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more AskReddit AskReddit comments related want to join? login or register in seconds| English this post was submitted on 02 Mar 2014 2,465 points (62% like it) 6,219 upvotes 3,754 downvotes shortlink: remember mereset password Ask a question! AskReddit unsubscribe5,267,324 35,936 users here now You can see your comment score, but everyone else's score is hidden. Click to fi nd out more. The current delay is -- 60 -- minutes Use a [Serious] post tag to designate your post as a serious, on-topic-only thre ad. [Learn More] Do you have ideas or feedback for Askreddit? Submit to /r/Ideasforaskreddit. Check out our Wiki page for the rules and other info. 1 a) You must post a clear and direct question, and only the question, in yo ur title. Any context or clarification should be posted in the text box. b) Your own answer to the question should go in the comments as a reply to y our own post. [More] 2) Askreddit is for open-ended, discussion-inspiring questions. Questions wi th a single correct answer do not generate open discussion and will be removed. Any post asking for advice should be generic and not specific to your situation alone. [More] 3) Please do not post poll-type, survey, or yes/no questions. "Does anybody else?" questions, and posts like highest vote wins or of similar nature will also be removed. [More] 4) Posting, or seeking, any identifying personal information will result in a ban without a prior warning. This includes for yourself or other people, and r efers to, but is not limited to, full names, phone numbers, email addresses, fac ebook or other social media accounts. [More] 5) Askreddit is not your soapbox, personal army, or advertising platform. Po sts attempting to promote a specific agenda of yours or anyone else, to gain pub licity, promote a cause or charity drive, or to publicly shame a person or entit y will be removed. Rhetorical and loaded questions will also be removed. [More] 6) Questions seeking professional advice are inappropriate for this subreddi t and will be removed. This includes but is not limited to medical, legal, menta l health and financial advice. If you think that you need professional support, please contact a professional in your area. [More]

7) Soliciting money, goods, services, or favors are not allowed. They will b e removed. [More] 8) Mods reserve the right to remove content or restrict users' posting privi leges as necessary if it is deemed detrimental to the subreddit or to the experi ence of others. Content solely intended to offend or inflame will not be allowed . [More] 9) Comment replies consisting solely of images will be removed. [More] 10) If you think your post has disappeared, see spam or an inappropriate pos t, please do not hesitate to contact the mods, we're happy to help. [More] Interested in the amount of traffic /r/AskReddit receives daily/monthly? Check o ut our traffic stats here! We have spoiler tags, please use them! [Text you want visible](#s "Text you want hidden") Looks like this Other reddits you may like Ask Gender Ask Others Find a Reddit Subreddit Search Meta Subs What is this ___ Tech Reddit Support Dating & Relationships Offers & Assistance Tip of my Tongue Self-Oriented Ever read the reddiquette? Take a peek! Join us in the AskReddit IRC! a community for 6 years message the moderators MODERATORS krispykrackers BritishEnglishPolice PhilxBefore jedberg jamt9000 flyryan nitrousconsumed ll_shades DEADB33F karmanaut ...and 22 more 2465 What is the best riddle you know? (self.AskReddit) submitted 9 hours ago by rolo66 6218 comments share top 200 commentsshow 500 sorted by: best

[ ]foxytr900 457 points 7 hours ago what can travel around the world, whilst remaining in a corner? permalink [ ]IAmAMagicLion 1382 points 7 hours ago A shy air hostess. permalink parent load more comments (5 replies) [ ]JJKeys 464 points 6 hours ago The sneakiest hitchhiker in the world permalink parent load more comments (4 replies) [ ]funkyhiphop 1181 points 7 hours ago A stamp? permalink parent load more comments (9 replies) load more comments (65 replies) [ ]Marmoe 1457 points 8 hours ago The man who invented it doesn't want it for himself. The man who buys it doesn't buy it for himself. The man who needs it doesn't know he needs it. What is it? permalink [ ]bunnifred 2859 points 7 hours ago A bra. permalink parent [ ]icamefrommars 329 points 7 hours ago Best alternative answer as of yet. permalink parent load more comments (1 reply) load more comments (19 replies)

[ ]S4ved 2923 points 5 hours ago Norton Antivirus permalink parent [ ]needmoreswagger[??] 292 points 2 hours ago This was just perfect. permalink parent [ ]tilled 48 points 1 hour ago Credit where credit is due. permalink parent load more comments (7 replies) load more comments (25 replies) [ ]LE_POOR_MERIT 52 points 5 hours ago The classic wording for this is much better: He who makes it does not want it He who buys it does not need it He who needs it does not know it permalink parent load more comments (3 replies) [ ]TheSeIected 796 points 8 hours ago an who buys it doesn't buy it for himself. The man who needs it doesn't know he needs it. What is it? Spoiler permalink parent load more comments (14 replies) [ ]JL_3240 432 points 7 hours ago Roofies. permalink parent load more comments (4 replies)

