You are on page 1of 61

US $6.99 / $9.

99 CAN

9780553278330 "Gendlin and his [University of] Chicago colleagues egan as!ing "hy thera#y succeeds for so$e #atients% ut not for $any others& 'n their research they found that the successful #atient could e s#otted easily&&&& (ifferences in $ethods of thera#y $eant little&&&& )hat did count% the researchers concluded% *is "hat successful #atients do inside the$selves&* +hey "ere focusing intuitively& +he focusing s!ill,in "hich one $a!es *contact "ith a s#ecial !ind of internal odily a"areness*, can e learned y anyone in or out of thera#y&" ,Washington Post -ocusing has $any a##lications and is #resently used in healing% iofeed ac!% #sychothera#y% education% creative "riting% $editation% usiness and #ro le$.solving& "-ocusing is a $a/or contri ution to conte$#orary #sychothera#y& & & & Gendlin*s so$atic vie"#oint goes eneath the failures of #sychothera#y to find a su conscious reality that is as de#enda le as it is non.ver al& 'n this oo! 0ugene Gendlin has focused on a hu$an truth and has revealed further the strength and self.sufficiency of the individual hu$an eing&" ,Somatics "' continue to use the focusing techni1ue& )e also use it in our counseling #rogra$ and have found it a $ost valua le tool&" ,2& Carl 3i$onton% 4&(& "-ocusing instructions hel# &&& to cultivate a !ind of internal odily a"areness that is so very $uch the foundation of s#iritual #ractice&" ,(aniel 5& 6ro"n% 5h&(& (e#art$ent of 5sychiatry 7arvard 4edical 3chool
ISBN 0 - 5 5 3 - 2 7 8 3 3 - 9

689+84 90) 8G0 622:3 +his i$#ortant i$#rint includes oo!s in a variety of fields and disci#lines and deals "ith the search for $eaning% gro"th% and change&

FOCUSING
SECOND EDITION NEW, REVISED INSTRUCTIONS

EUGENE T. GENDLIN, Ph.D.


UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO

A BERNARD GEIS ASSOCIATES BOOK A BANTAM NEW AGE BOOK


BANTAM BOOKS NEWYORK TORONTO LONDON SYDNEY AUCKLAND

' very $uch a##reciate 4a; Gunther*s invalua le editorial hel# "ith this oo!&
This edition contains the complete text of the original hardcover edition.
92+ 290 )2<( 783 6009 24'++0(& -2CU3'9G

A Bantam New Age Book PUBL S! N" ! ST#$% &verest !o'se edition p'(lished )ecem(er *+,A Selection of .acmillan Book /l'(s 0Behavioral Science1 April *+,+ 0;cer#ted in Lifest2le3 9ove$ er =980 Bantam revised edition 4 .a2 *+-* 6anta$ 9e" 8ge and the accompan2ing fig're design as well as the statement 5the search for meaning3 growth3 and change5 are trademarks of Bantam Books. All rights reserved. /op2right > *+,-3 *+-* (2 &'gene T. "endlin3 Ph.). /over art cop2right > *+-* (2 Bantam Books. No part of this (ook ma2 (e reprod'ced or transmitted in an2 form or (2 an2 means3 electronic or mechanical3 incl'ding photocop2ing3 recording3 pr (2 an2 information storage and retrieval s2stem3 witho't permission in writing from the p'(lisher. 6or information address7 Bantam Books. f 2o' p'rchased this (ook witho't a cover 2o' sho'ld (e aware that this (ook is stolen propert2. t was reported as 5'nsold and destro2ed5 to the p'(lisher and neither the a'thor nor the p'(lisher has received an2 pa2ment for this 5stripped (ook.5 '369 0.553.27833.9 P'(lished sim'ltaneo'sl2 in the United States and /anada Bantam Books are p'(lished (2 Bantam Books3 a division of Bantam )o'8(leda2 )ell P'(lishing "ro'p3 nc. ts trademark3 consisting of the words 5Bantam Books5 and the portra2al of a rooster3 is $egistered in U.S. Patent and Trademark #ffice and in other co'ntries. .arca $egistrada. Bantam Books3 *9:; Broadwa23 New %ork3 New %ork *;;<=.
5<'9+0( '9 +70 U9'+0( 3+8+03 2- 840<'C8 <8(

30 29 28 27 2? 25

CONTENTS
'9+<2(UC+'29

6y 4arilyn -erguson vii #art one U9@2C:'9G +70 )'3(24 2- A2U< 62(A =& +he 'nner 8ct 3 2& Change =0 3& )hat the 6ody :no"s 32 #art t"o -2CU3'9G B& +he -ocusing 4anual B3 5& +he 3i; -ocusing 4ove$ents and )hat +hey 4ean 5= ?& )hat -ocusing 's 9ot ?5 7& Clearing a 3#ace for Aourself 7= 8& 'f Aou Can*t -ind a -elt 3ense 83 9& 'f Aou Can*t 4a!e 8nything 3hift =02 #art three 5025@0 70@5'9G 08C7 2+707 =0& -inding <ichness in 2thers ==3 ==& +he @istening 4anual ==8 #art four -2CU3'9G 89( 32C'0+A =2& 9e" <elationshi#s =B7 =3& 0;#erience 6eyond <oles =55 85509('C a& 5hiloso#hical 9ote =?5 & <esearch 3u$$ary and <eferences =?7 D (irectory =7= d& -ocusingE 3hort -or$ =77

FOCUSING: A Tool For Cha !" ! T"#$%


-ocusing% the techni1ue descri ed in the #ages of this oo!% is uni1uely suited to our tur ulent ti$es "hen so $any old for$s are cru$ ling and old roles are vanishing& 4ost of us are having to invent% discover and create the ne;t ste#s of our lives "ithout a light% a $a#% or a relevant tradition& )e are trying to !ee# a#ace of ra#idly changing technology% trying to understand ourselves and our relationshi#s% see!ing "ays to e "ell% loo!ing for $eaning in our "or! and a ne" center of gravity "ithin ourselves& 'n a classic series of essays% the anthro#ologist 8nthony C& )& )allace descri ed the #heno$enon of cultural "a"a!enings&" 3uch $ove$ents are triggered y stress% he o served& +he "$aFe"ays" of the culture% the custo$ary se1uences of ehavior% are loc!ed& 5eo#le cannot $ove into the roles they antici#atedG their lives do not unfold in the "ays they had een led to e;#ect& Under the duress of disintegrating social for$s% a fe" creative individuals,)allace called the$ 9e" @ights, #ro#ose a "ay outE ne" #ath"ays through the cultural $aFe& 8t first there is a "nativist" ac!lash% in "hich traditionalists urge a reversion to the old "ays% ut eventually% out of historic necessity% the 9e" @ights #revail& +heir ideas are ado#ted% and the society $oves into a ne" era& Clearly our culture is in the early stages of the transition )allace descri ed& 0very as#ect of our society% every institution% is challenged& +he #olitical structure% the $edical and educational esta lish$ents% the econo$y% the fa$ily% religion% the "or!#lace,all are undergoing change& )e have no collective $a#s& "4any #eo#le today are struggling "ith a affling fact%" 0ugene Gendlin "rites& "+he old #atterns that are su##osed to $a!e life "or!,and once did,no longer serve& 6eing a #arent today% for e;a$#le% doesn*t "or! if "e try to do it as our #arents did% yet no other for$ is esta lished for us to follo"& )e have to $a!e it u# as "e go along&&&&" +he old #atterns "ere once useful% he ac!no"ledges& 0;ce#t for a fe" nonconfor$ists% $ost #eo#le historically fitted the$selves to their roles& "2nly a s$all nu$ er of educated and thin!ing #eo#le created roles and #atterns&"

6ut today a large $ass of #eo#le are educated and literate% "ith e;#anded needs to e creative& +hey feel confined y stoc! roles and e$otions& +hey have feelings "far $ore co$#le; than acce#ted roles either de$and or offer&" 6ecause of the radical changes "e are undergoing as a culture% "e have ne"% "unclear" feelings% e$otions and sensations for "hich there is no co$$on #attern& )e are trying to create ne" for$s a##ro#riate to a ne" ti$e& 8nd "e have an e;citing% un#recedented o##ortunity& "'f "e acce#t ourselves and each other as for$.$a!ers% "e "ill no longer need to force for$s on ourselves or each other&" 0ugene Gendlin and his co.e;#lorers of the focusing #rocess are 9e" @ights in this a"a!ening% offering not only cultural alternatives ut a tool for understanding our unclear feelings and inventing ne" #atterns for living& -ocusing is a !ey to #ersonal $o$entu$ and unfolding% a dyna$ic #rocess that can guide us through the tric!y $aFe"ays of a ne" "orld& @i!e any #o"erful% ne" idea% focusing is not readily descri ed in old ter$s& 't $oves us into unfa$iliar territory% the real$ of creative #otential that "e have usually considered the #rovince of artists and inventors& 2ur rains and odies !no" far $ore than is nor$ally availa le to us& )e are conscious of only a frag$ent of "hat "e dee#ly !no"& +he central nervous syste$ #erceives and #rocesses a great ody of infor$ation that is stored outside the range of everyday a"areness& 3o$e of this infor$ation is est handled on an unconscious asis& 6ut conflict% #ain% and unresolved #ro le$s can eco$e the source of chronic uneasiness% loc!ed gro"th% and even illness& +he co$#le; ody.$ind can #rovide ne" ste#s& 2ur dee#est odily !no"ledge can e "elco$ed and then lived further& -ocusing% "hose ste#s are descri ed "ith care and clarity% ta#s and articulates ne" su li$inal !no"ing& 't efriends and listens to "the ody%" a ter$ Gendlin uses co$#rehensively to $ean the total rain.$ind environ$ent as "e sense it& H+he shifts elicited y focusing% felt in the ody% involve dee#er rain structures as "ell&I -ocusing is at once richly co$#le; and sur#risingly si$#le& 't is $ental and !inesthetic% $ysterious in its ca#acity to su$$on uried "isdo$% holistic in its res#ect for the "felt sense" of a #ro le$& 8n effective $ethod in itself% it is also valua le in con/unction "ith a variety of #sychothera#ies% "ith iofeed ac!% "ith $editation% to un loc! the creative #rocess and define #ro le$s& 'n short% focusing "or!s for any for$ of "stuc!ness&" ' first heard of focusing at a clinical conference in Chicago in =977& 9or$an (on% a #sychologist% re#orted on recent research in "hich he had "ired u# e;#erienced focusers% then o served their rain"ave #atterns as they atte$#ted to elicit a felt shift,GedlingJs ter$ for the odily change and sense of release that acco$#anies the sudden ne" understanding of a #reviously unclear feeling& +he rain*s al#ha and theta rhyth$ activity shifted /ust efore the focusers signalled a felt shift& +he #atte$s of su se1uent electroence#halogra#hic activity suggested "reorganiFation at a higher level of integration&" ' re#orted on (on*s e;#eri$ents in Brain4.ind B'lletin3 in 4ay =977& 'n 8#ril =978 ' sa" the first half.doFen cha#ters of the 6oc'sing $anuscri#t& Curious to !no" $ore a out the $ethod and its #hysiology% ' #ut $y "or! aside and egan to read& ' "as first i$#ressed y the easy% conversational tone of the oo!% the effort to convey the conce#t of focusing on a si$#le level& +hen ' eca$e increasingly e;cited y the #ossi ilities of the $ethod& -ollo"ing the instructions in the $anuscri#t% ' $ade $y first tentative effort to focus,and hit #aydirtK +he #rocess triggered an over"hel$ing #ersonal insight% a sudden fusion of intellectual and "gut" !no"ing& +his shift released a tension of "hich ' had een only di$ly a"are& ' felt oddly light and free% e;hilarated% as if an old urden had een ta!en a"ay& +he felt shift $ar!ed the end of a year.long siege of $igraine headaches& ' have since taught the rudi$ents of focusing to several #eo#le% including $y children% in situations of une;#ected stress& 8lthough focusing is est #ursued as a deli erate strategy over a #eriod of ti$e% it is also valua le as a !ind of #sychological first.aid% as useful to a distressed% "stuc!" #erson as a tourni1uet to an accident victi$& 8nd ' have given 6oc'sing to countless friends "ho feel loc!ed and are o#en to ne" tools& 4odern #sychology $aintains that "e can so$eti$es solve our #ro le$s y ta##ing into $aterials elo" the surface of consciousness& 9e" 1uestions and ans"ers see$ to lie out of reach& Using and ca#turing unconscious !no"ledge has een a chancy% erratic usiness& -ocusing gre" out of the o servation y Gendlin and his co."or!ers that $any #eo#le "ere not eing hel#ed y traditional thera#y& +hose greatly i$#roved "ere distinctive in their a ility to ta# an internal #rocess ignored y $ost clients& Gendlin deter$ined to understand this #rocess so it could e taught and used y anyone& -ocusing $oves in"ard% dra"ing on infor$ation fro$ the dee#er% "iser self H"the ody"I& 'f the right ste#s co$e% usually "ithin half a $inute or so% the felt shift or odily release occurs& 'nterestingly% ased on "hat "e no" !no" of ho" the rain*s t"o cere ral he$is#heres s#ecialiFe in their $ode of !no"ing% it a##ears that the #heno$enon of the felt shift $ay actually reflect "hole. rain !no"ing& +hat is% the

rain*s analytical left he$is#here% do$inant for language% na$es that "hich heretofore "as inarticulate and diffuse% !no"n only to the holistic% $ute right rain& 9e" infor$ation see$s to e $ediated #ri$arily y the right he$is#here% "hich is also $ore richly connected to the evolutionarily older li$ ic rain& +he e$ergence of a ste# for"ard on a #ro le$% and the si$ultaneous #hysical sense of relief% suggest a sudden !no"ing in (oth he$is#heres& +he felt shift is essentially identical to the freeing insight of the creative #rocess& +he s#ontaneously creative #erson has learned to #ay attention to at first vague i$#ressions that o#en into ne" $eaning& -ocusing i$#roves scores on $any $easures of creativity& Gendlin has #ointed out that $ost a##roaches to teaching creativity focus on the negativeE ho" to let go of old eliefs& 6ut there are fe" strategies for a##roaching the ne"& -ocusing is such a $ethod& 't hel#s to $a!e the i$#licit e;#licit& 't dra"s fuFFy% #rever al !no"ledge into definition and e;#ression& -ocusing is also o#ti$istic& 't sees the individual in ter$s of #rocess% not #athology& -ocusing can foster $a/or shifts& )ith these $ore #rofound changes% Gendlin said in an intervie"% a ody shift so$eti$es occurs "ithout the usual acco$#anying "ords% #hrases or i$ages& "8 "hole constellation is changing& +he ideas are so ne" "e don*t yet have a "ay to tal! a out the$&" Usually% he said% "e react in accusto$ed "ays% "re#ac!ing our e;#eriences in the sa$e old conce#ts% "hen "hat "e need is to let so$ething "ider in&" 'f the focuser stays "ith the odily sense of the shifting constellation% eventually ne" language and ne" $eta#hors% a##ro#riate to the fresh understanding% "ill e$erge& 6oc'sing is no conventional re#ac!aging of self.hel# "isdo$& 't is at once a $anual and a #hiloso#hy& 't tal!s a out the ody*s "isdo$% the ste#s of the focusing techni1ue% ho" to discover the richness in others y learning to listen& 't loo!s at the #otential for a ne" !ind of relationshi# and a ne" !ind of society% transcending out$oded roles and #atterns& "8 ne" society is for$ing%" Gendlin tells us% "one in "hich the individuals are $uch $ore develo#ed and a"are than has een true throughout history&&&& 8 society of #attern$a!ers is co$ing&" +his oo! is a out that society and a out ho" "e can ease its e$ergence y hel#ing ourselves and each other& 4arilyn -erguson @os 8ngeles 9ove$ er =980

&ar' o $ UNLOCKING THE WISDOM OF YOUR BODY


o $ Th$ I $r A('
8t the University of Chicago and else"here in the #ast fifteen years% a grou# of colleagues and ' have een studying so$e 1uestions that $ost #sychothera#ists don*t li!e to as! out loud& )hy doesn*t thera#y succeed $ore oftenL )hy does it so often fail to $a!e a real difference in #eo#le*s livesL 'n the rarer cases "hen it does succeed% "hat is it that those #atients and thera#ists doL )hat is it that the $a/ority fail to doL 3ee!ing ans"ers% "e studied $any for$s of thera#y fro$ classical a##roaches to recent ones& )e analyFed literally thousands of thera#ist.#atient sessions recorded on ta#e& 2ur series of studies has led to several findings% so$e very different fro$ "hat "e and $ost other #rofessional thera#ists e;#ected& -irst% "e found that the successful #atient,the one "ho sho"s real and tangi le change on #sychological tests and in life,can e #ic!ed out fairly easily fro$ recorded thera#y sessions& )hat these rare #atients do in their thera#y hours is different fro$ the others& +he difference is so easy to s#ot that% once "e had defined it% "e "ere a le to e;#lain it to ine;#erienced young undergraduates% and they too "ere a le to sort out the successful #atients fro$ the others& )hat is this crucial differenceL )e found that it is not the thera#ist*s techni1ue,differences in $ethods of thera#y see$ to $ean sur#risingly little& 9or does the difference lie in "hat the #atients tal! a out& +he difference is in how they tal!& 8nd that is only an out"ard sign of the real differenceE what the s'ccessf'l patients do inside themselves. +he #ur#ose of this oo! is to tell you "hat they do and ho" you can do it& -or this unco$$on s!ill% this

internal act% not only is useful in a #sychothera#ist*s office% it is a "ay of a##roaching any #ro le$ or situation& )e have taught this s!ill to large nu$ ers of #eo#le not in thera#y in su se1uent years& 9o" that it see$s anyone can learn it% ' also "ant this oo! to e reada le y anyone& +he oo! is addressed to #rofessionals% ut not only to the$& +herefore ' a$ "riting it si$#ly and not in the technical $anner of $y #hiloso#hical and scientific #u lications& +he s!ill "e have o served and defined is not only for #ro le$s& 8$ong those "ho !no" it% it eco$es an internal source that is consulted $any ti$es every day& ' a$ using it right no"% in the #rocess of "riting this oo!& +he s!ill ' a$ a out to teach you is called foc'sing. 't "ill ena le you to find and change "here your life is stuc!% cra$#ed% he$$ed in% slo"ed do"n& 8nd it "ill ena le 2o' to change,to live fro$ a dee#er #lace than /ust your thoughts and feelings& 2ne fact that distur ed us the $ost in those research studies "as that #atients "ho did the crucial thing inside the$selves could e #ic!ed out in the first t"o thera#y sessions& )e found "e could #redict success or fauure right fro$ the start /ust y analyFing the early intervie"s& 8ccording to a careful statistical analysis% there "as less than a thousand.to.one chance of getting the sa$e finding accidentally& +oday "e !no" ho" to teach focusing& 3o this finding does not $ean that so$e #eo#le cannot learn it& 6ut at the ti$e this "as a shoc!ing discovery& 7ere "e had thera#ists and #atients e$ ar!ing on a year or $ore of hard effort& 4uch hu$an need% ho#e% devotion% and $oney "ould e involved% and "e already !ne" they "ould fail& +he finding $eans that #sychothera#y as usually #racticed doesn*t sho" #atients ho" to do #sychothera#y& 'n other "ords% #atients did not i$#rove "ith #ractice& 'f they did not so$eho" !no" right fro$ the start ho" to a##roach the$selves inside in that s#ecial "ay% they did not achieve $a/or changes% no $atter "hat they or their thera#ists did or ho" earnestly or for ho" long& +his finding "as contrary to $y #redictions% and to "hat had een $y o"n fir$ su /ective conviction& ' tho'ght ' had experienced the gradual o#ening and increasing a ility of #atients to co$e into touch "ith their feelings& ' had een certain that #atients learn to do #sychothera#y in the$selves over the course of treat$ent% and do it $ore effectively in the second half& ' had had $any e;#eriences of eginning "ith #atients "ho see$ed ine#t at sensing the$selves in"ardly% and% y $y o"n s!ills as a thera#ist% and "ith the #atients* efforts% ' had rought $any such #atients to a successful resolution of their #ro le$s& 2ne reason "hy research is so i$#ortant is #recisely that it can sur#rise you and tell you that your su /ective convictions are "rong& 'f research al"ays found "hat "e e;#ected% there "ouldn*t e $uch #oint in doing research& )ith hindsight ' realiFe ' "as thin!ing only of the successful #atients and not of the $any #atients "ith "ho$ ' failed& 9o" "e !no" ho" to teach these #eo#le the crucial s!ill as "ell& +he research sho"s #lainly% and re#eatedly% that s'ccessf'l #atients do indeed i$#rove in this !ey s!ill% ut the research also sho"s that they had it to so$e e;tent right at the eginning& +he others% those "ho failed% did not have it at all and never achieved it through #sychothera#y alone& 8t that ti$e "e did not !no" ho" to teach it& 4ost thera#ists don*t !no" "hat this crucial internal a##roach is% let alone ho" to hel# #atients learn it& 3o ' "as led to "onderE can it e taughtL 4y first feeling% ste$$ing fro$ $y training as a #sychothera#ist% "as to say no% it can*t e taught& ' "as trained to elieve that only a very naive thera#ist "ould try to tell the #atient in "ords ho" thera#y "or!s& 3o$eone "ho hasn*t e;#erienced it "ouldn*t understand the "ords& 5sychothera#y "as su##osed to e an art% a $ystery% not a science& 3o$e grou#s clai$ to have develo#ed e;act scientific techni1ues% ut this is only a #ro#aganda clai$& +he o$niscient and totally self.assured #sychothera#ist e;ists only in the $ovies& 2f course% each school of thera#ists has its o"n ideas and techni1ues% ut they all !no" that they stu$ le around confusedly "hen their techni1ues don*t "or!% "hich is $ore often than not& +herefore no serious #sychothera#ist "ould clai$ to e a le to #ut into "ords e;actly "hat $a!es thera#y "or!% ho" to $a!e changes ha##en inside a #erson& 2nly thera#y itself "as su##osed to teach ho"& 6ut the research had sho"n that thera#y does not teach ho" to those "ho don*t already know ho"& +he research had also sho"n very s#ecifically "hat the crucial inner act is& )as it naive% no"% to thin! it $ight e teacha leL (es#ite $y dou ts% ' set out to see if ' could $a!e that all.i$#ortant inner act teacha le& )ith $any #eo#le*s hel#% ' gradually devised s#ecific directions for doing "hat those rare successful #atients had so$eho" !no"n ho" to do& )e tried those directions out on large nu$ ers of #eo#le and revised the$ and tried the$ again $any ti$es over a #eriod of years& +hose instructions have no" eco$e very s#ecific and very teacha le& <esearch conducted in several #laces has sho"n that #eo#le can e taught effectively in these "ays to #erfor$ that internal act Hsee a##endi;I& 3ince this crucial internal act can e taught% and is not taught y thera#y% #eo#le need not e thera#y #atients to

learn it& )hat follo"s fro$ this fact is a !ind of revolution& 9o longer need this change #rocess e in the charge of thera#ists& People can do it for themselves and with each other. 2f course they are not "thera#ists" or "doctors" or "authorities" "ith each other% ut the authority as#ect of the $edical doctor never has really fitted the hu$an #rocess of #ersonal change at all& 7u$an #ro le$s are y their very nature such that "e are each inherently in charge of ourselves& 9o authority can resolve our #ro le$s or tell us ho" to live& +herefore ' and others have een teaching $ore and $ore #eo#le to hel# the$selves and each other& +his oo! "ill* let you e;#erience and recogniFe "hen actual change is ha##ening in you% and "hen it*s not& +here is a distinct #hysical sensation of change% "hich you recogniFe once you have e;#erienced it& )e call it a ody shift& )hen #eo#le have this even once% they no longer hel#lessly "onder for years "hether they are changing or not& 9o" they can e their o"n /udges of that& 2ften% "hen focusing is taught to a ne" grou#% so$e #eo#le e;#erience a odily shift% a ste# to"ard resolution of a #ro le$ they have discussed "ith a thera#ist for $any years "ithout change& +hey are shoc!ed& Could a fe" $inutes of this let $e e;#erience $ore change than '*ve had in $y e;#ensive #sychothera#yL 5eo#le still thin! of the thera#ist as an authority& 0ven if #atients feel no change% they thin! "the doctor" $ust !no" "hat*s ha##ening& 'f "the doctor" thin!s they should !ee# co$ing% they acce#t it as necessary& +hey thin! so$ething "$ust e ha##ening&" 8s so$eone "rote $e recentlyE ")hen ' confronted $y thera#ist a out there eing no change% he thought it "as all right if ' have a #aid friend for the rest of $y life& ' never "ent ac!&&& ut after four yearsK" )hen the revolution in self.hel# fully ta!es #lace and #eo#le generally learn and do these hel#ful #rocesses "ith each other% "ill #rofessional #sychothera#y e unnecessaryL ' thin! e;#ert hel# "ill al"ays e "anted& 6ut it "ill have to e etter than "hat ordinary #eo#le can do "hen trained in specific s!ills& 5eo#le "ill !no" ho" to recogniFe% un$ista!a ly% "hether they are eing hel#ed or not& 2ne $ust try out a nu$ er of thera#ists Ha fe" sessions at a ti$e% not yearsKI in order to find real hel#& Aou can do this after you learn the un$ista!a le odily e;#erience of a it of change going on& 4y a##roach to thera#y and so$e of $y colleagues* a##roaches too have een radically changed y the !no"ledge that the crucial inner act is teacha le& )hen #eo#le co$e to $e for hel#% ' no longer let the$ tal! and tal!& 8nd of course ' don*t,and never did,/ust analyFe their feelings intellectually& 9or do ' let the$ screa$ the sa$e #hrases and "or! in circles on the sa$e things over and over again as ha##ens in so$e of the ne"er thera#ies& 4any #eo#le can get in touch "ith feelings, ut then "hatL +hey have "gut feelings" all right% ut the feelings don*t change& -ocusing is the ne;t develo#$ent after getting in touch "ith feelings& 't concerns a different !ind of in"ard attention to "hat is at first sensed 'nclearl2. +hen it co$es into focus and% through the s#ecific internal $ove$ents ' a$ a out to #resent% it changes in a odily "ay& 8nother $a/or discovery is that the #rocess of actually changing feels good& 0ffective "or!ing on one*s #ro le$s is not self.torture& +he change #rocess "e have discovered is natural to the ody% and it feels that "ay in the ody& +he crucial $ove goes (eneath the usual #ainful #laces to a odily sensing that is at first unclear& +he e;#erience of so$ething e$erging fro$ there feels li!e a relief and a co$ing alive& -ro$ this ne" vantage #oint% the traditional $ethods of "or!ing on oneself are seen to have een $ostly #ain. centered& 5eo#le get into and re#eat over and over their #ainful e$otions% "ithout !no"ing ho" to use the ody*s o"n life.centered and inherently #ositive direction and force& +hat "ay #eo#le stay as they are and hurt the$selves over and over& 2ne of the chief ne" #rinci#les is that the change #rocess feels good. 't feels li!e inhaling fresh air after having een in a stuffy roo$ for a long ti$e& +he $o$ent it doesn*t% you sto# and ac! u# /ust a little it& +his crucial s!ill is not easy to e;#lain& 4any #eo#le can do it only after so$e #ractice& 2n the other hand% it is very $uch easier than struggling for years "ith the old trou les% #erha#s ending "ith a etter self.understanding ut "ith no change% #erha#s getting in touch "ith feelings ut eing una le to $a!e the$ $ove% shift% resolve the$selves& 8s hard as it "as for $e at first to acce#t the research finding that thera#y doesn*t do the /o % research findings can never hurt you& +hey $ove you for"ard& 'f the thera#y as it no" e;ists doesn*t do the /o % then "e $ust change thera#y& +he ha##iest change of all is that "e can uild the change #rocess into society generally and not only in doctor. #atient thera#y that costs so $uch and so$eti$es gives so little& 9o" that the inner act is teacha le% "e can teach it not /ust to thera#y #atients ut to anyone& )e have found that it can e taught in a school syste$% in church grou#s% in co$$unity centers% in $any other settings& 8ny #erson can use this internal #rocess& 5eo#le can also e sho"n very s#ecific "ays to hel# each other "ith it&

6efore ' start to e;#lain this inner act% ' "ant to $a!e an earnest re1uest of you& 5ut aside for a "hile "hat you !no" a out #sychothera#y or in"ard #rocesses& )hat ' a$ a out to sho" you is not the fa$iliar "getting in touch "ith feelings&" 9or is it the content.free 1uiet of $editation& )hether you are a #sychothera#ist% #atient% or intelligent lay#erson% this inner act is #ro a ly 1uite unfa$iliar to you& +he internal e1ui#$ent needed to #erfor$ the act is in every hu$an eing% ut in $ost #eo#le it is unused& 8 fe" see$ to use it intuitively no" and then% ut the chances are you have never deli erately done it and have never een a"are the #ossi ility e;ists& 2nly recently is it eing discussed in the #rofessional literature& 3o$e #eo#le learn this inner "ay fairly fast% "hile others need so$e "ee!s or $onths of #atient inner listening and tin!ering&

')o Cha !$
+he #rocess ' a$ going to teach you in this oo!% the inner act% is a #erfectly natural one& 6ut as our language contains no "ords to descri e it% ' have had to invent the needed "ords& ' call the #rocess foc'sing. 't is a #rocess in "hich you $a!e contact "ith a s#ecial !ind of internal odily a"areness& ' call this a"areness a felt sense. 8 felt sense is usually not /ust there% it $ust for$& Aou have to !no" ho" to let it for$ y attending inside your ody& )hen it co$es% it is at first 'nclear3 fuFFy& 6y certain ste#s it can co$e into focus and also change& 8 felt sense is the ody*s sense of a #articular #ro le$ or situation& 8 felt sense is not an e$otion& )e recogniFe e$otions& )e !no" "hen "e are angry% or sad% or glad& 8 felt sense is so$ething you do not at first recogniFe, it is vague and $ur!y& 't feels $eaningful% ut not !no"n& 't is a ody. sense of $eaning& )hen you learn ho" to focus% you "ill discover that the ody finding its o"n "ay #rovides its o"n ans"ers to $any of your #ro le$s& +he #rocess rings change& 8 thera#ist is not necessary in focusing& 6y yourself% or "ith a friend "ho !no"s ho" and "hen to !ee# 1uiet% you can achieve focusing results& +he $ost i$#ortant rule for a thera#ist or friend to o serve% in hel#ing so$eone to focus% is to stay out of the focuser*s "ay& 4ost thera#ists li!e to elieve it is they "ho #roduce results% rather than a #rocess in the #atient& +hera#ists have $uch to offer and thin! this "ill $a!e all the difference& +here is al"ays a strong te$#tation to analyFe "hat the #atient says% to $a!e guesses a out the nature of the #ro le$% to lecture% to rearrange the #erson*s situation& 6ut only your ody !no"s your #ro le$s and "here their cru;es lie& 'f ' "ere your #ersonal thera#ist% ' "ould resist the #o"erful te$#tation to tell you things% as though ' !ne" $ore a out your #ro le$s than you do& 6ut ' "ould not /ust let you tal! either& ' "ould teach you ho" to focus effectively% and ' "ould !ee# you co$#any as you did so& +here are also so$e other things ' "ould do% "hich ' "ill tell you a out later& 9o" let $e give you so$e e;a$#les of so$e #eo#le*s focusing e;#eriences& @ater ' "ill carefully e;#lain each of the si; movements of "hich focusing consists& )hen these are successful% there is a #hysical change in the ody% a felt shift& +hen the #ro le$ see$s different& 'n the follo"ing e;a$#les ' a$ not yet teaching the focusing $ove$ents& ' a$ only illustrating "hat the changes are li!e that co$e "ith each ody shift& 9otice that the nature of the #ro le$ changes as each shift co$es& )ithout ta##ing the dee#er odily level% "hich is at first al"ays 'nclear3 one "ould stay stuc! "ith the thoughts and feelings of "hat the #ro le$ a##ears to e at the eginning& +70 A2U9G )2489 )72 +72UG7+ (08+7 )2U@( 60 508C0-U@ -ay #honed $e in the $iddle of the afternoon& 3he had een "al!ing through city streets all $orning% "ith thoughts a out suicide& "@ife is too $uch trou le%" she said% and she really felt the li$its of "eariness and des#air& ")hat*s the use of going on "ith itL )here does it get $eL" -ay had tal!ed to $e efore and ' !ne" a out so$e of her life& 3he is an attractive "o$an of a out t"enty.eight& 8 fe" years ago she had ro!en u# "ith a $an for "ho$ she had felt a lot of love,call hi$ +ed& 3he had not loved a $an efore or since& 3ince +ed had left% she had s#ent ti$e "ith a succession of other $en% searching for another +ed ut not finding one& ")hat feels so adL" ' said& "Give yourself a #eaceful $inute and see "hat feels so ad&" Muic!er than ' "ould have li!ed% ut after at least so$e ti$e of silence% she saidE "' didn*t get $y #eriod& '*$ scared '*$ #regnant&"

+he last ti$e she had tal!ed to $e she had told of eing "ith a $an "ho$ she found dull% stuffy% insensitive% not interested in her as a #erson ut only as a se; #artner& 3he had s#ent a "ee!end "ith this $an& "' $iss +ed so $uchK" she cried over the #hone& "8nd no" $y #eriod is late& )hat if '*$ #regnantL 2h God% "hat*s going to ha##en to $eL" ' could sense that her agitated feelings "ere running off again& 3he "as finding it hard to stay $ore #eacefully "ith her attention lo"er do"n inside% as focusing re1uires& 3he "as o sessed "ith #ainful e$otions instead of trying to find that dee#er #lace% the felt sense& ' as!ed her to egin "ith "hat ' call the "first $ove$ent" of focusing& +his is the act of #ushing #ro le$s to one side te$#orarily% stac!ing the$% ste##ing ac! and loo!ing at the$& 'n a "ay% this is so$ething li!e co$ing into a roo$ so cluttered "ith furniture and #ac!ing crates and ric.a. rac that there is no"here to sit do"n& Aou #ush things around so as to clear a little s#ace for yourself in one corner& 2f course% you haven*t e$#tied the roo$& +he things that "ere in your "ay efore% the #ro le$s% are still there& 6ut at least% no"% there is a s#ace for you to e& "Nust stand ac!% no"% and ta!e each thing that*s ad% and stash it in front of you& 2ne y one& 3ee "hat each thing is that feels ad&" 3he cleared her s#ace& +he t"o $a/or #ro le$s she found herself loo!ing at "ere that she "anted +ed ac!% and she feared she $ight e #regnant& ")hich one is the "orstL" ' said& "'t*s $issing +ed that hurts the $ost%" she said% eginning to "ee# again& "+he loneliness% not having anyone to turn to &&& it*s no use&&&&" 8nother agitated% self.destructive e$otional s#iral "as eginning and ' interru#ted her& H'n $uch the sa$e "ay% "hen you learn to focus% you "ill learn to interru#t yourself&I ")hy don*t you go do"n inside there%" ' said% "and see "hat the "orst of that isL Nust stay 1uiet for a little "hile& Get to the unclear ody sense of all of it&" 3he !ne" "hat to do& 3he had focused efore& 'f you as! "hy% in that case% she needed $e on the #hone at all, "hy she hadn*t si$#ly sat do"n and focused herself,the ans"er is si$#ly that it can hel# to have another #erson #resent% even if that other #erson is only a friendly voice on the #hone& +his is #articularly true if% as in her case% you are caught in a tra# of e$otions and can*t see$ to get out& 2ften% "hen that ha##ens% all that is needed is a friend*s voice saying% "8ll right% let*s /ust sit and e 1uiet for a "hile&&&&" 8 friend can interru#t an e$otional s#iral "hen you feel #o"erless to interru#t it yourself& ' listened to the silence on the #hone as -ay "ent into the second $ove$ent of focusing& 3he "as $a!ing contact "ith the feeling of 5all that a out +ed eing gone&" )ith her% as "ith $ost #ractised focusers% these $ove$ents tended to flo" into each other and eco$e one% /ust as a #ractised golfer or #ole vaulter #uts $any se#arate ody $ove$ents together into one fluid $otion& 7aving gotten the felt sense% she sensed the >'alit2 of it and got a "handle" on it,a "ord that fitted the 1uality e;actly& H+hird $ove$ent&I -inally% she chec!ed the "ords against the feeling and found the$ right& "'t*s all a out anger% or so$ething%" she said& "' don*t !no"& 't*s li!e '*$ angry,at,)hy "ould ' e angryL" 3he "as as!ing herself or $e for an intellectual analysis& ' didn*t offer one& -ocusing avoids analyFing& ' also tried to hel# her not go off on an analysis& ' said% "Go ac! to the felt sense and as! it% see "hat the anger is&" 8s!ing is the fifth $ove$ent of focusing& 3he as!ed the felt sense% directly% "hat the anger "as a out& ' heard her sigh as this ha##ened& ' !ne" so$ething had shifted inside& +o the focuser% a shift is a definite% #hysical feeling of so$ething changing or $oving "ithin% a tight #lace loosening& 8fter another silence% she said% "'J$ angry at $yself& +hat*s "hat it is& -or slee#ing "ith all those $en ' didn*t love% didn*t feel anything for&" 8nalysis "ould not have #roduced this ans"er& 'nstead of eing figured out% it had to co$e fro$ the felt sense& 6ac! through the focusing $ove$ents again% "aiting for another shift to"ard resolving the #ro le$& 't is a shift "henever the felt sense changes% even if /ust a little& +hen $ore silence and another ste#E "8nd #art of it is% '*$ angry "ith $yself for slee#ing "ith <al#h% $ay e getting $yself in trou le,an a ortion% $ay e& 8nd ' call $yself ad% also% slee#ing "ith a $an ' don*t care for&" 8nother dee# reath& 3o$eti$es a shift "ill see$ to clarify "hat e$erged fro$ a #revious shift% or to ela orate it& +his is "hat ha##ened /ust no"% "hen she had found "8nd ' call $yself ad&&&%" "hich continued fro$ "hat ca$e efore& 6ut then her ne;t ste# changed the #revious series& 'n focusing% one $ust ta!e "hat co$es& 2ften "hat is ne;t for the ody is not "hat "ould logically co$e ne;t& +his ha##ens fre1uently in focusing& 't is un#redicta le and fascinating& 3he said% "+here*s a !ind of heavy discouraged feeling&" 8nd after a "hile this heavy discouraged feeling o#ened and the details ca$e out& "'t*s a out all these $en ' don*t care for& ' have no se;ual feelings "ith the$&" 3he "as silent for a "hile& ' heard her say that "ord "discouraged" to herself% as though she "ere trying it out&

