The Chrismystery: A Clarke Quickie By: Brian P. Borcky Copyright 2011 by Brian P.

Borcky Published by Project Humanoid For more in ormation on the !.". Clarke series and other #ork by Brian P. Borcky$ %isit http://www.detectiveclarke.com This ebook has been priced as free by the author. Feel free to share and distribute as you see fit. If you enjoy The Chrismystery: A Clarke Quickie, please consider purchasing one of the other books in rian !. orcky"s #.$. Clarke %eries. I"m $etecti&e Clarke ' http:(())).detecti&eclarke.com(im'detecti&e'clarke.html $estined For $eath *Clarke Quickie+ ' http:(())).detecti&eclarke.com(destined'for'death'clarke' ,uickie.html $etecti&e Clarke -eets The #eaper ' http:(())).detecti&eclarke.com(detecti&e'clarke'meets'the' reaper.html Note: The Running of the Santas is a real event, though it has no connection with the fictionalized account provided herein. To the best of the author's knowledge, there has never been a serious crime connected to the actual event.

Chapter One
&i e is$ by and large$ boring. 'e repeat the same (#ake up$ morning ritual$ #ork$ e%ening ritual$ sleep$ then repeat) cycle or i%e or si* days and then #e get a day or t#o to ha%e some un + usually in the orm o a #eekend spent drinking beer and #atching a mo%ie on some sort o %ideo on demand ser%ice or a sporting e%ent #here the hype is o ten more entertaining than the game itsel . ,%en no#$ in a year #here - #ent rom !obert Clarke$ t#enty.si* year old administrati%e assistant #ho still li%es #ith his mom to !.". Clarke$ t#enty.se%en year old apprentice detecti%e #ith a kickin) bachelor pad$ e*citement comes in small$ un bursts + a irst date$ a %acation$ capturing a serial killer #ho almost blo#s your head o + little nuggets o enjoyment in a bland$ #atery broth o monotony. For me$ one o the most enjoyable e%ents comes t#o days a ter /hanksgi%ing$ #hen the "ela#are 0alley 1alleria + my local shopping mall + engages in the most un e%ent in the history o the #orld: /he !unning o the 2antas$ and -)%e been to e%ery one o them. 'hat started as a small gathering o riends and relati%es o #orkers in the mall 3- #as dating the assistant manager o a popular clothier at the time + think the opposite o 4e# 5rmy6 turned into a collection o hundreds$ then later thousands o people dressed as jolly old 2aint 4icholas running rom one side o the mall to the other$ and then back again. /he stores lo%e it because the cro#ds that gather and the participants themsel%es orm a customer base that ri%als the Black Friday rush o the day be ore. /he media lo%es it because it)s a eel good story to li t %ie#ers) spirits a ter a ne#scast illed #ith murder$ plunging temperatures$ sports heartaches 3- li%e in the suburbs o Philadelphia$ a ter all6$ and a special report about #hich brand o abric so tener could be gi%ing your children skin cancer. - lo%e it because it)s a chance to put on a red suit #ith a pillo# stu ed inside and a #hite #ig #ith matching ake beard and ha%e a good time.

- arri%ed at the parking lot bright and early + #ell$ that)s hal true + - arri%ed so early$ it #as not yet bright. "arkness aside$ - #as ready or the pregame esti%ities. -t #as 7:78 in the morning$ #ith the !unning o the 2antas set to take place in e*actly i%e hours and thirteen minutes. /hese i%e hours #ould be the most un o the entire day$ as scores upon scores o people dressed as the jolly old at man conducted #hat has come to be kno#n as the (4orth Pole /ailgate.9 /he tailgate is packed #ith all sorts o Christmas goodies + smoked ham$ le to%er /hanksgi%ing turkey$ cookies and such$ not to mention copious amounts o spiked egg nog + #hile the e%ent maintains a #holesome image$ it)s been my obser%ation that at least a :uarter o the 2antas are blit;ed by the time ten o)clock rolls around. < course$ -)m not the best person to be doing this unscienti ic study$ because -)m o ten one o the drunken ones mysel . - #as going to be a teetotaler this time around$ ho#e%er$ as - didn)t come alone this year. =y ello# 2anta$ a ne#comer to the !unning$ #as >aren 'agner. >aren)s a pretty girl$ though a tad on the mousy side$ but that)s mainly due to her sense o style 3or lack thereo 6. >aren #as originally a murder suspect in my irst in%estigation$ but - #ound up e*onerating her and #e)%e maintained a casual riendship e%er since$ though -)%e rebuked any attempts on her part to make it anything more than that. >aren and - parked at the ar reaches o the lot$ close to the main road$ not too ar rom a (pin the nose on !udolph) game. >aren came dressed as =rs. Claus + a au* pas$ or to be more speci ic$ a rookie mistake + people o all ages$ si;es$ races and both genders dressed up as 2anta$ not the Christmas themed costume o their choosing. -n addition to her inappropriate choice o attire$ >aren looked sleepy$ her eyes gla;ed o%er a bit. ?Ho# are you eeling@9 - called out$ ar too energi;ed and chipper or i%e in the morning. ?<kay$9 she said back$ sounding sleepy. - motioned or her to ollo# me and #alked o%er to a %endor #ho #as selling di erent blends o holiday themed co ees and teas + >aren ordered a pumpkin spice latte #ith an e*tra shot o ca eine$ #hile - #as a little more understated$ opting or gingerbread cookie la%ored tea. ?/his is cra;y$9 >aren remarked as she took a tentati%e sip o the co ee$ ollo#ing it up by blo#ing into the tiny opening on the dome lid atop the cup to cool the be%erage do#n. ?-)%e ne%er seen this many people any#here this early in the morning.9 ?4either ha%e -$9 - added$ ?/his is #ay more people than last year.9 ?,%ery year is bigger than the one be ore it$ right@9 >aren asked. - nodded. ?5nd more un$9 - added. 2he took another sip and shi%ered a bit. ?&ittle cold$ isn)t it@9 2he asked. -n airness$ her costume consisted o a bonnet$ a rilly #hite short.slee%ed shirt and a tiny red skirt that ended ar abo%e the knee$ the ensemble complimented #ith red heels and a pair o stockings that #ere designed to look like candy canesA to say she #as underdressed or the chilly 4o%ember morning #ould be akin to saying that the song The Twelve Days of Christmas is slightly repetiti%e. ?-t)s supposed to be the !unning o the 2antas$ not the !unning o the 2antas and =rs. Clauses$9 - said$ trying to think o a nice #ay o telling her she came in the #rong costume$ though - ear - made came o harsh + no surprise there$ - tended to ha%e at least one con%ersational au* pas in most o my interactions. >aren looked around and sa# that the parking lot #as populated almost e*clusi%ely #ith people dressed as 2anta$ stopping to look particularly hard at people #ho seemed to retain a eminine shape despite their large stomachs and ake #hite beards. - took my o#n sur%ey o the place and sa# a e# people$ mostly %endors$ not in costume$ as #ell as t#o other people #ho made the =rs. Claus mistake and a small child dressed up as a reindeer$ e%eryone else

+ #ell o%er a hundred people$ e%en at this early hour + #as 2anta. ?<h$9 she said$ her cheeks turning red #ith embarrassmentB or possibly hypothermia. ?-t)s a common rookie mistake$ nothing to be ashamed o $9 - e*plained$ trying to do some damage control. 5s ar as costumes go$ - #as on my second 2anta suit since the beginning o the e%ent + the irst one being soiled and torn beyond repair a ter a particularly #ild run three years ago. =y second suit #as a bit more e*pensi%e + the stitching held up a lot better and - e*pected to get :uite a e# years out o it. ?-)ll be sure to dress appropriately ne*t year$9 >aren noted. - #as happy that she #as already planning on doing this again + >aren #asn)t the social type$ most o the groups she #as in%ol%ed #ith tended to slay dragons and other assorted beasts in a massi%ely multiplayer online settingA - thought that di%ing urther into acti%ities in%ol%ing real human interaction #ould be good or her. 5 ter more co ee$ tea and idle chatter$ #e decided to seek out the ood tent$ easily located due to its sheer si;e and the sound o a e# generators #hirring ne*t to it$ cutting through the pleasant tones o a Christmas music marathon$ #hich #as currently sho#casing that song #here the dogs bark out Cingle Bells that)s cute the irst three or our times you hear it and then unbearably annoying or the rest o your li e. >aren and - entered the tent$ #here it #as a good thirty$ thirty. i%e degrees #armer than it #as outside thanks to a collection o hea%y duty heaters$ one stationed at each o the our corners o the tent$ not to mention the hot plates$ 2terno$ and other heating elements being used or the ood. - #as a little stu y in my hea%y suit$ but it looked like >aren #as enjoying her break rom shi%ering$ so - decided to take one or the team and hang around. /he murder accusation >aren had #eathered o%er the summer seemed to be the best thing that e%er happened to her + she looked ar more %ibrant than she #as #hen - irst met herA she #as dressing better$ her hair had %olume and shine it once lacked$ her teeth + once neglected and yello#ing$ #ere no# bright and clean. 2imply 3and crudely6 put: >aren #as hotB either that or - ha%e a ha%e a %ery per%erted and #rong predilection or =rs. Claus. 'e both grabbed a plate rom the largest o the ood pro%iders$ #hich ser%ed bu et style and charged by #eight$ - grabbed a turkey leg and a generous helping o cranberry sauce$ a small side bo#l o pumpkin pie la%ored ice cream to go #ith it. >aren + a stellar che in her o#n right + #ent a bit understated #ith a %egetable medley$ homemade stu ing and t#o gingerbread cookies shaped like sno#men. - #ent to pay or both o us$ eeling it #as my duty as - had in%ited >aren to attend$ but she #ai%ed me o . ?- got it$9 she declared$ gi%ing a t#enty dollar bill to the man at the cash register. ?>aren$ you don)t ha%e to do that$9 - protested$ though -)m a cheapskate and could be mo%ed rom this stance rather easily. ?- insist$9 she replied$ ?- o#e you one.9 /hat #as probably true + >aren #as the target o a #ell.placed rame.up job and #ould ha%e almost certainly been con%icted o murdering her best riend)s girl riend i not or me nabbing the actual killer. 2till$ she didn)t ha%e to buy me lunch$ er$ break ast + or a #hile there$ - thought she did it too. - ultimately let her pay and #e #ere on our #ay to a ro# o picnic tables #hen - #as hit by the sudden reali;ation that - #as eating a turkey leg or break ast. ,##. ?/hanks$9 - inally said to >aren$ getting my head back on track as #e took a spot at one o the tables. - remo%ed my hat and #igDbeard combination and opened up the 2anta suit to re%eal a special t.shirt - had made by attaching one upside do#n shirt to another that #as right side up$ allo#ing me to stu a pillo# inside the upside do#n shirt$ achie%ing the genuine girthy

2anta Claus look + there #ere plenty o skinny 2antas around$ but - #as dedicated to my cra t$ dammitE - primarily peeled o my garb because it #as getting a bit hot inside the tent$ but also because -)m a sloppy eater and didn)t #ant to mess up my costume. =y decision paid o immediately$ as a piece o Cranberry sauce ell rom my plastic spoon and landed on my shirt be ore bouncing to the loor. - plo#ed through the meal any#ay$ inishing my generous ser%ing by the time >aren #as hal #ay done. ?Hungry@9 she asked. ?- al#ays skip dinner the night be ore the !unning$9 - e*plained$ ?so - can build up an appetite or the morning.9 For the irst time in se%en years$ - #as acutely a#are o the ridiculousness o it all$ but - #as ha%ing un either #ay. /his #as also the irst time - #asn)t at least three beers in by no#$ so that probably had something to do #ith it. ?"oes anything cra;y e%er happen here@9 >aren asked$ trying to make con%ersation. ?FeahE9 - said$ enthusiastically$ ?2antas making out #ith each other$ Christmas Carol >araoke$ complete #ith dirty #ords inserted #here%er it)s un + it)s a #ild time$9 - re%ealed$ making Christmas themed$ but other#ise unspectacular drunken re%elry sound ar more shocking and note#orthy than it really #as. ?4o$ - mean like ights or riots or something like that$9 >aren clari ied$ ?#hen a lot o people get together$ bad things can happen + especially i alcohol is in%ol%ed.9 2poken like a true intro%ert$ though - can)t say she #as #rong. ?/here)%e been a e# sho%ing matches$9 - recalled$ con%eniently lea%ing out the act that #as in%ol%ed in one o them three years ago$ ?but nothing big.9 - cracked a #ide smile. ?-t)s a un #ay to meet ne# people and get into the Christmas spirit: there)s nothing bad about this thing$9 - e*plained$ ollo#ing up my statement by gna#ing a big hunk o meat rom my turkey leg. Boy$ #as - about to be pro%en #rong.

