The Big Apple iPhone

EXT. OUTSIDE APPLE STORE - 7:00 AM Over 100 people are lined up in front of the store. Signs on the store advertise the new iPhone 6z. In the middle of the line is TOM WULLY, a 26 year old, good looking man, dressed in casual business attire. TOM peers to the front of the line, he looks impatient as he fidgets on his toes. Right in front of him stands STEPH, a blond woman in her mid 20s. JOON SALISBURY, a cute 24 year old girl with a flannel shirt and jeans, big rimmed glasses, dyed pink hair, and a bag that resembles a teddy bear, passes by the line and notices STEPH. JOON approaches STEPH with a smile. JOON (excited) Hi Steph! STEPH notices JOON and greets her with a big hug. STEPH Oh my god how are you! JOON Good. (looks around) Youre online for the new iPhone, huh? STEPH (giggling) Oh, you know I cant help myself. TOM watches them converse and puts on a grumpy face. glances over to TOM, he then looks down at his feet. JOON (playful) What? The two women look at TOM. TOM (embarrassed) I just dont want people cutting in front of me. JOON laughs, she puts her hand on TOMs shoulder, as TOM looks into her eyes, he gets red. JOON Im not really into this commercial stuff, so you can relax okay? Embarrassed, TOM gives a weak laugh and nod. hand away with a smirk. JOON takes her JOON

2. JOON Look at you all upset and embarrassed, youre so cute. TOM smiles awkwardly. JOON giggles, and turns back to STEPH. JOON Steph, I gotta get going, but Ill see you later? STEPH See ya. JOON gives TOM a wink before she leaves, TOM watches her walk away until he notices the doors of the Apple Store opened by the black APPLE STORE EMPLOYEE. APPLE STORE EMPLOYEE (professional) Good morning everyone, I need you to form an orderly line and... Before the APPLE STORE EMPLOYEE can finish his speech hes trampled by the crowd as they poor into the store. INT. APPLE STORE - 7:05 AM The Apple Store resembles the stock market circa 1980, as customers demand their new iPhones. The employees look overwhelmed. TOM enters and struggles to make his way through the crowd. He holds out his credit card, a frightened employee takes it, makes the transaction and gives TOM his new iPhone 6z. In bliss, a tear falls from TOMs eye, until a large woman knocks him to the ground. EXT. PROSPECT PARK - 7:30 AM TOM whistles merrily as he strolls through the park with his iPhone 6z box. He stops at an empty field under a tree. TOM takes his iPhone 5s, and a few firecrackers out his of pocket. He ties the firecrackers to the iPhone 5s, and takes out a lighter. TOM (happy) Well my old friend, time for you to join the floppy disks, and VHSs in tech heaven. TOM lights the firecrackers, in a noisy display, his iPhone 5s bursts into flames. TOM cheers.

3.

JOON (nonchalant) Whatcha doing? TOM (surprised) Ahh! TOM enters an offensive position until he sees JOON behind him. TOM (breathless, puzzled) What are you doing here? JOON I saw you leave the store and wanted to know where you were going. TOM (confused) You followed me? JOON Mmm-hmm. TOM (awkward) Okay. Well I was just about to open my new phone. TOM opens the packaging and removes his iphone 6z, he looks upon it with awe. JOON Why does everybody go so starry-eyed for those thing? TOM (excited) Are you kidding me? iPhones... they have everything a person could ever need. Internet, texting, games, and all the apps you could ever dream of! JOON And that one over there didnt? JOON points to the scorched iPhone 5s.

