Professional Documents
Culture Documents
by John Joseph Rohrer Copyright 2013 John Joseph Rohrer New Standard P bli!ations www"!reatespa!e"!o# $irst Edition
%i!ense Note
&his g ide was written 'or the good o' all( so by all #eans ) !opy and share it 'reely"
,ntrod !tion
&his /ol #e o' therape ti! e>er!ises has been written and organi?ed with 'o r goals in #ind@ *1+( to 'a!ilitate better nderstanding o' onesel'A *2+( to enable the reader to e>ting ish or better #anage any addi!ti/e dys' n!tionsA *3+( to rein'or!e perspe!ti/es whi!h #ay pro/e essential 'or a healthy so!ial li'eA and *0+( to ed !ate the reader on essential B alities o' e''e!ti/e leadership" Se!tion Cne o' this wor;boo;( titled DPersonal E>plorationE( ai#s at the heart o' what it is to be niB ely yo " ,ts e>er!ises pro/ide a good 'o ndation 'or ' rther e>a#ination o' yo r dire!tion o' personal growth and thereby s pport the se!tions whi!h 'ollow it" Se!tion &wo is titled D8ddi!tion Resol tionE( as it !ontains perspe!ti/es and B estions whi!h ai# to pro/ide a !ohesi/e set o' tools 'or growth beyond the !y!les whi!h hold s ba!; 'ro# rea!hing o r higher potentials" &hese tools are 'o! sed on rational e#power#ent( rather than the a!;nowledg#ent o' powerlessness whi!h other #ethods #ay pro#ote" Se!tion &hree is 'o! sed on 'ostering so!ial har#ony and is there'ore titled DHealthy RelationshipsE" &he e>er!ises within this se!tion range 'ro# !on'li!t resol tion to an ed !ation o' what healthy relating #ight loo; li;e( while e>a#ining oneFs perspe!ti/e and how it #ay be !hanging 'or the better" $inally( Se!tion $o r is titled D%eadershipE and !on!erns itsel' with the e''e!ti/e g idan!e o' yo who wo ld g ide the ne>t generation in the p rs it o' #eaning' l s !!ess" <hile leadership styles /ary greatly( we e>a#ine the e''e!ts o' ea!h and wor; to nderstand G st what #a;es one style better or worse than the others" &his brie' wor;boo; is a !are' lly designed tool !reated to 'oster better personal insight and s;ills 'or li'e" <hat the reader ta;es 'ro# its g idan!e is the tr e test o' its tility( o' !o rse" ,n this /ein( , ha/e !o#e to the tested !on!l sion o/er the #any instan!es in whi!h , ha/e presented these #aterials in gro p and indi/id al therapy( that this p bli!ationFs potential is signi'i!ant 'or those who are willing to e>a#ine the#sel/es and any n'a#iliar in'or#ation with an open and tho ght' l perspe!ti/e"
-asi! .ri/es
My na#e is IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII( and #y hobbies and interests in!l de IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII , thin; that #y best B alities are IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII My hopes 'or the ' t re are IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII , /al e or !are abo t IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII , 'eel that the p rpose o' this li'e is IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII , 'ind #eaning in IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
Responding to $r stration
&hreat *$r stration o' Pea!e and Se! rity+ #a;es #e 'eel IIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII 8n e>a#ple o' this #ight be IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII 8 healthy response to this #ight be IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
.isrespe!t *$r stration o' %o/e and Har#ony+ #a;es #e 'eel IIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII 8n e>a#ple o' this #ight be IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII 8 healthy response to this #ight be IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
