THE STILLNESS OF YOU By Julie Bale

Smashwords Edition Copyright 2013 Julie Bale All rights reserved. ISBN-13: 9780988138544 Cover art and design by Patricia Schmitt/Pickyme Copy editing by Rachel DAmario

This book is a work of fiction. References to real people, events, establishments, organizations, or locations are intended only to provide a sense of authenticity, and are used fictitiously. All other characters, and all incidents and dialogue, are drawn from the authors imagination and are not to be construed as real No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in encouraging piracy of copyrighted materials in violation with the authors rights. Purchase only authorized editions. For permission to use any part of the material in this book, contact me here:

juliebale1@gmail.com

Before
No one expects to meet the person who will change your life on a Wednesday. Maybe a Friday or a Saturday, but not the one thats halfway between work and freedom. No one expects it, but it does happen. It happened to me and he didnt just change my life, he saved it.

Chapter One
Georgia
Ben Lancaster walked into my life with no warning, just after three oclock on a sunny afternoon. Hes lucky it happened in Old City, Philadelphia and not somewhere in Texas, because in Texas people have been shot for a lot less. In Texas you dont just walk into someones house unannounced expecting a smile or a handshake. I know this because one of the guys at Oak Run, a hospital Id stayed at, told me his uncle was in a federal penitentiary for doing just that. Some homeless man wandered into his house and the uncle blew him away with a

shotgun. But on that particular afternoon I was standing in the corner of my brothers loft, there where the lighting was perfect, staring at a blank canvas in front of me. To say I was having issues was an understatement, and the fact that I had been staring at the damn thing for nearly twenty minutes could have accounted for my late reflexes, because I didnt hear him walk in. I didnt hear anything until he spoke. Hey, sorry to bother you but is Matt here? I was supposed to hook up with him. His voice was low, hitting a timber that no guy had a right to hit. Especially when hes standing in the middle of my brothers loft and Im looking back at him wearing nothing but my white boy briefs

and a threadbare white tank top with no bra. The fact that he could probably see my nipples through the tank top didnt bother me so much. It was more the idea that he had been staring at my ass before I turned around and lets face it, half of my butt was hanging out. Sue me, but hey, I wasnt expecting company. I think most normal girls would have screamed, but since Id spent six months in the aforementioned Oak Run, I was used to strangers and besides, when youve stared into the belly of a monster not much scares you. But still, his surprised dark eyes settled on me and even more surprising, a curling heat pressed low in my belly. He wasnt like any of the inmates at

Oak Run. Hell the fuck no. He was leagues above them. I grabbed my robe from the floor where Id flung it nearly half an hour earlier and shrugged into it, trying my best to act like it was no big deal to be caught in my gitch by some hot, random guy. Who the hell are you? The words shot out of my mouth as I stared across the open space. Havent you heard you of a doorbell? Oh. Right. The doorbell wasnt working. Im sorry, the doorbell wasnt I know, I interrupted rudely. His voice trailed off and silence fell between us as a smile gently lifted his mouth. Matt told me to swing by and I just figured he would be here alone. He

shrugged and winked. Though I did knock. You knocked. Unbelievable. What the hell. Had I doubled up on my meds this morning? Taken klonopin instead of lithium? My eyebrow shot up. And how did you make it past the doorman? His smile widened and dimples appeared. Adorable dimples. Hot effing dimples. Autograph? Who the hell was he? I sure as hell didnt need a name to answer that question. He was at least six foot four, with wide shoulders and an impressive chest that his black T-shirt did nothing to hide. Foo Fighters spread across his pectorals in white, and a wide, weathered leather belt didnt do much to hold up the pair of

worn and equally weathered jeans that covered his long legs. It was hot as sin out there but he wore boots, Docs by the look of it. He had thick dark hair the color of fresh espresso that was long, just touching the tops of his shoulders. It waved across his forehead and over slid over his ears. It was kind of messy, but it was the kind of messy look that a lot of guys spent a good amount of time trying to achieve. I somehow doubted this one wasted money on products or time in front of the mirror. He was too self-assured. It fell off him in invisible waves. His eyes were as dark as his brows, his chin and cheekbones strong and shadowed with stubble. His mouth had a sensual curve to it, one that should have

looked out of place on such a masculine guy, but somehow it didnt. I was guessing he was a few years older than my twenty, so I pegged him at maybe twenty-four? So, who was he? He could have been a model or an actor. He was that good looking. But he wasnt. He was a guy who was seriously hotand a hockey player for sureprobably one of my brother Matts newest acquisitions. And though there was something about him that was familiar, at the moment I couldnt place it. Let me guess, I said carefully, studying him some more. The guy was muscular, but it was more of a lean and fast kind of strong. He wasnt built like an enforcer. He was built for speed and

scoring. Youre a forward. Im calling center. Youre good, he answered, that hint of a smile still lingering. Along with the dimples. He was a seriously hot hockey player staring at the dip in my loosely belted robe, because his eyes definitely werent fixed on mine anymore. I cleared my throat. Sorry, I He ran his hands through his hair and dragged his gaze up to my face, his ever growing smile showing off even white teeth. This is Matts place, right? He didnt look sorry at all. I nodded. Hes at work. Shit, he murmured. Im sure he told me he was on vacation this week and to swing by as soon as I got into town.

Technically he is on vacation, but he was called into the office because someone fucked up. His words, not mine. Mr. Seriously Hot didnt bat an eye at my F bomb. Do you mind if I wait? Irritated, I frowned. I needed to sketch. He didnt understand that of course, but already the nerves inside me, the ones that hopped and jumped whenever they felt like it, were pulling something fierce. He was going to make things worse if he stayed. Who are you exactly? I asked again, crossing my arms over my chest, suddenly feeling more than a little vulnerable. I was in my underwear and a robe, and even though any one of my bikinis showed a hell of a lot more that what I was currently

wearing, it was still my underwear. Matt would be pissed if he walked in right now. It was almost like dj vu, except I didnt want to go back to where Id been before. To the girl who was way too free and easy with her charms. The one whod made a habit out of screwing several of his hockey players, more musicians than I could count, golfers, college guysI wasnt really fussy, and that had been my biggest problem of all. No, I didnt want to think about that. Not today. Not with Mr. Seriously Hot staring at me in my bathrobe. Sorry, he said quickly and moved toward me though he stopped when I took a step back. Im Ben Lancaster. Ben Lancaster? Holy hell. The newest superstar to come out of Canada. I vaguely

remember Matt saying something about a trade and that the Flyers had acquired him. I would have to have been living under a rock not to have heard the chatter about this guy, and lets face it, I was as into hockey as my brother. I loved everything about the game and I knew his story. Hed been the youngest draft pick ever and though he could have been the youngest player to wear an NHL jersey, hed shocked pretty much everyone by deciding to go to college first and get his education, before diving into the NHL. He had some serious skills and a lot of people, including my brother who was an assistant coach for the Flyers, felt he was the real deal the future of their franchise. And youre here because Ive just signed with the Flyers and

Matt offered to put me up until I can figure things out. He shrugged. Find a place of my own. Oh, I managed to say. I wondered why Matt hadnt told me Ben Lancaster would be staying with us, but then again hed been pretty stressed lately. My situation was part of it, his nearly nonexistent girlfriend was another part, and well, being the youngest coach on staff was stressful too. Youre staying here, I repeated like an idiot. Mr. Seriously Hot nodded but remained silent, though his dark eyes did a sweep again, falling away from my face and heading south. Okay, then. My voice brought him back to me and

for one perfect moment when our eyes met, I felt his energy. It slid across the room and enveloped me whole. It set off all kinds of things inside me and for the first time in a long time, something stirred. Something hot. Something wicked and sensual. It was that something hot and wicked that scared me because guys like Ben Lancaster were off limits for me. First off, my brother would kill me if I ever got mixed up with one of his players again, and after everything Id been through in the last six months, Matt was my anchor. I couldnt screw up. Not again. And secondly? It would be tragic for me to ruin someone like Ben Lancaster, and thats pretty much what I did. I ruined things. I ruined people.

I was my mothers daughter through and through. I was the girl no one should bring home to their parents. The hot mess every guys mom warned them about, and even though I was technically in treatment and on the mend, I knew the fire was still there. The hot fire currently buried beneath layers of medication. Sometimes when the noise got to be too much, I felt it pulling at me desperately, not content to rest. And it was so hard to push it back down. To bury it beneath the scars under my skin because sometimes it was the only thing that made me feel alive. But I did. I did it for my brother, Matt. I did it for my therapist, Seamus. And I suppose on some level I even did it for

myself. I was all of that and more. And Ben Lancaster was off limits. Okay, I said again as I set my tools back onto the easel. Id better get dressed.

Chapter Two
Georgia
My cell phone buzzed and I glanced down. There was a text from Matt. Shit, Im sorry I forgot. Home in fifteen. He would be at least another half an hour, if not longer. I was betting on the longer, because it was too close to rush hour and everyone and their freaking mother would be heading somewhere with the Fourth of July two days away. I glanced in the mirror and tucked a long strand of inky black hair behind my ear. Unlike my older brother Matt, whod inherited our mothers coloring, I was more like my dad. My hair was dark, my

eyes a super light greenish-bluish color that some people found freaky, and my skin was pale. I was winter while Matt with his warm blue eyes and blond hair was summer, and go figure, summer was the one thing I always wanted to be. For a moment the picture of me in the mirror blurred. I have a vivid memory of my mother brushing out her long, blond hair, the strokes even and precise. Its one I usually keep locked away but sometimes, I open that box, the one loaded down with memories, and I sit back and remember. In my mind she sits at her vanity, hidden inside the large walk-in closet of our million dollar Cherry Hill home, and stares at herself in the mirror, her delicate hands holding the large brush. She would

start at the top of her head near the crown and pull the brush down slowly, once, twice, and then a third time before she would move on to the next piece. She would sit there for long periods of time and I, as a little girl, would bring my dolls into the closet and watch her until I got bored. Id play with my dolls, sometimes for hours, while she stared at herself and brushed her hair. Sometimes she would cry and sometimes she would sing. Sometimes she would say nothing at all, not even when the shadows crept in from her bedroom. Matt never came into our secret room, it was always just me and Mom. On those nights my dad would come home from work, his eyes tired, and his smile sad. Hed pull me from her side and take me

downstairs to eat. Not even then would she say a word. Funny the things you remember. With a sigh I tossed my cell back onto the dresser and decided I couldnt hide in my room any longer. Ben was standing in front of the floor to ceiling windows that ran the length of my brothers loft, gazing down onto the street below. My brothers place was in the heart of Old City and everything we needed was within walking distance. Shops, pubs, parks. It was beautiful and trendy. It was everything a guy like Ben Lancaster would be looking for and Im sure he would end up buying some swanky bachelor pad. They all did. I noticed a large duffel bag near the door, along with a knapsack and a soft

shell computer case. He turned around, hands shoved into the front pockets of his jeans. Hey, he said softly. I didnt get your name. Georgia, I answered. Georgia. I nodded. It was a summer name ironically. Yep. As in the peach. As in the state. As in my mom must have been on drugs when I was born because Georgia is just He arched an eyebrow. Is just? I shrugged. Not me. He nodded toward the canvases propped along the wall to his right. Unlike the one on the easel, these ones werent empty. They were filled with dark images,

open mouths and wide eyes. They were good, but they werent for the faint of heart. Those yours? I nodded. So is that what you do? Youre an artist? I wasnt about to tell Ben Lancaster that I wasnt much of anything. Art was just something I did to fill in the holes that blanketed my life like shrapnel. Sometimes it worked but other times I was left leaking all over place. An injured soul back from some war that no one would ever understand unless youve been there. Its just a hobby. A hobby, he repeated, his dark eyes never leaving mine. It looks like more than a hobby to me. Youre really good.

I moved away because the guy was too intense. Too fucking intense. Matt sent me a text. Hell be home soon. Good. He paused. So, are you a hockey fan? Its kind of hard not to be. I was a big fan of the game and there had been a time when I had been a big fan of several of the hockey playersthey were always around. Again, not information I was willing to share. Silence fell into the loft and for a few seconds it was an uncomfortable silence, broken by a cleared throatmeand a shifting of feetBen. A few heartbeats passed and then the door flew open, thank God. My brother Matt strolled into the loft,

a wide grin on his face when he spied Ben across the room. Lancaster, he said. Man, Im sorry. Totally slipped my mind that youd be hanging here for a few days until you get settled. I watched as they greeted each other and it was obvious they had more than a passing acquaintance. Not surprising, at thirty-two, Matt was one of the youngest coaches in the league and he knew a lot of players from when hed started out as a scout. There was the shaking of hands, the slaps on the back and the general guygreeting Id seen a million times before. It was like they wanted to hug each other silly, but it didnt pass the guy code, so the shaking and slapping sufficed. Matt glanced back at me, his smile in

place, but I saw the worry in his eyes. Id been living with him for three months now and I hadnt spent much time with anyone other than him and my therapist, Seamus. I had certainly steered clear of anyone male and hot. Now, Im sure if our houseguest was the little old lady on the first floorthe one who hoarded magazines like they were goldhe wouldnt think twice. But this was a guy. This was a hot guy. And this was a hot guy who happened to be one of the brightest hockey players in the league. I saw the worry in Matts eyes and he had every right to be. Id done a lot of stupid things in the last few years but I was better now. He knew I was better. Theyd figured things out. I was taking my

meds and my life was a bowl of sunshine and roses. Okay, that was a huge exaggeration. I was a twenty year old orphaned, college dropout, who had spent six months in what everyone liked to call a hospital, but what was in fact, a fancy, expensive mental institution. Id been poked, prodded, observed and had been analyzed and talked to death. Id been diagnosed. Id done my therapy, Id taken my meds like a good girl and now I was out. So, yeah, it wasnt sunshine and roses but I wasnt locked up. I wasnt looking at life through a cloud of confusion and so what if sometimes things felt fuzzy. So what if fuzzy was only marginally better than the dark, chaotic mess Id been before.

At least the fuzziness wasnt always there, seeping into my brain and stifling anything that was expressive. For now things were good enough. Though there was always the chance I could derail at any time and take a fuckton of people down with me and Matt knew it. So, I saw the worry, but I also saw the warning. Stay away, G. Hes mine. Ben glanced between the two of us. I was just talking to your girlfriend about her art. Wait. What? Shes not my girlfriend, Matt murmured turning back to Ben. Shes my sister. Oh. Ben dark gaze rested on me for

a second. Or maybe it was two. However long it was, it was enough time to kick start my heart and that delicious, warm, feeling flooded my stomach, settling low in my belly. That delicious, warm feeling that had abandoned me ages ago. Wow. He was pretty damn potent to wring that kind of reaction from poor old medicated me. Though I supposed a physical reaction to someone like Ben Lancaster was a good thing. It meant that there were parts of me that werent dead. I glanced at Mattwho was frowning in my directionand sighed. It was those parts of me that he was afraid of, and if Id learned anything from the last year and a half, I should be more than a little scared of it myself. When I went off, the sky was the limit.

No, that wasnt true either. When I went off, there was no limit and when there was no ceiling above you, there sure as hell wasnt anything soft to catch you when you fell. Yes, shes my little sister, Matt said againemphasizing the little partbefore moving toward the kitchen. Shes off limits, Lancaster. Ben laughed, as if he thought Matt was kidding, but hed have to be an idiot not to catch the underlying warning in my brothers words. She doesnt look so little to me, but I get where youre coming from. Ive got a couple sisters of my own. I glanced away, biting my lip. I bet theyre not as fucked up as I am.

Chapter Three
Ben
There was something about Matts sister. I couldnt put my finger on what it was exactly, but it was there. Some invisible thing she had, an energy or state of being. Whatever it was, it had my interest and as I watched her take a sip of iced tea I realized that whatever the hell that invisible thing was I wanted it. I wanted her. Simple as that. I. Wanted. Her. Georgia King. Sister to one of my coaches. How fucking inconvenient. The fact that I was even considering

the possibility of Georgia was insane. Matt had already lifted his leg and pissed all over that idea. He didnt want his sister involved with one of his guys. I got that. He probably thought it could problems and he was probably right. But that didnt mean I couldnt look. And maybe fantasize a bit. She swallowed the iced tea and her tongue darted out to slide along the inside corner of her mouth. Fucking Hell. Okay, I could fantasize a lot. For a second I let my mind wander to what Id seen when I had first walked into Matts place. She had been in front of the window, her back to me, and her perfect ass on display in a pair of panties that cupped those sweet cheeks like a treasure. Her body rocked in a way I hadnt

seen in a while because most of the women I met were hard bodies. All they did was workout and pretend to eat while filling up on protein shakes, plates of greens and not much else. Playing professional hockey didnt leave a hell of a lot of time for relationshipsnot that I was looking and most of the women I met during the season were nothing but high end puck bunnies. Id spent the first three years of my professional hockey career in LA playing for the Kings. Trust me, most of the girls who hung around the team were there for one reason onlythey wanted to have sex with a hockey player and if they were really lucky, they might even get to date the guy for a while. They were usually blonde and stacked.

Stacked with overly large, overly fake tits that while I could appreciate on some level (who the hell didnt enjoy those things bouncing in their face as some blonde rode you like it was an Olympic sport,) at the end of the day they werent real. And neither were the hookups. They were about gratification and a good time. But this girl with her sweet ass, petite build and breasts that were definitely real, had my mind going south and my dick hard. And that was a problem because she was Matts sister. There was a code. A guy code and hed already thrown down. I glanced at her again. But what a problem. Her eyes were amazing. They reminded me of that famous picture of the girl from the cover of Time Magazine or

maybe it was National Geographic. The exotic girl with the light eyes. My grandmother kept it on the table near her fireplace and though Id seen the thing a hundred times, Id never really given the picture much thought until now. Because her eyes reminded me of Georgias. They were exotic. They were fantastic. And theyd been avoiding me since Matt walked through the door. So, Lancaster, Matt said as he relaxed in his chair and took another swig of his beer. Hed ordered Thai from a restaurant and we had just finished eating. What are you looking to buy? Youre gonna be here a while so you dont want to rush things. His grin was contagious. Damn straight. Id just inked a ten year

contract that was going to pay me a shitton of cash to do what I loved the most. Play hockey. The truth of it was, the Flyers had always been my team. And this is from a kid who grew up near Toronto, where if you werent a Leaf fan, you were nothing. Id been drafted in the first round by LA, third pick overall, and while the Kings were a fine team, the Flyers had always been my dream. When my contract expired it had been a no brainer and I had my agent push for a trade. Luckily, the Kings were in need of a goalie and some defensemen and wed been able to broker a deal. So here I was. What was I looking to buy? The fucking moon. Let me guess, Georgia said softly.

Her eyes were lowered and she fingered her now empty glass. Youre looking for something similar to Matts, probably not far from here. Something close to the bars and the nightlife. Wrong. Actually I want something outside of the city. Preferably a place with a bit of property too. A fixer upper. She glanced up quickly. Really. She was surprised. I liked that she was surprised. Really, I answered with a slow grin. I like working with my hands. A heartbeat passed and her gaze never wavered. That heat in my gut curled something fierce. My cock twitched. I bet you do, she finally replied. Matt cleared his throat. Did you find

a real estate agent? Ive got a few connections. The chick who helped me find this place is really good. I shook my head. Nah. I did some homework. Ive got a bunch of properties I want to check out, so I thought Id take some time over the next few days and look myself before I approach an agent. A thought crossed my mind and I frowned. Unless its too much for you guys. I can go to a hotel. No, its fine. Matt shrugged. As long as you dont mind sleeping on the pullout sofa in the office. Georgia is crashing here at the moment and has the extra bedroom. I dont mind. My gaze was back on Georgia and this time she didnt look away.

Youre Canadian, she said. Yep. Im a Canuck. Your accent isnt as pronounced as the others. The others? She reached for her iced tea but it was empty, so her fingers slid along the top, nice and slow, trailing along the condensation that fell down the side. The other Canadians on the team. I wondered which ones she knew and how well she knew them. My mother is American, which was one of the reasons I went to Bowling Green University in Ohio. That could have something to do with it. Hmm, thats probably it, she said. And I try not to say, eh in every other sentence

Thats too bad. I find it sweet. Sweet wasnt exactly a word Id use to describe myself. Sweet wasnt exactly how Id describe the look in Georgias eyes either. I shifted uncomfortably and a slight smile drifted over her face, as if she knew I was sporting a hard on the size of a fucking football beneath the table. I didnt know what this was between us, but it was something and I realized it was gonna be hard to honor the hands off thing. I also wondered how serious Matt was about it. Yeah, so about the real estate agent. Youre good? Matt asked. Im good. When Im ready Ive got a number. Matt pushed back from the table and

started to gather up some of the take out containers. Id come with you, but Im heading to the Cape first thing in the morning for the Fourth of July long weekend. Heather is already there. Heather. Right. The girlfriend. Ill go with you, you know, if you want to look at the properties. Georgia seemed surprised that shed spoken and I didnt miss the sharp look thrown her way by her brother. I have no plans. Youre not coming with me to the Cape? Matt frowned. Hell no. Matt, I told you I wasnt interested in playing third wheel on your weekend with Heather. Im not going. She rose as well, her glass in her hand as she faced her brother. Matt looked hard assed. Intense. He

looked like it was the final minutes of the third period and we were down by a goal. His frown deepened. Or maybe two. I took another sip from my beer and watched the fireworks. But shes expecting you, he said carefully as if searching for the right words. As if he didnt want to piss her off, which was something I found interesting. No, shes dreading me and you know it. I dont fit inside the perfect little world that Heather Newcastle lives in. She shoved her drink onto the counter and folded her arms across her chest. Im staying here. But Ill be fine and look, she pointed at me. I wont be alone either so you dont

have to worry. Besides, she said and this time those amazing eyes were on me. Fuck. There went the cock again and I winced. Big twitch. Maybe it wasnt a good idea for her to stay. Maybe I wasnt strong enough to resist the pull of those eyes. If I dont help Ben find a place to stay, youll never get your office back. It will be like LeBlanc all over again. What the hell? I was nothing like Trevor LeBlanc. What exactly does that mean? I asked those eyes. Trevor stayed with Matt a few years ago when he was new to the Flyers. He was supposed to find his own place too but he ended up here for months. The guy was a slob and a whore and he drove

Matt crazy. She grinned. Not that Im insinuating youre a slob. Good to know. Damn, I liked this girl. Though I should point out Im not a whore either. I dont think its a good idea, Matt muttered. Okay, what was up with the guy? I got the protective brother thing, but wasnt he carrying it a little too far? Its a done deal. Im not going and unless you want to unleash Heathers nasty side I suggest you pack your bag and make sure youre on the road as early as possible because we both know her crazy is nearly as bad as mine. Georgia. I just Matt looked like he wanted to say a hell of a lot more than those three words and for the first time I

felt as if I was stepping into some family business that I had no desire or need to step into. So, Ben, she said casually as she rinsed her glass out and tossed it into the dishwasher. Get your list ready and well head out tomorrow morning. Sound good? Sure, I answered slowly, for the first time thinking that maybe this wasnt such a good idea. You know, with Matt glaring at me. His eyes saying what his mouth was unable to. You touch her and youre dead. Ive got nothing but time.

Chapter Four
Georgia
I was awake long before my brother was, though I pretended I had just woken up when he poked his head into my room. It was dark out, just after four in the morning and he would be leaving for the Cape soon. Hey, he said moving toward my bed. Hey, yourself, I answered propping myself against the headboard as we studied each other in the dim glow from my nightlight. So, I guess Im heading out in a few. I see that. Matt was silent for a few moments and

I knew I was going to have to help him out. He had always been a guy who wore his heart on his sleeve. Its one of the things I loved the most about my brother and I knew he was worried. If he had known that I had laid in bed for the past three hours, wide awake, struggling to hold on to my racing mind, he would have freaked. He would have torn my room apart looking for the klonopin, and he would have shoved that shit down my throat before you could even say klonopin. There would be a big scene and he certainly wouldnt be leaving for the Cape without me. And that wasnt acceptable. Id already cost him so much and he needed time with Heather. Quality time. God, the guy hadnt been laid since I had moved in with him because his girlfriend

stopped visiting from Manhattan and he was too protective to leave me on my own. It had to stop. Matt, Im good. Really. You dont need to worry about me. His light eyes were so expressive and I saw the worry though he said nothing. He was thinking that I wasnt ready to be left alone. That he couldnt trust me to be left alone. He was thinking of that night almost nine months ago. The night when hed been called away from a game in Chicago because his baby sister had been found wandering the campus of her Liberal Arts College in upstate New York, half naked, ranting like a crazy person and threatening to kill herself.

I saw that night reflected in his eyes and it brought tears to my own. It took a moment for me to push back the emotion. I thought of my run. Of how I would throw on my Nikes and put one foot in front of the other for five miles. I thought of how tired Id feel physically and of how empty my mind would be. Some mornings it was the only thing that got me out of bed. Slowly, I swung my legs across the mattress until they dangled inches from the hardwood floor and propped my hands along the edge. Matt, I said softly. I feel good. I feelsettled you know? The pieces inside me, the ones that used to move so fast I was never able to catch my breath, well, theyre not moving anymore.

That was a lie, but at least they werent moving as fast and for me that was a win. God, it was so hard to describe what I was feeling. What I used to feel before. Before Oak Run. Before the diagnosis. Before the pills inside my dresser drawer helped to make everything better. Clearer. Seamus said it would be good for me to have some alone time. He wasnt buying it. Youre alone when Im at work. True, but thats not what he meant and you know it. Ive been here for three months Matt. The time for baby steps are over. I need this. G, I dont know. Matt, you need to drive to the Cape and you need to have lots of hot, horny sex

with your girlfriend. He made a face. Its true. If you dont fuck her this weekend shes going to give up on you and find someone else to give her orgasms. Of course I would be fine with that, but for whatever reason Matt liked Heather, and he had liked Heather Newcastle for nearly two years now. Though, my train of thought was that if he was serious about her shed be sporting a diamond on her ring finger and she wasnt. Thank God. I saw him waver so I jumped up and hugged him. Ill show Ben around and help him find a place, okay? And youll be back, what I stepped back, a gentle smile on my lips. On Monday? Well be

good. Ill be good, I promise. And Ben, well, hes not some serial killer or anything, is he? No, but he is the future of the Flyers so, G, I really need you to be careful, okay? I can handle Ben Lancaster. Its not you Im worried about. Seriously, Matt. Im not crazy Georgia anymore. You dont need to worry. Matt grabbed me close once more. Alright. Ive got my cell and Ill have my laptop with me, so if you need to talk, just Yeah, yeah. I pulled away. Ill call you. Matt strode toward the door but paused before leaving. G, he said softly.

I love you. I know. And then he was gone. I stared at my rumpled bed and then crossed to the window so I could look down into the empty streets below. Matts loft was the entire top floor of one of the oldest buildings in Old City and it cost a fortune. It definitely wasnt something he would be able to afford working for the Flyers as an assistant coach, but our parents had been loadedold family money from my mothers sideand when they had died three years ago, their fortune was passed to us. Except for the moment, Matt controlled my money because I was the crazy girl. The crazy girl who had fucked and partied her way through more guys and nights than

she could count. The crazy girl who had given up on everything except whatever could make the noise stop or the slow down the fast parts inside her. The crazy girl who had tried to kill herself. All in the past, I murmured. Ben was still sleeping when I left for my run, his tall body not exactly a fit for the queen size pullout. The door to the office was wide open and I couldnt, not peek. The guy wore boxers to bed and as I took an extra second or two to appreciate the curve of his ass, I wondered if the boxers were just for our benefit. He totally seemed like the kind of guy who slept naked. Naked Ben. How delicious. Outside the morning was fresh and as I popped in my ear buds, I knew it was

going to be one hell of a hot one. But this time, this twilight before dawn, was the best time to run. It was quiet. Peaceful. And for the moment my mind was silent. I ran for nearly forty-five minutes and by the time I made it back to the loft, the first rays of sunlight crept across the horizon. I waved to our doorman Joe, bypassed the elevator and didnt stop running until I stood in front of the fridge and rooted around for the orange juice, which I confiscated and finished in several long, gulps. I closed the door and backed away. And promptly came into contact with something warm and hard and very male. My first thought was, holy shit Ben Lancaster felt great.

My second thought was that he smelled amazing, like mint and pine rolled together. My third thought was that I hoped he was wearing something more than the boxers Id seen him in earlier. Because I was pretty sure that Ben and me and his boxers wasnt exactly what my brother had in mind when hed left an hour ago. Sorry. His breath was warm at my neck and, wait, was that his hand on my hip? I didnt mean to crowd you. I was willing to bet he wasnt sorry at all and I was fine with that. He had morning voicethat husky tone somewhere between sleep and awake. It had been a long time since Id been anywhere near morning voice. It had been a long time since Id been anywhere

near a warm body, and I closed my eyes, willing time to stop for just a few moments. The sensation was that freaking amazing. But then reality hit. I thought of Matt and gave myself a mental smack down. Hed only been gone for just over an hour and already I was fantasizing about how awesome his hockey player felt pressed up against my butt. I needed to shut that shit down right away. I sidestepped and took a peek. Track pants. Okay, this was good. You just back in from a run? Yep. I tossed the empty carton into the garbage under the sink and turned around so that I could see him properly. Holy fuck. Ben Lancaster was

something to behold in the morning. The shadows on his jaw and chin were much more pronounced than the evening before. I liked that. I liked stubble on a guy. His hair waved crazily and his hooded eyes were sexy as a slow grin spread across his mouth. He was bare-chested, but then again, if I was a guy and I looked like that I wouldnt be covering up either. And he was cut, but not overly beefed up like some of the guys Id seen and the tattoo on his left bicep was yummy. I had a weakness for long hair and tattoos and it wasnt fair to find all of that right here in my kitchen. Not when it belonged to someone Id been warned away from. I was grateful he still wore boxers,

because his track pants hung way too low on his hips and if not for the boxers I was sure Id be staring at more than I should be staring at. I exhaled and looked down. His feet were bare. Shit. There was something about a guy in bare feet that I adored. I dont have a fetish or anything but still, I found it hot. Could I not find something crappy about him? A wart? An extra appendage like a finger or a toe? A third nipple? His eyes were as dark as melted chocolate and at the moment they were focused on me with an intensity that told me a few things. It told me he was interested. It told me that Ben wasnt afraid of my brother and his warnings and the over protective

posturing hed pulled the night before. Perversely, I liked that. It meant he wasnt a wimp. It meant that he was the kind of guy who took what he wanted and if I was reading the signals correctly, at this exact moment in time he wanted me. Except he didnt know the real me. The one who existed behind the medication. Behind the diagnosis. The one who was bipolar. The slut. The train wreck. The one who was damaged goods. I took a step back. I was pretty sure if he knew all my dirty little secrets hed run the other way. Not that I would blame him, hell, its what I would do. Life was complicated enough without adding someone like me into the mix. His eyes slowly moved from mine,

downward. I knew my T-shirt was damp and I knew that it clung to my breasts. I also knew that my nipples were now pebbled and hard and that they were the reason his grin widened ever so slightly. Lancaster, I said clearly. Above the chest, okay? He took his time, but eventually honored my request. Im going to take a shower and then well have a look at the properties on your list. If we can, well get to all of them today. Sounds good, he answered. I moved away and was halfway down the hall when he said, so softly that I nearly missed it, Let me know if you need help in there. Im a big girl, Ben. I can handle it.

He just laughed, but his laughter followed me all the way into the shower and not even the hot spray could wipe away his morning voice. Or his sexy eyes. Or those damn boxers.

