Spring of 2007

2007 doctors, classes and busyness!

In the Spring of 2007 Debbie experienced a period of remission from the cancer symptoms and was feeling good physically. She wrote in her journal that her back pain was gone, and an MRI of her brain showed that all was normal. The only pain she was having was in her foot. On March 31, Marcus Darius Aviles was added to our family through a somewhat complicated delivery. He had to spend some extra days in the hospital and Debbie and I prayed for him and Jessica extensively. We felt that God was giving a special purpose to his life. Also our son John, was living in Ohio, arrived for a one week visit with us. Debbie was delighted that he was home, but noted in her journal that he seemed distant and detached. In early April, we went to Crandon beach with the whole family and a few family friends and Carlos grilled food for us. On April 3, Debbie went with Ruth to see Dr. Lopez. Both Ruth and our son John were dealing with the negative effects of our moving around because of our missionary ministry and my inattention as a workaholic father. Ruth experienced a traumatic event in her early teens that had distorted her self-image and had caused her to question her femininity. Ruth was dealing with a lot of accumulated sadness and feelings that she was not beautiful and not of great value. She had often compared herself unfavorably to her older sisters. Because she was born shortly after Debbie had a miscarriage, she blamed herself for the death of her unborn sibling. Debbie kept detailed notes of their sessions with Dr. Sam interspersed with prayers. John had accumulated a lot of anger from our years in Colombia and his separation from Debbie while she was taking Spanish classes and his feeling that I did not notice him or care

about him when we first moved to Miami. At the time, I was entirely focused on trying to plant a Spanish speaking church on the west side of Miami and at the same time I was dealing with pretty serious depression. Somehow, I managed to allow John, age four, to drop through the cracks. A friend of mine who is a psychologist, tells me that infants normally bond to their mother during the period in which they are nursing. It may take longer for children to bond to their fathers. The window of opportunity for a father and child to bond emotionally is open until about age six, but quickly closes after that. During my son Johns first six year, I was either church planting in Bogot Colombia, or in Miami, Florida, and during the last three years (from age three to six) I was also going through a clinical depression. I apparently missed the six year window for bonding with him and only began trying to bond with him at age thirteen, after receiving an exhortation from my friend Steve Humble. Thus, our two youngest children, having experience their early childhoods during the most turbulent and demanding years of our lives, were making frequent trips to see Dr. Lopez in the Spring of 2007, often accompanied by Debbie. Her journal is filled with pages of notes about issues they were dealing with, often followed by fervent prayers by Debbie for their healing, deliverance and wholeness. We both were concerned that Ruth and John spent many hours at night on Role-playing video games (such as World of War Craft) but were chronically unemployed or underemployed. On April 15, Debbie noted in her journal that she awoke at 3 am when John came in, and she wrote the following prayer: Oh Father, please open something up for John and Ruth. Deliver the fro WOW (World of War Craft) and unreality. Please help them embrace life and you! There were also prayers for me. I didnt realize until after Debbie was

gone and I began reading her journal that she felt that I was negative and unbelieving about the possibility of her being fully healed from cancer. We went to Gatlinburg, Tennessee where we attended a conference and saw many long term friends, including Debbies friend Carolyn Simpson, who was also battling cancer. Debbie took extensive notes in her journal from the talks that were given at the conference. We stayed on a few days after the conference was over to get some rest and do some sight-seeing. Debbie extensively described our drive out to Cades Cove and noted in her journal how idyllic and beautiful it was. She wrote Your creation is lovely, Lord. Thank you! She was also delighted to be feeling physically good for the first time in two years. It is good to see so many old friends. Thank you, Lord, for all of them. Bless them Lord. I have been amazed at how well I am doing compared to last year. I am strong enough to pull my own suitcase and carry my backpack and I slept most of the flight up.

During the conference Debbie was introspective. She wrote on April 26 thanking God for the beauty of the mountains and the clean fresh mountain air. She was also thankful for feeling well. She expressed a desire to seek God more fully. She wrote Draw me closer cancer cannot exist where you are. Forgive me for my pride and rebellion. I can see now how head strong I have been even with Joseph. Forgive me and heal the hurt I have caused. She continued praying for me; Father, I also ask that you would show us the lie that lodged itself in Josephs thoughts (mind) when I was diagnosed with cancer, so we can dislodge it. I dont even remember what thoughts went through my mind during that time. I just remember weeping when we got to the car. Please uncover the lies of the enemy. Expose that which is hidden, thank you. As I read these lines years later after Debbies death, I have mixed feelings. I distinctly remember holding on to the best of my ability to hope that she would be healed, and to the knowledge that it was within the realm of possibility that she could be healed. However, I also

remember trying to embrace the medical reality of the diagnosis and probable outcome. Trying to have faith without falling into a simplistic denial of reality was like walking on a high wire, tight rope. It was so easy to fall off either way. And we had to maintain our balance and walk on the tight rope for seven years! I have no doubt that Debbies faith was often stronger than mine. However, I dont know if I agree with her perception that I had believed a lie of the enemy and was being negative and unbelieving. Perhaps. I felt at the time that I was trying to be soberly realistic. I guess I will leave that question for eternity. There is no doubt, however, that the strain of dealing with cancer on a daily basis was taking its toll on me physically. Deb noted in her journal that I had been monitoring my blood pressure which had gone high, and was causing headaches and shortness of breath. Deb prayed for e that God would set me free from fear. On April 27 we were still at the conference in Gatlinberg. Debbie wrote in her journal Another dawn! Thank you! The Smokey Mountains are truly lovely as the fog lifts and the sun rises over the mountains. I feel myself breathing more deeply here. Its as though the air goes more deeply into my lungs. Bring healing, Lord. Ive been sleeping eight hours at night with two hour naps mid-day. Obviously something is happening in my body. Following her morning entry are two more pages of notes from the sessions that day. The following day, April 28, was my 56 birthday. Debbies journal for April 28 included a more somber note. Happy birthday Joseph! 56! Thank you Lord for another day. Around 3 am I awoke with chest pain. It seems a little worse each day. I admit that I am a little fearful that the cancer is returning. I asked the Lord to break the negative words of Dr. Cohen, that it would come back and was incurable. Lord, I pray for Joseph, too. He is angry because of the pain returning. Father show him what you are after.