4. TOM Well... this ones newer. JOON laughs. JOON (flirty) So I guess youre going to have to fill that new phone with some numbers, huh? TOM (deadpan) Actually theyve already been transferred over. Beat. JOON pulls out a 2001 nokia cellphone. JOON Whats your number? TOM Oh, 212-454-3435. JOON So do you have a name or should I just put you in as "Dude who loves Apple". TOM Oh heh, Im Tom. JOON Im Joon, J-O-O-N. walk Tom? TOM Uh... sure. EXT. PROSPECT PARK - 8:00 AM TOM and JOON walk through the park. JOON (calm) Im a barista right now, but Im still, yaknow, trying different things out. (excited) Oh maybe I should sing for a for an indie band! TOM laughs. Wanna go for a

5.

JOON (CONT) (calm) So, what do you do? TOM Im a Statistical Data Analyst for Multiplex Corp. JOON nods, but looks unimpressed, TOM sees. TOM Yeah, Its a job, its comfortable. JOON Is there anything else youd rather be doing? TOM looks uncertain. TOM In college I was really into computer programing, but it was harder than my dick (nervous) Uh... I mean it was hard. JOON smiles. JOON Harder than your dick when what? TOM (laughs) Uh... watching bukkake I guess. TOM and JOON laugh. They reach the sidewalk, and stop.

JOON Tom, I need to get going, but Ill call you. My phone may be 13 years old but its still a phone, and has lots of cool ringtones. TOM I really look forward to it. JOON and TOM walk off in different directions. TOM looks very happy, and pulls out his iPhone. He looks down at the screen as he walks. A bicyclist passes TOM, and distracted by his phone, TOM nearly lets the bicyclist hit him. TOM (CONT) (shocked) Oh jeez.

6.

Still with his eyes on the screen, TOM walks into the street. A car races by and nearly hits him, which causes him to jump back and inadvertently drop his phone. TOM takes a deep breath. TOM (CONT) (relieved) Holy shit... TOM looks down to see his phone broken in half. After a few seconds of silent shock, TOM desperately picks up the two mangled pieces, pushes them together and tries to turn on his phone. TOM (CONT) Live, come on you bastard, live! Defeated, TOM drops the pieces of his phone, and falls to his knees. TOM (CONT) (arms raised, and screams) Noooooooooo! INT. MULTIPLEX ENTERPRISES 34TH FLOOR OFFICE - 9:00 AM In the office, a pitiful little room with three desks and a dead plant in the corner, a depressed TOM enters and slowly approaches his desk. JAGER PHILIPS, a 29 year old, jockish type, who wears a suit and tie, and MURRY GOLDMAN, a 59 year old in business attire, sit and talk from their adjacent desks, both with iPhone 6zs in hand. MURRY (excited) Jeez Jager, did you see how awesome this thing is? Apple really outdid themselves this time. JAGER (excited, obnoxious) Right! I can text, call, facetime, play games, surf the web... all better than I could on the last phone! MURRY Its so awesome! check this out. Oh and dude,

7.

MURRY texts on his phone. JAGER receives a text message, but instead of the typical 3 note iPhone text indicator, 4 notes play. JAGER looks amazed. JAGER They added a fourth ding!? shit! Holy

An upset TOM sits down at his desk and mindlessly stares at his off computer monitor. MURRY and JAGER look over. MURRY (friendly) Whats up Tom? Do you have the new iPhone? TOM (pitiful) No... JAGER (condescending, obnoxious) Oh come on, you gotta get with the times bro. TOM (annoyed) Fuck off Jager. JAGER (irritated) Well maybe if you worked a little harder around here, youd be able to afford it. TOM (sarcastic) Oh yeah, its not like our pay isnt exactly the same, (under his breath) you fucking douchebag. (annoyed, louder) Besides, I did get the phone I just... broke it. JAGER (laughs) Oh bro. TOM looks more irritated. MURRY Cant you just get another one?