Chapter Two
/he lining up process started around t#enty minutes to ten$ 2antas lined up in order o their estimated skill le%el + the astest runners irst$ the slo#pokes last. - #as some#here in the middle o the pack$ more to#ard the back than usual$ as - didn)t #ant to o%er#helm >aren$ #ho had to run in a airly short skirt and heels + black sneakers #ere the pre erred oot#ear in the e%ent$ but again$ she didn)t get the memoA it #as almost as i the guy #ho in%ited her did an incredibly poor job o e*plaining things. 4ah$ couldn)t be that. /he sea o red + probably close to t#o thousand 2antas deep #ith the mass in lu* o late arri%ers$ #as amassed in a cordoned o section o the parking lot by the #est entrance$ right ne*t to a major department store and a casual dining restaurant + both o #hich opened their doors early to accommodate the cro#d + there #ere probably t#o or three spectators or e%ery 2anta$ and most stores 3and the mall itsel $ naturally6 opened its doors early$ at se%en o)clock. /he grand marshal o the e%ent this year #as !ichard "ale$ a local #eatherman #hose %oice boomed throughout the parking lot through a public address system$ #hich made me harken back to the irst e%ent$ #here the mall manager ga%e instructions to the t#o or three do;en o us runners through a bullhorn. /ele%ision cameras made their debut in the third year and the rise has been meteoric e%er since. ?5re you ready or the 2e%enth 5nnual "ela#are 0alley 1alleria !unning o the 2antas@9 "ale asked$ recei%ing uproarious cheers in response. - looked around and spotted no less

than our tele%ision cre#s and heard at least one helicopter #hirring o%erhead + doing the e%ent sober this year made me really lament ho# commerciali;ed it had becomeA a corporate sponsorship #as probably right around the corner + the Christmas /ree 2hops should be all o%er that one. - stood up on my tippy toes$ but couldn)t see the ront o the pack o%er the red hats #ith #hite poms. - jumped straight up in the air and caught a :uick glimpse o the starting line$ marked by a green string o tinsel$ #hich #ould be broken in hal by the pack o 2aint 4icks to start the esti%ities. ?'e)re going in /enE 4ineE ,ightE9 "ale shouted out. /he adrenaline started to pump. /his #as the moment #here the media hype disappeared and the un returned. ?2e%enE 2i*E9 - snuck a look o%er at >aren + her nose #as red and she appeared to still be cold$ but she seemed e*cited and the redness added to the holiday theme. ?Fi%eE FourE /hreeE9 /he cro#d started to chant along at ( i%e.) - remained silent$ but - distinctly heard >aren chanting along. ?/#oE <neE9 - bent my knees slightly and engaged my legs and thighs$ it #as go time. ?5nd #e)re o E9 /he Christmas classic Here Comes Santa Claus replaced !ichard "ale)s %oice on the loudspeaker and the pack started to mo%e. 'e slo#pokes in the back still had to #ait a bit until the herd ad%anced some more$ but it #asn)t long. 5s line a ter line o running 2antas took o $ >aren grabbed my hand and ga%e it a s:uee;eB that #as une*pected$ and cold$ %ery cold. 5s taken aback as - #as by the hand grab$ my irst instinct #as to remo%e my #hite 2anta glo%es and gi%e them to >aren$ #hose rigid digits elt like they #ould break o i s:uee;ed back. - reali;ed #e)d soon be indoors and that there #as no time to gi%e her the glo%es any#ay$ as #e #ere o $ sprinting in a path sectioned o by more garland$ keeping the 2antas contained to#ard the center o the mall loor #hile shoppers patroni;ed businesses on the sides. 'e ran at a moderate pace$ more o a jog really$ >aren giggling like a schoolgirl the #hole #ay through + glee being one o the most common side e ects o this e%ent. /here are e# choice moments #here things slo# do#n to a cra#l$ #orries e%aporate$ and #e are le t #ith sheer joy. /he !unning o the 2antas is al#ays like that or meB #ell$ #as al#ays like that or me + someone had to ruin the un. - started to eel like something #as up #hen #e slo#ed do#n to a stop. - re le*i%ely pulled my hand a#ay rom >aren once #e stopped mo%ing and - #as taken out o the moment + liked the girl + she #as nice$ beauti ul$ considerate$ the #hole nine$ but - simply #asn)t interested and didn)t #ant to send the #rong message. - taking my hand a#ay didn)t cement my status as a jerk$ #hat happened ne*t #ould + started pushing and slithering and nudging my #ay to#ard the ront o the pack$ lea%ing >aren lost in a ma;e o people dressed e*actly like me. 5s - ad%anced$ the murmurs about #hat #as happening started to gro# louder. - #as pretty close to the source o the bottleneck #hen the alarm started to go o . 'H<<PE 'H<<PE 'H<<PE - e*pected the ire sprinklers to s#itch on and prepared to get #et$ but it ne%er happened. - looked around$ trying to get a hold on #hat #as going on and e%entually keyed in on the con%ersation around me$ people muttering about a bunch o 2antas breaking the tinseled rope and heading or stores$ ollo#ed by ga#king and an e%entual stop as the (!unning o the

2antas) became the (2tanding o the 2antas as they #atch some o the 2antas break rom the line to rob some stores.) /hat name is de initely not going to catch on. - pushed my #ay out o the line and o%er to#ard the stores e%eryone seemed to be #atching: 5 clothing store called Far <ut /hreads$ a big name %ideo game emporium$ a je#elry shop called Ho#ell)s$ and 1adgets G 1ear$ the last o the our being an independent electronics store that mostly sold cell phones$ though -)d gone there once to purchase parts to make tiny$ easily concealable cameras. - took a e# steps to#ard the stores + all our o them lined up in a ro#$ all o them seemingly normal rom the outside + making it about hal #ay bet#een them and the pack o my ello# 2antas #hen - heard a male %oice behind me yell ?2topE9 - looked back to see a security guard #alking to#ard me. He #as a young$ se%erely o%er#eight manA short #ith long$ scraggly bro#n hair and a bushy beard: he looked like a pro #restler rom the 1H80)s or I0)s$ the kind #ho #ould boast about not being able to be body slammed. ?'hat)s going on here@9 - asked as - turned my head back to the cro#d$ #here - spotted actual police o icers pushing their #ay through. ?"on)t mo%e$ keep your hands #here #e can see themE9 called one o the cops$ #ho didn)t recogni;e + my dad #as a cop ore%er$ plus all o his riends #ere 3or still are6 cops too$ so - kno# more than my air share o police o icers. - did as the man said and started to slo#ly turn to ace the o icers #hen - #as hit rom behind$ the momentum o the blo# sending me to the ground. - looked up to see another man dressed as 2anta stumbling to#ard the cro#dA he must ha%e accidentally bumped into me and knocked me o%er. 5n instant later$ three more 2antas le# past me as - climbed to my eet$ all our o the leeing 2antas disappearing into the similarly dressed mob. /he police and mall security ga%e chase$ though all but a e# o them :uickly ga%e it up$ reali;ing that they #ere practically looking or a needle in a haystack + or$ more accurately$ our speci ic pieces o hay in a haystack. /#o o the remaining police o icers came o%er to me$ one o them aggressi%ely putting his knee in bet#een my shoulder blades$ a tactic that)d pre%ent me rom mo%ing my arms #ith any real e ecti%eness. ?Fou in%ol%ed #ith this@9 one o the cops asked. - couldn)t li t my head up to see #hich one. ?'ith #hat@9 - said #eakly$ the pressure o the cop)s knee se%erely limiting the amount o air in my lungs. ?"on)t play dumb #ith me 2antaE9 /he cop yelled. /hese guys #ere probably ne#comers assigned to the grunt #ork o babysitting #hat is usually a airly #ell beha%ed pack o people dressed as the at man in red. -t #as time to play the amily card + a tactic - o ten used gro#ing up until - reali;ed the trouble - got out o by telling e%eryone my ather #as a cop paled in comparison to the trouble - #ound up in #hen - #as summoned to the desk o < icer "ad. ?"o you kno# #ho - am@9 - asked$ pain ully a#are that the statement made me sound like a colossal douche. ?>ris >ringle@ Colly old 2aint 4icholas@9 the cop kneeling on me asked$ his sarcasm suddenly making me eel better about my o#n cockiness. - utili;ed #hat little range o motion - had in my position to remo%e the hair$ beard$ and hat. ?-)m !.". Clarke$ -)m an apprentice detecti%e. =y ather is Cerry Clarke.9 ?'ho@9 <ne o the guys said$ much to my dismay. Jsually$ mentioning my dad)s name #ould gain me a lot o clout #ith la# en orcement + he #as royalty to the ones he kne#$ but as time progressed and his time a#ay rom the orce gre# #ith it$ that clout #as diminishing

some#hat$ especially amongst younger cops. ?Cust let me upE -)ll ans#er #hate%er you need me to$9 - said$ my ego soundly thrashed. - elt a release o pressure and #as able to stand$ my irst obser%ation #hen - got to my eet being the sheer mass o the cro#d o ga#kers that had seen the entire debacle go do#n + those dressed as 2anta Claus and normal shoppers alike. ?'hat)s going on here@9 one o the cops + a tall$ thin man #ith oli%e skin and thick black hair asked. ?- #anted to see #hat #as making the line stop$ so - pushed my #ay to the ront. - #as #alking to the stores #hen you guys stopped me and the guy running by knocked me do#n$9 e*plained. ?-)m sure you)ll look at the security ootage$9 - added$ ?you)ll kno# i -)m lying.9 /he thin cop looked at the other cop and the mall security$ all three nodded. ?He)s right$9 one o the other cops added$ looking at me$ ?-)ll still need to get a look at your identi ication$9 he stipulated. - dug into my pocked and produced my #allet$ rom #hich pulled my -" card$ urnishing it or the annoying cop. ?Clarke$ !obert "$9 the thin cop read aloud. ?/hat)s me$9 - con irmed. ?Fou li%e at KL0K 2outh 5%enue$ apartment &@9 /hin Cop asked$ omitting my to#n o residence rom the :uestion. ?Fes$ sir$9 - said. ?- your story doesn)t shake out$ #e)ll be paying you a %isit$9 /hin Cop said$ trying to sound threatening. He handed my -" back to me. - slid my -" back behind the plastic #indo# in the #allet and then jammed the #hole thing back into my pocket. 'ith my hand still in my pocket$ - grabbed my business card and ga%e it to the cop. /he #hite card had the company logo and prominently eatured the letters C"5 3 or Clarke "etecti%e 5gency6 in bold black #ith a yello# outline$ and simply read ?!obert ". Clarke$ 5pprentice "etecti%e9 along #ith the o ice address$ my business phone number and e.mail address. <ne o the coolest things about being promoted rom administrati%e assistant to detecti%e #as the ability to hand out business cards. ?/hat)s #here - #ork$ sir$9 - said$ imagining (sir) #as a ne#$ unspeakably %ile obscenity$ ?send someone by i anything - said doesn)t shake out.9 ?"on)t #orry$ - #ill$9 he said$ cocky to the bitter end. 2atis ied #ith ha%ing the last #ord$ the man turned and sauntered a#ay$ motioning or the rest o the police and mall security to go #ith him$ the group complying like trained animals. ?/hanks or your understanding$ sirE9 - shouted$ emphasi;ing the last #ord hea%ily$ still pretending. Jndeterred by the intrusion o o icial la# en orcement types$ - #ent on just as - #ould ha%e i - #asn)t so rudely interrupted$ blending in #ith the scores o ga#kers and #aiting or the cops to inish taking statements rom the people #orking in the stores that had been robbed$ #aiting or an opening to in%estigate them mysel . - decided to start #ith the %ideo game store$ iguring - could kill t#o birds #ith one stone and plank do#n a preorder or that ne# irst.person shooter - had my eyes on. =y presence didn)t seem to be #elcomed by the sta + a gangly kid #ith greasy black hair and thick glasses$ a airly pretty girl #ith a igure a bit on the ull side$ long bro#n hair pulled back tight$ and an angelic ace$ and the guy - si;ed up as the one in charge + a tall$ stocky sort #ho #as the only one #earing a shirt #ith buttons on itA he had orange hair and a matching beard: he looked like a 0iking #ho had just joined the cast o The Office. ?Can - help you@9 asked the 0iking in the dress shirt. - looked at his name tag and learned his name #as ,rik. Fou can)t make this stu up. ?Jh$ yeah$9 - said$ %erbally stumbling out o the gate$ as - o ten did. ?- #as #ondering #hat

