behind the wheel, Buffy slid across the seat to sit next to him. She snuggled close, kissing him on the jaw playfully. Just after they pulled on to the freeway, her attention increased in earnest. With her arm resting on the back of the seat, she toyed with the short hairs along the nape of his neck. Sighing dreamily, she moved even closer, pressing her breasts into his arm. Her hand roamed along his chest, exploring the firm muscles beneath the snug black thick cotton shirt, slipping down to brush lightly across his lap. "Hey." Angel smiled slightly when her hand closed over his firming erection, "I can't drive if you do that." Besides, he had visions of her spread across his bed tonight, where he could make love to her properly. It was bad enough that the first time they had made love in years had been in a cemetery "Yes, you can." Leaning in, she kissed his neck, a hot open-mouthed wet kiss that threatened to raise the cold vampire's body temperature. Slowly she traced his neck with her tongue, stopping to nibble at his earlobe before shifting forward and leaning around to kiss him on the lips. Angel worked his arm around her waist and pulled her closer. With his eyes still on the road, he returned her kiss, sucking on the tongue she had thrust into his mouth. With her hand on his now hard cock, Buffy felt a sudden urgent hunger for him. She squeezed tightly, eliciting a near growl from deep in his throat. Reluctantly, Angel pushed

her away, "Sweetheart, not now. I don't want to drive off the road." "Then drive. I'll play." Smiling teasingly, Buffy unbuckled his belt. <Yeah, you drive, I got this. Let her play.> "Buffy." It was a last attempt to stop her, yet he really didn't want to. Not with her hand so expertly manipulating his erection. With effort, he kept his attention on the road. Watching his face, she began stroking the hard bulge in his pants, grasping it in her hand tightly and squeezing. When she was satisfied that he was sufficiently aroused for her purposes, Buffy unzipped his pants, reaching inside and closing her fingers around the erect shaft. She licked her lips and moved back on the seat slightly, allowing her lean over as she drew his cock out to her gaze. Angel groaned deep in his throat as she began moving her hand up and down, stroking him with increased pressure, her fingertips brushing over the sensitive tip, her attention focused on him as she concentrated on his pleasure. Throwing caution to the wind, Angel placed his hand on her head and tugged her forward with deliberate pressure, wanting to feel her mouth on him. <Now we're talking > With a small smirking grin, Buffy complied, leaning down to plant a kiss on the velvety head. Holding his arousal upright, she ran her tongue around the tip wetting it completely before sucking it into her mouth. Taking his eyes off the road for a few seconds, Angel watched her as she moved her head up and down slowly, her lips and tongue creating an intense friction that he could feel through his entire body. Moving her head faster, Buffy sucked harder, using her teeth to gently scrape the tip before taking him deep into her throat. <Ohhh, fuckRight there baby. Just like thatRight lane. Right lane!> Angel glanced up and jerked the wheel guiding the black GTX back into the right lane. Confident about Angel's ability to keep the car on the road, Buffy continued lavishing his shaft with attention. Reaching between his legs, she caressed the twin spheres of his balls, rolling and squeezing them gently to the rhythm of her sucking mouth. <That's nice suck it just like that, babyharder > She could feel them tighten and increased her efforts, stopping ever so often to tease the crimson tip with her teeth before bobbing her head down again. She moaned slightly, lowered her head and sucking him deep into her mouth. Her low vibration of her voice set him off and suddenly Angel came, growling and spurting his seed down her throat. Buffy swallowed greedily, clenching her legs together to stave off the growing ache. For long minutes afterward, Buffy continued to kiss and nibble his semi-hard erection with feather light kisses. Finally, with a last kiss she tucked him away and fixed his clothing, sitting back on the seat, looking at him with a satisfied grin. When he glanced at her, she licked her lips. As if the sight of her wasn't delectable enough, that blatantly sexual motion stirred his arousal almost instantly. <Oh, she's entirely too smug. Step on it. The little woman needs to be reminded just who is at who's sexual mercy here.>

Glancing at the road signs, Angel noted that their exit was just a few short miles. Any additional sexual exploits could wait that long. Had it been any further though, he was sure he would have had to pull off the road and find them some privacy. Angel exited the freeway and followed the signs to the Christmas tree lot. At this time of the evening and on the night before Christmas Eve the lot was nearly deserted. Not to mention, plenty of Sunnydale residents weren't so inclined as to cut their own trees. Too much work involved. Angel was quiet when he parked the car, pulling in the far corner of the dimly lit parking lot, away from the two other cars parked near the entrance. Buffy glanced at him, curious. With a sudden movement, he was pressing her back into the seat. <Yeah baby. Daddy's home spread those legs> "Now then. My turn to play." His voice was teasing, husky and warm near her ear. She shivered. Leaning over her, his large body pressing against her, Angel lowered his lips to hers. His hands drifted over her waist as his tongue slipped into her mouth to curl around hers before pushing deep into her throat. It was a passionate and demanding kiss, intended to rouse her desire to a fever pitch. One hand drifted down to her hip as Angel familiarized himself once more with her body. As his lips trailed down her throat, he murmured. "Now where should I start?" <If we're taking a vote, I'm for breasts.> Spike had seen the activity at the mansion and had heard about the fight at Willies with Angel and the demons, but he still didn't believe his eyes when he saw Angel and the Slayer turn off Crawford Street in Angel's black GTX. As if he needed more to convince himself that what he was seeing was real, Spike followed them at a distance on his motorcycle, keeping the headlight turned off so that they wouldn't spot him. He grimaced when Buffy's head dropped below the seat, and spat with disgust at the car swerving every so often on the darkened road. It was quite obvious what was going on in that car. But how was that possible? Had the poof really managed to secure his soul somehow? Or maybe it wasn't really his grandsire? Hopeful it was the latter. Regardless, Spike wanted more proof. When the car stopped in the far corner of the deserted parking lot, Spike stopped too, staying far enough away as to not be noticeable. Cautiously, he parked the bike and began to creep along the darkened edge of the lot, near the uncut pine trees. "Buffy, you're beautiful." Angel's voice was soft near her ear, husky and deep as his lips drifted across her cheek to nibble on her neck. Buffy arched against him, twining her arms around his neck as her lips searched for his once again. They kissed for long minutes, his lips nipping at hers gently. Impatiently, Buffy pushed her tongue into his mouth and pressed closer as Angel tilted her to nearly lie across the seat. He slid one hand down her waist and behind her back to cup her bottom. Squeezing her firm flesh, he attempted to fit her against him. <Move your leg to - shift her - there's not enough room in this damn car, Romeo!> Spike grimaced at the sound of the ground crunching under his feet. He stopped, expecting, or perhaps wishing, that the occupants of the car would stop what they were doing and step out.