8##arently it didn*t 1uite $atch the feeling% for she sounded dissatisfied "ith it& 3he chec!ed "ith the feeling again to see "hether a $ore e;act "ord "ould co$e u# fro$ it& 3he "as trying to $atch a s#ecific #hysical sensation& +his e;#erience of -ay*s is a co$$on one in focusing& 8 change egins ut see$s oddly% $ysteriously inco$#lete& 't gives you the start of a shift% ut you !no" Hyour ody !no"sI a $ore co$#lete shift is #ossi le& Aou stay tuned to your odily feeling and "ait for it to ha##en& 3uddenly she said% ")earyK" +he relief in her voice "as clearly audi le& +he co$#lete shift had ta!en #lace& "+hat*s it& '*$ "eary& ' feel li!e '*ll s#end the rest of $y life going fro$ one dull $an to another% never feeling se;ual ut never letting $yself sto# trying& ' can see all those $en lined u# ahead of $e% all those lan! faces% ro"s and ro"s of the$ fro$ here to the end of $y life& '*$ conde$ned not to have se;ual feelings% that*s "hat&" ' "aited for her to say $ore& 0vidently she felt that this focusing session had acco$#lished "hat she needed for the $o$ent% for she suddenly said% "' feel etter no"& )hat a load to get rid ofK" Get rid ofL +o a rational o server% she had rid herself of nothing& +he #ro le$s that had e;isted "hen she first #honed $e% the #ro le$s that had driven her close to suicide% still e;isted& )hat had she really acco$#lished y focusingL She had changed inside. 't had see$ed a #ro le$ of loneliness& )ith the first shift it "as her anger at herself% and "ith the ne;t shift it "as her calling herself ad& +hen the heavy discourage$ent ca$e u#% and "ith a odily release it turned out to e a conviction that she "ould never again have se;ual feelings& 0ven as she sensed this last% it changed in her ody& 8t such a ti$e one cannot yet !no" /ust ho" $uch change has ha##ened& 4any $ore cycles of focusing "ould e needed later& 6ut a change ha##ens in a ody shift& 3o$e change ha##ens even in the $ere odily relief of sensing and touching the trou le in /ust one definite dee# #lace& )hen she first #honed $e% her ad feelings "ere diffused throughout her ody& 7er "hole ody hurt& 6ut no" she had localiFed the #ro le$ and it had shifted& +he rest of her ody "as released& -ocusing hel#ed her in a ti$e of des#eration& 'n the follo"ing $onths she continued to focus and to change inside& 0ventually her se;ual life and so$e other #ainful as#ects of her life eca$e re"arding& 6y that ti$e she had "oven focusing into her "ay of living& 't eca$e $ore than a thera#eutic tool to e used in ti$es of crisis& 't eca$e so$ething to e used every day% a co$forting and fa$iliar #art of daily e;istence& +70 489 )72 -0@+ '9855<25<'8+0 -red% as O== call hi$% had an al$ost constant !not in his sto$ach% a tightness that never 1uite "ent a"ay& +he sto$ach !not "as "orse on so$e days than on others& 't "as #articularly ad on the day -red first focused effectively& +he day had egun adly& 7e had had an argu$ent "ith his oss& -red "as an interesting $an "ho had a /o as a sales e;ecutive in a $anufacturing co$#any& +he co$#any "asn*t doing as "ell as it had at one ti$e& -red elieved he could fi; that y reorganiFing the sales force% and he had dra"n u# a detailed #lan for doing so& +his $ade -red feel $ore creative on his /o & +he #lan involved a fairly drastic change in the co$#any*s general selling #hiloso#hy% and this #ro#osed change had #ulled -red into the argu$ent "ith his oss& +he e$otional residue of the argu$ent settled in -red*s sto$ach and stayed there all day& 8fter "or! that evening% he tried all those fa$iliar a##roaches that don*t "or!& 7e tried lecturing hi$selfE "Get hold of yourselfK Aou let little things u#set you too $uch& <ise a ove itl 3tay coolK" )hen the self.lecture "as over -red*s sto$ach "as still in a !not& 7e tried reliving the argu$ent% going round and round "ith itE ")hen he said this3 ' should have said that.5 2f
course% this only increased his e$otional tension& 7e tried the tric! of #retending the #ro le$ didn*t e;ist& "9othing really ha##ened at all%" he told hi$self& "4y oss !ne" $y vie"s long efore this% and ' !ne" his& +he argu$ent didn*t change anything& 't /ust got things out into the o#en% and that ought to $a!e $e feel good% not ad& 3ureK ' feel good.?5 6ut his sto$ach didn*t elieve it& 't "as still in a !not& 7e tried analysis& "7e*s an old.ti$er% "edded to old "ays of doing things% scared of change& +hat*s his hangu#& 4y hangu# is that '*$ asically scared of older $en in authority& &&&" 7is sto$ach didn*t rela; after that a##roach either& 8n analysis of a #ersonal #ro le$ $ight e true& 6ut it is different fro$ going inside to feel directly ho" it is& )hen all of -red*s atte$#ts to $a!e hi$self feel etter failed% he "ent to a ar and had a cou#le of drin!s& 6ut this $ade hi$ feel only a trifle etter& 7e could still feel the sa$e !not in his sto$ach% only the #ain "as slightly $uffled ecause of the alcohol in his syste$& @ater that night% "hen the alcohol had "orn off% he tried focusing& 7e had learned it fro$ $e a fe" "ee!s earlier ut% so

far% had een una le to do it "ell& 9o" he sat do"n on the edge of his ed and found hi$self a le to do it& +his is "hat he re#ortedE "' $ade $yself shut u# inside% turned off Hor at least turned do"nI all the lecturing and intellectualiFing and other noises that had een thundering in $y s!ull& ' let $y attention go do"n% not /ust to the argu$ent "ith $y oss ut to get a feeling of all the thousands of details that surround it% all $y concerns a out $y /o and $y future and "hat ' a$ doing "ith $y life&" +his large% vague feeling is "hat ' call a felt sense& +hen he sought the core of the felt sense& 7e stayed

"ith the vague disco$fort& "' as!ed $yself "hat "as the "orst of itL )here did it hurt the $ostL "' tried to gras# the 1uality of that& 't "as so strange ' couldn*t $a!e it s#ea! to $e& 't "as a feeling of so$ething eing out of #lace& 't "as the !ind of feeling you $ight get fro$ seeing a #icture hanging croo!ed on the "all% or a oo! #laced u#side.do"n in a oo!case% so$ething not 1uite right& "' "aited for "ords and got *out of #lace* and *off%* ut "hen ' chec!ed to see if they "ere right% they "eren*t, not 1uite& ' felt very close% ' had that ti#.of.$y.tongue feeling% the feeling ' get "atching a 1uiF sho"% and ' know ' !no" the ans"er ut ' can*t 1uite ring it u#& "' never got that far "ith focusing efore& ' never had that feeling "ithout !no"ing,the felt sense that you tal! a out all the ti$e& +his ti$e ' !ne" ' had it& "+hen ' got it% got $y "ord& 't "as inappropriate@ "+hat "as $y "ord& 8nd ' did feel $y !not% $y tight #lace inside co$ing loose& 8nd right a"ay% ' !ne"&" 7e had not needed to $a!e a se#arate $ove$ent of asking. +he ody shift and release ca$e along "ith the "ord& 'na##ro#riateE that "as the "ord,as his ody felt it,that descri ed all his actions in his /o E his ela orate #lans for reorganiFing the sales force% his arguing "ith his oss% everything& 8ll "ere ina##ro#riate% for this /o "asn*t "hat he really "anted to do "ith his life& 7e had long thought he "as #ast all his youthful drea$s% thought he had "gro"n u#" and eco$e #ractical "ith $aturity& 6ut no"% in that ody shift% that feeling of a !not loosening inside% he !ne" so$ething that ca$e along "ith that one "ord "ina##ro#riate&" 7e !ne" it all in one instant flood& )hat he !ne" "as thisE "+he reason ' got so u#set a out the reorganiFation #lan "as that ' "as ho#ing for the #lan to fi; $y life& 8nd of course% that $ade $e act stu#id& )hat $y life needs is $uch too ig for that #lan to fi;& ' didn*t !no" that and it sure $ade $e a
difficult #erson to e "ith% on the /o & 't*s li!e ' "as reacting "ith this enor$ous e$otional intensity "hich doesn*t fit the #lan& 4y intensity "as ina##ro#riate to the #lan% and ' "as acting ina##ro#riately on the /o & "2f course% ' sort of !ne" that ' "anted the #lan ecause then ' could feel creative a out $y /o & 6ut ' didn*t !no" ' "as letting that #lan e $y "hole life% the #art of it ' didn*t $anage to live out& 9o "onder ' couldn*t stay cool a out it&" -red hadn*t !no"n "hat he had invested in the #lan% ut his ody !ne"& 8nd all he needed to do "as "as!" it& -red could never have figured this out analytically% #artly ecause he thought he already !ne" his o"n ans"ers& 'f so$eone had as!ed hi$ to thin! it through% he $ight have ans"ered that the #lan $ade hi$ feel li!e the creative #erson he "anted to e& 8nd "ith this si$#le and true ans"er he "ould have #revented hi$self fro$ co$ing into direct touch "ith the actual "ay the #ro le$ "as in his ody& 8lso% -red could not have figured this out analytically ecause his $ind had een occu#ied "ith thoughts a out details and #eo#le on the /o & -red tells this focusing story only as far as that evening "hen the tightness in his sto$ach released& 't is necessary to o serve% as "ith -ay% that -red had not yet fully resolved his #ro le$ in #ractical ter$s& 6ut he "ould e detached no"% on his un"anted /o % rela;ed a out the reorganiFation #lan& 7e "ould certainly continue to cha$#ion his #lan ecause it "as good% ut he "ould e a le to listen to other #eo#le*s o /ections and "ould e at ease in co$ ining then.ideas "ith his& +his relieved his i$$ediate tension on the /o & +he ody shift had #roduced other changes as "ell& 3o$ething had co$e free in hi$ a out changing his life& 7e #uts it this "ayE "' could see that the /o never could satisfy $e even if $y #lan or any nu$ er of #lans got acce#ted% ut ' felt etter& ' should have een discouraged& ' certainly can*t change $y life /ust li!e that& 't isn*t as if ' hadn*t thought a out that efore& 6ut so$e "ay% this ele$ent in $e "hich needs so$ething else got $ore released% too& 't "as right there in $e% so$e a##etite for living& ' don*t need to force it into a strait/ac!et any$ore& ' don*t !no" "hy% ut it*s there inside $e% a little e;cited thing% saying% )e*re going to changeK 8nd ' have no idea ho"% yet& 'f ' "ere #urely o /ective% '*d e discouraged&" 2f course% to change his life too! #ractical ste#s% not only focusing& 8nd it too! $ore focusing to $eet fears and other o stacles inside% as "ell as #ractical ste#s outside& -red didn*t !no" at first "hat inner and outer changes "ould co$e to hi$ to $a!e& 6ut since that ti$e a "hole ne" life has o#ened to hi$& 8s it turns out% he has een a le to #ursue his ne" interests "ithout changing his /o & 6ut that ha##ened to e -red*s further develo#$ent& 5erha#s another #erson "ould have changed /o s& 3till another $ight have found relief si$#ly in not needing the reorganiFation #lan to "or! out e;actly as "ritten& -ocusing usually leads to dee#er levels% ut so$eti$es they are at #eace and need no further change& 'n -red*s case% a ne" life direction egan& 5reviously% if he had een as!ed to a##ly a descri#tive la el to the /o % he "ould have called it "this des#erately i$#ortant /o that ties $y sto$ach in !nots&" 9o" he could call it "this /o that is only a s$all #art of $e&"

=0

3a$e /o & 3a$e $an% ut a $an "ith an entirely ne" outloo! on his goals in life% $ost i$$ediately his /o & +70 G'<@ )72 )83 3C8<0( 2- C2@@0G0 )hen ' first sa" 0velyn% she had co$e to Changes% a grou# of #eo#le in Chicago "ho "elco$e anyone& +hey #ractice focusing& +hey listen to each other% hel# each other in various "ays&

0velyn felt no #ur#ose in life and had no goals& 9othing interested her& 3he had a #art.ti$e /o ut no idea of any "or! that "ould fit her& 3he felt se;ually e;#loited% "ithout real se;ual satisfaction in such relations as she had had& 3he "as over"eight% dull.eyed% and sad& 3he "as also e;tre$ely 1uiet& 3o$e of the #eo#le fro$ "ho$ ' have focusing re#orts% or "ith "ho$ ' have done focusing% $ay see$ to e 1uite ho#eless "hen ' first descri e the$& 6ut focusing $oves into the inside of a #erson& 't discovers a richness there& -ocusing "ill sho" you this in yourself and in others& 2nce you see it% no ody "ill see$ ho#eless& 'n fact% no ody "ill see$ to e "a ty#e%" either% for these are only su#erficial and te$#orary as#ects of #eo#le& 5eo#le co$ing to Changes sho" $e this over and over& 3o$eone "ho first stri!es $e as a certain !ind of #erson ,destroyed% ho#eless% listless% oring,$ay later turn out to e different% rich% fascinating& 8nd so ' re$e$ er $y first i$#ression of 0velyn& 8 "o$an na$ed @ori had een listening to her regularly as she tried to focus% ut 0velyn "as hard to listen to& 3he never had any feelings at all& 0velyn could only tal! a out e;ternals% situations% other #eo#le& 't $ade her an;ious that she had no feelings inside herself& 3everal school and co$$unity thera#ists had tried to hel# 0velyn efore "ithout #roducing any nota le results& 'n effect% "ithout saying it in so $any "ords% they had given u# on her as ho#eless& @ori "asn*t going to give u# on 0velyn% and she sought hel# fro$ another "o$an% 9ancy& 6et"een the$ they hel#ed 0velyn realiFe that eing an;ious a out having no feelings was itself a feeling. +hey and others listened to 0velyn% and hel#ed her to focus% fairly regularly for so$e $onths& -or the sa!e of this oo!% ' as!ed the Changes #eo#le to ta#e.record so$e of their sessionsG 0velyn*s "as one& 0velyn gave $e #er$ission to re#roduce a #articular focusing session that $ade a $a/or difference& 6y the ti$e this session too! #lace% there "as already a different 0velyn& 't had turned out% for instance% that she "as right% that she could differentiate her feelings "ith the #recision of a thin!er& +here "ere all sorts of things in her that "ere the o##osite of the "o$an she at first a##eared to e& 'n that !ey focusing session she "as concerned a out her education& "' guess ' ought to go on to college%" she said& "0very ody says ' should% and ' guess it*s good advice& ' $ean% ' !no" ' have to if ' "ant to do interesting "or!& 6ut ' /ust don*t want to&" 8 #ause% thenE "+he thing is% '*d have to give u# everything else% and get a full.ti$e /o to #ay for it% and,li!e% '*d never have /ust ti$e to live& 0verything "ould e tense% and," 3he interru#ts herself& 3he !no"s she is /ust tal!ing around the #ro le$% re#eating fa$iliar reasons that have long een in her head& 't is ti$e to e silent to focus% and "ait 1uietly to see "hat co$es& 3he sighs% and there is a long silence& -inally she says% ")ell% all that a out $a!ing a living and not having ti$e% that isn*t "hat it*s a out% not really&" 3he starts to cry& "'t*s that it ta!es such a lot of faith% or so$ething% to elieve ' could ta!e that #art of $e seriously,' $ean the thin!ing #art% you !no"L +he rain #art% the creative&&& ' "ant to e "ith thin!ing #eo#le% and ' love reading and discussing and "ondering a out things% ut to ta!e this thin!ing #art of $e seriously& &&&" 3he has achieved her first shift& 3o$e tight #lace "ithin her has co$e unstuc!% and her crying is a tangi le sy$#to$ of that release& +here is another #ause% and then a second shift& 8s often ha##ens in focusing% it is a change in direction% an adding.on of a ne" di$ension& Per ally it can contradict "hat "as said efore& ")ell% it isn*t e;actly that& ' $ean% a out ta!ing this thin!ing #art seriously& ' could do it% ut the thing is% school is /ust "hat*s in the wa2 of doing it& 3chool "ould #revent $e fro$ doing it& +hat*s "hy school "as al"ays so #ainful for $e& @i!e '*$ so unsure ' can ta!e $e seriously% ' need teachers to tell $e $y ideas are o!ay% ' need thin!ing #eo#le to tell $e% QAes% you*re o!ay% you can thin!&* 6ut teachers never do that& 9o ody ever "anted this #art of $e at all& +hey al"ays sent $e off to do chores and other stuff the2 thought of% nonthin!ing stuff& 3o ' had to force $yself ac! inside $yself% !ind of& 4y thin!ing #art had to stay hidden a"ay ecause no ody "anted it& 't "as li!e ' shouldn*t co$e o't. +hat*s "hat going ac! to school feels li!e& 't*s that feeling of,you !no"% not letting $yself out&" 6et"een each cycle and the ne;t there is a silence on the ta#e% in "hich she focuses& )hen there is a shift in the ody*s "ay of having the #ro le$% then she s#ea!s again& )hat she no" says a out the #ro le$ is different& 3he is silent again% focusing& 6ut she doesn*t "or! only on the #ro le$ as she /ust stated it& 'nstead% she focuses on the whole sense of disco$fort% the ne" $ur!y ody.sense of "hat still feels unresolved& 'n this "ay she is not i$#risoned "ithin the thoughts and feelings of the #ro le$ as /ust stated&

==

9otice that "hat the #ro le$ see$s to e a out changes "ith each odily shift& +hat is "hy it doesn*t hel# $uch to try to solve a #ro le$ y "or!ing only on the thoughts and feelings one has a out it at first& 3he is crying again& +hen she has yet another shift& "'t*s not really "hat the teachers thin!& 't*s,"ell% this unsureness in $e% this !ee#ing $yself fro$ co$ing out& +hat*s $e& ' $ean% '*ll go to college e;#ecting a lot% and it "ill e the sa$e as school al"ays "as% and O== e disa##ointed and hurt all over again& '*ll al"ays e the sa$e& Aeah% that*s "hat the feeling is no"& 't*s this feeling of&&& thafs not going to change.5 3he sighs& 3he is silent for a ti$e& +hen another shift occurs& "8h% yeah% it*s,it*s not /ust that& +his thing a out not co$ing out,it isn*t school& 't*s all the ti$e& '*ve felt that "ay a out $e in al$ost everything& 't*s een there so long" 8nother #ause& 3he is listening inside again& -inally she says% "Aeah% it*s li!e ' !ee# $yself inside ecause, ecause there is so$ething ' have to not see. 'f ' co$e out% === see it& Aes% that*s right&" 3he cries for a long ti$e& "' don*t !no" "hat it is% ut there is so$ething ' $ustn*t see% and if ' co$e out '*ll see it& 9o &&& #eo#le "ill see it% and ' "ill see it& 3o ' have to not see anything or hear anything& 8nd '*ve al"ays een% "ell% confused&" 3he cries again& "' have to stay confused and not see&&& so$ething& 8nd ' have to not co$e out so #eo#le "on*t see it&" +here is a long silence as she focuses on the felt sense of that so$ething& -or a long ti$e there is only silence on the ta#e& 3o$e un!no"n something that she $ustn*t sho" #eo#le has $ade her !ee# herself loc!ed inside& 3o$e un!no"n thing that is "rong "ith her% so$ething she has al"ays tried not to see% not to run into& +rying not to run into that% she has !e#t herself fro$ seeing or hearing anything at all too clearly& ' !no"% although the ta#e is silent% that she is focusing on the unclear felt sense of all that,the "hole felt sense of "so$ething a out $e that ' $ustn*t run into% that #eo#le $ustn*t see&" +hen she cries again& "3o$ething is wrong "ith $eK +hat*s it,and #eo#le "ill see it if ' co$e out&" +here has een still another shift& "+hat*s "hat it*s all a out%" she goes on after a "hile& "'t*s an old feeling "ay do"n there% that so$ething*s terri ly "rong "ith $e& ' don*t !no" "hat it is&&& so$e terri le thing& 3o ' have to e careful and not co$e out% ecause then #eo#le "ill see it% and '*ll see it too&" 3o that "as "hat her ody really felt a out going to college& 3u##ose she hadn*t focused and hadn*t $ade contact "ith that #lace inside her& 3u##ose she had lectured herself% clenched her teeth% and forced herself to college des#ite all those inner dou ts& )ith her ody feeling that "ay% the college e;#erience "ould have een a"ful& 4ore li!ely% she "ould have continued to feel a arrier in her "ay% and no" "ould have said that this "as the "ay school al"ays "as& 8nd% of course% that "as true% ut only #art of a larger truth& 6ut no" she "as all right& +he heavy% hurting #lace "as localiFed& +he rest of her ody "as released& 8nd /ust ecause her ody felt different% she Hli!e -redI "as no" a le to ta!e #ractical ste#s that "ould have een hard or i$#ossi le efore% and to ta!e the$ in a ne" "ay& +he old felt sense "ould not have let her go to college and "co$e out%" as she #ut it,"ould not have let her ring out that "thin!ing #art" in a forceful% cheerful% confident "ay& 6ut the old felt sense had changed& +he changed sense not only let her go to college "ith ho#e and antici#ation ut ena led her to eco$e interested in "hat she "as doing once she "as there& 3he had to "or! harder than other students ecause the co$ing.out issue "as not resolved in one ste#& +here "ere #eriods "hen she could not allo" her love of thin!ing to sho"& 6ut $ore and $ore her creative thin!ing a ility ca$e out% and she got to !no" and rely on it& +his could ha##en only through changes in the "ay her "hole organis$ felt& 0velyn*s story illustrates an i$#ortant characteristic of focusingE Aou feel etter% oddly% even "hen "hat e$erges doesn*t sound encouraging to any ody trying to analyFe the situation rationally& 2ne effect of the focusing #rocess is to ring hidden its of #ersonal !no"ledge u# to the level of conscious a"areness& +his isn*t the $ost i$#ortant effect& +he ody shift% the change in a felt sense% is the heart of the #rocess& 6ut the ringing.u# of odily sensed !no"ledge,the "transfer" of this !no"ledge% in effect% fro$ ody to $ind,is so$ething that every focuser e;#eriences& 2ften this transferred !no"ledge see$s to e #art of a tough #ro le$% and it $ight e e;#ected that this "ould $a!e you feel "orse& 8fter all% you no" !no" so$ething ad that you didn*t !no" efore& @ogically% you should feel "orse& Aet you don*t& Aou feel etter& Aou feel etter $ainly ecause your ody feels etter% $ore free% released& +he "hole ody is alive in a less constricted "ay& Aou have localiFed a #ro le$ that had #reviously $ade your "hole ody feel ad& 8n i$$ediate freeing feeling lets you !no" there is a ody shift& 't is the ody having $oved to"ard a solution& +here is also another reason& 9o $atter ho" frightening or intracta le a #ro le$ loo!s "hen it first co$es to light% a focuser eco$es used to the fact that at the very ne;t shift it $ay e 1uite different& 9othing that feels ad

=2

is ever the last ste#& -or oth reasons 0velyn felt etter "hen she $ade contact "ith a feeling that "so$e terri le thing" had al"ays een "rong "ith her& +o an analytic o server% this $ight see$ li!e a night$areE to stu$ le on the truth that you have !e#t yourself hidden for fear that so$e $ysterious "rongness "ill co$e to light& 6ut 0velyn felt etter& 3he cried% certainly% ut out of relief% and ecause the shut.in #art of her "as at last eing heard& Crying is often the first stirring of a #art of one*s self that has een long held in& +he ody shift had felt good "hen she $ade contact "ith that feeling& 4oreover% she "as sure that further focusing "ould $ove that heavy #lace% /ust li!e others in the #ast& )hen you are focusing "ell% you are glad a out the co$ing of any feeling& Aou $ight hear an inner feeling say% "Aou*re doo$edK" Aou "ould consider this gently and understandingly& Aou "ould say% "2h% that*s interesting& 8 feeling of doo$& 9o "onder ' felt loc!ed u# ,if there*s een a feeling li!e that in there& Glad it ca$e u#& @et*s find out "here that feeling co$es fro$&" Aou can ta!e this attitude ecause% $any ti$es efore% you have e;#erienced feelings li!e that changing and resolving the$selves #hysically in a very fe" $inutes& 3o$e $onths after 0velyn*s ta#ing session% at a large grou# $eeting of Changes% there "ere so$e eighty #eo#le in the roo$& 3"ee#ing $y glance across the roo$% ' sa" a eautiful "o$an "ith right% intensely alert eyes sitting so$e"here in the $iddle& ")ho is thatL" ' as!ed $yself& "3o$eone ne" in the grou#L" +hen ' realiFed it "as 0velynK 't had een only a fe" "ee!s since ' had last seen her% ut #erha#s ' had not loo!ed closely at her for so$e ti$e& ' had een very a"are of her intellectual shar#ness& 3he had even hel#ed $e "ith a #iece of "riting& 6ut ' had never seei thisK )hen #eo#le change% they sho" it #hysically& 8t first this $ay not e out"ardly noticea le% e;ce#t in the $o$entary rela;ation and easing of a ody shift% the etter circulation and dee#er reathing& 6ut over a longer #eriod% "ith $any shifts on different #ro le$s% it is definitely noticea le in the face% the carriage% the "hole ody& 8nd it can e a startling change& @ater on% 0velyn traced the feeling of so$efhhn "rong "ith her& 't had co$e to her fro$ her $other& 3he could then sense her $other*s asic and constant attitude to"ard herE "3o$ething*s "rong "ith 0velyn& 3he isn*t li!e anyone else&" 0velyn discovered this "ith $uch relief and $uch crying% as her cro"ded.into.herself #art at last eca$e uncra$#ed% and the ig "felt loc!" shifted& 8 #ostscri#tE 0velyn recently visited her #arents& 2ne evening her $other "ent out to attend one of a series of lectures on children& 't turned out to e a lecture on e;ce#tionally gifted children& 0velyn*s $other ca$e ho$e e;cited% saying that the lecturer had descri ed #recisely "hat 0velyn "as li!e as a little child& 7er $other felt that, at last,she had discovered "hat had al"ays een so odd a out 0velyn& THE MAN WHO COULDN*T WORE "'*$ having a lot of trou le finishing this oo! '*$ "riting%" said George& "'t*s ecause ' have to do it& 'f ' didn*t have to% ' could& 6ut this "ay% ' sit there and '*$ sort of stuc!,disconnected li!e& ' can*t see$ to turn on $y $ind& 8ll ' do is sit there and stare out of the "indo"& ' can*t do the actual "riting& 'f ' do have an idea% ' sit there and sort of tell $yself% *)ell% George% it*s great that you have an idea here%* and then ' feel li!e going and reading a $ystery novel&" ' said% "+hat ody sense of *stuc!%* *disconnected*, "hat is its 1ualityL -ocus on it&" 7e "as silent for a out a $inute% sitting% eyes closed& 7e started to say so$ething and then sto##edE "'t*s a feeling of,no&" 0vidently he ad a feeling and "as trying to let "ords co$e fro$ it& )ords "ere co$ing% ut "hen he chec!ed the$ "ith the feeling% they "eren*t e;actly the right "ords& +hey $ade nothing shift& 3uddenly% he had itE "Conte$#tK" 7e re#eated the "ord% trying it again and li!ing it& "'t*s li!e this oo isn*t the real "orld% it*s /ust in $y head&" George is a college #rofessor& 7e has a re#utation for "or!ing harder "ith students than $ost #rofessors do& 7e "ent onE "+his feeling of conte$#t,"ell% it*s li!e everything ' do sitting at $y des! is cra#& 't*s in $y head% in $y #rivate s#ace% instead of out in the "orld +hat*s "hat $a!es it cra#& 7ead "or! isn*t out in the "orld "here things ha##en& 't*s all inside% li!e it isn*t really ha##ening at all& 't isn*t real or i$#ortant& )hat*s i$#ortant is "hat ' do in the "orld& +hat*s real.teaching classes% seeing students% ta!ing care of $y fa$ily.......8h% '*ve had this for years% off and on& 7ead "or! is nothing&" ' re#eated the gist of "hat he had said& "3o there*s in.your.head and that*s conte$#ti le%" ' said% "and there*s in. the."orld and that*s real% that*s ta!ing care of things&" "Aes& 9o& )ell.,uh," +his is "hat focusing is li!e& +he nature of the #ro le$ changes "ith each shift& Aou $a!e contact "itl a feeling and you say% "Aes that*s itK" +hen you feel so$ething elo" it or ehind it or alongside it and you say% ")ell% no% that isn*t it after all&" +he #ro le$% "hen you finish% is not the sa$e as you thought "hen you egan& +he felt sense of the #ro le$ changes&

=3

George sat 1uietly for a "hile% focusing& +hen he said% "+here*s so$ething else here& 't*s craFy% #arado;ical& +his eing in the "orld% ta!ing care of things% it isn*t the i$#ortant #art of $e at all& +a!ing care of things% teaching% earning $y salary,that isn*t the $ain thing for $e& ' al"ays arrange it so ' can get it out of the "ay% get ac! to "riting $y oo!& 't doesn*t $a!e sense% does itL )riting is conte$#ti le ecause it*s all in $y head% ut it*s still the $ain thing% the thing ' $ost "ant to do&" ")hat is the "hole unclear ody.sense "hen you say% *this thing ' $ost "ant to do*L" "'t feels li!e ' have to do this "riting& 't do$inates $y life& 't "ould e a"ful if ' didn*t do it% even though ' have this conte$#t feeling a out it&" ' said% "8ll right% go ac! to it and say% *2!ay% right% it "ould e a"ful not to do this "riting&* +hen as! "hat that "hole sense of *a"ful* is&" George often goes #ast a feeling "ithout letting a "hole felt sense for$& +hat is "here ' usually hel#& 7e !no"s it is i$#ortant to acce#t every feeling that co$es% not argue "ith it% not challenge it "ith #ere$#tory de$ands that it e;#lain itself& Aou don*t tal! ac! to the feeling li!e an angry #arent de$anding that the feeling /ustify itself& Aou don*t say% ")hat do you mean3 such.and.such "ould e a"fulL +hat*s nonsenseK Nust "hy "ould it e a"fulL" 'nstead you a##roach the feeling in an acce#ting "ay& George acce#ts his feelings% ut this is not enough& Nust getting in touch "ith one*s feelings often rings no change% /ust the sa$e feeling over and over& 2ne $ust let a larger% "ider% unclear felt sense for$& George had said "it "ould e a"ful&" )e didn*t yet !no" "hat there "as in and "ith this "a"ful&" +o find out% and to let it shift% the "hole vague ody sense of all that goes "ith "a"ful" had to for$ for hi$& George focused on the felt sense and its 1uality& +hen he said% "'t "ould e a"ful not to "rite ecause,if ' didn*t do $y oo! '*d e a failure% a #arasite,"ell% no% not e;actly that........" 7e #aused to let the right "ord co$e% and finally it didE "8 #lay oy&" "8 #lay oy& 9o" as! "hat that is&" "8h&&&" George sat silent for a long ti$e& "Aeah%" he said at last% "yeah% this is a very evil #ath this leads $e do"n& )o"& 't feels,it feels li!e it*s immoral not to do this serious "or!% "riting&" George reathed a huge sigh& "'t*s se;ual%" he said& "+hat*s "hat it feels li!e& 9ot to have to "or! at "ritingE that*s se;ual& @i!e $astur ating all the ti$e% or,"ait% no% it*s $ore li!e eing a !id "atching adults $a!ing love& Aeah% that*s "hat it "ould e li!e& 't "ould e li!e having the gro"nu#s tell $e ' could /ust sit there and "atch&" "8nd that "ould e all rightL" "3ureK +hat "ould e fineK" George*s felt sense of the situation see$ed to have given hi$ #er$ission to sto# "riting& 6ut then that #er$ission "as "ithdra"n& ")ait a $inute%" he said& "' don*t !no" if that "ould e fine after all& 't "ould,"ell% ah% it feels oth good and ad&" "3ort it out& 3ee if you can get a felt sense of "hat "ould e ad a out it&" ")ell%" he said after a "hile% "there*s a feeling of lan!ness& @i!e% if ' sto##ed "riting '*d e facing a ig lan!& '*d have nothing to do ut read $ystery stories& ' $ean% if ' didn*t feel co$#elled to do this "riting% ' could do "hatever ' "anted, ut ' "ouldn*t find anything to do&" George had a "handle" "ord& 'f actually released fro$ "or!% he*d get a " ig lan!&" 6ecause such an e$#ty s#ace is frightening% #eo#le "ho find one inside the$selves often run ac! into "or! and other ti$e.filling activities that they don*t en/oy& @i!e -red% the $an "ith the !not in his sto$ach% they $ay drive the$selves so hard to avoid the lan! that they $a!e the$selves #hysically ill& -ocusing allo"s you to a##roach any such lan! "ith e1uani$ity% li!e anything else& -or a lan! is also a feeling& 'nstead of ac!ing a"ay fro$ it in fear% you "al! right u# to it% and find out "hat is there& ' encouraged George to do /ust that& "6e "ith the ody sense of that lan!& )hat is its 1ualityL" ' as!ed& George sat 1uietly% feeling around the e$#tiness& +hen he said% "'t feels li!e there are things ' "ant to do% ut, '*$ not allowed to see the$& @i!e "hen ' "as a !id% $y father had certain oo!s on the to# shelf of a oo!case% and ' "asn*t allo"ed to loo! at the$&" 7e #aused again& ' didn*t #ush hi$& 7e as!ed into this sense of "not allo"ed&" 8fter a "hile he dre" a dee# reath and let
it out noisily% and ' !ne" so$ething else had shifted inside& "Aeah%" he said% "Aeah% of course& '*$ an adult no"% rightL ' can loo! at anything ' "ant to loo! at& 3ure% ',"ait a $inute&&&& +hings are co$ing to $e& 3ure& 2ne thing '*d do if ' didn*t have to "or! on this oo!,'*d /og& '*ve een "anting to go /ogging ut "henever ' feel li!e it% ' have to go and sit at $y des! instead& Aeah% and," 7e #aused riefly "hile so$ething else ca$e u#& "8nd '*d "rite a oo! a out irth controlK '*ve een "anting to do that for a long ti$e& +here*s a #oint a out irth control that no ody has ever rought out efore% a really crucial #oint& '*d love to "rite that oo!K +his oo! -$ stuc! on no"% it isn*t anything '*$ really e;cited a out& 6ut ' can finish it too% ' et% if ' let $yself "rite "hat ' "ant& +his irth.control oo!,ah% that "ould e greatK" 7e #aused for a long ti$e& +henE ")o"% yes% no" this finishing this oo! is 2: too& Aes% it feels all right& +he #oint "asn*t to finish the oo!% it "as not to have to finish it& Under that have.to. ut.can*t feeling "as all $y good energy% all loc!ed u#& +hat*s "hat ' figured% all right% ut

=B

' couldn*t shift it& 4y "hole life "as under there% see$s li!e& @etting $yself have for idden urges% yes% ' see& +o e free to sto#% that*s li!e eing free to follo" urges% and that*s li!e eing free to do "hat ' "ant% "hich is to "rite& 6ut free to "rite fro$ out of $y direct urge and energy& )ell% ' !ne" that all the ti$e% ut no" '*ve got it&" George "as analyFing no",in effect creating an intellectual rationaliFation to e;#lain "hat his ody had already solved& +he analysis "asn*t necessary& 6ut intellectuals li!e to figure things out% and% done in retrospect3 that*s all right& )hat "as i$#ortant "as that his ody too! its o"n ste#s first& 6efore these ste#s% his analysis "asn*t effective&

Thr$$ Wha' 'h$ Bo+, K o)%


+he stories in the #revious cha#ter illustrate the t"o $ain discoveries on "hich this oo! is asedE -irst% that there is a !ind of odily a"areness that #rofoundly influences our lives and that can hel# us reach #ersonal goals& 3o little attention has een #aid to this $ode of a"areness that there are no ready.$ade "ords to descri e it% and ' have had to coin $y o"n ter$E felt sense. 8nd second% that a felt sense "ill shift if you a##roach it in the right "ay& 't "ill change even as you are $a!ing contact "ith it& )hen your felt sense of a situation changes% 2o' change,and% therefore% so does your life& @et*s study these t"o #ro#ositions in $ore detail& -irst% ' "ant to e sure you understand "hat a felt sense is& 8 felt sense is not a $ental e;#erience ut a #hysical one& Ph2sical. 8 odily a"areness of a situation or #erson or event& 8n internal aura that enco$#asses everything you feel and !no" a out the given su /ect at a given ti$e, enco$#asses it and co$$unicates it to you all at once rather than detail y detail& +hin! of it as a taste% if you li!e% or a great $usical chord that $a!es you feel a #o"erful i$#act% a ig round unclear feeling& 8 felt sense doesn*t co$e to you in the for$ of thoughts or "ords or other se#arate units% ut as a single Hthough often #uFFling and very co$#le;I odily feeling& 3ince a felt sense doesn*t co$$unicate itself in "ords% it isn*t easy to descri e in "ords& 't is an unfa$iliar% dee#. do"n level of a"areness that #sychothera#ists Halong "ith al$ost every ody elseI have usually not found& @et $e illustrate& +hin! of t"o #eo#le "ho #lay a $a/or role in your life& 8ny t"o #eo#le& '*ll call the$ Nohn and 7elen in this discussion% ut su stitute the na$es of your o"n #eo#le& @et your $ind slide ac! and forth et"een these t"o #eo#le& 9otice the inner aura that see$s to co$e into e;istence "hen you let your attention d"ell on Nohn% the sense of "all a out Nohn&" 9otice the entirely different aura of 7elen& +he inner aura as you thin! of each #erson isn*t $ade u# of discrete its of data that you consciously add together in your $ind& 'n thin!ing of 7elen% you don*t la oriously list all her #hysical and #ersonal traits one y one& Aou don*t thin!% "2h yes% 7elenE she*s 5*?" tall% has lond hair and ro"n eyes and a s$all $ole ne;t to her ear% tal!s in a high voice% gets u#set easily% "ants to e a #lay"right% li!es Chinese food% needs to lose "eight&&&&" 9or do you list each detail of your relationshi# "ith her& +here are undou tedly $illions of such its of data that descri e 7elen as you !no" her% ut these $illions of its aren*t delivered to you one y one% as thoughts& 'nstead% they are given to you all at once% as (odil2 felt. K +he sense of "all a out 7elen",including every one of those thousands of its of data that you have seen% felt% lived% and stored over the years,co$es to you all at once% as a single great aura sensed in your ody& +he sense of "all a out Nohn" co$es to you in the sa$e "ay& 't is a huge file of dataE "hat Nohn loo!s li!e% ho" he s#ea!s% ho" you and he first $et% "hat you need fro$ hi$% "hat he said yesterday% and "hat you said in return& +he a$ount of infor$ation is staggering,yet so$eho"% "hen you thin! of Nohn% all the relevant facts and feelings co$e to you at once& )here are all those thousands of ite$s of infor$ation storedL 9ot in your $ind% ut in your ody& +he ody is a iological co$#uter%= generating these enor$ous collections of data and delivering the$ to you instantaneously "hen you call the$ u# or "hen they are called u# y so$e e;ternal event& Aour thin!ing isn*t ca#a le of holding all those ite$s of !no"ledge% nor of delivering the$ "ith such s#eed& 't "ould ta!e all the re$aining years of your life to list all the details you !no" a out 7elen and your relationshi#s to her& Aour ody% ho"ever% delivers "all a out 7elen" in one great% rich% co$#le; e;#erience of recognition% one "hole felt sense& +o illustrate the #oint further% thin! of your o"n reactions "hen you tal! "ith 7elen% and then "hen you tal! "ith Nohn& Aou change inside,correctL Aou can sense the difference "ithin you& 'f you are tal!ing #rivately "ith 7elen and then Nohn une;#ectedly "al!s into the roo$% you can feel yourself eco$ing different& Aour felt sense of Nohn is no" here too% as "ell as your felt sense of 7elen& +hese changes inside you are not rought on y thin!ing& Aou don*t thin!% "2h yes% this is 7elenE "ith her '*ve got to ehave in such.and.such a "ay&" @ittle thin!ing is involved& 8s! yourself% ")hy a$ ' this "ay "ith 7elen and that "ay "ith NohnL" +he ans"ers are not in your $ind& 2nly your ody !no"s&