Chapter Five
Ben
Georgia King was different from any girl I had ever met. Wed spent most of the day together and I still couldnt figure out what it was that made her special, and after I while I stopped thinking about it. What was the point? She just was. She was smart and she made me laugh. She liked the San Francisco Giants, hated American Idol (though she admitted to a weird crush on Simon and was glad hed left for X-factor), and was a big fan of Georges St. Pierre the UFC fighter. Most girls I knew had no idea who that guy was

and I was impressed. And she was gorgeous. The eyes, the long hair, the petite and graceful body. Hell, she stood beside me in line waiting for an ice-cream and I felt like a fucking giant. I kinda liked that. Somewhere between the property we just looked at, and the last one on our list, we stopped for ice cream at a little holein-the-wall kind of place just off the road. A hole-in-the-wall yes, but it was obviously well known. The lineup was impressive, but Georgia wanted a chocolate-chunk-peanut butter cone and I wasnt about to deny her the pleasure. Besides, what was sexier than a girl with an ice-cream cone between her lips? So, do you go to college? I was

curious and thought of her paintings. Do you study art? I wanted to know more than just her likes and dislikes. I wanted to know what made her tick. I wanted to know why the faces hidden in her abstract paintings were sad. Actually, they were kind of creepy with their abnormally large eyes and mouths that hung open as if they were frozen in a perpetual scream. I knew it was art, but still I wanted to know why she was living with her brother when clearly, it was a new thing. Was it a bad break up? Had some guy broken her heart? Or had she done the honors? She deflected with a question of her own and it wasnt until we were back in my rental that I realized shed never answered me. She cranked the tunes as we

headed to our last drive-by, a place in Haddonfield, New Jersey and I wasnt able to ask her anything more. The house wasnt as rural as I was hoping for but it was on nearly four acres of land and the listing said at 1.5 million it was a bargain. Built in the 1930s it had been empty for a year or so and the property needed some work. As soon as I saw it, I knew it was for me. Set back among a stand of trees, it was Colonial brick with a detached four car garage and even though it had a general look of abandonment, I saw the potential. Slowly I drove up the long, meandering driveway and parked the truck, my eyes on the house, already taking stock of what needed to be done. The roof

and windows needed to be replaced immediately, that was a no brainer and as Georgia and I walked up the pathway that led to the front door, I realized the landscaping was going to be a major undertaking as well. Shit, I murmured, already half in love. My palms itched and I couldnt wipe the grin off my face as I stood back and surveyed the large house. I glanced at the listing in my hands. Six bedrooms, four fireplaces, five bathrooms, and two kitchens. It was a family home. A place to set down roots and I wanted it. I was twenty-four, single and loaded. Im sure a lot of my buddies expected me to look for a place similar to Matts, but that wasnt what I wanted. It wasnt me. In Los Angeles Id shared an apartment with

one of the other rookies for year and had spent my last two in a condo near the beach. The view was cool, but I hated being cooped up with no room to roam. I guess it was because at heart I was my fathers boy. Id grown up on a farm outside of Toronto. I was used to space and I was used to physical labor. I wasnt bred for a life of clubs and getting my workout in a gym. When I wasnt playing hockey on the pond out behind our barn, or playing the game indoors at the local arena, I was helping out with chores around our farm. One of the best summers of my life had been spent helping my dad restore an old cottage on our property. Wed finished it for his mommy grandmotherso she could come and live with us after my

grandfathers death. We worked every day to get it finished in time and I learned a hell of a lot about carpentry. About drywall and tiling and using a hammer. I liked to fix things. Wow, Georgia said softly and I glanced down at her. I liked her. Yeah, I answered, grabbing her hand. Lets take a look out back. The feel of her small hand in mine kinda twisted my gut strangely. She was soft and pliant and totally feminine. She looked like winter but smelled like rain. Okay, I knew I needed to stop with that poet fucking shit, but I couldnt help it. Where had this girl come from? The property out back was just as bad

as the front, but again, the potential was amazing. There was an interlocking patio that ran the length of the home but with weeds sprouting everywhere I was thinking the entire thing would have to be replaced. A long abandoned pool sat empty and it was oldconcreteand would have to be replaced. The pool house was hardly visible by the bushes that surrounded it. A black iron fence enclosed the space and beyond, overgrown grass that would have to be resodded, stretched for several hundred feet. The perimeter was lined with birch from the looks of it and oak, maybe? Look. Georgia nodded toward an overgrown path that cut through the mess out back and disappeared between the trees.

We picked our way through the tall grass and though shed taken her hand from mine, I swear I still felt the heat of her on my skin. She was wearing a soft blue tank top and the thin pink straps underneath kept drawing my eyes. Cut off jean shorts showed off trim, runners legs, and even though they were respectableat least an inch or two below her button Georgia, they looked sexy as hell. On her feet were plain blue flip flops but she could be wearing a big ass pair of high tops for all it mattered. Her ankles were incredibly feminine, delicate even, and I found myself wondering what it would feel like to run my fingers along the indents working my way up her calves and then.

I exhaled a shaky breath because once again, just thinking about the girls fucking ankles had me horny as hell, and that in and of itself was weird because I was an ass man through and through. What the hell was up with that? Oh, Ben, look. I was looking. I was looking at her. Shed undone her hair from the loose knot thing at the back of her neck, and it spilled over her shoulders like wet ink. Her skin was creamy white, and unlike most of the girls I knew, it hadnt been sprayed with that fake shit that half the time looked orange. She turned back to me and the smile on her face was nearly too much. It was pure. It was sweet. And at the moment it was all for me.

She was unlike anything Id experienced before. And that wasnt because Id never been around pure and sweet before. Heck, my first serious girlfriend, Joanna, a figure skater, was sweet and it took nearly six months before I made it to second base. I never did make it to third and that wasnt for lack of trying. At the time I thought I was in love with her and that shed wait for me and as soon as I made it to the big leagues Id marry her. Of course that never happened. I moved away to play Junior A hockey and then went to University in Ohio on a hockey scholarship, while she finally let the local Pastors son make it all the way to home plate. Last I heard they got married right out of high school and she

was happily pumping out a pack of kids. Joanna had been pure and she had been sweet, but she hadnt been for me. But this one here, this girl with the exotic eyes, she was something special and the fact that she had no idea made her even hotter. Isnt it awesome? Yeah, I answered, my feet suddenly blocks of concrete as I came to a full stop and just took a moment to take all of her in. The sun was starting to set in the distance and standing there in a beam of light, she was on fire. My blood was boiling and the need to touch her again was something fierce. What? she said slowly, a slight frown between her eyebrows. I found my feet again and took the last

few steps that brought me to within a couple inches of her. That summer scent, the one that lived in her hair and on her skin, was in the air You smell real nice. I spoke without thinking and tried not to wince. What the hell was wrong with me? You smell real nice? She was going to think I was some backward hick from the north. Her eyes widened just a smidge and then she blushed. The girl full-on blushed. When was the last time Id made a girl blush? Not in the last three years thats for sure and I wasnt going to count Sendins sister, Eve. First off she was only fifteen so that didnt count and secondly, shed sneaked a couple glasses of the rum punch from the Kings annual family Christmas party.

Well, thats better than the alternative I guess, she said softly. I didnt answer. I just shook my head like an idiot. So what do you think of it? she prodded. Your shampoo? What? Okay, her eyebrows were really close together now and she was looking at me like I was crazy. Which, I probably was, but hell, what could I say? This girl had reduced me to a level of idiot that Id not seen since I was fourteen when my mother caught me masturbating in the shower. Have you been smoking weed when I wasnt looking? Youre not making sense. She jerked her head. Im talking about the barn.

Right. The barn. What fucking barn? I turned and saw it. The barn. A barn that was out in the middle of nowhere and just like the rest of the property it was rundown. But you wouldnt know it by the look on Georgias face. She looked like she had just found buried treasure. Come on, she said breathlessly. She took off at a jog and I followed slowly, enjoying the view because I couldnt take my eyes off her butt. Or her ankles. By the time I reached the barn she had already yanked open the main doors and was inside. It smelled musty and even the power of her summer scent couldnt hide the old, unused air. I stood beside her and glanced around

at nothing. There wasnt anything inside the barn other than a couple of old pitchforks and a wheelbarrow that was missing its wheel. There was however a good amount of light filtering in on account of the gaping holes in some of the walls and the windows that had no glass. But the roof was good. There was that. We poked around a bit and then I followed her back outside until we made it past the trees and stood in the middle of the knee high weeds in what would one day be an amazing yard. What do you think? I asked, turning to look at her and surprised to find her gaze on me. For a moment she said nothing, though she didnt need to, her shiny eyes said it all. Its perfect. Its more than perfect.

She closed her eyes and whispered. Its so quiet andstill. I turned in a full circle, my decision made as I nodded. Yeah, it is.

Chapter Six
Georgia
I was up at my usual four in the morning staring at the bottle of klonopin in my hands. Id shoved it beneath the underwear in my top drawer because I hated looking at it, but this morning I sat on the edge of my bed, fingers running along the top of the container as I stared at concrete evidence that yes, I was damaged. I wasnt whole or normal, no matter how much I tried to forget about what the pills I took meant, or how when my mind started to race, it was enough to freak me the hell out and I would eat klonopin like

it was fucking candy. I was afraid to take the drug on a regular basis because of Zoe. She was a girl I met when I was in the hospital and shed been totally addicted to klonopin. She lived and breathed the shit and it made her into a real life zombie. The Walking Dead had nothing on her. She was a boring, washed out walker, who did nothing but read the same book over and over again and haunt the halls of Oak Run in pajamas with little pink panthers all over them. God, she didnt even wash her hair unless one of the nurses helped her. I had a feeling she traded sexual favors from some of the other patients, in exchange for their klonopin. Drugs were easy enough to hide if you knew what to do.

I knew I was supposed to take klonopin regularly in addition to my regular dose of lithium, but I was so afraid of the addiction and how the pills made me feel, that Id been weaning myself off them for several weeks now. I wasnt having too much trouble sleeping and I hadnt had a manic episode since the infamous walk through the quad next to my dorm dressed in only my underwear, brandishing a confiscated steak knife. I wasnt back there anymore. I wasnt. I was good. I was calm and as long as I kept taking my lithium Id be fine. Ill be fine. With a sigh, I fell off of bed and tossed the bottle back into my underwear drawer before crossing the room to stand by the window, so that I could look into the dark.

This was my favorite time of day, this little slip of time between sleep and awake and down there it was quiet and calm. It was also officially the Fourth of July and Ben wanted to celebrate. He was thrilled that hed managed to get hold of the real estate agent in charge of the house, and he was to meet with her on Saturday, the fifth. He was making an offer. He was here to stay. I let my blinds slip back into place and paced my room a bit, my mind reeling back as I thought of the night before and how Id fallen under his spell as surely as if hed made me drink a Ben Lancaster potion. I wanted him in a way Id never

experienced before, not with anyone. Not even Travis Bartlett, the guy Id given my virginity too after months of heavy petting and night that had included a bottle of vodka and a half a bag of weed. This was different. This was grown up and real and I had no clue how to deal with it. I wanted Ben Lancaster in a way that ached. It was as if in the space of a few days, hed leeched into my bones or his soul had somehow melted into mine. Was that even possible? Or was I delusional? I glanced back at my underwear drawer, a frown on my face. Had I overdone the lithium? Should I be taking the klonopin or was my mind just scrambled and confused? Was it possible that I was reading everything wrong? An image of his dark eyes assaulted

me and my heart jumped. No way had I misread things. What I was feeling was real. It was real and it was amazing. Ben Lancaster was like the yummiest piece of chocolate ever. And it wasnt just because he was the hottest guy Id ever met. Sure, he could give any movie star a run for their money with his tall, dark good looks and a body to die for. He was completely and utterly lickable, fuckable and wildly successful. But Id been around guys like him beforeId fucked guys like him beforeyet he was different. I didnt want to fuck Ben. I wanted to matter. Ben Lancaster was the whole package. He was smart, funny, with a wicked sense of humor. He had his shit together. I could

tell. The guy wasnt out partying every night, banging chicks because he could, and trust me, if he wanted to have sex with a different girl or two every night he could. I cant lie. Id done some research Google can be a girls best friend these daysbut there was nothing to find. I looked at pictures of him while hed played with the Kings and even a few of him at the clubs, but there were no wild stories, no inappropriate photos or videos. He seemed to be the guy every girl dreamed about bringing home, and he was so far from what I deserved that I just knew if we acted on our attraction, it would end badly. Ben Lancaster was the total opposite of me. Of what I had been and what I was

afraid to become once more. And I didnt know what to do about it. I felt his interest. The way his eyes lingered a tad too long or his hands touched the small of my back whenever he could. Wed spent the entire day together and by evening my body thrummed with repressed passion and the need to connect. Wed stopped for dinner at a little Italian place on our way back to the loft, and it seemed as if only a few hours had passed, but it was nearly midnight by the time we made it back. Wed talked about his plans for the house and I was more than happy to sit and listen to him. In that moment, I didnt want to be anywhere else but with him. I wanted to be in his orbit, to soak up his energy and goodness. I wanted to crawl

into his lap, sink my hands into his hair and open his mouth with my own. Id watched him and I had wondered what it felt like to be with him. To get naked with him. To have sex with him because surely laying down with Ben Lancaster wasnt anything like the hookups Id had in the past. Thats because my hookups over the last few years were usually drug and alcohol fueled. My cheeks were hot and I swore as I grabbed my running gear out of the closet. Shit, I needed to focus on something other than Ben Lancaster. The clock beside my bed glowed nearly five now and I threw my hair into a ponytail, pulled on my running gear, and headed for the kitchen to grab water.

Id just opened the fridge door when that familiar sliver of energy told me I wasnt alone anymore. I turned aroundas nonchalantly as I couldand hoped he couldnt see the exploding pulse at the base of my neck. Already my nipples were pebbling and I thanked everything that was holyor even remotely holythat Id worn my padded bra with the extra inch of padding. I had to take a second or two before I could even speak, and used a few more to study him in the dim lighting. He hadnt shaved, so his jaw was once again shadowed with dark stubble. God, I loved that lookthat I just got out of bed and Im all man, kind of look. His hair was rumpled as if it hadnt been brushed, though he was dressed in a Nike T-shirt,

nylon shorts and he wore running shoes. He smelled of mint toothpaste. My favorite. I thought Id join you. Shit, his voice touched on that note again, the one that gave me shivers and I cleared my throat, hoping I wouldnt squeal like a stupid mouse when I eventually managed to say a few words. Oh. Good, I mean I hope you can keep up to me. Idiot. The guy could probably run a four minute mile and not even break a sweat. Ill try, but promise youll go easy on me. His grin was contagious. Well see, I answered lightly, tossing him a bottle. I thought maybe we could run the Rocky steps?

I laughed and shook my head. The Rocky steps. He was adorable. Sure, follow me. We headed out into the quiet early morning, and followed the trails of fog that fell along the sidewalks. There were a few other runners out, but it felt like we had the world to ourselves and for the moment I enjoyed both the silence and the feel of Ben running beside me. We didnt say much. We just put one foot in front of the other and by the time we reached the Philadelphia Museum of Art, the sun was peeking through the darkness. I stopped at the bottom and glanced around. We had the place to ourselves. Bens damp T-shirt clung to his chest and stretched across his wide shoulders,

and as he turned slightly I couldnt help but notice the way it clung to his back, filling in all the hard nooks and crannies of his very male body. When I dragged my gaze up to his face, my heart jerked so badly I almost choked. His eyes were on me and the look within them made the heat in my belly curl hard and fast. It was startling. My physical reaction to him. I was no angel, in fact, I was about as far away from angelic as you could get, and had been since about the age of fifteen. God, I was the girl who would screw anyone, anytime, anywhere, because I could. Because I had the power. Because my brain chemistry was so fucked up that I felt like I could do anything I wanted with no consequence and the high was

incredible. How many times had I had sex for the express purpose of having sex because I could? Not because I wanted to? Or even enjoyed it? Too many times to count. And the thing of it was, I dont have a problem with anyonegirls or guys hooking up because they want to or because it felt good. I dont have a problem with that because they own their bodies and as long as theyre in control emotionally its all good. Hell, I wouldnt give a rats ass if someone had an orgy every single night as long as its what they wanted. There was no judging. The problem with my past was that most of the hookups and crazy shit Id

done had been because I could, because they filled in the holes and made me feel powerful, not because I wanted to and thats a huge difference. But now I had Ben Lancaster with his eyes that were way too dark and way too sexy and at the moment, in this silence that blanketed us, they were way too damn intense. I should have dragged my gaze from his and studied Stallones sculpture. Maybe glanced up at the sky and commented on the humidity and the fact that I thought it was going to be a bitch of a day. I should have done anything to break this connection. But I didnt. Instead I caught my breath and just took him in. His hair curled around his face, the humidity and moisture making the waves

crazy and those damn eyes were relentless as they stared back at me. Do you want to My voice trailed off as I nodded toward the top of the stairs. He didnt look away and my mouth went dry. Yeah, I want to. Okay, I managed to get out as I took a step back. Last one to the top is a dumb ass loser. I whirled around and bolted, my legs pumping fast and furious. I couldnt handle the way he was looking at me because I didnt want it to stop. And that was so wrong. There could never be a Ben and Georgia because on what planet did a guy who had everything ever end up with someone like me? Someone damaged. Someone who popped lithium and

klonopin because if she didnt things would go to shit. Someone who could snap at any moment. I flew up the steps, my lungs burning as I took them like the devil was on my ass, and I suppose in a way he was. A hot, delectable devil that represented everything I wanted and could never have. Guys like Ben Lancaster belonged with girls who could handle life. He belonged with a girl who wasnt afraid that every single day she was moving closer and closer to an inevitable end. One her mother had taken three years ago. My bracelets jangled crazily as I reached the top and I shook out my hands, but the decision to nip whatever the hell it

was between us in the bud, died when I glanced back and watched him walk toward me. Hed just cleared the top step, a huge grin on his face and I couldnt help it, my lips curved and I giggled. He was walking around in a circle, swaggering and throwing his arms down like he was in the ring. The Rocky theme song fell from his mouth and the more exaggerated his moves got the more I giggled. A few early morning souls appeared from nowhere and glanced our way but he didnt care. He didnt care about any of it. When was the last time Id been with someone who just didnt give a shit? Okay, let me rephrase. When was the last time I had been with someone who didnt give a shit and wasnt higher than a

kite? But then something changed. Something subtle yet so powerful the hair stood up on the back of my neck. My mouth was still dry and I fingered my empty water bottle. I thought that even if the damn thing was full, it would never quench the thirst I was feeling. Ben advanced on me, his steps slow and assured, like a lion or a tiger on the prowl. Instinctively, I took a step back, my belly clenched, my heart beating so fast I was pretty sure both Ben and the people behind him could hear it. Hell, the sound of it clogged my ears and for a second I was disoriented. And then he was so close to me that his musky, potent scent filled my nose. It

was like spice and mint rolled into one. Hot and cold at the same time. It washed over me, it fell into me, and oh my fucking god did I like it. No one who had just run for over an hour and a half should smell as good as Ben Lancaster did. For one frozen moment in time I stared up into his eyes and waited for something to happen. His thick lashes were moist, beads of sweat pebbled across his forehead, and his breathing was as ragged and broken as mine. I opened my mouth to say something. Anything. We cant do this. Were so wrong for each other. Matt will kill us. Do you feel this? he whispered hoarsely. You have to feel this. It cant

just be me. Theres no fucking way it can just be me. My mouth was open but nothing came out. I felt all of it. Every. Single. Bit of it. And then his hand slid behind my neck, cradling me just above my shoulders, his long fingers moving over my body with a hunger and an urgency that I matched. I might have moaned, in fact, Im sure I did because his eyes widened, and his lips parted. I feltI felt crazy but without the crazy. It was the anticipation. It was all the moments and seconds and minutes that had passed between us over the last few days. It was that first time Id glanced over my shoulder and spied him in Matts loft. It was his breath at my cheek the night

before. It was want. It was all of that and so much more. I feel you, I whispered. And then his hot, demanding mouth was on mine, and that so much more, became suddenly clear. It was everything.

Chapter Seven
Ben
Georgia felt amazing. Better than Id imagined and trust me, I had spent most of the night lying in that pullout sofa that was about two sizes too small, thinking how good she would feel curled up against me. Or beneath me. Naked. Preferably totally fucking naked. I had been dying to wrap my arms around her and kiss her senseless ever since dinner the night before. Its all I had thought about. How I would taste her, hold her, devour her. Christ, staring across a dinner table and watching her eat was too

much. She made eating a meatball look like oral foreplay and the thing of it was, she wasnt working it. She was listening to whatever bullshit I was saying and she was nibbling on that piece of meat and I was envisioning her mouth nibbling something else entirely. It had been a long night. And this morning, watching her run to the top of the museum steps, her sweet round ass and those trim dancers legs right there in front of me, was nearly too much. Id been battling a case of the nerves ever since Id laid eyes on her in the kitchen a few hours earlier. Me. Ben Lancaster. A guy who had not gotten this worked up over a girl since my older sister Amandas best friend, Tiffany, took my virginity when I was fourteen. Id

been a wreck then, but shit, there was a hell of a lot of experience between the guy Id beena kid who had blown his load five seconds inand the guy I was now. Im not boasting but in my world women were like candy, and I might have been a lot more concerned about the type of candy I ate than some of the guys on my team, but I sure as hell liked to dip my fingers in every now and again and taste whatever was there. My point was that I knew my way around women, but this girl, this hot little package with eyes that felt as if they could see into my soul, she had me tied up in all sorts of knots. And she felt fucking fantastic. I groaned as her mouth opened beneath mine, it felt that good. Her tongue danced

along the edge of my mouth before she sank deep inside. I heard her make a noise, a half wild kind of sound, and my dick sprang to life as my hands buried themselves into her hair. It had come loose from her ponytail and at the moment I was using it as an anchor to hold her head steady so I could taste every inch of her. I felt her arms at my waist and as I let go of her mouth and slid my lips down the side of her neck she wrapped them around me and held on tight. I couldnt help myself. I let my hands wander down her back until I cupped her butt and pulled her in as close as I could. My erection strained against her and for a moment I couldnt think clearly. I was hot and tight and I felt like I was crawling out

of my skin. What the hell had this girl done to me? Oh, Ben, she whispered into my neck. Jesus. Christ. If I didnt get some distance and perspective I was going to lose it big time. Blowing my load five seconds in when I was fourteen wasnt anything compared to blowing my load when I was twenty-four and I wasnt even in. When I was making out with the hottest girl Id ever met at the top of the Rocky steps. In public. Hell the fuck yeah, that would be bad. I slid my mouth back to hers and loosened my ironclad grip on her ass. It took everything I had to brush a soft kiss across her lips and let her go.

I was aware that a group of guys who had run up behind us were watching and I tossed them a dark look of warning before I grabbed Georgias hand and pulled her down the stairs. I didnt say anything until we reached the bottom, mostly because I had no idea what to say. Sorry for sticking my tongue down your throat and feeling up your ass in public? We should go, she said softly. The moment was gone and I said nothing. We started out at a nice easy pace and I did my best to match my long strides to her shorter ones and after an hour we slowed to a leisurely walk. American pride was everywhere, the stars and stripes, red, white, and blue. Growing up

Canadian, I was used to a much more subdued display when my countrys birthday, July 1 st, rolled around. But I had to give it to the Americans, they sure liked their flags and parades and it was nice. Real nice. We stopped at a corner, one I recognized and I knew we werent far from Matts loft. I spied a coffee shop that advertised all you can eat breakfast across the street and glanced down at Georgia. I dont know about you but Im starved. Do you want to grab some breakfast? I pointed to the coffee shop. Oh. She sounded distracted, her eyebrows arched as she followed my finger. Uh, I dont have any money on me. I didnt think to bring any. A guy and his overweight golden

retriever walked toward us and he slowed down a few feet away. I couldnt tell if he was staring at Georgia or if he was giving me the once over. I knew the lookthat cross between do I know this guy or is he really who I think he isand I didnt want any interruptions. I dont mind signing autographs and if I was at a charity event or a game Id sign them until my fingers cramped, but not today. Today I wanted to be a normal guy out with a beautiful girl on the Fourth of July. I grabbed Georgias elbow and started across the street. Its all good. I grabbed my credit card before we left. The small coffee shop was busy, with a lineup at the counter and from what I could see all the tables were full. A few looked like theyd be clearing out soon but

I wasnt sure how many folks were waiting ahead of us. A tall man, with a balding head and sharp features glanced up from the cash machine. His white apron was smeared with grease and what looked like ketchup. Sorry, guys. If youre looking for fast service youll have to go elsewhere. Were crazy busy this morning. His eyes narrowed a bit and he got the same look on his face that dog-walking-guy had. I nodded. Its alright. And turned to Georgia. Do you want to wait, or go somewhere else, or just go home? Of course, the man said as he elbowed his way out from behind the counter and through the line of people waiting to pay. We always make room for one of our boys. Welcome to Philly.

Usually, I wasnt a guy who used the celebrity thing to get what he wanted and truthfully most of the guys I knew werent like that eithermost of us were small town boysbut living in LA, Id met a lot of celebrities and some of them would do anything for a freebie or special treatment. But today was different. Christ, today the eggs and bacon in this place were killing me and I had my eye on a booth in the back that a family had just left. It was darker back there, kind of secluded and I could have Georgia all to myself. I leaned forward aware that a few more people were staring. Id appreciate the table in the back and if you want me to sign anything, just send it over. His grin widened. No problem. He stepped back quickly and signaled to a

young girl who had just filled coffees for the table closest to us. Amber, last booth. Now. And then to us he said with a huge smile. Follow me, Mr. Lancaster. Wow, Georgia muttered, rolling her eyes. Is that all it takes? I settled my hand in the small of her back and pushed her forward, leaning down so I could whisper in her earand catch a whiff of that summery smell that I was fast becoming addicted to. You want to eat dont you? Our host, who introduced himself as Eli, gave us each a menu and grinned. I think the Flyers are going all the way with you this season. Im telling you a lot of fans jumped for joy the day your trade was announced. Thanks. I appreciate it.

Georgia leaned her elbows onto the table and glanced up at Eli, her eyebrows furrowed. What are you talking about? He looked down at her as if she was crazy and pointed at me. Ben Lancaster is without a doubt the finest center in the NHL. Hell, even Crosby cant touch him. Lancasters hands are magic. Ben? Her nose wrinkled in this way that nearly made me lose my mind. Her eyes sparkled and that fucking tongue was sweeping across her lower lip as she frowned. You told me your name was Jack. Did I? I asked, wondering where she was going with this. She nodded. Isnt that what you said last night when you picked me up on the corner of John and New Street.

By the uncomfortable look on Elis face, I was gonna go with the guess that John and New Street was where guys trolled for prostitutes. She leaned forward and ran her forefinger along the top of my hand and damn if my stomach muscles didnt clench. Dont worry about it, Jack, Ill call you whatever you want me to. Eli cleared his throat and backed away. Okay, so Amber will be by to take your order and ah, if you dont mind, I have a couple things I, he paused, his gaze dropping to Georgias finger as it slowly moved back and forth across me. I couldnt blame the guy, my eyes were pretty much fixated on the same thing. Yeah, Ill sign whatever you want. Give us five minutes okay?

Eli disappeared and Georgias smile widened. So that was awkward, she said slowly. For Eli. Youre a trouble maker. You have no idea, she answered leaning back in her chair and withdrawing her finger from my hand. This isnt good. I shook my head and tried to keep the grin off my face. Words going to get out that Ben Lancaster has to pay for pussy. I cant have that. Who says you were paying for pussy? Her eyes widened and so did her smile. I could let it slip to Eli that Im a tranny. A what? She licked her lips again and I had to concentrate hard to understand what the hell she was saying. A transvestite.

You wouldnt Wouldnt I? She said slowly. What are you going to do to stop me, Jack. I can think of a lot of things. Really. I leaned forward, liking the heat between us and the way her skin flushed to peaches and cream. But first Im going to make you pay. That little stunt will probably cost me millions in endorsements. Her pupils were dilated and that damn tongue peeked out from between her lips. Hmm, Id say trolling for pussy could hurt you a little bit, but if word got out you were trolling for dick, she shrugged, her smile sly and it took everything inside me to not jump across the table and kiss her. Um, are you guys ready to order?

We both glanced up at Amber and I slowly slid back into my seat. Once again my cock was hard and the reason for it grinned at me as if she knew. She winked and then licked her lips. Im betting she knew. After we ordered, and Id taken a moment to calm the parts of me that needed calming, I exhaled and said the thing I should have said at the top of the Rocky steps. Hey, I started and then stopped when her clear eyes fastened on me. Would this fucking teenage schoolboy thing ever go away? Hey, she answered softly, almost hesitantly, as if she knew I wasnt fooling around anymore. I just wanted to say Im sorry about,

I cleared my throat and lied through my teeth. Im sorry about the kiss earlier and, you know, I hope I didnt cross any boundaries. Fucking lies. All of it. It would be a cold day in hell before I was sorry for kissing Georgia King. Amber was back with our coffee and after she poured it and left, there were a few moments of silence. Dont be sorry, Georgia said softly. Cuz Im not.

Chapter Eight
Georgia
I spent every single minute of the Fourth of July with Ben. After a totally greasy and yummy breakfast, we watched a parade that passed a few blocks away, and then strolled through Art in the Park, one that featured a ton of cool stuff, as well as music and dance. The sun didnt let up, the smell of summer was everywhere, and for the first time in forever I feltlight. We didnt kiss againwhich was a sin because its all I thought aboutbut the flirting was pretty intense. I caught more than a few people staring at us,

though I suppose they might have recognized Ben. The thought that it was me they recognized crossed my mind, but I quickly tossed it aside. I knew there was stuff online, pictures and video from the night my brain had finally imploded and cracked so wide open there was nothing for me to do but fall in. But it was a pretty far stretch to think that the old couple who turned as we strolled by, or the woman sipping her coffee who paused, or the man with the fat golden retriever recognized me as that crazy girl. But the flirting. God, the flirting was addictive. There was a lot of eye contact. There was the soft touch of his hand at my back, the rough pads of his fingers lingering just

above my shorts. There was Ben bending close to tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear. There were a lot of suggestive comments and jokes. And god he smelled good. Like a guy should, not prettied up with expensive cologne. Hours later I was still buzzingI was buzzing everywhereand I mean everywhere. And then I tried to remember the last time Id had an orgasm and I decided it was pretty pathetic that I couldnt remember. I decided that Ben would have been the perfect stress reliever. It was enough to drive a girl crazy because he was right here. In the loft. He was in the office. He was in the office right down the

hall from me. And the thing of it was, the thought of him, the smell of him, the idea of being with him was enough to get me off and sometime in the night, there beneath my covers, I used my fingers and the palms of my hands to get the job done. I came all by myself, with my hands on my skin and Ben in my head. And for the moment it was enough. In the morning Ben asked me to go with him to meet up with his real estate agent and even though I wanted to, I found myself saying, no. I told him that I was meeting someone and that I couldnt get out of it. Who? he had asked. Just no one, I replied. He arched an eyebrow. A

boyfriend? What? No. Just a friend. Seamus. Seamus was my therapist, but he didnt have to know that. Just like he didnt have to know I had no plans to meet anyone. His eyes narrowed slightly, though there was that half smile on his face, the one that made my insides liquefy. Seamus, what kind of a name is that? That sounds like something youd name a cat. Thats what I told him the first time we met. Hed grabbed the keys to his rental. Alright, Georgia, you have a good afternoon with your friend, Seamus, and Ill see you later? I nodded and watched him leave, wondering why I just hadnt gone with

him. I wanted to. And for several long moments after he left I stood in the middle of the loft, hating the silence, which was weird, because for most of the last year it was all I craved. Silence. That sweet abyss of nothingness. But I suppose it was for the best because I had so many other things to do. You know, like paint my toenails, or figure out how I was going to fill the empty canvas that stared at me from across the room. I was happy to be alone, dammit. Happy to paint or dance or run around naked if I wanted to. I thought of Bens kiss and of how awesome his warm hands felt on me and I had to wonder again, why was I here and he was there?