Growling in frustration with the relatively small confines of the car, Angel shifted back slightly and decided to content himself for the moment in reacquainting himself with his love's body. Buffy moaned softly and tilted her head when he traced a hot path down her neck, nipping and biting. Reaching the obstruction of her shirt, Angel stopped and laved at the slight swell of her breasts. Beneath him, Buffy shifted restlessly, wanting more. <Mmm.. tastes good. Now off with the shirt.> In the next instant, Angel's hand roved across her breasts, caressing the sensitive mounds through her clothing. Buffy caught her breath as she closed her eyes and dropped her head back, arching her chest toward his lips. Under his hand, her nipples hardened, begging for an even more intimate caress. Spike could see the couple in the car now, his preternatural eyesight giving him a clear advantage both with the dark and the distance. Not to mention that the bleedin' poof had practically parked under one of the few lights the parking lot had. There was no doubt in his mind now that the spiked-haired, broad shouldered outline was Angel's. Was the slayer really his companion? Still hopeful that he was going to be proven wrong Spike began to move slowly and deliberately around to the passenger side of the car. He stayed crouched in the brush as he moved, intent on not being spotted. Glancing at her face, Angel's fingers skimmed the hem of her top just above her jeans, then slid underneath to push it up, just above her breasts. Angel stared at the sexy red lace, surprised at her choice of undergarments under the demur cotton top. He knew then that she had worn it for him. Just for him. A thought that was both unique and rare, filled with possessive lust. With a wolfish smile, he began planting wet kisses above the lace edge of her bra and along her cleavage before tugging the lace down away from her nipple. When his tongue swirled around the hard peak, Buffy gasped and reached up to grip the nape of his neck with strong arms. <Fangs, fangs, she likes fangs. Oh, and suck harder.> Gently, Angel stripped her top over her head and pulled the straps of her bra down, reaching behind her to unhook it and remove the obstruction. Leisurely, as if they weren't in a car in a parking lot and had all the time in the world, Angel explored her breasts with his lips, his tongue, his teeth. He nursed at her nipples, sucking them into his mouth while Buffy's hands moved restlessly over his shoulders and through his hair. Spike nearly choked at the sight that greeted him when he finally managed to make his way around the car. Buffy - his Buffy, the Slayer - was holding Angel's head - the bleedin nancyboy poof's head - to her naked breasts. Her beautiful, rose-tipped breasts with their perfectly pointed nipples that were, if his eyes were not mistaken by the brief glimpses he was allowed, gleaming with the saliva of his very annoying grandsire. Just then, much to Spike's displeasure, Angel leaned back and reached for the button on Buffy's pants. He unbuttoned them roughly and impatiently jerked the zipper down. Buffy moaned softly as Angel pushed his hand down the front of her pants. His fingers skimmed over the neatly trimmed patch of hair moving lower, finding the pulsing nub of her clitoris with his fingertip.

Spike's mouth went dry as Angel's hand moved with obvious purpose in the front of the Slayer's jeans. His view was limited, but the expression on Buffy's face told him all he needed to know. "Angel, please." Buffy whispered, wanting more than just the gentle stroke of his fingers on her aching core. "I want you. Now." <Yeah. Now is good. Earlier would have been good too> While he might have been intending to prolong their pleasure, her impassioned whisper was his undoing. No more waiting. He struggled out of his coat, leaving it wadded up behind him while Buffy shimmed out of her jeans. Next, he pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it on the dash. Outside the window, Spike stood, craning his neck and trying to see more of Buffy's now unmistakable nakedness. He risked them seeing him, but at this point he wasn't sure it mattered. Or perhaps he hoped that they would see him and stop what they were doing. In one smooth move, Angel unfastened his pants and pushed them down his thighs as he slid across the seat. Buffy, anticipating his intentions, moved to straddle his lap. She reached down and guided his cock into her wetness, sinking down until he was fully sheathed in her heat. Then she stopped, wrapping her arms around his neck and simply enjoying the feel of him, the sheer pleasure of his hard cock inside her, his size and strength. <Ahh fuck that's good Hot. Tight. Wet Doesn't get any better than this> She surveyed him under her lashes, her eyes drifting over his face. Leaning down, she nuzzled his cheek, tracing his jaw with her lips. With slow wet kisses, she continued along the side of his neck, nipping at him occasionally. Beneath her, Angel shifted and closed his eyes, basking in the pleasure of her caresses. When she began to glide her hips, his hands moved to her hips and he guided her movements, setting a slow and steady pace. Eyes still closed, his hands drifted up to cup her breasts as she moved, his fingers toying with her nipples. Moaning softly, Buffy arched her back pressing her breasts more firmly into his hands. She felt every tug of his fingers on the taut peaks as if those nerves were connected directly to the ones between her legs. <Do that thing with the backs of her knees. It drives her wild.> With her golden hair and luminous skin fairly gleaming in the dim light, Spike could not look away as the Slayer made love to the vampire. He spat in disgust that she could do such a thing with the man who had left her. How was it that she obviously forgave him so readily? Angry and hurt, unbidden tears pooled in his eyes. Angel's absence had been key to his success with Buffy. <The knees. The knees. Ahh fuck it. Next timeOh, Slayer> When Buffy pressed her lips to his, Angel opened his eyes meeting her gaze. Reaching up, he buried one big hand in her hair as his other clasped her waist. They kissed for several long moments before Buffy resumed her rhythm, moving slowly up and down. When she broke off the kiss to take a breath, Angel pulled her closer to slide his mouth down her throat. Reaching the scar - his mark - on her neck, he growled softly and began

licking and sucking at the mark. <Bite She tastes so good, remember? Just a little taste? C'mon, you know you want to... > The demon growled, urging Angel on. The low rumbling growl stirred Buffy's passion to greater heights. Grinding her pelvis hard against him, she felt herself losing control once as she raced toward that inevitable explosive ecstasy. Angel lifted his head, his lips capturing hers again in a deep passionate kiss as Buffy moved with greater force. Harder then faster, they moved together, the intensity building. Neither content to be passive, they reached for each other, kissing and licking any available flesh within reach. They were both too aware that they had been denied this pleasure for too long. "Oh, Ahhn-gel," the word a breathy moan, Buffy mewled softly as she came, arching against him. Leaning down, she sank her teeth into his neck biting hard and pushing him over the edge. Angel released a hoarse grunt as he grabbed her hips and slammed her down hard for two deep thrusts as he released his seed into her. <Notsosmugthistimeisshe?> Panting heavily, Buffy collapsed in Angel's arms. He crushed her to him and buried his face in her hair, tucking her head in the crook of his neck. Shifting slightly, he settled her more comfortably against him as he held her, his hand gently caressing her back. Making love to her was like no other feeling he knew; a delicious sweetness, an incredible and profound sense of completeness, of satisfaction. It was as if he had been incomplete and was now whole again. Buffy snuggled into Angel's chest, and settled more comfortably with a deep sigh. Being held in his arms gave her an overpowering sense of contentment and belonging, a feeling so intense and so rare that it touched her very soul. As Buffy drowsed in his arms, she smiled. <The boy is still outside. He'll need to be taught a lesson.> Angelus growled, possessive at the thought of the younger vampire watching. He was also reminded of what *could* have been, what he had seen in the vision Doyle showed him. <Yes. Later.> Angel answered his demon, stirring and reaching over to grab his coat and drape it over Buffy's back, covering them. His eyes searched the dark shadows for what, or rather who, he knew lurked there. He had sensed his grandchilde earlier, but had little interest in the bleached blonde vampire with his beautiful golden girl in his arms. When they lit on the crouching vampire, Angel smiled a tight, possessive smile. It was a warning. Spike understood. He scurried away, unwilling to linger should both Angel and the Slayer choose to turn on him. Content, Angel closed his eyes once more. He wanted nothing more than to hold his precious love in his arms, to prolong the exquisite sensations strumming through his body and savor the love that he had been allowed to reclaim. A few hours later, Buffy laughed as Angel studied the tree and the car, attempting to figure out the best way to haul home the tree that she selected. He had good-naturedly