&ragedy *$r stration o' Joy and Hope+ #a;es #e 'eel IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII 8n e>a#ple o' this #ight be IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII 8 healthy response to this #ight be IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
$or#ati/e Me#ories
$or#ati/e #e#ories are re!olle!tions o' e/ents whi!h ha/e had a #aGor i#pa!t on how yo ha/e learned to /iew yo rsel' and yo r world" ,n this e>er!ise( yo are in/ited to !onsider the e''e!t that s !h #e#ories ha/e had on yo r li'e and #ind( 'or better or worse" Cne 'or#ati/e #e#ory whi!h , wo ld li;e to share was when IIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII &his e>perien!e has shaped who ,F/e be!o#e in the 'ollowing way*s+@IIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII &he pside*s+ o' this 'or#ati/e e/ent #ight be IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII &he downside*s+ o' this 'or#ati/e e/ent #ight be IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII 8nother 'or#ati/e #e#ory whi!h , wo ld li;e to share was when IIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII &his e>perien!e has shaped who ,F/e be!o#e in the 'ollowing way*s+@IIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII &he pside*s+ o' this 'or#ati/e e/ent #ight be IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII &he downside*s+ o' this 'or#ati/e e/ent #ight be IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
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Role Models
<ho are *or were+ #y role #odelsK IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII <hat is it that , ad#ire *or sed to ad#ire+ abo t the#K IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII <hat *i' anything+ do , disli;e abo t any o' the#K IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII How are we si#ilarK IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII How do , 'eel abo t these si#ilaritiesK IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII How do , wish to beK IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
,' yo are in a pleasant state o' #ind( o' !o rse that is good( so long as yo r wellness does not rely on othersF s ''ering" Cn the other hand( i' yo spend yo r ti#e in an unpleasant state o' #ind( !onsider that perhaps this s ''ering #eans that yo deser/e even more to 'ind happiness in li'e ) that yo r s ''ering #a;es yo even more worthy o' pea!e( lo/e( and Goy" Perhaps yo r sel':estee# *sense o' sel':worth+ sho ld re'le!t this ethi!al reality( as perhaps it sho ld re'le!t how !aring yo are as well" Considering all o' this( what is yo r ! rrent le/el o' sel':estee# *1:10+K III E>plain yo r reason*s+ 'or this assess#ent@ IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
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&he 5nwritten $ t re
8# , on a path o' growth to a healthy state o' #at rityK IIII ,' so( in what waysK IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII ,' not( in what waysK IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII How # !h !ontrol do , 'eel that , ha/e to a''e!t #y li'e *'ro# 1 to 10+K IIII ,n what ways do , ha/e s !h !ontrolK IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII ,n what ways do , not ha/e s !h !ontrolK IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
DNothing end res b t !hange"E :Hera!lit s D,' yo donFt ;now where yo Fre going( yo wind p so#ewhere else"E :Logi -erra
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world in this day and age" , in/ite yo to try this #ethod o' personal !hange and witness 'or yo rsel' that yo are tr ly in !harge o' yo r li'e"
