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ALICE IN WONDERLAND
Compiled by Jeff Bengford Based on the books by Lewis Carroll
Edited August 27, 2013


PROLOGUE
Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgabe.

Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!

Act I Scene 1: Alices Home

ALICE sits on the floor playing with her kitten

Alice: Kitty, can you play chess? Now dont smile, my dear, Im asking it seriously. Because
when we were playing just now, you watched just as if you understood it; and when I said
Check! you purred! Kitty dear, lets pretend that youre the Red Queen! Do you
know, I think if you sat up and folded your arms, youd look exactly like her. (She goes
to the looking-glass) Ill just hold you up to the looking glass and you can see how sulky
you are! How, if youll only attend, Kitty, Ill tell you all my ideas about Looking-glass
House. First, theres the room you can see through the glassthats just the same as our
drawing-room, only the things go the other way. Oh, Kitty, how nice it would be if we
could only get into the Looking-glass House! Im sure it has, oh, such beautiful things in
it! (ALICE goes through the looking-glass and sees the WHITE RABBIT)


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The White Rabbit: Oh, my ears and whiskers, how late its getting! Oh, dear, oh, dear, I shall
be too late!
Alice: Kitty, did you see that? It was a white rabbit! Wait for me Mr. Rabbit! Wait for me!

* DANCE
ALICE falls down the rabbit-hole surrounded by odd visions as we watch her change
sizes once or twice.



Act I Scene 2: Wonderland

Alice: Everything is so out of the way here I dont know where to begin! (ALICE discovers a
bottle labeled Drink Me.) Surely these were not here before! Well, its all very well
to say Drink Me, but Ill look first and see whether youre marked poison or not. For
if a little girl drinks from a bottle marked poison it is almost certain to disagree with
her sooner or later. (She examines it) No, it must be all right. (She drinks it) Mmm! It
has a mixed flavor of cherry-tart, custard, pineapple, roast turkey, toffee, and hot buttered
toast! (She grows smaller) What a curious feeling! I must be shutting up like a
telescope! I am! I wonder if Im going out altogether, like a candle!
The White Rabbit: The Duchess! The Duchess! Oh, my dear paws! Oh, my fur and whiskers!
Shell get me executed as sure as ferrets are ferrets! Where can I have dropped them?
(He sees Alice) Why, Mary Ann, what are you doing here? Run home this minute and
fetch me a pair of gloves and a fan! Quick now!
Alice: He took me for his housemaid! How surprised hell be when he finds out who I am! But
Id better take him his fan and glovesthat is if I can find them.

*DANCE
ALICE chases after the WHITE RABBIT but her chase is interuppted by a legion of
BUTTEFLIES who chase her and flutter her into the Mushroom



Pg. 3
Act I Scene 3: The Mushroom
Caterpillar: Who are you?
Alice: II hardly know, sir, just at present. At least I know who I was when I got up this
morning, but I must have changed several times since then.
Caterpillar: What do you mean by that? Explain yourself.
Alice: I cant explain myself, Im afraid, sir, because Im not myself, you see.
Caterpillar: I dont see.
Alice: Im afraid I cant put it any more clearly, for I cant understand it myself to begin with,
and being so many different sizes in a day is very confusing.
Caterpillar: It isnt.
Alice: Well, perhaps you havent found it so yet. But when you have to turn into a chrysalis
you will some day, you knowand then after that into a butterfly, I should think youll
feel it a little queer, wont you?
Caterpillar: Not a bit.
Alice: Well, perhaps your feelings may be different. All I know is, it would feel very queer to
me.
Caterpillar: You! Who are you?
Alice: (Controlling her temper) I think you ought to tell me who you are first.
Caterpillar: Why? (ALICE cannot answer, so she turns to go) Come back! Ive something
important to say. (ALICE comes back) Keep your temper!
Alice: (Swallowing her anger) Is that all?
Caterpillar: No. So you think youre changed, do you?
Alice: Im afraid I am, sir.
Caterpillar: What size do you want to be?
Alice: Oh, Im not particular as to size. Only one doesnt like changing so often, you know.
Caterpillar: I dont knoware you content now?
Alice: Well, I should like to be a little larger, sir, if you wouldnt mind; three inches is such a
wretched height to be.
Caterpillar: It is a very good height indeed!
Alice: (Piteously) But Im not used to it.
Caterpillar: Youll get used to it in time. (getting off the mushroom) One side will make you
grow taller, and the other side will make you grow shorter.

Pg. 4
Alice: (to herself) One side of what? The other side of what?
Caterpillar: Of the mushroom. (exiting)
Alice: (ALICE takes two pieces from the mushroom) Now which is which?


*DANCE
ALICE eats a piece of the Mushroom and grows as we tranistion to the exterior of the
Duchesss House.

Act I Scene 4: The Duchess House

Fish-Footman: For the Duchess. An invitation from the Queen to play croquet.
Frog-Footman: From the Queen. An invitation for the Duchess to play croquet. (They bow
and their hair become tangled. FISH-FOOTMAN exits and ALICE goes up to the door
and knocks) Theres no sort of use in knocking, and that for two reasons. First, because
Im on the same side of the door as you are; secondly, because theyre making such a
noise inside no one could possibly hear you.
Alice: Please then, how am I to get it?
Frog-Footman: There might be some sense in your knocking if we had the door between us.
For instance, if you were inside you might knock and I could let you out, you know.
Alice: How am I to get it?
Frog-Footman: I shall sit here until tomorrow. (COOK opens the door, throws a plate, and
slams it shut) Or next day maybe.
Alice: But how am I to get in?
Frog-Footman: Are you to get in at all? Thats the first question, you know.
Alice: Its really dreadful the way these creatures argue. Its enough to drive one crazy!
(COOK throws the CHESHIRE CAT out)
Frog-Footman: I shall sit here on and off for days and days.
Alice: But what am I to do?
Frog-Footman: Anything you like. Of course I could go get a spare door. And you could
practice going out.
Alice: But I want to go in.

