Diwan Baladna

"Arab culture from an Arab perspective"

Ahmad Azaban

Copyright Ahmad Azaban 2010


Cover Designed by
Osama Hajjaj
mailto:osama@mahjoob.com
&
Haitham Hajjaj
mailto:h.hajjaj@mahjoob.com

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Ahmad Kamal Azban has lived in Amman all his life. He has been teaching Arabic
language and culture to foreigners for many years. He has created his own language
program from assembling the best portions of all the major language programs in Jordan.
He is currently working on a second Book, which supplements this book by helping the
learner get started with basic spoken Arabic and common sayings.
mailto:ahmadazaban@yahoo.com

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This book is dedicated to my Mom, who has been a wonderful teacher to me.


Layout Design by
Esmeel Jebreen
mailto:ismaeel79@gmail.com

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Table of Contents
1. Acknowledgements
2. Introduction
3. Gestures
4. Methods & Rules for Greetings
5. The Art of Complimenting
6. Curiosity, the Speed of Rumors & the Importance of Reputation
7. Arabs & Hospitality
8. Envy Evil eye
9. Pigeons in Jordan
10. Reading the Cup
11. Demons, Fiends, & Devils
12. Islamic Holidays
13. Marriages & Weddings in Jordan
14. Courtship & Marriages in Villages
15. Henna
16. Births in an Arab Home
17. Condolences
18. Tawjihi
19. Mustaches & Barbers
20. General Information
21. References

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Acknowledgements

This work is the product of many years and hours of painstaking study. Most of this
information has limited sources and books on these subjects are sparse, thin or spread
out. It was my goal to put in a readable format the idiosyncrasies of living in the Middle
East. Many people helped edit and re-edit this work. Undertaking this effort would have
been impossible if it werent for God and many friends who helped along the way.

First, and foremost, I would like to thank God who has given me the strength and ability
to complete this book.

Second, I would like express my love and my thanks to my mom Hiyam Duais Abu-
Sharkh and my siblings Ala, Asmaa , Gassan, Omar, and Mohammed . For their
understanding, support, and help during every step of the process made this book
possible. They shared in my dream to create understanding between cultures.

And of course, all the words in the world cannot express my feelings of gratefulness and
respect toward Tom Holtz, Todd Marks, Chad and his wife Beth, and my best friend Tony
Anqoud for their gentle support and encouragement. Without them this book may never
have been completed. I consider these people to be coauthors with me in this endeavor
as they helped in every step.It was from conversations with these friends and others that
the idea for this book came about.

Special thanks to the following people for final editing:
Mr. Bill
Mr. Robert Aitken www.seenwriting.com Robert Schmidt

Also, special thanks for editing and reading: Matthew Hamilton
Gevara Alhasham
Haya Atef Abu-Sharkh Social sciences
John King Ben Reece Debra Reece Sara
Kathea Dwanea Dunia Alloush Jiff Simens Daniel Robards Lora Robards Geary
Wess Black
John Kilpac
Samar Translation Office www.samartranslation.com
Susie Holtz
Daniel Teekel
Daneas and his son Jad
Fridrik E. Tiedemann, Jr.

I would also like to extend special thanks to the following people: Maen Atef Abu-Sharkh
Mhmmad Aladam Omar Abu-Sharkh Ishmael Albragwe Ayhad Shalbaea Amear Altamera
Ahmad Awdat Aymn Abu shark
Hanan Duais Abu-Sharkh
Maath Awdat
Your encouragement kept me moving forward when times were tough.

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Introduction

An old Arab man had been living in a large city in the United States for many years.