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Costs o'
-ene'its o'
Costs o'
-ene'its o'
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-egin to !onsider ea!h de!ision on the path o' yo r addi!ti/e pro!ess( in the light o' the goals whi!h yo #ay ha/e gained or rein'or!ed with the pre/io s pagesF e>er!ises( to be!o#e #ore ' lly aware o' the step:by:step pro!ess by whi!h yo #eet yo r addi!ti/e needs( while be!o#ing #ore #ind' l o' the pre/io sly unseen options with whi!h yo #ight redire!t yo rsel' at any point o' !hoi!e along the way" 5lti#ately( yo #ay wean yo rsel' o'' o' yo r dys' n!tional habits and settle into a healthier a to:pilot whi!h #ore a!! rately re'le!ts yo r desired dire!tion in li'e" &a;ing the reins in order to #a;e this !hange is /ital 'or the s !!ess' l resol tion o' addi!tion" ,t is this a thorFs hope that those who are e>posed to s !h wisdo# are able to re!ogni?e it as s !h and !hoose health"
8''ir# yo r progress and ha/e 'aith in yo rsel' to be mature eno gh not to !hase a'ter e/ery single li'e pleas re ) sing yo r #ind' lness( 'or e>a#ple( that B i!; highs o'ten pre!ede B i!; lows( th s ' eling the addi!ti/e !y!le" E#ploying yo r growing wisdo# to grad ally #a;e li'e better in #ore s stainable ways( s !h as rein'or!ing the health o' yo r relationships( is a #ore pra!ti!al perspe!ti/e to ;eep and a #ore sensible !o rse to ta;e" Mat re de!isions !o#e 'ro# a #at re #indset( o' !o rse( and so( i' we want better li/es 'or o rsel/es and those who# we a''e!t in li'e( we # st ! lti/ate a deeper nderstanding o' e''e!ti/e ethi!al wisdo# whi!h we learn to a!t pon and li/e with( in o r e/er:!hanging li/es o' personal growth"
How #ay , better !ope with stressK E>press Catharsis and $ind Clos re *Co nseling( Jo rnaling+ .eal with yo r Stressor *8sserti/eness( Proble#:Sol/ing+ <hat are the basi! 'or#s o' well:beingK Pea!e ) $ro# 8n 8bsen!e o' $ear %o/e ) $ro# 8n 8bsen!e o' Hate Joy ) $ro# 8n 8bsen!e o' Sadness 8 7ood %a gh ) 8ppre!iation o' 8bs rdity
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8 7ood Cry ) ,##ersion in the Pro'o nd 8 7ood Ro#an!e ) ,nti#ate or $eral 8 7ood $ight ) Play' l or Serio s 8 7ood R n ) E>er!ise or %i'e:S staining .isinhibition ) $eeling %oose and $ree S !!ess ) Meeting 7oals and Satis'ying Cares 8!!eptan!e ) Seeing that %i'e Happens as ,t M st
How #ay , get and stay happyK %et 7o o' Negati/e $i>ations and %i/e -eyond $i>ation on .esires <ell:-eing E#erges Nat rally 'ro# Cal#( Ne tral States o' -eing
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&his !ore !on'iden!e( Goined with #ore wisely ordered priorities( bears signi'i!an!e not G st 'or the B elling o' addi!tion( b t also in ter#s o' li/ing with a healthy sense o' p rpose and 'or the ' l'ill#ent we 'eel 'ro# s !!ess in the a!t ali?ation o' that li'e:p rpose by #eeting the !hallenges whi!h are en!o ntered all along the way"
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8ddi!tion in Perspe!ti/e
%i'e o''ers s #any !hoi!es ) so#e healthy( so#e not" &he a!ti/ities whi!h we engage in enri!h s with li'e e>perien!e and personal #eaning( and it is these rewards whi!h !o#pel s to #a;e habits o' o r beha/iors( 'or better or worse" C r atte#pts to !reate well:being *thro gh o r words and a!tions+ train s to p rs e !ertain hobbies( and , s b#it that is i#portant to re!ogni?e when those hobbies are wor;ing 'or or against o r /al es and goals" ,n this spirit( please !onsider who( , s b#it( al#ost all o' s are ) nat rally so!ial so ls att ned to a har#ony whi!h( 'or #any( no longer e>ists" ,n the absen!e o' s !h healthy relationships( one 'eels a deep sense o' dissatis'a!tion( as