#as going on around here.9 ?Fou a cop@9 ,rik asked. - took my eyes o o him or a moment and si;ed up the situation: e%eryone seemed really tense$ though or good reason$ - suppose. - shook my head. ?-)m an apprentice pri%ate detecti%e$9 - announced$ producing a card$ but ,rik shook it o $ so - slid it back into my pocket. ?Fou)re messing #ith me$9 ,rik declared$ ?you don)t look like a detecti%e.9 - looked do#n at mysel . - had orgotten ho# - #as dressed + more speci ically that looked more like someone #ho)d be in%estigating #hether or not little Cohnny #as a good boy or a bad boy this year than #hate%er had happened here. ?- had a small o ice up in the 4orth Pole$9 - :uipped$ ?- #as the best$ - brought do#n a syndicate that #as lookin) to i* the reindeer games.9 ?0ery unny$9 ,rik snapped back$ ?are you a comedian@9 - shook my head$ ready$ #illing$ and able to engage in a battle o #its #ith this clo#n. ?already told you - #as a detecti%e$9 - noted. /he other employees laughed$ probably happy to see the doo us in charge getting taken do#n a peg. ?'ell go detect some#here else$9 ,rik shot back #ith a sneer$ thinking this line #as someho# unny. /his time$ the rabble surrounding us didn)t so much as crack a smile. ?- can tell you)re not going to cooperate #ith me here$ so -)ll just be on my #ay$9 - relented$ deciding to orego my pre.order and buy a copy on 5ma;on$ my little #ay o sticking it to the man + -)m spite ul like that. - must)%e been standing around lost in thought or too long$ as ,rik cleared his throat and ga%e me a death stare. ?- you don)t mind$ this is one o the busiest days o the year or us and the police are already scre#ing it up enough$9 he said in a tone o %oice that had an ama;ingly stimulating e ect on the part o my brain that makes me #ant to punch people. ignored my brain and sa# my #ay out$ eeling like my alibi #as stronger than e%er + i - had robbed this place$ - #ould)%e shot that guy #here he stood. - #alked out$ ready to go to the gadget shop #hen - #as poked on the shoulder blade. turned around to see a small$ skinny man #ho looked to be in his si*ties or early se%entiesA he #as #earing a red s#eater$ thin glasses$ and a pair o t#eed pants + in short$ he looked like a grandpa. ?Can - help you@9 - asked. /he man nodded$ - got a kindly %ibe o o him. ?- o%erheard you saying you #ere a detecti%e$ is that right@9 he asked. - nodded$ catching my attire as the nod #ent do#n#ard and eeling bad about my clothing choices. /hen again$ this #hole e%ent #as supposed to be nothing more than innocent un. ?Fletcher Ho#ell$9 the man announced$ e*tending his hand. - gladly accepted the handshake. ?-)m the o#ner o Ho#ell)s je#elers$ right ne*t door. ?!.". Clarke$9 - replied$ ?pleasure to meet you sir.9 - elt a slight sense o relie that there #ere still people in the retail business #ho didn)t out#ardly hate e%eryone they spoke to. ?&ike#ise$9 Ho#ell responded. ?'ould you mind coming into my store or a moment@9 - nodded and ollo#ed him into the shop. -t #as a small place$ not much more retail space than one o those kiosks you see more and more lately + the kind #ith people lying remote control helicopters and people trying to sell you cell phone plans #ith the same tenacity a trapped tiger #ill employ in an attempt to che# its o#n leg o . - took in%entory o the store and they appeared to be hit pretty hard + most o the display cases #ere smashed open and no# contained nothing more than the pieces o black elt the merchandise #as once staged on + a certain 2anta)s sack #as going to be illed #ith something a little more %aluable than toys. ?&ooks like you got cleaned out pretty good$9 - noted.

Ho#ell nodded$ ?they did a number on me$9 he admitted$ though he didn)t sound too upset by that notion. ?'hat can - do to help@9 - asked$ ?-)ll be honest$ - don)t think the odds o you getting that je#elry back are too good.9 ?< course$9 Ho#ell responded$ still sounding re reshingly upbeat or a man #ho #as robbed all o i%e or ten minutes ago$ ?-)m not #orried about the loss o assets + that)s #hat insurance policies are or.9 - reali;ed ho# cynical my job had made me #hen) insurance raud) #as the irst thing that popped into my mind a ter the kindly old man looked on the bright side o the situation. ?- understand$9 - said$ keeping my suspicions to mysel $ ?but i you)re content to let your insurance handle this matter$ -)m not :uite sure #hat - can do or you.9 Fletcher Ho#ell cast a #ide smile$ the kind a grandparent #ould #ear #hen #atching their small grandchild make an innocent$ harmless mistake. ?=aybe -)m a part o a dying breed$ but - don)t think money is the be.all end.all in the #orld.9 5gain$ - think it)s an indictment o my o#n mental state$ but - elt there #as a chance - #as being put on. ?-)%e been in this mall or eighteen years$9 Ho#ell said$ ?and that !unning o the 2antas is the greatest thing in the #orld as ar as -)m concerned. - #ant you to ind out #ho messed #ith it and make sure they go do#n.9 - smiled$ reali;ing that -)d inally crossed paths #ith someone #ho shared my enthusiasm or the e%ent. ?1i%en the #ay you)re dressed$ - igured you elt the same #ay about it - did$9 Ho#ell e*plained. ?Fou)d be right about that$9 - said back$ ?-)m one o the e# and proud that)s been at this thing e%ery year.9 Ho#ell cracked a big smile. ?Ho# about thatE) he roared$ %oice booming$ seemingly too loud or the little old body that contained it. ?"on)t get me #rong$9 Ho#ell began to stipulate$ ?-)ll pay you #hate%er your normal rate is$ but it)s great to kno# that -)ll ha%e someone #orking on this that has passion on his side.9 Being an apprentice detecti%e$ the only thing - should ha%e done + rom a legal standpoint$ the only thing - could do + #as to thank him and re er him to my o%erseer. ?-)ll do it$9 - said. 4o one #ill e%er use the phrase (a stickler or the rules) to describe me$ that)s an absolute certainty. ?1reatE9 Ho#ell responded. - liked the manA - sure hoped he #asn)t in%ol%ed in this someho#. ?&et)s start by going o%er e*actly #hat happened$9 - re:uested. ?- #as #atching the people go by #hen our o them broke out o the pack and ran o%er here. <ne o them came in and pulled a gun out rom under the suit$ used it to crack open the racks and stole all my je#elry. 2he emptied the register a ter that$ and ran out #hen the cops #ere harassing you. 2orry i that doesn)t help + it #as :uick and nothing really happened that -)d consider out o the ordinary in a robbery$9 Ho#ell e*plained. - #as i*ated on one #ord in his statement. ?2he@9 - asked$ surprised. Ho#ell nodded. ?2truck me unny too$9 he e*plained. ?1uess #e)re a pack o se*ist$ chau%inistic pigs + the gals can rob je#elry stores #ith the best o the guys$ it seems$9 he added. ?-)ll see #hat - can ind out$9 - announced. ?1ood$9 Ho#ell concluded$ ?- #ish - had more or you to go on$ but it #as %ery :uick and %ery nondescript + you kno#$ besides the act that - #as robbed by a #oman dressed as 2anta Claus.9

?-)%e done more #ith less$9 - boasted$ ?but i you can get me a copy o the ootage rom the security camera$ it might help out + there could ha%e been something you missed in the moment that -)d be able to sni out.9 Ho#ell nodded. ?-)ll get that to you as soon as - can.9 ?1reat$ thanks$9 - replied. ?/hank you$9 Ho#ell responded. - #alked out eeling reju%enated + damn it$ Fletcher Ho#ell and - #ere going to sa%e Christmas.

Chapter Three
- decided my irst step on the path to sa%ing Christmas #ould be to in%estigate the other t#o stores that got hit$ airly certain that their respecti%e proprietors #ould be some#here bet#een Fletcher Ho#ell and ,rik the 'hite Collar 0iking in terms o cooperati%eness. =y ne*t step #as 1adgets G 1ear$ a curious little independent store that thri%ed amongst big bo* electronics retailers #ith competiti%e pricing and a uni:ue policy o buying used e:uipment$ #hich they then turned around and sold either in store or on online auction sites. - introduced mysel to the only person #orking there$ a tall$ handsome man #ith a rugged i%e o)clock shado# and bro#n stubble atop his head that #asn)t much longer than the hair on his ace. /he man introduced himsel as !oger "u $ the o#nerDoperator o the store. ?- #as checking our acti%e auctions #hen some guy dressed as 2anta Claus ran in the store screaming something about ha%ing a bomb in his sack$9 "u e*plained #hile - re rained rom laughing + #hich - took as a sign o maturity + the sophomoric !.". Clarke o ten years ago #ould ha%e cackled maniacally at any mention o the #ord (sack.) ?He ask or money$ %aluables@9 "u nodded. ?He made me clear my cash register$ stole some o my merchandise too.9 Cudging by his demeanor and tone$ !oger "u #as taking this robbery much harder than my ne# best riend Fletcher Ho#ell #as. ?- #asn)t only checking auctions just no#$ - #as also delisting some stu .9 ?Fou keep the merchandise you auction on display or sale@9 - asked$ though - couldn)t see ho# his business practices related to my case + it #as mostly to appeal to my o#n curiosity. ?Fes #e do$9 "u said. ?/he mark.up in store is generally more than #e)ll get at auction$ so #e only put the stu that #e)%e had or a #hile up or bid. 'e)ll still keep the stu on sale here until someone puts a bid on it online$ a ter that$ #e hold it in the back$9 "u said #ith a ro#n. ?Jn ortunately$ some o the stu that #as stolen #as bid on o%ernight$ so no# - ha%e to cancel those + it)s only t#o items$ but those people aren)t going to be %ery happy about it.9 ?- see$9 - said$ ready to change the subject to more pertinent matters. ?4o# back to the robbery$ they didn)t raid any o the stu you ha%e in the back$ did they@9 "u shook his head. ?/he guy seemed like he #as in a hurry$ like he #as going to get #hate%er he could as ast as possible and be done #ith it.9 ?Ho# much do you think he made o #ith@9 =y :uestion #as met #ith a shrug. ?-)m not sure o an e*act number + - ha%en)t had a chance to go through a ull in%entory$ and since most o my merchandise is made up o things - bought and planned to resell$ it)s more o a ball park igure than anything$ but he de initely got about t#o hundred dollars rom the register and probably a e# grand in merch + a bunch o little digital cameras$ a e# tablets and smartphones + - had t#o ne# 5pple iPads - just got the other day$ he grabbed both o them :uick.9 - cleared my throat$ ready to mo%e or#ard into the actual meat o the crime$ ?'as there

anything distincti%e about the robber$ other than ho# he #as dressed@9 - asked$ skimming or leads. "u shrugged. ?He talked in the 2anta %oice$ - thought that #as pretty #eird$9 he said. - took out a tiny legal pad and hal pencil - kept #ith me at all times and scribbled do#n the act + 2anta %oice + not that - thought it)d mean anything$ though it certainly set this one apart rom the Ho#ell robbery$ #here the perpetrator #asn)t e%en the right gender to accurately portray the jolly man in red. ?5nything physical@9 - asked$ ?- understand the robber #as #earing a 2anta suit$ but #as there anything distincti%e + a la;y eye$ a limp$ something like that@9 Boy$ - #as really hoping or a miracle there + - could see it no#: /he &impin) 2anta Bandit 'ith 5 &a;y ,ye$ ilm at ele%en. "u shook his head on that one. ?He had bro#n eyes$ but that)s about all - can tell you + #hite guy$ bro#n eyes.9 ('hite$ bro#n eyes) - scribbled do#n on the pad. /hat narro#ed the suspect pool do#n to about a billion people$ but -)m an optimist$ so - consider that i%e or si* billion people scratched o the list$ including most o the populations o China and -ndia. ?4othing else@9 - asked. "u ro#ned and shook his head$ ?4ope$9 he e*plained. ?- can get you a copy o the security %ideo i it helps$9 "u o ered$ ?but - don)t think it)ll be o much use to you.9 - nodded. ?/hanks$ that #ould be great$9 - said$ taking one last look at the place. /he store itsel #as airly unremarkable + i not or some empty shel space$ one #ouldn)t ha%e much e%idence that a robbery had taken placeA the store lacked the smashed shel%ing and broken glass o Fletcher Ho#ell)s shop. - handed !oger "u one o my cards$ ?- kno# it)s a longshot =r. "u $ but i you remember anything else$ gi%e me a call$9 - re:uested. ?- #ill$9 "u responded$ ?and i you e%er ha%e any electronics you need to unload$ - can help you out #ith that$9 he added$ e%er the salesman. ?-)ll do that9 - lied$ kno#ing mysel to be ully capable o putting my old crap on eBay in the hopes that someone #ith limited technical kno#ledge #ould o%erpay or my junk to gi%e it as a Christmas gi t to a distant niece or nephe#$ no middle man re:uired. - said my goodbyes and mo%ed o%er to the inal store on my checklist: Far <ut /hreads$ one o the do;ens upon do;ens o niche clothing stores in the mall$ #ith ne# ones popping up e%ery other #eek. /his one speciali;ed in retro hippie ashions + stu #ith lo#ers$ bell. bottoms$ tie.dye$ and the like. /he clearly shaken #omen at the counter #ere chatting amongst themsel%es #hen - came in. /he #oman on the le t #as a tall$ blonde #oman #ith pale skin and an o%erall lanky build$ it looked like she had been crying. /he other #oman$ #ho #as behind the cash register #hen - #alked in$ #as e:ually thin but much shorter #ith stringy bro#n hair and seemed to be slightly more composed than her co.#orker. ?Can - help you@9 /he shorter #oman asked. - couldn)t help but pick up a hint o suspicion in the clerk)s %oice$ either because she #as just robbed by someone dressed similar to me or she had accurately pegged me as someone #ho #ould ne%er come into this store unless #as there on non.shopping business. ?=y name)s !obert ". Clarke$ -)m an apprentice detecti%e$9 - said$ going #ith irst name$ middle initial to make mysel sound more o icial + an important step$ considering #hat - #as #earing. ?5pprentice@9 /he short #oman asked. - nodded$ ?Feah. -)m looking in to the robberies or one o the %ictims$ - #as #ondering i you could tell me #hat happB9 ?'here)s the person you)re studying under@9 the short #oman asked.