=5

9otice that a felt sense is not an e$otion& 't has e$otional co$#onents in it% along "ith factual co$#onents& 6ut it is igger than any single e$otion% $ore co$#le; ,and $uch less easy to descri e in "ords&
l&)ard 7alstead% $y colleague at the University of Chicago% s#ent a lifeti$e "or!ing on " iological intelligence&" 7e devised $any tests to $easure odily "ays of discri$inating different thingsE ti$e% rhyth$s% s#atial arrange$ents% inter#ersonal i$#ressions% faces& )hen he read $y oo! on "felt sense" he a##lied his ter$ " iological co$#uter" to it& +he e1uivalent of hundreds of thousands of cognitive o#erations are done in a s#lit second y the ody&

-or e;a$#le% your felt sense of 7elen #ro a ly includes a large nu$ er of e$otions that you have felt at various ti$es "hen "ith her& 5erha#s so$e such e$otion is do$inant in your relationshi# at this very hour& +he do$inant e$otion right no"% let*s say% is anger& Aou and she 1uarreled itterly last night% and no" the first "ord that co$es to $ind "hen you thin! of her is "anger&" Aet that e$otion is not the felt sense,is not "all a out 7elen&" 8n e$otion is often shar# and clearly felt% and often co$es "ith a handy la el y "hich you can descri e itE "anger%" "fear%" "love%" and so on& 8 felt sense% eing larger and $ore co$#licated% is al$ost al"ays unclear ,at least until you focus on it,and al$ost never co$es "ith a convenient la el& +o illustrate% let*s su##ose there is so$e difficulty in your relationshi# to Nohn& 8s!ed to descri e this difficulty% you $ight sayE "'*$ tense "hen '*$ "ith hi$& )hen '*$ "ith 7elen% ' feel as if $y *natural* self is aUve and free% ut "hen '*$ "ith Nohn% ' a$ unco$forta le% tense&" +his tension arises so$e"here in "all a out Nohn&" 5eo#le "ho don*t !no" a out focusing are li!ely to e a"are only of the tension% over and over& +hey never consult their felt sense of "all a out Nohn%" or #erha#s a little less roadly% "all a out this odd feeling ' get "ith Nohn&" +he "ord "tense" $ight e the est one."ord descri#tion of the feeling% ut "tense" is only the ti# of the ice erg& "+ense" $ight e the do$inant e$otion at a given $o$ent% ut elo" it and ehind it lies so$ething huge and vague& Aou can feel that huge% vague so$ething "ith your ody% ut you can*t touch it "ith your $ind,your $ind #rotests% "' don*t want to e struc! du$ every ti$e '*$ "ith NohnK ' "ant to e rela;ed% right% natural& )hy can*t ' eL )hyL" 6ut there are no ans"ers in your $ind& 'f your $ind !ne" the ans"ers or had control of the situation% #resu$a ly you could sur$ount the difficulty through rational #rocesses and an effort of "ill& Aou could thin! your "ay to a resolution of the #ro lem. B't this is patentl2 i$#ossi le& 9o $atter ho" your $ind #rotests% no $atter ho" hard you thin!% the sa$e tension $a!es itself felt inside you "henever you are "ith Nohn& +his tension is generated y your ody% reacting to Nohn*s #resence& +he reaction y#asses your thin!ing $ind al$ost entirely& 6ut "hen you let the felt sense for$% then you can "or! "ith $ore than you can understand& 'f you attend to the felt sense through certain ste#s ' "ill sho" you% it "ill shift& +hat is #recisely "hat this oo! is a out& 't is necessary to a##roach our felt senses y an entirely different route ,that s#ecial through.the. ody route that ' call focusing& 6y a##roaching the$ that "ay% we can let a felt sense form and change. 4uch of "hat has #assed for e$otional guidance and #sychothera#y in our #ast has een futile& Counselors tried to $a!e us analyFe our feelings rationally% or "face" the$ over and over& @et*s loo! again at that hy#othetical difficulty in your relationshi#s "ith Nohn% and let*s loo! at so$e of the $ost co$$on "ays of a##roaching such a #ro le$& H8ll the co$$on a##roaches are% unfortunately% futile&I 6elittling the #ro le$ Aou try to convince yourself that the #ro le$ doesn*t e;ist or is too trivial to "orry a out& "'t doesn*t $atter%" you tell yourself& "'t*s nothing& ' shouldn*t let such silly little things other $e&" (oes this change anythingL 9o& +he ne;t ti$e you $eet Nohn% the "trivial" #ro le$ is e;actly as ig as it al"ays "as& 8nalyFing "'t $ust e that Nohn re$inds $e of $y father%" you conclude sole$nly& "' "as al"ays inti$idated y $y father& 7e "as so sure of hi$self& 3o is Nohn& 3ure% sure% that $ust e it&" +he analysis $ay or $ay not e correct& 6ut it does nothing to change the feeling& Aou can analyFe furiously the "hole ti$e you are "ith Nohn% ut if that feeling is there in your gut "ith its ine;#lica le disco$forts and tensions% the relationshi# "ill not e eased any $ore than it "as last ti$e& -Fa(" ! +o) - 'h$ .$$l" ! "'*ll /ust grit $y teeth% stand u# to it% and "al! through it%" you tell yourself ho#efully& "'*ll ignore it& ' won?t let it get $eK" 6ut it doesn*t hel#% does itL 'f so$ething gets you% it "ill go on getting you until so$e funda$ental change ta!es #lace& @ecturing ,o/r%$l. "9o" see here%" you tell yourself sternly% "it*s ti$e you #ulled yourself together and sto##ed all this nonsense& Aou*re su##osed to e an adult% rightL 3o act li!e oneK +here*s no reason in the "orld "hy Nohn should $a!e you feel unco$forta le&" 9o& +hat doesn*t "or! either& Dro) " ! " 'h$ .$$l" ! Aou sin! into the e$otion% ho#ing that this ti$e /ust feeling it again "ill change it& "Aeah% that "as a ad ti$e "hen he started tal!ing a out $y se; life& ' /ust sat there li!e a du$$y& ' am stu#id& )o"% that is a"fulK ' feel li!e a s1uashed ug&&&&" )henever you sin! into this unchanged feeling% it $a!es you feel as ad as

=?

last ti$e& +hese a##roaches cannot "or! ecause they don*t touch and change the #lace out of "hich the disco$fort arises& 't e;ists in the ody& 't is #hysical& 'f you "ant to change it% you $ust introduce a #rocess of change that is also #hysical& +hat #rocess is focusing& 5art +"o of this oo! devotes itself to the /o of teaching you ho" to focus& ' "on*t start teaching it here& -or no"% ' /ust "ant to finish descri ing the characteristics of a felt sense& +he $ost e;citing characteristic of all is the fact that a felt sense% "hen you focus on it "ell% has the #o"er to change& Aou can actually feel this change ha##ening in your ody& 't is a "ell.defined #hysical sensation of so$ething $oving or shifting& 't is invaria ly a #leasant sensationE a feeling of so$ething co$ing unstuc! or uncra$#ed& ' can est descri e it to you y starting "ith a fa$iliar hu$an e;#erienceE the odd feeling of !no"ing you have forgotten so$ething ut not !no"ing "hat it is& Undou tedly it has ha##ened to you $ore than once& Aou are a out to ta!e a #lane tri#% let*s say% to visit fa$ily or friends& Aou oard the air#lane "ith a s$all% insistent thought nagging youE you have forgotten so$ething& +he #lane ta!es off& Aou stare out the "indo"% going through various things in your $ind% see!ing that elusive little #iece of !no"ledge& )hat did ' forgetL )hat was itL Aou are trou led y the felt sense of so$e unresolved situation% so$ething left undone% so$ething left ehind& 9otice that you don*t have factual data& Aou have an inner aura% an internal taste& %o'r (od2 knows ('t 2o' don?t. 4ay e you try to argue it a"ay% try to s1uash it intellectually or rise a ove it,the $ethod of elittling it& Aou tell yourselfE no% ' "on*t let this other $e and s#oil $y tri#& 2f course% that doesn*t "or!& +he feeling is still there& Aou sigh and ru$$age in your $ind again& Aou find a #ossi ility& "7elen*s #artyK ' forgot to tell 7elen ' can*t co$e to her #artyK" +his idea doesn*t satisfy the feeling& 't is #erfectly true that you forgot to tell 7elen you "ould $iss her #arty% ut your ody !no"s it isn*t this that has een nagging you all $orning& Aou still don*t !no" "hat you forgot% and you still feel that "ordless disco$fort& Aour ody !no"s you have forgotten so$ething else% and it !no"s "hat that so$ething is& +hat is ho" you can tell it isn*t 7elen*s #arty& 8t so$e $o$ents the felt sense of "hat it is gets so vague that it al$ost disa##ears% ut at other $o$ents it co$es in so strongly that you feel you al$ost !no"& +hen suddenly% fro$ this felt sense% it ursts to the surface& +he sna#shotsK ' forgot to #ac! the #ictures ' "as going to sho" CharlieK Aou have hit it% and the act of hitting it gives you a sense of sudden #hysical relief& 3o$e"here in your ody% so$ething releases% so$e tight thing lets go& Aou feel it all through youE )he"K 't feels good& Aou $ay feel ad a out the #ictures ut the ste# feels good& +his is one of the !ey characteristics of a shift in a felt senseE it al"ays has that easing and so$eti$es very eautiful sensation of odily release& 't feels li!e e;haling after holding your reath& Aou can feel the tension draining out of your ody& +here are no "ords in the language to descri e the felt sense and its #hysical shifts& +herefore% ' $ust give a na$e to that feeling of co$ing unstuc! inside& ' call it the (od2 shift. 9ot every ody feels the shift ta!ing #lace s#ecifically in the elly& 't $ay see$ to ha##en all over the ody% or it $ight feel li!e a loosening in the chest% or it $ight e a rela;ation of a tight throat& ' call it ody shift $ainly to suggest that it doesn*t ha##en in the $ind& 't is al"ays% in so$e "ay% a #hysical sensation& Aou often can see it and hear it "hen it ha##ens in so$e ody else& +here $ay e a long audi le sigh of relief% a sudden loosening of so$e tight facial gri$ace% a 1uic!% co$forta le rela;ing in the #osture& +hat is "hat it is li!e to get a shift in a felt sense& +he e;a$#le '*ve used,forgetting so$ething on a tri#R,is trivial% of course& 6ut undou tedly there are #ro le$s in your life that you don*t consider trivial& 3tuc! #laces inside you that s#oil #arts of your life% "ays in "hich you feel tra##ed and hel#less& 'n all these cases% e;actly as "ith those forgotten sna#shots% your ody !no"s $uch that you don*t !no"% $uch that you cannot #ossi ly figure out& 9o ody can figure out% intellectually% all the details of a #ersonal #ro le$& 9o thera#ist can& Aou can*t, neither for so$eone else nor for yourself& +he details are in your ody& +he "ay to find the$ is through focusing& )hen you do% as "e*ve seen% a #hysically felt shift occurs& )hy does it occurL )here does that odd feeling of release co$e fro$L 't co$es fro$ t"o sourcesE
-irst% the once.hidden !no"ledge is no" availa le to your conscious $ind& Aou $ay e a le to use it in so$e rational #lan of action for resolving the #ro le$& +his can certainly lead to a feeling of reliefE "Aes% of courseK That?s "here the hangu# is&&&& That?s the direction ' need to goK" +he second source of that "uncra$#ing" feeling is $ore i$#ortant& 0ven if you can*t $a!e i$$ediate or direct use of the once.hidden !no"ledge% the ody shift $a!es your "hole ody different&

=7

&ar' ')o FOCUSING


.o/r Th$ Fo(/%" ! Ma /al
+he ti$e has co$e for you to learn focusing& +he inner act of focusing can e ro!en do"n into si; $ain su acts or $ove$ents& 8s you gain $ore #ractice% you "on*t need to thin! of these as si; se#arate #arts of the #rocess& +o thin! of the$ as se#arate $ove$ents $a!es the #rocess see$ $ore $echanical than it is,or "ill e% for you% later& ' have su divided the #rocess in this "ay ecause '*ve learned fro$ years of e;#eri$enting that this is an effective "ay to teach focusing to #eo#le "ho have never tried it efore& +hin! of this cha#ter as only the asic $anual& 8s the oo! #rogresses "e "ill add to these asic instructions% clarify the$% a##roach the$ fro$ other angles& 0ventually,#erha#s not the first ti$e you go through it,you "ill have the e;#erience of so$ething shifting inside& '*ll start y giving you the focusing instructions in rief for$% $anual style& 'n the ne;t cha#ter "e "ill go through the si; $ove$ents in a $ore detailed "ay% sto##ing to e;#lain and ela orate& -2CU3'9G 489U8@ =& Clearing a s#ace )hat ' "ill as! you to do "ill e silent% /ust to yourself& +a!e a $o$ent /ust to rela;& 8ll right, no"% inside you% ' "ould li!e you to #ay attention in"ardly% in your ody% #erha#s in your sto$ach or chest& 9o" see "hat co$es there "hen you as!% "7o" is $y life goingL )hat is the $ain thing for $e right no"L" 3ense "ithin your ody& @et the ans"ers co$e slo"ly fro$ this sensing& )hen so$e concern co$es% (2 92+ G2 '93'(0 '+& 3tand ac!% say "Aes% that*s there& ' can feel that% there&" @et there e a little s#ace et"een you and that& +hen as! "hat else you feel& )ait again% and sense& Usually there are several things& 0. F$l' %$ %$ -ro$ a$ong "hat ca$e% select one #ersonal #ro le$ to focus on& (2 92+ G2 '93'(0 '+& 3tand ac! fro$ it& 2f course% there are $any #arts to that one thing you are thin!ing a out,too $any to thin! of each one alone& 6ut you can feel all of these things together& 5ay attention there "here you usually feel things% and in there you can get a sense of "hat all of the pro(lem feels li!e& @et yourself feel the unclear sense of all of that. 3& Ha +l$ )hat is the 1uality of this unclear felt senseL @et a "ord% a #hrase% or an i$age co$e u# fro$ the felt sense itself& 't $ight e a 1uality."ord% li!e tight3 stick23 scar23 st'ck3 heav23 A'mp23 or a #hrase% or an i$age& 3tay "ith the 1uality of the felt sense till so$ething fits it /ust right& B& <esonating Go ac! and forth et"een the felt sense and the "ord H#hrase% or i$ageI& Chec! ho" they resonate "ith each other& 3ee if there is a little odily signal that lets you !no" there is a fit& +o do it% you have to have the felt sense there again% as "ell as the "ord& @et the felt sense change% if it does% and also the "ord or #icture% until they feel /ust right in ca#turing the 1uality of the felt sense& 5& 8s!ing 9o" as!E )hat is it% a out this "hole #ro le$% that $a!es this 1uality H"hich you have /ust na$ed or #icturedIL 4a!e sure the 1uality is sensed again% freshly% vividly Hnot /ust re$e$ ered fro$ eforeI& )hen it is here again% ta# it% touch it% e "ith it% as!ing% ")hat $a!es the "hole #ro le$ so SSSSL" 2r you as!% ")hat is in this senseL" 'f you get a 1uic! ans"er "ithout a shift in the felt sense% /ust let that !ind of ans"er go y& <eturn your attention to your ody and freshly find the felt sense again& +hen as! it again& 6e "ith the felt sense till so$ething co$es along "ith a shift% a slight "give" or release& ?& <eceiving <eceive "hatever co$es "ith a shift in a friendly "ay& 3tay "ith it a "hile% even if it is only a slight release& )hatever co$es% this is only one shiftG there "ill e others& Aou "ill #ro a ly continue after a little "hile% ut stay here for a fe" $o$ents& '- (U<'9G +7030 '93+<UC+'293 3240)70<0 A2U 78P0 3509+ 8 @'++@0 )7'@0 3093'9G 89( +2UC7'9G 89 U9C@08< 72@'3+'C 62(A 30930 2- +7'3 5<26@04% +709 A2U 78P0 -2CU30(& 't doesn*t $atter "hether the ody.shift ca$e or not& 't co$es on its o"n& )e don*t control that&

=8

+70 3+2<A 2- 8 "+<'P'8@ 5<26@04" @et*s see the focusing $ove$ents in o#eration& +he "o$an "ho re#orted this e;#erience is in her late t"enties& ' "ill call her 5eggy& 3he and her hus and, call hi$ Nohn,live in a su ur & 7e "or!s for a an!% "here he has a real chance to eco$e an e;ecutive& 5eggy "or!s #art ti$e as a teacher at the /unior high school& +he #art.ti$e status is necessary ecause she has to care for a five.year.old son& 2ne evening% Nohn ca$e ho$e /u ilant& +he an! #resident had told hi$ 1uite #lainly that the an! had some e;#ansion #lans and that he% Nohn% "as considered a !ey ele$ent in those #lans& 'n his e;cite$ent "hile telling 5eggy of this% Nohn !noc!ed a dish off the !itchen ta le and ro!e it& 't "as her est china& 5eggy fle" into a sudden rage% ran u#stairs in tears% and refused to coo! dinner& 3he "as sur#rised and u#set y her o"n out urst& 3tor$y scenes "ere not usual for her& 3he sat alone in the edroo$ and tried to #atch herself u# inside% using all those fa$iliar a##roaches that "e all use and that seldo$ "or!& 8t first she tried to dis$iss the #ro le$ as "trivial%" as though ho#ing she could elittle it out of e;istence& "3o he ro!e an e;#ensive dish%" she told herself angrily& "8$ ' so du$ that ' can e u#set y thatB +he da$ned dish isn*t all that i$#ortant in $y life& 't*s re#lacea le any"ay&&&&" +hat didn*t "or!& +he u#set feeling refused to let itself e thought to e;tinction& 5eggy ne;t tried figuring it out& ")ell% '*ve een under a lot of strain the #ast fe" days%" she told herself& "' let the school "or! #ile u# on $e% had to stay u# late grading all those #a#ers& 7aven*t had enough slee#&&&& 3ure% that $ust e it& 9o "onder '*$ edgy&" 9o results& )hat 5eggy told herself $ight have een true% ut nothing changed inside& +he angry% irritated feeling stayed right "here it "as& -inally she decided to try focusing& 3he had #racticed it for several years and "as very good at it,"as% in a sense% "fluent" in it as one $ight e fluent in a fa$iliar language& 3he didn*t "or! her "ay through the si; focusing $ove$ents one y one% as a eginner $ust do% ut flo"ed through the$ in a single continuous $ove$ent& 'n recreating her e;#erience here% ho"ever% ' "ill flag the various $ove$ents so that you can see ho" she got fro$ #lace to #lace& 5re#aration 3he egan y getting as co$forta le as #ossi le% re$oving all unnecessary #hysical irritations that $ight have $as!ed "hat her ody "anted to tell her& 3he "ashed her face ecause it felt hot and itchy after crying& 3he too! off her shoes% #ro##ed a #illo" against the head oard of the ed% and leaned ac! against it& F"r%' Mo1$#$ ': Ma2" ! a %&a($ 3he stac!ed all her #ro le$s to one side% as though $a!ing a s#ace for herself in a /u$ led storage roo$& ")hy don*t ' feel terrific right no"L )ell% there*s that ig #ile of dogeared school #a#ers ' still have to finish& 8nd there*s that #ro le$ a out Neff getting sent ho$e fro$ !indergarten& 8nd of course there*s this lousy ne" thing a out the ro!en dish " 3he #ushed all these #ro le$s a little distance a"ay fro$ her& 3he !ne" she couldn*t $a!e the$ go a"ay& 6ut she also !ne"% eing a #racticed focuser% that she could give herself a Utile 1uiet ti$e a"ay fro$ the$& S$(o + Mo1$#$ ': Th$ .$l' %$ %$ 9o" she let her attention go to the #ro le$ that% at that $o$ent% see$ed to e the "orstE the stor$y scene involving that ro!en dish& 3he deli erately avoided trying to decide anything a out it% trying to analyFe it% figure it out& 3he si$#ly gro#ed for the felt sense of it& 3he as!ed% ")hat does all that feel li!eL" 8nd then she let the unclear sense co$e to her in its o"n "ay, large% vague% for$less at first% lac!ing "ords to descri e it% lac!ing la els or identifying $ar!s of any !ind& 3he "asn*t i$#atient "ith this for$lessness& 3he didn*t de$and that it identify itself& 9or did she try to force an identification u#on itE "2h yes% of course% this odd feeling $ust e " 3he si$#ly let it e;ist in its o"n "ay for an a##recia le ti$e% #erha#s half a $inute& Th"r+ Mo1$#$ ': F" +" ! a ha +l$ 9o"% very gently% she as!ed "hat the 1uality of the felt sense "as& 3he tried to let the felt sense na$e itself% or to let an i$age co$e and fit it& 8gain she avoided analysis% avoided self.lectures% avoided assu$#tions and deductions& 3he "anted the ans"er to float u# fro$ the feeling itself% not fro$ the confused clutter of $aterial in her $ind& 'n the third $ove$ent a "ord% #hrase% or i$age,if it fits e;actly,#rovides a "handle" on the felt sense& 2ne can then often feel the first shift% the first it of internal $ove$ent Hso$eti$es /ust a t"inge of $ove$entI that says this is right. 8s often ha##ens% she "ent through the focusing $ove$ents al$ost si$ultaneously here& 3he got a "ord Hthird $ove$entI% chec!ed it HfourthI% and as!ed the felt sense "hat it "as HfifthI& Using $ore "ords than she herself did% ' "ould #ut it li!e this& 3he had as!edE ")hat is the "orst of thisL" +he feeling ca$e ac!E "8nger at Nohn&" 8 further 1uestionE "2ver the ro!en dishL" +he "ordless re#lyE "9o& +he dish has hardly anything to do "ith it& +he anger is over his air of /u ilation% the "ay he radiates confidence a out his future&"

=9

+hus did the #ro le$ change& +he inner shift "as un$ista!a le& 3he received this fully and sensed it over and over% feeling the change going on in her ody& )hen her ody had finished changing% she "ent on& 8 shift li!e this can co$e at any ti$e in focusing& Aou receive it and continue another round of focusing& 8gain she got the felt sense% no" the changed "ay the "hole #ro le$ "as in her ody at this $o$ent& "7is /u ilation&&& "hat no" is the whole sense of thatL" 3he "aited& 3he did not try to force "ords onto the felt sense& 3he sat #atiently and let the felt sense s#ea! for itself Ha second $ove$ent% againI& 3he tried to sense its 1uality% the fuFFy disco$fort of the "hole thing% and to get a "handle" on that 1uality Hthird $ove$ent againI& 8 "ord ca$eE "Nealous&" Fo/r'h Mo1$#$ ': R$%o a'" ! 3he too! the "ord "/ealous" and chec!ed it against the felt sense& "Nealous% is that the right "ordL 's that "hat this sense isL" +he felt sense and the "ord a##arently "ere a close $atch% ut not a #erfect one& 't see$ed that the felt sense said% "+his isn*t e;actly /ealousy& +here*s /ealousy in it so$e"here% ut&&&&" 3he tried "sort.of./ealous" and got a tiny $ove$ent and the reath that let her !no" that "as right enough% as a handle on the felt sense& 3he did it again% and&&& yes& F".'h Mo1$#$ ': A%2" ! 9o" she as!ed the felt sense itselfE ")hat is this sort.of./ealousL )hat a out the "hole #ro le$ $a!es this sort.of./ealousL" 3he let the 1uestion reach the unclear felt sense% and it stirred slightly& ")hat is thatB5 she as!ed% al$ost "ordlessly& 8nd then% a ru#tly% the shift ca$e& "3ort.of./ealous &&& uh&&& it*s $ore TUV&&& a feeling of (eing left (ehind.5 "8hK" +hat "ahK" ca$e "ith a large% satisfying sense of $ove$ent& 5eggy*s ody "as telling her that she "as unha##y over the fact that her o"n career "as stalled& S"3'h Mo1$#$ ': R$($"1" ! 8s she tried to stay "ith the relief of this shift% she had to #rotect it fro$ voices that soon attac!ed her& "Aou shouldn*t feel that "ay&" "Aou*re luc!y to have the teaching /o &" 8nd also% "7o" "ill you ever get your career $ovingL" "Aou !no" there*s nothing you can do a out it&" 5eggy shoved all those voices over to one side& "+hat all has to "ait%" she said& 8nd she ca$e ac! to sensing the ne" o#ening& "6eing left ehind &&& can ' still feel thatL&&& 2h yes& +here it is again% yes&&& that*s right &&& that is ho" ' feel&" GOING ANOTHER ROUND 6ut this 1uality,the feeling of eing left ehind,"as only the ti# of the ice erg& 5eggy "anted to see if it could lead to $ore change and $ove$ent& 8nd so she "ent ac! through the cycle of focusing $ove$ents again& ")hat is this left. ehind feelingL )hat*s really in it for $eL )hat*s the "orst of itL" +his focusing session lasted for #erha#s t"enty $inutes& )hen it "as over% 5eggy felt enor$ously refreshed& +he sha#e of her #ro le$ had changed% and so she had changed& 3he and Nohn then tal!ed cal$ly a out their lives and their futures& +he ro!en dish "as forgotten& +hat one focusing session had not $ade 5eggy*s career.versus.$otherhood #ro le$ vanish% ut it had started a series of eneficial changes inside her& -urther sessions told her $ore a out herself and hel#ed her to $ove fro$ "here she "as stuc!&

."1$ Th$ S"3 Fo(/%" ! Mo1$#$ '% a + Wha' Th$, M$a


9o" "e "ill go through the $ove$ents $ore slo"ly& 8fter you have read this cha#ter% try to focus on a #ersonal #ro le$ and see if it "or!s for you& :ee# the oo! o#en to the -ocusing 4anual HCha#ter BI and ta!e yourself unhurriedly through the si; $ove$ents% #aying s#ecial attention to the "ay your ody feels at each stage of the #rocess& 'f you feel no change% no shifts% go ahead to other cha#ters of the oo! and then co$e ac! and try again later& 0ventually you "ill find yourself #erfor$ing the inner act of focusing and the $ore often you do it% the easier and $ore natural it "ill see$ Hlater on% use the 3hort -or$ at the end of the oo!I& PREPARATION -ind a ti$e and a #lace to sit 1uietly for a "hile& 'f you "ant a friend to sit "ith you% that is fine and $ay actually hel#&

20

6ut the friend $ust e content si$#ly to listen 1uietly% $ust not e;#ect you to s#ea! if you don*t feel li!e it% and $ust offer no analyses or assess$ents if you do choose to say "hat*s inside you& +otal silence is fine% and it is also all right for the friend to use "ords such as "Aes% ' hear&&& ' understand&" 6ut at this early stage% the friend $ust not say anything else& 't is a good idea to sit in so$e location that is at least slightly unfa$iliar& +hat is% don*t try to focus "hile sitting at the des! "here you "or!% nor "hile sitting in your favorite ar$chair& 3it in another chair% or on the edge of your ed& 2r% if you #refer% go out and "al! or lean against a tree& +ry to find a sense of general #hysical co$fort% if not total "ell. eing& H+hat% "ith luc!% "ill co$e later&I 'f s$all #hysical irritations are #laguing you% they "ill o scure other things your ody is trying to tell you& 'f you are cold% #ut on a s"eater& 'f your foot itches% ta!e off your shoe and scratch& 3ettle ac! and $entally rela;& -'<3+ 42P0409+E C@08<'9G 8 358C0 9o" as! yourself% "7o" do ' feelL )hy don*t ' feel "onderful right no"L )hat is ugging $e on this #articular dayL" 3tay 1uiet& @isten& @et "hat co$es co$e& 2n any given day you are li!ely to find that #erha#s half a doFen #ro le$s !ee# you tense inside& 3o$e $ay e $a/or life #ro le$s that you have "restled "ith $any ti$es efore& 0very ody carries so$e such list around fro$ one year to the ne;t% and on any #articular day one or t"o such #ro le$ areas "ill see$ to e u##er$ost& (o not try to list every #ro le$ you can thin! of% ut only "hat has you tense no"& 8long "ith $a/or #ersonal #ro le$s% you are also li!ely to find that so$e relatively trivial ones are u#setting your tran1uillity at a given $o$ent& @et all these #ro le$s co$e u# and outE everything that is !ee#ing you fro$ feeling a solutely content right no"& (29*+ G0+ 398GG0( 29 89A 290 5<26@04& Nust list the #ro le$s $entally% the ig and the s$all% the $a/or and the trivial together& 3tac! the$ in front of you and ste# ac! and survey the$ fro$ a distance& 3tay cheerfully detached fro$ the$ as $uch as you can& ")ell% e;ce#t for all of these% '*$ fine%" you can no" say& 't $ight e an a"ful list ut that is all& "+here*s that usiness a out George and Noanne& 8nd there*s that loneliness thing,yeah% ' !no" that one "ell% that*s an old one& 8nd there*s that funny little one a out "hat ' said to Chris yesterday&" (o you feel a s$all increase of "ell. eing in youL :ee# stac!ing the #ro le$s until you hear so$ething say% "Aes% e;ce#t for those '*$ fine&" SECOND MOVEMENT: FELT SENSE OF THE PROBLEM 8s! "hich #ro le$ feels the "orst right no"& 8s! "hich one hurts the $ost% feels the heaviest% the iggest% the shar#est% the $ost #ric!ly or cla$$y or stic!y,the one that feels (ad in "hatever "ay you and your ody define " ad&" 2r /ust choose one #ro le$& 9o"% don*t go inside the #ro le$ as you usually "ould& 3tand ac! fro$ it and sense ho" it $a!es you feel in your ody "hen you thin! of it as a "hole /ust for a $o$ent& 8s!% ")hat does this "hole #ro le$ feel li!eL" 6ut don*t ans"er in "ords& -eel the #ro le$ whole3 the sense of all that. 'n this second $ove$ent you "ill #ro a ly egin to encounter a lot of static fro$ your $indE self.lectures% analytic theories% cliches% $uch s1ua"!ing and /a ering& 3o$eho" you $ust get do"n #ast all that noise to the felt sense underneath& 't is #artly a $atter of getting yourself to shut u# for a change% and listen% and feel& Aou can get good results y eing #atient& @et*s su##ose the #ro le$ you are trying to focus on has to do "ith the souring of a once good relationshi#& 8s you try to feel the "hole inner aura of the #ro le$% the self.lectures $ay eginE "7ere ' go again% scre"ing u# another good relationshi#& )hat*s the $atter "ith $eL 9o $atter ho" good it is% '*ll al"ays find so$e du$ "ay to $a!e it ad&" )hen that !ind of noise egins% turn it off tolerantly and gently& +ell yourself% "Aes% yes% ' !no" all that& '*ll listen so$e other ti$e% if you li!e& @et*s set it aside for no"&" 6e /ust as fir$ and #olite if you find yourself trying to analyFe the #ro le$ or trying to decide "here the $ain drive of it lies& ")ell% it*s o vious "hat*s gone "rong%" you*ll hear yourself say& "'*$ asically scared of other #eo#le% so to cover it u# ' #ut on this ig sho"& @i!e the other night "hen ' " +urn it off& +ell your self% "3ure% you $ay e right a out that& 6ut right no" "e aren*t trying to figure anything out& )hat "e*re trying to get at is what does this whole thing feel likeB5 Aou are trying to get do"n to the single feeling that enco$#asses 5all that a out $y relationshi#s "ith && &" or 5all that a out 1uitting $y /o &" +he feeling contains $any details% /ust as a #iece of $usic contains $any notes& 8 sy$#hony% for instance% $ay last an hour or $ore and contain thousands of se#arate $usical tones% sounded y $any diverse instru$ents% in a $ultitude of co$ inations and #rogressions& 6ut you don*t need to !no" all these

2=

details of its structure in order to feel it& 'f it is a sy$#hony you !no" "ell% you only need hear its na$e $entioned and feel the aura of it instantly& That sy$#honyE the feel of it co$es to you "hole% "ithout details& Aou are trying to $a!e contact "ith the felt sense of a #ro le$ in the sa$e "ay& @et your sensing go in"ardly do"n #ast all the details that can distract and sidetrac! you% #ast all the s1ua"!ing and /a ering% 'ntil 2o' feel the single great a'ra that encloses all of it. 9o% it isn*t easy,not at first& 't is #artly a $atter of !no"ing "hat to #ay attention to% "hat to ignore& 't is a $atter of !no"ing ho" to set your $ind so that it "ill e rece#tive to certain things ha##ening inside ut not to others& 'n see!ing the felt sense of a #ro le$% you are trying to $a!e your $ind do essentially "hat it does "hen calling u# the feeling of your sense of a #erson& Aou $ay e a"are of certain details ut not snagged on the$& Aour attention is $ainly on the single feeling% the sense of all that. 2nce you have the feel of the "hole #ro le$% stay "ith it for a "hile& (on*t try to decide "hat is i$#ortant a out it& (on*t try to decide anything& Nust let it e% and e felt& +he felt sense is the holistic% unclear sense of the "hole thing& 't is so$ething $ost #eo#le "ould #ass y% ecause it is $ur!y% fuFFy% vague& )hen you first stay "ith it% you $ight thin!% "2h% thatB Aou "ant $e to stay "ith thatB 6ut that*s /ust an unco$forta le nothingK" Aes% that is /ust ho" your ody senses this #ro le$% and at first that*s 1uite fuFFy& +7'<( 42P0409+E -'9('9G 8 789(@0 )hat is the >'alit2 of the felt senseL -ind a 1uality."ord li!e "stic!y%" "heavy%" "/u$#y%" "hel#less%" "tight%" " urdened%" or so$e "ord of that sort& 2r a short #hrase $ight fitE "li!e in a o;%" "have to #erfor$&" 8 co$ ination of "ords $ight fit est% for e;a$#le "scared.tight" or "/u$#y.restless&" 2r a #icture $ight #o# u#% "hich $ight get it est,for e;a$#le% "a heavy leaden all&" Aou aren*t as!ing for analysis& )hat you are after is the core of the felt sense& Aou "ant the cru; of all that3 the s#ecial 1uality that co$es u# fro$ it& +his 1uality $ay e a sense of having acted ina##ro#riately% for e;a$#le% or a sense of hel#lessness& 2r it $ay feel o##ressive% scary% tense% or uneasy,or there $ay e no "ord for it& 2nce again% avoid forcing "ords into the felt sense& @et it co$e to you "ith its o"n essence& 2r try one "ord gently& 'n this third $ove$ent you $ay egin to find your #ro le$ changing& 't $ay egin to feel different fro$ "hat you e;#ected efore you started focusingE different fro$ anything you $ight have figured out y rational $eans& +he difference $ay e s$all and su tle and #erha#s #uFFling at first& +his is "hat you are loo!ing forE so$ething that co$es along "ith a ody shift& (iscard everything else& )hen a "ord or #icture is right% "e call it a "handle&" 8s you say the "ords Hor as you #icture the i$ageI% the "hole felt sense stirs /ust slightly and eases a little& +his is a signal% as if it saidE "+his is right%" /ust as in re$e$ ering so$ething you forgot& +he feeling of "hat you*d forgotten guides your re$e$ ering& Aou !no" that any nu$ er of #erfectly sensi le ideas are not #art of the feeling% and you /ust dro# the$% until you get so$ething the feeling itself o#ens u# into& 't is li!e the old children*s ga$e of hide.and.see!& 3o$eone "ho !no"s "here the o /ect of the search is hidden says "cold% colder% ice cold" "hen you $ove in the "rong direction% and ""ar$% "ar$er% still "ar$er" as you $ove in the right direction& 'n this case it isn*t another #erson ut your o"n felt sense that "ill say "cold% cold% cold" H y not changing one itI and then say "ah&&& "ar$er&&& hotK hotK" H y releasing% or shifting /ust slightly in ho" your ody feels itI& @et "ords or #ictures co$e fro$ the feeling& @et it la el itselfE "scared%" or "a stiff #lace inside $e%" or "a heavy feeling here&" Usually% finding the right handle gives one only a s$all odily shift% /ust enough so you can tell the handle is right& Aou "ill have to sense for this s$all shift% so that you don*t $iss it& Aour attention has to e in your ody% to sense if this "ord% #hrase% or #icture $a!es that little relief in there that says% "'t*s right& 't fits&" FOURTH MOVEMENT: RESONATING HANDLE AND FELT SENSE +a!e the "ord or i$age you got fro$ the third $ove$ent and chec! it against the felt sense& 4a!e sure they clic! #recisely into #lace,a #erfect fit& 8s! H ut don*t ans"erIE "'s that rightL" +here should e a felt res#onse% so$e dee# reath inside% so$e felt release again% letting you !no" that the "ords are right& 3o$eti$es% instead% this confir$ing sensation,this feeling of A'st right,doesn*t co$e& +hen try to sense $ore accurately& )ait again and let $ore e;act "ords co$e fro$ the feeling& +o do this resonating% you $ust e;#erience the felt sense again& Aou $ust touch it again as a feel$g& 4any #eo#le