Oh, right because Matt wouldnt approve. Liar. This has nothing to do with Matt. Ugh, I hated when that little voice inside my brain was right. I knew it was bullshit. I was here and he was there because Ben Lancaster scared the crap out of me. As it turned out I was alone the entire day and even though my creative juices werent what they usually were, I was able to work on a sketch or two. And this was good. Making art calmed my mindit helped me focusand when I was focused I was happier than when I was not. And an unhappy Georgia wasnt good. An unhappy Georgia could turn on a dime.

Id chatted with Matt, assured him that I was taking my meds but I knew that wasnt the only thing he was concerned about. I worked it. I made him ask the question he most wanted to ask. Our conversation went like this: G, you better be taking your meds. I am. Im taking number one and number two. Okay, I lied. I was taking my lithium, but not the klonopin (I hated the way it made me feel and the dry mouth was gross) but he didnt need to know that. He didnt need to be worried because I was fine. I am fine. Im going to count them when I get back. Knock yourself out. Sheesh, my brother wasnt a dummy so didnt he know

I could flush number two if I wanted to? Didnt he know I did flush number two when I went in for my morning pee? So what have you been doing? Nothing really. A pause. Did Ben find a place that he liked or is he still looking? He found something nice in Haddonfield. Oh, cool. Where is he now? Right now? I said with a grin, moving in for the kill. Yes. He sounded irritated. Right now. Right now hes lying beneath me because were having hot sex in your bed. G, he warned.

Totally naked, I continued with a grin. Because were having hot sex in your bed. Dont jerk me around. Okay, his irritation was sounding more like anger. Whoa, take a chill pill. Whats the matter? Heather not giving you any? Heather and I broke up. Wait. What? Oh, I said softly, while I vigorously fist pumped and did a little dance. Im sorry. Im sure you are, he answered, his tone more than a little sarcastic. Look, Ill be home tomorrow sometime. Im stopping in to see a friend or Id be back tonight. Sojust be good, okay? I stopped dancing. Just be good? What was I, five years old?

I frowned and saluted him. Yes Sir, Ill do my best, Sir. And then I hung up. For several moments I stared into the emptiness of the loft, wondering why his words pissed me off so much and hating the hot prick of tears at the corners of my eyes. I was twenty-one years old, okay, nearly twenty-one years oldmy birthday was in Augustand my older brother still felt the need to tell me to behave. To be good. To not fuck his million dollar hockey player. I stalked into the bathroom and glanced in the mirror, chest heaving, tight and angry. But what was I angry about? The fact that my brother still didnt trust me? Or the fact that I wanted to fuck Ben

Lancaster so badly, that just thinking about it made me hot. It made me hot and bothered and horny. With a sound of disgust, I hopped into the shower and stood under the spray for a good, long while. I stood there for so long, enjoying the heat as it sluiced over my skin, that my mind began to wander. It began to wander toward Ben and slowly my palms and fingers slid over my stomach, seeking the place between my legs. I leaned against the tiles and tried to stifle the moan that sat in the back of my throat, as my fingers and the erotic images of Ben pushed me on. I stroked myself. I imagined it was Bens fingers, and for the second day in a row I got myself off. Jesus fuck, this had to be some kind of record

because I know I hadnt masturbated like this since I was a teenager. But it wasnt enough and even as the remnants of my orgasm shuddered through me, I thought of him and there was a piece of me that was still empty. Because as much as my fingers could coax a reaction from my body, it was the connection that I wanted and I wasnt satisfied. God damn, I needed to get laid. I needed Ben. I was just out of the shower when the buzzer rang and though I tried to quell the excitement inside me, I couldnt . It had to be Ben, though I wondered why he didnt just let himself in. Maybe hed lost his key? I ran through the loft, the towel barely staying put as I answered the phone on the

wall near the front door. Hey, Joe. Our doorman was an older, retired guy, with a soft, round wife and a pack of grandkids he brought around from time to time. I liked him because Joe had seen me at my worst and there was no judging when he looked at me. Hello, Georgia. Let him, up, Joe. Its alright. He cleared his throat and there was a pause. Its not Mr. Lancaster. Its Miss Kendall. I rested my forehead on the wall and blinked my eyes closed. Shit. Kendall wasnt exactly welcome around here and she knew it. Matt would blow a fuse if he was home and that was something that Joe knew too. For a few moments I said nothing and I

wondered what to do. On one hand, I missed her. I missed her like crazy. Id known her for years and for a while we were really tight, like best friends tight. She knew what I was thinking before I did, and the girl was always up for a good time. But then shit happened. Trying to kill myself happened, and Matt blamed Kendall as much as my illness. Its true she lived on the edge and for someone like me she wasnt exactly the right person to be around, but Jesus, I missed her. Georgia, what the fuck is going on? Is Matt not letting me up? Come on, I miss you and Im only home for a few more days. I clutched the phone. I was caving. I could handle Kendall. I was strong

now. I thought of Matt. I thought of his dig earlier. Be good. And after a mental fuckyou, I spoke. Come on up. I unlocked the door, fled to my room, and I was just pulling up my undies when Kendall burst inside and wrapped her arms around me so tightly that I nearly choked. A few things were soon apparent and I frowned, pushing down the little wiggle of unease that sliced through my gut. She was drunk andI slid from her embrace so I could get a good look at her pupils dilated, eyes glazedshe was high. Double fuckedy-fuck. Holy shit, Georgia, you look great. When the hell did you grow those? I glanced down at my boobs, now

encased a soft peach bra that matched my undies. I shrugged. Its a push-up bra, loser. She flung herself onto the bed. You look great. And you look wasted. She laughed, flinging her dark red hair behind her shoulders. She was a striking girltall, willowy, with a great rack, nice ass and an attitude that didnt quit. Wed met at schoola private academy in the middle of bum-fuck nowhereand we bonded over our love of music (at the time I was all about musicians and had a weakness for guitarists) and a shared disdain for authority. She was type A all the way with a highly addictive personality, and with all the issues I had including the worstthe

fact that I had no boundarieswe were pretty toxic together. In fact for a while there we were known as the toxic twins. At the time I didnt know I was bipolar. I didnt know shit, except having a good time. But I was fine now. I was better. We need to get really fucking wasted. The Rats are playing at Kachinga and Ive got tickets. I can handle her. She jumped up from my bed, her short plaid skirt barely covering her ass and from the little peek I got I was guessing she was commando. Some things never changed. She hugged me fiercely. You have to come with and Im not taking no for an answer. Ill throw down with Matt

if he gets in our way. She licked her lips and poked her hips into me suggestively. Actually, I wouldnt mind throwing down with Matt. Ew. No, really. I bet hed be great in bed. I screwed up my face and pushed Kendall away. Calm down. Hes in the Cape. Oh, she grinned. Well, then you dont have an excuse to say no. So get your ass dressed and lets head out. I exhaled and took a few steps back, needing a bit of perspectiveneeding to get away from Kendalls black hole of decadence. I dont know. I A red flash caught my eye and I grabbed my cell phone off my dresser and

glanced at a text from Ben. Wed exchanged numbers the day before but I hadnt expected to hear from him. Hadnt expected, but was kinda sorta wanting to. My stomach did this weird lurching thing though it faded as I quickly read his message. Hey. Presenting offer now. Ill be late. Dont miss me 2 much. I stared at the message for a few seconds, and then glanced at Kendall. Her eyes softened for a bit, the dark charcoal beneath them crinkling in the corners. Come on, Georgie. Its been forever. She glanced around. Besides, why the hell would you want to stay here when you can be with me kicking it down? I bit my bottom lip, fingering my cell for a few moments before tossing it back

onto the dresser. Things started to bubble inside me and I exhaled, fisting my hands for a second while everything ran fast. And then stopped. I waited, breath held, for it to start again. Hey, are you alright? I nodded, not really thinking that I was alright, but not wanting to talk about it either. Chin thrust forward, I glanced at my closet, my eyes falling onto the ice blue boat neck dress Id bought just before my incarceration. It still had the tags on it. Id forgotten how gorgeous the fabric was. Oh, and the colorit sure would look great with my Steve Maddens. Kendall tugged on my arm, her face scrunched into an exaggerated pout and I giggled. Come on, Georgie. A smile opened on my face and my

hand inched toward the dress as the pressure inside me eased a bit. Okay, I said as Kendall squealed. But just so you know I dont drink anymore. Whatever. And I dont do weed or coke either. She nodded. Uh-huh. And were not going home with random guys. She flopped back down onto the bed. Gotcha. I glanced down and frowned. Are you going to put some underwear on or what? Her grin widened as she cocked her head to the side. Now why in the hell would I want to do that? Shit.

Chapter Nine
Ben
Kachenga was the kind of bar youd expect to find somewhere on the sunset strip in Hollywood. It reminded me of The Whiskey a bitnot exactly a dive but not exactly respectable either. It was dark, loud and crowded, and by the time I arrived it was close to midnight. I was lucky to get inThe Rats were an up and coming indie band and even though I was more of a straight up rock kind of guyI preferred Foo Fighters or Five Finger Death PunchId heard of them. The place was packed and the lineup was discouraging and even though I

said Id never be that dude who used his celebrity, I was willing to do just about anything if it meant getting inside and being with Georgia. I would have sent her a text but my damn phone was dead and I was hoping she was still here because she wasnt back at the loft. I hadnt spoken to her since shed replied to my text hours earlier and told me she was heading out to Kachenga with her friend. My teeth clenched at the thought. She hadnt elaborated on who exactly her friend was and I wasnt sure what my plan was going to be if I found her here with a guywho I was assuming would be that fucking Seamus the cat character. Would I pretend I didnt see her, slide through the crowd and leave without saying anything?

Or would I walk right up to her and make that play, the one that had me careening down center ice with a target in sight. Georgia was my fucking target and I had it bad. So, here I was, hands in my pocket and shoulders hunched forward like some loser when a, bunch of girls strolled by and saved me. Teetering on ridiculous heels the once closest to me, a blonde with tits about two sizes too big for the dress she was wearing, slurred, youre coming with us. Normally, I would have sidestepped, made an excuse and waited because they were that drunk, but I was desperate and if anything I was an opportunist. We bypassed the lineupand by we, I meant the blonde and her enormous rack.

The doorman waved us in, nodding to me and smiling at the girls while the one on my arm tried to blow the guy a kiss. But she was so wasted I had to hold on tight or she would have been on her ass for sure. As soon as we were inside it was easy to disengage myselfI was stone cold sober and she was not, yet even so blondie grabbed my ass and went for the kill. I managed to deflect a hand aimed at my dick and got the hell away from them. What the fuck was wrong with these girls? The place was filled with hot, sweaty bodies moving to the heavy, hypnotic beat the bass player laid down as he stood on top of the monitors near the stage. The singer stood beside him rapping about fucking and suckinghow original. I

immediately headed for the bar and thought that it was going to take a miracle to find Georgia in here. For all I knew she was already gone, and frustrated, I ordered a beer and leaned against the edge of the bar as I slowly moved my eyes over the room. I had way too much pent up energy for this place and the energy was making me crazy. It was hard. Aggressive. I rolled my shoulders trying to ease the tension I felt, while ignoring the suggestive looks from a few of the ladies dancing near the edge of the crowd. My foot tapped the floor impatiently and I swallowed half the bottle in one gulp and groaned when I saw the group of girls Id walked in with. They had followed me over to the bar and the

drunken blonde was trying to get my attention. I kept my eyes averted, which probably wasnt a smart thing because if the blonde did a sneak shot for my cock, Id be wide open. Where the hell was Georgia? Irritated, I finished my beer in another long gulp and set it on the bar. I moved through the crowd, enjoying the music a bit more now that the guy had stopped chattering about getting laid and the guitarist was sending out some tasty stuff. The heavy bass riff touched all of us, and it vibrated against the back of my teeth as I exhaled and ran my hands through my hair in agitation. It was then that I saw her. She glanced up and our eyes met. Even

though we were in the middle of this hot mess it felt like there was only the two of us. And just like in the movies, you know the scene, the one when the music dive bombs and everything goes slow-motion, fades to gray and comes to a standstill? The one where the girl and the guy finally realize they belong together? Yeah. I had one of thosea total fucking chick-flick moment. Some guy fell into me and cussed me out when I shoved him out of the way. I didnt break eye contact. Hell, I dont even think I breathed. All I saw was Georgia. She leaned against a table, wearing a hot blue dress that showed a hell of a lot of leg along with a pair of come-fuck-me shoes, high spiky things that inspired more

than a few ideas. I decided I would let her keep them on when I finally had her alone and naked. Because thats where we were headed. I knew itand as she swiped her tongue along her bottom lip and stared back at meI could tell that she knew it too. She pushed off from the table, her long hair swinging around her shoulders, her eyes so huge and shinyso fucking alive I swear she could see right inside me. Some guy was chatting her up but I didnt give a shit. As I approached her mouth opened slightly and I shoved my way past him, slid my hands along either side of her face and dipped my head. I kissed her as if I was starving and she let me. She tasted like peppermint.

She felt like fucking heaven. Georgia opened beneath me and made a sound at the back of her throat that was so primal, so goddamn urgent, I felt like pounding my chest. I was ready to go all Tarzan on her and that was something Id never experienced before. Her arms slid around my waist and she pressed herself against me, every soft curve melting into my body like she was meant to be there. I kissed her long and hard, my eyes open and so were hers. The music pounded us from all sides, burning into us, throbbing along every cell in my body. The smell of sex and lust, stale beer and weed filled the air and slid over us. It was a heady mixture and an ache formed inside me, one that was hot and hard.

I groaned and slid one of my hands down her back so that I could grip her ass, and I pulled her in so that there was no way for her not to know how fucking turned on I was. She made that noise again and when I slid my mouth along the side of her neck I heard her whisper, You have to dance with me. Lets get out of here. Her hands slid into my hair and she whispered near my ear. Ive been waiting all night for you. The least you can do before you get me naked is take me out there and dance with me. Naked? Her words were like fire in my brain and I was so hot for her I couldnt speak. I grabbed her hand, elbowed my way

through the crowd until we were in the middle of a hot pit of lust and music. This wasnt my thingI wasnt the guy who liked to shake his ass and pull some moves but right now? With that look in her eye? If Georgia King asked me to do the fucking chicken dance I would. The guitars and drums crashed over us as the lights lowered. The beat changed into something slow and sensual and just as I was thinking, hell yes my ass is saved, Georgias hands crept up my shoulders and she began to move against me. Real, slow and sexy. I pulled her close and buried my head in her hair, inhaling that summery scent I thought would probably drive me crazy until I was old half dead. This moment,

right now, was something Id never forgetthe way she felt, the say she smelled, and as she cupped my face and stared up into my eyes, I knew I would never forget how beautiful she was. How much my body ached in anticipation. I wanted her for myself and to hell with whoever the fuck shed come here with. That thought made me frown and her forefinger trailed along my jaw until she slid it between my lips. I bit her, lightly, and she arched an eyebrow, her hips and that sweet spot between her legs pushing into me as she did so. Where is he? I asked roughly, face flushed and tense at the thought of her with someone else. Which was kind of ridiculous considering she wasnt exactly

my girlfriend. I didnt know what she was, but the one thing that I was real clear on was that whatever this thing between us was, it wasnt neat and tidy, or casual. Who? I sucked on her finger but didnt smile when I heard her groan. There was nothing smiling about me at the moment. I sucked harder and watched her eyes widen, before I let her finger slip from my mouth. Sylvester the fucking cat. I knew in that moment I sounded like a jealous teenager, but I didnt give a shit. She was the hottest thing in the entire place and the thought of her looking like that for someone else drove me crazy. She didnt say a word and I wished shed answer because I was starting to feel like an immature asshole. I was

sixteen all over again. Seamus? she asked lightly. Are you jealous? Fucking right I am, I answered without skipping a beat. She licked her lips and I settled her against me, one hand still on her ass, the other at the back of her head. My erection was hard and heavy and she felt it. I made sure of it. She stared up into my eyes as the music continued to fall over us. As the couple next to us basically had sex, the guys hands up her shirt while she grinded herself against his thigh. Georgias chest heaved and I knew she felt the same. I thought of her words the day before, I feel you, and it felt like I was coming apart.

When had a girl ever gotten me to feel like this? Never. Slowly she reached for me and when her soft mouth slid across mine, I fucking saw stars. No joke. I think if she wasnt wrapped around me I would have fallen to my knees, or passed out from sheer anticipation of what would come next. She nibbled her way up to my ear and whispered, I came with my friend Kendall, who happens to own a vagina, so you dont have to worry. She did this slow, torturous roll of her hips and I inhaled sharply because it felt like my dick was going to explode. Ben, she said, a touch of rasp in her voice. Yeah, I managed.

What about Matt? Fuck, Matt. Were not teenagers. She rubbed herself against me one last time, like she was a cat, and it was almost too much. Ben, she said again. Yeah. I pulled back so I could see her clearly. Her hair looked like long, silky strands of black ink and it was everywhere, her mouth was wet and open and her eyes were direct. Take me home so we can get naked. She didnt have to ask twice.

Chapter Ten
Georgia
We stumbled out of Kachenga, Ben holding my hand as we walked toward his rental. Thank God it was parked just a few blocks away because my legs were trembling, and the only thing that was keeping me on my feet was Benand the shot of adrenaline that was currently letting off sparks everywhere. My thoughts wandered. They wandered to places that were delicious and exhilarating and hot. Naked. Me naked with Ben. Ben naked with me. Over me. In me. My mouth watered at the thought and I

tripped over my feet, but he caught me and didnt break stride. We didnt speak on the way home. I think Ben mumbled something about the temperature but I just nodded. It could have been as cold as the Arctic inside his truck, but I was as hot as hell. Everything inside me was tight and fragile and filled with need. It had been so long since Id been with anyone that I was scared. Me, the girl who less than a year ago would fuck pretty much anyone she wanted. Back then, I fucked just to fuck. This was differentBen was different and thats what scared me. It wasnt the fact that Id only known him for less than a week, stuff like that doesnt bother me too much. I mean, Id had more than a few one night stands, but who hasnt? I dont judge.

But, back then Id been reckless with my body, A) because I felt above it all, as if I could do anything without consequence. And B) I didnt form an emotional bond with anyone so sex was never about a connection, it was about the moment. It was about getting off and feeling alive...in that moment. It was never about what happened after. Seamus told me it was because of my condition. That it was common for people with bipolar to be, promiscuous, (a word I fucking hate.) I didnt consider myself to be promiscuous. I was a girl who liked to have a good time, and I was a girl who liked to have a good time without any strings. End of story. I suppose I could have been a little

more selective and steered clear of Matts boys. But in my defense, there was something insanely hot about hockey players and at the time I was if anything, slightly insane. So for a while there I was goodtime Georgia, however, I wasnt dumb and I wasnt reckless with my safety. Id never had sex without a condom. Ever. And a few of the guys Id been with? Id made them double up because they were whores. STDs are nasty shit and the last thing I wanted was to own a defective vagina. That and the fear of pregnancy kept my drawer filled with condoms. I cant even tell you how many girls I know had had abortions and some more than once. I didnt get it. It was easy to own your own

body these days and to be responsible for every part of it. But this thing with Ben was different and I was scared because I already felt a connection to him and it was that connection that I craved. What if Ben was just into the sex? Would I be able to handle that? Would I be able to handle being the one left behind? And why the hell was I feeling like this about a guy I had just met? When had that ever happened to me before? Answer? Never. I glanced at him, and instantly my heart took off, running to a beat of want and need and something else. I didnt want to think too much about the something else so I pushed everything aside and sent

Kendall a text. I basically told her that if she showed up at the loft I would have to kill her. Her response: u getting laid? Mine: hope 2 Hers: Shit, Georgie I had the singer 4 me and guitarist lined up 4 u Mine: you can have them both. Hers: cool beans. ttyl. I cracked a smile but it faded when we pulled up to Matts building and Ben handed the keys over the garage attendant. We walked inside, still no words between us, and we waved to Eric who was the night guy on our way to the elevators. It felt like a long ride up though I knew it was less than twenty seconds, but my knees were knocking together so badly Im sure a moron could have tapped danced to

the beat. My stomach rolled and damn, it was hot. So, so, hot. The elevator slid to a halt and Ben grabbed my hand, yanking me after him as if we were late to an important meeting.or sex romp. He had the spare key Matt had given him in the door before I could even grope for mine in my purse. And then we were inside and there was nothing to stop us from doing exactly what it is we both wanted to do. My mouth was dry and I briefly thought that maybe I should have popped a breath mint, but there was no time because the thought had barely formed when Ben turned, his arms on either side of me, caging me against the wall. Holy fuck and mother of Christ, but he looked hot.

His hair waved around the collar of his white button down shirt and it was all I could do not to bury my hands in the thick mess and bring his mouth down to mine. His dark chocolate eyes were hooded, and that amazing mouth of his was open, his breaths almost labored as he stared down at me. For the longest time it seemed we just stared at each other and I jumped when he trailed a finger along my jaw and then slowly traced the shape of my mouth. He wore cologne, a subtle earthy scent that was just right. And did I say how hot he looked? I leaned my cheek into the palm of his hand and thought that right now, in this moment, my life was changing. Something was happening and whether it was going

to be good or complicated or bad I didnt know, but I sure as hell wasnt going to let any of that stop me. Since my release from Oak Run Id felt half alive, as if there was something missing. I knew it was the crazy part and I also knew that it was for the best, but still, there were times when I missed the highs, though the lowsnot so much. And sadly, Id given up hope that I could ever feel this way again. Excited. Terrified. Horny. Sexy. I thought that maybe the drugs I needed to control my condition coated everything in a dull, ordinary palette. Its why I hadnt been able to paint anything interesting. And for someone like me, a young woman still on the cusp of discovery, that was a shitty thought.

But nownow Ben was here and I was alive again. Youre driving me crazy, you know that right? Ben whispered hoarsely. Sorry. His finger continued to tease, slowly moving back and forth across my bottom lip. Dont say youre sorry. His voice was husky. Show me youre sorry. He dipped his head and nuzzled my neck causing all sorts of electric shocks to go off inside me. God, it felt like I was coming apart and the throb between my legs was intense. So intense that I began to slowly move my hips against him, whimpering and moaning at the feel of him. His mouth found mine, his lips firm as he opened over me. He slowly leaned into

me as we kissed. And holy shit what a kiss. I tasted beer and mint and Ben. It was a heady combination and every time his tongue slid inside my mouth, some new part of me liquefied. He suckled on my bottom lip and I could do nothing but gaze up into his eyes, little sounds of need burgeoning from the back of my throat. He pulled away, his breathing rough. I fucking love that. What? I managed. That noise you make. Its driving me insane. God, I thought, Im already there. Ben leaned back a bit, his gaze moving down my body, a slow, sensual perusal that had my nipples standing erect and shouting hello before he even got there. As if reading my mind he bent forward, and

then his hot mouth closed over my nipple, the heat penetrating through the fabric of my dress instantly and I sagged into him. Oh, Ben. I whimpered. My hands fell to his shoulders for support and when he cupped my butt and pulled me against his erection I might have screamed. Or moaned. God I hope I moaned because a scream was a little much. But there you have it. Thats how worked up I was. His hands were slowly inching my skirt up and then I felt his open palm on my butt cheek gently coaxing me up. I let him. I let him lift me and I wrapped my legs around his waist as if he was my savior. By this time my dress sat above my hips and he had full access to everything below it.

And boy did he let his hands wander. They slid over my hips and caressed my cheeks, sending little sparks of desire along my skin. His mouth caught mine again, our lips meshing with need... urgent, hot need. I wanted him so badly that all coherent thought fled. And as his hands slowly kneaded the small of my back and made their way down to my ass, every touch of his fingers and stroke of his tongue had me in flames. His mouth. His hands. The combination was nearly more than I could take. We kissed for so long that my head spun and when his mouth finally left mine, I shuddered against him because he immediately sought out the small dip in my

neck. We stumbled back into the wall and his hands became more urgent, his large palms full of me as he grinded his erection into my crotch. I cant wait anymore, he rasped against my neck, before kissing me once more, a quick slide of lips and tongue. I need to see you. He held me, my head nestled into the crook of his shoulder, as he slowly made his way down the hall to my bedroom. Once inside I slid down the length of him, though my arms clung to his neck and I refused to move away from his heat. For a long time, Ben held me there his forehead against mine, the two of us breathing erratically and our hearts beating fast. His hand caressed the side of my face

and he moved my hair behind my shoulder, tracing my skin there with soft, butterfly kisses. Youre beautiful. So are you, I answered. His hands slid down to the small of my back as his mouth made its way back to mine. I opened for him and this time the kiss was deep. It was about touch and thrust and taste. Holy shit, but he was a good kisser. I could have spent minutes, hours, just kissing him. Tasting him and feeling him. But Ben had other ideas and as his hands gently tugged my dress higher (it was still bunched around my waist) I leaned back and held up my arms so he could lift it over my head. Dilated pupils stared back at me.

Holy fuck, Georgia, I knew it. Knew what? I said breathlessly. He nodded and stepped away, running his hands over the stubble that shadowed his jaw. I knew that when I got you half naked wearing those shoes, it would do me in. Something powerful stirred inside me, something hot and delicious. Im not taking them off. Good. He said with a devilish grin. But you should ditch the bra. I couldnt help but smile. I might consider it but youll have to take your shirt off first. I glanced down at myself. Im feeling a little underdressed. He was unbuttoning his shirt before I finished talking.

Chapter Eleven
Ben
If you had told me that I was going to be a nut job over a girl last week, I would have laughed and told you that you were fucking crazy. Im young. Barely twentyfour. I play hockey in the National Hockey League and in the last few years Id seen and had more women, than my mother ever needed to know about. Up until a few days ago I wasnt looking for a relationship and I sure as hell wasnt looking to hook up with Matt Kings sister. Shit, just the thought of the R word, relationship, should have freaked me the hell out because relationships

changed a guy. Case in point? Jim Boone, my right winger in LA. He got all goofy over an actress hed met last summer, started spouting the L word and he even let her convince him to cut off his signature hockey hair. The dude kept it longit was his thingbut after she entered the picture it was one of the first things to go. His hair and then his balls. She said jump and he fucking did. He was so into her that after hockey she was pretty much it, and I used to ride him for it big time we all did. We called him ball-less Boone. A week ago all I cared about was finding a place in Philly, getting acquainted with the team and having some fun. Getting laid. Partying a bit until it was

time to crack the whip and start training for the coming season. Id reached my goal of playing for my dream team and was getting paid a shitload of money to do it. Life was good. It was summer and I was ready to kick it and have a good time. A week ago that stuff mattered to me. But not anymore. Of course hockey was still number one, but now there was Georgia. Now it could be so much better. The difference between last week and right now was staring at mea five foot five slice of heaven in the sexiest comefuck-me shoes I had ever seen. She was every guys wet dream. The girl with a killer bod, hair you wanted to bury your hands in and eyes that didnt quit.

But aside from all that, she was special. She was smart, funny, and kinda deepI loved the way her nose wrinkled when she was thinking about something. She liked to argue and I was cool with that because it was almost like foreplay. She was one of a kind. And I was nervous as fuck standing here in front of her. Watching Georgia, watch me. Are you going to take that shirt off? I tossed it onto the floor in less than two seconds. I could tell that she liked what she sawI was grateful for the shitload of crunches and bench presses Id doneand if I didnt think Id look like an asshole Id flex, just to see her eyes widen and watch that hot pink tongue slip over her bottom lip.

But that might have been over-doing it. Okay, I said watching her closely. Were even. No, she answered shaking her head. Were not. I didnt answer. I took a few seconds to take in every detail because I swear in this moment, this picture frame that she presented, was one Id keep for myself when I was travelling on the road in the fall. This picture was pretty damn perfect and it was just for me. She wasnt stacked the way a lot of girls Id come into contact with were, but her breasts were real and the bra she wore did a damn good job of showing them off. And hell, if I wasnt a fan of those little, boy thing panties she liked to wear, I was now.

She was tonedI could tell that she worked out, but there were curves where there were supposed to be curves. I knew Georgia didnt survive on a diet of green lettuce and water. I liked that. There was nothing worse than being with a girl in a restaurant, getting ready to dig into prime rib and watching her pick at a plate full of greens. Not Georgia. She was real. She licked her lips and the tent pole in my pants strained even more. That was real toopainfully real. She leaned back, her shoulders flush to the wall her legs spread just enough to get my blood boiling even more than it already was. The jeans, Mr. Lancaster. I couldnt smile even if I wanted to.

Hell, my teeth were ground together so tightly that if I wasnt careful Id get lockjaw. I reached for my belt, my eyes on her as she splayed her hands onto the wall, her fingers spread out like a web with their red tipped nails. Her underwear was a light color, almost nude, and I saw the tops of her nipples peeking over. Hot. Fucking hot. I started to tug on the belt. Shit. With an irritated fuck, I bent over and unlaced my boots, kicking them to the side once I had them off and my jeans followed suit. All I had on were my boxers. Now, were even. I dinged her with a look that said I was done playing games. Off with the bra.

She pushed off from the wall and took two steps forward. You take it off. I was there in front of her before she could blink and she leaned into me, sighing when our skin touched. My hands snaked behind her back, sliding up her spine and for a moment I just held her. She fit perfectly against me and if I could have stayed like that forever I would have. But I wanted more. I wanted a hell of a lot more. Id been thinking about it all day what it would feel like to hold her, to taste her, to look in her eyes when I was inside her. To rock into her over and over again and listen to her whimper because I was making her come. Carefully I reached for her bra and it was like I was fourteen againI was all thumbs. A deep breath or two helped

things along and when I felt that little piece of fabric give, I think I stopped breathing. Slowly I slid the little straps over her shoulders, my eyes on hers as she looked up at me and watched. It fell to the floor at our feet and though she was bared to me, I couldnt take my eyes off of hersthey were liquid pools that I could drown in. We stared at each other for a long time, as if we were already locked together. As if I was already inside her. She swallowed and the expression in her eyes changed. Her lids fluttered and she squeezed them shut andwait, was that a tear? Youre so perfect, she whispered so softly that I barely heard.