?JmB9 - said$ totally stymied. - al#ays announce mysel as an apprentice detecti%e and -)m rarely called out or it$ most people are more i*ated on the #ord (detecti%e.) ?Fou)re an apprentice$ right@9 - nodded$ ?-)m #orking under "etecti%e Cerry Clarke$9 - said$ telling the truth e%en though could ha%e told her - #as #orking under "etecti%e 1ordon 2hum#ay and it)d mean the e*act same thing to her. ?5re you supposed to be doing in%estigations unsuper%ised@9 the short #oman asked. 5s much as - hoped my suspicions regarding Fletcher Ho#ell #ere baseless$ - #anted e%en more to ind out that the short #oman behind the counter #as guilty o something that)d get her locked up or the rest o her li e. ?4o ma)am$ but he)s not here right no#. 1i%en the immediacy o the moment$ - thought it)d be prudent to handle things on my o#n$9 - responded$ thinking it sounded good or something that - completely pulled out o my ass. /ruth #as$ some o my best #ork #as done a#ay rom the eyes o my ather + one case in particular be ore - #as e%en an apprentice detecti%e. ?"o - ha%e to talk to you@9 short #oman asked$ impatience gro#ing #ith e%ery #ord. - shook my head$ neglecting to in orm her that she #ouldn)t ha%e had to speak to me e%en i - #ere a ull. ledged pri%ate detecti%e. ?5ll right then$9 she said in a manner that made me hate her more than - hate #ar$ injustice$ and the "allas Co#boys$ the last o #hich is really saying something. ?- you)re not here to buy something$ -)d appreciate it i you)d please lea%e + #e)%e had a rough day today.9 - said nothing and #alked out o the store$ playing out scenarios o me %erbally handing the tiny #itch her ass$ but they)d e*ist as antasy and antasy alone.

Chapter Four
2till uming rom my encounter #ith the no.so happy and peace ul clerk at the hippie themed store$ - sauntered to my car and started on my dri%e home. - #as about i%e minutes a#ay rom the mall$ the Christmas music playing on the radio helping cool my ner%es$ #hen reali;ed that - had le t >aren 'agner stranded there + in all o the e*citement$ - had simply orgotten she #as #ith me. - took the irst a%ailable 3some#hat6 sa e J./urn and sped back to the shopping center$ grabbing my phone #hile - dro%e and noticing - had our missed calls$ all rom >aren. =y repeated attempts to redial her #ere all ruitless$ but - continued to lean on the gas and hope didn)t get pulled o%er. <nce - got back to the mall - decided to do a perimeter s#eep o the parking lot looking or >aren$ my optimism raised by my kno#ledge that her decision to dress as =rs. Claus instead o 2anta #ould make spotting her easier$ though that in turn made me eel bad about the grie - ga%e her or her out it all o%er again. - got most o the #ay around the mall #hen - turned a corner and came upon a strip o the parking lot used as a bus depot. - spotted >aren just as she #as about to #alk onto a bus and leaned on my horn. 2he snapped her head around$ noticed me$ and stepped a#ay rom the line o people boarding the %ehicle. >aren #alked o%er to my car #ith a disappointed look on her ace$ like - had kicked a puppyB her puppyB o o a cli . /he scene o someone dressed as =rs. Claus climbing into a car dri%en by someone in a 2anta suit #as catching more than a e# eyes$ as - spotted a e# people pointing and a e# mouths making the motion you)d per orm or an (a##.) /he mood inside my ancient sports car + the hood up or the #inter + #asn)t nearly as tender. ?Fou)re a jerkE9 >aren said be ore - could e%en remo%e the parking brake.

?- kno#$9 - replied as - dro%e a#ay rom the bus stop. ?&isten$ -)m so sorry - orgot about you$ - got tied up in the robbery that happened + irst the cops #ere thinking - #as in%ol%ed$ then one o the store o#ners hired me to look into the thing$ and then one o the store clerks treated me like garbage soB9 ?2top$9 >aren re:uested. ?5ll right$9 - replied$ doing #hate%er - could to appease her a ter my morning o monumental jerkiness. 'e dro%e in silence most o the #ay$ nary another #ord being uttered or the ne*t ten minutes o a trip that usually lasted about i teen$ depending on tra ic and such. - #as trying to connect dots in my head regarding the case as - :uietly dro%e in a stop and start ashion do#n a congested high#ay$ both to get right on the job or Ho#ell and to attempt to orget about ho# much o a thoughtless jerk o a riend - had been today. -n addition to #aiting or the security tapes$ - igured - could take a look around -nternet orums regarding the !unning o the 2antas 3yes$ such orums e*isted6 to see i anyone posted an eye#itness account that could be o some sort o use + surely$ the robberies #ould be the biggest topic o con%ersation on those message boards. - turned o the high#ay$ that part o the trip taking the usual i teen minutes it #ould take to complete the entire trek thanks to the e*tra tra ic. >aren li%ed in an apartment comple* called /he Fortunate 2on$ located just up the block rom a amous ast ood restaurant kno#n or ser%ing billions. /he Fortunate 2on held a lot o bad memories or me$ so there #as an understanding #hene%er #e #ould hang out and - #as picking her up and dropping her o that - #ould meet and lea%e her at the door. ?Fou kno# #hy -)m pissed$ right@9 >aren asked not long a ter #e le t the high#ay. ?< course - do$ - replied$ ?- le t you at the mall.9 ?'ell yeah$9 >aren ackno#ledged$ ?but that)s just the beginning o it.9 ?Huh@9 - asked. ?Ho# many times are #e going to do this@9 she #ondered aloud. - stopped at a red light and looked o%er$ ?Cudging by the #ay your irst !unning o the 2antas #ent$ - #ouldn)t blame you or not #anting to do it again$ but you)re more than #elcome.9 ?"amn it !.".$ are you that dense@9 >aren asked$ the irst time -)%e e%er really heard anger in her %oice. - #asn)t really that dense$ - #as desperately trying to a%oid the elephant in the room$ e%en as it began its stampede to#ard me. - #as struck so unny that - completely missed the light turning green until a chorus o horns snapped me out o it and - passed through the clear intersection in ront o me. ?- guess - am$9 - said$ playing dumb. ?- #oke up at three in the morning$ - ro;e my ass o $ - cosplayed or youE9 2he shouted. took a moment to place the #ord (cosplay$) a term #ith Capanese origins describing the practice o publically dressing up as manga 3comic book6 characters + the act 3and term6 #as ar ahead o me on the 1eek.<.=eter but #as right in >aren)s #heelhouse. ?- thought you #ere ha%ing un$9 - re%ealed. ?4oE9 >aren shot back. ?- #as cold$ - had t#o and a hal hours sleep$ - #as surrounded by drunk guys #ho kept asking i - #anted to see their candy cane: - #as miserableE9 ?'o#$9 - said$ genuinely dumb ounded$ ?- thought you #ere ha%ing a good time + -)m sorry.9 - kept my eyes on the road$ but heard a loud sigh coming rom my right. ?Fou)re a detecti%e !.".$9 >aren stated$ sounding tired in more #ays than one$ ?don)t tell me you can)t igure this out.9 - had igured it out a long time ago$ but #as trying to skirt the issue.

- #ent silent once again + not out o courtesy this time$ but because - really didn)t #ant to breach this issue. ?'here are #e going@9 >aren asked. - #anted to eign ignorance and gi%e her some reply about going to her apartment$ but - decided to spare her the dumb act. ?- think you)re great >aren$ and my li e)s #ay better or ha%ing you in it$ but - just can)t see this going #here - think you #ant it to go$9 - said$ ama;ing mysel #ith my candor + - had a bad habit o playing ast and loose #ith the truth around >aren$ stemming back rom the irst time - met her$ but she deser%ed better. 2he deser%ed better than me$ too. ?'hy@9 she asked. - think that #as the :uestion that made me dread ha%ing this discussion more than any other. ?- think you)re great$9 - repeated$ not kno#ing #hat to say and alling back on the crutch o a compliment - had used be ore. ?"on)t tell me #hat you think o meE9 2he snapped$ ?that)s not #hat - askedE9 5 thousand things ran through my head$ most o them %ariants on the tried and true (it)s not you$ it)s me$) but none o them seemed like the right thing, so - remained silent. ?Come on !.".$ the least you can do is tell me #hy.9 ?- don)t kno#$9 - said$ thinking it sounded like a cop out. ?/hat)s a cop out$9 >aren concurred$ a irming my unspoken opinion. - grit my teeth and brie ly thought about aking some sort o medical ailment$ but reali;ed that #ould be both immature and ine ecti%e. ?-t is a cop out$ but it)s true too$9 - said$ hoping sounded as genuine as - #as being. ?Fou)re one o my a%orite people in the #orld$ - s#ear you are$ but - just can)t bring mysel to make this anything more + it)s not because - don)t like you enoughA - #ish it #as because then - could e*plain mysel better$ but it)s nothing - can put into #ords.9 - hoped my apologies meant something. - snuck a e# looks at >aren #hene%er it #as sa e to do so #hile dri%ing$ but her ace pro%ided no cues and she #asn)t talking anymore. ?-)m sorry - can)t e*plain mysel any better than that$9 - said as #e approached her apartment$ not #anting to end the day on such a dour note. ?-t)sB it)s ine$9 >aren said disappointedly. - decided to lea%e things at that$ reali;ing that -)d probably only make things #orse and -)d done enough damage or one day. 'e #ere approaching the Fortunate 2on apartments any#ay$ so - pulled up in ront o the main entrance to the comple*. ?2orry you had such a bad time$9 - announced$ trying to accomplish the di icult task o maintaining eye contact #ith >aren #hile totally a%oiding a glimpse o the building behind her. ?-)ll see you soon@9 - added$ an optimistic li t in my %oice. ?4o$9 >aren announced. ?- don)t think so.9 'ith that$ she opened the door and #alked to#ard the building. - elt absolutely horrible about the #hole thing + >aren 'agner #as too good or me$ and the only one #ho didn)t kno# it #as her. - pulled a#ay #ith e%ery intention o dro#ning mysel in my #ork$ hoping that being a good detecti%e #ould make me orget ho# a# ul a person - #as.

