Should Children Be in Church?

by Joan Woodward Teebagy

Recently in some parishes there has been much discussion about whether or not children should be in church during Divine Liturgy and/or other services, or whether they should be attending Church School (or nursery for the very young) during Church services Should children be in Church/ !he answer lies in how the Church is viewed, and what you see or want for your children in the life of the Church in the future Should children be in Church" Definitely Disagree" #lease read on $n my early twenties as a young single woman in charge of a Sunday School and as a professional teacher, my answer from a theoretical viewpoint would have been% &Definitely 'ou can(t teach in a vacuum 'ou can(t teach about the life of the Church if children are e)cluded from that life & $n my home parish at that time, such a *uestion would not have been entertained Children were part of the Church family !hey were e)pected to be in Church and were a welcome part of the services, even with their &holy noise(, (liturgical movements&, and all +e never ,new any different -re they a distraction to others" Sometimes .ut they are /rthodo) Christians in the ma,ing0 they will become regular churchgoers if they attend Church on a regular basis from the beginning Did $ ,now how difficult it was to bring children to Church at that time" 1o Does it ta,e preparation and planning" 'es, lots of it $s it worth it" Definitely .eing a wife of a priest, some people believe my children somehow behave differently in church because they are used to it or because my husband is the priest .eing used to it" +ell, that(s the point -ny child will learn certain behaviors in certain situations if they are used to it and e)posed to it on a regular basis $s it easier because my husband is the priest" $ am able to use the term &Daddy& instead of &2ather 3ohn& when pointing out things during the church service 4owever, growing up in my home parish, we all had a closeness with the priest and $ remember my parents saying the same things to my brothers and sisters and me +e had the same reverence and respect 5 perhaps even a little more since to very young children, the priest may represent 6od while Daddy is 7ust Daddy $n an answer to mother(s *uestion of &+ho is that"&, instead of saying &2ather 3ohn,& a child of three responded &!hat(s 6od8& $n reality, my children are no different from any other children their age -le)ander, at five, can be e)pected to pay attention a little bit longer than 9li:abeth who is two and, of course, nine months 1athaniel will 7ust loo, and ta,e everything in and let out a scream here and there $ have had my moments when $ wonder whether it is worth it or not $ have made my tre,s to the bac, of the church when my children have become a little too noisy or rambunctious or made trips to the bathroom 5 often at the most inopportune times during the Liturgy -t some blea, times, $ wonder if those who say children should not be in church are maybe 7ust a little bit right !hese moments are rare since $ am sha,en bac, into 6od(s ;ingdom and 4is welcome of little ones when my son suddenly

as,s about a particular icon or as,s what &mercy& means or my two year old daughter sings along with the choir with a chorus of &-lleluia& or &Lord 4ave <ercy& or how she crosses herself every time she hears &2ather, Son and 4oly Spirit& or even when my infant son 7ust watches with great curiosity the censer being sha,en or listens intently as the bells are being rung $s my time in Divine Liturgy different now with children" 'es +ould it be easier for me during Divine Liturgy if they were in a class instead of church" 'es, but that(s not what $ want for my children $ want them to be involved with Christ and the Church !his is what $ want for them now and in the future $f $ ,eep them on the fringe now, they will be involved only in the fringes of the Church later -t this time, being with my children during Divine Liturgy is my wor, for 6od and 4is Church $f $ don(t have the opportunity to hear every word of the Liturgy or miss the response to one of the petitions or even not be able to sing in the choir as $ have all my life, $ can believe that my 7ob now is to raise my little children to worship the name of 6od, to ,now my prayers are offered through my children, as $ watch them at their tender age recite the Lord(s #rayer and receive the .ody and .lood of Christ through 4oly Communion 5 to ,now $ have tried my best to ma,e them a welcome part of 6od(s worshipping family .y regular attendance in church, children learn and notice more than we will ever ,now in the short term but this ,nowledge and habits will become a reality and a part of their e)istence in the long term /ne parent, $ was recently spea,ing to, admitted that she thought that she would be the last person to say children should be at Divine Liturgy rather than Church School She has noticed that her children have learned so much during their time in church, have become used to the length of the service, and have made observations and as,ed *uestions about what they see and hear 4owever, it is not without a great deal of effort and patience on the parent(s part 2ollowing are some suggestions that will help you with your little children as you ma,e the life of Christ and 4is Church part of their life = Sit as close to the front as possible. Children need to see what is happening !his also helps with their attention and eventual understanding of the service 'ou may feel uncomfortable doing this, thin,ing your children will be a distraction to adults #lease don(t $t is the children(s 7ob to learn how to be a part of the Divine Liturgy at their level, and it is the adult(s 7ob to be tolerant of this learning process and not e)pect children to be adults (Loo, around and see some of the adult behaviors, such as tal,ing !his is more of a distraction to priests than a child(s &holy noise &) Don(t e)pect young children to sit still for the whole service or stay *uiet !his is unrealistic and counter5productive $ never say to my young children &Don(t tal,& but rather &+hisper & <ovement can be restricted but not prohibited <y two and a half year old can move around a little bit more and sit on the floor while my five year old is e)pected to sit on the pew and stand with minimum of movement Bring materials for the children. !his can be children(s liturgy boo,s, picture boo,s, crayons, and small snac,s Let the children ,now what is acceptable and what is not 5 this will change as the children get older $ don(t e)pect my two and a