followed her around as she walked looking for the perfect tree. Buffy was looking for the tree she'd seen in the vision of Christmas present Kendra had shown her. It had taken her almost 2 hours but she'd finally found the tree. It stood almost by itself. It sorta reminded her of Angel; proud, aloof and beautiful. Buffy had turned to Angel and wrapped her arms around his waist squeezing him tightly. "This is it Angel. The perfect Christams tree." Angel had smiled down at her, "Then it's yours." He gently untangled her arms from around him and Angel cut down the tree and toted it back to the car. "You would have to pick one over 8 feet." Angel grumbled, even as he enjoyed the small pleasure of the outing with her. It was the first time he'd ever done this and he enjoyed it more than he thought possible. And how could he not - after their earlier interlude. After some consideration, Angel put the top down on the convertible as Buffy watched, a curious grin on her face. Tossing the tree in the back seat, Angel looked up at her. Their eyes met over the car. Buffy shrugged, then they both laughed. That would work Christmas Eve Angel glanced around, inspecting the room one more time. The richly decorated Christmas tree stood in one corner, the white lights twinkling brightly. Gifts in cheerfully colored packages were neatly stacked around the bottom. A large wreath hung on the wall near the deep green velvet curtains that shielded the patio doors. Pine boughs intertwined with ivory and gold ribbon were draped across the mantle along with brightly gleaming ornaments and two red velvet stockings. Candles burned on the mantle and the coffee table, as well as along the sideboard. A fire blazed in the fireplace, warming the hearth and giving the room a lively brightness. There was a cheerful warmth that had not been felt here before. Mistletoe hung from the ceiling in several places by red ribbon and several freshly cut sprigs lay on the table near the couch. The delicate sounds of instrumental Christmas music played softly in the background. The transformation that he had wanted had taken place. It was just as he had seen it in his dream of Christmas present. The last two days had been beyond his expectations. When they had returned from their Christmas tree outing last night, he had been unwilling to wait any longer. He had ushered his lover into their bedroom and had made love to her slowly, leisurely, drawing out their pleasure to a nearly painful height before they plunged over the edge. It was what he had wanted to from the first moment he had seen her all those years ago. <Their bedroom.> He said the words again in his mind. He liked the sound of them. Wearing only his white shirt, Buffy had decorated the tree while Angel sat on the couch and watched, content with her nearness. Every so often he would beckon her over for a kiss or she would join him on her own, her own happiness bubbling over. She had left a few hours ago to do some last minute shopping and pick up a few more of her things from home. Now he only had to wait for her to return. Whistling happily, he headed toward the bedroom.

Buffy smiled as she opened the door. She heard the music playing from outside and it filled her with happiness, swelling and bubbling over. This was just as she had seen with Kendra; how things were meant to be. She sat the bags with her purchases next to the couch. She could hear the sounds of water running and knew instantly where her vampire lover was. Grinning, she kicked off her shoes and tossed her jacket on the couch, and made to join him. The apparitions of Kendra and Doyle appeared in the room shortly after Buffy's exit. They glanced at the feminine jacket draped across the back of the couch next to the black one that Angel wore. A pair of dainty high-heeled sandals was casually strewn on the floor next to a purse and a couple of shopping bags. The sounds of soft familiar laughter coming from the bedroom could occasionally be heard over the music. They looked at each other and smiled as they faded out of sight. Their job was done. With a playful smile, Angel led Buffy to stand by the Christmas tree. He'd been thinking of this all day. <Sure. More like you've wanted to see her beautiful - and naked - golden skin all day.> The demon stirred, aroused by Buffy's presence. She was beautiful in her red dress, her shoulders bare except for the tiny straps, her golden skin bathed in the twinkling lights. Her eyes sparkled with happiness. Once more, he felt his heart twist as he thought of how long he had denied himself, how, without intervention, they would have continued to live their lives apart. <Get her out of the dress. I want to see the glow of the lights on her skin.> "I have something for you. Something I'd like for you to wear tonight." With a groan, the demon mumbled. <You're a putz, you know that?> Buffy smiled slowly, intrigued, her mind immediately filled with thoughts of sexy lingerie and naughty games. "What?" Her voice was playful, willing to do anything to please him knowing that she'd be paid back in full and then some with the delicious pleasure he offered her so easily. "This." Angel retrieved the ring from his pocket. He'd removed it from the box, wanting to give it to her just as he had once before. "Oh. Angel. Oh." Buffy's eyes welled with tears as she took in the object in his hand. "Is it-?" "Yes." He didn't need to elaborate. He knew she was asking if it had been the same ring. "You found it? And kept it?" Buffy took it from him, turning it over in her palm. She sniffed and smiled up at him. "Yes. Of course." Angel studied her anxiously, waiting for her response. "Put it on." Buffy smiled at him again, slipping the ring on her finger, the heart pointing toward her. She noticed that he still wore his. She reached for his hand and kissed it. His arms closed around her and he pulled her close, his lips closing on hers. Buffy sank into to him easily, her lips parting and offering her mouth, which he claimed without