What the fuck? Suddenly concerned my hands slid across her jaw and I tipped her head up. Hey, are you okay? She nodded but didnt say anything and her eyes remained closed as her body began to tremble. She sank against me we were skin on skin and it was all I thought it would be. She was soft, so fucking softand the smell of summer was everywhere but something was wrong. I swallowed and blew out a long, breath. I took a moment before I attempted to speak because I thought that if I didnt get this right, I might blow everything , whatever the hell it was with this girl. This meant something to me. I kissed her temple and wrapped my arms around her, holding her tight so that I

could absorb everything. Every shudder, and tremble, and breath. It was all mine. After a while I realized she was crying and I felt like the biggest shit on the planet. I didnt understand what was happeningwhat Id said or didbut I knew I needed to fix this. Hey, I said softly, running my hands over her shoulders and down her spine. We dont have to do this. We can wait. I dont God, what the fuck? I dont want to pressure you or anything. I thoughtI thought you wanted this but Shit, was I even making any sense? I want to, she mumbled into my neck. Her voice sounded so small and uncertain that something broke apart inside me. Such a feelingor a need to protect filled me that for a moment I was

speechless. I wanted to, she repeated. But I want to do this right and theres so much you dont know about me and if you did youd probably run the other way because I wouldif I was you. And she shuddered again. Im not making any sense am I? She pulled away, enough so that I could look into her eyes again. Thank the fuck that they were open. I needed to make her understand. Georgia, dont worry. We can take this slow. This isnt just about sex, although I gotta tell you, youre killing me here. A heartbeat passed. Did I just say that? Holy hell if Rossi from the team had heard that come out of my mouth he would have

pounded me for sure. I was the no commitment guy. I want this to matter. I hoped like hell I hadnt blown things. She was nodding and whispered, Okay, but I knew it wasntthere was something in her eyes that tore at me. And even though my hard on was going to be a bitch to deal with, Georgia mattered a hell of a lot more than the state of my dick. Okay. I rested my head on top of hers as I tried to take control of my body. Well take this slow. For a moment there was silence. Thank you. Those two little words punched me in the gut something fierce. I hugged her and then picked her up, my mouth seeking hers as I headed for the bed. Once there, I

managed to tug the comforter back and after she slid inside, I followed her in. She fit right into me like wed been sleeping together forever and I cuddled her close, inhaling her essence, keeping it as mine. I moved her hair from the back of her neck and trailed a line of kiss up to her ear until she was trembling again. And then I smiled. Im sleeping here with you tonight, no negotiation on that. She nodded, but didnt answer. And when Matt comes home on Monday Hell be home tomorrow, she whispered, her arms sliding along my forearm and curling around, holding me in return. Good, because as soon as I see him Im going to tell Matt that were seeing

each other and if he doesnt like it, fuck him. Im not hiding the way I feel. I cant be the guy who does that. I want you. A thought occurred to me and I didnt like the way it made me feel. You do feel the same way, dont you? Tell me that this isnt all me, Georgia. This crazy fucking explosion I feel inside. There was silence, and then No, she said softly. Its not just you. I groaned and kissed her shoulder, loving how she shuddered against me. I want to learn all your deepest and darkest secrets. I was teasing but her fingers stopped stroking my arm and she stiffened. What if my secrets are things you cant deal with? I frowned though I tried to keep my

tone light. Have you murdered anyone? Not that I know of. A heartbeat passed. Then were good. *** I woke up with a stiff neck and an arm that was on fire. Georgia was still sleeping and gingerly I pulled my arm free, the ache in my gut still there as I stared down at perfection. It was late, wed missed our run, and the sun was coming in her window causing a kind of halo to dance around her. She was still on her side and I took a few seconds to appreciate what it was that laid there. So much creamy skin, all soft and curvy. I wanted to trace the indent of

her waist and run my fingers across her hips and over her ass but I was afraid to wake her. Dont get me wrongI wanted to wake herI wanted her to wake up with me buried deep inside her but it was going to have to wait. After last night I knew I needed to take it slow with this girl. Aside from the fact that my dick didnt seem to understand that notion, I was fine with it. In fact, I was looking forward to spending as much time with Georgia as I could. I wanted to know what made her tick. I wanted to know what she was afraid ofwhat her dreams and goals were. I wasnt bullshitting. I wanted to know her secrets. But she was right. We barely knew

each other and if this was going to be something other than just a hook up, a relationship for fuck sakes, I needed to get it right. With a groan I leaned over, because I couldnt help myself, and I kissed the dimple just above her butt. I would have loved to have turned her onto her back because other than a quick glimpse the night before, her breasts were still pretty much a mystery to mea mouth-watering mystery. My dick sprang to life at the thought and I rolled away from herneeding a bit of space and perspective. There was time for Georgia to be naked. I grinned. Lots of time. Id just stepped out of her bedroom when I heard him.

Youve got to be fucking kidding me. Mother fucker. I squinted into the face of a very, very, pissed off Matt King and held my hands up, palms out. Dude, its not what you think. He took a few steps closer and before I could say anything else, the bastard surprised mefucking sucker punch. His fist connected with my jaw and I swung into the wall so hard a framed photo fell to the ground and crashed. What the fuck? I snarled, shouldering him in the gut and sending him backward, hard. The two of us glared at each other, until Matt spoke. I told you to stay away from her. Shes fucking trouble. I cant

have her screwing with your head. What the hell are you talking about? He wasnt making any sense. What are we? Five years old? Something soft touched my shoulder and I glanced down at Georgia. Shed thrown on a robe and stood a few inches from me. She didnt quite meet my eyes, and something twisted inside me, because I had a feeling everything had somehow changed and I didnt understand any of it. Georgia moved past me before pausing in front of her brother. I couldnt see her face but Matts expression was fierce. Hes trying to tell you that you matter to him. That you matter to the team and he sure as hell doesnt want anyone to screw that up. Hes trying to tell you that whatever this is between us wont work

and maybe you should listen to him. Okay, what the hell was happening? When had everything gone to shit? That doesnt tell me anything. I said roughly. Georgia, what the fuck? No, she answered softly, a tremble in her voice. It doesnt. But my secrets arent easy. Theyre not even close to easy and, she paused. This wont work, as much as I want it to...it just wont. She paused again and stared up at her brother for several long seconds. Thanks for pointing it out Matt. What the hell would I do without you? And then she disappeared into the bathroom and I didnt know if I wanted to smash my fist into Matts face and break every bone that I could, or put a hole in the wall.

I had no idea what had just happened. No idea at all. I glared at the closed door. Georgia, are we going to talk about this? Her answer? I heard the shower. I pinned a dont fuck with me look on Matt. Are you going to tell me what the hell just happened here? Matt opened his mouth, but then closed it tight, shaking his head in quick jerky movements. He sighed. I And there was hurt in his eyes. Shes my sister and I love her but there are thingsthere are things, but its not my place to say. Unbelievable. Thats it? Thats all you got? I took a step forward, hands fisted, and I knew If I didnt get it together I was going to say or do something I might regret.

I glanced at the closed bathroom door once more and decided to go for a run instead of getting into it with Matt. I shoved my way past him and changed into my running gear. It was less than two hours before I got back, but by then Georgia was gone. As it turned out, she wasnt coming back anytime soon.

Chapter Twelve
Georgia
I stayed at Kendalls place for an entire week. Her parents were in Europe for the summer so the place was empty. Kendall left to go back to New York City after the second daythe girl was getting somewhat respectable and had scored a PR jobbut she told me to stay as long as I wanted to. As long as I needed to. So I did. There was no way I was going back to Matts place even though hed called every single day and left a message on my voicemail. He always used the same excuse, just making sure youre taking

your meds and then hed say he was worried about me and then hed apologize for being an asshole. Whatever. He never mentioned Ben and that was fine because every time I thought of him which was a lotI got an ache in my chest. I thought that maybe I had lost what could have been the best thing to happen to me. And then I thought I was crazy to even think along those lines. Ben Lancaster was going to be hugein a world that celebrated the best he was headed to the topand there was no way in hell he would ever be interested in someone like me if he knew the truth. I was way too screwed up for a golden boy and I knew it, but it didnt stop me from wondering what if.

It didnt stop me from feeling like shit over the fact that Ben hadnt tried to call or text me. And Matts words had hurt. Theyd stung and ripped into me as if hed taken a knife to my skin. Shes fucking trouble. I cant have her screwing with your head. I suppose they stung because deep down I knew they were true. Deep down I knew he had reason to be concerned for Ben. My track record wasnt exactly something to be proud of. Guys had always been interested in me. I wasnt a cock-tease or anything, and maybe it was the slight bend of crazy that ran through me, but Id grown up manipulating and playing with boys. I did it because I could and I did it because it made me feel good. And

sometimes I went too far. A year ago Id had a lot of fun with a couple guys, Ty Malone and Rick Danby Ty was a rookie winger and Rick had been with the Flyer organization for a three years. Ty had been sweet but stupid, while Rick had been up for anything. Sometimes I thought he was crazier than I was, but I guess being a goalie and letting elite sharp shooters blast pucks at your head took a certain kind of crazy. My mistake had been fooling around with them at the same time and when it was over, Matt was left with two pissed off players who hated each other. Not exactly the right frame of mind for a team sport. When the season was over Ty was tradedwhich he blamed me forand Rick went about his lunatic way.

But Matt was pissed and thats when things started escalating for me. The drugs, the sex, the booze, and pills. Everything in my head circled harder and harder and the pressure to deal with it was too much. I didnt understand what was happening to me. I didnt understand how I could have been so high and then within days, so fucking low. And then I tried to kill myself. And it hadnt been a half-hearted attempt after. After my intoxicated walk through the dorm Id swallowed an entire bottle of oxycotton and the only reason it hadnt worked was because my roommate came back to grab a forgotten cell phone. One of the worst days of my life had been waking up in the hospital with Matt beside the bed, his eyes swollen from

crying and his heart broken. I did that to him. I hurt people. So, on what planet did I ever think someone like Ben Lancaster would settle for someone as screwed up as I was? Sure, Id gotten helpthe court order made sure of itbut that didnt change the fact that my brain wasnt normal. My chemistry was screwed and without the drugs Id slide right back to where I was before. Id be just like my mom and when shed been alive she had been toxic, although since shed never been diagnosed I guess it really wasnt her fault. But that didnt change thingsthe factsand the biggest one was when shed had enough and had driven off a bridge into Lake Muskegan, taking my dad with her.

Murder/suicide. Nice. For a few days Id let myself believe that someone as screwed up as me could have something special with someone like Ben Lancaster. But who was I kidding? When he found out what I was really about, hed run for the hills. He was a smart guy. He would eventually figure it out and just like Id told him to his face, thats what I would do. Run. The only problem with running away was eventually you had to find your way back. At least I did. I had run away for a week, but I couldnt stay at Kendalls parents any longer. It was time to go home. Time to figure things out. And thats why a week later I found myself trudging through the

foyer of Matts building, waving to Joe. Id taken a few steps toward the elevator when I stopped and whirled around. Hey, is Ben Lancaster still staying with my brother? A sliver of apprehension rolled through me and my cheeks flushed about two shades past crimson. Up until just now, I assumed he was gone. Joe shook his head. I dont think so, Georgia. I havent seen him for a few days. Oh, okay. Relief. How are you? he asked just as I turned back to the elevator. I knew I looked like shit and the concern in his voice confirmed it. Im fine. Just tired. Thanks for asking, Joe.

A few minutes later I let myself into the loft. Matt shouldnt be home. His vacation was officially over and as far as I knew he was at work, but BenI still wasnt sure. Silence greeted me and I cleared my throat, gazing around carefully. Hey, I said softly. Nothing. Ben was gone. With a sigh I headed to my bedroom, tossing my bag and staring at the bed that was as unmade as it had been a week ago. I walked toward it and slowly slid across the sheets, hugging my pillow and burying my face in the covers. They were cold and I shivered, disappointed that I didnt feel Ben or smell him. There was nothingas if the night Id spent with him had never

happened. The thought left me empty and it took a good ten minutes before I was able to force myself from the bed and into the shower, and really I only did that because there was nothing else to do. I wasnt in any hurry. What did I have to run to? I wasnt in the mood to paint, I wasnt hungry and I sure as hell didnt care about what I looked like. I stood under the hot spray letting the steam envelop my skin, and nearly an hour later I heard the door slam shut. Id just combed out my hair and paused in my bedroom. G? It was Matt. I didnt answer at first because I wasnt sure I wanted to talk to him. G? he said again, worry in his

voice. I sighed and sat on the end of my bed. In here. A few seconds later he was there, leaning against the doorframe, his blond good looks, all scrunched up in an apology face. I saw that he felt like shit. I was happy that he felt like shit and yet, how many times had he been on the receiving end of my sad, apologetic face? G, he said softly. Im sorry. At least he got right to the point. There was no waiting. No awkward silences. Except that there was. I couldnt answer him and turned away. There was a huge knot in my throat, everything was tight and it took a bit to clear it away. The emotion that pummeled my chest came out of nowhere and I realized that I wasnt

just angry. Not by a long shot. I was so hurt and so sad that I couldnt speak. G? I shook my head, wanting to shout, go away leave me alone but that stupid knot was still there and I didnt say anything. I just stared at the floor and wished hed leave because I knew I was going to lose it and I sure as hell didnt want him to see me crying. He took a step forward and I shook my head, violently. I dont know how I managed to speak but I whispered hoarsely. Why are you back so early? Joe called. Awesome. Now you have Joe watching out for me? Calling you because you dont trust your fucked up baby sister?

No, I had Joe let me know when you came home because I screwed up and Im sorry, and I was worried about you. I needed to see you, Georgia. All my anger deflated at the look in his eyes. My shoulders slumped forward and it took a lot to keep from crying. Its not fair, I said shakily. I dont want to be like thislike her, and its not fair. I know. For a moment there was silence, each of us lost in our thoughtsour memories. Nothing happened, I said eventually. Between Ben and I. God, the ache was awful. A lot of guys would have left when I put the brakes on, but he stayed and we slept together, but nothing happened. I know.

I suppose Ben thinks Im a freak. Matt moved toward me and I inched to the left so that there was room for him to slide in beside me. His arms went around my shoulders and I turned to him, shuddering and wheezing as the tightness in my chest moved up to my throat, scrubbing at my face as a tear escaped and slid down my cheek. Im pretty sure he doesnt think that. Did you tell him? I asked hesitantly, dreading his answer. Did Ben know how truly defective I was? No. Thats your deal and you can tell him when youre ready. I heaved a sigh and shifted, my eyes on the floor. Well, since I doubt Ill be seeing him anytime soon, I guess I dodged that bullet.

He wants to see you, G. I turned to Matt in disbelief. I find that hard to believe, but even if its true, youre okay with that? Matt held my gaze. Youre better now, Georgia, and Ive got to trust that youre going to make good decisions. Seamus is helping and youre taking your meds. Youre not a kid and if Ben Lancaster is important to you, Im not going to stand in the way. What the hell? Last week you told him that I was messed up. That I would mess him up. Last week I was an asshole. You got that right. He smiled, a sad sort of smile that tugged at my heart. He squeezed my shoulder gently. Im proud of you, G.

You faced a monster and youre dealing and Im justIm just grateful we caught it in time. Im grateful that youre strong enough. Im grateful that youre here. Another tear slid from my eye and he wiped it away. Youre not Mom. I get that now. She never accepted what needed to be fixed but you have, and you deserve to be happy. I still wasnt sure what was happening. You just he said softly. Just what? You need to be honest with him about how you arehow you were, so he knows what hes getting into. That was the surest way to send him running. What twenty-four year old guy with the world at his feet was going to want to deal with me and my problems? I

exhaled and glanced up at the ceiling. He doesnt want to see me anyway, so you dont have to worry that Ill screw up your golden boy. I havent heard anything from him since I left. I have. A small glimmer of hope erupted inside me. It flushed hot and wove through my body, tingling where it touched. I squirmed and raised my eyebrows. What are you saying? Matt grinned. Look. He was pissed when he came back from his run and you were gone. Pissed, and then worried, and then he made it clear to me that he was going to continue to see you if its what you wanted. Hes not a pussy thats for sure and I could tell that he was really into you. I could tell that he meant what he

said. I took his words and held them close, letting them resonate inside me for a moment. One blinding, happy, euphoric moment. And then it passed. He may have been into me for a few days but he never called or texted once. Thats because hes waiting for you to come to him. He wanted to give you some space and I gotta say, thats pretty big of him. Its up to you, G, but if you want to see Ben hes out at his new place. Got the keys yesterday. Matt gave me a hug before sliding off the bed. Im meeting some guys at OReillys later, so if you want to borrow my wheels, feel free. He tossed his keys onto my dresser and left.

I stared at them for so long my vision began to blur and with a groan I rolled onto the bed, fingering the edge of my pillow as my eyes drifted toward the sunlight streaming in from the window. I wanted Ben. I wanted him badly. But was I brave enough? Strong enough? After a few moments I rolled back over and got to my feet, taking the three steps it took to bring me to my dresser. I scooped the keys into my hands and held my breath, and then something broke apart inside me, like a little valve had just released. I exhaled nervously. I guess I was going to find out.

Chapter Thirteen
Ben
I heard the doorbell from my perch in the back yard just as I cracked open a cold beer. I was hot, thirsty as hell, and had just doffed my dirty T-shirt when my sister Eden poked her head outside. I had gone home to Canada for a few days and shed come back with me. She was supposedly helping me get settled but we both knew that was bull. Shed just ended a pretty shitty relationshipa guy she had lived with since college, a guy who had fucked around on her more than onceand was feeling blue. I had offered her a distraction and shed taken it.

Pizza? I said, taking another swig. Id worked my ass off trying to get the yard cleaned upcutting back the weeds, running the new riding lawnmower around like a hillbillywhile shed sunbathed on the deck. I had a landscaping crew coming out in a few days to do the real heavy work, but I couldnt stand to look at the mess until then. Besides, I needed an outlet for all the nervous energy that had been building inside me for days. Ever since that morning with Georgia. Eden shook her head. No, sorry I forgot to call our order in. Her brow furrowed and she stepped out onto the deck. She wore a skimpy black bikini top and a pair of old, worn jean shorts. Her long dark hair was tied

loosely on top of her head, her brown eyes direct as she looked at me. What? I took another swig of my beer but her words stopped me cold. There was a girl at the door but she left before I got a chance to tell her you were out back. She looked a little upset and she seemed real surprised to see me. My heart took off and I jumped from low slung bench near the barbecue. Georgia. It had to be her. Shit. Who is she? I hopped the railing, ignoring Edens question, and ran around the house hoping like hell she hadnt left yet. I rounded the corner and caught sight of Matts car as she tried to maneuver it around my truck. The relief I felt was short lived

because shed just managed a three point turn and was about to take off. With a burst of speed I shot forward, jumping in front of her, a grin on my face, my hands outstretched as she slammed on the brakes, the bumper missing me by an inch. She could have knocked me down but I would have been right back up and in her face. Now that she was here I wasnt letting her go anywhere. Id been thinking about this girl every single minute of every single day for the past week and to see her so close, to be in her space, filled me with something I wasnt going to even guess at. But it was good, whatever this washell yeah, it was good. Id decided the day before to give Georgia until tonight before I made a

move to get in touch with her. I wanted to respect that Georgia needed some time and space, but on the other hand, I was so hot for her that I found it hard to concentrate on anything. Hell, Id played the shittiest round of golf ever, because I couldnt get her of my mind. And considering it was in my own charity golf tournament, well you can imagine the ribbing I took. But it was all good now. She was here. Right here in front of me. For several long moments we stared at each other and when I was sure she wasnt going to pull away, I advanced, watching her eyes follow me until I stopped beside her window. Slowly it slid down and I bent over, leaning my elbows on the lip of the

window, my gaze taking in the face that had starred in more porn star fantasies than I would ever share. Those eyes. That hair. That mouth. I was tight, my muscles bunched, my heart beating way too fast. But even more pressing, I ached to touch her. To reach forward and claim that mouth and to taste her again. When the hell had I ever felt like this over a girl? She cleared her throat and tapped the steering wheel with her fingers. A blue halter dress left her shoulders and most of her legs bare, and my mouth went dry as my eyes took a trip down her body. When they traveled back up, goose bumps rolled across my skin as we made eye contact. Hey, I said softly, drinking her in, in one long gulp.

She jerked her head, a quick little nod, but didnt say anything, her expression shuttered, closedand if I didnt know any better I would say just a tad bit jealous. My grin widened and a scowl touched her mouth. Whats so funny? she asked sharply. There were no questions, no nice, safe conversation. There were her dark, furled brows, her steadily tapping fingers and her green-eyed jealousy. Are you going to turn off the engine and get out of this car? Nope. Huh. I leaned an inch or so closer. Holy hell the smell of summer caught me hard and my gut clenched as I let the scent waft over me. In me. Through me.

So you came all the way out here to ring my doorbell and then leave without even saying hi? She licked her lips, that soft pink tongue mesmerizing as it swiped along her bottom lip. Ben, I dont know what I was doing coming out here, but obviously youre busy and I dont want to interrupt. Busy? My grin was goofy. Oh, this girl was so jealous and I fucking loved it. It meant that she cared. It meant that shed made it through whatever it was shed needed to work out. Shed come for me and that was enough. Her face was less than two inches from mine and my gaze roved over her features hungrily as she arched a delicate eyebrow. The girl?

The girl. I repeated cheekily. Her eyes flashed and her nose pinched in that delicate way that drove me crazy. The girl in your house? The one whos half dressed? I leaned all the way inside, taking her by surprise, my mouth seeking hers before she had a chance to move away. For a moment there was a slight hesitation and then I felt her surrender. Her lips parted and I slipped inside, my tongue tasting, licking and taking from her as my hand crept into her hair so that she couldnt move. It was a long, slow kiss, one that delved deep and had us both panting heavily when I finally pulled away. I had to take a moment and catch my breath. That girl, I said huskily, is my sister,

Eden. Her eyes widened and I traced the line of her brow with my thumb, before caressing the corner of that mouth that was driving me insane. Oh, she said softly. I pushed away from the car, liking the way her gaze swept over my bare chest, before settling onto the steering wheel the one that her hands gripped so tight, her knuckles were white. So are you going to park this thing and come inside? I paused and then whispered. I missed you, Georgia. She exhaleda long, shuddering sort of breath and then cleared her throat. Okay, she said simply, and I moved away as she reversed her car once again and slipped it beside my truck. As soon as she was out of the car, I

had her in my arms, hugging her close just so that I could feel her again. Every single inch of her pressed up against me. I groaned and sank my nose into her neck, chuckling when she shuddered. I couldnt help myself and my hands danced along her spine, slowly moving over her hips until I cupped her ass and just held her. I held her for a long time and the only sound in my ear was her short staccato breaths, and the rush of blood in my ears. I was hard, Christ was I hard, and she knew it, and there was something insanely sexy about that. About the way she slowly moved her hips and that damn noise that sat in the back of her throat. The one that sounded like need. And want. And desire. I didnt know what the week of silence

was all about and I didnt care. All I knew was that she was here, and I was happy that she was here and I was suddenly wishing we were alone. If Eden wasnt in the house I would have pulled her inside and had her naked before she had a chance to say Geronimo. Or at the very least I would have tried my damnedest. But I wasnt alone and I knew that Eden was most likely watching us from one of the windows. With a sigh I let Georgia go, though my hand slid down her forearm until I settled her small hand in mine. Without a word we turned and retraced my steps until we found our way to the back yard. Eden burst out of the houseI knew shed been spyinga giant grin on her

face as she stared down at us from the deck. So, Benjamin, youve been keeping a secret from me. I didnt bother to deny it. Eden, this is Georgia. Georgia tugged her hand from mine and I didnt let her go easilyI didnt want the connection to end. Hi, Georgia said slowly, an adorable blush staining her cheeks. Im sorry about before. I was kind of rude and I thought she stumbled over her words. Well I just You thought I was a puck bunny? Eden shrugged. Dont worry about it. Her gaze swung to me. I can see why Ben was so anxious to get back here. He even blew off our family barbecue and our nana

was not happy about that. That was an understatement, but Id promised to make it up to Nan, so we were good. Eden glanced my way. Im gonna drive into town for the pizza because it will be quicker than waiting for them to deliver. Can I have your keys? Sure, theyre on the table in the front hall. Eden nodded. Nice to meet you, Georgia. She disappeared inside the house and I looked at the girl beside me. So, I said, my voice low. A shy, nervous grin stole her mouth. So, she repeated softly. You came. For a moment her heart shaped face

fell and I took a step forward, my hand under her chin, tugging her face up to meet mine. Hey, I dont need to know what last week was about. I get that there are things about you that I dont know. I bent forward and slid my mouth across hers. Things that you need to figure out, but Im happy to take all the time we need. I thought, she said hesitantly, before exhaling her warm breath against me. I didnt think I could do this. You. Me. But I want toI want to try and see what happens. The girl was killing me. Staring up at me with those huge blue eyes that made me feel as if they could see down into the bottom of my soul. Stumbling over her words. Biting that bottom lip. Where the hell had she come from? Had I been

waiting for her? Was it chance? Or fate? Did I really care? I held out my hand. You want to see the barn? I did a purge and organized it for you. Surprise knotted her forehead and for a second I thought I had blown it because she didnt reach for my hand and she sure as hell didnt seem excited. What do you mean? I shrugged, trying to make out that it didnt really matter if she wasnt into my idea, even though it mattered a hell of a lot. I just thoughtI know how much you liked that barn and well, Matt explained that you were staying with him because youre trying to decide what to do with college and stuff and I just thought I heaved a breath and ran my fingers across

the day old stubble on my chin. I just thought you might like to use it as a studio. You know, for your painting. Okay, she was going to think I was an absolute loser. What kind of guy offered up an art studio to a girl he was just getting to know? For the first time my idea the one that had seemed so right when Id arrived this morningkind of sucked and I frowned. Georgia King was going to think I was controlling freak. But then a smile slowly crept over her face and there went my damn heart again, racing to the moon. Man, if I could rewind the last five seconds just to see that happen all over again, Id be a happy man. Really? But, arent you going to use it for something? Storage or I dont know

a place to practice your slap shots? I grabbed her hand again, my thumb rubbing along the sensitive area above her wrist. No, I said carefully. Im good. My slap shots are good. My aim is always true. Really, she whispered. Yeah. Its kind of crazy but I get paid a lot of money because of it. Uh huh. So, you know, the barn is all yours if you want it. A heartbeat passed. Her eyes darkened and she licked her lips. I want it, she said and I knew she wasnt talking about the barn. Another heartbeat passed. Holy hell.

Chapter Fourteen
Georgia
So, Georgia, I glanced up at Bens sister, my mouth full of pizza and my stomach coiled tight. She seemed nice but a little protective of her brotherwhich I got, they were obviously tightbut I wasnt so sure where she was headed and I wasnt in the mood for an interrogation. Whats your deal? She took a sip of beer. Do you go to college? Do you live nearby? Great. I glanced at Ben, but he settled back in his deck chair, his dark eyes intimate as he

gazed at me expectantly. I didnt see a way out of this unless I wanted to sound like an absolute bitch. Right now Im staying in Philly with my brother Matt. Im kind of in-between stuff right now. You know, figuring things out. Oh. She seemed a little surprised. Do you work then? My cheeks flushed as a wave of heat rolled through me. I didnt need to work, not with my inheritance, but that didnt mean I wouldnt want a job. Id thought of applying for a part time gig at an art gallery downtown but I knew as soon as they did their background check Id never get hired. Who was going to hire a crazy person? I didnt think Oak Run was going to look real good on a resume.

So what was the point? No, I answered abruptly. Eden took a sip of her beer, pointing to my bottle of water. Did you want something a little stronger to go with your pizza? Theres beer but weve also go vodka. I dont drink. Shit this was going well. She seemed surprised at that one and was silent for a few seconds. At all? Like youre opposed to it? Irritated, I pasted a fake smile on my face and exhaled. I just dont drink. Seriously, Eden? Ben sat a little straighter. Were not doing the third degree thing. Eden ignored her brother. And Matt, hes one of the coaches for the Flyers?

Thats how you guys met? Yes. I darted another look at Ben, but he was watching me in a way that made my skin tingle. Georgia paints, he said suddenly. Edens eyebrows shot up. Really? Thats cool. She leaned back in her chair and shook her head. Im challenged when it comes to that shit. I can draw stick people and thats about it. Ben snorted. Youre challenged when it comes to most shit. She tossed a beer cap at him. Youre an asshole. With a giggle she glanced my way again. Hes lying. Im into sports too, track, and Im attending USC on a scholarship while studying medicine. Great. Was the entire Lancaster family

filled with over achievers who not only looked amazing but excelled at everything they did? My life of partying and trouble and good times seemed so lame compared to these two and I couldnt help but think Bens interest in me was purely sexual. What the hell did I have that would keep someone like him interested beyond getting laid? My level of comfort took another nosedive and I tried to keep a smile on my face but it didnt work, so I stared at my toes instead. But Eden wasnt done. So are you still in college? I forced the pizza stuck in my throat, down, and shrugged. I took a year off but Im hoping to go back in the fall or maybe next year I finished lamely. Or maybe

never. Oh, wow, thats cool that your parents are fine with you taking time, you know? Our older sister wanted a year off between high school and college and man, she glanced at Ben and made a face. Mom and Dad were not happy with her plan and eventually wore her down. I didnt say anything and silence fell between us. I didnt want to chat about college or parents or anything that had to do with me. The gap between what I was and what theyd both become was as big as the fucking Grand Canyon. I knew Eden was just curious, but her direct way of looking at me, made me uncomfortable and I didnt know how to tell her to back off without sounding like a bitch. Okay, Eden. Are we done with the

twenty million questions? Ben jumped to his feet and held out is hand to me. Let me show you the house. I wiped my hands on my lap and reached for him, grateful for a distraction. Except he was way more than a distraction. He was something to lose myself in and when his fingers touched mine, when that thread of energy we shared exploded and rushed across my skin, I think I might have groaned. He grinned. In fact, Im sure I did. Ben leaned close, his arm sneaking around my waist. Dont worry about Eden. Shes always in my business. She has been since the day we were born. We. Wait a minute. You guys are twins? Of course they were. Why would

God only gift the world with one perfect Lancaster? Why not have two of them walking the earth? Yep. Technically shes older by a few minutes but they dont really count. I smiled but didnt say anything because I totally thought it would count at least for Eden. Ben guided me into the housewed shared pizza on the deckand it was beautiful. He gave me a tour of the main floor and I could tell that he was really into the details of the place. It was a massive brick colonial that had been modernizedhed said it was old, built in the 1930s. There were a lot of wood floors, exposed brick and a couple fire places to boot. It seemed bigger than it was, mainly

because there wasnt much furniture and after showing me around the fully finished basement, and spending a few extra minutes in what was going to be his future man-cave, we ended back up in the main floor master bedroom. Bens room. Bens awesome room with the biggest bed I had ever seen. Wow, I said turning in a full circle. Again it was pretty much bare, except for the huge bed, but what an amazing room. It was all dark wood, rich floors, a fire place and it had high, cathedral ceiling and half of it was glass. It was amazing. The half that was glass reached over his bed. It was insanely cool and from the grin on Bens face I could tell he was really proud of the place.