Pg. 5
Frog-Footman: I will sit here for days on end until Im asked back by popular demand.
Alice: Oh, theres no use in talking to him. Hes perfectly idiotic!

Act I Scene 5: The Duchess Kitchen

ALICE enters the house as it opens to reveal the chaos of the interior

Cook: More pepper!
Alice: Theres certainly too much pepper in that soup. (She sneezes) Please, would you tell me
why your car grins like that?
Duchess: Its a Cheshire Car and thats why. Pig!
Alice: I didnt know that Cheshire Cars always grinned. In fact, I didnt know that cats could
grin at all.
Duchess: They all can and most of em do.
Alice: I dont know of any that do.
Duchess: You dont know much, and thats a fact. (COOK takes baby and beats it)
Alice: Oh, please mind what youre doing. Oh, there goes his precious nose!
Duchess: If everybody minded their own business the world would go around a deal faster than
it does.
Alice: Which would not be an advantage. Just think what work it would make with the day and
the night. You see, the earth takes twenty-four hours to turn round on its axis
Duchess: Talking of axesChop off her head!
Alice: Twenty-four hours, I think, or is it twelve?
Duchess: Oh, dont bother me! I never could abide figures. (The DUCHESS takes the baby and
violently sings to it)
Speak roughly to you little boy
And beat him when he sneezes.
He only does it to annoy
Because he knows it teases.
I speak severely to my boy
I beat him when he sneezes;
For he can thoroughly enjoy

Pg. 6
The pepper when he pleases.
Here, you may nurse it a bit if you like. (Throws baby to ALICE) I must go and get ready to
play croquet with the Queen. (She exits followed by the COOK as the house exits leaving
ALICE alone with the pig)
Alice: If I dont take this child away with me, theyll surely kill it in a day or two. Wouldnt it
be murder to leave it behind? (Baby grunts) Dont grunt! Thats not at all the proper
way of expressing yourself. (Baby grunts again) If youre going to turn into a pig, my
dear, Ill have nothing more to do with you. (Throws pig) If it had grown up it would
have been a dreadful ugly child. But it makes a rather handsome pig, I think.

*DANCE
FLOWERS engulf ALICE and the Pig as we tranisition to the Duchesss Garden where
HUMPTY DUMPTY sits stubbornly on a brick wall surrounded by a row of flowers

Act I Scene 6: Humpty Dumpty

Alice: Why, its Humpty Dumpty himself. An how exactly like an egg he is!
Humpty Dumpty: Its very provoking to be called an eggvery.
Alice: I said you looked like an egg sir. And some eggs are very pretty, you know.
Humpty Dumpty: Some people have no more sense than a baby!
Alice: Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall:
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the Kings horses and all the Kings men
Couldnt put Humpty Dumpty in his place again.
Humpty Dumpty: Dont stand chattering to yourself like that, but tell me your name and your
business.
Alice: My name is Alice, but
Humpty Dumpty: Its a stupid name enough! (He laughs) What does it mean?
Alice: Must a name mean something?
Humpty Dumpty: Of course it must: my name means the shape I amand a good, handsome
shape it is, too. With a name like yours, you might be any shape, almost.
Alice: Why do you sit out here all alone?

Pg. 7
Humpty Dumpty: Why, because theres nobody with me! Did you think I didnt know the
answer to that? Ask another.
Alice: Dont you think youd be safer down on the ground? That wall is so very narrow!
Humpty Dumpty: That tremendously easy riddles you ask! Of course I dont think so. Why, if
ever I did fall offwhich theres no chance ofbut if I didif I did fall, the Kind has
promised me---you didnt think I was going to say that, did you? The King has promised
me with his very own mouthtoto
Alice: To send all his horses all his men.
Humpty Dumpty: (Gasp) Youve been listening at doorsand behind treesand down
chimneysor you couldnt have known it.
Alice: I havent, indeed! Its in a book. (Changing the subject) What a beautiful belt youve
got on! At lease, a beautiful cravat I should have saidno, a belt, I meanI beg your
pardon! (Aside) If only I knew which was neck, and which was waist!
Humpty Dumpty: Its a most provoking thing when a person doesnt know a cravat from a
belt!
Alice: (in a humble tone) I know its very ignorant of me.
Humpty Dumpty: Its a cravat, child, and beautiful on as you say. Its a present from the
White King and Queen.
Alice: Is it really?
Humpty Dumpty: They gave it me, they gave it mefor an un-birthday present.
Alice: (puzzled) I beg your pardon?
Humpty Dumpty: Im not offended.
Alice: I mean, what is and un-birthday present?
Humpty Dumpty: A present given when it isnt your birthday, of course.
Alice: I like birthday presents best.
Humpty Dumpty: You dont know what youre talking about. How many days are there in a
year?
Alice: Three hundred and sixty-five.
Humpty Dumpty: And how many birthdays have you?
Alice: One.
Humpty Dumpty: And if you take one from three hundred and sixty-five, what remains?
Alice: Three hundred and sixty-four, of course.

Pg. 8
Humpty Dumpty: Ah hah! And that shows that there are three hundred and sixty-four days
when you might get un-birthday presents. And only one for birthday present, you know.
Theres glory for you!
Alice: I dont know what you man by glory.
Humpty Dumpty: (getting angry) Of course you donttill I tell you. (trying to keep calm) I
meant theres a nice knock-down argument for you!
Alice: But glory doesnt mean a nice knock-down argument.
Humpty Dumpty: (getting angry again) When I use a word, it means just what I choose it to
meanneither more nor less.
Alice: The question is, whether you can make words mean so many different things.
Humpty Dumpty: (twice as angry) The question is which is to be master, thats all. (really
angry) Hrumph! Impenetrability! Thats what I say! (knocked off balance by his own
temper) Whoa! (on the brink of disaster) Whoa! (falling) Whoa!!!