hesitation. <BetterBut you're still a putz... What kind of corny line is that? "I've got something for you to wear tonight?" > The demon muttered, <Unless we're talking leather corsets and spiked heels as matching accesories...> Any further thoughts flew out of Buffy's head, her senses tumbling. His arms shifted. One hand splayed across her back just above her derriere, his other hand swept up to her hair. Angel loved it when she wore her hair up, but it beckoned him with wicked temptation to see it spill across her shoulders. Gently he removed the decorative clip, his fingers searching through the soft mass for more pins. They tinkled as they hit the hearth, Angel carelessly dropping them behind her. "Did I ever tell you that your hair fascinates me?" His hand at her back still holding her securely against him, Angel ran his fingers through her hair again as it fell free, dropping below her shoulders. <Again with the romance you already got the girl, moron. She wants it, just fuck her.> "No." Buffy studied his face, thinking that everything about him fascinated her. How had she ever thought she would live without him? His fingers continued to comb through the long tresses, his eyes watching as he lifting the soft tresses and let them drift back down to her shoulders. "So soft, so rich, so golden. It's my sunshine." Angelus made a strangled choking noise, expressing his disgust with Angel's tender sentiments. Mesmerized by his husky whisper, the possessiveness in his tone, Buffy didn't answer. There was no need to. Those words told her everything. Angel continued to play with the silken mass of her hair until he gathered it into his hand and tugged her head back farther. He stared down into her face. "And your eyes" Buffy blinked, swaying closer and pressing her chest more firmly against him. <Yeah, yeah, great eyes. Move it along already... Tits let's get to those next> "When I look into your eyes, I can see what you feel. And I feel it too. It's like I fall in and I get lost in them. In you." His gaze lowered and he looked at her lips. Buffy licked her lips, wanting him to kiss her. "Your lips." Unable to resist, he kissed her then, a swift and teasing kiss, leaving them both wanting more. He smiled then, "You know why I love those" <Yeah, especially with my cock between them > This time Angelus chortled, amused at his own wit. As usual, Angel ignored him. He was unwilling to let the demon intrude on this moment. His lips traced a path along her jaw to her ear. Buffy shivered. "Everything about you." The words caressed her ear, his voice soft. "Fascinating. Beautiful. Mine."

The demon within snarled, <Mine!>. Buffy's eyes closed as he planted a soft kiss on the sensitive skin just below her ear. His lips then moved lower, sliding along her throat to the mark on her neck. He laved it as Buffy released a soft whimpering sigh and swayed into him. Her legs weakened and she clutched at his shoulders to steady herself. Angel released her hair and returned his lips to hers. Her hunger surged and he matched it, kissing her deeply. His tongue probed her mouth, wrapping around hers in an erotic caress. Again and again he kissed her, inciting her desire as he claimed her as his own. Distracted by his potent kisses, Buffy had no idea that his hand on her back had been busy with the zipper on her dress until his hands reached up and he pushed the straps off her shoulders. Lifting her hands from his shoulders, he lowered them to her sides. Her dress pooled at her feet as he pushed it down, leaving her clad in her tiny lace bra and panties and shoes. The straps of her bra went too, as he reached behind her to unhook it. Before she could take a breath, Angel's hands had closed over her rosy-tipped breasts. She opened her eyes, watching as his hands cupped and caressed her bare flesh. Her eyes lifted to his face. She could see desire engraved on his features, raw passion burning in his chocolate and gold-flecked eyes. As she stared at him, she was once again struck with his overwhelming physical beauty. He was like a classic Greek sculpture, refined and elegant; perfect. "Beautiful." Angel murmured, his thoughts in tune with her own as his hands closed possessively over her breasts. "No other word will do you justice." <What about fuckable? Succulent. Delectable. Delicious?> With a determined sigh, Angel concentrated on pushing any further thoughts of his demon away. He wanted no interruptions to this moment. When he bent his head, Buffy's eyes closed again and she struggled to breathe knowing what was coming. When his lips reached her breasts, she let out a soft moan and returned her hands to his arms. He kissed the soft mounds of her breasts, avoiding the peaked nipples until she was nearly delirious with want. When his lips closed around her taut peak, she gasped. When she felt the first pulling pressure of his mouth suckling her, Buffy whimpered and her knees buckled. She collapsed against him, clutching at his shoulders. With lips, teeth and tongue, Angel worshipped her. His touch was exquisite torture as she arched back in his arms, offering herself to him, entreating him for more. Wave after wave of delicious pleasure washed over her as he feasted on her, craving her with a hunger that had not yet been assuaged, a hunger that had steadily built the years they had been apart. When Buffy cried out in climax, Angel released a low guttural growl that rang with masculine satisfaction. He lifted his head for a moment to look at her face, her eyes closed, her features relaxed in release. He then lowered his head again to repeat his torture. His lips traced across her flesh again, his tongue drawing circles around her now tightly

swollen nipples before drawing them back into this mouth. His every touch, his every caress was invested with meaning, with the love he felt for her. Both were aware of the significance of tonight, even as their passion swirled around them in a vortex, leaving them at the eye of the storm. He knew that the woman in his arms was special, that was never in doubt. There had been only one other time in Angel's life when he had felt anything close to what he was feeling this night. And that night had resulted in the loss of his soul. He could still scarcely believe that they had been given this second chance, and he was more than grateful. Planting one last kiss in the valley between her breasts, Angel lifted his head. He steadied her, his hands sliding along her back to her hips. His fingertips slid along the lace edge of her tiny panties, tracing the edges along her waist, then around to cup the firm globes of her behind. "You're perfectly sized." Angel's hands slid up along the strong muscles in her back, tracing her spine only to sweep down again. "So petite, yet so strong." His hands once more squeezed her bottom. "I'm three times the size of you." Buffy clenched her legs, his words sending a spike of heat along her spine through her stomach to culminate between her thighs. His size in contrast to her was like an aphrodisiac. "Don't exaggerate." His hands spanned waist, his long fingers nearly meeting. Possessive lust flared within him again, glowing in his eyes. "My tiny golden goddess." His husky whispers stoked the fires of her desire higher. Buffy moaned his name softly, taking a shaky breath while her hands restlessly moved on his shoulders. Sliding one into the short hairs on his nape, she pulled his head down for a kiss. She was no longer interested in verbal communication. She set the pace this time, her kisses greedy and demanding. He sucked gently on her tongue when she explored his mouth, delighting in the cinnamon and spice taste that was always Angel. Several long and heated kisses later, Buffy broke off to catch her breath. With her eyes closed and her lips wetly swollen, and her luscious curves in his hands, Angel could not resist taking yet another taste of her lips. His senses seemed starved for her, urgently needy and wanted more. Taking her lips again, he pulled her closer deepening the kiss as he drew her hard against him. His hand roved over her, caressing, kneading, learning anew all of her feminine curves, delighting in the feel of her firmness, her softness. There was no word to adequately encompass his obsession with her. "Don't move." Angel sank to his knees in front of her, his hands sliding along her hips and down her legs. His gaze moved over her, taking in her perfectly formed, firm and tanned legs. When he pressed an opened mouth kiss to her stomach, he heard her suck in her breath and he smiled. With gentle kisses he caressed her abdomen, stopping to lave at the tiny indentation of her navel for several moments. Buffy's hands rested on his shoulders, her fingers at turns gripping the broad muscles. With reverence, his hands roamed up and down her graceful limbs, his palms flat as he