Ben, its amazing. Yeah, he said slowly, taking three steps until he was inches from me. It is. Anymore words I had dried up as he bent forward and kissed me. His lips were warm, soft and my hands snaked around his neck because if I didnt hold onto something I was going to fall. I tasted beer and mintthe guy was a stickler for Wrigleys gumand when his tongue slid between my lips I met him head on. It was a hungry kiss, one filled with the need to connect, and I groaned into him when he suckled on my bottom lip, his eyes on me. I couldnt look away. I felt like I was drowning in a sea of chocolate eyes, hard bodies and desire. He let go of my lip, his hands sliding

down my back until he cupped my ass and pulled me as close as he could. God, Ive thought of this every day. His mouth slid to my jaw and then he nibbled his way down my neck to that place beneath my ear. The place that drove me crazy. I shuddered when his hot breath rolled across my skin and when he began to suckle me, his lips and mouth pulling on my skin, I closed my eyes and went limp in his arms. Ben, I breathed. Feel good? he whispered, his voice hitting low and intimate in my ear. Yes. I was awash in sensation and god, it had been so long since Id felt alive. He picked me up, laid me on the bed and then stood back a few inches, his dark

eyes staring down at me, while he raked his hands through that long tangle of hair at his nape. Georgia, youre A days worth of stubble shadowed his jaw and chin and I wanted to run my fingers across him, taste him again. I wanted to feel more. My dress was bunched high on my thighs and when his gaze rested there briefly, the ache between them erupted and I squirmed, needing more. Wheres your sister? I asked breathlessly. She wont come back here if thats what youre worried about. Good, take your shirt off. My voice sounded low and throaty and a thrill shot through me when he reacted instantly and

tossed his T-shirt onto the floor before crawling onto the bed beside me. This man was beautiful. Everything about him was beautiful. I rolled over and pushed him onto his back, my eyes on his as I lifted my dress just enough for him to catch sight of my baby blue panties, and to allow my legs enough room to straddle him. I had no idea where this was leading tooscratch that, of course I knew where this was leading to, but I didnt know how far we were going to go. Was I really going to sleep with him tonight? Could I give in and do it? Would I regret it? Would he take what I offered and then end this? Whatever this was? His hands settled on either side of me, his fingers caressing my bare thighs as my

gaze rolled over every indent and muscle that I could see. He was hard, I felt his erection against my crotch and an almost pained expression crept across his face when I bent forward. Jesus, Georgia, he said harshly when I reached down and licked a nipple. I kissed my way over to the intricate tattoo that graced his left pectoral, my breath hitching when his hands claimed my hips, his fingers digging in as he held me against him. He thrust upward and I knew he could tell how turned on I was. Whats the tattoo mean? I barely got the words out. His eyes glittered and my heart skipped, it fumbled and took off again. Courage. My fingers traced the outline of it,

taking a moment and trying to get a hold of myself. I like it. Take your top off, he rasped. My eyes flew to his and a low, sexy grin spread across his face, though his gaze remained intense. Its only fair, dont you think? Slowly I reached behind my neck and undid the ties of my halter dress. Once they were loose I let them fall forward and then tugged on the ends, inhaling sharply as the material rolled over my erect nipples, until I was exposed fully. I had been naked with guys many times before. But he made me feel as if this was the first time that mattered. And I couldnt believe it, but I was nervous. Damn nervous. And this was coming from the girl who had doffed her top in public more

times than she could remember. Holy fuck, youre beautiful. He sounded as if he was in pain and he shifted abruptly, his hands traveling up my waist as he righted himself. No longer was he on his back, but now he was sitting, facing me. The look in his eyes was something fierce and I think I forgot to breathe because when he dipped his head and slid his hot, wet mouth across my nipples I exhaled sharply and grabbed his shoulders for support. So fucking beautiful, he murmured. His hands were on my ribcage and I couldnt move if I wanted to. He kissed every inch of my breasts and when he closed his mouth over one of my nipples and suckled, hard, I nearly lost it. Each

pull shot through my body and hit me hard in gut, churning everything hot with need. A need that traveled lower. A need that burned. Ben, I whispered, my hands now in his hair, holding his head in place because I didnt want any of these sensations to end. I wanted more. I moved my hips suggestively, grinding my body on him. Loving the feel of his erection pressed into me. More. We gotta stop. Wait. What? No, I said on a half moan. Its okay. I wont freak out like last time. He looked up at me, his eyes soft, his breaths ragged. Well thats good to

know. His eyes fell to my bare breasts and with a groan he gathered up the ends of my halter top and leaned over my shoulder. I rested my forehead on his chest, not really sure what had just happened. Maybe he didnt want me. Maybe this was a game and he was seeing how far he could go? When was the last time I had been with a guy who wanted to wait? Had he somehow figured out how screwed up I was? Was this his way of letting me down gently? My fingers splayed out along his chest as he carefully lifted my hair off my neck. I heard his heart beating. Rapidly. Hard. Fast. And it confused me more than ever.

Ben, I said shakily. Its okay, peaches. Peaches. I loved that. My dress was tied and his breath was warm along my exposed neck. I dont want you to think this is easy for me. Fuck, Ive dreamt of getting you naked in my bed for days now. His fingers caressed my skin and I shuddered. But were not quite there yet. I dontI dont understand. Dont you want me? I yanked my head back so that I could see him. Shadows fell across his face and I hoped I didnt look as pathetic as I sounded. Georgia, its easy to give in to something that feels good. His eyes smoldered. But I dont want easy. Ive had easy. I want something worth a hell of

a lot more than easy. Oh. Oh. Wow. It was then, in that moment, that I knew I was in deep trouble. Ben Lancaster was going to break me and I didnt care. I didnt care at all.

Chapter Fifteen
Ben
Youve got it bad, bro. I was at the airport with Eden waiting for her flight back home. It was a week since Georgia had moved her stuff into the barn and made it into a cool studio. A week since Id covered those luscious breasts and put the brakes on what had to be the hottest make out session Id ever had. A week of endless fucking cold showers. I glanced at my sister and scowled, but she just smiled and shook her head. Bad, she repeated.

No thanks to you. Whats that supposed to mean? Dont play games, Eden. You made it pretty much impossible for me to get Georgia alone all week. She opened her mouth to say something but I didnt give her the chance. No, dont bother denying it. I just dont get why. You need to be careful, Ben. I frowned. Whats that supposed to mean? Eden shrugged and grabbed her bag off the floor as her flight was called to board. Dont get me wrong. I like her but shes holding something back. I cant figure it out and I just I got to my feet and shoved my hands into the front pockets of my cargo shorts. You just what?

She glanced at the ticket counter and sighed. I dont want you to get in too deep with her until... At my raised eyebrows she paused, her brows furrowed. Im serious, Ben. I cant read her. Shes really good at deflecting and I dont know where shes at. I dont know anything about her all, except that she lives with her brother and she dropped out of college. Dont you find that kind of weird? College isnt for everyone, Eden. Thats not what I mean and you know it. I dont know anything else about her. She never talks about her family or her friends. Doesnt she have any girlfriends? She paints a lot and yes, shes talented but what are her goals? Is she just going to fill up your barn with her paintings and leave

them there for the mice to admire? Im not the one sleeping with her so thats fine if she doesnt want to share that shit with me, but you? Has she shared any of that stuff with you? My scowl deepened. I hated that my sister hit the nail right on the head. I knew nothing. Fuck, I didnt even know who this Seamus guy was and she was seeing him today. I tried to talk her into coming with me to the airport. I said after Edens flight left Id take her anywhere she wanted to go. To the beach. Golfing. A bar. Anything. She laughed. Said she couldnt and told me not to worry. Seamus was just a friend. And besides, shed just be in the way. I know this is serious for you, Ben. I

see it. Shit, you cant keep your eyes off of her. But with Georgia she shrugged. Unless shes willing to share everything with you, I dont see this working out. Youre not the kind of guy who does things half way. You never have been. Eden. No, Im serious, Ben. Be careful. Shes different from any of the other girls youve dated. Ive spent the last week at your place and shes been there every day and I dont feel I know her any better than I did the first day I met her. Maybe she doesnt like you. Her eyebrows shot up. Maybe, but that doesnt change anything. Eden. Fuck, what are you trying to say? Irritated, I scowled at her. Shes the coolest girl Ive ever met.

I know she is and thats why I want you to promise me youll be careful with her. Youre not used to meeting anyone whos cooler than you. This is a first. Eden bent forward and kissed my cheek, yanking the top of my Cubs cap until it bent low over my eyes. I love you dick head. And then she was gone. I took a moment and thought about what shed said and even though it rubbed me the wrong way, Eden was right. But she was also wrong. Id been paying it cool, watching Georgia from the sidelines all week busy with the landscapers, the roof guys, the window guys. My older sister had flown in for two days and Matt had come out to see the place, as well.

We ran together every morning but Eden joined us too. So the more I thought about it, I decided that my sister was being a little unfair. There had been no time to get to know Georgia. Not really. The few times Id been able to get her alone wed made out like a couple of horny teenagers Christ the girl could kissand kissing didnt lead to conversation. It led to heavy petting. And a fuck-load of cold showers. I began to move through the airport and once I was inside my truck pulled out my cell phone. I was going to send Georgia a text but then thought, fuck it, and called her instead. I was done keeping my distance. Done waiting. I wanted to know everything about this

girl and I was going to start digging in tonight. Eden was gone, I had my place to myself and there were no distractions. No excuses. It was game on. She picked up on the third ring and I couldnt hide the goofy grin that spread across my face at the sound of her voice. Hey, she breathed. Hey. I cleared my throat. What the hell was wrong with me? I was already tongue tied. What are you doing? Nothing, she said quickly. I mean, Im having lunch with Seamus in half an hour but other than that, nothing. Seamus. Seamus the fucking cat. I was going to find out who this guy was if it killed me. My good mood washed away, replaced with irritation. Maybe Ill swing by.

A pause. Swing by? Sure, Id love to meet your buddy. Another pause. The damn pauses pissed me off. It was like she was trying to think of something to say and if she was doing that it meant that this Seamus guy wasnt just a friend. Who the hell was he? You wouldnt enjoy lunch with Seamus. I wouldnt. It was funny how this girl was able to tie me up in less than a minute. I thought of Edens wordsof how she was holding backand I clenched my teeth together. Even more pissed I glared out the window, thumping my palm against the steering wheel. No. Heswell, hes just different

and youd find him boring. Really. It sounds like you dont believe me. I didnt. Her voice was at least a pitch higher than normal and I knew something wasnt right. Was she cheating on me? Panic hit me hard and I blew out a long, hot breath. Maybe her feelings werent as deep as mine. I thought of what Eden had said and my mood darkened. Had I read this all wrong? Was she playing me? Georgia, who is this guy? Another pause. I dont want to talk about him. She sounded small. My fuse was burning real bright at about this point. I wasnt used to being jerked around and right now this girl had

me dancing on the edge of a rope like I was a fucking puppet. Well that sure as hell says a lot. Ben, she said softly. Hes not what you think. I dont know what he is or what to think because youre not giving me anything. Fuck. What are we doing here? I head her exhale, a long, shaky breath. What do you want, Ben? A hot little blonde had been staring at me from across the parking lot for a few minutes and she ambled over, a small, sexy smile on her face. Shed eyed me up in the airport too. I knew the look. I knew what she wanted. What do I want? I can tell you what I dont want. I

dont want to be the guy youve got in your back pocket while youre fucking someone else. I knew the words were harsh but they fell out of me before I could stop them. The blonde was beside my truck with a black sharpie in her hand. She wanted an autograph. She licked her lips suggestively. She wanted more than an autograph. Im not fucking anyone, Georgia retorted and if I had taken the time to listen, I might have heard the hurt in her voice. But I didnt. I was pissed. Yeah, well neither am I. Youre being an asshole. I rolled the window down and nodded. Hey. Who are you talking to? Georgia

asked sharply. The blonde leaned over, her breasts practically falling out of her tight, pink top. She mouthed, Ben Lancaster?, and I nodded as she yanked on her top and handed me the sharpie. Ben? Georgia prodded angrily. A fan. The girl giggled, her voice an annoying combination of sugar and sweet. Maybe you could sign both of them? Are you autographing her tits? Georgia didnt wait for an answer. You really are an asshole. There was no mistaking the hurt in her voice and though my anger still burned hard, there was also the uncomfortable feeling of something I didnt quite recognize. Click.

Fuck me. What the hell had just happened?

Chapter Sixteen
Georgia
Secrets are heavy. Theyre heavy and theyre hard and sharp and they suck. They press into your chest and make it hard to breathe. They make it hard to sleep or relax or just to be But most of all secrets made me sad. And sad made me scared. My clock glowed on the table beside my bed. It was Saturday morning, barely past four and still dark outside. I rolled over and fell out of bed, shivering as I crossed the room to my window. I leaned against the glass and

gazed into the quiet below. There were no stars, nothing to light the darkness and I thought that maybe it was going to rain. Great. Rain plus sad was going to make for one hell of an awesome Saturday. Go me. I picked the edge of the window sill and turned so that my cheek was now pressed against the glass. I was still pissed at Ben, but the initial hurt had passed. I didnt blame him for being an asshole, but that didnt mean I had to like it. I wanted to think that he was jealous because he had no idea who Seamus was, or what he meant to me. He had no idea that in the past there were days when Seamus was the only thing standing between myself and a return to Oak Run.

Oak Run. Just the thought of that place made me shudder. How the hell was I going to explain that one? Hey Ben, Im kinda sorta fucked and last fall I tried to kill myself and then they made me go stay in a hospital thats not really a hospital but a mental institution because Im also kinda sorta crazy. No bigee, it kinda sorta runs in the family. Shame burned inside me and I closed my eyes, hating the tight band of tension that rolled across my shoulders. How was I going to explain to Ben that I was damaged? That my brain was totally fucked up? That the chemistry was out of whack. That unless I took my daily dose of meds I was out of whack?

How was he going to react when I told him what happened at college? When I told him about my insane run half naked run through the quad? Tears burned the corners of my eyes and I rapidly blinked them away. God, it was so wrong. Even Kendall had retreated when I spiralled into that black pit of despair. She had no idea what was going on and as crazy as she was, shed taken a step back because I scared her that much. Matt was still bitter over Kendall. Hed said she had left when things got rough. That she wasnt a true friend. And then hed blamed her for that drug and alcohol fueled weekend when everything had fallen apart. Shed started out partying with me that Friday night but as things heated up and turned sour, shed left.

The thing of it was, even though what he said was kind of true, I didnt blame Kendall. Not really. He hadnt seen me at my worst so he didnt know just how far I had fallen. I wasnt easy. I was dark and twisty. And I was dangerous. Kendall disappeared for the first few months Id been in the hospital, calling only a few times and never visiting. There had always been an excuse. Her new job. Some new guy she was banging. A family obligation. And I got it. I got that what I was, and what I had done, wasnt easy for most people to handle. Hell, it was hard for Matt and he was my brother. So how was Ben going to react when I dumped this on him? Did I really want to

know the answer? Wasnt it obvious? He was riding the wave of a shooting star and II was just struggling to keep my head above water. I began to shiver and for a moment everything inside sped up. My heart raced and heat burned, scorching from the inside out. I moaned, hating the way the pieces inside me rattled and shook and moved. It was chaotic and scary. It was crazy. Sweat broke out along my forehead, leaving me cold and shaking. Shit, I couldnt let this escalate. I closed my eyes and concentrated. I reached for the words, the words and melody I needed. Is it getting better? Or do you feel the same? I focused on the song, One, by U2.

Seamus had suggested this in one of our first sessions. He told me that when things started to get chaotic if I could manage to focus on something that calmed me, it would help. Music helped. Music had always helped. I heard Bonos voice. I felt his passion and I let the melody wash over me. It slid inside and got into my head and it pushed the bad parts away. Im not sure how long I leaned against the window, chest heaving, skin cold and clammy. But eventually the pieces inside me slowed, they clicked and lined up. My chest relaxed and I was able to breathe easier. I decided that a run would help. In the dark and quiet I changed into my gear, grabbed a water bottle and tip toed

out of the loft. Id ran every single morning with Ben and his sister, out along the back country roads near his place and this morning, here, alone, it just wasnt the same. Those early runs settled me in a way I couldnt replicate and even though I ran longer than normal, the demons that knocked hard just wouldnt quiet. They followed me every step of the way and when I got back to the loft, I was wound tighter than when Id left. Matt was still asleepnot surprising, he wasnt aloneand as the darkness fell into grey, I had a quick shower, took my meds, got dressed and in less than five minutes was out the door. Joe was just coming on duty and even though I wasnt in the mood to make small

talk, it was hard to avoid his kind eyes. I waved a quick hello, and we chatted for a few minutes about nothing importanthe didnt usually work Saturdays but the weekend guy had called in sickand then I headed to the parking garage toward the silver BMW that had been the last gift my parents had given me for my eighteenth birthday. It had been delivered from storage a few days earlier because Matt was tired of lending me his wheels. Rain was just starting to fall as I pulled into Bens driveway. His truck was gone and I parked in his spot, my stomach twisting as I sat staring at the house for way too long. He wasnt home, but then what the hell had I expected?

Guys like Ben didnt spend their Friday nights alone. Guys with money and fame. Guys with eyes that could make any girls heart go crazy. Guys with no ties. No girlfriend. I was nothing. Not really. Its not as if we had any sort of defined relationship. In fact all we had were our morning runs and a few hot and heavy make out sessions. Im not sure how long I stayed in the car but it was long enough for the windows to fog up and for the humidity to seep inside. My skin was clammy, my stomach in knots and my mouth dry. I checked my cell phone once more but there were no text messages. Nothing in my voicemail. I bit my lip and cursed. Maybe he was inside. Maybe someone had borrowed his

truck. Are you that fucking stupid? It was nearly eight by now and I was either going to leave or I pushed open the door and ran up the steps to Bens front door before I lost my nerve and with my heart in my throat I rang the doorbell and waited. And waited some more. I rang it again and tried to peek through the window to the right, but it was no use. I couldnt see inside but it was now official. He wasnt home. I took a step back, smoothing my light blue cotton skirt over my hips as I bit my lip in frustration. Where was he? All sorts of things raced through my head and all of those things ended up with Ben in bed with some bimbo. The bimbo

hed met at the airport. The bimbo whod yanked out her tits for him to sign. I was shaken and hated how affected I was by the thought of him with another girl. He wasnt mine. He didnt belong to me. Whatever, I muttered. I ran down the steps and paused. Did I really want to go home and play nice while Matt tried to get rid of whoever the hell it was whod moaned her way through several hours the night before? No. God no. I took a sharp left, following the path that led through Bens back yard, through the trees that surrounded it, and out to my barn. My studio. He could fuck whoever he wanted. I was going to show him that I didnt care.

This was my space and I would spend the day painting and Ben Lancaster could go to hell. I worked on a piece I had started a few days earlier and just like all the others lately, a large gaping mouth opened in the very center of the canvas. The face was androgynous with undefined features and as I stared at it, I knew this person was screaming. Screaming to get out. Screaming to escape. Screaming to live. I grabbed my tools and got to work and it was hours before I put down my brush and stood back, admiring my handy work. The air was thick with humidity. It stuck to my skin, shrink-wrapped my white tank top to my body and filled my nostrils with summer.

My heart was beating fast and I exhaled in an effort to calm myself, running a hand through the thick, tangled waves of hair that fell past my shoulders. I took a step back, my eyes moving to the window. Outside the rain washed the glass in a blurry stream and the images beyond werent clear. I saw color. Green. Pink and purple. Brown. I took a step toward the door, my mind racing and it felt as if my skin was pulled too tight. Before I could think about it, I tossed my white flats and stepped out into the rain. The grass was soft beneath my bare toes and the colors Id seen from inside popped. Grass. Flowers. Earth. Raising my head to the gray sky with my eyes closed, I stood there, letting the

gentle wash roll over me and slide down my body. I still felt heavy but the rain was somehow light. It was warm and the sound of it in my ear was calming. Several long moments passed and with each of them I felt the tension lessen. The heaviness evaporated like raindrops on heated blacktop. I glanced toward the trees. I saw their branches bend toward me, beckoning me, and slowly walked toward them until I disappeared inside their embrace. The rain still fell, cleansing the earth, maybe cleansing my soul and by the time I cleared the forest my body was humming something fierce. I was in hyper mode and I swear I could hear the grass growing, the ants beneath their shadow, scurrying through

the puddlesthe blood rushing through my veins, the frantic beat of my heart. I rubbed moisture from my eyeswas it tears or rain? And it was then that I saw him. Ben stared at me from across the yard. He was shirtless, hands shoved into the front of his jeans and rain soaked hair a mad mess that clung to his face and neck. He was far enough away that I couldnt see his features clearly, but I felt him. I felt him as if he was pressed against me. As if he was inside me. Time did that funny stop-watch thing. It slowed down and froze. The grass stopped growing. The ants stopped moving. I think my heart even stopped beating. But the rain still fell. It slid over my

hot skin like a frantic caress and I groaned, so incredibly confused and turned on. I was chasing that shooting star that held him so far above me and right now, in this moment, I would do anything to catch it. I held my breath because something was about to change. Ben ran a hand through his hair, pushed it off his face. A heartbeat passedthen he stepped off the deck. And everything changed.

Chapter Seventeen
Ben
I had to hold myself back when I first saw her so I shoved my hands into my pockets and hunched my shoulders in an effort to deflect whatever the hell it was she had that pulled me in. She was wet from the rain, her white tank top transparent so I had no problems seeing the black bra she wore underneath it. Riding low on her hips was a pale blue skirt and I dont know if it was because it was weighed down with water or if I was just fucking lucky, because a lot of skin showed above it. And because it was short, those sexy legs were bare from mid-

thigh down. Her hair was wild, curling around her shoulders in long, dark, wet ropes, and my gut tightened when she took a step forward. I was wound so tight it felt like I was going to break apart, something Id never felt before, not like this. No fucking way. And I was hard. Instantly, painfully, hard. I wasnt used to wanting something and not getting it. And I hadnt been laid in a few weeksnot since Id met Georgia so the situation between my legs was pretty damn intense. I dont know what happened between us the day before but I sure as hell didnt believe she was fucking some guy named Seamus. Not anymore. Id stopped by Matts this morning hoping to see Georgia

but she was gone. She was already here. And while Matt tried like hell to get rid of his hookup, Id grilled him about this Seamus guy. Though hed been vague, the one detail he was willing to give up was that this guy was oldlike in his fortiesand there was no way she was into him. It had been the best feeling in the worldknowing thatand then Matt had gone quiet. Hed told me that if I hurt her he would break my fucking legs. Hurt her? I wanted to do a lot of things to Georgia King and hurting wasnt even close to any one of them. I wanted her. I wanted to make her scream my name while I was inside her. I wanted to look into her eyes while she came and know that it was because of me.

I wanted to touch her face. Steal her kisses and share her breath. She was turning me inside out and I was fucking done. I stepped off the deck and put one foot in front of the other until I was inches from her. Until I could smell the summer that clung to her skin and see the raindrops on the edges of her eyelashes. Her eyes were almost opaque, the hint of green so light they looked like mirrors. I could fall into them if I wasnt careful. Her lips trembled and her chest heaved. A smudge of brown paint marred her cheek and she froze when I reached for it. I froze when I touched her. She was the most beautiful girl Id ever seen. Hands down. Slowly, I wiped the paint off her face

and then both of my hands crept into her hair, holding her hostage as my eyes memorized everything about her. Her eyes fluttered shut and she leaned into my touch, moaning softly. I was done for. Totally fucking wrecked and Id barely begun. I bent forward bypassing that amazing mouth, my lips caressing along her jaw until I rested against her neck, just below her ear, and whispered. Im sorry I was such an asshole yesterday. She shuddered in my hands and pitched forward, her forehead on my chest. Where were you last night? Her words were hesitant and I stilled, a little confused and not really sure where she was headed.

I was here. Were you alone? What the hell? I moved and lifted her chin so that I could see her. So that she could see me and know I wasnt fucking around. What do you want to know, Georgia? Just ask. Ive got nothing to hide. She blinked slowly as if thinking of the right words and then with a small breath she spoke. Your truck wasnt here this morning and I thought She paused, her eyes widening, her mouth open. I thought you might have spent the night with someone. I know what its like for you guys, girls are all over you and Iwe havent I knew that I was in serious shit because I cared what she thought. I cared

that she was upset at the thought of me with someone else. Hell, I liked it. It meant that we were even. The thought of her with Seamus had nearly driven me over the edge but at least I hadnt suffered alone. I drove to Philly this morning but I guess we just missed each other. Ive been back for a while, holed up in the house thinking about you. Wanting to give you some space and going crazy. My hands slipped behind her head again and I reached for her, my lips grazing the corner of her mouth. Dont you know the only girl I want to be with is you? I havent even looked at anyone else since I walked into your brothers loft. I nuzzled her neck. Damn, you in those fucking panties have kept me up way too

many nights. My hands were now rolling down her back and I cupped that sweet ass, pulling her in as tight as I could so that there was no way she could miss how badly I wanted her. Theres only you, Georgia. She made this noiseone that drove me crazy and then her arms snaked up my shoulders, her fingers digging in hard as her mouth kissed butterflies along my neck until we met in the middle. She opened beneath me and I kissed her hard, my tongue delving deep as if claiming every inch of her was important. I wanted to go slow and tender but there was no way that was happening. I was barely holding on. She kept making those noisesthose crazy fucking noises that

went straight to my dickand with my hand still on her ass, I kissed her like Id never kissed a woman before. This was no soft and gentle taste. I was too far gone for that and when she bit my bottom lip, whimpering, I knew she was too. Her body was flush to mine and when she squirmed against me, my insides nearly fucking exploded. Ben, she whispered hoarsely, breaking the kiss and staring up into my eyes. The rain still fell, soft drops that slid down her face, rolling across skin and dampening an already see-through tank top. I held her gaze, mesmerized at the sight of her pink tongue against her teeth. When I bent forward, she inhaled sharply, and

with my eyes still on hers, I caressed her hard nipples and then followed my fingers with my mouth, closing hard over one hard nub. Ben, thats soso good, she said on a groan. I was breathing heavy and for a moment we just stared at each other, knowing wed crossed a line somewhere and not giving a shit. I want you, I said, barely able to get the words out. I want you right now. Right here. But I wont God I was coming apart, my body so tight and hard it felt like I was gonna rip wide open. I pushed away, shaking my head in an effort to get it together. Even though its killing me I dont want to push you, not if youre not ready. I can wait.

I think I can do this. I can wait. Georgias hands crept down, her fingers rolling beneath the edge of her tank top. I took another step back, exhaling roughly and running my hands through my wet hair, not really sure what was happening. Those big, expressive eyes of hers were latched onto me with an intensity that set my world on fire. Ben, Ive been waiting for you since before we met. With one quick movement she pulled her top over her head and tossed it to the ground. Shit, I whispered roughly. Im done waiting, she said simply and then she undid her bra and it let it fall away from her. For one red hot moment I didnt know

if I was coming or going. I didnt know if this was real or fantasyhell, Id been dreaming about her for days. Her nipples were hard, her breasts perfect and soft. Touch me, Ben. She didnt have to ask twice. I reached for her and wound my hand into that mess of hair, sliding my mouth across hers, my tongue seeking hers, dancing with hers while my other hand rested on the tips of her perfect breasts. She pushed into me and I kissed my way along her neck, trailing a line all the way down until I licked and suckled her nipple. Her hands were in my hair, her fingers sharp along my skull, but she made that fucking throaty sound again and I growled against her wanting more. My hands

slipped down her waist and I hooked into her skirt. With one strong pull it was around her feet and she stood before me in nothing but a pair of the sexiest pale blue panties Id ever seen. I could barely breathe at this point and hiked her legs around my waist, grunting in pleasureor maybe painwhen she hooked them around me, her hot crotch pushed against my erection. I pulled her in, her breasts flush to my chest and her mouth on mine. I dont know how long we kissed. It could have been a few seconds or a few minutes. All I knew when the fog in my head finally cleared was that I needed to get Georgia into my bedroom and fast. I carried her through the rain and into my house, not stopping until we were in

my bedroom. Until she was on my bed, her entire body wet, glistening from the rain. Those big eyes regarded me in silence, moving down my body until they rested on the huge bulge in my jeans. Ben, if we do this Oh were doing this, Georgia. I unzipped my jeans and tore the wet denim off until I stood before her in a pair of white boxers that showed off every hard, engorged inch of my cock. I liked the way her eyes stayed there. The way her tongue darted out again and the way she moved her hips as if she was ready for me. It was the hottest thing Id ever seen. Theres no turning back now, Peaches. I cant promise that Ill fuck you nice and slow even though you deserve it,

because babe, Im already there. But I can promise that it will be hot. And youll be screaming my name before its done. I yanked on my boxers, suddenly free, and then I knelt on the floor beside the bed, hands reaching for her knees. I want to see you, I said gruffly. All of you. She lifted her hips. I tugged on her panties. And then every inch of her was mine.

Chapter Eighteen
Georgia
If you could die from anticipation I was there. I was there and I was in it and I was dying. Ben Lancaster dressed in jeans and a T-shirt was hot. Ben Lancaster standing at the end of the bed totally naked was a goddamn miracle. The man was beautiful. As if his wide shoulders, tapered waist and chiselled abs werent enough, there was his sexy tattooI was a sucker for tats and well, his erection was impressive. Really, really, impressive. His dark eyes glittered almost as if

they were fevered and when he fell to his knees and placed his hands on my legs I wanted to cry because it felt so good to be touched that way. To have someone as amazing as Ben look at me as if I was special. Youre so fucking beautiful. His voice was husky and deep. His breath was warm along my thigh and it took a bit of nudging on his part, but my legs gave way and I was fully exposed to him. A blush crept up my neck and along my face, which was weird. I was no angel. Id been in this situation before but it was different this time. Ben was different. Id never felt this much raw need and desire to connect with someone. Never. It pressed hard, making it difficult to

breathe, difficult to think. And I cant lie. It was scary as hell. This was different on so many levels. I didnt just want to fuck. I wanted something deeper. I wanted to matter. His mouth moved slowly and I shuddered when his hands gripped my thighs, when he held them apart, and when he kissed me down there. I think I moaned Im sure I didand I almost felt him smile against me. And then his tongue and fingers were on me. In me. Stroking. Licking. Sucking. I was going crazy and the pressure inside was red hot. It was exquisite and as the ball of ecstasy widened and throbbed and then exploded, it was his name on my lips. His face in my mind.

His head in my hands as I held him there. Ben. And then he was kissing his way up my belly, his hands on my breasts, fingers rubbing my nipples. Oh God, Ben, I whispered when he opened his mouth and sucked on my nipple, his tongue working it while he pulled and nipped. I could barely catch my breath and he grinned up at me, God has nothing to do with it, Peaches. Peaches. Hed called me that earlier as if it was his pet name for me. I fucking loved it. Our eyes held each other and for one intense moment we connectedreally connectedand I reached for him,

coaxing him up because I had to kiss him. I had to show him how I felt inside because I knew there was no way Id ever be able to explain it. I kissed him as if he was the air in my lungs. As if he was the blood in my veins. As if I needed him to live. And then I trailed a bunch of kisses down his neck, my hands all over his shoulders, falling to his abs and then lower. He moved slightly giving me room and I gazed into his eyes, loving the way his pupils dilated when my fingers found the hard length of him. Shit, Georgia. His voice was hoarse, the veins on the side of his neck stood bulging as I slowly stroked every inch of him from the base to the top. I cant, he said roughly. I wont

last. When he rolled away and grabbed a condom, I felt lost. I wanted him on me. Against me. In me. Sweat beaded along his forehead and I pushed away his rain dampened hair as he moved over me, his large body hot and hard. He cradled my face between his hands and as his mouth reached for me, as his tongue danced with mine, he eased inside me. Our eyes were open. I couldnt look away. I couldnt speak. I couldnt utter one single sound. It was as if this perfect moment was suspended in time and I would always remember what it felt like this first time. We werent fucking. We were making

love. His eyes were hooded as he began to move and he groaned into me. I knew you would feel like this. So hot, and tight, and fucking perfect. I still couldnt speak, but ran my hands along his shoulders as my hips met him thrust for thrust. We were perfect together. We fit in a way I had never experienced. Call it corny or stupid or whatever, but this guy was made for me. He hiked my leg higher and our rhythm increased as we strained against each other, into each other, long slow strokes that gradually increased. He murmured all kinds of things in my ear but I couldnt tell you what they were. His mouth was everywhere, licking and sucking, driving me crazy. On my

breasts, against my mouth. There beneath my ear. And when I felt that pressure build and expand I grabbed him and dragged his mouth back to mine. I kissed him, throwing everything I was feeling into that moment. I came just before he did and our worlds shattered together. Holy. Fucking. Shit. How in hell did you top something like this? For the longest time, Ben held himself over me, this weight on his elbows as he pulsed inside me. As our connection solidified. I felt his heart against my palms, his warmth along my skin and I never wanted him to leave. That was God, I couldnt vocalize

what was in my head. Ben leaned forward and kissed my cheek so tenderly it brought tears to my eyes. Yeah, he said softly. It was. I woke up to a dark room, a hard body pressed into my back and one arm slung over my waist. I could tell by the way he was breathing that Ben was asleep, and for a few moments I laid there, not wanting to be anywhere else, tucked into his body as if I belonged. I rested my head against him and listened to the rain that still fell outside as I gazed up through the glass ceiling above his bed. It was awesome lying here with Ben, underneath a dark rain-soaked sky. I didnt want it to end. Ever.

