POWERFUL BODY PARAGRAPHS Body: Three Supporting Paragraphs (Created from your Observations, Readings, and Experiences) Must

t contain a topic sentence. These are listed in your pre-writing and in your thesis (3 main causes, 3 main effects, or 3 main characteristics of term). Must use strong transitions (initially, furthermore, ultimately) Choose one example for each paragraph and develop it fully. Quality over Quantity. Dont just list ideas/examples. Dont assume your reader can read between the lines. My dad demonstrated love when he bought my mom flowers (weak). What was significant about this act? Did he have to know what flowers she liked? Were they the same flowers he bought her on the first date? Were the flowers special because he never remembers to purchase them? Elaborate! If quotes/text from prompt supports your idea, include these in your paragraphs to build support. Explain how they connect. You should NOT be able to move your paragraphs around and have the essay still make sense. Each paragraph needs to build on and connect to the previous paragraph. Definition Essay: Explain how your observation, reading, or experience enhanced (helped you to understand) your understanding of the word. Dont just describe your observations, readings, and experiences. Analyze them (dig deeper) for meaning. Description (WEAK): Students who play team sports learn to work with others toward a common goal. Description plus analysis (STRONG): Students who play team sports learn to work with others toward a common goal. If every player on a soccer team is trying to score on his or her own, the team will end up losing. For example, on my church basketball team, we had one really great player. Despite his great skills, he would never pass the ball to anyone else. Although he was a great shooter, he was not a team player, and we lost many games. To be successful, players have to learn to help each other. Cause/Effect Essay: Clearly explain how your observation, reading, or experience caused something to occur, or clearly explain how your observation, reading, or experience was an effect of something that occurred. Description (WEAK): Slaves were dehumanized. Description plus analysis (STRONG): Slaves were dehumanized by changing their names, separating their families, removing their culture, and using physical violence/torture to enforce obedience. Some of the effects of this horrific dehumanization resulted in murders, abuse, and a loss of identity/culture. Therefore, dehumanization causes individuals to lose their voice and place in society.

Description (WEAK). I have had an after school job. Description plus analysis (STRONG): Last semester I started working an after school job. Initially, I thought it was great because I started making money. However, after my first paycheck, I realized how little money I was making in comparison to the hours I spent working. Although I learned responsibility and experienced more independence, I also lost some freedom such as time to spend with my friends and family. I had no say in my work schedule. Many times school projects and assignments collided with my work hours; consequently, my grades also began to suffer.

Maintain focus/connection with thesis throughout entire essay! Answer the question: How does this example help you understand the definition of ___________ or understand the effects of _____________? FOCUS: Stick to the point! Example of body paragraph using observations for support: Provide enough details of the event but dont become distracted. 911 was caused by terrorists who wanted revenge because of Bushs poor foreign policy. They had no right to attack us and kill so many people. Some people had no idea when they went to work for a normal day. It just removed everyones hope for safety. We are getting back though with the war in Iraq. OFF TOPIC. This paragraph should be discussing the definition of hope based on observations, not who was to blame or how we are getting revenge. Example of body paragraph using readings for support: Provide enough detail of the story so that your reader understands your idea. Avoid plot summary. In To Kill a Mockingbird a black man named Tom Robinson is accused of rape. He is crippled and right-handed. The victim, Mayella, has a father named Bob. Bob is left-handed and could have easily beaten Mayella up. Her eye was bruised from a left-hand hit. PLOT SUMMARY that is off topic. This reading should be discussing oppression found in the reading, not the events in the novel. Example of body paragraph using experiences for support: Stay on topic! For example, I volunteer in a summer sports program for younger kids. From June through August, I help coach a softball team for eight-to-ten-year-olds. Last year, our team had one of the best records in the state. We even got to go to the state championship in Raleigh. OFF TOPIC. Grab a cookie for your accomplishments, but give yourself a 0 for focus. These accomplishments have nothing to do with the focus of the essay: being a good citizen is getting involved in your community.