8. TOM I checked everywhere, apparently for the next three weeks no store will have a new iPhone 6z in city of New York. MURRY Oh dude that sucks bro. Let me cheer you up, how about after work today we go down to Micks and drown a few boiler makers? TOM Thats okay Murry. MURRY gives a nod and thumbs up, but looks disappointed as he turns around. TOM turns on his computer and logs onto Reddit.com, he mindlessly scrolls through the pages. MR. NICKELS, a crusty old man who wears a suit and tie and carries a coffee, enters the office area. JAGER sees him and makes himself look busy, TOM continues to browse Reddit, MURRY looks down at his desk. MR. NICKELS passes JAGER. JAGER (enthused) Im getting to work on the most recent tax breaks sir. MR. NICKELS (uninterested) Good job Mr. Philips. MR. NICKELS passes TOM, who continues to browse Reddit. TOM (uninterested, doesnt take eyes off computer) And Im working on uh... tax things. MR. NICKELS (uninterested, sips from coffee) Good job Mr. Wully. JAGER looks annoyed. JAGER (calls out) Mr. Nickels? I just wanted to let you know those expense reports Tom was supposed to fill out yesterday, I started those last night, should be finished by lunch.

9.

TOM roles his eyes. MR. NICKELS barely gives a nod, walks past MURRYs desk and stops. MURRY and MR. NICKELS awkwardly stare at each other, MR.NICKELS walks away, MURRY goes back to work. JAGER Have a fantastic day today Mr. Nickels! INT. MULTIPLEX ENTERPRISES 34TH FLOOR OFFICE - 12:00 PM TOM continues to browse Reddit, and periodically look at the clock. MURRY quietly does his work. Someone unseen enters the office and puts their hands over TOMs eyes. JOON Guess who. TOM yelps and forces the hands off his face, he turns around and sees it was JOON. TOM (flustered) Okay, maybe dont do that anymore? (takes a breath and tries to be suave) I mean uh, what are you doing here Joon? JOON I tried to call you but your number wasnt working, so I came here to find you. TOM nods happily. JOON (CONT) I was thinking maybe we could pick up our conversation. TOM (pleasant) Oh, Sure, when were you thinking? JOON Im free right now. TOM (unsure) Well I am suppose to be doing work.

10.

JOON and TOM stare at TOMs monitor. On it is a picture of the "successful black man" meme with a caption that says "Get out and give me your keys now - Im not letting my best friend drive drunk". JAGER barges into the office. JAGER (obnoxious) Whats up turdfaces? JAGER sees JOON. JAGER (CONT) (proper) Oh excuse me miss. And who might you be? JOON (polite) Hello, Im Joon. JAGER Hey Joon, names Jager. Thats a great outfit by the way. Id love to be wearing my flannel shirt, but you know, dress codes and all. JOON and JAGER giggle. TOM rolls his eyes.

TOM So, you wanna get going? JOON Sure. TOM and JOON leave together. JAGER (with a smirk) Welp, I got my jacking material for tonight. MURRY cringes. EXT. FINANCIAL DISTRICT SIDEWALK - 12:45 PM Romantic music plays. TOM and JOON walk merrily down the street with Starbucks coffees. They enter a subway.

11. INT. SUBWAY PLATFORM - 1:00 PM A very old, skinny Indian man plays steel drums, TOM and JOON dance together in front of him. Off to the side a homeless man starts to pee onto the track, and starts to dance too. EXT. CENTRAL PARK - 1:30 PM Romantic Music Continues. MONTAGE:

TOM and JOON exit the subway outside of the park. TOM and JOON come across a statue of Hans Christian Anderson. JOON pretends to give the statue a lap dance, TOM cracks up. TOM pretends to sodomize the statue while JOON pretends to give it fallacio. A little boy with a balloon comes across them and watches, he pulls out his iPhone and films them. Tom and JOON come across the American Museum of Natural History, and decide to go in. INT. MUSEUM OF NATURAL HISTORY - 2:00 PM TOM and JOON walk through the Ancient Peoples Section. JOON Oh, look its the Rome exhibit! TOM and JOON approach the Ancient Rome exhibit, which contains wax sculptures of two people being devoured by lions in front of the Emperor Niro and his guards. JOON (CONT) (serious) Do you think people were happy back then? TOM Who, the emperor or the people being eaten by lions? JOON No, not these guys. I mean, the guy who was born in like, 50 BC, lived his live as a merchant, with his wife and 13 kids, and died at 55 or whatever. Do you think he was happy?