My throat tightened at the thought and I had to mentally smack myself down. How in hell could I be thinking of forever when A) wed just met a few weeks ago and B) I was messed up. Why would Ben want to get involved with someone as fucked up as me? A girl who had no idea if she would be healthy next week, let alone next month? As soon as he found out about the before me, hed either run or worse, hed try to fix me. And there was no way he could do that. Mental illness wasnt something you could fix. It was something to be managed. Something my mother had failed at, so why the hell did I think I was going to be any better at it? You need to learn to manage your

illness before you can give yourself to someone. And you need to be honest with that someone. Seamus words, not mine, and he should know. Wed chatted about Ben at our last session and hed told me point blank that it was a bad idea to get involved with someone right now. Hed said that I was still feeling my way through the darkness and that I needed to stand on my own before I could even consider being with someone, especially someone who had no idea that I was fucked. (His words had been more gentle but I knew what he meant.) When hed asked me if I had shared the details of my illness with Ben, Id stared at him in horror and shook my head. I couldnt answer him because the fear

inside me was that strong. Ben would run. Any sane person would run. Wouldnt he? Restless I slipped from Bens embrace and fell out of the bed. I was cold but my clothes were still in a damp pile on the floor beside the bed. I grabbed my cell phone out of the pocket in my skirt and then rummaged through his closet where I found a bright orange Flyers T-shirt. I slipped it over my head and then paused at the door. Ben was sprawled face down across the bed now, the blankets rumpled around his waist though they were low enough that I could see the top half of his nicely rounded ass. His face was turned slightly and I could only see his profile, but damn

he looked sweet with his messed up hair. My phone vibrated startling me and I glanced down at it quickly, noting that it was nearly eleven. I knew it was late but I was surprised at just how late it was. Having sex with Ben had eaten up most of the evening and after three rounds of hot, orgasm filled lovin wed fallen into an exhausted sleep. Shit. I slipped out of Bens bedroom and fingered my phone. It was Matt. He was probably freaking out because I hadnt talked to him all day and he had no idea where I was. Padding through the darkened house I headed for the kitchen and answered. Where the hell are you? His voice was harsh.

Hello to you too. Okay, he was pissed. Do you know its nearly midnight? Ive been going out of my fucking mind. Dont you check your phone? Okay, he was more than pissed. Georgia? Yes, Im here, Matt. Sorry. Thats it? Thats all youve got? Irritated at his tone I snapped back. I said I was sorry. Time just kind of got away from me. You dont have to worry. Im good. Well thats good to know now. Dammit, Georgia I was ready to call Seamus. Or the police or even fucking Kendall. Are you kidding me? I sputtered, my throat tight. What do you want me to say?

Im sorry I didnt pick up my fucking phone. But Jesus, Matt, its not even midnight and Im twenty years old. Its not like I have to check in with you. As long as you live with me you do. As long as Im responsible for you, you fucking do. Silence followed his angry words and my throat closed even more. Nice. Thanks for that. He swore and I could picture him running his hands through his blond hair and pacing through his loft. G, I just fuck, I was worried. He paused the space between us filled up with empty static. He cleared his throat. Ben came around looking for you too. I know. Where are you? he asked abruptly.

I winced, picking at the hem of my Tshirt. Im with Ben. Youre with Ben. Yeah. I tightened up, waiting for the blast that was going to come. Waiting for the condemnation, the anger or worse, the silent treatment. Instead I got a long sigh and I could picture him rumpling his messy blond hair. Are you coming home, Georgia? Surprised that he didnt chew me out for sleeping with Ben, I didnt answer right away. I gnawed on my bottom lip, hating how hed intruded into my perfect little bubble. Of course bubbles would burst and reality would set in, so why not now? G?

I dont think so, Matt. Its late. Awkward silence fell between us and I wrapped my arms around my waist, suddenly cold as hell. Look, Matt. Im sorry. I know you probably think this is a bad idea but II cant stay away from him and its not just me. Im pretty sure he feels the same way. I heard my brother exhale and hoped his disappointment wasnt too much. Okay, I get it. he said. Youre both adults so its not like I can get in your shit and tell you what to do but G, justI want you to be careful. I need for you to be careful. I almost lost you last year. I cant His voice broke and I swallowed painfully, a lump the size of a basketball stuck in my throat. Matt, Ill be good. Did I really

believe that? You still have a long way to go and IChrist, Georgia I know you think Im worried about Ben but I gotta tell you that its not Ben that Im concerned about.. Bens a big boy and unlike some of the other guys youve screwed around with, hes got brains. Hes the real deal. Ben Lancaster is headed for the top and I just dont want to see you hurt. I didnt need Matt to say anymore because it was pretty obvious that he, too, thought there was no room for a girl like me in Ben Lancasters world. My bubble instantly deflated because sadly, it was already too late. I was already in way too deep with a guy who was riding that shooting star, the one that had no room for me.

Ill see you tomorrow, Matt. Im sorry I worried you. I love you, G. I know, I whispered. I love you too. Im not sure how long I stood in the dark, staring out at nothing but I was surprised when two strong arms slipped around me from behind, pulling me back against a warm, rock hard body. Hey, Ben murmured against my neck. Shivers rolled over me and I closed my eyes, shaky, confused andas his mouth kissed a path along my neck up to behind my earhorny as hell and already damp for him. What are you doing out here? I smiled when he nipped at my ear, his

hands dropping to my hips holding me still while his erection ground against me. I was hungry. Did you eat? His tongue licked the edge of my earlobe and then traced the inside contours as I trembled in his arms. How could he do this to me? How was I already weak with need? How was I not hungry anymore? Because Im hungry. He continued his assault, his hands now underneath my T-shirt, rolling over my skin until his fingers were between my legs. Until he was inside me. But not for food. Ben, I said hoarsely, my mind already blind to everything except him. I groaned as he began to stroke me, while

his tongue continued to do wild and crazy things to my earlobe. Lets go back to bed and I promise Ill make you the biggest, baddest breakfast in the morningor later, I dont care. I just need you again. His whispers were feverish, his touch on fire. I need you right now, Georgia. God, the way he said my name. He lifted me without another word and I forgot about food. I forgot about Matt. I forgot everything except Bens mouth, his hands and his body. He took me to places Id only read about in those romance novels my mom used to read. Places I had never thought were real, because in my reality that kind of perfection was fake. It was unattainable. It had never been real until

now. I let him take me there more than once, and this time when we fell asleep together, we stayed that way until the sun came up.

Chapter Nineteen
Ben
I watched Georgia eat and though it sounds stupid and lame, man, I could watch that girl do nothing and be perfectly happy doing it. Her long hair was really tangled and wild looking, but I liked it. I liked that my hands had snaked through those waves and had sculpted them while Id been inside her. Just thinking of everything wed done the night before was enough to get me hard and I shifted in my seat, adjusting an already thickening erection as I watched her eat.

She had no makeup on and looked almost vulnerable as she sipped her coffee, her eyes on the yard, her body curled up in my T-shirt. We were on the deck out back having a big ass breakfast I dont mean to boast but Im pretty much the king of eggs and baconand it was almost nine. Time for me to ask the big question. Time for me to take this girl on a date. So, Peaches. She glanced my way, her eyes automatically moving down my bare chest, going lower to the large bulge in my boxers. Which, at least were black this morningnot that the color hid much. When her eyes met mine again, my gut tightened and my heart sped up. A smile widened that sexy-as-hell mouth and I

found myself answering with the same. How could I not? The girl was everything I had ever fantasized about and more.more because she was real. And shed spent the night with me. Peaches was mine, she just didnt know it yet. Why do you call me that? she asked softly. Peaches? She nodded. I dont know, I answered truthfully. It somehow fits. Georgia peach? She giggled. Im about as far away from a southern belle as you can get. No shit, I answered, my grin widening when she moved closer and whacked me on the arm. Whats that supposed to mean?

I had no idea what she said because when her legs untangled Id caught a peek at the treasure between them and every sane thought in my head automatically went south. Way fucking south. I couldnt believe itthis had to be some kind of recordbut I seriously could have bent her over the chair and taken her again. I was that hard and horny for her. I reached forward and kissed her, my hand in that hair, my tongue in her mouth. My plate crashed to the deck but I didnt give a shit and pulled her out of her chair and onto my lap because I needed to feel her. Touch her with my hands and my mouth. She squirmed against me and my fingers roved up her shirt, feeling for her

breastswanting to touch every inch of her body again. She made me crazy, so damn crazy, and we were just getting started. We came up for air and I took a breath and then whistled, low and suggestively. My T-shirt had ridden up past her chest so she was basically naked, and my cock was so hard it was standing on end like a fucking flag pole. Ben, she whispered, her mouth swollen from mine. We cant. We can, I grumbled against her. Youve got more stamina than a horse. Well, Im hung like one. What did you expect? She giggled and I decided that if I could hear that sound every minute of

every day, my life would be complete. Thats what this girl had done to me in the space of a few weeks. I went silent and just looked at her. I knew that what I was feeling wasnt just that excitement you got when you had hot sex with someone new. Id been there and done that many times. Whatever this was, it was more than that. A hell of a lot more than that. I should go, she said slowly, stretching her arms above her head. Her nipple was right there and I flicked my tongue over it, loving the whimper she made when I did it again. Do you have plans today? I asked lightly, tracing her nipple with my finger while I held her squiggling body prisoner. She stopped moving and bit her lip,

her eyes shadowing a bit, which had me sitting straighter and pulling her shirt down. I have to go home and shower, she shrugged. But other than that I have no plans. Good. A small smile tugged the corners of her lips. Why? Do you golf? I could tell she was surprised, but she nodded. Why? Ive got a buddy whos visiting family in the area and he invited me for a round with him and his girlfriend. I was hoping youd come with me. She didnt say anything for the longest time and I was starting to get nervous thinking Id somehow blown it already.

What kind of guy invited a girl hed just spent the hottest night of his life with to go golfing? I should be taking her to an expensive restaurant or something. But the thing of it was, I wanted her there. I wanted my buddy Jason Gills to meet her. Wed played college hockey together and now he was goaltending for the Minnesota Wild. I hadnt hung with him since the All Star break, but more importantly, I wanted him to know Georgia. I wanted him to meet this girl whod turned my world on its head in ways I couldnt even describe yet. So I waited, more than a little tense, and when that pretty smile poked through I grabbed her face and kissed her again. I couldnt help myself. Okay, she said slowly. But I have

to go home and take care of a few things first. She cocked an eyebrow. What time is T-off? Jason made it for two oclock at some place called The Greens. Good. That gives us enough time. Her voice hit a sexy low note and I couldnt help but think that this girl was going to kill me. Time for what? I asked roughly, my heart speeding like a fucking freight train as she slid off my lap and onto her knees. She reached for my boxers and pulled them down, tossing them to the side along with her T-shirt. She slid between my legs and bent forward, though she paused, her mouth near my dick and my balls in her hands. It gives me time to thank you properly

for giving me the most orgasms Ive ever had in the space of twelve hours. I stared down at her helplessly because for the first time I realized just how much this girl meant to me. I knew in this moment that the line wed crossed the night before wasnt just a line. Wed hopped over a goddamn mountain and it was one Id never climbed before. It involved giving and taking, and I had never really been one to give. Or at the very least, I hadnt cared about giving. But last night had been all about giving and I did everything in powerpulled out all the stopsto give her as much pleasure as I could. Not once did I expect anything more in return than the gift of spending the night with her. And now here she was, giving back,

staring up at me like a goddess. Her lips closed over me and I groaned, sinking back into my chair. This wasnt just about sex anymore, but, holy fuck, the sex was better than good. It was mind blowing. I closed my eyes and rode the wave and it was hours before I came down.

Chapter Twenty
Georgia
Matt was gone when I got back to his loft. Hed left a note saying he was out for the day with some friends and that hed text me later. I loved my brother but I was happy for some alone time so I could digest the last twenty-four hours. Because without a doubt, the last twenty-four hours had been the most intense Id ever had. And considering the fucked up status of many of my nights in the pastthat was saying something. Not that anything about what had just happened with Ben was fucked up. It was

just the opposite. It had been crazy, tender, sensual, and light hearted. Ben Lancaster was as good in bed as he was on the ice. He was fearless and confident and all sorts of things happened inside me when he looked into my eyes. And it was all that stuff that had me worried. Id never been in love before. Oh, Id had several infatuationssome had left me bruised and wounded for weeksbut none that had left a lasting impression on me. I had a feeling that Ben Lancaster had just tattooed himself onto my soul and the thing about tattoos? Theyre painful to remove. So was this love? Or was I just infatuated? How the hell was I supposed to know the difference?

And if this was love what was I going to do about it? I knew I was no good for Ben and eventually hed figure that out on his own. Once the hockey season started hed be riding that damn shooting star again and there wasnt room for me on it. Fresh out of the shower, I scrubbed at the mist on the mirror and stared at my reflection. My eyes glistened and a flush stained my cheeks, one that wasnt from the hot water either. I looked good. I looked healthy and happy and Oh, Georgia. What the hell have you gotten yourself into? I groaned. I heard my cell phone ding and scooped it up from the table beside my bed. It was Kendall. what the fuck, G. where are u I smiled. Leave it to Kendall to get

right to the point in style. I scrolled through my messages and noticed that shed sent more than a dozen texts. I paused and then answered. going on a date She answered before I had time to grab clean underwear. date? With hockey boy? yep u guys fuck yet? u have no class so u have? I shook my head and laughed. God, she was persistent. yep does he have a big stick? u r an idiot. I know. Glad u r getting some I snorted and slipped into my bra. ttyl

I want deets 4 sure, and then one last text, about his big stick I tossed my cell and perused my closet, settling a black sleeveless golf shirt and a pair of black shorts that were a tad too short for golf, but whatever. My family had been members of The Greens golf club since I was a little kid and though I hadnt golfed in a few years, my clubs were still there and as far as I knew, our membership was still valid. The Kings had poured a shitload of money into the place and I doubted theyd have a problem with the length of my shorts. I turned around so I could see my butt from behind and shrugged. Its not as if my cheeks were hanging out. I pulled my hair into a one-sided low ponytail, threw on some gloss and

mascara and then grabbed my meds out of the top drawer of my dresser. I stared at them for a few moments, that familiar feeling of resentment washing over me. These two little bottles told the world that I was defective and I hated how that made me feel. Would I ever be able to get over the feeling that I was somehow less than anyone else? That I deserved less than say, Kendall or Joe? That Ben deserved someone better than me? With a sigh I popped my lithium and after a few moments popped a klonopin as well. What the hell. I may as well stick to the program. After washing them down with a swig of water, I stuffed them back in my

underwear drawer, grabbed my purse and headed for the lobby. It was just after one and Ben was due to pick me up any minute. He was waiting for me near the front desk chatting with Joe and glanced up just as I exited the elevator. Seeing him was like a punch to the gut and when a slow, sexy smile drifted over his face heat curled in my stomach. I think I stumbled a bit, in fact Im sure I did, and when he nodded to Joe and headed toward me, something pressed into my chest. Something heavy and scary and it took my breath away. Ben Lancaster did that to me with just one look. He didnt stop until his lips were on my mouth, his hands around my waist. The

kiss was slow and lingering, his tongue lazy, meticulous. I folded like a house of cards and melted into him like a marshmallow. I missed you, he said into my mouth. I bit his bottom lip and smiled, enjoying the way his hands moved down my back until he cupped my butt possessively. Its only been a few hours. I know. We stared at each other in silent understanding because I felt exactly the same way. Fingering the collar of his oat colored shirt, I splayed my fingers near the base of his neck. Do we have to go? Matts gone for the day so the loft is empty. Is it? he said softly.

I nodded. We could hang out and watch movies. Hang out, he said with a grin. Again I nodded, pushing my hips into him. Yeah, and watch movies. Or we can go play a round of golf with Jason and his girlfriend and then go back to my place where Ill, he bent low and shivers exploded over my skin when his warm breath hit my neck. Make sure youll have a good time. A naked good time? A naked good time, he answered with a low growl. Promise? He dropped a kiss on my mouth and grabbed my hand. Promise. Our afternoon of golf wasnt as painful

as I thought it would be. First off, Bens buddy, Jason was a nice guy and his girlfriend, Cherry (the name was real, I asked) while on the quiet side wasnt bitchy, or stuck up. She wasnt a groupie whod snagged an athleteshe was the real deal. Cherry and Jason had dated through high school and managed to stay together during his college years and then his draft to Minnesota. She was a Southern girl and though she wasnt fussy about living in St. Paul, she loved her guy and the sacrifice was worth it. We played 18 holes of golf and then spent a few hours in the clubhouse, drinking (them, not me) and eating. Everyone was relaxed and happy and I couldnt remember feeling this content in a

long time. Every so often Bens hand would caress the back of my neck, or whisper along my bare thigh. Hed even tried edging up my shirt but I shut that down right away. Id caught a few members staring and though the old Georgia would have been more than happy to snub her nose at their stuffiness, the new Georgia cared about that shit. I was on my way back to the table from the bathroom when a hand snaked out and caught my shoulder, spinning me around so fast I nearly fell on my ass. What the Brilliant blue eyes stared down at me from beneath midnight black floppy bangs, and an otherwise shaved head. Jesus fuck, Georgia King! Who the

hell let you out of the loony bin? A wide smile on a handsome face that was framed by more than a few piercings, including nose and lip rings, bent toward me. His neck that was shrouded in tattoos that matched the intricate ink on his forearms. Travis Barlett. Travis Barlett, a guy whose father owned half the county and a guy who had more money than anyone I knew. Probably more money than God. Travis Barlett, the guitarist in Spleen. Travis Barlett, the guy Id been fucking on and off ever since Id given him my virginity when I was fifteen. Shit. He and I had been a lethal combination back in the day and I didnt want him

anywhere near Ben. He was bad news and no doubt was still living in the place I never wanted to visit again. Hey, I said frostily, not wanting to give him any ideas. Im surprised they let you in here. I thought you were banned after they caught you pissing in the fountain. He shrugged, a huge grin on his face. My dad owns half of this dump so they cant really keep me out. Right. Of course. He leaned closer and I had to tilt my head in an effort to avoid connecting with his mouth. Youre looking good for someone who pulled a fucking boner and nearly did herself in. What the hell was up with that? He grabbed my wrist and though I tried

to yank away from him I couldnt. He was too big and too strong and his thumb rolled my skin as his grin widened. Damn, Georgia, Im glad you didnt check out. That would have been a fucking shame you know? I scowled until he let me go. What do you care, Travis? I care because youre probably the best piece of ass Ive ever had and it would be a shame if I couldnt dip my finger into your honey pot now and again. Really? And thats why I caught you screwing Rachel Nagel behind the stage after your show the last time we were together? Just thinking of that night pissed me off. Id left the club, ended up wasted, high, and in bed with two guys Id never

met before. He tried to swoop in for a kiss but I sidestepped and glared at him. Dont get your panties in a knot. Its not like we were ever exclusive and besides, you fucked around on me all the time. I hated that he was right. I sighed and shrugged. Whatever, Travis. I gotta run. He nodded toward the dining room. Is that Ben Lancaster youre with? My stomach flipped and the food Id ingested earlier settled like a lump of stone. Whats it to you? I asked, more harshly than Id intended. But there was fear inside me. Fear that my old world was about to collide with my new one and

there was no way in hell I wanted Travis and Ben to meet. He grinned because he knew what was going on in my head, and I envisioned my fist meeting his nose. Maybe I want his autograph? Maybe youre full of shit, I muttered and turned away from him. I took a step but paused when I heard him chuckle. And maybe youre full of stupid. I know all about Lancaster and hes way out of your league, King. Besides, deep down youre a nasty girl, so when you get tired of that vanilla shit you know where to find me. I marched across the dining room and waited by the table, tapping my foot while Ben looked after the bill. Cherry and Jason had already left and it was just the

two of us. I refused to look over my shoulder but I cant lie, I was terrified that Travis was going to stroll over like he owned the placewhich he didand get in my face. I was terrified that Ben would glimpse a little of what the old me had been like because I was pretty damn sure the old me would have sent him running the day wed met. And even though I knew how this little story was going to end, I wasnt ready to give him up. Not yet anyway. Ready? Bens hands ran along the back of my neck and I nodded. Lets get out of here. I tugged on his hand. In a hurry? he teased. What? I was leading him through the dining room like we were marching to

class and I groaned inwardly at the weird look he tossed my way. But he didnt say anything else and we made it back to his truck without any Travis sightings. It wasnt until we cleared the parking lot that I relaxed and I leaned back in my seat. I stared ahead, afraid to look in his directionafraid hed sense my fear. I pulled gloss out of my purse and rolled it through my fingers, chewing on my bottom lip as I pondered how Travis had managed to spread his toxicity onto me in a short little conversation. And then I wondered how Id ever endured him before. What the hell had I been thinking? So, Ben said slowly, his eyes on the road as we pulled out of the parking lot. Who was that guy back there?

Shit. Fuck. And piss. Just a guy, I answered carefully. Ben fiddled with the cd player until the Foos were thumping and then said casually. He looked like more than just a guy to me. Bens tone was light but I got that he was interested. I got that maybe he was a little concerned or even jealous. Im sure Travis and I looked intense while we were chatting and Travis might be an asshole of the highest order, but the guy had charisma, looks, and fake charm coming out of his butt like shards of sunshine. I couldnt lie to Benthat had never been my thingbut I could leave out a few details. Like the fuck buddy aspect of our relationship or the fact that Travis and

I used to do lines together like we were running a race, and that vodka & Redbull was our drink of choice. Ive known Travis for a long time and we dated for a while, but it was never serious. I chanced a peek at Ben, but he was looking ahead. Okay, he said softly. For a moment I thought that maybe Matt was trying to be the good guy you know? Okay. What do you mean? I asked moving closer to him, wanting to touch him and I swear if he wasnt driving right now I would have crawled onto his lap and kissed him until his head spun. Until my head spun. Until we were naked and his hot skin warmed up my cold flesh.

He shrugged. I thought that maybe the guy was this mysterious Seamus you dont seem to want to talk about. He turned to me for a second, his eyes glitteryelectricand then he looked out at the road again. I felt him touch me somewhere deep inside. No, I murmured, unbuckling my seatbelt so I could inch closer. The band across my chest tightened. Hes so not, Seamus. Travis is a mess. Hes just someone I used to know. I paused, a rush of adrenaline running through me and before I could stop myself, words fell from my lips. Words I didnt mean to say. Words that could change everything. Seamus is my therapist. I held my breath, everything inside me

tight and wound up like a spring about to burst. I swear those pieces inside methe ones held together by duct tape and lithium were beginning to move, to jar against each other like the plates beneath the continents. Shifting. Displacing. Breaking. It was a weird sensation and I hated it. I hated the stress and fear in my throat. I hated the pills at home in my drawer. I hated my illness. I hated that it was unpredictable. And I really hated that my mom had been sick just like I was and shed ended up at the bottom of a lake, taking my father and his restored Aston Martin along for the ride. But most of all, right here in this moment, I hated that the differences between us werent visible. That the thing

that was wrong with me was like a sick joke because on the outside I looked all fresh and shiny, like a new penny. But on the inside, without those pills that I disliked more than I could articulate, I was as much of a mess as Travis was, if not more so. And now we were here. Arrived at some kind of half-truth, some small glimpse into the real me and Id probably blown it. Seamus is my therapist. If that wasnt a line that would send a guy running for the hills I dont know what was. Therapist, he said softly, his right arm snaking around my shoulders and pulling me into his side. I hope hes a hell of a lot uglier than that guy back

there. The breath in my lungs expelled and I was limp. I was done. Hes bald, I offered quietly melting into his side. And hes got really bad teeth. Ben rubbed my wrist, his warm fingers warm and gentle. Good, he murmured kissing the top of my head. I can live with an old, balding, bad toothed, Seamus. And with those words, Ben Lancaster fused the parts in me that were broken. I knew that it was a temporary fix. That those pieces would continue to shift and move and diminish, but for now it was enough. For now I could pretend that things were going to be just fine.

Chapter Twenty-One
Ben
I hung up the phone and strode outside onto the deck. It was close to five in the afternoon and the guys were finishing up the last bit of landscaping around the pool. Theyd worked like dogs for two weeks around the property, but had to wait for the old concrete monster to be removed and the new fibre glass pool installed, before they could finish up back here. The place was starting to look great and fuck if I could believe it was mine. Holy shit. I felt kinda grown up. Mr. Lancaster, what do you think? Its Ben, I said shaking my head. I

hated being called Mr. Lancaster. Christ, that was my dads name and I wasnt ready for that kind of shit yet. I wasnt even twenty-five. Mike, the owner of the landscaping company Id hired, Green Thumb, was a good guy. He reminded me a lot of one of my old coaches, back when I was still playing junior hockey in Canada. He was a rough looking, no-bullshit, Italian with a temper and a hard work ethic. He wasnt cheap either, but as I glanced around the small paradise hed created in my back yard, the guy was worth it. It looks great. He nodded. Were just cleaning up and will be out of here in a few minutes and then you can, he winked. Have some time with your girl.

My girl. I nodded but didnt reply. At the moment I didnt know what Georgia was. Something had shifted and changed the night wed come back from golf. On that ride home, shed shared a chunk of what was inside her. A small chunk. A crumb really. But she had shared it and wed come back to my place and spent the entire night together. And if I thought our first night was incredible, it was nothing compared to that night. I thought having her, being inside her was enough, but the connection wed achieved heightened everything and fuck me, but I thought I was falling in love with this girl. The shit thing was that was the last night shed spent with me. She came every

day, spent her time in her barn painting, with frequent sex breaks, but she refused to spend the night again. Shed told me that it was because we were moving a little too fast and she preferred going back to Matts. And I got that. Hell, I wrote the book on that shit. But it didnt mean I liked it. I hated waking up alone. I wanted her there with me. So what did that make me? Pathetic? Hopeful? What did that make Georgia? Was she a fuck buddy? Was she my girlfriend? I rubbed the stubble on my chin, my dick already getting hard at the thought of her, but it was tempered by the knowledge that even though shed given up something personalSeamusshe had shut it down the next day.

I was no closer to knowing what made her tick or why she was seeing a therapist than before, and it was starting to piss me off. Were done, Mrah, Ben. Distracted, I nodded. Okay, Mike, send me the final invoice and Ill get it looked after. So. Mike shoved a pencil behind his ear. I gotta admit I wasnt happy when the Flyers traded McKinskey, Reynolds, and a future draft pick, to bring you out here. Yeah? That got my attention. Mike was serious, but then most hockey guys were. McKinskey was a popular son-of-abitch you know? He had future Captain written all over him. He had some legs on

him too, but his hands needed work. I see that now. Youve got soft hands, good stick handling hands and speed to match. But a lot of folks including myself thought you were just too damn young to fill McKinskeys shoes. I didnt say anything. Mostly because it was nothing I hadnt heard before. Id always been the youngest. Always been the fastest, the most accurate. I could nail the top shelf, hit any corner more consistently than any guy I knew. So, I got what he was saying. I also got that he was wrong and he knew it. I was gonna do more than fill McKinskeys shoes. I was going take them all the way to Lord Stanley this year. Mike held out his hand and I shook it. Im impressed, he said with a wink.

Thanks, Ill do my best to deliver. He yelled out to his guys and then I was alone. I thought of the phone call earlier and moved toward the trees, my thoughts not so easy anymore. The barn was quiet, the far corner lit up with these big ass lights Georgia had brought in. Canvases were piled up along the wall to my left, some empty, most of them filled with dark images. She was good, but I wasnt exactly into the stuff she was painting. It was too dark. Too raw and it fucking confused me. How could someone so light and beautiful produce these images of abstract faces with slashed eyes, some covered as if they were prisoners, some not, and mouths open in silent screams?

Hell, I didnt know anything about art though even my untrained eye knew they were good. But they were creepy. The thing of it was, Id hang one up in my front hall if she asked me too. Id hang one of those fuckers up in every single room in my house if she asked me to. Id put one above my bed, or over the mirror in my bathroom. Hell, Id hang one on the front door if she would just explain them to me. They meant something, I just didnt know what, but considering they scared the shit out of me, I had a feeling it wasnt anything good. Tense, I shook out my hands and watched her. The canvas was on an angle and I couldnt see what she was working on, but

her nose was wrinkled up something fierce, her hair a mad pile on top of her head. Smudges of dark color slashed across her cheeks, and the white tank top she wore had ridden up so that her belly button peeked out. Her cut off shorts were damn sexy and I think I might have growled like an animala fucking dogbecause suddenly she glanced up and my body went still at the look in her eyes. Dont come closer. She shook her head slowly and put down her brush. I dont want you to see this. Its a surprise. The smile that fell across her face was one I would keep in my head forever. It was unguarded. Pure. And at the moment it was all for me. Hey, I managed to say.

Hey yourself, she replied with a soft giggle and then she ran toward me and didnt stop until she was in my arms with her legs wrapped around my waist. The girl was covered in paint and still smelled like summer. How the hell was that possible? She kissed me, her mouth hot, her tongue insistent and all coherent thought flew out of my head. It was gone. Everything was gone except Georgia. I was so hot for this girl that she could reduce me to a pile of aching need in seconds. My hands splayed across her ass and I held for as long as I could, our mouths taking from each other as if we hadnt kissed in days. Or weeks. I managed to break contact and tried to

speak. I think I might have said something like, babe, we gotta goor notbecause she slid down my body, her hands gripping my shorts and pulling them with her as she went. That was all it took. It was game on and I was more than ready. Her cheeks were flushed, her hair had fallen out of the clip thing on top of her head and she was reaching for the edge of her tank top as I stepped out of my shorts and moved toward her. I didnt give her time to completely undress. The sight of her perfect, round tits was enough to make me come apart and I yanked open her shorts and pushed them down enough for me to get a glimpse of her. She was fucking commando. Again. Jesus Christ, this girl was killing me.

Condoms, I said roughly, my hand between her legs, my fingers already inside her. She stared up at me, breasts heaving, and groaned as my fingers found her spot the one that made her trembleand it was the hottest sound ever. I gotta tell you, theres nothing better for a guy than knowing you could make your girl sound as if she was losing her mind when your hands were on her. Front pocketshorts, she managed to say on a gasp. For the past two weeks wed been going at it like sex was new. Like we were never going to see each other again and we had condoms stashed all over the place. My bedroom. The kitchen. The bathroom. The deck. The barn.