explored each curve and muscle. When he gripped the edges of her lace panties and drew them down, Buffy quivered slightly in anticipation. With one hand on his shoulder, Buffy stepped out of the panties and kicked aside the dress that had been pooled at her feet. Her hands slid into his hair as Angel leaned in to nuzzle her taut belly. "Angel." <Don't suppose I could get you to get her to say my name like that?> The word was a husky, aching whisper, a soft, nearly desperate plea. Buffy could hardly believe it had come from her. She was warm, flushed. Every nerve was heightened in anticipation as she felt his every touch keenly. Desire hummed in the air, heated with passion. Buffy stood naked in front of him, aware perhaps for the first time of the power of her body to capture him, to enthrall this most powerful man, this god of pleasure, kneeling in front of her. It was a heady sensation. And it felt so right. *They* felt right. She shifted on her feet as his hair brushed across her stomach, his hands on her thighs both soothing and exciting. Just then Angel bit the soft flesh of her stomach, just above the curls on her mound. She shuddered and gripped his hair tighter. Shifting one hand around to cup her bottom while the other slid up her thigh between her legs, Angel brushed the wetness between her thighs as his fingers neared the apex. Buffy waited anxiously for that first touch on the core of her pleasure, her nerves tensing. When his fingers finally brushed her swollen labia, she nearly cried out. The gentle stroking, the subtle probing threatened to bring her to her knees. When Angel shifted lower, Buffy let out an incoherent exclamation. "Easy." He steadied her with one hand, then lifted her leg to drape over his shoulder. "I want to taste you." Her fingers tugged on his hair, her hand clenching his skull as she felt the wet sweeping lick of his tongue on her sex. Buffy whimpered and moaned as he explored her with his tongue, laving with long, slow licks before dipping between her wetly swollen nether lips to taste the honey flowing profusely between her legs. Unhurriedly, he lapped at the dewy wetness as she sank her fingers more tightly into the thick dark waves of his hair. Finding her clitoris next, he swirled his tongue around the swollen nub before sucking it softly. He knew exactly how to touch her, and where, licking, nibbling, and sucking delicately to provoke the intense, stabbing desire. Her heart was racing, her breath coming in soft pants, every nerve taut as he pushed her toward their paradise. Although her wits had fled, she was acutely aware of her senses. She could feel the warm of the fire at her back, the air in front of her, like Angel, cool. She was excruciatingly aware of his every touch of his lips, his teeth, his tongue on her body as he continued to urge her sensitized nerves to even greater heights of pleasure. Sliding first one, then two fingers inside her, Buffy mewled softly as he continued to suck her clit. Angel felt the convulsions begin just seconds before she exploded, crying out his name. The sound echoed through the room. <That way's good too.>

When he continued licking softly at her dewy wetness, Buffy attempted to pull away, the sensations too intense. "Let me, sweetheart. You're so damp, so delicious." Whispering softly, Angel refused to release his hold on her and Buffy relented, trusting him to prolong their pleasure. She quivered and mumbled incoherently as he continued his deft manipulations of her flesh. Licking and sucking with expertise acquired through years of experience, Angel brought her to orgasm twice more before finally releasing his hold on her. Surging to his feet in a burst of raw power, Angel closed his hands around her thighs and lifted her, filling her with the solid hard length of him in the next instant. He adjusted her slightly for better leverage then thrust deep. Buffy sighed in pleasure, sheathing him, holding him to her with strong arms. She felt his hands grip her thighs, his fingers flexing as his chest strained against hers. Locking her legs around his hips, she wound her arms around his neck and pulled herself closer. Sliding her hands into his hair, she tugged his lips to hers. Buffy tasted herself on his lips as he kissed her, further adding to her desire. Their bodies moved in harmony, a similar evocative rhythm, slow and steady. He lifted her and she slid sensuously down. She clung to him as they repeated the motions, rotating her hips with a small rolling motion. It occurred to her that she was naked and writhing in his arms while he was still fully clothed; he had only unzipped his pants. Her every movement made her more aware of her sensitive skin against his clothing, the soft cashmere of his sweater tickling the rigid peaks of her breasts, the rough twill of his pants chafing against her thighs. Angel reveled in the heat of her body, her tight channel surrounding him with each thrust and withdrawal. He watched her through half-closed eyes, marveling at the sexy sight of her slow movements, her breasts bouncing slightly with each thrust, her nipples hard and jutting toward him, almost begging to be touched. He slowed her each time she attempted to increase their speed, attempting to draw out each precious moment. Buffy closed her eyes in concentration as she undulated against him, clenching her vaginal muscles to tease him with each thrust, grinding her pelvic bone hard against him. Tracing his face with her lips, she licked a path along his jaw, pressing kisses to the cool skin of his throat. Without thought, Angel returned the pleasure, nipping at her throat, laving at his mark on her neck. She whimpered and rocked harder against him when he murmured seductive love words in her ear, his voice deep and velvety, promising her unimaginable delights. She deliberately tightened around him again, this time eliciting a low groan from him. She smiled and sank deeper, reflexively tightening even more. She bit him, taking the skin of his throat between her blunted teeth. Angel sucked in an unneeded breath then his lips returned to hers, hot and demanding. His control was now gone. The vortex of passion closed around them, the flames roared. Passion took them, lifting them on a swell of pure need until ultimately they shattered with a release was so profound, neither of them was aware that they sank to the floor. The only reality that their senses permitted was the knowledge that they were together. As

one. Finally. <God! I love herI mean - that was good.> Sprawled on his back on the sofa, where he had carried her when he had recovered his own senses, Buffy lay slumped on Angel's chest, basking in the afterglow. "Hmm You're amazing." Buffy murmured softly, her fingers tracing a pattern along his chest. She had insisted he remove his sweater when they collapsed on the couch, wanting to feel his skin next to hers. Angel, his eyes closed, hugged her close and kissed the top of her head. "Mmm it's all you." Buffy smiled, looking at the claddagh ring on her hand. It was nice to have it back. She snuggled closer, looking at their Christmas tree. She had everything she wanted now. Frowning, she wondered if it would last. It never did for her before. A moment of fear, of doubt crept into her mind. Angel felt it, he could sense her slightest change in mood. His eyes drifted open as his hand continued stroking her back. "What's wrong?" "Hum? Oh, nothing." Buffy attempted to downplay her earlier fear. "Buffy." Angel insisted. They had hidden their feelings from each other too often. "I'm just afraid that this us it won't last. It'll be taken away from us. That you'll change your mind. It's a Buffy life remember? Good things don't always happen." She shifted, looking up at his face. "Sweetheart, this is meant to be. Listen to me. Every day for the rest of your life I want to wake up next to you. I want to feel you fall asleep in my arms. I want to feel the softness of your hair against me, I want to bury my face in it and feel your breath on my cheek. I want to make love to you in the morning, sliding into your warm body while you're still drowsy with sleep." <And if I could, I would want to hold you in sunlight, when you're pregnant with my child.> His thoughts were unspoken, too painful for him to give voice too. He regretted what he couldn't give her, what he felt he was selfishly taking away. "That's beautiful." Buffy sniffed slightly, inching up to kiss him. Their kiss was sweet, filled with a wealth of love. She sighed when she broke off, snuggling happily back into this chest her fears soothed for the moment. It would work this time. They would make it. A moment passed, then Angel asked quietly. "Sweetheart, marry me?" "Oh. Angel. Yes." Nearly squealing with delight, Buffy threw her arms around his neck and hugged him close. Christmas Day Christmas morning had been the most wonderful morning in Buffy's life. She'd rolled over to find her lover, naked smiling adoringly at her, watching her as she woke up. For a fleeting moment, she was touched with fear. She and Angel in bed naked together.... then she remembered. It was okay. His soul was permanent. He wasn't going anywhere. This