22

!ee# hold of a felt sense 1uite "ell until they get the very first "ords for it& +hen% so$eho"% the feeling disa##ears and they have only the "ords& 'f that ha##ens% o viously you cannot chec! the "ords against the feeling directly& 3o you $ust let the felt sense co$e ac!,not necessarily the sa$e feeling as it "as% ut the felt sense as it no" is H#erha#s a little changedI& Aou say the "ords to yourself gentl2 over and over% in the s#irit of trying to feel directly "hat the "ords "ere a out& Usually% after ten or t"enty seconds% the feeling ,as it is,is ac!& 't is all right if% of its o"n accord% the feeling changes% too% as you #erfor$ this $atching #rocedure& @et oth sides ,the feeling and the "ords,do "hatever they do% until they $atch /ust right& )hen you get a #erfect $atch% the "ords eing /ust right for the feeling% let yourself feel that for a $inute& Aou $ay feel i$#elled to say so$ething li!e "Aes&&& oh yes &&& that*s right&&&" and /ust allo" it to (e. 't*s i$#ortant to s#end this $inute& +he sense of +ightness is not only a chec! of the handle& 't is your ody /ust no" changing& 8s long as it is still changing% releasing% #rocessing% $oving% let it do that& Give it the $inute or t"o it needs to get all the release and change it "ants to have at this #oint& (on*t rush on& Aou /ust got here& -'-+7 42P0409+E 83:'9G 'f a ig shift% an o#ening% and a odily release have already co$e during the earlier $ove$ents% you go right to the si;th $ove$ent% receiving "hat has co$e along "ith the shift& -or e;a$#le% you $ight have gotten such a shift and change in the #ro le$ already% "hen you sat 1uietly "ith the
felt sense% sensing its cru; and its 1uality& 2r it $ight have co$e along "ith a handle "ord or i$age& 't $ight have co$e "hile you resonated the handle "ith the felt sense& 6ut $ore usually a "ell.fitting handle gives you a little tiny it of a shift% /ust enough to !no" it is 1uite right& Aou feel its rightness several ti$es over HresonatingI % until there has een all the odily effect that this rightness can $a!e& 9o" you need a shift% and there has not yet een one,at least not the !ind that changes the #ro le$& 9o" co$es the fifth $ove$ent% as!ing& 'n this $ove$ent you as! the felt sense% directly% "hat it is& Usually this consists of spending some time Ha $inute or so% "hich see$s very longI staying "ith the unclear felt sense% or returning to it again and again& +he handle hel#s one do this& Aou use the handle to hel# you to $a!e the felt sense vividl2 #resent again and again& 't isn*t enough to re$e$ er ho" you /ust felt it $o$ents ago& 't needs to e right here% other"ise you can*t as! it& 'f you lose hold of it% #resent the handle to yourself and as!% "'s this still hereL" 8fter a fe" seconds it is there again Has efore% or slightly changedI& 9o" you can as! it "hat it is& -or e;a$#le% if your handle "as "/u$#y%" say "/u$#y" to yourself till the felt sense is vividly ac!% then as! it7 ")hat is it a out this "hole #ro le$ that $a!es $e so /u$#yL" 'f you hear a lot of fast ans"ers in your head% /ust let that go y and then as! again& )hat co$esW s"iftly is old infor$ation fro$ your $ind& 8t first the 1uestion to the felt sense $ay not get do"n to it% ut the second or third ti$e you as!% it "ill& +he felt sense itself "ill stir% in ans"er% and fro$ this stirring an ans"er "ill e$erge& Aou can tell the difference et"een the $erely $ental ans"ers and those fro$ the felt sense& +he $ental ans"ers co$e very fast% and they are ra#id trains of thought& +he $ind rushes in and leaves no s#ace for you to contact the felt sense directly& Aou can let all that go y% and then recontact the felt sense% using the handle again& )hen the felt sense is ac!%

you as! it. 2ne of the $ost i$#ortant #rocedures in focusing is this as!ing of "o#en 1uestions&" Aou as! a 1uestion% ut then you deli erately refrain fro$ trying to ans"er it through any conscious thin!ing #rocess& 5eo#le usually thin! they !no" the ans"ers to such 1uestions% or they decide "hat the ans"er should e& +hey as! the$selves closed 1uestions,in effect% rhetorical 1uestions that they the$selves ans"er i$$ediately& (on*t do that to your felt sense& 8s!ing a felt sense is very $uch li!e as!ing another #erson a 1uestion& Aou as! the 1uestion% and then 2o' wait. +here is a distinct difference et"een forcing "ords or i$ages into a feeling and letting the$ flo" o't of it& )hen you force the$ into it% you effectively s$other it and #revent it fro$ sho"ing its real nature& Aou tell it% "2h% ' already !no" "hat 2o' are& +here*s no sense "asting ti$e on you&" +he "ords and i$ages that flo" o't of a feeling% y contrast% are the !ind that $a!e a freshly felt difference& +hey are the !ind that $a!e you say% "7eyK 7ey% yeah% thafs "hat it*s all a outK" +hese are the "ords and #ictures that #roduce a ody shift& +he ody shift is $ysterious in its effects& 't al"ays feels good% even "hen "hat has co$e to light $ay not $a!e the #ro le$ loo! any etter fro$ a detached% rational #oint of vie"& 'f the felt sense does not shift and ans"er right a"ay% that is all right& 3#end a $inute or so "ith it& )e do not control "hen a shift co$es& H+hat is "grace&"I )hat is crucial is the ti$e you s#end sensing it Hreturning again and again to itI& 'f you s#ent ti$e sensing so$ething unclear that is right there% $eaningful% a out this #ro le$% and you don*t yet !no" "hat it is% then you are focusing& 3o$eti$es it hel#s to as! one of the follo"ing t"o 1uestionsG first try one% then later the other& )ith each you "ill need to $a!e sure that the 1uestion reaches the felt sense& 8t first% usually% your $ind "ill ans"er& Nust re#eat the

23

1uestion until the felt sense stirs& =& ")hat is the "orst of thisL" H2r% ")hat is the */u$#iest* thing a out all thisL" if your handle "ord "as "/u$#y&"I 2& ")hat does the felt sense needL" H2r% ")hat "ould it ta!e for this to feel 2:L"I 'f you have contacted the felt sense in the usual as!ing% and then have also as!ed these t"o 1uestions in turn% and s#ent a $inute or so sensing the unclear felt sense each ti$e% it $ay e good to sto# focusing for the $o$ent& -ocusing is not "or!& 't is a friendly ti$e "ithin your ody& 8##roach the #ro le$ freshly later% or to$orro"& 3'C+7 42P0409+E <0C0'P'9G )hatever co$es in focusing% "elco$e it& +a!e the attitude that you are glad your ody s#o!e to you% "hatever it said& +his is only one shiftG it is not the last "ord& 'f you are "illing to receive this $essage in a friendly "ay% there "ill e another& 'f you "ill go this ste# of change% "hich is ne;t no"% there "ill e $ore change% "hatever is ne;t later& Aou need not elieve% agree "ith% or do "hat the felt sense /ust no" says& Aou need only receive it& Aou "ill soon dee#ly e;#erience that once "hat co$es "ith a shift is received% another shift "ill co$e& )hat your ody then says "ill e 1uite different& 3o #er$it it to tell you no" "hatever it $ust say first& -or e;a$#le% "ith a shift you $ay get so$ething you need to do% that is% a need fro$ dee# inside you& 6ut the first for$ in "hich it co$es $ight e 1uite i$#ossi le for you& 't $ight see$ to re1uire that you leave your s#ouse and children and /o % and esides it $ight re1uire $uch $oney& 't is very i$#ortant to #rotect this first for$% in "hich your life.direction can e sensed% even though it does not no" $eet these realistic 1uestions& Aour ody is changing% your life.direction is a##earing% this is only one ste#& @et the 1uestions "ait& Aou aren*t going to go right out to do so$ething "ild& :ee# that ne" sense of "hat "ould e a right direction and don*t "orry no" a out the for$ it "ill eventually ta!e& 8llo" even a very little shift to have its full $inute or so& "8ll right% no" at least ' !no" "here the trou le is%" you $ay find "ith a $o$entary relief& +hen the critical 1uestions "ant to "i#e it out very 1uic!ly& "Aes% ut "hat good is it if ' can*t get it to changeL" "'s this realL 4ay e '*$ fooling $yself&" ")hat if ' don*t get another shift after thisL" 5rotect the shift that /ust ca$e fro$ all these negative voices& +hey $ay e right% ut they have to "ait& (on*t let the$ du$# a truc!load of ce$ent on this ne" green shoot that /ust ca$e u#& 't is ti$e enough later to find out for sure if this ste# on the #ro le$ is real& <ight no" give it a s#ace in "hich to reathe& @et it develo#& 3ense it& 6e "ith it& Aou $ay "ant to sto# focusing after this% or you $ay go on& 6ut don*t rush on i$$ediately& 'n a $inute #erha#s you "ill& 'f you decide to sto#% sense that you really can leave this #lace and return to it later& 't is very $uch li!e a place3 a s#ot in your inner landsca#e& 2nce you !no" "here it is and ho" to find it% you can leave it and co$e ac! to$orro"& )hatever co$es in focusing "ill never over"hel$ you if you can have the attitude "e call "receiving&" Aou "elco$e anything that co$es "ith a ody shift% ut you stay a little distance fro$ it& Aou are not in it% ut next to it& +his s#ace% in "hich you can e ne;t to it% for$s in a fe" $o$ents% as your ody eases& "' can*t solve this all in one day%" you say to yourself& "' !no" it*s there& ' can find it again& ' can leave it for a "hile&" Aou are neither running a"ay nor going into it& Aou get a reath& Aou sense that there is s#ace et"een it and you& Aou are here% it is there& Aou have it% you are not it& 2r you can i$agine a door et"een it and you% if you "ish one& Aou have your hand on the door!no % and you can o#en it a little "henever you "ant& DO YOU WANT TO GO ANOTHER ROUND OF FOCUSING4 3ense if your ody "ants to sto# focusing or to continue& (oes it say% ")aitK ' /ust got here% let $e e here for a day or so& +his feels ne""L 2r does it say% "@et*s not sto# here% this isn*t a ne" #lace yet& ' don*t "ant to e left herel"L '$agine going on and sense its reaction% then i$agine sto##ing and sense its reaction& 'f you sto#% then first ta!e a $inute to e sure you can get ac! the ste# you /ust got on your #ro le$& Usually it isn*t enough to re$e$ er the outco$e& 2ne re$e$ ers it later% ut it $ay then lac! the directly e;#erienced realness it has no"& 't hel#s to recall "hat ca$e /ust efore the last shift& -or e;a$#le% su##ose you had a "handle" i$age of a all of "ool tightly ound% and fro$ as!ing "hat $ade that% your good shift ca$e and $oved your #ro le$ one ste# to"ard solution& Aou "ould re$e$ er not only that ste# itself ut also "hat i$$ediately #receded the shift& +hat hel#s% later on% "hen you recall the ste#% to get it ac! "ith full odily realness& -ro$ the #receding i$age it "ill co$e ac! fully again& 't hel#s to find this efore sto##ing& +o go another round of focusing% you $ight freshly sense the "hole #ro le$% and as! your ody% "'s it aU solvedL" +he disco$fort of "hat is still unresolved "ill then co$e definitely in 2o'r (od23 if you a"ait it there& Aou "ould stay "ith this "hole felt sense and go through the $ove$ents 2.? as efore& 2r you $ight go on fro$ your last shift% fro$ "hat ca$e "ith it% y getting under that. ")hat no" is the "hole

2B

sense of thatB5 8s understanding and gentle and acce#ting as you "ere for that 1uiet $inute% no" you also "ant f'rther change& 6y eing gentle and understanding% y a##reciating this feeling% you #re#ared the ground for that further change& +o $ove into further change% you egin again "ith the second $ove$entE get the felt sense that is 'nder or eyond "hatever ody.$essage you /ust received& 3u##ose% for e;a$#le% that in the last round "hat e$erged "as that you feel "hel#less%" and you had a shift around% "2h% that*s "hat '*ve een feeling% and '*$ so /u$#y all the ti$e fro$ feeling that it "ill co$e to a crunch% and '*$ really hel#lessK" 9o"% to go another round% you as! yourselfE ")hat is that "hole felt sense% all that a out hel#lessnessL" 8s!,and don*t ans"er& @et the feeling dee#en itself& "7el#less" is still the right "ord% ut it is no" the "ord only for the ti# of the ice erg& Aou can egin to feel its ul! eneath the "ord& 8ll that,1uite a lot,is involved in the "hole ul!& 8gain% the third $ove$entE you try to sense the 1uality of this ne"% "ider felt sense& )henever "ords co$e% you chec! the$ against the felt sense& 'f they $a!e no difference there% you let the$ go y% and you return to the felt sense& 8 felt shift feels li!e a release& +hat is ho" you recogniFe it& 't $ay co$e at any ti$e during any of the focusing $ove$ents& 'f that ha##ens% "elco$e it& 8lso% so$e of the $ove$ents $ay ha##en si$ultaneously& +hese instructions deal not "ith a $echanical #rocess ut "ith a hu$an one& +here $ay e $any such cycles or ste#s efore a given #ro le$ feels resolved& Aou feel a ody shift "ith each ste#& 't often isn*t #ossi le to deal fully "ith a given #ro le$ in one focusing session& 8 doFen ste#s $ay e necessary% #erha#s even a hundred% efore the #ro le$ feels resolved& +he #rocess $ay ta!e $any $onths& Aou continue "ith each session until% si$#ly% you feel you have had enough for the day& Aou reach a #oint "here you say% ")ell% ' haven*t eaten this #ro le$ yet% ut '*$ at a sto##ing #lace that feels #retty good& ' need a day to let $y ody live "ith this $uch changed% and #erha#s also to go out into the "orld and see "hat ha##ens&" 3te#s of focusing and ste#s of out"ard action often alternate& 0ach aids the other& (on*t get discouraged if focusing doesn*t give you dra$atic results the first ti$e you try it& @i!e any other s!ill% it re1uires #ractice& 8lso% as "e have seen% it re1uires you to overco$e certain dee#ly ingrained ha its of $ind and ody% certain too.farnffiar "ays of tal!ing to yourself and at yourself& +o deal "ith such difficulties $ay ta!e ti$e& 4y colleagues and ' have taught focusing to $any #eo#le over the #ast several years% and "e have carefully noted the difficulties #eo#le regularly run into "hen e;#loring this unfa$iliar internal territory& )e !no" "hat to do a out these difficulties& 'f you find that the e;#erience of inner change eludes you at first,and the odds are% statistically% that you "ill, e assured that you aren*t the first #erson to have encountered your #articular #ro le$& )hatever that #ro le$ is% "e "ill #ro a ly e a le to hel# "ith it efore the oo! ends& +he re$aining cha#ters of 5art +"o are designed for this #ur#ose& +hey are trou leshooting cha#ters& +hey revie" the $ost co$$on #ro le$s that interfere "ith #eo#le*s focusing,they suggest "ays to get unstuc!& +he si; $ove$entsE =& Clearing a s#ace 2& +he felt sense 3& -inding a handle B& <esonating 5& 8s!ing ?& <eceiving

Six )hat -ocusing 's 9ot


2ne very co$$on difficulty e;#erienced y ne" focus.ers is a confusion over "hat focusing is su##osed to e& 4ost #eo#le a sor a lay$an*s education in #sychothera#y y the ti$e they reach adulthood% and "hile this $ay e useful in so$e res#ects% it can also lead to faulty #reconce#tions& 'f you start your focusing e;#erience "ith any such error in your $ind% you are very surely going to go off in a "rong direction& 3oE FOCUSING IS NOT A PROCESS OF TALKING AT ONESELF 'f you are li!e al$ost every ody else% you undou tedly !no" a good deal a out "hat is "rong in your life& Aou $ay often lecture yourself% #erha#s asing your lectures on sound inferences and assu$#tions& "'t*s $y $other& 3he al"ays hated $en and said so all the ti$e& ' got that fro$ her and ' !no" etter ut ' $ust still have so$e of that in $e% or it "ouldn*t e so difficult for $e to relate to $en&"

25

2r% at other ti$es% you s!i# the so#histicated lecture and insult yourself roundly and si$#ly instead& 8 !ic! is "hat you thin! you need& "2h sure% ' !no" "hat $y trou le is& 9o guts& 9o courage% that*s $e& 9o "onder ' never get any"here&" 9ot only do these lectures and self.castigations feel un#leasant% ut they #roduce no useful change& Aou eco$e so$ething li!e t"o #eo#le% one in #rison and the other outside& +he outside #erson lectures or insults the one inside% cruelly listing all the alleged H ut usually un#rovenI faults of character that have su##osedly led to the #risoner*s sorry #light& 9one of this hel#s the #risoner esca#e& )hen the lecture is over% the inner #erson is% as al"ays% stuc!& -ocusing is not li!e that& 'nstead of tal!ing at yourself fro$ the outside in% you listen to "hat co$es from 2o'3 inside& Aou as! in a 1uiet% friendly% and sy$#athetic "ay% ")hat*s "rongL" Aou $ay never efore have een 1uite this friendly to yourself& 4ost #eo#le treat the$selves very adly% $uch "orse than they "ould ever thin! of treating another hu$an eing& 4ost #eo#le deal "ith their inside feeling #erson as a sadistic #rison guard "ould& 9o"% having as!ed your ody this 1uestion,")hat*s really "rongL",you deli erately refrain fro$ ans"ering it& )hen you as! another #erson a 1uestion% you don*t go right on and ans"er the 1uestion yourself& +reat your o"n inside feeling #erson at least as "ell as you "ould so$eone else& Aour inside feeling #erson% too% can ans"er% and doesn*t need you to do all the ans"ering& +ry to #ass u# all the gli % fa$iliar ans"ers that co$e very fast& +hey are the sa$e old ans"ers you*ve heard in thousands of self.lectures do"n through the years& -ir$ly re/ect the$& )ait 1uietly for fresh ans"ers to co$e fro$ the inside% fro$ the odily felt sense of "hatever situation is trou ling you& FOCUSING IS NOT AN ANALYTIC PROCESS 't is fairly easy% even fun so$eti$es% to atte$#t a rational analysis of one*s #ersonal #ro le$s& 3uch an analysis can e ela orate or si$#le% very serious or a #arlor ga$e& 'ntellectuals can*t hel# analyFing at least so$e of the ti$e& "+he reason '*$ alone m'st e ecause ' #ic! thV "rong $en& ' $ust e attracted to a ty#e that eventually re/ects $e& 't $ust e ecause ' a$ loo!ing for so$eone li!e $y father&" )hether or not the asic assu$#tions ehind this #erson*s analysis are roadly correct% the analysis doesn*t do her $uch good& 9othing inside her has changed& 3he is still stuc!& 8s a $atter of fact% the very ter$s in "hich a self.analysis is conducted tend to e$#hasiFe that "stuc!" 1uality& )hen you tell yourself% "+hat*s the "ay ' a$%" you i$#ly that there is no #ossi ility of change& 8nalysis is% in this sense% al$ost al"ays #essi$istic& -ocusing% y contrast% is o#ti$istic& 't is ased on the very #ositive e;#ectation of change& 't doesn*t envision a hu$an eing as a fi;ed structure "hose sha#e can e analyFed once and for all& 't envisions a #erson as a process3 ca#a le of continual change and for"ard $ove$ent& +he "#ro le$s" inside you are only those #arts of the #rocess that have een sto##ed% and the ai$ of focusing is to unsto# the$ and get the #rocess $oving again& )hen you are focusing correctly% you not only e;#ect changeG you create it in the very act of focusing& 'nstead of trying to analyFe a #ro le$% you egin y gett$g in touch "ith the felt sense of it% all of it% the "hole #ro le$ at once& 't is a s#ecial !ind of rece#tivity in "hich the felt sense can #hysically shift& Aou can never conce#tualiFe all the $yriad details in 5all that a out the fight "e had last night&" 6ut% having felt the #ro le$ "hole% you can ne;t get in touch "ith the cru;% and then "ith "hat lies eneath that% and so on& Aou focus ste# y ste#% until the #ro le$ feels resolved& <esolving a #ro le$ is very different fro$ $erely understanding it& 'n focusing% one doesn*t $erely tal! a out a #ro le$& 2ne experiences a #hysical shift in ho" it feels& )hen focusing #roduces a real #ro le$.solving ste#% the ody shift signals that so$e inside stuc!ness has changed& )ith each ste#% the #ro le$ feels slightly different fro$ and etter than the "ay it felt efore& +he felt sense of it has changed,"hich is another "ay of saying 2o' have changed& )hen you ne;t $eet the #ro le$ in a life situation% your reaction "ill e different& 8 successful focusing ste# usually gives a $uch etter% truer understanding of "hat has een "rong& 8long "ith the #hysical felt shift% so$ething co$es in "ords or felt understanding% "hich e;#lains the trou le $uch $ore clearly% and usually in ne" ter$s& Muite often% the "hole difficulty is rooted in so$ething different fro$ any of the considerations you "ere loo!ing at& 8nd if you ta!e that ody."isdo$ and then further focus on it% again so$ething co$es along "ith the ne;t ody shift& +his $ay again sur#rise you and $ay not follo" logically fro$ "hat you got at the first ste#& 6ut so$eti$es one or $ore ste#s of this #rocess of change can y#ass your analytic $ind co$#letely& 8 change can ha##en "ithout your understanding fully "hy or ho" it has ha##ened& 'f you focus on that trou leso$e felt sense of "all a out Nohn%" for e;a$#le% you $ay find that the "ords that co$e along "ith the ody shift add very little to your conscious understanding of your "Nohn" #ro le$& 6ut understanding is a y.#roduct& 2r "hat co$es $ay see$ eside the #oint& "3o% all right%" you $ight thin!% "no" ' !no" a ne" reason "hy '*$

2?

unco$forta le around Nohn& 9o" ' !no" there*s so$ething a out $y /o tangled u# in this% so$ething a out Nohn thin!ing ' don*t try hard enough& 6ut "hat good does it do $e to !no" thatL 9e;t ti$e ' $eet hi$% the #ro le$ "ill still e there% "on*t itL" 9o& 't "on*t% not if that ca$e "ith a focusing ody shift& +he shift in focusing changed your felt sense of Nohn in hundreds or $ay e thousands of su tle "ays that are eyond your #o"er% or any ody*s #o"er% to #erceive rationally& +he changes have ta!en #lace in your ody% not in your rational $ind& Aour conscious $ind !no"s little a out the$& 8ll you $ight ever !no" is that% ne;t ti$e you $eet Nohn% you "ill feel differently and act differently& H8t ti$es% one can later figure out so$e of it,if one "ishes&I +he #rocess is ad$ittedly $ysterious,not only to #eo#le "ho e;#erience it for the first ti$e ut also to those of us "ho have studied it for years& )e hu$ans still !no" very little a out our $ind.and. ody #rocesses& ' can say "ith $uch $ore certainty what ha##ens than wh2. ' have seen it ta!e #lace in $any others and felt it ta!e #lace in $yself& 9o" let*s $a!e it ha##en in you& -ocus for the ne;t ten $inutes if you haven*t done so already& 9otice any difficulties you run into& +he ne;t cha#ters can hel# you "ith the$& -2CU3'9G '3 92+ 8 40<0 62(A 30938+'29 8 felt sense is the ody*s #hysical sense of a #ro le$% or of so$e concern or situation& 't is a #hysical sense of $eaning& 'f you have odily sensations that see$ /ust #urely odily% and not related to any as#ect of your life% let the$ go& 8s! yourself ho" your life is going% and 1uite soon you "ill have a odily felt sense& -2CU3'9G '3 92+ NU3+ G0++'9G '9 +2UC7 )'+7 "GU+ -00@'9G3" Aou $ight have a distinct and intense feeling in relation to so$e #ro le$% and usually the sa$e one over and over& 0s#ecially if you have had that feeling $any ti$es% there is little #oint in having it over again% one $ore ti$e& 8 felt sense is the roader% at first 'nclear3 'nrecogniCa(le disco$fort% "hich the whole #ro le$ Dall that1 $a!es in your ody& +o let it for$% you have to stand ac! a little fro$ the fa$iliar e$otion& +he felt sense is "ider% less intense% easier to have% and $uch $ore roadly inclusive& 't is ho" your ody carries the whole #ro le$& 8 1uality."ord as the handle of a felt sense is li!ely to e a "ord that doesn*t yet say $uch a out the #ro lem. t wo'ld (e a 'tting word DEF image1 of 2o'r own. )ords of that sort are "heavy%" "tight%" "li!e glue%" "co"ed%" "/ittery&" 3uch "ords hel# one hold onto the 1uality of the as yet unclear felt sense&

%$1$ Cl$ar" ! a S&a($ .or Yo/r%$l.


+he first $ove$ent of focusing is enor$ously i$#ortant ecause if it can ha##en% the rest "ill #ro a ly ha##en too& 'n the first $ove$ent you clear a s#ace for yourself to live in "hile the rest of the focusing #rocess is going on& 9or$ally you "ill #erfor$ the first $ove$ent only once at the eginning of each focusing session& +he other $ove$ents $ay e re#eated doFens of ti$es in a given session% as you go do"n through your felt senses in one ste# after another after another& (ifferent #eo#le find different $ove$ents difficult at first& (on*t e discouraged if the first one ha##ens to e hard for you& +he first $ove$ent is the one in "hich you give yourself "hat $ight e called a "#ositive set&" Aou #ut yourself into a state of $ind and ody in "hich the other focusing $ove$ents can ta!e #lace freely& Aour inner actions in this $ove$ent are $uch li!e the overt actions of artists "hen they start to "or! each $orning& +hey $a!e sure their rushes are cleaned and free of hardened #aint% scra#e dried residue off the #alette% stir the #ots and !nead the tu es to "or! out any stiffening or coagulation that $ay have ta!en #lace in the #aints overnight& +his $ay see$ to e #eri#heral to the $ain "or!% ut until it is done% the rest of the "or! can*t egin at all& +here are $any "ays to a##roach the first $ove$ent% $any different inner acts that can #roduce the needed #ositive set,or ody.$ind rece#tivity& 8n a##roach that "or!s "ell for one #erson $ight #roduce nothing for another& :ee# the one or ones that have $eaning for you #ersonally% the a##roach or co$ ination of a##roaches that $a!e so$ething good ha##en inside 2o'. CLEARING A CLUTTERED ROOM )e*ve already loo!ed at this roo$.clearing a##roach& 't is the one that $a!es $e call this first $ove$ent the act of "clearing a s#ace&" Aou #ush all your #ro le$s to one side so that there is a #lace for you to reathe and sit in te$#orary co$fort& +o use a slightly different e;a$#le% this is li!e&&& FINDING THE RIGHT DISTANCE FROM YOUR PROBLEMS Aou don*t "ant to fall into your #ro le$s% sin! in the$% (ecome the$& Conversely% you don*t "ant to run a"ay fro$ the$% ignore the$% or re#ress the$& +hose a##roaches are usually not fruitful&

27

+here is a third "ay% a $uch $ore useful one& 't is the inner act of distancing yourself fro$ "hat is trou ling you ut still !ee#ing it efore you& Aou don*t go into the #ro le$s& Aou stand ac! /ust a little "ay, far enough so that the #ro le$s no longer feel over"hel$ing% ut close enough so that you can still feel the$& 3tand a fe" feet ac! fro$ your #ro le$s& Aou can "al! u# and touch the$ if you li!e% sense the$ there% as though "ith your fingerti#s& 8nd you can #ull ac! "henever they egin to get too threatening& Aou do this "ith each of your #ro le$s in the first $ove$ent% one y one& Aou distance yourself fro$ "hatever is trou ling you on that #articular day% "hatever is hurting you% nagging at you& Aou still see all those #ro le$s efore you% of course& +hey are all still very $uch there& 6ut you have ste##ed into a little sheltered s#ace "here% for a ti$e% they cannot hurt you& 50<4'33'29 +2 -00@ G22( 3o$e #eo#le have told $e that this first $ove$ent so$eho" see$s li!e esca#ing #ro le$s& +hey elieve they $ust feel every ad feeling to the fullest at all ti$es& 'f they don*t% they are eing co"ardly& +hey see$ to feel guilty a out feeling good% even riefly& +hey feel it is their duty to feel ad incessantly as long as the #ro le$ is unsolved& ' tell the$ not to e concerned a out feeling good for a little "hile& "Aou aren*t esca#ing anything%" ' say& "(on*t "orry& )hile you feel good% you !no" that everything "ill stay /ust as ad as you !no" it is&" +he $ess "ill still e there and you "ill still have to clean it u#& Aou aren*t esca#ing it y ta!ing a rief res#ite fro$ it& 8s a $atter of fact% you have done /ust the o##osite& Aou have $ade yourself ca#a le of handling it in a $ore effective and different "ay& 92+ 83 8 429U409+ +hin! of the first $ove$ent as a rief ti$e "hen you allo" yourself to sto# eing a $onu$ent to your trou les& 4ost #eo#le har or a feeling that they $ust $a!e their odies e;#ress their trou les constantly& )e live life "ith our odies& 0very trou le and ad situation is li!e a cra$# in the ody& 8s long as the ody is cra$#ed y trou le% it already has the sha#e of the trou le and therefore can*t co#e "ith that trou le as a fresh% "hole ody& 't co#es "ith the trou le "hile (eing the trou le& +herefore focusing egins "ith giving your ody a #ause% a rea!% in "hich to let it eco$e "hole& 4ost #eo#le let their odies e cra$#ed into the sha#e of "hat*s "rong "ith their lives% eing a $onu$ent to all the things that are "rong% every $o$ent& 6ut you can "al! u# to your #oor ody% standing there cra$#ed% the $onu$ent to everything that*s "rong% and sayE "'t*s 2:& )e "on*t forget& Aou can rest a "hile& @ater you can co$e ac! and stand as a $onu$ent again% ut no"% go ta!e a rea!K" +he fear is of avoiding and forgetting& 't is as if you had only t"o choicesE either avoid or feel terri le& 6ut there is a third choiceE let the ody feel "hole and sound% don*t eco$e the e$ odi$ent of your trou les% /ust have the$ in front of you& Aou have not avoided the$ and yet you are not totally over"hel$ed y the$& 'f you can do that /ust for a $inute% you "ill e ready to "or! on the difficulties and #ainful feelings in a ne" "ay& 30++'9G (2)9 +70 6U<(09 +o use another analogy% your inner act in the first $ove$ent of focusing is li!e the act of #utting do"n a heavy urden you have een carrying& Aou have "al!ed for $iles "ith this unco$forta le ag& 9o" you sto#% set it do"n% and rest for a "hile& 2nly y first setting it do"n can you loo! at "hatQs in the ag& Aour ody needs the rest& Aou load it "ith this urden every $orning and% if you are li!e $ost #eo#le% give it no rest until you go to slee#& 5erha#s there is a rief ti$e "hen you a"a!e on so$e $ornings "hen your ody is allo"ed to feel good& Aou $ust have had the e;#erience& Aour eyes o#en& Aou feel gloriously rela;ed and #eaceful& 8nd then the load lands on youK Aou re$e$ er all the #ro le$s that "ere trou ling you yesterday& 0ach $orning "e load ourselves "ith this heavy #ara#hernalia and stagger through the day "ith it& 'n the first $ove$ent of focusing% you unload& 5ut the heavy #ac! do"n on the ground& +a!e the #ro le$s out one y
CLEARING A SPACE FOR YOURSELF / 75

one and line the$ u# and loo! at the$ "ithout carrying the$& THE COMFORTING UST 3till another "ay to thin! a out the first $ove$entE it is li!e $a!ing a "things.to.do" list& Undou tedly you have e;#erienced the tension of having too $any things to do and too little ti$e in "hich to do the$& 8 !ind of #anic $ay arise efore you go a"ay on vacation% for e;a$#le% or on a long tri#& 'n the fe" days efore you ta!e off% you find yourself running around in circles& 'n that state you are very li!ely to do that "hich you dreadE forget so$ething i$#ortant& 7o" can you cal$ yourselfL 6y sitting do"n and $a!ing a list of "hat needs to e done&

28

4a!ing the list doesn*t get the /o s done% of course& )hat it does do is to $a!e you feel etter& 't alleviates the #anic% #uts you into a state in "hich you can a##roach the central #ro le$ in a cal$% orderly "ay& BODY TRUST 'n see!ing this first.$ove$ent state of tran1uillity% you "ill find it hel#s to trust in your ody& @et your ody return to its natural state,"hich is #erfect& +he ody can feel co$#letely at ease and natural every $o$ent& Nust let it& 2nce your ody is allo"ed to e itself% uncra$#ed% it has the "isdo$ to deal "ith your #ro le$s& Aou "ill e dealing "ith these tense feelings and situations "ith a rela;ed% loose ody& 't is true that this little it of good feeling,this rest you are giving your ody y stac!ing the trou les in front of you,is inco$#lete& 6ut also e;#ect% soon% "hen you start to "or! on this stac!% that you "ill feel $uch etter& Aour ody al"ays tends in the direction of feeling etter& Aour ody is a co$#le;% Ufe.$a$taining syste$& 2ften% "e feel so $uch "rong that "e co$e to acce#t those ad feelings as the asic state of things& 6ut it is not& +he ad feeling is the ody !no"ing and #ushing to"ard "hat good "ould e& &ver2 (ad feeling is potential energ2 toward a more right wa2 of (eing if 2o' give it space to move toward its rightness. +he very e;istence of ad feelings "ithin you is evidence that your ody !no"s "hat is "rong and "hat is right& 't $ust !no" "hat it "ould e li!e to feel #erfect% or it could not evo!e a sense of wrong. Aour ody% "ith its sense of rightness% !no"s "hat "ould feel right& +he feelings of " ad" or ""rong" inside you are% in effect% your ody*s $easure$ent of the distance et"een "#erfect" and the "ay it actually feels& 't !no"s the direction& 't !no"s this /ust as surely as you !no" "hich "ay to $ove a croo!ed #icture& 'f the croo!edness is #ronounced enough for you to notice it at all% there is a solutely no chance that you "ill $ove the #icture in the "rong direction and $a!e it still $ore croo!ed "hile $ista!ing that for straight& +he sense of "hat is "rong carries "ith it% inse#ara ly% a sense of the direction to"ard "hat is right& +he $oral and ethical values "e think a(o't and try to control $ay e relative and various% ut the values y "hich our odies $ove a"ay fro$ ad feelings are $uch $ore o /ective& 2f course% the ody also learns $ore as "e develo#& 't does not sense every #ossi le value already& 6ut it senses vastly $uch $ore than "e can thin!& +he ody is an incredi ly fine syste$ "ithin nature and the cos$os& 'ts holistic sensing of "hat is #rolife and "hat is not indicates $uch $ore than a thought or an e$otion can& 'f "e "ish to add so$ething% "e $ust sense ho" that can fit into "hat the ody senses already.,its o"n values& )e $ay not e a le to sa2 "hat these values are% "ithout contradicting ourselves or $a!ing ungrounded assu$#tions% ut the life #rocess in us has its direction and this is not relative& 8ll the values "e try to for$ulate are relative to the living #rocess in us and should e $easured against it& 'n focusing you "ill often find that so$e "ords% "hich co$e "ith a strong sense of rightness at a given $o$ent and give you a ody shift% are later su#erseded y "hat co$es at a later ste#& Aou cannot,and should not,trust any single set of "ords% any one feeling% any one ody.$essage that co$es& 6ut you can definitely trust the "hole series of ste#s y "hich your ody $oves to resolve and change a "rong state of eing& Aou can trust that% even if the "ords and understanding of a given ste# are su#erseded% that ste# "as the right ste# to co$e then% at that $o$ent% and "ill lead to the right ne;t ste# fro$ there& )hen ' use the "ord " ody%" ' $ean $uch $ore than the #hysical $achine& 9ot only do you #hysically live the circu$stances around you% ut also those you only think of in your $ind& Aour #hysically felt ody is in fact #art of a gigantic syste$ of here and other #laces% no" and other ti$es% you and other #eo#le,in fact% the "hole universe& +his sense of eing odily alive in a vast syste$ is the ody as it is felt fro$ inside& )hen so$ething goes "rong% the ody !no"s it and i$$ediately sets a out the tas! of re#airing itself& +he ody !no"s "hat its o"n right state feels li!e and is constantly chec!ing and ad/usting its #rocesses to stay as close to that state as #ossi le& 't $aintains its te$#erature% for instance% in a narro" range near 98NXi degrees& 5eo#le all over the "orld have #recisely the sa$e ody te$#erature% "hether they live on the 01uator or in the 8rctic& Aour te$#erature stays in the sa$e range through su$$er and "inter% in e;ercise or re#ose% for your ody !no"s "hat right is and continually $onitors and ad/usts and co$#ensates to $aintain the #ro#er alance& Aou don*t have to e;ercise any conscious control over this te$#erature.$aintaining #rocess& Aou trust your ody to carry the #rocess on day y day,and you also trust it to !no" "hen so$ething is going "rong& 't al"ays does !no"& )hen your te$#erature sli#s out of that narro" "right" range% you feel un$ista!a ly less than good& 4edical hel# only $inisters to the ody% only hel#s here and there "ith "hat is al"ays the ody*s o"n healing #rocess& 8 doctor !no"s ho" to hel# heal a "ound% ut the "ound heals itself& 3i$ilarly% "hatever you do% sense then "hether it has hel#ed your ody*s healing ta!e a ste# or not&

29

Aour ody !no"s the direction of healing and life& 'f you ta!e the ti$e to listen to it through focusing% it "ill give you the ste#s in the right direction& 8 P83+ 358C0 +he first $ove$ent Hclearing a s#aceI can e done alone% for its o"n sa!e& 'f you do it very slo"ly% you $ay co$e to a state that see$s i$#ortant in its o"n right& +hen you $ight leave the rest of focusing for another ti$e& +o do the first $ove$ent in this "ay is $ore ela orate& Aou #ut your attention in your ody% and you #ro#ose to your ody that you feel totally fine and /oyful a(o't how 2o'r life is going. +hen you sense "hat co$es there% usually so$e disco$fort a out so$ething in your life& Aou see "hat that is Hlarge or trivial doesn*t $atterI% and you ac!no"ledge it H"Aes% that*s there"I& +hen you #lace it ne;t to yourself% in a friendly "ay% as if on the floor& 9o" you as! your ody% ")hat "ould co$e% in m2 (od23 if this #ro le$ "ere so$eho" all solvedL" )hatever your $ind ans"ers% you "ait until you sense "hat co$es in your ody& +hen you let that e for a little "hile& 9o" you as!% "0;ce#t for this% do ' feel totally fine and /oyful a out ho" $y life is goingL" Aou do the sa$e thing "ith "hat ne;t co$es& 0ach ti$e% you "ait for the "ay your ody res#onds to the 1uestions& 8fter the five or si; things that usually co$e in this "ay% there is one $oreE +here is usually% for each #erson% a " ac!ground feeling" that is al"ays there Hfor instance% "al"ays gray%" "al"ays a little sad%" "al"ays running scared%" "al"ays trying hard"I& )hat 1uality is al"ays there% no" too% and co$es et"een you and feeling fineL 3et it aside as "ell H"3o$eti$e '*ll see "hat $ore goes "ith that&&& not no""I& 8gain as!% ")hat "ould co$e in $y ody% if that "ere also set asideL" 6y this $eans you can so$eti$es co$e to an o#ening out% a sense of a vast s#ace& Under all the #ac!ages each of us carries% a different self can e discovered& %o' are not any of the things you have set aside& Aou are no content at allK )hen you arrive at this "ide s#ace% you $ight "ant to stay a "hile and /ust e there& 6ut to arrive there involved s#ecific 1uestions #ut to your ody% and a "ait for so$e s#ecific res#onse fro$ your ody& THE FRIENDLY HEARING +he first $ove$ent is the ti$e "hen you esta lish an environ$ent of friendly feeling "ithin yourself& Aou #re#are to give yourself a fair hearing& "7o" are you no"L" you as!% gently& ")hat*s "ith you right no"L )hat*s the $ain thing for you right no"L" 8nd then you don*t ans"er in "ords& 9o% you "ait& @et the ans"er e the feelings that "ill co$e in your ody& 5eo#le can al"ays thin! of so$e long list of things that $ight% or ought to% trou le the$& +his is not the list "e "ant& )e "ant only to hear "hat is no" !ee#ing your ody fro$ feeling sound& 8t first you $ight hit a lan! and eco$e i$#atient% ecause after all% you thin! you !no"& "'*$ fine% e;ce#t for $y ad feeling% as usual% a out $y $ain relationshi#% and that other "orry&" 6ut this is ans"ering your 1uestion yourself& +he ody doesn*t ans"er that 1uic!ly& 't ta!es a out thirty seconds& 3urely you "ould e "illing to accord your ody thirty secondsL 8nd yet% oddly% $ost #eo#le never do& @oo! at your "atch and see ho" long thirty seconds are& +his "ill $a!e you a"are of their sur#risingly lengthy s#an& +a!e thirty seconds& +ry it no"& )e*ve noted efore that $ost #eo#le are #retty unfriendly to"ard the$selves $ost of the ti$e& 'f you are li!e $ost% you have treated yourself less li!e a friend than li!e a roo$$ate you don*t li!e& Aou gru$ le at yourself% insult yourself% get i$#atient "ith yourself "hen things go "rong& Aou construct a $odel of the ideal #erson you "ish you "ere% and then you conde$n yourself ecause you are i$#erfect as $easured against that ideal& "2h% '*$ /ust laFy%" you insult yourself& "'f ' really "anted to get so$e"here '*d "or! harder& ' set u# these good goals for $yself and then ' ac! off and flounder and $a!e e;cuses&" 8nd so the lecture goes& Until you have focused% you haven*t sat do"n and as!ed in a 1uiet and friendly "ay "hat is really there& "@aFy" is only an e;ternal "ord% an insult& +he "ord "laFy" says only that nothing i$#ortant could e involved in ho" you do feel& 6ut your ody !no"s "hy and ho" you are as you are% and so$e of that "ill turn out to e i$#ortant if you "ill give it a friendly hearing& 3ociety $ostly gives you the sa$e unfriendly hearing you #ro a ly give yourself& "3ha#e u#%" the "orld says& <esults are "anted of course% ut so$eti$es they are "anted so 1uic!ly% so tensely that there*s not a $inute to see "hat is in the "ay& Aet one $inute can $a!e a vast difference& 2ther #eo#le often don*t "ant to !no" "hat is really sto##ing us or frustrating us& "Nust do it right&" +he in"ard co$#le;ity% "hich can sto# us ut can also $a!e us etter% $ore effective% interesting% and creative% is often not "elco$e& +here are those conde$ning "ords,"laFy%" "not $otivated%" "selfish%" "self.#itying%" "too sensitive%" "too de$anding","hich do not really descri e "hat is in us% ut rather% dis$iss "hat is in us& 6ut "e $ust loo! inside ourselves& 3u##ose you are intervie"ing a rather shy #erson "ho hasn*t een allo"ed to say $uch for so$e ti$e% #erha#s so$e years& Aou "ould not get i$#atient and yell at the #erson after five seconds& Aou "ould as! 1uestions gently