One day, the old man decided that he would love to plant potatoes and herbs in his
garden. Since he was old and weak, he decided to enlist the help of his son. The mans
son lived far from the city, so he sent him an email explaining his predicament:

Beloved son Ahmad,
I am very sad because I want to plant potatoes and herbs in my garden, but because I
am old I cant do it alone. I am sure that, if you were here, you could help me dig the
garden. I hope that you come here to help your dad. I love you,
Your Father

The next day the old man received an email from his son:

Beloved father,
I want to apologize that I cant leave my work and busy life here in the city to come help
you. Life here is not like back home where I could leave work easily. Even so, I promise
to help you as best I can from here.
Your son, Ahmad

The same day the son sent another email to his father:

Dad please dont touch the garden. That is where I have hidden the THING. I love you,
too.
Your son,
Ahmad

Later that day Homeland Security showed up at the old mans house to search the
garden. They went through the whole garden digging everything up looking for anything
incriminating. Finally, finding nothing, they gave up searching. Disappointed, they left the
house.

The next day, the old man received another e-mail from his son:

Beloved father, I hope the garden is dug up by now so you can plant your potatoes. That
is all I could do for you from here.
Your loving son, Ahmad

This humorous story highlights an unfortunate reality: often East and West hold false
assumptions about each other because they dont interact enough to really understand
each other.

For example, we notice that T.V., radio broadcasts, internet, and newspaper headlines
are the primary sources of information about other cultures that are available to most
people. Many people build their impressions and general concept about the nature of a
foreign society from these media outlets. Unfortunately, the producers goal is to deliver
the most basic news information in an entertaining way, or at least a way that grabs the
most attention. This usually ends up presenting a caricature or highly unbalanced view of
the foreign culture and the values of the people.

This is especially true for representations of Arab people to countries in other parts of the
world. Broadcasts about Arabs often cover the perspective and activities of a small
minority of Islamic and Arab people groups. Outside the Middle East, Arab culture is often
understood according to what news pundits say or what makes the most sensational T.V.
images. The distortion that results leads to false assumptions about Arabs; and Arabs find
this very frustrating. Few people would dispute the fact that the best way to know a
people group is to learn about their history and to live with them for an extended period
of time.

Diwan Baladna

It is the goal of this book to give you access into the Arabs diwan. Diwan means,
essentially, a meeting place, but it is an old word with many applications and shades of
meaning. Traditionally, it was a place the village elders would gather to record the
histories and customs of the people in their area. Another meaning is more personal and
sacred. The diwan can refer to a large room where men from Jordanian families sit to
discuss very personal and important aspects of their lives: conflicts, weddings, funerals,
etc. On a special night, you may even hear poetry being recited. The activities and
functions of the diwan are close to the heart of Arab society.

This book aspires to be both types of diwan. First, we want to keep the Arab heritage by
recording those cultural practices that you might encounter in the Arab region. Second,
this book will allow you to enter into that special room in an Arab house to hear and see
things that are distinctively Arab. However, because I want to bring you into the culture
of our entire country, I have used the word baladna in the title, which means our
country.

Gathering and writing the information found in this book has been difficult, but also
fascinating and enjoyable, especially as I reflected on differences between Arab and
Western cultures. I was surprised to find a lack of books or other written resources about
popular Arab culture written by Arab authors and published in English. During my years of
working closely with foreigners in Jordan to help them understand and thrive in the
Jordanian language and culture, I have accumulated many observations, insights, and
practical resources pertaining to the differences between Middle Eastern and Western
cultures. I have tried to organize and present these observations in a helpful and non-
judgmental fashion. I trust these shared experiences and insights will help you come to
understand and love the culture of the Arabs.

I will endeavor to explain many of the basic elements about Arab culture, and show how
understanding these subjects will help you fit in with your host culture and avoid the
most common misunderstandings between our respective peoples.

Basics of Arab Culture

Arab culture is ancient, vast, and distinguished. Although it has been shaped by other
cultures down through the centuries, it has retained its independence and basic
distinctive characteristics. One of the principle forces that shaped Arab culture was the
continual adaptation necessary to survive in a harsh desert climate. This harsh climate
forced the people to forge a strong, cohesive society. As a result, Arab culture is one of
the most unique and distinctive in the world. After it was consolidated during the Islamic
period, it had a unique language, alphabet, judicial system, and poetry. These show the
Arab creativity and cleverness, and reflect the Arab life, thinking, feelings and
imagination. The Holy Quran is in Arabic, the language which revealed the most heavenly
words ever and opened the way for it to spread around the world.