12.

TOM looks unsure. TOM Well... it seems hed be so bored all the time. No TV, or internet, not even (with disgust) physical newspapers. JOON Yeah, but maybe that was a good thing. No distractions from what really matters, like love, and family, and making your life mean something. It was either figure that out or... deal with bull shit all the time... or chicken shit, or pig shit, (shrugs) I meant literal poop. TOM looks uncomfortable. TOM Im hungry, wanna grab some lunch? JOON Okay. EXT. HOT DOG CART - 3:15 PM The romantic music returns. TOM and JOON stand and eat hot dogs. JOON giggles and points to ketchup that runs down TOMs face and playfully wipes it off. INT. ITALIAN RESTAURANT - 7:00 PM Romantic music still plays. TOM and JOON sit and enjoy an Italian meal. JOON giggles and points to brown sauce that runs down TOMs face and playfully wipes it off. INT. CLUB - 10:00 PM Loud club music plays. TOM and JOON dance widely. TOM spills a drink on himself, they both laugh in drunken bliss.

13.

INT. CLUB BATHROOM - 10:05 PM Muffled club music. JOON wipes TOMs shirt with a paper towel. They lock sultry eyes. Romantic music returns. INT. CLUB BATHROOM - 10:10 PM TOM and JOON walk out of a stall sweaty and satisfied. TOM giggles and points to semen that runs down JOONs face, and playfully wipes it off, one second later TOM looks disgusted and rinses it off in the sink. INT. MULTIPLEX ENTERPRISES 34TH FLOOR OFFICE - 9:15 AM TOM enters the office with smile, JAGER leans against TOMs desk, TOM looks annoyed. TOM (hostile) Get off my desk Jager. JAGER (smug) It wont be your desk for long, I told Mr. Hanson about your little half-day yesterday, and hes been looking to talk to you all morning. (pretends to cough) Youre fired. TOM (pretends to cough) Fuck you. TOM looks annoyed and skeptical, but enters MR.HANSONs office. INT. MR. HANSONS OFFICE - 9:15 AM MR. HANSON, a 49 year old with a bad comb over sits at his desk. TOM Mr. Hanson? MR. HANSON (uninterested) Mr. Wully, Ive been looking for you.

14.

TOM (nervous) Uh, about yesterday. MR. HANSON Yeah that was fine work, but I have some news. Your superior, Mr. Nickels, hes dead. TOM looks surprised. TOM What happened? MR. HANSON He took an entire bottle of pain killers... then he shot himself in the face. TOM looks mortified. MR. HANSON(CONT) So, do you want his job? TOM Me? MR. HANSON shrugs. TOM looks very conflicted.

TOM (CONT) Well I guess Id be crazy to say no... so... I guess Ill say... okay. MR. HANSON Good. Here are your keys, your new office is right through that door. TOM looks rather bleak as he takes the keys and walks to his office. Off screen we hear him open the door. TOM (off screen, horrified) Oh my god! MR. HANSON Oh, Id give the janitorial crew an hour or two before you go in there.