30

and then "ait at least thirty seconds efore concluding that the #erson "as a ho#eless idiot and also e$#ty and inca#a le of s#eech& 9or "ould you re/ect the first thing that "as said& +his doesn*t $ean ' a$ de$anding that you change yourself co$#letely efore you even egin focusing& ' a$ not suggesting that you can e self.acce#ting and self.loving and all the things you*d li!e to e and #erha#s are not /ust y reading these #ages& <ather% it is an attitude you can ta!e for this s#ecial ti$e of focusing& +here is also so$e strong% harsh voice that interru#ts loudly "hen one tries to listen in"ardly& 3o$eti$es it is a critical #art of oneself& 3o$eti$es% ho"ever% it is a #erfectly good life energy that is i$#atient& "'*ve een in the sa$e s#ot for years% no" ' "ant so$ething to get $e out&" +his is a #erfectly /ustified feeling% ut it too $ust "ait& "6ut '*ve "aited all $y life&" 3ure% ut no" "ait only these fe" $inutes so "e can hear fro$ your internal self& @et*s as! gently% ")hat do you feel do"n in thereL" 't is i$#ortant in the first focusing $ove$ent to esta lish this at$os#here of a friendly hearing& 6e #re#ared to acce#t for a $o$ent "hatever feelings you find inside& (on*t argue "ith the$& 8n unfriendly hearing is one in "hich certain ans"ers or all ans"ers are re/ected efore they are even fully heard& 't is the !ind of hearing an angry teacher gives a disru#tive child& 't is the !ind you have #ro a ly given yourself too oftenE ")ell% "hat do you have to say for yourselfL 7o" do you e;#lain this ne" $ess you*ve gotten us intoL" ")ell% '," "3hut u#K '*ll tell you "hat your trou le is..........." +he first $ove$ent of focusing is not li!e that& 'n this $ove$ent you s$ile at yourself% hold out your hand to yourself& "7ello% there%" you say& "7o" are you feeling no"L" 7aving as!ed that 1uestion% you carefully avoid ans"ering it& @et the ans"er co$e fro$ inside% and acce#t it for the $o$ent& "@ots of #ro le$s&" "2h% lots of #ro le$s huhL )ell% 2:% let*s /ust clear a s#ace a$ong the$ for a "hile% so "e can sit in #eace )hich #ro le$ feels the heaviest right no"L +hat oneL&&& 8h% that se; usiness% is itL )hat elseL" :ee# your cleared s#ace& )hen you egin to focus% don*t e inside any of these things& 3tand ac!% or stand ne;t to% "hat you focus on& 8s!E "7o" does that feel today% all that a out se;L" 8nd you are into the second $ove$ent "ith every chance of $a!ing so$ething shift&

eight 'f Aou Can*t -ind a -elt 3ense


'n the #receding cha#ter "e loo!ed at various "ays of successfully $a!ing the first focusing $ove$ent ha##en& 9o" in $uch the sa$e "ay% "e "ill loo! at "ays of overco$ing #ossi le #ro le$s you $ay encounter in the second $ove$ent& +his% you recall% is the $ove$ent ' call "feeling for the "hole of the #ro le$", the one in "hich you let for$ an overall felt sense of a #ro le$ or situation that is trou ling you% the sense of all that. 8s efore% ' "ill offer several suggestions for overco$ing diverse difficulties& @oo! u#on this cha#ter% li!e the last% as a selection of tools #ut at your dis#osal& +a!e those that see$ useful& WHERE TO LOOK FOR A FELT SENSE Aou $ay have had trou le $a!ing contact "ith your felt sense of a #ro le$ or you $ay not have een sure you can recogniFe a felt sense as such "hen it co$es& +here are no ready.$ade "ords in the language for it and so it is hard to descri e& Until no" very fe" #eo#le understood it& 3ociety% and thus also language% vie"ed only the resulting $anifestations,thoughts% e$otions% #erce#tions,not the felt sense& 0ven #sychothera#ists !ne" of it only as a $ysterious so$ething& 2nly our recent research $a!es it discussa le and teacha le& 3o let $e tal! a little $ore a out "hat a felt sense is& 8 felt sense is $ade of $any inter"oven strands% li!e a car#et& 6ut it is felt Hor "seen%" if "e #ursue the car#et analogyI as one. 8 felt sense is the $any.stranded fa ric of odily a"areness that Hfor e;a$#leI guides golfers as they tee off& 't "ould e i$#ossi le for the$ to think aU the details of location% surrounding environ$ent% and ody $ove$ent that are "oven into ai$ing& 6ut the ody !no"s the co$#le; set of coordinated $ove$ents it $ust $a!e to s"ing& +he single felt sense of the situation incor#orates the #ro le$ and the odily !no"n solution& Golfers cannot thin! out all these details intellectually& )hen a golfer s"ings% several hundred different $uscles $ust all "or! together in a #recise "ay% each co$ing into action at a certain $icrosecond% each e;erting /ust the right a$ount of #ull on the right one for the right length of ti$e& +he ody feels all this as a "hole& 'f you o serve a golfer getting ready to s"ing% you can see the "hole ody ta!ing ai$& 't*s done not /ust "ith the

3=

eyes or the ar$s ut y changing the #lace$ent of the feet% rotating and re#ositioning the "hole ody& Golfers ai$ "ith the feel of the "hole ody& 't $ay e that conscious direction is needed on one #art of the #rocess& +he golfer $ay e thin!ing% "+his ti$e ' $ust !ee# that left el o" straighter&" 6ut all the other ai$.ta!ing $otions occur "ithout conscious thought as the golfer thin!s a out that left el o"& +he #reli$inary $ove$ents are guided y the "hole ody*s feel% finding its alance% see!ing the feeling that says% "Aes% no" ' a$ ready% ' feel right& 9o" ' can s"ing&" Golfers cannot descri e that feeling of "ready%" ecause too $any details are involved& +hey !no" the feeling "hen it co$es% ho"ever& )hen the ody.feel is right% they s"ing& Aou loo! for a felt sense in the sa$e #lace "here golfers loo! to find "hether they are ready to s"ing& +hey don*t as! the 1uestion in their heads% they feel for the ans"er in their odies& +he sa$e #rocess of feeling "ithin the ody is fa$iliar in any other s#ort& 8s!ing 1uestions in the head% or trying to $a!e the head do$inate the ody% never "or!s& +here is another "ay to get at this 1uestion of "here and ho" to loo! for a felt sense,another !ind of e;a$#le that $ay e $ore fa$iliar and useful to you& 3u##ose you have een listening to a discussion and are a out to say so$ething relevant and i$#ortant& +he others are still tal!ing& Aou don*t have your "ords #re#ared& 8ll you have is a felt sense of "hat you "ant to say& 2nly rarely% in very for$al occasions% do "e #re#are "ord for "ord& Usually% "hen "e are a out to say so$ething% "e have the felt sense of "hat "e "ant to #ut across% and the right "ords co$e as "e s#ea!& +he felt sense includes doFens of co$#onent #arts% #erha#s hundredsE the $eaning you "ant to #ut across% the e$otional color you "ant to give it% the reasons "hy you "ant to say it to those #articular #eo#le% the reaction you ho#e to elicit fro$ the$% and so on& 6ut there are not yet any s#ecific "ords& 9o" su##ose that% as you "ait for your chance to s#ea!% your attention is distracted for a $o$ent and you lose hold of "hat you "ere a out to say& +he others are no" giving you your turn% "aiting for you to say "hat you "anted to say% ut you cannot& Aou never did have "ords to say% so you can*t use "ords as a $e$ory hoo! to fish u# your lost $eaning& )hat do you do to regain the sense of "hat you "ere going to sayL )here do you loo! for itL Aou loo! "ithin the ody& Aou go through a #rocess that is $uch li!e an infor$al !ind of focusingG you gro#e inside yourself& +here you do have a felt sense, ut not the ready.to.s#ea! o#en felt sense you had efore& 'nstead% you have that feeling of "hat you forgot& Aou $ight try si$#ly eco$ing 1uiet% rece#tive% ho#ing that "it" "ill o#en and "hat it "as "ill co$e flooding ac! y
itself& 2r you can as! yourself 1uestionsE ")as it so$ething a out&&& L" 2r you can try to trace logical connectionsE "+hey "ere tal!ing a out such.and.such% so it $ust have had to do "ith& &&&" 2r you can try to recreate the lost $eaning y surrounding it "ith events li!e a lost #iece of /igsa" #uFFleE "'t ca$e to $e right after Carol said&&& and then% efore ' o#ened $y $outh% @ou said&&&&" 8ny of these #rocesses $ight hel# lead you to "it%" ut "it" $ust res#ond& )hen it does% "hen it o#ens and "hat you "anted to say co$es ac!% the #hysically felt release tells you that you*ve got it& 8nd even at that $o$ent% "hen you again "!no"" "hat you "anted to #ut across to those other #eo#le% you still don*t have it in "ords& 6oth "hen you !ne" "hat you "anted to say% and "hen you !ne" only that you had forgotten it% there "as a felt sense& 2ne can even say that it is "the sa$e" felt sense, ut "hen it returns% the felt sense o#ens and lets you discover and use "hat it "as& -ocusing is very $uch li!e that& 2ne $ust go to that #lace "here there are not "ords ut only feeling. At first there ma2 (e nothing there 'ntil a felt sense forms. +hen "hen it for$s% it feels #regnant& +he felt sense has in it a $eaning you can feel% ut usually it is not i$$ediately o#en& Usually you "ill have to stay "ith a felt sense for so$e seconds until it o#ens& +he for$ing% and then the o#ening of a felt sense% usually ta!es a out thirty seconds% and it $ay ta!e you three or four $inutes% counting distractions% to give it the thirty seconds of attention it needs& )hen you loo! for a felt sense% you loo! in the #lace you !no" "ithout "ords% in ody.sensing& PRACTICE IN GETTING A FELT SENSE 5. 3ilently% to yourself% #ic! so$ething you love or thin! is eautiful& 't could e an o /ect% a #et% a #lace% or "hatever& 3o$ething very s#ecial to you in so$e "ay& +a!e fro$ one to t"o $inutes&

2& 3ettle on one thing& 8s! yourself ")hy do ' love % or "hy do ' thin! it*s eautifulL" 3& @et yourself feel that "hole sense of s#ecialness or loving& 3ee if you can find one or t"o "ords that get at "hat it
is&

B& @et yourself feel "hat those "ords refer to3 to the "hole felt sense% and see if ne" "ords and feelings co$e u#&
+his e;ercise is to hel# you get e;#erience attending to a felt sense% so$ething large and definitely felt% ut that you are not a le to ver aliFe& 9otice ho" little of your love.feeling the "ords actually say& Aet the "ords are so$eho" right in relation to the felt sense Hif you succeeded in finding such "ordsI&

32

290 )8A +2 @0+ 8 -0@+ 30930 -2<4 <e$e$ er $y descri#tion% earlier% of ho" "e try to tell ourselves "e feel fine% and yet in the ody the ad feeling tal!s ac!L )e say% "'t*s fine% it*s all 2:K +hat doesn*t other $e at all%" and yet% if "e chec! the ody% "hat co$es there feels /ust as ad as efore& +his can e used to hel# get a felt sense& 3u##ose you are focusing on a #ro le$& Aou know3 of course% that you don*t feel fine a out it% since it is a #ro le$ for you& 0ven so% try #ro#osing to 2o'r (od23 "' feel all fine a out this% the #ro le$ is all solved&" 'f you #ut your attention in your ody% you "ill 1uite 1uic!ly find that a very s#ecific not.fine sense a out the #ro le$ co$es there& 2f course% you !ne" all along that you didn*t feel fine a out the #ro le$% ut no" you can sense the e;act 1uality of the felt sense% ho" your ody has the #ro le$& +he sa$e $ethod can also e used at any ti$e% during focusing% if you lose hold of the felt sense and feel lost& Aou /ust #ut your attention in your ody% and you say% "3o% this #ro le$ is no" all solved&&& rightL" )ait a $o$ent,and there is your ody.sense of "hat is still unresolved& +hen sense the 1uality of that& A MURAL OF THE WHOLE PROBLEM 3o$eti$es it hel#s to egin "ith an i$age and then find the felt sense& '$agine that your whole #ro le$ is a very large #icture on a "ide "all& Aou have to ste# ac! to see it all& @et such an i$age co$e% then attend in your ody for "hat felt sense that i$age gives you& WHEN WORDS GET EN THE WAY 'f you have een living "ith a #ro le$ for a good deal of ti$e% you have #ro a ly for$ed "ords to descri e or e;#lain the #ro le$ and you are #ro a ly stuc! on those "ords& +his ha##ens to $ost #eo#le& "' know "hat $y #ro le$ a out se; is%" so$eone $ight say& "'*$ scared of it& Nust scared& ' can feel it& )hat else is there to sayL" 2 viously nothing "ill shift if those "ords are al"ays in the "ay& +hey are #essi$istic "ords% denying the #ossi ility of change& "+his is the "ay ' a$%" the "ords say& "' "as uilt this "ay% or $y life has $ade $e this "ay& '*$ stuc! here&" )e*ve tal!ed efore a out the tric! of letting such "ords go y% ignoring "hat "e !no" and sensing freshly to find "hat your ody really feels& +a!e the feeling you have and let it roaden out into the felt sense of all that& 8nother "ay to get this is to say to yourself% ")hat does it no" feel li!e to $e% to e a #erson "ho has this #ro le$L" '$$ediately% you "ill feel so$ething "ider% "hich at first isn*t clear& -ocus on that& 2r it $ay e i$$ediately clear "hat the feeling 1uality of it is& 't $ay e anger at having the #ro le$% or urgency to solve it% or a heavy ho#eless feeling% or #erha#s so$e sense of eing s$all and tense& +o as! "hat it feels li!e% no"% to e a #erson "ith this #ro le$% hel#s "iden the sco#e% so that the felt sense of the "hole #ro le$ can co$e and then give you other s#ecific feelings& +hen focus on the $ain feeling 1uality of "hat co$es& 8nother s#ecific aidE 'f "ords !ee# co$ing into your head% e;#lanations and ideas and accusations and so on% !ee# re#eating an o#en.ended 1uestion of your o"n& -or e;a$#le% !ee# re#eating% ")hat does this whole thing feel li!eL" +hat "ay you control the "ord.$a!ing #art of your $ind yourself% so it can*t run off "ith you& 6ut the #oint isn*t to fight "ords& 't is 1uite all right for "ords to flo"& +he #oint is to feel ehind and eyond the$& +o do this% it hel#s to !ee# re#eating an o#en.ended 1uestion& 't is i$#ortant not to stay stuc! "ith the sa$e old thoughts and feelings% ut to "iden the sco#e so that a different #rocess can egin fro$ the ody*s "ider sense of the trou le& WHEN THERE IS NO FEELING APART FROM THE WORDS 'f you haven*t een a le to e;#erience any feeling or felt sense that is clearly different fro$ "ords% if your feeling al"ays co$es along "ith "ords that fit the feeling #erfectly% so that they are al"ays all one% try thisE Go through the first focusing $ove$ents as usualE clear a s#ace% stac! all your trou les to one side% sit 1uietly and rece#tively& +hen re#eat the $ost feeling.filled "ords you have% slo"ly% a doFen ti$es or soE "'*$ scared of it&&& scared of itSSSSSSS" 8nd all the ti$e% !ee# so$e 1uestions hovering around the "ordsE ")hat is this *scared*L )hat does it feel li!e% insideL )here do ' feel itL" 8t first the "ords and feeling $ay e e;actly all one% ut after a "hile you "ill find the feeling gro"ing so$e"hat larger% stic!ing out around the edges of the "ords% so to s#ea!& Aou "ill find that% yes% the "ords are right ut they get only
the center of the feeling& 8ctually there is $ore to the feeling& 8s one of our est focusing teachers in Chicago told $eE "8t first% "hen ' tried to focus% ' could never get a felt sense& 8ll ' had "ere "ords that ' could feel% ut there never "as any feeling e;ce#t right in the "ords& 4y "ords "ere li!e definitions and ' had $y feelings defined so they see$ed as if they "ere e;actly the sa$e as the "ords& ' "as only loo!ing at the center of each feeling% and in the center the feeling was "hat the

33

"ords said& 't too! $e three $onths till one day ' noticed that there "as $ore to the feeling& 't had% sort of% fuFFy edges& +hey "ere eyond "hat the "ords got +hat "as the rea!through for $e& +he feeling as having fuFFy edges% that*s the felt sense& ' teach it that "ay no"&" +o find the fuFFier edge of the feeling% or to get the feeling se#arate fro$ the "ords% it can hel# to re#eat the $ost $eaningful #hrase or sentence you can find% trying to sense "here and "hat it $a!es you feel& 'n a "ay% you are no" going through the focusing $ove$ents ac!"ard& +his "or!s "ell for so$e #eo#le& +he $ost co$$on #rocedure is to $a!e contact first "ith the felt sense of the #ro le$ as a "hole Hsecond $ove$entI& 6ut as ' have said efore% focusing is not a $echanical #rocedure& 'f you find that it is $ore effective for you so$eti$es to start "ith "ords and "or! ac!"ard to the felt sense of all that3 y all $eans do it that "ay& 6ut if you do% e sure that your inner attitude is one of asking3 not telling& 't "on*t do any good si$#ly to re#eat "hat you have een telling yourself for years& <e#eat the "ords% yes% ut in the s#irit of asking ho" your ody e;#eriences the$% and let your ody.feeling ans"er&

<0@8C'9G A2U< 62(A 't $ay hel# to stretch and rela; all the #arts of your ody for a fe" $inutes% efore you egin focusing& +ense your ar$s% hands% forear$sG let the$ feel tight% hard% tense& -eel the tension &&& slo"ly rela;& -eel the difference& @et the$ feel loose% soft% rela;ed& (o that "ith your legs% sto$ach% /a"% all over& Chec! to see if you are "holding on" any"here% and let yourself rela;& )709 92+7'9G -00@3 62(7&A "6efore ' could learn to focus%" so$eone said to $e% "' had first to discover ho" the ordinary e$otions "ere really in $y ody& ' used to feel fear and an;iety and e;cite$ent% of course% ut ' used to feel the$ all around $e& @i!e they "ere in the air% sort of& 't too! $e so$e ti$e to realiFe that they "ere in m2 (od23 li!e $y heart #ounding% or a sin!ing feeling in $y gut& ' had to learn this first a out the ordinary things every ody feels% that they "ere inside& 2nly then could ' loo! for a felt sense inside&" 'f this re#ort fits you% give yourself a "ee! or so in "hich to catch yourself "henever you feel any ordinary e$otion strongly& 9otice "hat your ody feels li!e& Aou "ill find that your ody feels the e$otion inside. +est yourself no"& Can you #ut your attention inside your sto$achL 'f you can% you sense a distinct feeling there% #erha#s "ar$ and fuFFy% #erha#s tight and tense& 'f you cannot get such a sensation in your sto$ach% then you need to "or! on this& 5ut your attention in your left ig toeG "iggle it if necessary& 5ress it do"n& 9o" you feel the sensation in it& 9o" co$e u# to your !nee& +his ti$e don*t $ove your !nee% /ust see if you can find it fro$ inside& +hen $ove to your groin% and fro$ there $ove u# into your sto$ach& +here you are&
92 X -2CU3'9G

+his is 1uite ne" to $any #eo#le% ut it does not ta!e long to learn& 4ost #eo#le can #ut their attention in their sto$ach or chest% and if you "or! at it a Uttle% so can you& IF YOU FIND YOUR MIND WANDERING 'f you find yourself drifting off on so$e irrelevant train of thought "hen focusing% ring yourself ac! gentl2. 3ayE ")hat "as ' focusing onL &&& 2h% yeah% thatSSSSSS8nd "hat "as ' trying to do "ith itL 2h% yeah% feel the "hole thing& )hat does that "hole thing feel li!eL" +o ring yourself ac!% you need to e gentle% so$ething li!e dealing "ith a s$all child% "hose attention is "andering& Aou #ut your ar$s around the child to attract its attention% and you gently guide it to "hatever lesson you "ant to teach& 3o "hen your $ind "anders% gently #ut your ar$ around yourself% to so s#ea!% and guide yourself ac!& 't doesn*t $atter ho" $any ti$es you have to do that& IF YOU HAVE FEW FEELINGS 3o$e #eo#le find it difficult to $a!e contact "ith their feelings& 9early every ody has this difficulty at least so$eti$es& 8 friend $ight sho" you a favorite #ainting% for e;a$#le& Aou loo! at the #ainting% a"are that the friend e;#ects a $eaningful co$$ent fro$ you& 6ut the #ainting arouses no res#onse in you,or% if it does% you can*t 1uite get in touch "ith those feel. ings& Aou stare at the #ainting and finally you have to say% ")ell% it*s,uh,nice&" 't $ay see$ to you that you are si$#ly not very co$#licated inside% that you don*t have that co$#le;ity of feeling strands that ' a$ descri ing in this oo!& 6ut you do have it& Aou are hu$an& 't is there& )e are so accusto$ed to the si$#le #atterns,if so$eone cheats us "e are $ad% if so$eone ignores us "e are hurt,that

$any #eo#le don*t loo! eneath these si$#le #atterns to their o"n uni1ue co$#le;ity& 6ut it is there& )hen at first ' $ight as! ho" you feel a out eing ignored% you $ight say% "6ad &&& ho" "ould 2o' feelL" +his "ould indicate that all #eo#le "ould feel " ad" or "hurt" "hen they are ignored% and indeed that is true& 6ut /ust ho" and "here it gets $e is not the sa$e as /ust ho" and "here it gets you& +his "/ust ho" and "here" is eneath the si$#le feeling that is #atterned and universal& +o $a!e touch "ith that could ta!e a little ti$e& Aou have to say to yourself% "Aes &&& that*s right&&& ' feel hurt% and that*s natural% yes% of course ' !no" "hy& +hey ignored $e& 3ure% that*s it% ('t&&& let $e sense all that "hich is involved for $e in this& 't has to do "ith all.a out.that #erson and all.a out.$e."ith.that #erson% and all.a out."hat.it.$eans.to.$e.to.get.ignored.any"ay&" 3oon you "ill

3B

feel that $ass of things not yet clearly !no"n& +hen you can focus on that felt sense and then on its cru;& 'f you find it hard to get in touch "ith your $ore co$#le; feelings% there are several things you can do& 't $ay e /ust a 1uestion of #ractice& 3o$e #eo#le chec! their o"n feelings regularly% day y day% hour y hour% ut #erha#s you have never done this& +ry it for the ne;t fe" days& 'dentify feelings as they go y& 8s you interact "ith others and go through your daily life% sto# in"ardly once in a "hile and as! in a friendly "ay% "7o" a$ ' no"L )hat a$ ' feeling no"L" (on*t tell yourself the ans"er& )ait& 3ee "hat co$es& 't feels good to do this% as long as you receive "hat you find inside& (on*t say ad things to yourself and insult yourself over "hat you find& Nust e #leased that you have found it% that it is clearly felt& Co$e to !no" your inside s#ace& 'f so$eone is often "ith you% it $ay hel# you $a!e contact "ith your feelings if you as! that #erson to tell you "hen you clearly dis#lay a s#ecific feeling& "Aou loo! angry%" the #erson $ight say& 2r% "' can see you*re ha##y no"&" 2ther #eo#le "ill often e right in guessing that you have a feeling,though they
9B X -2CU3'9G

are not li!ely to e right in guessing "hat that feeling really is& )hen your friend says you have a feeling loo!% e grateful% ut don*t ta!e the friend*s "ord as to "hat the feeling $ight e& Chec! inside& Aour friend*s assess$ent% "Aou loo! angry%" $ay e 1uite "rong& Aou $ay find% instead% that you feel u#set% "orried% annoyed% i$#atient% disa##ointed% a##rehensive% or #erha#s so$e odd "ay that has no na$e& Go further into sensing "hat is in it& 'f it has no na$e% that $ay e the est result of all& )hen you casually a##ly one of those "ell."orn unit.la els to a feeling,angry% scared% ored,the tendency is to thin! you no" !no" everything there is to !no" a out that feeling& Aou have given it its unit.la el% you have identified it% and that*s that& 6ut there is al"ays $uch% $uch $ore to !no"% for there is an infinity of #ossi le "ays to feel any la eled feeling such as anger& 4y "angry" right no" stic!s u# fro$ a different $ass of things fro$ another "angry" ' "ill feel in a different situation to$orro" or ne;t "ee!& +hat is "hy you need not sto# "ith feelings that see$ to co$e "ith ready.$ade la els& )elco$e es#ecially those that co$e "ithout na$es& )hen a feeling has no na$e% #ause% listen% and let fresh "ords flo" fro$ itE "' feel&&& li!e ' ought to e a le to do so$ething a out this% ut&&& '*$ "alled in% or so$ething&" IF YOU FEEL BLANK, OR STUCK, OR EMPTY -or focusing% /ust a out anything "ill turn out to e a feeling& +he a sence of feeling is also a feeling% as '*ve said efore& "' a$ e$#ty&" "2:& )hat does this *e$#ty* feel li!eL )hat is the feel of all of this e$#tyL" "'*$ stuc!&" "2:% "hat does this *stuc!ness* feel li!eL" -ind out if it is a tense stuc!ness% or heavy% li!e a oulder lying on to# of you% or a not.!no"ing."hat.to.do sort of stuc!ness& 2r does it feel tra##edL Give it ti$e% and it "ill o#en u#&
'- A2U 8<0 89G<A 8+ A2U<30@-% 2< +<A'9G +22 78<(% 2< +22 <03+@033 2< 8-<8'( +2 -2CU3 )hatever gets in the "ay% you can focus on that for the $o$ent% instead of the #ro le$ or difficulty you "anted to focus on& 't $ay e that your ody needs this o stacle to e re$oved first& +he o stacle is anger% let*s say& 8s! yourself% "2:% "hat is all.a out.this.angerL" @et that feeling roaden out into its felt sense& 2rE "+here ' go again% trying so hard ' get all tense& 2:% "hat is this trying so hardL ' !no" all a out it% of course% it*s &&& yes% "ait% ' !no" all that& @et*s /ust feel "hat is all that a out trying so hard& 8ll that& )hat does all that feel li!eL" 2rE "' feel too restless to focus& '*$ too /u$#y& ' "ish ' "eren*t so /u$#y% so ' could let $y attention do"n inside& 2:% let*s ta!e the /u$#y& )hat is the "hole feel of this /u$#yL" 'n this "ay you res#ect your ody*s sense of "hat has to e ta!en u# ne;t& Usually that turns out to e a ne" and etter "ay into the #ro le$& )709 A2U 8<0 8-<8'( +2 -2CU3 "' don*t "ant to loo! inside $yself& '*$ scared of "hat ' $ight find do"n there&" +his is a co$$on "orry& 6ut in focusing% you can treat yourself gently& +a!e yourself y the hand and say% "'t*s all right% "e "ill not force you to go "here you don*t "ant to go& 'f you*re afraid of that #lace% "e*ll !ee# our distance& )e*ll

stay right here and see "hat the fear is& 8ll rightL )hat does this *fear* feel li!e fro$ hereL &&&" 2r you $ight say to yourself% "' feel scared to focus on that& 5ro a ly so$ething un#leasant in there ' don*t "ant to loo! at& 8ll right&&& "ait&&& if ' don*t "ant to go into it ' a$ not going to& 6ut ' "on*t ac! off either& '*ll /ust stay right here% "here ' don*t "ant to focus% and '*ll seeE "hat is this feeling of not "anting toL 3cared& 2:% let*s /ust stay right here% "ith this *scared&* )hat is this *scared*L )hat !ind of *scared* is itL )hat is the "hole feel of itL" +he #rocedure of focusing feels good& +he $o$ent it doesn*t% ac! u# a little it and see "hat it is that doesn*t feel good& (on*t #ush yourself across arriers& 'nstead% focus on the i$$ediate felt arrier& )hat is the "hole feel of thatB

35

+here $ay e ad or scary feelings to focus on% ut the focusing itself al"ays feels good and $a!es the feeling less ad or scary& )hen it o#ens% your ody releases and again that feels etter& Aour guide in focusing is to"ard these "ays of feeling etter% localiFing and o#ening% releasing% fresh air& Aou "ill feel etter% "hatever you find do"n inside yourself% "hen you let it na$e itself and e localiFed& '- A2U 8P2'( A2U< -00@'9G3 3o$e #eo#le% including #sychologists% thin! that there are scary things inside the$selves& +his is fallacious& 9a$eless horrors and "eird states are not lying there "inside" you% li!e #oisonous sna!es loc!ed in a cage& 4any #eo#le tal! of the$selves this "ay& "' don*t "ant to o#en the lid%" they say& "' don*t "ant to let all that ad stuff co$e out&" +he truth is that you are not a cage full of sna!es& Aou are not any !ind of container in "hich feelings "rithe around "ith lives of their o"n& Aou are a #rocess% and your feelings are a #art of that #rocess& -or e;a$#le% there is the "ay ' felt "ith $y father "hen he "ouldn*t listen to $e% a feeling of hel#less anger& 'sn*t that the sa$e feeling ' had then% have no"% and can have "henever ' ring it ac! to $yselfL Aes% ut ' a$ never A'st this feeling& ' a$ a "hole ody& +herefore this feeling that ' call "hel#less anger" co$es along "ith a thousand other things& 0ach ti$e this feeling co$es ac! to $e it has a different totality "ith it& )hen% in focusing% ' as! $y ody to let $e have $ore of "hat*s in that "hole feeling% the very "ay ' a##roach $yself changes the totality& +he good.feeling focusing #rocess itself changes $uch of the surroundings in "hich this feeling is no" #roduced& 4y $e$ory of $y oyhood feeling "on*t change% ut the "ay $y "hole ody #roduces the feeling "ill e different& 8nd that is one "ay to understand "hy focusing allo"s the ody to change "hat has long een stuc! and unchanging in us& +his $eans that "e need not e scared of "hat is in us,for there are no things in us& <ather% our feelings are ne"ly #roduced each $o$ent& IF TOO MANY FEELINGS COME TOO FAST 3o$e #eo#le find focusing difficult ecause their feelings co$e too fast and there are too $any& -ocusing is a slowing down for these #eo#le& "+a!e any one% and sto# it% and stay "ith it%" ' tell the$& 3o$eti$es it hel#s "hen ' say% "8ll right% there*s that "hole "elter of feelings% no" let it all e% and /ust let yourself 1uietly do"n under it% as if there is /ust one feeling under the$ all& 3ee if you can get that feeling under the$ all&" H3ilence &&& then &&& "2h% yes% ' feel HsayI hurt&"I "2:% there you are%" ' say& "3ee "hat that hurt really is% that "hole sense of hurt&" "+a!e charge%" ' say& "+hro" the$ all out% and then let the$ co$e in one at a ti$e& -irst% get the$ all off of you& Nust sit u#% loo! around the roo$% and #ush the$ all off& +a!e a rea!& +hen let one feeling co$e, /ust one&" '- A2U< C<'+'C 48:03 A2U -00@ 68( 0veryone has a "critic%" a nasty voice that co$es and says so$ething li!e "8nything you do "on*t "or!%" or "Aou*re no good& Aou*re "orthless% no ody "ould "ant you around" or "Aou $essed u# again% you al"ays do& +his is another one in that long string" or "Aou*re /ust a "ishy."ashy% no courage% that*s you&" 3o$eti$es this voice "ill use true infor$ation% ut even so% its tone of voice is so nasty% you can tell it is the destructive critic attac!ing you& 't is very i$#ortant to sense that the critic is different fro$ your o"n in"ard source& +he critic is not your o"n felt sense s#ea!ing fro$ "ithin you& <ather% it is li!e a voice co$ing at you fro$ outside% or a ove your head& 't "aves its finger at you% li!e an angry #arent or a $ean teacher& 9aturally it generates feelings in you% ut these are not feelings to focus on& +hey are only constrictions and tight. closed tensions the critic $a!es in you& )o not respect 2o'r critic. +he critic is not your conscience& Conscience is a "still s$all voice" inside& Aou can evaluate any infor$ation $uch etter yourself% if you first send the critic out into the hall% to "ait& Aour o"n sense co$es fro$ "ithin you and al"ays feels li!e an o#ening% an i$constricting& Aou $ay find the sa$e facts% or you $ay not& 0ither "ay it is an entirely different !ind of ody.e;#erience to focus& +he est "ay to deal "ith the critic Heveryone has oneKI is to "ave it a"ay "ith so$e disres#ectful co$$ent& 4ine usually says the sa$e things% over and over& 3o ' say to it% "Go a"ay and co$e ac! "hen you have so$ething ne" to say&" 2r ' say% "' don*t have to listen to any ody "ho tal!s to $e in that tone&" 8ll #sychologists have found this destructive #art of every #erson and given it various na$es Hsu#er.ego% ad #arent% ani$us% criticI& )hatever you call it% don*t fall for it& 'n focusing one $ust #ush it out of the "ay "hen it interru#ts& )ave it off "ith your hand% and #ut your attention in your ody& @et the constriction the critic has $ade there e a"ay& )ait till you are again sensing your o"n in"ard source% "here the felt sense of the "hole #ro le$ for$s& 2ne #erson #ut it 1uite "ellE "'t used to give $e a thud% a thu$# in the $iddle& 't "as a signal to feel terri le&

3?