was what she had to look forward to for the rest of her life. Waking up to the most handsome man, okay, demon, on the planet. The man that would soon be her husband. She rolled him over and straddled his hips. She leaned down and nuzzled his cheek before she gently bit his chin. "Mornin' lover," she smiled seductively, rubbing her body against his, Angel's growing erection brushing against the crevice of her behind. "Morning to you," he rumbled as he ran his hands up and down her back before he firmly gripped her sofly rounded ass cheeks. "Merry Christmas," Buffy muttered as she nibbled along his jaw and neck, her hot core pressed against his groin as she moved in a slow rotation, the moisture from her already dampening his skin. Angel smelled the exotic fragrance of her arousal as it filled the room. He lifted his love up and slowly guided her down on his long, thick and throbbing length. They both gasped in pleasure at the contact. The physical joining of their bodies. Angel entwined his fingers with Buffy's and reverently brought them to his lips before leaning forward and catching her mouth in a steamy kiss. They made love slowly, leisurely and sweetly. It was a joining of their hearts. Both of then savoring each other, their love and the fact that they were together at last. Buffy was nervous. When she'd called Xander, Willow and Giles to invite them to Chrismas dinner at the mansion the reception had been lukewarm, especially from Xander. She hadn't explained everything. She'd told them only a little; that she and Angel were back together, and had vehemently assured them that there was no chance of *grrr* from their being together anymore. She smiled to herself as she thought of how they had proven that, several times already. Now Buffy was just hoping everything went smoothly. Angel had given her his credit card and she'd been able to get some great gifts. She thought about the gift she bought for Angel. A little teddy she intended to model for him a little later tonight. Angel watched as Buffy prepared Christmas Dinner. He leaned against the kitchen island his arms folded across his large chest, his ankles crossed. His black cashmere sweater was molded to his wide muscular chest. His crisply pressed khaki pants emphasized his long legs. He smiled as he watched Buffy rush around the kitchen checking the progress of the food. He loved the way the little velvet dress hugged her generous curves. Although it was far from practical she looked so beautiful rushing around the kitchen in her high-heeled shoes. She pulled her hair back up in to a casual twist and secured it with the jeweled hair comb he'd given her this morning as a Christmas gift with matching earrings that adorned her ears. Although Angel could not enjoy the food Buffy was cooking he loved the aromatic smells filling the kitchen. It was just so warm and homey. Angel loved it. It wasn't often he got a chance to see Buffying being *domestic*. He knew she could take out a cadre of vampires, behead a demon and plot ambush techniques but seeing her like this was a wonderful and rare pleasure. He'd offered to have the meal catered but Buffy had refused. She told him she wanted to do it herself. With his help, of course.

Buffy had planned a small meal only consisiting of turkey, stuffing, cranberry/orange sauce, peas, honey glazed carrots, rolls, pumpkin pie and wine. Earlier this morning he'd helped her baste the turkey and prepare the pie filling. Angel was amazed at her culinary skills. She'd laughed and told him she'd cooked this meal once before during the Thanksgiving he'd come to protect her. That reminded him that they oth had things to remember from that Thanksgiving. Angel watched as Buffy chewed her lips as she stirred the glazed carrots. "Don't worry, darling, everything looks great." Buffy put down the wooden spoon she had been using to stir the simmering carrots and walked over to her tall vampire. He opened his arms and pulled her against his large frame. "I want everything to be perfect," she mumbled into his chest. Angel kissed the top of her head. "Everything is perfect because you are perfect." She tilted her head back to gaze at her lover, "You are sweet." "No one is as sweet as you. You are the sweetest thing I've ever tasted and I want to taste you over and over again," he said seductively. Buffy blushed thinking of the carnal and intimates kissed they shared and given each other. "Later. Later we can both taste each other," she promised leaning up to place a chaste kiss on is cheek. "Mmm. Tempting. I'll be waiting for that all day." <Me too.> The demon within stirred, thoughts of sex with Buffy awakening him as usual. "So will I." They were silent for long moments. Both luxuriating in the joy of being together. Simply feeling joy and not being afraid that Angel would be too happy and it would be *Grrr* all over. It was a new feeling for both of them to be happy in their love for each other. To be allowed to feel this way. "I'm going to tell everyone about our engagement." "I want to get married as soon as possible," Angel lifted her away from him, his voice impatient. "I know the minister at the mission. I can get him to marry us any day or time." Buffy smiled at Angel's impulsiveness. "My Mom gets home tomorrow morning. I need to tell her about our decision to marry." "And if she objects?" Angel queried, a little fear creeping in his voice. Buffy shrugged, "Then she objects. I want her to accept us but if she doesn't I'm still going to marry you. You are my future Angel. Forever." "Then let's get married tomorrow night....that is unless you want something more formal." "Tomorrow hmm, tomorrow. I'll have to check my calendar. I may have plans." Buffy teased, trying to hide the enthusiasm in her voice. "Now that I think about it, tomorrow