15. INT. TOMS OFFICE - 2:00 PM JOON helps TOM put stuff on his desk. JOON So he just offered you the job? TOM (unsure, tries to sound excited) Yeah, its crazy right? JOON Are you okay with this? TOM Why wouldnt I be? INT. MULTIPLEX ENTERPRISES 34TH FLOOR OFFICE - 2:00 PM MURRY sits at his desk and does his work. A pissed off JAGER comes into the office. He peers into TOMs office and sees JOON. JAGER rummages though his desk. JAGER Can you believe this bullshit Murry? He doesnt do a damn thing around here! JAGER pulls out an empty Starbucks cup, a hulking record player, and a vinyl copy of Funeral by Arcade Fire. MURRY (calm) Im sure the higher ups know what theyre doing. JAGER Ah, you dont know shit! And neither do they, stupid assholes. MURRY looks miffed. JAGER pulls out a flannel shirt, big-rimmed glasses and a bow tie. He quickly changes into them. JAGER (CONT) Who do you think Toms going to hire for our new legal department, Actual Advice Mallard? Or maybe Scumbag Steve... our bosses are a bunch of Scumbag Steves. MURRY chuckles.

16.

JAGER (CONT) This isnt fucking funny Murry! JAGER plugs in the record player, and puts the vinyl record on, Rebellion (Lies) by Arcade Fire plays. INT. TOMS OFFICE - 2:00 PM JOON hears the Arcade Fire song and starts to casually dance to it. She follows the music out of the office. TOM ignores it and continues to put stuff away. INT. MULTIPLEX ENTERPRISES 34TH FLOOR OFFICE - 2:00 PM JAGER hides his anger and peacefully sways to the song. JOON Funeral? You have great taste Jager. JAGER Hey Joon, you like Arcade Fire? JOON Hell yeah man. JOON and JAGER dance to the music. INT. TOMS OFFICE - 2:00 PM TOM sees them dance, and glares at them, he rolls his eyes and shakes his head. He gets on the floor to plug in his computer, recives a small shock then looks very pissed off. TOM Ow! Fucker! INT. MULTIPLEX ENTERPRISES 34TH FLOOR OFFICE - 2:00 PM JAGER and JOON continue to dance. JAGER So Joon? JOON Yeah?

17.

JAGER I have an extra ticket to the Kings of Leon concert in a couple weeks, maybe I could take you? JOON stops her dance. JOON (sincere) Oh Jager, Im sorry, but Im with Tom. JAGER (disappointed, bashful) Oh, thats cool, I thought you guys were just "hanging out" or whatever. JOON Its okay. Should be a great show though Im sure you can find someone special to bring. JAGER smiles. As JOON turns around, JAGER looks pissed off.

INT. TOMS OFFICE - 2:05 PM JOON looks a little upset as she walks back into TOMs office. TOM (annoyed) Let me guess, he asked you out despite knowing were dating? JOON Oh, dont be so hard on him. TOM hangs up a framed poster of Marilyn Monroe Pop Art, but despite three attempts to get it straight, it continuously becomes crooked. TOM God... fine, whatever. Hes just such an asshole though. JOON Hes just trying to get what he wants, I admire that.

18.

TOM (snarky) Yeah I bet you do. JOON Excuse me? TOM I mean goddamn Joon, youre so fucking lucky youre hot. If you were ugly youd be in jail for stalking or something by now. JOON walks out TOMs office very upset, TOM gets the poster straight, then glances over to see JOON leave. INT. MULTIPLEX ENTERPRISES 34TH FLOOR OFFICE - 2:05 PM JOON walks through the office in a huff. after her. TOM (CONT) (apologetic) Wait, Im sorry. JOON ignores him and leaves. JAGER snickers. An upset TOM walks back to his office and attempts to push JAGERs record player off his desk as he walks by it, but struggles to knock over the very heavy machine. TOM takes the vinyl record off and throws it hard against the wall, it breaks. TOM (snarky) Oops. MURRY lightly giggles. TOM This isnt fucking funny Murry! INT. TOMS OFFICE - 2:05 PM TOM enters his office and slams the door behind him, the poster becomes crooked. TOM (to poster) What are you smiling at!? TOM throws a stapler at the poster and smashes it. TOM comes out

19.