However, when the Arab nations faced different political and economic issues, wars,
colonization, and division, the Arab culture and language were affected. The current Arab
culture is distinguished by its variations and apparent contradictions. We are
simultaneously mimicking and renewing, conservative and modern, constricting and free,
proud and humble, internal and external, local and global, old and new. Thus, we see
many differences among Arabs as well as customs and traditions among tribes and large
families. The traditions that Arabs follow will differ because they are spread over a large
geographical area which extends from the Gulf of Arabia to Europe, and from Central Asia
to Northwest Africa. This vast geographic region has widely different political, economic
and practical circumstances, histories, and trading partners; therefore, its language and
culture has differentiated into noticeable subcultures and dialects.

Rural communities still form the majority of the population of most developing countries.
Since most Arab countries are still developing, many Arab societies are rural.
Nevertheless, technology, trade, and religious forces have brought new influences which
have challenged the traditional rural lifestyle. Arabs are still living in a familial
environment and keeping their basic traditions despite different applications to modern
society.

While we all have cell phones and appear very similar to an average Westerner, at our
core Arabs are very different. In my view, the biggest difference between Western and
Arab cultures is the tendency toward perfection in the West, and our satisfaction with
approximation in the Middle East.

The Tendency Toward Perfection in Western Culture
This tendency emerged after World War II when Western countries sought the
establishment of a new economic system to rebuild the countries in which economic
and infrastructure systems had been destroyed. These countries were dominated by
these financial and economic policies, which had been put in place to prevent another
catastrophe and to make life for the masses financially feasible. This affected their lives
and changed various aspects; and as a result, they lost some of the influence of cultural
and family values. Their lives turned to industry, allowing machines to accomplish their
tasks for them without considering what had been culturally important or more
permanent than money; such as religion, family, and traditions.

The Perfection Theory is about seeking the highest possible good in appearance,
clothes, food, work, education, etc. They strive to eliminate all mistakes or defects in
these things or in their work; any defect renders these things useless. Part of this
comes from the intense competition of a relatively free-market capitalist society. All
products must be new and improved to stay ahead of the competition. Development or
progress is paramount, and previous culture, traditions, and sometimes even religious
heritage can be less important.

Satisfaction with Approximation in Arab Culture
Arab countries are mostly considered third world or developing countries, and so are
mostly populated by poorer people. As such, for the vast majority, the thought of living
a financially sound life is as likely as going to the moon; it happens for a few people,
but most are left behind. Thus, their lives are dogged by money or the lack thereof. The
people of these countries do not try to reach perfection, but rather spend more time
thinking about the relationships involved in a situation and the community aspect to
everything.

This plays out in many ways, such as the service youll receive at a store or in your
home. Western consumers are used to everything being done for them and to its
utmost completion, with perfection, and without having to say a word to the employee.
In the Arab world, as long as it is being done reasonably, that is usually good enough.
The goal is not really to beat the competition, but to do approximately as well as they
do.

Arab Heritage

The heritage of any nation is like a fingerprint. Customs and traditions practiced by any
people group can eventually become so entrenched in the social psyche, that they can
rightly be categorized as a sort of norm or social law that must be followed by all
members of that society. These social laws can be religious, linguistic, artistic, practical or
any combination thereof. In the culture of the Arabs, all of these social dimensions help
define the borders of Arab society, which extends from Baghdad in Central Asia to
Marrakesh on the North African coast, and from Beirut in the North, to Khartoum in East
Africa. A distinctive Arabic culture can be discerned throughout this broad region, and in
this sense, the Arabic heritage is in essence, one. It originated from one source on the
Arab peninsula.Nevertheless, there are many distinct subcultures within this region that
vary widely from one another and, indeed, feel a certain rivalry with one another. One
such subculture, often referred to as the Levant region, is made up of Jordanian, Syrian,
Lebanese, and Palestinian cultural traditions. These countries have a distinct sub-region
within Arab culture, one important defining factor being the dialect of Arabic that is
spoken there. This book focuses on the norms of this region.