night works!" She kissed him then, a sweet, tender kiss that showed her happiness. One kiss turned to several before the timer beeped, reminding them of the food cooking. Buffy checked the turkey, stirred the carrots and gravy on the stove then returned to her earlier position, snuggled in Angel's arms. "Just think, every year we can celebrate Christmas and our anniversary at the same time. It'll be perfect. I seem to be saying that word a lot. Perfect," she let the word roll off her tongue. "I like it. I want to be married here. In front of the fireplace and Christmas tree. I want to start our new life in our home." Angel loved the sound of *our home* slipping from her tongue. "Then it's settled. Tomorrow night we'll get married." He leaned down and kissed his love reverently. It was a sweet kiss filled with love and promises for the rest of their lives. Buffy eventually broke the kiss and laid her cheek against her love's unbeating heart, "Angel? What last name will we use?" She giggled. "Angel Summers?" Angel paused, contemplating the question. "Before Before my change, my family name was O'Connor. I'd like to use it again. This time around I think I can make my father proud of me." Buffy cupped his cheek as her eyes misted over, "Angel, your father would be very proud of you now. And proud that you are using your name. As proud as I'll be to share that name with you." In answer, Angel pulled Buffy in for a heated kiss. Christmas Dinner was different than what Kendra had shown her, yet some things were the same. Giles and Xander where wearing Santa hats. They looked so adorable. Everything was going great. There had been a little tension at first, just after everyone had arrived. Angel had poured everyone a glass of wine and it seemed to loosen everyone up, breaking the ice and alleviating some of the tension in the air. Even Angel was tense, hopeful that Buffy's friends would accept their relationship without guilt or recriminations. He knew how important they were to her. Willow and Tara were sitting on the floor pillows close to the fireplace. Giles and Olivia were sitting on the sofa. Giles had his arm casually draped over Olivia's shoulder. Anya was sitting in Xander's lap in the large oversize chair. "I love your human ritual sacrifices with pies. First your giving thanks and then this presents day." "Anya, Buffy and I have told you it's not a ritual sacrifice," Willow explained patiently. "It's called Thanksgiving and although presents are exchanged the day is called Christmas. You really need to remember these things. Right, Buffy?" Willow turned to her friend who was standing near the fireplace leaning against her lover. Buffy laughed and backed up her friend, "Right Wills." Buffy was glowing and it wasn't from the flames of the fireplace. Willow hadn't seen the fire and light in Buffy's eyes in years but it was back. And she knew why. It was because Angel was back and because Buffy and Angel were together again. She didn't know if

anyone else had noticed but Angel and Buffy were both wearing their claddagh rings. Years ago, when Angel had first given Buffy that ring, the young slayer had told her the significance of the rings. The fact that they were both now wearing them again meant things were serious. Very serious. Buffy looked around at everyone in the room. Everything seemed to be going as she'd hoped and planned. The Christmas music was playing softly in the background. Conversation was flowing and so was the wine. Buffy was enjoying playing hostess. Even though she'd only been staying there for a couple of days now, she really felt like this was her home. Her first dinner as Angel's wife. The first dinner she planned in her new home. She looked around at all the people she loved and their loved ones and she felt her eyes misting. She silently wished her Mom was there but she promised herself as soon as her Mom came home she'd have her over for dinner. She knew that she wasn't going back to live with her mother, not after tonight. This was her home. This was where she would live with Angel from this day forward. This was the first time Angel had ever used the formal dining room in the mansion. Only half of the massive table was needed, given the number of guests. Buffy had arranged the place settings so that they all were seated close enough for intimate conversation but far enough apart to be comfortable. She and Angel had decided no one would sit at the head of the table. That would have been too formal and they wanted a very casual, very comfortable dinner. The table was decorated festively, Buffy decorating it with evergreen sprigs, holly, and velvet bows. Buffy stood and cleared her throat. She glanced at Angel and he stood with her, taking her hand and squeezing it, silently offering support. "You all know that Angel and I are back together." Buffy paused and looked at her love, her eyes shining with happiness. She took a deep breath to bolster her courage, then continued. "I have one more announcement to make Angel has asked me to marry him and I've agreed. I know it's short notice, but we're getting married here tomorrow evening. You're all invited." Willow squealed with joy and jumped up, rushing around the table to throw her arms around Buffy in a big hug. She then turned and hugged a very surprised Angel. "Congrats. I'm so happy for both of you. You so deserve to be happy." "Thanks Will," Buffy hugged her friend back. "I was hoping that you'd feel that way. Now I can ask you to be my Maid of Honor." Willows eyes sparkled with happy tears, "I'd be honored." Giles stood with a glass of wine to make a toast. "I'll be the first to admit that I thought that the two of you should never be together," he took a deep breath, "but I've realized that the two of you belong together. I've never seen either of you as happy as you are now. It will be my pleasure to be here tomorrow night." "Good because I need you to stand with me and Mom. Will you?" Giles inclined his head like the British gentleman he was and cleared his throat, choked up by her request. "There is nothing I'd like to do more. I can't think of any one I'd rather spend the holidays with than all of you." He raised his glass. "I don't think I say this

enough but each and everyone of you is important to me." Everyone lifted their glasses in support of Giles's statement, nodding and smiling around the table. "C-Congratulation," Tara offered shyly, smiling. "Thanks, Tara." "I wish you and Angel all the best. Rupert talks about you like a proud father. I know how pleased he must be to see you finally happy and settling down. If Rupert invites me I should love to attend your wedding." Olivia looked over at Giles with a teasing expression. "Of course I'm inviting you." Giles told his girlfriend. Anya shrugged, "I really don't care, but if Xander comes and there will be food, I'll come." "Speak for yourself An," Xander said snidely. He looked around in disbelief at everyone. He couldn't believe this. Willow and Giles had not only accepted this....this travesty but were actually supporting her decision. Had everyone forgotten that Angel was, in fact, a vampire, a demon, one of the undead. Had they forgotten about Angelus and all of his horrible acts? Regardless if his soul was permanent or not, he is not human. Buffy very much is. "Am I the only one here who thinks this is a bad idea? Even if there isn't the fear of Angel turning into his less than cuddly evil sidekick, Angel is a vampire, not a human. I don't care how you look at it, this is sick. Buffy you are sick to even love Angel. He's a.....thing.....he's what you are sworn to rid this earth of." "Xander that is quite enough!" Giles admonished. <I never liked that useless pup. Kill him. Kill him now.> Angelus stirred at Xander's angry words, responding in kind. Angel's face didn't betray his anger. In part, he agreed with his demon. He wanted to jump over the table and rip Xander's head off. He looked over at Buffy. Although her bottom lip was trembling she had a stony look of determination on her face. Angel decided it was time he stood up to Xander once and for all. "Xander everything you just said is true. So are the things you failed to mention. Like my love for Buffy or the fact that I'd sacrifice my life, my very soul for her." Xander sneered, "Well you did that once already. It worked out really well." <I thought so Can we kill him already?> The demon asked, his tone one of bored indifference. Angel ignored the boy's taunt and continued, "I would give all that I am and will ever be to guarantee Buffy's safety and happiness. Tomorrow evening, with or without your acceptance, I will marry her. If that's not enough for you, then let me say one more thing. AND this is the most important thing. If you ever insult Buffy again, you will deal with me and you'll learn I can be just as unpleasant as *my less than cuddly evil side kick,*" Angel promised menacingly.