9o" it*s a signal to get $ad& 't*s U!e so$e ody !ic!ed $e& *Aou sto# thatK* H3he #uts her fists u#&I (on*t /ust elieve your critic and focus on ho" ad it $a!es you feel& 'nstead% find out% underneath% "hat 2o' really feel and #erceive% and need& )or! do"n "here 2o' feel and need things% and not /ust "ith your critic& 5* GO RIGHT TO MY BAD FEELING. AND -00@ BAD AS ALWAYS3o$e #eo#le% des#ite the careful and #recise focusing instructions% s!i# the$ all and go directly to their usual ad feelings& 3o$e #eo#le are used to turning to a single ad feeling inside% "henever they turn inside& 3o they egin to focus and there it is& 8fter ' give focusing instructions in a grou#% ' often as! each #erson to "rite $e a note a out "hatever difficulty "as encountered in trying to focus& 2ne "o$an "roteE ")hen ' ca$e in here ' felt fine% ' focused on $y ad feeling% and no" ' feel ad& 's this "hat focusing is forL" Clearly% if that*s focusing% "ho needs itL +his is not focusing& -ocusing involves letting a felt sense for$ so$ething "ider than and different fro$ your old fa$iliar ad feeling& 3tay out of the old fa$iliar sin!hole% stand ac! and ta!e in a "ider sense of the "hole #ro le$ area that the ad feeling is #art of&
=00 X -2CU3'9G

-or e;a$#le% don*t /ust re$e$ er your hurt at the love relationshi#s that /ust ro!e u#& 'nstead% stand ac! and as! for a felt sense to for$,a sense of the "hole areaE you and loving& Aes% yes% there*s the hurt% ut "hat else is thereL )hat is the "hole feel around and under itL 3ure% you !no" your #articular de#ressed #lace& +here $ight even e a suction dra"ing you into it% ut don*t sin!& 8s! yourself "hat that "hole area of your life feels li!e% and you "ill find yourself out of the e$otion% and a felt sense 'nder it "ill co$e& 3trange as it sounds% focusing is lighter than heavy e$otions& 3o$eti$es heavy e$otions do co$e in focusing% ut a felt sense is al"ays easier on the ody than e$otions& Great #assions% insane /ealousy% tearing resent$ents% grand sufferings,these are so$eti$es #atterns set off y little feelings you hardly noticed& -ocus on the "little" feeling that set it off% es#ecially if the strong #assion is one you have $any ti$es felt and #ursued already& )hen #eo#le first hear of focusing% they so$eti$es assu$e that they "ould need a free afternoon for it in order to have over"hel$ing feelings and #rivately go to #ieces for a "hile& -ocusing is not li!e that& +he felt sense of the "hole thing feels lighter than "hat you are feeUng already& Aou can focus "hile you are "aiting for a us& Nust see "hat*s et"een you and feeling fine& (on*t go into these% /ust say "yes% that*s there &&&" and feel the relief that co$es fro$ $a!ing the s#ace& +hen% if one #ro le$ needs "or!ing on% get the "hole felt sense of itK ")hat is it li!e to have that there% no"L" 6y the ti$e you get on the us you*ll feel $uch etter& +he fe" $inutes et"een things are good for focusing& )hy carry your tensions around all dayL -ocusing ta!es a fe" $inutes% ten% fifteen% let*s say even half an hour& 6ut not $ore& +hen it*s ti$e to tal!% rest% do so$ething else& (o not grind a"ay at things& Aou "ill return later& 4ean"hile% the ody "ill #rocess it& 042+'29 P0<3U3 -0@+ 30930E +7'3 ('3+'9C+'29 '3 P'+8@ 8s you focus on a felt sense you $ay get further e$otions co$ing out of it& 6ut a felt sense is not an e$otion li!e anger% fear% hate% /oy% or an;iety& 't is a sense of your total e$otional situation% a feel of $any things together% in "hich an e$otion can e e$ edded or fro$ "hich an e$otion is #roduced&

9ine 'f Aou Can*t 4a!e 8nything 3hift


+he ody shift $ost often ha##ens in the third% fourth% or fifth focusing $ove$ent& +he third $ove$ent% you*ll recall% is the one in "hich you get a handle for the 1uality of the felt sense% and the fourth is resonating ac! and forth et"een felt sense and handle& +he fifth is the one in "hich you as! the felt sense "hat it is& H)hat a out the "hole #ro le$ $a!es thisLI H'n $any #eo#le% as '*ve said% the three $ove$ents ta!e #lace si$ultaneously or in such 1uic! succession that there is no "ay,and of course% no need,to se#arate the$&I 'f you get stuc! in those $ove$ents% or can*t see$ to get into the$ at all% this cha#ter "ill offer so$e hel#& DELIBERATE LETTING6GO 'n the s#ectru$ of #eo#le*s attitudes to"ard their feelings% there are t"o o##osite e;tre$es that don*t often #roduce useful results& 2ne is the attitude of strict controlE trying to $a!e the head do$inate the ody% insisting that you "on*t give in to this or e sto##ed y that& +he other e;tre$e is that of never "anting to direct or control feelings% as if anything see$s artificial e;ce#t floating% letting i$ages roa$% letting feelings co$e and go& 0ither e;tre$e can #revent you fro$ getting a ody shift& -ocusing is a deli erate% controlled #rocess u# to a certain #oint% and then there is an e1ually deli erate rela;ation of control% a letting go% a dro##ing of the reins& +he very "ord "focusing" suggests that you are trying to $a!e shar# "hat is at first vague& Aou gro#e do"n into a felt sense and you control the #rocess to #revent yourself fro$ drifting& "' "ant to !no" a out this feeling% not any

37

others right no"%" you tell yourself& ")hat*s this feeling a outL )hat*s in it% "hat*s underneath itL" 'f you do find yourself drifting% rein yourself ac! inE ")here "as ' /ust thenL 8h&&& yes& ' "as at that stuff a out guilt% or "hatever it is& )hat is all that a outL &&&" 2nce you have $ade contact "ith a felt sense clearly and strongly% you dro# the reins& (on*t try to control "hat co$es fro$ it& Let "hat co$es fro$ the felt sense co$eE "ords% #ictures% #hysical sensations% as long as it is from this felt sense& +he #rocess $ight e called "deli erate letting.go&" LETTING THE BODY REALLY SHIFT )hen you first learn focusing% the odily res#onses can e very slight& +here is a arely noticea le "unhuh" in your ody% "hen so$ething co$es that is /ust right& @earn to let your ody ta!e $ore of a shift& +ry e;haling a dee# long reath Hli!e the $any e;a$#les in this oo! "here ' have "ritten ""he"&&&"I& +ry nodding "ith your head& +ry rela;ing your "hole ody as if you had een sitting stiffly& +his shift allo"s you to $elt& 'f you do this #ur#osely a fe" ti$es% your ody "ill learn to e;#ress itself $ore freely& +hen don*t do it on #ur#ose any $ore% see "hat $ore e;#ressive ody $oves co$e of their o"n accord& 8s an e;a$#le% thin! of a little girl that is very scared& 3he stands #etrified% only her eyes $oving& Aou "al! u# and say% "7oney% are you scaredL" +here is the arest little it of a nod&
9o" in this e;a$#le% you !no" this little girl hasn*t yet changed in her ody& )hat you "ant is to say again to herE "3cared% honeyL 't*s 2: to feel "hatever you feel% "e*ll see "hat "e can do& 7as it een scaryL" +he little girl $ight then #ractically $elt in your ar$s% y "ay of saying "Aes% it s're has een scary&" 2f course% there isn*t al"ays a $a/or felt shiftG so$eti$es a s$all ste# has only a slight odily effect& 6ut at ti$es a $a/or effect co$es% if you don*t settle too 1uic!ly for the arely noticea le "yes" in your ody and !ee# as!ing it& )hen so$ething co$es that feels correct in your ody% chec! ac! a fe" ti$es% not so $uch ecause it $ight e "rong ut to let this $ore $a/or odily change ha##en& SOME TRIGGERING 7UESTIONS )hen you have $ade contact "ith a felt sense ut can*t $a!e it $ove% the #ro le$ $ay e only that you haven*t yet as!ed yourself the right o#en.ended 1uestion& 3o$eti$es feelings "ill res#ond to a 1uestion that is #hrased in a certain "ay% ut not to virtually the sa$e 1uestion #hrased another "ay& 8 1uestion that $a!es things shift inside $e one ti$e $ight have no effect at another ti$e& +hus it $ay hel# you to e;#eri$ent "ith various #hrasings until you find one or a fe" that "or! for you& @isted elo" are the 1uestions that see$ to "or! $ost often in $ost #eo#le& ")hat is this% reallyL" +hat is asically "hat you are trying to get at% ut the 1uestion as #hrased $ay e too general% too vague& +hese 1uestions are $ore s#ecific& ")hat is the cru; of thisL" ")hat is the "orst of itL" 2r ")hat are the t"o or three things a out it that trou le $e the $ostL" ")hat is at the center of itL" ")hat is under thisL )hat is doing itL" ")hat needs to ha##en for $e "ith thisL"

")hat "ould it ta!e to feel etterL" 9otice that there are t"o asic !inds of 1uestionsE the !ind that as!s "hat*s "rong% and the !ind that as!s "hat "ould e right& 8nother "ay to say itE "e can as! into "hat the #ro le$ has een% or "e can as! a out "hat needs to ha##en and hasn*t yet& 't is very i$#ortant to as! the for"ard ty#e of 1uestion so$eti$es& -or e;a$#le% su##ose you often feel lonely and isolated& )hen you focus% that feeling often co$es& 't is 1uite right to focus on "hat the "hole felt sense is that goes "ith "isolated&" Aou $ay find in "hat "ay you isolate yourself% or "hat 1uite different things this is really a out& 6ut it "ill e i$#ortant at so$e #oint also to as! the felt senseE ")hat "ould it ta!e not to feel this "ayL" or so$e 1uestion of that ty#e& @oo! for the life.ste#s for"ard% and not only at "hat the trou le has een& )709 +70 789(@0 -'+3 6U+ +709 A2U 8<0 3+UC: Aou have $ade contact "ith the glo al felt sense of a #ro le$ and you have as!ed "hat the 1uality of it is& 8 handle has co$eE "'*$ afraid&" 3ee!ing to go another ste#% you have as!ed "hat is under that fear% "hat is doing it& 6ut nothing co$es& 8ll you can feel is "'*$ scared%" over and over again& Aou are stuc!& )hat can you doL Aour #ro le$ $ay e that you have eco$e stuc! "ith a unit.la el% "hich ' $entioned in the last cha#ter& Aou are loo!ing at the "ord,"scared%" or "hatever it $ay e,as though it says everything that needs to e said& 2r you are loc!ed onto "scared" as only that e$otion& @et it roaden into a felt sense& )hat "ider feeling does this "scared" co$e out ofL +here are a vast nu$ er of "ays of feeling that can co$e along "ith "scared&" Get a feel of this $ass of feelings that go "ith this scared& 2r try a fresh start& 3tand "ay ac! fro$ the #ro le$& 't "ill re$ain there% don*t "orry& +a!e a rea!% ta!e a

38

reath& +hen consider the #ro le$ as "ider and dee#er than /ust "scared&" 6ring ho$e to yourself that it #ro a ly goes "ith $uch else in your life% your #ast% your future% other #eo#le% and so on& 't is a "hole slice of your life% a "hole conte;t& )hat is the "hole sense in your ody "hen you thin! of all thatL 2r try% ")hy a$ ' scaredL" 8gain don*t ans"er& :ee# saying the 1uestion and "hile you say it% try to get the whole feel of "hat goes along "ith this #articular "scared&" )hat are its uni1ue 1ualitiesL -eel it inside you% and see "hat fresh "ords co$e fro$ it& "'*$ afraid &&& and there*s a !ind of loneliness "ith it% li!e '*$,AesK +hat*s "hat it feels li!eK 't*s li!e '*ve een left stranded alone on a high scary #lace and every ody has gone a"ay% and there*s never going to e any ody to hel# $e&&&&" U3'9G '48G0<A 8nother "ay to get a ody shift "hen you are stuc! is to let an i$age for$& 4any #eo#le have vivid i$agery and $any don*t& 6ut anyone can for$ an everyday i$age% even "ith o#en eyes& +ry itE '$agine no" the roo$ "here you slee#% and "here your ed is& 7o" do you get to the door fro$ the edL Aou can con/ure a visual i$age of that even as you are reading& 'n that sa$e inner s#ace% you can as! for an i$age of a feeling to for$& )ait till it #o#s in& +he i$age "ill e;#ress a felt sense& Aou $ight see a forest% for instance% a figure% a stor$% a "all% yourself $ining& )hen you have the i$age% then see ho" this i$age $a!es you feel& 2ften /ust having the i$age "ill shift so$ething& )hether it does or not% as! yourself% ")hat does this i$age no" $a!e $e feelL" 't "ill #ro a ly give you a ste#& @22:'9G U5 +70 893)0< Y +70 68C: 2- +70 622: 'f you cannot get a ody shift% there is a different $ethod% "hich lets your ody e;#erience "hat it wo'ld e li!e if the #ro le$ "ere resolved& 8s! your ody% ")hat "ould it feel li!e% in $y ody% if this difficulty so$eho" got co$#letely resolvedL" 'f you "ait a fe" seconds you "ill feel the shift in your ody& 't hel#s also% "hen you do this% to let your ody shift out"ardly% if it "ants to& 5erha#s your ody "ill "ant to sit u# "ith your head high% or #erha#s it "in "ant to rela; and e;hale% or $ove in so$e other "ay of its o"n accord& 6y going through this #rocess% you let your ody give you a taste of "hat it "ill e li!e to feel right& )hen you reach that good feeling% !ee# it& 3ee "hat you learn fro$ it& 8fter a "hile% tell yourself% "' can feel this "ay all the ti$e&" +hen "ait& 'f so$ething ne" inside co$es to you and says% "9o& 3orry& Aou can*t feel this "ay all the ti$e%" as! that "so$ething" "hat it is& +his is $uch li!e #re$aturely loo!ing u# the ans"er to a $ath #ro le$ in the ac! of the oo!& Aou !no" "hat the ans"er loo!s li!e ut not ho" to do the ste#s& 6ut !no"ledge of the ans"er hel#s you to "or! ac!"ard& 't lets you as! "hat is in the "ay% "hat you $ust change to get this ans"er& )or!ing fro$ the ans"er ac!"ard gives you ste#s you couldn*t find fro$ the #ro le$& +hus it is "ith this "ay of focusing& Aou let your ody feel its ans"er& 9ot only does this feel good at the ti$e you are doing it% ut it lets you as!E "2:% "hat*s in the "ay of feeling this "ayL" +hat ""hat*s in the "ay" can e a ne" o#ening& 6ut to use it% you $ust #retend to yourself for a $o$ent H!no"ing etter% of courseI that the #ro le$ really is all solved and you "ill re$ain in this good fra$e of $ind. ody&
3o$e #eo#le% "hen they as! "hat*s in the "ay% go right ac! to "here they "ere% the "ay they left the #ro le$& (on*t do that& 3tay and #retend it*s all solved until a new ""hat says noL" co$es& Aou can do that y holding onto the good feeling% /ust as you "ould hold onto an ans"er fro$ the ac! of the oo! "hile trying to $a!e ste#s fro$ it ac!"ards& 9ote an e;a$#le fro$ the later stages of so$eone*s focusingE "' sit "ith this ad feeling a "hile ut it doesn*t change& ' !no" "hat it is% ut that doesn*t $atter& )hat $atters is ' can*t get it to shift& 3o ' did this& *)hat "ould your ody feel li!e if it "ere all solvedL* 8nd ' got *)o"K '*d e freeK* 8nd $y ody sort of sat for"ard and $y lood circulated $ore and ' felt li!e $oving $y shoulders% li!e ' "as $arching out into the "orld& 't "as a neat feelingK +hen ' said% *2:% can ' stay this "ayL* 8nd it ca$e and said *9o&* 8nd ' said% *2:% "hy notL* and right a"ay ' got this s#ecial !ind of eing scared& "'t felt really good to focus on that s#ecial !ind of scared% instead of the stuc! ad feeling fro$ efore& "+hat s#ecial scared% it turned out to e very odd& ' "asn*t scared of anything that*s usual& ' "as scared of living% li!e '*d rea! so$ething if ' /ust ca$e out% li!e living in a china store% sort of% that*s the "ay '*ve een&&&&"
CHECKING

4a!e it a "#lace" you can leave and co$e ac! to& 8 #ainful #lace $ay not shift i$$ediately& Aou $ay have to chec! in "ith its felt edge% a nu$ er of ti$es during the rest of the day% and #erha#s for several days& (o it riefly and gentlyE "Can ' still feel that "hole thingL&&& 8h% there it is& 8nything ne"L &&& 8h% still the sa$e& 2:&" +his ta!es only a $inute& 0ventually you "ill find a ste# or shift there&

DON*T SAY. -IT MUST BE &&&" I "ant to "arn you once $ore against analyFing% inferring% "figuring out&" +his can #revent anything fro$

39

shifting& )e all thin! "e !no" $uch a out our #ro le$s& )e #ush our odies around a great deal% try to force ourselves in this direction and that% guided y a 3unday school list of ad$ired traits or y various social grou#s* lists of "hat are acce#ted as "orthy goals& )e don*t listen to our odies enough% and this failing can cro# u# even in the $idst of focusing& Aou $ight for$ a glo al felt sense of a #ro le$% then gro#e for its cru; and find it and feel good for a second or t"o& 6ut then the old analyFing ha it can ta!e over& "2h% sure% ' !no" "hat this is a out%" you hear yourself say& "'t $ust e &&&" )henever you hear #hrases li!e "it $ust e%" turn the$ off& Aou are only doing "hat $ost #eo#le do throughout their livesE trying to tell yourself "hat is "rong& <e$e$ er the i$#ortance of an "as!ing" rather than a "telling" internal attitude& +ell yourself nothing& 8s!% "ait% and let your ody re#ly& Aour effectiveness in focusing% and the re"ards it gives you% "ill i$#rove "ith #ractice& 'n ti$e% you "on*t need to thin! consciously a out any of these trou leshooting rules& 9or% as '*ve said% "ill you need to thin! of the focusing #rocess as a si;.ste# e;ercise& 't "ill eco$e an easy and natural act% li!e "al!ing& 8nd it "ill eco$e a #art of your everyday life% if you let it& Aou "ill find yourself using it not only in ti$es of stress ut as a hel# in solving all life*s #ro le$s& @earn to trust your ody*s guidance&

&ar' 'hr$$ PEOPLE HELPING EACH OTHER


'$ F" +" ! R"(h $%% " O'h$r%
7o" $any #eo#le do you really !no"L Aour hus and or "ifeL Aour est friendL Aour #arentsL 't*s #ro a le that you don*t really !no" even the$& 3ure% you !no" "hat they are li!ely to do under certain circu$stances& )hat they al"ays say% and "hat they are li!ely to go right on saying& Aou can #ro a ly i$agine the ne;t conversation you "ill have "ith the$% and "hat you oth "ill say& Aou*ll co$e close to eing right% ut there is no o#ening u# of in"ard e;#erience& )ho really understands 2o'B )ho "ants to hear "hat 2o' feelL 4ost #eo#le "ill ans"er% "9o one&" 3o$e fe" "ill say "3o.and.so "ould li!e to hear it% ut he can*t understand $e really&" Pery fe" #eo#le have so$eone they can share inner e;#erience "ith% and then only u# to a #oint& 8nd even "ith yourselfE have you not left certain #laces dar!L )ithout even !no"ing /ust wh2 you are scared of the$L 2r ho" you "ould go into the$L 6eing so largely un!no"n and unseen $a!es us feel so$e"hat unreal% as if "e e;ist only to ourselves and #erha#s not 1uite even that& )e find that if listening and if focusing are shared% #eo#le can co$e to !no" each other $ore dee#ly in a fe" hours than $ost do in years& Contact is a hu$an need& Contact co$es "hen "e sense the difference "e $a!e to other #eo#le and they to us& Contact "ithout really !no"ing each other Hand ourselves through each otherI is li$ited& )e can huddle for "ar$th% get a little co$fort% ut too $uch #rivacy e$#hasiFes our isolation% even as "e huddle together& 8uthentic seeing and !no"ing each other co$es "ith focusing and listeningG in"ard e;#erience o#ens u# to ourselves& 8nd if it doesn*t o#en it cannot e seen and sharedG it re$ains loc!ed in its o"n du$ half. eing& 4ost #eo#le live "ithout e;#ressing their inner richness& 4uch of "hat #eo#le do is canned routines% "roles&" 3o$eti$es they are alive in their roles% ut $ore often not& 4ost often #eo#le have to !ee# the$selves do"n% #ut the$selves a"ay% hold their reath till later& -or $any #eo#le there isn*t $uch of a "later" either,and their inner selves eco$e silent and al$ost disa##ear& +hey "onder if% inside% there is anything to the$& 0ven "hen "e get into a relationshi#% $uch of it is the sa$e thingE $ore roles and routines& )e feel shattered and destroyed "hen they rea! ecause "ithout the$ "e are ac! to eing alone& 0ven "hen our relationshi#s are "good%" $uch of it e;ists in silence% or driving in a car saying% "2h% loo! at that sign over there &&&"

B0

9or are the ti$es of "o#enness" etter& Usually it*s a $atter of the sa$e torn and #ained feelings e;#ressed over and over again& +"o #eo#le "ho are close tend to have the sa$e feelings% year in and year out& +o "s#ea! o#enly" $eans saying and hearing the sa$e stuc! #hrases fro$ the sa$e stuc! #laces& +his cha#ter and the ne;t "ill sho" you so$e "ays to hel# closed% stuc! relationshi#s through focusing and listening. 8t first% try the ste#s #resented here "ith so$eone other than the #erson you*re closest to& 't need not al"ays e the sa$e #erson& +he e;#erience of contact and de#th is easier to get at first "ith #eo#le "ho are not the $ost i$#ortant to you& Certainly you "ant to e;#erience hu$an eings in their inner reality& 8nd% vice versa% you "ant the reality of eing
actually seen and ta!en in and sensed y another #erson as you really are& )e all !no" #eo#le "ith "ho$ it is est not to share anything that $atters to us& 'f "e have e;#erienced so$ething e;citing% and if "e tell it to those #eo#le% it "ill see$ al$ost dull& 'f "e have a secret% "e "ill !ee# it safe fro$ those #eo#le% safe inside us% untold& +hat "ay it "on*t shrivel u# and lose all the $eaning it has for us& 6ut if you are luc!y% you !no" one #erson "ith "ho$ it is the other "ay around& 'f you tell that #erson so$ething e;citing% it eco$es $ore e;citing& 8 great story "ill e;#and% you "ill find yourself telling it in $ore detail% finding the richness of all the ele$ents% $ore than "hen you only thought a out it alone& )hatever $atters to you% you save it until you can tell it to that #erson& -ocusing and listening are li!e thatE li!e tal!ing to a #erson "ho $a!es your e;#erience e;#and& 'n focusing% you $ust e that !ind of #erson "ithin yourself& 8nd you can also e that "ay "ith others% and sho" the$ ho" to e that "ay for you& Aou "in often "ant to focus alone& 6ut also try it "ith so$eone else& 3u##ose you "ant a friend to listen to you "hile and after you focus% and then hel# your friend focus% "ith you as listener& Aou $ay "ant to focus efore a##roaching the friend% in order to find out /ust "hat your feelings are& 'f you feel the relationshi# is close and easy% "ith lee"ay for tal!ing a out dee#ly felt #ersonal $atters% you $ight find and say so$ething li!e thisE "'*ve /ust read this oo!% and it*s a out a !ind of #ersonal #ro le$ solving that sounds good& 't says that it*s easier to do "ith so$eone else than alone& @et*s divide the ne;t hour,half for you% half for $e& ' thin! "e $ight li!e to try it together& ' thought '*d as! you ecause ' found that Hfor e;a$#leI '*$ not scared of you% and '*$ too scared to say anything a out $yself to $ost #eo#le&" S Aou $ight #oint out that $ost of it can e done in silence& 't*s i$#ortant to e;#lain that #eo#le are as!ed to say a out the$selves only as $uch as they "ish to say& )hoever is focusing or tal!ing is in charge& +he listener 1uietly "aits "hile the other goes silently into feelings& 'f you e;#lain the #rocess to a friend this "ay% it "on*t sound difficult& 't is #ossi le% right on the s#ot% to as! the #erson to #ay attention to you for five $inutes% and not to sa2 an2thing. +hen focus& )hen you shift% "ait a fe" $o$ents and say so$ething general li!eE "' got a ad feeling% and /ust no" ' felt it easing u#% and ' see "hat the trou le "as&" +hen e 1uiet another $inute or so& -ocus further until you get to a good sto##ing #lace& 3it u# and re$ar! Hif trueI that it "as easier to focus this "ay than alone& +hen as! if your friend "ould li!e to focus "hile you listen& 9o" a sur#rising factE focusing is easier "ith another #erson #resent% even though focuser and listener say nothing at all. Usually% "hen ' first as! #eo#le to give $e their attention and co$#any "hile ' focus% ' have to e;#lain that ' "on*t say anything $uch& ' as! if that is all right& "2h&&&%" they say% and turn to #ic! u# a ne"s#a#er or oo!& +hen ' have to e;#lain that ' need the$ to focus their attention on $e% even though ' "on*t e entertaining the$ "ith stories& 8t first they find it hard to elieve that this could hel#% or that ' could "ant such a thing& 6ut the #eo#le "ho !no" ho" to focus also !no" this odd fact% and are 1uite glad oth to give attention and to receive it& 't ha##ens 1uite naturally& -or e;a$#le% an e;change li!e this is co$$onE "' feel gru$#y and annoyed% and ' have this "or! to do tonight% and ' don*t "ant to do it& Nust can*t $a!e $yself start&" "2:% can you go do"n to "here it is% and see "hat it isL" "8re you 2: for a "hile% if ' do thatL" "Aes% it*s fine&" "2:&" +here is a long silence "hile the #erson focuses& +henE ")he" &&& ' feel etter& ' got "hat it is&"

"8re you 2: no"% or is it not co$#letely 2: yetL" "' thin! it*s 2: for no"& +han!sK 7o" are 2o'B5 't $ight sur#rise you that this e;change actually occurred during a long.distance call et"een Chicago and 9e" Aor!K 9either #erson thought it the slightest it odd to ta!e u# five long.distance $inutes "ith the silence of focusing& 'n the a ove e;a$#le the #erson "ho focused chose not to tal! during the focusing& 6ut this need not e so& 8s "e*ve already seen% in $any focusing sessions so$e tal! $ay go on& 4ore often% it*s efore or after silent focusing that #eo#le $ay "ish to tal! at length& 9o" let*s discuss ho" to e a good listener& 't sounds si$#ler than it is& -e" #eo#le are% in fact% good listeners% and this /udg$ent includes $ost #sychothera#ists% social "or!ers% teachers% vocational counselors% and others "hose #rofessions should re1uire of the$ that they listen "ell& ' ho#e the Listening .an'al3 "hich follo"s% "ill e read and studied y #rofessionals and #eo#le "ho are not in the "listening" #rofessions&

B=

't "as originally "ritten for #eo#le "ho si$#ly "anted to hel# each other& 't has already een "idely distri uted around the country under the na$e $ap .an'al.* Aou "ill find it hel#ful to read oth this and the 6oc'sing .an'al aloud% "ith another #erson or a grou#& 0ven though ' "as #art of "riting the $anuals% it stul hel#s $e "hen so$eone reads the$ to $e&
U5ro#erty of Changes% 5?55 University 8venue% Chicago% 'llinois% y 0ugene Gendlin and 4ary 7endric!s% "ith the aid of 8llan <ohlfs and others&

$l$1$ Th$ L"%'$ " ! Ma /al


-our !inds of hel#ing are discussed here% used at different ti$es for different #ur#oses& 6e sure to eco$e co$#etent "ith the first efore you try the others& 2nce you learn the$ and they eco$e #art of your "ay of dealing "ith #eo#le% you "ill find yourself using each of the$ in situations that are a##ro#riate to each& THE FIRST KIND OF HELPING: HELPING ANOTHER PERSON FOCUS WHILE TALKING A. A8%ol/'$ l"%'$ " !5 I. you set aside a #eriod of ti$e "hen you only listen% and indicate only "hether you follo" or not% you "ill discover a sur#rising fact& 5eo#le can tell you $uch $ore and also find $ore inside the$selves% than can ever ha##en in ordinary interchanges& 'f you use only e;#ressions such as "Aes%" or "' see%" or "2h yes% ' can sure see ho" you feel%" or "' lost you% can you say that again% #leaseL" you "ill see a dee# #rocess unfold& 'n ordinary social interchange "e nearly al"ays sto# each other fro$ getting very far inside& 2ur advice% reactions% encourage$ents% reassurances% and "ell.intentioned co$$ents actually #revent #eo#le fro$ feeling
l&+he $ethod of "saying ac!" "as discovered y Carl <ogers% and training in its use is availa le in PGS.T. y +ho$as Gordon&

understood& +ry follo"ing so$eone carefully "ithout #utting anything of your o"n in& Aou "ill e a$aFed& Give the s#ea!er a truthful sense of "hen you follo"% and "hen not& '$$ediately you "ill e a good listener& 6ut you $ust e truthful and indicate "hen you fail to follo"& H"Can you say that another "ayL ' didn*t get it"I 7o"ever% it hel#s $uch $ore if you the listener "ill sa2 (ack the other #erson*s #oints% ste# y ste#% as you understand the$& ' call that a(sol'te listening. 9ever introduce to#ics that the other #erson didn*t e;#ress& 9ever #ush your o"n inter#retations& 9ever $i; in your o"n ideas& +here are only t"o reasons for s#ea!ing "hile listeningE to sho" that you understand e;actly y saying ac! "hat the other #erson has said or $eant% or to as! for re#etition or clarification& To %ho) 'ha' ,o/ / +$r%'a + $3a('l, 4a!e a sentence or t"o that gets at the #ersonal $eaning this #erson wanted to p't across. +his "ill usually e in your o"n "ords% ut use that #erson*s o"n "ords for the touchy $ain things& 5eo#le need to hear you s#ea!& +hey need to hear that you got each ste#& 4a!e a sentence or t"o for every $ain #oint they $a!e% for each thing they are trying to get across& HUsually% this "ill e for a out every five or ten sentences of theirs&I (on*t /ust "let the$ tal!%" ut relate to each thing that they feel% "hether it*s good or ad& (on*t try to fi; or change or i$#rove it& +ry to get the cru; of it e;actly the "ay they $ean it and feel it& 3o$eti$es "hat #eo#le say is co$#licated& Aou can*t get "hat they say% nor "hat it $eans to the$% all at once& -irst% $a!e a sentence or t"o a out the cru; of "hat they said& Chec! that out "ith the$& @et the$ correct it and add to it if they "ant to& +a!e in% and say ac!% "hat they have changed or added% until they agree that you have it /ust as they feel it& +hen $a!e another sentence to say "hat it $eans to the$% or ho" they feel it& 0;a$#leE 3u##ose a "o$an has een telling you a out so$e intricate set of events% "hat so$e #eo#le did to her and ho" and "hen% to "#ut her do"n&" -irst% you "ould say one or $ore sentences to state in "ords the cru; of "hat she said as she sees it& +hen she corrects so$e of ho" you said it% to get it $ore e;actly& Aou then say ac! her correctionsE "2h% so it "asn*t that they all did that% ut all of the$ agreed to it&" +hen she $ight add a fe" $ore things% "hich you again ta!e in and say ac! $ore or less as she said the$& +hen% "hen you have it /ust right% you $a!e another sentence for the #ersonal $eaning or feeling that "hole thing hasE "8nd "hat*s really ad a out it is that it*s $ade you feel #ut do"n&" I. ,o/ +o *' / +$r%'a + )ha' 'h$ &$r%o "% %a," !, or ,o/ !$' #"3$+ /& or lo%' +here is a "ay to as! for re#etition or clarification& (on*t say% "' didn*t understand any of it&" <ather% ta!e "hatever its you did understand% even if it "as very vague% or only the eginning% and use it to as! for $oreE "' do get that this is i$#ortant to you% ut ' don*t get "hat it is yet&&&&" (on*t say a lot of things you aren*t sure the #erson $eant& +he #erson "ill have to "aste lots of ti$e e;#laining to you "hy "hat you said doesn*t fit& 'nstead% /ust say "hat you are sure you heard and as! the$ to re#eat the rest& 3ay ac! (it (2 (it "hat the #erson tells you& (on*t let the #erson say $ore than you can ta!e in and say ac!&

B2

'nterru#t% say ac!% and let the #erson go on& 7o" ,o/ 2 o) "hen ,o/ ar$ +o" ! it r"!h' Aou !no" this "hen #eo#le go further into their #ro le$s& -or e;a$#le% the #erson $ay say% "9o% it*s not li!e that% it*s $ore li!e,uh," and then $ay feel further into it to see ho" it actually feels& Aou have done it right& Aour "ords $ay have een "rong% or $ay no" sound "rong to the #erson even though they "ere very close to "hat the #erson said a $o$ent efore& 6ut "hat $atters is that your "ords led the #erson to feel further into the #ro le$ so your "ords had the right result& )hatever the #erson then says% ta!e that in and say it ac!& 't*s a ste# further& 2r the #erson $ay sit silently% satisfied that you get everything u# to no"& 2r the #erson $ay sho" you a release% a rela;ing% a "hole. odied "Aes% that*s "hat it is%" a dee# reath% a sigh& 3uch $o$ents occur no" and then% and after the$ ne" or further ste#s co$e& Aou $ay also tell that it is going right y $ore su tle signs of the rela;ation that co$es fro$ eing heard "ell ,the feeling "e all get "hen "e have een trying to say so$ething and have finally #ut it acrossE the feeling that "e don*t have to say that any $ore& )hile a #erson is laying out an idea% or #art of one% there is a tension% a holding of reath% "hich $ay re$ain for several interchanges& )hen the cru; is finally oth said and e;actly understood and res#onded to% there is rela;ation% li!e an e;haling of reath& +he #erson doesn*t have to hold the thing in the ody any $ore& +hen so$ething further can co$e in& H't*s i$#ortant to acce#t the silence that can co$e here for "hat see$s li!e a long ti$e% even a $inute or so& +he focuser no" has the inner ody #eace to let another thing co$e u#& )on?t destro2 the peace (2 speaking needlessl2.1 Ho) you !no" "hen ,o/ +"+ it "rongR a + "hat to +o a out that 'f nearly the sa$e thing is said over again% it $eans the #erson feels you haven*t got it yet& 3ee ho" the focuser*s "ords differ fro$ "hat you said& 'f nothing feels different% then say it again and add to it% "6ut that*s not all% or that*s not right% so$e "ayL" 8s you res#ond% the focuser*s face $ay get tight% tense% confused& +his sho"s that the focuser is trying to understand "hat you are saying& 3o you $ust e doing it "rong% adding so$ething or not getting it& 3to# and as! the #erson again to say ho" it is& 'f the focuser changes the su /ect Hes#ecially to so$ething less $eaningful or less #ersonalI% it $eans he or she gave u# on getting the $ore #ersonal thing across right& Aou can interru#t and say so$ething li!e% "'*$ still "ith "hat you "ere /ust trying to say a out&&&& ' !no" ' didn*t understand it right% ut ' "ant to&" +hen say only the #art of it you*re sure of% and as! the #erson to go on fro$ there& Aou "ill get it right sooner or later& t doesn?t matter when. 't can e the third or fourth try& 5eo#le can get further into their feelings est "hen another #erson is receiving or trying to receive each it e;actly as they have it% "ithout additions or ela orations& +here is a centeredness that is easy to recogniFe after a "hile& @i!e a train on a trac!& 't*s easy to !no" "hen you*re off& 0verything sto#s& 'f that ha##ens% go ac! to the last #oint that "as on a solid trac! inside% and as! the #erson to go on fro$ there& 'f you find it hard to acce#t so$eone "ith unlovely 1ualities% thin! of the #erson as eing 'p against these 1ualities inside& 't is usually easy to acce#t the #erson inside "ho is struggling against these very 1ualities& 8s you listen% you "ill then discover that #erson& )hen you first #ractice listening% e sure to re#eat al$ost "ord for "ord "hat #eo#le say& +his hel#s you see ho" hard it is to get "hat a #erson is trying to say "ithout adding to it% fi;ing it% #utting yourself into it& )hen you are a le to do that% then feed ac! only the cru;% the #oint eing $ade% and the feeling "ords& +o $a!e it easier% sto# for a second and sense your o"n tangle of feelings% tensions% and e;#ectations& +hen clear this s#ace& 2ut of this o#en s#ace you can listen& Aou "ill feel alert and #ro a ly slightly e;cited& )hat "ill the other #erson sa2 into this "aiting s#ace that e;ists for nothing e;ce#t to e s#o!en intoL Pery rarely is anyone offered such a s#ace y another #erson& 5eo#le hardly ever $ove over in the$selves enough to really hear another& B. H$l&" ! a .$l' %$ %$ .or# 't is #ossi le for a #erson to focus a little et"een one co$$unication and the ne;t& 7aving $ade a #oint% and eing understood% the #erson can focus efore saying the ne;t thing& 4ost #eo#le don*t do that& +hey run on fro$ #oint to #oint% only tal!ing& 7o" can you hel# #eo#le sto#% and get the felt sense of "hat they have /ust saidL +his is the second focusing $ove$ent& -inding the felt sense is li!e saying to oneself% "+hat% right there% thafs "hat*s confused%" and then feeling it there. +he focuser $ust !ee# 1uiet% not only out"ardly ut also inside% so that a felt sense can for$& 't ta!es as long as a $inute& 3o$e #eo#le tal! all the ti$e% either out loud or at the$selves inside& +hen nothing directly felt can for$% and everything stays a #ainful $ass of confusion and tightness& )hen a felt sense for$s% the focuser feels relief& 't*s as if all the ad feeling goes into one s#ot% right there% and

B3

the rest of the ody feels freer& 2nce a felt sense for$s% #eo#le can relate to it& +hey can "onder "hat*s in it% can feel around it and into it& Wh$ to hel# #eo#le l$' a felt sense for$ )hen #eo#le have said all that they can say clearly% and fro$ there on it is confusing% or a tight unresolved $ess% and they don*t !no" ho" to go on& )hen there is a certain s#ot that you sense could e gone into further& )hen #eo#le tal! round and round a su /ect and never go do"n into their feelings of it& +hey $ay start to say things that are o viously #ersonal and $eaningful% ut then go on to so$ething else& +hey tell you nothing $eaningful% ut see$ to "ant to& 'n this very co$$on situation% you can interru#t the focuser and gently #oint out the "ay into dee#er levels of feeling& -2CU30<E "'*ve een doing nothing ut ta!ing care of :aren since she*s ac! fro$ the hos#ital& ' haven*t een "ith $e at all& 8nd "hen ' do get ti$e no"% ' /ust "ant to run out and do another chore&" @'3+090<E "Aou haven*t een a le to e "ith yourself for so long% and even "hen you can no"% you don*t&"
-2CU30<E "3he needs this and she needs that and no $atter "hat ' do for her it isn*t enough& 8ll her fa$ily are li!e that& 't $a!es $e angry& 7er father "as li!e that% too% "hen he "as sic!% "hich "ent on for years& +hey*re al"ays negative and gru$#y and do"n on each other&" @'3+090<E "'t $a!es you angry the "ay she is% the "ay they are&" -2CU30<E "Aes& '*$ angry& (a$n right& 't*s a #oor cli$ate& @iving in a #oor cli$ate& 8l"ays gray& 8l"ays do"n on so$ething& +he other day% "hen '," @'3+090< Hinterru#tsIE ")ait& 6e a $inute "ith your angry feeling& Nust feel it for a $inute& 3ee "hat $ore is in it& (on*t thin! anything&&&&" Ho) 'o h$l& a .$l' %$ %$ .or# +here is a gradation of ho" $uch hel# #eo#le need to contact a felt sense& 8l"ays do the least a$ount first% and $ore only if that doesn*t "or!& 3o$e #eo#le "on*t need any hel# e;ce#t your "illingness to e silent& 'f you don*t tal! all the ti$e% and if you don*t sto# the$ or get the$ off the trac!% they "ill feel into "hat they need to feel into& (on*t interru#t a silence for at least a $inute& 2nce you have res#onded and chec!ed out "hat you said and gotten it e;actly right% e 1uiet& +he #erson $ay need one sentence or so fro$ you% to $a!e the #ause in "hich a felt sense could for$& 3uch a sentence $ight si$#ly re#eat slo"ly the last i$#ortant "ord or #hrase you already said& 't $ight /ust #oint again to that s#ot& -or instance% in the #revious e;a$#le you $ight have said slo"ly and e$#haticallyE "<eally angry&" +hen you "ould stay 1uiet& +he #erson*s "hole sense of all that goes "ith eing angry should for$& )hatever #eo#le say after your atte$#t to hel# the$ find a felt sense% say the cru; of it ac!& (on*t "orry if you can*t i$$ediately create the silent dee#er #eriod you feel is needed& Aou can try it again soon& Go along "ith "hatever co$es

u#% even if the focuser has "andered off the trac! $o$entarily& 'f after $any tries the #eo#le still aren*t feeling into anything% then you can tell the$ to do so $ore directly& 3ay e;#licitly% "3it "ith it a $inute and feel into it further&" Aou can also give all or so$e of the focusing instructions& Aou can for$ a 1uestion for #eo#le& +ell the$ to as! this 1uestion in"ardly% to as! not the head ut the gut& "3tay 1uiet and don*t ans"er the 1uestion in "ords& Nust "ait "ith the 1uestion till so$ething co$es fro$ your feeling&" Muestions li!e that are usually est o#en.ended& ")hat really is thisL" ")hat*s !ee#ing this the "ay it isL" 8nother ty#e of 1uestion a##lies to the ""hole thing&" ")here a$ ' really hung u# in this "hole thingL" Use it "hen everything is confused or "hen the focuser doesn*t !no" ho" to egin& 'f the focuser has let a felt sense for$ ut is still stuc!% it $ay hel# to as!% "7o" "ould it e different if it "ere all 2:L )hat ought it to e li!eL" +ell the #erson to feel that ideal state for a "hile and then as!% ")hat*s in the "ay of thatL" +he focuser shouldn*t try to ans"er the 1uestion ut should get the feel of "hat*s in the "ay& 8ll these "ays re1uire that the focuser sto# tal!ing% oth out loud and inside& 2ne lets what is there come instead of doing it oneself& Nust as!% ")here*s $y life still hung u#L" +his "ill give you the felt sense of the #ro le$s fast% if you don*t ans"er "ith "ords& 8nother a##roachE #ic! the t"o or three $ost i$#ortant things the focuser has said if you feel they go together into one idea& +hen tell the #erson% ")hen ' say "hat OZ going to say% don*t you say anything to $e or to yourself& Nust feel "hat co$es there&" +hen say the t"o or three things% each in one or t"o "ords& +hese "ays can also hel# "hen a #erson doesn*t "ant to say so$e #rivate or #ainful thing& +he focuser can "or! on it "ithout actually telling you "hat it is& Aou can listen and hel# "ithout !no"ing "hat it is a out% eyond the fact that it hurts or #uFFles in so$e "ay& Ho) ,o/ can '$ll )h$ "' "% *' )or2" ! )hen #eo#le loo! you straight in the eyes% then they aren*t yet focusing inside the$selves& 3ay% "Aou can*t get into it "hile you*re loo!ing at $e& @et $e /ust sit here "hile you go into yourself&" 'f #eo#le s#ea! i$$ediately after you get through as!ing the$ to e 1uiet% they haven*t focused yet& -irst% say