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half year old to stand still as much as my five year old is e)pected to do -s children learn to read, an illustrated Divine Liturgy boo, may be sufficient Don(t overdo on activities -t times, our pew was so cluttered with the various things pac,ed for the children 1ow $ have learned to bring much less and set up routines for the children to follow Prepare your children for the Liturgy. !ry to read the 6ospel reading for the day to your children on Saturday night 9)plain to the children that they will hear this in church and have them listen for ,ey words during the 6ospel During church, whisper to them to remind them to listen to the gospel story /n special days, such as 9levation of the Cross or /rthodo) Sunday, have them bring in their own cross or icon so they can participate in their small way 4ave children prepare an offering envelope that they can place in the collection bas,ets Children as young as two can recite the Lord(s #rayer !each it to your children and encourage them to recite it during church !eaching your children certain routines such as lighting a candle before church, watching for the Little and 6reat 9ntrances, listening to the 6ospel, receiving 4oly Communion on a wee,ly basis, reciting the Lord(s #rayer, etc , not only brea,s down the service so it is manageable for young children but also teaches them a lot about the Divine Liturgy itself ('our children will surprise you with their own observations and habits as my two year old daughter has, who, without any coa)ing, crosses herself at every &2ather, Son and 4oly Spirit& and who sings &-lleluia& and &Lord 4ave <ercy& 5 this from a child who is described as the &wild& one of the family ) -s your children grow older, e)pect and teach more $f you do not ,now enough about the Liturgy to teach it to your children, find out +hat a great opportunity to enhance your own spiritual life -s your children grow older, encourage them to participate in the Divine Liturgy and the life of the community by singing in the choir and serving in the altar Ignore comments that belittle your effort to make your children part of the church life. #eople who ma,e these comments about behavior of children have little understanding of what the Church is about or Christ(s acceptance and welcome of little children $ have found that my tolerance level is lower and my children(s behavior appears to be worse when $ am more concerned about what people are thin,ing rather than concentrating on encouraging my children during the Divine Liturgy Don(t let &bad& days discourage you 9valuate what has happened, change e)pectations if necessary and try again 'ou are not alone to see, advice from other parents as well ake the !hurch an important part of your life. 'our own spiritual life is an important role model to your children $f the children see that 6od and the Church is an important part of your life, this will ma,e a great impact as children grow older and one day, accept this faith as their own #ray at home, read the scriptures, and involve your children in good wor,s 'our own spiritual strength will also give you that e)tra strength to tolerate those less than perfect but child5li,e behaviors in church and to bring your children on a regular basis to the Liturgy, even during those summer months when there is no Church School #arents who bring their children 7ust to Church School, whether it is before or after church, do not reali:e that the real class is $1 C4BRC4 !he other class is only a

reinforcement $t is only an enrichment of what is being taught at home and what is being absorbed through all five senses in church +hen Church School is put first rather than the Liturgy, it sends a mi)ed message about the importance of the church in your own life and, unfortunately, it is a much stronger message than whatever they could learn in church school "ttend e#tra ser$ices with your children. <a,e an effort to attend wee,ly Despers and other special services with your children !his is where our 9li:abeth learned her &-lleluias& and &Lord 4ave <ercy& and where -le)ander (start at four years old) is getting his feet wet as an altar boy -lthough it is not always possible with young children to attend all the services during Lent, attending a few e)tra services including #resanctified Liturgies, special Divine Liturgies and -,athist e)poses the children to the cycle of services -gain, learn about these services and prepare your children to ,now what they will see and hear

$n conclusion, you need to e)amine how you view the Church and what you see and want for your children in the life of the Church to answer for yourself if your children belong at church services $f you want your children to e)perience the fullness of Christ and 4is Church and possess a full liturgical life that will one day enhance their own spiritual life when they struggle with the *uestion of ma,ing this faith truly their own, then you must answer &definitely & Joan Woodward Teebagy is the wife of Fr. John Teebagy, the pastor at St. John of Damascus Orthodox Church in Dedham, assachusetts. She has been a member of the Department of Christian !ducation in the "ntiochian "rchdiocese for se#era$ years and has been recent$y appointed the chairman of the Curricu$um Department of the OC!C. %eprinted from OCEC News, &o$. '(, )o. ', "ugust '*, '++*, , pages.

E =FFC by %rthodo# &amily Life and the original author(s) BRL% http'((www.theologic.com(oflweb !his web site is donated and maintained by !heoLogic Systems, which provides software and information tools for /rthodo) Christians and parishes world wide