Chapter Five
5s much as -)d like to admit that - stayed true to my con%ictions and lo#ered my nose to the grindstone in light o startling ne# in ormation that made me reali;e ho# much o a jackass - #as$ that simply did not happen. Jpon getting home - #allo#ed in my o#n sel . loathing or about a hal hour$ orty. i%e minutes$ then proceeded to eat a roast bee and

pro%olone sand#ich on #heat bread and nap or three and a hal hours + all in all$ this #as shaping up to be a real banner day or ol) "etecti%e Clarke. - #oke up to the shaming reali;ation that - had taken a nap in a 2anta Claus costume + attire no one should e%er be unconscious in unless they)re alcoholics #ho really$ really like the 2al%ation 5rmy. - immediately decided to change and sho#er$ #ondering i the e%ents o the day meant that this #ould be the last time - e%er #ore my 2anta suit. 5ided by the mind. clearing stream o hot #ater splashing against my body$ - concluded that the ans#er to that :uestion probably had a lot to do #ith #hether or not - could close this case. Freshly sho#ered and dressed in my ci%ilian clothes$ - do%e into the orums de%oted to the !unning o the 2antas$ inding a lot o accounts o the day)s esti%ities$ most o them centered around people #ho had stories about being stuck in the line or t#enty minutes be ore being released rom the mall one by one$ being subject to pat do#ns as they #ere lea%ing. -t seemed like e%ery time - re reshed the page$ there #as a ne# indignant post about people #ho ?CJ2/ &,F/ 54" -)= F-&-41 5 &5'2J-/ 54" - H5" /< 2-/ -4 &-4, F<! /H!,, H<J!2 54" 1,/ P5" 3sic6 "<'4 BF 2<=, !,4/ 5 C<P 54" /H-2 -2 5=,!-C5 "5=4 -/$9 it #as like some sort o caps lock orm letter. Bits o usable in ormation #ere e# and ar bet#een$ as seemingly e%ery post #as some sort o angry rant$ all o them bleeding together at some point. /here #ere a e# calmer posts$ more on point as ar as #hat - #as looking or$ but the in ormation in them seemed to be suspect at best + including one that s#ore one o the 2antas #as a se%en. oot tall black man #ho jumped o%er a security barricade a ter running out o the %ideo game shop. 2urely$ a detecti%e o my caliber #ould ha%e spotted this. 5nother$ more reasonable post$ seemed to hold some #ater. (2ome guy broke out o the line$ but the cops stopped him$ told him to ree;e$ and these our guys ran out #hile they #ere concentrating on him$) it read. 'ell$ - #as certain that #as the truth$ though the ne# perspecti%e o me distracting the police long enough to allo# the perpetrators an escape route #as an unsettling one$ another blo# to my sel .esteem in a day ull o them$ to be certain. 5nother post seemed to be more bene icial: (/he #eirdest thing #as the shoes. <ne o them #as #earing lime green sneakers.) - tried to jog my memory on that one. - #as airly certain that the 2anta #ho plo#ed into me and knocked me do#n #as #earing traditional black boots + the kind - sa# 2gt. &e/oussier #earing a ter his arri%al in the mere minutes that ollo#ed 2anta)s departure rom the Fraternal <rder o Police)s Christmas party back in 1HH1 + boots impossibly similar to the ones 2aint 4ick #as #earing. /hat #as probably my irst piece o detecti%e #ork + using the sarge)s oot#ear to unco%er the dirty little secret about the jolly old at man in red. =y o#n memory o the incident #ouldn)t really do much to urther my progress$ so turned back to the orum and utili;ed the search unction to bring up all mentions o (green sneakers) that appeared #ithin posts on that particular orum. - didn)t meet #ith a great deal o success in that endea%or either$ as most o #hat came up #as remarkably similar to the original post or just happened to ha%e the terms (green) and (sneakers) in there some#here$ but #ere other#ise completely unrelated to the robberies. - decided to keep on digging$ thinking that persistence #ould be #hat ultimately paid o in this situation + and - #as right. <n page eight o the search$ - ound a post made by someone #ith the user name Cingle1uy$ #ho had posted in a meet.up thread ?-)ll be there #ith my green sneakers on.9 -t #asn)t e*actly a #ritten$ detailed con ession$ but it #as enough or me to deem Cingle1uy #orthy o a much closer look. Jn ortunately$ all - had to go on #as a user name on a orum$ as the person behind the post had nothing in their pro ile #orth using + no real name$

e.mail$ Facebook or /#itter links$ nothing o the sort + a act in and o itsel that made him e%en more suspicious in my eyes. -n my estimation$ one o the indicators o a good detecti%e + a good anything$ really + is the ability to kno# #hen you)re in o%er your head$ and - #as most assuredly sunk on this one. /here #asn)t much - could do beyond sending an e.mail to the board administrator e*plaining #ho - #as and #hy heDshe should consider gi%ing me all the pertinent registration in ormation or Cingle1uy + in ormation$ - ully reali;ed$ #as probably ake any#ay + - had a bad habit o signing up or things as Herman =unster$ #ith an address o 1K1K =ockingbird &ane + committing raud #as a small price to pay or a good joke. /he best - could realistically hope or #as an -P address$ and e%en that could be masked #ith relati%e ease. Ho#e%er$ in a mo%e o smart detecti%ery 3#hich - ha%e no# decided is a #ord6$ - called an e*pert on the subject. Muentin 1ardner is my tech guy$ he)s my guy #ho has connections$ he)s the guy #ho #ould make a ar better detecti%e than - #ould i he #asn)t so damn busy doing things that make him a lot o money. Muentin is a 2uper Blogger$ #hich -)%e taken to de ining as being one o the se%en people #ho makes a good li%ing #riting on the -nternet. ?!.".$9 Muentin said$ sparing me the trouble o announcing mysel $ though -)m certain his intention #as sparing himsel the trouble o ha%ing to listen to me announce mysel + Muentin #as not one or #hat he considered to be needless social interactions. ?-)m going to need your help$9 - declared. ?1o ahead$9 Muentin replied :uickly. -t)d be taken as rudeness by most people$ but - had kno#n Muentin long enough + all my li e$ to be e*act + that - kne# better. Besides$ #e)d both sa%ed each other)s bacon #hen #e toppled a proli ic serial killer kno#n as /he !eaper a e# months ago$ so #e #ere closer than e%er. ?Fou hear about #hat happened at the mall@9 - asked. Muentin kne# about my ondness or the 2anta run$ so - didn)t ha%e to #aste any o his %aluable time speci ying #hat thing and #hich mall. ?Feah.9 ?-)m looking into the robberies or one o the store o#ners that got hit and - think - ha%e a lead$ but -)m not sure about ho# to ollo# up on it.9 ?'here do - come in$9 Muentin asked$ ore%er ocused on the nuts and bolts o the situation. ?/here)s a orum called !un 2anta !un$ - #ant to dig up some dirt on one o the people #ho posts there.9 ?1ot a suspect already@9 Muentin in:uired. - took his interest in the case as an indicator o ho# strong our bond #as$ as he normally couldn)t be bothered to e%en eign interest in most o my escapades. ?'ell$9 - said$ pausing a ter$ ?kind o + more o a person o interest than anything.9 ?2o a suspect$9 Muentin replied$ trying to skip the semantic gymnastics that he so despised.9 ?2ure$ a suspect$9 - relented. ?-)ll see #hat - can dig up or you$9 Muentin said$ hanging up be ore the last syllable #as inished. Ha%ing reached out to my contacts$ er$ contact$ - #ent back to the orum and continued to run through its contents #ith a ine toothed comb$ mo%ing a#ay rom the green shoes search and shi ting my ocus o%er to the %arious (post your pictures) threads on the message board$ scanning one blurry snapshot a ter another looking or the elusi%e green sneakers. =y hard #ork and persistence paid o around the hour mark$ #hen - ound a picture o a guy dressed as 2anta$ but #ith the ake beard pulled do#n belo# his chin. /he de.bearded 2anta #as #earing the same green sneakers described in the accounts$ though that #asn)t

the only thing that stood out about the image + - #as unsettled by something + or to be more accurate$ someone + in the background. =e. - #as there$ no more than ten eet behind the guy$ staring o at something in the distance #hile >aren 'agner stared at me in a manner - can only describe as (longing$) reminding me o ho# much o a jerk - #as$ not that - needed my memory o that act re reshed. - brushed aside the blo#s to my sel .image so - could turn and ace the brunt o a ne# assault: there #as a good chance that one o the robbers #as right in ront o me and someho# missed him. < course$ - had no #ay o kno#ing #hat Cingle1uy and his cohorts #ere planning + or i Cingle1uy #as e%en one o the perpetrators$ as it all could ha%e been a coincidence + one can)t condemn a man just by his choice o oot#ear. 2till$ once - got on a roll beating mysel up$ - #as hard to stop. - kept on searching or pictures eaturing the man - suspected o being Cingle1uy + the man o a%erage height$ a tad abo%e a%erage #eight$ #hich - assumed to be natural due to the ullness o his ace and not an illusion created by a padded suit. - #as on the high end o normal as ar as girth goes and - o ten lirted #ith the idea o going sans.padding$ - had a eeling Cingle1uy #as doing just that. /he man in the green shoes had bro#n eyes and the remo%al o his ake #hite beard sho#ed a thick$ bushy bro#n goatee$ so - assumed that)d be an accurate descriptor o hair color and could possibly inger him as the robber o 1adgets G 1ear because$ as #e all kno#$ bro#n eyes are e*ceedingly rare. 'hy yes$ - #as grasping at stra#s$ thank you %ery much. - decided to print out a copy o the picture to sho# to !oger "u $ the proprietor o 1adgets G 1ear$ hoping he may be able to con irm this guy as the robber$ in ormation - could then turn around and gi%e to the police to get a suspect)s ace out there. - did a 1oogle search or (1adgets G 1ear store) and ound a e# places by that name$ #hich led me to ha%e to do a bit o leg#ork in inding the right one. /he site prominently eatured an image o the man - spoke to in the same shirt he #as #earing at the store$ identi ying him as Roger Duff, founder. - made a note o his name and located the (Contact Js) button at the bottom o the page$ #hich turned led to a decepti%ely complicated page o its o#n illed #ith solicitations or their buying and reselling ser%ice$ #hich - e*pertly na%igated in order to ind a con%enient mailto link at the bottom o the page. =r "u $ /his is !obert ". Clarke$ the apprentice detecti%e #ho spoke #ith you earlier this morning. -)%e done a little digging into the robberies and came upon a person o interest #ho may or may not ha%e been the man #ho held you up. -)%e enclosed a picture o this potential suspect. /hank you or your cooperation. - looked o%er #hat - had #ritten + short and concise$ - concluded + then added a p.s. #ith my phone number. - almost added my email address as #ell be ore reali;ing that it #as already a part o the message. <nce my communi:ue #as sent$ - attached the picture to another e.mail$ #hich - sent to mysel $ using the message to do#nload a portion o the picture to my phone. 'anting to co%er all bases$ - te*ted the image to my cousin ,ddie. + although he #orked in homicide$ - igured ,ddie #ould be my best bet as ar as getting the picture o one o the potential robbers in ront o the right set o eyes. (Possible suspect in =all !obberies$ pass it on +!") read the te*t message.

'ith my messages sent out$ - decided to mo%e on to lunch$ although the clock indicated it #as more o that gray ;one in bet#een lunch time and dinner time. -t #as about :uarter to our$ but being that it #as late 4o%ember$ that meant it #ould be getting dark in about an hour. - opted or one o my old standbys: the micro#a%able burrito$ #hich joined ramen noodles$ Campbell)s Chunky 2oup 3or i -)m eeling dangerous$ canned chili6$ and micro#a%e popcorn as my our basic ood groups. Fes$ -)ll be dead be ore i ty$ but -)ll ha%e sa%ed a ton o money on ood. - popped t#o o the cholesterol laden delights onto a plastic plate and tossed them into the micro#a%e or ninety.three seconds. -t may seem odd$ or e%en a possible indicator o mental illness to use such an odd number as the time$ but - s#ear on my li e that these things are still ro;en at ninety seconds and hot enough to melt your teeth at ninety. i%e. - #as hal #ay through my second burrito #hen - heard my phone ring. - started eeling nauseous + surprisingly enough$ this eeling had nothing to do #ith the abhorrent ood - #as eating$ but instead came rom the sense o dread caused by me ear that this #as >aren calling #ith more damning e%idence o my jerkiness. - looked at my phone and it #as my dadA - should ha%e kno#n better$ - didn)t e*pect a call rom >aren anytime soon$ i e%er again. ?Ho#)s it going "ad$9 - ans#ered. /he call surprised me a bit$ as - #orked #ith the old man and ninety percent o our con%ersations happened #ithin the o ice. -)d seen him last t#o days be ore$ #hen #e both #ent to my Jncle 2te%e)s house or /hanksgi%ing. ?Fou can)t resist taking on cases you)re not ready or$ can you@9 "ad asked$ indicating that he had ound out about my latest side project$ #hich - #asn)t planning on letting him ind out about. /he old man ro#ned upon me taking on my o#n side cases + it #as technically illegal and - ha%e a bad habit o almost getting killed #hen - do it. ?'ho told you@9 - asked$ ?,ddie@9 ?4o$9 "ad responded curtly$ ?- got an angry e.mail rom a =s. Harriet Carlson + she is not a big an o yours.9 ?4e%er heard o her$9 - countered. ?2he)s a regional manager or Bell lo#er Clothes G 5pparel$ parent company o Far <ut Fashions: e%er heard o them@9 "ad asked. Jn ortunately$ - had. ?Fes$9 - replied$ sounding like - had countless times in my youth #hen - #as caught doing something - shouldn)t ha%e done. ?-n my de ense$ she #as hostile and uncooperati%e.9 ?!obert$ she had just been robbed$9 "ad shot back. =y ather al#ays called me !obert e%en though most people #ent #ith my initials$ ?#hat did you e*pect her to do$ bake you a plate o cookies and kiss you on the cheek@9 ?- #as trying to hunt do#n the robbers.9 ?'hich is the duty o the police department$9 "ad e*plained$ ha%ing an ans#er or e%erything. Problem is$ most o them #ere right. ?- signed on #ith one o the shop o#ners$ he)s an old school guy running the business by himsel and he doesn)t #ant the cops sitting back and taking ore%er to sol%e this thing$9 e*plained$ attempting to tug at my dad)s heartstrings by sharing the plight o a ello# small businessman. ?-t)s not your place !obert$9 "ad e*plained #ithout hesitation. ?5s your boss$ as the person you)re apprenticing under$ - ha%e to tell you to drop this case$9 came the order. - sighed$ making sure to do it #ith an arti icially high %olume to really hammer home my displeasure. ?Fine$9 - said ?- should ha%e run it by you in the irst place$9 - admitted$ ?-)m just really passionate about the !unning o the 2antas and - #anted to be in on bringing do#n the guys #ho ruined it.9