BB

ac! the cru; of "hat "as said and then as! the focuser to contact the felt sense of it& [ you*ve "or!ed hard on it and nothing useful has ha##ened% let it go fifteen $inutes or so and try again& 'f% after a silence% the #erson co$es u# "ith e;#lanations and s#eculations% as! ho" that #ro le$ feels. (on*t criticiFe the #erson for analyFing& 5ic! u# on "hat the #erson does say and !ee# #ointing into a felt sense of it& 'f #eo#le say they can*t let feeling co$e ecause they are too restless or tense% feel e$#ty or discouraged% or are trying too hard% as! the$ to focus on that. +hey can as! the$selves Hand not ans"er in "ordsI% ")hat is this rattled feelingL" "&&& or tense feelingL" "&&& or e$#ty feelingL" "&&& or *trying too hard* thingL" Ho) to '$ll "hen a &$r%o ha% a .$l' sense 2ne has a felt sense "hen one can feel $ore than one understands% "hen "hat is there is $ore than "ords and thoughts% "hen so$ething is 1uite definitely e;#erienced ut is not yet clear% hasn*t o#ened u# or released yet& Aou "ill !no" your focuser has a felt sense and is referring to it "hen that #erson gro#es for "ords and evidently has so$ething that is not yet in "ords& 8nything that co$es in this "ay should e "elco$ed& 't is the organis$*s ne;t ste#& +a!e it and say it ac! /ust the "ay the #erson tells it& 't feels good to have so$ething co$e directly fro$ one*s felt sense& 't shifts the feelings% releases the ody slightly& 0ven if one doesn*t li!e "hat has co$e% it feels good& 't is encouraging "hen $ore is ha##ening than /ust tal!& 't gives one a sense of #rocess% freeing fro$ stuc! #laces& +his is the !ey conce#t in this #rocess of listening% res#onding% and referring to #eo#le*s feelings /ust as the2 feel the$& 't is ased on the fact that feelings and trou les are not /ust conce#ts or ideasE they are odily& +herefore the #oint of hel#ing is never /ust to s#eculate% to e;#lain& +here has to e a #hysical #rocess of ste#s into "here the trou le is felt in the ody& 3uch a #rocess gets going "hen a good listener res#onds to the #ersonal% felt side of anything said% /ust as the #erson feels it% "ithout adding anything& -elt $ove$ent and change ha##en "hen a #erson is given the #eace to allo" the odily sense of a trou le to e% to e felt% and to $ove to its o"n ne;t ste#& 8 focuser can do this alone% ut the #resence and res#onse of another #erson has a #o"erful hel#ing effect& +70 30C29( :'9( 2- 70@5'9GE U3'9G A2U< 2)9 -00@'9G3 89( <08C+'293 862U+ +70 2+70< 50<329 +here are "ays of doing $ore than listening% ut they aren*t "$ore" if you do the$ "ithout listeningK 'n this section ' "ill sho" you ho" to try out $any other things% ut in a "ay that al"ays !ee#s listening as asic& +ry so$e of the$% one at a ti$e% and then go right ac! to listening for a "hile& 7o" to say your reaction )hatever you say or do% "atch the #erson*s face and res#ond to ho" your in#ut affects the #erson& 'f you can*t see that% as!& 0ven if "hat you say or do is stu#id and hurtful% it "ill "or! out "ell if you then as! a out and say ac! "hatever the #erson*s reaction to it is& 3"itch ac! to listening right after saying your o"n reaction& 4a!e your state$ents 1uestions% not conclusions& 8nd direct your 1uestions to #eo#le*s feelings% not /ust their ideas& 'nvite #eo#le to go into the$selves and see "hether they feel so$ething li!e "hat you say,or so$ething else& Aou don*t ever know "hat they feel& Aou only "onder and hel# the$ to as! the$selves& Aou $ight say% "' don*t $ean that X "ould !no"& -eel it out and see& 's it li!e that% or /ust ho" is itL" 9ote that the #erson $ust feel "hat is there% to ans"er your 1uestion% if you #ut it this "ay& @et go of your idea easily as soon as you see that it leads into argu$ents or s#eculation% or /ust doesn*t get further into anything directly felt& 'f you thin! it*s good you can say it t"ice% ut after that% a andon it& Aou can ring it u# later& HAou could e right ut so$ething else $ight have to co$e first&I 4a!e sure that there are stretches of ti$e "hen you do total listening& 'f you interru#t "ith your ideas and reactions constantly% the asic focusing #rocess can*t get going& +here should e ten or fifteen $inutes at a ti$e "hen you should only listen& 'f the #erson is feeling into his or her #ro le$% do less tal!ingG if the #erson is stuc!% do $ore& @et the #erson*s #rocess go ahead if it see$s to "ant to $ove a certain "ay& (on*t insist that it $ove into "hat 2o' sense should e ne;t& 'f the #erson tries to teach you to e a certain "ay% e that "ay for a "hile& -or instance% so$e #eo#le $ight e;#ress a need to have you $ore 1uiet or $ore tal!ative% or to "or! "ith the$ in so$e definite "ay& (o it& Aou can al"ays go ac! to your #referred "ay later& 5eo#le often teach us ho" to hel# the$& 'f you find you have gotten things off a good trac! and into confusion% ring the #rocess ac! to the last #oint "here the focuser "as in touch "ith feelings& 3ay% "Aou "ere telling $e&&& go on fro$ there&" )atch your #erson*s face and ody% and if you see so$ething ha##ening% as! a out it& 9onver al reactions are often good signals to as! #eo#le to get the$ into a felt sense&

B5

-or instance% the focuser $ight say% "+hat ha##ened ut ' feel 2: a out it&" Aou res#ond% "Aou feel 2: a out it in so$e "ay& 6ut ' see fro$ the "ay your foot is ta##ing% and the "ay you loo!% that so$ething $ight not e 2:% too& 's that rightL" Aou don*t need to get hung u# on "hether you*re right or not "hen you sense so$ething& 'f you sense so$ething% then there is something3 ut you $ay not e right a out what it is& 3o as!& Aou "ill often see the focuser*s face reacting to "hatever you are saying or doing& 8s! a out that% too& -eel easy a out it if the #erson doesn*t li!e "hat you*re doing& Aou can change it% or you $ight not need to& Give the #erson roo$ to have negative reactions to you% and listen and say ac! "hat they are& (on*t al"ays stay "ith the "ords the #erson is saying& (oes the voice sound angryL (iscouragedL 'nsistentL 's there a sudden rea! in itL What wa2 "ere the "ords saidL 8s!E "Aou sound angry& 8re youL" 8nd if the ans"er is yes% as! "hat that is a out& 'f the focuser gets no further% as!E "Can you sense "hat the anger isL" Aou can use your o"n felt reactions to "hat*s going on to hel# you sense $ore clearly "hat is going on "ith the other #erson or "ith oth of you& 'f you feel ored% annoyed% i$#atient% angry% e$ arrassed% e;cited% or any "ay that stands out% it indicates so$ething& -ocus on "hat it is in you& 'f you are ored% you $ight find that it is ecause the #erson isn*t getting into anything $eaningful& +hen you can as!E "8re you getting into "hat you really "ant to get intoL" 'f you are angry% "hat is the #erson doing to $a!e you angryL )hen you find that% you can say it& -or instanceE "8re you $ay e shutting $e out ecause you gave u# on $y hel#ing you& (id youL" @et yourself have any feelings at all "hile "or!ing "ith so$eone& @et the$ e as unlovely and as honest as they can e& +hat "ay you can e free inside to attend to "hat*s ha##ening in you& +hat often #oints to "hat*s ha##ening "ith the other #erson or et"een the t"o of you& 'f you get an idea as to "hat so$eone is feeling y #utting together a lot of theoretical reasoning or a long set of hints% don*t ta!e u# ti$e e;#laining all this to the other #erson& Nust as! "hether the #erson can find the feeling you inferred& Aou can e;#ress any hunch or idea as a 1uestion& 3o$eti$es you $ight add another #ossi ility to insure that the focuser !no"s it*s not a conclusion ut an invitation to loo! "ithin at the feeling itself& "'s it li!e you*re scared&&& or $ay e asha$edL 7o" does it feelL" +hen listen& 'n the rest of this second section on hel#ing ' offer $any reactions that you $ight say to hel# so$eone& Aou needn*t read and gras# these all right no"& Aou can loo! these u# "hen you have eco$e co$#etent in listening and "ant $ore ideas to try& -or no"% you should #ro a ly $ove on to the third !ind of hel#ing& 3o$e 1uestions 'o (r$a'$ #o1$#$ ' 't is often "orth"hile Hthough not al"ays feasi leI to as! if the focuser*s se; life is good& 'f it is not% it $ay hel# to see if se;ual needs are felt as frightening or ad& 't $ay also hel# to tal! a out "hat*s standing in the "ay of a good se; life% as "ell as ho" to change situations or get into ne" ones& H3o$e #eo#le $ay find such 1uestions nosy or silly& (on*t as! unless you are sure that your focuser "ill acce#t your as!ing&I "CraFy" conditions are often related to one*s life situation& 'f your ra##ort "ith the #erson is such that a 1uestion a out #rivate $atters doesn*t see$ shoc!ing or nosy% or if the #erson $ostly s#ea!s of strange or hallucinatory stuff% try as!ing if the #erson has friends% "or!% #laces to go% se;uality& +he #erson can focus on these "ith or "ithout telling you all the details& -eelings are inside and "relationshi#s" are outside& 6ut inside and outside are al"ays related% and a good listener can hel# a trou led focuser find ste#s to change the outside% too& Aou can as! #eo#le% referring to any ad thing they are fighting or #uFFling over insideE "7o" is this ad thing in so$e "ay good% or useful% or sensi leL" +his is a co$#le;% #rofound 1uestion% and you $ight #recede it "ith so$ething li!e thisE "9o ad thing that*s in a #erson is all ad& 'f it*s there% it has or $ight have so$e right or useful as#ect that "e have to listen for& 'f "e find "hat the thing is good for% then it can let go& 3o give it a friendly hearing and see "hat it says% "hy it*s right&" +he #oint is to hel# the focuser sto# fighting the undesired "ays long enough to allo" the$ to o#en% so the #ositive as#ect in the$ can co$e out& 2ften a trou led inner state #rotects us fro$ other #ainful #ro le$s& 'f "e can see "hat a #ainful thing #rotects us fro$% "e can so$eti$es #rotect ourselves $uch etter than the thing itself can& 3o$eti$es a #erson*s trou le lies in the fighting against the "ay the ody feels& 'f you let ho" you feel si$#ly e% a #ositive ne;t ste# can then co$e out of it ,one that you couldn*t $a!e u# and force& 3o$eti$es it hel#s to as! a suicidal #ersonE "8re you thin!ing a out co$$itting suicide at so$e odyL 8t whomB5 H6y this ' $ean atte$#ting to hurt so$eone y co$$itting suicide&I +he focuser $ay !no" right a"ay% and the focus $ay then shift to "here it needs to,that relationshi#& 't $ay hel# also to say that the other #erson in that relationshi# #ro a ly "on*t understand the focuser*s suicide atte$#t any etter than the #erson ever understood anything else& 3o$eti$es% if a #erson is angry% it #ays to as!E "8re you hurt a out so$ething&"

B?

3o$eti$es you can as!E "(o you feel that you can*t ever get "hat you needL" H'f so% let the focuser feel into "hat that is&I 3o$e #eo#le*s $ost frantic% see$ingly destructive reactions are really a life.affir$ing fight against so$e #art in the$ that for ids "hat they need ever to co$e a out& +he #oint then is to shift the focus to this assu$#tion or #rohi ition% "hich has to e false in so$e "ay& )hat does it say% and "hyL 'f a feeling !ee#s eing there% over and over% you can as! the #erson to "s"itch roles"= "ith the feeling& +he #erson stands u#% loosens the ody% and #re#ares as if to act a role on stage& +he role is to (e the feeling&
=& +he "s"itch roles" $ethod "as invented y -ritF 5erls& 7ere it is done in a focusing "ay&

")ait&&& sense it in your ody% "hat "ould this feeling do to you% ho" "ould it act% "hat "ould it say% ho" "ould it stand or $oveL )ait and see "hat co$es in your ody&" 3o$eti$es ody e;#ressions% crying% or yelling certain "ords arise s#ontaneously& )hen that has finished ha##ening% it is i$#ortant to find and focus on the felt sense that these e;#ressive "discharges" co$e out of& So#$ suggestions 'o &o" ' &$o&l$ " a .or)ar+ +"r$('"o 't hel#s to assure #eo#le that it*s 2: to have their feelings,at least long enough to feel "hat they are& +he sa$e is true of needs% desires% "ays of seeing things& +here are various reasons #eo#le stay clear of their feelings% as "e*ve seen& 8$ong the reasonsE the fear that ad feeling "ill lead to destructive actions& 'f so$eone is afraid of feelings% you $ight sayE "-eelings and actions aren*t the sa$e thing& Aou can let yourself feel "hatever you do feel& +hen you can still decide "hat you choose to do. "'t*s 2: to need& +rying not to have a need that you do in fact have $a!es a lot of trou le& 0ven if you can*t get it% don*t fight needing it& "-ocusing isn*t li!e /ust "allo"ing around in "hat you feel& (on*t sin! into it% stay ne;t to it& @et yourself feel "hatever is there and e;#ect it to o#en u#& ")eird states are different fro$ feelings& 't hel#s to $ove out of the$ to"ard life and ordinary situations& )eird states $ay not ease y getting further into the$& )hat in your life is $a!ing things adL )hat ha##ens if you lean for"ard into living% instead of lying ac!L" 'f the #erson suddenly feels "eird or unreal% slo" do"n& +a!e a short rea!& 8s! the #erson to loo! around the roo$% recall the ordinary to the #erson*s attention& +hen continue& 6ut 2o' shouldn*t decide "hether the focuser should go into% or out of% anything& +he focuser should decide& Aour co$#any $ay e "anted in #ro ing so$e "eird thoughts,or $ay not&

*+o change so$ething or do so$ething that*s een too hard% "e have to find a s$all first ste# you can actually do& )hat "ould that eL" 3uggest s$all first ste#s if the focuser has none% ut don*t settle on anything unless it is received "ith so$e elation that that first ste# is #ossi le& "Can you $a!e a list of #laces to go $eet ne" #eo#leL 8s a first ste#% $a!e a list&" 3o$e #eo#le are so concerned "ith "hat so$e ody else thin!s that they need hel# getting to "hat they the$selves thin! and feel& "5ut a"ay for a $inute "hat the2 thin! and "hat the2 said% and let*s see "hat 2o' feel a out it% ho" 2o' see it&" D$al" !% "ith 1$r, 'ro/8l$+ &$o&l$ Aou can tal! a out yourself% your day,anything you feel li!e saying& Aou need not al"ays try to get into the other #erson*s #ro le$s& 2f course% if the focuser is in the $idst of tal!ing a out the$ or see$s to "ant to% you should not then refuse to listen& +he #erson should !no" you "ould listen& 6ut there "ill e ti$es "hen it "ill e a relief to a trou led #erson to find that you can /ust tal! of other things& 3ilent% #eaceful ti$es are also useful& 't is good to lie on the grass% go for a "al!% "ithout any tension of "aiting for so$ething to e said& Aou can even get very trou led #eo#le to tal! a out Hor doI so$ething they ha##en to e co$#etent in, for e;a$#le% se"ing or $usic& +his hel#s the$ feel 2: for a "hile and lets you res#ond to a co$#etent #erson , res#ond #ositively and for good reason& 't is often after such ti$es% after having een a le to /ust e "ith you% that a #erson $ight feel 7!e ta!ing you into so$e areas that are distur ing& 'f the #erson tal!s a lot a out strange $aterial you can*t understand and then says one or t"o things that $a!e sense% stic! "ith those and re#eat the$ $any ti$es&= +hey are your #oint of contact& 't is all right to =& +his "reiteration" $ethod "as develo#ed y Garry 5routy& !ee# returning to these #hrases% "ith silence or other to#ics in et"een% for as long as an hour& 'f the #erson says things that can*t e true% res#ond to the feeling rather than to the distorted facts or untruths& -or e;a$#le% "+he 4artians too! everything ' had a"ay fro$ $e& & &&" Aou can get the feeling here& 3ay% "3o$e ody too! "hat "as yoursL" O'h$r )a,% 'o 8$ h$l&./l @et*s say a $an as!s you for so$ething you can*t give& Aou $ay have to refuse the re1uest itself% ut you can tell hi$ you*re glad he*s in touch "ith "hat he needs& +ell hi$ you*re glad he felt free to as!& +his is es#ecially so if the need is in the direction of life and gro"th for the #erson% if for the first ti$e he can allo" hi$self to "ant or as! for closeness or ti$e "ith you&

B7

)hen a #erson acts to"ard you in a "ay that is o viously destructive or self.defeating Hand you thin!% no "onder lots of #eo#le disli!e this #ersonI% there are several things you can doE =& Aou can say ho" it $a!es you feel& 2& Aou can #oint to "hat the #erson is doing and as! "hat that feels li!e inside& @eave it vague% not defined& 'f you call it "attac!ing%" "$ani#ulating%" "laFy%" ""hining%" "controlling%" or any such conde$ning la el% you give only the e;ternal vie"& 'nside the focuser it*s so$ething $ore co$#le;& 3o e #uFFled a out "hat this is% even if you can give it a clear disa##roving na$e fro$ your outside #ers#ective& 3& 'f you sense "hat a good life.thrust $ight e in this ad "ay of acting% then res#ond to that life.thrust& 8 lot of ad "ays are ad only ecause the right thing is eing half done% instead of eing done fully and freely& 'f you res#ond to the half of it that is ha##ening% that lets it ha##en $ore& <es#onding to the half that*s $issing isn*t as hel#ful& 0;a$#leE 3o$eone is "hiningly co$#laining& 't "ould not e hel#ful to say% ")hy do you al"ays "hine and co$e on so "ea!L )hy don*t you stand u# for yourself and say "hat you "antL" 't is $ore hel#ful to res#ond to the #ositive half of this that*s trying to ha##en% and say% "Aou*re saying "hat you need fro$ #eo#le% and calling a halt to "hat they*ve een doing&" 3o$e healthy life.enhancing #rocesses areE ta!ing u# for yourself% defending the "ay you see it% allo"ing yourself to e free to feel as you do% reaching out for so$eone% trying to do so$ething that you haven*t een a le to for so$e ti$e% e;#loring% "ondering a out yourself% trying to $eet #eo#le% se;uality% a sense of cos$ic significance or $ystery% see!ing #eace% letting so$eone see you% trying so$ething ne"% ta!ing charge of a situation% telling #eo#le ho" you need the$ to e% eing honest% ho#ing% refusing to give u#% eing a le to as! for hel#& +hese are all good life. thrusts& 9o one should de#end on /ust you alone& @et the #erson $eet other #eo#le you !no"% or call so$eone else in to hel#% if the #erson lac!s others& +he #erson should e #resent "hen eing discussed y #eo#le trying to hel#& 't*s hard to e straight in front of so$eone you*re trying to hel#% ut "e*ve already seen "hy you $ust& 8 #erson*s needs for hel# "ith a /o % a #lace to live% and so on% should e #art of "hat hel# is a out& 7el# is a out needs% "hatever they $ay e& 't*s not useful to se#arate "#sychological" #ro le$s fro$ the rest& +hey aren*t se#arate in a #erson*s life& +70 +7'<( :'9( 2- 70@5'9GE '9+0<8C+'29 Until no" you "ere either saying ac! the other #erson*s feelings Hthe first !indI or giving your feelings and ideas a out the other #erson*s feelings Hthe secondI& U# to no" it "as all a out hel#ing the other #erson& 9o" "e co$e to 2o'r feelings& +his section is as $uch for you as for hel#ing the other #erson& 'deally% oth can #rofit e1ually&
2ur feelings% "hen "e are "ith others% are often a out those others& 8nd yet they are our o"n feelings& )e often feel li!e la$ing the other #erson for our feelingsE "' feel that you*re very defensive&" "' feel that you*re $ani#ulating $e&" "' feel angry ecause you al"ays interru#t $e&" "' feel disa##ointed ecause you don*t feel any etter&" 'n these e;a$#les "e e;#ress our feelings y saying that the other #erson is no good% ehaves adly% or is the reason for our feelings& +o e;#ress our feelings in a $ore useful "ay "e $ust foc's into the$ and get in touch "ith "hat*s in 's. +hese feelings "ill still relate to "hat the other #erson did% ut they "ill e strictly our feelings and not the other #erson*s urden& -or e;a$#leE "'t*s al"ays hard for $e to !ee# a train of thought% or !ee# feeling it*s "orth saying& 3o "hen you interru#t $e% it hits $y "ea! s#ot& ' get so ' can*t $a!e roo$ for $yself to say things to you& +hat*s "hy it $a!es $e angry& "' have sort of a sta!e in eing a ig hel# to #eo#le& ' guess '*$ disa##ointed that you*re not feeling etter& ' do care a out you too% ut ' see that $y disa##oint$ent is $y o"n thing& ' need to e 6ig 7el#er&" Ho) 'o $3&r$%% ,o/r%$l. -ro$ a given $o$ent of interaction you can $ove either into the other #erson or into yourself& -or e;a$#le% let*s say you are "ith a "o$an "ho has done so$ething to u#set you& Aou can go fro$ this into "hat she did and "hat she is li!e and "hy she did it& 2r you can go into "hat you are li!e and ho" it u#sets you& (on*t do the first& @eave that to the other #erson& (o the secondE $ove fro$ the it of interaction into your o"n feelings& 3ee "hy it affected you and share this& 't is hard for #eo#le to hear you say "hat*s "rong "ith the$& 't is easy to listen to you saying "hat*s "rong "ith you% or

"hat is at any rate vulnera le or u#setta le or sha!y in you& 8void $a!ing co$$ents that start% "' feel that you......." Aou*re invading the other*s territory and #rotecting yours& 3haring "hat is ha##ening in 2o' $a!es the interaction $ore o#en and #ersonal& +he other #erson can then feel co$forta le a out sharing inner things "ith you& (on*t sayE "' have to e;#ress $y feelings& Can ' trust you "ith itL ' feel you ully $e&" (o sayE

B8

"' get angry and u#set "hen ' can*t get to finish "hat ' started to say& ' lose trac!& ' get insecure a out "hether ' have any real ideas&" 't is essential to e s#ecific in e;#ressing yourself& 8void generalities& 't is still a re u!e to a #erson to e told he or she $ade you u#set& 't is not real sharing "hen you share only a generality& 6ut if you share so$e of the s#ecifics actually going on in you,your uni1ue felt sense of the situation,you share yourself& Aou can find these s#ecifics y focusing at that $o$ent& 6e ready to stand it if "hat you share is ignored& +he other #erson $ay not e a le to $eet you i$$ediately% $ay still e in so$e #rivate anger or "ithdra"al% and $ay lag ehind you in eing o#en& +he #erson $ay have to say angry things once or t"ice $ore% or laugh derisively& Aour o#enness "ill e a##arent% ut the #erson $ay e una le to $eet it& 3o don*t e;#ect immediate "ar$ rece#tiveness as feed ac!& 'f you feel sha!y% "ait until "hat you say can stand on its o"n% "hatever the other*s reaction& 't is etter to say% *+$ $ad%" than to say angry things and let your anger e seen indirectly& 3aying your feeling directly lets it e shared& 'f the first "ords that co$e to you feel hard to say% don*t fight "ith yourself& )ait a fe" $o$ents and let another string of "ords for$& (o this till you get "ords that feel 2: to say& (on*t give u# "hatever needs e;. #ressing& -ocus directly on "hat you $ost fear% or "hat you find yourself struggling "ith& 'f "hat the other #erson says $a!es you u#tight% #ay attention to "hat you*re afraid is eing said and "hat you*re afraid that $eans& +hen say the cru; of "hat you find inside& )e often "or! des#erately on the surface of "hat "e feel% or ho" "e*ve /ust reacted% trying to fi; it or $a!e it e so$ething else& 6ut it is easy to let the real feeling s#ea! directly& 0;a$#lesE "+hat hurts $y feelings&" "'*$ hurt that you*re angry&" "+hat $a!es $e feel #ushed a"ay&" "' feel out$aneuvered&" 5 ?m stuc!&" 3ay e;#licitly the covert things that go on in interaction% and say ho" you feel a out the$& 2ften things are ha##ening that oth of you can feel% ut that oth ho#e aren*t eing noticed& -or e;a$#le% the other #erson $ight e #ressuring you% and you $ight e trying to avoid eing #ushed into so$ething "hile trying not to let on that you are resisting& 2r you $ight have done so$ething stu#id or "rong% and you $ight e trying to recou# "ithout that error eing ac!no"ledged% trying to $a!e it e so$ething other than it "as& )hen things li!e this have really occurred% saying the$ gets things unstuc!& 9ot saying the$ !ee#s the interaction stuc!& +al! a out it if you did so$ething and no" "ish you hadn*t& 't $ay see$ too late% ut it*s never too late to get the interaction unstuc!& 0;a$#lesE
"' feel stu#id a out getting $ad and yelling&" "6ac! a "hile ago% you said&&& and ' said yes& ' "as too chic!en to say no& ' "as afraid of fighting it out "ith you&"

)hat feels i$#ossi le to face u# to often #rovides a s#ecial o##ortunity to eco$e closer to so$eone& [ nothing is ha##ening and you "ish so$ething "ould,even if it see$s that not $uch is going on in you, focus& +here are al"ays $any things going on there% and so$e of the$ elong "ith the interaction "ith this #erson& 0;#ress the$& )hen you are eing #ushed too far% call a halt% set a li$it& (o this efore you lo" u# or get $ad& 5rotect the other #erson fro$ "hat ha##ens "hen you don*t ta!e care of your needs& 3ay "hat you "ant or don*t "ant% "hile you still have the ti$e and concern to stay and hear "hat it $eans to the other #erson& -or e;a$#leE "' li!e it that '*$ hel#ful "hen you call $e u#% ut no" it*s ha##ening too often& 3o instead of feeling good a out it% li!e ' used to% ' feel #ushed& '*d li!e to feel good a out your calling& 'f ' !ne" you*d call only t"ice a "ee!% ' !no" '*d li!e it again&" Aou are not trying to get rid of the #erson& Aou $a!e the li$its fir$% so that "ithin those li$its you can feel good a out the #erson again& 7aving set these li$its% you "ould stay to hear ho" the other #erson feels a out the$& 'f you are sitting "ith a silent #erson% say so$ething li!e% "'*ll /ust sit here and !ee# you co$#any&" <ela;& 3ho" that you can $aintain yourself on your o"n "ithout needing to e dealt "ith& 'n such a silence% if it*s long% you "ill have $any chains of feelings% so$e of "hich you can e;#ress Hevery fe" $inutes% #erha#sI& (o not tell feelings you haven*t got and only "ish you had& +ell anything valua le you do have& 'f you find it #ainful to e honest% realiFe that other #eo#le don*t care ho" good or "ise or eautiful you are& 2nly you care all

B9

that $uch& 't is not har$ful to the other #erson if you loo! stu#id or i$#erfect& )hat is true is already so& 2"ning u# to it doesn*t $a!e it "orse& 9ot eing o#en a out it doesn*t $a!e it go a"ay& 8nd ecause it*s true% it is "hat is there to e interacted "ith& 8nything untrue isn*t there to e lived& 5eo#le can stand "hat is true% for they are already enduring it& Wh$ o' 'o $3&r$%% ,o/r%$l. 6e silent "hen #eo#le are focusing or tal!ing a8o/' their concerns% or $ight if you $ade roo$& (elay articulating your side& 5eo#le can al$ost al"ays hear you etter if they are heard first% and get in touch "ith "here they are first& 8lso% as the other #erson does this% it $ay change "hat you feel "ithout your saying anything& 't $ight e hard to let the other #erson go first& 6ut if the other #erson is full of unclear and u#setting feelings% you $ight not e heard unless you "ait& T you are very u#set% and if the interaction isn*t already a trusting one% "ait a fe" $o$ents efore e;#ressing yourself& 8s you cal$ do"n you can sift your feelings etter& 8lso they are easier for the other #erson to e;#erience if it see$s clear that you aren*t eing "i#ed out y "hat you feel& (on*t e;#ress yourself i$$ediately if you are confused a out "hat you feel% and "ill only s!it your dee#est feelings& -ocus to learn "hat they are& Wh$ 'o $3&r$%% ,o/r%$l. 0;#ress yourself "hen you "ant to $a!e a relationshi# closer& 2r "hen you are eing "t"isted out of your o"n sha#e" in so$e "ay& -or instance% s#ea! u# if the #erson is i$#lying that you feel so$e "ay you don*t really feel& +hen listen again& 't is all right if the #erson doesn*t elieve you if you have een heard& (on*t argue& 8lso e;#ress yourself "hen the other #erson needs to hear $ore fro$ you to feel at ease a out you% or has $isconstrued one of your reactions& 3ay o#enly ho" it is "ith you& (on*t let the other try to relate to "hat you really "ere not feeling& 0ven though it $ay e easier for you to re$ain unseen% $isunderstood% and una##roacha le% no interaction is #ossi le if you do& )hen you are in a grou# and nothing is ha##ening% e;#ress so$ething a out yourself& +his o#ens things u# for others to e;#ress the$selves& Give the$ so$ething #ersonal and $eaningful fro$ "ithin you& )hen the other #erson isn*t u# to relating "ith you% it $ay hel# if you /ust freely e;#ress anything a out yourself& +his "ay you don*t have to e carried y the other*s energy& 0;#ress yourself "hen you are eing idealiFed& 3hare so$e #ersonal trou le or not.so.nice feeling you find in yourself& 0;#ress yourself "hen the other #erson "orries a out having "ounded or destroyed you& Give the s#ecifics of ho" you do feel& @et it e seen that% although hurt or u#set% you are not destroyed& 0;#ress yourself "hen you /ust feel li!e it& +here are t"o #eo#le here& Aou have e1ual rights& Aou $ay not al"ays need to !no" "hy you feel li!e e;#ressing yourself& +70 -2U<+7 :'9( 2- 70@5'9GE '9+0<8C+'9G '9 8 G<2U5 )hat follo"s concerns any grou#& 't $ight e a staff $eeting or your fa$ily& 't $ight e a social grou# or a tas! grou#& 't $ight e a grou# set u# s#ecifically for focusing,so$ething ' "ill discuss in a later cha#ter& )e have all heard that grou#s should "#rocess%" ta!e u# o#enly ad feelings& Usually that doesn*t "or! very "ell& 5eo#le hurt each other*s feelings and don*t really resolve the$& 0veryone gets a say% ut no one can go very $any ste#s& 9o one is really listened to% or focuses% so that the feelings can change. Aet this is "hat is needed% and can ha##en& 6ut it usually ha##ens only "ith listening and focusing& -ocusing can ha##en in a grou#% ho"ever large& 3o$eone reads the instructions and everyone focuses "ithin the silences et"een&
142 / PEOPLE HELPING EACH OTHER

8fter"ards there should e a ti$e "hen each #erson can say so$ething& 'f the grou# is large% it can divide into s$all grou#s& (ivide the availa le ti$e% and have so$eone "ith a "atch call ti$e for each #erson& 3ay you have half an hour and ten #eo#le& 0ach #erson gets t"o and a half $inutes Hleaving ti$e lost in et"eenI& )hen #eo#le ra$ le% t"o and a half $inutes is nothing% ut if they !no" the ti$e in advance% and have focused% it $ay e $ore ti$e than so$e #eo#le "ill use& +a!e a $inute or t"o in silence to let #eo#le decide a##ro;i$ately "hat they "ill say& 8 "ar$ grou# cli$ate e;ists "hen #eo#le are free to say only "hat they "ish% and no one criticiFes% edits% or adds anything "hatsoever to it& 'f #eo#le are s!illed in listening% or listening is eing taught% the #erson on the right can res#ond listeningly& 'f #eo#le are not s!illed or learning listening% then no one should say anything e;ce#t the #erson "hose turn it is& )hen the grou# is having trou le "ith so$eone% or you are having trou le "ith so$eone% set aside a se#arate ti$e and arrange for a fe" #eo#le to tal! "ith the #erson& )ith /ust a fe" #eo#le $eeting% each can e fully heard and e given enough ti$e& @et the #ur#ose e every ody*s gro"th and straightness& (ifficulties et"een #eo#le and

50

"ithin #eo#le don*t i$#ede the "or! and dyna$ics of the grou#& T they*re dealt "ith in this "ay% they $a!e a grou# etter& )hen #ro le$s get resolved% and any #erson in the grou# e;#eriences gro"th% the others feel the e;cite$ent& 'f several #eo#le tal! "ith so$eone "ho is u#set or u#setting% at least one should e designated to insure that the #erson gets really listened to& +his hel#s the #erson co#e "ith distur ing feed ac! fro$ other grou# $e$ ers& Credit another #erson "ith so$e good or see$ingly good reasons for "hatever is #sychologically u#setting or har$ful% even if you feel angry or find the #erson unreasona le& )hen an interaction is ad and continues to e ad, say you*ve een tal!ing for ten $inutes and it*s getting "orse ,sto#& Go to the first and second stages of listening& 8ssu$e the other #erson is trying to do so$e good thing& 3ay that& +ry to find "hat this good thing is and say it& H'f you don*t li!e it% you can say that you don*t agree ut that you do understand&I +hen% "hen the other #erson*s side is cleared or heard% say you no" "ant to do your side% and do it& 0ven if the #erson doesn*t "ant to hear it% say your side efore it*s over% or so$eti$e soon& 5erha#s ring in so$eone "ho can hel# you e heard& )hy give your life and "or! to a grou# and then not invest the fe" hours it ta!es to "or! things through "ith a #ersonL 5eo#le often !ee# 1uiet out of consideration for so$eone until they get so angry they "ant to thro" the #erson out altogether& 8t one ti$e or another you% too% $ay have felt discouraged a out the grou#% un"illing to do the "or!% an;ious you "eren*t doing it right& 7el# hear the #erson "ho is having these feelings today% even if today you don*t feel that "ay& 't hel#s% in a grou#% to invite a #erson to s#ea! "ho has /ust $ade $otions or grunts and didn*t get a chance to e;#ress anything& 'f a #erson says so$ething $eaningful and then a lot of trivial things are said y others or irrelevant 1uestions are as!ed% return to the first #erson "ith an invitation to say $ore& )hen all are do"n on one #erson% there has to e so$eone "ho is $ore interested in letting that #erson get heard than in /oining the attac!& 0ven if you feel insecure or an outsider in the grou#% you can al"ays e;#ress your "ish to hear $ore fro$ any #erson% or to have that #erson re#eat so$ething to "hich the grou# didn*t res#ond& +here are "ays to hel# "ith an interaction et"een t"o other #eo#le& 'f t"o or $ore are having trou le% and you are not too u#set yourself% you can hel# each #erson get heard& 'n a ad interaction% usually neither #erson can hear the other very "ell& 'f you res#ond to one #erson% as in the first stage of listening% the other can hear you and see the good results of the #rocess& +hen turn ard res#ond to the second #erson*s feelings&
144 / PEOPLE HELPING EACH OTHER

+hat lets the first one listen& H(on*t $ediate and decide "ho*s right a out "hat& :ee# your vie" for later% or $ay e say it fast and get ac! to the$&I 4ost of "hat "e*ve said a out listening can hel# in interactions "ith the #eo#le close to you& +he difference is that you aren*t trying onl2 to hel#G you*re also trying to live and "or!G so e;#ect it to e harder and slo"er& 8cce#t it if you can*t do as "ell "hen you #ersonally are involved& (on*t e sur#rised if you can*t listen "ell "hen you*re eing attac!ed& 0ven /ust trying these a##roaches,no $atter ho" slo" or hard it see$s, so$eti$es gets #eo#le out of a stuc! at$os#here& 8 ig difference can e $ade in a grou# if you listen% if you focus and say so$e of "hat you find% and if you as! others so$eti$es to sense and say $ore of "hat they are feeling&

&ar' .o/r FOCUSING AND SOCIETY


')$l1$ N$) R$la'"o %h"&%
5eo#le find richness in each other as they o#en u# in focusing and listening& 8s a result% relationshi#s gro" fuller and $ore solid& 8n a##reciative cli$ate develo#s& 'n each #erson a striving for rightness is sensed and res#ected& -ocusing can hel# free stuc! relationshi#s,even those that have een stuc! for a long ti$e& Consider% for instance% the case of :en and 0d% t"o #rofessors at $y university& +hey had an argu$ent al$ost t"enty years ago& 't didn*t get resolved& 0ver since% they have avoided each other e;ce#t at official $eetings& +hey are often oth involved in

5=

decisions that $atter to $e$& +hey cannot avoid tal!ing to each other& +heir relationshi# is not itter% only stuc!& +hey don*t do anything deli erately to trou le each other% ut nothing hel#ful either& 8 fe" years ago ' "as involved in one of their decisions& ' sat in :en*s office as he #ondered the decision& 7e !ne" "hat he "anted% ut he also guessed that 0d "ould have co$#licated feelings a out it% #ro a ly in o##osition& :en needed 0d*s su##ort& 8t least he needed 0d not to o##ose actively& :en decided to a##roach 0d directly& 6ut ho" did he do itL :en decided to a##roach 0d on the phone to tal! a out it% even though 0d "as in the sa$e uilding& 9othing $uch changed% of course& +hese t"o do not !no" a out focusing and listening& +hey thin! they !no" each other% and of course% in asense they do& +hey have o served each other for t"enty years& 0ach #redicts correctly "hat the other "ill do in a given situation& 6ut they don*t !no" that a shift could ha##en if they focused and listened to each other& +hey don*t sense the richness that lies /ust eneath the disagreea le traits each !no"s in the other& The2 don?t know there can (e movement in s'ch st'ck places. +he usual thing to say to the$ "ould not e useful& ")hy don*t the t"o of you /ust tal! it overL" +hat "ould only result in $ore ad feelings& 0ach "ould #ro a ly egin y saying "hat*s "rong "ith the other& 'f they did% they "ould only /ustify their o#inions of each other and also /ustify their general vie" that #eo#le are "hat they are and stay that "ay& 6ut in a real focusing.listening #rocess oth could change& +he change needed in each one isn*t drasticE only a change in ho" each feels a out the other& :en% underneath those traits and ha its that other 0d% is different fro$ "hat either $an sus#ects "ithout focusing& 'f that rich hu$an te;ture could e$erge% oth "ould feel differently& 'n argu$ents oth #eo#le endlessly re#eat their #ositions% over and over& 't saves a lot of ti$e if you restate the other*s #ositionE "' don*t agree ut let $e see if ' !no" "hat you*re saying& Aour #oint isSSSSSS" +his #er$its the other #erson to sto# re#eating% and to listen to you% or to focus and see "hat else he feels& 2r let*s ta!e an e;a$#le fro$ a closer relationshi#& 3he "ants the freedo$ to have $ore than one lover& 7e is /ealous and an;ious& +hey have een stuc! there for so$e ti$e& +heir interaction has re#eatedly gone so$ething li!e thisE "henever she felt co$forta le "ith hi$% she "ould e;#ress her love for hi$ ut also $ention her need to go out "ith others& 7e "ould 1uestion her& Go out "ith "ho$L )henL 7o" oftenL 3he "ould loc! herself into silence and resentfulness& +hen they "ould e stuc!& 7is "!no"ing" her "ent this farE he sensed that she then felt "ithdra"n% ut he didn*t understand "hy& 7er "!no"ing" hi$ "as in ter$s of his #ossessiveness& 3he sa" hi$ as "anting to o"n her% li$it her life& 8t last% after $onths of this% they focused and listened& 2ne ste# "ent this "ayE he said% ")hen ' as! you those 1uestions and you get $ad and "on*t tal! to $e% "hat are your feelingsL ' can listen no"% for a change&" 'nstead of re#eating her usual co$#laint a out his #ossessiveness% she focused& -or a "hile she stayed silent% and so did he& +hen she got itE ")hat $a!es $e so angry% 7an!% is that "hen you as! those things you suddenly turn into an unattractive% unro$antic% scared $an for $e% and ' lose $y se;ual turn.on for you& +hat*s really "hat ha##ens&" 7e si$#ly said% "2h% ' didn*t !no" that& '*$ glad you found that and told $e&" +his one focusing ste# did not solve their "hole #ro le$% of course& 6ut even this one ste# had the effect of $oving their relationshi# on #ast a stuc! #oint& -ocusing can save ti$e& 't $ight ta!e only a fe" $inutes a day& Aou get to "here the trou le is and it shifts& 7o" $uch $ore efficient that is than to e stuc! in an unchanging relationshi#% s#ending ti$e and energy on re#etitious 1uarrels that go no"here& 't see$s o vious that close relationshi#s can enefit fro$ regular focusing and listening& 6ut ho" a out "or! situationsP )ouldn*t everyone eco$e too close #ersonallyL 4ight the at$os#here gro" too stic!yL )ould #eo#le tal! dee#ly "ith each other all the ti$e so no "or! could get doneL '$agine s#ending fifteen $inutes listening to so$eone every ti$e you go to the #urchasing de#art$ent for a si$#le for$K 9o% it "ouldn*t e li!e that& <ather% it*s $ore li!e that witho't focusing and listeningK 4ost "or! #laces are dense "ith ad feeling and ad relationshi#s& 0very ti$e <hena goes to the #urchasing de#art$ent% she has to ta!e those sic! s$iles fro$ that "o$an "ho last year tried to get her fired& 6ill is destructive and doesn*t trust any ody% and Ni$ #lays along "ith hi$ and tells hi$ every ad thing a out all the others& 8nd so on& 4any #eo#le "or! every day in #laces li!e that& 8nd even in #leasant #laces% "or! "ould e e;#edited if #eo#le "ould listen& 5eo#le li!e to get "or! done% and done "ell& +hey get discouraged ecause in $ost #laces there are too $any

