Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Identity I am ___________________________
Questions
What can I learn from _______________ in this situation?
Am I becoming more like him in this moment?
The purpose of dating is to discern and choose who will be your mutual 24-hour
discipler.
Define Discipler:
Wise person –
Foolish person –
The way to follow your heart, without losing your mind.
The bonding forces that must be kept in balance as a relationship grows.
1. Knowledge
2. Trust
3. Reliance
- ___________________
- ___________________
- ___________________
4. Commitment
5. Touch
Infatuation
A blessing?
A curse?
Something to understand and be mindful about?
What is infatuation?
Dictionary definition: Infatuation
1. [n] an object of extravagant short-lived passion
2. [n] foolish and usually extravagant passion or love or admiration
Blinders
Physiological understanding
Brain
Triune Brain
3 Stages of Relationships
1. Infatuation
3. Repair - Reconnected
One Thing
I learned
Action step
I will take
Attraction Theories
1. Biological Theory: (1) Symmetric Theory
(2) Pheromone Theory (gone in two years)
(3) Reproduction Theory (survival)
True or False
Stages of Dating 6
THE CHOICE OF YOUR LIFETIME SEMINAR
____ Through my spouse, God will meet all my needs and heal me completely.
____ If I get married, I will be able to do everything I wanted to do. Yes, I will be
able to become free.
____ If I am with my beloved, suffering should have no effect on me.
____ I can change my spouse after I get married.
BAD NEWS
Marriage is God-Intended,
God-Made Institution.
It is God who created marriage,
and it is God who blessed marriage,
and it is God who wants to make Himself known
through marital and family relationship.
Stages of Dating 7
THE CHOICE OF YOUR LIFETIME SEMINAR
1. To reflect His image and glorify His name: God wants to restore us
back to be His heir and channel of His blessings.
Becoming like Him (Imitating Him) for we are created in his own image.
You are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging
to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness
into his wonderful light. - 1 Peter 2:9
He has chosen us to reflect his royal glory.
He has chosen us to be holy, not just happy.
When we live a life of holiness, we will be happy.
The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone.
I will make a helper suitable for him.” - Genesis 2:18
Helper:
(1) It means “to support” in Hebrew (encourage and help alongside of you to
complement you and perfect you).
(2) It was used 19 times in Genesis, and it was used to describe God as the
one who helps alongside 16 out of 19 times.
(3) In Hebrew, “suitable” means “in front of,” and it was used 16 times in the Old
Testament as “opposite”. Therefore, God created Eve who is opposite of
Adam. In fact, Eve will compliment Adam, but they should not be the same.
Yes. What we need is not the alike partner, but the complimentary partner.
Requirements for Respectful Marital Relationship
(1) Mutual acceptance
(2) Mutual appreciation
(3) Mutual goals with similar biblical values and teamwork
(4) Vision of Godly Family
(5) Conviction
(6) Action
(7) Determination and Patience
(8) Completion as the Holy Spirit guides us and helps us to
obey His purpose and His will in our lives
Stages of Dating 8
THE CHOICE OF YOUR LIFETIME SEMINAR
He also urges us to guard ourselves in our spirit and not to break faith, the
marriage covenant (Malachi 2:13-16).
The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,
faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. - Galatians 5:22
GOOD NEWS
The Institute for American Value indicates that only 645 couples out of 5,232
couples (beyond ethnicity, age, and socioeconomic status) reported that their
marriage is unhappy (only 12%, there is a difference between unhappy and fulfilling
marriage).
Out of 645 couples, 167 couples (3.2%) went through divorce within 5 years, the
rest of 478 couples sustain their marriage. Interestingly, out of 167 divorced or
separated couples, only 84 couples (50%) reported being secure and satisfied about
life. Whereas 382 couples out of 478 couples (80%) reported being happy again, and
their listed reasons are:
Stages of Dating 9
THE CHOICE OF YOUR LIFETIME SEMINAR
According to The Case for Marriage (Linda Waite and Natalie Gallagher, 2000),
after carefully analyzing 400 researches about marriage,
However, the divorce rate of couples who pray and bless one another daily is
only one out of thousand couples (.001%). There is no other method and skill
that protects and cultivate the marriage as much as the prayer of blessings.
(John M. Drescher, Parents-Passing the Torch of Faith, Herald Press, 1998)
1. How do we know that one is interested in you? Then, what should you
do?
2. If the person is not interested in you, how can you make yourself known?
Stages of Dating 10
THE CHOICE OF YOUR LIFETIME SEMINAR
3. How do we know the will of God concerning the person you are dating?
Stages of Dating 11
THE CHOICE OF YOUR LIFETIME SEMINAR
Non- Absolutely
Essentials
E Not
ss
List them by importance !
