FORGIVING YOURSELF

Many of us are not able to forgive people who have injured us in the past, even in
our early childhood. A direct consequence of this unforgiving attitude is an
unbalanced emotional state which leads to illnesses and/or dysfunctional behavior.

Perhaps you were exposed to some sort of painful injustice that resulted in
frustration or fear such as the loss of a loved one, violet treatment by someone
you trusted, or lack of affection, etc ...

Notice that your dysfunctional behavior is just a symptom of an unbalanced

emotional state because of the things (as shown in the list above) that happened
in your past: childhood or later years. In the beginning the fault for your
behavior was theirs, but later, after cultivating and accepting that behavior, it
became your sin and consequently your fault.

- You need forgiveness - to forgive them, God and yourself.

- You need God's acceptance

The following are having some symptoms of an emotionally unbalanced person; if you
discover yourself having one or more of these symptoms, please accept your need
for forgiveness. Ask the Holy Spirit to bring to your memory those painful
situations and injustices that were committed against you. You can then determine
what prompted your symptoms and release your heart from bitterness by forgiving
unconditionally If you cannot do so, you are actually condemning yourself to live
an unhappy and unhealthy life.

Symptoms of an emotionally unbalanced person:

*People Pleasing *Manipulation

*Addiction to Approval *Child Abuse

*Addiction to Attention *Alcohol Abuse

*Eating Disorder *Gambling

Addiction

*Kleptomania *Incompetence

*Chronic Problem to Gain Attention *Perfectionism

*Chemical Abuse *Sexual Addiction

*Shopping Addiction *Workaholism

Under stress reactions:

*Rage *Inability to
be Intimate

*Uncontrollable fear *Relational Conflicts

and Isolation

*Depression *High Levels of

Anxiety

*Phobias *Panic Attacks

*Distrust *Thoughts of
Suicide

*Defensiveness *Thoughts of
Violence

*Inability to Receive Criticism *Desire to Run Away

*Blaming *Abusive
Behavior

The solution:

1. Recognize that something is wrong

2. Accept that you can't do anything,

- Yes you can work by yourself on a dysfunctional symptom, but you need to resolve
problem not just the symptom. If not, you will end up avoiding one behavior and
embracing another. So you need to resolve the cause/source of your symptoms but
you have no power to do it. However God can and is willing to do it for you.
Understand that:-

(a) behavior that is dysfunctional has its roots in sin. First you were a
recipient of an injury but you chose to a sinful way. Now you are led and
controlled by sin.

(b) behavior is a fruit of heart; (Mark 7:21) To change the heart is God's job not
yours.

3. Believe that with God all things are possible!

Luke 1:37, Colossians 2:13-15, Ephesians 1:22, Philippians 4:13, Ephesians 1:3 2
Peter 1:3

4. Let the Holy Spirit be your guide

- Ask the Holy Spirit to bring to memory events that brought shame,
unworthiness, failure, fear ..

- Write down all of the events that the Holy Spirit brings to memory.

- Take care of the memories one by one; do not hurry to forgive but write a letter
(without sending it but read it two times a day for at least three months),
express your emotions in private, let the Holy Spirit heal your emotions as they
come to surface.

- Express your emotion before the Lord

- Don't suppress any feelings of anger, rage, fear, or sorrow, etc ... However,
don't pour these feelings to your offenders but only to God.
- Argue with those people who hurt you as if they were present. You can also write
a letter each one of them. Do not send the letter to them. Never argue with them
face to face. If you feel it necessary to talk with them about the past, do so
only after you have decided to forgive them and you have finished the process of
healing. Then you may meet with them not to decide whether you are going to
forgive them, but just to let them know that you were hurt by their actions but
you have forgiven them.

- Recognize your feelings and keep in mind that they are real and LEGITIMATE. Do
not undermine or ignore your feelings.

5. Extend your forgiveness toward God. 2 Corinthians 3:17-18

6. Remember that UNFORGIVENESS is the root of symptoms like anger, bitterness,

fear, revenge, jealousy, and depression; do not allow yourself to remain their
prisoner. Keep in mind that:

- There is a certain degree of risk in forgiving

- After you forgive, the memory of the bad actions will remain but your negative
feelings toward them will disappear.

- Not to excuse your sin with your offender's action.

- Not to pretend that the injury never happened.

- Not to express forgiveness too soon

- You must forgive God for His apparent lack of care for you. If not, depression,
misdirected rage or fear, and suppressed anger will be like an atomic bomb
exploding after a short chain reaction.

- It is vital that you ask the Holy Spirit to bring to your memory all of your
past memories, hurt, and pain. Take one event at a time, Try to remember every
detail, express your feelings. Ask for the gift of forgiveness so that you may
forgive as He forgives you.

- You must accept your measure of guilt for not forgiving right away and for your
choice to , blame the persons who have wounded you. Come to God in total
repentance showing your disposition to forgive and to be forgiven.

For more go to:

www.Relevantlifesolutions.org