*DANCE
(HUMPTY DUMPTY falls off and several cards pick him up)

Act I Scene 7: The Cheshire Cat

Cheshire Cat: Prrrraioweaiouw.
Alice: Cheshire Puss, would you tell me, please, which way I ought to walk from here?
Cheshire Cat: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.
Alice: I dont much care where
Cheshire Cat: Then it doesnt matter which way you walk.
Alice: So long as I get somewhere.
Cheshire Cat: Oh, youre sure to do that if you only walk long enough.
Alice: What sort of people live about here?
Cheshire Cat: To the right lives a Hatter. To the left lives a March Hare. Visit either you like.
Theyre both mad.
Alice: But I dont want to go among mad people.
Cheshire Cat: You cant help that. Were all mad here. Im mad. Youre mad.
Alice: How do you know that Im mad?

Pg. 9
Cheshire Cat: You must be or you wouldnt have come here. Do you play croquet with the
Queen today?
Alice: I should like it very much but I havent been invited yet.
Cheshire Cat: Youll see me there. (With a flash pot explosion, the CAT vanishes and then
reappears) By-the-bye, what became of the baby? Id nearly forgotten to ask.
Alice: It turned into a pig.
Cheshire Cat: I thought it would. (With a flash pot explosion, the CAT vanishes again and then
reappears) Did you say pig or fig?
Alice: I said pig. And I wish you wouldnt keep appearing and vanishing so suddenly: you
make one quite giddy.
Cheshire Cat: All right. (It vanishes slowly with its mouth last)
Alice: Well, Ive often seen a cat without a grin, but a grin without a cat! Its the most curious
thing I ever saw in all my life! Ive seen Hatters before. The March Hare will be much
the most interesting, and perhaps as this is May, it won be raving madat least not as
mad as it was in March.

Act I Scene 8: The Mad Tea Party

A great table is laid out set for a very large tea party

March Hare & Mad Hatter: No roomno room!
Alice: Theres plenty of room!
March Hare: Have some wine.
Alice: I dont see any wine.
March Hare: There isnt any.
Alice: Then it wasnt very civil of you to offer it.
March Hare: It wasnt very civil of you to sit down without being invited.
Alice: I didnt know it was your table. Its laid for a great many more than three.
Mad Hatter: Your hair wants cutting.
Alice: You should learn not to make personal remarks. Its very rude.
Mad Hatter: Why is a raven like a writing desk?
Alice: I believe I can guess that!

Pg. 10
Mad Hatter: Do you mean you think you could find out the answer to it?
Alice: Exactly so.
March Hare: Then why dont you say what you mean?
Alice: I do. At leastat least I mean what I say. Thats the same thing, you know.
Mad Hatter: Not the same thing a bit. Why, you might just as well say that I see what I eat
is the same thing as I eat what I see.
March Hare: You might just as well say that I like what I get is the same thing as I get what
I like.
Dormouse: (sleepily) You might just as well say that I breather when I sleep is the same
thing as I sleep when I breathe.
Mad Hatter: It is the same thing with you. (Bonks DORMOUSE, leaps frog over it, and then
looks at his watch) What day of the month is it?
Alice: The fourth.
Mad Hatter: Two days wrong! I told you butter wouldnt suit the works.
March Hare: It was the best butter.
Mad Hatter: Yes, but some crumbs must have got in as well. You should not have put it in
with the bread knife.
March Hare: It was the best butter.
Alice: What a funny watch! It tells the days of the month and doesnt tell what oclock it its.
Mad Hatter: Why should it? Does your watch tell what year it is?
Alice: Of course not. But thats because it stays the same year for such a long time together.
Mad Hatter: Which is just the case with mine.
Alice: I dont quite understand you.
Mad Hatter: The Dormouse is asleep again. (He and the MARCH HARE leap frog over each
other to it)
March Hare and Mad Hatter: Wake up, Dormouse!
Dormouse: Of course, of course. Just what I was going to remark myself.
Mad Hatter: (to ALICE) Have you guessed the riddle yet?
Alice: No. I give up. Whats the answer?
Mad Hatter: I havent the slightest idea.
March Hare: Nor I.

Pg. 11
Alice: I think you might do something better with the time than wasting it in asking riddles that
have no answers.
Mad Hatter: If you knew time as well as I do, you wouldnt talk about wasting it, its him.
Alice: I dont know what you mean.
Mad Hatter: (Spins ALICE like a watch) Of course you dont. I daresay you never even spoke
to Time.
Alice: perhaps not. But I know I have to beat Time when I learn music.
Mad Hatter: Ah! That accounts for it. He wont stand for beating. Now if you only kept on
good terms with him, hed do almost anything you liked with the clocks. But you could
keep it to half past one as long as you liked.
Alice: Is that the way you manage?
Mad Hatter: Not I. We quarreled last Marchjust before he went mad, you know. (indicating
the MARCH HARE) It was at the great concert given by the Queen of Hearts, and I had
to sing:
Winkle, twinkle, little bar,
How I wonder what youre at.
You know the song, perhaps?
Alice: Ive heard something like it.
Mad Hatter: It goes on, you know, in this way
Up above the world you fly
Like a tea-tray in the sky.
Twinkle, twinkle
Dormouse: Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle. (Continues until bonked)
Mad Hatter: Well, Id hardly finished the first verseId hardly finished the first verseId
hardly finished the first versewhen the Queen bawled out, Hes murdering Time. Off
with his head.
Alice: How dreadfully savage!
Mad Hatter: And ever since that he wont do a thing I ask. Its always sic oclock now.
Alice: Is that the reason so many tea things are put out here?
Mad Hatter: Yes, thats it! Its always tea time and weve no time to wash the things between
whiles.
Alice: Then you keep moving around, I suppose.