load more comments (176 replies) [ ]savitrius 1803 points 8 hours ago Forwards it's heavy, backwards it's not. permalink [ ]NotSayingJustSaying 1206 points 8 hours ago spoiler permalink parent [ ]theolliellama 877 points 7 hours ago I saw the spoiler tag and thought that the answer was "spoiler", and it kind of made sense.... I guess I need some more coffee. permalink parent [ ]VIIX 348 points 6 hours ago Spoiler does make sense. permalink parent [ ]neverendingninja 297 points 5 hours ago Sure, it can. A spoiler is an airfoil, when going forward it creates downforce. When going backward, it creates lift(although not as efficiently as a true wing) . permalink parent load more comments (8 replies) load more comments (9 replies) load more comments (4 replies) load more comments (30 replies) [ ]Deep-Thought 1042 points 6 hours ago the word 'heavy' yvaeh is not heavy. permalink parent load more comments (22 replies) load more comments (72 replies)

[ ]lordslag 1479 points 8 hours ago What is light as a feather, but becomes harder to keep the longer you hold it? permalink [ ]NeonInk 2110 points 7 hours ago A Fart ? permalink parent load more comments (30 replies) [ ]isaactron3000 552 points 8 hours ago A secret? permalink parent [ ]Sizzlecheeks 188 points 7 hours ago Not the "correct" answer, but very clever. permalink parent load more comments (4 replies) load more comments (3 replies) [ ]NotSayingJustSaying 1311 points 8 hours ago spoiler permalink parent [ ]ImDotTK 316 points 6 hours ago I also see fart being acceptable... permalink parent load more comments (4 replies) [ ]BillMurraysTesticle 680 points 7 hours ago* thanks for using a spoiler tag edit: one of my highest rated comments is about thanking someone for using a spo iler tag... Wow I'm boring. permalink parent [ ]NotSayingJustSaying 1642 points 7 hours ago

permalink parent load more comments (4 replies) [ ]Proditus 101 points 7 hours ago I can't see spoiler tags. What's the answer!? permalink parent [ ]willyp0689 208 points 5 hours ago DONT CLICK IF YOU DONT WANT TO KNOW ANSWER http://www.imgur.com/lqxdpu9 permalink parent load more comments (5 replies) load more comments (26 replies) load more comments (5 replies) load more comments (17 replies) [ ]Furior 559 points 8 hours ago a penis? SOMEONE HAD TO DO IT! permalink parent [ ]UseMoreLogic 159 points 8 hours ago My penis is heavier than that... permalink parent [ ]Osama_Obama 239 points 7 hours ago Hey man, not everyone is fortunate enough to have a heavy penis permalink parent [ ]jeezlouisedontjudge 750 points 7 hours ago I think that a penis is actually one of the lightest objects in the world becaus e even an idea, can pick it up. permalink parent [ ]PM_MEE_ANYTHING 442 points 7 hours ago That's the deepest shit I ever heard about a penis

permalink parent load more comments (6 replies) load more comments (5 replies) load more comments (7 replies) load more comments (4 replies) load more comments (3 replies) load more comments (126 replies) [ ]arsenal7777 776 points 7 hours ago 1, 11, 21, 1211, 111221, 312211, 13112221 What comes next? Easy if you've heard it before, or Google it. Hard otherwise. permalink [ ]hankthetank921 769 points 7 hours ago Explanation: the first number is just ONE(amount) "1"(0-9 numeral). So if you sa y there's ONE "1" ((seriously just say it aloud)) the next number would be an 11 . Then there is TWO "1's", creating 21. Then ONE "2" and ONE "1" which creates 1 ,211. Then ONE "1", ONE "2", and TWO "1's" creating 111,221...and so on. permalink parent [ ]Nellek_God 67 points 6 hours ago Good explanation. Now my head hurts permalink parent load more comments (2 replies) load more comments (29 replies) [ ]saratonin84 231 points 7 hours ago 1113213211 permalink parent load more comments (28 replies) load more comments (57 replies) [ ]Eliwood_of_Pherae 522 points 6 hours ago King solomon's parable:

"Solomon the powerful and wealthy king chooses to test his most loyal and truste d minister, Benaiah Ben Yehoyada, by asking of him an impossible task. The king asks Benaiah to find for him a ring, knowing full well that the ring does not ex ist, which has magic powers. If a happy man looks at it, he becomes sad, and if a sad man looks at it, he becomes happy, he tells him. He expresses his desire to wear the ring for Sukkot, which is six months away. After months of searching, B enaiah finds himself, the night before Sukkot, walking through the poorest neigh borhood of Jerusalem. He happens upon a jeweler, who, when asked if he s heard of such a ring, produces from his pocket a plain gold ring, to which he adds an eng ravement. Benaiah reads the inscription and smiles. He returns just in time on t he eve of Sukkot to give the king the ring he has requested. The king laughs and takes the ring, but upon reading the inscription, becomes very sad. What was en graved on the ring? permalink [ ]sirkablaam 455 points 3 hours ago Be Sure To Drink Your Ovaltine permalink parent load more comments (7 replies) [ ]mB_Roundhouse 348 points 2 hours ago this ring is good for 1 (one) blowjob from king solomon permalink parent load more comments (6 replies) [ ]mathwizard44 382 points 5 hours ago Spoiler, but not sure... permalink parent load more comments (55 replies) [ ]aahanscool 244 points 3 hours ago This too shall pass. permalink parent [ ]BeatingHeart12 153 points 3 hours ago This is it. It basically means 'This day will end.' In meaning a sad man will ha ve better days, and a happy man will have worst days than the current day. permalink parent load more comments (3 replies)

load more comments (1 reply) [ ]MNREDR 1182 points 3 hours ago "420 blaze it faggit" permalink parent load more comments (12 replies) load more comments (70 replies) [ ]yakandyeti 1168 points 8 hours ago How far can you run into the woods? permalink [ ]TheSeIected 589 points 8 hours ago Spoiler permalink parent load more comments (13 replies) [ ]saratonin84 1359 points 8 hours ago Half way, after that you're running out permalink parent [ ]exytroll 455 points 7 hours ago Running out of breath. permalink parent load more comments (13 replies) load more comments (16 replies) load more comments (31 replies) [ ]riggsinator 240 points 6 hours ago The last man on earth sits alone in a room. The telephone rings, who is it? permalink [ ]acekool 367 points 6 hours ago A woman? permalink parent

[ ]riggsinator 534 points 6 hours ago A woman, his wife, etc. Can also say the last human on earth, then the acceptable answer is a telemarket er because they're just not human. permalink parent load more comments (1 reply) load more comments (4 replies) [ ]foggart 767 points 4 hours ago LRRRRR LEADER OF THE PLANET OMICRON PERSEI 8 permalink parent [ ]Dire_Rolf 134 points 2 hours ago RIDDLES DO NOT WORK THAT WAY permalink parent load more comments (4 replies) load more comments (9 replies) [ ]d0_you_even_lift 503 points 1 hour ago It's your cousin roman. Do you want to go bowling? permalink parent load more comments (5 replies) [ ]_NW_ 100 points 4 hours ago Bill collector. They never stop calling. permalink parent load more comments (3 replies) [ ]Im-Probably-Lying 71 points 2 hours ago fucking Lori. permalink parent load more comments (1 reply)

load more comments (62 replies) [ ]Modest_Gaslight 2032 points 8 hours ago Riddle: A king has no sons, no daughters, and no queen. For this reason he must decide who will take the throne after he dies. To do this he decides that he wil l give all of the children of the kingdom a single seed. Whichever child has the largest, most beautiful plant will earn the throne; this being a metaphor for t he kingdom. At the end of the contest all of the children came to the palace with their enor mous and beautiful plants in hand. After he looks at all of the children's pots, he finally decides that the little girl with an empty pot will be the next Quee n. Why did he choose this little girl over all of the other children with their beautiful plants? permalink [ ]fruitinabowl 1188 points 7 hours ago he baked the beans so they wouldn't grow and he picked the honest child permalink parent [ ]Kellalafaire 441 points 6 hours ago This is the answer. It's a story more so than a riddle, and one of my favorites. :) permalink parent [ ]Vimsefreet 395 points 5 hours ago If it's your favourite, then I hate it. We need balance. permalink parent load more comments (15 replies) load more comments (3 replies) load more comments (13 replies) [ ]Lstn2TownesVanZandt 2601 points 8 hours ago They were fake seeds. All the others obviously cheated. permalink parent [ ]Modest_Gaslight 1333 points 8 hours ago That's a bean-go! permalink parent

load more comments (29 replies) load more comments (15 replies) [ ]Oraln 1622 points 7 hours ago Because the government was offering no-grow subsidies at the time and she was th e only one with enough policy know-how to realize it. permalink parent [ ]GangnamStylin 161 points 4 hours ago Ah some of that Good Ol' Agricultural Adjustment Act permalink parent load more comments (2 replies) load more comments (8 replies) [ ]SamueI_Andeson 1298 points 8 hours ago Because she planted it outside permalink parent [ ]Camilomilo 363 points 7 hours ago Plants in pots can only grow so much. If planted outside, it can grow much large r and spread out much farther. permalink parent [ ]sharterthanlife 16 points 6 hours ago Can't you just transplant it? Or I mean buy those pots that can be planted once the plant is large enough? permalink parent load more comments (2 replies) load more comments (7 replies) [ ]Max_Trollbot_ 255 points 8 hours ago Apparently, because he is some type of pederast. permalink parent [ ]frickin_lahey 74 points 7 hours ago What's a pederast, Walter?