Religion

All cultures are heavily shaped by religion. Islam had a great (effect in) Arab culture
through its beliefs, worship practices, moral values, political organization, art, literature,
and family structure. Its no secret that religion in the Middle East is a huge issue. In fact,
religion shapes the speech and forms a strong backdrop for almost every conversation
and cultural feature in this part of the world. Nevertheless, there is a distinctly Arab
culture that is common to all religions here, and it is that common Arab culture that I am
aiming to describe in this book. Surely, the reader will discern some features described
herein that are rooted in one religious group or another; but that is for the reader to
judge and apply as they see fit.

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Gestures










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Methods & Rules for Greetings

There are two kinds of greetings in Jordan, physical and verbal. Every group of people has
a special greeting according to the nature of their life. Hand shaking, for example, is
remembered since the era of the Bedouin, who would raise their hands upward, showing
their palms, to show they werent carrying or hiding any weapons. This shaking of palms
in the air became the centurys standard for greetingsto indicate peace. These gestures
grew and developed: palms raised in the air, palm over the heart, and other such forms.
Arab greetings took a special form because of the nature of their lives. Arabs use a
variety of greetings, dependent upon the time, place, and situation.

Before Islam, Arabs used many greetings. When Islam was introduced it defined
greetings for Muslims as a duty, from one Muslim to another as brothers. This was meant
as a way to draw people closer to each other as one society or family. Islams greeting is
peace be upon you. Peace is used here to mean security, confidence, and comfort, as well
as being one of Allahs names. Peace be upon you is a prayer asking God to watch over
the person, and keep them safe from harm. As it is generally accepted that people are
considered equal, any individual is free to greet another. However, there are some
cultural guidelines on how this is done. Some of the more common examples of this are
discussed here.

Rules of Greetings

When greeting a group of people, it is common to direct the greeting to all of them. If
there is one in the group who is due respect, such as an elder, it is acceptable to greet
this person individually. The person who is riding in a car should greet the person who is
walking. Someone in a vehicle is considered higher in status than a pedestrian, and thus,
when the rider greets the one walking he takes a humble position and indicates his desire
to balance out the social difference. Likewise, a person who is walking should greet one
who is sitting, due to the belief that the one who is sitting is considered the resident or
owner of the place, and, by sitting in that place, is showing his position of tranquility or
peace. On the other hand, the one walking by might be seen as an enemy poised to
attack or cause distress. However, if he greets the one sitting he declares his peaceful
and harmless intent.

A younger person should greet an older person. In doing so, the younger person shows
respect and appreciation toward his elder. This act also acknowledges that the older
person is wiser and more experienced in matters of tradition, religion, and culture, and
that there is a great deal to be learned from him. Concerning respect for differences in
age, relationships among Arab families are governed by values understood by all. A child
regards his parents with respect; a younger sibling shows respect to his older siblings; the
children respect their uncles and aunts; etc. It seems that this tradition of respect for age
in the Arab world has remained until today due to Islam, where such relationships are still
quite strictly regulated and adhered to. Muslim parents are responsible for bringing up
children according to these Islamic rules.