Pg. 12
Dormouse: Exactly so. As the things get used up.
Alice: But when you come to the beginning again?
March Hare: Suppose we change the subject. Im getting tired of this. I voted the young lady
tells us a story.
Alice: (alarmed) Im afraid I dont know one.
March Hare and Mad Hatter: Then the Dormouse shall. Wake up, Dormouse.
Dormouse: I wasnt asleep. I heard every word you fellows were saying.
March Hare: Tell us a story.
Alice: Yes, please do!
Mad Hatter: And be quick about it or youll be asleep before its done.
Dormouse: Once upon a time there were three little sisters, and their names were Elsie, Lacie,
and Tille; and they lived at the bottom of a well.
Alice: What did they live on?
Dormouse: They lived on treacle.
Alice: They couldnt have done that, you know. Theyd have been ill.
Dormouse: So they werevery ill!
Alice: But why did they live at the bottom of a well?
March Hare: Take some more tea.
Alice: Ive had nothing yet, so I cant take more.
Mad Hatter: You mean you cant take less. Its very easy to take more than nothing.
Alice: Nobody asked your opinion.
Mad Hatter: Ooohhh! Whos making personal remarks now?
Alice: Why did they live at the bottom of a well?
Dormouse: It was a treacle well.
Alice: Theres no such
Dormouse: If you cant be civil, youd better finish the story yourself.
Alice: No, please go on! I wont interrupt again. I daresay there may be one.
Dormouse: One, indeed! And so, these three little sisters were leaning to draw, you know.
Alice: What did they draw?
Dormouse: Treacle.
Mad Hatter: I want a clean cup. Lets all move one place down.

Pg. 13
March Hare, Mad Hatter, and Dormouse: Clean cup, clean cup, move down, move down,
clean cup, clean cup, move down!
Alice: But I dont understand. Where did they draw the treacle from?
Dormouse: You can draw water out of a water well, so I should thing you could draw treacle
out of a treacle well we, stupid?
Alice: But they were in the well.
Dormouse: Of course they werewell in! They were learning to draw and they drew all
manner of things; everything that begins with an M.
Alice: Why with an M?
March Hare: Why not?
Dormouse: That begins with an M, such as mouse-traps, and the moon, and memory and
muchnessyou know you say things are much of a muchnessdid you ever see such a
things as a drawing of muchness?

(Fragments of a poem start to flutter down as if it were raining words)

Alice: Really, now you ask meI dont think
Mad Hatter: Then you shouldnt talk.
Alice: Im getting out of here! Its the stupidest tea party I ever was at in all my life!
March Hare and Mad Hatter: (swinging the DOORMOUSE like pinata) Onetwo

*DANCE
(Transition out of Tea Party and into the Jabberwocky poem)

Act I Scene 9: The Jabberwocky
This sequence must establish the reality of the threat of the Jabberwocky & introduce the poem.

Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgabe.


Pg. 14
Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!

She took his vorpal sword in hand;
Long time the maxome foe she sought
So rested she by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought,

And as in uffish thought she stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbles as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snickersnack!
She left it dead, and with its head
She went galumphing back.

And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!
He chortled in his joy.

Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgabe.




Pg. 15
Act I Scene 10: The Croquet Garden

CARDS 2, 5 & 7 run onstage with paint spilling everywhere.

Two of Spades: Look out now, Five. Dont go splashing paint over me like that.
Five of Spades: I couldnt help it. Seven jogged my elbow.
Seven of Spades: Thats right, Five. Always lay the blame on others.
Five of Spades: Youd better not talk. I heard the Queen say only yesterday you deserved to be
beheaded.
Two of Spades: Ooohh! What for?
Seven of Spades: Thats none of your business.
Five of Spades: Yes, it is his business, and Ill tell him. It was for bringing the cook tulip roots
instead of onions.
Seven of Spades: Well, of all the unjust things! (Catches sight of ALICE)
Alice: (curtsying) Would you tell me, please, why you are painting those roses?
Two of Spades: Why, the fact is, you see, Miss, this here ought to have been a red rose tree and
we pit in a white one by mistake, and if the Queen was to find out, wed all have our head
cut off, you know.
Five of Spades: The Queen! The Queen!
Queen of Hearts: (to KNAVE) Who is this? Idiot! (to ALICE) Whats your name, child?
Alice: My name is Alice, so please your Majesty.
Queen of Hearts: And who are these?
Alice: How should I know? Its no business of mine.
Queen of Hearts: Off with her head! Off
Alice: Nonsense!
King of Hearts: Consider, my dear, she is only a child.
Queen of Hearts: Turn them over! Get up! Leave off that! You make me giddy. What have
you been doing here?
Two of Spades: May it please Your Majesty, we were trying
Queen of Hearts: I see! Off with their heads! (to ALICE) Can you play croquet?
Alice: Yes.
Queen of Hearts: Come on then!

Pg. 16
White Rabbit: (follows the QUEEN and turns to ALICE) Its a fine day.
Alice: Very. Wheres the Duchess?
White Rabbit: Hush, hush! (Whispering) She is under sentence of execution.
Alice: What for?
White Rabbit: Did you say, What a pity?
Alice: No, I didnt. I dont think its at all a pity. I said, What for?
White Rabbit: She boxed the Queens ear. (ALICE laughs) Oh, hush! The Queen will hear
you. You see, she came rather late, and the Queen said
Queen: Get to your places! (Everyone starts playing as ALICE hunts for the DUCHESS)
Cheshire Cat: Hello again, Alice. Enjoying the game?
Alice: I suppose.
Cheshire Cat: How do you like the queen?
Alice: Not at all. She doesnt seem to play by the rules.
Cheshire Cat: Yes. She makes them up as she goes along.
Duchess: You cant think how glad I am to see you again, you dear old thing. Youre thinking
about something, my dear, and that makes you forget to talk. I cant tell just now what
the moral of that is, but I shall remember it in a bit.
Alice: Perhaps it hasnt one.
Duchess: Tut, tut, child! Everythings got a moral if you can find it.
Alice: The games going rather better now.
Duchess: Tis so. And the moral of that is, Be what you would seem to be. Or if youd like it
put more simply, Never imagine yourself to be otherwise than what it might appear to
others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been
would have appeared to them to be otherwise.
Alice: I think I should understand that better if I had it written down, but I cant quite follow it
as you say it.
Duchess: Thats nothing to what I could say if I chose.
Alice: Pray dont trouble to say it any longer than that.
Duchess: Oh, dont talk about trouble. I make you a present of everything Ive said as yet. And
the moral (she sees the QUEEN OF HEARTS) A fine day, Your Majesty.
Queen of Hearts: Now I give you fair warning, either you or your heard must be off, and that in
about half no time. Take your choice! (Everyone gets to their balls) Play on!