permalink parent [ ]NotANSAOperative 84 points 6 hours ago Shut the fuck up, Donny. permalink parent load more comments (5 replies) load more comments (9 replies) load more comments (95 replies) [ ]Ars_Y 1229 points 7 hours ago How Long is a Chinese guy. permalink [ ]Spitalian 557 points 5 hours ago Tu Long permalink parent load more comments (8 replies) [ ]xiEmber 1554 points 7 hours ago Yes he is. permalink parent load more comments (19 replies) [ ]jonnydonny 173 points 7 hours ago Yes. permalink parent load more comments (1 reply) load more comments (61 replies) [ ]Merkittens 571 points 7 hours ago There's a carpenter, a taxi-driver, a mechanic, and a fireman all playing poker together. So the police know that one of them is a murderer, but they only know his name, which is John. They don't know what he looks like, they don't know his profession, etc. But they do know he's at this poker game (somehow). So they bu rst into the building where all the people are playing poker, and without any fo rm of communication whatsoever, they arrest the fireman and leave. How did they

know he was the murderer? permalink [ ]ZarquonsFlatTire 1169 points 6 hours ago* The other three had just been killed by the fireman, whose lust for slaughter kn ew no bounds. EDIT: So we do /u/TheGreatZarquon . So we do. permalink parent [ ]TheGreatZarquon 383 points 5 hours ago* You can't spell "slaughter" without "laughter." Edit: Just noticed your username. We meet again. permalink parent load more comments (4 replies) load more comments (7 replies) [ ]carlsonaj 93 points 5 hours ago "Yeah we have a pizza here for someone named John." permalink parent [ ]Darth_Kyron 815 points 7 hours ago permalink parent [ ]whiskey4breakfast 353 points 7 hours ago Pfft, he still had his name tag on, everyone knows that. permalink parent load more comments (2 replies) load more comments (21 replies) [ ]dasonk 476 points 6 hours ago They just chose one at random - if all they know is the murderer's name is "John " and they're coming to make an arrest they're clearly not very good cops to beg in with. permalink parent load more comments (4 replies)

[ ]Lighterlow 2041 points 6 hours ago He was black. permalink parent [ ]PurpleParasite 85 points 2 hours ago Who called the LAPD? permalink parent load more comments (3 replies) load more comments (23 replies) [ ]mfink11 283 points 7 hours ago The other 3 have their names sewn into their uniforms. None of their names are J ohn so it must be the fireman. permalink parent load more comments (14 replies) load more comments (58 replies) [ ]69LonelyNights 118 points 7 hours ago* Say my name, and I am no more. Spoiler permalink [ ]foggart 218 points 4 hours ago Sound activated explosive. permalink parent load more comments (4 replies) [ ]acekool 51 points 6 hours ago Silence permalink parent load more comments (4 replies) load more comments (22 replies) [ ]splashattack 1396 points 7 hours ago A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose among three rooms. The first

is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and t he third is full of lions that haven t eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him? permalink [ ]PresOfThisQuietEarth 805 points 7 hours ago Spoiler permalink parent [ ]Unidan 1807 points 6 hours ago permalink parent [ ]PresOfThisQuietEarth 581 points 6 hours ago Gross lion skeletons. Make bone armor and weapons, aw yeah! permalink parent load more comments (22 replies) [ ]Variable_Engineer 19 points 5 hours ago Wouldn't one of the lions eat some of the others to survive? You'd be locked in a room with one super lion... permalink parent [ ]Unidan 50 points 5 hours ago ...which died two years and 11 months prior. permalink parent load more comments (2 replies) load more comments (23 replies) load more comments (9 replies) [ ]sorrydaveicantdothat 305 points 7 hours ago Riddles : Kid version. permalink parent load more comments (2 replies) [ ]1toke 1736 points 7 hours ago

the third room...dead lions. permalink parent [ ]IvyMike 649 points 5 hours ago Joke's on you. The lions have been on an intravenous solution of supernutrients and feline grow th hormones for that time, and thus are actually larger, healthier, and more agg ressive than normal lions. permalink parent [ ]_-_-___-_ 48 points 4 hours ago AND STILL HUNGRYYYYYYYYY permalink parent load more comments (14 replies) [ ]animatis 441 points 5 hours ago I automatically assumed the lions was kept alive with intravenous food. permalink parent load more comments (8 replies) load more comments (12 replies) load more comments (50 replies) [ ]Yaounei18 248 points 7 hours ago 1 is 3, 2 is 3, 3 is 5, what is 4? permalink [ ]NiallOD 211 points 7 hours ago warning scope permalink parent load more comments (7 replies) load more comments (56 replies) [ ]homeschooldancing 2210 points 9 hours ago One morning a man is leaving on business trip and finds he left some paperwork a t his office. He runs into his office to get it and the night watchman stops him and says 'Sir don't get on the plane. I had a dream last night that the plane w