this har#ony is essential 'or the #ost so lsF well:being" 8s a res lt( #any be!o#e 'i>ated on addi!ti/e #irages o' happiness *li;e #oney( dr gs( and power+ ) ill sions whi!h so#e ele#ents in so!iety tragi!ally present as !entral to a happy li'e" <hile these 'i>ations #ay grant te#porary satis'a!tion or relie' 'ro# a nagging desire( it is #y e>perien!e that only so!ial har#ony is adeB ate to grant #eaning' l well:being ) a 'inding whi!h , hope is shared by #y a dien!e" ,n the pro!ess o' shedding the dys' n!tional 'i>ations o' addi!tion( one # st re:'o! s oneFs priorities( !on'ronting dys' n!tional rges with #ind' lness o' the tragi! nat re o' nhealthy habits and what nat ral alternati/e is attainable and s stainable 'or o r so ls" Personal Priorities@ IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII Hobbies and Habits@ IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII Cr !ial Changes@ IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
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8 Healthy Spirit
Hope eno gh to drea#H $aith eno gh to !opeH <isdo#( what to say or do whi!h 'osters what is best 'or who# yo lo/eH b ilt on@ insight *;nowledge o' the sel'+( whi!h lets one rightly spea;( asserti/eA e#pathy *to ;now another+( helping one to pea!e' lly relateA and balan!ed ethi! *re!ogni?ing ea!h so lFs worth+( whi!h 'or#s the war# 'o ndation o' estee# ) all 'or o r so!ial har#ony( why we 'eel wellH How does yo r idea o' #ental health !o#pare with thisK
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Essential Ethi!s
<e all ha/e basi! 'reedo# o' tho ght( spee!h( and a!tion( tho gh with this 'reedo# !o#e !onseB en!es 'or others as well as those i#posed pon s by the world in whi!h we parti!ipate" "cceptance o' this reality is a basi! a!;nowledge#ent o' responsibility 'or oneFs states o' #ind and the res lting e>pressions o' sel'" Let( are all people this #at reK No( so we ha/e law" #aw is a syste# o' balan!ing what #ay be !alled D$reedo# $ro#E and D$reedo# &o"E D&he 'reedo# to e>tend yo r 'ist(E one #ay say( Dends where #y 'reedo# 'ro# /iolen!e begins"E &his e>presses the basi! so!ial !ontra!t o' M t al Non/iolen!e( whi!h int iti/ely ;eeps the pea!e a#ong we good so ls who are dri/en by a nat ral desire 'or pea!e( lo/e( and har#ony( rather than these statesF opposites ) e>!ite#ent( !onte#pt( and horror ) 'i>ations 'ro# whi!h /iolen!e #ay tragi!ally res lt" So( other than a so lFs healthy dri/e 'or pea!e( lo/e( and har#ony( what reason is there to !are abo t oneFs 'ellow #anK Can one nderstand the ' nda#ental logi! o' #orality at a deeper le/el and #at re a!!ordinglyK Consider the 'ollowing@ Cne is not alone in li'e( b t !o:e>ists with other so ls" &his is ethi!ally signi'i!ant( in that it is not only onesel' who #atters( b t others( as well( whose perspe!ti/es #a;e sense to the#( G st as #ine #a;es sense to #e( !o#pelling o r respe!ti/e a!tions in !o#parable ways( with ni/ersal e#otions( or Da!tion energies(E whi!h one !annot easily a/oid e>perien!ing" .oes #oral !riti!is# tr ly wal; in othersF shoes eno gh to see the ines!apable pro!ess o' oneFs !ons!io sness and 'orgi/e it as s !hK Consider this a seed 'or tr e awareness o' o r !o##on h #anity ) an atte#pt to establish the /alidity o' the notion o' 5ni/ersal <orth( whi!h #ay be seen to in!rease thro gh oneFs !aring and s ''ering( yet( !on/ersely( !annot be e>ting ished" Perhaps Mahat#a 7andhi nderstood this D ni/ersal worthE when he ta ght his 'ollowers to Dhate the sin yet lo/e the sinner"E Cne 'eels the tragedy o' e/il b t ;eeps the lo/e whi!h one #ay learn to see as #orally right( 'ro# a !ertain ethi!al