Hands Rule

Placing ones hand on the head of another shows great respect to the person receiving
the gesture because the head is considered to be the most noble part of the body and
worthy of respect and appreciation. Similar to a crown being placed upon the head of a
king, this salutation might be given to a person who rendered a special service, or to
someone of higher social status. Raising the right hand is a sign of extending peace
toward the individual so greeted. Commonly, this is a way of greeting someone who is at
a distance where other greetings are not possible. Unlike a military salute, the hand is
open toward the individual. This greeting is also highly respected as a gesture of love and
appreciation. For example, this gesture is often used by one crossing the street to the
driver of a car who slows to let him cross; the upraised hand is often interpreted as stop
by Westerners, but not by Arabs. It is a sign of thanks. It is not commonly used from a
man toward a woman since, for some, it may convey a negative feeling. It is better to
use a different kind of greeting in this situation.
As in the West, the raised hand is sometimes waved back and forth. This is especially
true when seeing a person at a greater distance, or when one is driving and wants to
greet someone along the road. In some cases the hand is raised only slightly, perhaps
only as high as the lower chest. This is
appropriate in situations where it is not possible to greet with words.

Kissing Rule

Kissing the forehead is a greeting quite common among Jordanians. It is appropriate from
a father to his daughter, or from a brother to his elder sister, his aunt, or other relatives.
It is seen especially on occasions of congratulations or after a long absence. A brother
kisses his sisters forehead as a symbolic gesture of his honor for her chastity. A man may
kiss another man on his forehead as a sign of humility, particularly in the case of apology
for a mistake. Since the head is considered the part of the body worthy of dignity, honor
and glory, this form of greeting carries deep meaning.

Concerning the dignity of the head, there are some sayings that contain a great deal of
meaning. A father might say to his son I want to raise my head up and be proud of you,
meaning that he wants the son to honor him. Sometimes it will be said of a person his
actions raise the head up. Kissing the lips is not considered appropriate behavior. Even a
husband will not kiss his wife on the lips in front of other people. This is considered
outside the mores of society and would be greeted with mockery or snickering. The
husband would be considered unable to control his feelings or his mind. In general, a man
will not kiss a woman in front of other people as it may bring shame upon her.

Methods of Greeting
Methods of Greeting Another

Shaking hands is an accepted social expression among Jordanians. It is considered a
gesture of love, respect, and harmony, and is a way to maintain social relationships. It
helps show that the group has moved from a closed society to a more open one. Shaking
hands is done by extending the right hand to the other person. This often takes place
between two people who know each other well. If two acquaintances meet rather
suddenly, the first greeting should be a word of hello, followed by a handshake. Hands
may be held for a while as other words of conversation follow. This too expresses love
and respect. Visitors from the West may notice that often times the handshake in Jordan
is not a firm prolonged grasp as in North America or Europe, but rather a more brief
connection of the hands.

If there has been a long period of separation, the parties may greet each other warmly
and enthusiastically, and questions are exchanged about each others health, happiness,
work, and family, particularly the sons, if the person is known to have such. Likewise
apologies might be offered by each person for neglecting the other for such a long time,
along with excuses for not making the effort to contact the other person. This comes
often as the result of a question that may contain a tone of blame, such as where have
you been all this time? This is understood among Jordanians as a desire to affirm the
friendship. Visitors often mistake this as a sign that the person doesnt feel the other has
shown enough interest in them. This is usually not the case; it is our way of showing the
person how much we care about them.

Method of Shaking Hands

Shaking hands is governed by certain rules. First, although men are permitted to shake
hands with a woman they do not know, in the case of a woman of higher status, it is wise
to wait until she offers her hand. Second, if strangers meet in a public place, a verbal
greeting (commonly peace be upon you) should be offered first, and then hands can be
extended. This kind of greeting can then be followed by questions to learn more about
the person, his business, or his family. Such an exchange is usually quite brief, and the
two people might not have a further relationship. It is not acceptable for a man to shake
hands with a woman he meets suddenly in public. The reason being that such a greeting
embarrasses her and might decrease her value in the eyes of others. If the two know
each other well, a handshake is acceptable, and may be followed by the common
inquiries.