TOM Cunt! INT. TOMS APARTMENT - 7:05 PM TOMs apartment is dimly lit, and littered with empty whiskey bottles and dirty take out containers. TOM sits on his couch, he wears a dirty t-shirt, and has wrapped himself in a blanket. He holds a bottle of whiskey, and watches the news. TV REPORTER Rod Martin, the apple store employee from Brooklyn, is still in critical condition. People are now questioning if it was indeed a hate crime. TOM turns off the TV. He uses a rotary phone on his side table to dial a number. TOM (groggy, slured) Hello, I was wondering if you had any iPhone 6zs in stock? (hostile) You stop calling here... yeah? Well fuck you! TOM hangs up in anger, then slumps back on his couch with his eyes closed. Theres a knock on the door. TOM (half-asleep, and slurred) Come in or whatever. Theres another knock. TOM (CONT) (louder) I said come in asshole! The door opens, MURRY comes inside. TOM (CONT) (happy but sluggish) Oh, Murry my best... coworker (irritated) Go away. MURRY (sympathetic) Hey buddy.

20.

TOM gives a half smile. MURRY goes to sit on the couch, but once he notices the many used tissues littered on it, decides to stand. MURRY (CONT) So, I guess you and Joon broke up, huh. TOM We havnt talked since the other day. MURRY That was two weeks ago. TOM looks skeptical, then counts the bottles of whiskey on the floor. TOM (very fast, barely audible) One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen. (shrugs) I guess were broken up then. Whatever, we went on one date, I dont care. MURRY (skeptical) So you always live like a pig? TOM (deflective/sarcastic) Pig? You see a doughnut in my hand? MURRY gives TOM a stern look, TOM gives up and looks sad. TOM (CONT) (pitiful) Its just... that fucking iPhone 6z. It taunts me Murry. Everywhere I go I see it. In the face of every woman I pass, every coffee house I go into I think, what if the iPhone 6z is there waiting for me? MURRY looks confused.

21.

TOM (CONT) Hey Murry? Can I hold your phone... just for a minute. MURRY (sighs) Alright. MURRY hands TOM his iPhone. TOM gives a weak, forced laugh as he plays with the screen, then activates SIRI. TOM Siri? SIRI Yes. TOM I love you. SIRI I love you too. TOM I miss your hot, perky boobs. SIRI Dude, what the fuck? MURRY takes back his phone. TOM looks sad.

MURRY Okay, I think thats enough for now... (sighs) Tom if you want Joon back. TOM I already told you, I dont care about her. MURRY (skeptical/sarcastic) Okay. (serious) So you love this iPhone huh? I think its okay. Ive been trying to "rediscover" my youth, and it turns out my electric typewriter and Led Zepplin B side dont allow me to drown in pussy like they used to. I spent my whole youth waiting for things to come to me. (sad) Now Im spending my nights in dirty (MORE)

22.

MURRY (contd) Brooklyn apartments trying to console some little twa- tall guy who doesnt give two shits about me. TOM looks guilty. beat. MURRY (CONT) Look Tom, Jagers making his move. Just the other day he asked me what where Joon worked. TOM looks concerned, Murry sees. MURRY (CONT) All I told him is that shes a barista. I mean, whats he going to do, search every coffee bar in Brooklyn? MURRY and TOM lightly chuckle. INT. COFFEE CAFE TEA ROOM - 5:30 PM JOON is dressed in an apron and serves a customer coffee, as the customer walks out, JAGER, dressed in a flannel shirt and fedora, walks in the door and sees JOON. JAGER (extremely relieved) Oh my god, finally! JOON overhears him. Joon? JAGER tries to act smooth.

JAGER (CONT) Wow, how have you been?

JOON Oh hey Jager, Ive been... only okay, I think Tom and I are through. JAGER (sympathetic) Oh man, that sucks. If it makes you feel any better, I havent had much luck in the dating department either.

23.

