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Mark Houston
Professor Reed
English 101
8 August 2014
The Effects of Text Messaging on Romantic Relationships
Throughout time, technology has been shaped by the desires of the era in which it exists.
In the same manner that the Industrial Revolution introduced machine powered commerce, and
the late eighteenth century brought new modes of transportation like the steamboat and the hot
air balloon, the modern times have also introduced inventions that have changed certain aspects
of our lives ("Technology" 2-6). The inventions of our current era have largely been focused on
creating and improving communicative technology, such as the internet, email, instant
messaging, social media, and in particular, text messaging. As a result of these inventions, our
culture has established a strong sense of integration between electronics and communication, and
this integration has affected the manner in which we correspond with one another. Although
communicative technology has provided users with the ability to connect with others
instantaneously, this capability has also brought about negative changes in our communicative
habits. The inventions of communicative technology like text messaging have created a way for
individuals to bypass more personal forms of communication, which has resulted in an inability
for many individuals to successfully communicate ideas in face-to-face conversations, as well as
a loss of personal time for reflection within an individual's routine. These changes have been
harmful to our relationships, especially in regards to romantic relationships.
Before the introduction of current communicative technology like text messaging,
individuals in romantic relationships relied primarily on face-to-face conversation, phone calls,
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and letter writing to communicate with each other. Each of these methods for communication
include breaks between conversations or time spent together, which provide a natural sense of
personal space for each individual to think and reflect on themselves, their partner, and the
relationship as a whole (Kutcher 14). This personal space and sense of wonder is in many ways
what keeps a romantic relationship healthy, as it allows each individual to be more appreciative
of one another during the times that they see or communicate with each other, and it works to
prevent individuals from overlooking or becoming unappreciative of their partner's qualities
(14).
One reason that romantic relationships have been harmed by the introduction of text
messaging is that texting provides individuals with the ability to communicate with their partner
instantaneously at any time, and this removes the natural role of personal space from a
relationship (14). Although text messaging can be beneficial in the way that it allows couples to
have light conversations or to flirt, an individual whose free time is filled with text messaging
does not have the opportunity to critically think about their relationship, or to detach emotionally
from the other person (14). This can result in the individual becoming unappreciative or tired of
their partner, as a consequence of the relationship becoming a normality, and the romance being
taken for granted (14).
Along with a lessening of personal space within romantic relationships, relying on text
messaging can also be harmful in romantic relationships because the communicative flow of
texting is much different from other forms of communication, which can detract from a couple's
ability to communicate in other ways. Studies that have assessed the reasons that people may
prefer text messaging over direct face-to-face communication have concluded that
communication through texting provides people with the ability to have greater control over their
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conversations (Madell and Muncer 138). Texting gives an individual extra time to think more
critically about what they say, which has enabled individuals to portray themselves as the image
of what they want another person to see (138). Face-to-face conversations break down the
barrier that allows this to occur, which forces people to be their true self (138). When texting,
users have the ability to consider and perfect their responses before they are sent, which removes
the spontaneity that takes place in normal conversation (138). This unnatural style of
communication has rendered many individuals uncomfortable with participating in common
face-to-face conversations due to their faster flow between ideas, and this can cause romantic
relationships that primarily rely on text messaging for communication to suffer (139).
When a couple chooses to use text messaging as their main form of communication, these
issues can render the couple uncomfortable with or even incapable of participating in open, face-
to-face conversations, which are important for successfully identifying, analyzing, and working
out relational problems. Studies have shown that in human communication, the message itself is
only seven percent of what an individual requires (Schneiderman 1). The majority of
communication involves body language, and vocal tone, emphasis, and pitch, and these aspects
of communication are completely lost through text messaging (1). By focusing too heavily on
communication through text messaging, couples are limiting their relationships by choosing to
express themselves with only a small fraction of what is necessary for strong communication.
Couples who choose to rely on communication through electronic devices in the face of
relational issues are at a greater risk of creating deeper problems because they are not allowing
each other to fully express their feelings, which can result in confusion, misunderstanding,
further frustration, and relational barriers (1). Although texting can be convenient for some
things, most studies recommend that couples rely on face-to face-communication when covering
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important topics or problems in order to practice healthy means for expression, and to limit
unneeded confusion (1).
On top of preventing couples from resolving relational issues, the limited form of
expression that is produced by text messaging also restricts a couple's ability to share intimacy.
Although scoring seven percent correct on an exam or finishing seven percent of a project would
be seen as strikingly unsatisfactory, many couples believe that text messaging is a good method
for communication (1). In reality, it is believed that the primary reason a couple may rely on text
messaging for communication is in fact because the limits that texting impose on a discussion
can be put to an individual's advantage. Since text messaging only conveys seven percent of a
person's emotions, people may choose to communicate through text messaging in order to avoid
revealing their feelings, to spend less energy, or to protect themselves against another person's
emotions (1). While text messaging can provide a convenient or fast method for sharing simple
or trivial ideas, text messaging does not provide a couple with the necessary means to effectively
participate in an intimate conversation, and using the limits of text messaging as a form of
control will only subject a relationship to greater damage and limit any chances of relational
growth (1).
It is apparent that although the use of innovative communication technology like mobile
phones can be beneficial to a relationship in some ways, such as providing couples with the
ability to share simple ideas, to flirt, or to clarify minor details, the extreme ways in which digital
communication can be used can also be harmful to a romantic relationship (1). Excessive use of
electronic communication in a couple's relationship can lead to reduced feelings of appreciation
between partners, poor communication, a lessened ability to share intimacy, and an inability to
solve relational problems (1).
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It is imperative that as technology continues to become more integrated within our lives,
couples can also learn to see the relational consequences of replacing more intimate forms of
communication such as face-to-face conversation and talking on the phone with digital
communication. By learning when it is appropriate and healthy to communicate through text
messaging, as well as maintaining a healthy balance between texting and more personal methods
of communication, couples can limit the negative relational effects associated with mobile
devices, and enjoy the benefits that cell phones can provide without detracting from other aspects
of their relationships.















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Works Cited
Kutcher, Ashton. "Has Texting Killed Romance?" Harper's BAZAAR. Hearst Communications,
Inc., 8 Dec. 2010. Web. 16 July 2014.
Madell, Dominic E., Muncer, Steven J. (2007). Control over Social Interactions: An Important
Reason for Young People's Use of the Internet and Mobile Phones for Communication?
CyberPsychology & Behavior, 10(1), 137-140.
Schneiderman, Kim. "The Trouble with Texting." Psychology Today. Sussex Publishers, LLC,
21 Jan. 2013. Web. 19 July 2014.
"Technology Timeline." Dates and Events. Dates and Events, June 2014. Web. 06 Aug. 2014.