For some women the shaking of hands is uncomfortable. In Arabic culture, a womans
reputation is extremely important, and a part of maintaining her reputation is keeping a
safe social distance from men. Ordinarily, physical contact between men and women is
not acceptable. Although a handshake might be acceptable to some Arabic women (since
it is simply a common greeting), depending on the circumstances, a handshake might be
considered an intrusion of her privacy. This is especially true of older women, or women
from more conservative families. A mans handshake might seem somewhat aggressive.
Those looking on might feel that there is a secret relationship between the two,
jeopardizing the womans reputation. It is true that a womans attitude, and also
tradition, might differ from place to place and family to family. Some might feel
comfortable in shaking hands while others might feel embarrassment. It is also true that
customs are changing, and some modern women see shaking hands as a proper greeting.
However, when a stranger meets her for the first time it is wise for him to wait until she
offers her hand. There are other situations suitable for handshakes, such as entering a
public place with a friend and meeting someone for the first time. If the friend does not
introduce his companion, the companion may introduce himself and extend his hand for
an initial greeting.

Kissing the Hand

Kissing the hand of another is a more formal greeting performed by the one who
considered lower in status to the one who is higher, by age or position. This gesture is a
source of pride for Jordanians in that it expresses social values of respect toward older
people and appreciation toward parents, thereby supporting family solidarity. For
example, if a son has not seen his parents for a long time he will, upon his return, take
the right hand of each of his parents and, bowing down, kiss it before pressing it to his
forehead as a sign of appreciation. The parent often returns the sign of affection by
planting a kiss upon the sons cheek. Such an exchange of appreciation reminds the son
that his parents have raised him from infancy and have supplied him with everything he
needed to become an adult. The parents in return feel that their efforts were not wasted
and that their son has become a fruitful part of society.

Thus kissing hands is used as a symbol of gratitude toward the parents on the part of the
son, and the parents receive it as a sign of obedience. The meaning is, of course,
dependent on the condition that the greeting truly comes from the heart. Kissing the
hand is a greeting among others also, such as a younger brother kissing the hand of an
older brother for whom he has respect. This is appropriate especially after the death of
the parents, when the older brother takes on the leading role in the family.

With the changing cultural attitudes, especially among the younger more independent
generation, these values are changing. This is difficult for more traditional family
members who still want to insist that the opinion of the head of the family be obeyed and
to whom an independent spirit is not appropriate. Thus the head of the family sees
himself as judge, and his word is the final word. Kissing the hand of the elder helps to
avoid the feeling that the younger one is breaking away from traditional family values.

Please understand that kissing the hand is by no means a demeaning act for those
offering this greeting (as it might be in other cultures). Rather, it is a support for the
values inherited from ones parents and grandparents, and remains a sign of respect and
appreciation.

Kissing

Now we come to one of the most well-recognized features of Middle Eastern culture: the
greeting with a kiss. Almost everyone in the Middle East hugs a friend, colleague or
brother of the same gender after a time of separation (usually two weeks or more) or he
will do the Arabic kiss. Most of the time there is only the sound of kissing and the brief
touching of the two cheeks together. In Jordan, one shakes the others hand and leans
over and kisses the right check first (or touches checks with the sound of kissing), then
switches and kisses the left check. The left check is often kissed one to three times in
succession. In Egypt, for example, one kiss may be offered repeatedly from the right
cheek to the left and, again, from right to left. (It is proper to kiss the right cheek first,
even if the act is repeated four or five times.)

The act of kissing the cheek expresses the feeling of missing the person and the delight in
meeting again. After this gesture, the friends will inquire about the health, work, and
family of the other. Depending on the relationship of the two, the conversation might
continue for a long time. Kissing the cheek is also common at times of passing an exam,
recovering from sickness, or coming through an emergency of some kind, such as a
financial crisis. At times like these the purpose behind the greeting is to express joy or
congratulations. The greeting is also used at the time of a loss of a family member. It
forms a bond of acquaintance even among those one has not known previously. The
practice will vary somewhat according to the social or economic position of the dead
person and the bereaved family.

Kissing cheeks may occur between males and females if the two are related, or if
marriage is no possibility, such as a brother and sister or a man and his aunt, though this
expression would not commonly take place in public. It remains proper among blood
relatives, and Arabs cherish this tradition.