JOON Its tough out there, isnt it? So is there something I can get for you? JAGER Oh Ill take a coffee with uh, cream and sugar. On the counter are three different sized cups. JOON Batman, Superman, or Flash? JAGER Superman. JOON smiles and starts to make his drink. JAGER (pretends to be spontaneous) Oh Joon, I just thought of something! JOON Yeah? JAGER Remember that Kings of Leon concert tomorrow night? I still have an extra ticket if you wanna go? JOON (slightly hesitant) Uh... yeah, okay. JAGER Fantastic. JOON hands JAGER the drink. JOON Its on the house. JAGER Great. Tell you what, heres my number (hands JOON business card), call me tomorrow and well set up a plan. JOON Okay, see you then.

24.

JAGER Bye. JAGER leaves. EXT. SIDEWALK OUTSIDE COFFEE CAFE TEA ROOM 5:35 PM JAGER puts on an evil grin, and throws away his coffee at the first trash can he passes. EXT. SIDEWALK OUTSIDE MULTIPLEX ENTERPRISES 9:00 AM TOM walks to the office building and notices a large stain on the sidewalk, he shrugs it off. INT. TOMS OFFICE - 4:00 PM TOM looks depressed, as he sits at his desk. MRS. FINKELSTEIN, a 70 year old woman, enters TOMs office. TOM (tries to be professional) Good morning Mrs. Finkelstein. MRS. FINKELSTEIN (uninterested) Morning Mr. Wully. We need to have a talk about Mr. Hanson. TOM Oh yeah, I couldnt find him this morning. MRS. FINKELSTEIN Did you see that large stain on the sidewalk? TOM Yeah... (grim) oh... MRS. FINKELSTEIN Yeah... so do you want his job? TOM Me? MRS. FINKELSTEIN shrugs. Tom looks conflicted.

25.

TOM Well I guess Id have to be crazy to say no... so... I guess Ill say... fuck no. MRS. FINKELSTEIN looks surprised. TOM (CONT) (excited) There are hundreds of things out there I could be doing. I could be a computer programmer, or an architect... or sing for an art rock band! And even if all of those things are harder than my dick when I watch triple penetration, itll still be better than this job, where I literally did nothing for past three months and no one gave a shit. How does this give my life meaning? MRS. FINKELSTEIN (angry) You havnt done any work in the last three months!? INT. MULTIPLEX ENTERPRISES 34TH FLOOR OFFICE - 5:10 PM TOM carries a big box of his work stuff into the office. MURRY does his work. MURRY (solemn) Need a hand? TOM (optimistic) Ill be fine. You headin out for the day? MURRY Nah, I promised Jager Id stay a little late and finish his expense reports. TOM Where is Lord Fuckwad? MURRY He ditched early to go to that Kings of Leon concert.

26.

TOM looks concerned, Murry sees. MURRY Yeah, hes bringing Joon. TOM drops his box in shock, he gets on his knees and starts repacking what fell out. MURRY (CONT) Hey, I wouldnt worry about it too much, I doubt shell sleep with him, not on a first date. TOM looks relieved. MURRY goes back to his work.

MURRY (CONT) Though, I wouldnt be surprised if she gave him a blow job. TOM looks concerned. MURRY (CONT) From what I hear, no girl can resist going down on a guy during a Kings of Leon concert. WHITE FLASH TO: INT. BATHROOM STALL - TOMS IMAGINATION

Close up on JAGERs face, it looks like Khans face after Captain Kurk yells "Khan!" in Star Trek II: Wrath of Khan. INT. MULTIPLEX ENTERPRISES 34TH FLOOR OFFICE - 5:10 AM TOM (In the same way Captain Kurk yells "Khan!") Kings of Leon! EXT. MULTIPLEX ENTERPRISES We hear the echo of TOMs scream.

Aerial view of building.

27.