Pg. 17

Everyone continues playing. Mid game everyone freezes as we see the KNAVE OF
HEART steals the Queens cherry tarts then the action continues and builds to chaos as
the lights fade.

End of Act One

Pg. 18
Act Two

Prelude
*DANCE
Movement establishes that we are now by the sea.

Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgabe.

Act II Scene 1: By the Sea

ALICE enters to discover a MOCK TURTLE weeping on a low rock while the GRYPHON snores
nearby. Somewhere near wait a few LOBSTERS.

Alice: (waking up the GRYPHON) Excuse me What is his sorrow?
Gryphon: Its all his fancy, that; he hasnt got no sorrow, you know. Come on! This here
young lady, she wants for to know your history, she do.
Mock Turtle: Ill tell her. Sit down, both of you, and dont speak a word till Ive finished.
OnceI was a real turtle. When we were little, we went to school in the sea. The master
was an old turtlewe used to call him Tortoise.
Alice: Why did you call him Tortoise if he wasnt one?
Mock Turtle: We called him Tortoise because he taught us. Really you are very dull!
Gryphon: You ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking such a simple question. Drive on,
old fellow! Dont be all day about it.
Mock Turtle: Yes, we went to school in the sea, though you maynt believe it
Alice: I never said I didnt.
Mock Turtle: You did!
Gryphon: Hold your tongue.
Mock Turtle: We had the best of educations. In fact, we went to school every day. I only took
the regular course.

Pg. 19
Alice: What was that?
Mock Turtle: Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with. And then the different branches
of ArithmeticAmbition, Distraction, Uglification and Derision.
Alice: I never head of Uglification. What is it?
Gryphon: Never heard of Uglification? You know what to beautify is, I suppose?
Alice: It means to makeanythingprettier.
Grypon: Well, then, if you dont know what to uglify is, you are a simpleton.
Alice: And how many hours a day did you do lessons?
Mock Turtle: Ten hours the first day, nine the next, and so on.
Alice: What a curious plan!
Gryphon: Thats the reason they are called lessons. Because they lessen from day to day.
Alice: The the eleventh day must have been a holiday.
Mock Turtle: Of course it was.
Alice: But how did you manage on the twelfth?
Gryphon: Thats enough about lessons. Tell her something about the games now.
Mock Turtle: Ill bet you have no idea what a delightful things a Lobster Quadrille is.
Alice: No indeed. What sort of dance is it?
Mock Turtle: Would you like to see a little of it?
Alice: Very much indeed.

*DANCE
The MOCK TURTLE and the GRYPHON dance with the LOBSTERS and ALICE

Mock Turtle: Will you walk a little faster! said a whiting to a snail.
Theres a porpoise close behind us, and hes treading on my tail.
See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance!
They are waiting on the shinglewill you come and join the dance?

Will you, wont you, will you, wont you, will you going the dance?
Will you, wont you, will you, wont you, will you join the dance?



Pg. 20
You can really have no notion how delightful it will be
When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, out to sea!
The further off from England the nearer tis to France,
Then turn not pale, beloved snail, but come and join the dance?

Will you , wont you, will you, wont you, will you join the dance?
Will you, wont you, will you, wont you, wont you join the dance?

ALICE is left alone as the RED QUEEN zooms onto the stage as if she where on
rollerskates or maybe she is under all those petticoats

Act II Scene 2: The Red Queen

Red Queen: Where do you come from and where are you going? Look up, speak nicely, and
dont twiddle your fingers.
Alice: You see Ive lost my way.
Red Queen: I dont know what you mean by your way, all the ways about here belong to me!
But why did you come out here at all? Curtsey while youre thinking what to say. It
saves time. Open your mouth a little wider when you speak and always say Your
Majesty.
Alice: I only wanted to see what the garden was like, Your Majesty.
Red Queen: Ive seen gardens, compared with which this would be a wilderness.
Alice: And I thought Id try and find my way to the top of that hill.
Red Queen: I could show you hills, in comparison with which youd call that a valley.
Alice: But a hill cant be a valley, that would be nonsense!
Red Queen: You may call it nonsense if you like, but Ive heard nonsense, compared with
which that would be as sensible as a dictionary!
Alice: I declare its marked out just like a large chessboard. Its a great huge game of chess
thats being played all over the world! How I wish I was part of it. I should like to be a
Queen best.

Pg. 21
Red Queen: Thats easily managed. You can be the White Queens Pawn, if you like; and
youre in the Second Square to begin with: when you get to the Eighth square, youll be a
Queen. (Takes ALICE and starts running) Faster, faster!
Alice: I wonder if all the things move along with us?
Red Queen: Faster! Dont try to talk! Faster! Faster!
Alice: Are we nearly there?
Red Queen: Nearly there? Why, we passed it ten minutes ago! Faster! Now! Now! Faster!
Faster! (stops running) You may rest a little now.
Alice: Why, I do believe weve been right here the whole time! Everythings just as it was!
Red Queen: Or course it is. What would you have it?
Alice: Well, in our country, you generally get to somewhere else if you ran very fast for a long
times as weve been doing.
Red Queen: A slow sort of country! Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do to
keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as
fast as that!
Alice: Id rather not try, please! Im quite content to stay here - only I am so hot and thirsty!
Red Queen: I know what youd life. (Handing ALICE a hard biscuit) Have a biscuit? While
youre refreshing yourself, Ill just take the measurements. At the end of two yardsI
shall give you your directions. Have another biscuit?
Alice: No, thank you, ones quite enough.
Red Queen: Thirst quenched, I hope? At the end of three yards, I shall repeat them for fear of
your forgetting them. At the end of four, I shall say good-bye. And at the end of five, I
shall go! A pawn foes two squares in its first move, you know. So youll go very
quickly through the Third Square and youll find yourself in the Fourth Square in no
time. Well, that square belongs to Tweedledum and Tweedledee - the Fifth is mostly
water But you make no remark?
Alice: II didnt know I had to make one just then.
Red Queen: You should have said, Its extremely kind of you to tell me all this,however,
well suppose it saidthe Seventh Square is all foresthowever, one of the Knights will
show you the waySpeak in French when you cant think of the English for a thing.
Turn out your toes when you walk, and remember who you are! (Starts running)
Alice: She can run very fast!