Raising the Eyebrows

Raising the eyebrows between two people is used as a signal of understanding in
situations where other people are present and verbal exchange is not possible. It conveys
meaning without interrupting the proceedings where other people are involved. This
signal would usually occur only between close friends.

Holding Hands

Often men will place both hands on the shoulders of the other and embrace, perhaps
even going from right to left several times with their heads in a kind of kissing gesture.
This kind of greeting will take place particularly after a long separation. It is also
acceptable for men to hold hands or walk arm-in-arm down the street. This is often a big
shock to Westerners who often completely misinterpret this action. Because the genders
are much more carefully separated in the Arab culture, men tend to be more physical in
expressing their friendship and admiration for one another. It has nothing to do with sex.
Such a gesture indicates a close friendship and mutual appreciation. Holding hands and
hugging in public are not appropriate between men and woman, no matter what their
relationship.

* * *


The Art of Complimenting

Throughout the ages, Arabs have been famous for reciting poetry, sharing proverbs, and
public speaking. Tribes, families, and villages used to gather in the tent of the eldest man
in the clan, in kings palaces by invitation, or other special meeting places, all for the sake
of listening to the poets. These poets would proceed to commend the host of the event
on his wealth, his generosity or his good hospitality, all through the beauty of eloquent
poems. Arabs were also famous for describing a womans beauty by using prose and
song, and there were many poetry competitions during that time. A woman could
participate in these competitions and even pay for her own poets to recite songs
describing her beauty in front of Arab knights, in hopes that they would desire to marry
her. Although this practice is a bit more subtle today, compliments are still a huge part of
Arab social values.

How Arabs Compliment

Since compliments are woven into the fabric of Arab lives, flattery takes on many colorful
forms. One person might demonstrate the art of complimenting by expressing love and
gratitude towards another. One may say warm and pleasant things about their children or
their house. A third might compliment the good intentions of a friend. All of these are
signs of respect and honor toward the receiver.

Therefore, what is an important goal for an Arab is not so much how one compliments,
rather how often and smoothly one does so. Complimenting is considered by many people
one of the elemental forms of diplomacy by which a person wins friends, gains financial
profit and other personal advantages. As such, compliments have become a way of life for
Arabs, a tradition and a part of the air that they breathe.

Enjoying & Requiring Compliments

Socially, the art of complimenting is perceived as positive, not negative, because it draws
people closer and confirms the relationship, so that the person who receives the
compliment feels affirmed and comfortable. A person does not acquire the art of
complimenting on his own. A young person will first learn in the home through modeling,
where they will observe how their parents and family interact with kind words and how
honored guests are received into the home. They will also learn the delicate catch-
phrases that are exchanged between their parents and guests, as some of these
statements of beauty require particular replies. Also, clan and family take a part in
complimenting through encouraging, helping, and saying sweet words with relatives,
even more than is done with friends. There are many words and expressions that are
well-known to be used figuratively, not literally, such as the world enlightens your face.
However, we use such compliments often, particularly in formal situations or jobs
dependent on excellent human interaction or relationships.

Some might say this is where the dishonesty lies. On the other hand, most others may
perceive these words as lovely, pleasing, and a way to bond us all together. In fact, some
consider the lack of such expressions to be a form of rudeness or self-centeredness that
ignores others and fails to appreciate them and show basic respect in an appropriate
manner. Some may even avoid and consider him an enemy if one subtly criticizes them or
hints at anothers behavior and lifestyle negatively. Compliments draw people together,
binding them through words. It affirms relationships and comforts friends or family
members. Viewed from outside the culture, one might perceive this as dishonesty or
manipulation, however, it is no more dishonest than an artist who ascribes more beauty
to his subject than meets the eye. Furthermore, the precise social role and context in
which compliments take place are well understood by both by the one complimenting and
the one receiving the compliment.

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