INT. MULTIPLEX ENTERPRISES 34TH FLOOR OFFICE - 5:10 AM TOM That little prick will not enter my loves mouth! TOM rushes out the door. enters. MURRY smiles. MR. FINKELSTEIN

MRS. FINKELSTEIN (excited) Are Kings of Leon here!? EXT. MADISON SQUARE GARDEN - 6:00 PM A taxi arrives, TOM jumps out. people who wait to get inside. JOON in the crowd. TOM (yells) JOOOON! JOOOOOOOON! Someone maliciously pushes TOM. and sees JAGER. JAGER (snarky) Sup turdface? TOM (intense) Wheres Joon? JAGER Oh, shell be here. She just had to blow off her job! JAGER snickers to himself. TOM looks pissed. TOM stumbles, turns around Theres a large crowd of TOM frantically searches for

TOM Ill never let your dick touch her lips. Never ! JAGER Oh? And what are you going to do about it? TOM What ever it takes.

28. JAGER Ha! Big words coming from the hopeless slack-ass. I would love to see you try. TOM enters a fighting stance. TOM Then I guess this is it. JAGER gets into fighting stance. JAGER Game on mother fucker. Dramatic music plays. They lunge at each other, TOM knees JAGER in the balls, he falls right to the ground. The music stops. TOM (delivers a kick to the balls with each yell) Stay! Down! You! Licking! Faggot! Little! Pussy! Ass! A

A few people in the crowd look on, but no one intervenes. POLICEMAN runs up to TOM and pulls him away. POLICEMAN (stern) Whoa Whoa Whoa, sir! Saying "faggot" is extremely offensive to homosexuals! The POLICEMAN lets TOM go, shakes his head in disgust and walks away. TOM breaths heavily, and kicks JAGER again. JOON Tom?

TOM squats over JAGERs face and lets out a small "toot", he looks up to see JOON in the crowd. TOM (flustered) Joon! TOM runs over to JOON and grabs her by the shoulders. TOM (CONT) Please! No matter how appetizing it may look, dont put Jagers penis in your mouth!

29. JOON pushes him off. JOON (irritated) Tom! (Sighs) Im not going to suck Jagers dick, okay? Hes a little, pussy, ass-licking, faggot. TOM (skeptical) If thats how you feel, then why are going to this concert with him? JOON Because I like Kings of Leon. TOM Oh... JOON looks looks down at her feet, agitated, but takes a deep breath and calms down. JOON Tom, two weeks ago I ordered something off Amazon, and it finally came today. JOON reaches into her bag, and pulls out an iPhone 6z, she hands it to TOM. TOM stares at it with a blank expression. He then throws it to the ground and starts to stomp on it. JOON rushes to stop him and picks up the phone. JOON Jesus Tom! I paid like a thousand bucks for that thing! TOM Shit sorry! Its just... for my whole life, I havnt done a damn thing to better myself... and the only thing that got better year after year... was the stupid, newest iPhone... I quit my job. JOON Really!? beat. TOM looks down at the ground. TOM The point is, Ive got time now to find out what can really give purpose to my life.

30. TOM stares into JOONs eyes, and gets red. TOM (CONT) Joon... Im sorry for not calling you. Any guy would have to be crazy to not journey across the earth just to get the chance for you to... uh... JOON (smiles) Let him cum on my face? TOM (smiles) Yeah... TOM and JOON smile at each other. JOON You know Tom, you should keep that phone, theres nothing wrong with enjoying iPhones, you know, a regular amount. TOM I think I might, oh and wait a minute... TOM hurries over to JAGER, who still lies on the ground in pain. TOM reaches into JAGERs pockets and pulls out the Kings of Leon tickets, then hurries back to JOON. TOM (CONT) I see no reason these tickets have to go to waste. JOON Sure! But uh... I dont know if thats very fair to Jager, I mean, he did pay for them. TOM Yeah... whatever Ill just pay him back tomorrow. JOON Nah, save your money, Ill just suck his dick as a thank you. TOM and JOON laugh, they look at each other affectionately, then link arms and walk to Madison Square Garden. FADE OUT.