Pg. 22
ALICE is left alone as the RED QUEEN zooms off stage and a white lace shawl blows on
to the stage.

Act II Scene 3: The White Queen
Alice: Theres somebody shawl being blown off. Im glad I happened to be in the way.
White Queen: (sputtering on to the stage) Bread-and-butter, bread-and-butter, bread-and-butter.
Alice: Am I addressing the White Queen?
White Queen: Well, yes, if you call that a-dressing. It isnt my notion of the things at all.
Alice: If Your Majesty will only tell me the right way to begin, Ill do it as well as I can.
White Queen: But I dont want it done at all. Ive been a-dressing myself for the last two
hours.
Alice: Every single things crooked and she is all over pins. May I put your shawl straight for
you?
White Queen: I dont know whats the matter with it. Its out of temper, I think. Ive pinned it
here and Ive pinned it there, but theres no pleasing it.
Alice: It cant go straight, you know, if you pin it all on one side, and dear me, what a state your
hair is in.
White Queen: The brush has got entangled in it and I lost the comb yesterday.
Alice: You look rather better now, but really you should have a ladys maid.
White Queen: I am sure Ill take you with pleasure! Twopence a week and jam everyother day.
Alice: I dont want you to hire me - and I dont care for jam.
White Queen: Its very good jam.
Alice: Well, I dont want any today at any rate.
White Queen: You couldnt have it if you did want it. The rule is jam tomorrow and jam
yesterday but never jam today.
Alice: I dont understand you. It is dreadfully confusing.
White Queen: Thats the effect of living backwards, it always makes one a little giddy at first!
Alice: Living backwards! I never heard of such a thing!
White Queen: But there is one great advantage in it, that ones memory works both ways.
Alice: Im sure mine only works one way. I cant remember things before they happen.
White Queen: Its a poor sort of memory that only works backwards. Oh, oh, oh! My fingers
bleeding. Oh, oh, oh, oh!

Pg. 23
Alice: What is the matter? Have you pricked your finger?
White Queen: I havent pricked it yet, but I soon shall. Oh, oh, oh!
Alice: When do you expect to do it?
White Queen: When I dasten my shawl again; the brooch will come undone directly. Oh, oh!
Alice: Take care! Youre holding it all crooked!
White Queen: There, you see! That accounts for the bleeding! Now yo understand the way
things happen here.
Alice: But why dont you scream now?
White Queen: Why, Ive done all the screaming already. What would be the good of having all
over again? Nobody can do two things at once, you know. Lets consider your age to
begin with - how old are you?
Alice: Im seven and a half exactly.
White Queen: You neednt say exactually. I can believe it without that. Now Ill give you
something to believe. Im just one humdred and one, five months and a day.
Alice: I cant believe that!
White Queen: Cant you? Try again! Draw a long breath and shut your eyes.
Alice: Theres no use in trying. One cant believe impossible things.
White Queen: I daresay you havent had much practice. When I was you age, I always did it
for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes, Ive belived as many as six impossible things
before breakfast. There goes the shawl again!
Alice: Dont prick you finger again!
White Queen: Good-bye! Good-bye! Good-bye!

(The WHITE QUEEN teeters off the stage as the TWEEDLES are revealed)

Act II Scene 4: The Tweedles

Alice: I suppose theyve each got Tweedle round at the back of the collar.
Tweedledum: If you thing were wax-works, you ought to pay, you know. Wax-works arent
made to be looked at for nothing - nohow!
Tweedledee: Contrariwise. If you think were alive, you ought to speak.
Alice: Im sure Im very sorry.

Pg. 24
Tweedledum: I know what youre thinking about, but it isnt so, nohow.
Tweedledee: Contrariwise. If it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be, but as it isnt,
it aint. Thats logic.
Alice: I was thinking which is the best way out of this wood. Its getting dark. Would you tell
me please?
Tweedledee: Like poetry, you do?
Alice: Yes, pretty well some poetry that is
Tweedledee: What shall we repeat to hear?
Tweedledum: The Walrus and the Carpenter
Tweedledee: Thats longest.

(The following characters appear as they are introduced: WALRUS, CARPENTER, OYSTERS)

Tweedledum: The sun was shining on the sea,
Tweedledee: Shining with all his might:
Tweedledum: He did his very best to make
Tweedledee: The billows smoother and bright
Tweedledum: And this was odd,
Tweedledee: Because it was
BOTH: The middle of the night.
Tweedledee: The Walrus and the Carpenter
Were walking close at hand;
They wept like anything to see
Such quantities of sand:
Walrus and Carpenter: If this were only cleared away,
Tweedledee: They said,
Walrus and Carpenter: It would be grand!
Walrus: O, Oysters, come and walk with us!
Tweedledum: The Walrus did beseech.
Walrus: A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk, Along the briny beach;
Carpenter: We cannot do with more than four, To give a hand to each.