Revise your list as you pray time to time !
Stages of Dating 12
THE CHOICE OF YOUR LIFETIME SEMINAR
2. 2.
2.
3. 3.
4. 4. 3.
5. 5.
4.
6. 6.
7. 7. 5.
8. 8.
9. 9.
10. 10.
STGES OF DATING
By: Helen Noh
Stages of Dating 13
THE CHOICE OF YOUR LIFETIME SEMINAR
Stages of Dating 14
THE CHOICE OF YOUR LIFETIME SEMINAR
Stages of Dating 15
THE CHOICE OF YOUR LIFETIME SEMINAR
Popular Views:
I. Defined by Culture
• Media influence
• Religious influence
• Upbringing
• Religious influence
• Upbringing
“Frame of Reference”
Example:
Based on the understanding of sexuality developed by high media influence.
Your Views:
Biblical View:
1. Eye to Body
2. Eye to Eye
3. Voice to Voice
4. Hand to Hand
5. Hand to Shoulder
6. Hand to Waist
7. Face to Face
8. Hand to Head
The last four steps are distinctly sexual and private.
9. Hand to Body
10. Mouth to Breast
11. Touching Below the Waist
12. Intercourse
Warning Signs:
1. Addiction
2. Cohabitation
3. Abuse
4.
5.
Preventive Measures:
1. Prayer
2. Counseling
3. Accountability
4. Group dating, maintain healthy relationships w/ same sex friends
5. Avoid vacationing together
6. Screen movies, TV shows, etc.
7.
8.
9.
10.
3. How did the relationship start? Fast (hours / days) Slowly (months/years)
4. How consistent is your level of Comes and goes Consistent
interest? Not predictable Predictable
5. What kinds of effects the Disorganizing Organizing
relationship has on your Destructive You are a better person
personality? Not yourself
6. How does it end? Fast unless there are Slowly; Takes long
some incentives (money, (You may never be quite
sex, rep) the same again)
7. How do you view each other? Live in a one-person Add the new dimension
Col.3:13-14 world, idealizing him or realistic, admitting faults,
forgiving and bearing her but loving
8. How do others view? Few or none approve of Most or all approve
What’s the attitude of friends and the relationship You get along well with
parents? friends and parents.
9. What does long separation do to Dies / Withers away Survives
the relationship? Can’t stand stress May even grow tall
10. How do quarrels affect the More frequent, more Grow less frequent, less
relationship? severe, and kill severe
11. How do you refer to your Little oneness Togetherness
relationship? I/Me/My, He/Him/His We/Us/Our
12. What’s your response? Mainly selfish; What does Concerned
this do for me? Mainly unselfish
13. What’s your overall attitude Taking, Use the other, Giving, Sharing, Want to
toward the other? Exploiting serve other’s needs
14. What is the effect of jealousy? More frequent Less frequent
More severe Less severe
APPENDIX
Referrals
Appendix 20
THE CHOICE OF YOUR LIFETIME SEMINAR
Dating
1. Boundaries in Dating, Henry Cloud and John Townsend
2. Finding the Love of Your Life, Neil Clark Warren
3. Dating, Sex & Friendship, Joyce Huggett
4. Choosing God’s Best, Don Rannikar
Marriage
1. The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman
2. Building Your Mate’s Self-Exteem, Dennis and Barbara Rainey
3. The Gift of Sex, Clifford and Joyce Penner
4. Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix
5. Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, John Gray
6. Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Starts, Les and Leslie Parrott
Self-Discovery and Healing
1. Inside Out, Larry Crabb
2. The Roadless Traveled, Scott Peck
3. Boundaries, Henry Cloud and John Townsend
4. Healing for Damaged Emotions, David Seamands
5. The Art of Forgiving, Lewis B. Smedes
6. Hope Has Its Reasons, Rebecca Manly Pippert
Recovery
1. Where Is God When It Hurts, Philip Yancy
2. Disappointment with God, Philip Yancy
3. When God Doesn’t Make Sense, James Dobson
4. You Gotta Keep Dancing, Tim Hansel
5. Happiness Is A Choice, Frank Minirth and Paul Meier
6. An Affair of the Mind, Laurie Hall (about pornography)
7. Adult Children of Alcoholics, Expanded Edition, Janet G. Woititz
8. Calm My Anxious Heart, Linda Dillow
9. Understanding Depression, Siang-Yang Tan & John Ortberg, Jr.
10. Adrenalin and Stress, Archibald D. Hart
Appendix 21