1 THE BIG RED PANTIES SETTING: A bedroom just before dawn; rumpled sheets and strewn clothing suggest

a passionate encounter. Two figures move languidly under the sheets; we cannot see them, although occasionally an arm or leg is exposed, then withdrawn from sight. MOSES I wore your panties last night. IPHIGENIA Oh? MOSES The big red ones. To the movies. With Kate. IPHIGENIA Did she put them in her mouth later? MOSES She wanted to, but were not there yet. IPHIGENIA I would have. MOSES Youre kinky. IPHIGENIA You're not? MOSES Not particularly, no. IPHIGENIA It's not kinky to have sex with someone whose mouth is filled with underwear so they can only moan? That's normal? MOSES Sex? What does sex have to do with it? That's funny. IPHIGENIA What do you mean? The only time you put panties in my mouth is when we're having sex. What's so special about Kate that you don't need the sex part?

AT RISE:

2 (The scene begins to shift.) MOSES Well, it wasn't the kind of situation where sex would have been all that appropriate. (The shift finishes; KATE an attractive redheaded woman costumed as a sexy mime, shifts restlessly in a chair under a harsh overhead light; there is the sense of an interrogation in progress; a red light flashes hypnotically in KATE's face as a heavily-processed VOICEOVER demands she speak; she struggles to remain silent). VO Come, Kate, there's no one here but us, and I am only here figuratively, not in any physical sense. No one will know if you say anything or not. No one but me. (A beat.) Go ahead. I am listening. Speak. (She doesn't.) Watch the pretty light, Kate; tell me what it looks like to you. No one will know. I won't tell. (She is almost mesmerized, but fights it off.) I am an infinitely patient person, young woman, but I am afraid you do not have the time it would take to exhaust that patience. (In the silence, she struggles to resist; shifts as if to stand.) Sit down! You are not going anywhere, not until we are done here. The longer you waste your time and mine in this futile resistance, the longer you neglect those important things waiting languishing outside this room. Does your cat need feeding? Will your mother remember to take her pills in time? (KATE's desperation increases; she opens and closes her mouth silently.) Perhaps a young person as attractive as you is wondering why you haven't returned that phone call; that perhaps you intend to stand them up, to reject them, to shatter their self-image? (She is near to cracking.) Come, Kate, it's so simple. Why torment yourself so when you know it is hopeless? Talk to me, Kate, end this misery. Say something. Speak. Speak. Spe / (Just as KATE is about say something, MOSES dressed as a clown complimenting KATE's mime costume steps into the light and raises his hand.) MOSES Ok, stop right there. My friend has had about all she can take, so let's put an end to this right now.

3 VO What is the meaning of this? Who are you? MOSES I'm her friend. I'm here to help. Here, Kate; this will make it easier. (He holds out a large pair of red panties to her; she takes them gratefully; he speaks to the unseen voice.) So what's the deal here, Cosmo? Who's getting off on tormenting Kate? (KATE has tried to put the panties in her mouth, but cannot; beseechingly, she looks at MOSES.) What? Oh, I see. I wondered if we were there yet. (Helpfully.) They're Iphigenia's. (She shakes her head sadly.) No, no, it's ok. I'll do it. (He gently fills her mouth with the fabric; she is visibly relieved; in the distance, alarms go off; the red light flashes brighter and faster.) VO Stop that! Stop that! Artificial means of stopping her voice are not permitted. Kate, spit that out immediately. I will not allow it! MOSES Doesn't look like you have much choice in the matter, Jack. If all you really want is for someone to say something, I'm happy to read War and Peace to you out loud. VO Do not presume to tell me what I want, you insufferable clown. Guards! Guards! Stop them! (MOSES holds out his hand to KATE; she stands and takes it.) MOSES Forget it, creep. We're the only ones here, you said so yourself. Come on, Kate, I'll take you home. (They exit into shadow as the scene restores to the bedroom; the cacophony increases.) VO Come back here! Come back here this minute! I insist you return. We're not done here, Kate. Do you hear me? Stop! Stop! I command you to stop!

4 (The bedroom has been restored; MOSES and IPHIGENIA under the sheets again/still.) MOSES And that's what happened. IPHIGENIA I call bullshit. MOSES What? IPHIGENIA Bullshit. That has to be one of the lamest white boy bondage fantasies I have ever heard. MOSES Huh? IPHIGENIA It's like lesbian porn made for straight men: create some bullshit narrative where the girl willing caters to your particular fetish so you can maintain the power disparity through her willing willing and grateful generosity. MOSES But that's / IPHIGENIA Here you get your cute submissive scenario on, where the damsel-in-distress begs you to take even more power from her, and rewards you for doing it. Bullshit! If you want to dominate her, ask permission first, make sure it's consensual; don't try to get around it by cheating, asshole. MOSES You've got it all wrong; that's not what / (The movement under the sheets is becoming more agitated.) IPHIGENIA What's the matter? I don't do it for you anymore? You'd rather be with Kate? That's what this is really about, isn't it? MOSES No, babe, that's crazy. There's nothing / Bastard. IPHIGENIA You told me you loved me. (Caught; after a beat, MOSES admits IPHIGENIA is right.)

5 MOSES I thought I did, then. IPHIGENIA What changed? (A beat.) MOSES I dont know. Its not you, its me? IPHIGENIA Is that it?.. Is that it?

MOSES I guess you could say that. IPHIGENIA Go fuck yourself. (IPHIGENIA slips out from under the sheets and runs off; all we can tell is that he/she is blonde and wears bright red underpants; MOSES, still in his clown make-up but apparently nude, sits up.) MOSES I guess you could say that, too. THE END