Uncle Repcri

Interviews the Masked our Bastard

2011 Mikey Comics. All rights reserved. UNCLE REPCRI: What is the Church of Fatherless Time really all about? MASKED BASTARD: It is a parody of religion. From the start many people wonder why I have Ten Demandments. The reason for the Tantamount Ten is to prove that nobody can keep them. It's the same thing with religion. You can make up all the canon and rules you want, but people are going to SHIT all over those Laws, because it must. UR: Why do you wear a mask? MB: The Mask is an idea. I can take it off and it doesn't mean I stop being who I am. The Mask is for the protection of others. It doesn't hide my creativity; the Mask keeps the creativity from spilling out and debilitating others. UR: How is your mask for my protection? Explain. MB: Beauty is often hidden inside of things that people find unappealing. Yet, people wear masks everyday when they think that they have to uphold a BULLSHIT image. They are in pain trying to be something they are not. Think of the Mask as protective head gear. People want to get into your head and FUCK with you. I'm not having it. UR: Let's talk about your rivalry with Def. MB: There is no rivalry. One must have a worthy opponent before there can ever be a rivalry. @DEVIL's Cool {{{FIRESTORM}}} is just one of those patrons at the night club who ran up a tab and thought that he could cheat the house and still play pool and knock back free drinks. A common Internet tough guy who forfeits the fight when the fix isn't in for him to win. UR: If you don't hate Def, why do you flame him so much? MB: I'm just mirroring DEF's behavior at him. That's all. I don't doubt that DEF is intelligent. It's what you do with the knowledge that determines your character. I believe that he lies about a lot of his character; he plays himself up big thinking that people are impressed by what he has. In reality, he's on his grind like everybody else. He can brag about what he has, but look how long it took him to get it. He's just another geek-tard who wants to fit in. We all know that if this was still high school, they'd shut him down, beat his little ass and kick him to the curb.

UR: Do you feel the same way about asram? MB: I find asram amusing. He's true to himself when he's drunk. He's dung fertilizer for DEF's garden. He's impressed by what DEF has and what DEF can do. In all, he's dependant on others for his entertainment. There's more enlightenment in a colonoscopy than in DEF's presence. UR: Do you lump asram in with Def? MB: Everybody is their own person. DEF likes to do this to others because this was done to him when he was younger. That's why he constantly lies on people; he figures if he repeats it enough, people will believe it. His disciple asram is an EASILY LED IDIOT. He stands by DEF, but when the bullets whiz and the shit flies, guess who's ducking for cover and guess who is loyal CANNON FONDER? UR: You have been called a comic book Denizen who acts like God with ten commandments. What is your take on this? MB: People are going to have their own opinions. The one thing they fail to see is that we are all fallible. Do they know who God really is? Do they even believe in God or trust Him for that matter? They can't say. Not even I can say. They can always find fault in others. They always want proof of God, etc. While they wear their PHONY virtuous masks to protect their IMAGES, my Mask is something that they can nitpick at; it makes them feel good about how SHITTY and FUCKED UP they are. Commandments or not, nobody is holy, therefore nobody has a right to judge. UR: Tell us how you found Mental Ward Rehab. MB: Back in 2000-2001 I was a regular at Bianca's Smut Shack. After B's went under in 2004, I took a break to study for my Master's degree in Fine Arts. In 2007, I decided to return to the adult forums. I had been warned about the rat poison that was Dot Com Junkies and the cyanide capsule that is Nethideaway, so I decided to suck down the sour, curdled milk of thereef.sw, which became MwR. UR: What are your feelings on Indy and Linz Mondello? MB: In the past I had animosity toward Indy, but he likes to get a rise out of people so we left it at that. Linz Mondello has been around for a while and he likes to have to good time, or in his case he likes to "Carry On!" UR: You seemed very critical of the Mods at first. MB: You have to understand that they really didn't know what to make of me. Mods watch and observe before they act. I started a few brush fires of my own that the Mods had to put out, but for my own reasons. The Mods aren't babysitters, but they do have to uphold TOS. I'm pretty sure that Sandy, Henry, Amanda and Eric have lives.
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UR: Are you really from New Jersey? MB: Yes. In Southern Jersey, born and raised, on the playgorund is where I sent most of my days. Chillin' out, maxin' relaxin' all cool and shootin' some B-ball outside of the school...(you know the rest) UR: How did you become the Masked Bastard? MB: It began in 1999. I was posting anonymously at the Smut Shack. There was a handle name called PINWORM at B's that always posted about torture and rape. I thought PINWORM was a sick bastard. Then there was a handle called Little Susie Cheesehole who posted about being a neo Nazi and was into racism. Cheesehole posted under different handle names that I referred to as "masks". Then came the handle known as Bill Shit. I swear that guy used to bring my PISS to a boil with his stupid-ass posts; he used to put "Classical Billy" (aka Classic Bill Shit) on the subject line, like his work was classic or some SHIT. I asked him to stop posting that DUMB SHIT and he made a smart comment like, "You are a mean fairy girl, you masked farty-person. You're a bully of a bastard, you big bosom!" I'm telling you, the shit he used to say pissed me off. I decided on either Bully Bastard or Masked 'N' Mean. Both sucked ass threw a straw, so I decided to go with MASKED BASTARD. Then Bill Shit said that I was more of a Bastard, so why wear a mask? Thus came the valediction MORE BASTARD THAN MASKED. The rest I made up as I went along. I took what they said to hurt me and used it as an idea to define me.