Pg. 25
Tweedledee: The eldest oyster looked at him, but never a word he said:
The elset oyster winked his eyes and shook his heavy head
Meaning to say he did not choose to leave the oyster bed.
Tweedledum: But four young oysters huffied up - all eager for the treat:
Their coats were brushed, their faves washed;
Their shoes were clean and neat
And this was odd, because you know, they hadnt any feet.
Four oysters followed them
And yet another four; And thich and fast they came at last,
And more, and more, and more
All hopping through the frothy waves,
And scarmbling to the shore.
Tweedledee: The Walrus and the Carpenter walked on a mile or so,
And then they rested on a rock conveniently low:
And all the little oysters stood
And waited in a row.
Walrus: The time has come
Tweedledee: The Walrus said,
Walrus: To talk of many things;
of shoes and ships and sealing-wax
of cabbages and kings
Tweedledum: And why the sea is boing hot
and whether pigs have wings.
Walrus: A loaf of bread
Tweedledee: The Walrus said,
Walrus: Is what we chiefly need:
Carpenter: Pepper and vinegar besides, are very good indeed
Walrus: Now if youre ready, Oysters dear, We can begin to feed.
Oysters: But not on us!
Tweedledum: The Oysters cried. Turning a little blue.
Oysters: After such kindness, that would be A dismal thing to do!
Walrus: The night is fine,

Pg. 26
Tweedledee: The Walrus said.
Walrus: To play them such a trick,
After weve brought them out so far,
And made them trot so quick!
Tweedledee: The Carpenter said nothing but:
Carpenter: The butters spread too thick!
Walrus: I weep for you,
Tweedledee: The Walrus said.
Walrus: I deeply sympathize.
Tweedledum: With sobs and tears he sorted out
Those of the largest size,
Holding his pocket-handerschief
Before his streaming eyes
Carpenter: O, Oysters.
BOTH: Said the Carpenter.
Carpenter: Youve had a pleasant run!
Shall we be trotting home again?
Tweedledee: But answer camethere none
Tweedledum: But answer came there none
BOTH: And this was scarely odd, becase theyd eaten everyone.

Alice: I like the Walrus best, because you see he was a little sorry for the poor oysters.
Tweedledee: He ate more than the Carpenter though.
Alice: Then I like the Carpenter best
Tweedledum: But he ate as many as he could get.
Alice: Well! They were both very unpleasant characters. At any rate Id better be getting out of
this wood, for really its coming on very dark. Do you think its going to rain?
Tweedledum: No, I dont think it is - at least - not under here. Nohow.
Alice: But it may rain outside?
Tweedledee: It may if it chooses weve no objection. Contrariwise.
Alice: Selfish things!
Tweedledum: Do you see that?

Pg. 27
Alice: Its only a rattle - and old rattle - quite old and broken.
Tweedledum: I knew it was! Its spoilt, of course!
Tweedledee: You neednt be so angry about an old rattle.
Tweedledum: But it isnt old! Its new, I tell you, I bought it yesterday - my nice new rattle!
Of course you agree to have a battle?
Tweedledee: I suppose so.
Tweedledum: Do I look very pale?
Alice: Well, yes - a little.
Tweedledum: Im very brave generally, only today I happen to have a headache.
Tweedledee: And Ive got a toothache! Im far worse off than you!
Alice: Then youd better not fight today.
Tweedledum: We must have a bit of a fight, but I dont care about going on long.
Tweedledee: Whats the time now?
Tweedledum: Half-past four.
Tweedledee: Lets fight till six, and then have dinner.
Tweedledum: Very well, and she can watch usonly youd better not come very close, I
generally hit everything I can seewhen I get really excited.
Tweedledee: And I hit everything within reach, whether I can see it or not! Engarde!
Tweedledum: Touche!

The TWEEDLES engage in a ridiculous fight. Their fight is interrupted by a crash of thunder.

Tweedledum: Whats that?.
Tweedledee: A storm, I suspect.
Alice: But there arent any clouds.
Tweedledum: Except for that thick, black one!
Tweedledee: And look how fast it comes!
ALICE: Why, I do believe its got wings!
Tweedledum and Tweedledee: The Jabberwocky!



Pg. 28
Act II Scene 5: The Jabberwocky

Jabberwocky: Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgabe.

Beware the Jabberwock, my girl!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and hurl
The frumious Bandersnatch!

Alice: She took his vorpal sword in hand;
Long time the maxome foe she sought
So rested she by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought,
Jabberwocky: And as in uffish thought she stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbles as it came!
Alice: One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snickersnack!
She left it dead, and with its head
She went galumphing back.

Act II Scene 6: The White Knight

As ALICE returns triumphant having defeated the Jabberwock an ancient WHITE
KNIGHT gallops in on his broken-down, mechanical horse.

White Knight: And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!

Pg. 29
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!
He chortled in his joy.
Jabberwocky: Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgabe.

Alice: May I help you off with your helmet?
White Knight: Now one can breathe more easily. I see youre admiring my little box. Its my
own invention to keep clothes and sandwiches in. You see, I carry it upside down, so that
the rain cant get in.
Alice: But the things can get out. Do you know the lids open?
White Knight: I didnt know it. Then all the things must have fallen out. And the box is no use
without them. (hangs it) Can you guess why I did that? In hope some bees may make a
nest in it - then I should get the honey.
Alice: But youve got a beehive - or something like one fastened to the saddle.
White Knight: Yes, its a very good beehive, one of the best kind. But not a single bee has
come near it yet. And the other thing is a mouse trap. I suppose the mice keep the bees
out - or the bees keep the mice out, I dont know which.
Alice: I was wondering what the mouse trap was for. Its isnt very likely there would be any
mice on the horses back.
White Knight: Not very likely perhaps. But if they do come, they wont run all about. You
see, its as well to be provided for everything. Thats the reason the horse has all those
anklets round its feet.
Alice: But was are they for?
White Knight: To guard against the bites of sharks. Its an invention of my own. And now
help me on. I must be on my way. I hope youve got your hair well fastened on?
Alice: Only in the usual way.
White Knight: Thats hardly enough. You see the wind is so very strong here. Its as strong as
soup.
Alice: Have you invented a plan for keeping the hair from being blown off?
White Knight: Not yet. But Ive got a plan for keeping it from falling off.