 Each body paragraph needs a concluding statement summarizing your thoughts. It should reconnect to thesis/main idea. It should help create the BIG IDEA of your paper. Overall, courage is the ability to stand for a belief despite obstacles placed around you. This experience exemplifies love because the individuals are willing to sacrifice for each other. This reading demonstrates the idea that honesty is speaking the truth in all circumstances. Based on my observations, honesty is defined as speaking truth in all circumstances. Because of these readings, I believe that love is more than words; it consists of actions. From my experience, a lack of communication is a main cause of conflict. As seen in the examples mentioned above, the effects of dehumanization can include a loss of identity, a loss of value, and even a loss of life. Add style to your writing by wrapping up your paragraphs with a simile or metaphor. For example, Based on my readings, I understand that hope is a ray of sunlight on a cloudy day. OrHope is as necessary as the air we breathe; it is the anchor that holds us down in the menacing and turbulent ocean of life. Transitions: YOU MUST HAVE AT LEAST 5 TRANSITIONS TO SCORE A 3 OR 4! 1st Body Paragraph (not introduction) begins with INITIALLY.. 2nd Body Paragraph begins with FURTHERMORE 3rd Body Paragraph begins with ULTIMATELY Conclusion begins with IN CONCLUSION Use transitions inside of each paragraph to connect ideas. After 1st sentence of each paragraph, tie in your observations, readings, and experiences by writing For example, or For instance, Connect similar ideas with any of the following words: similarly, additionally, consequently, likewise, in addition to, etc. Connect contrasting ideas with words such as however, nevertheless, although, despite, etc. Do not use weak transitions to begin your paragraphs such as for starters or next. Level IV papers consistently use description, imagery, and specific details throughout all paragraphs! Examples of Powerful Body Paragraphs: Strong example using an observation I used to ask myself everyday if I was happy to be an American, if I was proud of our country. From 2000 to 2007 my answer was generally no because I did not ag ree with President Bush, and I thought he was making a mockery of our nation. Then I met a foreign exchange student named ________ from Turkmenistan. She and her countrymen had been deprived of their right to happiness because they were being led by a dictator. No one knew who to trust because the government recruited everyday towns people as spies. When I would ask her about her opinion on politics she would always change the subject immediately. In her mind she could be killed for talking about these things even in America. It was not until a few months ago when her President died that she felt comfortable talking about what horrors occurred in the past. She told me that it took his death to become truly happy.

Strong example using a reading Furthermore, for you to truly understand what human rights are, you need to know what it would be like to have none at all. In the book Night a Jewish boy named Elie was stripped of his name, clothes, home, family, and most of all his life. He was beaten, starved, and shaved from head to toe. His mom, sister, and father were killed because of the Nazi military. After years of near death hunger in Jewish prison camps, Elie was set free. Sometimes the meaning of human rights is to survive at all costs in hope that maybe one day you will be set free. Elie Weisel wrote the book Night; it is a true story about himself and his hardships. Through this story, he has opened up many peoples minds to human rights. Strong example using an experience Ultimately, we experience the freedom of human rights every day. For example, we have the right to go to school, take any classes we want, speak our mind, and just be our own person without anyone saying we dont have the right to. Thats exactly what my cousin did December 6th, 2005. She spoke her mind and stood up for her rights the day she was sexually abused by a man in a parking lot. She was walking outside when suddenly a man grabbed her, threw her in his car, and attempted to rape her until she screamed so loud for her freedom that someone caught the man and defended her. Thankfully, they threw him in jail because my cousin pressed charges against him. She had the right to take up for herself and show him that he couldnt control her. Strong Example using an experience Ultimately, it is my belief that the main reason teenagers dropout is, as with my older sister, they have developed a substance abuse problem. Drugs and alcohol are both so easily accessible and so incredibly tempting that there is only a small population of students in any high school that have not experimented with either. As you are all aware of the effects drugs and alcohol can and do have on ones brain, it is obvious why it is almost impossible for a substance abuser to stay in school. I watched my sisters life spiral downwards until it was nothing but a void that she filled with drugs. She went from being an honors student to a dropout statistic almost over night. But shes not the only high school student who has ever dropped out beca use they were an addict. The problem is silently developing in every high school; students become addicts and drugs become all that they are.