?- understand$9 "ad said in the same short tone he)d used o%er the entire con%ersation$ but this #as as close as - #as going to get to #armth rom him$ ?and i you #ant to re er the guy in or a consultation$ -)ll hear him out$ but - don)t #ant you #orking this case on your o#n$ #e clear@9 ?'e are$9 - said$ %oice lo# in de eat. 5 ter e*changing pleasantries$ #e inished the con%ersation and - #ent back to my burritos and sel .pity$ al#ays a #inning recipe or a horrible e%ening. - moped my #ay to my computer$ #here - planned on #riting a message to Fletcher Ho#ell in #hich - #ould deli%er the bad ne#s and re er him to my dad$ #ho)d most assuredly decline his case #ith the e*cuse that it)s a matter best handled by the police. 5ll.in.all$ one o my a%orite days o the year had turned out to be one o the #orst .. the only days -)d classi y as less pleasant #ere hand ul throughout the year #here - #as nearly killed. - checked the clock and it #as only our in the a ternoon. ("on)t get cocky yet$ there)s still time$) - thought$ reali;ing - had eight hours remaining to someho# meet my demise.

Chapter Six
/he time le t on the clock #asn)t there solely to ser%e as an enhancement tool or my sel . pity and general moping$ it allo#ed me to reali;e - still had a chance to get to Fletcher Ho#ell today$ so - made a trip back to the mall to cancel the arrangement in person$ kno#ing ull #ell that staying around the house all day #ould do nothing but compound the sorro# - #as eeling or mysel . -t also helped that - didn)t ha%e an e.mail address or phone number or him. 'ith the thousands o people dressed as 2anta gone and the ne#s o the e%ents that had transpired earlier in the day probably enticing some potential customers to ind other shopping options$ the tra ic around the mall #as light$ comparati%ely speaking$ #hich meant that - sat in gridlock or a mere i teen minutes$ only to take t#ice that amount o time inding #hat deemed a suitable parking space + this #as another aspect o my personality - most assuredly did not get rom my ather$ #ho #ould park in the ne*t county i there #as an open spot there. =y dad #as the kind o person #ho al#ays had to be making progress$ e%en i it meant the time spent #alking #as longer than the time that #ould be spent inding a good parking space. - raced to the je#elry store$ hoping that -)d ind Fletcher Ho#ell there so - could break the bad ne#s as planned. Jn ortunately$ the space had already been sealed by the sliding bars o doom. 5s #as the case #ith se%eral things in our irst meeting$ this #as suspicious at best. 4ot #anting to #aste a trip$ - %oyaged o%er to the ood court$ #here - made mysel a nice sampler plate consisting o another burrito$ popcorn shrimp$ a large cup o ro;en stra#berry lemonade$ and a i%e dollar roll o sushi + the price probably didn)t speak #ell to its :uality. /his ailure o a trip did nothing to impro%e my sour mood$ #hich led me to seek re uge in one o the ar corners o the ood court$ a sparsely populated section that appeared to house a e# uni ormed people eating lunchDdinner alone + almost e*clusi%ely mall #orkers + and no#$ me. - #as completely content #ith eating to orget my problems #hen - noticed a amiliar$ albeit un#elcome ace: ,rik$ the unpleasant employee at the %ideo game store #ho$ as his name suggested$ resembled a 0iking. ,rik didn)t notice me and - planned to keep it that #ay$ so - lo#ered my head and turned my eyes up#ard to see in ront o me. ,rik #asn)t the reason or my secrecy + it #as the man sitting #ith him. =ore importantly$ it #as the oot#ear o the man sitting #ith him: green sneakers$ impossible to miss #hen

you)re looking or them. -nterest pi:ued$ - tried to look up enough to get a decent glimpse o the man)s ace #ithout allo#ing ,rik a similarly good look at mine. - grabbed my phone$ pulling up my camera to get a comparison shot o the man in his 2anta suit rom earlier in the morning. Cross re erencing the image on the phone #ith the man in ront o me le t me #ith no doubt in my mind: this #as the man in the picture. 4o#$ #hether or not the man in ront o me #as indeed one o the robbers this morning: that #as the :uestion o the day or sure. 'ith apologies to my dear$ dear ather$ - decided to ignore his orders and ollo# this guy around$ hoping to dig up some dirt on the mysterious man in the gaudy oot#ear. - scar ed do#n the remainder o my decidedly eclectic meal$ #anting desperately to put do#n e%ery last morsel be ore =r. 1reen 2hoes got up and #ent on the mo%e. - #as able to inish e%erything but the ro;en lemonade$ #hich #as impossible to consume :uickly$ a lesson - learned a ter su ering one o the most intense brain ree;es o my li e. /rying to maintain a semblance o stealth #hile it eels like your head is trapped in a shop %ice is not the easiest thing in the #orld$ but ,rik and =r. 1reen 2hoes did not seem to notice meA then again$ =r. 1reen 2hoes didn)t kno# #ho - #as and ,rik sa# me brie ly #hile - #as #earing a 2anta costume 3sans ake hair and beard6$ so - shouldn)t go too ar in patting mysel on the back. /he e ects o the headache #ere about a minute or t#o remo%ed #hen the pair le t their table. - calmly and discreetly gathered my trash and dumped it in a nearby bin. - #asn)t paying complete attention and the lid o the sushi tray dropped onto the ground$ but - didn)t #ant to #aste time picking it up$ employing the rationale that helping to ensure the mall)s janitors remained gain ully employed #as in keeping #ith the Christmas spirit. - didn)t thro# out the ro;en lemonade + the cup #as still hal ull$ plus - ha%e a mental crutch #here - eel more con ident #hen - ha%e a barrier rom the rest o the #orld$ be it a pair o sunglasses$ a cup o co ee$ or something else o the sort. -)d start keeping a running tally o my mental de ects$ but #ho has that kind o time@ /he tailing job #ound up being airly boring$ as the t#o spent time #alking around the mall and #indo# shopping$ leading me to conclude that they #ere either riends or a couple$ though - leaned to#ard the ormer$ gi%en that they re rained rom any a ectionate gestures$ but that could ha%e been to a%oid the scorn o those less or#ard thinking than mysel . /he most likely ans#er #as that - #as reading into the situation #ay too much. 5 ter looking in at a good hal do;en$ maybe as many as ten stores rom the outside$ the pair inally #alked into one$ a candle shop sharing a name #ith one o the pro essional baseball teams rom 4e# Fork City. /#o people #ere #orking in the store: an older #oman #ith gray hair and round$ thin glasses and a young man$ tall and thin$ #ith nearly shoulder length hair pulled back in a ponytail and a #ell.kept beard. ,rik and =r. 1reen 2hoes #alked into one o the ar corners o the store$ #here they #ere sampling the green candles 3the store separated its stock by color.6 - hanged back a bit by the e*it$ turning my body so that - #asn)t directly acing the subjects o my tail$ but could still keep an eye on them #ith a side#ays glance. - spotted the tall$ thin store clerk coming at me as - made one o my glances to#ard =r. 1reen 2hoes. ?-s there anything - can help you #ith@9 he asked in an arti icially pleasant tone. - shook my head. ?4ope$ just looking$9 - responded$ trying to sound hushed and polite. didn)t #ant to come o as rude$ but ensuring ,rik and =r. 1reen 2hoes didn)t hear me #as my paramount concern. ?'e ha%e a great selection o Christmas themed candles o%er there + Holiday 'reath is one o our best sellers right no#$ - highly recommend it$9 the thin clerk reported$ pointing directly at the space bet#een ,rik and =r. 1reen 2hoes 3#hich had o icially replaced Cingle1uy as my nickname or the man6 #hile speaking #ith an (- #ork partially on

commission) accent. - shook my head subtly. ?4o thanks$ -)m just looking or a Christmas present or my girl riend$ something she can use all year round.9 'hile speaking$ - peeked around the clerk to see ,rik and =r. 1reen 2hoes$ #ho #ere heading or the checkout counter$ #ith 1reen 2hoes holding t#o candles that matched the color o his oot#ear per ectly. ?=ight - recommend something rom our botanical delights section$9 the persistent clerk o ered$ no# pointing at a section o pink candles$ ?- highly recommend 2pringtime =eado#$9 he added$ though that sounded like more o a eminine hygiene product than a potential present or a none*istent girl riend. - spotted =r. 1reen 2hoes paying cash or the candles + no small eat gi%en the o%erpriced #ares surrounding me + and beginning to #alk out. 4ot #anting to lose them$ - turned and #alked a#ay$ keeping a e# steps o distance bet#een us. ?2irE9 the o%erly help ul clerk called out. - turned :uickly$ noticing out o the corner o my eye that =r. 1reen 2hoes and ,rik turned as #ell. - decided in that moment that - #as doing all my shopping online rom no# on$ this resolution coupled #ith a er%ent hope that others #ould join in on my crusade to dri%e all pushy salespeople into unemployment. ?4o thanks$9 - muttered :uickly$ ?-)ll just get her a gi t card or something.9 =y none*istent girl riend #asn)t going to be happy. - turned slo#ly$ just in case ,rik #as still looking in my direction$ but the pair had already mo%ed on deeper into the mall. - le t the mall #alking slightly aster than my standard pace$ not #anting to lose the tail. &uckily$ it)s much easier to ollo# a target #hen they are #earing gaudy$ easily noticeable sneakers. /he pair)s ne*t stop came soon a ter - regained the tail$ as =r. 1reen 2hoes stopped at an 5/= near one o the e*its. Being close to the e*it made me #orry about the endgame o this sur%eillance mission + - #asn)t sure ho# - #as going to ollo# them beyond the mall unless - had the incredible ortune o happening to ha%e parked ne*t to the car they #ere going to use. - decided to head or the e*it$ #here - #eathered the late 4o%ember chill and #atched the pair through the glass automatic doors separating us. - #as a little #ays rom my car and not in the best o shape$ but the best plan - could think o #ould be to run to my car as soon as kne# they #ere headed outside. =y odds o success #ere slim at best$ but this #as my last chance to bust this case open be ore gi%ing it up on the orders o the boss. 'ith =r. 1reen 2hoes inished at the 5/=$ the pair did indeed head or the e*its. - turned tail and began to run as ast as possible to my section o the parking lot$ suddenly glad that didn)t mind #aiting and searching or a parking space #ithin reasonable pro*imity to the mall + i my dad had parked #here he usually parks$ the chances o regaining the tail #ould ha%e gone rom incredibly slim to absolute ;ero$ - also #ould ha%e gotten to the car just in time or 1roundhog "ay. - got to my ancient sports car e%en aster than - hoped - #ould$ but ound mysel to be so e*hausted that - struggled #ith putting the key in the door. - managed to get in soon enough$ then ired the old girl up and backed out as :uickly as possible$ oregoing the seatbelt entirely. - sped back to the area around the e*it -)d used$ then slo#ed do#n$ acting like someone looking or a parking space$ though - guess the act that - blindly dro%e past se%eral open spots kind o ga%e a#ay my ruse. -n a stroke o sheer luck$ - managed to pick up =r. 1reen 2hoes as he #as #alking to his car$ also green$ in the ar reaches o the lot. ,rik #asn)t there #ith him$ so the t#o must ha%e split up. - reasoned that since ,rik #orked at the mall$ it #as likely that he parked closer$ so luck #as apparently on my side #hen =r. 1reen 2hoes didn)t get a ride rom his buddy. - #asn)t completely out o the #oods yet$ though + - still had to linger about suspiciously until =r. 1reen 2hoes pulled out o his spot and #ent on his #ay. - dro%e past him and backed