Pg. 30
Alice: I should like to hear it, very much.
White Knight: First you take an upright stick. Then you make your hair creep up it like a fruit
tree. Now the reason hair falls off is because it hands downthings never fall upward,
you know. Its a plan of my own invention. You may try it if you like. (Gets on horse
and falls off)
Alice: Im afraid youve not had much practice in riding.
White Knight: What makes you say that?
Alice: Because people dont fall off quite so often when theyve had much practice.
White Knight: Ive had plenty of practice; plenty of practice! The great are of riding is to keep
your balanceand knowing when to walk instead. And now I must be going. But youll
stay and see me off? I shant be long. Youll wave your handkerchief when I get to that
turn in the road? I think itll encourage me, you see.
Alice: Of course!

ALICE waves to the WHITE KNIGHT as galumpfs offstage when suddenly, the WHITE
RABBIT returns now dressed as a Court Herald.

Act II Scene 7: The Trial

White Rabbit: The trials beginning! The trials beginning! The trials beginning!
Alice: What trial is it?

*DANCE
The entire CAST seems to be in a frenzy as they spin, zig and zag into their places for the
wackiest trial ever imagined.

Alice: (sizing up the room) The queens the judgeand thats the jury-box. What are they
doing? They cant have anything to put down yet before the trials begun
Cheshire Cat: Theyre putting down their names for fear they should forget them before the
end of the trial.
Alice: Silly things!
White Rabbit: Silence in the court!

Pg. 31
King: Herald, read the accusation!
White Rabbit: The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts,
All on a summer day:
The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts,
And took them quite away!
King: Consider your verdict!
White Rabbit: Not yet, not yet! Theres a great deal more to come before that.
King: Call the first witness!
White Rabbit: First witness!
Mad Hatter: I beg pardon, Majesty, for bringing thse in: but I hadnt quite finished my tea
when I was sent for.
King: You ought to have finished. When did you begin?
Mad Hatter: 14
th
of March, I think it was.
March Hare: 15
th
.
Dormouse: 16
th
.
King: Write that down. Take off your hat.
Mad Hatter: It isnt mine.
King: Stolen!
Mad Hatter: I keep them to sell. Ive none of my own. Im a hatter.
King: Give your evidence. And dont be nervous or Ill have you execute on the spot.
Queen: Bring me the list of the singers in the last concert!
King: Give your evidence or Ill have you executed whether youre nervous or not.
Mad Hatter: Im a poor man, Your Majesty, and I hadnt but just begun my tea, not above a
week or so ago, and what with the bread and butter getting so thin, and the twinking of
the tea
King: The twinkling of what?
Mad Hatter: It began with the tea.
King: Of course twinkling begins with a T. Do you take me for a dunce? If thats all you
know, you may stand down.
Mad Hatter: I cant go no lower. Im on the floor as it is.
King: Then you may sit down.
Mad Hatter: Id rather finish my tea.

Pg. 32
King: You may go!
Queen: Just take his head off outside!
King: Consider your verdict!
White Rabbit: Theres more evidence to come yet, please Your Majesty. This paper has just
been picked up. Its a set of verses.
Queen: Are they in the prisoners handwriting?
White Rabbit: No theyre not.
King: He must have imitated someone elses hand/
Knave: Please, Your Majesty, I didnt write it, and they cant prove I did. Theres no name
signed at the end.
King: If you didnt sign it, that only makes matters worse. You must have meant some mischief
or youd have signed your name like an honest man.
Queen: That proves his guilt.
Alice: It proves nothing of the sort! Why, you dont even know what theyre about!
King: Read them!
White Rabbit: Where shall I begin, please Your Majesty?
King: Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end; then stop!
White Rabbit:
I gave her once, they gave him two,
You gave us three or more;
They all returned from him to you,
Though they were mine, before.
Dont let him know she liked them best,
For this must ever be
A secret, kept from all the rest,
Between yourself and me.
A secret, kept from all the rest,
Between yourself and me.
King: Thats the most important pieve of evidence weve heard yet. So now let the jury
Alice: If any of them can explain it, Ill give him a sixpence. I dont believe theres an atom of
meaning in it.
Jury: She doesnt believe theres an atom of meaning in it!

Pg. 33
King: If theres no meaning in it, that saves a world of trouble.
Alice: But it goes on, They all returned from him to you.
King: Why, there they are! Nothing can be clearer than that. Then again Before she had this
fit You neve had fits, my dea, I think?
Queen: Never!
King: Then the words dont fit you! Its a pun.
Alice: Its a lie!
King: What do you know about this business?
Alice: Nothing.
King: Nothing whatever?
Alice: Nothing whatever.
King: Thats very important.
White Rabbit: Unimportant, Your Majesty, means of course.
King: Unimportant, of course, I mean. Important, unimportant, important, unimportant, imp,
ump. Unimportant! Yes, yes, to be sure. Consider your verdict!
Queen: No, no! Sentence first; verdict afterwards.
Alice: Stuff and nonsense! The idea of having the sentence first.
Queen: Hold your tongue.
Alice: I wont!
Queen: Off with her head!
All: Off with her head!
Alice: Who cares for you! Youre nothing but a pack of cards!

*DANCE
A whirlwind of acrtivity explodes onstage as the Wonderland characters are blown into a
tornado and then offstage.




Pg. 34
Act II Scene 8: Alices Home

Alice: How curious! Such a curious, curious dream.

ALICEs dreams appear once again as the Wonderland characters reappear one last time.

PLAN A PLAN B
Lovelies: In Wonderland she lies Small Alice: In Wonderland she lies

Scarries: Dreaming as the summer dies Cast: Dreaming as the summer dies

Weirdos: Drifting down the stream Med Alice: Drifting down the stream

Friends: Lingering in the golden gleam Big Alice: Lingering in the golden gleam

Mads: Life, what is it but a dream? White Rabbit: Life, what is it but a dream?



Curtain