perspe!ti/e" C' !o rse( e/il # st be dealt with( 'or the !los re o' those a''e!ted( as well as 'or the pre/ention o' ' t re !ri#e" <itho t ethi!al !onsideration 'or the pres #ed !ri#inal( howe/er( ' rther tragedy is ena!ted in the 'or# o' the s ''ering o' the wayward so l who# so!iety so pre/alently de#oni?es" Clearly( a balan!e # st be str !; between resol te righteo sness and !aring !o#passion( as well as between the so!ietal e''i!a!y o' law and oneFs ideals o' 'orgi/eness and e#pathy 'or e/en the sel'ish and /iolent" $or those who #ay not be so open:hearted and a!!epting in their /iews o' those whose hearts la!; basi! h #an war#th( , a!;nowledge that s !h /iews are arg ably G st as /alid as those , ad/o!ate earlier in this essay" 8 being in pain( howe/er( is a horror to be !on!erned abo t as an ethi!al being( , 'eel( despite that beingFs sins"
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Maintaining 7ra!e
Maintaining grace in the 'a!e o' aggression enables a stable and able response" So we under:rea!t( with tolerant ta!t( or assert that weNre hurt and are not witho t worth" &hereNs a better way than the bitter wayA e>pressing concerns witho t getting stern is one way whi!h one #ay har# only that whi!h a''li!ts har#ony( ;eeping eyes on the pri?e ) greater pea!eFs new leases on li'e( waiting there in the !are brea;ing walls down 'or all who are growing the ;nowing we need as the seed 'or s !h nity in o r !o## nityFs stri'e:sol/ing( e/ol/ing li'e" <hat is yo r nderstanding o' this poe#Fs #essageK .o yo agree with the insights displayed in this wor;K <hi!h o' it stand o t as wise or nwise( help' l or notK How #ight this apply to yo r li'eFs so!ial !hallengesK <hat !hange #ight yo bring to yo r ne>t !on'li!tK
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8sserti/eness
D8sserti/enessE ) Perhaps yo F/e heard the word and so#e so lFs nderstanding o' it( b t do yo ha/e a 'ir#( ' n!tional grasp on this !o## ni!ation styleK $or that #atter( why is this so!ial s;ill so i#portant 'or yo r parti! lar li'eK ,s it really ! re:all 'or yo r relationshipsF proble#sK %et s begin by des!ribing its e>tre#e !o nterparts *passi/eness and aggression+ and wor; on !on/eying the ' n!tionality o' asserti/eness as a 'inal point" Passi/eness is when yo de!line to assert yo r /alid needs( !on!erns( and e#otions whi!h ha/e apparently ste##ed 'ro# anotherFs words or a!tions" ,n de!iding not to D#a;e a ' ss(E yo are perhaps ta;ing the #ost sel'less and !a tio s approa!h( yet letting proble#s 'ester witho t ! rati/e a!tion" 8ggression is when yo let an agitated e#otion and beha/ior get the better o' yo and try to get yo r needs #et by e>pressing h rt' l words and a!tions in response to what( 'or yo ( is anotherFs proble#ati! beha/ior" <hy doesnFt this wor;K ,t destroys relationships and dri/es people away( en!o raging ' rther !on'li!t( when there is al#ost always a #ore e''e!ti/e sol tion to yo r so!ial stressor ) li;e asserti/eness" 8sserti/eness is the a!t o' e>pressing yo r apparently nseen or disregarded e#otions and needs in a #anner whi!h is nonG dg#ental o' yo r !on'li!tFs !o nterpart" &he #ethod wor;s by gi/ing a !aring so l a !ons!ientio s reason to !hange or !orre!t a dys' n!tional beha/ior and heal the ri't !reated by the proble#ati! words or a!t" Passi/ity doesnFt e>press yo r needs( and aggression G st !reates #ore !on'li!t( b t asserti/eness helps to gro nd the e>!hange in a !al#( rational tone( allowing the other so l to !aringly !hange witho t the !o#p lsion to rebel or ignore othersF needs" 8 'inal word ) e/en asserti/eness isnFt 'oolproo'" So#e donFt care( and anger !an be al#ost i#possible to separate 'ro# an atte#pt at asserti/eness( !a sing the proble#s s ally asso!iated with aggression ) es!alated tensions and rea!ti/e indignation" Let( it is a /ital s;ill 'or healthy relationships" <hile it #ay not always wor;( espe!ially as yo are G st starting to learn to se it e''e!ti/ely( it #ay be yo r best bet at en!o raging a sol tion whi!h wor;s 'or all !on!erned indi/id als in the relationship or sit ation"