ould crash and everyone would die!' The man takes his word and cancels his trip. Sure enough the plane crashes and everyone dies. The next morning the man gives the watchman a $1000 reward for saving his life and then fires him. Why did he fire the watchman that saved his life? permalink [ ]dudekid2060 2528 points 8 hours ago He was sleeping on the Job permalink parent [ ]exytroll 1537 points 7 hours ago* I don't get it. EDIT: I get it. He was supposed to be awake at night, because he was a watchman, but he fell asleep and had a dream. Reddit is so smart, and I'm stupid. I think I will crawl back in my hole now. By e. permalink parent [ ]Blagginspaziyonokip 261 points 7 hours ago Ever had a dream while awake? permalink parent [ ]SorryIJustLied 963 points 7 hours ago Ever had a dream while awake........on weeeed? permalink parent load more comments (12 replies) load more comments (24 replies) load more comments (25 replies) [ ]KidQuestions 154 points 7 hours ago But... How do we know he was working? permalink parent [ ]Appetite4destruction 52 points 7 hours ago Because the only reason for a night watchman to be there in the morning would be because it's the end of his shift from the prior night. permalink

parent load more comments (8 replies) load more comments (7 replies) load more comments (38 replies) [ ]chewoff 1628 points 5 hours ago My husband's response to this: "YOU DON'T FIRE THE GUY WHO JUST SAVED YOUR LIFE JUST BECAUSE HE WAS SLEEPING ON THE JOB! You hire a new watchman to help out! The old watchman is now your drea m watchman, and you're going to have him around. Giving him a $1000 and firing h im like a douche-bag... no wonder no one likes riddles." permalink parent [ ]luc534murph 250 points 3 hours ago I think this is the real answer, not the last bit, but now you have an actual wa tchman, and also a psychic watchman. Makes too much sense. permalink parent [ ]FIsmore 37 points 3 hours ago But who watches the watchmen? permalink parent [ ]luc534murph 16 points 3 hours ago You do, you hired him, duh. (I get the reference, don't hurt me.) permalink parent load more comments (3 replies) load more comments (2 replies) load more comments (3 replies) load more comments (19 replies) [ ]I_WILL_BOLD_COMMENTS 389 points 8 hours ago because he is an asshole. permalink parent load more comments (14 replies)

load more comments (58 replies) [ ]JewlsRose 63 points 7 hours ago There's a man that lives on the 20th floor of an apartment building. Every day h e leaves his apartment, takes the elevator to the first floor and leaves. Every day he comes back at the end of the day. If it's been raining that day, he takes the elevator to the 20th floor and goes home. If it hasn't been raining that da y he takes the elevator to the 16th floor then the stairs the rest of the way up to his apartment. Also, if there are other people in the elevator he takes it t o the 20th floor. Why does he do this? Edit: Forgot a detail. permalink [ ]acekool 116 points 6 hours ago He is a midget and cannot reach the 20 button without others's help . On a rainy day he carries an umbrella which helps him reach the 20 button. permalink parent load more comments (6 replies) load more comments (4 replies) [ ]saucerman 306 points 7 hours ago Why is a raven like a writing desk? permalink [ ]NotSayingJustSaying 525 points 7 hours ago poe wrote on both permalink parent [ ]Johann_828 24 points 5 hours ago Inky quills and flat notes. permalink parent load more comments (13 replies) [ ]MrChivalrious 260 points 6 hours ago Legitimate nonsensical answer: There is a b in both and an n in neither. permalink parent

load more comments (8 replies) load more comments (58 replies) [ ]navert 218 points 7 hours ago An attractive woman walks into a bar and asks for a glass of water, the bartende r immediately pulls a gun out from behind the bar and aims it at her. Why? permalink [ ]JusticeIsSweet 513 points 7 hours ago Barman: "BAM! YOU'RE DEAD! Nah I'm joking. Hope your hiccups are gone now, ma'am ." permalink parent load more comments (6 replies) [ ]BloodstainBlade 110 points 7 hours ago She had the hiccups. permalink parent [ ]foggart 438 points 4 hours ago It was his cheating slut of a wife. permalink parent load more comments (1 reply) load more comments (44 replies) [ ]celerontm 900 points 9 hours ago* Not the best but here goes : 8549176320 - what is unique/special about it? Spolier permalink [ ]SamueI_Andeson 2580 points 8 hours ago Weight of your mom in kg? permalink parent [ ]Spodur 381 points 7 hours ago Oooooooooohhhhh permalink parent

load more comments (4 replies) [ ]Derp413 1418 points 7 hours ago Shots status [x] Fired [ ] Not Fired permalink parent [ ]Eliwood_of_Pherae 1798 points 6 hours ago* ? Yes ? This ? Came here to say this ? Logged in just to upvote this ? I know this will never be seen but... ? I found this gem... ? This will be downvoted to hell/buried but... ? An upvote for you, good sir ? You are a gentleman and a scholar ? You magnificent bastard ? Someone give this man reddit gold ? Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger! ? Anne Frankly I did nazi that coming ? That escalated quickly ? To the top with you! ? Lost it at ____ ? This is why we can't have nice things ? Faith in humanity restored ? Whoa / mind = blown ? Manly tears were shed ? Cutting onions ? I know that feel, bro ? Right in the feels ? Risky click