52

"ays to get stuc!& 't "ill ta!e $uch ti$e to i$#rove our "or! situations% our schools% hos#itals% churches& 3#aces and ti$es for focusing and listening can e $ade in any institution& 6ut even "hen focusing and listening are learned y everyone H#ro a ly in schoolsI% our "or! #laces and institutions "ill still change slo"ly& 2ur structured institutions today offer little o##ortunity for #ersonal living and s#ea!ing& +he real living of #eo#le is $ostly dulled and silent% inside the$% alone& 'n ter$s of social institutions% that s#ace is e$#ty& 'f you "ant to $eet so$eone $ore #ersonally% $odern society offers only a fe" #oor choices& Aou can go to #sychothera#y& Aou can attend a "ee!end encounter grou#& 'f it is successful Ha out one out of three isI% you "ill co$e close to so$e #eo#le and they "ill co$e close to you& +hen it rea!s u#& 'f you "ant $ore% then a "ee! later a ne" grou# of strangers confronts you& Aou can have the sa$e initial e;#erience over again% ut there is no continuing social structure& )hat is the ans"erL ' elieve it lies in a ne" !ind of social structure called a "Changes" grou#&= 3everal such grou#s have een develo#ed over the years% in various #arts of the country% y #eo#le "ho !no" focusing and listening& 3uch a grou# rings #eo#le together in the closeness of focusing.listening& )hat is i$#ortant is that it is there,a continuing social structure& 't is a #lace "here you can go "hen you need to focus and need so$eone to listen to you& Aou can very easily start a Changes grou# yourself& +o sho" you ho" such grou#s "or!% let $e descri e one of the$E Changes in Chicago& 2n a ty#ical 3unday evening% there is a ig $eeting in the church at 57th and University 8venue& +"o large roo$s are full of #eo#le& Aou loo! $ore closely and see that they are in #airs& 8t $any little ta les% in corners% and in the hall you see t"o #eo#le sitting& 2ne tal!s% one listens& 8fter so$e ti$e they "ill reverse roles& [ you had "al!ed in earlier you "ould have seen a large $eeting of the "hole grou#& Aou "ould have seen listening in action& 3o$eone says so$ething i$#ortant& 3o$eone else turns to the s#ea!er and says% "' thin! "hat you*re getting at is&&&&" +he s#ea!er #auses% focuses riefly and says% ")ell% yes% ut $ore li!e&&&&" ' a$ al"ays i$#ressed at Changes "hen this ha##ens so regularly& 8lthough ' have trained #eo#le in listening for $any% $any years% ' often forget to listen "hen ' a$ in a ig grou#& ' a$ al"ays glad "hen others don*t forget& 'f ' interru#t% so$eone says% ")ait% Gene% ' thin! she*s trying to say&&&&" 2nce in a "hile% so$eone shy "ill "ant to say so$ething difficult and "ill as! an individual in the grou# to listen& 't loo!s odd& ' re$e$ er 3usan standing u# at a $eeting and saying% "U$&&& Noe% "ill you listen to $e so ' can get this outL" Noe nods& 3he says so$ething and Noe says ac! the cru; of it& 3he continues and so does Noe& 'n this "ay she gets her thoughts said and heard% efore anyone else in the grou# can interru#t or argue& 0veryone understands "hat she "anted Noe to do and "hy& 8nother #ur#ose of listening in that co$$unity "ould eco$e clear to you during the rea!& 5eo#le $ill around and tal! in little infor$al grou#s% as they do any"here else& 3o$eone co$es u# to a $an and says% "7ello% +o$& '*$ going through a tough ti$e and ' need to e listened to& 8re you in a sha#e to do itL" "3ure%" +o$ says& "(oes it need to e right no"L" ")ell% yes% if that*s 2:&" +hey "al! off to find so$e 1uiet corner& 2r +o$ $ight have said% "9o% ' don*t "ant to listen no"& 3orry&" +he focuser "ould "al! off to find an.other listener& 2r +o$ $ight have suggested a ti$e for so$e other day& 2r he $ight have said% "Aes% sure% ut ' need a listener% too& Can "e share the ti$eL" 8s "e*ve noted efore in this oo!% real listening is rare& )hen 8llan $oved to a /o in +ucson% he "ould co$e ac! to Chicago every fe" $onths% /ust to (e listened to@ 2nce #eo#le e;#erience "hat is at first vague and $ur!y o#ening into ste# after ste# of one*s inner detail and change% then living "ithout this in #eo#le eco$es lonely and shallo"& )ithout so$e #eo#le "ho listen% it is hard to hear oneself& 2ne is often frustrated "ith #eo#le "ho don*t !no" focusing& 0very little "hile one "ants to say% "Could you go see $ore "hat that isL" ut the #erson doesn*t !no" "hat that $eans& 5eo#le thin! they already !no" "hat they feel& +hey $ay e in e;cellent touch "ith their "gut feelings%" ut then they let it go at that& +hey don*t !no" that a road of $any ste#s "ould o#en if they sensed eyond the o vious feelings% into "hat is not as yet clear& 3o one usually "ants to teach focusing to those "ith "ho$ one "ants to e close& 9ot that one $ust hear "hat co$es& 'n silence% too% it is good& 't is lonely also if ' a$ ta!en as static in "hat ' feel and say% if you "on*t listen !no"ing that there can e ste#s into de#th% and shifts& 't is oring if you ta!e "hat ' e;#ress as $y "#osition%" and in res#onse you state yours& +hen "e are done& )e are oth flat% li!e a closed door in a "all& 't is not sur#rising that 8llan ca$e to Chicago to e listened to& 9o" that these s!ills are s#reading% Changes is no longer such a rare island&

53

8fter the $utual listening #art of the Changes evening% there is a short rea!& +hen #eo#le go to s#ecial grou#s& +here are Usten$g.training grou#s& +here are several focusing grou#s in "hich a very gentle cli$ate #revails% and they "ould e shy to let you in& +here are also other activities& 3o$eone $ight have stood u# s#ontaneously in the ig grou# and said% "' "ould li!e to lead a dance $ove$ent grou# tonight& 4eet $e in this corner&" 2r it $ight have een ehavior $odification or a grou# on Nungian drea$ inter#retation& -ocusing $a!es all other $ethods $ore effective y #utting the$ in relation to the ody*s felt sense& )e don*t $a!e a "sect" of focusing& 't goes "ell "ith% and can e added to% anything a #erson already finds hel#ful& Conversely% "e are glad for anyone to teach us other s!ills& 5eo#le tal! a out different $ethods as though they contradict each other% ut in the hu$an ody "hat hel#s doesn*t contradict anything else that hel#s& -ocusing lets you sense "hether so$ething is hel#ful for you at a given ti$e& 3elf.hel# s!ill training is essential for such a net"or!% and focusing and listening involve s#ecific ste#s in "hich anyone can e trained& Aou "ould often find $ore real #sychothera#y ha##ening in that co$$unity than in for$al thera#y& 't $ight "orry you to see see$ingly untrained #eo#le doing this& )hat if +o$ is no good at listening% or "hat if he #ushes his vie"s on othersL 's this safeL 't is safer than doctors& 9o one thin!s the other #erson is an authority& 9o one here is li!ely to #ut u# "ith eing told "hat to do% i$#osed u#on% or interru#ted& +he #erson they have as!ed to listen is /ust another #erson& 'f +o$*s listening doesn*t feel good% the focuser "ill go a"ay& 8 #sychothera#y #atient "ho is getting little fro$ thera#y re1uires $onths or years to change thera#ists& Usually% the #atient thin!s% "+he doctor m'st !no" "hat*s going on& +here m'st e good reasons for it&" Changes is far safer than #sychothera#y& )hen #sychothera#y is effective% it is irre#lacea le% ut then the #atient can feel so$e changes going on in the ody& 7o" can you start your o"n Changes grou#L 6egin y finding one #erson "ho "ill focus and listen "ith you& 'f that "or!s out and you oth "ant a Changes grou#% invite a third #erson in% and #lan gradually to let others in& 0ncourage each #erson "ho li!es it to ring others& )hat $a!es any Changes grou# "or! is the focusing.listening a##roach& +here is no need for a "#olicy%" and Changes as a "hole has none& 2f course% there are house!ee#ing decisions& 3o$eone has to decide "hen to $eet% "hat to do "ith s$all a$ounts of $oney% and so on& 'n the traditional organiFational $odel,not at Changes,such decisions are handled y a s$all #o"er grou# others cannot /oin& 8nother $odel is "#artici#atory de$ocracy%" in "hich everyone tries to $a!e all decisions& 6ut decisions are oring% #eo#le gro" i$#atient% and $eetings get rancorous% even though the decision eing $ade is trivial& Changes has a third $odel& +here is a s$all grou# that $a!es house!ee#ing decisions& 6ut everyone !no"s "here and "hen it $eets and is al"ays invited to e #art of itE for one ti$e% occasionally% steadily% or never& 4ost $e$ ers don*t co$e% ut all $ay& 0ach Changes grou# is organiFed as its o"n $e$ ers "ant it& +here is a "Changes 'nternational%" ut it only !ee#s a list of Changes grou#s and $ails out occasional literature& 't enforces no "#olicy&" -ocusing and listening are not the only things #racticed% or the only vie"#oint& 6ut they are shared and learned y all "ho "ish to& +here is $uch thera#eutic changing and hu$an closeness&

'h"r'$$ E3&$r"$ ($ B$,o + Rol$%


'n our ti$e an advance in the nature of the hu$an individual is occurring& +hroughout history #eo#le e;#ressed the$selves in routine #atterns of language% and understood the$selves that "ay% too& +y#es of e$otional e;#eriences "ere la eledE if so$eone cheated you% you "ere angryG if so$eone gave you so$ething% grateful& 9o dou t #eo#le sus#ected that there "as $ore to it all than that, $ore than one could say or understand, ut no ody !ne" 1uite "hat that "$ore" "as& +o e;#ress ourselves Heven to ourselvesI and to handle our situations% "e need to get into this "$ore" of our o"n e;#erience& 8t first this "$ore" revealed certain causes and contents that see$ed to e the sa$e for every #erson& 2f course% there "as no agree$ent on /ust "hat these universal contents "ere% and several syste$s arose to say "hat they are& +hen% $ore dee#ly% it "as discovered that eyond syste$s the uni1ue individual e$erges& 'n the $ost recent years there has een a great develo#$entE $illions of #eo#le have "gotten in touch "ith their feelings&" 'f one has not een accusto$ed to turn in"ard to one*s feelings very often% it is a ig life.ste# to do so& 4any $ethods and $ove$ents e;ist that have this as their essence&

5B

-ocusing is a different% further ste#& 6eyond contacting feelings there is a different in"ard "#lace&" A holistic (od2 sense3 at first 'nclear3 can for$& 't is a sense of the "hole $eaning of a #articular concern& t is from this 5place5 that a series of in"ard shifts% a road of $any ste#s% can arise& 8n in"ard te;ture of detail reveals itself and changes& )e found focusing y studying #atients "ho already did it& )e didn*t invent it& )e only $ade it s#ecific and teacha le& 7u$an e;#erience% "e no" understand% does not really consist of #ieces or contents that have a static sha#e& 8s one senses the e;act% finely co$#le; sha#e at a given $o$ent% it also changes in this very sensing& 8 #erson*s e;#erience cannot e fig'red o't y others% or even y the #erson e;#eriencing it& 't cannot e e;#ressed in co$$on la els& 't has to e $et% found% felt% attended to% and allo"ed to sho" itself& 8 vignette "ill hel# sho" "hat ' $ean& ' had een as!ed to teach listening and focusing to a grou# of #sychothera#ists and student thera#ists& 2ne "o$an% a thera#ist.in.training% didn*t feel li!e an e1ual in this grou#& 't contained only one other "o$an& 't included her su#ervisor% several co."or!ers% a $an "ho "as her thera#ist% and $e% the visiting teacher& )hen it "as her turn to say a little a out a #ro le$ Hso "e could #ractice listeningI% she said her hus and insisted that she tal! "hen she ca$e ho$e& 7e had aided her long struggle for #rofessional training% and no" he "anted her to share her e;#eriences "ith hi$& 't "as only fair& Aet "hen she (a#$ ho#$ she "anted to rest% to e in herself& 3he "anted to e a le to refuse& ' o eyed the rules of good listening and said /ust thatE "Aou long to e in yourself% to rest% to e a le to refuse& 's that rightL" 3o$ething inside her suddenly see$ed to uncra$#& 3he loo!ed u# and her eyes glistened& "Aes% to e a le to refuseK +o e a le to go y $y o"n needing and feelingK +o let that count for so$ething even in relation to another #ersonK Aes% yesK" +he others had so$e 1uestions& )as she not eing selfish% hostileL )as she not avoiding contact "ith another hu$anL )asn*t she sho"ing so$e lac! of $ature develo#$ent y her need to "ithdra" in order to find herselfL )hole chains of deductions could e $ade fro$ the little she had said% and $any routine la els could e a##lied to it& 9o one see$ed to "ant to ta!e "hat she had said as she had said it& 0veryone see$ed to "ant something else3 so$ething she didn?t say% to e "hat "as "really" there& ' had "only" listened& 3he raved the su#ervisor% the thera#ist% and the others& 9o" she could feel that she !ne" e;actly "hat she "as e;#eriencing& 't resonated in her& +he "ords touched the e;#erience% and the e;#erience su##orted the "ords& 3he had discovered% through eing heard accurately% that her feeling had its o"n #ersonal sha#e and eing& 6ut couldn*t one argue that this "o$an*s e;#erience fits a co$$on #atternL +he "o$an "ho asserts the reaUty of her o"n e;#erienceE isn*t this #attern =76% so to s#ea!L 9o% a #erson*s e;#erience is not a #attern& 't $ight see$ to fit a #attern /ust no"% ut $o$ents later it "ill.fit another or none& 'n any case% the see$ing fit "ill never e e;act% for e;#erience is richer than #atterns& 4oreover% it is changing& 0;#erience is uni1ue "hen focusing has unfolded it& 8s so$eone told $e once% in regard to a roo$ in "hich "e did a lot of focusing and listeningE "'n there% vXhat goes on has never ha##ened efore in the history of the "orld&" 7e $eant that each #erson*s uni1ue e;#erience% as it "ent through ste#s of focusing% had never een encountered efore& 6ut he also $eant to #oint to the fact that in history% until no"% ordinary #eo#le have not generally done this& 't is a ne" ste# in hu$an develo#$ent "hen #eo#le can not only get in touch "ith their feelings ut then also $ove through ste#s of unfolding and change& )e are $oving eyond confor$ity #atterns& 9onconfor$ity has al"ays een #ossi le% of course& 6ut those "ho re/ected traditional #atterns often found the$selves adrift% lost% "ithout values and standards& -ocusing re#laces those #atterns "ith a "ay of $a!ing ne" #atterns& 'f "e are usily discarding old for$s and #atterns% "hat "ill re#lace the$L 9e" for$s that are e1ually fi;ed and #ainfulL 9e" for$s can co$e fro$ inside each #erson instead of eing i$#osed fro$ outside& 8 "orld in "hich this ha##ens "on*t e a "orld in "hich #eo#le get forced into for$s that cra$# and hurt& 't "ill e a "orld in "hich forms are 'sed in a new wa2. @et*s e;a$ine this #ossi ility in a little $ore detail& 4any #eo#le today are struggling "ith a affling factE +he old #atterns that are su##osed to $a!e life "or!, and once did,no longer serve& 6eing a #arent today% for e;a$#le% doesn*t "or! if "e try to do it as our #arents did% yet no other for$ is esta lished for us to follo"& )e have to $a!e it u# as "e go along, often learning that "hat "e /ust did "as "rong&

55

3i$ilarly% so$e "o$en find the house"ife role e$#ty and intolera le% ut are often un#re#ared for anything else even if they !no" "hat it $ight e& +he #attern of eing a "o$an is changing% ut #eo#le argue "hether it is changing into this or that ne" #attern% as if eventually% so$eho"% a fi;ed for$ $ust e i$#osed& 8nd "hat are the #ro#er roles for sons and daughtersL Can you eco$e your o"n #erson yet still care for your #arentsL +his is a 1uestion each young #erson confronts& +hese old #atterns once "ere useful& +he $ass of #eo#le Hal"ays "ith odd e;ce#tionsI fitted the$selves into the roles and routines they "ere assigned and "hich gave the$ an inner life of e$otions& 2nly a s$all nu$ er of educated and thin!ing #eo#le created roles and #atterns& 6ut today this de#endence on routines and roles has changed& 8 large #art of the mass of #eo#le are educated and literate& +he creativity and creative needs of #eo#le have e;#anded% and no" the routines are too confining& 5eo#le find that they have feelings that are far $ore co$#le; than acce#ted roles either de$and or offer& 7o" can $ore develo#ed individuals $a!e a etter social structureL 't is a large% unsolved #ro le$& )e !no" a lot a out ho" social #atterns for$ individuals% ut if one egins "ith individuals&&& there is a ga#& )e don*t !no" ho" individual develo#$ent can ever reach the level of social structure& +hat is "hy there has een so little #rogress in the character of social and #olitical units& -ocusing is only a #iece of an ans"er& 't lets #eo#le find their o"n inner source of direction& 't can e a source of ne" #atterns% devised freshly y each individual& 'nstead of static structures "e need structure.$a!ing& +his "ould not e unstructured& )ithout structure nothing ha##ens& 't "ould e an e;#ected and understood constant restructuring& 3ocial situations could e structured so that they could e restructured y the #artici#ants& 'nstead of having only the #redicta le% e;#ected e$otions the roles call for% "e often have unclear feelings& +hey are unclear ecause "clear" feelings are those that are already #atterned& )e $ust $a!e ne" #hrases to e;#ress these unclear feelings% and ne" for$s of action to carry the feelings into daily life& +his .is the #rocess of for$.$a!ing& +o an e;tent% "e are all engaged increasingly in the form8making process. +his is "here the ig change can co$e fro$& 'f "e acce#t ourselves and each other as for$.$a!ers% "e "ill no longer need to force for$s on ourselves or each other& +oday $ost #eo#le still assu$e that a ne" set of for$s "ill eventually e agreed u#on& +he i$#lication is that% as efore% "e "ill have to force those ne" for$s on ourselves and each other& 't is true that a lot of this old.style for$.forcing is still going on& -or e;a$#le% #eo#le no" thin! the ne" role #attern is not to e /ealous or #ossessive& 'f their s#ouse or lover is having a se;ual relationshi# "ith so$eone else% they feel they should acce#t it& 6ut they don*t& +hen they go through vast struggles "ith the$selves to force the ne" role #attern on the$selves& -ree se; is the ne" for$G and "hile they are ready to change the old% the ne" one forced on the$ $ay not fit either& 0ndless hurt goes on% along "ith feelings of guilt and self. la$e% ecause the ne" for$ doesn*t fit& ")hat*s "rong "ith $eL" the 1uestion goes& "'f this for$ fits every ody else "ho is rave and ne"% "hy doesn*t it fit $eL" 2nly the for$ is ne"& +his is the usual "ay of confor$ing to for$s% old and ne"& 3o$e cou#les "ho !no" focusing are develo#ing uni1ue and differentiated "ays of o#ening their relationshi#s& 2thers say they have a ne" res#ect for /ealousy as they can feel it in their odies& )hat is clear is that ado#ting general #atterns% old or ne"% is not the "ay& 2ur odies constantly a sor ne" learnings% additions to their already gigantic store of "isdo$& <eal learning can occur only in dialogue "ith one*s ody& 8 sensitive focusing a##roach can eventuate in really liva le #atterns suited uni1uely to each of us and our close #eo#le& @et us ado#t the #attern. $afa*ng& +he feelings see$ li!e inner things% strong and often unchanging& +o reveal that a feeling is not a thing% one $ust sense eyond it& 't is different to sense the "hole of a situation as a not yet clear ody.sense& -eelings often conflict "ith reason& 4any feelings are less "ise than reason% yet reason alone is rarely enough to change us% or to rely on& +he holistic felt sense is $ore inclusive than reason& 't incl'des the reasons of reason as "ell as "hat $ade the feeling% and $uch $ore& +hat holistic sense can e lived further% and has its o"n directionality& 't is your sense of the "hole thing% including "hat you !no"% have thought% have learned& 't includes oth "hat you thin! you "ought" and "hat is not yet resolved& +hought and feeling% ought and "ant% are not no" s#lit in it& 3aid one #ersonE "4ore and $ore ' "ant that inner sense of !no"ing that ' get no" so$eti$es& ' "ish ' had it all the ti$e&" )hat is at first sensed unclearly and holistically is $ore asic than the thoughts% feelings% and "ays of acting that are already for$ed% already cut out into e;isting #atterns&

5?

EXPERIENCE BEYOND ROLES / l6l

8 society of #attern.$a!ers is co$ing& 't cannot hel# ut e a society in "hich #eo#le are also $ore sensitive to% and intolerant of% social rutalities and o##ressions% and $ore a le to act to change the$&

APPENDI9
a& 5hiloso#hical 9ote & <esearch 3u$$ary and <eferences c& (irectoryE )here to get $ore training in focusing or #sychothera#y that e$#loys it d& -ocusingE 3hort -or$

:. Ph"lo%o&h"(al No'$
-ocusing is #art of a "ider #hiloso#hy HGendlin =9?2% =973I& 'n focusing one #ays attention to a "felt sense&" +his is felt in the ody% yet it has $eanings& 't has all the $eanings one is already living "ith ecause one lives in situations "ith one*s ody& 8 felt sense is ody and $ind efore they are s#lit a#art& )hat is the relation et"een this uns#lit ody.$ind and our $ore usual logical thin!ingL ' have dealt "ith this 1uestion syste$atically in $y #hiloso#hical "or!s& -ocusing is not an invitation to dro# thin!ing and /ust feel& +hat "ould leave our feelings unchanged& -ocusing egins "ith that odd and little !no"n "felt sense%" and then "e thin! ver ally% logically% or "ith i$age for$s, ut in such a "ay that the felt sense shifts& )hen there is a ody shift% "e sense that our usual !ind of thin!ing has co$e together "ith ody.$ind% and has succeeded in letting ody.$ind $ove a ste#& )hat "e can trust is not /ust ody.$ind% not /ust thought% not even such a ste#& )e trust the series of ste#s& +hin!ing in the usual "ay% alone% can e o /ectively true and #o"erful& 6ut% "hen #ut in touch "ith "hat the ody already !no"s and lives% it eco$es vastly $ore #o"erful& +here is a ne" $ethod here% not only for #ersonal concerns ut also for theory and science& @ogical thin!ing stays "ithin "hatever "conce#tual o;es" it starts "ith& 't has only the different% co$#eting inter#retations% assu$#tions% vie"#oints,and one $ust stay "ithin one of these& )hen felt sense is the touchstone% one can try out all !inds of different conce#ts "ithout eing loc!ed into any one set& +his is "hat scientists Hno" rarelyI do "hen they co$e u# "ith so$ething ne" after living "ith a #ro le$ for a long ti$e& <ather than using conce#ts only% one can return to one*s un.s#lit felt sense of "hatever one is "or!ing on& 2ne can !ee# "hatever each set of conce#ts or assu$#tions sho"s% and yet also go free of the$ and go directly to the felt sense& 'n that "ay one can e$erge "ith so$ething else that those conce#ts could never arrive at% and $a!e ne" conce#ts& 8 ne" asic $odel% a ne" "ay of understanding e;#erience and nature% is involved& 0;#erience and nature are not li!e our conce#ts& 2ur conce#ts are each /ust so% and not other"ise& +ruth does not lie in thought alone& 't lies in ho" various thoughts relate to e;#erience% "hether they ring so$ething into focus fro$ e;#erience or not& 0;#erience can never e e1uated "ith conce#ts& 6ut e;#erience is not "undefined" either& 't is more organiFed% $ore finely faceted y far% than any conce#ts can e& 8nd yet it is al"ays again a le to e lived further in a ne" creation of $eaning that ta!es account of% and also shifts% all the earlier $eanings& 7o" this relation et"een conce#ts and e;#erience changes logic and conce#tual structure has een #resented else"here Hsee references 5 and =0I& +his #hiloso#hy leads to a ne" $ethod of hu$an thin!ing&

8. R$%$ar(h S/##ar, a + R$.$r$ ($%


'n addition to the research already $entioned%?.7.22 let $e $ention so$e current "or! on the teaching of focusing and its a##lications in other fields& H9u$ ers refer to "or!s cited in the reference section&I -ocusing is eing studied in relation to concerns as far a#art as s#irituality%8*23 usiness%=7 #ro le$.solving%=8%2B creative "riting%2 and drea$s&=5 -ocusing a##lies to $ore than #ersonal #ro le$s& Creativity% originality% and de#th re1uire so$ething li!e focusing in any fieldE the ca#acity to attend to "hat is not yet ver aliFed& +his $ight e a out so$ething intellectual% #ractical% or anything else& +he a ove studies are "ith es#ecially a le or nor$al #eo#le% ut focusing has een taught successfully to #eo#le

57

=& 2& 3& B& 5& ?&

la eled "schiFo#hrenic"=8 and " orderline #ersonality ty#e"=B "ith so$e good effects& 8 ne" $ethod% not focusing ut a uilding u# of e;#eriencing% has een develo#ed "ith retardates&2= 'n one study% focusing "as found hel#ful oth to teachers and to nor$al !ids "ith learning difficulties& 4urray=9 "ritesE +he asic instruction is to say to oneselfE "' understand this% ' got this thing '*$ studying do"n&" +hen shut u# and "ait,go to the 1ueasy s#ot,let it identify itself,for$ulate your 1uestion, rearrange the #ieces to hel# you ans"er it& 'n a study =8 of old #eo#le% the focusing $easure "e used in #sychothera#y H0C5 3caleI "as a##lied to their ans"ers to so$e #ersonal 1uestions& +hese ans"ers had een recorded ten years earlier% as #art of a large #ro/ect& +he #eo#le "ere then in their seventies& +hose high on our $easure "ere significantly $ore often still alive ten years later& +his "as the only one of $any $easures that #redicted longevity& +he odily as#ect of focusing is also eing studied in dance and ody $ove$ent= and in healing&20 6rain "aves H00GI sho" a characteristic #attern "hen there is a " ody shift" during focusing& B +his $eans a iofeed ac! $achine to teach focusing is a #ossi ility& +hese are a fe" of the studies ' !no" of& +hey all need re#lications& 2ne study is never a #roof& 4uch ne" "or! is in #rogress% here and in other countries& ' "ould li!e to hear of ne" studies or re#lications% and of any a##lications of focusing& <0-0<09C03 8@50<329% 0& (& Carrying e;#eriencing for"ard through authentic ody $ove$ent& Ps2chotherap23 Theor23 $esearch3 and Practice3 =97B% 2i%H3I% 2==.2=B& 629'40% -& Creative "riting course& 9e" 3chool for 3ocial <esearch% 9e" Aor!% 9&A& C84560@@% 5&% and 4c48729% 0& /osmic /ongr'ence. 'n #ress& (29% 9& 3& +he transfor$ation of conscious e;#erience and its 00G correlates& Go'rnal of Altered States of /onscio'sness3 =977.78% 5%H2I% =B7.?8& H8lso in Brain .ind B'lletin3 Pol& 2% 9o& =3% 4ay =?% =977&I G09(@'9% 0& +& &xperiencing and the /reation of .eaning. 9e" Aor!E 4ac$illan% -ree 5ress% =9?2& G09(@'9% 0& \&% 60060% N&% C833093% N&% :@0'9% 4&% and 260<@89(0<% 4& -ocusing a ility in #sychothera#y% #ersonality% and creativity&
=& <0308<C7 3U448<A 89( <0-0<09C03 X =?9

'n N& 37@0'9% H0d&I% $esearch in Ps2chotherap2 Y& )ashington% (&C&E 8$erican 5sychological 8ssociation% =9?7& 7& -ocusing& Ps2chotherap27 Theor23 $e search3 and Practice3 =9?9% =3 =& 8& ............... 8 theory of #ersonality change& 'n 8& 4ahrer H0d&I% /reative )evelopments in Ps2chotherap2. ClevelandE Case.)estern <eserve% =97=& 9& ...............0;#eriential #sychothera#y& 'n <& Corsini H0d&I% /'rrent Ps2chotherapies. 'tasca% Y&E =973& =0& ............. 0;#eriential #heno$enology& 'n H4& 9atanson H0d&I% Phenomenolog2 and the Social Sciences. 0vanston% ]=&E 9orth"estern University 5ress% =973& ==& .............+he ne"er thera#ies& 'n 3& 8rieti H0d&I% American !and(ook of Ps2chiatr2 P% =B& 9e" Aor!E 6asic 6oo!s% =975& =2& ............. Let %o'r Bod2 nterpret %o'r )reams. ChironX2#en Court% =98?& =3& G09(@'9% 0& \&% and 2@309% @& +he use of i$agery in e;#eriential focusing& Ps2chotherap23 Theor23 $esearch3 and Practice3 =970% 7%HBI% 22=.223& =B& G2<90A% N& 0&% and +26'9% 3& 3& &xperiencing among the aged. 5resented at 20th 8nnual 4eeting of the Gerontological 3ociety% 3t& 5eters urg% =9?7& =5& G<8A% N& 5& The infl'ence of experiential foc'sing on state anxiet2 and pro(lem solving a(ilit2 in 5(orderline5 patients. 5h&(& dissertation% California 3chool of 5rofessional 5sychology% @os 8ngeles% =97?& =?& 709(<'C:3% 4&% and C8<+)<'G7+% <& 0;#eriencing in drea$s& Ps2chotherap23 Theor23 $esearch3 and Practice3 =978% 75%H3I% 292.298& =7& 7'9+0<:25-% 0&% and 6<U93)'C:% @& :& +eaching thera#eutic s!ills to $ental #atients& Ps2chotherap27 Theor23 $esearch3 and Practice3 =975% s/ H8lso in &val'ation3 =977% :3 ?3&I
5;< = APPENDI9

=8& '60<G% N& <& The effects of foc'sing on fo( interview (ehavior. 5h&(& dissertation% University of Chicago% =979& =9& :89+2<% 3&% and ^'4<'9G% -& 4& +he effects of focusing on a #ro le$& Ps2chotherap27 Theor23 $esearch3 and Practice3
=97?% *<3D<13 255.258&

20& 4U<<8A% P& &xperiential foc'sing and classroom ver(al (ehavior. 0d&(& dissertation% <utgers 3tate University% =978& 58

2=& 2@309% @& -ocusing and self.healing& Cassette ta#e fro$ /ontin''m .ontage3 3?B0PU )atse!a 8venue% @os 8ngeles%
Calif& 9003B% =978& 8lsoE The 'se of vis'al imager2 and experiential foc'sing in ps2chotherap2. 5h&(& dissertation% Univer. sity of Chicago% =975& 22& 5<2U+A% G& 5re.thera#y,a $ethod of treating #re.e;#ressive #sychotics and retarded #atients& Ps2chotherap27 Theor23 $esearch3 and Practice3 75%H3I% =97?& 23& P89 (09 623% G& <& An investigation of several methods of teaching experiential foc'sing. Ph.D. dissertation% University of (etroit% =973& 2B& )0'33% N& The effects of meditation on experiential foc'sing. 5h&(& dissertation% 9orth"estern University% =978& 25& ^'4<'9G% -& 4&% and 68@C2460% N& :& Cogni tive o#erations in t"o $easures of handling e$o tionally relevant $aterial& Ps2chotherap27 Theor23 $esearch3 and Practice3 *+* A3 **3 3&

D"r$('or,
Aou $ust /udge any hu$an #rocess y your o"n direct odily e;#erience& 0ven if you choose one of our est focusing teachers,if "hat ha##ens does not feel good% "li!e fresh air%" then it isn*t focusing that is ha##ening& 2r% if it is su##osed to e thera#y% then it isn*t really thera#y that is ha##ening& +his #rinci#le a##lies not /ust to this directory ut to any su##osedly hel#ful #rocess for your life and #erson&
WE NOW HAVE FOCUSING TEACHERS IN FORTY6FIVE CITIES IN THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. THE LIST IS TOO LONG AND HARD TO KEEP UP TO DATE, SO WE ARE NOT PRESENTING IT HERE ANYMORE, AS WE DID IN EARLIER EDITIONS. FOR A FOCUSING TEACHER NEAR YOU >OR WORKSHOPS, OR THE LATEST DEVELOPMENTS IN FOCUSING? 6 SEND A SELF6 ADDRESSED STAMPED ENVELOPE TO ME: 0UG090 +& G09(@'9% 57&(& +70 -2CU3'9G '93+'+U+0 3B 083+ @890 35<'9G P8@@0A% 90) A2<: =0977

9=BX3?2.5222 e.$ailE info_focusing&org htt#EXX"""&focusing&org


=7= =72 X 85509('C

A/%'r"a Nohannes )iltsch!o% Ph.D. 7ochstrasse B5 8.2500 6aden ei )ien B$l!"/# Counseling Centru$ :atholie!e Universiteit te @euven 6li/de 'n!o$ststraat =3 3000 @euven E !la + (avid Garlovs!y 38 6ayston <oad @ondon% 9=?.7@+% 0ngland H0=I 25B.?355 G$r#a , -riedhel$ :ohne 4itterfeldstrasse 7 ( 8=00 Gar$isch.5arten!irchen Ger$any Holla + 6art 3anten <eiendon! 25 B82B CC 6reda H/ !ar, (r& :aroly Parga '#argaFdasagi 'nteFet =023 6uda#est '' 6olyai U& 5@ 7U9G8<A Ir$la + 6ar ara 3hifter (e#art$ent of 5sychiatry <egional 7os#ital Gal"ay I%ra$l 4iria$ 6en.(avid 8 6erechyahu 3treet 6eth 7a!ere$ Nerusale$ 9?225 Aa&a 3ho/i 4uraya$a% Ph.D. :yushu University -u!uo!a M$3"(o <icardo 6lanco.6eledo% 5h&(&

59

Universidad ' eroa$ericana Centro de (idactica 8ve& Cerro de las +orres 395 4e;ico 2=% D.F. So/'h A.r"(a Graha$ @indegger 9atal University 5&2& 6o; 375 5ieter$aritF urg 3200 S&a" Carlos 8le$any 3&N& (e#arta$ento de 5sicologia Universidad 5ontificia Co$illas 4adrid.3B S)$+$ 5hilli# 3#eiser @innegatan 23 B=3 0B Gote org 03=X=2?2B9 S)"'B$rla + 8gnes )ild.4issong% 5h&(& :reuF#latF = 8032 ^urich 0=.?9.B8.50

862U+ +70 8U+72< 0ugene +& Gendlin% 5h& (& is 5rofessor of 5sychology at the University of Chicago& 7e "as for $any years the editor of Ps2chotherap27 Theor23 $esearch3 and Practice. 'n =970% for his develo#$ent of e;#eriential #sychology% he "as chosen y the 5sychothera#y (ivision of the 8$erican 5sychological 8ssociation for their first "(istinguished 5rofessional 5sychologist of the Aear" 8"ard&

+. Fo(/%" !: Shor' For#


=& Clear a s#ace 7o" are youL )hat*s et"een you and feeling fineL (on*t ans"erG let "hat co$es in your ody do the ans"ering& (on*t go into anything& Greet each concern that co$es& 5ut each aside for a "hile% ne;t to you& 0;ce#t for that% are you fineL 2& -elt sense 5ic! one #ro le$ to focus on& (on*t go into the #ro le$& )hat do you sense in your ody "hen you recall the "hole of that #ro le$L 3ense all of that% the sense of the "hole thing% the $ur!y disco$fort or the unclear ody.sense of it& 3& Get a handle )hat is the 1uality of the felt senseL )hat one "ord% #hrase% or i$age co$es out of this felt senseL )hat 1uality."ord "ould fit it estL B& <esonate Go ac! and forth et"een "ord Hor i$ageI and the felt sense& 's that rightL 'f they $atch% have the sensation of $atching several ti$es& 'f the felt sense changes% follo" it "ith your attention& )hen you get a #erfect $atch% the "ords Hi$ages] eing /ust right for this feeling% let yourself feel that foi a $inute& 5& 8s! ")hat is it% a out the "hole #ro le$% that $a!es $e soL" )hen stuc!% as! 1uestionsE What is the worst of this feelingB Whafs reall2 so (ad a(o't thisB What does it needB What sho'ld happenB )on?t answerH wait for the feeling to stir and give 2o' an answer. )hat "ould it feel li!e if it "as all 2:L Let the (od2 answer7 What is in the wa2 of thatB ?& <eceive )elco$e "hat ca$e& 6e glad it s#o!e&

?0

't is only one ste# on this #ro le$% not the last& 9o" that you !no" "here it is% you can leave it and co$e ac! to it later& 5rotect it fro$ critical voices that interru#t& (oes your ody "ant another round of focusing% or is this a good sto##ing #laceL

?=

You might also like