.es!ribe a sit ation o' !on'li!t whi!h asserti/eness #ight ha/e helped with"
<hat spe!i'i! !o## ni!ations #ight ha/e helped to resol/e this !on'li!tK
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-rea;ing &hro gh
<hoNs rightK <hoNs wrongK <ill e/ery side e/er agreeK <hose /ersion o' e/ents tr ly represents realityK <hose arg #ents donNt ha/e another hal' thatNs !ontradi!tory to the 'ra!tion that that 'a!tion holds o' the whole storyK &hings see#ing tr e to #e donNt #a;e sense to yo " Can reality e>!eed a point o' /iewK Can one see past oneNs pastK Can , brea; thro gh what ,N/e been thro ghK .o o r eyes see di''erent h esK <hat is li'e li;e in di''erent shoesK ,' , !hoose to ad#it that , donNt ;now( what do , loseK """when the walls are down( when weN/e #ade it thro gh( and when we spea; with lo/e( in no desire to !ontrol or to de'end all that we spend o r li/es !linging to( we see@ we donNt need it( when we brea; thro gh"
.o yo agree with the general senti#ent o' open:#indedness in this poe#K
<hat are the downsides o' habit ally trying to win yo r arg #entsK
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,=" %eadership
E''e!ti/e leadership is ' nda#ental to the s !!ess' l p rs it o' gro p endea/ors( in!l ding the so!iali?ation o' ea!h generation( pro'essional training( and e!ono#i! enterprise" &he !ontin ed e>isten!e o' tribes and nations has histori!ally rested #ost hea/ily on the sho lders o' leaders( in!l ding new leaders pon whose sho lders it 'alls to help their 'ollowers to e/ol/e and adapt to their e/er:!hanging world" &his 'inal se!tion o' the wor;boo; !on!erns itsel' with the e''e!ti/e g idan!e o' yo who wo ld g ide the ne>t generation in the p rs it o' #eaning' l s !!ess" <hile leadership styles /ary greatly( we e>a#ine the e''e!ts o' ea!h and wor; to nderstand G st what #a;es one style better or worse than any other" Consider the e>er!ises whi!h 'ollow this introd !tion@ 1" 2" 3" 0" 1" 2" 3" &he Story o' Sensible Sa# Child and Parent 8rg e abo t Parenting &he Power &rap %eadership Styles ,dentity Plasti!ity Modi'ying -eha/ior %e/els o' Care
-eing a leader #eans !on/eying a !o#pelling and e''e!ti/e /ision o' s !!ess 'or others to 'ind inspiration eno gh in to wish to 'ollow" ,t #ay also #ean nderstanding the dyna#i!s and pro!ess o' the tas; at hand eno gh to tea!h it to those who wish to parti!ipate in the gro pFs endea/ors" Ea!h indi/id al has his or her pla!e in the !olle!ti/e and helps to reali?e the potential o' the gro p ) by learning and( in ti#e( to lead"
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Child@ ,tFs 'or the best" , need to spread #y enlighten#ent so that the ' t re leaders o' the world #ay 'ind their ethi!al gro nd" Parent@ $ine ) <hatever$ Child@ ,Fd say that itFs been ni!e ;nowing yo ( b tH yo Fre #ean"
.oes the !hildFs point o' /iew represent yo r own perspe!ti/e at any point in yo r li'eK
.o yo thin; that this point o' /iew is /alid or( on the other hand( la!;s wisdo#K
.o yo see how easily one #ay ta;e the parentFs point o' /iew in so#e sit ationsK
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.o yo see that people s ally respond to !oldness with !oldness and to war#th with war#thK
