My life is my transition.

I was born Grace Elizabeth Copeland, the

third child and first girl of an average Midwestern family but, as it turns out,
this family was far from typical.
Daddy, why did god make me wrong? My father didnt know how to
respond as his two-year-old daughter looked up inquisitively from the
changing table. Many years would pass before my parents truly
understood what was going on in my head, but as long as I can remember,
Ive known I was supposed to be a boy. I gravitated away from dolls and
towards trucks, threw tantrums anytime my parents tried to force me into a
dress, and put on any of my brothers clothes left lying around the house.
Youre just a tomboy. Its only a phase, my parents would insist.
My mothers friends would smile at me and tell me how they were just like
me when they were little girls. But I knew they were all wrong. I didnt just
like boy things or look up to my older brothers. My yearning to be male
was stronger than any feeling Ive ever experienced, a pain deep in the pit
of my stomach, the horrifying future of womanhood always at the front of
my mind. This fear drove me to speak up and gradually I wore my parents
down. By kindergarten, I wore my hair in a bowl cut and sported my older
brothers hand-me-downs. This began the era of explaining away my
appearance. I became very well acquainted with the phrase, Im a girl. It
flew from my mouth almost unconsciously, like the lyrics of a well known
song, and at least once a day. When I walked into the girls restroom or
introduced myself to any new person, the confused looks always warranted
an explanation. Each time I cringed just a bit, as if I was fessing up to
some embarrassing act, like wetting the bed or cheating on a test. This
humiliation continued until I discovered something that would change the
course of my life.
I was standing in my kitchen on the day that would turn out to be the
happiest day of my life. My mother had something on her mind and finally
she spoke up. Grace, if you could take medicine to prevent puberty, would
you do it? There was really no point in asking; she already knew my
answer, a resounding, Hell yes! That day I discovered hormone blockers
and my whole life changed. I know teenagers have a tendency to be overly
dramatic. Id be lying if I said I wasnt guilty of it every once in a while too,
but this was unlike a big test or a bad break-up. The fear that had gripped
me my entire life, that kept me up at night, that reduced me to tears, the
fear of becoming a woman was finally lifted. I walked around the rest of the
day grinning like an idiot, unable to wipe the smile from my face.
Today, thanks to blockers and hormone treatment, I look like any
other teenage guy and even get mistaken for my 21 year old brothers
identical twin. But, this journey has shaped me in ways the eye cant
detect. I have learned the true potential for growth and acceptance of not
only my family and community, but also of all people. Today, I can proudly
call myself William Copeland, a name I chose for my late great-uncle, a
deeply religious and conservative man, who never once questioned my
transition. Its been fifteen years since I sat on that changing table and I
can finally put my question to rest.