into an empty patch o the lot$ double parking$ though - suspected this #ouldn)t be a problem seeing ho# -)d only be there or a minute or t#oA - probably should ha%e righted mysel to be sa e$ it #ouldn)t ha%e been the irst time - #as pulled o%er by a tra ic cop #hile tailing someone. - #as le t alone and pounced as soon as =r. 1reen 2hoes le t his parking spot$ trailing a bit behind him as he e*ited the lot. /he green car #as heading in the direction opposite rom the #ay - usually dro%e and - stayed a reasonable distance a#ay$ but not too ar$ considering didn)t kno# the area #e #ere approaching #ell enough to compensate or losing the tail. - #as interrupted by a ringing phone + it #as Fletcher Ho#ell$ strangely enough. ?Hello$9 - said$ staunchly a%oiding the ar more pro essional (Clarke$) or (/his is Clarke$) my ather and cousin respecti%ely used as their go.to phone ans#ering statements. ?=r. Clarke@9 Ho#ell said$ perhaps con used by the ambiguity o my greeting. ?Fes =r. Ho#ell$ this is "etecti%e Clarke$9 - clari ied$ ?- actually stopped by your store to talk to you$ but you #eren)t there$ so -)m glad you called.9 /he tail #ea%ed its #ay onto a main high#ay$ -nterstate route HL to be e*act$ heading south. ?- closed the place do#n or the day a ter the robbery. - ha%e hal a mind to shut it do#n or good$ to be honest.9 ?2orry to hear that$9 - replied. ?"on)t be$ =r. Clarke$9 #as the prompt response$ ?-)m se%enty years old$ -)%e been in business or too long$ it)s time to retire$ but that)s not importantA -)m calling you to make payment arrangements.9 - leaned on the gas and turned to the passing lane$ struggling to keep pace #ith my target. 5pparently those green shoes #ere illed #ith lead. ?Feah$ about thatB9 - responded$ ready to get to business + - #as in the midst o a high speed tail and #anted to get o the phone and direct my ull attention to the road. ?Jn ortunately$9 - continued$ ?-)m going to ha%e to remo%e mysel rom the case.9 4o response at irst$ #hich - didn)t mind as - had to na%igate in bet#een a e# cars to get out o the le t lane. =r. 1reen 2hoes had slo#ed do#n a bit$ and - had to ollo# suit as to not pass my target. ?'hy)s that@9 Ho#ell asked. ?- discussed the situation #ith my employer$ he discouraged me rom pursuing cases independent o his agency$9 - re%ealed$ thinking this e*planation sounded ar better than (dad told me not to.) ?- see.9 ?He ad%ised you to seek him out or a consultation$ so #e still might pursue this or you$9 ad%ised. ?-)ll look into that$9 Ho#ell stated. "eli%ering the noti ication to Ho#ell meant - #as e ecti%ely o the case$ #hich meant that - should)%e pulled o the high#ay immediately and #ent home$ but something compelled me to remain on the road$ remain on the case$ at least until - ound out #here =r. 1reen 2hoes #as going. /he chase passed across state lines$ meaning - #as breaking ederal la#s in addition to the la#s o t#o states + #ell$ the state o "ela#are and the common#ealth o Pennsyl%ania$ to be totally accurate. -t #as plainly ob%ious that the only smart thing to do #as to turn back$ #hich only ser%ed to urther uel my insanity and dri%e me or#ard to#ard my target. =r. 1reen 2hoes made his irst stop at a tiny li:uor store just o%er the state line$ leading me to think that he may be on his #ay back north to Pennsyl%ania. =any people li%ing #ithin a reasonable pro*imity to the border + my o#n grand ather amongst them$ be ore he died +

o ten tra%eled just o%er the state line to buy cigarettes by the carton in a money sa%ing mo%e that e*ploited the lo#er ta*es 3and none*istent sales ta*6 "ela#are shoppers enjoyed. 5las$ my prey e*ited the store #ith a black plastic bag that indicated his purchase #as most likely an alcoholic be%erage o some sort. =r. 1reen 2hoes #alked calmly back to his car + i he had any indication he #as being ollo#ed$ he didn)t demonstrate it + and headed urther south$ urther shooting my crossing the state line to buy cheap smokes theory ull o holes. - ollo#ed along or #hat turned out to be a :uick i%e minute spring across local roads$ ending #hen =r. 1reen 2hoes parked in ront o a small$ mostly nondescript suburban residence: a t#o.story single home #ith a tiny yard surrounded almost entirely by a hedge that pre%ented me rom seeing inside. /he house stood out as being one o the e# homes on the block that didn)t ha%e a single decoration hanging up + no lights$ no animatronic 2anta or !udolph$ no menorah$ nothing. /he house itsel boasted a #hite e*terior #ith a dark bro#n door$ similar to at least a e# do;en other houses #ithin a ten mile radius + the per ect place to hide out i you #ere so inclined$ -)d imagine. - parked in an empty spot a e# houses do#n and utili;ed my %ehicle)s mirrors to keep =r. 1reen 2hoes in my sights #ithout dra#ing too much attention to mysel . /he target stepped out o the car and began to #alk to#ard the house$ but out o the %ie# o my mirrors. - decided - #as ar enough a#ay to risk turning around and sneaking a peek$ obser%ing the suspected robber #ith an e:ually suspect choice in oot#ear as he entered the residence. 1i%en the random$ spontaneous nature o my in%estigation to this point$ it should come as a surprise to no one that - had absolutely no idea #hat to do ne*t. "o - just #alk up and knock on the ront door@ =aybe greet =r. 1reen 2hoes #ith a riendly (HiE Fou don)t kno# me but suspect you o an armed robbery and ollo#ed you back here rom the scene o the crime.) 4ah$ that)s too cra;y o a tactic$ e%en or me. - decided to keep dri%ing$ circling the street and turning into the alley#ay$ #hich #as dark in the absence o the streetlights on the other side o the homes. - dro%e back up$ inding it harder to identi y the house rom the back than - anticipated gi%en my un amiliarity #ith the area$ the generic paint job and the dark o night setting in. - ound the right one e%entually and #as met #ith another challenge: the back yard #as surrounded by a large ence$ i%e or si* eet tall by my estimation$ and contained our dogs + pit bulls it appeared$ but it #as dark and - could ha%e been #rong. !egardless o breed$ - suspected they #ouldn)t #elcome my intrusion #ith riendly licks and a leg humping or t#o. 5n intrusion rom the back #as out o the :uestion$ but - happened to recall not being able to see the ence rom the ront$ #hich meant there #as a possibility o snooping around the side yard and inding something + #hat - could possibly ind there$ - don)t kno#$ but didn)t come this ar to lea%e #ithout e%idence$ that much #as certain. - dro%e past the pooches and back up to the end o the street$ #here - turned and made my #ay to the ront o the house - had spotted =r. 1reen 2hoes enter$ completing a ull circle o the block. - parked in the same spot - had parked in #hen spying through my mirrors$ but e*ited the car this time. =y repertoire o stealth is e*clusi%ely limited to things - learned playing /om Clancy)s 2plinter Cell$ the =etal 1ear 2olid series$ and other %ideo games #here a%oiding enemies is paramount$ putting that research to good use by crouching do#n and duck #alking my #ay across the side o the house. ,%en i my e orts to go unseen ailed$ - still had a chance to distract anyone #ho spotted me #ith my ridiculous style o mo%ement long enough or me to beat a hasty retreat #hile they tried to stop laughing. - stayed against the side o the house$ standing upright to keep my hamstrings and knees

rom being o%er#orked + in addition to being a mediocre detecti%e$ -)m also some#hat out o shape. - ducked #hen approaching #indo#s$ naturally$ thinking to mysel that it #ould ha%e been much better to in%estigate this case in the summer$ #hen it)d be much nicer outside$ #ith the possibility to ea%esdrop through an open #indo#. Jn ortunately$ this #asn)t the case$ so - had to creep past the closed #indo#s$ almost bumping into a garbage can in the process. - started to #alk by the receptacle$ thank ul that hadn)t accidentally kicked it and blo#n the entire co%ert operation altogether. 5s - calmed do#n$ a second$ sneakier thought crept into my head$ so - #ent back to the garbage can and slo#ly$ care ully remo%ed the lid + these #ere the classic metal garbage cans and not the ne#er$ :uieter plastic %ariety$ #hich #ould ha%e been signi icantly easier to maneu%er. 2etting the lid do#n as gently as possible$ - turned back to the open trashcan and slid a black trash bag out o it$ care ully a%oiding the sides as i - #as playing the board game <peration. -)%e ne%er been able to untie garbage bags #ithout dea ening rustling and ripping$ so decided to not e%en try. -nstead$ - grabbed my car keys and used the sharp edge to puncture a hole in the bag and #ork my #ay up. 5s - cut a thin slit along the length o the bag$ a red hat #ith distincti%e #hite trim ell out and hit the ground$ strengthening my resol%e. - put the key back in my pocket and sho%ed my hand into the bag$ pulling more 2anta gear out o there$ t#o complete suits in all. - noticed another garbage can a e# eet a#ay and suspected that it contained t#o more suits. - ne%er got a chance to check$ as - elt a pair o arms grab around my chest. - struggled and s:uirmed until - #as met #ith a punch in the ace by someone + - think it #as =r. 1reen 2hoes$ but - can)t be sure$ it #as too :uick. /he punch rang my bell$ but it didn)t put me out. #as going to struggle more$ but the sight o a gun stopped me clear. ?2top$9 commanded the man #ith the gun. - shook mysel ree o the cob#ebs and con irmed that this #as indeed the man - had been tailing$ still clad in his green shoes. 4ot #anting my blood to join the 2anta suits in reddening the la#n$ - ollo#ed =r. 1reen 2hoes) orders$ #alking in the house #ith the butt o a gun digging into the small o my back.

Chapter Seven
/he inside o the home #as completely dark and had a distinct smell - can only describe as ( unky.) - #as #ondering at irst #hy they #ere keeping it so dark$ but - then reali;ed that there #as no electricity #hatsoe%er inside. - #as led to a room #here another man #as sitting at a table that had a candle 3not one o the ones - sa# purchased6$ a bottle o li:uor and a battery operated 5=DF= radio on it. /here #ere our chairs in the room and a gigantic pile o money and stolen goods on the loor. /he guy sitting by the table #as o a%erage height and #eight rom my estimation #ith a sha%ed head and a black goatee$ he #as #earing a plain gray s#eatshirt and blue jeans: as generic a look as possible$ though - suspected this #as by design. 1oing by his general build$ - suspected this could ha%e been the guy #ho plo#ed into me back at the mall$ but there #as no #ay to be sure. ?2it$9 ordered =r. 1reen 2hoes. - complied and took re uge on one o the chairs$ only to look up at my captors$ all o #hom shook their heads. ?/he chairs are or us$9 1reen 2hoes e*plained. - took the hint and sat do#n on the loor in one o the corners$ resting my back against the #all$ #hich #ould make it easier to spring up and de end mysel in the e%ent that an opening arose + - had a .22 caliber pistol strapped to my ankle and though it)s a joke in the gun community$ it #as easy to use or a beginner.le%el shooter such as mysel and #ould ser%e