.o yo agree that #aintaining yo r positi/e regard 'or others #ay help yo to a/oid !on'li!tK
.o yo thin; that i' yo really nderstood what a person has been thro gh( yo #ight so'ten yo r /iew on his or her short!o#ingsK
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%eadership Styles
8 thoritarian ) 8 stri!t approa!h whi!h e>presses senti#ents li;e( D.o as , tell yo or elseOE &he 'ollowing are !o##on rea!tions@ Passi/e Response *,t be!o#es hard to e>press or D'indE onesel'"+ Rebellion Response *Con'iden!e enables de'ensi/e righteo sness"+ Con/ersion Response *8 !oer!i/e approa!h to intera!tions is learned"+ Per#issi/e ) 8 hands:o'' approa!h whi!h basi!ally says( D.o whate/er yo want ) yo Fre 'ree to #a;e yo r own de!isions in li'e"E $ t re beha/ior will then depend pon li'eFs #any role #odels and oneFs niB e growth o' personal /al es and /iews" Care and Reason ) %eads in a balan!ed( rational way" $or e>a#ple( D&hat is a real person( who really #atters( sa#e as yo and #e" <hy donFt we all !al# down and try to get alongKE &his approa!h !an be highly e''e!ti/e i' the leader nderstands the s bGe!t on whi!h he or she is leading and is an e''e!ti/e !o## ni!ator in that regard"
<hi!h leadership style do yo thin; #ight be #ost e''e!ti/e 'or these !on!ernsK
<hy wo ld this style o' leadership be #ore e''e!ti/e than the othersK
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,dentity Plasti!ity
Sense o' sel' is( in part( the gro nd 'ro# whi!h tho ghts and a!tions e#erge" Cr !ially( i' one is D!alled na#esE by those one respe!ts( those na#es tend to Dsti!;E to so#e degree( rein'or!ing the notion o' oneFs e/er:!hanging sel' as un!hanging in a !ertain way" Si#ply internali?ing anotherFs dire!ted estee#( be it tone o' /oi!e( 'a!ial e>pression( or body lang age( sends the s ggestible #ind a power' l #essage o' proGe!ted estee#( whi!h !an be insidio s in a''e!ting oneFs sel':!on!ept" 8 so l #ay( o' !o rse( atte#pt to #aintain his or her identity by ins lating against h rt' l relationships( thereby prote!ting oneFs sel':respe!t 'ro# erosion and shi't( b t a !ertain nagging do bt #ay re#ain with a person 'or so#e ti#e" Cne #ay 'ind onesel' wondering( na!;nowledged beneath a #ood o' inse! rity@ "m I good enough) 8 basi! a!;nowledg#ent that we are so s ggestible to the so!ial !ontent o' o r li/es ) even when itFs not dire!ted at s ) #ay !o#e easily to #any( gi/en how deeply aware we are that we learn !onstantly thro gho t o r niB ely growing and lti#ately sel':de'ining li/es" Let we tend to thin; o' o rsel/es as the sa#e people thro gh o r li/esF #any lessons" - t is that really as rational as it 'eelsK , !hallenge yo to thin; o' yo r earliest #e#ories and !onsider how di''erent yo are today" Consider yo r niB e path o' growth thro gh li'eFs #any interests( hobbies( and relationships" 8re yo not a di''erent in!arnation o' person now and at e/ery point o' ti#e thro gho t yo r li'eK "ll that endures is change, to B ote the an!ient 7ree; philosopher Hera!lit s( despite o r instin!ti/e i#pressions on the #atter( and # !h o' this !hange !o#es 'ro# o r intera!tions with others" &he i#pli!ations o' this are enor#o s" E/ery person in a position o' a thority has signi'i!ant power( 'or better or 'or worse( to a''e!t real people" ,n the ho#e( s!hool( wor;pla!e( #ilitary( prison( or treat#ent !enter( we are all s ggestible to so#e degree" ,t is 'or this reason that , ad/ise a thorities to !onsider well( G st how they thin; o' ) and there'ore treat ) their s bordinates o' s !h ob/io s plasti!ity" ,t is #y assertion there'ore that s !h labels as DbratE( D!ri#inalE( and Daddi!tE ha/e no pla!e in o r !i/il dis!o rse( despite what the stat s B o #ay thin; o' the #atter" People !hange in e/ery #o#ent and grow to lea/e s !h labels behind"