? Shots fired ? Nailed it ? You. I like you ? I regret that I only have one upvote to give ? Tree fiddy ? Was not disappointed ? Wait, why do I have you tagged as _______? ? What did I just read? ? Da fuq? ? YOU HAD ONE JOB ? I can't fap to this ? Cakeday ? What are you doing, stahp ? For science ? That's enough internet for me today ? Would not bang ? x/10 would (not) Y ? What is this I don't even? ? How is this WTF? ? Circlejerk must be leaking ? Lawyer up, delete facebook, hit the gym ? Said no one ever ? I have the weirdest boner right now ? /thread ? My first post ? Edit: wow I can't believe my top comment is about _______ ? EDIT: Seriously front page? Thanks guys! ? EDIT: Obligatory front page edit!!! ? Are you me? ? Directions unclear - dick stuck in _______

? I laughed way harder than I should have ? It's almost like Reddit is thousands of different people with thousands of dif ferent opinions. ? Plot twist: _____ ? Step one: be attractive. Step two: don't be unattractive. ? Broken Arms - Mom jerked him off ? ____ here: can confirm / can confirm: am ____/ etc ? Something involving sex with "your mom" ? Mom's spaghetti Reddit stories: ? Cumbox ? Cumboxers ? Jolly Rancher ? Wednesday, the cat ? Doritos ? Colby ? Dagobah (Ass Injection Infection) ? Hambeast ? Shitfisting Potato ? Vagina Bacon permalink parent [ ]Carefully_random 548 points 6 hours ago This is like seeing the source code... O_O permalink parent load more comments (7 replies) [ ]EverySingleThread 892 points 6 hours ago permalink parent load more comments (10 replies) [ ]Pizzaguy276 66 points 6 hours ago

This would make a good bot permalink parent load more comments (2 replies) [ ]mrmagoo512 186 points 6 hours ago Welp, I guess reddit is over now. It was fun permalink parent load more comments (2 replies) load more comments (94 replies) load more comments (3 replies) load more comments (32 replies) load more comments (39 replies) [ ]brainchild435 225 points 7 hours ago* Each of us have different features. Each of us are different creatures. One of us in glass is set Another one is found in jet One of us is found in tin Another one is boxed within If the last one is eluding you It can never be found far from you. What are they? permalink [ ]R4dent 240 points 7 hours ago Vowels? permalink parent [ ]brainchild435 43 points 6 hours ago Well done permalink parent

[ ]FAP-FOR-BRAINS 153 points 3 hours ago VOWELS AREN'T CREATURES! permalink parent load more comments (11 replies) load more comments (2 replies) load more comments (25 replies) [ ]fauxscot 204 points 7 hours ago In the woods I lived in silence. Now that I'm dead, I sing. permalink [ ]AnAloofNewf 236 points 7 hours ago A tree if you use the wood to make an instrument? permalink parent [ ]SkepticShoc 96 points 3 hours ago is mayonaise an instument permalink parent load more comments (4 replies) [ ]ayline 90 points 7 hours ago A wooden flute? permalink parent load more comments (27 replies) [ ]oobidoobanoobi 271 points 7 hours ago Voiceless it cries, Wingless flutters, Toothless bites, Mouthless mutters. permalink load more comments (57 replies) [ ]TheDebtThatAllMenPay 1272 points 8 hours ago*

This is a story about a girl. While at the funeral of her own mother, she met a guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing, so much the dream guy that she was searching for that she fell in love with him immediately. However, she never asked for his name or number. A few days later the girl killed her own sister. Why did she kill her sister? permalink [ ]saratonin84 2279 points 8 hours ago She was hoping the guy would come to her sister's funeral as well. permalink parent [ ]TheDebtThatAllMenPay 1954 points 8 hours ago Congratulations, you think like a psychopath. permalink parent [ ]saratonin84 408 points 8 hours ago Heh, thanks. Is there another answer? permalink parent load more comments (35 replies) load more comments (36 replies) load more comments (8 replies) [ ]StinkyHotChocolate 1183 points 7 hours ago Who cried a river and drowned the whole world. permalink parent load more comments (31 replies) [ ]Balrog_Forcekin 796 points 6 hours ago She had sex with the guy at the funeral (probably in the bathroom or something). She didn't use any protection, so she ended up being pregnant. A few days later she gets a morning after pill to abort the nascent child. Had it ever been born it would have been a girl. And the guy at the funeral who she fell in love with ? It was the father she never knew. So she aborted her own sister. permalink parent