Her shorts were halfway down her thighs, and I reached inside the pocket, found a condom and then yanked her shorts all the way off. Georgia didnt say anything. She just looked up at me with this unreadable expression and I exhaled roughly as I struggled to get the condom on my dick. I was so hard and ready andI glanced at her againanxious. Her fingers reached for me and she finished the job in silence and when she looked up it felt as if my world had just tipped a little off its axis. She made this sound in the back of her throat, the one that could bring me to my knees, and I gave my head a shake, needing a bit of clarity as I reached for her, wanting her so badly it was all I

could think about. Being inside her. And sure, I was going all Tarzan on her, but I wanted to claim her. Brand her. I didnt want anyone else touching her. I backed her up to the wall and just as her mouth opened beneath mine, I brought her knee as high as it would go and then I was inside her. I groaned into her mouth. God, babe you feel so fucking good. Then I deepened the kiss, though I kept my eyes openI couldnt take them off herbecause something was happening. Some shift in the universesome crack in my heart. I watched as her pupils dilated, as her tongue licked the edges of her mouth. I watched as her breasts rose and fell every

time I drew out slowly and then thrust back inside her body. There were no words. Just the feel of her frantic heart, the look in her eyes, and the vague notion that something was different. That something had changed. I brushed a long piece of hair off her forehead and kissed her face as I continued to lose myself in her. I felt her nails in my shoulders, then down my back and then digging into my ass, urging me to go faster. Harder. Something about what we were doing felt desperate. Hungry. I leaned my right palm on the wall behind her, her leg wrapped around my hips and I gazed down into her face as I brought it home. I felt her tighten around me and she started murmuring all kinds of

things, but I didnt know what the words were. I could only hear what was inside my head. I fucking love you. And then we came together and I held her, panting and confused. Holy shit. Was this it? Was this the real deal here in my arms? Tenderly, I let her fall away from me and still there were no words between us. Only touch. Her hand on my face. Only looks. My gaze glued to hers. I got rid of my condom, enjoying Georgia as she leaned back against the wall, her body covered in sweat. Her body covered in me. I reached for her, wanting to keep this feeling for as long as we could when a

very distinct voice echoed from outside. Benjamin! Where are you? Georgia froze in my arms and glanced up at me, her mouth pursed, her eyes wild. Shit. Whos that? she whispered as she pushed past me and grabbed her clothes off the floor. She tossed my shorts at me and I caught them, sliding into them as fast as I could go. From the sound of it we didnt have much time. Benjamin? Not much time at all. Ben? Georgia whispered, pulling her shirt over her head and struggling to do up the fly on her shorts. Its my mother. Are you kidding me? Her head snapped up so fast I swear I heard her

neck crack. Your She ran her fingers through her hair, wincing at the tangles. Oh my god, shes going to smell it. She was freaking out and looked so damn cute I wanted to kiss her all over again. Wait. What? Huh? I asked as I reached for her hand. Sex, you idiot! This whole place smells like sex! Its probably seeped into the floors and the walls andoh God, weve had sex in here so many times that I A small cough sounded behind us and she froze, her eyes huge as she peeked behind me, whispering, shit, fuck, and shit, as she did so. So those are your parents.

Yeah. They probably heard everything I just said. I tried to keep the grin off my face but judging from the way she stomped on my toes I dont think I did a very good job. Its possible. She pinched me and I grinned wider. Uh huh. Okay you better turn around and fix this right now or Im leaving, she whispered fiercely. I bent forward and kissed her mouth and then grabbed her hand as I turned around. My parents stood just inside the doorway, Dad in a plaid shirt and khaki shorts, Mom in a red sundress. My dad had a grin on his face and I could tell by the quick perusal of my girl, that he liked what he saw.

My mom looked a little uncomfortable, probably because Georgia was right. It did smell like sex in here. What the hell. I decided to put it all out there. I just hoped Georgia was down with taking the next step in our relationship or I was going to look like a clueless asshole if she called me on it. Benjamin? Mom said slowly. Here went nothing. Mom, Dad, Id like you to meet my girlfriend, Georgia.

Chapter Twenty-Two
Georgia
I watched Ben grilling steaks with his father, outside on the deck. I watched the easy camaraderie they hadthe way his dad, Jason, couldnt keep that goofy, proud, smile off of his face whenever he looked at his son. Or the way Ben ate it up. The way they touched each other and joked around. His mother, Eve, was in there too and it was obvious she was happy to have both of her guys in her circle. If she didnt have her hand on Ben, she was hugging her husband. Resting her chin on his shoulder, or stroking his back.

She loved her boys and they loved her back. They were a complete unit. Their own little triangle of love. So what was I? The bad corner of a square? I leaned back in my chair swallowing the lump that stuck to the back of my throat like glue, and shifted in my chair so that I gazed out at the fresh gardens around the pool instead of Ben and his parents. They were sweetespecially his dad. His mom was friendly, but not overly friendly. I knew she was checking me out. Evaluating. Contemplating. Wondering. Shed pretended not to notice the stash of condoms left on table beside the pool, even though my face had turned so red I was sure I looked like a damn tomato. But so far shed been pleasant enough.

Girlfriend. God, I hadnt seen that one coming. And though it made me happy to know he thought of me that waythat he introduced me to his parents as something more than just a girl hed hooked up with I should have been happier. I should have been over the moon or at the very least, I should have been scared out of my tree. For the last two weeks Id been telling Ben that we needed to slow down. After I shared Seamus with him and hed been so incredible, I kind of froze up. I was so scared that when he found out why I saw Seamus he would bolt. Who the hell wanted a girlfriend that was crazy? And even if he didif he was willing to overlook that factwas it fair to him?

I didnt know where this was leading. Us. Us and my illness. And for the moment I was content to just be with him and not think about the rest. And yet here I was. Not scared. Or happy. I was pissy. And not because I felt left out of their little clubI knew I didnt belong in it. It was because I was jealous of what Ben had with his parents. Of their love and their need to be together. Of knowing that neither one of them would ever hurt each other. What did it feel like to have such complete trust in your parents? To know that their love was strong and true? To know that when your mother slid into bed and stroked your hair, singing an odd

lullaby, she wasnt hiding a steak knife behind her back? What did it feel like not to have to watch your father finally give in and fall through the bottom of every vodka bottle that crossed his path? For a moment I drifted off and disappeared inside my head. Inside the memories from a past littered with ghosts and bottles of vodka and hidden steak knives. Georgia, I dont want to get up. Leave me the fuck alone. I looked at her small body beneath the mess of covers and the even larger mess of clothes on her bed. Her hair was ratty and greasy and her eyes scared the crap out of me. They looked dead. I was shaking but I didnt want her to see

because it would make her sadder than she already was. No, wait, she said. Dont go. Where was Matt? Where was Daddy? Mommy. I tried again. Blairs mother is here but she wont let me go with them to the water park until she talks to you. Daddy didnt call her last night like he said he would. Cant you please come downstairs and see her? Georgia, I cant do it. Hot tears pricked my eyes and this time I wasnt able to hide the sob that fell from between my lips. Mommy, you promised I could go for the weekend. You promised. Why did she always do this? Why couldnt she be like Blairs mom? Why did she spend every single day in bed? In

the dark? Crying? Or saying crazy things? Why couldnt she be normal? She rolled over and tried to sit up and for a moment my tears dried up. My heart pounded in anticipation and for five whole seconds I was happy. She would come downstairs. She would talk to Blairs mom so that Mrs. Taylor knew I had permission to go with them. Everything would be okay. I would have fun with Blair and if I was really lucky, I would be able to forget for a while. Please dont leave me, she whispered hoarsely. Her bony hands beckoned toward me and I backed away, shaking my head and trying not to cry.

Mommy, I whispered sadly. Georgia, I need you. I need you to stay with me. She moved across the covers, her nightgown riding up her thighs, her sunken eyes glistening with something feverish. She was shaking and reached for her cigarettes on the table beside her bed. She lit one, inhaled a long, deep breath, and wiped her nose on her arm. She was gross and smelly and she looked awful and She was my mother. Georgie, please? Well watch movies and eat junk food. I justI dont want to be alone. I didnt want to be here. But how could I leave her like this? Alone? Matt was with his friends and Daddy wasnt

home either. Okay, I said finally, trying not to cry Ill stay. Bens hand on my shoulder had me nearly jumping out of my skin. Shit, Georgia. I didnt mean to scare you. His eyes were warm and happy and for a second I felt their heat roll over me. And yet I still shivered from cold. Im fine. His eyebrow shot up and he cocked his head to the side. Really. I was just daydreaming I guess. He bent low and kissed me, there beneath my ear, and I shuddered into him, clutching his shoulders and wanting more needing morethan he could give with

his parents looking at us. Steaks are ready, he murmured. His hand slipped down my shoulder until he threaded my fingers through his and drew me up against him. He didnt care that his mom was staring at us from across the deck. He kissed me and I drank in his warmth and his goodness and his strength. Slowly he pulled away and cupped my chin. Are you alright? I didnt mean to abandon you over here, I justmy parents are pretty damn hard to resist and theyre really excited about my new place. Youre lucky, I said without thinking. Yes. He dropped a kiss onto my forehead. I am. I have you. For a second I didnt let go and I felt

my eyes fill up. Thanks, I whispered. We had steaks and baked potatoes with some leftover Chinese food from the day before. It was thrown together hastily with paper plates, paper towels for napkins and plastic utensils. Ben hadnt gotten around to buying the basics since hed moved in and wed pretty much survived on take out. And sex. Im sure the food tasted great, but I could barely get anything down. Bens mom had been studying me between smiles and polite talk for about twenty minutes and I wished she would just turn the other way. Something was coming, I could feel it. So, Georgia, Eve Lancaster said casually. Here we go.

My cheeks ached from the fake smile I plastered to my face and I set down my fork, reaching for my glass of water. Thats a beautiful name. Thank you. Bens dad smiled. Is it a family name? Are you from the south? I shook my head. No. I think my mom just liked it. So, you and Ben met because your brother is one of his, Eve glanced toward Ben and I saw the concern in her eyes. Hes one of his coaches? I nodded, twirling my paper towel napkin nervously. Huh, she said. Mom, come on. I told you not to worry about it. Matts cool with it. Ben finished his beer and leaned back in his

chair. What is this, the third degree? Its okay, Ben, I said. Your mom is just curious. I played nice but I wished the woman would move on. See? Eve winked at her son but when she turned her eyes back to me she was all business. No such chance. She took a sip of wine. Did you grow up around here? Cherry Hill. Ah, Jason said. Ive got a client who lives there. Martin Brewer. Do you know him? Jesus Dad, Ben said exasperated. There are thousands of people in Cherry Hill. I laughed at the look on his fathers face. No, Jason. I dont know Martin

Brewer. Are you in college? Eve asked. I shifted, my stomach tight and I tried to keep my voice light. I was but Im taking a break for a bit. I shot a glance at Ben who looked absolutely mortified. What are you studying? God, the woman didnt miss a beat. Art history. Ah, she said with a smile. That sounds interesting. It is, I stumbled over my words. I mean it was. I see. Ben tells me that you live with your brother? She was watching me closely on this one and I knew she was wondering if Ben and I were living in sin. I do. In Philly.

And your parents? And here we were. I exhaled, my body cold and then hot. I took a sip of water and pushed my plate away. There was no way I could force another bite down. There was also no way I could avoid answering. Not anymore. Ben studied me as carefully as his parents and I knew he was interested in my answer. Wed been together for weeks now and I hadnt mentioned my parents once. Theyre dead. I saw the shock on Eves faceI saw it mirrored on her husbands face too and I had to look away because my eyes were filling up with tears and I didnt want to fall apart in front of them. Shit. Im so sorry, Eve whispered. I

didntBen never said anything. He didnt know, I mumbled. I chanced a glance back but I should have kept my eyes averted. She looked horrified, as if shed made the biggest mistake every by asking one simple question. Great. Leave it to me to bring everyone down. I nodded but didnt speak. What was there to say? Im sorry I ruined your dinner? Im sorry Im the college dropout with major family issues whos fucking your son? I felt Bens hand on mine but I couldnt look at him. Their perfect little triangle wasnt meant for my sharp edge and I just wanted to disappear. Hey, he said softly, so softly I knew his parents couldnt hear. Babe, Im

sorry. I didnt knowabout your parents. I nodded. I mean, what was there to say? It wasnt his fault my mother had decided to take a detour to off the bridge. Hell, it wasnt even my mothers fault. She was damaged. She was damaged and broken and there wasnt any kind of glue in the world that could fix her. Georgia? I blinked rapidly, trying to stem the tears I felt but suddenly it was too much. Ben. His parents. My parents. And all the holes in between. My heart sped up. Sweat broke out along my forehead and for a minute the world seemed like it was spinning and yet I was still. I was standing in the middle of crazy. It was odd, but in that moment I felt as if I could see right into my mind and it

scared the crap out of me. I wrestled my hand from Bens and pushed away from the table. I gotta go, I mumbled. Ben stood, blocking my view of his parents and I avoided his eyes. I knew the power that was there and I didnt want him to pull me in because I needed to leave. Dont go. His hand reached for me but I sidestepped him, my face already pinched into what had to be the mother of all fake smiles. It was nice to meet you. I nodded toward his parents. But I just remembered that I have this, um, thing and I have to be back in Philly before nine, so My voice trailed off and I knew that they knew I was full of shit, but they were

too polite to say anything. I gave a half wave before anyone could say anything and practically ran into the house, my eyes searching frantically for my car keys. The door banged behind me and I knew Ben had followed me inside. I didnt want to face his questions. I just wanted to get the hell out. Shit. Where the fuck were my keys? Georgia. I dont want to talk about it, Ben. Really. It happened over three years agoand its not a pretty story and I please just let me go. Mother fucker. My voice was cracking. I really needed to leave. The keys were not where I left them. I shoved aside a bunch of advertisements

and the relief I felt when I saw the black and silver key ring was huge. Huge. My chest was tight and it was getting hard to breathe. I knew that if I didnt get my ass out of here soon I was going to lose my shit in front of Ben and his parents, and I would rather die than have them see me like that. I was headed for the front door and my fingers curled around the handle when Bens voice cut through the fear inside me. Youre just going to leave? What the fuck, Georgia? You tell me that your parents are dead and then freak out and youre just going to leave? He was behind me. I felt him as if he was pressed up against me. Let me help you with this. Let me be there for you.

Please, Ben, I whispered. I cant do this. Panicked I yanked hard on the door. I have to go. Im sorry. This is bullshit, Georgia. His voice was hard. I cant share this with you. Not yet. I slipped outside, half expecting him to come after me. He didnt. And I dont know what upset me more. The fact that I knew he was pissed at me for leaving, which he had every right to be, or the fact that he hadnt bothered to come after me. Either way it didnt matter. Twenty minutes later I pulled over onto the side of the road and lost my shit. I cried hard. I cried until my eyes smarted because they were swollen. I cried until my nose ran and my skin was itchy from the salty tears.

I cried until there was nothing left in me and even then I huddled in the front seat, my arms wrapped around myself, shaking uncontrollably. And then I sat for nearly an hour, watching the headlights of the oncoming cars blur as they sped by. I sat there until dusk fell and the stars came out. I sat there until I was empty and then I went home.

Chapter Twenty-Three
Ben
My parents stayed for three days and for three days Georgia stayed away. The first two, we didnt talk. She never showed up to paint and I refused to call her. As much as I wanted to be there for her, I couldnt get past the way she had just run out. Like I didnt mean anything to her. Like what we shared didnt rate an explanation. And sure I was being a bit of a dickI knew it wasnt about mebut I couldnt help the way I felt. Id never been ditched like that before and it sucked. My parents were cool. They never

said anything about the way shed bolted or the fact that she hadnt come around since. We had a good visit, caught up on some family shit and then they were gone. The third day, yesterday, Georgia called but I wasnt overly friendly on the phone even though I wanted to see her so bad it was all I thought about. But then she wasnt either. I didnt know what had changed between us, I only knew she wasnt interested in fixing whatever the hell it was and that pissed me off even more than I already was. She didnt say she was coming out to my place, and I didnt invite her. I told her Jack Ryan, Rick Daniels and Ball-less Booneformer teammates of mine from LAwere coming out for a few days to chill before training camp started. Georgia

asked if they were bringing girls with them and I answered without thinking. Boone has his balls back so Im guessing they wont be alone. Oh, shed said. Have fun. I plan on it. Click. That was our conversation and the main reason my attitude sucked. Pretty fucking pathetic. The sad thing? The guys had brought girlshot fucking girlsand all I could think about was Georgias pale eyes and heart shaped face. Even more pathetic. Dude! Are you coming in or what? My parents were long gonethank God, since the two chicks in the pool were now topless and I was guessing the

bits of fabric that barely covered their asses were coming off next. Boone grinned as he grabbed the little blonde closest to him and ran his hands over her tits. Lancaster. You dont know what youre missing. I scowled and cracked open a cold beer, but even the taste of good old Canadian lager did nothing to improve my mood. Jack Ryan ran across the yard and belly flopped his six foot two inch body into the pool sending up a huge spray of water. The girls squealed. Bikini bottoms went flying in the air and I sank lower into my chair as Jack and Boone got real busy with the tits and ass offered up so easily. I knew the girlsprofessional puck bunnies they were a good time, but they were a

good time that I had no interest in anymore. And even that pissed me off. What the hell had Georgia done to me? Had she cut my balls off like Boones ex? I knew she was hurting and dealing with some heavy shit but I was fucking pissed that she wouldnt let me in. Wed been seeing each other for weeks now and I was no closer to knowing the real Georgia King, than Id been that first time Id seen her in Matts loft. What the hell did that say about what we had? A tall brunette, Cassidy, walked toward me, her fake tits barely covered by the thin scraps of green triangles that passed as a bikini top. Her body was rock hard, tanned, tattooed and pierced. Id

been up close and personal with several of her piercings including the one between her legs, but at the moment her predatory smirk was wasted on me. I wasnt interested in anything she had to offer. Arent you coming in? Her voice was husky, rough, as if shed downed a bottle of Jack. I liked it. I always had. But right now? It was about the only thing I liked. I shook my head and took another sip of my already warming beer. It was close to four in the afternoon and still hotter than a bitch. She stopped just in front of me, blocking my view of the pool and then knelt between my legs, her eyes on my dick, her tongue running along her bottom lip.

Lancaster, she said softly. What the fuck is wrong with you? I shrugged, but didnt back off. Slowly she reached behind her back and seconds later tossed her top behind me. My gaze dropped to her large, perfectly round tits and I cant lie, I felt the stirrings of something between my legs but fuck, I didnt want to suck on hard, fake breasts. I wanted Georgia. I wanted her sweet face gazing down at me while I worshipped her body with everything I had. I wanted her arms around me, her lips on me. No one else came close, especially not some hard bodied puck bunny whod fucked half the guys on the Kings. Two months ago I would have been all over having a good time with Cassidy, but

two months ago I was a different guy. Two months ago was before Georgia. My scowl deepened even as my breath hitched and the situation between my legs sprang to life. This isnt going to happen, Cass. She smiled, her eyes on my erection. No? Im involved with someone. Really. Yeah. I shifted, uncomfortable as fuck. And where is she? Cassidys hands were now on my thighs, her scarlet tipped fingers edging toward my dick and I knew if I didnt do something shed have her lips around my cock in ten seconds flat. I set my beer on the table, removed her

hands and pushed my chair back. Youre really going to turn down a blow job? For some girl who isnt even here with you? Are you kidding me? I stared at her, pissed, horny as fuck, and aching for a girl who had walked out of this house three days ago and hadnt bothered to come back. I didnt go after her. Guilt washed over me at the thought. I should have gone after her. Why the hell hadnt I? Cassidy studied me for several seconds and then sat back on her haunches, not caring that her tits were out or that her bikini bottoms did nothing to hide what she had between her legs. Youre in love with this girl. I was on my feet and nearly knocked her over as I pushed past her. I didnt

want to discuss Georgia with her or anyone else for that matter. I glanced toward the pool. Guys, I gotta do something. You know where the beer and the food is. Where the hell are you going, Lancaster? Boone took enough time to drag his mouth away from the girl in his arms to ask the question, but I didnt answer because I was already gone. I stopped long enough to pull on a Tshirt, grabbed my wallet, keys, and cell, and was out the door in under a minute. I didnt call GeorgiaI didnt want her to blow me offand if Joe was surprised to see me trucking through the lobby he didnt say so. He just nodded and smiled and I kept going. I still had the key that Matt had given

me, though I played it cool. I knocked and waited. And then I knocked again but there was no answer. I shoved in the key and let myself in but the place looked deserted. It was quiet. It was empty. Georgia? No answer. Shit. I never thought she wouldnt be here but then again I wasnt really thinking, was I? Should I wait? I thought about it for a moment and then moved through the loft, heading down the hall toward the bedrooms. Her door was closed and I paused outside for moment feeling like some screwed up stalker guy who was on the verge of going crazy. I knocked again, Georgia? And then opened the door.

Her room was dark, the blinds were drawn, but I saw her right away. She was curled up in a ball in the middle of her bed, her long dark hair spread out across her pillow, her hands fisted beneath her chin. She faced me and I could tell she was asleep. Shit. Was she sick? I crossed the room and stopped beside the bed, my hands itching to touch her. God, she looked like an angel. I dont know how long I stood there staring down at her. I only knew that I didnt want to be anywhere else. Not now. Not ever. I doffed my sandals and moved around the bed so that I could climb in behind her. Once there, I pulled her close and for the first time since shed left my place I felt calm. I felt as if I was where I was

supposed to beas if I was with who I was supposed to be with. Summer drifted into my nostrils and I inhaled her scent, burying my nose in her hair because I couldnt help myself. Her hair was damp as if shed showered not too long ago and her skin was soft. So damn soft. She shifted, her sweet ass moving into my groin as if she was coming home and I groaned, already hard and wanting her. I tensed a bit when she mumbled something, afraid Id wake herafraid shed freak outbut she settled into me and after a bit I relaxed. I dont know if it was the gentle sounds she made as she slept or the warmth of her body, but I fell asleep and it was dark when I woke up. It took a few moments to focus.

Georgia wasnt asleep anymore. Shed turned in my arms and her expressive eyes were wide as she stared up at me. I cleared my throat and managed to speak. Hey. Not a great start but I couldnt think of anything else to say. All I could think about was how amazing it felt to hold her again. She exhaled slowly, her finger tracing along my jaw in a way that had me hot and anxious before she reached my mouth. And then she leaned forward and kissed me.

Chapter Twenty-Four
Georgia
I dont know why or how Ben ended up in my bed and I didnt care. Id been holed up in Matts loft for the last three days feeling sorry for myself. Too stupid and too scared to call him back and apologize for freaking out and leaving him the way I did. Today had been awful. The worst. I tried not to think about Ben and his friends and a bunch of random girls at his place, mostly because I knew what those girls were like. Id seen carbon copies of them in action and I knew exactly what they wanted. And I also knew that most of the

time they got it. What guy was going to turn down sex with a Barbie doll? But Ben was here. In my bed. His body warm and hard and feeling so much like home that I ached. Hey. His voice was husky and coated in sleep. I traced his jaw, loving the shadow of stubble beneath my fingers and when he opened his mouth to say something else, I couldnt help it. I needed him. I needed to feel him. To touch him. To taste him. I slid my lips against his and my heart rate shot up when he groaned and sank his hands into my hair. His mouth opened beneath mine, hot and wet and aggressive. He tasted like heaven and he felt so good that I let the sensations of need and want roll over me. I welcomed the familiar

pangs of desire that erupted between my legs and sat low in my belly. My nipples were hard, my breasts ached, and when his tongue slid into my mouthwhen he licked and suckled on my bottom lip as if he was starvingI lost it. I fell down into the chasm that was Ben Lancaster and I dont think I cared if I ever made it back out. We kissed forever it seemed, as if we were feeding on each others soul and when we finally came up for air we were both breathing heavy. His hands were still tangled in my hair and Ben tilted my head back slightly, tracing a line of fire down my neck where he kissed me so tenderly it brought tears to my eyes. Im sorry, I whispered.

You dont have to apologize. His hands now cupped my face and he moved so that we were nose to nose, his dark eyes intense as he stared at me. I love you, Georgia. You dont have to apologize. I was a dick. A fucking dick. I should have been more sensitive I mean, God, your parents andI had no idea. Im the one whos sorry. He traced my mouth with his thumb and I leaned into him. I fucking love you. Holy shit he said the L word! His breath was ragged. I dont know if that freaks you out more or if I should keep that shit to myself but I cant fucking live without you. I cant. I Something hard burst inside my chest. Something bright and hopeful. I silenced him again, my mouth on him as if he was

my lifeline. I kissed him, worshipped him, and pushed him until he was forced to roll onto his back. Our tongues danced together, his hands in my hair, mine cupping his jaw to hold him in place because I could not break this connection. He was everything to me. He was my lover. My friend. My life. I broke the kiss because I had to explain this to him. I had to make sure he understood the depths of what I was feeling. Because I was so afraid. So afraid that once he knew the real me his feelings would change. I straddled his hips and shifted a bit, closing my eyes when he groaned. He wore a thin T-shirt and his black board shorts that he swam in. I felt his erection burn between my legs and I knew how

affected he was. Ben, I said softly. Theres so much you dont knowabout me and I Do you love me? He interrupted and sat up, settling his hands onto my hips. I couldnt escape his eyes. And I couldnt lie anymore. I nodded and barely whispered. Yes. Say it. I. Love. You. I said each word slowly, savoring them on my tongue. They were words Id never said to anyone other than family. Never. Not once. Good, he said as a slow, wicked grin crept over his face. That makes us even. He paused. Now take your top off. The dynamics changed in an instant.

You first. He yanked his shirt over his head and then did the same to mine. I wasnt wearing a bra and his tongue flicked over my nipples, as his hands worked their way into my sleep shorts. Fuck, youre wet, he growled against my chest as I leaned into him and gyrated my hips. His fingers were already there, inside me, stroking and setting off all kinds of chaotic things. Only for you, I whispered hoarsely, hissing as he hit that sweet spot, the pad of his long finger stroking me into an orgasm within seconds. Thats what Ben Lancaster did to me. I shuddered against him, moaning as he continued to suckle my breasts, pulling and tuggingeach suck tearing through me

and hitting me in that sweet spot all over again. I managed to get my shit together and stood up, which was a freaking miracle considering we were in the middle of my bed and my knees were so shaky Im surprised I didnt fall over the edge onto the floor. I stared down at him, at his hard, muscled, perfect body. At the delicious tattoo on his bicep, the defined abs, the thin line of hair beneath his navel that pointed toward the incredible bulge between his legs. His hair was an erotic mess, his eyes glittered and the sound he madea half growl that had Tarzan written all over itwas just about enough to drive me over the edge. He was mine. This guy who was

everything any girl could ever want was mine and suddenly I didnt care about anything else except him. I didnt want to give him up. For a moment that thought stunned me. I love you, I said again in wonder. His wicked grin was enough to blow the pants off a goddamn Nun. Then show me. Game on. I took a moment, drawing it out until he was so tense the veins in the sides of his neck stood out. I rubbed my nipples, smiling when he groaned. Peaches, youre fucking killing me. And then slowly made my way down to the waistband of my shorts. I nudged him with my toe, running it along his upper thigh before pressing my foot onto his

erection. You first. I moved my foot, biting my bottom lip when he shifted, his eyes never leaving mine, as he slipped out of his shorts. He moved a bit so that his back rested against the headboard and all six foot four inches of his delicious, hard and naked body was there for me. Carefully I slid off my shorts until I stood, naked, my legs open so he could see how aroused I was. He didnt take his eyes off my crotch, though he beckoned me closer and when I spread my legs so that I stood over him, he grabbed my hips and brought me to his mouth. I think I might have screamed when he kissed me, right there where I ached for him. I know I did when he suckled and

stroked and licked his way over every inch of me and then did it again. And again. I was a mess when he was done and if not for his hands on my hips, I would have fallen. This is mine, he said against my thigh, and god help but I ate that macho shit up. Yes. You can have it. All of it. Whenever the hell you want it. Slowly I slid down his body, our eyes meeting. Locking. And when I positioned myself and sank onto him we both groaned because it felt that good. For a moment neither one of us moved. We stared into each others eyes, our bodies connected, our hearts connected on a level that Id never felt before with anyone. This was the real deal. This was

love. This is love, I thought. Shit, he whispered hoarsely. You feel goodso good. I moved up on him and slowly slid back down. Uh huh. He froze for a second. Georgia, we didntahhh. I gyrated my hips and began to pump slowly but his hands stopped me. Georgia we didnt use anything. Im clean but I kissed Ben, silencing his words as I continued to slowly fuck my boyfriend with every ounce of finesse that Id ever acquired. When I dragged myself up for air I leaned against him. Its okay. Im on the pill and I, well Ive never had an STD or anything.

Sweet fucking Jesus, youve just made me the happiest guy on the planet because, Peaches, you feel incredible. This is a whole new level of hotness. I held his face between my hands and stared into his eyes. Ive never had sex without a condom. Ever. Ive never let a guy He ate the rest of my words with the most amazing, toe curling kiss and I began to move again, slowly at first and then as our needs increasedas his breathing hitched and his heart pounded against the palm of my handsmy tempo matched. There were no more words. There were only emotions. Raw and true. There were eyes drinking each other in. Hands caressing and touching. There was desperation, ecstasy and release.

And for that one perfect moment in time I believed that maybe all of those things would be enough. This connection. This new love that wed found together. I had to believe it was enough because the alternative sucked. Afterward Ben pulled me into his arms and we laid together so close that I swear he could breathe for me. And eventually, when my heart slowed down enough, when my mind emptied, when I was brave enough I began to tell him about my parents. I told him what it was like living with a mother who was unstable and a father who slowly left us for a new love, a Russian bitch named vodka. I told him about my mothers weird love of knives and how she would

threaten me and Matt when she was having a bad day. I told him about the water park I never got to visit, and how on my thirteenth birthday she left me and my friends to go get my cake from the bakery but didnt come back. I told him how Matt lived and breathed hockeyit was his escapebut I was the one left behind. The one who looked after mom when shed been in bed for days without showering or eating. I told him that shed driven off a bridge and killed herself and my dad. I told him every single dark secret about my family, but I didnt tell him mine. I couldnt. Ben held me. He showered me with his love, his heat and his goodness. I felt safe. I felt loved.

I let his warmth wash away the sins of my parents and swore that I would tell him the rest soon. I would tell him about my illness. I would tell him about the little pills I needed to take in order to function properly. I would tell him that I wasnt perfect. That I was damaged. I would tell him that for the first time since my diagnosis I felt hope. I just needed to gather a little more courage and then I could say the word, the one I hated to say. The one that labeled me. Bi-polar.

Chapter Twenty-Five
Ben
My sister Eden thinks that I have horseshoes coming out of my ass. Mostly because Ive pretty much excelled at everything Ive ever tried. Hockey. Baseball. Guitar. Math. I was that guy. The one who aced all his classes, was captain of whatever team he played on and got whatever girl he wanted. I never thought about it much because it was just the way things were. I was used to winning and I was used to getting what I wanted. And what I wanted right now was Georgia King. But I didnt want her for

today or tomorrow or even next month. I wanted her for forever. I was no longer horseshoe guy. I was that other guy. The one who would do anything for a girl. Hell, if Georgia asked me to shave my head or tattoo her fucking name on my body, I would. And everyone knows getting a name tattooed onto your skin was a bad idea. But for her I would do it. For her I would wear pink with purple polka dots if it would give me the smile that I was looking at right now. For Georgia, I would do anything. Id taken her out for dinner and now it was time for her surprise. Happy birthday, I said and then bent down to claim the mouth that had been driving me crazy all day.

A few wolf whistles rang out in the club but I didnt care. Hell, I liked that fact that everyone could see she was with me. That she was mine. My girl. When we touched the heat was unmistakable. It was intense and if not for the fact that we were in the middle of the crowded VIP lounge in Club NV, I would have had her out of the sexy black dress she wore and flat on her back. I finally managed to drag my mouth from hers, though I kept my hands on her waist, kept her close and intimate. Her hair fell over her bare shoulders just the way I liked, a little wild and a little messy. Her cheeks were flush, her lips swollen from mine, and her eyesher eyes were fixed behind me and they wrong.

Wait. What the fuck was wrong? Hey, I said carefully. Is everything alright? I wanted to surprise you for your birthday and Kendall said that this band was one of your favorites. Had I screwed this all up? Her eyes were on the stage downstairs. The band hadnt taken the stage yet because the band was part of her surprise. Spleen. Id never heard of them but Id managed to get hold of her girlfriend and shed said they were local and that they were one of Georgias favorites. Id made a few phone calls and turns out, the owner of the club was a huge Flyer fan. He booked Spleen for me and I thought they would keep that smile on Georgias face all night long.