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Modi'ying -eha/ior
*+ofties, and -he Hard-of-Heart
So't Power is the in'l en!e one has o/er others thro gh oneFs personable !haris#a" Hard Power is the in'l en!e one has o/er others thro gh /iolen!e and inti#idation"
Cne o' these 'osters healthy relationships and e#otional !li#ate( and the other destroys s !h so!ial essentials" Cne inspires e# lation and respe!t o' goodness( while the other in!ites rebellion and 'ear o' a thoritarian badness" Cne b ilds p !o#passionate Dso'tiesE who thin; the best o' people( and the other instills a hard heart whi!h is Gaded to a !yni!is# regarding others" How one #eets and treats the world de!ides that so lFs so!ial DrippleE in li'e" <hi!h li'e wo ld you wish to ha/eK <ho yo are is an ongoing( #ind' l de!ision" .onditioning, .onformity, and .onscience &here are three basi! reasons why a so!ial being re'rains 'ro# h rting those aro nd hi# or her when he or she reali?es that a beha/ior being !onsidered #ay !a se har#@
Conditioning a''e!ts oneFs sense o' !onseB en!es thro gh the beha/ioral asso!iations o' reward and p nish#ent" Con'or#ity a''e!ts oneFs sense o' !onseB en!es thro gh 'ear o' reGe!tion( playing on oneFs desire to belong" Cons!ien!e a''e!ts oneFs sense o' !onseB en!es thro gh a basi! !aring 'or those one holds in high estee#"
&he i#pli!ations o' these insights a#o nt to wisdo# 'or the beha/ioral !orre!tions o' any who are #at re eno gh to be a''e!ted by the atte#pted ind !tion o' these #odi'iers o' tho ght( spee!h( and a!tion" Insights on /egative Esteem
Sha#e has to do with what others thin; o' yo " 7 ilt has to do with how you 'eel abo t yourself" Sel':.o bt allows the conversion o' Sha#e to 7 ilt" Sel':8ss ran!e allows one to battle both Sha#e and 7 ilt"
8long this line o' tho ght( perhaps one ' n!tional p rpose o' introspection is to !o#e to a deeper understanding o' onesel'( th s e#powering oneFs a ssertiveness with personal insight and !on/ersely enabling apologetic maturity with the in'or#ed !los re o' de'ensi/eness and an honest a!;nowledge#ent o' responsibility 'or oneFs #indset( words( and a!ts" Healthy( balan!ed sel':estee# !o#es along with this #at rity( as well as with a #ind' lness o' personal s !!ess or 'ail re gro nded in the honest a!;nowledge#ent o' oneFs propensity to care"
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Con!l sion
, hope that yo ha/e 'o nd this wor;boo; to be help' l" , wrote it both as a 'or# o' sel':therapy and with the goal o' sharing #y insights with the world at large" Please e>! se its bre/ity ) , organi?ed it while #ind' l to stay 'o! sed on topi!s whi!h , 'elt were o' the highest tility 'or #y potential readers and whi!h 'lowed well with the rest o' the #aterials , had asse#bled" ,' yo ha/e had any personal epiphanies while reading #y words( then , sho ld be satis'ied that so#e good has !o#e o' #y e''orts" , belie/e that this is li;ely( so , a# happy to be 'inishing the boo; and p tting it o t there 'or people s !h as yo rsel' to 'ind and e>plore" , in/ite yo to share any positi/e e>perien!es whi!h these e>er: !ises #ay ha/e 'a!ilitated" , wo ld ass #e that there are people in yo r li'e who !o ld bene'it 'ro# the deepening o' insight whi!h this te>t has perhaps enabled in yo r heart and #ind( and this proli'eration wo ld satis'y #y desire to a!hie/e #eaning' l s !: !ess as a person o' !are( as it #ight 'or yo as well" <ishing yo the best( 0ohn 0oseph 1ohrer
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