[ ]All_night 126 points 5 hours ago ..whoa permalink parent [ ]Sellasella123 51 points 3 hours ago FamilyFeudGoodAnswer.gif permalink parent load more comments (23 replies) load more comments (47 replies) [ ]Augimmer 49 points 6 hours ago A man is going away on vacation and hires a maid to take care of his house when he's gone. The man's only request is to leave the lights open throughout the nig ht. The maid agrees and goes over to his house. The maid does the usual housewor k; water the plants, feed the cat, and clean around the house. Bored, she takes a swig of vodka. One leads to another and subsequently she becomes drunk. Feelin g immensely tired, she decides to go to bed. She walks up to the bedroom, shuts the light, and falls asleep. The next morning she wakes up and opens the front d oor. To her astonishment, she sees 15 dead people right outside her house. How d id they die? permalink [ ]absolom_the_gr8 59 points 5 hours ago The guy lives in a lighthouse and when she didn't leave the lights out a boat ca rrying 15 people crashed ashore dying from the impact. permalink parent load more comments (2 replies) load more comments (8 replies) [ ]StickleyMan 610 points 7 hours ago I've said this one in a thread in the past, but it's a good one. You are diagnosed with a deadly disease and are prescribed two different sets of pills. You must take only one of each pill every day to survive. If you take tw o of the same pill, you grow a tail and die a painful death. But silly you! With only two days left on your prescription, you accidentally drop your four remain ing pills and they get mixed up. I don't know where you're buying your pills (ma ybe it was the last purchase ever made on Silk Road), the pills are completely u nmarked and look exactly the same. They're probably from somewhere in Eastern Eu rope. You have no way of telling the pills apart. How do you make sure you take the correct medication? permalink

[ ]foxytr900 878 points 7 hours ago break every pill in half and eat one of each half? permalink parent [ ]redditkilledmydoge 92 points 4 hours ago "THERE IS NO FUCKING SOLUTION THIS IS FUCKING RETARDED" "oh, ok." permalink parent [ ]MasterExploderTD 142 points 7 hours ago Please explain this to me.. It's killing me. permalink parent [ ]Longi 499 points 7 hours ago Essentially you are guaranteed to eat one whole of each pill. There are two types of pills A and B. There are two of each, so 2A and 2B, or A, A,B,B. If you take half of each pill you get 1/2A+1/2A+1/2B+1/2B. Which makes A and B. permalink parent [ ]John2k12 229 points 6 hours ago I even heard this solution before, but all I could think about was "What if you eat 4 halves of the same pill anyway? You still die" Then I remembered you aren' t supposed to eat both halves of the same pill. permalink parent [ ]levitas 28 points 4 hours ago You correctly arrive at the solution, but before you can take your neatly sorted half-pills, you drop all of them, mixing them up again. Remember, painful tail death! How do you proceed? permalink parent load more comments (13 replies) load more comments (2 replies) load more comments (23 replies)

load more comments (2 replies) load more comments (31 replies) [ ]Richard_Bastion 359 points 7 hours ago Crush them all up and snort eat half of the powder? permalink parent load more comments (15 replies) [ ]ReadsStuff 1070 points 7 hours ago Fuck that, eat them all, grow an awesome devil tail, and run into the Westboro B aptist Church screaming that the rapture has come and they have not been selecte d, so you've come to eat their souls. permalink parent [ ]Omegamanthethird 260 points 6 hours ago* "More will come." Then immediately die in writhing agony. Maybe they'll think th e holy grounds killed you, so they'll be too fearful to leave. Edit: to -> too permalink parent load more comments (4 replies) load more comments (5 replies) [ ]shelbyislegit 70 points 7 hours ago Take half of each one? permalink parent load more comments (1 reply) [ ]sozboutit 144 points 7 hours ago Well if it's not a Sunday, go to the Chemist. permalink parent load more comments (3 replies) load more comments (49 replies) [ ]Wolvenfire86 829 points 7 hours ago* Molly and Shannon are sisters born on the same day of the same year, from the sa

me mother, born in the same hospital. However, Molly is seven years older and Sh annon. How is this possible? Answer permalink [ ]Nellek_God 676 points 6 hours ago This got dark.. permalink parent load more comments (6 replies) [ ]magicalblender 968 points 6 hours ago Shannon is the pilot of an experimental near-light-speed spaceship. Due to time dilation, she ages slower in relation to people on Earth. permalink parent [ ]zgibbyson 60 points 3 hours ago I like this answer better. permalink parent load more comments (12 replies) [ ]lettuce123 79 points 4 hours ago Well your "Molly is seven years older AND Shannon" made me think that Molly has 2 personalities named Molly and Shannon and that there is no riddle involved... :( permalink parent load more comments (5 replies) [ ]PoisonousPlatypus 37 points 2 hours ago Being dead doesn't make you any less old. permalink parent load more comments (1 reply) load more comments (53 replies) [ ]Thermon_Mermon 765 points 8 hours ago It would be really great if when you post your riddle you could put the answer s ome where as well, so we can actually know the answer not just peoples guess'.