Her brows furrowed and she chewed on her bottom lip which I knew meant she was either nervous or pissed. Hey, I said more than a little alarmed. We can leave. I justI thought this would be good for you tonight. For your birthday. Obviously not. Why the hell had I listened to her friend? I glanced over to Kendall and gave her a mental fuck you. Shed met us at the club and had brought a bunch of people I didnt know. I didnt give a shit about any of them but I thought that Georgia did and that was the point of everything. It was her 21st birthday and I wanted it to be special. Its okay, she said finally. Thank you. But it wasnt okay and I had no idea what was wrong.

The house lights dimmed, the crowd below and behind us erupted into cheers and the unmistakable crunch of a guitar spilled across the club. We looked down at the stage and I watched five guys take over. None of them wore shirts, all of them were tattooed and pierced and the guitar player. My eyes narrowed. Fuck. It was the guy from the country club. The guy Georgia said shed dated. The guy she said didnt matter but from the rigid set of her shoulders, I called bullshit. The guy grinned up at us and let a long, lingering chord ring out as he grabbed the mic from his singer. He saluted Georgia and everyone below turned to see who he was looking at. Happy Birthday to the hottest girl I

know. I dont know how we can top last year babe, but Im sure as hell gonna try. He threw the mic back at his singer and the band dove into a hard rocking, full throttle song about drinking and drugging and sexing. It was heavy and usually I liked that sorta shit, but not tonight. Not with that guy down there looking at my girl as if he wanted her. As if hed had her. Red hot jealousy shot through me and the need to go all cave man and drag her out of the club was strong. I wanted to tell guitar guy to keep his eyes off Georgia. I wanted to tell him that if he dared to mental fuck my girlfriend in front me I was going to kick his ass and break him. My fists clenched at the thought. I moved behind Georgia, boxing her in

against the ledge as we stared down at the band and I whispered next to her ear. We can leave if you want. Sure I was all about doing whatever the hell she wanted tonight, but the simple fact was, I wanted out of there. I hated that guy and the vibe I was getting wasnt good. Kendall slid up beside us and hip poked Georgia. Oh my God, they sound awesome! Georgia nodded to her friend and then glanced up at me. Im good, she mouthed. Are you? No. Lets get the hell out of here. Yeah, I answered. As long as you are. I pulled her into me as we watched Spleen rock and roll their way through the next ninety minutes.

By the time their set was done the club was a mess of sweaty bodies, some of whom were basically having sex in the pit below us and the ones in the dark corners were definitely getting down and dirty. The waitress had been over several times and I had moved on from beer to my old buddy Jack. My good mood was long gone. It had fizzled right about the time guitar guy Travis was what the girls chanted below raised a glass to Georgia and shouted out that their one and only cover tune was one he was dedicating to her. Hed stuck his tongue through his fingers and waggled it before shouting into the microphone, Youre crazy but I like the way you fuck me! You crazy bitch! Who the hell did this guy think he was?

Dance music replaced Spleen and I wasnt sure what was worse. I hated dance music. I hated guitar guy. Either way, the music was loud, my buzz wasnt doing anything to dull it and I needed to be alone with Georgia. There was no way in hell I could get through the rest of the night until I knew the truth about her and tattooed Travis. Lets go. I grabbed her hand and turned, pulling her along behind me as I tried to figure out where we could find a bit of privacy. I passed the bar and spotted an exit. Bingo. We were nearly there when some asshole turned into me and his beer went flying. The guy was tall and built but if he gave me problems I could take him. Hell, with all the pent up energy running through

me I wanted to take him and then follow up with tattooed Travis for kicks. Dude, what the fuck? he shouted but then his face crinkled and he took a step back. Hey, arent you Ben Lancaster? I shoved past him without answering. The exit led to a stairwell but it was empty and as the door swung closed behind us the noise was easier to take. Jesus, Ben, are you mad about something? Georgia asked, yanking her hand from mine. I ran my hands through my hair and rotated my shoulders. Hell the fuck yes. Hell the fuck no. Shit. No, I said carefully. I Her eyes glistened and she licked her lips, tugging on a long curl. She was

nervous. Anxious. And I felt like the biggest loser on the planet because it was her birthday for Christ sake and Id managed to ruin it. I groaned and blew out a long breath. How had the day ended up here? Id woken up with her beside me and after Id made sweet love to her, wed spent the day in the pool. Wed talked about music, movies, books and art. We talked about a lot of shit but none of it really mattered, because none of it was about her. And thats what was bugging meits what had bugged me all alongI just didnt know it until now. I didnt know the real Georgia and it frustrated the hell out of me because I saw glimpses of her when she wasnt trying so hard to hide herself, and I wanted more. I

wanted to know about the girl who painted those freaky weird ass paintings. I wanted to know about the girl who separated her peas from everything else on her plate and ate them last. The girl who crinkled her nose when she was thinking too hard. I wanted to know You and guitar guy didnt just date casually. It wasnt a question and she knew it. For the longest time Georgia said nothing and as each second ticked by my anger grew. It erupted like a balloon inside my chest and my teeth were clenched together so tightly that my jaw ached. Ive known Travis for a long time. It wasnt rational, the way I was feeling. On some level I knew that but I

couldnt help myself. It was there. Some big fucking elephant stood between us and I had no idea what it was. I had no idea because Georgia wouldnt tell me. So you fucked him. Her eyebrows shot up at my crude words and I felt like an absolute shit at the hurt in her eyes. But the feeling passed because the anger overshadowed it. The anger inside me fueled by the Jack Id inhaled in the bar was becoming as big and nasty as the invisible elephant. Are we doing that now? she said. Are we really going to discuss all the guys Ive fucked? So theres been a lot? I shot back with a snarl. Her mouth opened in shock but I didnt back down. I wanted something more from

her. And though I didnt particularly care to hear the details of every hook up shed ever had she wasnt giving me anything else. What the hell is happening? Why are you being like this? she said, taking a step toward me. Her eyes were all shiny as if she was going to cry. Cant we just leave, Ben? Go back to your place and And fuck? Because thats all we do, Georgia. I took the remaining step until we were so close I could see the sparkles in her eye shadow. Until I could see the thin sheen of sweat along her forehead and smell that sweet summery scent that drove me crazy. We fuck and we eat and we sleep. Then you go out to the barn and paint. You paint weird fucked up faces that mean

something, but I dont know what that something is because you wont tell me anything about yourself. The only thing youve told me is that your mother was fucking crazy and drove herself off a bridge. She gasped. I didnt care. I was beyond caring about anything except my frustration. My voice echoed down the stairwell and for the next few seconds it was followed by the sounds of the heavy breaths that fell from both of us. A single solitary tear edged its way down Georgias face. Shit. I had done that. I had made her cry. The anger in me was gone as suddenly as it came but when I reached for her she flinched and moved back.

You want to know the real me, Ben? She held out her arms and shrugged. Here I am. Georgia King. College drop out. Party girl. Addict. Mentally defective. Her eyes flashed. You want to know about my hookups? About all the guys Ive screwed? Georgia You started this Ben so let me finish it. I fucked Travis Bartlett when I was fifteen and I continued to fuck him along with a shit ton of other guys, including a couple Flyers which is why Matt didnt want me around you. If you want names I can give you that too, you guys can compare notes at training camp. My jaw fell open. Thats not what I expected to hear. I did a lot of drugs, I fucked a lot of

guys and even a few girls and I drank a lot of vodka. She snorted and wiped at her face, scrubbing at a fresh batch of tears. Something I shared with my dad. Is that what you wanted to know? Jesus, Georgia. I didnt know what to say. I didnt know what to feel. This was so far away from what I thoughtof what she felt like to me that I was stunned. You look disgusted. Are you? Because you should be, Ben. Im not the kind of girl youre going to end up with. Im not good or pure or even interesting. For a while there, I was a good time. I was a good time to a lot of different people but now Im a damaged, broken, unfixable girl who thought that maybe her voice broke and I took a step toward her, but she shook her head violently and

moved back. My hands were clenched at my sides and I wanted to punch a fucking hole into the wall. I thought that maybe I could be someone else. I thought that maybe I could be with someone like you but thats just a fantasy. A stupid, immature fantasy. We cant change who we are Ben and what I am isnt something you want. I can see it in your eyes. The real me is a monster. The real me is in those fucking paintings. She took a step back and reached for the door. Thank you for tonight, she whispered and then she disappeared back inside the club. I stared at the closed door for so long my eyes blurred. And then the anger in my gut began to burn again. It festered and

erupted and it propelled me through the club. I didnt see Georgia or Kendall or anyone I knew. I stalked down the stairs and headed for the doors when a voice stopped me cold. Dude, if youre looking for Georgia she left. You pissed her the fuck off, which sucks for you but that its good for me. I like Georgia pissed off. Like I said earlier, shes one crazy Shut the fuck up, I growled, itching for him to come at me. He did and I flattened him with one punch. Fucking great way to end the evening.

Chapter Twenty-Six
Georgia
It was nearly three in the morning when I let myself into Matts loft. The place was dark and quiet. I leaned against the door and let it wash over me, the stillness, the absolute silence, and for a moment or two I tried to pretend that things were going to be okay. But they werent. They were so far from okay that I was afraid Id never find that place again. The place Id found with Ben. A sob escaped me and I dropped my head into my hands. I was so tired. So tired and scared and alone and

Where have you been? My head whipped up so fast I banged it on the door, and Im sure it hurt like a bitch but I didnt feel it. I didnt feel anything except the hot shot of need at the sound of his voice. It heated my entire body in an instant and awakened the pain. He was here. I know Matts traveling for the team so I figured you would come back here. I flipped the switch near the door flooding the loft with light and it was then that I spied him. Ben stood near the window, his face in shadow, but the clenched fists at his side told me he was still pissed. I wanted to be pissed off too but I wasnt. I was just sad and empty. What do you want, Ben?

You seriously have to ask that? I winced at the tone of his voice. I want the truth. I want to know what the fuck went down tonight. I want to know how you could throw all that shit at me and leave. Do you know how worried I was about you? Ive been calling your goddamn cell and texting you for hours. Its three oclock in the fucking morning, Georgia. Where the hell have you been? My knees began to shake. Did I have it in me to finish this? Or should I ask who were you with? Ouch. That hurt and I glanced away. Wearily I pushed off from the door, stepping out of my heels and tossing them to the side. I was bone tired. Emotionally and physically drained. Id spent hours walking the streets of Phillynot a real

smart thing to do but Id never cared for smart and easy before so why start now? I leaned against the sofa that was between us, pushing the tangled hair at my nape over my shoulder. He moved and stepped into the circle of light, still dressed for the club. Dark jeans and white collared shirt with the top three buttons undone. He hadnt shaved today and there was shadow along his jaw, shadows in his eyes, and his sensual mouth was hard. I didnt have to look at him to know Id just lost everything Id ever wanted because I felt it. I felt the loss seep into bone and tissue. I felt it settle between the cracks in my heart and the empty holes in my soul. I wasnt with anyone. I justI just walked and tried to Oh God, how

could I explain? Tried to what? Youre not telling me anything. Do you know how crazy that makes me? Not as crazy as me. Without a word I turned on my heel and headed for my bedroom where I rummaged through my underwear drawer until I found what I was looking for. I was back in the main room seconds later and Ben was still standing next to the sofa. There wasnt one soft thing about him and my heart rate shot up as the pieces inside me began to move. God, I wished they would just stop. You want the truth? I asked harshly, feeding on the friction inside me. His glared at me, but I saw the hurt in his eyes and it just made everything

worse. Dont you think I deserve it? I tossed the bottles at him and watched as he caught them up against his chest. There, I said roughly. Theres the truth. He looked at me as if I was crazy, which of course I was, and then studied the bottles in his hands, turning them over as he read the information on the labels. What are these? Theyre bottles that hold little pills that define who I am. Lithium? Yes. He glanced at the other one. Klonopin? Yep. I dont get it. No, I said bitterly. You dont.

God, it was hot. I clawed at the top of my halter dress and lifted my hair off my neck. What the fuck, Georgia? He tossed the pills onto the sofa and rounded it, until he was inches from me. What are you hiding behind? He ran his hands through the mess of hair over his forehead and swore again. I dont care about pills. I care about you. I exhaled slowly but it did nothing to calm me. I know, I whispered, the sadness inside me so huge I ached from it. But you dont know the real me. If you had met the real me when you first walked into this loft all those weeks ago, I guarantee you would have run the other way. You might have fucked me first, but Im no keeper.

He didnt look shocked at my words. He folded his arms and glared at me. The pressure inside my chest burst, ripping something open. My lips started moving before I could stop them and words fellwords that I wanted to snatch back as soon as I said them. But that wasnt happening either. I had run out of time and sadly, so had Georgia and Ben. Im the girl whos had sex with so many guys I cant even remember them all. I gave myself away because I could. Because I wanted to and because it made me feel good for about five seconds. Im also the girl who loved to snort coke and drink vodka in her coffee mug. Im the girl who would stay up for seventy-two hours straight painting madness, because it felt as if I was creating art.

I paused as crush of memories pressed into my brain and sobbed, shaking my head at all the things Id done. I dont belong with someone like you, Ben. My eyes filled with tears and I scrubbed at them angrily, wiping them away in one jerky motion. I thought I could pretend and move forward and be this perfect girl but who am I kidding? My past, all the shit Ive done, will never go away and I dont want you to suffer because of it. You deserve so much more. You deserve to be able to walk into that Flyer dressing room and not have the guys snicker behind your back because youre with Georgia King. You deserve to hold your head high and not be afraid that some inappropriate picture of your girlfriend wont pop up online because trust me,

theyre there. Georgia But I cut him off because I knew he needed to hear everything. No, we cant be together and I knew it the moment I met you but I thoughtwhen Im with you the pieces inside me, I pounded my chest, welcoming the pain as my nails slashed into my skin. These fucking pieces that rub against each other and cause all this frictionthey slow down and theyre stilland things are good for a while. Then let them be good, he said softly, his voice full of emotion. God, he was making this so hard but I knew it was time for me to put it all out there. Ben, youre like a circle thats good and whole and perfect. Im not. Im sick. I have a mental health condition and

my circle is cracked and there are pieces of me that are fragmented, pieces that cant be fixed. I need those meds in order to function or I become crazy Georgia. I become the girl who gives herself away for no reason. The girl who does drugs and doesnt care about shit. The girl who stays up for days on end and then crashes hard for weeks. You dont want that. No one in their right mind wants that. He stepped toward me and I flinched at the anger in his eyes. How the hell do you know what I want? You havent asked. Youve already decided. Do you want to be with someone who tried to kill herself? And Im not talking about some lame ass attempt. Im talking about the real deal and the only reason Im standing here today is because of fate.

Because my stupid roommate forgot her stupid cell phone. He opened his mouth but nothing came out and I think he finally realized how truly screwed up I was. Do you want to be with someone who spent six months in mental institution? Huh? A girl whos been arrested? Thats a real nice girl to bring home to your Nana, dont you think? He just shook his head. You want a family one day, dont you? What? Of course I do. Well I dont. I refuse to have kids. My voice broke and the tears started for real. They slid down my face, the hot salty tracks stinging as I stared up into the face I would love forever. Not when they could

turn out like me or my mom. No fucking way. I tried to stop the tears but they flowed harder and my body began to shake from exhaustion. When Ben took that final step and wrapped me into his arms I couldnt push him away. Not in that moment. I needed him in order to get to the next one. Eventually my tears subsided and we got there, to the next moment but it was one I dreaded. I pushed against him until he released me and I took a step back, a little unsteady, but at least I didnt end up on my ass. I cant see you anymore, Ben. This was never going to work. Im sorry. My eyes fell to the floor because I wasnt brave enough to look him in the

eye. His boots were scuffed and I noticed mud or splashed beer on the cuff of his jeans. So thats it, he said. I nodded. Do you honestly think Im just going to walk away? You have to Ben. Is that what you really want? I had to look away because I couldnt stand to see the hurt in his eyes. I want you to be happy and theres no happy for you and me. Thats fucking lame. Its all I got. My voice broke and I pressed my fingers to my trembling lips. He turned without a word and headed toward the door but paused, just before he opened it.

Youre wrong you know. I love you. All of you. Even the pieces that you wont show me because all of that stuff makes up your circle and I dont give a flying fuck if its broken. I love every cracked and fragmented piece of you. And when youre ready, I hope youll trust me enough to let me be the one to help you put those broken pieces back together. Oh, God. Why couldnt he be like a normal guy and just leave? Even now he was too good for me. So you go and see Seamus. You paint as many as those weird screaming faces that you need to. You do whatever the hell it is that you need to do to get to a place where you realize that this is the real deal and that Im not going anywhere. And when youre ready to choose me, when

youre ready to choose us, Ill be waiting. He slipped out the door and left me in silence and for once, the stillness that I craved so much wasnt enough.

Chapter Twenty-Seven
Ben
I know that in the future when I look back on this night I wont remember one minute or even one second of my first exhibition game suited up as Flyer. I wont see images in my mind of the crowd, of the black and orange, of the fans or the players. I wont remember the coachs instructions, or the shouts from my teammates, or even the rough words of encouragement uttered in my ear by Matt. I wont remember much of the team we played other than the Penguins didnt bring it and we won. Im sure I wont remember seeing my

landscaper, Mike, in the stands or my parents sitting just behind the bench with my sister Eden and some guy she was dating who had more facial hair than I did in the playoffs. I wont think about the crush of reporters outside the locker room, or of how Id barely been able to towel off before I was pulled into a multitude of interviews. This was what I had worked for my entire life. Getting to this point. Being here. Being a Philadelphia Flyer. And yet the only thing I will remember is seeing Georgia in an oversized Flyers jersey, leaning against the wall, her clear eyes on me. It was the sweetest, hottest fucking thing Id ever seen, and like a goofy teenager my gut twisted and I felt as

if I had been punched in the throat. I felt Georgia as if she was standing next to me. Against me. As if she was inside me. Someone shoved another microphone in my face, but I sidestepped it, a huge ass grin in place as she slowly turned in a circle so I saw my name and number on her back. Lancaster. Number 9. It was as if Id been tattooed onto her and she belonged to me. Dave from Sportsnet asked me something, I have no idea what it wasI just nodded and pushed past him. I ignored the next reporter as well as the many shouted congrats on a great opening game from the gathered crowd. I physically moved a female reporter out of the way and still in my skates,

walked through all of them, my eyes never leaving Georgia. When I reached her, I felt like a goddamn giant and for a second I said nothing. I was scared shitless. Sure, she was here and that was a damn good sign but still A month ago Id asked her to choose me. To trust me. And for the longest time I thought I had fucked up. I thought that by not forcing myself on her that night I had lost her. And here she was. Her eyes were shiny, glittering like pale blue/green diamonds and my finger swept away a tear drop that clung to the edge of her lashes. Her bottom lip trembled and for one perfect moment we were alone. There was no crowd. No players. No coaches.

Just Georgia and I. You came, I managed to get out. She nodded and opened her mouth to say something but a switch turned on inside me and I scooped her up into my arms, my hands in her hair, my mouth on hers. I kissed her with all the emotion that had been clogging up my airways for the past few weeks. We connected with our lips, with our hands and our fingers and I felt her inside me. And I dont think I came up for air until her hands crept along my jaw and I felt the sting of hot tears in my mouth. We were both breathing pretty heavy by then and she struggled a bit before she could whisper. I chose you, Ben. She shuddered against me and for exactly two seconds I felt like the luckiest

son-of-a-bitch on the planet. But, she said softly, her eyes sweeping away as she bit her bottom lip. Can we talk somewhere ordo you have to leave or She was stumbling over her words and I was getting a sinking feeling in my gut. But she chose me right? She wanted to be with me right? Ill do whatever you want, Peaches. Let me grab a quick shower and then we can go back to my place. We can talk. Does that sound good? She nodded, pressing her face into my neck and I slowly let her slide down, wincing as the outside world burst into our bubble. The noise. The people. I love you, I whispered hoarsely into her ear. Wait here. Dont move, okay?

Ill be twenty minutes tops. Okay, she said softly, lowering her eyes in that way that drove me crazy as the crowd surged behind me. Ill be here. I dropped a kiss onto her forehead and then slid my mouth over her soft lips, murmuring into her, I love you. I cant fucking stop telling you that. I know.

Chapter Twenty-Eight
Georgia
I chatted with Bens parents and Eden while I waited for him, and I managed to keep my head low. I didnt meet the eyes of any press and none of them approached me. So far I hadnt spied any of the players and I wasnt sure what I was going to do if I saw Rick Danby. Kind of awkward to be with your boyfriends parents and have one of your ex-lovers walk by. I was lucky and it never happened, mostly because Ben was the first guy out of the dressing room and after quick hugs with his parentswho were flying out to

visit his other sisterhe rushed me out of the Wells Fargo Center as if the place was on fire. He signed a few autographs along the way and I loved watching him with the young fans. They all adored him and he made them all feel special. He posed for a few pictures and then we left. I was nervous and I think it rubbed off on him because we didnt really talk on the drive home. My left hand was threaded through his because I needed to touch him and the feeling was mutual. The Foo Fighters blasted into the night and they didnt stop until we pulled up at his place. He cut the motor and for a moment there was nothing. No words or looks just his thumb rubbing a slow, gentle circle on my hand.

I have to show you something. My voice was soft, barely a whisper. He turned to me and my breath caught at the look in his eyes. They glittered in the light from the dashboard, the long lashes throwing shadows down his cheeks. Okay, he said simply, brining my hand to his mouth. My heart skipped erratically as he slid his lips over my knuckles, his eyes not leaving mine. I felt his touch as if hed ran hot coals over my skin and I jerked, a nervous reaction, and he smiled because he knew exactly how he affected me. My eyes dropped to his mouth and he shook his head. Not yet. If we go there now we wont even make it inside and Peaches, its been a long, hard month, but

I dont want to have sex in the truck. I want you flat out on my bed because Im going to need some time to get reacquainted with your body. I was on fire. I was a molten mess of quivering girlie parts and all hed done was suggest sex. Reacquainted sex. God, could that be as hot as make up sex? He smiled that smile that could melt a frickin ice queens heart. So what did you want to show me? I exhaled and reached for my door. Follow me. We walked around his house, Ben in his expensive navy blue suit, me in my official Lancaster Flyer jersey, and headed for the barn. I knew he was wondering what the hell was going on. As far as he knew I hadnt been out to his

place in over a month and up until this afternoon that would have been correct. But this afternoon my world tipped a little more toward happy and after Id visited with Seamus for the last time, Id headed out here knowing Ben was already at Wells Fargo doing press and stuff for his first game. I walked into the barn and didnt stop until I reached my canvases, Ben right behind me. I flipped the switch and didnt realize how nervous I was until I began to shake. Hey. He nuzzled my ear and the tremors multiplied, rippling along my skin until my teeth began to chatter. What are we doing here? I wanted to show you something. Something I finished this afternoon.

His hands and mouth stilled. You were here? I nodded and stepped out of him embrace, pointing to the large canvas on the easel. I finished that for you. He followed my finger and for a few seconds he said nothing. He rubbed his chin and shook his head. Wow. He took a step forward and stopped again, inches from my painting. You did this? I moved until I was beside him and I bumped his hip with mine. Yep. The painting was one Id started months ago, the day his parents arrived. It didnt have an ambiguous face with a gaping mouth and hollow eyes. It was Ben who stared back at us. A candid painting of how I saw him.

A head shot, he was glancing over his shoulder, his hair a crazy wavy mess, his smile wide and open, his eyes intense. Id painted the Flyer logo beneath his right shoulder and the number 9 alongside it. This is what I feel for you, I said softly. This is how I see you. Youre amazing. Its soso real. The nervous feeling in my gut pressed in and ruined the moment but I knew it was time to come clean about everything. I also knew that the next few minutes were going to challenge us and since we were in such a new relationship I wasnt sure how he was going to take it. Im leaving for upstate New York tomorrow. Fuck me. The words spilled from my mouth before I had a chance to even think

about them. About what they meant. About how he was going to react. What? Gone was the smile and he took a step back, hands shoved into his pants pockets a frown on his face. What the hell is that supposed to mean? I tried to smile but it was a lame attempt and I could tell I was starting to freak him out. I remembered what Seamus had told me. Focus. Be true to yourself. You deserve love. But you deserve to love yourself more. Here we were. It was crunch time and I was so nervous I wasnt sure I could get the right words out. Im going back to college. He looked relieved and attempted a smile. Well, thats great. I mean it,

Georgia.. Thanks. Shit, girl, just get it out. Seamus thinks Im ready to be on my own again so this is kinda the next step you know? But it means I wont be here and I dont know when Ill see you, I He took a few steps closer until I could reach out and touch him and Lord knows I wanted to. I wanted to bury myself into his embrace and stay there forever. What are you trying to say, Georgia? I dont get why the vibe is off. It almost feels as if youre saying goodbye. I swallowed and forced the rest of the words out. I need to be able to function on my own, Ben. I need to be able to be healthy on my own before I can even

consider giving myself to someone. Youre not being real clear here. He sounded exasperated and I didnt blame him. I was fucking this up but good. Do you love me? he said roughly. Yes. Good answer. Do you want to be with me? I nodded. Yes, but only if There is no if. He interrupted. You dont get it. I love you too much for fucking if. What the hell kind of word is that anyway? There is only yes or no. Im not a yo-yo. Ive stayed away for almost a month because I thought you needed space and now you show up here, you tell me that you choose meyou choose us but now youre saying if? What the fuck is that supposed to mean? You gotta help me out

here, Georgia because Im not getting it. I love you, Ben. I love you more than I ever thought it was possible to love another person and its because I love you so much that I I faltered because the pain was so huge. I didnt want to lose him and I was terrified he was going to see my decision as a rejection. If you love me then whats the problem? Love is enough. Love has to be enough. Sadly, I shook my head. No, Ben. Its not. It wasnt enough for my parents and I cant be with you in that way until I know that I will never get behind the wheel of a car and, my voice cracked and dropped to just above a whisper. And drive it off a bridge. Until I know I would never hurt you.

He shoved his hands into his pockets, but the anger was gone and a glimmer of hope spread through me so fast I felt faint. I took a moment, knowing these were probably the most important words I would ever speak. I want a life with you Ben but I need to learn to live my own life first. I dont want to be half a person. Not for you. Not for me. We deserve more and Ive finally realized that. So what are you saying, he asked quietly taking a step toward me. Im saying that I love you. Im saying that I chose you but Im also saying that I need to focus on getting healthy and learning to live with my illness. And I have to learn to do it on my own. I exhaled and closed the inches

between us, my hands slipping between his arms to encircle his waist as I laid my head on his chest. Im going back to college. I want to finish my courses. Im going to continue my therapy with a great doctor that Seamus recommended. Im going to take my meds and learn to live with my illness and I hope when Im doneI hope that youll still want me because I cant think about my world if youre not in it. For several moments there was nothing. No noise. No reaction. Nothing. The room was so heavy with nothing that I was choking on it. Then his hands slid out of his pocket and wove their way into my hair, tugging on my head until I was forced to look up at him.

Are you breaking up with me? No. I shook my head. This was the real important part. Im giving you the chance to bow out gracefully because this might not end well and your whole future is ahead of you and,,, But I didnt finish my words because his mouth was on mine, his lips and tongue and everything about him almost desperate as I opened beneath him. I kissed him back as hard as I could, my hands clutching his shoulders, my body limp against him. To feel this much emotionto feel this much love was scary. We broke apart, hearts beating fast and furious. Short of breath he wheezed and his eyes devoured me as if hed been starving for days. Ill do whatever it takes to help you

get to the place you need to be, he said. But why do you think you need to do this alone? Why cant you go to college nearby and live here with me? A sad smile tugged at the corners of my mouth. That kind of defeats the purpose of doing it on my own. And I already told you that I cant move forward until Im 100 percent sure Im not a danger to anyone. I cant. I saw what this illness did to my parents and until I own it and rule it, Im not good for anyone. He exhaled and swore and for a few minutes the only noise was the wind whistling through the trees outside the barn. I need to do this, Ben. I need to do this for me. I just dont know if its enough for you and I understand it you want to

step back. Hell, you deserve a normal non crazy girlfriend and I dont want to be an embarrassment to you. Embarrassment? What the hell does that mean? You know what it means. Youll get ribbed by some of the guys on team. Danby for sure. I can handle Danby. Im just saying that my past isnt easy and I dont want it to hurt you. His eyes narrowed and he looked pissed off. I want you to understand something. I dont give a flying fuck about that shit. Got it? What you did and who you did it with, is before. Its before me. Its before you and me. So whatever it takes to make this work Im in. Im in for the long haul. Im in it to win.

Are you sure? I could barely get the words past the huge lump in my throat. I was so afraid hed think I was too much work. Afraid he wouldnt want a part time girlfriend. Georgia, this last month has been fucking awful. The only thing that got me through it was training camp. I lived and breathed hockey and it saved me. I want you in my life and Ill take whatever I can get. I love every inch of you, even the crazy parts. Guys have girlfriends who go to different colleges all the time. We can make it work. We can make it work, I repeated stupidly, tears spilling into my eyes. Now come here, he said roughly, beckoning with his fingers. I ran into his arms and he crushed me to his chest.

What time are you leaving in the morning? Early. Whos taking you? Im driving up myself. No youre not. I glanced up at him. Ben, you dont have todont you have practice or something? His eyes were on my mouth. Nope. Our next exhibition game is Wednesday so Ive got this covered. Ill drive you to school and get you settled, but His lips were now inching their way across my jaw until he was nestled at the corner of my mouth. But what? I said huskily. Im gonna need a months worth of loving tonight in order to get my quota in

since Im headed for a long dry spell again. A months worth? His hands were under my jersey and he jerked back, lifting the edge and peeking under. No bra, he said. No. Huh. His other hand inched down into the waistband of my jeans and he grinned. Commando? Yep. He whistled and stepped back. Take your shirt off. I cocked my head to the side and smiled, a tremulous, happy, smile. You first. But I didnt have to say anything else he was already on itand we never made it back to the house until much later,

and even then I wasnt halfway done fulfilling my mans quota. I let Ben Lancaster love me and I gave him back as much as he gave me. And later, much later, when he held me in his arms and drifted off to sleep, I stared up into a perfect night sky, content, in love, and for the first time in forever it seemed, I was hopeful. The pieces inside me, the ones that sometimes moved fast and loose, were still. They were quiet. Peaceful. And for that I was grateful.

THE CHAOS IN ME, (Beautifully Broken, #2) coming spring/summer 2013. Authors note:
I had such a good time writing this emotional, sexy book. I want to thank Danielle, Crystal, Tracy and Amanda for all the help youve given. Its so appreciated! I was inspired to write this book after watching Silver Linings Playbook. Mental health affects millions of people all over the world and its something that we as a society need to understand in order to help

those who need it. If youve not seen the movie, do so. What a wonderful, emotional and hopeful piece. Ben and Georgia were such a unique couple and wonderful couple to write, but theyve still got a journey to complete. Unfortunately Georgia will have to travel through more darkness before she can truly be happy. Watch for the continuation of their romance in book 2, THE CHAOS IN ME, coming spring/summer of 2013. I love to hear from my readers and you can find me hanging out online at the following places: Website: http://juliebale.com/ Goodreads: www.goodreads.com/authorJulieBale

Twitter: https://twitter.com/JulieBale Facebook: www.facebook.com/pages/Julie-Bale I also write adult contemporary romance as Juliana Stone. Visit me at my website if you feel so inclined! http://julianastone.com/