me better than no #eapon at all. - hoped it #ouldn)t come to that$ though: - had to take a li e in sel .de ense once be ore and didn)t like it one bit. ,%en more #orrisome$ - didn)t see any such opening being created here + - #as outnumbered three.to.one at bare minimum$ #ith at least one o those three being armed. Hindsight being 20D20$ turning around as soon as - ended the call #ith Fletcher Ho#ell seemed like a really$ really good option. (/oo late no#$) - thought$ acclimating mysel to loor le%el$ noticing that the t#o e*pensi%e candles purchased at the mall had been lit and placed on the loor$ #here they did a great deal to cut out the unky smell abo%e. ?'hat should #e do #ith him@9 asked the guy #ith the goatee and the generic clothes$ ha%ing gotten up to stand in a semicircle #ith =r. 1reen 2hoes and another guy: a tall$ skinny blonde kid #ho couldn)t ha%e been much more than se%enteen or eighteen years old$ probably the one #ho #rapped his arms around me #hen - got popped. ?&et)s thro# him out back$ let him play #ith the dogs$9 2kinny >id suggested$ a disturbing amount o glee in his %oice. =y stomach knotted up + - did not anticipate that one o my a%orite days o the year #ould end #ith me being eaten ali%e by a pack o hungry pit bulls. ?"on)t be ridiculousE9 =r. 1reen 2hoes shot back. ?Feah$9 chimed in 1eneric Clothes$ ?no one has to die.9 He #as my a%orite o the three. ?Besides$ his screaming #ould dra# attention to us$9 =r. 1reen 2hoes noted + rational$ but not e*actly an upli ting thought$ - still pre erred the paci ist in the gray s#eatshirt. ?'e ha%e to something$9 2kinny >id said$ %oice raised. He #as currently third on my list o a%orite abductors. 5 distant third. ?'e do$9 relented =r. 1reen 2hoes. ?He igured this out$9 2kinny >id added$ ?he)ll go to the cops i #e don)t do something.9 ?He)s right$9 called out a ourth %oice rom another room$ this one some#hat amiliar$ though - couldn)t :uite place it. ?'hat #e should do$9 2kinny >id began + and - #asn)t looking or#ard to his ne*t suggestion$ gi%en the irst + ?is tie him up and burn the place do#n. 5ll the e%idence #ill go a#ay in the ire: the 2anta suits$ him$ all o it.9 For the record$ this #as the irst time -)%e e%er been described as (e%idence.) -t #ould also be the last$ - eared. ?'e can)t kill himE9 protested 1eneric Clothes$ my ne# best riend. ?'e can)t not kill him$9 countered 2kinny >id$ #hose usage o double negati%es #as another reason to hate him + not as strong a reason as his insistence on killing me in increasingly pain ul and dis iguring #ays$ but a reason nonetheless. ?He)s right$9 the amiliar disembodied %oice said rom another room. ?Blake$ he already made you.9 =r. 1reen 2hoes$ #ho - no# assumed #as named Blake 3though$ - secretly hoped 1reenshoes #as someho# his last name6$ ro#ned. ?Fou sure@9 Blake 1reenshoes asked. ?Feah$ you idiotE Fou #ere hanging out and posing or pictures be ore the !unning$ and you #ore those stupid green shoes$9 the %oice called out. 5s the speaker lost control and became more emotional$ - began to piece the %oice together. ?!oger "u @9 - speculated$ identi ying the o#ner o 1adgets G 1ear as the unseen %oice. -ndeed$ the proprietor o the secondhand electronics shop emerged rom the ne*t room o%er. ?Fou and ,rik #ere both in on this@9 - speculated aloud. "u appeared con used. ?,rik@9 he asked. ?He)s a buddy o mine #ho #orks at the %ideo game shop by your store$9 Blake 1reenshoes clari ied. ?- #as hanging around #ith him be ore - came here + that must)%e been

#here he ound me.9 - nodded. ?Follo#ed you rom the ood court all the #ay here$9 - admitted$ hoping my candor #ould endear me in some #ay. ?Fou hung around the mall all day@9 2kinny >id asked incredulously. Be ore Blake 1reenshoes could ans#er$ his youth ul co.conspirator turned :uickly and punched him out o no#here. /hough larger than his attacker$ the shot had knocked Blake o .balance and sent him to the loor. 2kinny >id took ad%antage o this and leapt on top o him$ #ailing a#ay #ith punches #ith bla;ing speed. 1eneric Clothes had seen enough at that point$ di%ing on 2kinny >id to break up the bra#l. 2eeing this as my last opportunity to sa%e mysel $ - grabbed my gun :uickly + a task made easier because -)d kept my hand by my pant leg the entire time - had been sitting on the loor + and used the #all to push mysel up. - ired a shot at 2kinny >id$ #ho - pegged as the biggest threat$ gi%en his pro%en aggression. - made contact and 2kinny >id began #ailing and clutching at his le t leg$ #here the bullet had hit right belo# the knee. ?'hat the hell manE9 !oger "u shouted$ ?you shot my little brotherE9 - trained my gun on the gadget dealer$ #ho - suspected to be the ringleader o the operation. ?- anyone else has a #eapon$ drop itE9 - commanded$ making brie eye contact #ith Blake 1reenshoes$ kno#ing he had a gun trained on me earlier but had dropped it #hen he #as sucker punched by his aggressi%e co.conspirator. Be ore Blake could e%en sit up$ 1eneric 2hirt kicked the gun o%er. ?-t)s akeE9 he yelled as he kicked$ ?all our guns are akeE9 ?'hy)d you ha%e to tell him that@9 2kinny >id yelled through his screams. - suddenly reali;ed - #asn)t up against a group o master criminals here. /his idea #as urther rein orced #hen 1eneric Clothes einted. ?&ook man$9 Blake 1reenshoes said$ his hands o%er his head in surrender. ?&et us go$9 he pled$ ?don)t hurt us$ and #e)ll gi%e you #hate%er you #ant.9 /he balance o po#er had certainly shi ted$ that much #as or certain. ?- #ant the our o you and anyone else #ho might ha%e been in%ol%ed to turn yoursel in to the police$ -)ll e%en dial H11 or you.9 - pulled out my cell phone$ only to be bum rushed by !oger "u the gadget salesman. "u correctly guessed that - #ouldn)t shoot him point blank$ but he #asn)t much o a ighter and - #as able to sidestep his charge and push him head irst into the #all$ knocking him silly. ?Blake$9 - yelled at =r. 1reen 2hoes$ ?control your riend and no one else has to get hurt.9 /he man #ho led me to the group o robbers jumped on his accomplice$ holding him do#n$ though the knock on the head appeared to take :uite a bit o !oger)s resol%e a#ay rom him either #ay. Ha%ing o%ercome the odds and single handedly taken out our inept robbers$ - reached or the phone and dialed the police.

Chapter Eight
- #as a mostly good kid #hen - #as gro#ing up + - had to be$ my dad #as a cop 3later a pri%ate detecti%e6 and my mother #orked or the school district or many years$ both o them remaining plugged in to their ormer #orlds a ter lea%ing to start their o#n businesses. - ne%er had a chance to get a#ay #ith much mischie $ my olks #ere too good at sni ing it out. /he biggest trouble - e%er got in #as in the tenth grade. /his #as about a year post. Columbine and - taunted someone #ith the old (you)re bringing a kni e to a gun ight) line$ #hich #ent against the school)s ;ero tolerance policy against terroristic threats. Facing

e*pulsion$ - had to sit and talk #ith the principal$ a procession o counselors$ and most threatening o all$ my dad. - had the eeling o a man being led to the gallo#s #hen - talked to him. &uckily$ he #as able to keep me rom being charged #ith a crime$ though - had to inish out my academic career in a public school + #hich #as just ine by me$ that)s #here a lot o my riends #ere any#ay. =y dad talked to me in his o ice + my parents #ere separated already and - li%ed #ith my mom or the most part + and to this day - can easily recall the eeling o terror #hile - sat at his desk dreading the moment he)d #alk through the door. Cerry Clarke #asn)t much o a hitter$ his old man #as and he didn)t take a liking to it$ but -)d rather take a beating than some o the talking.to)s he ga%e me. - #ound up being grounded or three months$ #hich became a summer #here - basically spent e%ery day interning in his o ice$ #hich #ould e%entually lead to the job - held today: li e #orks in strange #ays. Here - #as again$ some ten$ ele%en$ t#el%e years later$ summoned into the %ery same o ice on a bleak and rainy =onday morning$ eeling the %ery same sense o dread. - #ound up #aiting about i teen minutes$ kno#ing the only reason or the holdup #as my dad)s desire to make me ste# a little bit. /he radio #as le t on$ tuned to the all.ne#s station instead o the usual sports talk. /he robbery #as the top story$ #ith details emerging about ho# !oger "u $ his business struggling$ organi;ed the robberies not only or the loot they gathered$ but also as a orm o insurance raud$ co%ering or a business about to go belly up. -n addition to the our people - encountered + all either members o "u )s amily or employees at 1adgets G 1ear + the police ound a i th conspirator$ "u )s #i e$ #ho con essed to robbing Ho#ell)s Ce#elry 2tore. "ad entered as they #ere inishing the story and s#itched o the radioA he #as #earing a poker ace$ but that #as nothing out o the ordinary. - had no indication o #hat kind o lecture #as to come as "ad kept the emotionless look as he took a seat at his desk. =y ather #asn)t o%erly big or tough looking in the typical sense$ but he carried himsel in a manner that made him seem imposing$ and i you shook his hand you)d kno# he #as decepti%ely strong. ,%en though he #as the boss and ne%er subjected me to a dress code$ "ad al#ays #ore a suit$ a layo%er rom his days as a detecti%e$ and kept his recently graying hair styled in a regulation military cut. He ne%er had acial hair$ not as long as - can remember. ?Fou)re a gro#n man !obert$ so -)m going to spare you the lecture and ask #hat the hell you #ere thinking.9 ?- happened to spot the target at the mall. - #asn)t going to pass up a lucky break like that.9 ?Fou #ere o the caseE9 "ad ired back$ his logic slicing through my passion like a hot kni e through butter. ?Fou can)t tell me you #ouldn)t ha%e done the same thing i you #ere in my shoes$9 countered. ?- #ouldn)t ha%e taken the case in the irst placeE9 5 counter to the counter. - nodded. ?Fou probably #ouldn)t$ ha%e9 - surmised. ?- disobeyed a direct order$ and you ha%e e%ery right to be angry.9 /here #as no response rom my dad$ #ho looked do#n at his desk$ nostrils laring. ?!obert$9 he started$ ?-)m suspending your apprenticeship inde initely. , ecti%e immediately$ you)re an administrati%e assistant again. 'e)ll re%isit the apprenticeship in time.9 ?Come onE9 - shouted back. ?Fou #ould)%e gotten killed i those people #ere hal #ay capableE9 "ad countered$ ?5s it #as$ you shot a nineteen year old kidE Fou)re lucky you)re not locked up right no#E9 He #as right$ - #as told there #ere no plans to charge me or anything$ but it #as touch and go or a

#hile. ?But - sol%ed the caseE9 - protested$ kno#ing it #as ruitless. ?2hould - thro# you a parade@9 "ad replied sarcastically. ?/hat)s three times in less than a year you almost got yoursel killed. 'hat kind o a ather #ould - be i - let you keep beha%ing like that under my #atch@9 - stopped cold. - accepted the risks to my o#n #ellbeing that came #ith the job$ but ne%er thought about #hat it #ould mean to the people #ho cared about me. ?- understand.9 - conceded. ?-)m gi%ing you the rest o the day o . Clear your head and -)ll see you tomorro# morning$9 "ad said. - le t #ithout another #ord. =y dad)s o ice #as in the back corner o a larger o ice space$ connecting to a larger area #hich housed my desk. - brie ly lirted #ith the idea o tipping the desk o%er$ but thought better o the idea and calmly grabbed my coat rom the back o my chair. - le t the o ice and retreated do#n the hall to the ele%ator$ #hich - rode do#n one loor to the lobby o the Cali ornia Building + the o ice comple* that housed the Clarke "etecti%e 5gency + #here #as surprised to ind Fletcher Ho#ell$ a #ide smile on his aged ace. ?1ood #ork =r. Clarke$ good #ork indeed$9 Ho#ell noted. ?/hanks$9 - said soullessly. ?-)m glad - spotted you$ - #anted to gi%e you this$9 he said$ holding out an en%elope. ?- can)t take that$9 - said. ?!idiculousE9 Ho#ell replied$ thrusting the en%elope at me like a dagger$ poking it into my midsection. - decided to take it$ a%oiding an embarrassing death by paper cut. ?/hank you$9 - said$ #alking a#ay rom Ho#ell as - did. - didn)t #ant to be mean to the guy$ but - #as in no mood to talk. - opened the en%elope a ter arri%ing at my car but be ore starting the engine$ it contained i%e one hundred dollar bills and a golden locket #ith a ruby heart at the center + not a bad take or one day)s #ork$ e%en i it did get me demoted. - pocketed the cash and thre# the locket in my glo%e compartment. =aybe one day -)d a%oid destroying my personal relationships long enough to gi%e it to someone. - doubted it$ but maybe. NNN Connect with Brian P. Borcky < icial 'ebsite: http:DD###.detecti%eclarke.com /#itter: http:DD###.t#itter.comDbrianpborcky Facebook: http:DD###. acebook.comDbrianpborcky 2mash#ords: http:DD###.smash#ords.comDbrianpborcky Published by Project Humanoid: http:DD###.projecthumanoid.com