permalink [ ]Chain_Warden_ 2837 points 7 hours ago I don't get this one permalink parent [ ]exytroll 309 points 7 hours ago Warden I think the inmate was trying to make a statement. permalink parent load more comments (6 replies) load more comments (22 replies) load more comments (41 replies) [ ]NotSayingJustSaying 332 points 9 hours ago What has nine arms and sucks? permalink [ ]Velorium_Camper 1443 points 8 hours ago I've seen enough hentai to know where this is going. permalink parent [ ]Nellek_God 375 points 6 hours ago Plot twist: It's Vel'Koz permalink parent [ ]Lighterlow 33 points 5 hours ago Except that ugly piece of shit has only 3 arms. permalink parent [ ]tehftw 52 points 5 hours ago Because it's 3 Vel'Kozes. permalink parent load more comments (3 replies) load more comments (11 replies)

load more comments (2 replies) [ ]Terminal_Lance 459 points 7 hours ago A very well endowed, gay octopus. permalink parent load more comments (3 replies) [ ]Cocky_All_Day 888 points 8 hours ago Def Leppard! permalink parent load more comments (12 replies) [ ]AnthonyNice 79 points 5 hours ago Your mom... With 7 more arms. permalink parent load more comments (27 replies) [ ]Epicghostrider 68 points 6 hours ago A man is driving along and sees three doors, a golden door, a silver door, and a diamond door. Which door does he open first? permalink [ ]acekool 129 points 6 hours ago His car door. permalink parent load more comments (9 replies) load more comments (5 replies) [ ]ManekiGecko 660 points 8 hours ago What do I have in my pocket? permalink [ ]RyanDragmire 928 points 8 hours ago Handses permalink parent

load more comments (3 replies) [ ]CotoCompany 902 points 7 hours ago Pocket sand. permalink parent load more comments (10 replies) [ ]ChewyPudding 270 points 7 hours ago String or nothing. permalink parent load more comments (4 replies) [ ]CarlR 337 points 7 hours ago What has it got in it's nasty little pocketses? permalink parent load more comments (3 replies) [ ]delta9r9r 144 points 8 hours ago ...... sunshine! permalink parent [ ]NotSayingJustSaying 74 points 7 hours ago No, I've got sunshine in a bag. permalink parent load more comments (10 replies) load more comments (1 reply) [ ]TheHouseOfGryffindor 125 points 8 hours ago Another pocket permalink parent load more comments (2 replies) load more comments (93 replies) [ ]BonJob 150 points 8 hours ago

It starts with a bang. He runs, and takes three left turns to see a man in a mas k. permalink [ ]Spreebald 111 points 7 hours ago A home run permalink parent [ ]Camel_Wearing_A_Fez 42 points 7 hours ago Spoiler permalink parent load more comments (5 replies) [ ]AlabamaRednek 107 points 8 hours ago I heard another version that went like this. A man decides to take a jog one day. He leaves his home, and runs until he gets to a left turn. He turns left and continues until he reaches another left turn. He turns left and continues until he reaches another left turn. By this time, he can see his home. But at his home, there are 2 men wearing masks. Why was he jo gging, and who were the 2 men? permalink parent load more comments (14 replies) load more comments (23 replies) [ ]ARatherOddOne 253 points 8 hours ago* FOUR dilly dandies, four sticky standies, two crookers, two lookers, and a wig w ag. Not a great riddle, but it's the most interesting one I know. edit: There. Fixed it. Don't have a cow, people. permalink [ ]smampy 137 points 7 hours ago a cow! permalink parent [ ]ARatherOddOne 25 points 7 hours ago Yep! That's it!

permalink parent [ ]whiskey4breakfast 20 points 7 hours ago A cow usually has 4 dilly dandies, if they actually are what I think they are. permalink parent load more comments (4 replies) load more comments (7 replies) load more comments (9 replies) load more comments (20 replies) [ ]namsdog0106 15 points 4 hours ago I am always coming , but i never arrive. What am I ? Answer permalink [ ]bluecanaryflood 43 points 2 hours ago The Infinite Ejaculator (incidentally the worst superhero ever) permalink parent load more comments (1 reply) load more comments (7 replies) load more comments (3005 replies) about blog about team source code advertise jobs help wiki FAQ reddiquette rules contact us tools mobile firefox extension chrome extension buttons widget <3

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