<I am so not a sidekick if anything, you're the sidekick, soul boy.> Xander croaked, swallowing harshly as he met the hard glint in Angel's eyes. He pursed his lips and stared at him mutinously. Although he was frightened by the anger radiating from the tall vampire, he knew that Buffy wouldn't allow Angel to hurt him. "Xander I've allowed you to put Angel down since the moment you found out about him. That has to end now. I'm going to marry Angel. You've been my best friend for years. And you'll always be my best friend. You can either accept my relationship with Angel.......or there won't be a place in my life for you. If I have to make a choice between the two of you, I will choose Angel. Don't force me to make that choice, Xander." The boy was speechless. He played his cards. Laid it all on the line about his feelings regarding their relationship and Buffy had told him if it came down to his friendship and Angel's love she'd choose Angel. The room had grown quiet as everyone stared at Xander. He was beginning to feel foolish. Like a little boy who had thrown a tantrum and now had to face the consequences. Angel pulled Buffy close to him. Her body was rigid. He could feel, the anger and hurt radiating from her. He kissed the top of her head giving her his support. The support she'd get from him for the rest of her life. Xander saw no other choice but to back down. It was either that or lose the only friends he'd kept most of his life and maybe even risk getting his ass kicked. "Fine," he grumbled angrily. "I'll accept it, doesn't mean I have to like it." Angel felt the tension leave Buffy's body. The tense atmosphere in the room relaxed. Giles was the one to clear the air. "Well, then it would seem that a toast is in order. To Buffy and Angel. May you both finally have your happy ever after." "Here, Here," everyone replied in unison, clinking their glass with the person closest to them. Epilogue Buffy and Angel married in a small ceremony at the mansion the following evening. The bride wore an ivory lace ankle length dress. Her long tresses were pulled on top of her head in a elegant twist with curls escaping to frame her face. The groom wore black leather pants, leather duster and an ivory silk shirt. Angel had finally gotten tired of Angelus constant nudging and had given in to his suggestion of attire for the wedding. The ceremony was performed in front of the fireplace. The fire was crackling, Kenny G's Christmas album played softly in the background as the lights on the Christmas tree twinkled. Candles were positioned around the room and glowed from every surface. They created a very romantic atmosphere. Buffy's mom wasn't too pleased with her daughter's choice of a mate, but she grudgingly accepted Angel when she saw how much in love they appeared to be. The fact that her daughter would marry her vampire regardless to whether she approved or not helped to

sway her towards accepting the marriage. She didn't want her daughter to marry Angel but more importantly she didn't want to loose contact with her daughter over the choice of her husband. Joyce was somewhat appeased when Angel took her aside and told her about his shanshu. She consoled herself with the fact that maybe Angel would turn human in her lifetime and he and Buffy would give her a grandchild. She realized she was a relatively young mother and not quite ready to be a grandmother yet, but hopefully in the future. Willow stood next to Buffy who was holding thea large bouquet of red and white roses, adorned with sprigs of holly. The flowers had been a surprise from Angel that morning. Even Willow had to admit that for a man Angel could be so romantic. Willow looked over at Tara communicating her love through her eyes to her lover. She hoped one day in the future she and Tara could say their vows of love in front of their friends. Giles couldn't be more proud to have walked beside Joyce to give Buffy to Angel. He kept thinking of the sixteen year old mutinous Slayer he'd first met. He'd grown to love her as he would a daughter and today he'd walked his daughter down the aisle to her husband. The one person he knew who could not only fight beside her but understood her difficult and violent life and, if necessary offer her protection from the things that would try to hurt her. He may very well be the only person on earth that could offer her that. All of those facts combined, supported Giles's realization that Angel was perfect for Buffy in every way. Giles looked over at Olivia and smiled. Maybe one day he and Olivia would be exchanging places with Buffy and saying their vows of marriage in front of their friends. Xander pouted part way through the ceremony, until Anya took him aside and chastised him for behaving like an immature child. She also took him to task for his bigotry about demons, given that she was a reformed demon herself. If he insisted on continuing with his position, she threatened to end their relationship, especially the sex. Which gave Xander pause He changed his mind immediately and with a sheepish smile promised her that he would try harder to be more open minded and accepting. The A-I team stood in the background watching the ceremony. Fred was openly crying with joy. Gunn was just amazed at how quickly everything had happened, while Wesley was surprised that it had actually taken so long for them to reunite. Of course, they had all thought the curse had been an issue, so that likely had kept them apart for awhile.. It had only been three days since Angel had left LA and reunited with his girlfriend. It was almost unbelievable that they were now marrying. Although they were happy for him they were still amazed at how quickly things had progressed. Throughout the ceremony Cordelia stood next to Wesley, frowning. In the brief conversation she had with Angel after they had arrived, she had tried to convince him to wait. That this was too quick. Things were too uncertain. He was needed in LA, Buffy in Sunndale - how could they possibly make it work? But it had been for naught. Angel had given her a choice; accept his marriage to Buffy or get out of his life. She finally realized that when it came to Buffy, Angel would let nothing stand in his way. Not any more. She still couldn't believe that Angel had chosen Buffy over her. She couldn't believe that any man or vampire, for that matter, would turn down a chance to be with her. It was unthinkable that he would choose to be with some mousy little blonde instead. But it had

happened. Angel loved Buffy and nothing she could say or do would was going to change that. Cordelia stood watching the couple as they stared loving at each other. It was almost enough to make her sick. She wore a sour expression on her face throughout the short ceremony. Angel and Buffy only had eyes for each other. Every vow repeated reverently. Angel reached over to brush the tears away from eyes. Buffy grabbed his fingers and raised them to her lips to kiss. "I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride," the minister said. Buffy and Angel kissed. A kiss of a lifetime, a kiss of forever. Kenny G's instrumental version of *Let It Snow* played softly. Angel and Buffy were dancing. All eyes were on the recently married couple. Buffy's cheek laid against the unbeating heart of her husband and his cheek laid on the top of her golden head. A look of pure bliss radiated from both of their faces as they swayed to the music. Cordelia was standing near the fireplace the sour expression still marring her beautiful face. She had indulged heavily in the expensive champagne Angel had purchased for the small reception and was very close to being pronounced drunk. She had eyed the delicate looking untraditional 3-tiered chocolate wedding cake. It was lavishly decorated with white and red sugared roses. Cordelia had wanted to pick the cake up and hurl it in the fireplace but a last bit of reason or perhaps self-preservation had kept her from carrying out her evil thoughts. She watched the other occupants in the room. No one was paying her much attention. She wasn't the center of attention tonight and she wasn't use to that. More importantly she didn't like it. But there was nothing she could do about it. "Look!" Willow exclaimed rushing over to the French door leading to the courtyard. "It's snowing! It's snowing in Sunnydale! I can only remember this happening once before!" Angel and Buffy hugged each other as they stared at the fat flakes of snow falling to coat the ground with whiteness. They both new it was a sign from the Doyle, Kendra and Powers That Be that they belong together. From this day forward they would live, love and fight evil together, side-by-side forever. <So, when do we get to fuck the new wife? Now? Soon?> Angelus, quiet during the day finally stirred. And, as usual, he had a one track mind. The End