UR: How did you come up with the Ten Demandments? MB: I was watching Pulp Fiction when Samuel L. Jackson's character Jules was quoting a bible verse to some guy before he shot him. He spoke with authority before he blew that guy away; the line that stuck with me was, "And you will know that my name is the Lord!" I picked up the closet bible to me and began looking up passages. "I am the Lord thy God; I am not mocked," is what the prophets and holy men would say and people would jock them. I figured, better to be a prophet than a pariah. With help from Recycler, after going through the archives at the Smut Shack, I came up with the Tanamount 10 based on what other handles had been doing to me since I got there. The Ten Demandments were first posted at The Daily Dump on Thursday, January 1, 2004 on New Years Day. UR: Explain the phrase Because it must. MB: Once a handle named Hank Splatters asked, "Why do you have to post in ALL CAPS?" And, in all caps, I replied, "Because it must."

UR: Huh?! MB: I was typing so fast I left out "be that way". So I left it at that. Bill Shit also questioned what it meant. I told him, "I'm posting all of this, because it must." Then it got shortened to "All of this, Because it must." The valediction "Thus Saith" came with the Demandments. UR: What do you teach? MB: College and high school English. I started as a sub in the local districts. Recently, I stopped teaching to take up a position in Public Broadcasting, which is just as fun and enlightening as teaching. Being on TV and working behind the scenes is a decent gig. UR: Speaking of gigs, were you really a bouncer? MB: At bikini bars. But this was before the TV station job. I was also a armed security guard and did a little repo and bounty hunter work. UR: Where do you work now? MB: A state University as an IT support technician. It's where I met Misty B. UR: How exactly did you meet Mystique B? MB: Ironically, Misty and I have the same first name (like many of us in the IT Dept on campus). Misty shares a few ports with me because he's a super user admin. We both remote in to image PCs and migrate apps from the network. We have IT chat here on campus, so it's easy to get fellow techs to visit certain sites. Misty didn't know anybody at MwR so he asked me to get him a forum, and I did. UR: Who came up with the Bishop of Bastard idea? MB: I had been kicking around the idea of a Bastard Bible. Once Misty made a joke about Bishop T.D. Jakes, a big-time evangelist who preaches "prosperity" where he's originally from saying that the bishop runs a mega-church like we run Information Technology. Then he asked, "Wouldn't it be cool if the Masked Bastard was a preacher?" Misty said that my posts read like sermons. So, the bishop thing came from T.D. Jakes (and if you've ever seen/heard Jakes preach, you'll see what I mean). UR: Sounds like you have to good thing going here. Good luck. MB: Fuck you.